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1
00:00:11,020 --> 00:00:13,800
Hey-up, it's first-aid from hell!
2
00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:17,580
What are you doing today
that's useful?
3
00:00:17,580 --> 00:00:23,220
Give us a minute,
I'll think of something. Too late. I've thought of something.
4
00:00:23,220 --> 00:00:26,760
You'll do nicely. For what?
For doing a kindness.
5
00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:29,920
Taking an old person out
for a change for an hour.
6
00:00:29,920 --> 00:00:33,080
He won't be mobile
when you've finished bandaging him.
7
00:00:33,080 --> 00:00:36,700
There's nothing wrong with him
apart from loneliness.
8
00:00:36,700 --> 00:00:42,340
He doesn't need bandaging. It never
stopped you before. You need a bandage between your nose and chin!
9
00:00:42,340 --> 00:00:46,020
There - that's where he lives.
10
00:00:46,020 --> 00:00:48,400
This is miles away.
11
00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:52,060
Who's providing the transport?
That's your problem.
12
00:00:52,060 --> 00:00:54,800
I'm medical, not transport.
13
00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:59,920
Where will I take him for a change?
Suppose he's already been!
14
00:01:42,780 --> 00:01:46,700
Oh, there you are, love.
Don't "love" me.
15
00:01:46,700 --> 00:01:53,080
Where do you think you're going?
I was looking for you. I thought, "Where's Pearl?"
16
00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:58,620
Where's Pearl? She's one jump ahead
of you, that's where Pearl is.
17
00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:02,880
Get your body inside.
18
00:02:23,500 --> 00:02:28,800
I suppose you're wondering
why I keep trying that door.
19
00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:32,220
I'm determined
to locate that squeak.
20
00:02:32,220 --> 00:02:33,860
Seven.
21
00:02:33,860 --> 00:02:35,980
Maybe eight. What?
22
00:02:35,980 --> 00:02:38,960
Out of ten. For lying.
23
00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:42,320
On the spur of the moment,
that wasn't bad.
24
00:02:55,240 --> 00:03:00,140
So there it is, two o'clock in the
morning and I'm walking my beat.
25
00:03:00,140 --> 00:03:05,760
Which you could in those days,
before we had the support of the educated classes.
26
00:03:05,760 --> 00:03:09,220
It's funny. They never blame honesty
on social conditions.
27
00:03:09,220 --> 00:03:16,680
And suddenly there's this chap
up a tree with a pair of binoculars staring into a bedroom window.
28
00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:20,120
I thought,
"Right, laddie, you're nicked.
29
00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:24,460
"But first let's have a look what's
going on through that window."
30
00:03:24,460 --> 00:03:27,480
Which wasn't idle curiosity,
31
00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:30,560
but necessary
for gathering the evidence.
32
00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:35,060
I think we can all appreciate that.
What size tree was it?
33
00:03:35,060 --> 00:03:39,120
Oh, it held us both
quite comfortably. For how long?
34
00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:42,500
You know how it is. Time flies
when you're enjoying yourself.
35
00:03:42,500 --> 00:03:45,680
Were you selling tickets
or did you arrest him?
36
00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:51,400
It was his own house.
He was watching his own bedroom window through binoculars?!
37
00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:55,780
Which is well within the parameters
of odd human behaviour.
38
00:03:55,780 --> 00:04:00,460
Besides which, he had a perfectly
good reason. He was a trifle loopy?
39
00:04:00,460 --> 00:04:02,900
In addition to that.
40
00:04:02,900 --> 00:04:06,020
He was trying
to catch his wife smoking.
41
00:04:06,020 --> 00:04:10,200
She swore she'd stopped, but he was
sure he could smell cigarettes.
42
00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:14,200
So we took turns on the binoculars.
KNOCK ON DOOR
43
00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:16,760
Who's that?
44
00:04:20,180 --> 00:04:23,840
It's Nora Batty...in uniform.
45
00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:26,760
You don't think she's invading, mm?
46
00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:30,540
You go. Me? It's your house!
47
00:04:30,540 --> 00:04:35,100
If I go, she'll bandage me.
