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1
00:00:45,580 --> 00:00:49,780
Does tha know what today is?
Exhausting.
2
00:00:49,780 --> 00:00:53,780
It feels like
Pull-Yourself-A-Muscle-Day.
3
00:00:53,780 --> 00:00:56,220
It's Nora Batty's birthday!
4
00:00:56,220 --> 00:01:01,240
Under the circumstances,
I find that REALLY uninteresting.
5
00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:08,220
I can never think of her
as having a birthday. I think she was chiselled out of stone.
6
00:01:08,220 --> 00:01:10,760
It's not REALLY her birthday.
7
00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:13,320
It's going to be an extra birthday,
8
00:01:13,320 --> 00:01:19,320
because today I've decided
I'm going to give her a big kiss.
9
00:01:21,180 --> 00:01:23,860
Oh, lucky her(!)
10
00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:29,880
I don't think I've heard
of anything so brave.
11
00:01:38,020 --> 00:01:40,500
Happy birthday, Nora!
12
00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:43,060
It's not me birthday.
13
00:01:43,060 --> 00:01:47,960
Don't be too sure.
You could be in for a big surprise!
14
00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:56,040
He's mental... They're all mental !
15
00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:02,840
I'd still like to know...
SLURPING
16
00:02:05,940 --> 00:02:09,480
I'd still like to know...
SLUR-R-R-P!
17
00:02:10,780 --> 00:02:15,700
I'd still like to know
how you're planning to do it.
18
00:02:15,700 --> 00:02:18,480
You can't just grab the woman.
19
00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:23,480
You have to be quick, but you can
still end up with a nasty headache.
20
00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:27,140
It'll have to be something crafty.
21
00:02:27,140 --> 00:02:32,240
It's not so much HOW you'll do it,
as WHY you're going to do it.
22
00:02:33,660 --> 00:02:36,500
Why do people climb mountains?
23
00:02:36,500 --> 00:02:40,500
At least they get a good view
when they get there.
24
00:02:40,500 --> 00:02:45,560
All right then, it's the challenge!
You're a little demon, aren't you?
25
00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:50,040
If you were Japanese,
you'd be a Kamikaze pilot.
26
00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:52,660
You're a natural human bomb!
27
00:02:52,660 --> 00:02:59,540
Yes, but in those trousers
you're in constant danger of seeing his fuse!
28
00:02:59,540 --> 00:03:02,320
What's wrong with these trousers?
29
00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:07,320
Well, they're not fit trousers
for kissing anyone in.
30
00:03:07,900 --> 00:03:12,600
Maybe you're right...
OK, I'll change me trousers.
31
00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:16,980
Good grief!
It IS somebody's birthday!
32
00:03:17,580 --> 00:03:19,340
I'm serious.
33
00:03:19,340 --> 00:03:26,940
This is the day
that I'm going to give Nora Batty the biggest kiss she's ever 'ad.
34
00:03:26,940 --> 00:03:28,900
But why?
35
00:03:28,900 --> 00:03:34,260
Because it recharges me batteries.
Phh-sshh-oo! He's mad!
36
00:03:34,260 --> 00:03:42,840
I think as long as there are people
prepared to kiss Nora Batty, we may one day recover the Ashes.
37
00:03:43,300 --> 00:03:46,120
But HOW are you going to do it?
38
00:03:46,540 --> 00:03:50,920
All I have to do is...
How would YOU do it?
39
00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:57,100
The short answer is - I wouldn't.
I'd sooner rub noses with a Rottweiler.
40
00:03:57,100 --> 00:03:59,960
How would YOU do it, Norm?
41
00:03:59,960 --> 00:04:02,800
Don't ask me, old son.
42
00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:07,800
I'm not comfortable with women.
I fell into marriage by accident.
43
00:04:09,580 --> 00:04:12,440
And NOT the usual sort of accident!
44
00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:15,620
Great help(!)
45
00:04:15,620 --> 00:04:21,200
That's why a bloke 'as friends.
So he can go to them for...for...
46
00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:26,180
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
47
00:04:26,180 --> 00:04:30,840
I think I might need a rehearsal!
