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1
00:00:01,610 --> 00:00:01,827
.
2
00:00:05,353 --> 00:00:07,311
- My girl Oprah
coming through with
3
00:00:07,355 --> 00:00:09,487
yet another dope rec.
4
00:00:09,531 --> 00:00:12,490
- I know they say don't judge a
book by its cover, but
5
00:00:12,534 --> 00:00:14,840
this book jacket got me feeling
some kind of way.
6
00:00:14,884 --> 00:00:16,842
- I got so flushed reading
the "about the author" that
7
00:00:16,886 --> 00:00:19,193
when Keith came home, I threw
the book in my naughty drawer.
8
00:00:19,236 --> 00:00:20,846
Both: Ooh.
- Get it, Michelle.
9
00:00:22,283 --> 00:00:24,024
- Well, my naughty drawer's
just really actually
10
00:00:24,067 --> 00:00:25,503
Keith's normal
underwear drawer.
11
00:00:25,547 --> 00:00:27,418
Nothing gets
my pizza oven fired up
12
00:00:27,462 --> 00:00:29,333
quite like my hubby's undies.
13
00:00:29,377 --> 00:00:33,163
- Ooh, I respect that
you know what works for you.
14
00:00:33,207 --> 00:00:34,425
- Yeah.
- Yes.
15
00:00:34,469 --> 00:00:35,513
- Jack, you're always
reading in here.
16
00:00:35,557 --> 00:00:36,949
Want to join our book club?
17
00:00:36,993 --> 00:00:38,386
- Oh, you should.
18
00:00:38,429 --> 00:00:40,692
We're reading
"The Question Is the Answer"
19
00:00:40,736 --> 00:00:44,131
by this hot buttered crumpet
named Miles Leonard.
20
00:00:44,174 --> 00:00:45,306
both: Ooh.
21
00:00:45,349 --> 00:00:46,742
- I think you would
like it, Jack.
22
00:00:46,785 --> 00:00:48,396
It's philosophy, but
there's, like, a point to it.
23
00:00:48,439 --> 00:00:50,311
- And how, pray tell,
did you come by
24
00:00:50,354 --> 00:00:51,877
this fine piece of literature?
25
00:00:51,921 --> 00:00:53,575
- It was Oprah's book club pick
this month.
26
00:00:53,618 --> 00:00:55,490
She says the best place
to read it is, quote...
27
00:00:55,533 --> 00:00:57,883
"on a beach that you own."
28
00:00:57,927 --> 00:00:59,320
- Okay.
29
00:00:59,363 --> 00:01:01,278
- And you just
follow along blindly, huh?
30
00:01:01,322 --> 00:01:02,671
Is that it?
31
00:01:02,714 --> 00:01:04,325
Well, listen to me,
and listen well, okay?
32
00:01:04,368 --> 00:01:07,589
Philosophy is not
a popularity contest, okay?
33
00:01:07,632 --> 00:01:10,070
It is a precise and rigorous
expression
34
00:01:10,113 --> 00:01:11,506
of universal truths.
35
00:01:11,549 --> 00:01:13,073
Yeah?
It's not about
36
00:01:13,116 --> 00:01:14,596
who's "getting good buzz"
and who's on TV
37
00:01:14,639 --> 00:01:16,815
on the stupid Oprah sho--
you know what?
38
00:01:16,859 --> 00:01:18,295
You've ruined my empanada!
39
00:01:18,339 --> 00:01:20,776
- Damn, could've just said no.
40
00:01:22,256 --> 00:01:23,300
Oh, you're in a bad mood.
Cool beans.
41
00:01:23,344 --> 00:01:24,606
I'll tell you later.
42
00:01:24,649 --> 00:01:25,868
- What are you gonna
tell him later, Ralph?
43
00:01:25,911 --> 00:01:27,217
Is it a private medical thing?
44
00:01:27,261 --> 00:01:28,958
- No, he does not let me
45
00:01:29,001 --> 00:01:30,133
share that stuff with him.
46
00:01:30,177 --> 00:01:31,917
But, ladies,
47
00:01:31,961 --> 00:01:36,183
I am a finalist for Innovative
Principal of the Year.
48
00:01:36,226 --> 00:01:37,575
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, I'm so proud!
49
00:01:37,619 --> 00:01:39,664
- A little bit awesome.
50
00:01:39,708 --> 00:01:42,363
Just a little bit of good news
during a rough year,
51
00:01:42,406 --> 00:01:44,974
you know, with my
marriage collapsing and...
52
00:01:45,017 --> 00:01:46,628
- Uh, boo.
No, please.
53
00:01:46,671 --> 00:01:48,412
Durbs, don't bum us out
while we're trying to dance.
54
00:01:48,456 --> 00:01:51,285
- Okay, you guys, well,
while I have you on pause,
55
00:01:51,328 --> 00:01:53,548
this superintendent
and her crew
56
00:01:53,591 --> 00:01:56,159
are coming tomorrow to observe
the school and me.
57
00:01:56,203 --> 00:01:58,466
So if each of you
could put together
58
00:01:58,509 --> 00:02:00,424
an out-of-the-box presentation,
59
00:02:00,468 --> 00:02:02,600
something big,
something memorable,
60
00:02:02,644 --> 00:02:04,124
something tied into
your subject...
