All language subtitles for Last Of The Summer Wine s29e08 The Mischievous.eng

CLANGING
You get dafter!

Do not enter cage
unless accompanied by adult.

I wouldn't mind, but I've got
her best interest at heart.

She has heart?

She can dish out advice,
but she can't take it.

You want my advice?

Find safer hobby.

No, no... I'm determined.

She needs her rough edges smoothing.

That's a major smooth.

You are looking at the founder
member of the Nora Batty Renovation Society.

I have to live next door.

She's part of my environment.

She needs a makeover.
DOOR OPENS

And take your equipment with you.

There's a woman in there somewhere.
I could bring her out.

She's all right where she is.

Maybe from your side.

I won't have you coming in here
making suggestions.

And I don't want
any acupuncture either.

That must have been
some suggestion you made.

I offered to wash
and blow-dry her hair.

I had this style all worked out
for her. It was in a magazine.

I showed her the picture.

That was it that just went past.

TINKLING

LOUD TINKLING

I think people have a duty
to keep up their old customs.

There's one old custom
you're too fond of keeping up.

BELLS TINKLE

Support the festival.

Thank you.

Please help to decorate
for the festival.

For flowers for the festival.
Of course, it's not compulsory.

Just advisable.

I've got no change.

Well, that's no change.

I'll bring flowers.

Consider yourself released on bail

till you come back with either
flowers or money. I will.

If you don't,
it'll be your last will.

You're like a couple of highwaymen,
you two.

Flattery will get you nowhere.
We'll be waiting.

BELLS TINKLE

You know what I like about this?
What?

Very little.

You think this place is too steep?

I think flat is too steep.

Nah, we'll be fine.

Trust me... I was a boy scout.

I hope you got First Aid badge.

CAR HORN BEEPS

Bells? Little bells.

Could one ask why? One did,
but he still didn't make any sense.

What did he say?
It's never what Howard says.

He's like reading Pravda.

You know, the real story's
somewhere in between the lines.

Ah... He must be a source
of endless entertainment.

Oh, yes, he is.

I'm pretty sure
Travis doesn't have a secret life.

He's not got the hang
of the first one yet.

BELLS TINKLE

TINKLING

You don't think
that Pearl's tied a bell to him?

It'll need to be church-size
to keep him in.

TINKLING COME CLOSER

KNOCKS ON DOOR

Come in, Howard.

Let me guess...

It's Fairy Tinkerbell.

There is no need to be sarcastic.

But it seems
like a good opportunity.

Go on, then... Tell us.
Who are you supposed to be?

I'm not supposed to be anyone but me.

A person who is seriously concerned
with preserving our ancient customs.

And how IS Marina?

I wouldn't know.

I'm too busy with plans
to revive our local traditions.

I'm thinking this year,
we should have a maypole.

I knew I was missing something.

Well, I hope you'll both be
prepared to help when the time comes.

Well... Must be off.

BELLS TINKLE
Lots to do.

HE CHUCKLES: What do you think?

Sounds like a load of bells to me.

(Where are you, Howard?)

TINKLING

Oh... I hope that's not
the tinkle of a stranger.

Is that the tinkle I think it is?

Summoned by bells!

Whatever next?!

The trouble with this game is,

you've got to watch
you don't develop a hard shell.

You're not in any danger.
You're a pussycat.

I wouldn't say pussycat.

I see it more as
keeping my macho side understated.

You cry at weddings.

Only my own.

Pussycat!
Where do you get that stuff?

What about your aftershave?

Where do you get THAT stuff?

Is this somehow relevant?

It's time I told you this.

You wear some very
un-police-like after shave.

It was a gift. What can you do?

That's no excuse.

Suppose they'd bought you mascara?

I'd never wear it on duty.

It's hard enough as it is not to
look prettier than the policewomen.

Admit.
You're inclined to be delicate.

You give me all the duff jobs.

It's always me
picks the drunks up off the floor.

There's a reason for that.

Oh, I know.

It's a great way
to break your nails.

Ah! You made the right decision.

What decision? To come here.

It shows maturity and judgment.

I've done maturity and judgment.

But a touch of excitement
would be nice.

We just came here on a whim.
I suppose we're impulse-buying.

Your timing's good.

We've just restocked
our impulse department.

I used to be impulsive.

It'll come back. We're here to help.

She's been disappointed in love.

Ooh, I know how she feels. You do?

Yes. You don't think I've
always been a grasping old woman?

It had occurred...

Wrong.

There was a time I was
a grasping young woman.