What are you looking at?
48
00:04:30,840 --> 00:04:35,820
Tha's a fine figure of a woman, Ivy.
Oh, get out!
49
00:04:35,820 --> 00:04:38,760
I told you - Kamikaze pilot. Now...
50
00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:43,760
..don't start anything
until we get clear.
51
00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:48,860
What are you doing walking towards
people...with that look in your eye?
52
00:04:48,860 --> 00:04:53,840
You ought to be locked up
for that kind of look... Aaarrgh!
53
00:04:53,840 --> 00:04:59,720
Don't panic, Ivy. Look upon this
as a heavenly experience.
54
00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:05,820
Yes, well, I want you to look upon
THIS as a heavenly experience.
55
00:05:10,260 --> 00:05:12,840
By heck! That clears your catarrh.
56
00:05:15,580 --> 00:05:18,420
I only wanted to give thee a kiss.
57
00:05:18,420 --> 00:05:23,400
You'll get MORE than a kiss
if you don't get out of here!
58
00:05:32,820 --> 00:05:35,280
So much for the direct approach.
59
00:05:35,280 --> 00:05:37,960
We'll scrub the direct approach.
60
00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:41,860
Mind you,
it does have some fringe benefits.
61
00:05:43,280 --> 00:05:45,740
Have you changed your tiny mind?
62
00:05:45,740 --> 00:05:48,300
Tha must be joking!
63
00:05:48,300 --> 00:05:53,320
A bloke wants more from life
than a sticky bun. I don't know...
64
00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:58,580
When you see a woman, you realise
how happy you could be with a bun.
65
00:05:58,580 --> 00:06:00,860
I'm not against ALL women...
66
00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:03,300
just HIS women!
67
00:06:03,300 --> 00:06:08,360
Cleggie were always a non-starter
when it came to women. That's true.
68
00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:15,300
I went through an entire
married life without endangering me amateur status.
69
00:06:19,180 --> 00:06:23,260
Of course, she doesn't make
the best of 'erself.
70
00:06:23,260 --> 00:06:27,800
She's never been any good
since 'e left her.
71
00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:33,820
^
You're bound to want a husband back, if only for punitive purposes.
72
00:06:33,820 --> 00:06:36,300
^
Whose husband's walked out?
73
00:06:36,300 --> 00:06:38,940
Mavis Poskit.
Do I know her?
74
00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:41,560
She knits for the third world.
75
00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:44,180
Surely they're not COLD ?
76
00:06:44,180 --> 00:06:50,400
^
Nobody has the heart to tell her. She makes a very good sponge cake.
77
00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:53,060
What did 'e run away for?
78
00:06:53,060 --> 00:06:58,220
What do they all run away for?
Something thinner, faster, flasher!
79
00:06:58,220 --> 00:07:02,700
Then they wonder
why their hair falls out!
80
00:07:02,700 --> 00:07:05,520
Why do you want
books like that?
81
00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:09,200
It's fashion,
it's not pornographic.
82
00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:13,420
With skirts that length
it IS pornographic.
83
00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:19,760
I've GOT to kiss Nora Batty
84
00:07:19,760 --> 00:07:24,740
or else me nerve'll go
and I shall be a broken man.
85
00:07:24,740 --> 00:07:29,840
And just as we were getting used
to you being merely bent. Bog off!
86
00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:34,820
What kind of language is that
for one of the world's great lovers?
87
00:07:34,820 --> 00:07:39,280
Can't you test your nerve
on something easier...
88
00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:41,860
..like being a steeplejack?
89
00:07:41,860 --> 00:07:46,920
It's got to be Nora Batty.
It's bigger than both of us.
90
00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:50,900
One of the world's great,
DEMENTED lovers!
91
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,120
She's 'ere!
92
00:08:02,460 --> 00:08:07,300
Just like I said.
See what I mean? It's fate.
93
00:08:07,300 --> 00:08:12,360
It'll be FATAL all right, if you
start messing about. Messing about?
94
00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:17,520
Who's messing about?
This is a deeply moving moment.