Why will she bandage you?
48
00:04:35,100 --> 00:04:37,140
She did before.
49
00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:44,900
What are you doing this afternoon?
50
00:04:44,900 --> 00:04:49,160
Well, we're not expecting
to be bleeding or anything.
51
00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:55,760
I've made arrangements with my
neighbour. You're going out to make a nice change for a lonely old man.
52
00:04:55,760 --> 00:05:00,040
Wouldn't YOU make a nicer change
for a lonely old man?
53
00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:03,700
I shall be with the ladies,
looking after his wife.
54
00:05:03,700 --> 00:05:09,700
My neighbour is making
travel arrangements. He'll be here in an hour. Right, thank you.
55
00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:15,020
If she wants me to leave something
to medical science, they can have my wart.
56
00:05:15,020 --> 00:05:17,240
Worse.
57
00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:27,120
We ought to do something.
I'm no good at showbiz. You don't have to get into the tabloids.
58
00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:32,960
Just do a little something for the
children's concert. It'll go wrong. Things always go wrong for me.
59
00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:35,680
Oh, really? Now he tells me.
60
00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:38,900
Apart from you,
things always go wrong for me.
61
00:05:38,900 --> 00:05:42,740
Do your country and western.
You like country and western.
62
00:05:42,740 --> 00:05:46,360
I used to...till something
went wrong for me.
63
00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:52,700
Oh, Barry.
It's not as if you've been stealing cattle or robbing stagecoaches.
64
00:05:52,700 --> 00:05:56,720
I had an accident with a gun.
You never said!
65
00:05:56,720 --> 00:05:59,520
I dropped it on my big toe.
66
00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:01,720
I was limping for a week.
67
00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:04,240
You said it was gout.
68
00:06:05,260 --> 00:06:09,780
That's how dangerous it was
in the Old West.
69
00:06:09,780 --> 00:06:12,820
No wonder
they never took their boots off.
70
00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:18,660
So where are we supposed to be
going on this errand of mercy?
71
00:06:18,660 --> 00:06:21,880
To some old couple
out on the moors somewhere.
72
00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:25,180
I find it easier to go along
than it is to argue.
73
00:06:25,180 --> 00:06:29,800
Oh, me too. And you've no idea
the trouble it got me into.
74
00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:37,760
It's some old couple she's found
living out in the hills somewhere. She's decided they need a day out.
75
00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:41,240
They need a change. SHE'S decided.
They're probably quite happy.
76
00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:43,500
Quite likely.
77
00:06:43,500 --> 00:06:45,620
It'll be Nora's idea.
78
00:06:45,620 --> 00:06:51,520
And when Nora Batty wants to do you
a kindness, you'll get a kindness done whether you like it or not.
79
00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:56,460
She's merciless. Says
they've never been out for years.
80
00:06:56,460 --> 00:07:01,560
Obviously not the kind of people
you could mistake my Howard for.
81
00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:05,960
Come in, big ears.
82
00:07:07,940 --> 00:07:12,340
How did you know he was there?
It's the marital bond.
83
00:07:12,340 --> 00:07:17,240
You get so you can hear their knees
creak as they bend for the keyhole.
84
00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:21,680
I think it's nice you're doing
this kindness to this old couple.
85
00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:28,060
And when I get back I don't
want to find that you've been doing a kindness to some other old party.
86
00:07:28,060 --> 00:07:30,740
I don't know what you mean.
87
00:07:30,740 --> 00:07:35,520
Look at him. See how
he changes colour when he lies?
88
00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:38,800
It starts
just behind the ears there, look.
89
00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:43,000
Yes, it's always the ears.
Strange, isn't it?
90
00:07:48,300 --> 00:07:53,100
So was it worth it -
up a tree with his binoculars?
91
00:07:53,100 --> 00:07:56,020
Did you find out whether
his wife had given up smoking?
92
00:07:56,020 --> 00:08:00,860
Oh, yes. He found out.
Wow! Did he find out!
93
00:08:00,860 --> 00:08:05,180
Are you going to tell me or do
I have to start on your fingernails?