61
00:02:04,167 --> 00:02:06,387
- Mm-hmm.
- Would really appreciate it.
62
00:02:06,430 --> 00:02:08,128
- Ohh,
I know what I'ma do.
63
00:02:08,171 --> 00:02:10,260
- Girl, I'm not telling.
64
00:02:10,304 --> 00:02:12,132
You gotta get your own thing.
65
00:02:12,175 --> 00:02:13,481
- Ooh, we got you, Durb.
66
00:02:13,524 --> 00:02:15,135
We got you.
- Oh, I love it. I love it.
67
00:02:15,178 --> 00:02:17,659
And if I win, I'm gonna
take you all to Bennigan's.
68
00:02:17,702 --> 00:02:20,705
- Hit it out the park!
69
00:02:20,749 --> 00:02:23,055
- ♪ Next time
I'll listen to my heart ♪
70
00:02:23,099 --> 00:02:26,102
♪ Next time,
well, I'll be smart ♪
71
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:33,327
♪
72
00:02:40,508 --> 00:02:43,380
- We definitely
shouldn't open it. Right?
73
00:02:45,904 --> 00:02:48,168
I'm going for it.
74
00:03:05,881 --> 00:03:07,752
Fetal pigs!
75
00:03:09,058 --> 00:03:11,887
- Oh, my God.
76
00:03:11,930 --> 00:03:13,541
- This is so great.
77
00:03:13,584 --> 00:03:16,196
I've been waiting my whole life
to dissect a fetal pig.
78
00:03:16,239 --> 00:03:17,545
- Mr. Griffin must be
79
00:03:17,588 --> 00:03:19,634
rewarding us for being
good little angels.
80
00:03:19,677 --> 00:03:21,505
Everything's starting
to go my way.
81
00:03:21,549 --> 00:03:22,811
- Think these pigs
went to Hell?
82
00:03:22,854 --> 00:03:24,247
- Looks like
there's only eight.
83
00:03:24,291 --> 00:03:25,379
Eight piggy presents.
84
00:03:25,422 --> 00:03:26,467
We're gonna have to pair up.
85
00:03:26,510 --> 00:03:28,033
- Oh.
- Oh, okay.
86
00:03:28,077 --> 00:03:30,210
- Hey, Dan.
You want to team up?
87
00:03:30,253 --> 00:03:32,212
My dad owns a butcher shop, so
88
00:03:32,255 --> 00:03:34,518
I know my way around
the inside of a pig.
89
00:03:34,562 --> 00:03:37,042
- Uh, yeah, I'm down.
90
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:39,175
- Where does Oprah even got off
91
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:40,437
endorsing Miles' book?
92
00:03:40,481 --> 00:03:43,223
It's insane.
Unbelievable.
93
00:03:43,266 --> 00:03:44,789
It's got Stedman
written all over it.
94
00:03:44,833 --> 00:03:45,790
That's who it was.
95
00:03:45,834 --> 00:03:46,922
Get out--
96
00:03:48,619 --> 00:03:50,708
- Oh, I set up a Google Alert
so we can stay on top of Miles.
97
00:03:50,752 --> 00:03:53,537
Printed that out for you, boss.
- Oh.
98
00:03:53,581 --> 00:03:55,844
Well, thank you, Heather.
Nice.
99
00:03:55,887 --> 00:03:58,760
What is that god
Is that meth?
100
00:03:58,803 --> 00:04:00,892
I swear, the wind
blows the wrong way in Ohio
101
00:04:00,936 --> 00:04:02,285
you get that meth whiff.
102
00:04:02,329 --> 00:04:03,721
- The fetal pigs are here.
103
00:04:03,765 --> 00:04:05,245
We've already paired up and
104
00:04:05,288 --> 00:04:06,550
we'll dissect them
really quietly.
105
00:04:06,594 --> 00:04:07,899
You wouldn't even
have to do anything.
106
00:04:07,943 --> 00:04:09,205
- Absolutely not.
107
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:10,511
You guys are not
doing a lab in my class.
108
00:04:10,554 --> 00:04:12,817
- But we've been
good little angels.
109
00:04:12,861 --> 00:04:14,950
- No, you know what
we've got here?
110
00:04:14,993 --> 00:04:16,081
A Miles mission.
111
00:04:17,735 --> 00:04:19,824
- Please let us dissect them,
Mr. Griffin.
112
00:04:19,868 --> 00:04:23,524
- Yeah, boss, you know how much
I love sticking it to Miles,
113
00:04:23,567 --> 00:04:25,787
but this kind of means a lot.
114
00:04:25,830 --> 00:04:27,658
- This is literally
all I've got.
115
00:04:27,702 --> 00:04:29,399
- I'm sorry.
What I'm gonna do is
116
00:04:29,443 --> 00:04:31,358
take these little piglets, and
I'm gonna send them to Miles.
117
00:04:31,401 --> 00:04:34,186
Totally freak him out. It's
a truly perfect Miles mission.
118
00:04:35,405 --> 00:04:37,407
Feels like it's missing
a twist.
119
00:04:37,451 --> 00:04:39,714
- Uh, Marcus, shut up.
It's--it's a solid plan.
