All language subtitles for Last Of The Summer Wine s12e01 Return of The Warrior.eng

Come along! Come along!

Don't loiter! Don't loiter!

This is not my idea
of a good loiter.

I always thought he were a pillock.

Now I know he's a pillock
with too much luggage.

HE COUGHS

Just time for a quick one before
my bus comes. Is he paying? Oh!

Since I'm the one that's leaving...
He doesn't think he's paying. He is.

We just carted all his luggage.
He's paying.

Oh, well, if that's your attitude...

Oh!

It was 'is round, any road.
Have you been counting?

The one thing I can rely on -
when in doubt, it's his round.

Sounds reasonable to me. He's just
treated us as his pack mules.

This is a tendency of the educated
classes. I've noticed it before.

It's all very well my buying these,

but I suspect my bus is going
to come before YOU can buy ME one.

That's true.

Don't let him slide back
into complete slovenliness.

I never knew he'd slid out.

I haven't slid out. If there's
one thing I'm consistent at,

it's complete sloven...ni...ness.

Oh, don't tell me he's not improved
since I came here.

All this time under my influence
must have improved him. Look at him.

He's not half as bad
as when I arrived.

Maybe you've just got used to him.
That's it, Seymour. Tha's just used to me.

Oh, don't say that! Don't tell me
my standards have been relaxing!

It's a good job I'm going away.

Relax, Seymour. Tha's just become
a bit more human, that's all.

That's all very well.
But looking at you,

I'm reminded that you can become
TOO damned human!

Ah, well - I'll soon get back into
the swing of things. Swish! Swish!

Nothing like beating small boys
to underline

your sense of social position.
I don't think it's allowed.

Nonsense!
Of course you can beat small boys.

That's what they're for.

Now, I want you both to write.

Oh...on second thoughts,
I want YOU to write.

HE can print. And I want you
to address the envelope.

I can't be seen to be receiving
letters from anyone with his scrawl.

Tha's only going 20 mile! It's
a very important teaching post.

I'll be acting for the headmaster
whenever he's absent.

Did I pack my cane? It feels as if
tha's packed an electric chair!

It's no good packing your cane,
anyway.

You're not allowed to use it
any more. Not allowed to use it?

Somebody who probably has
two nannies for their kids has decided it's illegal. You mean...

somebody's removed my freedom
to hit back?

Tha's not allowed to beat kids
any more.

Not even here and there?

Especially "there".

THEY MOUTH

What are we gonna do, then?

Well, we can do what we like,
can't we?

Our horizons have suddenly expanded.

There's no longer anyone around
saying, "Do this. Do that."

That's true. Nobody telling us what
to do. Nobody yakking at us. Right.

Nobody trying to...reform us.

Nobody.

No.

We are entirely free.

Absolutely.

A bit boring, though, ain't it?

Absolutely.

I could have sworn
that was Foggy Dewhurst.

Give over! He's in Bridlington,
decorating eggs.

Phew!

I'm sorry. I was picking my luggage
up and put my stick in the air...

I...

How much?!

Blimey!

Tsk!
SHE SIGHS

Ugh!

Not enough sugar? No!

How long are you two plotting on
staying here, then? Oh, for ages.

Don't bet on it!

Suddenly,
life is like first-class mail -

there doesn't seem to be
any urgency any more.

Nope.

Time's our own.

We can do what we like.

Well, go and do it somewhere else.

You make folk uneasy,
sitting there...

not misbehaving.

Do you want to go somewhere else?

To do what?

Nothing.

We could do that here.

It's not natural!

Haven't you got some hobby?

I mean some other kind of hobby!

SHE SHRIEKS

CLOCK CHIMES

Right, then. What now?

I think I'll go
and irritate Nora Batty.

Well, that's fine for you,
but what am I going to do?

You could come and watch me
irritate Nora Batty.

Is that your best offer? Huh!
Come back here.

Phew!

DOOR CLOSES
Good grief! Foggy Dewhurst!

Yes.

Er...have you seen, um...?

