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1
00:00:54,940 --> 00:00:57,600
It's no good. He's not up yet.
2
00:00:57,600 --> 00:01:03,360
- When will he be up?
- Probably later in the week.
3
00:01:05,420 --> 00:01:13,320
Take no notice. She spreads wicked
rumours saying that we're going to spend a weekend away together.
4
00:01:13,320 --> 00:01:18,700
When? This weekend if you like.
Pack your bikini!
5
00:01:18,700 --> 00:01:25,320
Oh, get some clothes on!
Why do you always look like what's left over after a fire?
6
00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:33,280
She gets very emotional
when she sees me in me vest. She isn't able to handle it.
7
00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:40,880
I keep making suggestions,
but she pretends to be deaf. Come in, Howard. The door's open.
8
00:01:44,060 --> 00:01:50,500
DOOR RATTLES
It's open, Howard. Just put a shoulder to it!
9
00:01:50,500 --> 00:01:53,480
LOUD THUMPS
10
00:01:57,840 --> 00:02:05,180
It is open, isn't it?
I've got to admit, it's really open. It does that, Howard.
11
00:02:05,180 --> 00:02:09,960
Forget it. Does tha fancy
a cup of tea? Thanks.
12
00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:22,480
Why don't we have one at the cafe
while we have a talk?
13
00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:28,980
Who's buying? I am.
Does this offer include a sticky bun? You drive a hard bargain.
14
00:02:28,980 --> 00:02:31,860
A man's got to have an incentive.
15
00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:34,680
All right, a bun. Done!
16
00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:40,640
That's near enough.
17
00:02:40,640 --> 00:02:46,000
Isn't it about time you got it
fixed? It's first on my list.
18
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,520
How long's it been like that?
19
00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:51,060
Let's see...
20
00:02:51,060 --> 00:02:53,860
What's today? Thursday.
21
00:02:53,860 --> 00:02:56,640
Thursday... About seven years.
22
00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:01,880
Why don't you get that door fixed?
23
00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:05,900
Because I like thee to know
it's always open,
24
00:03:05,900 --> 00:03:12,380
so any time you get this urge
to dash round and see me, you know I'm available.
25
00:03:12,380 --> 00:03:15,920
Who wants to dash round
and see you?
26
00:03:15,920 --> 00:03:20,920
She says things like that,
but underneath her heart's pounding.
27
00:03:20,920 --> 00:03:24,900
Some days
she can hardly control herself.
28
00:03:24,900 --> 00:03:27,400
See what I mean?
29
00:03:32,660 --> 00:03:36,660
Husbands, they slip
through your fingers.
30
00:03:36,660 --> 00:03:42,060
I'm out the back, I come back, he's
gone. You never know where they are.
31
00:03:42,060 --> 00:03:44,640
I always know where my Barry is.
32
00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:47,380
He'll be in the office right now.
33
00:03:47,380 --> 00:03:51,380
The quiet power
behind the mortgage statistics.
34
00:03:51,380 --> 00:03:55,520
I'm warning you.
They slip through the tiniest gap.
35
00:03:56,540 --> 00:03:59,080
I wonder if he's at Norman Clegg's.
36
00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:13,100
Whatever it is, I'm not guilty.
Is Howard there? I haven't seen him.
37
00:04:13,100 --> 00:04:19,460
You take your eyes off them
for a minute! I was out the back talking to Mrs Rafferty.
38
00:04:19,460 --> 00:04:26,360
That's a bad move.
You need a tow truck sometimes to get away from Mrs Rafferty.
39
00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:31,360
Are you sure he's not in there?
Yes. You can search if you like!
40
00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:36,680
No need. You're as dozy as the rest
of them, but at least you're honest.
41
00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:42,840
A reference!
42
00:04:42,840 --> 00:04:45,520
A reference from Pearl!
43
00:04:52,460 --> 00:04:55,000
You know what Pearl's like.
44
00:04:55,000 --> 00:05:00,020
I haven't had your advantages.
I don't know what Pearl's like.
45
00:05:00,020 --> 00:05:07,320
Well, let's put it this way.
