Original subtitles

BANGING AND BUMPING DOWNSTAIRS

COMPO: Will you come here, Stella! Tha knows I'm going out!

It'll be over before we get there!

Stella, stop messing me about. Tha's cutting into my drinking time!

Can't we just leave her? I will!

I've just left her. She's playing up because I'm going out.

Maybe she's lonely. Can't you get a ferret-sitter?

Oh, no. She's a one-man ferret.

Right...we're off. Tha'll have to stay loose!

There's a possibility we could all be locked in here for ever! Give it a good tug.

Come here.

Well, we can't leave it like this. Stella's loose.

Ohh.

You're late. We'd given you up. Are you leaving?

I wanted a bit of company. Tha can't be short of company at a stag night! Not now you're here.

I'm glad we came late. How long have you all been drinking?

You know how time flies when you're busy.

Where did tha learn to drink like that?! A lifetime in the Metropolitan Police.

Picked it up as you went along.

You seem to have picked it up very well.

Before I became Sergeant Truelove, CID,

I had to pass rigorous tests in advanced drinking.

Besides which, the former Mrs Truelove always looked better under the influence of alcohol.

The former Mrs Truelove? How long were tha married?

37 years.

Oh, well, if you're not going to give the thing a fair chance...

Tha got divorced? After 37 years?

It was a painful time. I don't like to speak about it.

Marriage was all right at first. I still treasure the memory of the first few...

minutes.

Tha doesn't like to speak about it? According to the last bloke on his feet, tha spoke about it all night!

It wasn't all night. Members of the public tend to exaggerate.

He said you'd scared the groom half to death with your horror stories of wedlock.

I was giving him the benefit of my experience. In years to come he'll be more than grateful.

How come tha got invited? They needed someone responsible to look after the groom -

and who more responsible than the former Detective Sergeant Herbert Truelove? "Truly of the Yard".

If you're supposed to be keeping an eye on the groom, where is he?

He's fine. Enjoying his last few quiet moments before the fray.

Please excuse me. I get sentimental on these occasions.

BLOWS NOSE

I could be lying. A copper should always bear that possibility in mind.

Now, that's better.

You look lovely!

You could be biased, Auntie Edie.

She's going to look lovely.

Nervous, but lovely.

I hope she enjoys it as much as I enjoyed my wedding day.

Drink your sherry!

Oh, Mother!

I've got butterflies. Get her a drink! Do you think I ought to? Why not? The men will be.

Any excuse.

I hope Ronald's all right. He will be. He doesn't normally drink a lot.

It's surprising what they can do when they put their minds to it!

It's like riding a bicycle. They fall down, then they get the hang of it!

Some of them turn to worse things than drink!

At least yours doesn't have a hangover in the morning.

They're pathetic when they have a hangover - it's as if they're dying.

They're not good at pain.

Well, it's our duty to make sure that they become accustomed to it!

I don't cause my Barry any pain!

Well, it's time you started.

If you haven't got him house-trained by now, when will you?

Is marriage that bad?

No, love, it's fine,

once you get past the excitable bits.

I had no trouble doing that.

Marriage is lovely. I hope I never get past the excitable bits!

Will you please drink your sherry?

I just hope my Ronald's OK.

It's his last night of freedom. You've got to give him a break.

You've the rest of your life to get your own back. He's all right. He's with Mr Truelove.

He used to be a policeman.

And with my Barry as best man, he's not going to come to much harm!

The former Mrs Truelove had all the arrogance of an attractive woman,

it's just a pity she didn't have the face and figure to go with it.

Between perms she looked like Max Wall.

I used to like Max Wall.

Not to wake up with!

I didn't like him that much.

I hope Stella's all right.

You want to drink and forget. They've closed the bar.

Whose drink is that?

Judging by its pink and delicate complexion, I'd say it's the best man's. Barry?

Is he going to finish it?

Not for a while.

Glenda's going to be so pleased that you've got Barry in that condition.

I just told them a few stories of marriage,

and, suddenly, they wanted to drink rather more than was good for them.

