Original subtitles

(Disco music)

- Where's your brother?

- There's Simon.

♫ hello, beautiful people ♫

I can't wait to hear what beautiful sounds

you're going to make tonight.

- Yeah, but can you turn this rubbish off?

Greetings, earth people.

Prepare for celestial teapot,

an intergalactic experiencethat will blow your mind.

- [Voiceover] loser.

♫ I'm your cyborg superhero, baby ♫

♫ I'm your cyborg superhero ♫

♫ I'm your cyborg superhero, baby ♫

♫ I'm your cyborg superhero ♫

- [Woman] get off.

♫ in your time of need ♫

♫ I will save ya ♫

♫ when no one takes heed ♫

♫ I'm your savior ♫

(Feedback)

- What was that?

- Party's over Simon.

- Come on get your stuff, let's go.

- Come on.

- Come on, don't--

- [man] let's get outta here.

- Man.

- You're late with your payments.

Rothschild wants his money.

- Please man, I need more time.

(Laughs)

- You got three months.

- [Voiceover] I thought it waspretty good up until that point.

(Crowing)

(Clapping)

- [Shoebuck] my friends, god is here,

god's healing power is in the house.

Come forward my brother.

Lord Jesus, we ask you to come.

Father pour your spirit out on this man.

In Jesus name be healed.

(Applause)

Praise you, Jesus.

Praise you, Jesus.

And the healed man stands before you,

that same healing poweris in your life today.

Folks, you may have given up on god,

but god has not given up on you.

Praise his name, hallelujah.

♫ hey ♫

♫ la, da, da, da ?♫

♫ hey ♫

♫ la, da, da, da ♫

♫ hey ♫

♫ la, da, da, da ♫

♫ hey ♫

♫ la, da, da, da ♫

♫ he can warm you up like a blanket ♫

♫ and I know that he canhelp you cross the traffic ♫

♫ so if you are grievingwon't you sing with me ♫

♫ sing whoa ♫

♫ whoa ♫

♫ if I was warmer thanthe side of daytime ♫

♫ and I know that it is alwaysthere for me for all times ♫

♫ so if you are grievingwon't you sing with me ♫

♫ sing whoa ♫

♫ whoa ♫

♫ sing whoa, oh, oh ♫

♫ whoa, oh, oh ♫

♫ come on ♫

♫ whoa ♫

♫ whoa ♫

♫ whoa ♫

♫ whoa ♫

♫ whoa ♫

♫ whoa ♫

♫ whoa ♫

♫ whoa ♫

♫ whoa, oh, oh ♫

♫ yeah rock me guarantee ♫

♫ with god you're on a guarantee ♫

♫ whoa ♫

♫ never a minority ♫

♫ whoa ♫

♫ ba, da, ba, da, po ♫

♫h ey ♫

♫ la, da, da, da ♫

♫ hey ♫

♫ la, da, da, da ♫

♫ hey ♫

♫ la, da, da, da ♫

♫ hey ♫

(Humming)

- Ow, ooh.

(Ringing bell)

Hi, everybody, thanks for coming today.

My name is pastor Luke,

but you can just call me Luke.

I'm an itinerant minister.

And

normally at this stage of the service,

I asked the congregation

to turn to the person next to them

and say, "hello."

(Honking horn)

- Your sermon was really good.

- Oh, I didn't realizethere was anyone else here.

Oh, thank you.

(Laughs)

- Do you watch TV?

- Yeah.

- Threw mine out, evil.

- Okay.

- Rock music--

- what about it?

- [Bearded man] Evil.- [Pastor] Okay.

- [Bearded man] Internet?- [Pastor] Evil?

- Some of us are settingup a commune up north.

- Okay.

- We've got room for one more.

(Indistinct talking)

- [Voiceover] hey, John, get off him.

(Whistle blows)

- Hey, hey, hey, you.

What no tackles, this is touch, remember?

And you, turn the other cheek.

(Whistle blows)

Okay, that's it, boys.

Back again here tomorrowfor the working bee.

(Groans)

You might even help me fix my motorbike.

- That motorbike is a piece of junk.

- To some may be, to me,

it's an iron horse of freedom.

Yeah well, never mind.

(Crowing)

(Tweeting birds)

(Barking dog)

(Stirring)

- Are you able to help out tomorrow?

I was hoping the bike mightget the boys more interesting.

- Yeah...

I have other plans.

- Other plans, eh?

- Oh well, see how you go.

( Sighs)

- I'm moving to the city.

- The city, why?

- Well, I need to get a job.

One of those call centers,

they're always looking for people.

- Well, it's a big nasty place, you know?

- Well, they need guys you can take abuse,

so that's me. |

- well, that's no reasonto go looking for it.

You can build theministry you want to here.

- Yeah, but I had like oneperson at the last service.

I mean, I hardly call that a revival.

- Well, you know what they say,

"a lofty oak from a small acorn grows."

- I seriously think i'min the wrong business so--

- well, that's your first mistake.

It's not a business.

- Well, I know.

I just want to see miracles happen.

- Ah, you mean, preachto hundreds of people,

heal the sick, perform works and wonders

like those preachers on television.

- Yeah.

- Miracles happen all the time, Luke.

Tom over there, he has no dad,

his mom drinks too much,

his older brothers are in a gang,

but he turns up hereevery week without fail.

(Crowing)

Now that to me is a miracle.

- I'll come back for visits.

Maybe you'll have thebike finished by then.