Vital, attractive,
looking for Mr Right.

Possibly the world's most
elusive prey.

And you never found him?

I got close.

There was one
who was so tight with money,

I felt sure
we might make a go of it.

And then he bought me
an engagement ring.

Is that bad?

I could have got him
the same thing with 20% off!

I tried to stifle me disappointment,

but our relationship
never recovered.

You gave him his ring back?

I showed him the door.

The ring, I kept for...

sentimental reasons.

Given the sameness of days,
the disappointments one encounters,

the absence of passion,

the futility of... She means we're
looking for something to cheer us up.

Although I wonder
if we've come to the right place.

He owes some flowers to Nora Batty.

She made him
an offer he can't refuse.

Normally, he's full of sparkle.

I see no signs of any.

Show them your sparkle.

I'm not in the mood.
I've been mugged in the street.

Barefaced as you like...

outside the church.

Oh, never mind,
you'll get your sparkle back.

Now, what did you ladies think
you might have an impulse for?

Well, I... She hasn't decided yet,
but I was just wondering...

Now, you'll think this is just
a young woman's silly fancy, but...

have you any small bells?

That's funny.

I'm having a run on small bells.

TYRES SCREECH

But why bells?

Ah, it beats me.

It's not easy to see
how bells fit in

with his tendency
to go sneaking about quietly.

Well, he sneaks off so often,

you think maybe he needs the bells
to remind him where he is.

Mmm...

This feels like a case
for Truly of the Yard.

ENGINE REVS

I've thought about this,

and trying to be fair all round,
my conclusion is...

It wasn't our fault.

That's what Bonny and Clyde said.

All right. Try this, then.

It wasn't us, it was two other
fellas wearing helmets and goggles.

That's more like it.

I remember now.

They went that way.

Hello!

Here comes our lifeboat.

Aaah!

Take what you want.
I've got no money.

Relax. It's us, you dozy wet.

How long have you two been involved
in a life of crime?

Put hands down.

BELLS TINKLE

TINKLING

We're looking
for two roller skaters.

Reckless and dangerous
roller skaters. Oh, them!

In helmet and goggles.

Have you seen anyone
in helmet and goggles?

We thought they were bandits.

What did they look like?

One looked like him. It wasn't him.

He's got an alibi.
In what way did they look like me?

Steely eyes... Firm jaw...

Ruggedly handsome. That close?

It's a good job I have an alibi.

They went that way.

Where did you learn
to lie like that?

We invented lying like that.

You've gone again.

I haven't gone anywhere.

I've just dropped dead because
somebody crept up behind me

and said, "You've gone again."

You look quite well for being dead.

I've led a clean life.

I'm just wondering
if I've led the right one.

You're not pining
to be an astronaut again?

Not really.

They don't even sleep in pyjamas.

No, it's just that sometimes,

you have to look things
straight in the eye and ask...

Is this what I wanted to be
when I grew up?

Be very careful.

The answer to that could
lead to you dropping dead,

because somebody's come up behind
you and hit you with something hard.

I don't mean I'm not...happy.

Doing a good impression there
for a minute.

I lack for nothing...

except maybe...

adventure.

I thought when I grew up, I'd...

I'd be possibly something in uniform

with lots of stuff
on your shoulders.

Dandruff.

You'd still have it
if I didn't look after you.

Wouldn't you like me
as a leader of men?

A man of action?

I like you now.

Waiters ignore me.

Not when I'm there.

I know.

If I'd been a man of action,
you'd have had to come with me.

Come inside.

I've made some tea.

And we can quietly discuss

what it is you're going to be
when you grow up.

You're doing fine!

I tell a lie.

You're doing NOT fine!

TINKLING

You look like someone
who could use a cup of tea.

Oh, Travis will have one ready.

Well, this one's nearest.
I'm going to be waterlogged.

You can always turn down Travis's.
Ooh, I daren't do that!

He'll think I've met somebody else.

TINKLING

That's all very well,

but are you alleging that roller
skates are classed as vehicles?

We've got a tricky one here.

So what's the answer?

There hasn't really been one
since we gave up police brutality.

Right! We've discussed it,

and my colleague here
has pleaded with me...

..to release you with a caution
for this first offence.

Good job we meet Big Softy.

You're lucky.
I'm much nastier than he is.

Rubbish. Smell his aftershave.

It's lovely.

I wouldn't say lovely.

Must be pleasure to be arrested.

So Marina has the bells as well?

Well, I'm assuming it was Marina.

I can't imagine who else he could
have been secretly tinkling to.

