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1
00:00:05,100 --> 00:00:11,200
Will you pack it in?!
The whole house is shaking! There's plaster falling off in there.
2
00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:17,240
He's very forceful, your Tom.
He's unreliable! I think there's another woman.
3
00:00:17,240 --> 00:00:23,800
There'd better not be another woman.
You've got a good lass. I've seen the way she looks after your house!
4
00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:29,280
Looks after it?! She's shaking it
to bits! Nobody can get any sleep.
5
00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:34,800
It's time you married this good lass,
settle down. He keeps saying he will.
6
00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:38,020
I-I'm working on it.
Has he promised you?
7
00:00:38,020 --> 00:00:42,000
Twice a week. Am I supposed
to remember everything?!
8
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:46,160
I'll get him settled down.
I feel I owe it to his father.
9
00:01:24,140 --> 00:01:25,900
Hey up!
10
00:01:25,900 --> 00:01:28,420
Morning, Billy. Morning, Billy!
11
00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:35,020
Some human beings! I bring you
greetings from the planet Matrimony.
12
00:01:35,020 --> 00:01:42,440
You're up early this morning, Billy.
The wife's sister's coming. You feel outnumbered against wife AND sister.
13
00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:46,120
You miss work, do you Billy?
I miss GOING to work.
14
00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:51,300
I miss the excitements of the police
force. Yes, I know how you feel.
15
00:01:51,300 --> 00:01:55,040
I miss the excitements
of being a lino salesman.
16
00:01:55,040 --> 00:02:00,080
We were armed, you know. We had
this long ruler with a brass end.
17
00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:02,660
Or was that the manager?
18
00:02:02,660 --> 00:02:09,800
I'm being serious! In the force,
if you were bored, you could always stir up a bit of excitement.
19
00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:12,240
For example, watch this...
20
00:02:19,980 --> 00:02:24,160
W-What is it?
I-I mean, what have I done?
21
00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:26,580
Just a word of warning, sir.
22
00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:33,600
Someone's reported me. They have,
haven't they? And it's the first time I've ever damaged a library book.
23
00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:38,560
I told 'em I'd pay. My cat's
not normally into library books.
24
00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:44,540
We're prepared to take
a lenient view on this occasion and merely issue a caution.
25
00:02:44,540 --> 00:02:47,120
Oh, the wife WILL be relieved.
26
00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:50,040
She feels like a gangster's trollop!
27
00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:56,740
In the meantime, this is a general
warning to proceed cautiously until they recapture the tiger.
28
00:02:56,740 --> 00:02:58,960
T-Tiger?
29
00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:04,280
Stripy. Big teeth.
You'll know it when you see it. Should I turn round?
30
00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:08,740
I wouldn't do that, sir.
Never turn your back on a tiger!
31
00:03:08,740 --> 00:03:14,160
Now off you go, sir. And keep your
eyes peeled and your windows closed.
32
00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:29,680
That's Billy Ingleton!
Billy Ingleton?
33
00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:32,740
He nearly knew Pavarotti.
34
00:03:32,740 --> 00:03:35,180
What's a Pavarotti?
35
00:03:35,180 --> 00:03:38,540
You're wicked.
You know that, don't you?
36
00:03:38,540 --> 00:03:42,280
Huh! He'll be all right.
He's got a cat of his own.
37
00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:45,800
You know,
some folk will believe anything.
38
00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:48,900
How about ALL folk? Not me, son.
39
00:03:49,740 --> 00:03:51,940
ROAR!
40
00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:56,180
You dozy beggar!
41
00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:10,620
Hee, hee! I've got to have her.
The wife will kill me but I've got to have her. What's this, what's this?
42
00:04:11,780 --> 00:04:18,720
I think I'm in love.
I don't wish to be rude, Wesley, but you're too old for a midlife crisis.
43
00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:24,780
Maybe it's not his.
Maybe he borrowed it. You'll never get away with another woman, Wesley.
44
00:04:24,780 --> 00:04:30,760
People will recognise the oil stains
you leave. It's not a woman. Who gets excited about a woman?!
