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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 2 00:00:27,329 --> 00:00:31,561 Oh, let's just get in there, Baby. Let's go. Hustle. Here we go. 3 00:00:32,935 --> 00:00:35,768 I love angry sex. This is the best. 4 00:00:36,004 --> 00:00:37,631 Oh, you wanna do it right here, huh? 5 00:00:37,873 --> 00:00:41,866 Oh, yeah... Okay. 6 00:00:44,580 --> 00:00:47,811 Give up, already. Yeah, you know. 7 00:00:57,426 --> 00:01:00,953 I like this girl. Really do. 8 00:01:01,330 --> 00:01:02,820 Sometimes you just know. 9 00:01:09,872 --> 00:01:12,670 I'm not finished. 10 00:01:19,869 --> 00:01:22,669 Anyway, here's what I'm thinking. We start with a blowjob. 11 00:01:22,677 --> 00:01:24,611 Yeah. I mean, obviously, you know? 12 00:01:24,845 --> 00:01:26,409 And most girls find it rewarding the way I do it... 13 00:01:26,410 --> 00:01:30,706 Because I turn what is normally a chore into, like, a training session. 14 00:01:30,707 --> 00:01:34,104 It's like my own special Head Start program. Even got Chloraseptic spray. 15 00:01:34,644 --> 00:01:36,710 Do that really well, we move on to the nasty stuff. 16 00:01:37,284 --> 00:01:39,885 Do some artsy live streaming video. Totally tasteful. 17 00:01:40,420 --> 00:01:42,081 Don't worry, I'll get you paid. Easy. 18 00:01:42,861 --> 00:01:45,613 Wait, I'm sorry. Is this a bad time? Yeah. 19 00:01:45,750 --> 00:01:48,184 I accept your rebuke of my advances. 20 00:01:48,196 --> 00:01:49,765 But for future reference, could you at least give me a reason why? 21 00:01:49,832 --> 00:01:51,295 How about 10? 22 00:01:52,835 --> 00:01:54,693 I love angry sex. This is the best. 23 00:01:55,971 --> 00:01:57,571 It's gonna be great. Just... 24 00:02:04,847 --> 00:02:06,802 Hey, we're going Dutch on gas money, you know. 25 00:02:07,734 --> 00:02:10,301 Shut the fuck up. I'm not even listen... 26 00:02:10,537 --> 00:02:11,761 Oh, my God! Why aren't you...? 27 00:02:12,606 --> 00:02:13,705 Dick! 28 00:02:14,241 --> 00:02:15,667 Listen. Sarah? Oh, my God. 29 00:02:15,692 --> 00:02:17,692 Stop bitching on me. I didn't know it was your sister. 30 00:02:17,791 --> 00:02:22,619 If I did, it was dark, I was drunk and I thought it was you. 31 00:02:22,928 --> 00:02:26,291 Oh, she's pregnant too. You tell your sister... 32 00:02:26,367 --> 00:02:29,559 That I'll make a donation to Planned Parenthood in her honor. 33 00:02:31,372 --> 00:02:33,540 Sarah, my ex. 34 00:02:35,009 --> 00:02:36,506 Big cunt. 35 00:02:45,688 --> 00:02:46,582 Rachel, I apologize. 36 00:02:48,722 --> 00:02:50,822 Sometimes when you try a new restaurant, it's a gamble. 37 00:02:51,392 --> 00:02:53,185 And today we lost. 38 00:02:55,531 --> 00:02:58,127 I'm thinking to avoid any sexual obligation, that's you. 39 00:03:08,282 --> 00:03:08,949 Oh, my God. 40 00:03:12,587 --> 00:03:16,018 Perhaps I can interest you in some of our fabulous Famine Fiesta Fries? 41 00:03:16,557 --> 00:03:19,283 She could use a little more famine and a little less fried. 42 00:03:21,622 --> 00:03:24,120 Two Baja Car Bombs on the snap. 43 00:03:25,092 --> 00:03:26,323 Okay, no, I don't drink... 44 00:03:26,694 --> 00:03:28,988 But thank you. I wasn't ordering for you. 45 00:03:34,632 --> 00:03:38,432 I gotta warn you, the stereo's busted. That's okay. 46 00:03:38,568 --> 00:03:40,402 I've got a little bit of a headache, so... 47 00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:45,634 See?! 48 00:03:46,710 --> 00:03:47,809 It's been like this for a month! 49 00:03:49,346 --> 00:03:50,809 I got it. 50 00:03:58,889 --> 00:04:01,319 These are for your ears! 51 00:04:02,692 --> 00:04:03,586 Thanks. 52 00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:06,796 You look offended by the song! 53 00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:10,158 But if you really listen, it's not really vulgar. 54 00:04:10,700 --> 00:04:15,303 It's about a guy, he's in love. And I know he's saying, "Pop the pussy." 55 00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:17,564 But it's a metaphor for, like: 56 00:04:18,108 --> 00:04:20,208 "I wanna hug you!" 57 00:04:20,777 --> 00:04:24,174 Pop that pussy... Hug me, hug me, hug me, hug me 58 00:04:25,231 --> 00:04:27,764 So I'll call you later? 59 00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:30,998 And I'll call the cops, you asshole. I had a nice time tonight. 60 00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,709 Hello. Josh, I just went on... 61 00:04:38,745 --> 00:04:40,572 The worst date of my life. Rachel. 62 00:04:42,081 --> 00:04:44,875 Hey, look, I'm gl... I'm so, so sorry. 63 00:04:45,418 --> 00:04:48,182 Why are you sorry? Baby, I was the one who... 64 00:04:48,421 --> 00:04:52,148 Can we maybe, you know, grab a...? Yeah. Yeah, no, that sounds great. 65 00:04:52,192 --> 00:04:54,583 Yeah. I'd really like that. 66 00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:58,722 Listen, I'm out with a friend right now. But can I call you? 67 00:04:58,798 --> 00:05:00,693 What about dinner tomorrow night? I'd like that. 68 00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:03,031 Yeah, I'd like that too. All right. 69 00:05:03,269 --> 00:05:06,837 I'm so glad you called. All right, bye. 70 00:05:08,041 --> 00:05:10,334 Told you. I just show them the difference... 71 00:05:10,376 --> 00:05:12,842 Between what's in the hand and what's in the bush. 72 00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:15,513 You have mastered the female psyche. 73 00:05:15,648 --> 00:05:18,080 To get them to run, I make them think that I'm shit. 74 00:05:18,218 --> 00:05:20,650 To get them to come, I make them think they're shit. 75 00:05:20,787 --> 00:05:22,878 Either way, you're the asshole. 76 00:05:23,523 --> 00:05:25,420 It's what I do. 77 00:06:00,827 --> 00:06:02,690 Sorry. 78 00:06:17,143 --> 00:06:18,540 All right. 79 00:06:19,012 --> 00:06:20,636 Look at you, all white and thin. 80 00:06:20,780 --> 00:06:24,043 I bet if I laid you on this bar, she could snort you. 81 00:06:24,517 --> 00:06:25,584 Listen, Beauty Queen. 82 00:06:25,718 --> 00:06:29,117 I know people are concerned about you because you're dangerously thin. 83 00:06:29,255 --> 00:06:32,119 But I'm not one of those people. Yet I am concerned. 84 00:06:32,258 --> 00:06:33,882 That you've had too many drinks... 85 00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:37,561 And your fingers are in this bowl like it's one of your sorority sisters. 86 00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:39,923 These pretzeled devils, far from complimentary. 87 00:06:40,099 --> 00:06:41,962 I mean, Baby, get your head in the game. 88 00:06:42,101 --> 00:06:44,931 Nothing tastes as good as looking good. 89 00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:47,036 That is just... Excuse me. 90 00:06:47,707 --> 00:06:50,708 Are you psycho? I mean, how can you even begin to talk to...? 91 00:06:50,843 --> 00:06:51,932 Easy, Urlacher. 92 00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:55,170 Ever notice it's the linebackers concerned with people not eating? 93 00:06:55,315 --> 00:06:58,384 If the pussy police here would stop ordering her fries tempura... 94 00:06:58,518 --> 00:06:59,550 I just had a child. 95 00:06:59,686 --> 00:07:02,118 Congratulations. I'm sure he was probably delicious. 96 00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:03,947 Looks like you downed the whole thing. 97 00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:06,750 You're an asshole. 98 00:07:09,228 --> 00:07:12,786 You really are an asshole. Then walk away. 99 00:07:24,877 --> 00:07:28,174 Let me just go get my purse, okay? Get cigarettes. 100 00:07:30,149 --> 00:07:31,216 Let's go. Okay. 101 00:07:31,351 --> 00:07:35,251 Take me. Take me to your house. Take me right now to your house. 102 00:07:35,388 --> 00:07:38,457 Hey, Guy. Tank, hey. Tank, this is Renee. 103 00:07:38,591 --> 00:07:40,488 Yeah. Come here. Renee, Tank. 104 00:07:40,660 --> 00:07:43,228 Hey, okay. Two seconds. Talk to me for a second. 105 00:07:43,396 --> 00:07:45,794 Yeah, I'll talk to you all night. All right. 106 00:07:45,932 --> 00:07:48,660 Didn't I just save your ass? I just cleaned up your bed... 107 00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:52,769 And you're shitting in it again, okay? Aren't you getting fucking married? 108 00:07:53,072 --> 00:07:55,299 I am getting married... 109 00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:57,876 But not tonight. 110 00:07:58,378 --> 00:08:01,242 Renee. Renee, there she is. Josh. 111 00:08:01,381 --> 00:08:04,712 There she is. She's all mine. 112 00:08:08,688 --> 00:08:11,052 I have to work tomorrow. 113 00:08:12,458 --> 00:08:15,925 Everybody's gotta work tomorrow. It's Tuesday. 114 00:08:16,062 --> 00:08:20,861 Good one. I have a strict no sleepover policy. 115 00:08:22,435 --> 00:08:23,968 Yeah. 116 00:08:30,843 --> 00:08:34,208 Come on, Tank, it's almost 5. 117 00:08:34,881 --> 00:08:39,145 For some people that's not tonight, it's tomorrow. 118 00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:49,125 I hate those people. 119 00:09:05,311 --> 00:09:06,708 Shit. 120 00:09:06,846 --> 00:09:11,246 Dustin? Yeah, five minutes is fine. Okay, bye. 121 00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:13,884 Dude. What the shit? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 122 00:09:14,020 --> 00:09:17,783 I told you this was happening. As of now, I'm training for the marathon. 123 00:09:17,924 --> 00:09:22,017 Goal: Run, don't walk. Nothing wrong with a little bit of discipline. 124 00:09:22,195 --> 00:09:23,660 By the way, you should try it. 125 00:09:23,796 --> 00:09:26,364 You need discipline like I need to miss my period. 126 00:09:26,532 --> 00:09:28,224 Seriously, you're already, like... 127 00:09:28,367 --> 00:09:31,732 A crazy, insane, OCD alpha dog... 128 00:09:31,871 --> 00:09:33,666 Cyborg crazy creature. 129 00:09:33,806 --> 00:09:35,305 You mean, I have a job? 130 00:09:35,441 --> 00:09:39,136 And now you're gonna wake me up at 5:15 every single morning... 131 00:09:39,278 --> 00:09:42,313 So that eventually you can run 26 miles in a circle. 132 00:09:42,448 --> 00:09:46,314 Here's the great part. You get to go back to sleep indefinitely. Yea! 133 00:09:47,487 --> 00:09:53,787 For the record, I am involved in a very taboo interoffice relationship. 134 00:09:56,262 --> 00:09:58,159 Morning. Good morning. 135 00:09:58,364 --> 00:10:02,230 Dustin, the bad boy from the wrong side of the tracks. 136 00:10:02,368 --> 00:10:03,799 I'm from Lexington. 137 00:10:03,936 --> 00:10:05,833 Okay, bye. Bye. 138 00:10:05,972 --> 00:10:07,972 See you. Yeah. 139 00:10:13,813 --> 00:10:16,438 That's not the secret knock. 140 00:10:18,651 --> 00:10:20,810 That's the one. What's going on, Man? 141 00:10:20,953 --> 00:10:23,681 I need to move this into your room. Tonight is the night. 142 00:10:23,823 --> 00:10:27,359 And if all goes according to plan, consider this move permanent. 143 00:10:27,527 --> 00:10:31,063 "Lawrence of a Labia"? Yeah, in a moment of weakness... 144 00:10:31,230 --> 00:10:35,664 I bought the entire EFI. The Erotic Film Institute's top 100. Enjoy. 145 00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:38,234 Where did it go wrong? You have a serious problem. 146 00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:40,462 Better than taking sexual frustrations out... 147 00:10:40,606 --> 00:10:43,300 On a parade of one night skanks I'll never see again. 148 00:10:43,442 --> 00:10:44,509 True. Good morning. 149 00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:47,907 Hey, no, no, come here. This is Dusty, my roommate slash cousin. 150 00:10:48,047 --> 00:10:51,947 Not technically related. Our parents were friends until his mom walked out. 151 00:10:52,084 --> 00:10:55,483 Slash-fuckhead for bringing up bad family shit at inappropriate times. 152 00:10:55,621 --> 00:10:56,688 It's nice to meet you. 153 00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,891 Nice to meet you. Fucking family. 154 00:10:59,025 --> 00:11:02,185 What's the plan? Bring this girl back here, pop open chloroform... 155 00:11:02,361 --> 00:11:04,258 Insert Tab A into Slot B, repeat? 156 00:11:04,397 --> 00:11:07,091 No. Tonight is the night I tell her how I feel. 157 00:11:07,233 --> 00:11:10,791 Tank, this girl... This girl is my soul mate and it's time she knew that. 158 00:11:10,937 --> 00:11:13,301 Not if you want to fuck her. 159 00:11:13,439 --> 00:11:16,474 You, what is the nicest thing I've said to you since I met you? 160 00:11:16,609 --> 00:11:19,075 You complimented me on my technique. 161 00:11:19,212 --> 00:11:20,677 Okay, look, I'm not you, okay? 162 00:11:20,813 --> 00:11:24,007 I'm not gonna manipulate her, I'm not gonna con her. 163 00:11:24,083 --> 00:11:25,810 I'm just gonna be myself. No. 164 00:11:25,952 --> 00:11:29,351 Yourself is a repressed headcase that beats more meat than Rocky Balboa. 