They've just gone.
Any idea where they might be?

I should try Nora Batty's.

Aye, well, I'll just catch
me breath a minute,

then I'll go after them.
I'll have a cup of tea, please. Oh.

Now...

let's see, that's five, seven,

eight...ten.

Twenty.

On the house.

Nice to see you. Thanks. I don't
think they were expecting you.

I thought I'd give them a surprise.

Oh, lucky them(!) Are you
on holiday? No, I'm back for good.

Oh, lucky all of us(!)

You'll find them just as daft
as when you went.

You'll be able to pick up
where you left off.

Er...did they, er...
ever mention missing me?

Not to my knowledge. Oh.
Not that I care, of course.

But, I mean... What, not once?

Not a peep.

Ah, that would be the military
training I gave them, you see.

I taught 'em how to keep
their emotions under iron control.

You did a good job.

Yes, well, that's
the Dewhurst legacy, you know.

I leave a trail of stiff upper lips
behind me.

Well, it's nice to know that all
your efforts haven't been wasted.

Yes - I shaped them
in my own hard image, did I?

What, they never said
they missed me once?

I think that's overdoing it.

Well...

What the blood and stomach pills?

Who put them there?
Who left these bags here?

You see? She's not there. Let's do
something else. Maybe she's inside.

How would you know that?
I'll ring the bell. O-o-oh...

Come here. Don't be chicken.

Will you let go?
You're ruffling me feathers.

Just stay there.

I dunno. I'm not in the mood
to be clouted with a yard brush.

Good. Why don't you come down here
with us chickens?

Wait! I've changed my mind.

DING-DONG!

I've told you lot
about disturbing me when I'm busy.

I won't have loiterers on my steps!

You'll try my patience
once too often.

I'll try anything!

HE KNOCKS

DING-DONG!

Oh, it's you.

Yes, it's me. What are you doing
back here, ringing people's bells?

I'm looking for your scruffy
neighbour. He was ringing me bell.

Which way did he go? Arm over tip
down the stairs, same as you.

Welcome home.

DOOR SLAMS

I thought Nora looked well.
Did tha think so?

I thought she looked fierce.

Of course, she always looks fierce.
But I mean, well...REALLY fierce.

Eh-up! It's Howard and Marina.

Ee, no, never mind us, lad.

Get in there!
Carry on what tha were doing.

I know what you're thinking, but...

I was admiring
this young lady's earrings.

That's right - he does.

He's crackers
about my earrings.

And how are you,
Norman Clegg?

In a hurry.

If you see Pearl, tell her I'm
at this lunchtime organ concert.

That's very inventive. But Pearl
will make you whistle the music.

I can whistle.
Not if she bruises tha lips.

Sounds like a challenge.

Howard!

You get this wrong and Pearl
is gonna cut tha whistle clean off!

Come on!

Hasn't he grown?!

THUD!

Oh, it's you.

Er...did you...did you see that?

Did you see me hanging on
with those trained fingertips?

Everything perfectly under control.

He doesn't change a bit, does he?

Well, his cap used to be straighter.
What?

Did you bring my luggage? Pardon?

You've not left my luggage!

You've left my luggage
completely unattended.

I bet you're glad he's back.

Aren't you glad he's back?

I couldn't stand it any longer -

day in, day out, painting eggs.

Not for me. Well, you know me.

Aye, I know thee. Tha's a great
pillock with all this luggage.

I'm an outdoors type.
Mainstream wilderness.

Well, your basic jungle fighter.

I need wide, open spaces.

Tha's got 'em - between tha ears!

I looked at it one morning -
my 12,000th painted egg.

And I asked myself,
"What are you doing, Dewhurst?

"You're a samurai."

So I sold up and here I am.

Oh, goody(!)

Oh!

Welcome home, Foggy. Hear! Hear!

By the way - next time tha comes
home, don't call us, we'll call you.

I see you're still being dressed
by Hardy Amies.

Listen - this gear is good enough
for the job I've been doing all day.

It's not that heavy. I was carrying
it before you two came along.

