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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:06,080 What's the matter? Is he dead? 2 00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:14,120 No. He's not dead. Only fainted. Had an attack. 3 00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:17,160 Oh, you poor thing. 4 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:25,160 Whatever have you done? It must be wearing these wellies so long. It's sapped all me energy. 5 00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:32,120 Listen, lass, could I have a cup of sweet tea? Or a drop of whisky? 6 00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:37,160 Can you stand? It came over me all of a sudden! 7 00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:41,160 I thought, "I've got to get to her!" 8 00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:46,120 Do you want a doctor? No. Just a cup of tea and sympathy. 9 00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:49,080 Oh...or a drop of whisky. 10 00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:02,080 Aaaaaagh! 11 00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:08,160 Get out, you crafty devil ! Nothing wrong with you! There was. 12 00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:12,200 It's magic! Tha' must be a healer! 13 00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:19,160 Tha' must have healing fingers! It's a miracle! One cuddle and I'm cured! 14 00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:24,080 If I have a relapse can I pop round again? Get off! 15 00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:33,120 Cleggy! 16 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:36,160 The answer is NO, Howard. 17 00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:41,160 I haven't even asked you yet! It's still NO ! 18 00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:47,360 Just a little favour. You always get me involved, then Pearl finds out. 19 00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:50,560 How is Pearl going to find out? 20 00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:55,080 He's right. You should listen to Cleggy. 21 00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:05,080 Good morning, madam. I wonder... 22 00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:16,120 Excuse me, sir, have you been saved? 23 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:18,120 Saved? 24 00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:20,800 Oh, yes! 25 00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:25,160 I was once. By the sound of a snapping twig. 26 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:33,160 We were in the deadly blackness of the jungle. We knew the enemy weren't far away. You can smell 'em. 27 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:38,160 They have a different odour. It's the Japanese tobacco. 28 00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:43,160 We didn't last long if we couldn't tell it from Woodbines. 29 00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:50,160 We spent the night expecting to be attacked. My chaps' nerves were twangling! 30 00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:52,360 Suddenly... 31 00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:55,160 I heard this twig snap. 32 00:03:55,160 --> 00:04:00,160 Would you care to read this...? No more than 10 yards away. 33 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:08,160 Are you interested in...? Slipping me jungle knife between me teeth, I crawled towards the sound. 34 00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:13,200 I remember at one point I put me hand on a snake. 35 00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:22,080 Could I interest you in a subscription? So, lying there quietly, making no sound, 36 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:28,080 I had to strangle the snake between me thumb and finger. 37 00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:38,160 How do, Howard? Ssssh! 38 00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:43,160 Keep your voice down! What's the matter with you? 39 00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:49,080 I live under permanent tension. It's a sort of executive stress. 40 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:53,160 Tell Cleggy to ring this number. 41 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:59,160 Whose number is it? Never mind. Just tell him to ring it. When? Now! 42 00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:04,160 There's a lot of window traffic. We've the busiest window in town. 43 00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:10,160 Tha''s looking tasty. And HE'S looking guilty. What's going on? 44 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:15,120 I don't know what you mean. Can't hang about. Give us a kiss. 45 00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:17,720 No. Don't bother! 46 00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:27,120 I didn't know how many of them there were. I couldn't risk a shot. 47 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:30,160 No. It had to be the knife. 48 00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:37,160 It's been nice talking to you. Your best friend in the jungle, the knife. 49 00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:42,160 Used to strop it on the boots of dead Japanese. Must be going. 50 00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:47,160 So, slipping the knife quietly from me teeth, 51 00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:53,160 I began to crawl the last few yards towards the enemy. Have a pamphlet. 52 00:05:53,160 --> 00:06:00,160 I don't suppose you've ever been taught the best place to strike with a knife? No. 53 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:05,120 I thought not, no. We had to learn, and learn fast. 54 00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:08,360 It's here. Just about here. 55 00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:11,120 Listen. Is somebody calling? 56 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:14,080 It was. It was somebody calling. 57 00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:20,080 Not only heard the call but keeps on hearing it. 58 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:38,120 I had a spiritual experience this morning. 59 00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:41,160 I met a young man who heard voices. 60 00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:46,160 A lot of people get that. Noisy neighbours. 61 00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:49,120 No. It wasn't noisy neighbours! 62 00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:52,160 It was more mysterious. 