She's something like you and I'm something like that bun.
46
00:05:08,340 --> 00:05:10,840
It's not a bad bun, Howard.
47
00:05:10,840 --> 00:05:13,820
As little buns go.
48
00:05:13,820 --> 00:05:16,860
I think he wants another bun.
49
00:05:16,860 --> 00:05:24,220
I wish you wouldn't feed him
in here. It tends to upset the other customers.
50
00:05:24,220 --> 00:05:28,200
What other customers?
See what I mean?
51
00:05:29,220 --> 00:05:34,560
Give me a sporting chance. Keep
your crumbs within the area of play.
52
00:05:37,300 --> 00:05:41,780
Haven't you got a napkin?
You'd probably eat that as well!
53
00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:45,560
I enjoy my food.
54
00:05:47,020 --> 00:05:49,680
I know. Nobody enjoys it louder.
55
00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:52,780
Cheeky!
56
00:05:52,780 --> 00:05:56,800
All right, Howard.
What's on your mind?
57
00:05:56,800 --> 00:06:03,780
I need somebody about my size.
What's tha looking at me for? I'm bigger than thee.
58
00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:11,300
No, you're not. Howard, let's
face it. Anybody that's smaller than thee has to be kneeling down!
59
00:06:11,300 --> 00:06:13,760
Stand up.
60
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:23,760
Now who are you supposed to be?
Siamese twins?
61
00:06:25,860 --> 00:06:29,880
Don't come in here
standing back to back!
62
00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:36,840
Fat chance of getting in the Good
Food Guide around here! Three stars for "barmy", no problem!
63
00:06:56,680 --> 00:07:00,660
Why does Howard need someone
his size?
64
00:07:00,660 --> 00:07:03,600
I don't know. Well, you were there.
65
00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:07,600
We got thrown out
before he could tell us.
66
00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:11,600
She does a good throwing out,
does Ivy.
67
00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:16,560
Didn't you ask him when you got
outside? He was away, man!
68
00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:21,400
You know Howard.
He sees an angry female, he's gone!
69
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:25,540
Well, I think someone ought
to find out.
70
00:07:25,540 --> 00:07:29,540
Why don't we leave
well enough alone?
71
00:07:29,540 --> 00:07:34,560
Because I believe it's not in
man's nature not to like a mystery.
72
00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:41,040
And I believe it's not
in man's nature to poke his nose into other people's business.
73
00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:43,560
Well, there is that too.
74
00:07:50,060 --> 00:07:57,520
We'll knock on the door and ask
for Howard, take him for a stroll and find out what it's all about.
75
00:07:57,520 --> 00:08:02,520
What if he won't tell us? Seize him
by the throat until he does tell us.
76
00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:07,040
Oh, the psychological approach(!)
Exactly.
77
00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:12,140
It's such a good bargain.
There's Verny Sedgewick.
78
00:08:12,140 --> 00:08:14,760
For the year. �25.
79
00:08:15,780 --> 00:08:18,240
On your way!
80
00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:22,160
I said, "On your way!"
81
00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:25,240
Come on, you!
82
00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:30,260
You remember Verny Sedgewick.
I don't remember Verny Sedgewick.
83
00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:36,280
When did you know anybody
who wears a suit? He didn't use to wear a suit.
84
00:08:37,680 --> 00:08:42,240
Hey-up! Didn't tha use
to be Verny Sedgewick?
85
00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:44,940
Not Verny. Vernon.
86
00:08:44,940 --> 00:08:48,400
Vernon Sedgewick, sales executive.
87
00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:57,880
Macho Magazine!
It'll be a change from Homemaker's Weekly!
88
00:08:57,880 --> 00:09:00,540
You're a bit past Macho Magazine.
89
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:05,920
I don't see why. I thought
I might start pumping iron.
90
00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:11,800
Iron?! Hadn't you better start
with feathers?
91
00:09:15,553 --> 00:09:16,613
Who's paying?
92
00:09:16,613 --> 00:09:20,593
Old expense account here.
You must be joking.
93
00:09:20,593 --> 00:09:23,113
Never about money.