95
00:08:18,260 --> 00:08:20,760
It's funny you should say that.
96
00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:23,280
I was thinking of moving, myself.
97
00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:25,860
How are you planning on doing it?
98
00:08:25,860 --> 00:08:28,240
I tend to work by instinct.
99
00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:32,180
Whoa... Oh! Oh! Oh!
100
00:08:32,180 --> 00:08:35,100
Give us a kiss. Go on!
101
00:08:35,100 --> 00:08:38,100
What's Mr Simmonite doing?
102
00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:44,400
It can't be untoward,
or your Uncle Seymour wouldn't be a party to it.
103
00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:47,000
Give us a kiss! You daft devil.
104
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:49,680
Has 'e gone berserk? He has!
105
00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:54,960
What's he been eating? Whatever
it is, he wants more 'taters with it.
106
00:08:57,340 --> 00:08:59,880
She's great with that brolly!
107
00:08:59,880 --> 00:09:04,960
Doesn't tha' think she's great?
That was some instinct.
108
00:09:06,100 --> 00:09:08,140
Norman Clegg!
109
00:09:08,140 --> 00:09:11,300
Just leaving. There's no hurry.
110
00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:15,520
There's always time
for a friend of our Seymour's.
111
00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:18,160
I'll bet you remember Mavis Poskit.
112
00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:20,200
Mavis Poskit?
113
00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:25,220
You MUST remember Mavis Poskit.
You had a crush on her at school.
114
00:09:25,220 --> 00:09:29,860
Oh, no, that was woodwork.
I LIKED woodwork.
115
00:09:29,860 --> 00:09:35,300
You dark horse! I'm not even a pony.
Mavis Poskit? Such a nice woman.
116
00:09:35,300 --> 00:09:37,660
^
But lonely!
117
00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:42,320
Tell 'em it's not true.
I was backward at school.
118
00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:46,340
I bet I was even bottom
at Mavis Poskit!
119
00:09:46,340 --> 00:09:52,280
I had a reputation to upkeep -
I...was...the...milk...monitor!
120
00:10:00,028 --> 00:10:05,128
It's not that I don't like being
married to your daughter, Mr Pegden,
121
00:10:05,128 --> 00:10:10,068
it's just that I'm not sure
I've entirely got the hang of it yet.
122
00:10:10,068 --> 00:10:12,788
Pass that three-eigths spanner?
123
00:10:12,788 --> 00:10:14,608
Oh, aye!
124
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:22,160
We don't go out a lot...
Neither of us like going out a lot.
125
00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:26,020
She admits it when pushed,
126
00:10:26,020 --> 00:10:31,080
but she gets mad at me for seeing
her as someone who doesn't go out.
127
00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:35,980
She says we've not been married
long enough not to go out a lot.
128
00:10:35,980 --> 00:10:38,720
^
Barry! The spanner!
129
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:41,800
Oh, aye! Coming up, Mr Pegden.
130
00:10:43,860 --> 00:10:46,480
'Ow do you like 'er colour?
131
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:49,040
Oh, I like it fine.
132
00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:53,960
I'd never have married her,
if I didn't like her colour.
133
00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:58,360
You don't think
I ought to have her resprayed?
134
00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:00,820
Oh!
135
00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:06,900
You've got visitors, Mr Pegden.
136
00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:11,760
^
It's always when you're havin' fun! Who is it?
137
00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:14,280
Seymour and Mr Simmonite.
138
00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:17,300
^
I'm not in! You understand?
139
00:11:17,300 --> 00:11:19,880
Where shall I tell him you are?
140
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:22,220
^
You've no idea!
141
00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:28,280
Ah, Barry!
142
00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:30,680
I've no idea.
143
00:11:30,680 --> 00:11:33,200
What? Is Wesley here?
144
00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:38,220
Well, in a manner of...
I wouldn't like to say...exactly.
145
00:11:38,220 --> 00:11:42,920
Not that he's entirely...
or even possibly...
146
00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:47,300
It's difficult
to put your finger on it...
147
00:11:47,300 --> 00:11:49,940
WESLEY:
Oh, for crying out loud, Barry!
