Original subtitles

I'm telling thee, me toe went purple! I can understand that.

If I was inside that welly, I'd go purple!

We are purple. What do you mean, we are purpel?

I'm not purple! Only me toe that went purple.

Inside we're purple.

A really horrible purple.

I was watching one of them surgical programmes.

They poked about inside this bloke from exeter,

without the courtesy even to take their gloves off.

All you could see was this yucky purple.

Aye well, if they come from exeter they may be purple!

We're all purple.

We can talk about Liberty, equality,

fraternity, but the bottom line is purple.

I enjoy the surgical programmes.

That's a profession I could have taken to. I would have had the skills.

I was once told I had 'surgeon's hands'.

Who told you that?

Mummy, if you must know.

"Mummy"!

Fancy spending your life inside people from Exeter.

I should have listened to her. I chose education, I did pretty well.

Sometimes you'd sit there with some grubby little snot misbehaving,

and there'd be a twinge of regret that you

didn't have him under your knife on the table!

Always loved kids, Seymour?

I could never have fancied the medical profession.

The job takes them into such terrible places.

London?

I was thinking more of armpits.

I know what you mean. There's always a snag.

First thing on a Monday morning, just imagine it, lying on

a trolley, naked, save for his wellies.

A fit bloke like me? What I would want with surgery?

I expect you've gone in to have a welly removed?

There's a job that needs an anaesthetic!

Do you remember when hay used to be square? - Yes!

I remember square hay. They used to make it in

rectangular lumps. You could stick it

together very neatley to make hay-stack.

I don't know what they do with this lot. Apart from leave it about in untidy lumps?

I bet there's a rat in there.

I bet it's a whopping great rat in there!

Come away! Your friends aren't necesary ours!

Ooof...I'd soon know if I had my ferret!

Oh, come down from there!

I'm telling thee! There's been one here!

You can smell it!

No, thank you. You can smell it! What do they smell like?

Boot Polish. Black.

Oh, what's he talking about? Boot Polish, Black?

It's just the eensyist-weensyist hint of black boot Polish.

What about brown rats? - Just the same. Black boot Polish.

English religion?

Could be. We're in Yorkshire.

If it's cheap and servicable, they'll have a go.

A little scientific experiment!

These...chaps... Are...my...assistants.

Me...former headmaster... Boss-wallah...Big school.

Very beautiful in your cherry-blossom-time!

He's even creeping in Japanese now, Norm!

A few international courtesies!

While they've been distracting your attension,

some others might have nipped in and sunk all our battleships!

I felt I had to explain!

"Scientific experiments" ? "These chaps are my assistants" ?!

It was your damned fault!

You started the whole embarrising performance!

I bet they have, I bet they've sunk our battleships!

Do we have any battleships?

No, I don't think we have, exually. - There you are, you see!

That's damn dangerous!

Fancy leaving it here, where its likeley to roll down the hill!

We'll have to do something about that.

Well, I vote we go.

We can't leave the thing here in a dangerous position!

I could. I really could.

Me, too. - That's not a responsible attitude.

Now, pay attention. Come round this side. And we'll push it back somewhere safer.

How's tha goin' to push this ?! - I'm not going to. We all three are!

Oh! Goody, goody, goody!

Oh, very beautiful ! Cherry-blossom-time, mount fuji!

Glenda wants a family. - She's got a family!

She's got a mother, a dad and an husband.

How many more does she want?

I think she meant a younger family.

Are you ready for a family?

It's a big responsibility.

I sometimes think, "yeah!"

..And then again, sometimes I think, "no".

I mean, I'd like to be a father.

On the other hand, I wonder if we're doing right...

- Or not. - That's decisive, that must be an help.

Here we are than!

Thank you!

How long have you been married now?

Four years! Four years? I've done thirty.

Doesn't time fly when you're having fun?

They don't make their marriages last these days.

They don't get a grip on it like we used to do.

They think you can leave it to love!

It was a beautiful wedding our glenda's, wasn't it?

Oh, lovely.

Full white, and lemon accessories. - I wanted pink.

Well, the lemon was beautiful, everybody liked it.

Everybody but me.

Your father liked it. - Me father likes what he's told to like!

Well, you should see what he likes when left to his own devices!

I know what mine likes, left to his own devices!

I don't think, we need discuss that with glenda here.

Oh, mother!

What colour is Marina's hair this week? - It depends on where she's been lying.