I thought Foggy was coming.

Foggy? Dewhurst. A tall streak with a walking stick.

A bit slow with a penny but quick with his war stories.

Oh, him. Well, he WAS here.

I'm sure he was here.

Yes, I thought I'd seen him.

I've told you what time to fetch the flowers. You've told me 14 times.

And you're as vague every time.

I've noticed that you take no notice of a sentence unless it's got the word "motor" in it.

Have you cleaned your best shoes? Yes.

The bride's supposed to look lovely, not me. We're her only relatives,

and I am going to get you done up if it kills me!

It's the least we can do.

PHONE RINGS Now what?

Hello?

Who is it?

It's Mr Truelove. What does he want? He wants some transport. At this hour?!

What's Barry doing?

I don't think you want to know what Barry's doing right now.

Talk about being married, he looks ready to be buried!

I don't think he'll notice the difference.

You can't take him home in this state.

We'll take care of him somewhere like Nora Batty's spare bedroom.

We'd better get them back to my place and sober them up.

We'd better go and get Foggy. It'll take four of us.

Do you come here often? I can't remember.

You can't remember what?

I've never seen Foggy in this condition.

He's much easier to handle.

I enjoy a good wedding. So I've noticed.

The secret is to make sure that it's somebody else's.

For 37 years you were married. You must miss each other. We have missed each other -

with half bricks, frying pans, empty bottles...

Keep your voice down. Tha'll be terrifying this lad.

Oh, he's not listening.

One thing's for sure, Foggy's not listening. He's not talking, either.

I love listening to Foggy when he's not talking.

I take my hat off to him. He has the admiration of Truly of the Yard.

What for?

For his native wit and cunning.

I believe anyone who avoids wedlock is deserving of the highest respect.

I found wedlock very confusing but your marriage can't have been all that bad.

It was fine while they were taking the photographs.

It was only after that it was all downhill.

Do you think I can get some sleep now?

There's nothing stopping you. Get into bed.

Will you be making notes all night? Why are you so argumentative? I only asked.

It's because you're in a suit tomorrow - you're always nervous the night before.

I shan't be able to breathe. That's because you're used to those baggy overalls.

You don't need that shed when you've all that space in your overalls.

Serves you right if I turn purple!

You'd better not! It'll clash with my outfit!

DOORBELL RINGS

RAPID KNOCKING

Now what?!

Well, go and see what it is!

I've lost my Barry!

You haven't lost him. It's as if he just disappeared between the pub and home!

I never believed in flying saucers but... Flying saucers?! I've just seen him!

Has he been tampered with? Have they replaced his brain?

It's funny you should say that... He's fine. Well, nearly fine.

Oh, will he still recognise me?

Give him time.

If it's something scandalous, keep your voices down. My Barry's had an encounter! Barry's fine!

He's perfectly safe at Norman Clegg's. What's he doing there?

He's doing what he should be doing - he's looking after the groom.

I had this premonition. The groom's had an encounter!

Only with a drinker outside his class. He's just a bit under the weather.

He'd better be fine and sunny by morning!

What time is it?

I don't know. I think I died during the night.

I nearly died.

That Mr Truelove - did you hear his awful marriage stories, eh?

Barry, you don't think it's possible I could be making a terrible mistake, do you?

I wish you wouldn't talk at me, Ronnie.

Every word's coming in like a half brick.

Give us a hand, lads. Don't stand by all limp on your wedding morn!

There'll be plenty of time for that later!

He's stayed asleep in case it's his turn to buy a round!

There's plenty of time before the wedding - let him sleep at home.

'Ey up, Ronnie!

This is the day, lad! Do you think tha's ready for it?

I don't know. You hear such terrible stories, don't you?

It's not that bad. Barry will tell you that. Barry? Who's Barry?

You! Oh, yeah.

ENGINE REVS

You're home, Barry. It's your house!

I knew I'd seen it before. I'm beginning to remember things.

ALL: Not that one! This one!

Barry! You're supposed to stay by my side! No, that's the little woman -

by your side,

on your back, up your nose!