120
00:04:39,757 --> 00:04:41,237
- Yeah, I don't know,
Mr. Griffin,
121
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:42,760
I feel like maybe
this needs a twist.
122
00:04:44,719 --> 00:04:47,025
Twist.
Yeah, good point, Dan.
123
00:04:47,069 --> 00:04:49,898
- I said it, twist...
- This could use a twist.
124
00:04:49,941 --> 00:04:51,421
All right, let me go
think about this.
125
00:04:51,465 --> 00:04:54,337
Twist, yeah.
Have a good night, dudes.
126
00:04:57,384 --> 00:04:58,428
♪
127
00:05:01,431 --> 00:05:02,345
♪
128
00:05:06,393 --> 00:05:07,611
- Go for Chops.
129
00:05:07,655 --> 00:05:09,134
- Chops, it's Jack.
130
00:05:09,178 --> 00:05:10,745
Our task rabbit's all set.
131
00:05:10,788 --> 00:05:12,529
The box of pigs
should arrive today,
132
00:05:12,573 --> 00:05:14,009
along with the T-shirt cannon,
133
00:05:14,052 --> 00:05:15,967
which really brings
the whole plan to life.
134
00:05:16,011 --> 00:05:18,535
I need you to fire in
the direction of Miles Leonard,
135
00:05:18,579 --> 00:05:20,058
whose address I've included.
136
00:05:20,102 --> 00:05:21,408
Really terrify him.
137
00:05:21,451 --> 00:05:24,236
- Can I just say
this is, like, straight-up
138
00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:26,326
the sickest task
I've ever had to rabbit.
139
00:05:26,369 --> 00:05:29,503
So, like, you're giving me
life right now, you feel me?
140
00:05:29,546 --> 00:05:31,461
- Yeah, just get it done.
141
00:05:31,505 --> 00:05:33,333
A quick word?
142
00:05:33,376 --> 00:05:35,944
- Yeah.
- ...fire that.
143
00:05:35,987 --> 00:05:37,467
And then we'll just,
like, ghost on that.
144
00:05:37,511 --> 00:05:39,948
Hello?
Hello?
145
00:05:39,991 --> 00:05:42,733
- Well, I--I'm not really sure.
146
00:05:42,777 --> 00:05:45,083
Overnight, I got this
anonymous note
147
00:05:45,127 --> 00:05:50,480
saying that you had cancelled
the fetal pig dissection.
148
00:05:50,524 --> 00:05:53,353
- Who sent you this
absurd accusation?
149
00:05:53,396 --> 00:05:55,267
- Regardless of who sent it,
is it true?
150
00:05:55,311 --> 00:05:56,660
No.
151
00:05:56,704 --> 00:05:59,184
Why--why--why would I
cancel the dissection, man?
152
00:05:59,228 --> 00:06:01,491
- I don't know, but
it would be really bad timing
153
00:06:01,535 --> 00:06:03,014
because the superintendent's
coming.
154
00:06:03,058 --> 00:06:04,886
Why?
155
00:06:04,929 --> 00:06:06,322
- It's--I--
156
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:09,412
well, I'm up for Innovative
Principal of the Year.
157
00:06:09,456 --> 00:06:10,935
You didn't know that?
158
00:06:10,979 --> 00:06:13,895
- Listen, I planned
to end her tour
159
00:06:13,938 --> 00:06:17,202
with a live fetal pig
dissection
160
00:06:17,246 --> 00:06:19,291
by a former Harvard professor.
161
00:06:19,335 --> 00:06:20,684
- Wait, so she's
coming to my class?
162
00:06:20,728 --> 00:06:22,425
Tomorrow?
To observe?
163
00:06:22,469 --> 00:06:24,688
- Yeah.
Oh, I can't wait.
164
00:06:24,732 --> 00:06:26,864
I still can't
for the life of me
165
00:06:26,908 --> 00:06:28,692
figure out
what this note means.
166
00:06:28,736 --> 00:06:30,694
- Well, I'll tell you
what it means.
167
00:06:30,738 --> 00:06:33,610
You got pranked, my friend.
168
00:06:33,654 --> 00:06:35,220
But I'm gonna find out
who the culprit is.
169
00:06:35,264 --> 00:06:36,613
Believe me, yeah.
170
00:06:36,657 --> 00:06:39,355
Look at me, Ralph.
171
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:43,533
I'm gonna kill
whoever pranked you.
172
00:06:43,577 --> 00:06:45,317
- We're not supposed to
kill the students.
173
00:06:45,361 --> 00:06:47,276
- Shh.
174
00:06:47,319 --> 00:06:49,626
Hey, it's Jack.
Call me back.
175
00:06:49,670 --> 00:06:51,236
I need you to return
the dead pigs.
176
00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:54,414
I repeat, do not blast
the dead baby pigs
177
00:06:54,457 --> 00:06:56,328
at my British nemesis.
178
00:06:56,372 --> 00:06:57,591
What?
179
00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:01,508
We have a rat.
180
00:07:01,551 --> 00:07:07,992
♪
181
00:07:10,473 --> 00:07:10,691
.
182
00:07:15,826 --> 00:07:17,219
Oh, and you'll see
what I mean, too.
183
00:07:17,262 --> 00:07:19,308
- Uh-huh.