45
00:04:30,760 --> 00:04:35,800
I don't know. There was a time...
I still remember - vaguely.
46
00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:40,040
Well, I'm with him.
It's this really fabulous machine.
47
00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:45,100
I've always wanted one. She's waiting
for me. I've got to have her.
48
00:04:45,100 --> 00:04:48,780
Edie's going to kill me,
but I've got to have her!
49
00:04:48,780 --> 00:04:53,080
It's either a temperature
or his motor's overheating.
50
00:04:53,080 --> 00:05:00,140
You've no poetry in your lives,
you lot! How can you say that to a former lino salesman?!
51
00:05:02,580 --> 00:05:05,200
Cleggy... Cleggy?
52
00:05:07,820 --> 00:05:11,060
Just stamp your foot once
if you're in there!
53
00:05:11,060 --> 00:05:13,600
Or twice if you're not!
54
00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:16,840
I wish you wouldn't creep up
like that!
55
00:05:16,840 --> 00:05:21,380
Looking a bit guilty, Howard!
Will you keep your voice down?!
56
00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:30,320
What have I got to look guilty about?
They'll find something. I've just been accused without any evidence!
57
00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:33,060
They DO. Oh, it's wicked!
58
00:05:33,060 --> 00:05:39,980
If you're calling for Norman Clegg,
I don't think he's in. So who'll deliver that little note to Marina?
59
00:05:41,840 --> 00:05:48,500
What note? That little note
in your pocket. Excuse me...! I don't have any note in my pocket.
60
00:05:48,500 --> 00:05:53,860
Or hidden in your cap! I suppose I
MIGHT be able to deliver it for you!
61
00:05:53,860 --> 00:05:56,780
Do you think you could? A quid.
62
00:05:56,780 --> 00:05:58,500
50p.
63
00:05:58,500 --> 00:06:01,200
I only take first class.
64
00:06:08,580 --> 00:06:13,260
Have you finished your ironing,
Barry? I've stopped doing it.
65
00:06:13,260 --> 00:06:20,260
I was doing a satin-effect blouse -
the one with the little pleats and the fancy collar - and I thought,
66
00:06:20,260 --> 00:06:25,440
"No! Enough of this modern male
lark. I'll be pregnant next!"
67
00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:29,220
I'm going to do something gritty
and masculine.
68
00:06:29,220 --> 00:06:31,880
Barry! You're in overalls.
69
00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:37,900
I'm going to the shed to help
your father. I don't care if I get grease under my fingernails.
70
00:06:37,900 --> 00:06:45,140
Don't want to break one, but grease
is OK. Ironing's safer, Barry. I don't want safer. I want action.
71
00:06:45,140 --> 00:06:50,440
Well, you've got your pottery
decorating. I'm going to the shed.
72
00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:57,480
I'm going to help your father, and
follow his example until I have his gift for looking manly and filthy.
73
00:06:57,480 --> 00:07:00,280
Did he ask you to help? No.
74
00:07:00,280 --> 00:07:06,280
He never asks,
because he thinks I'm a total willy. He thinks I'm terminally clean.
75
00:07:06,280 --> 00:07:10,980
I've got to show your father
I can be just as unsightly as he is.
76
00:07:10,980 --> 00:07:16,100
Promise me you won't get all muscular
like Arnold Schwarzenegger.
77
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,440
Ow!
78
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:23,160
And this is it?
This is what you're in love with?!
79
00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:27,600
Nurse THIS back to health?
You were right. Edie will kill you.
80
00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:33,780
HE CACKLES
I've always wanted one. Christmases were always a disappointment.
81
00:07:33,780 --> 00:07:38,820
If you wanted a rust bucket, you
could have had the ex-Mrs Truelove!
82
00:07:38,820 --> 00:07:42,900
But does she have gears
and a thing that goes up and down?
83
00:07:42,900 --> 00:07:50,260
Her tongue. Never stopped. ..What
will you do with this? DO with her?! I'm going to give her a good home,
84
00:07:50,260 --> 00:07:57,740
bring her back to tiptop condition.