94
00:09:25,793 --> 00:09:29,233
And no standing back to back!
95
00:09:29,233 --> 00:09:35,753
They're all like that round here.
Imagine trying to sell things to people like that!
96
00:09:35,753 --> 00:09:42,193
How long have you been dressed
like that? Since I answered the sales executive advert.
97
00:09:42,193 --> 00:09:44,713
Bit flash. I was ready for "flash".
98
00:09:44,713 --> 00:09:47,433
Car supplied?
99
00:09:47,433 --> 00:09:51,733
Car? Car?
They don't even give you a bike.
100
00:09:51,733 --> 00:09:57,273
Suit supplied? By me. Nice treads.
His mother wouldn't know him.
101
00:09:57,273 --> 00:10:00,273
He's done well, has our Vernon.
102
00:10:00,273 --> 00:10:07,873
What are you selling? Subscriptions
to magazines. They're such a bunch of non-readers round here!
103
00:10:07,873 --> 00:10:10,393
How many has tha sold?
104
00:10:10,393 --> 00:10:13,073
Including this morning, none.
105
00:10:13,073 --> 00:10:15,533
That's pitiful.
106
00:10:15,533 --> 00:10:19,533
What kind of magazines
are you selling?
107
00:10:19,533 --> 00:10:24,133
New ones. I get subscriptions
before they come out.
108
00:10:24,133 --> 00:10:29,713
What are they called?
For the men, there's Macho Magazine.
109
00:10:29,713 --> 00:10:33,793
You tried to sell Howard
Macho Magazine?!
110
00:10:33,793 --> 00:10:36,513
I've got offers for ladies too.
111
00:10:36,513 --> 00:10:39,233
Me too!
112
00:10:39,233 --> 00:10:46,293
What titles are you offering
to the housewife? There are two. One's called Foxy Chicks.
113
00:10:46,293 --> 00:10:52,593
Foxy Chicks...? Is there
much demand for a country magazine?
114
00:10:52,593 --> 00:10:59,033
If there is, I haven't found it yet.
And the other one's called Street Queen.
115
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:05,513
I don't think you're going to do
especially well round here with Street Queen.
116
00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:14,293
I don't know. I know just the place
where you might do very well with something called Street Queen.
117
00:11:18,573 --> 00:11:22,573
Is this it, yeah?
Up the steps, ring the bell.
118
00:11:22,573 --> 00:11:26,553
Big reader, is she?
About as big as they come.
119
00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:29,273
She reads me pretty well.
120
00:11:29,273 --> 00:11:31,993
Is she a biker? Raced on one.
121
00:11:31,993 --> 00:11:34,513
The full leathers and chains?
122
00:11:34,513 --> 00:11:37,073
And that's only her nightie!
123
00:11:37,073 --> 00:11:43,573
These magazines have a lot of shots
of big girls posing on powerful motorbikes.
124
00:11:43,573 --> 00:11:47,573
You're spot-on there.
She's into big bikes?
125
00:11:47,573 --> 00:11:52,553
Whenever Wally went out on the bike,
there she was, right by his side.
126
00:11:52,553 --> 00:11:55,093
No matter how fast.
127
00:11:55,093 --> 00:11:59,933
This Wally... Hell's Angel, was he?
Of course.
128
00:11:59,933 --> 00:12:04,173
And this bird up the steps,
she was his moll, yeah?
129
00:12:04,173 --> 00:12:06,653
Was she ever!
130
00:12:10,853 --> 00:12:17,313
Up the steps and ring the bell.
I can't tell you how grateful I am to you lads.
131
00:12:17,313 --> 00:12:19,893
Don't think about it. It's nothing.
132
00:12:19,893 --> 00:12:24,893
We wish you the very best. Give our
regards to the lady of the house.
133
00:12:24,893 --> 00:12:29,913
Why are we shaking hands? We might
be gone before you finish. Far.
134
00:12:29,913 --> 00:12:37,373
If she gives you a big order. By
the time you've done the paperwork. We can't hang about here for ever.