(Laughs)

- Now that would be a miracle.

That's my boy, Tom.

(Upbeat music)

♫ stranger things they had not been seen ♫

♫ then what I will relate ♫

♫ I was saved like it was a dream ♫

♫ by someone else ♫

♫ outside the usual state ♫

♫ he supernatural ♫

♫ and unpredictable ♫

♫ but it's a certainty ♫

♫ you don't have tobelieve but he rescued me ♫

♫ yeah ♫

♫ and he's come to save us ♫

♫ international mystery man ♫

♫ from outer space invade us ♫

♫ with his superhuman plan ♫

♫ ba, da, da, ba, da ♫

♫ ba, da, da, ba, da ♫

♫ ba, da, da, ba, da ♫

♫ superhuman plan ♫

♫ ba, da, da, ba, da ♫

♫ ba, da, da, ba, da ♫

♫ ba, da, da, ba, da ♫

♫ with his superhuman ♫

(Siren)

- Give us your wallet.

- What, oh, okay, okay.

Here.

- Jesus saves?

- Yeah, yeah.

Moses invests.

You know the joke?

- Is this all you got?

- Yeah.

Maybe if you mug me nextweek, I'll have more money.

- You're a religious person?

- Yeah, yeah.

I'm a pastor, well, you know,

a struggling pastor, so you know--

- oh, right.

I've been meaning to go to church.

- Really, that's great.

- I've been thinkingabout it a lot lately.

- That is awesome.

- I mugged a catholic priest once.

I think he cried.

I felt bad.

Maybe I need to go to confession.

- Are you catholic?

- No.

- Just shopping around maybe.

- Yeah, see what feels right.

- That's great.

- I gotta go.

Get something to eat.

- My shout

because the--

get it?

- Yeah, yeah, I get it.

- Okay, great.

(Sighs)

(Racetrack announcer on TV)

- Come on, fantastic racer, come on.

Come on.

Come on, fantastic racer.

Go, fantastic racer.

No.

(Channel changes)

- [Shoebuck] god's plan is togive you a future and a hope.

Hallelujah.

You know what,

even as I'm speaking to you now

I feel the lord spirit upon me.

And he's saying there issomebody watching this right now,

someone sitting at homewho's down, who's lost hope,

who's given up on life.

Well, let me tell you my friend,

I know you, god knows you.

God has your number.

He has a plan for your life.

He loves you,

he is going to give you a way out.

Don't give up.

God is speaking right to you,

I feel that deep within myspirit, he has your number.

Don't give up.

He loves you, my brother.

(Guitar)

♫ sitting on the hillside ♫

♫ you're always there ♫

♫ beside me ♫

♫ to calm my fears ♫

♫ it doesn't matter how fast I may run ♫

♫ you keep up ♫

( Grunting)

- Hey, leave my chair alone.

- Sorry, sorry.

I thought you wanted a hand.

- No, thank you.

You're not from around here, are ya?

- No.

- Tourist.

Let me give you a bit of advice, buddy,

we don't want your type around here,

so give us your money and leave.

- Ha, that's funny

because the last guy saidthe same thing to me.

- Can you guys down there?

- What's biting you poppet?

- You're scaring away business.

- Ha, doubt it.

This isn't covent garden.

You'd earn more money scrounging down

the back of the sofa.

- Well that's rather presumptuous,

my meal ticket my round that very corner.

- Hardly.

- Why not?

- Because you're a

a nobody.

- Well, you're just a jumped-up

little leprechaun on wheels.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

Just settle down.

- No, need me alone, mate.

- Let's get ourselves a drink.

- Learn to control your friend.

- Well, actually I've only just met him.

Oh, what was your name again?

(Honking horns)

- [Shoebuck] that's whatthis book is all about.

The Bible, b-i-b--

- hello?

- L-e, basic instructionbefore leaving earth.

It talks about--

- oh.

Are you okay?

Oh--

- [kate] Simon, I brought you lunch.

- Oh,--

- [kate] Simon?

You?

What's going on?

- I don't know, something happened, i--

- hello, ambulance

something happened my brotherscollapsed on the floor

right now he's shaking.

(Gasps)

Actually, don't worry, he's fine.

Simon?

They'll charge you for the false call-out.

- [Shoebuck] hallelujah,brothers and sisters.

Hallelujah, praise his name.

(Heartbeat)

- It's a miracle, ha, ha, a miracle.

- Right.

You'll have to excuse my brother,

he's always on a different planet.

- Is he the one who wants help?

- You can say that again.

Simon.

So, you're the tourist.

- Oh, yeah, I'm justhere looking for work.

I clean, you know, mop floors, vacuuming,

anything, anything you got.

- Pick fights withmobility-challenged leprechauns?

- Drink?

- Oh, no thanks.

I don't sort of drink or smoke.

- You don't drink and you don't smoke.

What are you, religious?

- Well, actually, yeah,i am a man of the cloth.

- [Kate] what are youdoing a joint like this?

- Well, actually preaching is what I do,

but it doesn't really pay the bills,

so I'm just here looking for work.

- God's plan are to prosperyou and not harm you.

- Kate.

- Oh, hey.

- Tell me, what's the difference

between a priest, a reverend and a pastor?

- Oh, well, yeah, they--

- alcohol volume.

- Oh.

- If you want to drink,you become a priest,

a little bit, he began a reverend,

and nothing at all to become a pastor.

- Oh.(laughs)

- Bad joke.