And then what will you do? There's a million things you can do with her.
85
00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:05,000
I can get cats down from trees!
Is there much of a demand for that sort of thing?
86
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:08,260
If there isn't,
he'll put cats UP trees.
87
00:08:08,260 --> 00:08:10,900
Here we go, here we go...!
88
00:08:12,780 --> 00:08:15,520
I think he's finally snapped!
89
00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:19,020
It's all those fumes
from his burning cap!
90
00:08:29,580 --> 00:08:34,860
What's he doing? He's weaving all
over the place, is what he's doing.
91
00:08:34,860 --> 00:08:37,400
We'll have to pull him over.
92
00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:39,920
Let's not be hasty.
93
00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:44,560
Think of his reputation.
Think of the effect on his family.
94
00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:47,560
Think of all the lousy paperwork!
95
00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:51,760
Well, we can both take a bit home
and get the wife to do it.
96
00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:54,340
They can't spell!
97
00:08:55,500 --> 00:08:59,460
Well, I can live with people
thinking I can't spell!
98
00:09:00,900 --> 00:09:03,860
SIREN WAILS
99
00:09:12,580 --> 00:09:17,320
Good morning, sir. It's all right,
thank you. I have been warned.
100
00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:19,900
Warned already, have you? Mmm.
101
00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:25,840
He's a persistent offender.
We've got a bit of a hard nut here.
102
00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:31,820
We're going to have
to go through with it now. He might claim it's racial. How?
103
00:09:31,820 --> 00:09:34,180
He could be Welsh.
104
00:09:35,340 --> 00:09:39,560
Bit unsteady, aren't we, sir?
Are you not feeling well?
105
00:09:39,560 --> 00:09:46,400
Well, not too great right now, under
the circumstances. You are aware you were drifting all over the road?
106
00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:50,520
He...he warned me to keep a lookout.
For what, sir?
107
00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:52,560
For the tiger!
108
00:09:55,180 --> 00:10:00,420
I'm...I'm glad you chaps stopped me,
cos I was going to report it anyway.
109
00:10:00,420 --> 00:10:03,600
What action
do you think you can take?
110
00:10:04,740 --> 00:10:09,700
Well, for a start, sir, we're going
to ask you to blow into this.
111
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:20,240
Welcome home, lass!
You'll be all right here!
112
00:10:21,300 --> 00:10:24,280
Sickening! It gets you right here.
113
00:10:24,280 --> 00:10:28,480
Come off it, Wesley,
before thee has to get married!
114
00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:34,980
I'm surprised you don't take it to
bed and make Edie sleep in the shed. He gets inventive ideas, your mate!
115
00:10:34,980 --> 00:10:40,240
I can vouch for that. There's a
bloke somewhere looking for a tiger!
116
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:43,680
A tiger?
You could look for tigers in THIS!
117
00:10:43,680 --> 00:10:48,460
You could extend the arm to the top
and a bloke could see for miles!
118
00:10:48,460 --> 00:10:53,760
This could be just the job for me to
get up taller trees in't greenwood.
119
00:10:53,760 --> 00:11:00,820
I could pose all casual-like, leaning
on me bow. "Look," they'll say. "He's a direct descendant of Robin Hood!"
120
00:11:00,820 --> 00:11:06,020
"Look," they'll say. "Wasn't he
in the stores department for Volvo?"
121
00:11:06,020 --> 00:11:09,600
That was before I went wild and free!
122
00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:13,040
And before the wife's sister
started coming.
123
00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:18,840
I'll need to borrow this.
Can she take the weight of a bloke in the bucket?
124
00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:24,180
No problem! Why don't we find out?
Why don't you step into the bucket?
125
00:11:24,180 --> 00:11:28,440
Me? Well, you're the idiot
with a thirst for adventure.
126
00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:34,220
I am. It's in the blood.
I was born for high endeavour! He laughs at danger.
127
00:11:34,220 --> 00:11:36,940
I DO.