94
00:08:05,180 --> 00:08:09,780
He found out she wasn't smoking.
A happy ending. My favourite kind.
95
00:08:09,780 --> 00:08:13,120
Not quite. Not a happy ending?
96
00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:19,080
He was pleased his wife wasn't
smoking, but he wasn't so pleased to find out it was him next door
97
00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:23,220
popping in when the husband's back
was turned. He was smoking.
98
00:08:23,220 --> 00:08:26,920
So what did the husband do?
HE started smoking again.
99
00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:33,040
You do tell me some rhubarb,
but I must admit you do it well.
100
00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:50,560
I thought I'd just drop in
since I was passing.
101
00:08:50,560 --> 00:08:53,640
We saw you passing. I've no option.
102
00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:56,500
She's really on her toes
this morning.
103
00:08:56,500 --> 00:08:59,660
This is my third attempt
to break out.
104
00:08:59,660 --> 00:09:06,600
Why don't you try something really
tricky like, "Pearl, love, I'm just popping next door to Cleggy's"?
105
00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:12,000
No chance.
They get really suspicious if you start being honest.
106
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:14,300
Howard, here's the deal.
107
00:09:14,300 --> 00:09:20,180
You don't ask us to deliver
messages and we won't say no.
108
00:09:20,180 --> 00:09:23,100
It's nothing like that.
109
00:09:23,100 --> 00:09:30,660
I just wondered if you knew of a
suitable upmarket isolated country inn where one could entertain.
110
00:09:30,660 --> 00:09:35,860
A young lady?
I suppose that's one possibility.
111
00:09:35,860 --> 00:09:39,740
If she happened to belong to the
same Country Pursuits Federation.
112
00:09:39,740 --> 00:09:44,140
Well, if by some unlikely chance
the young lady did belong,
113
00:09:44,140 --> 00:09:47,220
how far upmarket
would this place have to be?
114
00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:52,400
Somewhere where, if you were late,
a young lady could wait without being bothered.
115
00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:59,740
And you think this hypothetical
young lady is likely to be, um... bothered? I most certainly do.
116
00:09:59,740 --> 00:10:04,440
I'd hate to think of her
falling into the wrong hands.
117
00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:11,740
Or even taking a running jump.
Look, Howard, why don't you just settle down?
118
00:10:11,740 --> 00:10:15,220
Or take up something less risky -
like euthanasia?
119
00:10:15,220 --> 00:10:19,660
It's all perfectly innocent.
We're just good friends.
120
00:10:19,660 --> 00:10:24,180
We have a common interest
in the great outdoors.
121
00:10:24,180 --> 00:10:30,720
What a passionate spirit
to be confined within the range of a bicycle.
122
00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:36,920
I think you were meant
to be Italian, Howard. I sometimes feel that.
123
00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:39,420
I think Pearl suspects it too.
124
00:10:39,420 --> 00:10:43,560
She refuses to encourage
my interest in spaghetti.
125
00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:47,140
You do talk a load of old Bolognese,
Howard.
126
00:10:48,420 --> 00:10:52,500
Well, it's just that I'm surprised,
that's all.
127
00:10:52,500 --> 00:10:58,340
And after a bad experience
in a remote branch library, I'm not easily surprised.
128
00:10:58,340 --> 00:11:03,140
But I've never known you do charity
visits. I do valuations for free.
129
00:11:03,140 --> 00:11:06,660
I call that a charity visit.
You charge expenses.
130
00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:14,860
I tried not charging expenses,
but I found I couldn't sleep.
131
00:11:14,860 --> 00:11:17,780
Having my heart broken
kept me awake.
132
00:11:17,780 --> 00:11:24,140
Then you'll understand how I felt
about not charging expenses. Have you never known romance?
133
00:11:24,140 --> 00:11:28,400
Oh, when I was young and daft,
I thought I'd found Mr Right.
134
00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:31,380
Then I caught him in the act.
Oh, don't tell me.
135
00:11:31,380 --> 00:11:33,460
I know what they're capable of.
136
00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:36,320
He betrayed you. Oh, did he ever.
137
00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:40,620
In broad daylight,
during business hours.