- No, that's funny.

You're very funny.

- I get that a lot,

not always as a compliment, though.

- [Shoebuck] I wentfrom lack to abundance,

from poverty to prosperity--

- Simon, shushi?

- [Shoebuck] and ipraise the lord for that.

I praise the lord for you,

because it was throughyou stepping out with me

and sowing the seed into this ministry

that we began to build thisincredible, wonderful church.

- You know, I don't think you're a nobody.

I actually think you'rea very talented musician.

- You think so?

- Yeah.

- I'd like to take itsomewhere, I don't know.

Maybe that cantankerousold leprechaun was right.

Life has a funny way ofbringing you back to reality.

- Well, you know with enoughfaith and perseverance,

you know, you can reallyachieve your dreams.

(Laughs)

- So this is where you do the hard sell.

- Oh, no, no, no, no.

I'm not trying to sell anything.

I'm just, you know, here to help.

Oh, thank you.

- [Shoebuck] you see god'sis good, god's plans are

to proper you and not harm you.

God's plans are toprovide you with a future

and a hope.

- [Luke] oh, got it.

- [Shoebuck] hallelujah,brothers and sisters.

- Hallelujah.

- [Shoebuck] hallelujah.

- Tell me,

what do you see?

- It's a nightclub.

- No, look closer.

- It's an unsuccessful nightclub.

- Oh, ye of little faith.

Luke, we are standing in a church.

You're a preacher, yeah?

- Yeah.

And this, this is a church.

So you were sent here for a reason

and this, this is the reason.

Trust me, Luke.

This is god's will.

- Yeah, I don't--

- I'm staying out of this.

- The lord provides.

You got anything bigger?

- Well, well that is prettymuch the standard size.

- I'll take the lot and 5,000 of these.

(Crashing)

- Careful.

- How much for the Jesus fish?

- We can do bulk discounts.

- God bless you, brother.

(Upbeat music)

Whoa, sorry mate, no loose change.

- No, no, no.

I heard you're opening a church,

and I want to help out.

- How'd you find out?

- God told me.

- Sure he did.

Actually, we haven't startedyet, but hey, come on in.

- Okay, time to get thisshow on the road right now.

- Yeah, but it's not Sunday yet.

- Why wait?

Jesus ain't waiting, hey, hallelujah.

- Yeah, I know I don'tnormally get large crowds,

but seriously, like there's no one here.

Oh, sir, I didn't see you there.

Yeah, come on, come on in.

- Okay, time to do your thing.

Trust me, I'll get the crowds.

- Okay.

Hi.

(Sighs)

Well, I'm Luke.

Oh,

okay, (clears throat)

(Pages turning)

- Coming through, look who's here.

Hello, have a seat.

You come on in, there.

You, there, welcome.

Hello, welcome.

Hello, hello.

- Well, thanks for coming.

How about we get started

by saying hit to the person next to you

and introduce yourselves.

Hi.

Well,

ah,

there was a priest, areverend, and a pastor

and they were on a lifeboat and

it's quite funny, and

and um--

yes.

(Guitar music)

♫ amazing grace ♫

♫ how sweet the sound ♫

♫ that save a wretch like me ♫

♫ I once was lost ♫

♫ but now am found ♫

♫ was blind but now I see ♫

♫ t'was grace that taught ♫

♫ my heart to fear ♫

♫ and grace my fears relieved ♫

♫ how precious did ♫

♫ that grace appear ♫

♫ the hour I first believed ♫

♫ amazing grace ♫

♫ wash over me ♫

♫ amazing love ♫

♫ set me free ♫

♫ as I wait at the cross ♫

- Yeah, well, welcome to church

yay, church.

(Chuckles)

You know what I like about the Bible?

Oh, no, it's not a question,

it's rhetoirical.

What I like about the Bible is

it's a warts-and-allaccount of people's lives.

You know, it's a lotof stories about people

who make some good choices and

people who make some really bad choices.

And I guess that's what it's like in life

is that, you know, it's all aboutthe choices we make each day,

and the consequences of those choices.

And the Bible's like a road map, you know?

I know most guys don'twant to ask directions

when we're, you know, going for a drive.

Who's experienced that?

You know what I'm talking about.

And it's like we think weknow the best way to get there

and the next thing weknow, we're driving around

for hours and hours, going crazy

cause we don't know where we're going

cause we didn't stop at the gas station

and just ask thatattendant the directions.

It was so simple, butwe think we know better,

don't we?

We think we know better.

And you're driving around youthink that if you just keep

driving and driving and drivingyou'll somehow get there,

but it never happens.

Sometimes in life we need to stop,

just stop and ask for directions.

And this, this is the road map.

- See you later.

- Donations, bless you, donations.

We accept eftpos.

Thank you, bless you.

Bless you, thank you.

Thank you, not bad.

The offering's really poor, though.

- Simon.

- Katie.

- Look, how 'bout wegive thanks to the lord

for our very first service,

that would be kinda cool, huh?

- Sure.

- All right.

Well, lord, we just--

oh, okay.

Thank you for this firstservice and as your word says,

"do not despise thedays of small beginnings

"and we just pray that you just continue

"to bless this church and it grows

"and it enriches the whole community."

- Amen to that.

- Amen.

- Cool, great, thanks.

- Really, really, good.

Well done.

- Hey, hey,

I dig your vibe.

Do you play here often?

- I freelance.

- Daz Cunningham, f.B. Management.