148
00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:55,880
Wesley! Faithful, though somewhat
oil stained, brother-in-law.
149
00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:58,460
I did me best!
150
00:11:58,460 --> 00:12:02,480
What is it?
I haven't time for any extra jobs.
151
00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:07,020
Extra jobs?
When do I ever give you extra jobs?
152
00:12:07,020 --> 00:12:09,400
We wondered if Clegg was here?
153
00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:11,340
Norman Clegg?
154
00:12:11,340 --> 00:12:16,680
Tha's sharp as a razor, today!
I 'aven't seen him. Ask Barry!
155
00:12:18,820 --> 00:12:21,320
What's the use of asking him ?!
156
00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:26,680
He didn't know if YOU were here!
Did thee? I haven't seen him.
157
00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:29,360
I can say that definitely.
158
00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:34,280
When last seen,
he was being kidnapped by...
159
00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:36,860
Nora Batty! There's no justice.
160
00:12:36,860 --> 00:12:41,840
How come HE'S the one
to be snatched away by Nora Batty?
161
00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:43,940
And by Edie.
162
00:12:43,940 --> 00:12:48,920
What my sister wants with a former
milk monitor, I can't imagine.
163
00:12:49,980 --> 00:12:54,900
Well, she 'asn't brought him here.
She's not home yet!
164
00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:04,780
Good day to you, Howard.
It might be for some.
165
00:13:04,780 --> 00:13:09,300
Cheer up, it may never 'appen.
It already has!
166
00:13:09,300 --> 00:13:11,980
She found a note in me pocket.
167
00:13:11,980 --> 00:13:17,000
That'll teach thee to be careless
with money. Not that kind of note.
168
00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:20,400
A note from Marina.
169
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:25,420
Whoops! Dropped a little gooly
there, didn't we, Howard?
170
00:13:25,420 --> 00:13:30,640
Little? It was one of me better ones,
was that. Tha's a right prawn!
171
00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:36,620
Tha's supposed to memorise notes,
then swallow 'em! It was scented!
172
00:13:36,620 --> 00:13:40,720
How's a bloke supposed to eat
scented paper?
173
00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:47,640
I bet it's better than what
tha's eating since Pearl found out. That's true.
174
00:13:56,220 --> 00:13:58,900
Oh! Tha's looking radiant, Pearl.
175
00:13:59,580 --> 00:14:02,900
And you. A vision of loveliness.
176
00:14:02,900 --> 00:14:05,380
Sorry, lass, I'm spoken for.
177
00:14:05,380 --> 00:14:07,980
Don't "lass" me! Just move on.
178
00:14:07,980 --> 00:14:12,880
I don't want you cheering him up
when he's on punishment detail.
179
00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:15,340
You're not doing him any favours.
180
00:14:15,340 --> 00:14:20,340
If 'e wants to survive this week,
it's best I see him suffer.
181
00:14:20,340 --> 00:14:24,400
I'm doing me best.
He's doing very nicely.
182
00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:29,420
I assure you, we merely happened
to be passing looking for Clegg.
183
00:14:29,420 --> 00:14:34,800
That's another weirdo - came home
a minute ago looking like death.
184
00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:39,600
Never seen a living soul
as white as that before.
185
00:14:48,700 --> 00:14:50,740
Go away!
186
00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:57,560
It's locked.
And anyway, there's nobody at home.
187
00:14:59,260 --> 00:15:01,840
Come along, Cleggie. It's us!
188
00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:05,080
Are you alone?
189
00:15:06,260 --> 00:15:08,500
Well, I've got HIM with me!
190
00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:11,820
Is HE alone?
191
00:15:11,820 --> 00:15:16,840
I will be, if tha keeps running off
with Nora Batty!
192
00:15:21,820 --> 00:15:26,680
You'll be all right.
You've no need to fret.
193
00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:30,700
Hot, strong tea. Just the ticket.
194
00:15:30,700 --> 00:15:35,600
You've only got to meet her
and talk about old times.
195
00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:40,600
I'm no good at old times.
I don't remember any old times.