Barry will be back for the wedding. I'm not sure I will.

I'm not sure I can do it. There's nothing to it! How long did yours last?

Best part of a fortnight.

It's not all bad. Barry has a good marriage. Take no notice of Mr Truelove and watch Barry.

How could you do this to me?

And the Building Society?

Whoops!

Call me sentimental, but such scenes do remind me of my own happy home-life!

Maybe he'd have done better if we'd let him go in the wrong house.

Did you say that was a good marriage?

Well, they don't come much better than Glenda and Barry!

Morning!

Here we are then, Ronnie - home! Couldn't we go for a ride? It's such a lovely morning.

Come on, Ronnie. Get some sleep before you have to get ready!

Millions of people will tell you how good it is to be married. Of course, they could be lying.

Is she attractive, the bride? Oh, she is. She's attractive.

Yes... I don't know how they do it.

While you're engaged, right up to the altar, they're attractive.

Then, next morning,

you look at them over the breakfast table and it's happened.

What's happened?

Ugly. They've gone ugly.

Take no notice. He exaggerates. Like they do when they give evidence!

A poetic imagination is a policeman's greatest gift!

Aaagh!

What's happened to Mr Dewhurst?

How can she recognise him from that angle?

Perhaps she never forgets a boot.

I'd know Mr Dewhurst anywhere. It's always a pleasure to deliver to him.

He's such a gentleman - tells such lovely war stories.

You can relax, madam. He's merely sleeping it off.

Oh! I can't tell you what a relief that is!

Oi!

Hey!

What an excitable milkman!

No wonder it's lumpy on the second day.

The groom's just escaped on the milk float. That's real panic, escaping on a milk float!

Hey!

Stop him! He's stolen my milk float!

Relax, we've got the message. We'll get it back for you.

How far can he get in that?

You can't race off with Mr Dewhurst in t'back.

What's the alternative? It's no way to treat a war hero. I'll deliver him.

It's always a pleasure to be of service to Mr Dewhurst.

I think she means it!

Where's he gone?

This beggar's tricky. He could prove to be the kind that deserves to be married.

You terrified him with your marriage stories.

They frightened the life out of me and I'd marry anybody!

His sister lives here. He's at his sister's.

Do you think we've done enough for a wedding?

We have if we can keep my neighbour on a leash.

I hope they realise they're getting home-made.

You can tell a good wedding - if things are home-made, everyone gets off to a good start.

Do you think they'll be happy?

I should think so - most people like savoury pasties.

I mean happy in their marriage!

Were you?

Well, when you look back, I was happier than I realised at the time.

You too? Funny where it goes, isn't it?

Mmm, you always think you've got for ever.

We're not open! What does he want?

He wants to keep his sticky fingers off my glass door!

What do you want? Advice.

Advice? You've left it a bit late for that.

They smell good.

You'll get some at the wedding.

What sort of advice?

I don't know what to buy for a wedding present. You've left it late.

I started early. I've been for weeks not knowing what to buy for a wedding present.

He's tricky. Does he think he can flee from Truly of the Yard?

Well, Mrs Truly did.

I hope she sends him First Class.

Let's hope she doesn't try to shove him through the letter box!

I thought you'd be open - I had a bet with meself!

Did you win?

Well, you ARE open. Who's open this early? I haven't tidied up yet.

Your door's open. I AM entitled to go in and out. It says "Closed" on the door.

I've never known you turn down a customer. I'm not the grasping, old woman people say I am.

Since when?

There are other things in life besides buying and selling. Since when?

I can't stand here talking. I've got to buy a present.

You want to be glad you are stood here talking. Why?

Because while you've been talking, I've opened the shop.

It happens to be a day I open early.

Of course, the tricky swine could have doubled back.

That's what I've done in that Land Rover.

I've doubled me back!

With me it's me drinking elbow.

Let's give up. What about that poor child -

her little heart all a flutter at the thought of starting a mortgage?

It was thee that put him off. I wouldn't go that far. He's going that far, and fast!