Mostly other people's.
128
00:11:36,940 --> 00:11:40,760
It's not a bad idea!
She needs testing.
129
00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:47,800
Shouldn't we test it with NOBODY
in it? If you don't mind a technical question. It needs a person's weight,
130
00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:54,740
somebody about your weight...if
you don't mind a technical answer. Let Wesley test it. It's HIS bucket.
131
00:11:54,740 --> 00:11:59,440
I have to drive the thing!
Your safety will be in my hands.
132
00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:06,700
Oh, lucky you, Billy(!) You'll
be fine until his cap gets on fire. It doesn't always get on fire!
133
00:12:06,700 --> 00:12:13,740
Right, in you get. No... No! NO!
What happened to intrepid astronaut? I think his booster fell off.
134
00:12:13,740 --> 00:12:18,500
You'll enjoy it. It's like being
at the fairground. What's that mean?
135
00:12:18,500 --> 00:12:22,440
Dangerous. He means dangerous.
He's only joking!
136
00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:27,620
As he'll be the first to admit
when I kick him in the ankle!
137
00:12:27,620 --> 00:12:31,780
I've been known to go for days
without me cap on fire.
138
00:12:31,780 --> 00:12:37,740
- Well, just go steady.
- I'll go steady. You don't think I'm going to risk my machine?!
139
00:12:37,740 --> 00:12:42,560
Just don't be risking MY machine!
Mine's in better condition.
140
00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:46,960
Are we ready in the bucket?
Are we ready in the bucket?
141
00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:49,480
Are we ready in the bucket?
142
00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:52,900
Can you repeat the question?
He's ready.
143
00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:58,220
ENGINE ROARS
144
00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:08,620
SPLUTTERING
145
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:13,940
WHOA!
146
00:13:13,940 --> 00:13:17,300
Whoa! Whoa! WHOA-A!
147
00:13:17,300 --> 00:13:20,300
Mothe-e-e-er!
148
00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:23,920
THUD!
149
00:13:30,768 --> 00:13:36,008
What is it? You lucky devil.
I think it's just your size.
150
00:13:36,008 --> 00:13:38,868
What's my size? Take your coat off.
151
00:13:38,868 --> 00:13:43,388
Me coat off? Is this getting
too complicated for you?!
152
00:13:48,848 --> 00:13:52,908
You must have been born
under a lucky star. What is it?
153
00:13:52,908 --> 00:13:57,268
It's a very exclusive blazer,
as worn by the aristocracy.
154
00:13:57,268 --> 00:13:59,668
Here, try it on.
155
00:13:59,668 --> 00:14:02,868
It's a bit loud.
It makes a statement.
156
00:14:04,848 --> 00:14:09,628
Yeah, and that statement is,
it doesn't fit. It's too short!
157
00:14:09,628 --> 00:14:15,288
Oh, blame the blazer!
I suppose it never occurred to you that you could be too long.
158
00:14:15,288 --> 00:14:19,808
You want my opinion?
It's spot on! It's you. Look at it!
159
00:14:19,808 --> 00:14:24,888
Well, that's how this garment was
styled. It's a gentleman's garment.
160
00:14:24,888 --> 00:14:29,248
Look at the sleeves!
That allows you to show some cuff.
161
00:14:29,248 --> 00:14:34,208
I can nearly show me elbows! Take it
off if you're going to be miserable!
162
00:14:35,408 --> 00:14:40,228
You've missed a bargain! You
could have had it at staff discount.
163
00:14:40,228 --> 00:14:43,768
Your staff can never afford
a staff discount!
164
00:14:53,528 --> 00:14:57,968
Hey up, Barry! I didn't
recognise thee in the overalls.
165
00:14:57,968 --> 00:15:00,588
Do I look as if I was born in them?
166
00:15:00,588 --> 00:15:03,088
Well, maybe adopted.
167
00:15:03,088 --> 00:15:10,308
Don't be modest. You've invented
the executive look for overalls. Love the knife-like creases, Barry.