135
00:12:37,373 --> 00:12:42,413
Listen, thanks again, lads. It's
our pleasure. And he's not joking.
136
00:12:42,413 --> 00:12:46,973
Oh, just one more thing.
What's her name, this woman?
137
00:12:46,973 --> 00:12:51,953
She never uses her name.
She prefers one of her nicknames.
138
00:12:51,953 --> 00:12:54,553
Nicknames? How many has she got?
139
00:12:54,553 --> 00:12:57,133
Fast Gladys.
140
00:12:58,153 --> 00:13:01,093
Turbo Chops. Sugar Lips.
141
00:13:01,093 --> 00:13:04,193
Right. Well, thanks for the tip.
142
00:13:07,793 --> 00:13:10,773
BELL RINGS
143
00:13:14,413 --> 00:13:18,413
Fast Gladys?
I beg your pardon?
144
00:13:18,413 --> 00:13:22,393
Turbo Chops?
What are you talking about?
145
00:13:22,393 --> 00:13:24,873
Sugar Lips?
146
00:13:24,873 --> 00:13:27,393
Go on!
147
00:13:51,913 --> 00:13:53,913
Wesley?
148
00:13:53,913 --> 00:13:56,433
How do, Howard?
149
00:13:57,433 --> 00:14:00,113
I thought I recognised the boots.
150
00:14:00,113 --> 00:14:06,053
Something we can do for you?
I was just passing. On your stomach?
151
00:14:08,693 --> 00:14:14,353
I was just thinking... I was
wondering how tall Wesley is.
152
00:14:14,353 --> 00:14:17,853
Have you been taking your pills?
153
00:14:17,853 --> 00:14:22,993
It's a perfectly normal thing
to wonder how tall a person is.
154
00:14:22,993 --> 00:14:29,413
- When he's under the car?
- I often wonder how tall people are.
155
00:14:35,953 --> 00:14:38,473
What are you doing?
156
00:14:38,473 --> 00:14:41,013
What's it like under here?
157
00:14:41,013 --> 00:14:45,413
It's a lot like being under a car.
What are you doing?
158
00:14:45,413 --> 00:14:49,413
Trying to get my head level
with yours.
159
00:14:49,413 --> 00:14:54,153
Very friendly, but I've remembered
another appointment.
160
00:15:04,213 --> 00:15:07,013
You're too tall.
161
00:15:07,013 --> 00:15:12,113
You've no idea how glad I am
to hear you say that!
162
00:15:27,293 --> 00:15:32,293
It's kind of you to run me over
to my mother's on your day off.
163
00:15:32,293 --> 00:15:36,293
I appreciate it.
No problem.
164
00:15:36,293 --> 00:15:41,293
We have a good relationship
and I want us to keep working at it.
165
00:15:41,293 --> 00:15:46,273
There are so many funny marriages.
It's nice to belong to a good one.
166
00:15:46,273 --> 00:15:49,013
Kiss me, Barry!
167
00:15:49,013 --> 00:15:53,013
Now?
Kiss me goodbye.
168
00:15:53,013 --> 00:15:58,393
I'll see you dinner time.
People should show affection.
169
00:15:59,713 --> 00:16:07,213
Not like that, Barry.
Do it properly! I want the world to know we have a good relationship.
170
00:16:07,213 --> 00:16:09,853
Couldn't you just tell people?
171
00:16:09,853 --> 00:16:12,313
It's not the same.
172
00:16:15,873 --> 00:16:18,873
Stop that, our Glenda!
173
00:16:18,873 --> 00:16:21,313
Oh, Mother!
174
00:16:22,953 --> 00:16:24,953
Barry!
175
00:16:33,953 --> 00:16:40,933
Hey-up, Wes!
There's some traffic this morning! Don't come in. I'm coming out!
176
00:16:40,933 --> 00:16:46,473
"Don't come in?" Who's gonna come
crawling under a car?
177
00:16:46,473 --> 00:16:49,013
You'd be surprised.
178
00:16:49,013 --> 00:16:53,973
We're looking for Howard.
He was heading in this direction.