138
00:11:40,620 --> 00:11:44,840
I caught him trying to give
this customer his money back.
139
00:11:44,840 --> 00:11:49,680
So of course you never forgave him?
Not only that. I sacked him.
140
00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:55,080
So how come you've changed your ways
and started visiting these old folk?
141
00:11:55,080 --> 00:12:00,140
I've been doing it
ever since I discovered that virtue is its own reward.
142
00:12:00,140 --> 00:12:06,480
You go and help these old people
and it's amazing what you can pick up in antiques.
143
00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:09,200
Oh, as charitable as that?
144
00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:12,820
If you can spread
a little happiness.
145
00:12:12,820 --> 00:12:16,240
Oh, don't go without your pump.
You've paid for it.
146
00:12:32,089 --> 00:12:33,969
Not so hard to find.
147
00:12:33,969 --> 00:12:37,469
You just turn left
after Outer Mongolia.
148
00:12:37,469 --> 00:12:41,969
How did Nora
find these people way out here?
149
00:12:41,969 --> 00:12:46,569
Witchcraft. What's more,
she can see through walls.
150
00:12:46,569 --> 00:12:51,009
I bet that's a bit easier than
trying to see through her nightie.
151
00:12:51,009 --> 00:12:54,069
I imagine the occasion hardly arises.
152
00:12:54,069 --> 00:12:57,769
It's a very unsettling thought
when you live only next door.
153
00:12:57,769 --> 00:13:03,209
What we need is someone
who speaks the language out here to get down and open the gate.
154
00:13:03,209 --> 00:13:07,549
Consider it done. Off you go, then,
Alvin, open the gate.
155
00:13:07,549 --> 00:13:12,349
Didn't I open the last gate? There -
no substitute for experience.
156
00:13:25,009 --> 00:13:27,029
It just collapsed in my hands.
157
00:13:28,029 --> 00:13:32,489
I bet you're the one that built the
former Mrs Truelove's conservatory.
158
00:13:32,489 --> 00:13:39,749
I expect that's why these people
have never been out anywhere. It's too much trouble opening the gate.
159
00:13:39,749 --> 00:13:43,669
Hope the old boy we're taking out is
in better condition than his gate.
160
00:13:43,669 --> 00:13:47,329
We'll leave the gate. The women
are going to be coming through.
161
00:13:47,329 --> 00:13:50,769
Open gate like open mouth -
things get out.
162
00:13:50,769 --> 00:13:55,149
What's to get out?
There's nothing in the field.
163
00:14:11,789 --> 00:14:14,229
Who ordered chicken?
164
00:14:14,229 --> 00:14:16,369
This must be him.
165
00:14:16,369 --> 00:14:19,129
Old Scrooby.
166
00:14:19,129 --> 00:14:22,829
Good day to you, sir.
We're looking for Mr Scrooby.
167
00:14:22,829 --> 00:14:29,229
That'll be me grandad tha's wanting.
Your grandad's still around?!
168
00:14:29,229 --> 00:14:32,349
Oh, aye,
he's buried in't churchyard.
169
00:14:33,969 --> 00:14:39,229
Well, then, no, we're not
looking for your grandad.
170
00:14:39,229 --> 00:14:41,789
Are there any other Scroobies?
171
00:14:41,789 --> 00:14:43,269
Oh, aye.
172
00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:47,009
What about a hint?
173
00:14:47,009 --> 00:14:50,569
There's no Hints round here.
174
00:14:50,569 --> 00:14:53,249
Has anybody got a phrase book?
175
00:14:54,829 --> 00:14:58,129
Are there any other Scroobies?
176
00:14:59,389 --> 00:15:02,949
There's me. I'm a Scrooby.
177
00:15:02,949 --> 00:15:06,449
I think we've cracked it.
It's him we're looking for.
178
00:15:06,449 --> 00:15:09,089
But he said he wasn't Mr Scrooby.
179
00:15:09,089 --> 00:15:12,569
I'm not. I'm Bert.
180
00:15:12,569 --> 00:15:14,669
I've always been Bert.