I'll bring some friendsnext time, all right?

- Oh, um, Kate.

- Hey.

- Hey, oh, yeah, I got you this.

Yeah.

- Shouldn't have.

- This just to say thankyou for helping out

with the music at the church.

- Yes, it worked out well.

- Do you think maybe youwanna do it again sometime?

- We'll se how it goes.

- Okay, cool.

- You know, Simon genuinely like you.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, iknow, I like Simon, too.

He's a really cool guy.

- He's full of ideas.

He means well, but

I'm tired of seeing people get hurt,

so just be careful, okay?

- Oh, yeah.

You don't have to worry about me,

I've got the big fella,

he'll take care of me.

(Laughs)

So it's your record producersyou need to worry about.

- I'm a big girl now, Luke.

- Yeah.

- You want to try that on?

I know, I know that

my ways may seem kindaweird or kinda alien to you,

but you don't have tobe afraid or anything.

Oh, Wally had this great idea

that the three of us shouldgo bowling next week.

- Wally?

- You know, the .

Cankles kinda leprechaun guy.

- Cantankerous?

- What'd I say?

- Cankles.

- What, well, you know what I mean.

- You know what?

I wouldn't mind another 10rounds in the ring with him.

- Oh, well, great bring it on then.

(Laughs)

- You seen the cameras?

- The what?

- Sophie from the Sophie talk show is here

with the crew.

- What is she here for?

- For you, mate.

She's here to see you.

We go way back,

well, before she was famous.

Anyway, she agreed to comealong and check you out.

- Sorry, boys, the women's loo is packed.

- Why are you so dressed up?

- F.b. management is out there.

- Who's that?

- Big record producers.

- Really, that's fantastic.

- How do I look?

- You look great.

Trust me, Luke, TV iswhere our future lies.

TV, Luke, TV.

- You know, sometimes in life

things can just go outof control, you know?

No matter how hard you try,

maybe it's somethingsomeone's done in your life

or maybe it's the wrongdecisions you have made,

but it can just totallytailspin outta control.

I mean, it's a lot like whenyou park your car on a hill

and you forget to put yourhandbrake on, who's ever done that?

Anyone?

No, just, just me then?

Okay, well, anyway.

You park your car on the hilland it starts to roll down,

no matter how hard you try,

the problem is just so big.

It doesn't matter what situation

you're in right now,

no matter how hard it seems,

it's gonna be okay.

♫ what a friend we have ♫

♫ in Jesus ♫

♫ all our sins ♫

♫ to grieve and bear ♫

♫ what a privilege ♫

♫ to carry ♫

♫ everything to god ♫

♫ in prayer ♫

♫ oh, what peace we often forfeit ♫

♫ oh, what needless pain ♫

♫ we bear ♫

♫ oh, oh ♫

♫ all because we do not carry ♫

♫ everything to god ♫

♫ in prayer ♫

(Clapping)

- This is Nigel, my engineer.

We just call him, "nige."

And Justin, my choreographerslash fashion guru.

- You were divine, darling.

- You think so?

- Princess, you've got the look,

you've got the voice

you've got potential to bethe perfect pop package.

Dangerous, but innocent.

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, how would you feel aboutperforming someone else's songs?

- Yep, absolutely.

You a producer?

- No, no that's Nigel.

I'm just the ideas man.

We'll record your demo song,

present it to the record industry.

This is the start of along and lucrative career

for you, Princess.

- Huh?

- Woo, aha, yes.

- [Luke] woo, yeah.

- So what does that make you?

A pop Princess or a pop tart?

- Charming, Wally.

You got a boyfriend, or what?

- Well, no.

- Figures.

You should keep it that way.

That might actually make youmore attractive to plebs.

Unattainable.

- Thank you for thatindispensable advice, Wally.

- Yeah, well, I'm full of it, eh.

- Yeah, you certainly are.

- Although you shouldn'trule out a secret liaison.

With your bodyguard.

Careful with your choice, though.

He should be small, mobile,

and deadly.

Bit like a pit bull terrier.

Ruff, ruff, ruff.

- Wally, can we have a word?

- Yeah, what about?

- You know, maybe youneed to cool down a bit.

- Cool down?

- You know, adjust your style.

- Speak english.

- Well, it's just that

you can't be using thesecruel, mean words all the time.

It's just--

- you're just jealous, you third wheel.

- What?

- Chicks dig this kind of talk.

- Chicks?

- Chicks.

- Yeah, no, I don't think they do.

- Oh, well, how would you know?

- Well, I mean,

- you've got no proof to back it up.

- Yeah, but look, I justdon't think you should be

speaking so meanly to people all the time.

You can't be always settingout to irritate people.

- So how else do youexpect me to be noticed?

I mean, look at me.

- Is there a problem here, guys?

- I'm just getting some romantic advice

from this 35-year-old virgin.

- I'm not 35.

- Well, there's nothing wrong withsaving yourself till marriage.

- What?

- You, you, too?

(Sighs)

I'm surrounded by the osmonds.

- You're up.

