Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:19,680
You do realise that if you
wanted to do yourself up a bit,
2
00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:21,980
I wouldn't lose
all sense of control.
3
00:00:23,260 --> 00:00:28,880
I'm clean and I'm tidy,
and going beyond that is only asking for trouble.
4
00:00:28,880 --> 00:00:32,060
How did your husband know
you were ready for courting?
5
00:00:32,060 --> 00:00:37,660
It must have taken
uncommon valour to tackle you without a bit of encouragement.
6
00:00:37,660 --> 00:00:40,280
He got as much as was necessary.
7
00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:43,500
I never saw the need
to be really enthusiastic.
8
00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:43,500
So I rushed all the way up
from the cellar,
9
00:01:43,500 --> 00:01:47,940
got the phone just in time
and a voice said, "Congratulations!
10
00:01:47,940 --> 00:01:51,500
"You've just won �1,000
off a fitted kitchen."
11
00:01:53,940 --> 00:01:55,940
They usually catch you at teatime.
12
00:01:57,280 --> 00:02:01,840
People used to hear grace with
a meal, now it's, "Congratulations!
13
00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:05,040
"You've just won �1,000
off a fitted kitchen."
14
00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:08,560
That's one place I do miss
the former Mrs Truelove.
15
00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:12,460
She was exceptionally talented
at being nasty on the telephone.
16
00:02:12,460 --> 00:02:14,540
She wasn't bad off it either.
17
00:02:16,340 --> 00:02:18,900
I always tell them I'm a lunatic.
18
00:02:18,900 --> 00:02:21,120
I'm not allowed to make decisions.
19
00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:24,280
Well, I suppose that's
better than lying.
20
00:02:24,280 --> 00:02:29,520
So, I get rid of that lot,
and I go down the street and I bump
21
00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:33,900
straight into this creature
in a wedding dress.
22
00:02:33,900 --> 00:02:35,960
You think you know a person
23
00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:40,400
and then you see them
in a wedding hat.
24
00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:43,860
And her husband was there
looking embarrassed too.
25
00:02:43,860 --> 00:02:45,900
There was no need to be alarmed.
26
00:02:45,900 --> 00:02:47,740
Wedding hats are all like that.
27
00:02:47,740 --> 00:02:49,540
They're designed to shock.
28
00:02:49,540 --> 00:02:55,340
How come
that wedding hats are getting bigger and marriages shorter?
29
00:02:55,340 --> 00:02:57,020
It's true.
30
00:02:57,020 --> 00:03:02,920
I mean, you can hire most things
for weddings these days, and that seems to include the bride.
31
00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:09,100
But they still have the honeymoon
first, or is it the divorce?
32
00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:15,000
There's a bottle just floating past
with a message in it.
33
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:17,820
Answer that bottle, Alvin,
it could be for thee.
34
00:03:32,700 --> 00:03:35,360
Don't slouch. Look alert.
35
00:03:35,360 --> 00:03:39,120
People like to see their guardians
of the law looking active and alert.
36
00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:43,300
They realise there's only us
between them and total anarchy.
37
00:03:43,300 --> 00:03:44,860
What about you?
38
00:03:44,860 --> 00:03:46,740
You were half asleep.
39
00:03:46,740 --> 00:03:49,260
With all the villainy about?
40
00:03:49,260 --> 00:03:51,580
He's away on a course.
41
00:03:51,580 --> 00:03:53,500
Not the Chief Inspector.
42
00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:55,220
He's not the only villain.
43
00:03:55,220 --> 00:03:57,320
He's the only one that rattles me.
44
00:03:57,320 --> 00:04:01,960
You know why that is, don't you? It's
because your conscience isn't clear.
45
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:06,000
No. It's because
I don't lie as well as you.
46
00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:09,700
I thought you did.
I thought you were coming on nicely.
47
00:04:09,700 --> 00:04:11,080
Quit the flannel.
48
00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:13,420
Hey, you're not having
that last sandwich!
49
00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:15,100
I'm saving it for later.
50
00:04:15,100 --> 00:04:16,960
If there is a later.
51
00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:21,600
You are aware that in this job our
lives are on the line every minute.
52
00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:24,060
Even when you're having a zizz?
53
00:04:24,060 --> 00:04:26,180
You may think I'm having a zizz.
54
00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:31,280
Have you ever seen a hawk?
Under half-closed lids,
55
00:04:31,280 --> 00:04:33,860
these eyes are scanning
every which way,
56
00:04:33,860 --> 00:04:35,900
and if it moves it's mine.
57
00:04:52,760 --> 00:05:00,100
Looks serious. Maybe dam broke.