196
00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:42,960
I asked them, "Why me?"
197
00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:48,080
"Because she needs somebody
who won't scare her," they said.
198
00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:52,840
I told them, "I'll scare her -
I'm pushy."
199
00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:56,820
You've got to pass the word:
200
00:15:56,820 --> 00:16:02,520
"That Norman Clegg -
Ye Gods! Is he pushy ?!"
201
00:16:04,660 --> 00:16:07,260
Where are you meeting her? The cafe.
202
00:16:07,260 --> 00:16:12,180
A public place is more respectable.
What time are you meeting?
203
00:16:12,180 --> 00:16:14,520
Three. What time is it?
204
00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:17,060
Ooh...you've got an hour yet.
205
00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:19,760
How far can you get in an hour?
206
00:16:21,060 --> 00:16:23,500
Come here, sit down.
207
00:16:23,500 --> 00:16:26,000
You'll be OK with Mavis Poskit.
208
00:16:27,260 --> 00:16:29,900
She fancied thee at school.
209
00:16:29,900 --> 00:16:33,960
Nobody fancied me at school...
I had spots.
210
00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:36,340
Not ALL the time?
211
00:16:36,340 --> 00:16:38,200
Nearly...
212
00:16:41,340 --> 00:16:44,180
I used to pick the scabs on me knee.
213
00:16:49,260 --> 00:16:54,280
Do you think he'll be there?
He looked terrified.
214
00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:56,540
Oh, he'll be there.
215
00:16:56,540 --> 00:17:02,180
I have this feeling inside me
that he's a very lonely person.
216
00:17:02,180 --> 00:17:08,540
^
He'll be there, because Mrs Batty is going to SEE that he'll be there!
217
00:17:08,540 --> 00:17:11,000
He'll be there.
218
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:16,300
Even if she has to call for him
to see that he gets there!
219
00:17:16,300 --> 00:17:21,740
I'm not without experience
moving men who are reluctant to move.
220
00:17:21,740 --> 00:17:26,540
What then? They're hardly likely
to fall into each other's arms.
221
00:17:26,540 --> 00:17:31,500
^
Not in public! They're both very shy people.
222
00:17:31,500 --> 00:17:36,780
They're ideally suited.
It's a very appropriate match.
223
00:17:36,780 --> 00:17:40,020
Mother! He's terrified of the idea!
224
00:17:40,020 --> 00:17:45,560
Exactly! He's very suitable.
She needs somebody timid.
225
00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:50,600
It can take years
to get a good timid...
226
00:17:51,620 --> 00:17:54,260
..if you're starting from scratch.
227
00:18:01,740 --> 00:18:06,740
You've got to help me!
You've GOT to help me. All right!
228
00:18:06,740 --> 00:18:12,100
I don't mind giving assistance,
provided you help me with Nora.
229
00:18:12,100 --> 00:18:17,080
Nora Batty? Nora Batty ?!
Don't you mention her name to me.
230
00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:19,980
She's the one who's collecting me.
231
00:18:19,980 --> 00:18:22,580
Nora Batty's coming here ?!
232
00:18:31,380 --> 00:18:33,840
Is Norman Clegg at home?
233
00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:37,860
He don't look well enough
to be anywhere else.
234
00:18:37,860 --> 00:18:43,760
He'd better be.
He's meeting Mavis Poskit at three o'clock.
235
00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:51,660
I didn't know Norman Clegg
was one for the women! Yes, you never can tell (!)
236
00:18:51,660 --> 00:18:56,660
I keep telling you, love,
I don't know how the note got there.
237
00:18:56,660 --> 00:19:00,720
I think it was planted on me.
Mmm (!)
238
00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:03,280
I must have enemies.
239
00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:07,080
There's ME, for a start.
240
00:19:22,140 --> 00:19:27,420
Is he in? He can't come.
He has a bad headache. He's resting.
241
00:19:27,420 --> 00:19:34,420
I didn't come all this way
in me second best hat to be fobbed off like that!
242
00:19:34,420 --> 00:19:36,660
I really think...
243
00:19:36,660 --> 00:19:38,600
Oh...