168
00:15:10,308 --> 00:15:14,488
Thank you. I think
people could do more with overalls.
169
00:15:14,488 --> 00:15:19,748
You only get them in self-colours. I
bet a tasteful pinstripe would sell.
170
00:15:19,748 --> 00:15:22,668
ROARING
171
00:15:22,668 --> 00:15:27,268
What is it? Your father-in-law's
telescopic bucket, Barry.
172
00:15:27,268 --> 00:15:32,988
Wow! I thought dinosaurs were living
in my father-in-law's shed!
173
00:15:32,988 --> 00:15:38,588
That should do it now.
Hello, Barry! It IS Barry, isn't it?
174
00:15:38,588 --> 00:15:45,328
I just thought I'd lend you a hand,
Mr Pegden, although I don't suppose you need a volunteer.
175
00:15:45,328 --> 00:15:48,068
Funny you should say that, Barry.
176
00:15:48,068 --> 00:15:51,368
Not only gorgeous, but psychic!
177
00:15:51,368 --> 00:15:57,668
Can't not invite him to t'party when
he's taken all this trouble to dress! You mean I can help?
178
00:15:57,668 --> 00:16:01,928
Remember that word "help", Barry.
It might come in useful.
179
00:16:04,688 --> 00:16:11,748
Didn't she have a cast in her eye?
She did at school. Oh... She was wildly inaccurate at hockey!
180
00:16:11,748 --> 00:16:15,888
She was no-one you wanted
to sit next to in needlework!
181
00:16:15,888 --> 00:16:19,968
What happened to it?
To what? That wandering eye.
182
00:16:19,968 --> 00:16:25,648
Oh, probably went to somebody's
husband(!) ..No, she had surgery.
183
00:16:25,648 --> 00:16:32,708
Well, she looked good for somebody
basically unattractive, considering how old she is. Hey, she's OUR age!
184
00:16:32,708 --> 00:16:35,068
Oh, as young as that?
185
00:16:35,068 --> 00:16:40,388
Oh, I'm glad somebody's come in.
We've had no customers for an hour!
186
00:16:40,388 --> 00:16:47,448
I expect they're all hiding. From
what? The tiger. There's supposed to be a tiger on the loose. A tiger?!
187
00:16:47,448 --> 00:16:54,928
Who started that one? Edna Lambert
met this little fella. He told her he'd narrowly missed it in his car.
188
00:16:54,928 --> 00:17:01,708
Is there a zoo in the area?
Not to my knowledge. Oh, unless you count that pub in Craddock Street.
189
00:17:01,708 --> 00:17:04,268
Talk about a theme park!
190
00:17:04,268 --> 00:17:11,948
My Howard's out there somewhere.
Just about the right bite size for a tiger. It's probably just a rumour.
191
00:17:11,948 --> 00:17:18,908
Well, you know my Howard. If there's
anyone barmy enough to get savaged by a rumour, it's my Howard.
192
00:17:23,268 --> 00:17:25,068
Yeow!
193
00:17:25,068 --> 00:17:26,608
Oh...!
194
00:17:26,608 --> 00:17:28,608
Whoa-a-a!
195
00:17:29,668 --> 00:17:31,548
Ow!
196
00:17:31,548 --> 00:17:33,888
Ow-w-w!
197
00:17:33,888 --> 00:17:37,228
Not only a tiger -
now a killer giraffe!
198
00:17:41,508 --> 00:17:45,528
Hey, tha did great, Barry.
It didn't FEEL great.
199
00:17:45,528 --> 00:17:49,308
You stayed with it, lad.
You didn't desert your post.
200
00:17:49,308 --> 00:17:53,568
I'd sooner be ironing.
Well, that's more like you, Barry.
201
00:17:53,568 --> 00:17:56,968
Those overalls
were built for ironing.
202
00:17:59,908 --> 00:18:03,228
SHE READS SIGN ALOUD
203
00:18:13,208 --> 00:18:16,168
"Be safe from the tiger"?!
204
00:18:18,248 --> 00:18:20,708
What tiger?