Give us a lift to the next bridge, we've got a bottle to catch.
58
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:03,060
Oh, and what time bottle leave?
59
00:05:03,060 --> 00:05:04,840
There's a message in it.
60
00:05:04,840 --> 00:05:07,460
Maybe that say
what time bottle leave.
61
00:05:09,020 --> 00:05:10,940
Could be a request for help.
62
00:05:12,080 --> 00:05:17,060
Maybe somewhere upstream is a broken
leg anxiously awaiting rescue party.
63
00:05:17,060 --> 00:05:23,680
And of course the rest of him
could be there too. I hate looking for people with broken legs.
64
00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:26,640
They're usually pretty miserable
when you find them.
65
00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:30,540
You mustn't ignore a cry for help.
A bottle?
66
00:05:30,540 --> 00:05:32,820
A little glass thing.
67
00:05:32,820 --> 00:05:34,840
He rides in back.
68
00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:42,960
I didn't mean to startle him.
69
00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:45,900
Startle him?
He's got nerves of steel.
70
00:05:45,900 --> 00:05:47,540
We both have.
71
00:05:47,540 --> 00:05:49,400
Really? Oh, ay, it's a must.
72
00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:52,660
There's only us between
community and total anarchy.
73
00:05:52,660 --> 00:05:55,020
We never sleep.
74
00:05:55,020 --> 00:05:57,180
He was drinking coffee.
75
00:05:57,180 --> 00:05:59,180
Smells like coffee.
76
00:05:59,180 --> 00:06:03,820
You noticed that, just what we need,
an independent witness. Witness to what?
77
00:06:03,820 --> 00:06:08,540
This entirely new kind of
dangerous substance my colleague and I have just confiscated.
78
00:06:08,540 --> 00:06:10,460
Street value of millions.
79
00:06:11,660 --> 00:06:13,320
I thought it were coffee.
80
00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:17,740
Good man! Coming forward like this.
We need the support of the community.
81
00:06:17,740 --> 00:06:22,520
Even if it means you'll have
to testify against the ruthless killers who make this stuff.
82
00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:24,860
I only wanted
directions to Cliff Street.
83
00:06:24,860 --> 00:06:27,060
Second left up the hill, turn right.
84
00:06:27,060 --> 00:06:28,540
Thank you.
85
00:06:31,900 --> 00:06:33,880
Coffee!
86
00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:38,240
How do you come up
with stuff like that?
87
00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:41,040
Nothing like hot trousers
for stimulating the mind.
88
00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:56,500
I still remember the last message
that I put in a bottle.
89
00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:59,240
Really? You surprise me.
90
00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:01,580
I didn't think you
were such a romantic.
91
00:07:01,580 --> 00:07:03,760
What did your message say?
92
00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:07,300
One pint today,
please and a small cream.
93
00:07:07,300 --> 00:07:10,360
Yes, that sounds more like you.
94
00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:14,520
I once dropped a message in
a bottle off Southend Pier.
95
00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:21,100
Imagine,
I'm standing there with the former Mrs Truelove, at the edge of a pier,
96
00:07:21,100 --> 00:07:23,320
and the one I throw in is the bottle.
97
00:07:24,940 --> 00:07:27,400
And what did your message say?
98
00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:32,500
It said, "Should you be reading
other people's mail?" There it is!
99
00:07:35,140 --> 00:07:37,600
It looks as if they've spotted it.
100
00:07:43,580 --> 00:07:46,440
I don't wish to be over critical,
101
00:07:46,440 --> 00:07:50,760
I realise that they're
having to improvise, but...
102
00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:53,140
does that look safe to you?
103
00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:56,660
Well, it looks safe enough
for Billy and Entwistle.
104
00:07:56,660 --> 00:07:58,180
I'm not sure about Alvin.
105
00:07:58,180 --> 00:08:00,520
SPLASH!
106
00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:04,780
No, there you go, you see,
it wasn't safe for Alvin.
107
00:08:12,180 --> 00:08:17,340
Excuse me. I was wondering
if I'd got the right house. Can you tell me who lives here?
108
00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:22,840
I can tell you who lives here,
The Man In The Iron Mask.
109
00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:27,460
That's who lives here,
a prisoner in this dungeon.
110
00:08:27,460 --> 00:08:30,260
Life imprisonment, without parole.
111
00:08:31,700 --> 00:08:34,160
Oh, hello, love.
112
00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:37,880
This gentleman was just asking
if he'd got the right house.
113
00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:42,500
Then you're not the only one
that wonders about that then?