179
00:16:53,973 --> 00:16:59,453
I'm beginning to wonder just
what direction he IS heading in!
180
00:17:09,093 --> 00:17:13,913
I know that face.
Tall military gentleman.
181
00:17:15,353 --> 00:17:18,093
Never mind him. Give us a kiss.
182
00:17:18,093 --> 00:17:23,153
Not in here surely. Unless,
of course, it's an emergency.
183
00:17:25,713 --> 00:17:28,713
Norman Clegg that was!
184
00:17:28,713 --> 00:17:33,273
I see your sugar...puffs
are reduced.
185
00:17:33,273 --> 00:17:36,253
Such a wicked tongue.
186
00:17:36,253 --> 00:17:41,593
We're looking for Howard, madam.
We wondered if you'd seen him.
187
00:17:41,593 --> 00:17:48,073
He's a very difficult person to see.
When it comes to romance, he has this problem.
188
00:17:48,073 --> 00:17:50,613
We know. It's called a wife.
189
00:17:50,613 --> 00:17:53,093
That's the one.
190
00:18:23,933 --> 00:18:29,273
I'd still like to know why Howard
wants somebody his size.
191
00:18:29,273 --> 00:18:34,533
Why didn't you ask him when you had
the chance? Ivy were chasing us!
192
00:18:34,533 --> 00:18:37,933
You let Howard get away.
193
00:18:37,933 --> 00:18:43,453
Hey-up, Thunder Gob! Howard is one
of the world's best sneakers-away.
194
00:18:43,453 --> 00:18:47,053
Look at the practice
he gets with Pearl.
195
00:18:47,053 --> 00:18:52,013
That's true. If he can sneak out on
Pearl, he can sneak out on anyone.
196
00:18:54,713 --> 00:18:57,313
How goes it, Verny?
197
00:18:57,313 --> 00:19:04,413
Charming lot, you are!
You dropped me right in it. Fast Gladys(!) Have a drink, Vernon.
198
00:19:04,413 --> 00:19:08,613
No hard feelings.
You're in luck. Clegg's buying.
199
00:19:08,613 --> 00:19:12,673
No wonder
there are no hard feelings.
200
00:19:12,673 --> 00:19:19,593
Turbo Chops(!)
Tha moves very smartly in a crisis, Verny. I give thee that.
201
00:19:19,593 --> 00:19:23,713
She's vicious, that woman.
Some sugar lips(!)
202
00:19:26,653 --> 00:19:30,633
Come along, that man.
Don't drag your feet.
203
00:19:30,633 --> 00:19:33,213
You sure it's not another gag?
204
00:19:33,213 --> 00:19:39,673
Verny, this is an old lady.
This one's not gonna chase you down the street.
205
00:19:39,673 --> 00:19:47,193
You think she'll be interested
in buying? She's interested in both buying and selling.
206
00:19:50,633 --> 00:19:53,473
What's tha got there, Howard?
207
00:19:53,473 --> 00:19:56,113
Something my size.
208
00:19:57,133 --> 00:20:02,113
We'll be with you in a moment,
Howard. In you go, Sedgewick.
209
00:20:02,113 --> 00:20:04,593
And, uh...
210
00:20:04,593 --> 00:20:07,313
Don't be too hard on her.
211
00:20:19,873 --> 00:20:22,473
Come on, Howard!
212
00:20:22,473 --> 00:20:26,473
What's wrong with married couples
showing affection?
213
00:20:26,473 --> 00:20:30,473
Sit down and drink your coffee.
Oh, Mother!
214
00:20:30,473 --> 00:20:34,953
I knew it'd bring trouble
when you joined that library.
215
00:20:34,953 --> 00:20:37,553
What has the library to do with it?
216
00:20:37,553 --> 00:20:40,113
Those books on foreign customs.
217
00:20:40,113 --> 00:20:44,613
I don't see what's foreign
about showing affection.
218
00:20:44,613 --> 00:20:47,333
It's foreign round here.
219
00:20:47,333 --> 00:20:52,073
It's OK with household pets.
That's what they're for.
220
00:20:52,073 --> 00:20:58,173
Oh, yes.
If it's got fur or feathers, they say it reduces stress.
221
00:20:58,173 --> 00:21:02,413
Nagging your husband
is the best way to reduce stress.
222
00:21:02,413 --> 00:21:05,413
Not for him surely.
223
00:21:05,413 --> 00:21:08,193
No, not for him.
224
00:21:09,553 --> 00:21:12,153
Don't you ever show affection?
225
00:21:12,153 --> 00:21:14,953
Of course we show affection.
226
00:21:14,953 --> 00:21:17,673
We darn their socks, don't we?
227
00:21:17,673 --> 00:21:23,133
We give them three meals a day and
a clean shirt when they want one.
228
00:21:23,133 --> 00:21:27,173
If that's not affection,
I'd like to know what is.
229
00:21:27,173 --> 00:21:29,873
What about before you were married?
230
00:21:29,873 --> 00:21:32,433
Somebody else did his shirts.
231
00:21:32,433 --> 00:21:38,453
But you must've shown affection
for each other before you were married.
232
00:21:38,453 --> 00:21:42,873
Not as much as they show these days
before they marry.
233
00:21:42,873 --> 00:21:50,473
In our day they used to go to the
pictures. You didn't go through all this business they go through now.
234
00:21:50,473 --> 00:21:57,113
If you went to the pictures
with someone more than three times, you were engaged.
235
00:21:57,113 --> 00:22:05,333
It's true. You could be engaged and
married in our day without getting into technical difficulties.
236
00:22:05,333 --> 00:22:10,333
If you hardly knew each other,
what did you do on your honeymoon?
237
00:22:10,333 --> 00:22:15,313
You went to Blackpool. That's
what you did. Now drink your coffee.
238
00:22:18,393 --> 00:22:20,973
Howard has a secret.
239
00:22:20,973 --> 00:22:27,413
Explain to us, Howard,
why you need something that from a distance looks like you.
240
00:22:27,413 --> 00:22:32,353
You know what Pearl's like.
She's unreasonably suspicious.
241
00:22:32,353 --> 00:22:40,293
Unreasonably? Well, she thinks
every time I'm out, I'm probably with some young lady.
242
00:22:40,293 --> 00:22:45,293
Probably because every time you're
out, you're with some young lady.
243
00:22:45,293 --> 00:22:50,313
You're found out too often, Howard.
You've got a credibility gap.
244
00:22:50,313 --> 00:22:56,993
She has no right to be
so suspicious. I'm her husband. She should trust me.
245
00:22:57,993 --> 00:23:00,553
I don't see what's so funny.
246
00:23:00,553 --> 00:23:06,873
You're not standing where we are.
How is a dummy supposed to make a difference?
247
00:23:08,293 --> 00:23:11,173
The dummy's no good.
248
00:23:11,173 --> 00:23:16,273
I need a real person,
that from a distance looks like me.
249
00:23:19,213 --> 00:23:21,953
And then what?
250
00:23:21,953 --> 00:23:28,433
Well... If a certain young lady
is seen out with somebody that looks like me,
251
00:23:28,433 --> 00:23:32,373
and Pearl sees it,
you know what she'd do.
252
00:23:33,373 --> 00:23:35,933
She'd kill you.
253
00:23:35,933 --> 00:23:39,953
Or even worse -
confiscate your bicycle.
254
00:23:39,953 --> 00:23:46,413
That's the clever part.
It wouldn't be me, it'd be somebody that looks like me.
255
00:23:46,413 --> 00:23:49,193
Pearl would be very embarrassed.
256
00:23:49,193 --> 00:23:51,713
It'll never work, Howard.
257
00:23:51,713 --> 00:23:54,193
Not a chance.
258
00:23:54,193 --> 00:23:56,693
Don't say that.
259
00:23:56,693 --> 00:23:59,253
No, it's worth a try.
260
00:23:59,253 --> 00:24:03,273
It has possibilities,
given proper supervision.
261
00:24:03,273 --> 00:24:10,233
What we need is someone
who from a distance and from the back might look like Howard.