63 00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:59,160 I was speaking to him when suddenly this voice, whatever it was, called him away. 64 00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:06,200 Heard of that before. I bet you were telling one of your war stories. 65 00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:10,480 The youth practically dragged it out of me. 66 00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:13,160 I often hear voices. 67 00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:18,120 There's one in particular that keeps going, "Cleggy! Cleggy!" 68 00:07:18,120 --> 00:07:21,160 YOU hear voices? All the time. 69 00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:26,400 It's Howard wanting me to contact Marina. That reminds me... 70 00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:35,160 tha' never rang that number. It's Howard's number! He's trying to get me involved. 71 00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:43,160 Then Pearl finds out and I get dirty looks that take all the paint off me windows. 72 00:07:43,160 --> 00:07:49,560 I thought it was sunlight that was flaking me paintwork, but it's Pearl. 73 00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:56,040 You ought to ring. It might be important. THEE ring him! 74 00:07:56,040 --> 00:08:01,080 Very well, then. I'LL ring Howard. Paddle on. 75 00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:14,080 FOOTSTEPS 76 00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:22,120 What are you doing hanging about by the telephone? 77 00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:27,120 By the telephone? I was just studying this picture. 78 00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:30,120 You've never looked at it before. 79 00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:34,400 I know. That's one of the tragedies of life. 80 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:39,640 We all pass by without taking time to stop and study things. 81 00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:47,560 Don't let me catch you stopping and studying things. Especially that thing you keep sneaking off to. 82 00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:51,080 Suddenly he's an art critic (!) 83 00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:08,120 You can't NOT ring him. It's not always bound to be Marina. It always has been up to now. 84 00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:13,120 If I weren't spoken for, I could go for that Marina. 85 00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:16,160 That would be a thrill for her (!) 86 00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:24,120 Listen, I have brought happiness to a few women in my life. Every time you say goodbye (!) 87 00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:29,120 Are you sure you won't ring him? Yes. Somebody ought to ring him. 88 00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:34,160 Very well, then, I'LL do it. But YOU provide the change. 89 00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:41,160 Big spender (!) I'm willing to provide the change, so long as I don't have to ring him. 90 00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:44,280 I haven't got the coins that fit. 91 00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:47,120 Hey-up! 92 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:50,160 It's a purse! 93 00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:57,160 I haven't got the right coins either. I need all my small change for the gee-gees. 94 00:09:57,160 --> 00:10:02,120 In any case, it's right down inside my linings. 95 00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:04,720 You know... 96 00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:14,120 D'you know how many muggings there are daily in the cities? 97 00:10:14,120 --> 00:10:17,160 No. How many? I don't know exactly. 98 00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:21,360 How am I supposed to know exactly HOW many? 99 00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:24,120 There's a lot, that's all. 100 00:10:24,120 --> 00:10:29,160 When you asked me if I knew, I thought that YOU knew. 101 00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:36,160 I know there's TOO many. Be thankful we're out in the wilds where it doesn't happen. 102 00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:43,120 We get a bit of sheep-stealing, but we can cope with that. I hate sheep-stealing. 103 00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:48,120 I had to drive with the evidence bleating in the back seat. 104 00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:53,080 Main thing is, you don't see old people being mugged. 105 00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:14,520 Do I LOOK like somebody who'd mug someone? It LOOKED like a mugging. 106 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:17,640 It FELT like mugging to me! 107 00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:23,120 I was an innocent by-stander. You were holding one of his legs. 108 00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:29,080 One leg! You hold ONE leg and people think you're mugging. 109 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:50,160 RING 110 00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:55,160 About time, Cleggy! I've been standing here waiting! 111 00:11:55,160 --> 00:12:01,080 I don't know where Pearl is. She's out somewhere, thank goodness. 112 00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:06,120 'You've no idea what it's like living with a suspicious person. 113 00:12:06,120 --> 00:12:11,080 'When I'm NOT up to something I FEEL like I'm up to something.' 114 00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:17,440 Don't argue with me, Cleggy. It's simple what I want you to do. 115 00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:20,080 'Don't interrupt me. Just listen.' 116 00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:34,120 He's engaged. It's fate, you see. Something's telling us to keep away from Howard. 117 00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:37,160 Nonsense. We'll try again later. 118 00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:45,120 Let's have a drink. Somebody else will have to get them in, I've just been mugged. I'll get them. 119 00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:48,200 Well spoken, Norman. 120 00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:55,200 I'll try Howard again. Why's he gossiping when people are trying to reach him? 121 00:12:55,200 --> 00:13:01,080 He leaves a message to ring him, then there he is on the phone, gossiping. 122 00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:08,760 RING 123 00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:10,800 Hello. 