114
00:08:42,500 --> 00:08:45,500
Er, er, I'm looking for Mr Clegg,
115
00:08:45,500 --> 00:08:47,140
Norman Clegg.
116
00:08:47,140 --> 00:08:49,320
Next door, but he's not in.
117
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:53,900
No, he gets out, all the time,
every day, free as a bird.
118
00:08:55,140 --> 00:08:58,500
For me it's Stalag Luft Three.
119
00:09:03,580 --> 00:09:06,220
Your husband seems stressed.
120
00:09:06,220 --> 00:09:07,700
We do our best.
121
00:09:14,860 --> 00:09:17,180
What have you got there?
122
00:09:17,180 --> 00:09:19,380
I was hoping you could tell me.
123
00:09:19,380 --> 00:09:21,480
Well, where did you find it?
124
00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:24,560
It was under that pile
of junk in the warehouse.
125
00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:28,660
Junk! I don't ever want to
hear that word on your lips.
126
00:09:28,660 --> 00:09:33,440
Junk is a four-letter word
which we don't use round here when referring to my reserve stock.
127
00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:36,700
It looks well past
any human usefulness.
128
00:09:36,700 --> 00:09:38,900
Ooh, listen who's talking.
129
00:09:38,900 --> 00:09:39,960
Oh!
130
00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:42,820
Oh, I'd almost forgotten this.
131
00:09:42,820 --> 00:09:45,280
What is it? It's a suit of armour.
132
00:09:46,740 --> 00:09:48,420
Whose suit of armour?
133
00:09:48,420 --> 00:09:49,420
Mine.
134
00:09:51,020 --> 00:09:53,260
I knew you was old but I didn't...
135
00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:54,720
Watch your lip.
136
00:09:57,260 --> 00:09:59,840
What did you buy
a thing like this for?
137
00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:02,200
Because I know a
bargain when I see one.
138
00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:06,000
And anyway it was a
legitimate business expense.
139
00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:10,100
I used to wear bits of it when
I had to take money to the bank.
140
00:10:10,100 --> 00:10:11,900
Is it all there?
141
00:10:11,900 --> 00:10:14,200
Look who's asking!
142
00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:17,900
Take it back inside, we'll
soon find out if it's all there.
143
00:10:17,900 --> 00:10:21,100
Can you remember how many
pieces there should be?
144
00:10:21,100 --> 00:10:22,960
I don't have to remember.
145
00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:25,260
I just have to help
you to put it on.
146
00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:39,730
There must be an easier way.
147
00:10:39,730 --> 00:10:41,470
You volunteered.
148
00:10:41,470 --> 00:10:45,570
Tha shouldn't listen to me.
Tha knows I'm an idiot.
149
00:10:45,570 --> 00:10:48,170
You're all right this end.
150
00:10:48,170 --> 00:10:49,930
Could be disguise.
151
00:10:51,490 --> 00:10:53,010
Here comes the bottle.
152
00:10:54,330 --> 00:10:56,210
Left a bit.
153
00:10:56,210 --> 00:10:58,650
Left a bit!
154
00:10:58,650 --> 00:11:03,010
Hey up! Watch what tha's
scraping along t'wall.
155
00:11:03,010 --> 00:11:04,990
Keep eye on bottle.
156
00:11:04,990 --> 00:11:07,870
I will once they've
stopped watering.
157
00:11:07,870 --> 00:11:12,270
Call me superstitious, but I
have premonition Billy will fall.
158
00:11:12,270 --> 00:11:14,410
Sounds plausible to me.
159
00:11:14,410 --> 00:11:16,130
Lower!
160
00:11:16,130 --> 00:11:17,410
Lower!
161
00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:18,970
A bit lower...
162
00:11:18,970 --> 00:11:19,950
lower.
163
00:11:23,430 --> 00:11:24,910
Oh-h-h!
164
00:11:27,050 --> 00:11:28,930
Not that much lower.
165
00:11:28,930 --> 00:11:32,210
Have you always had this gift
for seeing into the future?
166
00:11:32,210 --> 00:11:34,930
Comes and goes.
Oh, a lot like Billy.
167
00:11:34,930 --> 00:11:38,270
Will you ask that wet person
if he's got the bottle?
168
00:11:38,270 --> 00:11:41,190
Truly says did you get the bottle?
169
00:11:41,190 --> 00:11:44,190
I got dropped, that's what I got.
170
00:11:44,190 --> 00:11:46,970
Yeah, we noticed that.
171
00:11:46,970 --> 00:11:49,970
Fast bottle. Must be express.
172
00:11:49,970 --> 00:11:51,410
Listen...
173
00:11:51,410 --> 00:11:54,850
I think I hear webbed feet.
