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1
00:00:03,180 --> 00:00:06,260
Down there?! Tha must be joking!
2
00:00:06,260 --> 00:00:12,660
Think this is dangerous?
You should have been married to the former Mrs Truelove.
3
00:00:12,660 --> 00:00:15,720
I'll fall if I go down there.
4
00:00:15,720 --> 00:00:19,640
What makes you think
you're going to fall?
5
00:00:21,020 --> 00:00:23,100
Aa-agh!
6
00:00:24,320 --> 00:00:28,980
I think that's what made him think
he was going to fall.
7
00:00:28,980 --> 00:00:32,260
I suppose he can't be wrong
all the time.
8
00:01:15,100 --> 00:01:17,860
What do you want? I'm busy!
9
00:01:17,860 --> 00:01:23,060
- Oh? And what are you busy with?
- I don't know what you mean.
10
00:01:23,060 --> 00:01:26,840
Let's try and refresh your memory.
11
00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:33,560
Remember that personal gift
you bought me last Christmas? It's been a while since Christmas.
12
00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:38,340
Well, I remember what you bought me.
I remember it very well.
13
00:01:38,340 --> 00:01:41,820
I remember the surprise
on Christmas morning.
14
00:01:41,820 --> 00:01:46,300
I must have got you something right,
to be such a surprise.
15
00:01:46,300 --> 00:01:49,300
It was a surprise, all right -
16
00:01:49,300 --> 00:01:51,660
a set of screwdrivers!
17
00:01:51,660 --> 00:01:54,540
I didn't expect expensive jewellery,
18
00:01:54,540 --> 00:01:57,000
but screwdrivers!
19
00:01:57,000 --> 00:02:00,000
They're always handy,
screwdrivers.
20
00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:03,700
They're too handy -
where have they gone?
21
00:02:03,700 --> 00:02:07,400
I bet you've borrowed them again.
22
00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:12,920
Well, you can get me something
as a replacement.
23
00:02:12,920 --> 00:02:16,420
Like what?
Oh, use your imagination.
24
00:02:16,420 --> 00:02:19,820
How am I supposed to know
what ladies want?
25
00:02:19,820 --> 00:02:21,820
Let me give you a clue -
26
00:02:21,820 --> 00:02:24,620
not screwdrivers!
27
00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:35,820
I used to come up here
at school dinner times.
28
00:02:35,820 --> 00:02:40,260
Not till you'd pinched
half my sandwiches, you didn't.
29
00:02:40,260 --> 00:02:45,220
My strongest memory of school
is you with crumbs on your jersey.
30
00:02:45,220 --> 00:02:49,500
Only where there wasn't a hole.
Other people's crumbs.
31
00:02:49,500 --> 00:02:53,580
Aye, but they were so dainty.
32
00:02:53,580 --> 00:02:57,300
Nobody made daintier sandwiches
than your mother.
33
00:02:57,300 --> 00:02:58,620
She was a lady.
34
00:02:58,620 --> 00:03:01,760
And she brought thee up the same.
35
00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:07,880
I used to go home for dinner.
36
00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:13,420
Mother needed constant reassuring
I hadn't been killed or kidnapped.
37
00:03:13,420 --> 00:03:19,180
Tha were never in any danger
of that. I told her that!
38
00:03:19,180 --> 00:03:22,440
She thought I was just being brave.
39
00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:27,880
My mother used to send me out
in spotlessly clean little shirts
40
00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:32,740
and him and Keggy Hemingway
used to drop worms down your collar.
41
00:03:32,740 --> 00:03:36,320
Tha were always covered
in Vick vapour rub.
42
00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:40,320
We thought it might stop worms
from getting a cold.
43
00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:43,700
How kind!
Did it work, do you think?
44
00:03:43,700 --> 00:03:50,860
We never heard 'em coughing.
Made me cough! I think that's why my mother moved us all down south.
45
00:03:50,860 --> 00:03:53,760
I think I'd sooner have had worms.
46
00:03:53,760 --> 00:04:00,140
I've never since felt comfortable
with worms. I used to keep my eyes closed near dead bodies.
47
00:04:00,140 --> 00:04:02,740
What did tha bosses say about that?
48
00:04:02,740 --> 00:04:08,780
They used to think I was
deep in thought. I got a reputation as an intellectual!