I was Truly of the Yard - I always get my man.

I thought that was the Mounties.

Where do you think they got it? There he goes!

We'll head him off!

We've worn him down. He's given up!

He knows I'd follow him to the ends of the earth.

In a Land Rover? A figure of speech.

Don't start speeching any married horror stories. They're the only kind I know. Keep thy gob shut.

He has the same silvery tongue as the former Mrs Truelove.

Ready for a bit of elementary wedlock, are we?

What did tha do that for?

It was the best I could think of on the spur of the moment, like.

It's not bad. For a spur of the moment!

Quite tricky.

"Dear Diary..."

The big day at last. I hope he feels like I do - too excited to sleep.

I'll try to be a good wife to him.

I wonder what he's doing right this moment.

I wonder if you're awake, Ronnie. I wonder what you're thinking now.

I'm not going! You're going! We didn't do all this digging for nowt!

I'm just glad he didn't chain himself to traffic lights!

Take me to jail! I'll plead guilty!

What a state to be in.

He did a really good job on him last night. I never made this fuss at mine.

I went quietly. There's a sort of merciful numbness comes over you at the end.

In my case, BOTH ends.

I was only a young constable.

I thought it couldn't be worse than arresting violent criminals.

It just shows how wrong you can get.

RONNIE GROANS I'm only kidding. Marriage is what you make of it.

I know, I heard what you made of it.

Get on!

What was she really like, your Mabel?

A Rottweiler in many ways.

I always supported the idea that they should be muzzled.

RONNIE: Ooh, me back.

Come on, mind the head.

A few more minutes and it's the end of the shift.

Aye, it's been a quiet night.

You're grateful for quiet nights but it's really boring.

It's one of the assets of this area.

You do your 25 years in a solidly boring area,

and you've had a decent career!

Oh, I agree. Fancy being in one of them hooligan areas where you could get duffed up every night.

Get enough of that at home!

RADIO: 'HS Control to Baker Charlie Dog.' Typical!

Nothing happens all night, then, just before you're due to go home...

Baker Charlie Dog, over.

'HS Control to Baker Charlie Dog,

'Highways Department reports the theft of a Give Way sign.'

A Give Way sign? Good grief! I know they'll pinch everything that's loose,

but Lord help us if they take things that are fastened in the ground.

Let's go before we get involved with a Give Way sign!

HE GROANS

Ooh!

You look terrible. I feel terrible.

I think I'd like a pill. Take a pill!

Have we got a suicide pill?

SPOON AND CHINA CLANG Aah! Drink this, you'll feel better. I won't.

You've got to get better. You've got to give the groom the ring.

The ring!

What did I do with the ring?!

What did I do with the ring?!

SIREN WAILS

Do you know any policemen?

I'll tell them I've been kidnapped!

Help!

Help!

Leave this with me. I can handle policemen. In two minutes they'll be asking for autographs.

Now then, Constables, it's your lucky day. How often do you meet Truly of the Yard?

Tha certainly made a big impression there!

They've been up all night. They're in a bad mood.

Thank you!

That's one hell of a wing mirror!

Why didn't you put it somewhere safe? I remember I put it somewhere safe. Where? I can't remember!

It's not under here. It's not in here. Did you search every pocket? Yes!

What will you tell the groom? Can't you tell him? I'm far too unwell for any complicated lying!

Well, well, well.

A man who carries his own.

Now, there's a novelty.

I need to speak to someone of senior rank. I can explain. Don't!

Every time you open your mouth, we get further in it!

Can I go now? We're going to miss a wedding! Yeah? I'm told your father had the same problem.

A word in your ear, Constable, from an ex-colleague.

You'll have heard of Truly of the Yard.

No.

I caught the Hackney serial killer.

I thought that was Superintendent Ross.

He wasn't the Hackney serial killer. That was a fella named Berril.

No wonder he went around killing folk if his parents named him Beryl.

B-E-R-R-I-L.

I want to be arrested.

No problem, sir. You just have been.