165 00:11:29,488 --> 00:11:33,115 By hiding porn, taking her to joints you hate, training for a marathon... 166 00:11:33,292 --> 00:11:36,657 You're not showing the real you. You're showing a highlight reel you. 167 00:11:36,796 --> 00:11:41,162 Thus, in fact, you're conning her. You don't get it. You don't get it. 168 00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:44,130 I love her. Alexis... 169 00:11:44,270 --> 00:11:46,668 Alexis is my angel. 170 00:11:48,841 --> 00:11:50,806 You get it, right? 171 00:11:51,944 --> 00:11:54,342 We don't get it. We don't. 172 00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:56,638 Anyway, we can skip this "Call Me" scenario. 173 00:11:56,782 --> 00:11:57,974 I'm already late. Great. 174 00:12:05,916 --> 00:12:09,076 Dusty, this is absurd. 175 00:12:09,220 --> 00:12:11,345 What? You love steak, we're eating steak. 176 00:12:11,489 --> 00:12:15,218 You're a vegan. Not tonight. Eat, eat, eat. Enjoy. 177 00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:21,323 I feel a little guilty loving steak so much and you're a vegan. 178 00:12:21,665 --> 00:12:23,528 But whatever. 179 00:12:24,068 --> 00:12:26,500 I love the way you eat. 180 00:12:27,004 --> 00:12:28,765 I love that you eat. 181 00:12:28,939 --> 00:12:31,064 I love that you pay. 182 00:12:34,345 --> 00:12:39,974 Seriously, though, I just love watching you do anything. 183 00:12:40,117 --> 00:12:43,015 I love it... I love you, Alexis. I love you. 184 00:12:47,658 --> 00:12:49,225 Oh, shit. 185 00:12:50,628 --> 00:12:56,223 We just said more than once we're gonna keep it light. 186 00:12:56,700 --> 00:13:00,395 We work together, we're friends. That's what I'm supposed to say. 187 00:13:00,538 --> 00:13:03,869 Right? I mean, I'm supposed to be the relationship tough guy, you know? 188 00:13:04,041 --> 00:13:05,199 I'm the dude. 189 00:13:05,376 --> 00:13:07,000 The dude can't just come out with: 190 00:13:07,178 --> 00:13:10,213 "I've loved you since the moment I first saw you, pounding out... 191 00:13:10,347 --> 00:13:12,472 A lender's agreement, eating Cocoa Puffs... 192 00:13:12,616 --> 00:13:14,650 While some pretty boy drooled over you." 193 00:13:14,785 --> 00:13:18,286 Michi Yamana. Yeah, Michi Yamana. Dick. 194 00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:21,750 So I love you, madly. 195 00:13:21,892 --> 00:13:23,721 Sorry. I... I... I know I need to stop. 196 00:13:23,861 --> 00:13:26,691 Now, stop. Just stop speaking, Dustin. Just shut your mouth. 197 00:13:26,831 --> 00:13:30,833 I'm sorry. Wow, Kamikaze, huh? See, this is what you do to me. 198 00:13:30,968 --> 00:13:32,968 What do I say here, but...? I'm sorry. 199 00:13:33,104 --> 00:13:35,832 But do you know how hard it's been trying to play it cool? 200 00:13:36,006 --> 00:13:37,664 It's been five weeks. I know. 201 00:13:37,842 --> 00:13:39,375 We haven't even had sex. 202 00:13:42,746 --> 00:13:46,509 Well, that's why we're here, Alexis. I wanted to talk to you about... 203 00:13:48,085 --> 00:13:49,982 I think I'm ready to take the next step. 204 00:13:51,422 --> 00:13:54,013 Sex isn't a step, Dustin. 205 00:13:54,625 --> 00:13:57,956 Being exclusive would be a step or moving in together is a step. 206 00:13:58,095 --> 00:13:59,594 Then let's move in together. 207 00:14:04,902 --> 00:14:06,492 I need you to take me home. 208 00:14:06,637 --> 00:14:10,002 But it just felt so right. It just felt so right. 209 00:14:10,174 --> 00:14:11,536 No, it does, it feels right. 210 00:14:11,709 --> 00:14:16,508 Just not right now. 211 00:14:16,647 --> 00:14:18,840 "Just not right now." 212 00:14:24,889 --> 00:14:26,354 Oh, God. 213 00:14:34,732 --> 00:14:36,697 God, I'm a fag. 214 00:14:41,038 --> 00:14:44,301 Dude, you canceled Spice. It was like 21 bucks a month, Dude. 215 00:14:47,511 --> 00:14:48,908 Someone had a rough night. 216 00:14:50,648 --> 00:14:52,409 I'm Mr. Right... 217 00:14:52,550 --> 00:14:55,414 Just not Mr. Right Now. 218 00:14:57,188 --> 00:15:00,553 What...? What does that even mean? What does that even mean? 219 00:15:00,691 --> 00:15:03,225 I told her I loved her... Oh, no. 220 00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:05,018 What? 221 00:15:05,496 --> 00:15:09,532 I went in early. No, no, I know. I went in a little early, but she... 222 00:15:11,335 --> 00:15:15,303 Thanks for your support. Sweet. Dustin. 223 00:15:16,540 --> 00:15:19,336 Dusty, look. 224 00:15:19,510 --> 00:15:22,078 This too shall pass, all right? 225 00:15:22,246 --> 00:15:25,213 But that journey begins... 226 00:15:25,349 --> 00:15:27,417 With self exploration. 227 00:15:27,551 --> 00:15:29,846 And I'm holding the map, Dusty. 228 00:15:29,987 --> 00:15:31,486 Hey. 229 00:15:32,156 --> 00:15:34,884 Kid, I got your 'bate crate. 230 00:15:35,025 --> 00:15:37,059 You know how much you love your 'bate crate. 231 00:15:37,194 --> 00:15:39,489 "I'm like comfort food for your penis." 232 00:15:42,466 --> 00:15:44,591 What do I do? Okay. 233 00:15:44,735 --> 00:15:47,235 What do you do? Okay, let's look at the options. 234 00:15:47,371 --> 00:15:51,100 Stalk her. But you're never gonna be with her. Love her from a distance. 235 00:15:51,275 --> 00:15:54,367 Never have a family but you could love her kids from a distance. 236 00:15:54,369 --> 00:15:57,632 Or I could just hire you. No. 237 00:15:57,672 --> 00:15:59,637 Why not? I don't fuck with family. 238 00:15:59,908 --> 00:16:03,136 Well, technically we're not blood related. Right? 239 00:16:03,278 --> 00:16:05,107 Go to bed, Dust. 240 00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:08,271 You're serious. Okay. 241 00:16:08,417 --> 00:16:10,314 I'll get serious. 242 00:16:10,619 --> 00:16:12,710 If I do this... 243 00:16:15,190 --> 00:16:19,124 If I do this, I'm gonna make it the finest Tank-ing of my career. 244 00:16:19,294 --> 00:16:20,452 My fucking masterpiece. 245 00:16:20,629 --> 00:16:23,220 She'll lose her shit like a shit collector with amnesia. 246 00:16:23,398 --> 00:16:27,696 I'm talking about a Turkish twist, epic mindfuck of a Tank-ing, okay? 247 00:16:27,836 --> 00:16:32,532 Her brain'll be rocking back and forth in the shower for like three weeks. 248 00:16:32,674 --> 00:16:35,743 Okay? I'm talking about demonic fucking Tank. 249 00:16:35,877 --> 00:16:37,342 I'll be flying up into the sky. 250 00:16:37,479 --> 00:16:41,982 She's gonna cry tears that form "Call Dusty" on the ground. 251 00:16:42,117 --> 00:16:44,845 Yes? Am I doing it? Tell me I'm doing it. 252 00:16:47,022 --> 00:16:49,522 Okay, that was weird. And I'm not sure that... 253 00:16:49,658 --> 00:16:52,192 Listen, rain check, maybe though. 254 00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:56,157 Wow, can't believe I almost resorted to emotional terrorism. I'm sorry. 255 00:16:56,331 --> 00:16:58,831 You're sweet. Next time with the next one, maybe. 256 00:16:58,967 --> 00:17:00,830 Thank you. I'm here. 257 00:17:02,471 --> 00:17:04,505 A little crazy. Sweet, crazy mostly. 258 00:17:09,978 --> 00:17:10,478 Don't say a word. 259 00:17:34,669 --> 00:17:37,033 God! Son of... 260 00:17:37,172 --> 00:17:41,106 Why? That stupid... 261 00:17:44,346 --> 00:17:46,846 Hi. Tank Turner, Customer Satisfaction. 262 00:17:46,982 --> 00:17:48,379 How may I help you today? 263 00:17:48,517 --> 00:17:51,677 Excuse me, do you have any idea how long I was just on hold? 264 00:17:51,820 --> 00:17:53,751 It's been like an hour and a half. 265 00:17:53,889 --> 00:17:55,388 Hello. In your manual... 266 00:17:55,524 --> 00:17:58,184 You've expressed a possibility of some odor issues. 267 00:17:58,360 --> 00:18:03,090 "Faint aroma," it says here on page 7. Come on. "Faint aroma"? Bullshit. 268 00:18:03,265 --> 00:18:05,925 It smells like burnt fucking hair, Dude. 269 00:18:06,101 --> 00:18:10,535 Because apparently I paid 49.90 motherfucking 5... 270 00:18:10,672 --> 00:18:15,141 So that my sweet ass condo smells like some Korean cat barbecue. 271 00:18:15,277 --> 00:18:17,208 Touchdown. You lose. You lose. 272 00:18:17,345 --> 00:18:18,969 You suck. 273 00:18:19,814 --> 00:18:23,816 Sir, I will gladly give you a refund, but that's not gonna solve your problem. 274 00:18:25,020 --> 00:18:26,781 New girl. 275 00:18:29,224 --> 00:18:30,985 New girl 276 00:18:31,826 --> 00:18:33,484 Ooh, new girl 277 00:18:35,931 --> 00:18:37,760 Did the emotional terrorist win? 278 00:18:37,899 --> 00:18:40,934 I just... You know, it's funny. I never noticed your highlights... 279 00:18:41,069 --> 00:18:43,103 Until somebody actually said something. 280 00:18:43,271 --> 00:18:44,804 They're actually really good. 281 00:18:45,173 --> 00:18:47,764 Just tell me how it works. Let me make this clear. 282 00:18:47,909 --> 00:18:50,910 Before she can love you, she has to hate me. 283 00:18:51,046 --> 00:18:53,876 But before she can hate me, she has to like me. 284 00:18:54,015 --> 00:18:56,106 That may be the hardest part of the equation. 285 00:18:56,251 --> 00:18:57,579 So I set up the meet cute. 286 00:18:57,719 --> 00:19:00,014 In every movie, the stars meet in some cutesy way. 287 00:19:00,155 --> 00:19:03,190 Since every woman is looking for that dreamy, witty, goofy guy... 288 00:19:03,325 --> 00:19:06,861 Of their sitcom, rom com fantasies, I've gotta be that thing. 289 00:19:07,028 --> 00:19:08,254 Here. 290 00:19:08,430 --> 00:19:10,794 Lucky slap on the ass. Hit it. 291 00:19:46,534 --> 00:19:47,828 Are you okay? 292 00:19:51,773 --> 00:19:54,740 That was rough. I'm Alexis. 293 00:20:04,252 --> 00:20:05,751 Wow, that looked really real. 294 00:20:06,888 --> 00:20:09,320 Is that real? It's real and it hurts. 295 00:20:09,457 --> 00:20:12,287 Okay. So, like, what happens now? You come back every day... 296 00:20:12,460 --> 00:20:15,324 For a couple weeks. Slowly, eventually you build her trust. 297 00:20:15,697 --> 00:20:18,231 Daddy bee's got the honey. That's her number. 298 00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:21,196 Let's go eat. How...? How did...? 299 00:20:21,903 --> 00:20:24,836 Now, remember, she's classy. So maybe a fast food joint. 300 00:20:24,973 --> 00:20:26,836 Or wait, wait, drive through. 301 00:20:26,975 --> 00:20:29,942 Do I tell you what flavor of jam to eat out of your boss's ass? 302 00:20:30,078 --> 00:20:32,711 No. Dusty, it's what I do, okay? 303 00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:35,988 You gotta trust me. She's not gonna know what hit her. 304 00:20:37,899 --> 00:20:39,599 All right. Good luck. 305 00:20:45,006 --> 00:20:47,040 Do not wear that, please. What am I doing? 306 00:20:47,175 --> 00:20:49,106 Just take this. This is what you're doing. 307 00:20:49,243 --> 00:20:52,938 Clean the pipes. It's mandatory to flush them out after a relationship. 308 00:20:53,081 --> 00:20:55,649 That's disgusting. But seriously, what's wrong with me? 309 00:20:55,783 --> 00:20:57,373 Dustin's a good guy. 310 00:20:57,518 --> 00:21:00,109 You're such a fucking girl sometimes. Pretty good guy. 311 00:21:00,254 --> 00:21:01,753 A good guy? Who cares? 312 00:21:01,889 --> 00:21:05,584 A good guy is, like, somebody that your parents dig or... 313 00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:09,318 Listen to me. In the real world... Ami. I'm listening. 314 00:21:09,497 --> 00:21:12,088 In the real world... Yes. 315 00:21:12,266 --> 00:21:15,824 What if he's a good man with a good heart... 316 00:21:16,003 --> 00:21:19,095 And he's smart? And if he's not too rough on the eyes? 317 00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:23,572 If "ifs" and "buts" were cocks and nuts, I'd be getting gangbanged right now. 318 00:21:23,711 --> 00:21:27,247 Seriously. But it's that I wanna teach you something that took me, like... 319 00:21:27,381 --> 00:21:29,847 Years and years of promiscuity to learn, okay? 320 00:21:29,984 --> 00:21:31,847 What is this outfit? It's aweso... 321 00:21:31,986 --> 00:21:33,849 Hey, how many guys have you slept with? 322 00:21:33,988 --> 00:21:36,818 Like, total? Three, right? Two. 323 00:21:38,593 --> 00:21:40,957 Two? I'm a serial monogamist. 324 00:21:41,129 --> 00:21:45,188 Well, okay. That's, like, the first big, huge problem right there. 325 00:21:45,366 --> 00:21:48,401 Didn't anybody ever tell you that you have to suck a few frogs... 326 00:21:48,536 --> 00:21:51,366 Before you get to suck a Prince? 327 00:21:51,506 --> 00:21:53,506 I believe it's "Kiss." 328 00:21:53,641 --> 00:21:55,470 Pretend it's a year abroad, you know? 329 00:21:55,610 --> 00:22:00,306 But instead of going to Europe, you're gonna bang a whole shitload of dudes. 330 00:22:00,448 --> 00:22:03,108 It's awesome. I haven't been drunk in a long time. 331 00:22:03,251 --> 00:22:05,512 Good. You need it. You need it. 332 00:22:05,653 --> 00:22:08,984 Now tell me something. What do you see in this box? 333 00:22:10,458 --> 00:22:14,255 I see into the... No, in the box. 334 00:22:14,762 --> 00:22:17,296 An inordinate amount of masturbatory aides... 