Original subtitles

Is anybody looking...? Is anybody about?

I've never seen such a pair of wilting lilies!

Come on!

But somebody's going to see us!

Of course they're gonna see us! We're going to collect money from them.

I mean, see us and RECOGNISE us!

Who's gonna recognise you in that outfit?

How do, Cleggy.

I'm not wearing this beard! Look at it, it's down to me knees.

I look a right twit with bearded knees!

Ye Gods! Are they doing everything in triplicate now!?

Now, Ivy, have you any glue?

We've got soup, we've got meat and three veg

and we've got Christmas pudding.

We don't get all that much demand for glue.

For sticking things!

There must be an answer to that somewhere!

See you later. - Aye, about 6.

WHOO! Get away!

Ah, thank you. - And watch where you're putting it.

When did you last shave!? You feel like a hedgehog!

I feel like a right pillock!

A prickely pillock! You've discovered a new form of wildlife.

Little prickly pillocks gambolling in the hedgerows.

Stop moaning. It's for a good cause.

Look, can't we just collect the money? Do we have to dress up?

Well, it makes it official, doesn't it, if we're dressed?

There, that's better! - I still hate it!

The beard's fine. It's probably your face that you hate.

It's too long! Come on...

Hey! Here! Sit here!

Now what!?

Where did we go wrong? - With what?

With our Glenda.

I didn't know we had gone wrong with our Glenda.

Me neither. - She's a good lass,

is our Glenda. - I always thought so.

So what's the problem?

So why does she want a...

Waterbed!?

Other people have waterbe... Sshhh! Keep youre voice down!

Other people have waterbeds.

Not in OUR circle. Showbiz, maybe, and other dubious activities.

The lass just fancies a waterb...

Its not something she picked it up from me! - Well, don't look at ME!

Is it Barry? Has Barry talked her into it?

Barry couldn't talk himself into ANY bed, never mind a waterbe...

Keep your voice down!

Now, Clegg, you take the houses on this

side, and YOU take the houses on the other.

And don't take "no" for an answer.

Make sure they understand it's for the church.

Merry Christmas, ho-ho-ho. We're collecting...

Morning, missus. I'm collecting on behalf of the church...

..SOCIAL!

Did you see that!? Don't take "no" for an answer, he says.

You know, with a bit of luck,

I think we're seeing the

beginning of a Christmas Resistance Movement.

I'm all for it.

The sooner a few people start fighting back

against Christmas, the better it'll be.

I'll have the next one! I gave that one too much warning.

The secret is not to step out till the last moment.

That way you don't give them enough time to take evasive action.

What the blood and stomach pills...?!

♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas, ♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas, ♪

♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas, ♪

♪ And a Happy New Year. ♪

Thanks, - Don't bother, we're off-duty.

You should made that plain, before my customers left!

Disgusting! What happened to the Xmas spirit?

Awell, It's us "CRUM'S."

"CRUM'S?" Christmas Resistance Underground Movement.

I've been a CRUM for years. Never realized it!

But, this morning has cheered me up. It seems there

are a lot of us CRUMS about. - It's disgusting!

Landlord, three pints!

I'm going to buy a drink for this here CRUM.

We're just a small, disorganised, peaceable mob,

dedicated to pulling Christmas back down to size, to

preserving an air of misery amidst all this good cheer.

Come back, Scrooge, all is forgiven.

We got to abt to be more forceful. They'll not run me downthis time.

I know just the place to catch them...

Are you taking notes? Sheer genius!

What's up with him!? - Don't ask!

What IS it?

It's a waterbed.

I'm glad you lot came along, we can do

with a hand, getting it off the pick-up!

It's a bit limp for a waterbed. - Well, it's not fully filled, is it.

If we filled it fully, we couldn't carry it.

We just put a bit of water in to test it.

I... I... Isn't it a funny shape?

I... I mean, I only ask that because,

well, it seems such a funny shape.

Its near enough when you get some bed clothes on it.

It looks a bit home-made.

It IS home-made. I made it.

What do you mean, "Ah"!?

I had to get one home-made. You can't afford a PROPER waterbed.

Anyway, I daren't walk into a shop and ask for a waterbed.

People look at you very funny if you mention waterbeds.

That's understandable.

Just a minute...

If it's for Glenda, what's it doing in Ackroyd's workroom?

There ain't room in 't garage! Me car's in there, in this weather!

Anyway, it's a surprise.

She doesn't know she's getting one.

Its gotta stay here untill we can

sneak it in the house sometime when she's out.