124 00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:13,800 Foggy? What can I do for you? 125 00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:24,200 Cleggy wants to know what I want him to do? I've just TOLD him! Has he forgotten already?! 126 00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:31,120 I'll tell you once more before Pearl gets back. Make sure he gets it right. 127 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:33,760 I want him to... 128 00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:36,520 Conniving little devil ! 129 00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:42,480 I'll kill him. I knew he was up to something. And Norman Clegg! 130 00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:53,000 Hello, love. Just calling the speaking clock. 131 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,640 Were you really? 132 00:13:55,640 --> 00:14:02,200 What a good idea. How interesting. It's something you've never done for years. 133 00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:08,320 Just what I was thinking. D'you mind if I have a listen? 134 00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:15,320 Well, of course, love. Come and listen to the SPEAKING CLOCK. 135 00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:24,120 At the third stroke, it will be 12.28 precisely. 136 00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:27,080 Beep! Beep! Beep! 137 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:34,760 At the third stroke, it will be 12.28 and ten seconds precisely. 138 00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:37,880 Beep! Beep! Beep! 139 00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:42,120 At the third stroke... 140 00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:45,160 What's up with him? 141 00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:51,200 Don't ask us. A perfect stranger to us! You came in with him! 142 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:58,120 That's true, but we just don't like to admit it. Oh, you think he's a bit...uh...? 143 00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:01,200 Oh, he's quite a lot... 144 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:07,480 Nothing serious. He thinks he's a clock. Aye. Ye gods! He's just a bit slow. 145 00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:11,160 And what kind of clock is he (?) 146 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:19,080 Grandmother... Grandfather. Tuesdays he's a grandmother. Other days he's a grandfather. Yes. 147 00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:29,160 Why is that man looking at me like that? 148 00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:32,080 He's waiting for thee to chime! 149 00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:52,120 Suddenly there she was, Pearl, on the phone, expecting the speaking clock. 150 00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:55,200 I think I handled it rather well. 151 00:15:55,200 --> 00:16:02,160 Nice to know the old training still counts. The reactions are still sharp. 152 00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:07,160 Barman thought thee were marvellous. And very accurate. 153 00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:15,120 Howard wants us to meet him at Auntie Wainwright's. Why not meet somewhere safer... 154 00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:18,160 like the middle of the motorway (?) 155 00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:23,200 He's bought something for Marina and wants us to help him carry it. 156 00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:31,160 Why doesn't Wesley pick it up for him? Because he wants the job done by persons he can trust. 157 00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:36,120 Give over! Well, I don't trust Auntie Wainwright. 158 00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:39,160 We're just collecting, not buying. 159 00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:45,160 What's he bought for Marina? I don't know. None of OUR business. 160 00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:50,160 Does it matter? Good grief! I'm surrounded by the over-cautious. 161 00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:55,080 Could we please have a little gung-ho? Hey-up! 162 00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:59,560 And kung fu to you, too! 163 00:17:04,120 --> 00:17:12,120 A cast iron bath? Couldn't tha' have bought her a pair of earrings or summat? 164 00:17:12,120 --> 00:17:14,160 CLANG ! 165 00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:20,160 I went in for earrings, but Auntie Wainwright sold me a bath. 166 00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:26,160 Fortunately, Marina's always wanted a cast iron bath. They're in fashion. 167 00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:29,160 For bathing in, not for carrying. 168 00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:36,160 How far have we got to carry this? Just to Marina's. We'll never carry it THAT far. 169 00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:41,160 Clegg, see if Auntie Wainwright's got a trolley. 170 00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:46,200 I'm not going in there without a crucifix and garlic! 171 00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:53,160 We only want to borrow it. Just for a change, let ME make a decision. 172 00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:56,080 YOU go in and borrow the trolley. 173 00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:01,160 Yes, very well. 174 00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:06,320 We'll ALL go in. Now, watch my signals. 175 00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:10,480 Follow me. Watch MY signals. 176 00:18:17,120 --> 00:18:22,160 Good idea, having our coffee outside in the fresh air. 177 00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:27,120 I hope it won't be damp. We're taking a rug. 178 00:18:27,120 --> 00:18:30,160 We're the wrong age to be damp. 179 00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:36,080 It's ages since I've had a picnic. It's ages since I've been damp. 180 00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:39,160 My Barry likes a picnic. 181 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:44,560 After a day in the building society, he loves to be informal on the grass. 182 00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:51,160 Be quiet, girl ! You weren't brought up to be informal on the grass. 183 00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:58,080 Oh, Mother! Any leanings towards lolling on the grass are from your father's side. 184 00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:07,160 Must be almost 40 years. What must? 185 00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:12,160 Since I last had a picnic. He got nettled. 