Get me my glasses, love. Not when it's getting interesting!

Look, stop treating me like a child. I'm thinking of starting a family.

Hadn't you better get home first?

What does your Barry think about a family?

We're thinking about it. We haven't made up our minds yet.

That sounds like your Barry!

It's a pity men don't have to hav'em.

Men! They can't have a cold without a support team!

No, they can't stand pain.

Well, that's true. You see, women are born to suffer.

And some of us get so we quite enjoy it, really.

If men had to have babies, they'd invented something better.

You've plenty of time to start a family.

You're hardly out of your lemon accessories!

I'm working on it and bringin Barry around to it slowly.

It takes Barry some time to absorb new ideas.

If he thinks it's a new idea, it going to take some time!

You're young enough.

Are you ready to really take on responsibility?

I'm not so young, mother.

It's time we started, if we're going to start.

I know the feeling.

You lie awake at night, sometimes thinking

"I wish I had some helpless, squeaky

little bundle, totally dependent on me."

Then you wake up and find you've got one.

Its your husband!

Let's have a breather! Let's have a breather!

Good grief! You're always wanting a break.

Don't tell me. Just tell my lungs!

I think he's right, I think there is a rat in it!

We'll never gonna get it back up there! - I don't kow, why we bother?

Becouse it was our fault it rolled down in the first place.

The least we can do is to put it back!

Do you think I ought to start a family?

Well, not right now, Barry. - It's a big responsibility...

Right...push!

It keeps running back!

Letts face it, we'll never gonna get it up that hill!

If we all push together, we will do it!

Team-work! Let's co-ordinate our efforts.

Now, take your time from me.

Are you listening, Barry?

Barry?

Barry?

Roll it off!

He looks thinner!

Say something, Barry! - That could have solved the problem.

I won't be able to start a family!

I think it's magic when we're out here, all alone, together like this.

You call this "together", Howard?

It's just a cunning ploy, love.

This way, it arouses absolutely no

suspicion in the minds of passers-by.

This way is not going to arouse anything, is it, Howard?

I might as well have a pen-friend.

I teld thee, we'd never shift it! - I believed him, he's got an honest face!

We can't just leave it lying there! We've got to put his hay back.

We can't expect him to lose a whole bale of hay.

It's perfectly good hay.

It's heavy, I can tell you that! Do you want a lift, or don't ya?

Of course! - Well, come on!

I don't think they'll start a family, they

got a mortgage and they got a rented TV.

Its not always theire decision, is it? Very often these things start by themselfs.

I blame this home brew.

Quasimodo is alive and well and living in a three-Wheeler.

Whatever's wrong with his neck?

It's not just his neck, it goes all the way down!

Stop whingeing! It only needs a little twist.

I've played pontoon! i know, when you twist you're sometimes busted!

If anything drops off, I don't want it on my floor!

He'll be all right in a minute.

Yes well, he'd be even more then all right if he were outside!

He wants some fresh air, thats what he wants,

not parading on people's floors!

I can't look.

You stupid great pillock!

There you are, it's all over.

Done with. I told you it was nothing! - Maybe not from your end!

Hasn't our Seymour got talented fingers!

Ofcourse, he was always medically inclined. - I keep telling them that!

Is it all over? Can I open my eyes now? - No!

Seems a lot of fuss about a neck! You

should try being run over by a bale of hay!

What are you talking about, Barry? It's true. I was run over by a bale of hay.

Where does he think of ideas like that? - Don't ask me!

Wesley, do you think, we might borrow your three-Wheeler?

I was going to tinker with it a bit, this afternoon.

Of course you can borrow his three-wheeler!

Of course you can borrow his three-wheeler!!

I hate to leave anything unfinished.

I noticed that when you were twisting my neck!

Is your head on tight? It sounded very loose.

And have you a length of rope, Wesley?

I'm going to return that bale of hay to

its proper place, even if it kills them!

Come along then, Clegg.

I'm not driving that!

I'd sooner push a bale of hay! - You don't have to drive it. He can drive!

Me ?!

Yes you, you've got a motorbike licence, so you

can drive one of these with a motorbike licence.

I never knew that! Well, off we go, then!

Thank you! Off we go, then!

Now, take care of her!

well, of course he will !

Seymour knows what he's doing!

You don't have to drive it exactley like a motorbike!

Don't take corners on two wheels! - Sorry!

Ok ! I'll drive! I'll drive! - Sit thee down! Relax!