49
00:04:08,780 --> 00:04:12,460
Keggy Hemingway -
he liked a good worm.
50
00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:17,720
Didn't he eat one once, for a bet?
Aye! Even I couldn't do that.
51
00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:21,380
Of course not -
you were full of my sandwiches.
52
00:04:21,380 --> 00:04:26,120
Worms couldn't have tasted all that
good - they never caught on.
53
00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:30,920
I wish he'd eaten more - there
would have been fewer down my shirt.
54
00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:35,300
'Ey up! It's still here -
my initials.
55
00:04:35,300 --> 00:04:39,960
WS loves DD!
56
00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:42,240
DD? Derek Dobson?
57
00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:46,700
You were in love with Derek Dobson?
You kept it very quiet.
58
00:04:46,700 --> 00:04:49,300
Not Derek, you daft buttock!
59
00:04:49,300 --> 00:04:52,300
It were Doreen Dobson, his sister.
60
00:04:52,300 --> 00:04:55,660
You were in love
with Doreen Dobson?
61
00:04:55,660 --> 00:04:59,080
Everybody was.
She looked like Shirley Temple.
62
00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:03,780
I wasn't in love! Tha were too busy
looking down tha shirt.
63
00:05:03,780 --> 00:05:08,940
I thought it was Derek who looked
like Shirley Temple. That were him.
64
00:05:08,940 --> 00:05:13,060
I never looked like Shirley Temple!
Tha did at football!
65
00:05:13,060 --> 00:05:17,020
Except once, while under cover
for the vice squad.
66
00:05:24,660 --> 00:05:27,540
Well, I'll be off, then.
67
00:05:27,540 --> 00:05:31,960
Haven't you forgotten
something? ..No.
68
00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:33,860
Think hard.
69
00:05:33,860 --> 00:05:36,180
I've got me briefcase.
70
00:05:36,180 --> 00:05:40,020
What about the love
that keeps you warm? Aw...
71
00:05:40,020 --> 00:05:42,440
I've got me car keys.
72
00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:46,420
I hope you won't forget
to kiss me goodbye, Barry.
73
00:05:49,580 --> 00:05:53,700
No, not indoors!
It's not something you should hide.
74
00:05:53,700 --> 00:05:58,740
You shouldn't be ashamed to kiss
your wife goodbye. Others do it.
75
00:05:58,740 --> 00:06:02,860
I've never seen 'em.
The young couple from number 83 do.
76
00:06:02,860 --> 00:06:05,440
Well, they're not married.
77
00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:08,940
Why don't you pretend
we're not married, Barry?
78
00:06:09,980 --> 00:06:11,500
Um...
79
00:06:11,500 --> 00:06:14,440
Oh, your father's coming. Phew!
80
00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:18,880
I must go before he starts
interfering with me vehicle.
81
00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:22,260
He's only helping.
..And I have to go to the garage.
82
00:06:23,980 --> 00:06:26,680
ENGINE STARTS
83
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:31,100
Does she sound a bit off-tune
to you, Barry?
84
00:06:31,100 --> 00:06:33,900
Sounds all right to me, Mr Pegden.
85
00:06:37,580 --> 00:06:42,080
He could do with a tune.
I'm beginning to think so.
86
00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:45,440
What are you doing here?
It's your mother.
87
00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:50,200
I've got to buy her a present
to replace a screwdriver set.
88
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:56,280
What do you buy people
who don't want tools? Buy something suitable for a lady.
89
00:06:56,280 --> 00:06:59,540
They don't make ladies' tools!
90
00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:05,980
Are you sure this is wise?
91
00:07:05,980 --> 00:07:09,420
This one doesn't look
like Shirley Temple.
92
00:07:09,420 --> 00:07:12,760
Thought of exchanging her
for a Rottweiler?
93
00:07:12,760 --> 00:07:18,060
Why do you bother with her? If I
start summat, I like to keep at it.
94
00:07:18,060 --> 00:07:21,260
We noticed that
when you discovered unemployment.
95
00:07:21,260 --> 00:07:25,740
She's got to tell me
I'm number one in her life...
96
00:07:25,740 --> 00:07:30,540
or else I'll pick up where I left
off with some of me old girlfriends.
97
00:07:30,540 --> 00:07:36,620
And when he says OLD girlfriends,
he really means OLD girlfriends.
98
00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:46,540
Well, I've reached a verdict.