And we'll need you lot to give us a lift again.

Its pathetic, It's absolutely shameful going back with

as little as this! We could share it out.

I never heard such...

Did you see that!? Some fool dressed as Father Christmas!

No wonder we're getting no money!

There's some unauthorised Father Christmas

tossing about the town, beating us to it!

We've got to stop him! - How? Well, we have to catch him.

I'm not running around chasing Father

Christmas's dressed Father Christmas!

It'll look as if Walt Disney is in town!

Very well. We'll get rid of these costumes and then we'll catch him.

I'll have to go to a barber's!

You'll pull my face off! - Stop wriggling!

I feel like the back end of a wire-haired terrier!

At least that end doesn't bite.

You look surprisingly good. - You look... like Captain Birdseye.

Aha, me old hearty, have a go at this...

Oh, fish fingers.

I'll get the solvent. - Oh, Good thinking, Clegg.

- What's solvent? Something you'll never be.

Now, we'll soon have these off.

Then we can catch the un-authorized Father Christmas.

- Here we are. People just don't realise

there's an imposter running around pretending to be Father Christmas.

Happens every election.

Listen, we can't rush all over town chasing a Father Christmas.

What we want is to go somewhere and ambush him.

Such as where?

Get that off and I'll show thee. - Right...

But how do you know he'll pass here? - What do you want? A guarantee?

Life's a gamble, Shorty.

That's one thing we do know about in the lower orders.

We could get "A" Levels in uncertainty. - Ah, thank you.

You're being very thoughtful today. How would you like to join us CRUM'S?

After Christmas.

Sorry...

Sorry... Where's the bar!?

Ah, there you are!

Shop!

Its over here!

I'll have a small half.

Will you you'll be able to find it if its such a small half?

And not too much froth on it!

Is this table taken, ladies? - Sit ye down, Eli! Oh, it's you, is it?

What's he looking out of that window for?

Father Christmas.

Ask a silly question!

There he is! Stop him!

Has he come!? Has he come!? Bit early, isn't it?

There you are, you see! He's up to no good! I knew it!

He's an un-authorized imposter!

Suppose we do catch him, do you think he might be violent?

In your experience, has Father Christmas been violent? - Oh, get on!

Have you no sense without your reindeers!? I'm damn glad we didn't meet up a chimney!

'Ey up, it's Nora batty, my true love! Has tha seen a Father Christmas?

He damn near bowled me over!

The lucky devil! I've been trying to do that for years!

I'm glad you got rid of them whiskers. You looked like a hole in a mohair jumper.

If tha's never snuggled up to a hole in a mohair

jumper, tha's neverlived! Give us a kiss!

Get off! - Oh, I do apologise!

We tried to give him away for Christmas. - And failed.

Excuse me. Have you seen Father Christmas? - Are you kidding?

You must be joking. Have I seen Father Christmas!?

You're a comedian! Do you finish with a song?

And then a trickey dance?

Have I seen Father Christmas!? Just look over there!

Ye Gods, it's a swarm!

There's probably a Queen Father Christmas underneath all that lot!

There he goes! - We can cut him off down Finkelstreet!

Got ya!

Let's have a look at thee!

Howard!

It's a lie! I bear only a superficial likeness to this "Howard", whoever he is!

Come off it, Howard!

I suppose, you're wondering what I'm doing

dressed up as Father Christmas.

You're going to tell us, Howard.

We've known eachother a long while,

Suppose I was to ask you, for old times' sake

not to pry into a person's private life?

We'd ofcourse consider such a request,

very carefully, and decide against it.

I appeal to you, Cleggy.

Not in that dress!

Get on with it Howard. You can tell me! I'm a responsible person.

I have shares in British Gas.

'Ey up! I hope its not thee that sends me these threatening red letters!

I thought that was your electric.

No, we've come to an arrangement, they cut me off.

What do you do for essential services?

I go to the off-licence, like anybody else!

Promise you won't laugh? - Oh, we won't laugh!

Well, you know about Santa's Grotto for the kids in town?

Well, guess who Santa is?

You promised you wouldn't laugh! - Oh, be reasonable, Howard!

There are limits!

Tha's not cut out to be a Santa Claus. Tha'd do better at funerals.

I'll be at one if Pearl finds out! Oh, it could be

an improvement. You don't get many kids at funerals.

It can put you right off kids, being Father Chrismass.

I'd sooner play with wasps.

So why did you volunteer, man?

It's the only way I get to see Marina over Christmas.

How come?