174
00:11:58,970 --> 00:12:00,870
Feet? I've got webbed knees!
175
00:12:09,150 --> 00:12:11,230
Did he say what he wanted?
176
00:12:11,230 --> 00:12:14,490
No. That's because he couldn't
get a word in edgeways.
177
00:12:14,490 --> 00:12:18,510
I saw you mouthing off at him. You
should have asked him what he wanted.
178
00:12:18,510 --> 00:12:22,050
We don't know him,
that's being nosy.
179
00:12:22,050 --> 00:12:24,050
You're right, it is.
180
00:12:25,130 --> 00:12:28,870
Ask him in for a cup of tea,
then we can be nosy.
181
00:12:33,930 --> 00:12:38,130
You're wet already, Billy.
You might as well go in and get it.
182
00:12:38,130 --> 00:12:41,350
We don't know how deep it is.
I'm not going in there.
183
00:12:41,350 --> 00:12:43,710
I thought you laughed at danger.
184
00:12:43,710 --> 00:12:45,550
Not when I'm wet.
185
00:12:45,550 --> 00:12:48,110
Oh, he has a dry sense of humour!
186
00:12:49,390 --> 00:12:54,930
If we could throw something heavy in,
it might sort of splash it nearer to us.
187
00:12:54,930 --> 00:12:58,130
What have we got that's heavy
that we could throw in?
188
00:12:58,130 --> 00:13:01,410
There's you for a start.
I'll second that.
189
00:13:01,410 --> 00:13:05,290
Sorry, I promised Mother
I would never fly.
190
00:13:05,290 --> 00:13:09,490
Hey, never mind.
Man with lasso approaching.
191
00:13:09,490 --> 00:13:13,150
Looks very home on the range,
Entwistle. We're impressed.
192
00:13:15,050 --> 00:13:18,110
Yee-ee-ha!
193
00:13:18,110 --> 00:13:19,890
Whoo-whoo-whoo!
194
00:13:19,890 --> 00:13:21,430
Ha-a!
195
00:13:24,270 --> 00:13:27,110
No, I tell a lie,
we're not impressed.
196
00:13:27,110 --> 00:13:29,990
Well, he tied the knot,
he got that bit right.
197
00:13:29,990 --> 00:13:33,990
I think he couldn't concentrate
because he's had all his cattle rustled,
198
00:13:33,990 --> 00:13:38,370
and feels unable
to ask for the hand of Miss Dixie the sheriff's daughter.
199
00:13:38,370 --> 00:13:42,410
The way he cowboys, tha'd think
he'd never studied under John Wayne.
200
00:13:42,410 --> 00:13:44,930
Didn't work,
he thought I was Indian.
201
00:13:45,970 --> 00:13:49,450
We thought you were Indian.
You mean you're not Indian?
202
00:13:49,450 --> 00:13:51,970
White man speak with forked tongue.
203
00:13:53,050 --> 00:13:54,710
How!
204
00:14:01,950 --> 00:14:03,950
Ta very much.
205
00:14:05,490 --> 00:14:09,530
We ought to warn Norman Clegg
who it is that's looking for him.
206
00:14:10,550 --> 00:14:14,130
I'll take the bike. I'll wing
my way, swift as the wind.
207
00:14:14,130 --> 00:14:15,750
Slow down, swifty.
208
00:14:15,750 --> 00:14:19,150
You won't take the bike,
you'll get him on the phone.
209
00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:22,510
Norman Clegg with a mobile phone?
Never.
210
00:14:22,510 --> 00:14:25,750
He'll be with Alvin and that mob.
Alvin has one.
211
00:14:26,750 --> 00:14:29,330
Another exciting break from routine.
212
00:14:29,330 --> 00:14:32,770
Howard gets to call Alvin
on his mobile.
213
00:14:55,730 --> 00:14:57,590
Bottle coming.
214
00:14:57,590 --> 00:14:59,670
I believe him.
215
00:14:59,670 --> 00:15:03,470
He can see the future,
he knew Billy was going to fall.
216
00:15:03,470 --> 00:15:05,870
Things not looking too good for you.
217
00:15:07,670 --> 00:15:10,230
Will everyone please note
he's joking?
218
00:15:10,230 --> 00:15:12,730
Got that, only joking, right.
219
00:15:12,730 --> 00:15:15,650
I don't like that man's attitude.
220
00:15:15,650 --> 00:15:17,890
You can trust us, Alvin.
221
00:15:17,890 --> 00:15:20,910
Now close your mouth
before it gets full of water.
222
00:15:20,910 --> 00:15:23,810
That doesn't sound encouraging
either.