181
00:15:14,669 --> 00:15:18,749
Mr Scrooby were me grandad.
Here. Hold Lucy.
182
00:15:26,689 --> 00:15:33,009
My advice to you, Tex,
if you're worried about your gun, is fasten it in.
183
00:15:33,009 --> 00:15:35,149
Make sure it doesn't fall out.
184
00:15:35,149 --> 00:15:37,249
Sticky tape or something.
185
00:15:37,249 --> 00:15:40,989
I think that's cheating.
Good guys don't cheat.
186
00:15:40,989 --> 00:15:47,889
Good guys get shot while they're
picking up their gun. Yes, that's the downside. How do I look?
187
00:15:47,889 --> 00:15:52,229
You look lovely.
I'm supposed to look like a cowboy.
188
00:15:52,229 --> 00:15:57,949
You look like a lovely cowboy.
I could take you straight upstairs and cuddle you.
189
00:15:57,949 --> 00:16:03,649
Lovely doesn't sound right to me.
I don't want to be the fastest flickering eyelash in the West.
190
00:16:03,649 --> 00:16:07,149
What are you going to sing?
Well, I thought something lively.
191
00:16:07,149 --> 00:16:10,509
Can you do lively
without losing your gun?
192
00:16:10,509 --> 00:16:14,669
I don't know.
I was just half drawing it when...
193
00:16:14,669 --> 00:16:21,069
Oh, it's too embarrassing
to admit you dropped your six-gun on your big toe. Oh, Barry.
194
00:16:21,069 --> 00:16:26,629
I bet the Old West was full of
cowboys nursing their big toes.
195
00:16:32,729 --> 00:16:36,789
Where's he gone?
Not for chips, I hope.
196
00:16:36,789 --> 00:16:41,869
My chicken's very warm underneath.
Is that normal?
197
00:16:41,869 --> 00:16:44,469
Almost certainly a thermostat gone.
198
00:16:44,469 --> 00:16:50,789
I think they're designed like that
so they can squat down and keep their feet warm.
199
00:16:50,789 --> 00:16:55,709
It's like cuddling
one of Nora Batty's hats.
200
00:16:55,709 --> 00:16:57,969
Oh? Oh, do tell.
201
00:16:57,969 --> 00:17:00,349
When did you have that experience?
202
00:17:01,349 --> 00:17:03,609
Do they peck?
203
00:17:03,609 --> 00:17:06,849
Only at one end.
204
00:17:06,849 --> 00:17:10,149
What are you lot doing
with Bert's chickens?
205
00:17:10,149 --> 00:17:14,389
We were wondering that. Who are
these lot with your chickens?
206
00:17:14,389 --> 00:17:18,629
It's all right, Mother. They've
come to take us out for a day.
207
00:17:18,629 --> 00:17:21,529
Like that woman said. The chickens?
208
00:17:21,529 --> 00:17:23,489
They're just holding them for me.
209
00:17:23,489 --> 00:17:26,569
For how long?
Just till I clean their place out.
210
00:17:26,569 --> 00:17:28,769
How long does that take?
211
00:17:28,769 --> 00:17:30,909
Top to bottom - two hours.
212
00:17:30,909 --> 00:17:32,629
What?!
213
00:17:32,629 --> 00:17:36,149
We're not standing here
for two hours holding these things.
214
00:17:36,149 --> 00:17:40,489
Can't we put them down?
No. They'll wander away.
215
00:17:40,489 --> 00:17:43,549
There's foxes and God knows what
out there.
216
00:17:43,549 --> 00:17:48,369
The lad'll go mad if I lose any.
Can't you clean out another day?
217
00:17:48,369 --> 00:17:52,049
I set me mind on
cleaning out them chickens.
218
00:17:52,049 --> 00:17:56,709
What do you think, lass? Well,
if they're taking us out for a day.
219
00:17:56,709 --> 00:17:58,529
Not you.
220
00:17:58,529 --> 00:18:00,609
We're just taking Mr Scrooby.
221
00:18:00,609 --> 00:18:02,549
His grandad?
222
00:18:02,549 --> 00:18:05,709
You'll have a job
taking his grandad.