205
00:18:20,708 --> 00:18:26,768
You haven't heard?
Nobody tells me anything - except when to clean the windows.
206
00:18:26,768 --> 00:18:32,288
There's a tiger wandering loose.
Round here?! Of course round here!
207
00:18:32,288 --> 00:18:37,028
It won't be much of a news item
if it's wandering round Sri Lanka!
208
00:18:38,588 --> 00:18:43,308
Has anybody seen it? Of course!
They've reported it to the police.
209
00:18:43,308 --> 00:18:46,088
There's always something.
210
00:18:46,088 --> 00:18:51,048
You buy fly spray and a mousetrap
and you think you've got it covered.
211
00:18:53,388 --> 00:18:55,928
What's this equipment?
212
00:18:55,928 --> 00:18:59,708
I'm glad you asked that.
Come in and have a look.
213
00:18:59,708 --> 00:19:02,968
Well, I HAVE got women to protect.
214
00:19:02,968 --> 00:19:07,008
And there's Pearl
out on the street somewhere and...
215
00:19:07,008 --> 00:19:10,448
You never know who else
might be in distress.
216
00:19:20,688 --> 00:19:23,008
I feel sick.
217
00:19:23,008 --> 00:19:29,988
Well, you WILL feel sick if you ride
around in buckets. I told 'em! "When he comes down, he'll feel sick."
218
00:19:29,988 --> 00:19:33,168
We were worried about your overalls.
219
00:19:33,168 --> 00:19:37,608
Don't go any greener, Barry -
it'll clash with your overalls.
220
00:19:38,748 --> 00:19:43,968
I used to get travel-sick, Barry.
Then I came up with this great cure.
221
00:19:43,968 --> 00:19:46,568
You just stop travelling!
222
00:19:46,568 --> 00:19:48,608
I've stopped.
223
00:19:48,608 --> 00:19:50,268
I've stopped.
224
00:19:51,688 --> 00:19:53,468
Barry!
225
00:19:53,468 --> 00:19:57,008
Oh, Barry,
you've been mauled by the tiger!
226
00:19:57,008 --> 00:20:00,488
What a blessing
you were wearing overalls.
227
00:20:00,488 --> 00:20:06,668
Absolutely no tigers.
He's just a little travel-sick. Well, where's he been travelling?
228
00:20:06,668 --> 00:20:10,648
Oh, up and down. Here and there.
229
00:20:13,528 --> 00:20:16,768
I'll be better
when me stomach comes.
230
00:20:16,768 --> 00:20:20,168
I think I left it
at your father's somewhere.
231
00:20:23,248 --> 00:20:30,948
Hey, tha's started summat with that
tiger rumour. You think anybody's daft enough to believe in a tiger?
232
00:20:30,948 --> 00:20:33,448
Funny you should say that...
233
00:20:34,988 --> 00:20:38,048
Hey up! It's a Mr Whippy!
234
00:20:38,048 --> 00:20:42,668
He'll need a better chair than that
for a Yorkshire terrier!
235
00:20:42,668 --> 00:20:45,208
I think it's for Pearl.
236
00:20:45,208 --> 00:20:49,308
I think he's finally decided
to start training Pearl.
237
00:20:49,308 --> 00:20:52,448
Have you seen my Pearl? I told you!
238
00:20:52,448 --> 00:20:56,448
Howard, it's too late
for thee to start training Pearl.
239
00:20:56,448 --> 00:21:00,288
This isn't for Pearl!
This is for the tiger.
240
00:21:00,288 --> 00:21:05,388
Hey, are you sure you wouldn't
like to think about that, Howard?
241
00:21:05,388 --> 00:21:08,488
I know we have our ups and downs...
242
00:21:09,548 --> 00:21:13,828
You think YOU'VE got up and downs?
You should see Barry!
243
00:21:14,968 --> 00:21:20,208
But she IS my wife, and I'm damned
if I'm having her mauled by a tiger.
244
00:21:20,208 --> 00:21:24,048
Well, personally,
I'd feel sorry for the tiger.