223
00:15:23,810 --> 00:15:28,250
I shouldn't go home wet or Nora
Batty will find me irresistible.
224
00:15:28,250 --> 00:15:31,970
Worst that can happen is
that she'll wash and iron you.
225
00:15:31,970 --> 00:15:34,390
Here it comes.
226
00:15:34,390 --> 00:15:36,370
Don't miss it this time.
227
00:15:36,370 --> 00:15:38,370
Listen who's talking.
228
00:15:38,370 --> 00:15:40,970
I didn't miss it last time.
229
00:15:43,030 --> 00:15:47,010
Any last wish,
like maybe new washing machine?
230
00:15:47,010 --> 00:15:50,150
A drier's probably more in his line.
231
00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:52,750
Just stretch down when you're ready.
232
00:15:54,670 --> 00:15:57,870
Is this man showing grace
under pressure or what?
233
00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:03,190
MOBILE RINGS
234
00:16:06,750 --> 00:16:08,970
I hope it's not a wrong number.
235
00:16:12,230 --> 00:16:14,550
It's for Cleggy.
236
00:16:16,750 --> 00:16:18,330
For me?
237
00:16:19,650 --> 00:16:21,190
Come on, you dozy beggar!
238
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:27,590
Well, done Sunny Jim. Get him dry.
239
00:16:27,590 --> 00:16:28,750
Come on.
240
00:16:31,490 --> 00:16:33,470
..two, three, heave!
241
00:16:34,970 --> 00:16:37,810
Spread out on there, Alvin.
Tha'll soon be dry.
242
00:16:37,810 --> 00:16:41,870
Just what truck needs,
imprint of wet person on bonnet.
243
00:16:43,650 --> 00:16:45,970
Is this the warmest truck
you've got?
244
00:16:45,970 --> 00:16:49,290
Hang on while he revs up.
Tha'll soon feel a difference.
245
00:16:49,290 --> 00:16:51,070
I can feel a difference now.
246
00:16:51,070 --> 00:16:53,310
I can feel it here and here.
247
00:16:59,030 --> 00:17:01,490
What's up with Cleggy?
248
00:17:01,490 --> 00:17:02,750
Him?
249
00:17:05,930 --> 00:17:07,910
CLANKING
250
00:17:11,290 --> 00:17:13,990
It's not bad,
just the visor missing.
251
00:17:13,990 --> 00:17:16,850
Not bad? Listen to it!
252
00:17:16,850 --> 00:17:19,050
SUIT RATTLES AND SQUEAKS
253
00:17:19,050 --> 00:17:24,710
You'll be fine
when you've given it a bit of exercise. I need some oil!
254
00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:27,210
In your lamp especially.
255
00:17:27,210 --> 00:17:29,910
BELL ON DOOR RINGS
256
00:17:29,910 --> 00:17:31,490
Oh-h!
257
00:17:31,490 --> 00:17:34,890
Wow, longest knight of the year.
258
00:17:36,550 --> 00:17:39,790
Ignore him. He hates shopping.
259
00:17:40,670 --> 00:17:42,690
Hates shopping?
260
00:17:42,690 --> 00:17:46,230
Ooh, there was a Mr Quarmby once
hated shopping.
261
00:17:46,690 --> 00:17:49,430
Came to a bad end.
From hating shopping?
262
00:17:49,430 --> 00:17:54,310
He used to cross the road rather
than pass this doorway. Hit and run.
263
00:17:54,310 --> 00:17:58,830
I heard this bang and found him
lying in the road bleeding.
264
00:17:58,830 --> 00:18:02,010
Changed his mind about shopping.
Why?
265
00:18:02,010 --> 00:18:06,830
Because he was so grateful to me,
that I was there when he needed me.
266
00:18:06,830 --> 00:18:08,850
Able to sell him some bandages.
267
00:18:08,850 --> 00:18:10,310
Sit down.
268
00:18:12,650 --> 00:18:16,090
Now what can we do for you?
Barry wants a hat.
269
00:18:16,090 --> 00:18:19,550
To be strictly accurate,
Glenda wants Barry to want a hat.
270
00:18:19,550 --> 00:18:21,490
You'll look dignified.
271
00:18:21,490 --> 00:18:25,650
Oh, we can do dignified,
I've got shelves full of dignified.
272
00:18:25,650 --> 00:18:29,350
Nobody wears hats!
You'll have the executive look.
273
00:18:29,350 --> 00:18:32,090
For which this establishment
is famous.
274
00:18:32,090 --> 00:18:36,930
You must have heard people saying,
"For this seasons's executive look, go to Auntie's."