'Aye-up, cheeky. Do you want a lift?

No, we don't!

I do! It beats waiting for the flipping bus!

Come on, she's right.

Can he drive this thing?

Listen to her! What a wicked tongue she's got!

He says things like that, but that doesn't

mean he knows how to drive this thing!

It's better than waiting for the bus.

if we'd manage to breath, it would be better still!

If you want to do anything tricksy like breathing,

we're gonna have to work out a rota.

Can you move your elbow, Clegg?

I can't move a thing, If I could, I wouldn't risk it!

Cosy, in't it?

What a place to leave a dustbin!

Eli, it's us in a three-wheeler!

Tha knows who it is, Eli.

Tha's a grand little feller!

Get thyself a choc-ice!

Don't spill it on dad!

Where's he going?

This is not where he's supposed to be going?!

Where's he taking us?

Don't ask me, I can't see a thing from this rope!

Just a brief detour, ladies. We have a little errand to do.

I'm not going into the countryside with him!

He is a not fit person to be going into the country with!

Relax, he's not the huddersfield strangler.

It's not your throat he goes for!

This will take but a moment, ladies.

Then we'll deliver you safely back to your own doors.

Is somebody going to let me out of this rope?

What are you going for?

A bale of hay.

Oh, that's all we need in here, a bale of hay!

We're not going to collect it!

We're merely going to move it a little.

I'm not rolling around any hay with him! - Spoil-sport!

I'm getting really teed up with being inside this rope.

Oh, shut up and eat your choc-ice!

It has its advantages.

Anybody passing is going to think, "there's Howard, all alone."

And they're gonna be right, Howard.

For all practical purposes, you are alone. - I'm not.

I've got you.

You want the truth, Howard?

It lacks excitement. All I've got to hold here is a bicycle!

Well, all right, then.

Next time, we'll try and find a place with a hole in the wall.

Then maybe we can hold hands through the wall!

Holding hands through a wall.

You really know how to set a girl's senses spinning, don't you, Howard.

There's a three-Wheeler coming!

It's Pearl!

Hello, love...

What the devil are you doing out here, on damp grass at your age?

My age? I'm at the prime of middle age. Probbebly at the peak of my vigour!

call it what you like, you'll be up all night rubbing

liniment on it. What do you think you are doing?!

Just meditating, love.

I come here to ponder the great questions.

And you can't ponder without getting your britches wet? Oh, get off home!

I'll put the immersion on. You can get straight into a bath.

What's he doing?

"Pondering big questions." He get's dafter!

At least he's alone. - I know, It made more

sense when he creping about with tiger lil.

There are a few big questions about him I'd want to ponder!

You see? It worked!

It worked!

Oh, goody!

Better than waiting for the bus, she said? - Well, you can't win 'em all.

What the blood and stomic pills?

I'm not going in that!

It's a few hundred yards, ladies.

We're just taking it back where it came from.

We'll wait here.

Very well, suit yourselves! I think I'll wait here, too. - I need you.

I'll be back, lass. But in the mean time..

this will keep thee going!

Get off! Get off!

I hate it when he does that. You can feel it for a week!

We can't go on for ever, Howard, with a wall between us.

It's only when we're liable to be observed by passers-by.

There aren't any passers-by up here, Howard.

We're in the middle of a field.

You could kiss me here...

Who's going to hold the bicycles?

Well done, old boy! - Where does it go?

We could do here, it's near enough. - "Near enough"?

Give over! This is a precision job!

I'm putting it back exactly on the spot it came from.

Don't overdo it. Don't tempt fate. You're

pushing your luck with Nora Batty as it is!

You're talking to the ace, kid!

I were born to fly a three-Wheeler! - Oh, very well, if you must show off!

It was over there.

Help!

Head it off! Get in front of it!

Oh, shut up, Seymore! And eat your choc-ice!

Kiss me, Howard.

Do you think we ought?

Why not?

It's just I have this superstitious fear

that if we go too far, there'll be some terrible sign from heaven.

I think we ought to risk it, Howard.

I knew it!

What is it?

Is he dead?

Can you feel a pulse?

Stand back, there!

Let her feel me pulse! Bog off!

How come her bicycle gets entangled with your bicycle, Howard?

It's one of the questions I'm standing here pondering.

You're all right, then?

I'm all right! She's feeling me pulse!

Subtitles by Jo-Anne pugh, 1989

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0