335 00:22:17,431 --> 00:22:21,467 Which some, I pray, are novelty sized. 336 00:22:23,004 --> 00:22:25,595 Oh, my God. 337 00:22:26,140 --> 00:22:28,902 Okay, that will do nicely. 338 00:22:29,043 --> 00:22:31,509 You, show her a good time tonight. I love you. 339 00:22:31,646 --> 00:22:33,270 Show her a good time. I love you. 340 00:22:33,414 --> 00:22:35,709 Such a good time. Love you. Have a great night. 341 00:22:35,850 --> 00:22:37,144 Don't be scared without me. 342 00:22:37,285 --> 00:22:40,149 I'll be back. I'll be back. Yeah. I'll be waiting... 343 00:22:40,288 --> 00:22:43,414 She's my roommate. I bet she gives great head. 344 00:22:43,558 --> 00:22:46,058 Actually, I'm sure she does. 345 00:22:46,227 --> 00:22:47,794 You're pretty drunk. 346 00:22:47,962 --> 00:22:50,656 I'm pretty ready to rock. 347 00:22:53,134 --> 00:22:55,031 Oh, boy. 348 00:22:55,169 --> 00:22:57,863 Tank, is this a Mustang? 349 00:22:58,005 --> 00:22:59,402 It's a GTO. 350 00:23:00,107 --> 00:23:04,541 A... Whatever that means. Yeah. 351 00:23:05,413 --> 00:23:08,949 Well, listen, I just wanna warn you, my stereo's busted. 352 00:23:09,083 --> 00:23:11,583 Oh, that's cool. That's cool. 353 00:23:15,756 --> 00:23:20,623 Hey, this is my... I almost lost my virginity to this song. 354 00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:34,165 Let's go. Yeah, let's go. 355 00:23:37,678 --> 00:23:41,009 This is a first, Tank. Yeah, me too. 356 00:23:41,148 --> 00:23:43,944 Should we sit front row and center? 357 00:23:46,120 --> 00:23:47,983 Oh, wild. 358 00:23:49,357 --> 00:23:51,357 Yeah, can we get two Long Island Iced Teas? 359 00:23:51,492 --> 00:23:53,719 And put the chop chop on that, Lady. 360 00:23:53,895 --> 00:23:57,396 Could you make mine a double? And two shots of tequila, please. 361 00:24:03,404 --> 00:24:04,903 Okay, let's slow down, Princess. 362 00:24:05,039 --> 00:24:08,006 You're getting sloshed like it's your prom night here. 363 00:24:08,910 --> 00:24:12,377 I never went to prom. I never went. No shock there. I believe that. 364 00:24:12,513 --> 00:24:14,376 I had the date, I had the dress. 365 00:24:14,515 --> 00:24:17,209 But prom was the night my dog bit my sister in the neck... 366 00:24:17,351 --> 00:24:19,112 And we had to put him down. Shit. 367 00:24:19,253 --> 00:24:21,981 And I will never... Oh, my goodness. 368 00:24:22,123 --> 00:24:24,714 Ever forget the horror in little Fraggle's eyes... 369 00:24:24,859 --> 00:24:27,928 As his paw went limp in my hand. 370 00:24:28,095 --> 00:24:30,891 It was horrible. Blood. It was just, like: 371 00:24:31,065 --> 00:24:34,100 I'm sure that's not the only thing that's gone limp in your hand. 372 00:24:34,235 --> 00:24:37,168 I will say it. In all sincerity, that sucks hard. 373 00:24:37,305 --> 00:24:39,236 It's sad to lose a pet. 374 00:24:39,373 --> 00:24:41,202 Where do they learn how to do this? 375 00:24:41,342 --> 00:24:44,502 Well, I taught them a few things. I wanna know. 376 00:24:48,316 --> 00:24:50,441 That's incredible. 377 00:24:52,486 --> 00:24:54,577 What is that? 378 00:24:54,722 --> 00:24:58,019 What is that? I think we should just fuck tonight. 379 00:25:13,074 --> 00:25:15,665 That looks pretty. 380 00:25:15,810 --> 00:25:18,140 I'm gonna go pee. Got it. 381 00:25:20,915 --> 00:25:21,982 Hey, I can't talk. 382 00:25:22,116 --> 00:25:24,741 Where are you? I'm out, I'm seeing a band. 383 00:25:24,885 --> 00:25:27,510 They suck, but I'm seeing them so I really can't talk. 384 00:25:27,655 --> 00:25:30,849 Put your "Guitar Hero" down. What the fuck are you talking about? 385 00:25:30,992 --> 00:25:34,220 I'm not playing "Guitar Hero." It's Saturday night. I'm out. 386 00:25:34,395 --> 00:25:36,861 Just put it down. We have problems. 387 00:25:36,998 --> 00:25:38,292 All right. What's the story? 388 00:25:38,466 --> 00:25:42,969 I am drunk and he's either the biggest asshole in America... 389 00:25:43,137 --> 00:25:46,104 Or trying to convince me he's the biggest asshole in America. 390 00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:50,299 Either way, even a broken clock is right twice a day, but this guy... 391 00:25:50,444 --> 00:25:53,104 Come on. How better to appreciate Dustin than to do this? 392 00:25:53,247 --> 00:25:55,815 Than to bang this guy, who's obviously far inferior... 393 00:25:55,950 --> 00:25:59,019 But probably hung like Seabiscuit. Right? 394 00:25:59,153 --> 00:26:03,019 Now go. Go and bang. Bang like you have never "Bung" before. 395 00:26:03,157 --> 00:26:05,748 And do it for Dustin. 396 00:26:07,661 --> 00:26:09,058 Jesus. 397 00:26:09,230 --> 00:26:11,696 Baby doll... Hi. 398 00:26:11,832 --> 00:26:13,160 Hi. I'm Alexis. 399 00:26:13,300 --> 00:26:15,231 Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you too. 400 00:26:15,369 --> 00:26:19,030 And when it comes to love, there's only one thing you can trust. 401 00:26:19,173 --> 00:26:22,208 It's not your friends, it's not your head. 402 00:26:22,343 --> 00:26:25,708 It's that little voice inside your clamburger. 403 00:26:29,517 --> 00:26:31,847 "Listen to me." 404 00:26:40,528 --> 00:26:43,153 Watch this. It's a game. It's called "Who's at the Door?" 405 00:26:43,330 --> 00:26:45,227 And I look out the peephole. 406 00:26:45,599 --> 00:26:47,360 It's the mailman. 407 00:26:51,939 --> 00:26:55,031 Would it hurt you to play with her tits? Help me out. 408 00:26:57,278 --> 00:26:58,970 You can stay there. That's good. 409 00:26:59,113 --> 00:27:01,579 Oh, you grab that. I'll get the next one. 410 00:27:01,715 --> 00:27:04,113 There won't be a next time. Lucky me. 411 00:27:10,324 --> 00:27:14,383 And our motto, basically, is, "Without air, we..." 412 00:27:14,562 --> 00:27:17,062 "Without air, we cannot live." 413 00:27:17,598 --> 00:27:18,630 Stop. Right. 414 00:27:18,799 --> 00:27:21,333 I get it. You're a dick. 415 00:27:21,469 --> 00:27:23,867 I'm sufficiently offended. 416 00:27:24,171 --> 00:27:25,795 Done. 417 00:27:48,429 --> 00:27:51,327 Coming up? 418 00:28:03,844 --> 00:28:05,844 Suit yourself. 419 00:28:07,915 --> 00:28:10,882 Enjoy the long ride home. 420 00:28:18,259 --> 00:28:19,553 I'm going home, okay? 421 00:28:19,693 --> 00:28:21,761 Why am I going home? Because I'm going home. 422 00:28:21,896 --> 00:28:26,092 I'm getting in the car. Eyes in the game and the head in the ball. 423 00:28:26,233 --> 00:28:28,028 Can't do it. 424 00:28:28,045 --> 00:28:32,081 And you're gonna go home and maybe she'll call you mañana. 425 00:28:32,216 --> 00:28:34,113 Why would she call me? She'll call Dusty. 426 00:28:34,251 --> 00:28:37,286 Because she's what? Dusty's girlfriend. Follow the bouncing ball. 427 00:28:37,421 --> 00:28:40,149 She is Dusty's girlfriend. 428 00:28:40,824 --> 00:28:42,789 Listen to me. 429 00:28:46,163 --> 00:28:50,131 What is wrong with you, Asshole? 430 00:29:02,980 --> 00:29:08,677 You asked me to trust you. 431 00:29:09,486 --> 00:29:12,419 And I trusted you. Done. 432 00:29:12,956 --> 00:29:14,045 Somehow. 433 00:29:14,191 --> 00:29:15,952 Some way. 434 00:29:18,362 --> 00:29:19,929 Thank you. 435 00:29:24,735 --> 00:29:26,496 Dude, you did it. She just called. 436 00:29:26,637 --> 00:29:29,365 Okay, quote, "I just had the worst night of my life." 437 00:29:29,506 --> 00:29:32,166 "I just had the worst night of my life." You did it, Man. 438 00:29:32,309 --> 00:29:33,637 We're having lunch tomorrow. 439 00:29:33,777 --> 00:29:35,868 Tank, we're having lunch. Can you believe it? 440 00:29:36,013 --> 00:29:39,207 Dude, when it comes to being an asshole, you are a genius. 441 00:29:39,349 --> 00:29:41,349 Genius. 442 00:29:44,421 --> 00:29:46,045 Anything for a friend. 443 00:29:47,524 --> 00:29:50,923 So about the other night. 444 00:29:51,094 --> 00:29:53,162 Okay, I was stupid. I was stupid. 445 00:29:53,330 --> 00:29:57,093 It's just... I've never gone this far with a girl, emotionally. 446 00:29:57,234 --> 00:29:59,234 And I just lost it. Slow down. Slow down. 447 00:29:59,369 --> 00:30:01,460 I was stupid and harsh... 448 00:30:01,605 --> 00:30:03,104 And I'm sorry. 449 00:30:03,240 --> 00:30:06,605 Last night I went out with a real asshole. Horrible. 450 00:30:06,743 --> 00:30:09,368 It just made me realize that guys like you are so rare. 451 00:30:11,682 --> 00:30:14,080 But it also made me realize how few guys I've dated. 452 00:30:14,217 --> 00:30:16,308 How few guys I've actually gone out with. 453 00:30:16,453 --> 00:30:19,021 Like, none. I need to date and you need to date... 454 00:30:19,156 --> 00:30:22,089 Other people. I'm just saying that... 455 00:30:22,225 --> 00:30:26,557 What I'm trying to say is that I wanna start over as friends first. 456 00:30:26,730 --> 00:30:29,230 Like, be friends. 457 00:30:29,366 --> 00:30:31,764 I like you as my friend. 458 00:30:38,575 --> 00:30:40,404 Start over... 459 00:30:40,544 --> 00:30:42,771 As friends first. Friends. 460 00:30:42,913 --> 00:30:44,947 Like Harry and Sally. 461 00:30:48,285 --> 00:30:51,912 I think the point of that movie was that men and women can't just be friends. 462 00:30:52,055 --> 00:30:55,056 No, no, no, they can be just friends... 463 00:30:55,192 --> 00:30:58,022 Even date other people, as long as they end up together... 464 00:30:58,195 --> 00:31:00,991 In the end. As long as they end up together, right? 465 00:31:01,164 --> 00:31:02,322 Yeah. 466 00:31:02,499 --> 00:31:08,265 This is fun. You know, I'm gonna go because my sister is getting married. 467 00:31:08,405 --> 00:31:10,439 It's an on again, off again, on again thing. 468 00:31:10,574 --> 00:31:14,269 She's freaking out, treating me like her assistant so I'm running all over. 469 00:31:14,411 --> 00:31:16,945 I'm really glad we had this talk, you know? 470 00:31:19,516 --> 00:31:22,050 Dude. You check out that sandwich they got downstairs? 471 00:31:22,185 --> 00:31:24,480 Bread is, like, two slices of freaking pizza, Man. 472 00:31:24,621 --> 00:31:25,949 Only in America. Fuck me. 473 00:31:26,089 --> 00:31:29,625 Clean air probably shouldn't stink like flaming ass nougat. 474 00:31:29,760 --> 00:31:31,794 I got a real fucking tough guy over here. 475 00:31:31,928 --> 00:31:35,429 I got a guy on the verge of a five state killing spree. Do you wanna? 476 00:31:35,565 --> 00:31:37,724 Ready? Three, two, one. 477 00:31:37,901 --> 00:31:40,936 Let me transfer you to my supervisor. Let me transfer you to my supervisor. 478 00:31:41,104 --> 00:31:43,502 Make me proud. Kill it. 479 00:31:44,041 --> 00:31:46,166 Hi, this is Supervisor Eugene Lenay. 480 00:31:46,309 --> 00:31:48,274 How may I help you? How may I help you? 481 00:31:50,047 --> 00:31:51,614 Please hold. Please hold. 482 00:31:54,418 --> 00:31:56,611 Treat her like a bowling ball. 483 00:31:56,753 --> 00:31:58,081 Strike. 484 00:31:58,221 --> 00:31:59,948 Dust, hold on one second, all right? 485 00:32:00,090 --> 00:32:03,284 Sir, I looked into the problem and it'll actually fix itself. 486 00:32:03,460 --> 00:32:05,050 What's up, Kid? You failed, Tank. 487 00:32:05,228 --> 00:32:07,091 She wants to see other people. 488 00:32:07,264 --> 00:32:09,093 She said she wants to see other people? 489 00:32:09,232 --> 00:32:11,766 She did. That's why you're gonna take her out again. 490 00:32:11,935 --> 00:32:14,503 Except this time, you're gonna get seriously diabolical. 491 00:32:14,638 --> 00:32:17,104 I'm talking public defecation. 492 00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:20,832 Dust, you're freaking me out here, okay? Tank-ing is a subtle art. 493 00:32:20,977 --> 00:32:23,773 You can't go in there crazy like a dragon with a hemorrhoid. 494 00:32:23,914 --> 00:32:27,006 Besides, what makes you think she'd ever wanna speak to me again? 495 00:32:28,151 --> 00:32:30,116 Don't worry, I'm taking care of that. 496 00:32:30,253 --> 00:32:32,617 No, you're not. You do... Dust. 497 00:32:32,923 --> 00:32:34,456 Don't do anything, okay? Listen. 498 00:32:36,093 --> 00:32:38,753 I have to teach a training seminar 10 minutes ago. Dusty? 499 00:32:40,831 --> 00:32:42,262 All right. 500 00:32:44,134 --> 00:32:46,395 You're late, Tank. I know. 501 00:32:47,237 --> 00:32:48,895 You're Tank, right? Are you a cop? 502 00:32:49,039 --> 00:32:51,903 No, Roger's friend Sonny said you fix things. 503 00:32:52,042 --> 00:32:53,234 Walk with me. 504 00:32:53,376 --> 00:32:54,500 You're late. Thank you. 505 00:32:54,644 --> 00:32:57,872 I'm going crazy without her. Shit in the bed and roll around crazy. 506 00:32:58,014 --> 00:32:59,103 You're late. Shut up. 507 00:32:59,249 --> 00:33:01,647 Okay, Religious Girl. How do I bump into her? 508 00:33:01,785 --> 00:33:02,943 You're late. No shit. 509 00:33:03,086 --> 00:33:04,949 She's a high school English teacher. 510 00:33:05,088 --> 00:33:08,316 Guy can't really hang around a high school these days, unfortunately. 