275
00:18:36,930 --> 00:18:38,510
I've never heard that.
276
00:18:38,510 --> 00:18:43,770
You've heard it now. You know
what they're like around here. I'll be laughed at in a hat.
277
00:18:43,770 --> 00:18:45,470
You won't be laughed at.
278
00:18:45,470 --> 00:18:47,570
I'll kill anybody who laughs.
279
00:18:47,570 --> 00:18:49,870
We'll both kill anybody who laughs.
280
00:18:49,870 --> 00:18:52,050
Right, that takes care
of the insurance.
281
00:18:52,050 --> 00:18:54,130
Why don't you try a few on?
282
00:18:54,130 --> 00:18:56,490
I hope she can find one to fit.
283
00:18:56,490 --> 00:19:00,850
It'll fit. If your head's the
wrong size, I can't be responsible.
284
00:19:00,850 --> 00:19:02,850
CLATTER!
Oh!
285
00:19:06,210 --> 00:19:08,190
ENT IS TRYING TO START TRUCK
286
00:19:12,430 --> 00:19:14,250
It's Aubrey.
287
00:19:14,250 --> 00:19:16,290
He's only a cousin by marriage.
288
00:19:16,290 --> 00:19:20,530
I never liked him, even before
I found out that he was unlikable.
289
00:19:20,530 --> 00:19:23,910
And now he's tracked me down
from the ends of the earth.
290
00:19:23,910 --> 00:19:25,550
How far?
291
00:19:25,550 --> 00:19:28,470
Well, from the other side
of Huddersfield.
292
00:19:28,470 --> 00:19:30,050
As far as that?
293
00:19:30,050 --> 00:19:32,070
I had a cousin in Huddersfield.
294
00:19:32,070 --> 00:19:34,390
Well, you can have this one.
295
00:19:34,390 --> 00:19:36,050
Is he really that bad?
296
00:19:36,050 --> 00:19:37,930
I mean, you can tell me.
297
00:19:37,930 --> 00:19:41,410
I've experienced the depths
of human unpleasantness.
298
00:19:41,410 --> 00:19:44,530
An education which began
on my wedding day.
299
00:19:44,530 --> 00:19:46,170
I've been on that course.
300
00:19:47,410 --> 00:19:50,470
He's such a know-it-all.
I know the type.
301
00:19:50,470 --> 00:19:51,930
And she's got a sister.
302
00:19:58,650 --> 00:20:00,650
Have you not got
that bottle open yet?
303
00:20:00,650 --> 00:20:03,830
You're a lot quicker
when there's beer in it.
304
00:20:03,830 --> 00:20:07,530
These things need to be treated
with a certain amount of delicacy.
305
00:20:07,530 --> 00:20:09,250
Or maybe hammer.
306
00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:11,530
Yes. A hammer would be good.
307
00:20:14,970 --> 00:20:16,150
GLASS SMASHES
308
00:20:22,650 --> 00:20:25,670
"Please ring this number
immediately."
309
00:20:25,670 --> 00:20:27,670
A broken leg with a telephone.
310
00:20:28,750 --> 00:20:31,270
So this is something MORE mysterious.
311
00:20:31,270 --> 00:20:33,570
Even more intriguing.
312
00:20:33,570 --> 00:20:38,710
I bet it's a beautiful princess
who's been turned into a frog. But allowed to keep her phone.
313
00:20:38,710 --> 00:20:44,030
She's under the spell of this
wicked witch, but she can be released by the first loving kiss.
314
00:20:44,030 --> 00:20:46,410
Alvin wants to kiss a frog.
315
00:20:46,410 --> 00:20:50,090
No, I think I'll wait
till I get a good look at her.
316
00:20:50,090 --> 00:20:52,330
Now why didn't I think of that?
317
00:20:52,330 --> 00:20:54,810
I did. And I still
ended up getting married.
318
00:20:54,810 --> 00:20:56,530
Women have big power.
319
00:20:56,530 --> 00:20:58,550
Mine's got big everything.
320
00:20:58,550 --> 00:21:00,610
She's not that big.
321
00:21:00,610 --> 00:21:03,990
Are you sure? I'm going to have
to start looking at her again.
322
00:21:07,390 --> 00:21:09,090
Bring your Barry in.
323
00:21:09,090 --> 00:21:11,630
He doesn't have to wait outside.
324
00:21:11,630 --> 00:21:13,910
Yes, bring him in.
325
00:21:13,910 --> 00:21:15,910
It's not as if we're terrifying.
326
00:21:17,310 --> 00:21:19,810
Oh, I don't know though.
327
00:21:19,810 --> 00:21:22,350
I've often left Travis outside.