245
00:21:24,048 --> 00:21:26,928
I don't want her mauling by ANYTHING!
246
00:21:26,928 --> 00:21:29,728
Howard, I'm impressed.
247
00:21:29,728 --> 00:21:33,028
Not only fearless,
but a loving husband.
248
00:21:33,028 --> 00:21:36,028
I've always been a loving husband.
249
00:21:37,228 --> 00:21:43,268
Just because occasionally
you get entangled in a friendly way with other people
250
00:21:43,268 --> 00:21:46,628
doesn't mean
you're not a loving husband.
251
00:21:46,628 --> 00:21:49,128
I think that's sweet.
252
00:21:49,128 --> 00:21:53,068
Sickly, even.
Give us a kiss, Howard(!)
253
00:21:56,348 --> 00:22:01,128
Has anybody seen this tiger?
ALL: No.
254
00:22:01,128 --> 00:22:05,868
Well, I hope they soon catch it.
That's if there's one to catch!
255
00:22:05,868 --> 00:22:08,748
Has anybody reliable seen it?
256
00:22:08,748 --> 00:22:11,408
By "reliable", you mean...?
257
00:22:11,408 --> 00:22:12,948
Female.
258
00:22:14,928 --> 00:22:19,528
Oh, I doubt it. We don't have
the same kind of eyesight.
259
00:22:19,528 --> 00:22:26,048
It always amazes me
how totally blind they are to cobwebs and smears on glass.
260
00:22:26,048 --> 00:22:30,148
It's true.
I don't think they use their eyes!
261
00:22:30,148 --> 00:22:33,188
You can see MINE never does.
262
00:22:33,188 --> 00:22:35,648
They rely on ours.
263
00:22:35,648 --> 00:22:40,708
It's, "Have you seen me shirt?"
and, "Where did I put that hammer"?
264
00:22:40,708 --> 00:22:44,128
I expect
that's why wars go on so long.
265
00:22:44,128 --> 00:22:47,928
They keep forgetting
where they last saw the enemy.
266
00:22:47,928 --> 00:22:53,048
Still, while there's a rumour about,
I wouldn't go out without my Barry.
267
00:22:53,048 --> 00:22:57,648
Do you think your Barry's
a competent defence against tigers?
268
00:22:57,648 --> 00:23:02,868
It won't be asking for a mortgage!
Barry's more muscly than you think!
269
00:23:02,868 --> 00:23:08,888
SPLUTTERING
A neighbour once remarked on his powerful shoulders!
270
00:23:08,888 --> 00:23:12,368
What neighbour? She's since moved.
271
00:23:12,368 --> 00:23:15,008
And not before time.
272
00:23:15,008 --> 00:23:17,548
I don't believe there IS a tiger.
273
00:23:17,548 --> 00:23:23,068
If there IS,
it shouldn't worry anybody who has the nerve to wear that hat!
274
00:23:24,188 --> 00:23:27,768
My Barry's picking me up
in the car, just in case.
275
00:23:27,768 --> 00:23:31,588
It's as close to excitement
as I'VE been for a while.
276
00:23:31,588 --> 00:23:35,968
It's taken a lot of years
before you could say THAT! Mmm!
277
00:23:35,968 --> 00:23:39,888
I don't think anything round here
is a man-eater.
278
00:23:39,888 --> 00:23:43,048
Well, I know one for a start.
279
00:23:43,048 --> 00:23:46,448
What kind of man-eater?
280
00:23:46,448 --> 00:23:48,608
ALL: Drink your coffee!
281
00:23:56,228 --> 00:23:58,428
ALL: Ooh!
282
00:24:09,728 --> 00:24:15,748
The only tiger round here
is Nora Batty! She's trying to drive me into wedlock.
283
00:24:15,748 --> 00:24:21,288
You can't marry Nora. You wouldn't
last a week! Why has Tom gone white?
284
00:24:21,288 --> 00:24:27,768
No, she's trying to drive me into
marrying my associate, Mrs Avery! I bet that's a relief.