(Happy upbeat music)

♫ hello ♫

♫ hello ♫

♫ can you hear me♫

♫ what's that ♫

♫ got questions on my mind ♫

♫ go on ♫

♫ can you take me high ♫

♫ can you take me higher ♫

♫ and higher ♫

♫ cause I've been wondering ♫

♫ down the road and then to win ♫

♫ I got knocked right off my feet ♫

♫ again a curve ball hitme right between the eyes ♫

♫ did you see it coming ♫

♫ broken down, broken up,broken off from all I got ♫

♫ and I'm left thinkingwhy's this happening to me ♫

♫ but I can't deny ♫

♫ when I wonder why ♫

♫ when nothing goes rightand I'm hung out to dry ♫

♫ yeah, still it's plain to see ♫

♫ god, you matter to me ♫

♫ I matter to you as youcarry me through this ♫

♫ life of mine ♫

♫ hello how's it going ♫

♫ where are you ♫

♫ eh ♫

♫ you know sometimes you're hard to find ♫

♫ well, not really ♫

♫ I can hear the choir ♫

♫ when I'm under fire ♫

♫ when I'm under fire ♫

♫ you'll find me on my knees again ♫

♫ squeezing in one more prayer ♫

♫ Jesus don't leave mewith this debt a waging ♫

♫ raging at my door ♫

♫ it's far too cold for Bangkok ♫

♫ lost my way, lost the luck ♫

♫ all that I got ♫

♫ and I'm still thinkingwhy's this happening to me ♫

♫ but I can't deny ♫

♫ when I wonder why ♫

♫ when nothing goes rightand I'm hung out to dry ♫

♫ yeah ♫

♫ still it's plain to seegod, you matter to me ♫

♫ I matter to you asyou carry me through ♫

♫ cause you matter to me ♫

♫ and I matter to you ♫

♫ as you carry me through this ♫

♫ life of mine ♫

(Dramatic music)

(Knocking)

- [Woman] Kate.

That preacher guy's here.

- Yep, just a second.

- [Woman] you better get dressed.

♫ I'm falling over the edge ♫

♫ in love with you ♫

- So how's your deal withthis record company going?

- Good.

- Yeah, well, you don'tsound too convincing.

- Oh, it's, it's fine.

It's just hard work.

I'm not used to any of the dance moves.

- Like what?

- Like you do the shimmy, like the snake

and you go, start from down there and--

- oh, are you all right?

- Yeah, fine.

- Maybe you've been working too hard.

Hey, I got an idea.

Hop on.

No, I'm serious.

I'll give you a piggyback ride, come on.

Actually, how much do you weigh?

- Hey.

- Serious.

Okay, let's see.

(Grunting)

- Shut up.

- Oh, you are heavy, oh, boy.

No, it's all right, there we go.

So when I was young,my dad used to take us

on these long drives

and we'd stop and look at the mountains

and stuff and

because the reality was he knewthat by the time we got there,

it would always be different, you know?

So sometimes we can kindaget sort of deceived

by the destination andnot enjoy the journey.

But, you know, that's just me talking

blah, you know, I don't know,

I don't know what I'm saying.

(Yawns)

Hey, I do that.

- What?

- Pretend to yawn when idon't know what to say.

- Yeah.(laughs)

- Yeah, hmm

- it's getting late.

- Yeah, it is, isn't it?

Whew.

Okay, well, so it's great.

(Laughs)

I guess I'll be going.

Bye.

- Pastor Simon?

- Yeah.

- That's a lot of stuff for a church.

- Yeah, well, there's alot of homeless people--

- without decent hi-def equipment.

Oh, I've only got a transistor radio.

It only gets A.M.

- Well, maybe you should pray harder.

God might give you a better joband then you can get an upgrade.

(Ringing phone)

- [Declan] something'sgoing down at the temple.

They're turning it into

a temple.

- [Rothschild] keep aneye on it for we, will ya?

(Retching)

(Flushing toilet)

- Right, let's lay down some tracks.

- Yeah,

everything okay in your neck of the woods?

- Yeah, why?

- We wanna make sureour little pop Princess

is taking good care of herself.

- Everything's hunky-dory.

- Yeah, hunky-dory, yeah.

You know, we did notice

a little junk in the trunk, mmm?

Yeah, we can't go showcasingsome bloated bovine.

To record industry bigwigs, can we?

Can we?

You know the rules ofengagement, Princess,

nothing can jeopardize this mission.

Nothing.

♫ there is power, power ♫

♫ wonder working power ♫

♫ in the precious blood ♫

♫ of the lamb ♫

♫ there is power, power ♫

♫ wonder working power ♫

♫ in the blood ♫

♫ of the lamb ♫

♫ there is power, power ♫

♫ wonder working power ♫

♫ in the precious blood ♫

♫ of the lamb ♫

- Woo.

(Clapping)

You know, there's anothergreat story in the Bible,

and that's the story ofsaul, who later became Paul.

I mean, this guy on the outsidelooked like he had it all

(laughing)

- Hah, I am stuffed.

What a day, huh?

- Yeah, oh, thank you.

- We need more shows.

I'm thinking eight a week.

Two on Sundays.

Matinee Wednesday for theold people to come along?

- Yeah, it's not really a show.

- You know what I mean, eh?

Come on, think of allthe lost souls out there.

They need you.

Now, I'd be happy if it was just Sunday

you know that,

but it's not about meand it's not about you.

It's about them.

- Yeah, yeah, I'm--

it's just that I don't know.

There's a lot of need in our church.

A lot of these people are going hungry

and they've got nowhere to live.

I was talking to Aaron the other day

and he was telling me--

- who's Aaron?

- He's one of the homeless guys.

I was just thinking that

what if we build a shelteror a soup kitchen--

- whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Hey, wow.

I love your enthusiasim, but whatdo you think I'm running here,

a charity?