223
00:18:05,709 --> 00:18:08,629
No. We're taking THIS Mr Scrooby.
224
00:18:08,629 --> 00:18:12,349
Well, if you're going with
that lot, who's taking me out?
225
00:18:12,349 --> 00:18:17,949
The ladies are taking you out.
Not that old bossy boots again.
226
00:18:17,949 --> 00:18:20,509
You'd better get changed, lass.
227
00:18:20,509 --> 00:18:23,909
Changed? It's gonna be
a lot of fuss, this going out?
228
00:18:23,909 --> 00:18:27,789
Do you think we ought to be making
a little fuss ourselves, Bert?
229
00:18:27,789 --> 00:18:34,909
Or even a lot. Has he got a best
suit? Of course I've got a best suit. I've got me grandad's.
230
00:18:34,909 --> 00:18:40,369
What did you bury him in, then?
His nightshirt.
231
00:18:40,369 --> 00:18:44,129
Not his best nightshirt.
We kept his best nightshirt.
232
00:18:44,129 --> 00:18:49,349
Wear the suit, Bert. Right, we'll
put the chickens back in the barn,
233
00:18:49,349 --> 00:18:53,189
and then we'll wait
and help the ladies open the gate.
234
00:18:53,189 --> 00:18:56,189
We left it open. You what?
235
00:18:57,169 --> 00:18:59,809
Sal, he left the gate open!
236
00:18:59,809 --> 00:19:02,269
Oh, good grief...he'll be out.
237
00:19:02,269 --> 00:19:05,969
There was nothing in the field.
We checked. A wide open gate.
238
00:19:05,969 --> 00:19:07,929
He will. He'll be out.
239
00:19:07,929 --> 00:19:14,549
I wouldn't call it wide open.
It's more like, um, well...scattered about.
240
00:19:14,549 --> 00:19:18,529
He has instructions
never to go past that gate.
241
00:19:18,529 --> 00:19:22,769
We've told him
it's a wicked world out there,
242
00:19:22,769 --> 00:19:25,069
but if you've left it open,
243
00:19:25,069 --> 00:19:28,969
oh, good grief, he will.
The lad'll be out.
244
00:19:41,909 --> 00:19:44,549
Is this the right way
to the Scroobies?
245
00:19:50,489 --> 00:19:54,729
I hope he knows what he's looking
for inside those overalls!
246
00:19:58,389 --> 00:20:00,289
For me? Oh!
247
00:20:02,189 --> 00:20:05,329
Take it, don't upset him.
It's probably some native custom.
248
00:20:05,329 --> 00:20:09,269
Thank you very much.
Much appreciated, I'm sure.
249
00:20:09,269 --> 00:20:13,309
Now gie's a kiss.
I beg your pardon?!
250
00:20:13,309 --> 00:20:15,209
I gave thee an apple.
251
00:20:15,209 --> 00:20:18,629
I've come across native customs
like that before!
252
00:20:26,489 --> 00:20:30,529
We'll have to find the lad before
he goes through too many apples.
253
00:20:30,529 --> 00:20:34,169
Where did he learn this apple trick?
Grandad were a bad influence.
254
00:20:34,169 --> 00:20:36,709
No wonder he needed two nightshirts!
255
00:20:38,089 --> 00:20:43,109
If he's on foot, how many apples
can he be carrying? He can't have gone far.
256
00:20:43,109 --> 00:20:45,969
But did he go east or west?
257
00:20:45,969 --> 00:20:50,589
We'll have to split up. Some of
us'll go one way, and some t'other.
258
00:20:50,589 --> 00:20:53,849
We'll get the cars.
Who's coming wi' me?
259
00:21:08,249 --> 00:21:13,589
Well, I'm just glad
we're not taking the chickens. Not that I don't like chickens.
260
00:21:13,589 --> 00:21:16,989
Many of my deepest instincts
are chicken.
261
00:21:29,029 --> 00:21:31,609
That belongs to some campers.
They leave it here.
262
00:21:38,109 --> 00:21:41,689
This looks like a native.
Ask this one if he's seen anybody.