Can I have a long sentence?

How about...

"You do not have to say anything,

"but it may harm your defence if you do not mention something which you later rely on in court,

"and anything you do say may be given in evidence." Long enough?

Oh, I plead guilty! He's not guilty. He's just nervous.

We're on our way to a wedding.

I'm not! No, I'm not!

I'm run a gang of Give-Way-sign thieves. I sell them to countries who can't afford their own.

Don't believe him. He's an idiot.

And what are you?

Close.

We're together!

SAWING

You've seen almost everything. Isn't there anything you like?

Nothing that says, "That's it!"

We could get you a parrot.

What did you have in mind, if it's not too optimistic a question?

I haven't decided. I sort of came with an open mind.

Open? I've never seen one as open.

What would you buy? Something expensive!

I can't go as far as expensive.

You haven't even gone as far as cheap!

You'll have to have the last resort.

The last resort? I keep it for these special occasions when all else fails.

Stay there and don't touch anything.

That's it? The last resort?

Why do you call it a last resort? Oh, an old lady has her reasons.

I don't like it. You haven't heard the price yet.

How much is it? The price is on the ticket in the bottom of the vase.

You've got a longer reach than me. See what it says on the ticket.

I can't feel anything. It looks that way, judging by your expression.

Me hand's fast! That kind of vase does that sometimes.

Can you give me a pull? Oh, no, you could hurt yourself.

Wait till you get home and put some butter around it.

You'll let me take it home? Absolutely! I'm glad you found something!

Oh, look! The price is on the bottom, after all!

There we are, then. Another satisfied customer!

Oh!

Ought we to be leaving a groom in a police station on his wedding day?

Just for two hours. At least we know where he is.

I'm hungry! That makes a change(!) We should get breakfast, then come back for the groom.

Once he's sober, he'll have regained enough natural stupidity to go through with it!

He makes it sound so romantic(!)

Try and think, Barry. Try and think what you did with the ring!

I don't think me head's working too well!

What's the last thing you remember doing with it?

What do you do with a head? It just goes where you go!

The ring, Barry!

It's all a blank!

I remember... Yes?

I remember feeling ill.

You really had a good time, didn't you, Barry?

I remember Mr Dewhurst said a tribe in the jungle had a cure for feeling ill. Did it work?

I don't know. We couldn't get any alligator liver extract.

That's it! That's where the ring is!

In an alligator?

I gave it to Mr Dewhurst!

He suggested that I give it to a responsible person for safe-keeping!

I think he was very wise!

You'd better get dressed and go and fetch it. I will.

And maybe at home, Mr Dewhurst will have some alligator liver extract.

Should you be here on a wedding morning?

I need a quick tinker to calm me nerves.

Why are you nervous? I hate getting dressed up. Is everything all right?

Everything's fine. Of course, he could be lying.

Where's the groom? He's in jail.

I see what you mean about it all being all right!

Why is he in jail? He'll be out when he sobers up. Don't worry, he'll be there on time. In what condition?

Oh, well, if tha's going to be picky...

Why not wear gloves, Smiler, like anybody else?

It's a wedding present.

Does tha come with the vase?

I can't get me hand out!

Foggy has the same trouble in a pub!

Could you put a drop of oil on, Wesley?

I've had strict instructions not to mess with oil this morning.

If I don't keep me hands clean, Edie will kill me.

BEEPS HORN

I can't find Mr Dewhurst!

Not everyone would regard that as a problem!

But he's got the wedding ring. He took it off me last night.

Oh, bad move, Barry!

Isn't Foggy at home? I went there. There's no-one there.

We entrusted him to the post lady. Maybe she's not delivered him yet?

Maybe we should have registered him? He'll be at the post lady's house.

We'll come with you.

You'd better come inside.

Don't make a mess!

Speaking of mess, why didn't you go to the hairdresser's?

What makes you think I dare sit under a dryer at the hairdresser's?

That would give you permission to go out and play. I don't know what you mean.

Who are you to criticise my hair?

Suddenly, I'm living with Vidal Sassoon!