244
00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:41,320
Oh, dear.
245
00:19:44,740 --> 00:19:47,320
URGENT KNOCKING
246
00:19:48,220 --> 00:19:50,580
Are you decent?
247
00:19:50,580 --> 00:19:52,920
WHIMPERING
248
00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:55,640
Well, come out!
249
00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:58,300
There's no need for this!
250
00:19:58,300 --> 00:20:03,300
GROANING
Don't you grunt at me. It's for your own good.
251
00:20:03,300 --> 00:20:08,340
You'll thank us all if you suddenly
find happiness and contentment.
252
00:20:08,340 --> 00:20:10,960
WHINING
253
00:20:12,780 --> 00:20:15,860
Imagine, at your time of life...
254
00:20:15,860 --> 00:20:20,840
suddenly finding happiness
and contentment.
255
00:20:21,900 --> 00:20:23,920
Imagine!
256
00:20:24,940 --> 00:20:27,520
I've found happiness
and contentment!
257
00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:31,760
This is no way to treat a woman!
258
00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:34,040
GET OFF !
259
00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:37,000
NORA SHRIEKS
260
00:20:45,060 --> 00:20:49,200
And you, Norman Clegg -
Cafe at three o'clock!
261
00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:56,180
Where are you going with him?
Emergency!
262
00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:14,380
'Ere. Hold that.
263
00:21:14,380 --> 00:21:17,680
Have a look in 'ere. Yearrgghh!
264
00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:32,560
What's this emergency?
265
00:21:33,620 --> 00:21:38,600
Cleggie's got woman trouble,
and you've got something he needs.
266
00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:41,260
Good looks and personality.
267
00:21:41,260 --> 00:21:46,260
It's not something
that you can transfer.
268
00:21:47,120 --> 00:21:51,260
That's true.
But you HAVE got something he needs.
269
00:21:51,260 --> 00:21:54,220
What do I need? What DOES he need?
270
00:21:54,220 --> 00:21:57,140
Marina. Marina!!
271
00:21:57,500 --> 00:22:02,320
Why does he need Marina?
Yes, why DO I need Marina?!
272
00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:07,220
It's only for tactical purposes.
I'm not having that! Oh, heck!
273
00:22:08,340 --> 00:22:10,960
What do you mean, tactical puposes?
274
00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:14,860
Don't worry about it.
But I DO worry.
275
00:22:14,860 --> 00:22:16,340
Me, too!
276
00:22:16,340 --> 00:22:21,420
There's a plot afoot to get Cleggie
involved with Mavis Poskit.
277
00:22:21,420 --> 00:22:26,180
Then let 'im try tactical purposes
on Mavis Poskit!
278
00:22:26,180 --> 00:22:31,400
I think I'll emigrate. Can you
still get to Australia for ๏ฟฝ10 ?
279
00:22:32,980 --> 00:22:35,940
Will you give over! Leave it to us.
280
00:22:36,580 --> 00:22:43,540
They've chosen Cleggie because
he's quiet and shy and not likely to frighten Mavis Poskit.
281
00:22:43,540 --> 00:22:46,180
I'm NOT likely to frighten her.
282
00:22:46,180 --> 00:22:51,880
Cleggie must give the impression
that he's dynamite with women.
283
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:56,880
I can't do impressions!
You'll do this one with Marina!
284
00:22:56,880 --> 00:23:00,020
He can't do anything with Marina!
285
00:23:00,020 --> 00:23:02,420
He knows what he's talking about!
286
00:23:02,420 --> 00:23:05,740
You don't have to do anything!
287
00:23:05,740 --> 00:23:10,740
No, they'll just be simulating.
I'm not having that, either!
288
00:23:16,380 --> 00:23:18,780
I can't see him.
289
00:23:18,780 --> 00:23:23,640
^
There, you look lovely, Mavis. I'm nervous!
290
00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:25,640
Give her this...
291
00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:27,640
..on the house.
292
00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:33,120
There you are, Mavis.
293
00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:35,140
Thank you.
294
00:23:35,140 --> 00:23:37,880
^
You do remember Norman Clegg?