285
00:24:27,768 --> 00:24:32,088
What happened to Mr Avery?
He very foolishly went and died.
286
00:24:32,088 --> 00:24:35,388
I sometimes wonder
if he did it on purpose.
287
00:24:37,428 --> 00:24:40,228
She's coming on nicely now.
288
00:24:40,228 --> 00:24:44,508
She's a much smoother bucket.
You could take her anywhere.
289
00:24:47,328 --> 00:24:52,348
Howard, will you stop cracking that
whip?! I want you safe in the house.
290
00:24:52,348 --> 00:24:54,888
Howard! Back! Back!
291
00:24:54,888 --> 00:24:57,488
Good girl...good girl!
292
00:24:57,488 --> 00:25:01,728
Back! Howard! Back!
I'll kill you when I get you inside.
293
00:25:01,728 --> 00:25:07,268
I'm not coming inside. I've got to
make this street safe for womanhood.
294
00:25:07,268 --> 00:25:09,968
WHICH womanhood, Howard?
295
00:25:09,968 --> 00:25:11,948
Back! Back!
296
00:25:28,708 --> 00:25:32,168
Why does anybody
have to go in the bucket?
297
00:25:32,168 --> 00:25:36,048
Your father would have
been in it like a flash. Why?
298
00:25:36,048 --> 00:25:42,028
Up to Nora Batty's window,
doing his little act. He knew how to bring her into a good mood.
299
00:25:42,028 --> 00:25:44,588
Your father was really brave.
300
00:25:51,568 --> 00:25:54,028
I'll have to leave it on.
301
00:25:58,468 --> 00:26:02,308
Oh, Howard!
I think you're really brave.
302
00:26:02,308 --> 00:26:05,668
Oh, I wouldn't say "really".
303
00:26:05,668 --> 00:26:11,108
How many would come to escort a
young lady with a whip and a chair?
304
00:26:11,108 --> 00:26:15,708
You don't think I'd let you
walk into the jaws of a tiger?!
305
00:26:15,708 --> 00:26:17,888
Oh, Howard.
306
00:26:19,848 --> 00:26:23,888
Sometimes I feel
I'm already in the jaws of a tiger!
307
00:26:35,668 --> 00:26:38,728
Can I give you a hand, Howard?
308
00:26:38,728 --> 00:26:41,408
No! Don't get too close to me.
309
00:26:41,408 --> 00:26:45,928
I have to be instantly prepared
for unimaginable violence.
310
00:26:56,028 --> 00:26:59,088
CAR HORN BEEPS
311
00:26:59,088 --> 00:27:01,088
CRASH!
312
00:27:08,968 --> 00:27:11,228
It's amazing.
313
00:27:11,228 --> 00:27:16,768
Some twit starts a rumour...and
already we've had fifteen sightings.
314
00:27:16,768 --> 00:27:22,148
I thought it were three. That's
nearly fifteen - in round figures.
315
00:27:22,148 --> 00:27:25,088
Of course it is. I forgot.
316
00:27:25,088 --> 00:27:29,508
It's people.
They have this vivid imagination.
317
00:27:29,508 --> 00:27:32,048
I thought that was wives.
318
00:27:32,048 --> 00:27:34,448
Wives are people!
319
00:27:34,448 --> 00:27:37,368
That's something else you forget.
320
00:27:37,368 --> 00:27:41,088
But you wouldn't think
people would believe
321
00:27:41,088 --> 00:27:44,988
that there was a man-eater
in these sleepy hills.
322
00:27:46,408 --> 00:27:47,648
Help!
323
00:27:57,828 --> 00:28:00,688
Hey, that was quick!
324
00:28:00,688 --> 00:28:03,628
I've only just finished dialling you!
325
00:28:24,048 --> 00:28:28,068
Subtitles by BBC Scotland 2001
326
00:28:28,068 --> 00:28:31,928
E-mail us at subtitling@bbc.co.uk
327
00:28:31,978 --> 00:28:36,528
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