It's just that I'd have paid for you to go.

Oh, I know. You'd pay for me to go to Australia if I wanted.

It'd have to be Economy.

Why did he give him to the post lady?

She just grabbed him like he was a prize in the Lottery.

She even likes his war stories.

There's nobody in there.

Where did he put the alleged ring? In his purse.

It'll be safe there. Safe as houses!

If you want the post lady, she's not in. She drove off in a car.

Do you happen to know where? It's not my business,

but she had a strange man in that car and he seemed to be asleep.

You've no idea where they've gone?

They're up to no good. It's unsettling seeing a post lady singing cheerfully.

She's gone off with him in the car, so we've got no ring.

Don't worry, lad. We've got no groom either!

Gone off? With the ring? In his purse! Where are they? No-one knows.

No-one knows? You make it sound as if he was snatched by the post lady from hell!

I don't know how far her route goes.

I just know that they've gone off together somewhere.

Maybe they're coming here - to bring the ring?

They would have been here by now!

Well, you'll just have to get another ring!

This is the last time I'm going to be best man. It stresses people up!

Does tha think he'll run away again?

I should think there's every chance!

Was tha nervous on thy wedding day?

I was more numb than nervous.

Well, here he is, then. Sober and safe and sound.

For how long? Oh, everything's under control.

How can tha be sure? A policeman's instinct tells me he won't run far.

Don't worry, Truly of the Yard will get him to the altar.

Don't lose the key otherwise it will be a bit crowded on his honeymoon!

Well, mine was crowded but that was just the two of us.

Oh, no! What's wrong with it now?

It's...

sticky!

It's a good bit of grease is that. Here!

You can wash it at home.

You're all right - you can wipe your hands on your overalls.

It takes years of practice. If you do it right, you end up waterproof.

Where are we going? We're going to show you the benefits of marriage

compared to being a bachelor.

You said marriage was horrible. It's not always horrible.

Only when the wife's there.

Give us your tie. What for?

Questions, questions!

You can't go into marriage with that attitude!

Why is he on your arm?

It's an old wedding custom. We think it's Roman in origin.

Did the Romans have ties?

They had Tiberius.

I've never heard of it. Well, whose fault is that?

I keep on offering to show you some of these old wedding customs!

What's it in aid of, this custom?

We think it's just symbolic.

It doesn't really make what you'd call...sense.

Oh... A lot like you lot!

Where are you taking him? Isn't it time he got ready for church?

I don't want to...

Don't worry. We'll get him there on time.

It's a funny custom. All right, lass, we'll skip it till we get wed.

We'll skip lots of things, and getting wed's the first!

Nora Batty!

Tha's not suggesting we live together outside of wedlock?!

Oh, take him inside. He's not fit to be let out!

COMPO LAUGHS

Right, lad. Are you ready for your unveiling?

Oh, I can't wait(!)

When we take the blindfold off, have a good look round. What at? You'll see.

What am I supposed to be looking at?

What you're looking at is the result of living alone.

What you see here are the perils of being a bachelor.

Do you want to live like this? Wouldn't you prefer a woman's touch?

What's wrong with living like this? You hate it!

Tell him you hate living like this!

I do! I HATE living like this!

I do! I want a woman! Oh, Norman!

Don't overdo it.

And this is how you really live?

You haven't just dressed it like this to influence me?

No, on account of the wedding I tidied the place up.

He lives like this all the time. He lives like this.

You lucky devil.

I love it! I love it!

Did you get one? Yes! Does it match? It looks exactly the same to me.

Don't lose this one. I didn't lose the other one. I gave it to Mr Dewhurst. Keep this one with you.

Are you sure they don't know who you are? I gave them a false name.

We don't want anyone to know you had to buy another ring.

They both look as if butter wouldn't melt,

and they've been living together for years!

It's high time they got around to a wedding ring!

He looks terrible. I feel terrible!

If she loves you, she'll not notice.

Well, there's this one.

It smells a bit musty.

It might blow off in the fresh air.