511 00:33:08,458 --> 00:33:10,458 She gets her hair done Tuesdays. Love it. 512 00:33:10,627 --> 00:33:14,219 What'd you do? Foot in your mouth? Foot long in somebody's mouth? Facts. 513 00:33:14,397 --> 00:33:17,728 Let's say you're gonna have to be a real asshole to make me look good. 514 00:33:17,868 --> 00:33:19,401 It's what I do. 515 00:33:19,536 --> 00:33:21,797 You're late. Yes. 516 00:33:21,938 --> 00:33:24,233 Everybody, you're late. Don't let it happen again. 517 00:33:24,374 --> 00:33:25,736 I'm Tank and I will be brief. 518 00:33:25,876 --> 00:33:28,342 Here at Airmeister we have two rules. 519 00:33:28,478 --> 00:33:30,478 No refunds. 520 00:33:30,614 --> 00:33:34,673 The beauty of an air purifier is that nobody can prove that it doesn't work. 521 00:33:34,818 --> 00:33:38,183 Amanda, you saucy tart. I want somebody really pissed off. 522 00:33:38,321 --> 00:33:40,685 I'm talking about DEFCON 2 level of anger. 523 00:33:40,824 --> 00:33:42,152 Who do you got for me, Baby? 524 00:33:42,292 --> 00:33:46,385 I have just the one for you. She's furious and asked for you by name. 525 00:33:46,563 --> 00:33:48,130 Put her through. 526 00:33:50,634 --> 00:33:54,636 Tank Turner, Customer Satisfaction. How may I help you? 527 00:33:54,771 --> 00:33:56,702 Before we even discuss what I received... 528 00:33:56,840 --> 00:33:58,635 Which is a whole other mystery... 529 00:33:58,775 --> 00:34:00,740 I demand an explanation for yesterday. 530 00:34:00,877 --> 00:34:03,946 Ma'am, I'm fully concerned. What happened yesterday? 531 00:34:04,080 --> 00:34:06,239 Are you gay? Or are you just an asshole? 532 00:34:06,383 --> 00:34:11,113 Oh, Ma'am. Profanity is superfluous because no verbal affront... 533 00:34:11,254 --> 00:34:14,414 Could be as devastating to me as your dissatisfaction. 534 00:34:14,558 --> 00:34:16,125 Dissatisfaction? 535 00:34:16,259 --> 00:34:20,796 Yes, I mean if the unit's performance or lack thereof has left you frustrated... 536 00:34:20,931 --> 00:34:24,296 See, I never saw your unit. I gave you a chance and you didn't deliver. 537 00:34:24,434 --> 00:34:26,195 Ma'am, you're upset. 538 00:34:26,336 --> 00:34:30,338 I'm upset. I'm upset that you will never, ever know what it's like... 539 00:34:30,473 --> 00:34:34,441 To sit on a hot, sweaty summer night... 540 00:34:34,578 --> 00:34:38,409 And let that unit blow its glorious bounty all over your face. 541 00:34:39,282 --> 00:34:41,509 You think after the shit you put me through... 542 00:34:41,651 --> 00:34:45,482 That I called just so you could talk dirty to me? 543 00:34:45,622 --> 00:34:48,213 I gave you a one time free hall pass for sex. 544 00:34:48,358 --> 00:34:49,948 Good sex. Hot sex. 545 00:34:50,126 --> 00:34:52,990 I... I... I fucking roofied myself. 546 00:34:55,098 --> 00:34:56,529 I'm a little confused. Amanda? 547 00:34:56,666 --> 00:34:58,529 You're confused? That makes two of us... 548 00:34:58,668 --> 00:35:01,828 Because I don't know what kind of asshole acts like an asshole... 549 00:35:01,972 --> 00:35:06,065 And then when it actually comes time to be an asshole, walks away. 550 00:35:06,209 --> 00:35:08,106 Like a total asshole. 551 00:35:08,245 --> 00:35:10,939 Making me look like an even bigger asshole... 552 00:35:11,081 --> 00:35:16,380 For offering some big ass asshole asshole sex in the first place. 553 00:35:16,519 --> 00:35:18,587 What kind of asshole are you? 554 00:35:21,024 --> 00:35:23,285 This is actually a personal call. 555 00:35:23,493 --> 00:35:25,322 Dude, you are so hired. 556 00:35:25,729 --> 00:35:27,660 Excuse me for a second. 557 00:35:27,964 --> 00:35:29,429 Shit. 558 00:35:29,833 --> 00:35:31,127 Asshole. 559 00:35:46,116 --> 00:35:48,810 Sorry. Offer expired. 560 00:35:54,891 --> 00:35:59,451 Did you really think roses and a poem would give you a second chance? 561 00:35:59,629 --> 00:36:02,095 You rhymed "Apology" with "Apologetically." 562 00:36:02,232 --> 00:36:04,664 I'm... I just felt bad, okay? 563 00:36:04,801 --> 00:36:06,835 You're right, I do owe you an explanation. 564 00:36:06,970 --> 00:36:09,538 I didn't sleep with you because you're not attractive. 565 00:36:09,673 --> 00:36:11,104 There, I said it. Oh, thanks. 566 00:36:11,241 --> 00:36:13,332 Thank you so much because you saved me... 567 00:36:13,476 --> 00:36:16,067 From what could've been the worst decision of my life. 568 00:36:16,212 --> 00:36:18,371 And I've eaten sushi in Tijuana. One nothing. 569 00:36:18,515 --> 00:36:21,209 You're below my standards. Even for a one night pity fuck. 570 00:36:21,351 --> 00:36:25,547 And I've taken down some real hogs. Yeah, hogs, cows, sheep. 571 00:36:25,689 --> 00:36:28,155 I bet your sex life is a regular heavy petting zoo. 572 00:36:28,291 --> 00:36:30,518 You know what? You're what we call a two bagger. 573 00:36:30,660 --> 00:36:32,751 That means I have to wear a bag on my head... 574 00:36:32,929 --> 00:36:35,293 Just in case the one on yours breaks. 575 00:36:35,732 --> 00:36:37,424 You sure it's not just a size thing? 576 00:36:37,600 --> 00:36:41,466 Because it's gotta be tough standing at a urinal, pissing on your own testicles. 577 00:36:41,604 --> 00:36:43,569 At least I can hide my shame in my pants. 578 00:36:43,707 --> 00:36:45,468 What really sucks is having an ass... 579 00:36:45,608 --> 00:36:49,235 The size of a miniature Mediterranean donkey. That suck... 580 00:36:49,980 --> 00:36:51,809 Don't... You think that's too big? 581 00:36:51,948 --> 00:36:54,312 You think that's too small? 582 00:37:12,469 --> 00:37:15,129 So you said do nothing, but I did something, totally small. 583 00:37:15,271 --> 00:37:18,499 I sent her a couple hundred bucks worth of roses and a kick ass poem. 584 00:37:18,641 --> 00:37:20,538 A few stanzas, no big deal. Did she call? 585 00:37:20,944 --> 00:37:22,204 No, she didn't. 586 00:37:22,345 --> 00:37:25,278 Dusty, these women, they have a way of getting into our head. 587 00:37:25,415 --> 00:37:27,415 I'm gonna give you some fresh perspective. 588 00:37:27,550 --> 00:37:29,641 Listen to me. This girl, I'm getting a hunch. 589 00:37:29,786 --> 00:37:31,281 She's built for destruction. 590 00:37:31,325 --> 00:37:34,058 Yeah. It's time to let her go. Maybe get some... You know. 591 00:37:34,079 --> 00:37:35,524 Just let her go. Move on. 592 00:37:35,531 --> 00:37:38,464 I love her, Tank. I care more about this girl than I do myself. 593 00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:41,032 You will never understand that. It's new to me. 594 00:37:41,169 --> 00:37:43,430 She said she wants to be friends. 595 00:37:45,374 --> 00:37:47,101 You know what? I'll give her a friend. 596 00:37:48,744 --> 00:37:50,573 I'll be the best goddamn friend she ever had. 597 00:38:21,543 --> 00:38:22,871 Today was a good day for us. 598 00:38:23,045 --> 00:38:25,409 We made eye contact, although I couldn't gauge... 599 00:38:26,782 --> 00:38:27,871 I gotta run. 600 00:38:39,628 --> 00:38:40,660 Turn. 601 00:38:48,303 --> 00:38:49,961 She's really tough to read. 602 00:38:50,105 --> 00:38:51,502 Really tough to read. 603 00:38:51,640 --> 00:38:56,006 I felt like... I felt like she was a bit distracted. 604 00:38:58,413 --> 00:39:00,777 Totally. Hey, can we do this later? 605 00:39:36,718 --> 00:39:38,581 It's hot. 606 00:39:43,225 --> 00:39:44,917 Where you going? 607 00:40:08,283 --> 00:40:10,510 She's seeing someone. 608 00:40:12,721 --> 00:40:14,152 Dusty. 609 00:40:14,289 --> 00:40:16,880 What are you doing? You're scaring the shit out of me. 610 00:40:17,025 --> 00:40:19,685 Sitting in the dark like a vampire, you creepy weirdo. 611 00:40:19,828 --> 00:40:21,896 She's seeing someone. 612 00:40:22,964 --> 00:40:26,556 We don't go out at night. I get her voice mail after 10. 613 00:40:26,702 --> 00:40:28,793 She's seeing someone. 614 00:40:28,937 --> 00:40:31,665 And I'm gonna find out who. I'm gonna take back "Weirdo." 615 00:40:31,807 --> 00:40:34,298 You're giving off more of a full blown serial psycho... 616 00:40:34,543 --> 00:40:36,374 Crawlspace full of skin sombreros vibe. 617 00:40:36,645 --> 00:40:37,939 Stop. Intervention time. 618 00:40:38,113 --> 00:40:40,481 It's time to forget about Alexis. Look at me, all right? 619 00:40:40,649 --> 00:40:45,413 It's time to wipe the cobwebs off your cock and stick something. 620 00:40:45,687 --> 00:40:47,550 I don't think she'd be cool with that. 621 00:40:47,689 --> 00:40:51,225 Look at me, please. You definitely... You don't need her permission. 622 00:40:51,360 --> 00:40:52,586 You need to get laid. 623 00:40:52,728 --> 00:40:55,490 And if you'll listen to me, I bet I could make that happen. 624 00:40:55,631 --> 00:40:58,962 This is one of the most important things that any man can do. 625 00:40:59,101 --> 00:41:00,634 A haircut? 626 00:41:01,003 --> 00:41:03,003 Yes, Dusty, a haircut. Look at me. 627 00:41:03,138 --> 00:41:05,502 You look like Chewbacca and Sasquatch had a baby... 628 00:41:05,641 --> 00:41:08,107 The baby took a shit, and that shit was blinded... 629 00:41:08,243 --> 00:41:09,970 Moments before styling your hair. 630 00:41:10,112 --> 00:41:13,010 A bit harsh. Appointment for Dusty, please. 631 00:41:13,181 --> 00:41:14,873 Grab a seat. 632 00:41:16,718 --> 00:41:19,286 Great article. I've read that. Sorry to interrupt. 633 00:41:20,489 --> 00:41:23,080 My associate here is looking for a stylist he can trust. 634 00:41:23,225 --> 00:41:27,523 And this place was recommended to us by a woman in our prayer group. 635 00:41:28,130 --> 00:41:30,562 Well, is he looking for something simple or? 636 00:41:30,699 --> 00:41:33,393 Maybe a what would Jesus do. 637 00:41:37,139 --> 00:41:39,730 I'm Hilary. Hilary, my name is Tank. 638 00:41:39,875 --> 00:41:41,840 This is Dustin. Hi. 639 00:41:43,779 --> 00:41:47,246 So I've got an $85 haircut so you could have a meet cute? 640 00:41:47,249 --> 00:41:49,283 Oh, it's $ 110. Worth every penny. 641 00:41:49,418 --> 00:41:51,349 In return, I'm gonna get you a date with... 642 00:41:51,486 --> 00:41:55,249 Let's just call her a confidence booster. A slow, fat one down the middle. 643 00:41:55,390 --> 00:41:57,014 I hope that's a baseball metaphor. 644 00:41:57,159 --> 00:42:00,319 This pitch is in your wheelhouse. Grand slam, upper deck. Game over. 645 00:42:00,462 --> 00:42:03,087 Hey, Beauty Queen. Hey, I have a question. I'm sorry. 646 00:42:03,231 --> 00:42:05,356 I've got these little... Is there any way...? 647 00:42:05,500 --> 00:42:07,329 Yeah. 648 00:42:08,403 --> 00:42:09,970 Shit. I'm so sorry. 649 00:42:10,105 --> 00:42:12,537 No, I'm sorry. Sorry. 650 00:42:12,674 --> 00:42:16,505 Is there any other way we could...? Yeah, okay. 651 00:42:16,678 --> 00:42:19,178 Guess what. We're all set for tonight. 652 00:42:19,781 --> 00:42:21,542 Okay, hold still. 653 00:42:22,884 --> 00:42:26,078 What about, like, frosting my tips? 654 00:42:26,221 --> 00:42:27,515 What are you, a Mini Wheat? 655 00:42:27,656 --> 00:42:30,623 Listen, this girl's not Alexis. She's got a bed built for sex... 656 00:42:30,759 --> 00:42:32,918 Not stuffed animals. Wait, what? 657 00:42:33,061 --> 00:42:36,028 How do you know that Alexis has stuffed animals on her bed? 658 00:42:45,440 --> 00:42:46,507 Wait. Oh, my. 659 00:42:46,642 --> 00:42:49,404 Fuck. Oh, my God... 660 00:42:49,544 --> 00:42:52,010 This stuff happens in salons. Sometimes it's fixable. 661 00:42:52,180 --> 00:42:54,145 Tell him it's fixable. I'm gonna throw up. 662 00:42:54,282 --> 00:42:56,145 Make-up, little shading, maybe some glue. 663 00:42:56,284 --> 00:42:57,783 How about an eyebrow toupee? 664 00:42:57,919 --> 00:43:00,112 Where's my eyebrow? I don't know what to say. 665 00:43:00,255 --> 00:43:03,222 Oh, God, kill me. Kill me. Kill me! Where's my eyebrow? 666 00:43:03,358 --> 00:43:04,447 That's a new look. 667 00:43:04,593 --> 00:43:07,457 You can fix it, right? Sure, just pop into my DeLorean. 668 00:43:07,596 --> 00:43:09,323 It's in the back. Don't be a bitch. 669 00:43:09,464 --> 00:43:12,533 You're the bitch, bitch. Hey, Gossip Girls. Focus on my friend. 670 00:43:12,668 --> 00:43:15,362 He's follicly deformed. Fuck my fucking mother. 671 00:43:15,504 --> 00:43:19,131 Let's come up with this... Dusty, unless one's missing, nobody's gonna notice. 672 00:43:19,274 --> 00:43:20,432 Yeah. 673 00:43:20,575 --> 00:43:24,406 Come here. Come here, sit down. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. 674 00:43:25,013 --> 00:43:27,104 You gotta be brave, Man. 675 00:43:28,116 --> 00:43:29,911 Oh, my God. 676 00:43:30,485 --> 00:43:32,382 Do it. It's good. Come on. It's gonna... 677 00:43:32,521 --> 00:43:34,953 You know what? I think it's gonna look great. 678 00:43:35,090 --> 00:43:38,489 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's gonna be really hot. 679 00:43:39,594 --> 00:43:41,559 It better be hot. Yeah. 680 00:43:44,599 --> 00:43:46,360 Fuck. 681 00:43:47,069 --> 00:43:49,797 Bad, bad times. 682 00:43:51,506 --> 00:43:53,301 Oh, my fucking shit. 683 00:43:55,043 --> 00:43:56,667 I'm coming. 