263
00:21:44,389 --> 00:21:47,249
Good day to you,
me old mangelwurzel!
264
00:21:47,249 --> 00:21:50,109
We're looking for somebody
known hereabouts as "the lad".
265
00:21:50,109 --> 00:21:53,309
Tha's just found him, then.
That's me.
266
00:21:53,309 --> 00:21:56,749
For a lad, that's a cunning disguise.
267
00:21:58,449 --> 00:22:02,229
How long have you been the lad?
I've always been the lad.
268
00:22:02,229 --> 00:22:06,429
Right, then. Hop in the back.
They want you at home. Nay.
269
00:22:06,429 --> 00:22:08,849
What's he mean "nay"?
270
00:22:08,849 --> 00:22:12,269
I think he means "Nei-ei-eigh!"
271
00:22:20,929 --> 00:22:23,309
Fancy loping off like that!
272
00:22:23,309 --> 00:22:27,029
Do you think he's rehearsing
for village idiot?
273
00:22:27,029 --> 00:22:32,009
I think he's word perfect.
Well, he's not gonna get away from Truly of the Yard.
274
00:22:32,009 --> 00:22:35,129
I deduce he's over there
in that ditch.
275
00:22:36,349 --> 00:22:38,329
I said nay!
276
00:22:40,949 --> 00:22:46,529
She likes a gossamer touch on the
clutch! Be gentle with the clutch!
277
00:22:49,809 --> 00:22:53,989
He's not up that way.
No, he's down that way.
278
00:22:53,989 --> 00:22:56,069
In my pick-up!
279
00:22:56,069 --> 00:23:00,349
Now, I suppose, we've all got
to climb into this thing.
280
00:23:00,349 --> 00:23:04,069
Shouldn't you have brought two,
Bert - one for each foot?
281
00:23:04,069 --> 00:23:06,789
Get in. I know a short cut.
282
00:23:16,929 --> 00:23:20,009
I thought it was nice of them
to wave.
283
00:23:22,509 --> 00:23:27,009
I know where he'll be heading - the
pub! You'll have to go fetch him.
284
00:23:27,009 --> 00:23:30,389
I don't think I should go
into a public house in my uniform.
285
00:23:30,389 --> 00:23:34,329
Well, you've been in
wearing funnier hats than that!
286
00:23:34,329 --> 00:23:40,849
Only to fetch my husband out. At
least you knew where to look. I'd need a bush hat to go finding mine.
287
00:23:40,849 --> 00:23:43,689
I think a hat should make
a statement.
288
00:23:43,689 --> 00:23:48,649
Chosen wisely, it's a barrier
against unwelcome attentions. Well, you got that bit right!
289
00:23:48,649 --> 00:23:51,649
I must have been
wearing the wrong ones.
290
00:23:51,649 --> 00:23:54,589
Quite by chance, fortunately!
291
00:23:54,589 --> 00:23:58,889
Are we gonna find the lad
before he's down to his pips?
292
00:24:08,689 --> 00:24:12,109
Oh, this is nice.
293
00:24:12,109 --> 00:24:14,609
I love the ambience already.
294
00:24:14,609 --> 00:24:19,649
It was highly recommended.
Not always a safe guide for a girl to follow!
295
00:24:19,649 --> 00:24:23,869
I made enquiries for a place that
would be suitable for a lady...
296
00:24:23,869 --> 00:24:28,709
It makes a nice change from a quick
bite behind a bush somewhere.
297
00:24:28,709 --> 00:24:31,909
..a lady of unquestioned
respectability.
298
00:24:31,909 --> 00:24:35,089
Which I owe entirely to you, Howard,
299
00:24:35,089 --> 00:24:39,589
considering the number of times
you've led me behind a bush somewhere.
300
00:24:39,589 --> 00:24:42,569
Oh, please understand me,
I'm not complaining.
301
00:24:42,569 --> 00:24:47,469
There must be few of us
who've been exposed to such scenery.
302
00:24:47,469 --> 00:24:49,949
I know how you like scenery.
303
00:24:50,849 --> 00:24:52,349
Psst! Psst!