Why can't he wear his own suit?

You do not let a prisoner wander off.

You stay with him till you've delivered him to the jailer.

You're upsetting him again!

I admit I've been exaggerating.

I intend to mend that.

I'm going to ring up the former Mrs Truelove now and talk to her,

and you'll see that our relationship isn't as bad as I've painted it.

Tha's ringing the former Mrs Truelove?

We may be divorced but we still speak to each other.

It's been in the wardrobe for 25 years.

It'll be better in the fresh air. It's better, isn't it?

Yeah. You're looking good, kid.

Mabel? It's Herbert.

Your former husband.

Yes, that Herbert.

If I'm ringing you at a bad time, Mabel, I'm sorry.

May I say that you're looking lovelier than ever!

Thank you for the letter.

He seems a better class of solicitor.

That was the former Mrs Truelove.

As you see, we still converse freely. She sends her love and best wishes.

There isn't going to be any future!

What are we going to do now? There's only one thing we can do.

We've got to face him with the bride.

Let him tell her he's backing out.

Oh, no. I couldn't do that.

Why not?

It's unlucky to see the bride on the day of the wedding.

A little bit superstitious, are we, lad?

Well, what's wrong with that?

Nothing. I'm a little bit that way myself.

It was supernatural aid that helped me catch the Hackney killer.

Remind me to tell you about it.

So, little superstitious person,

what if we brought you a gypsy to tell your fortune?

What if a gypsy was able to put your mind at rest about your future?

Marina!

Princess Sheba, guardian of the secrets!

Stop looking at me in that forward manner with those big eyes!

What's up with you? You look as though you've seen a ghost.

I think I maybe have.

Have you ever heard of a Princess Sheba, keeper of the secrets?

Have you ever heard of seeking psychiatric help?

I'll put this with the rest of the presents.

It was nice of Smiler.

Oh, he's been with your father. Why would he do that?

I don't know, but I bet he has!

It won't be long now.

I wonder what my Ronald's doing?

I see...

I see...

I see many children!

We don't want children.

I see many children living next door to you in the future.

They're not ours, then? Not necessarily.

I see a little cottage.

With roses round the door.

We don't want a big garden.

Who's got time for a big garden? Don't be so picky!

Maybe she'll see an old chap, coming in twice a week to do the garden.

I do! I see this old chap coming in twice a week to do the garden!

Can we afford a gardener?

Maybe he's cheap? I expect he does it mainly for the love of the game.

He does. He comes in twice a week mainly for the love of the game.

But suppose he had an accident? We'd be responsible.

Perhaps the gypsy can see what will happen if you don't get married.

I can!

The gypsy can see what will happen if you don't get married. Can you really?

These are powers given only to a few.

I see you becoming entangled with another woman.

Divorced. Lots of children.

And an even bigger garden.

Divorced? Well, how old is she?

It's difficult to tell through the mists which cover the future, but I'd say approximately 43.

43? Well, what does she look like?

Not as attractive as we younger persons.

Watch the birdie!

You'd better stand with the others!

Please yourself!

Show me.

Who's paying?

It's his wedding. And he's in my suit.

Oh? Expensive game this, getting married.

Keep the change.

They're staring. Is the suit OK? It looks terrific.

They always stare at the groom until the bride arrives.

Barry!

Hello!

Have you got the ring? Of course he has!

Hello.

Whoever made his wedding suit?

I don't know, but it smelt musty.

She'll smarten him up once he's married.

I was only getting me fortune told from Princess Sheba, keeper of the secrets.

I'll tell your fortune. Just ask me. I'll tell your fortune!

HE SNIFFS

It smells musty.

I can't help it. I didn't have time to go home and get changed.

WHISPERS

HE SNIFFS

BEGINS "Here Comes The Bride"

WHISPERS

WHISPERS

It's Foggy!

He's in Blackpool with the post lady!

He's sobered up!

He's remembered the ring!

Oh, no!

"I've got the ring," he said. And she said, "Oh, Mr Dewhurst. I thought you'd never ask!"

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