Yes.
184
00:07:19,351 --> 00:07:24,226
Oh--oh, well, I am so sorry
to hear about your catastrophe.
185
00:07:24,269 --> 00:07:27,708
Yes, Principal Durbin will be
there on Wednesday to help.
186
00:07:27,751 --> 00:07:31,538
Yes, and he--he will bring
clean water to your village.
187
00:07:31,581 --> 00:07:33,061
Uh-huh.
For sure.
188
00:07:33,104 --> 00:07:34,932
All right,
Thursday at the latest.
189
00:07:34,976 --> 00:07:36,064
Take care.
Bye.
190
00:07:36,107 --> 00:07:38,893
Superintendent Bullard!
191
00:07:38,936 --> 00:07:40,721
You look smooth.
192
00:07:40,764 --> 00:07:42,549
- Ellen.
Always a pleasure.
193
00:07:42,592 --> 00:07:46,901
- We're so dal-gone excited
for you to be here and...
194
00:07:46,944 --> 00:07:48,337
I gotta say...
195
00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:50,339
You find me a better guy
196
00:07:50,382 --> 00:07:52,428
than Principal Durbin
and I will find you
197
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:56,258
a guy who is on, like,
Seal Team Six or something,
198
00:07:56,301 --> 00:07:59,914
because that is the guy!
199
00:07:59,957 --> 00:08:03,091
Hey, oh,
they took your doo-hickies off.
200
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,921
Yeah, uh,
I'm fully ambulatory now.
201
00:08:06,964 --> 00:08:09,097
- Oh, congrats.
- Good Christ, Helen.
202
00:08:09,140 --> 00:08:11,229
Superintendent Bullard,
203
00:08:11,273 --> 00:08:13,884
I--I am so excited
to show you around.
204
00:08:13,928 --> 00:08:15,277
- We're excited to see
205
00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:16,713
the innovative school
you've created.
206
00:08:16,757 --> 00:08:20,500
- Oh, well, our teachers
think outside the box,
207
00:08:20,543 --> 00:08:22,719
so brace yourself.
208
00:08:22,763 --> 00:08:24,373
Mm.
209
00:08:24,416 --> 00:08:26,810
Sorry.
210
00:08:26,854 --> 00:08:29,073
- Oh, you think
you got me, huh?
211
00:08:30,118 --> 00:08:31,249
One of you rats me out,
212
00:08:31,293 --> 00:08:32,555
you're all sitting there
thinking,
213
00:08:32,599 --> 00:08:35,645
"I got him. I won."
214
00:08:35,689 --> 00:08:37,604
Well, know this.
215
00:08:37,647 --> 00:08:40,041
I won't be made
to look like a fool
216
00:08:40,084 --> 00:08:41,695
in front of anyone.
217
00:08:41,738 --> 00:08:43,435
Certainly not some
218
00:08:43,479 --> 00:08:46,482
Midwest superintendent
with a degree from a
219
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:49,616
religious liberal arts college.
220
00:08:49,659 --> 00:08:52,314
♪
221
00:08:52,357 --> 00:08:55,491
Now, one of you is gonna
come forward and confess,
222
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:58,581
or you're all missing
your next class.
223
00:08:58,625 --> 00:09:04,413
♪
224
00:09:04,456 --> 00:09:06,589
Now, one of you sinned.
225
00:09:06,633 --> 00:09:09,200
Ya sinned real bad.
226
00:09:12,247 --> 00:09:13,553
Anything you want to admit,
Vic?
227
00:09:13,596 --> 00:09:15,859
- I got a boner
when we learned CPR.
228
00:09:15,903 --> 00:09:18,427
- Oh.
Gross.
229
00:09:18,470 --> 00:09:19,820
How'd your partner
feel about that?
230
00:09:19,863 --> 00:09:22,518
- Well, I think she, like--
- Never mind, I--
231
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:23,737
Don't tell me.
I don't want to know.
232
00:09:23,780 --> 00:09:25,173
♪
233
00:09:25,216 --> 00:09:27,610
I've got all the time
in the world, guys.
234
00:09:27,654 --> 00:09:30,700
♪
235
00:09:30,744 --> 00:09:33,094
Looks like I'm gonna
have to turn up the heat.
236
00:09:33,137 --> 00:09:36,097
♪
237
00:09:37,707 --> 00:09:39,753
This is Stef Duncan,
238
00:09:39,796 --> 00:09:42,190
a phenomenal history teacher
239
00:09:42,233 --> 00:09:45,062
who endeavors to prove
that if we're not careful,
240
00:09:45,106 --> 00:09:48,152
the past can become the future.
241
00:09:48,196 --> 00:09:49,850
- Thank you, Principal Durbin.
242
00:09:49,893 --> 00:09:54,028
All right, now the year
is A.D. 79.
243
00:09:54,071 --> 00:09:55,682
I now present...
244
00:09:55,725 --> 00:09:57,466
Mount Vesuvius.
245
00:09:57,509 --> 00:09:59,337
Oh, Vesuvius.
246
00:09:59,381 --> 00:10:01,209
I'm sure everything's
gonna be okay.
247
00:10:01,252 --> 00:10:02,689
Or will it?
248
00:10:02,732 --> 00:10:06,518
♪
249
00:10:08,346 --> 00:10:11,219
- Oh, no.
What is this, lava?
250
00:10:11,262 --> 00:10:13,221
"Ow, mama, my toga's burning."
251
00:10:13,264 --> 00:10:15,049
"Oh, my God, I'm dying."
252
00:10:15,092 --> 00:10:16,311
"Too much lava."
253
00:10:16,354 --> 00:10:18,226
What about the horses?
254
00:10:18,269 --> 00:10:20,663
"Oh, no, my sandals."
255
00:10:24,058 --> 00:10:27,757
I'll ask you nicely
256
00:10:27,801 --> 00:10:31,021
one more time.
257
00:10:31,065 --> 00:10:32,806
Are you the rat?
258
00:10:32,849 --> 00:10:36,679
- Oh, God, please, stop.
259
00:10:36,723 --> 00:10:38,768
♪
260
00:10:38,812 --> 00:10:42,119
- Admit it was you
or your bio textbook gets it.
261
00:10:42,163 --> 00:10:43,251
♪
262
00:10:43,294 --> 00:10:45,557
Huh?
Fine.
263
00:10:45,601 --> 00:10:47,429
Guess we'll never know
the definition of...
264
00:10:47,472 --> 00:10:49,605
"heterozygous advantage."
265
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:50,432
Redacted.
266
00:10:50,475 --> 00:10:51,433
- I don't know anything!
267
00:10:51,476 --> 00:10:53,000
- You know everything!
268
00:10:53,043 --> 00:11:00,224
♪
269
00:11:02,487 --> 00:11:05,926
- That was the most devastating
moment of my entire life.
270
00:11:07,144 --> 00:11:10,234
Girl, you need to
read Anne Frank.
271
00:11:13,281 --> 00:11:15,457
- When you think of art,
272
00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:17,851
think of
the three important M's:
273
00:11:17,894 --> 00:11:21,724
Manet, Monet, and Mar-ray.
274
00:11:21,768 --> 00:11:22,812
And who's Mar
275
00:11:22,856 --> 00:11:25,119
Why, it's art teacher
extraordinaire
276
00:11:25,162 --> 00:11:26,381
Mary Wagner.
277
00:11:26,424 --> 00:11:28,426
Art is a feast
278
00:11:28,470 --> 00:11:30,951
that you cook
in your mind oven
279
00:11:30,994 --> 00:11:34,911
and serve on your heart plate.
280
00:11:35,956 --> 00:11:37,305
I like art.
281
00:11:37,348 --> 00:11:38,872
Take it away, Mary.
282
00:11:38,915 --> 00:11:41,091
- Thank you, Principal Durbin.
283
00:11:41,135 --> 00:11:43,137
Art is beautiful.
284
00:11:43,180 --> 00:11:44,660
Art is intense.
285
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:47,315
It's provocative.
It's subversive.
286
00:11:47,358 --> 00:11:51,319
And sometimes it can be...
287
00:11:51,362 --> 00:11:54,148
explosive.
288
00:11:55,932 --> 00:11:57,760
Okay.
289
00:11:57,804 --> 00:12:01,068
♪
290
00:12:02,547 --> 00:12:03,984
- I added sparkles.
291
00:12:04,027 --> 00:12:05,812
Ya welcome.
292
00:12:05,855 --> 00:12:09,554
♪
293
00:12:13,297 --> 00:12:18,694
♪
294
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:21,001
- Louder.
295
00:12:21,044 --> 00:12:22,263
Jazzier.
296
00:12:22,306 --> 00:12:23,743
♪
297
00:12:23,786 --> 00:12:25,527
You can stop this
at any moment.
298
00:12:25,570 --> 00:12:29,270
You know, people say
they like jazz, but they don't.
299
00:12:29,313 --> 00:12:30,488
They don't.
300
00:12:30,532 --> 00:12:33,361
Less discernible melody!
301
00:12:33,404 --> 00:12:35,537
Yeah.
You guys like that?
302
00:12:35,580 --> 00:12:37,800
Can't pick out
any of the notes.
303
00:12:37,844 --> 00:12:40,672
That's great, man.
That sucks.
304
00:12:42,979 --> 00:12:43,197
.
305
00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:45,677
- Unlike other schools,
where they
306
00:12:45,721 --> 00:12:47,244
dress up like broccoli
and rap about diet,
307
00:12:47,288 --> 00:12:50,726
we here at Whitlock
treat health like a real class.
308
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:52,641
Take it away, Mrs. Jones.
309
00:12:52,684 --> 00:12:54,686
- Don't tell me what to do.
310
00:12:54,730 --> 00:12:56,601
You're not my dad!
311
00:12:56,645 --> 00:12:58,212
I have a crush
on the track captain
312
00:12:58,255 --> 00:12:59,866
and I'm addicted to
e-cigarettes!
313
00:13:02,738 --> 00:13:04,696
That's what it's like
to be a teenager.
314
00:13:04,740 --> 00:13:06,829
So many emotions bottled up,
315
00:13:06,873 --> 00:13:09,701
and you have to express
them all in a healthy way,
316
00:13:09,745 --> 00:13:11,747
even the negative ones.
317
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,967
- Oh, thank you, Mrs. Jones.
318
00:13:14,010 --> 00:13:15,664
- Or what can happen is...
319
00:13:18,406 --> 00:13:19,363
- Oh, my God.
320
00:13:19,407 --> 00:13:23,019
- A volcano!
321
00:13:23,063 --> 00:13:24,586
Ooh.
322
00:13:24,629 --> 00:13:27,545
Whoa!
323
00:13:39,644 --> 00:13:42,604
♪
324
00:13:42,647 --> 00:13:44,040
- Unless the rat comes forward,
325
00:13:44,084 --> 00:13:45,737
I will pick a phone at random
326
00:13:45,781 --> 00:13:47,827
and start reading
your search history out loud.
327
00:13:47,870 --> 00:13:49,567
- Just to get ahead of it,
328
00:13:49,611 --> 00:13:52,701
"ISIS" is also the name of a
junior women's bowling league.
329
00:13:52,744 --> 00:13:55,269
♪
330
00:13:55,312 --> 00:13:56,705
- Hey, that's mine, dude.
331
00:13:56,748 --> 00:13:58,011
And I'm not giving you
my passcode.
332
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:01,492
That's too bad.
333
00:14:02,754 --> 00:14:04,800
Who is the rat?
334
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:06,889
♪
335
00:14:09,457 --> 00:14:11,459
Yello?
- Jack attack.
336
00:14:11,502 --> 00:14:14,288
Got your message.
Bad news though, papi.
337
00:14:14,331 --> 00:14:16,072
The pigs are already gone.
338
00:14:17,682 --> 00:14:19,510
Was he freaked?
- Uh, no dude.
339
00:14:19,554 --> 00:14:22,252
So it turns out the cannon
is kind of specifically
340
00:14:22,296 --> 00:14:24,776
calibrated for
one type of ammunition.
341
00:14:24,820 --> 00:14:27,083
And that ammunition
is T-shirts
342
00:14:27,127 --> 00:14:29,651
and is not pigs.
343
00:14:29,694 --> 00:14:31,348
So I tried to fire
pigs out of it.
344
00:14:31,392 --> 00:14:34,612
They kind of just 'sploded
on the inside of it.
345
00:14:34,656 --> 00:14:36,963
- Okay, so you're telling me
that the mission failed
346
00:14:37,006 --> 00:14:38,834
and the pigs are destroyed?
347
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,183
- I mean, I don't
like to think of it...
348
00:14:40,227 --> 00:14:41,750
- Did you say
the pigs are destroyed?
349
00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:43,143
We can't do the lab?
350
00:14:43,186 --> 00:14:44,753
- Heather, relax.
351
00:14:44,796 --> 00:14:45,928
- It was me.
352
00:14:45,972 --> 00:14:48,539
I'm the rat!
353
00:14:48,583 --> 00:14:52,848
Why didn't you say that an hour
ago before he threw my phone?
354
00:15:01,857 --> 00:15:03,511
- I mean--
Dave, this does nothing for me.
355
00:15:03,554 --> 00:15:04,860
Do you understand that?
356
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,514
You went with
your first thought.
357
00:15:06,557 --> 00:15:08,298
- But I'm the geology teacher.
358
00:15:08,342 --> 00:15:10,997
I'm the only one
it makes sense for.
359
00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:13,564
- You boned me, Dave.
Go take a lap.
360
00:15:13,608 --> 00:15:15,653
Yeah.
Go.
361
00:15:15,697 --> 00:15:16,872
- Eh.
362
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:19,179
- Don't "eh" me.
363
00:15:19,222 --> 00:15:20,006
- Kfft.
364
00:15:20,049 --> 00:15:22,312
- And don't "kfft" either.
365
00:15:24,053 --> 00:15:24,924
- Ralph.
366
00:15:24,967 --> 00:15:26,142
We just wanted to say
367
00:15:26,186 --> 00:15:28,275
we're really sorry
we let you down.
368
00:15:28,318 --> 00:15:30,190
- Why did you all
do the same thing?
369
00:15:30,233 --> 00:15:31,887
- Well, we didn't plan to,
but we all
370
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,062
learned how to make
volcanoes at the same
371
00:15:33,106 --> 00:15:34,803
teachers' conference
last summer.
372
00:15:34,846 --> 00:15:36,370
all: Ohio Teach-tastic!
373
00:15:36,413 --> 00:15:39,068
- Yes, and it all was a hit
for the teachers there,
374
00:15:39,112 --> 00:15:41,375
so we figured
that it would help you win.
375
00:15:41,418 --> 00:15:43,203
But I really need
376
00:15:43,246 --> 00:15:45,031
Jack to nail
this dissection tomorrow.
377
00:15:45,074 --> 00:15:47,598
I mean, he and Coach
and basically my last hope.
378
00:15:47,642 --> 00:15:50,688
- Make way for the
volleyball-cano!
379
00:15:50,732 --> 00:15:51,907
Ralph.
380
00:15:55,432 --> 00:15:58,958
- I can't believe
Heather was the rat.
381
00:15:59,915 --> 00:16:02,744
Stay here, guys.
I'ma go take care of this.
382
00:16:04,050 --> 00:16:05,399
- If Mr. Griffin can't
get the pigs back,
383
00:16:05,442 --> 00:16:06,922
how are we gonna
perform the dissection
384
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:08,576
in front of
the superintendent tomorrow?
385
00:16:08,619 --> 00:16:10,012
- We won't.
386
00:16:11,187 --> 00:16:12,536
He'll make a
fool out of himself.
387
00:16:12,580 --> 00:16:15,452
And then we'll get
a new teacher by Monday.
388
00:16:15,496 --> 00:16:17,237
Heather's a genius.
389
00:16:19,369 --> 00:16:23,939
♪
390
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:25,854
- What in the hell
are you doing?
391
00:16:25,897 --> 00:16:27,595
You know, I'm the one
who should be mad.
392
00:16:27,638 --> 00:16:28,813
You betrayed me.
393
00:16:28,857 --> 00:16:30,641
- You ruined everything!
394
00:16:30,685 --> 00:16:31,642
- The hell
are you talking about?
395
00:16:31,686 --> 00:16:32,948
You wrote the note.
396
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,080
And by the way,
this is Michelle's car.
397
00:16:34,123 --> 00:16:35,603
Mine's across the lot.
398
00:16:35,646 --> 00:16:37,039
- God, you don't get it!
399
00:16:37,083 --> 00:16:39,346
You ruined my shot with Dan.
400
00:16:41,087 --> 00:16:43,915
- Before you cancelled the lab,
me and Dan were partnered up.
401
00:16:43,959 --> 00:16:45,352
We were gonna
spend the whole week
402
00:16:45,395 --> 00:16:47,136
carving up pigs and
falling for each other.
403
00:16:47,180 --> 00:16:48,964
- Hold on a second.
So you betrayed me
404
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,879
for some stupid
high school crush?
405
00:16:50,922 --> 00:16:52,794
- This was my chance
to show him something
406
00:16:52,837 --> 00:16:54,709
that I'm really good at.
407
00:16:54,752 --> 00:16:56,276
And now you screwed it all up.
408
00:16:56,319 --> 00:16:57,886
- Yeah, well now
we're both screwed,
409
00:16:57,929 --> 00:16:59,409
'cause I gotta go find
something else to dissect
410
00:16:59,453 --> 00:17:02,847
or, thanks to you, I'm gonna
look like a fool tomorrow.
411
00:17:02,891 --> 00:17:06,068
You know, I might have
hurt you on accident,
412
00:17:06,112 --> 00:17:07,548
but you hurt me on purpose.
413
00:17:10,594 --> 00:17:14,250
♪
414
00:17:15,860 --> 00:17:16,209
.
415
00:17:19,299 --> 00:17:21,649
- All right, everyone shut up.
416
00:17:21,692 --> 00:17:23,433
Uh, apologies in advance
417
00:17:23,477 --> 00:17:26,610
for the brutal condition
of this squirrel.
418
00:17:26,654 --> 00:17:28,264
Didn't really have--
419
00:17:29,178 --> 00:17:31,093
All right,
what's the story here?
420
00:17:32,181 --> 00:17:34,923
This thing's beautiful.
Organs all intact.
421
00:17:34,966 --> 00:17:37,795
Professionally butchered.
422
00:17:37,839 --> 00:17:39,101
Ah.
423
00:17:39,145 --> 00:17:41,886
- I stole it
from my dad's shop, boss.
424
00:17:43,149 --> 00:17:44,498
- Knock knock, Jack.
425
00:17:44,541 --> 00:17:45,890
Here to bring the
superintendent's tour
426
00:17:45,934 --> 00:17:47,153
to a close.
427
00:17:47,196 --> 00:17:49,155
We've all got high hopes
for this one.
428
00:17:49,198 --> 00:17:50,634
- Of course.
Welcome, everyone.
429
00:17:50,678 --> 00:17:53,246
- Oh, please tell me
this isn't a pig volcano.
430
00:17:53,289 --> 00:17:55,509
- Pig volcano.
431
00:17:55,552 --> 00:17:57,989
- I'm so sorry.
I'm hearing "pig volcano."
432
00:17:58,033 --> 00:18:01,297
- I was told this would be
a fetal pig dissection.
433
00:18:01,341 --> 00:18:02,820
This is a full-grown hog.
434
00:18:02,864 --> 00:18:05,301
- Uh, yes.
Well, um,
435
00:18:05,345 --> 00:18:07,434
piglets' organs
are much too small
436
00:18:07,477 --> 00:18:10,132
to be properly observed
by the untrained eye.
437
00:18:10,176 --> 00:18:12,656
But Principal Durbin
gives us a lot of freedom,
438
00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:14,528
which Aristotle defines as
439
00:18:14,571 --> 00:18:17,835
"obedience to
self-formulated rules."
440
00:18:17,879 --> 00:18:19,185
Now, that...
441
00:18:19,228 --> 00:18:20,664
That's innovation.
442
00:18:20,708 --> 00:18:22,144
Very innovative, yeah.
443
00:18:22,188 --> 00:18:23,928
So, shall we begin?
444
00:18:23,972 --> 00:18:25,495
All right.
445
00:18:25,539 --> 00:18:28,237
Welcome to A.P. Bio.
Let's begin the dissection.