304
00:24:53,869 --> 00:24:58,149
I could give thee an apple.
What a kind thought!
305
00:24:59,209 --> 00:25:03,449
I hope he wasn't bothering you.
You hardly gave him time!
306
00:25:05,149 --> 00:25:08,229
Well, what did he want?
To give me an apple.
307
00:25:08,229 --> 00:25:12,849
You shouldn't go accepting apples
from strangers. You don't know who they are.
308
00:25:12,849 --> 00:25:16,849
I believe that's why
they call them strangers, Howard.
309
00:25:24,329 --> 00:25:26,489
There's the pickup!
310
00:25:45,889 --> 00:25:49,609
I think I've found an admirer,
Howard.
311
00:25:49,609 --> 00:25:52,129
You know you have. It's me!
312
00:25:52,129 --> 00:25:55,409
I mean ANOTHER one, Howard.
313
00:25:55,409 --> 00:25:58,329
It never rains but it pours.
314
00:26:02,749 --> 00:26:06,489
He looks like
he might take advantage.
315
00:26:06,489 --> 00:26:10,049
Good heavens! And I'm not
even halfway through the menu.
316
00:26:10,049 --> 00:26:15,569
Well, I suppose
it's better being looked at by strangers than people we know.
317
00:26:15,569 --> 00:26:20,709
I was very careful to choose
a place where we wouldn't be seen.
318
00:26:25,249 --> 00:26:28,189
Hey-up, there's Sonny and Cher!
319
00:26:29,669 --> 00:26:34,189
Those blushes look familiar. I think
I just heard his appetite leaving!
320
00:26:34,189 --> 00:26:38,589
Don't sit there in pure enjoyment.
Say hello, Howard!
321
00:26:38,589 --> 00:26:42,449
Oh, hello. What a day of surprises.
322
00:26:42,449 --> 00:26:47,309
You're the second party I've bumped
into by accident. Who was the first?
323
00:26:47,309 --> 00:26:50,669
This young lady here.
324
00:26:50,669 --> 00:26:52,609
Nice try, Howard!
325
00:26:52,609 --> 00:26:55,569
I don't know why
people never believe me!
326
00:26:57,629 --> 00:27:02,169
Here, I thought you said
this place was quiet!
327
00:27:02,169 --> 00:27:04,049
It IS quiet.
328
00:27:04,049 --> 00:27:07,029
Look how quiet you went
when we walked in.
329
00:27:20,449 --> 00:27:24,409
You've found him, then? Just
in time. Still on his first apple.
330
00:27:38,049 --> 00:27:42,849
I know that bicycle! That's
a bicycle that's up to no good.
331
00:27:45,269 --> 00:27:48,229
I wonder if that bicycle
would like a ride.
332
00:27:48,229 --> 00:27:50,729
Ooh, what a wicked thought!
333
00:27:50,729 --> 00:27:53,729
I must congratulate you on that.
334
00:28:07,469 --> 00:28:12,749
Come in and have a cup of tea.
You'll want to be there when Howard gets in.
335
00:28:12,749 --> 00:28:17,089
He'll give us some lie about how
he's managed to lose his bicycle!
336
00:28:17,089 --> 00:28:20,089
THEY CHUCKLE
337
00:28:27,169 --> 00:28:30,669
How are you going to explain
the loss of your bicycle?
338
00:28:30,669 --> 00:28:34,249
I'll tell her I had to give it
to some poor person in need.
339
00:28:34,249 --> 00:28:38,029
This poor tramp was
in a terrible condition
340
00:28:38,029 --> 00:28:42,809
and I couldn't resist it. That's
wicked, Howard! You're a genius!
341
00:28:42,809 --> 00:28:46,789
I'm so sorry we got interrupted
and didn't get lunch.
342
00:28:46,789 --> 00:28:49,229
Not to worry, Howard.
343
00:28:49,229 --> 00:28:51,669
I've got two apples!
344
00:28:51,669 --> 00:28:55,649
Subtitles by Graeme Dibble and
Alison Semeonoff, BBC Broadcast 2004
345
00:28:55,699 --> 00:29:00,249
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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