Hey, I agree, these bums, they need stuff,

but we got to get thechurch up on it's feet.

Before we can helpt these people.

- People.

- Yeah.

- Trust me, once we get thechurch up to eight gigs a week,

we'll pull in enough moneyto feed, clothe, shelter,

the whole city, eh?

So you just concentrate on the preaching,

leave the rest up to me.

Get out there and save some souls.

- All right.

- Is Luke in here?

- He's taking confession.

- Wow, he must be good.

- Yeah.

- Do you mind?

- [Luke] is there

anything you would liketo confess, my child?

(Toilet flushing)

- This is kinda weird.

- Really, weird?

- Pastor Luke

do you like rings?

- [Luke] what, like on me?

- For instance.

- Yeah, sure, but I don't want too many.

I don't want to end up lookinglike Mr. t or anything.

- Just say someone had given you a ring,

a very precious ring,

and you liked it a lot,

and then you discovered

it was

pre-loved.

- What you mean like,second-hand or something?

- I prefer the term pre-loved.

Would you still accept it?

- I guess for me,

purity comes from within, so

yeah.

- Wow, that is a nice ring.

All right, it's not cheap.

You know, I wouldn't say no to a discount.

Perhaps you've seen me before.

I've just been on TV.

I'm a bit of a celebrity.

Healed in Jesus name.

Perhaps we could still work something out,

you know, and I could wearit the next time I'm on TV.

I mean, I wouldn't wear it,but my fiancee would of course.

Do you have any needs?

Do you have anything I can pray for?

Sore leg, gammy arm or something?

Pain in the neck?

Get it?No?

Okay, no.

How 'bout 20 %?

No?

10 %?

10 %, that's pretty good.

I'll wear this on TV whilei was praying for people.

Well, I wouldn't, my finacee would.

You know what I mean.

10 %, no?

Five, five percent discount, how's that?

Let's make this work, okay?

One percent?

No.

I'll take it.

And then,

one day Saul's life changed.

On the Damascus freeway.

His eyes were blinded

to the material things of this world.

He came face to face with Jesus,

and a man that thought he had no choice,

no choice in this world,

was given a choice.

♫ god can wash away my sins ♫

♫ nothing but the blood of Jesus ♫

♫ what can make me whole again ♫

♫ nothing but the blood of Jesus ♫

♫ for my pardon this I see ♫

♫ nothing but the blood of Jesus ♫

- How's business

- it's good, I guess

- the preacher,

still weaving his magic?

- Sure.

- Do you actually believe it, Simon?

Does he really work miracles?

- Well, he gave me a new lease on life.

Why do you ask?

- We expect our money by Friday.

Midnight.

- Yeah, I know.

- Don't be late, Christian.

(Ringing)

- [Voiceover] hello, meadowlane clinic.

Hello.(beep)

(Games blasting)

(Grunts)

- What do you call that?

- It's an engagement ring.

- It's not a good as mine.

I'll bet yours doesn't glow in the dark.

- You're all dressed up.

- You're not.

- Wally.

- That's okay, cause I'd takeyou just the way you are.

That's the kind of guy I am.

Whereas Bible-thumper over here,well, he want ya cause you're

fresh out of the drawer.

(Chuckles)

- Luke, could I have

a private word with you?

- Are you okay?

- I'm fine.

- What's wrong?

- Nothing, okay?

I just had a bad day.

- Well, I was just wondering,cause I hadn't seen you in a while.

- Look, Luke.

I know what you're thinking and

I just Don''t see this going anywhere.

My life's a bit complicated right now,

and I just

I don't think, I just

don't think I'm the right

kinda girl for you.

Sorry.

- Good one, Romeo.

Blown it for both of us.

I suppose we could get a couple of pesos

for your ring, though.

(Laughs)

(Snaps box)

(Sad music)

- [Voiceover] be verycareful, very careful.

Oh, look out.

- Chaos around here, eh?

- Welcome to perdition.

- Good day, mate.

- Complete chaos around here today.

- [Voiceover] whoa, ho, ho, easy tiger.

- All paid up?

What about another wager?

Next race starts in 15 minutes.

Quit while you're ahead, eh?

Good, lad.

- So that's it?

- I heard you found religion.

- Are we done?

- It's not right.

And I like things to be just right.

- [Voiceover] now, flour,needs a little bit of flour.

Not too thick, though.

Needs a little milk.

And an egg, never have toomany eggs in the cake, can you?

There you go.

And voila.

- This is gonna be lovely.

It's called comfort food, Simon.

People like to eat things thatremind them of better times.

It's time we made this town

comfortable again.

♫ innocent ♫

♫ I'm a precious package ♫

♫ be careful ♫

♫ be careful ♫

♫ better treat me extra ♫

♫ special special ♫

♫ my heart is red a Rose petal ♫

♫ petal ♫

♫ pick my petal love me not ♫

♫ then I'll make you cry ♫

♫ like a little girl ♫

♫ I'm dangerous, but innocent ♫

♫ pure, but insolent ♫

♫ dangerous, but innocent ♫

♫ innocent, innocent ♫

♫ innocent, innocent ♫

- Sorry, folks, she doesn't usually make

these kind of mistakes, do you, Princess?

Sorry about that.

- Yeah, but what can you do?

Knocked up.

- Thank you, I think we've seen enough.

(Sighs)

(Grunts)

- [Simon] pastor Luke.

I need you to come with me.

- What's happened to us, Simon?