The little devil.
So it's not Morris dancing -

it's Marina dancing. Hmm.

Should have known, shouldn't we?

Huh-huh...

It's dangerous. It's not dangerous.

Have you ever tried it?

I've never tried suicide,
but I know it's dangerous.

Whooargh!

I'll take him a cup upstairs.

Is he in your good books?

Well, he's in...which is something.

TINKLING

LOUD TINKLING

He's not in at all.

TINKLING
I can hear the bells.

Wind chimes.
He left one dangling in the window.

Now what? Forget your tea.
We're going after him.

His bicycle's gone,
he'll be heading for the hills.

You really do have an exciting life.

It's going to get that way for him.
Come on.

I thought he would
have caught us up by now.

Look, I feel like I'm intruding.

Give over!

We're only going for a bar snack.

SHE SIGHS: There's never a spare man
when you want one.

You were saying?
There's never a spare man?

It was like a miracle.
They came out of nowhere!

Oh, Howard!

Why have you arrested this woman...

who's a complete stranger to me?

Give us a minute
and we'll think of something.

She just happened to be here
when we fell.

Excuse me. If anyone deserves to
be arrested, it's me. I was driving.

You were on a bicycle.

What keen powers of observation!

It could have been a stolen bicycle.

I suppose you'll be wanting
my name and address.

(Come away!)

(I don't trust his aftershave.)

Right... Who do we nick first?

So they can tell the whole world
we've been on roller skates?

You're right.
They were all perfectly innocent.

PEARL: It's the same old story...

She doesn't think so.

I've seen it all before!

What have we got
for the festival, then?

We're taking flowers.

My marrow's not so good this year.

And there's no cure for it.

I offered old washing machine,
but they said no.

I've got to take something.

Nora Batty watches every move.

I'm taking duck in black bean sauce.

I hope you're taking two passengers.

We could use a lift.

I'm not riding in the back.

Oh... We can all squeeze in the cab.

Very obliging, these electricals.

OK, we ready?

Who said that?

It's somebody showing off
because they can breathe.

Rum pair of lasses, those two.

They weren't bad for falling on.

No. I expect that's
what airbags must feel like.

You wouldn't be able to squeeze
all that behind the dashboard.

You can't park here.
You'll have to move it!

Can you believe...
God's got parking problems now(!)

What do you mean we can't stop here?

It's not like we're blocking
the fire station.

The vicar doesn't answer 999 calls,
does he?

Does anybody these days?

You'll have to move. We're expecting
the hearse any minute!

So are we,

as you do when you get to our age.

We're not suggesting
you can't go first.

You'll have to move.

There's a funeral!

Of course, we're all
hoping it's not yours.

I have an announcement to make.

I'm in a good mood.

I'm in a...playful mood.

Are there any
leaders of men out there?

Coming!

JOLLY WHISTLING

Ah! I owe Nora Batty
some flowers for the church.

You've nicked them
from the cemetery.

I did not. They're not nicked.

I picked them meself.

Park keeper in bed, was he?

They're wild flowers.

They don't look wild to me.

They look as if they've given in.

They'll come round
now they're in water.

Sick flowers in a jam jar.

Nice thought.

It's the thought that counts.

It's Nora's thought that counts.

I think you better sneak 'em in
while the church is empty.

I've paid my debt.
She said flowers or money.

Do you think she intended you
to spend all that money?

You see... I had this problem.

Either I could go mad
on some flash flowers...

or we could all go for a drink.

Good thinking.

WIND CHIMES TINKLE

Oh, shut your noise!

TOM LAUGHS DRUNKENLY

Come where the booze is cheaper

Come where the beer runs free...

TOM LAUGHS DRUNKENLY

Come where the booze is cheaper

Come where the beer runs free...
I can't sleep in here.

There's a drunk person singing.
They do that.

Come where the booze is cheaper

Come where the beer is free...

All right, so they were only in a
jam jar, but they were hand-picked.

Anyway, it was my little offering.

And if that's not good enough,
what more can you do?

Waaaaow!

Ey up! Where's Tom?

Tom? Do I know any Toms?

What are you doing out there?

I got thrown out.

You offer one jam jar,
and look what happens.

Get in the back!

Are you never going to grow up?

Why? What have you got in mind
that's for adults only?

I've got in mind
to give you some brush.

Are you not ashamed to be
still playing with roller skates?

Playing? We passed a police car.

I hope they gave you a summons.

They were going to...

until we let them
have a go on our skates.

TINKLING

I think it's marvellous.

You ring a bell,
and this little person appears.

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