186 00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:17,560 They do. They sprawl about and have a gift for getting nettled. 187 00:19:19,120 --> 00:19:23,720 I hope there won't be any creepie-crawlies. 188 00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:28,320 You're in the mood to enjoy this, aren't you (?) 189 00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:34,720 I've never been much for outdoors. Nothing within reach to polish. 190 00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:40,200 Outdoors is all right for men. They like wasting time. 191 00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:42,720 Don't they?! 192 00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:46,400 My Barry thinks nature's wonderful. 193 00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:52,880 How would HE know in a building society? They've got a beautiful calendar. 194 00:19:56,120 --> 00:20:02,400 CRUNCHES GEARS Has your father been playing with this again? I don't think so. 195 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:07,480 I'm sure this gear thing wasn't here last week. It was here. 196 00:20:25,120 --> 00:20:30,160 Now we've got something to carry the bath ON. Planning, you see. 197 00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:37,560 If you return my trolley in pristine condition, you can have your deposit back. 198 00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:45,040 Let's get the bath on this and go. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What's the rush? 199 00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:49,600 It's got to be in a certain place at a certain time. 200 00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:55,160 Hurry, hurry, hurry. I don't know! The pace of modern life! 201 00:20:55,160 --> 00:21:01,480 Why not relax for a minute and contemplate some of my bargain prices? 202 00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:06,560 You couldn't have called at a better moment. 203 00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:14,400 "They've heard", I thought, about my bargain offers. Shrewd people", I thought. 204 00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:22,080 Can we go? There can't be any harm in LOOKING at the lady's bargain offers. 205 00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:36,120 What do I want with an old mop? 206 00:21:36,120 --> 00:21:42,120 Why did tha' buy it? I didn't BUY it, it was SOLD to me. 207 00:21:42,120 --> 00:21:45,360 We've got some real bargains here. 208 00:21:45,360 --> 00:21:48,080 You know, I've always wanted a... 209 00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:51,720 well, one of these. 210 00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:57,120 I spotted it at once. I've always wanted one of these. 211 00:21:57,120 --> 00:22:02,160 He DOES talk some jollop! Why didn't you buy anything? 212 00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:09,120 How come YOU got away with it? She knows I never have money. You lucky swine. 213 00:22:09,120 --> 00:22:12,320 Move! This bath's going to be late! 214 00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:37,120 We passed a dozen places as good as this. Trust me. 215 00:22:37,120 --> 00:22:40,120 It might be interesting here. 216 00:22:40,120 --> 00:22:43,080 Why? Isn't that were Marina lives? 217 00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:45,680 Oh, is it? 218 00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:31,560 Aaagh! Aaaagh! 219 00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:38,640 Help! Help! 220 00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:43,160 Call the fire brigade! Help! Nora! 221 00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:50,840 It's a Morgan three-wheeler. It's years since I saw one. 222 00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:56,080 HE-ELP ! 223 00:24:06,120 --> 00:24:08,160 Ah! 224 00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:13,240 Oh, I do like a rub-a-dub-dub In a a tub-tub-tub! 225 00:24:17,120 --> 00:24:20,080 You fool ! You've lost my deposit! 226 00:24:26,120 --> 00:24:31,200 Ohh! Will tha' mind what tha's doing with them antlers? 227 00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:39,160 Stop complaining. The last thing I need is to be prodded with antlers. Keep in step, man. 228 00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:45,080 I keep tripping over me mop. We'll never get there on time! 229 00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:48,080 All right. Hold it. 230 00:24:56,120 --> 00:25:01,160 Listen... All right, all right. Here's what we do. 231 00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:06,160 We put my...animal head on top of the bath and Clegg's mop. 232 00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:09,440 Then they'll be out of the way. 233 00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:15,160 I happen to know a short cut to Marina's. 234 00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:19,080 I'll bet you do after all these years! 235 00:25:27,120 --> 00:25:29,840 This grass is damp. 236 00:25:29,840 --> 00:25:34,160 It's NOT damp. I'm very sensitive to damp. 237 00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:39,560 After a certain age, your body is increasingly sensitive to damp. 238 00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:42,320 My Barry soon gets damp. 239 00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:46,200 We don't wish to hear that. 240 00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:55,160 People don't expect that kind of thing of people who work in building societies. 241 00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:59,040 I only said he... I know what you said. 242 00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:04,040 Oh, my God! What's that? 243 00:26:09,120 --> 00:26:15,320 Whatever IS it? I don't know. But I hope there's not a pair. 244 00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:22,080 You see? I told you. Interesting. 245 00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:29,400 What on earth is this? 246 00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:33,840 I know that voice! 247 00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:36,800 It's just a passing bath (!) 248 00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:40,560 I know that voice, too! 249 00:26:56,080 --> 00:27:00,200 The next vehicle that speeds, we'll have it. 250 00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:05,120 I hope you're not going to start driving fast. I hate that. 251 00:27:05,120 --> 00:27:08,120 Nothing's going to speed on MY patch. 252 00:27:08,120 --> 00:27:09,640 TROTTING 253 00:28:00,120 --> 00:28:04,080 Subtitles by Janice Hamilton BBC Scotland, 1993 254 00:28:04,130 --> 00:28:08,680 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 22474

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