I found us a new property.

It'd make a great church,

but we got to leave now

and meet the real estate agentbefore the deal goes cold.

- What's going on, Simon?

- [Rothschild] why don't you jump?

Just kidding.

A lot of hungry people down there.

You'd like to feed them all, wouldn't you?

We got a bit of asituation here, haven't we?

I mean, don't get me wrong, I like you.

I think what you do is admirable.

It's just that my associates

want some things left the way they were.

They're setting up all theselittle lolly shops everywhere

and you come along andset up a dental clinic.

It's not good for business.

- What is it you want from me?

- I want to offer you a job, a real job.

Come and work for me.

- Doing what?

- Casino host.

- What?

- I needc someone to welcomethe guests into my casino.

Make 'em feel good.

I'll even give you all the charity money

I have to give away for tax reasons

to do with whatever you like.

Mate, I can give you this town

just don't rock the boat.

Just leave things as they are

and everyone will be happy.

These people mean business, mate.

It's not a game to them.

- It's not a game for me either.

- It was nice meeting you.

(Choir singing)

- [Luke] I thirst.

This was one of the lastthings that Jesus ever said.

I thirst.

Some of you here today

you thirst.

And no matter how hard you try

to quench that thirst

nothing works.

We were born with a black hole

in our soul

and we throw so much into that

and nothing will ever fill it.

And we all continue to thirst.

(Beeping)

- [Declan] fix her.

- What?

- Fix her.

- Lord, I thank you, I pray right now

just release your anointing here, lord.

Heal her now.

(Fast beeping)

(Flatline sounding)

- What did you do?

- No, no, no, just wait.

- [Declan] you killed her.

- No, no, no, it's gonna work.

- [Declan] you killed her.

- No, it's meant to work.

- You're full of it.

You're a phony.

You're a phony, just like the rest of 'em.

Get out.

Mum, mum, mum, don't leave me, mum.

Mum?

Mum.

Mum, mum.

- It's done.

(Suspenseful music)

- [Kate] help.

Help.

- [Luke] Kate?- [Kate] Luke.

- [Luke] Kate.- [Kate] Help.

- [Luke] Kate.

- [Voiceover] you'rehere to see Kate page?

- Yeah, yeah.

- [Voiceover] come this way.

- How is she?

- Well, she's still in icu,

but her condition has improved.

- Oh, thank god.

- The good news is thebaby is still healthy.

- The what?

- The pregnancy is unaffected.

- You are daz Cunningham.

- No.

- Well, then I'm sorry.

I can only allow family membersor the father of the child

into icu.

- Child? i--

- [voiceover] I'm sorry,it's hospital policy.

I'm sorry.

- Can you pass a messageonto Kate from Luke?

Can you

could you just tell her I

tell her I said, "goodbye."

(Ominous music)

- [Voiceover] Daniel,oh, that's not Daniel.

(Indistinct talking)

(Sirens)

(Birds singing)

(Crowing)

- Ah, Luke.

(Laughs)

Good to see you.

- Hi, I got you this.

(Bag rattling)

(Laughs)

The bsa service Manuel.

(Laughs)

- Well, I thought if you'renot gonna listen to me,

at least listen to the experts.

- That's great, oh, this is what I need.

Sparking plug.

Oh, yeah.

(Laughs)

- You were right, I

I shouldn't have gone into the city.

And to think I was gonna perform miracles.

- You effected change, Luke.

One small acorn, remember?

What about your young lady?

- You wouldn't understand about that.

- No?

I had 15 short years with my wife.

Precious years.

And you know what I regret the most?

All those silly littlearguments and resentments.

If you're really meant for each other,

you need to make every second count.

- She lied to me.

I mean, she just broke my trust.

- But Luke

what is love without forgiveness?

(Crowing)

I mean, how do you knowabout my feelings for her?

Seriously, who are you to talk?

I mean, look at you.

You're just puttering aroundin here, hiding from reality.

Why don't you just get on with your life

before you start tellingme how to live my life.

(Wrench clinking)

♫ it's getting warm ♫

♫ the night is young but you ♫

♫ walk alone ♫

♫ once again ♫

♫ see the sight ♫

♫ familiar faces seem to ♫

♫ walk on by ♫

♫ hands in hands ♫

♫ I think of you ♫

♫what you would look like ♫

♫ in discovering truth in ♫

♫ how I feel ♫

♫ could this be true ♫

♫ cause I've been thinking about you ♫

♫ about you ♫

♫ I thought I saw you in the summer sky ♫

♫ you looked at me ♫

♫ and I saw the stars in your eyes ♫

♫ I thought I heardyou was I out of line ♫

♫ or is this love ♫

♫ maybe we'll find our light ♫

♫ maybe we'll find our light ♫

♫ oh, oh ♫

♫ black and blue ♫

♫ black and blue ♫

♫ black, black, blood ♫

♫ blood, blood, blood ♫

♫ bathing zebra ♫

♫ zebra, zebra, zebra of death ♫

♫ kill the unicorn, unicorn, unicorn ♫

♫ of life ♫

♫ I buried my pet ♫

♫ unicorn ♫

(Indistinct talking)

- Big round of applause for Willow.

(Clears throat)

Right, our next performer is

pastor Luke.

- You're up, preacher.

- Pastor Luke, everybody, yes.

- Yeah, welcome to my church.

Yeah, this is a church, right?

You know, you come in here andyou fellowship with your friends

and you give youroffering to the bar lady.