684 00:43:59,414 --> 00:44:01,846 Oh, those are lovely. 685 00:44:02,551 --> 00:44:06,417 And I see you've got a hairstyle change. 686 00:44:06,555 --> 00:44:10,455 True. Come on in. I won't bite. 687 00:44:14,013 --> 00:44:16,104 They told me you were taller. 688 00:44:17,283 --> 00:44:19,817 Just for peace of mind, the father of this child is? 689 00:44:19,985 --> 00:44:23,612 In the middle of a brutal divorce with the mother of this child. 690 00:44:23,693 --> 00:44:24,919 Here you go. 691 00:44:24,961 --> 00:44:27,393 Lilies. Thoughtful. 692 00:44:28,605 --> 00:44:30,605 My friend said he was one of the good guys. 693 00:44:30,977 --> 00:44:34,740 I've been known to be a bit of a dog sometimes. 694 00:44:35,565 --> 00:44:37,064 Should I take those? Oh, yes. 695 00:44:38,668 --> 00:44:40,736 I'm sorry, sitter's running a bit late. 696 00:44:40,870 --> 00:44:43,700 Can I get you something to drink, Cutie? 697 00:44:45,516 --> 00:44:47,379 I'll have what he's having. 698 00:44:47,518 --> 00:44:49,984 What the fuck? What just happened? 699 00:44:50,120 --> 00:44:52,552 He just said he wants... I just, I said... 700 00:44:52,690 --> 00:44:54,951 He looked at Liam, licked his lips and said: 701 00:44:55,092 --> 00:44:57,626 "I'll have what he's having." Okay, but what I meant... 702 00:44:57,645 --> 00:44:58,938 You wanna breast feed. What? 703 00:44:58,994 --> 00:45:00,322 I was just joking... 704 00:45:00,462 --> 00:45:01,927 Can we just start over? Hi. 705 00:45:02,064 --> 00:45:05,725 I just wanna start... Sorry, Laney, we don't need a sitter. 706 00:45:05,868 --> 00:45:08,960 Groucho here made a mark about suckling at my teat... 707 00:45:09,104 --> 00:45:11,365 And stealing my baby's milk... 708 00:45:11,507 --> 00:45:13,666 And is consequently leaving. Okay. 709 00:45:13,809 --> 00:45:16,070 Get the fuck out! Okay, I'm really sorry. 710 00:45:16,211 --> 00:45:18,506 I'm just... I'm sorry. No. No more. Just get out. 711 00:45:18,681 --> 00:45:21,249 I'm really sorry. Go, go. 712 00:45:22,317 --> 00:45:23,884 Come here. 713 00:45:28,624 --> 00:45:31,124 You got shot down... 714 00:45:31,260 --> 00:45:34,329 In a blaze of glory. 715 00:45:35,164 --> 00:45:37,164 You cost me a job, Man. 716 00:45:37,299 --> 00:45:41,426 I'm sorry. Let me make it up to you. How much? 717 00:45:41,570 --> 00:45:44,400 Forty... Fifty if it's past 11. Okay. 718 00:45:44,540 --> 00:45:47,700 Here's 60 for your trouble. I'm really sorry. 719 00:45:47,843 --> 00:45:49,604 Sweet. 720 00:45:49,745 --> 00:45:53,611 Hey, for another 60, I'll jerk you off in the parking garage. 721 00:45:54,483 --> 00:45:58,246 Jesus. Do I really look that desperate? 722 00:46:26,262 --> 00:46:28,387 Alexis! 723 00:46:28,531 --> 00:46:30,599 Alexis! 724 00:46:31,500 --> 00:46:33,227 Alexis, I love you! 725 00:46:33,669 --> 00:46:37,637 I love you, Alexis. I can't just be friends, okay? 726 00:46:38,140 --> 00:46:40,435 Alexis, come to the door. 727 00:46:42,745 --> 00:46:44,506 Come on. 728 00:46:45,514 --> 00:46:46,603 Oh, Dobler. Hey, hey. 729 00:46:46,782 --> 00:46:50,716 Hi there. I'm so sorry, your BFF's upstairs with another guy. 730 00:46:51,120 --> 00:46:53,484 Holy shit, what is going on with your eyebrows? 731 00:46:53,622 --> 00:46:57,522 Seriously, I think there's something... I'm sorry. She's got a guy up there? 732 00:46:57,660 --> 00:47:00,456 But they're just hanging out, right? Is she seeing this guy? 733 00:47:00,596 --> 00:47:02,755 No, no, no. No, no, just an occasional bang. 734 00:47:02,898 --> 00:47:05,398 No, no. God, no. How many times have they gone out? 735 00:47:05,534 --> 00:47:08,694 How many times have they...? Not... They don't go out ever. 736 00:47:08,837 --> 00:47:11,735 No, he just comes over and he bangs, and then he leaves. 737 00:47:12,141 --> 00:47:14,300 What? You know, she's doing this all for you. 738 00:47:14,443 --> 00:47:17,979 Think about it. She's up there with her knees by her ears, getting railed... 739 00:47:18,147 --> 00:47:20,841 So one day she can settle down with a nice boy like you. 740 00:47:21,016 --> 00:47:22,549 I love her. I love her. Dustin. 741 00:47:22,718 --> 00:47:25,616 You'd better be ready. I'm serious. Alexis. 742 00:47:25,921 --> 00:47:28,353 Alexis. Ale... 743 00:47:31,560 --> 00:47:34,493 Dustin, what are you doing here? 744 00:47:35,264 --> 00:47:37,730 What is he doing here? Well, this is my... 745 00:47:37,866 --> 00:47:39,695 It's Tank. 746 00:47:41,370 --> 00:47:44,371 This is the guy you're with? No, I'm not with anyone. 747 00:47:44,506 --> 00:47:46,369 I'm not... We're not together. 748 00:47:46,508 --> 00:47:49,304 I mean, no offense, Tank, but we're not... 749 00:47:49,545 --> 00:47:52,170 I told you. I told you that I was gonna get out there... 750 00:47:52,348 --> 00:47:55,212 And I was gonna see other people and I was gonna date... 751 00:47:55,351 --> 00:47:57,351 And get some experience under my belt... 752 00:47:57,486 --> 00:48:01,613 And live my life a little bit. For once in my life, do something like that... 753 00:48:01,757 --> 00:48:04,052 And that's exactly what I'm doing. 754 00:48:07,162 --> 00:48:09,162 Should I go? Yes. 755 00:48:09,632 --> 00:48:10,858 I'm gonna go. No, no, no. 756 00:48:11,000 --> 00:48:11,998 Yeah. Yeah. Tank. 757 00:48:12,134 --> 00:48:14,600 You know what? I'll go. No, you don't go, you stay. 758 00:48:14,737 --> 00:48:18,102 I should get going, I have a big day tomorrow. My roommate's moving out. 759 00:48:18,240 --> 00:48:19,307 I have shit to do too. 760 00:48:19,441 --> 00:48:20,633 Really? Bye. 761 00:48:20,776 --> 00:48:22,901 I'll call you later. I'll call you later. 762 00:48:23,078 --> 00:48:24,406 No, after you. No, you go. 763 00:48:24,580 --> 00:48:26,375 No, no, please, Tank. You go first. 764 00:48:26,548 --> 00:48:28,172 All right. Fine. 765 00:48:31,854 --> 00:48:34,252 How can I trust you? I don't know. 766 00:48:34,390 --> 00:48:38,221 Hey, I wasn't kidding. You're out by tomorrow morning. 767 00:48:40,529 --> 00:48:42,187 Dusty... 768 00:48:52,341 --> 00:48:54,136 I thought so. 769 00:48:59,815 --> 00:49:02,543 So we remember the words of Betty Friedan: 770 00:49:02,818 --> 00:49:07,014 "A woman has got to be able to say, and not feel guilty: 771 00:49:08,190 --> 00:49:09,882 'Who am I... 772 00:49:10,826 --> 00:49:13,417 And what do I want out of life?"' 773 00:49:14,130 --> 00:49:16,521 That's why my Women's Studies program will be focused... 774 00:49:16,666 --> 00:49:21,328 On the liberation, celebration and exploration... 775 00:49:25,007 --> 00:49:26,438 Of you... 776 00:49:30,146 --> 00:49:31,679 And you... 777 00:49:34,617 --> 00:49:36,241 And you. 778 00:49:38,054 --> 00:49:42,056 Enjoy your weekend, and please try to do so responsibly. 779 00:49:44,894 --> 00:49:47,792 The man is Oprah. 780 00:49:52,635 --> 00:49:55,704 Would you all excuse me for just one second, please? 781 00:50:00,409 --> 00:50:02,374 Sherman, Sherman, Sherman. Hey, Dad. 782 00:50:02,745 --> 00:50:06,679 If there's anything else I can get for you, I'm always available, professor. 783 00:50:06,816 --> 00:50:11,114 One of my teaching assistants, and a very hard working young woman. 784 00:50:16,192 --> 00:50:20,888 Last night, I fucked her within an inch of her life. 785 00:50:21,030 --> 00:50:23,860 True story. I'm jamming her head through the headboard... 786 00:50:24,000 --> 00:50:26,432 I flip her over, she screams, "Give me a choker." 787 00:50:26,569 --> 00:50:29,832 I play the choirboy, "What's that?" Star wipe to five minutes later... 788 00:50:29,972 --> 00:50:32,939 She's bucking like an epileptic at a strobe light convention. 789 00:50:33,075 --> 00:50:34,142 I'm getting scared. 790 00:50:34,276 --> 00:50:37,106 As I'm working out the 911 phone call in my head, she goes: 791 00:50:41,250 --> 00:50:43,318 Like an air bag. 792 00:50:45,688 --> 00:50:47,016 Now, that's a Tuesday night. 793 00:50:47,790 --> 00:50:49,016 You got a good gig, Dad. 794 00:50:50,326 --> 00:50:51,393 How you doing, Son? 795 00:50:53,529 --> 00:50:54,596 Dusty kicked me out. 796 00:50:54,730 --> 00:50:58,197 In all fairness, I was accidentally sleeping with his pseudo girlfriend... 797 00:50:58,334 --> 00:51:00,902 But I feel like shit. 798 00:51:01,037 --> 00:51:03,264 Son, let me tell you a story. 799 00:51:03,406 --> 00:51:06,236 December, 1977, your mother, God rest her soul... 800 00:51:06,375 --> 00:51:08,773 Throws one of her infamous pot potlucks... 801 00:51:08,911 --> 00:51:12,412 And I find myself sozzled in the boathouse with your Aunt Francie. 802 00:51:12,581 --> 00:51:15,047 Now today, some might consider her to be zaftig... 803 00:51:15,184 --> 00:51:18,185 But back then, she could really hang a sundress. 804 00:51:18,320 --> 00:51:21,218 How I yearned for her. 805 00:51:21,357 --> 00:51:24,221 But I refrained because it was your mother's sister. 806 00:51:24,360 --> 00:51:27,429 I get it. I fucked up. No. No. 807 00:51:27,563 --> 00:51:30,860 The point is, is that two days later, I banged the shit out of her... 808 00:51:31,000 --> 00:51:34,763 In the back of a Bonneville while your mother filled my prescription. 809 00:51:36,305 --> 00:51:38,032 Best Pontiac sex I've ever had. 810 00:51:40,009 --> 00:51:41,974 Okay, so you approve? 811 00:51:44,046 --> 00:51:48,412 Guilt is just one more thing trying to asphyxiate us during sex. 812 00:51:48,551 --> 00:51:52,052 You cheat, you feel bad, you watch TV, you feel better, you cheat again. 813 00:52:01,564 --> 00:52:03,791 All right, you know what? This girl's different. 814 00:52:03,933 --> 00:52:08,094 She's smart, she's cool, she's tough, she's a 10. 815 00:52:09,371 --> 00:52:13,430 Ms. Barber, I must apologize for my son's antiquated phraseology. 816 00:52:13,576 --> 00:52:15,974 Out of desperation, he continues to assess women... 817 00:52:16,145 --> 00:52:17,473 A base 10 value number... 818 00:52:17,646 --> 00:52:19,976 Predicated solely on their physical countenance. 819 00:52:20,149 --> 00:52:21,716 That's... 820 00:52:22,384 --> 00:52:24,918 That's wrong, Sherman. No problem. 821 00:52:33,404 --> 00:52:36,837 I moved from numbers a long time ago. You rarely find a 10 outside of L.A. 822 00:52:36,974 --> 00:52:40,134 That's ass up polyurethane. Really talking about a one through nine. 823 00:52:40,278 --> 00:52:43,643 It was too constricting. I'm all about the letters now. 824 00:52:44,181 --> 00:52:45,543 J. 825 00:52:47,518 --> 00:52:49,108 She smells like a J. 826 00:52:49,269 --> 00:52:50,270 But that cougar over there, 827 00:52:51,006 --> 00:52:52,869 She's a solid L. Okay, wait a second. 828 00:52:53,008 --> 00:52:55,167 That woman is 62, that wrap is a shawl... 829 00:52:55,310 --> 00:52:58,004 That L is a Y, and there's a reason they call them Y's. 830 00:52:58,180 --> 00:52:59,907 Come on. Check it. 831 00:53:00,449 --> 00:53:03,416 No, good call, Sherm, good call. 832 00:53:03,585 --> 00:53:05,585 I've gotta get that Lasik. 833 00:53:05,721 --> 00:53:09,270 So you gonna wing me or what? What's the game plan? 834 00:53:09,271 --> 00:53:11,965 Being an educator, I like to stick to the school grades... 835 00:53:12,108 --> 00:53:14,699 A, B, C and D. You, on the other hand... 836 00:53:14,844 --> 00:53:17,344 Should stay with the back 13, thin out the herd. 837 00:53:17,480 --> 00:53:19,548 Thanks, Dad. I'm off the market right now. 838 00:53:19,682 --> 00:53:22,273 I told you about this girl. You know, she... 839 00:53:22,418 --> 00:53:24,179 The other night, we're making love... 840 00:53:24,320 --> 00:53:26,820 And we're just laying there afterwards and... 841 00:53:26,956 --> 00:53:29,490 Sharing the silence? Yeah. 842 00:53:29,625 --> 00:53:32,055 What the fuck is wrong with you? 843 00:53:32,128 --> 00:53:34,421 "Making love"? What are you, Nora Ephron? 844 00:53:34,563 --> 00:53:36,096 Is this some Redbook interview? 845 00:53:36,265 --> 00:53:38,765 You sound like Liberace's stylist's boyfriend. 846 00:53:38,901 --> 00:53:41,799 "Let's just enjoy the silences and the caprice together." 847 00:53:41,937 --> 00:53:44,801 I have no son. I have no son. Dad, I dig this girl. 848 00:53:44,940 --> 00:53:47,031 Good, keep talking. And while you're talking... 849 00:53:47,176 --> 00:53:49,642 There are cougars on my right who are clocking us. 850 00:53:49,778 --> 00:53:52,346 Can you listen? Soon as you put on your safari hat... 851 00:53:52,481 --> 00:53:56,073 And grab your gun. Dad, can you just stay here with me? 852 00:53:56,518 --> 00:53:57,585 Of course I can, Son. 853 00:53:57,719 --> 00:54:01,050 Since you fucked my chances with the "Dad" play. Thanks for projecting. 854 00:54:01,190 --> 00:54:04,157 Not to mention the gay caress maneuver for the hearing impaired. 855 00:54:04,326 --> 00:54:06,792 Can't you just be my Dad for five fucking seconds? 856 00:54:06,929 --> 00:54:11,125 Oh, I'm sorry, you want the real father son bullshit. Right this way. 857 00:54:11,266 --> 00:54:14,529 That girl was dating Dusty, which means she's out of your league. 