262
00:24:13,793 --> 00:24:17,753
I see you've finally taken Pearl
in hand!
263
00:24:19,333 --> 00:24:21,313
Eli!
264
00:24:33,973 --> 00:24:36,453
He gets weirder.
265
00:24:41,473 --> 00:24:43,873
Now if...
266
00:24:45,513 --> 00:24:52,493
As soon as the ladies come out
of Edie's, Marina and Eli walk round the corner over there.
267
00:24:52,493 --> 00:24:57,493
Pearl is bound to see them, they're
in full view. We stay out of sight.
268
00:24:57,493 --> 00:25:01,853
If Pearl's on the warpath,
I'll keep out of sight!
269
00:25:01,853 --> 00:25:06,853
She won't be on the warpath for
long when she sees it's not Howard.
270
00:25:06,853 --> 00:25:10,833
He's a stranger.
I hope he'll be gentle with me.
271
00:25:10,833 --> 00:25:13,353
Don't worry, lass. Get off!
272
00:25:13,353 --> 00:25:16,433
This is me, with the perfume.
273
00:25:17,913 --> 00:25:20,913
Here they come.
274
00:25:20,913 --> 00:25:23,413
Right, off you go, then.
275
00:25:24,433 --> 00:25:29,753
Keep your back to us all the time,
Eli. Just don't get too friendly.
276
00:25:30,793 --> 00:25:33,353
He's got to make it look convincing.
277
00:25:33,353 --> 00:25:35,833
Put your arm round her waist.
278
00:25:37,413 --> 00:25:41,753
That's not her waist!
Do be quiet, Howard.
279
00:25:45,973 --> 00:25:49,213
ALL TALK AT ONCE
280
00:25:51,833 --> 00:25:54,433
Isn't that your...?
281
00:25:54,433 --> 00:25:56,913
Late husband?
282
00:25:56,913 --> 00:25:59,573
He will be in a minute.
283
00:26:02,113 --> 00:26:05,013
By, she looks ready to kill!
284
00:26:07,033 --> 00:26:09,593
You do live dangerously, Howard.
285
00:26:09,593 --> 00:26:13,613
Well, I'm too old
to be an astronaut.
286
00:26:13,613 --> 00:26:16,933
You have to do something.
287
00:26:42,933 --> 00:26:46,933
Any minute now
Eli will be seen kissing Marina,
288
00:26:46,933 --> 00:26:51,933
Pearl will interfere, see it's not
Howard, rush back in this direction,
289
00:26:51,933 --> 00:26:55,933
and just for once,
you will be innocent.
290
00:26:55,933 --> 00:27:00,913
Why must he kiss her? Couldn't we
do this without him kissing her?
291
00:27:00,913 --> 00:27:03,433
Don't be a spoilsport, Howard.
292
00:27:07,953 --> 00:27:14,393
What's he been doing to my Marina
that was so bad he had to get arrested?
293
00:27:17,873 --> 00:27:20,413
What happened?
294
00:27:20,413 --> 00:27:24,413
He just went all passionate
with a policeman.
295
00:27:24,413 --> 00:27:27,233
I'm glad you're all right, love.
296
00:27:27,233 --> 00:27:29,733
Oh, Howard!
297
00:27:29,733 --> 00:27:32,233
Oh, Marina!
298
00:27:32,233 --> 00:27:34,753
Oh, yes?
299
00:27:40,533 --> 00:27:44,513
Poor old Howard.
Never gets it right.
300
00:27:44,513 --> 00:27:47,053
Look who was helping him.
301
00:27:47,053 --> 00:27:52,013
I did the best I could. It's not
my fault Eli kissed a policeman.
302
00:27:52,013 --> 00:27:54,573
It's been a big day for Eli.
303
00:27:54,573 --> 00:27:58,433
Looks like it's been a big day
for Verny!
304
00:28:03,353 --> 00:28:11,473
How many copies
did she buy, Verny? Buy? Buy? All that old beggar does is sell!
305
00:28:42,413 --> 00:28:47,433
Subtitles by Calum Short, IMS,
for BBC
306
00:28:47,483 --> 00:28:52,033
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