Yeah, bar lady.

(Cheering)

(Laughs)

And you drink in thespirit of Jack Daniels.

(Cheering)

Yeah, I'm a pastor

and you know the difference between

a priest, a reverend and a pastor is?

Is the

is the

is the alcohol volume?

Something?

Yeah, yeah.

(Cheering)

Yeah.

Beer, this is why we're here, right?

(Agreeing)

(Glasses clinking)

No, it's not.

You know we're here because

we're scared, frightened little children

hiding in the closet from the bogeyman.

This time

the bogeyman is, is life.

We think if we drink enough of this that

we'll just numb the pain.

But the reality is no matterhow much of this we drink,

we're still gonna have towake up tomorrow morning.

We're still gonna have to face life

head-on.

So what do we do?

- Drink more beer.

(Cheering)

- How much has he had to drink?

- He's on his first light beer.

- Luke, you're being an idiot.

- Yeah, I know I stink at stand-up comedy.

- Dur, not that

Kate.

- What about her?

- Daz says he doesn't wantanything to do with the baby.

And her condition has deteriorated.

- What can I do?

I'm useless.

- Mate, she's as closeto pure as you can get.

You and her were meant to be together.

You know what to do.

- Here.

She's yours.

- Hey, lukie, I bet thechicky babes will love this.

- Well, you can say that again.

♫ your love is a shield around me ♫

♫ you are the lord and you make ♫

♫ all things new ♫

♫ and you break down the walls ♫

♫ that hold me back from you ♫

♫ whoa, whoa, whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh ♫

♫ you are the lord and you make ♫

♫ all things new ♫

♫ and you break down the walls ♫

♫ that hold me back from you ♫

♫ whoa, whoa, whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh ♫

- Let's get your wheelchair, okay?

(Gasps)

Geoff, you work here?

- Provides essential medica knowledge

in preparation for the apocalypse.

- Okay, you got to getus into the hospital.

They won't let me in becausei'm not a family member,

but the woman I love, she's inthere, she's in critical condition,

she's in a coma, and ifi don't get in there--

- mate, we're here to slam evil.

- Let's lock an load.

- Hey.

- Don't move, that is a zoltan Mark 2,

Israeli antipersonnel device.

You make one move and you'llbe dripping off these walls

faster than the lord ourgod destroyed the cities of

sodom and gomorrah.

(Breathing tanks)

- What have you done?

This, this is all your fault.

If it hadn't been for you she'd be fine.

She'd be happy and vitaland the baby would be fine.

Why didn't you accept his offer, huh?

Why?

We had it all.

Now it's gone because of you.

(Slap)

What have you done?

Why'd you revive me, man?

Why?

Why

did you

revive me?

(Sobbing)

- Kate

I don't know if you can hear me, but

I just

want you to know I'm sorry.

I acted like an idiot and a hypocrite.

You know I would

I would love this baby as if it was my own

if you'd want me to.

(Sighs)

I would be

I'd be honored if you would

if you'd be my wife.

- Offer accepted.

- Sorry.

I love you, Kate.

I love you, Luke.

- [Voiceover] and I love you, too, dude.

- And, it's deactivated.

(Cheering)

- Evil, slammed.

- Nervous?

You better be, cause yourlife's gonna be a misery, mate.

Marriage is like that,

but then, your missus is apretty all right sort of Sheila.

Considedr this a wedding present,the deed to my old warehouse.

Thought is might come in handywhen you're renovating your church.

- But I don't--

- you made me see theerror of my ways, mate.

I could be doing so muchmore for this little city.

- Thank you, I appreciate it.

- I'm a people person, mate.

(Laughs)

(Engine starts)

- Quickly, mate, she's here.

Come on.

♫ we are two people ♫

♫ with one life before us ♫

♫ may beauty surround ♫

♫ our journey ahead ♫

♫ and days together ♫

♫ be tender and long ♫

♫ upon this earth ♫

♫ now I feel no rain ♫

♫ for you are my shelter ♫

♫ in my heart ♫

♫ we're meant for each other ♫

- Hi everybody, andthanks for coming today

normally at this stage of the service,

I ask the congregation to turnto the person next to them

and say, "hello."

- [All] hello.

So, who's ever gotten lost before?

I know I've been told toget lost several times.

- Get lost.

- Thanks, Wally.

- You know in life sometimes wecan find ourselves completely lost

because we didn't takethe time to read the map

or ask directions.

But you know what, nomatter how lost you've got,

no matter how far you'vegone down the wrong way,

you can always stop

and take that time to read that map again

and to ask for directions

and do a complete u-turn.

And you know what?

I think that's really cool.

- Oy.

Give us your wallet.

You?

- Who is it Declan?

- Oh just a friend, mum.

- You got lots of friends.

- Yes, mum, lots.

(Orchestra music)

(Drumming)

♫ and the sun is shining on the hills ♫

♫ on the hills ♫

♫ where once the cold and bitter frost ♫

♫ it froze all life away ♫

♫ and I feel your spirit coming close ♫

♫ coming close ♫

♫ and it warms this aching body ♫

♫ and fills me through and through ♫

♫ oh, I need you ♫

♫ lord, I want you ♫

♫ oh, I need you ♫

♫ lord, I open my heart to you ♫

♫ I sing for joy that you are in my life ♫

♫ and your love ♫

♫ it covers me ♫

♫ spread your wings ♫

♫ and fly ♫