858 00:54:14,837 --> 00:54:16,234 She was slumming it, Sherman. 859 00:54:17,873 --> 00:54:21,465 "Now, the truth may set you free, but first it's gonna piss you off." 860 00:54:21,610 --> 00:54:23,177 Gloria Steinem said that. 861 00:54:29,384 --> 00:54:31,679 My son, the booty call. 862 00:54:32,354 --> 00:54:36,716 Thanks for the advice, Professor. 863 00:54:44,133 --> 00:54:45,825 Shit. 864 00:55:02,451 --> 00:55:04,576 That was insane. 865 00:55:09,625 --> 00:55:11,522 It was insane, right? 866 00:55:16,098 --> 00:55:17,187 It was... 867 00:55:22,052 --> 00:55:24,620 I gotta work tomorrow. 868 00:55:25,522 --> 00:55:27,886 Everybody's gotta work tomorrow. 869 00:55:33,130 --> 00:55:36,097 You don't want me to stay tonight. 870 00:55:37,501 --> 00:55:40,695 I just sort of feel like it's... Yeah. 871 00:55:42,706 --> 00:55:44,831 Totally understandable. 872 00:55:45,676 --> 00:55:46,936 Yeah. 873 00:57:26,744 --> 00:57:28,641 Hi. 874 00:57:29,012 --> 00:57:31,205 What happened to 8? 875 00:57:31,348 --> 00:57:34,611 Eight's good. But you're an hour late. 876 00:57:35,085 --> 00:57:36,550 Can we make it 9? 877 00:57:36,687 --> 00:57:38,982 I thought you wanted to get drinks before dinner. 878 00:57:39,123 --> 00:57:42,522 I did. And I did. 879 00:57:42,693 --> 00:57:44,886 Well, I'm not getting in a car with you. 880 00:57:45,062 --> 00:57:48,188 Like I tell my students, even one drink is one drink too many. 881 00:57:48,365 --> 00:57:52,367 No vehicle necessary, teach. The place we're going is right here. 882 00:57:52,536 --> 00:57:54,467 It's good. Let's go. 883 00:58:08,018 --> 00:58:10,348 This is wrong. 884 00:58:11,388 --> 00:58:12,921 Let's eat. 885 00:58:13,056 --> 00:58:14,623 Right there. 886 00:58:18,495 --> 00:58:19,495 I'm starving. 887 00:58:21,972 --> 00:58:25,041 Welcome to Cheesus Crust, where pizza is a religious experience. 888 00:58:25,175 --> 00:58:27,038 How can I ordain your order? 889 00:58:27,177 --> 00:58:30,144 How is the Pizza of Nazareth? 890 00:58:30,280 --> 00:58:32,314 People worship it. 891 00:58:34,417 --> 00:58:37,111 I'm deeply offended. Me too. 892 00:58:37,254 --> 00:58:38,582 These prices are outrageous. 893 00:58:38,722 --> 00:58:40,949 Which is why I carry my Flavor Savior card. 894 00:58:41,091 --> 00:58:45,287 Fifteen percent off, all who eat here religiously. 895 00:58:46,596 --> 00:58:48,721 Do you think this is funny? 896 00:58:51,868 --> 00:58:53,526 Good night. 897 00:58:54,905 --> 00:58:57,701 You people are sinners! You should have thought of that... 898 00:58:57,841 --> 00:59:01,274 19 years ago before you stopped my mom from going into that clinic. 899 00:59:01,411 --> 00:59:03,206 Have a blessed day. 900 00:59:06,316 --> 00:59:08,111 Fastest ever. 901 00:59:32,108 --> 00:59:34,335 Even Jesus had to eat. 902 00:59:35,045 --> 00:59:38,171 Don't. It was a bad date. 903 00:59:38,815 --> 00:59:42,043 Well, it was supposed to be a nice night out. 904 00:59:42,185 --> 00:59:44,913 You know, my last boyfriend never took me anywhere. 905 00:59:45,055 --> 00:59:46,622 Ever. 906 00:59:46,756 --> 00:59:49,586 He'd text me late at night to come hang out at his place... 907 00:59:49,759 --> 00:59:53,056 Like he was ashamed to be seen with me in public. 908 00:59:53,230 --> 00:59:57,061 Please don't cry. Wait. Please? I'd make excuses for him, you know? 909 00:59:57,200 --> 00:59:59,268 He's not using me, I'm using him. 910 00:59:59,436 --> 01:00:03,563 And I'm in total control... Total control and it's not that serious. 911 01:00:03,707 --> 01:00:05,434 Yeah. Yeah. 912 01:00:05,575 --> 01:00:06,869 But when that phone rang... 913 01:00:07,010 --> 01:00:09,510 My heart leapt, and I was there. Totally. 914 01:00:09,646 --> 01:00:13,512 And now I finally get the chance to go out on a real date and it's with you. 915 01:00:13,650 --> 01:00:17,709 I know, that sucks. No, you suck. 916 01:00:17,854 --> 01:00:21,287 I do. I do suck. 917 01:00:21,424 --> 01:00:23,253 I suck. 918 01:00:27,397 --> 01:00:30,330 You must be hungry. Let's go eat. 919 01:00:32,702 --> 01:00:38,502 My senior year, I take this girl on a date... Horrible, date from hell. 920 01:00:38,642 --> 01:00:41,711 About a week later, this frat boy comes up and he says to me: 921 01:00:41,845 --> 01:00:44,436 "Only you could make me look good." 922 01:00:45,882 --> 01:00:47,847 All right? I laughed... 923 01:00:47,984 --> 01:00:52,043 Until one of his buddies then came to me and was like: 924 01:00:52,188 --> 01:00:54,415 "Can you help me with my ex?" 925 01:00:54,557 --> 01:00:57,717 Tank was born. Yeah. Yeah, really. 926 01:01:01,665 --> 01:01:05,064 I'm sorry. I understand. 927 01:01:06,303 --> 01:01:07,734 But... 928 01:01:08,104 --> 01:01:09,364 Do you enjoy it? 929 01:01:09,506 --> 01:01:11,836 I'm good at it. I'm good at being an asshole. 930 01:01:12,609 --> 01:01:14,336 It's what I do. 931 01:01:14,844 --> 01:01:17,742 You're like the anti Cupid. More like the Antichrist. 932 01:01:20,050 --> 01:01:21,583 Sorry. 933 01:01:21,718 --> 01:01:25,015 Sorry. It's all right. 934 01:01:25,855 --> 01:01:29,015 You know, in a cruel, twisted way... 935 01:01:29,192 --> 01:01:31,817 You give couples a second chance. 936 01:01:31,995 --> 01:01:33,528 You're a closet romantic. 937 01:01:34,230 --> 01:01:37,128 I don't know about that. You are. 938 01:01:37,701 --> 01:01:39,928 You know you have to confront this girl, Alexis. 939 01:01:40,603 --> 01:01:42,170 I can't. 940 01:01:43,606 --> 01:01:44,695 I can't. 941 01:01:44,841 --> 01:01:47,637 If you don't do this, she will never take you seriously. 942 01:01:47,777 --> 01:01:50,778 You need to march up there and tell her how you feel. 943 01:01:51,414 --> 01:01:53,106 Alexis. 944 01:01:55,218 --> 01:01:57,513 Alexis, it's Tank. 945 01:01:57,854 --> 01:01:59,319 Yeah. 946 01:02:02,525 --> 01:02:04,525 I'm just gonna say this. I'm gonna say it. 947 01:02:04,661 --> 01:02:08,128 If you value this, us, we... 948 01:02:08,264 --> 01:02:12,164 Then you will let me take you on a proper date. 949 01:02:12,302 --> 01:02:14,165 In public. It's 2 a.m. in the morning. 950 01:02:14,304 --> 01:02:16,167 Can we do the proper date another time? 951 01:02:19,876 --> 01:02:21,375 Tomorrow. Yes. 952 01:02:21,511 --> 01:02:23,101 Proper date. In public. 953 01:02:23,680 --> 01:02:24,769 Get some... Good night. 954 01:02:24,914 --> 01:02:27,175 Good night. Nice shirt. 955 01:02:44,300 --> 01:02:45,799 Oh, you've gotta be kidding me. 956 01:02:49,406 --> 01:02:51,565 This is for you. Have to have a corsage. 957 01:02:51,708 --> 01:02:54,003 Oh, my God. 958 01:02:54,144 --> 01:02:57,543 You gotta be kidding me. No, I'm not. 959 01:02:58,581 --> 01:03:00,740 I never went to prom. 960 01:03:00,884 --> 01:03:02,611 I remember. 961 01:03:05,321 --> 01:03:07,446 Oh, yeah, that's right. 962 01:03:14,364 --> 01:03:17,126 She's got a shank. You might wanna actually focus on her. 963 01:03:17,200 --> 01:03:20,463 They're with me, okay? Thanks. Alexis, this is Hilary, our chaperon. 964 01:03:20,603 --> 01:03:23,194 Hi. Nice to meet you. Hi. 965 01:03:23,907 --> 01:03:24,974 Thank you. 966 01:03:26,443 --> 01:03:27,805 You two kids have fun. 967 01:03:32,649 --> 01:03:34,717 I'm having fun. 968 01:03:34,851 --> 01:03:38,682 Let's set the stage here. You're 17 years old. 969 01:03:38,822 --> 01:03:41,720 As you make the mistake of heading out onto the dance floor... 970 01:03:41,858 --> 01:03:44,017 A fine, young chap stops you on your way... 971 01:03:44,194 --> 01:03:46,990 Strikingly handsome. Some would say ruggedly good looking. 972 01:03:47,163 --> 01:03:50,164 He stops you and says, "Excuse me, would you care to dance?" 973 01:03:50,300 --> 01:03:53,301 Don't tell me you dance. Me? 974 01:03:53,436 --> 01:03:54,560 Never. 975 01:03:57,440 --> 01:03:59,667 Oh, my God. 976 01:04:00,510 --> 01:04:03,443 Oh, my God. That's it. That's all I've got, really. 977 01:04:09,185 --> 01:04:10,411 No way. 978 01:04:15,625 --> 01:04:16,714 For you. 979 01:04:17,760 --> 01:04:19,487 Let's go. No, I can't... 980 01:04:19,662 --> 01:04:23,493 You're making this embarrassing myself to be cute thing really difficult. 981 01:04:23,633 --> 01:04:25,132 Look at this, check it out. 982 01:04:27,570 --> 01:04:31,231 Did you see that little move? I saw it. I wanna see more over here. 983 01:04:58,001 --> 01:04:59,125 I got caught up. 984 01:05:23,593 --> 01:05:25,786 Hi. Hey. 985 01:05:50,119 --> 01:05:51,550 Hey. 986 01:05:55,792 --> 01:05:57,382 Fun, huh? 987 01:05:57,560 --> 01:05:58,957 Yeah. 988 01:06:02,966 --> 01:06:05,500 You know you could have any girl out there, right? 989 01:06:06,502 --> 01:06:09,594 Hey, Dude, look at me. 990 01:06:09,739 --> 01:06:11,033 Look at this. 991 01:06:11,174 --> 01:06:13,139 It's not about what you look like, Man. 992 01:06:13,276 --> 01:06:14,434 It's right here, okay? 993 01:06:14,577 --> 01:06:17,976 It's attitude, it's how you look at them. Pretend you don't give a shit... 994 01:06:18,114 --> 01:06:21,650 They will be on you like acne. Guaranteed or your money back. 995 01:06:22,652 --> 01:06:27,189 So, then, like, why have you been such a kiss ass to your girl all night? 996 01:06:27,323 --> 01:06:29,414 Pulling out chairs, throwing out compliments. 997 01:06:29,559 --> 01:06:33,925 I'm on a different plan. You're on a... What you... What I... 998 01:06:34,097 --> 01:06:36,563 "Can I wipe your ass, Baby?" 999 01:06:36,866 --> 01:06:40,265 I was trying to help you, but fuck you. 1000 01:06:40,403 --> 01:06:41,731 Fuck you, you hypocrite. 1001 01:06:41,871 --> 01:06:44,531 "Hey nerd, let me give you some condescending advice." 1002 01:06:44,674 --> 01:06:45,832 Be cruel to women? 1003 01:06:45,975 --> 01:06:47,702 Fat, pathetic, sad dork. 1004 01:06:47,844 --> 01:06:50,913 Old man at a high school prom. Husky bitch. 1005 01:06:53,850 --> 01:06:56,783 Don't get ahead of yourself here. And I'm just curious... 1006 01:06:56,919 --> 01:06:59,317 But are you seeing anybody? No. 1007 01:06:59,455 --> 01:07:01,250 No? 1008 01:07:01,357 --> 01:07:03,516 Are you? No. 1009 01:07:03,726 --> 01:07:06,226 What about that awkward night with that guy? 1010 01:07:06,362 --> 01:07:07,588 You still calling him? 1011 01:07:07,997 --> 01:07:10,258 He kind of disappeared. 1012 01:07:10,733 --> 01:07:12,596 I haven't heard from him since he quit. 1013 01:07:12,735 --> 01:07:15,235 Maybe you could call him. You know? 1014 01:07:15,371 --> 01:07:17,962 See how he's holding up kind of thing. 1015 01:07:18,341 --> 01:07:20,671 What? Or don't. 1016 01:07:20,810 --> 01:07:23,470 It's... It's your choice. I mean, I'm just saying... 1017 01:07:23,613 --> 01:07:26,739 No, I know. It's sweet. Polite. 1018 01:07:27,817 --> 01:07:31,683 Even if it is a part of your whole show that you've got going on tonight. 1019 01:07:31,921 --> 01:07:34,615 You're pulling out all the stops. 1020 01:07:35,091 --> 01:07:37,989 Sweet Tank. Sweet Tank is way into me. 1021 01:07:42,365 --> 01:07:45,093 You know what, though? You're right. I should call him. 1022 01:07:47,336 --> 01:07:49,336 I should call him. 1023 01:07:52,054 --> 01:07:54,884 You know, it was really cool of you to call, Alexis. 1024 01:07:55,023 --> 01:07:58,092 Lunch, wedding errands. Just like old times, huh? 1025 01:07:58,260 --> 01:08:01,329 I haven't seen you since I took my leave of absence from work. 1026 01:08:01,497 --> 01:08:03,030 Yeah, I heard you quit. 1027 01:08:03,198 --> 01:08:06,790 Oh, no, no, no, I just... I took a sabbatical. A sabbatical. 1028 01:08:06,935 --> 01:08:08,935 I just wanted to do some soul searching. 1029 01:08:16,645 --> 01:08:19,612 My sister picked it out. Well, you should thank her. 1030 01:08:19,748 --> 01:08:22,715 The whole world should thank her. Well, you're welcome. 1031 01:08:22,851 --> 01:08:25,351 Speaking of the devil. Oh, my gosh. 1032 01:08:25,487 --> 01:08:27,521 I love it. I love it so much. 1033 01:08:27,656 --> 01:08:29,747 This is my friend, Dustin. This is my sister. 1034 01:08:29,892 --> 01:08:31,118 Oh, hi. No. Get over here. 1035 01:08:31,293 --> 01:08:33,122 What? Congratulations. 1036 01:08:33,295 --> 01:08:35,590 Alexis will not shut up about you, the wedding... 1037 01:08:35,731 --> 01:08:38,197 That was really smart. That was so smart, yeah. 1038 01:08:38,333 --> 01:08:40,492 See, I brought mine too. Hi. 1039 01:08:40,636 --> 01:08:45,002 It's really the only opinion that means anything these days. 1040 01:08:45,140 --> 01:08:46,298 Oh, my gosh. 1041 01:08:47,009 --> 01:08:49,304 You have to see my dress. Great, now. 1042 01:08:52,481 --> 01:08:54,446 Yeah, I did it when... Alexis, I'm sorry. 1043 01:08:54,583 --> 01:08:57,345 I'm the... I'm the dress shopping gay pal? 1044 01:08:57,486 --> 01:09:00,146 I just think that now's not the time to set her straight. 1045 01:09:00,289 --> 01:09:01,947 She's a little crazy, she's manic. 1046 01:09:02,090 --> 01:09:04,522 I get that we're in slow down mode... 1047 01:09:04,693 --> 01:09:06,886 But I'm not gonna, like, meet your parents... 1048 01:09:07,062 --> 01:09:10,563 Under the pretext of the gay friend. I mean, that's ridic... 1049 01:09:11,342 --> 01:09:13,103 Dustin, you need to... What? What? 1050 01:09:13,144 --> 01:09:16,042 Yeah, what? What is it? What? Is something wrong? 1051 01:09:16,180 --> 01:09:17,180 Do you not want me to come? 1052 01:09:17,181 --> 01:09:19,075 Promise me you won't be upset... 1053 01:09:19,080 --> 01:09:21,444 If I tell you something. Yeah, what? 1054 01:09:21,883 --> 01:09:23,883 I'm seeing somebody. 1055 01:09:24,018 --> 01:09:28,452 And so I asked him to come with me to the wedding. 1056 01:09:30,858 --> 01:09:32,550 You're... You're upset. No. What? 1057 01:09:33,428 --> 01:09:35,758 Upset? No. Why would I be upset? 1058 01:09:35,997 --> 01:09:38,122 Come on. That's crazy. 1059 01:09:38,266 --> 01:09:41,767 Like I'm a guy that gets upset. Come on. More like happy. 1060 01:09:41,903 --> 01:09:44,301 You know? I'm happy that... That, you know. 1061 01:09:44,439 --> 01:09:47,702 That you found someone special. It still feels a little short. 1062 01:09:47,842 --> 01:09:49,637 I still think that if you put the... 1063 01:09:49,811 --> 01:09:51,640 So, dish. I just wanna make sure my... 1064 01:09:51,813 --> 01:09:53,574 Who is he? 1065 01:09:53,748 --> 01:09:57,750 Yeah, I think that's too much shoe. 1066 01:09:59,120 --> 01:10:02,656 Man-ischewitz, Sherman, look at you. 1067 01:10:02,790 --> 01:10:05,120 You remind me of me on my wedding day. 1068 01:10:05,260 --> 01:10:08,591 I was one nasty son of a bitch. 1069 01:10:09,797 --> 01:10:12,866 Dad, why did Mom marry you? Who makes this tux? Versace? 1070 01:10:13,001 --> 01:10:15,661 Pop, come on. Fess up. Dad. Where'd you get this tux? 1071 01:10:15,803 --> 01:10:18,770 The black on black. Come on, Dad, really. 1072 01:10:21,042 --> 01:10:22,939 Your mother was an incredible woman... 1073 01:10:23,111 --> 01:10:26,942 But she had awful judgment. 1074 01:10:27,081 --> 01:10:29,615 She was always trying to find the better man inside me. 1075 01:10:29,784 --> 01:10:34,048 Unfortunately, she found him inside of her psychotherapist, Janine. 1076 01:10:34,455 --> 01:10:35,522 Not good. 1077 01:10:35,657 --> 01:10:39,591 See, I always knew that your mom was the best it was ever gonna get for me. 1078 01:10:39,727 --> 01:10:42,819 And I never asked the more important question, which is: 1079 01:10:42,964 --> 01:10:45,157 Was I the best it was ever gonna get for her? 1080 01:10:49,671 --> 01:10:51,363 You're not so bad, Pop. 1081 01:10:54,876 --> 01:10:57,945 I'm a fraud, Sherman. Yeah. 1082 01:10:58,079 --> 01:11:00,443 And I'm a selfish asshole. 1083 01:11:06,921 --> 01:11:08,921 And so are you. 1084 01:11:09,791 --> 01:11:12,121 So I want you to get out there... 1085 01:11:13,494 --> 01:11:15,892 And I want you to revel in it. 1086 01:11:36,984 --> 01:11:38,949 Oh, my God. Hi. 1087 01:11:39,087 --> 01:11:41,178 You are hot as a pistol. You look handsome. 1088 01:11:41,322 --> 01:11:44,323 No, you. I am very... I am so impressed with you. 1089 01:11:44,459 --> 01:11:46,754 Impressed. You look beautiful. 1090 01:11:47,261 --> 01:11:50,228 Do you like the red lipstick? I wanna do you right here. 1091 01:11:50,365 --> 01:11:52,490 Okay, I gotta go... Josh. 1092 01:11:52,633 --> 01:11:56,225 My future brother in law. Josh, I want you to meet my boyfriend, Tank. 1093 01:11:56,371 --> 01:11:58,200 Hey, Josh. I'll be your groom... 1094 01:11:58,339 --> 01:12:01,033 In today's performance of Fuck Me, I'm Getting Married. 1095 01:12:01,175 --> 01:12:04,142 Okay, well, I'm gonna go tame Bridezilla. 1096 01:12:04,312 --> 01:12:07,540 You want me to come? Lex? No, I'll look out for him. All right? 1097 01:12:07,715 --> 01:12:10,283 Just breathe for a second, all right? I am breathing. 1098 01:12:10,451 --> 01:12:11,711 Now adapt. 1099 01:12:11,853 --> 01:12:13,284 Are we adapting? Yeah. 1100 01:12:13,421 --> 01:12:15,250 Are we ready to evolve? 1101 01:12:15,390 --> 01:12:18,152 You let fly one word about our arrangement... 1102 01:12:18,292 --> 01:12:20,417 I will crush your nuts into butter. 1103 01:12:20,561 --> 01:12:23,528 Like the kind at the health food store, but not so good for you. 1104 01:12:23,664 --> 01:12:25,959 But... But, but... 1105 01:12:26,334 --> 01:12:29,835 You play ball, I will plant your flag right next to mine. All right? 1106 01:12:29,971 --> 01:12:32,699 I will make you family. And believe me, Tank... 1107 01:12:32,840 --> 01:12:35,238 You wanna be family. 1108 01:12:36,277 --> 01:12:38,242 Money. Jesus Christ. 1109 01:12:38,379 --> 01:12:40,743 Like, "Money" money. 1110 01:12:40,882 --> 01:12:43,416 Old money, new money, fuck me money, fuck you money. 1111 01:12:43,551 --> 01:12:44,982 Family money, money. 1112 01:12:45,119 --> 01:12:48,279 Okay, yeah. Josh, you got me all wrong. 1113 01:12:48,423 --> 01:12:51,686 No. I know exactly who you are, all right? 1114 01:12:51,826 --> 01:12:54,690 It's Alexis who's got you all wrong. 1115 01:12:54,829 --> 01:12:57,489 Let's do what we do, Brother. Hey, Merrilee. 1116 01:12:58,132 --> 01:13:00,496 Brian. Now, I've told you, Fella... 1117 01:13:00,635 --> 01:13:02,862 From here on out, it's strictly Mom and Dad. 1118 01:13:03,004 --> 01:13:05,937 I'd like to introduce you to your next son in law, Tank Turner. 1119 01:13:06,073 --> 01:13:07,800 This is Alexis' guy. 1120 01:13:07,942 --> 01:13:11,239 I've heard so much about you. That is unfortunate. 1121 01:13:11,412 --> 01:13:13,207 Forget it all. 1122 01:13:13,381 --> 01:13:15,073 Tank. Hi. 1123 01:13:18,352 --> 01:13:21,910 Tank Turner is an asshole. 1124 01:13:22,423 --> 01:13:25,492 You brought Satan to my wedding? Well, he's changed. 1125 01:13:25,626 --> 01:13:27,785 Or he's going to change. Or he's changing. 1126 01:13:27,929 --> 01:13:29,155 No. 1127 01:13:29,297 --> 01:13:31,888 I'm sorry, but that is not enough. 1128 01:13:32,033 --> 01:13:34,829 Okay, maybe he's this fun vacation on the dark side... 1129 01:13:34,969 --> 01:13:37,560 Rachel, Rachel, Rachel, I'm falling in love with him. 1130 01:13:37,972 --> 01:13:39,403 What? 1131 01:13:40,441 --> 01:13:42,099 I love him. 1132 01:13:51,853 --> 01:13:54,319 Hey, so... So many things that I want... 1133 01:13:54,455 --> 01:13:56,284 Oh, come here. 1134 01:14:01,629 --> 01:14:06,063 I gotta go. I'm going. I'm leaving. Go. 1135 01:14:26,654 --> 01:14:29,518 Are you the best it's ever gonna get for her? 1136 01:14:40,601 --> 01:14:42,191 Are you? 1137 01:15:57,178 --> 01:16:00,679 If anyone here can show just cause why these two should not be joined... 1138 01:16:00,848 --> 01:16:05,976 Let them speak now or forever hold their peace. 1139 01:16:05,987 --> 01:16:07,416 White dress. 1140 01:16:07,689 --> 01:16:10,053 Chick's seen more dick than this guy. 1141 01:16:14,050 --> 01:16:18,644 I've been wanting to come over here because I was reminded of a joke. 1142 01:16:19,255 --> 01:16:22,586 A priest and a Rabbi are at a wedding. Who knew? 1143 01:16:23,059 --> 01:16:27,118 And they see a small boy bending over to tie his shoe. 1144 01:16:27,296 --> 01:16:29,523 So the priest says to the Rabbi: 1145 01:16:29,699 --> 01:16:31,858 "God, I'd really love to screw that kid." 1146 01:16:32,034 --> 01:16:35,695 And then the Rabbi says, "Out of what?" 1147 01:16:37,573 --> 01:16:40,540 It's a visual thing, because the kid is basically like this. 1148 01:16:40,676 --> 01:16:41,902 He's bending over. 1149 01:16:42,780 --> 01:16:44,575 Dirty Houdini. You gotta try this. 1150 01:16:45,415 --> 01:16:49,076 While you're giving it to your lady from behind, okay? 1151 01:16:49,219 --> 01:16:51,082 Very important. You gotta be behind her. 1152 01:16:51,221 --> 01:16:53,585 Start making some sounds like you're gonna bust... 1153 01:16:53,723 --> 01:16:54,949 Then you pull out. 1154 01:16:55,091 --> 01:16:58,388 As you pull out, you let a little dribble of saliva trickle down... 1155 01:16:58,561 --> 01:17:01,687 Onto the small of her back. She thinks it's over, she flips over: 1156 01:17:01,865 --> 01:17:03,296 "Good, I can go to sleep." 1157 01:17:03,433 --> 01:17:05,763 Fireman's hose. All over. 1158 01:17:10,773 --> 01:17:12,773 I don't get it. You don't get it? 1159 01:17:12,909 --> 01:17:16,035 Here's what you're gonna do. Go ask your mom. Right there. Pound. 1160 01:17:22,418 --> 01:17:23,678 Ready, and wow. 1161 01:17:25,021 --> 01:17:27,055 It's like lifting a coffin. 1162 01:17:28,391 --> 01:17:31,085 Oh, Nana. You have a lead vagina. 1163 01:17:35,798 --> 01:17:37,729 Hello? Yeah, I can talk. 1164 01:17:43,105 --> 01:17:45,332 You weren't gonna drink. Can't have a glass... 1165 01:17:45,475 --> 01:17:47,133 To celebrate the holy sacrament? 1166 01:17:47,276 --> 01:17:49,469 Is that Jägermeister I smell? I don't know. 1167 01:17:49,612 --> 01:17:51,475 Wine, huh? 1168 01:17:53,316 --> 01:17:54,974 No. Don't get into any trouble. 1169 01:17:55,117 --> 01:17:57,845 I'm don't-ing. I'm don't-ing. Don't get into any trouble. 1170 01:18:06,596 --> 01:18:08,960 For their first dance as a married couple... 1171 01:18:09,098 --> 01:18:13,692 I'd like to present to you Rachel and Josh. 1172 01:18:26,048 --> 01:18:27,206 Sorry. 1173 01:18:28,050 --> 01:18:29,981 Can I have this dance? 1174 01:18:30,119 --> 01:18:31,447 Not a good time? Okay. 1175 01:18:31,587 --> 01:18:36,147 Sorry, everybody. This is their night. I'll clean that up. It's the chicken. 1176 01:18:37,093 --> 01:18:39,058 The bride and groom. 1177 01:18:45,234 --> 01:18:48,235 I'm gonna grab these. Clean. I washed them after I threw up. 1178 01:18:48,371 --> 01:18:50,001 How are you? 1179 01:18:50,795 --> 01:18:52,795 It's okay, I got the sleeve. I caught it. 1180 01:18:52,930 --> 01:18:55,498 Usually they come in twos and threes, so that's... 1181 01:18:58,102 --> 01:19:00,670 Cocaine, you know, just kind of gets me sneezy. 1182 01:19:00,805 --> 01:19:03,931 And you, by the way, look lovely. I just wanted to... 1183 01:19:04,075 --> 01:19:06,769 Say a hello to you. 1184 01:19:11,048 --> 01:19:12,638 All right. 1185 01:19:17,321 --> 01:19:19,855 Weddings get me hot and hard, know what I'm saying? 1186 01:19:19,991 --> 01:19:21,718 What do you got going on? 1187 01:19:21,859 --> 01:19:24,427 I want that in my fucking mouth. 1188 01:19:26,110 --> 01:19:29,010 Hey. Hey, Alexis sent me to look for you, so let's go. 1189 01:19:29,026 --> 01:19:30,860 Having a little chat. 1190 01:19:30,895 --> 01:19:34,396 With my friend. Taking a breather. Breathing. 1191 01:19:36,267 --> 01:19:39,063 Fucking goddamn it. What do you call that shit, A. J? 1192 01:19:39,203 --> 01:19:41,828 Afghani Kush Kryptonite. 1193 01:19:41,973 --> 01:19:45,406 Kryptonite. It killed Superman. I'm just a man. 1194 01:19:45,543 --> 01:19:48,874 You really are, like, a super special kind of asshole, aren't you? 1195 01:19:49,013 --> 01:19:51,013 I ride the special kind of asshole bus. 1196 01:19:51,148 --> 01:19:53,341 Do you really? All right. Okay. 1197 01:19:54,051 --> 01:19:56,210 One more bite. What are you doing? 1198 01:19:56,354 --> 01:19:58,945 Alexis is gonna freak out when she sees this. 1199 01:19:59,090 --> 01:20:00,316 No she won't. Yeah. Yeah. 1200 01:20:00,458 --> 01:20:02,321 She's understanding. Oh, my God, Dude. 1201 01:20:02,493 --> 01:20:05,562 She's never gonna forgive you. All right. I'm coming. I'm coming. 1202 01:20:07,531 --> 01:20:09,064 What a day. Yeah. 1203 01:20:10,434 --> 01:20:12,900 May I partake? 1204 01:20:13,404 --> 01:20:16,496 My daughter got married today. 1205 01:20:16,641 --> 01:20:20,199 Wonderful. Oh, God, I feel old. 1206 01:20:20,344 --> 01:20:25,882 I bet back in the day, you were one hot slice of fuckberry pie. 1207 01:20:29,120 --> 01:20:32,883 You bet your sweet ass I was. 1208 01:20:34,392 --> 01:20:37,620 Hey. I love your shoes. 1209 01:20:38,396 --> 01:20:40,464 So are we gonna do this or what? 1210 01:20:42,667 --> 01:20:43,961 Come on, it's not gonna suck itself, Mama. 1211 01:20:44,969 --> 01:20:47,094 Oh, my God. 1212 01:20:47,238 --> 01:20:49,499 Who is this guy? 1213 01:20:51,208 --> 01:20:53,708 And he's ruining my entire wedding. 1214 01:20:53,844 --> 01:20:57,038 He ruined my dance, my actual dance. 1215 01:20:57,181 --> 01:21:00,546 No, it's ruined. And... Why did you bring him here? 1216 01:21:00,685 --> 01:21:02,548 It's disgusting. 1217 01:21:04,355 --> 01:21:07,913 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 1218 01:21:08,059 --> 01:21:11,026 Are you kidding me? He really? 1219 01:21:13,698 --> 01:21:16,562 I got a bass ackward way of showing it, but I care about you. 1220 01:21:16,701 --> 01:21:19,531 Tank. Tank! How could you? 1221 01:21:20,037 --> 01:21:22,799 My ex, Sarah. Cunt. 1222 01:21:24,342 --> 01:21:26,569 Oh, no. You're not gonna walk away from me. 1223 01:21:26,711 --> 01:21:28,608 You're gonna talk to me. This is insane. 1224 01:21:28,746 --> 01:21:30,905 Who is that person, huh? Who is that guy? 1225 01:21:31,048 --> 01:21:33,673 This is me. I'm an asshole. 1226 01:21:33,818 --> 01:21:36,580 You had your chance with a good guy and you threw it away. 1227 01:21:36,721 --> 01:21:38,083 Who? Dustin. 1228 01:21:38,222 --> 01:21:41,348 You have no right to tell me... No, Dustin. Dustin's here. 1229 01:21:41,492 --> 01:21:43,560 Dustin. Dustin? 1230 01:21:43,728 --> 01:21:44,920 Dustin? Be careful. 1231 01:21:45,096 --> 01:21:46,959 Tank! 1232 01:21:57,074 --> 01:21:58,732 It's time you all knew the truth. 1233 01:21:58,876 --> 01:22:01,877 Would you stop? If I go down, you're coming with me, okay? 1234 01:22:02,012 --> 01:22:06,242 Okay? So I'm sure every... 1235 01:22:07,051 --> 01:22:08,118 Don't touch. 1236 01:22:08,128 --> 01:22:10,025 Okay? Why don't you take a walk with me? 1237 01:22:10,063 --> 01:22:12,030 Hey! Come with me, okay? Dustin. 1238 01:22:12,166 --> 01:22:14,791 Would you guys like to know what this man...? Excuse me. 1239 01:22:14,936 --> 01:22:16,334 What this man does as a hobby? 1240 01:22:16,476 --> 01:22:20,137 Let's say, for example... 1241 01:22:20,280 --> 01:22:23,747 I get dumped by my girl. 1242 01:22:23,883 --> 01:22:28,317 And I want to pay him to go out with her... 1243 01:22:28,455 --> 01:22:30,819 Oh, boy. Terrorize her... 1244 01:22:30,991 --> 01:22:35,027 And have her come screaming back into my arms. 1245 01:22:36,048 --> 01:22:38,910 And so I made a deal with the devil. 1246 01:22:38,953 --> 01:22:39,853 That's what I did. 1247 01:22:39,926 --> 01:22:43,325 But... But what does that make him? Okay, stop. Stop it. 1248 01:22:43,463 --> 01:22:46,259 Just tell me this isn't true. 1249 01:22:48,801 --> 01:22:50,766 Ask him. 1250 01:22:51,771 --> 01:22:53,304 Baby, sorry. You make me sick. 1251 01:22:53,439 --> 01:22:56,633 Ask him. I hate you. 1252 01:22:58,010 --> 01:22:59,805 Ask him. I'm gonna kill you! 1253 01:22:59,946 --> 01:23:01,877 I'm gonna kill you! 1254 01:23:02,014 --> 01:23:04,480 I work on referrals. Okay. 1255 01:23:05,685 --> 01:23:08,345 You're honestly gonna tell me... 1256 01:23:09,388 --> 01:23:13,390 That you and I, that's nothing? 1257 01:23:13,826 --> 01:23:15,621 That's nothing? 1258 01:23:17,563 --> 01:23:19,927 I'm just a job? 1259 01:23:20,833 --> 01:23:25,097 I need you to tell me. Tank, tell me right now... 1260 01:23:25,238 --> 01:23:27,329 That I'm just a job. 1261 01:23:27,473 --> 01:23:31,339 Tell me to my face. You're just a job. 1262 01:23:36,382 --> 01:23:38,347 Just a job. 1263 01:23:38,484 --> 01:23:41,348 I never wanna see you again. 1264 01:23:42,288 --> 01:23:43,946 Yeah. 1265 01:23:44,090 --> 01:23:46,454 Alexis. Alexis. 1266 01:23:46,626 --> 01:23:48,626 I'm gonna kill you! 1267 01:24:18,424 --> 01:24:20,424 Motherfucker. 1268 01:24:41,314 --> 01:24:44,042 You have one new message. 1269 01:24:44,951 --> 01:24:46,985 Dust, you were right. 1270 01:24:47,119 --> 01:24:49,278 Alexis is an angel... 1271 01:24:49,422 --> 01:24:52,355 And she deserves the best. 1272 01:24:53,893 --> 01:24:56,120 And that's you. So I'm sorry it took so long... 1273 01:24:56,295 --> 01:24:58,955 But I finally did what you hired me to do. 1274 01:24:59,098 --> 01:25:01,928 I got a bass ackward way of showing it, but I care about you. 1275 01:25:02,068 --> 01:25:05,137 Tank. Tank! How could you? 1276 01:25:05,271 --> 01:25:07,896 My ex, Sarah. Cunt. 1277 01:25:40,940 --> 01:25:42,632 Did you love her? 1278 01:25:42,775 --> 01:25:45,366 Do you love her? That's all I wanna know. 1279 01:25:46,779 --> 01:25:49,040 I don't even know what that means. 1280 01:25:49,181 --> 01:25:52,273 Yeah. Well, apparently, neither do I. 1281 01:25:52,551 --> 01:25:55,279 All I know is that me and her ends up with her hurt. 1282 01:25:55,421 --> 01:25:56,886 It's inevitable. 1283 01:25:57,023 --> 01:25:59,648 Turners and women, right, Pop? 1284 01:25:59,825 --> 01:26:01,222 Yeah. 1285 01:26:03,296 --> 01:26:05,660 I banged a lot of women, Sherman. 1286 01:26:06,299 --> 01:26:08,299 I've been banging since back in the day... 1287 01:26:08,434 --> 01:26:11,059 When you were laminating pictures of them. 1288 01:26:11,203 --> 01:26:13,396 So, yeah, that's me. 1289 01:26:13,939 --> 01:26:17,008 That's this guy, but that ain't you. No. 1290 01:26:17,143 --> 01:26:20,644 Last night, you proved something that I have long feared. 1291 01:26:20,780 --> 01:26:22,438 And that is... 1292 01:26:22,581 --> 01:26:24,842 You may just take after your mother. 1293 01:26:26,619 --> 01:26:30,450 Yeah, I can't believe you actually tried to give Alexis up for me. 1294 01:26:30,956 --> 01:26:32,182 I know, Dude. 1295 01:26:32,358 --> 01:26:34,323 That's pretty fucked up, right? Yeah. 1296 01:26:34,460 --> 01:26:36,585 I mean, if that's not love... 1297 01:26:37,330 --> 01:26:39,364 Yeah, I'm sorry, Man. 1298 01:26:39,799 --> 01:26:42,959 I'm sorry. I'm the guy who... 1299 01:26:44,470 --> 01:26:46,470 You were my best friend. 1300 01:26:47,039 --> 01:26:48,766 I still am. 1301 01:26:50,476 --> 01:26:52,635 You guys gonna make out now, huh? 1302 01:26:52,778 --> 01:26:55,745 Go ahead, stick your tongue in his mouth. That'll clear the air. 1303 01:26:58,651 --> 01:27:00,184 How about a? 1304 01:27:07,460 --> 01:27:11,690 Look, I know I kind of lost it for a while, but now I'm seeing things clearly. 1305 01:27:11,831 --> 01:27:13,865 You need to get her back. 1306 01:27:15,901 --> 01:27:17,992 But I don't deserve her. No, you... Tank. 1307 01:27:18,137 --> 01:27:20,705 If you were willing to give her up, you deserve her. 1308 01:27:20,973 --> 01:27:23,507 That's fucked up, but you're right. 1309 01:27:25,911 --> 01:27:28,206 She's my angel and it's time she knew. 1310 01:27:28,347 --> 01:27:30,312 Yes. So, what's stopping you? 1311 01:27:30,383 --> 01:27:32,348 I propositioned her mother for a blowjob. 1312 01:27:33,686 --> 01:27:36,380 Man, that is great. 1313 01:27:36,522 --> 01:27:39,090 That is so great. Yes. 1314 01:27:39,892 --> 01:27:42,790 Alexis! Alexis, wait. 1315 01:27:42,928 --> 01:27:44,461 Alexis. 1316 01:27:44,597 --> 01:27:46,460 Just hear me out, all right? Listen. 1317 01:27:46,599 --> 01:27:49,429 Nope. Nope. Nope. 1318 01:27:49,568 --> 01:27:50,999 I did it for you. 1319 01:27:51,137 --> 01:27:53,797 I pushed you away because I thought I didn't deserve you. 1320 01:27:53,939 --> 01:27:57,440 You don't. So I made a mistake. 1321 01:27:57,576 --> 01:28:00,201 Many. I know. 1322 01:28:00,346 --> 01:28:02,607 I will never do better than you. I know. 1323 01:28:02,748 --> 01:28:04,782 I need you in my life. I know. 1324 01:28:04,917 --> 01:28:07,850 And I wanna apologize. I don't want it. 1325 01:28:07,987 --> 01:28:10,521 Good, because it's not for you. 1326 01:28:10,689 --> 01:28:13,485 I wanna apologize to myself. 1327 01:28:13,659 --> 01:28:17,195 I'm sorry, Tank, that you blew it with Alexis. 1328 01:28:17,363 --> 01:28:19,761 But you did. Because I thought you deserved... 1329 01:28:19,899 --> 01:28:21,364 Someone better than me. 1330 01:28:21,500 --> 01:28:25,297 But when I'm with you, it's like I'm better than me. 1331 01:28:25,671 --> 01:28:29,502 You're the only person that could ever make me do cardio. And I hate cardio. 1332 01:28:29,642 --> 01:28:33,200 I wanna faint, I want a cigarette and I have a massive cramp. 1333 01:28:33,345 --> 01:28:35,709 But I would run a marathon for you. 1334 01:28:41,287 --> 01:28:43,446 Okay. Fuck me. 1335 01:28:43,589 --> 01:28:45,657 You ruined my sister's wedding. 1336 01:28:45,825 --> 01:28:49,088 But I saved her life. That guy was a fucking fuckface. 1337 01:28:49,261 --> 01:28:53,354 You curse incessantly. I will never swear again. 1338 01:28:53,532 --> 01:28:55,065 Fuck. Last one. 1339 01:28:55,234 --> 01:28:58,667 My parents hate you. Well, they'll come around. 1340 01:28:58,804 --> 01:29:00,166 Except your mother. 1341 01:29:00,306 --> 01:29:01,395 And your dad. 1342 01:29:01,540 --> 01:29:04,473 Your job is a joke. A joke? I sell air. 1343 01:29:04,610 --> 01:29:06,075 I do the impossible every day. 1344 01:29:06,212 --> 01:29:08,007 Have you ever even read a book? 1345 01:29:08,147 --> 01:29:09,908 The Giving Tree. 1346 01:29:10,249 --> 01:29:12,909 And? Among others. Countless others. 1347 01:29:13,052 --> 01:29:15,950 Tank. I'll join a book club. 1348 01:29:16,589 --> 01:29:19,385 What's the matter? You can't keep up? 1349 01:29:20,359 --> 01:29:23,622 You are not passionate about anything. 1350 01:29:23,762 --> 01:29:27,229 Except you. I'm passionate about you. As evidence, consider the fact... 1351 01:29:27,366 --> 01:29:29,593 That I've been running for two goddamn hours. 1352 01:29:29,735 --> 01:29:32,030 I need to stop and rest. You sabotage dates. 1353 01:29:32,171 --> 01:29:34,535 You're a professional asshole. That's what you do. 1354 01:29:34,673 --> 01:29:37,970 No. It's what I did. 1355 01:29:38,644 --> 01:29:41,872 Tank, I just don't think you're the one. 1356 01:29:44,884 --> 01:29:48,010 Not yet, but I'll get there. 1357 01:30:00,032 --> 01:30:01,429 You okay? 1358 01:31:14,540 --> 01:31:17,541 Without air, we cannot live. 1359 01:31:18,978 --> 01:31:21,069 I think those words resonate with people... 1360 01:31:21,213 --> 01:31:25,010 Because they're really true, you know? 1361 01:31:30,289 --> 01:31:31,720 What? 1362 01:31:32,658 --> 01:31:34,783 I thought... I thought that was a joke. 1363 01:31:35,227 --> 01:31:39,491 It wasn't. What are you talking about? Nothing. 1364 01:31:39,632 --> 01:31:41,063 Air? 1365 01:31:41,200 --> 01:31:44,269 Because I don't really think there's anything funny about air. 1366 01:31:44,403 --> 01:31:46,403 It's kind of too important. 1367 01:31:56,782 --> 01:31:58,440 Asshole. 1368 01:32:01,687 --> 01:32:02,754 Hi. Hi. 1369 01:32:02,888 --> 01:32:03,955 I'm Alexis. Hi. 1370 01:32:04,123 --> 01:32:06,657 Do you wanna know what this guy did? He humiliated me. 1371 01:32:06,792 --> 01:32:08,883 He embarrassed me. He literally... Alexis. 1372 01:32:09,061 --> 01:32:10,253 I'm having a conversation. 1373 01:32:10,429 --> 01:32:13,828 I'm having a conversation. It's with her, it's not with you. 1374 01:32:14,733 --> 01:32:16,960 What this guy did to me makes me sick every day. 1375 01:32:17,102 --> 01:32:18,794 Physically ill. 1376 01:32:18,937 --> 01:32:21,437 But is that like lovesickness or like hatesickness? 1377 01:32:21,573 --> 01:32:23,868 No, it's like morning sickness. What? 1378 01:32:25,177 --> 01:32:28,542 Yeah, I'm pregnant, okay? So I'm sorry. 1379 01:32:29,214 --> 01:32:31,441 It makes me a little emotional. 1380 01:32:31,583 --> 01:32:34,914 You're pregnant? Yes, I'm fucking pregnant! 1381 01:32:35,054 --> 01:32:36,883 I probably should go. 1382 01:32:37,022 --> 01:32:38,589 But how? It's... 1383 01:32:39,792 --> 01:32:41,723 How do you think? 1384 01:32:41,860 --> 01:32:43,291 That's right, Everybody. 1385 01:32:43,429 --> 01:32:47,625 This asshole got me pregnant. 1386 01:32:48,167 --> 01:32:51,794 I definitely think I should go. Okay, I didn't know. I didn't know. 1387 01:32:51,937 --> 01:32:53,334 If you think that's bad... 1388 01:32:53,472 --> 01:32:55,767 You should hear what this guy did to my sister. 1389 01:32:55,908 --> 01:33:00,445 Alexis, I've apologized a million times. He got her pregnant too. 1390 01:33:01,080 --> 01:33:03,808 So there's two of us having a baby together... 1391 01:33:03,949 --> 01:33:07,382 About three and a half weeks apart. 1392 01:33:07,519 --> 01:33:09,143 Yeah. It was dark, I was drunk... 1393 01:33:09,288 --> 01:33:10,821 And I thought it was you. 1394 01:33:10,956 --> 01:33:12,523 Right? 1395 01:33:16,462 --> 01:33:19,497 I'm gonna go now. It was nice meeting you. 1396 01:33:19,631 --> 01:33:21,961 Yeah, nice to meet you too. 1397 01:33:23,402 --> 01:33:24,628 What's going on here? 1398 01:33:25,637 --> 01:33:27,932 Oh, I'm just saving another girl... 1399 01:33:28,073 --> 01:33:30,869 From the worst sex she'll ever have in her life. 1400 01:33:35,514 --> 01:33:37,980 Well, your mother never complained. 1401 01:33:39,852 --> 01:33:43,217 You wanna know why I didn't return your e-mails? 1402 01:33:43,822 --> 01:33:45,412 Your pathetic calls? 1403 01:33:46,658 --> 01:33:50,091 You are unattractive. I said it. 1404 01:33:51,897 --> 01:33:54,124 I'm not attractive. Well, let's put it this way. 1405 01:33:54,266 --> 01:33:57,529 I would kick your ass right now, but my foot might get sucked in. 1406 01:33:59,438 --> 01:34:03,838 I'd kick your dick right now, but my foot might get herpes. 1407 01:34:04,543 --> 01:34:07,339 Well, you know, you can stop trying to be clever, Alexis. 1408 01:34:07,479 --> 01:34:11,106 The funniest thing that'll ever come out of you is me. 1409 01:34:11,483 --> 01:34:13,642 All right, Tank. 1410 01:34:13,786 --> 01:34:16,218 You got the best joke here. 1411 01:34:17,222 --> 01:34:18,983 And it's in your pants. 1412 01:34:29,802 --> 01:34:31,836 I hate you. I hate you too. 1413 01:34:31,970 --> 01:34:33,799 Oh, Baby. 1413 01:34:34,305 --> 01:35:34,663 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 110708