446
00:18:28,281 --> 00:18:31,980
Heather, if you'd care
to assist the demonstration?
447
00:18:32,023 --> 00:18:34,983
- Sure thing, Mr. Griffin.
- Mm-hmm.
448
00:18:35,026 --> 00:18:36,680
- All right.
Now, keep in mind
449
00:18:36,724 --> 00:18:39,118
this can be an
emotionally difficult process,
450
00:18:39,161 --> 00:18:40,858
especially if you are
working with a pig
451
00:18:40,902 --> 00:18:42,164
that you yourself raised.
452
00:18:42,208 --> 00:18:43,774
First thing you're gonna do
453
00:18:43,818 --> 00:18:44,862
is hack off the snout.
454
00:18:44,906 --> 00:18:46,037
It goes directly in the trash.
455
00:18:46,081 --> 00:18:47,343
The customers do not want that,
456
00:18:47,387 --> 00:18:48,518
unless they're French.
457
00:18:51,652 --> 00:18:54,133
- I'm sorry.
Uh, did you say "customers"?
458
00:18:54,176 --> 00:18:55,351
- Yeppers.
459
00:18:55,395 --> 00:18:56,700
Next we're gonna
hack off the hooves.
460
00:18:56,744 --> 00:18:58,702
Those also go
directly in the trash.
461
00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:06,188
♪
462
00:19:06,232 --> 00:19:07,537
- Mr. Griffin.
463
00:19:07,581 --> 00:19:09,191
Maybe you could
explain the dissection
464
00:19:09,235 --> 00:19:13,717
using more standard scientific
biological terms?
465
00:19:16,459 --> 00:19:18,548
- You're right, Sarika.
Of course.
466
00:19:18,592 --> 00:19:20,507
Thank you.
467
00:19:20,550 --> 00:19:21,986
Uh.
468
00:19:23,118 --> 00:19:26,252
Behold...the adrenal glands.
469
00:19:26,295 --> 00:19:28,210
The part of the endocrine
system responsible
470
00:19:28,254 --> 00:19:30,038
for producing various hormones:
471
00:19:30,081 --> 00:19:32,083
uh, cortisol, adrenaline,
et cetera.
472
00:19:32,127 --> 00:19:35,652
Now here we find them on
the cephalic end of the kidneys
473
00:19:35,696 --> 00:19:37,872
instead of on top,
which is what
474
00:19:37,915 --> 00:19:40,396
we would observe in humans.
475
00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:42,833
I never said
I didn't know biology.
476
00:19:42,877 --> 00:19:45,749
I'm just never
gonna teach it to you.
477
00:19:47,011 --> 00:19:48,970
Now, we use pigs because
478
00:19:49,013 --> 00:19:51,755
they have the same thoracic
and abdominal organs...
479
00:19:51,799 --> 00:19:57,108
♪
480
00:19:57,152 --> 00:19:58,632
There we go.
481
00:19:58,675 --> 00:20:01,722
- I, uh, strongly recommend
a Memphis rub on those cuts.
482
00:20:01,765 --> 00:20:04,986
- Mr. Griffin,
this was very informative
483
00:20:05,029 --> 00:20:07,075
and certainly innovative.
484
00:20:07,118 --> 00:20:08,163
- Ah.
485
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:09,991
Whitlock is lucky to have you.
486
00:20:10,034 --> 00:20:12,298
- Ah, thank you very much.
487
00:20:13,821 --> 00:20:16,998
- Thank you Jack
for bringing it home.
488
00:20:17,041 --> 00:20:18,042
- Yeah, yeah.
- Oh, my God.
489
00:20:18,086 --> 00:20:19,348
- No sweat, Ralph.
490
00:20:19,392 --> 00:20:20,828
- Thanks to you,
I am in serious running
491
00:20:20,871 --> 00:20:24,397
for the Innovative
Principal of the Year!
492
00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:26,616
Could I, uh, get a loin?
493
00:20:33,188 --> 00:20:34,668
- Hey, yo, H-Bomb,
494
00:20:34,711 --> 00:20:35,930
check this crap out.
495
00:20:35,973 --> 00:20:39,063
Hey, yo, Dan Decker, hold up.
496
00:20:39,107 --> 00:20:40,804
- Um, Heather could probably
use a little bit of help
497
00:20:40,848 --> 00:20:43,242
cleaning this whole mess up.
Cool, bud?
498
00:20:43,285 --> 00:20:44,504
- Let me guess, if I don't...
499
00:20:44,547 --> 00:20:45,983
I get an F?
- You get an F, yeah.
500
00:20:46,027 --> 00:20:48,508
Let's go.
All right.
501
00:20:56,733 --> 00:20:59,345
- Yo, that was pretty dope
the way you sliced that pig up.
502
00:20:59,388 --> 00:21:02,304
- Yeah, yeah.
Guess I'm kind of a boss.
503
00:21:03,610 --> 00:21:06,917
- ♪ No matter what you are
504
00:21:06,961 --> 00:21:11,226
♪ I always be with you
505
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:12,227
♪ 'Cause no matter what...
506
00:21:13,489 --> 00:21:15,317
I really suck at this.
- Yeah.
507
00:21:15,361 --> 00:21:19,626
- ♪ Ooh, girl, with you
35211
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