Why didn't WE think of that?
Don't be like that. I was handling all the other baggage.

You know your trouble, don't you?

You've got out of condition since
I left you. I mean, look at you! You both need sharpening up.

What chuffin' muffin
left this lot here? He did.

Is that sharp enough for you?
You dozy twallop!

If you weren't so stupid-looking,
I could get very nasty!

Now, look here!
Don't take that tone with me.

I warn you - I am a trained soldier.

I wonder if you realise how near
you just came. You were on the edge.

You'll be hearing
from my solicitors.

They want their wings clipping,
these chickens.

Move away, lad - otherwise
you'll get covered in feathers.

Is Foggy the same old idiot,
or is he getting better at it?

Yes, well, I thought I dominated
that situation rather well.

Did you see that?
Did you see how I manoeuvred him?

It's in the eyes, you know.

It's the same principle as training
animals. They know who's master.

I mean, you saw how I kept it from
escalating into actual violence.

Nothing, really.

It's just something you get used to.

Aye, well, I reckon tha were
about two inches from sudden death.

Death is no stranger to me.

Well, he is to me,
and I'd like to keep it that way.

Looks like we're lumbered again.

Why do we seem to attract
these lunatics?

With me, it's personality. Uh-huh?

Come here!

That man - we could use his bike
for carrying the luggage.

Hey, Eli - can we borrow the bike?

You might as well.
There seems to be something missing.

There he was, large as life -

Foggy Dewhurst, the well-known idiot,
walking in to my cafe.

His mother was
of a nervous disposition,

but a great believer in flannelette.

Oh!

Oh, I shouldn't.

You must've been surprised
when Mr Dewhurst walked in.

He rang my bell.

Not always easy, at our age.

Surprised?!

I was even more surprised when
my other customers came flying in all over the place.

He'd left his luggage
in my door-hole.

He had it with him
when he rang my bell.

They pick up so many useless things
when they've never been married.

You should see what they pick up
when they ARE married.

A good woman would get rid of
half that stuff he's carting about. Well, that's true.

If I didn't keep an eye on Wesley,
he'd have bits of old motor cars in every cupboard in the house.

Mother, he loves bits of old cars.

Well, he can love them outside,
in his shed.

Is he back for good, then?

He said so.

Hmph! Yes, well...they say trouble
always comes in threes.

There you are, d'you see?
A little planning.

That's what distinguishes
the trained military mind

from all that fuzzy civilian stuff.

I like fuzzy civilian stuff.

I was deeply committed
to being an Ovaltiney.

How come we get involved with
this luggage in the first place?

It's sort of like an act of God.

God?

I thought he were a corporal.

All right.

All right. If you're going to moan,
let's see what we can do about it.

Must keep the staff happy. Now...

Let's see.

No, no, no! Get hold of it.
Show it who's boss!

Tha want to try it! You're
determined not to do it properly!

I'm not wide enough in the legs.
Steady!

Please, no details.
Not on an empty stomach. Put the brake on or something!

It's not your legs -
it's your attitude wants improving.

Listen, Audrey, tha's got legs from
here to Huddersfield. Thee try it!

Well, all right, yes.
I'll show you if I must.

I thought I was giving you
the easier job.

Of course, our Seymour
was a steadying influence. I never noticed. Oh, yes.

He had a first-class education
and some beautiful knitwear.

Mr Dewhurst might be a steadying
influence on them now he's back.

He never was before.
And he won't be again, if he keeps ringing people's bells.

But five years of running
his own business is bound to have improved him managerially.

He's daft as a brush,
if you ask me.

Makes that one of mine
look almost human.

FOGGY: Aaaagh!
What was that? What was what?

I can't stop it!

Help! A VERY nice noise for an area
of high property values.

He-elp!

I wouldn't say he's all that much
improved managerially.

He's faster than he used to be.

He let us carry his luggage
all this way

and all the time
he had a furniture van!

Subtitles by Janet Zimmermann
BBC Broadcast - 2004

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0