328
00:21:22,350 --> 00:21:27,050
He's very good
at being left outside - his mother did it all the time.
329
00:21:27,050 --> 00:21:30,170
She left him at Blackpool once,
on a day trip.
330
00:21:30,170 --> 00:21:32,190
Oh, that's terrible.
331
00:21:32,190 --> 00:21:34,590
It's nicer at Southport.
332
00:21:36,190 --> 00:21:39,430
He came to me almost fully trained,
bless him.
333
00:21:39,430 --> 00:21:43,930
And I think he's always
been grateful that I've never left him at Blackpool.
334
00:21:43,930 --> 00:21:48,110
As you would. His mother must have
been a bit of a dilly, though.
335
00:21:48,110 --> 00:21:51,930
Oh, she was years ahead
of her time at bad parenting.
336
00:21:51,930 --> 00:21:55,650
Well, this isn't
getting your Barry in.
337
00:21:55,650 --> 00:21:57,490
He won't come in.
338
00:21:57,490 --> 00:22:00,010
He's practising wearing a hat.
339
00:22:00,010 --> 00:22:01,750
He thinks you'll laugh at it.
340
00:22:01,750 --> 00:22:04,050
And he looks so good in it.
341
00:22:05,070 --> 00:22:09,550
You mean I've lived with Howard just
as he is and all it takes is a hat?
342
00:22:09,550 --> 00:22:16,170
Travis's father, well, the person
his mother was living with, used to wear a hat, even in bed.
343
00:22:16,170 --> 00:22:19,110
When did you see him in bed?
Was he poorly?
344
00:22:19,110 --> 00:22:21,450
No, he was mostly in bed.
345
00:22:21,450 --> 00:22:24,030
He used to keep office hours.
346
00:22:24,030 --> 00:22:27,570
No wonder that your Travis
was glad to leave home.
347
00:22:27,570 --> 00:22:29,970
Fetch your Barry in.
348
00:22:29,970 --> 00:22:34,870
Let's have a look at him. Well, I'll
try, but he is a free human being.
349
00:22:37,790 --> 00:22:39,390
Come in, Barry.
350
00:22:39,390 --> 00:22:40,390
No.
351
00:22:41,290 --> 00:22:42,750
Come in, Barry!
352
00:22:42,750 --> 00:22:43,750
Coming.
353
00:22:47,890 --> 00:22:52,370
Well, it's just a hat,
a perfectly ordinary hat.
354
00:22:52,370 --> 00:22:54,350
It doesn't feel like just a hat.
355
00:22:54,350 --> 00:22:57,310
It feels like more hat
than I know what to do with.
356
00:22:57,310 --> 00:23:01,150
I bet it suits him
when he gets used to it,
357
00:23:01,150 --> 00:23:03,250
once it stops over-powering him.
358
00:23:03,250 --> 00:23:05,650
It's the executive look.
359
00:23:05,650 --> 00:23:08,150
That doesn't want taking too far.
360
00:23:08,150 --> 00:23:12,430
You see them in restaurants
checking their bills with a pocket calculator.
361
00:23:12,430 --> 00:23:13,550
Turn round, Barry.
362
00:23:14,010 --> 00:23:16,390
I knew they'd want me to turn round.
363
00:23:16,390 --> 00:23:18,030
ALL: Turn round, Barry!
364
00:23:23,230 --> 00:23:27,030
I'm not usually to be relied upon
in matters of technology,
365
00:23:27,030 --> 00:23:30,670
but I don't think
this telephone is working.
366
00:23:30,670 --> 00:23:33,530
We'll just have to
find another phone.
367
00:23:33,530 --> 00:23:36,150
What number are we
to ring immediately?
368
00:23:36,150 --> 00:23:39,230
But what am I going to do
about Aubrey? First things first.
369
00:23:39,230 --> 00:23:40,870
This could be an emergency.
370
00:23:40,870 --> 00:23:44,190
But I always think
that Aubrey IS an emergency.
371
00:24:13,610 --> 00:24:16,190
It's amazing
where this draught gets to.
372
00:24:17,210 --> 00:24:19,270
It could be worse.
373
00:24:19,270 --> 00:24:21,830
Tha could be in a kilt.
374
00:24:21,830 --> 00:24:26,110
And where the sporran goes,
right now, there's no sign of global warming.
375
00:24:45,190 --> 00:24:50,410
Well, I've heard of taking
an interest in people, but isn't this a bit extreme?
376
00:24:50,410 --> 00:24:53,070
He's been sitting on broken glass.
377
00:24:53,070 --> 00:24:56,710
Is that ever going to
be popular do you think?