She's working temporeley in the grotto as well.

She's the Good Fairy.

Oh, Good grief!

Not a word to Pearl about this.

But how can she not know, with you out all day?

Where does she think you are all the time?

At me Auntie Wainwright's.

The poor old soul lives all alone.

She is terrified of burclars, She's got a little business

and she's had this premonition that she's

going to be broken into on Christmas Eve.

I'm wearing myself to a frazzle,

leaving between that grotto and auntie Wainwright's.

Have you told the police?

How can I tell the police, that some old woman had

a premonition that she's going to be broken into!?

Its not exactly evidence, is it?

Right, if you can't involve the police

then you need somebody with organising ability,

who can arrange the necessary precautions.

He calls this a business!?

What a load of rubbish!

Well, if all you're going to do is stand there and be tactful..

I mean, look at it! Who's gonna start nicking stuff like this!?

If they start nicking this, I shall have to start locking MY place up!

Anyway, it's stuff the old lady's probably had for years.

It's up to some responsible person to see she doesn't get ripped off.

It's a good job I've taken over! You can't leave it

to amateurs - not the defence of a dear old lady.

Don't nick anything!

You're on Candid Camera!

I know that voice!

She was the witch in "Snow White"!

Three friends of Howard, Auntie Wainwright.

He... he asked us to call.

Oh yes, he knows I'm not as fit as I used to be.

I've got a dicky ticker.

Oh, They told me in hospital it was indigestion,

but I'm not one for false optimism.

You won't catch me living in a fool's paradise!

Something for Christmas, is it?

I get a lot of fellas in this time of year.

They've got their major presents for their loved one,

then they come to me looking for something for 't wife.

Now, I've got just the thing for you lot!

Actually, we didn't come to BUY anything, madam.

No, missus, we're here on an errand of mercy. - I just happend to be going their way...

Come on in. Don't be shy. And bring your things with you.

Well, you paid good money for them. You can't leave them lying about.

Sit yourselfs down. I'll make some tea.

By heck, she's a fast mover for her age!

I wonder if she's got a licence to travel at that speed.

She's a demon saleswoman!

You just getting a bit exentric on her age,

you gotta be patient with her!

Never mind abou being patient! Can we afford her?

Time wasters! Could they have a look round?

Course you can have a look round, I told 'em.

But it's a different game when you charge them a shilling for it!

You'd think I'd asked for the earth!

I suppose you'd like a nice cup of tea? - Oh, aye! Please! Thank you.

That'll be 10p each.

You won't get it for that price anywhere else.

I'm a fool to meself.

Still, you are friends of Howard's and it is Christmas.

ONE teabag!? - Keep your voice down!

For FOUR cups of tea!? I hope she stirs it with a strong spoon!

Stirring's extra...!

How do you like it? - STRONG!

Oh, not good for you, strong tea.

I'll be safe enough round 'ere.

It's a slow poison in large quantities. I bet that's slow round 'ere, an'all!

It's a known medical fact. Mind you, they tell me

I've got indigestion, but I know it's a dicky ticker.

It doesn't look very strong... I think I put too much milk in.

Does anyone want sugar? - I wouldn't mind! Ooh, it's always the same,

you see someone dressed like a tramp and it's a

pound to a penny they live in reckless luxury!

Reckless, aye. Luxury, I'm not so sure about!

I wonder what she's gonna charge for this!

Depends how much you have.

Ask her if she was in "Snow White".

What was that!?

Eh... the tea, Auntie Wainwright, is snow-white.

As we said, we're here on an errand of mercy,

to protect you over the Christmas period.

Oh... well... That's nice. Yes...

One good turn deserves another... You can help me with the blind.

We're going to have a collection now!

No, no, no, the SHOP blind. I want to get the blind up,

but it's stuck. But that's TWO good turns...!

Like I said, one good turn deserves another.

I should have warned you, I'm not good at heights.

You DID warn us, at least 20 times!

I didn't think you were listening, on account I'm still on this chair!

Is everyone pushing properly?

We are at this end. - All together now, when I give the word..

Push!!!

Don't worry. All we have to do... is I'll pull and you push.

One, two, GO!

Look what you've done! You've hidden all me display space!

It's just come down a little too far, thats all.

It's no good! You're not framing properly!

I had it a minute ago!

You had it wrapped round you a minute ago! Thats where you had it!

You looked like Seymour of Arabia!

You're not doing any good down 'ere.

It should be perfectley possible from here.

How high is it...? It's not high at all.

Can anyone remember, are hospitals open over the Christmas period?

Not so fast, NOT SO FAST!

Clegg, you better go downstairs and start feeding the blind up from below.

I tell you what, I'll go down

and start feeding the blind up from below.

Right! Ready? Arrghh...!

ARRGGHH! GET ME BACK IN! - Not yet.

Can you grab the blind?

NO! - Well, you'll be able to when Clegg

pushes it up a bit. - Oh, har-bloody-har.

Rush, rush! Everyone's always in such a hurry!

Here, I found this. Is it any use?

I can't afford it... I can't afford it!

It's not for sale! It's for pulling the blind in and out!

Get on with it! Ah... Come on, then!

Higher, now... Come on, higher!

Norman, will you...

Get me out!

You great dozy buttock! You'd better

go inside, Auntie Wainwright...

Do you want your bottle?

What are we going to get for me Mam?

Are none of these for your Mam?

No, you don't listen, Barry!

These are for me Dad,

your Uncle Edward, your Auntie Sylvia, her next door,Gabriel, and the milkman.

How long have you been buying presents for the milkman!?

He never misses a morning. - It's not just for you!

He does the whole street!

He deserves a Christmas present. Its the least we can do!

Or I never shall never be able to rest

when I hear his bottles rattling on a cold

wet morning when I'm still warm in bed.

Just don't tell anybody, thats all.

Tell anybody what!?

That you've been buying Christmas presents for the milkman.

I wasn't going to tell anybody, but why shouldn't I?

People make jokes about housewives and milkmen.

Oh, Barry!

They are not going to believe its just becouse you can't

bear to hear his bottles rattling on a wet morning.

Will you get on!?

Can I ask YOU something? - What is it?

Well, I've been wondering lately...

Aren't we buying a terrible lot of cream?

Oh, Barry!

Oh, yes! That'll be MY Christmas wish, too!

Oh, dear, oh, dear.

Have a chair.

How much is it?

Sit down a minute. I'll make some tea.

Did you get the blind back?

Aye, we've got the blind back and they've twisted MY back!

Are you sure its safe? - Oh yes, its safe, it's perfectly safe.

- How long's he been Father Christmas? You'de better ask the Good Fairy.

My, they've got some nerve!

How long has he been Father Christmas?

Who is SHE? Our Milburn's girlfriend.

It's to be hoped her colours never run!

Well, at least I always know where he's been.

How long is who been Father Christmas?

You will ask if there is something

you want to know, won't you Fran?

I do like to take an intelligent interest in conversations.

"Intelligent"!? - She's as daft as our Milburn.

I bet Howard's hoping nobody recognises him as Father Christmas.

Especially Pearl!

Howard WHO?

The one who's married to Pearl, if you must know.

Oh, that one! - It's to be hoped there's not another one!

He used to be a famous soldier.

He used to tell my Crusher war stories

and then Crush used to tell me how Howard captured Burma.

I think he had some help.

He never said anything to me about help!

No, he wouldn't!

'Ey up, it MUST be Christmas! It's Nora, under the mistletoe!

Get away! Don't start!

Just 'cos you shaved off your whiskers, you're still not Julio Iglesias!

I wouldn't mind living next door to Julio Iglesias.

♪ Orghgh, whe-e-en THEY beegeeen At the beGINNN-i-i-ing... ♪

Get away! There IS no mistletoe! - Wanna bet?

Get him away! Behave yourself!

SIT DOWN!

See, Norm? Takes TWO of them now to keep me in order.

Lucky you. You'll soon have as many as Julio Double-Glazing.

Hello, Mr Utterthwaite. - Good day to you, young lady!

Crusher says you're a war hero, as well, Mr Utterthwaite.

He was telling me how you shot down 17 German fighters.

My war-time mascot... Came with me on 127 missions...

Three teas, please, Ivy.

Who is she!?

♪ Good King Wenceslas looked out♪

♪ On the Feast of Stephen,♪

♪ When the snow lay round about,♪

♪ Deep and crisp and even.♪

♪ Brightly shone the moon that night,♪

♪ Though the frost was cru-el,♪

♪ When a poor man came in sight,♪

♪ Gath'ring winter fue-ue-el. ♪♪

It's funny, isn't it...

All this time and still sometimes, I leave that door open,

I keep expecting him to walk in, like he always used to...

every Christmas... daft as a brush, semi-plastered.

I know... It's having all that bed to yourself that gets me!

I'll say this for my Wally he never took up much room.

It was like having a bed to yourself.

Mine used to spread himself all over the bed.

Every night used to be like being trapped in the January sales.

You never realise how much you're gonna mis things.

I know. I just hope, wherever he is, he's being carefull about airing his vest.

Who's that? - Some fat bloke...

Oh, it's you, you dozy penn-orth!

What are you doing as a fat man!? - Good grief!

Is it fancy dress? It's not one I fancy!

Well, they said to get well wrapped up. We're on burglar

patrol tonight for Howard's Auntie Wainwright.

Poor ol' lass is on her own. - At Christmas!?

So, I wondered, if you would pop over in a couple of hours and mend me fire?

- Shall YOU be in? No. - Then I will.

Tha's nice and cozy in here. - Why not? It's Christmas Eve.

Some folk get all the luck.

Hey, listen Nora, before I go out to make the streets safe for old ladies,

give us a kiss...

With you around, they'll never be safe!

He gets no better!

It's Christmas Eve. You should have given him a kiss.

You know where that leads to! - In that lot!?

It's the safest opportunity you'll ever get!

By the time he can fight his way out of that lot,

it'd be spring!

Thats when he does his worse.

I have to keep everything locked when it's spring!

Come in.

Don't just stand there! Come in!

If tha'd get out the way, we could get in!

I could stay outside if you like,

I could go home and come back another day...

Come on! Oh, dear...!

Take something off! You'll boil! - Aye, it is a bit warm.

Whatever you do, don't melt in your wellies!

I'd hate to see you as just a puddle in your wellies.

No, no! - Now, Clegg...

Who is it? - It's just my two chaps and 33 jackets.

Oh...! We're going to need a bigger table.

Can you fetch that table there? - Oh, right. Come on, fellas.

You'd better give these to me, otherwise you'd sell them!

You see, I thought it would be nice to get the big table in,

and then we could all sit down to our Christmas supper.

Christmas supper! I like it, I like it!

But can you afford it?

There'll be no charge for Christmas. I'm not a heathen.

Now, I've been busy putting up the decorations.

Ah... Ah, a sprig of holly!

Y-e-s... With more than one spike!

Tinsel! - She's thought of everything!

It's all nicely understated.

Come on, the table... - Yes, come on.

And don't scratch me paint!

Hoi!

Where do you think you're going!?

To help Barry delivering our Glenda's present,

she's around at Vera's.

We will be able to sneak it in the house before she gets back.

- In broad daylight!? It's pitch dark, woman!

Not outside their house, it isn't!

I can't help that! I can't black out black out the whole town

just to deliver our Brenda's present!

Well, you'll have to cover it up, then.

I don't want the neighbourhood to know what she's getting for Christmas.

Where is it now? - At Ackroyd's workroom. Then get it covered up.

If you meet anybody, tell them it's for insulating the roof.

- It's only a waterbed! Keep your voice down!

It's the vicar! - Why should it be the vicar? Somebody's told

him that our Glenda is getting a water...!

Pearl! Come in.

Somebody told him your Glenda's getting a what?

A water... ..bottle.

A water bottle!? - Yes. For Christmas?

She's always wanted a water bottle. - Somebody's lashing out.

Oh, well, it isn't the cost. You know, it's the feeling...

They've only been married two years. They shouldn't be ready for a water bottle.

There's worse things than water bottles. I know,

with a husband like mine, you learn to appreciate a water bottle!

listen, I'm off!

Mind how you go, Wesley.

And, don't go down any streets where people know you!

He could give us a lift to Nora Batty's. We'll walk!

Gonna be a right Christmas Eve! - Stop complaining, it hasn't started yet.

Christmas will be over, before it started.

Personaly I am looking forward to January 12th.

You wanna now why?

Because January 12th seems such a long way from next Christmas.

Thats it, make yourselves comfortable.

In a minute, we'll have a nice game of Ludo.

I think I'll take a look outside.

It needs someone who can move like a cat in the dark.

He's going up a tree, Norm.

Perhaps he's gonna rub himself against people's trousers leg.

If you hear 3 blasts on my whistle, come running.

Have you got youre whistle?

Of course I...

Auntie Wainwright, Have you seen my whistle?

Oh, never mind your whistle. I know what we do.

Now, my mother always used to offer us a

glass before the start of Christmas Eve.

So, It became a costum, I see no reason not to

continue it. Shan't be a minute.

Things are looking up!

'Ey up, these are a bit small! I hope there'll be seconds!

These are not for swilling from! These are liqueur glasses,

meant to be sipped...

I hope it's not parsnip wine. I once got really depressed on parsnip wine.

Not only was it a family custom, but they do say it does you good.

Don't do yourself too much good!

To all of us, a Merry Christmas!

Yeugh, what the hell was THAT!!?

..Castor oil.

Me mother alway used to give us Castor oil to ensure a healthy start to Christmas.

A word of advice, if tha hears three blasts on a whistle

after this lot, I should shift!

What have they come here for? It's not a very Christmassy sort of place.

Wait till you see Auntie Wainwright!

Round the back!

There's someone out there! DON'T PANIC! DON'T P-PANIC...

The only one panicking is thee! Can I plead for those who

like to panic? Were all going to be murdered in our beds!

We're not IN our chuffin' beds!

I have a plan!

- You haven't even got a whistle! Just leave this to me!

That boy, I want you to saunter outside,

whistling, as though you haven't got a care in the world.

When they jump on you, we'll get 'em!

Stuff that! Let 'em jump on THEE!

That's not very co-operative! - Well, thee go and do it!

There's no point in making percipituouss moves.

I mean, Let... let's talk about it...

What was that!? - Someone knocking at the door.

They try to bluff theyre way in, if they get

in, that's it, we've had it! They'll be in!

Yes, But what if it's customers? - At this time of night!?

Well, it is Christmas, Perhaps

someone wants a last-minute present.

All right, thee answer the door.

And, in the meantime... we will protect thee!

What a time to be leaping on people! Christmas eve!

Well, if you will creep about like thieves in the night.

There's no place dark enough when you're mixed up with a waterbed!

Did we ought to leave Auntie alone? - Yes! We did. I'm up to here with Ludo!

And leaping on people, I'm never going to get the hang of leaping on people.

Somebody seem doing pretty well.

Naturally. Come on, let's give

Wesley a hand with this damn thing,

then get back here as quick as we can.

I've got a better idea, why don't we

give Wesley a hand with this damn thing,

then get back here as SLOW as we can?

How does it look, me, working for a

building society, involved with a waterbed!

Make room for a little 'un.

♪ WHEN WE SAY GOODBYE...♪

♪ Soon we... ♪

Don't swing it!

♪ We'll be sailing across the... ♪

Oh, God! What...?

What is it!? It's horrible!

Oh, it is...! It's ho-ho-horrible...!

It's a giant insect!

I-I-I-I-I bet it c-c-came in with a c-c-crate of b-b-bananas.

Is that what they do - carry crates of bananas?

I'll never eat another b-b-banana as long as I live!

Right, let's get this to Barry's house.

You'll have to get in the back.

What? - Good grieve, you've got a bed to sprawl about on!

Where's the hardship in that!?

I hope you don't think I'm being picky or anything,

but would you mind taking your shoes off?

I've had no end of trouble getting Glenda's waterbed.

I'd hate it if anyone put their foot through it now.

The lad's right. You don't go to bed with your boots on.

Right, last one's a sissy!

It isn't half parky on these Christmas pavements!

Oh, he's right!

What is it?

Looks like Morris dancers.

Shouldn't they have bells? That's lepers, isn't it?

I thought leopards had spots.

The little scruffy one looks as if he might have spots!

All right in the back?

All right, I'll go steady!

I'm never gonna go to sea in an open waterbed again!

Tha's in for some rough nights, Barry. - I dread it!

It's all in darkness. Oh, she's gone to bed.

I'll make out the duty roster. We'll take turns on sentry duty.

Oh, jolly rotten Christmas!

It's going to be a big night, tonight.

Oh, well, roll on January 12th.

Even Christmas should be over by January 12th.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

NORA BATTY!

Where's the mistletoe!? - Later...!

You heard that!

I don't know who's going to pay for all this, but you

can't expect a poor old woman to find the money for all this!

Merry Christmas, Auntie Wainwright!

I knitted this specially for you.

♪ Dee-dee-dee...!♪

♪ Oh... I... loved her in the spring-time, When the sun begins to shine.♪

♪ And I loved her in the summer When her undies are on the line.♪

♪ Oh, I loved her at Christmas, When the snowflakes start to fall.♪

♪ But last night, in the cowshed,♪

♪ I loved her best of all! ♪

♪ I loved her in the summer, When her undies are on the line... ♪

Kiss me properly, Howard.

I want to feel the earth move! I want to hear bells ring!

Well, I can't promise a real earth-shaking

bell-ringer in the time available...

TRY!!

Howard!

Well...? Aren't you going to tell

me what you got me for Christmas?

It's a surprise.

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