99
00:07:46,540 --> 00:07:48,300
The man's an imbecile!
100
00:07:48,300 --> 00:07:50,720
But a romantic imbecile.
101
00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:57,120
It's 60 years since he saw Doreen.
Does he still think she'll look like Shirley Temple?
102
00:07:57,120 --> 00:08:01,600
Even if she had all the cosmetics
in the vice squad...!
103
00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:07,840
Maybe it won't come to that.
Maybe he's wearing Nora down - he wears everyone else down.
104
00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:12,680
Maybe this time, when he gives her
one last chance, she'll grab it!
105
00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:15,980
I know what she'll grab.
She'll grab a weapon.
106
00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:20,840
What do you want?
107
00:08:20,840 --> 00:08:25,320
What's this for? It's crunch time,
lass - tha last chance.
108
00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:31,100
I want thee to tell me here and
now, am I number one in your life?
109
00:08:31,100 --> 00:08:33,740
Just a minute.
110
00:08:33,740 --> 00:08:36,460
She's thinking about it!
111
00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:41,400
I'll tell you what number you are -
112
00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:44,260
you're number one nuisance!
113
00:08:54,444 --> 00:08:57,504
I wasn't born to be a check-out girl.
114
00:08:57,504 --> 00:09:02,984
I was born for romance and adventure,
until Mr Right comes along...
115
00:09:02,984 --> 00:09:05,844
Or even Mr Not Quite Right.
116
00:09:05,844 --> 00:09:08,684
A person has to be flexible.
117
00:09:11,764 --> 00:09:14,564
CRASH!
118
00:09:19,944 --> 00:09:23,204
Don't frighten me,
you dark stranger.
119
00:09:23,204 --> 00:09:26,004
Sending a girl's wheels a-wobble!
120
00:09:26,004 --> 00:09:30,084
Are you all right?
I'm lying helpless at your feet.
121
00:09:30,084 --> 00:09:32,904
How all right can you get?
122
00:09:32,904 --> 00:09:36,284
I never meant
to throw you off balance.
123
00:09:36,284 --> 00:09:41,164
How disappointing! It's a long time
since I was last thrown off balance.
124
00:09:41,164 --> 00:09:43,864
Here, hold the bicycle.
125
00:09:47,064 --> 00:09:51,964
Oh, very well. Since you are so
obviously of a very forward nature,
126
00:09:51,964 --> 00:09:54,624
I'll throw caution to the winds
127
00:09:54,624 --> 00:09:59,604
and allow you certain familiarities
not normally available to strangers.
128
00:10:00,724 --> 00:10:03,744
But it's me! It's Howard.
129
00:10:03,744 --> 00:10:07,784
Howard! ..Well,
I-I knew all the time.
130
00:10:07,784 --> 00:10:13,124
You don't imagine I'd drift into
conversation with a total stranger?
131
00:10:14,604 --> 00:10:17,184
I think I've got the solution!
132
00:10:17,184 --> 00:10:21,444
Well, if you have, I'm sure
I can find the right question.
133
00:10:21,444 --> 00:10:24,524
How we can meet,
in broad daylight!
134
00:10:24,524 --> 00:10:27,464
I think I've got
the perfect answer.
135
00:10:28,544 --> 00:10:32,024
But we always get
tangled up in your raincoat.
136
00:10:32,024 --> 00:10:36,484
No, no, it's a better disguise
than this one.
137
00:10:36,484 --> 00:10:41,364
I've been working on it. We'll meet
this afternoon and I'll show you.
138
00:10:41,364 --> 00:10:43,424
In broad daylight?
139
00:10:43,424 --> 00:10:47,904
I know it's a bit reckless,
but Reckless is my middle name.
140
00:10:49,724 --> 00:10:52,404
Oh, Howard!
141
00:10:52,404 --> 00:10:54,684
Oh, Marina...!
142
00:10:54,684 --> 00:10:56,704
BAA!
143
00:10:59,684 --> 00:11:03,624
That were it.
That were her last chance.
144
00:11:03,624 --> 00:11:07,124
So you offered,
and she turned you down.
145
00:11:07,124 --> 00:11:09,504
How lucky can you get?
146
00:11:09,504 --> 00:11:13,004
Oh, I wouldn't say
she turned me down.
147
00:11:13,004 --> 00:11:18,464
I think she were nervous of the...
emotional committee-ment.
148
00:11:18,464 --> 00:11:23,224
Not to mention the financial -
she'd have to support you. Aye.
149
00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:29,824
I hope she's not thinking
I've REALLY left her. Dabbing at her eyes with her duster(!)
150
00:11:29,824 --> 00:11:34,444
Duster? Huh! She's tough enough
for a Brillo pad!
151
00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:39,064
She needs competition.
I've got to make her madly jealous.
152
00:11:39,064 --> 00:11:45,004
Jealous of YOUR old girlfriends?
The only emotion they aroused was fear.
153
00:11:45,004 --> 00:11:47,324
Even from the back!
154
00:11:47,324 --> 00:11:49,964
Maybe they've improved with age.
155
00:11:49,964 --> 00:11:53,724
So they'd be OLD and horrible!
156
00:11:53,724 --> 00:12:00,104
Why does everything
have to keep reminding me of the former Mrs Truelove?
157
00:12:00,104 --> 00:12:03,604
He does...! He still loves her!
158
00:12:03,604 --> 00:12:09,624
I can't bear to think of her
with the kind of man who'd go with the former Mrs Truelove.
159
00:12:09,624 --> 00:12:12,824
I'm surrounded by romantics.
160
00:12:17,564 --> 00:12:20,584
TOOT-TOOT!
161
00:12:24,964 --> 00:12:27,424
Can I ask you a question?
162
00:12:27,424 --> 00:12:31,784
Well, you can, but I know nothing
about motor vehicles.
163
00:12:31,784 --> 00:12:36,544
My only experience of faulty
machinery began on me wedding day.
164
00:12:36,544 --> 00:12:41,944
It's not about motor vehicles. I'm
trying to find out what ladies like.
165
00:12:41,944 --> 00:12:45,984
Have you been getting too close
to the petrol fumes?
166
00:12:45,984 --> 00:12:50,484
I just want some idea
of what you'd like for a present.
167
00:12:50,484 --> 00:12:56,044
Wesley Pegden! Does Edie know
you're offering presents to other women?
168
00:12:56,044 --> 00:12:57,824
I'm not!
169
00:12:57,824 --> 00:13:04,804
It's not for other women. It's
for Edie. I'm trying to find out what ladies like for presents.
170
00:13:04,804 --> 00:13:08,664
I keep getting it wrong.
Why? What did you buy her?
171
00:13:08,664 --> 00:13:12,024
A nice, hand-initialled set
of screwdrivers.
172
00:13:16,124 --> 00:13:17,504
Howard!
173
00:13:18,564 --> 00:13:21,184
How did you know it was Howard?
174
00:13:21,184 --> 00:13:24,744
You know motor vehicles,
I know Howard.
175
00:13:25,824 --> 00:13:29,204
Why is he dressed like that?
A good question.
176
00:13:30,324 --> 00:13:34,044
Have you got
a good answer? Dressed like what?
177
00:13:34,044 --> 00:13:36,904
Why are you wearing
all that raincoat?
178
00:13:36,904 --> 00:13:39,564
Oh, has it stopped?
179
00:13:43,724 --> 00:13:46,724
SLURPING
180
00:13:50,604 --> 00:13:56,484
When are you planning this assault
on the female population? Right now.
181
00:13:56,484 --> 00:14:01,064
Strike while the iron's hot.
Don't you mean lukewarm?
182
00:14:01,064 --> 00:14:06,024
Norman! There's still enough heat
in the engine room.
183
00:14:06,024 --> 00:14:10,084
I'm surprised, given all the holes
it could escape through.
184
00:14:10,084 --> 00:14:13,784
Suppose these old birds of yours
are married now?
185
00:14:13,784 --> 00:14:16,684
Who's going to marry his old birds?
186
00:14:16,684 --> 00:14:18,624
Phoebe Smethers got married.
187
00:14:18,624 --> 00:14:23,304
A good solicitor could get him off
on the grounds of insanity.
188
00:14:23,304 --> 00:14:27,484
Who DID she marry?
I'm sure I don't know what you mean.
189
00:14:27,484 --> 00:14:30,944
You needn't think
I've been listening. Never!
190
00:14:30,944 --> 00:14:35,544
But who did Phoebe Smethers marry?
Phoebe Smethers?
191
00:14:35,544 --> 00:14:38,044
She looked like that film star -
192
00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:40,064
Oliver Reed.
193
00:14:40,064 --> 00:14:44,184
She never did!
She were all right, were Phoebe.
194
00:14:44,184 --> 00:14:49,404
She once bit me on the leg, through
a pair of cords. It went septic.
195
00:14:49,404 --> 00:14:52,824
Oh! THAT Phoebe Smethers.
196
00:14:52,824 --> 00:14:57,184
Who DID she marry?
I think he was a stranger round here.
197
00:14:57,184 --> 00:15:03,104
He'd have to be a stranger anywhere
to marry her. Don't think it lasted.
198
00:15:03,104 --> 00:15:06,764
'Ey up, then! Here we go.
Phoebe's free!
199
00:15:06,764 --> 00:15:08,564
Free for what?
200
00:15:08,564 --> 00:15:11,044
Action! Excitement!
201
00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:15,444
Yorkshire's Errol Flynn
is looking for old girlfriends.
202
00:15:15,444 --> 00:15:19,944
Oh, that'll be a treat for them(!)
I'd sooner paper a ceiling.
203
00:15:19,944 --> 00:15:25,484
There's always been a certain
electricity between me and women.
204
00:15:25,484 --> 00:15:29,224
And you look like
you've been cut off again.
205
00:15:29,224 --> 00:15:32,904
Oh, I get it.
Tha don't like the outfit.
206
00:15:32,904 --> 00:15:38,024
Ten times smarter, and you'd still
be rejected for our jumble sale.
207
00:15:38,024 --> 00:15:42,844
You need a wrecker's yard.
Is that the jumble stuff there?
208
00:15:42,844 --> 00:15:44,444
It's for charity!
209
00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:46,484
I'm a charity.
210
00:15:46,484 --> 00:15:50,084
You can take your pick for �5.
211
00:15:51,324 --> 00:15:52,704
Done!
212
00:15:54,364 --> 00:15:56,724
Since when have you had �5?
213
00:15:56,724 --> 00:16:00,564
Once I've borrowed �2.50 from him...
214
00:16:00,564 --> 00:16:03,064
and �2.50 from thee!
215
00:16:05,624 --> 00:16:08,684
Something suitable for a lady? Hmm.
216
00:16:08,684 --> 00:16:12,924
Well, congratulations
on coming to the right place.
217
00:16:12,924 --> 00:16:15,084
Not too expensive.
218
00:16:15,084 --> 00:16:18,324
But you've come
with the wrong attitude!
219
00:16:19,384 --> 00:16:24,404
Now... That's the best single piece
of advice I can give you.
220
00:16:26,344 --> 00:16:30,804
D'you know what's wrong with
the world? People are too timid.
221
00:16:30,804 --> 00:16:37,084
And getting timider.
It's because they think too small.
222
00:16:37,084 --> 00:16:40,084
You've got to grow inwardly.
223
00:16:40,084 --> 00:16:45,804
How much?
Just relax. The first thing is to relax. You're all tense.
224
00:16:45,804 --> 00:16:48,904
Don't look at me -
look at that sign.
225
00:16:48,904 --> 00:16:53,644
I want you to stand there
and feel yourself thinking big.
226
00:16:53,644 --> 00:16:56,684
How big?
Bigger than that.
227
00:17:01,664 --> 00:17:04,104
It's only me.
228
00:17:06,844 --> 00:17:10,624
What's for lunch?
It's your favourite. Oh, that's nice!
229
00:17:10,624 --> 00:17:14,084
What's me favourite?
Oh, don't tell me it's not?
230
00:17:14,084 --> 00:17:18,184
I thought it was your favourite.
It's me favourite!
231
00:17:18,184 --> 00:17:21,704
You seem nervous, love.
What's the matter?
232
00:17:21,704 --> 00:17:25,204
Barry...
What is it? What is it?
233
00:17:25,204 --> 00:17:32,684
You know that tan suit I never
liked? You wore it when you went out with that blonde before you met me.
234
00:17:32,684 --> 00:17:36,564
Light tan... Nice suit, yeah...
235
00:17:36,564 --> 00:17:37,884
What about it?
236
00:17:37,884 --> 00:17:40,604
I've given it to the jumble sale.
237
00:17:40,604 --> 00:17:44,484
You what?!
I can't live with it in the house, Barry.
238
00:17:44,484 --> 00:17:48,224
I can't live with that suit that's
been round that horrible blonde.
239
00:17:48,224 --> 00:17:50,964
I've hardly worn it!
240
00:17:50,964 --> 00:17:55,124
I thought I'd wear it
if we ever went somewhere warm.
241
00:17:55,124 --> 00:17:58,464
Oh, eat your lunch, Barry!
It's your favourite.
242
00:18:03,724 --> 00:18:05,904
CLEGG CHUCKLES
243
00:18:05,904 --> 00:18:08,764
There'll be no stopping him now!
244
00:18:08,764 --> 00:18:14,584
Phoebe's going to think he always
wears things with no holes in.
245
00:18:14,584 --> 00:18:20,664
You don't think
there's any danger of...? I don't think he intends to go that far.
246
00:18:20,664 --> 00:18:27,204
I know he can be a nuisance,
but I wouldn't like to think of him being...married.
247
00:18:27,204 --> 00:18:30,824
Who's going to marry him?
Would you marry him?
248
00:18:30,824 --> 00:18:36,364
If you'd be a bridesmaid. That's a
wicked thing to say to a policeman!
249
00:18:36,364 --> 00:18:41,464
Hey! Don't leave him on MY premises.
He changed his suit, not his habits.
250
00:18:46,444 --> 00:18:49,844
Look out, Phoebe
Cos here I come!
251
00:18:49,844 --> 00:18:52,804
Ho-ho, ho-ho!
252
00:19:00,364 --> 00:19:04,964
I know how painful it is
when you get injured down there!
253
00:19:04,964 --> 00:19:07,004
Ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha!
254
00:19:11,244 --> 00:19:14,904
Why the hurry to take stuff
to the jumble sale?
255
00:19:14,904 --> 00:19:18,324
Well, it's such a good cause.
256
00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:21,704
I hate it when I know you're lying
257
00:19:21,704 --> 00:19:24,604
and I can't put me finger on it!
258
00:19:25,644 --> 00:19:28,504
Why don't you trust me more?
259
00:19:28,504 --> 00:19:34,344
If you think I did something wrong,
there'll be an innocent explanation.
260
00:19:34,344 --> 00:19:37,704
And I bet you wish
you could always think of it.
261
00:19:37,704 --> 00:19:40,384
And why are we giving
MY stuff away?
262
00:19:40,384 --> 00:19:44,104
Why not some of yours?
Mine are in the bag.
263
00:19:44,104 --> 00:19:47,684
One scarf?!
It's a very good scarf.
264
00:19:47,684 --> 00:19:49,764
It's got holes in it!
265
00:19:49,764 --> 00:19:49,784
..Except where it's got holes in it.
266
00:19:49,844 --> 00:19:52,644
This is Phoebe's house.
267
00:19:58,904 --> 00:20:05,724
Well, she's a lot neater than
she used to be. She used to look as if she came out of a kennel.
268
00:20:05,724 --> 00:20:07,464
But from a good home!
269
00:20:07,464 --> 00:20:11,144
It's her house!
The man in the post office said.
270
00:20:11,144 --> 00:20:16,324
It's dicing with fate. Suppose you
finish up engaged to be married?
271
00:20:16,324 --> 00:20:22,004
So it'll serve Nora Batty right and
I'll settle down in a nice bungalow.
272
00:20:22,004 --> 00:20:25,324
You'll have to do the gardening.
273
00:20:25,324 --> 00:20:27,524
We shall have a marriage contract -
274
00:20:27,524 --> 00:20:30,824
she can have all the excitement
she wants,
275
00:20:30,824 --> 00:20:33,144
but no gardening.
276
00:20:37,704 --> 00:20:41,984
I'm sorry to see it go.
Me too.
277
00:20:41,984 --> 00:20:46,664
Well, she wanted something
you wouldn't be likely to borrow.
278
00:20:46,664 --> 00:20:50,044
Don't forget -
these are appreciating in value.
279
00:20:50,044 --> 00:20:52,664
They're becoming a collector's item.
280
00:20:53,764 --> 00:20:57,524
If she doesn't like it,
would you exchange it?
281
00:20:57,524 --> 00:21:01,964
You'll have to speak up!
I'm no good without me hearing aid.
282
00:21:01,964 --> 00:21:05,924
Anyway, you give my regards
to all your family
283
00:21:05,924 --> 00:21:09,304
and don't forget to tell them
I've got a sale on.
284
00:21:18,784 --> 00:21:22,324
Phoebe!
It's me! The killer kisser!
285
00:21:22,324 --> 00:21:25,144
Sugarlips Simmonite! Ha-ha-ha!
286
00:21:30,664 --> 00:21:34,984
What about the magnetism?
You really made an impression(!)
287
00:21:34,984 --> 00:21:41,004
She were obviously confused. Her
eyesight's not as good as it was.
288
00:21:41,004 --> 00:21:44,204
I'd pack it in while you're ahead.
289
00:21:44,204 --> 00:21:47,724
I've got it!
Babs - I'll have a go at Babs.
290
00:21:47,724 --> 00:21:51,244
Babs? You mean
King Kong's alive and well?
291
00:21:51,244 --> 00:21:54,044
She were always a good sport,
were Babs.
292
00:21:54,044 --> 00:21:56,764
Mainly wrestling, wasn't it?
293
00:22:00,864 --> 00:22:02,764
A dolly tub?
294
00:22:02,764 --> 00:22:09,084
It took me 20 years
to get rid of a dolly tub, and he comes in with one as a present.
295
00:22:09,084 --> 00:22:13,524
At least he's giving you things.
Mine's giving my things away.
296
00:22:13,524 --> 00:22:17,144
He's taken a load of my stuff
to the jumble sale.
297
00:22:17,144 --> 00:22:21,184
Well, it's all in a good cause.
Yes.
298
00:22:21,184 --> 00:22:26,264
I don't think my Barry thinks so.
I gave one of his suits to the sale.
299
00:22:26,264 --> 00:22:29,484
Which one? Will it fit your father?
300
00:22:29,484 --> 00:22:33,604
I wouldn't give it to me father -
it attracts blondes!
301
00:22:33,604 --> 00:22:38,564
Him that sells the second-hand
cars - he must have a suit like that.
302
00:22:38,564 --> 00:22:41,344
Mine wears man-made fibres.
303
00:22:41,344 --> 00:22:44,864
All he attracts
is an artificial blonde.
304
00:22:44,864 --> 00:22:48,364
I've heard of clothes
attracting moths, but blondes...
305
00:22:48,364 --> 00:22:51,044
Better than attracting dolly tubs.
306
00:22:51,044 --> 00:22:54,104
Mother, it's appreciating in value!
307
00:22:54,104 --> 00:22:57,324
I'd sooner have
a set of screwdrivers!
308
00:22:59,884 --> 00:23:02,344
WOMAN'S LAUGHTER
309
00:23:03,724 --> 00:23:06,504
Well, he wanted a woman on his arm.
310
00:23:06,504 --> 00:23:10,424
I think he's forgotten
how big Babs is.
311
00:23:10,424 --> 00:23:12,904
DOOR SQUEAKS
312
00:23:15,384 --> 00:23:18,184
You're looking good in the suit.
313
00:23:18,184 --> 00:23:21,564
You're looking
as if it might get creased.
314
00:23:24,684 --> 00:23:29,564
How's he going to wriggle out of
that? At least she remembered him.
315
00:23:29,564 --> 00:23:32,604
I think we shall all remember him.
316
00:23:37,544 --> 00:23:42,304
If you're going to sulk, Barry...
I'll buy you a new suit.
317
00:23:42,304 --> 00:23:46,784
I liked THAT suit. I was saving it
for a holiday in the sun.
318
00:23:46,784 --> 00:23:53,264
I'm disappointed that you,
a married man, would want to wear a suit that attracts blondes.
319
00:23:53,264 --> 00:23:58,084
How can a suit attract blondes?
I never felt secure with it.
320
00:23:58,084 --> 00:24:02,764
It's gone to a good cause. Let
someone who needs it get the benefit.
321
00:24:02,764 --> 00:24:05,444
How can a suit attract blondes?!
322
00:24:11,064 --> 00:24:12,984
That's my suit!
323
00:24:12,984 --> 00:24:15,584
And look what's following it!
324
00:24:16,664 --> 00:24:19,864
I told you, Barry!
My God!
325
00:24:19,864 --> 00:24:24,824
I'll never wear that colour again,
if it attracts things like that.
326
00:24:27,864 --> 00:24:31,284
Oh, dear! She took some evading,
that one.
327
00:24:31,284 --> 00:24:35,144
She were faster
than she had the right to be.
328
00:24:35,144 --> 00:24:38,204
I thought you made a lovely couple.
329
00:24:38,204 --> 00:24:40,944
Babs alone makes a lovely couple.
330
00:24:41,984 --> 00:24:46,084
She wanted to take me home -
to meet her mother!
331
00:24:46,084 --> 00:24:48,024
You were making progress there!
332
00:24:48,024 --> 00:24:52,664
All I wanted was summat on me arm
to walk past Nora Batty.
333
00:24:53,784 --> 00:24:56,684
Have you thought about a parrot?
334
00:24:56,684 --> 00:24:59,544
I'm thinking of giving it up...
335
00:25:04,704 --> 00:25:09,364
And this is the great idea, Howard?
This is the big disguise?
336
00:25:09,364 --> 00:25:14,484
Only while we're in town, love.
I've got me own clothes in this bag.
337
00:25:14,484 --> 00:25:19,844
As soon as we're out of town, I can
change into something more masculine.
338
00:25:19,844 --> 00:25:22,464
I'm glad about that(!)
339
00:25:22,464 --> 00:25:25,484
Actually, it's a brilliant idea.
340
00:25:25,484 --> 00:25:28,564
I want you to promise me, Howard...
341
00:25:28,564 --> 00:25:32,724
you're not going to start turning up
prettier than me?
342
00:25:37,484 --> 00:25:39,484
'Ey up!
343
00:25:39,484 --> 00:25:42,144
Who's the blonde with Marina?
344
00:25:43,164 --> 00:25:47,284
I don't know the face,
but the moustache is familiar.
345
00:25:47,284 --> 00:25:51,424
I could have sworn
it was the former Mrs Truelove.
346
00:25:53,144 --> 00:25:55,724
What's the hurry, Howard?
347
00:25:55,724 --> 00:25:59,244
The name's Hilda
and I don't speak to strange men.
348
00:25:59,244 --> 00:26:03,864
Oh, come off it, Howard!
You're just what I'm looking for.
349
00:26:03,864 --> 00:26:07,224
A blonde
to parade before Nora Batty!
350
00:26:30,944 --> 00:26:35,224
No good standing there, love.
You'll miss all the bargains.
351
00:26:46,024 --> 00:26:48,724
At least he can't MARRY Howard.
352
00:26:48,724 --> 00:26:53,084
He could do worse.
Howard's very good round the house.
353
00:26:53,084 --> 00:26:55,704
If you can keep him round the house.
354
00:27:01,844 --> 00:27:05,304
'Ey up, Nora!
Nice day for a bit of jumble.
355
00:27:12,264 --> 00:27:17,164
I don't know who the ghastly trollop
is, but the clothes look familiar.
356
00:27:18,244 --> 00:27:20,684
I told you, Barry...
357
00:27:20,684 --> 00:27:22,924
It attracts blondes.
358
00:27:27,324 --> 00:27:29,524
How much is this?
359
00:27:30,904 --> 00:27:32,604
Howard!
360
00:27:32,604 --> 00:27:35,304
It's Hilda.
361
00:27:35,304 --> 00:27:36,744
Hilda.
362
00:27:36,744 --> 00:27:38,924
With a moustache.
363
00:27:38,924 --> 00:27:42,924
It stops her being accosted
by strange men.
364
00:27:42,924 --> 00:27:45,524
And it works. Very successfully.
365
00:27:45,524 --> 00:27:47,984
I can explain, love.
366
00:27:49,784 --> 00:27:54,124
I never really fancied her,
even without a moustache.
367
00:27:54,124 --> 00:27:56,644
It were just a passing fancy.
368
00:27:56,644 --> 00:28:00,544
You're the one, lass.
But do me a favour...
369
00:28:00,544 --> 00:28:07,384
Get thyself some new stockings,
if tha wants to come out with me in this flash suit!
370
00:28:07,384 --> 00:28:09,984
Mind the suit!
371
00:28:09,984 --> 00:28:14,804
I think I'm winning - first time
she's come at me with a dolly peg!
372
00:28:14,804 --> 00:28:16,504
Oo-arh!
373
00:28:49,084 --> 00:28:52,744
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd - 2007
374
00:28:52,794 --> 00:28:57,344
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