295
00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:39,740
Vaguely.
296
00:23:39,740 --> 00:23:42,140
That's him (!)
297
00:23:42,140 --> 00:23:45,740
You used to like him
at school.
298
00:23:45,740 --> 00:23:50,140
I used to like mint humbugs
at school.
299
00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:55,720
You'll find he's very suitable.
He's timid and gormless.
300
00:23:57,580 --> 00:24:02,960
That's about the best masculine
combination you can 'ope for.
301
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:05,640
But mine was timid and gormless.
302
00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:09,680
Didn't stop HIM sneaking off
to that woman.
303
00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:13,360
Please. I'd rather not,
in front of Glenda.
304
00:24:13,360 --> 00:24:14,540
Mother!
305
00:24:14,540 --> 00:24:19,620
You weren't brought up to discuss
extra-marital problems.
306
00:24:19,620 --> 00:24:24,100
Yes, we NEVER talked about
anything interesting.
307
00:24:24,100 --> 00:24:27,520
Somebody thinks HE'S interesting!
308
00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:29,200
What woman?
309
00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:32,260
You mean someone hasn't heard (?)
310
00:24:32,260 --> 00:24:38,440
You've seen her.
If her skirts were any higher, she'd have to wash behind her ears.
311
00:24:39,580 --> 00:24:41,660
That Marina.
312
00:24:41,660 --> 00:24:43,960
Oh, her!
313
00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:46,040
Yes, HER !
314
00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:48,400
Her with them eyelashes!
315
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:53,340
She could conduct the Halle
Orchestra with those eyelashes!
316
00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:57,180
And that scent she wears... Urrchgh!
317
00:24:57,180 --> 00:25:02,380
It smells like all she wants
in life is to be a sugared almond.
318
00:25:02,380 --> 00:25:08,060
I like sugared almonds.
I know somebody else who does (!)
319
00:25:10,580 --> 00:25:13,260
Talk of the devil !
320
00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:28,620
Nice spell of weather
for the time of year.
321
00:25:29,660 --> 00:25:31,660
Norman!
322
00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:36,260
SQUEAKS OF INTENSE PANIC
323
00:25:39,460 --> 00:25:44,680
That Norman Clegg - you never know
which way he'll move next.
324
00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:50,120
He certainly knows how to keep
a girl guessing! He's BRUTAL...
325
00:25:50,120 --> 00:25:52,860
..but MAGNIFICENT !
326
00:25:54,920 --> 00:26:00,300
Norman!
If you're busy, I'll come back later.
327
00:26:01,780 --> 00:26:03,160
Norman...
328
00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:07,900
I thought...last night...
was wonderful !
329
00:26:12,420 --> 00:26:14,020
What?!
330
00:26:14,020 --> 00:26:19,060
It wasn't until this morning
that I realised you'd left your...
331
00:26:28,660 --> 00:26:30,580
Come on!
332
00:26:37,940 --> 00:26:40,980
They're not mine! Oh, yes(?)
333
00:26:40,980 --> 00:26:46,140
It's a frame! Never mind the frame.
What about the picture?
334
00:26:46,140 --> 00:26:49,160
I never wear boxer shorts.
335
00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:49,180
It's true... Scarcely ever.
336
00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:51,720
I've been set up.
337
00:26:55,140 --> 00:26:59,760
Oh, shut up, man.
It was for your own good.
338
00:26:59,760 --> 00:27:01,160
What?
339
00:27:01,940 --> 00:27:03,440
Oh...
340
00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:05,380
Oh... Ha-ha!
341
00:27:08,140 --> 00:27:10,740
Four teas, please, Ivy!
342
00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:21,960
I can't help thinking, Norman,
what an outstanding Clegg you'd be...
343
00:27:22,980 --> 00:27:25,960
..in those boxer shorts.
344
00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:39,280
Not so fast, Cleggie!
Tha'll catch up with Mavis Poskit!
345
00:28:37,980 --> 00:28:40,980
Subtitles by Malcolm Smith 1989
346
00:28:41,030 --> 00:28:45,580
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