378
00:24:56,710 --> 00:24:59,910
I was so numb,
I never felt a thing.
379
00:25:01,170 --> 00:25:04,330
I think short men are
terribly unreliable.
380
00:25:04,330 --> 00:25:06,430
Oh, don't say that.
381
00:25:06,430 --> 00:25:08,890
They're better than nothing.
382
00:25:08,890 --> 00:25:12,870
Well, yes, but my advice is
to upgrade as soon as possible.
383
00:25:14,130 --> 00:25:15,910
I've never been good with tall.
384
00:25:16,870 --> 00:25:20,030
I only had one
and he got fast in my bouffant.
385
00:25:21,190 --> 00:25:23,650
We do seem to have things in common.
386
00:25:23,650 --> 00:25:27,350
We're both creatures
of fire and emotion.
387
00:25:27,350 --> 00:25:30,270
I sometimes think
the boiler's gone out.
388
00:25:30,270 --> 00:25:32,730
We've both had disappointments.
389
00:25:32,730 --> 00:25:35,050
I'm sure you must've
made your mistakes.
390
00:25:35,050 --> 00:25:36,910
Been there. Done that.
391
00:25:36,910 --> 00:25:38,910
Oh, yes, I've made mistakes...
392
00:25:38,910 --> 00:25:41,390
though not as often as I'd like.
393
00:25:43,070 --> 00:25:45,510
Did you ever renounce men
completely?
394
00:25:45,510 --> 00:25:47,370
Went a whole week.
395
00:25:47,370 --> 00:25:49,550
Well...if you don't count Thursday.
396
00:25:50,610 --> 00:25:52,630
What happened Thursday?
397
00:25:52,630 --> 00:25:54,910
I got swept away by the uniform.
398
00:25:54,910 --> 00:25:56,910
Oh, yes, it can be like that.
399
00:25:58,270 --> 00:26:00,330
Was it a sailor?
400
00:26:00,330 --> 00:26:02,090
Traffic warden.
401
00:26:02,090 --> 00:26:06,390
I'd improperly parked my bicycle
but he was very understanding.
402
00:26:07,290 --> 00:26:11,630
Traffic wardens don't make
good pets. No, I've heard that.
403
00:26:11,630 --> 00:26:14,430
Although you feel obliged
to give things a chance.
404
00:26:15,990 --> 00:26:18,710
Do you think we should try to quit?
405
00:26:18,710 --> 00:26:22,110
Being with Howard I always feel is
much the same as cutting down.
406
00:26:35,010 --> 00:26:37,630
Hey, stop moving about.
Don't go away.
407
00:26:39,490 --> 00:26:43,590
Is tha badly wounded? I can't see.
Can somebody else take a look?
408
00:26:45,270 --> 00:26:47,190
Oh, my goodness!
409
00:26:49,250 --> 00:26:51,110
At last.
410
00:26:55,070 --> 00:26:56,870
RATTLING AND SQUEAKING
411
00:27:04,930 --> 00:27:08,390
You see? All it needs is exercise.
You're improving all the time.
412
00:27:08,390 --> 00:27:10,410
What about the squeak?
413
00:27:10,410 --> 00:27:14,170
Wear off in no time
if you take it for a walk.
414
00:27:14,170 --> 00:27:16,170
Go on. Take it for a good walk. Oh!
415
00:27:16,170 --> 00:27:18,150
RATTLING AND SQUEAKING CONTINUE
416
00:27:27,750 --> 00:27:29,070
Well?
417
00:27:30,110 --> 00:27:32,190
What was the message?
418
00:27:32,190 --> 00:27:36,550
We've won �1,000
off a fitted kitchen.
419
00:27:46,630 --> 00:27:50,230
Norman, I know it's been years,
but I've taken this little job
420
00:27:50,230 --> 00:27:56,270
and I've been authorized
to tell you that you've won �1,000 off a fitted kitchen.
421
00:28:23,030 --> 00:28:24,910
Kiss me, Barry.
422
00:28:24,910 --> 00:28:26,710
I can't. The hat gets in the way.
423
00:28:28,730 --> 00:28:30,630
Lose the hat, Barry.
424
00:28:42,010 --> 00:28:44,370
(No noise. Don't let me down!)
425
00:28:44,370 --> 00:28:46,110
SQUEAKING
426
00:28:50,290 --> 00:28:52,750
SQUEAKING CONTINUES
427
00:28:57,930 --> 00:28:59,910
SQUEAKING STOPS
428
00:29:01,450 --> 00:29:03,470
SQUEAKING STARTS AGAIN
429
00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:08,070
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
33385
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof