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1
00:00:43,590 --> 00:00:46,790
Does tha remember Rene Longstaffe?
2
00:00:48,250 --> 00:00:50,710
Only vaguely.
3
00:00:51,950 --> 00:00:54,029
Best way.
4
00:00:54,030 --> 00:00:59,510
Definitely the best way
of remembering Rene Longstaffe.
5
00:01:00,570 --> 00:01:03,309
Rene Longstaffe!
6
00:01:03,310 --> 00:01:05,929
Poor girl.
7
00:01:05,930 --> 00:01:08,949
And that was just her face.
8
00:01:08,950 --> 00:01:13,969
Didn't she have some affliction?
Yes, she did...
9
00:01:13,970 --> 00:01:17,510
but he ran away with a barmaid.
10
00:01:22,170 --> 00:01:25,170
I've always fancied that.
11
00:01:26,210 --> 00:01:28,230
What?
12
00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:31,750
Living tally with a barmaid.
13
00:01:33,350 --> 00:01:38,029
It's the nearest thing
to serious overdoing it
14
00:01:38,030 --> 00:01:41,109
a working bloke can get.
15
00:01:41,110 --> 00:01:47,129
Have you tried using both bars
of your electric fire lately?
16
00:01:47,130 --> 00:01:52,610
Working bloke?! Since when
have YOU been a working bloke?
17
00:01:53,730 --> 00:01:58,350
Oh... I'll admit to being idle.
18
00:01:59,430 --> 00:02:03,950
It's the next best thing
to being a teacher.
19
00:02:05,050 --> 00:02:09,449
Finish your story.
About Rene Longstaffe.
20
00:02:09,450 --> 00:02:12,389
Didn't she used to have a limp?
21
00:02:12,390 --> 00:02:14,949
Only in the leg.
22
00:02:14,950 --> 00:02:19,910
I see it's going to be a day
for intelligent conversation.
23
00:02:22,950 --> 00:02:25,910
I saw her in the bookies on Friday.
24
00:02:27,310 --> 00:02:29,330
Who?
25
00:02:30,510 --> 00:02:33,549
Rene... Thing!
26
00:02:33,550 --> 00:02:37,990
I'm sure we're all fascinated
to learn that
27
00:02:41,530 --> 00:02:45,589
Well...
I just thought I'd mention it.
28
00:02:45,590 --> 00:02:49,889
I mean I hadn't seen her
for some time.
29
00:02:49,890 --> 00:02:56,529
And I thought: "Hey up!
That's Rene Limp with the Thing!"
30
00:02:56,530 --> 00:03:01,089
Oi! Hey you lot!
What do you think's going on here?
31
00:03:01,090 --> 00:03:03,606
You can't sit on the grass here!
No lulling about!
32
00:03:03,630 --> 00:03:06,338
There's a sign that says,
"Keep off the grass",
33
00:03:06,362 --> 00:03:09,069
but someone's nicked it.
34
00:03:09,070 --> 00:03:13,650
We were killing time until visiting hours.
- You'd better kill it somewhere else.
35
00:03:13,650 --> 00:03:16,177
And you'll get piles, which can be very
36
00:03:16,201 --> 00:03:18,370
unpleasant for your medical attendence.
37
00:03:22,030 --> 00:03:25,010
If you hadn't looked so scruffy,
he'd never have bothered.
38
00:03:25,550 --> 00:03:28,959
They don't go around moving
middle class people in suits, you know.
39
00:03:28,983 --> 00:03:31,930
I'm no scruffier than normal.
40
00:03:31,930 --> 00:03:34,989
That's scruffy enough for anybody,
isn't it?
41
00:03:34,990 --> 00:03:36,945
You're on hospital premises.
42
00:03:36,969 --> 00:03:40,049
You think you could
make a BIT of an effort.
43
00:03:40,050 --> 00:03:45,089
Can I borrow your comb, Norm?
A bigger bit than that!
44
00:03:45,090 --> 00:03:49,171
I haven't carried a comb
since it was misunderstood
45
00:03:49,195 --> 00:03:52,949
by a large bloke on a
crowded wartime train.
46
00:03:52,950 --> 00:03:58,009
We'll find a gents somewhere
and get it tidied up a bit.
47
00:03:58,010 --> 00:04:00,572
He's going to tidy me up, Norm.
48
00:04:00,596 --> 00:04:05,069
Maybe it was an omen, seeing
Rene Thing with the Limp.
49
00:04:05,070 --> 00:04:07,507
Look how it's
changing your life.
50
00:04:07,531 --> 00:04:12,569
She can't pick horses, though.
She couldn't pick husbands either, was she.
51
00:04:12,570 --> 00:04:17,109
He must have had summat.
He married a barmaid.
52
00:04:17,110 --> 00:04:22,630
I bet that's a mixed blessing when
you've no buttons on your shirt.
53
00:04:40,270 --> 00:04:45,349
Can't I wait in the car?
No, you CAN'T wait in the car.
54
00:04:45,350 --> 00:04:49,297
It's your sister.
Surely you can visit your own sister.
55
00:04:49,321 --> 00:04:51,289
I never know what to say.
56
00:04:51,290 --> 00:04:56,609
It's just as well with your
mouth full of grapes. HER grapes.
57
00:04:56,610 --> 00:04:59,389
You've got to do something.
58
00:04:59,390 --> 00:05:04,929
And if you DO talk, it's all about
tappets and valves and big ends.
59
00:05:04,930 --> 00:05:10,169
People who are convalescing don't
want to hear about your big ends.
60
00:05:10,170 --> 00:05:12,909
Or even their own.
61
00:05:12,910 --> 00:05:17,909
I'll take an assortment
of your various blooms.
62
00:05:17,910 --> 00:05:21,049
Which ones would you like, madam?
63
00:05:21,050 --> 00:05:23,570
The fresh ones.
64
00:05:25,750 --> 00:05:31,429
Heyup, Wesley! What's tha doing here?
Its our lass, she has had her appendix out.
65
00:05:31,430 --> 00:05:33,413
What are you lot doing here?
66
00:05:33,437 --> 00:05:38,829
We're here visiting Clem Hemingway.
I wouldn't mind visiting Clem Hemingway!
67
00:05:38,830 --> 00:05:43,909
You're NOT visiting Clem Hemingway,
you're here visiting your sister.
68
00:05:43,910 --> 00:05:46,385
Now get on,
and alter your face.
69
00:05:46,409 --> 00:05:50,969
They look happier than that
when they arrive in Casualty.
70
00:05:50,970 --> 00:05:54,989
Give my regards to Clem, will you?
71
00:05:54,990 --> 00:05:58,870
Here's our Seymour!
- Edith.
72
00:06:00,910 --> 00:06:05,969
Did you see that?
He raises his hat even to family.
73
00:06:05,970 --> 00:06:10,530
He's always been highly gifted
in social graces, our Seymour.
74
00:06:10,530 --> 00:06:10,710
He's got a natural grasp on how
75
00:06:10,710 --> 00:06:13,610
to be a pillock I
know that much.
76
00:06:17,190 --> 00:06:19,249
Gerroff!
77
00:06:19,250 --> 00:06:24,289
Let's use a little originality
and get him something unexpected.
78
00:06:24,290 --> 00:06:25,130
If tha spends more than a quid,
79
00:06:25,130 --> 00:06:28,970
THAT'LL be unexpected.
- A pound?!
80
00:06:28,970 --> 00:06:34,509
Don't lose all sense of proportion!
It's the thought that counts.
81
00:06:34,510 --> 00:06:38,049
How much has it
got to count up to?
82
00:06:38,050 --> 00:06:42,309
I was thinking more
in the terms of... 50p.
83
00:06:42,310 --> 00:06:47,109
Ooh That'll cheer him up.
Fifty pence!
84
00:06:47,110 --> 00:06:52,189
There's no point in being silly.
Supposing he doesn't get better?
85
00:06:53,490 --> 00:06:55,330
Not much use
buying him something
86
00:06:55,330 --> 00:06:57,276
thats going to last, is it?
87
00:06:57,277 --> 00:07:01,148
That kind of thinking
will really gonna cheer him up!
88
00:07:01,172 --> 00:07:02,330
Where did you pickup your
89
00:07:02,330 --> 00:07:04,180
bedside manner from, Seymore?!
90
00:07:04,181 --> 00:07:07,161
His mam were in the SS.
91
00:07:12,870 --> 00:07:14,928
Ah! You can see
where he's in for.
92
00:07:14,952 --> 00:07:18,079
They've been fitting
him with an indoor aerial.
93
00:07:27,979 --> 00:07:30,558
I hate hospitals!
94
00:07:30,559 --> 00:07:33,598
Everybody's inclined to whisper.
95
00:07:33,599 --> 00:07:38,638
HEY, MISSUS!
WE'RE LOOKING FOR CLEM HEMINGWAY!
96
00:07:38,639 --> 00:07:42,678
Well, nearly everybody.
Leave this to me.
97
00:07:42,679 --> 00:07:48,718
We're looking for Mr Hemingway.
- Oh... Ward 32.
98
00:07:48,719 --> 00:07:52,118
The first long face
past the screens.
99
00:07:52,119 --> 00:07:55,658
Tha's a fine, big lass, eh?
100
00:07:55,659 --> 00:07:59,759
He's in good hands,
I can see that!
101
00:08:00,839 --> 00:08:02,130
He could do with cheering up.
102
00:08:02,270 --> 00:08:05,110
He's never been
excessively bubbly, our Clem.
103
00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:09,689
He's one of Yorkshire's gifted pessimists.
- Why is that, you think?
104
00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:12,291
It's a touch of Viking blood.
105
00:08:12,315 --> 00:08:17,349
Some people play golf,
the Scandinavians tend to commit suicide.
106
00:08:17,350 --> 00:08:23,390
Mind you, sometimes golf
is not entirely unlike... suicide.
107
00:08:32,690 --> 00:08:35,709
Well! If it isn't Clem Hemingway!
108
00:08:35,710 --> 00:08:37,910
Oh, God!
109
00:08:38,970 --> 00:08:41,989
Is it visiting time again?
110
00:08:41,990 --> 00:08:44,370
I swear, If I ever
get well,
111
00:08:44,370 --> 00:08:46,946
I'll visit somebody and see
how THEY like it.
112
00:08:48,590 --> 00:08:52,910
Sit down and behave yourself!
How are you, Clem?
113
00:08:53,190 --> 00:08:58,169
Well, I'm great, aren't I.
That's why I'm stuck in frikking hospital.
114
00:08:58,170 --> 00:09:00,690
He's a misery-guts!
115
00:09:01,710 --> 00:09:05,729
I do what I can,
but me heart's not in it.
116
00:09:05,730 --> 00:09:08,190
Don't fight it, Clem.
117
00:09:08,190 --> 00:09:12,795
I mean, maybe dying
will suit your personality.
118
00:09:17,750 --> 00:09:19,609
He don't look well.
119
00:09:19,950 --> 00:09:23,170
Will you be QUIET!
Talk about MY bedside manner!
120
00:09:23,170 --> 00:09:27,789
I don't feel very well.
I think I'm past caring.
121
00:09:28,330 --> 00:09:30,930
Tha's right, Seymore.
50p is top whack.
122
00:09:33,630 --> 00:09:35,388
What's he talking about?
123
00:09:35,412 --> 00:09:39,529
Pay no attention. So, Clem,
how are they treating you?
124
00:09:39,530 --> 00:09:42,989
About 4 times a fizzing day!
125
00:09:42,990 --> 00:09:45,929
Well, I mean, are you allright?
Is there anything you need?
126
00:09:45,930 --> 00:09:52,529
I miss me little dog. I never went
anywhere without that little dog.
127
00:09:52,530 --> 00:09:57,449
It's another misery-guts.
It snaps at everything!
128
00:09:57,450 --> 00:10:00,009
I love that little dog.
129
00:10:00,010 --> 00:10:05,169
She's all teeth. Where her mouth
ends, her tail seems to begin.
130
00:10:05,170 --> 00:10:08,369
She's always chewing bits of postmen.
131
00:10:08,370 --> 00:10:12,090
Ah. Well, well, well. Ha ha ha.
132
00:10:14,910 --> 00:10:17,029
Oh, yes!
133
00:10:17,030 --> 00:10:21,629
We've brought you something.
- Nay, you shouldn't.
134
00:10:21,630 --> 00:10:27,149
You'll probably think so when you open it.
- Well, it's not much.
135
00:10:27,150 --> 00:10:30,010
That's true.
136
00:10:35,050 --> 00:10:37,010
A key-ring.
137
00:10:38,630 --> 00:10:44,329
It is... it's a plastic key-ring.
Well, fancy.
138
00:10:44,330 --> 00:10:46,889
Any fool can buy grapes.
139
00:10:46,890 --> 00:10:51,129
Well, fancy that.
Me own key-ring.
140
00:10:51,130 --> 00:10:58,209
Fair makes me wish I'd brought some keys.
- You'll like it when you get home.
141
00:10:58,210 --> 00:11:02,970
Something to look forward to.
- Very useful, a key-ring.
142
00:11:04,030 --> 00:11:07,289
Listen... Listen, fellas...
143
00:11:07,290 --> 00:11:09,605
I want you to promise me...
144
00:11:09,629 --> 00:11:14,789
If anything happens, I want
you to look after me little dog.
145
00:11:14,790 --> 00:11:16,570
Aw, give over, Clem!
146
00:11:17,230 --> 00:11:20,930
Oh, don't be silly, man,
you'll be home in no time!
147
00:11:21,650 --> 00:11:24,032
..Twirling your key-ring.
148
00:11:24,033 --> 00:11:26,972
Come on Clem, I mean,
you only came in here with a hernia.
149
00:11:26,973 --> 00:11:30,773
I'd got really used to that hernia.
150
00:11:51,379 --> 00:11:53,979
Well, as I was saying...
151
00:11:56,659 --> 00:12:00,559
W-what is it, lad?
Sssh! Not so loud!
152
00:12:01,139 --> 00:12:04,878
I've been watching them ladies.
153
00:12:04,599 --> 00:12:10,099
I think they're talking about YOU.
- Well, I KNOW that!
154
00:12:10,099 --> 00:12:13,867
If Pearl's there, they're
always talking about me.
155
00:12:13,891 --> 00:12:17,658
As long as it's just
suspicions, I'm all right.
156
00:12:17,659 --> 00:12:22,738
As long as they don't come up
with any... evidence.
157
00:12:23,279 --> 00:12:26,879
If you hang on,
I'll work me way over
158
00:12:26,879 --> 00:12:28,099
and find out what
they're saying.
159
00:12:28,099 --> 00:12:30,369
Oh, no! Don't stir it up!
160
00:12:34,799 --> 00:12:38,858
What do you think the attraction is?
161
00:12:38,859 --> 00:12:41,335
What makes him chase after Marina?
162
00:12:41,359 --> 00:12:45,878
God knows. I've spent
nights trying to work it out.
163
00:12:45,879 --> 00:12:50,938
I could understand it if she didn't
look like Clacket's bus.
164
00:12:50,939 --> 00:12:53,115
I can never tell what attracts a man.
165
00:12:53,139 --> 00:12:57,678
There's a Mr Nicholson in our
office likes silver nail polish.
166
00:12:57,679 --> 00:13:00,958
Well, it makes a change
from coffee.
167
00:13:00,959 --> 00:13:02,833
Mostly it's perfume.
168
00:13:02,857 --> 00:13:07,278
Some of these modern
perfumes want locking up.
169
00:13:07,279 --> 00:13:09,779
They're not safe in the bottle!
170
00:13:10,839 --> 00:13:12,819
What does Marina wear?
171
00:13:12,819 --> 00:13:17,338
Not a lot. Especially around
that damn great bosom!
172
00:13:18,259 --> 00:13:21,439
No! I mean what perfume
does she wear?
173
00:13:21,439 --> 00:13:25,555
Summat called Man-Eater, I expect.
I don't know!
174
00:13:25,579 --> 00:13:27,938
Don't you smell it on him
when he's been with her?
175
00:13:27,939 --> 00:13:32,039
When he comes creeping home,
he takes one look at me,
176
00:13:32,039 --> 00:13:34,199
and the only thing you can smell on him
177
00:13:34,179 --> 00:13:37,439
is sheer - naked - FEAR!
178
00:13:41,899 --> 00:13:45,458
I always think that's wise.
179
00:13:45,459 --> 00:13:50,958
It's often a wife's best friend
is sheer, naked fear.
180
00:13:50,959 --> 00:13:53,259
He keeps going astray though, doesn't he.
181
00:13:53,419 --> 00:13:57,159
Oh, I wouldn't say astray.
Not REALLY astray.
182
00:13:57,879 --> 00:14:00,999
I think he sort of just tiptoes
around the edges.
183
00:14:01,658 --> 00:14:02,639
You could be right.
184
00:14:02,639 --> 00:14:07,113
They were seen tiptoeing behind the hedges
near Muscroft's Farm.
185
00:14:08,439 --> 00:14:09,999
Oh, Muscroft's Farm, yes...
186
00:14:10,679 --> 00:14:15,779
It's alright. They're talking
about somebody at Muscroft's Farm.
187
00:14:18,419 --> 00:14:23,458
I know all about Muscroft's Farm.
He fell into some nettles.
188
00:14:23,459 --> 00:14:26,077
I say this much for
him, as a lover he's the
189
00:14:26,101 --> 00:14:28,718
kind of twit who'll
always fall into nettles.
190
00:14:28,719 --> 00:14:31,517
You sure that's all he fell into?
191
00:14:31,541 --> 00:14:35,919
I'm positive. I saw exactly
WHERE he was nettled.
192
00:14:37,979 --> 00:14:40,498
What the devil are you doing, Barry?
193
00:14:40,499 --> 00:14:46,039
Never you mind. Just don't let me
catch you wearing silver nail polish.
194
00:14:55,619 --> 00:14:57,978
Face like that.
195
00:14:57,979 --> 00:15:01,018
It's not as if he's religious.
196
00:15:01,019 --> 00:15:04,118
I've never seen him more depressed.
197
00:15:04,119 --> 00:15:09,178
Clem Hemingway? He's never been
any different has old Clem.
198
00:15:09,179 --> 00:15:12,647
Not THAT bad, surely?
No, we ought to do something.
199
00:15:12,671 --> 00:15:16,138
Not another key-ring?
200
00:15:16,139 --> 00:15:21,298
See if we can raise a smile.
- Has thou ever seen him smile?
201
00:15:21,299 --> 00:15:26,658
Maybe that's why he's in hospital,
having a smile transplant.
202
00:15:26,659 --> 00:15:31,258
It's not good being in hospital,
being depressed.
203
00:15:31,259 --> 00:15:35,758
He's great at it, he's realy great
at being depressed, is old Clem!
204
00:15:35,759 --> 00:15:38,475
I don't like to see
any human being lying
205
00:15:38,499 --> 00:15:41,078
on a sick bed in
that frame of mind.
206
00:15:41,079 --> 00:15:43,618
Sorry, but we're going
to have to do something.
207
00:15:43,619 --> 00:15:46,678
I mean, the man needs cheering up.
208
00:15:46,679 --> 00:15:51,818
I shall put my mind to it.
There must be a solution somewhere.
209
00:15:51,819 --> 00:15:57,358
All he wants is his dog. That's the
only thing that'll cheer him up.
210
00:15:57,359 --> 00:16:03,398
I've got it! His little dog!
They don't allow dogs in hospital,
211
00:16:03,399 --> 00:16:07,440
but we could show it to
him through the window.
212
00:16:07,464 --> 00:16:10,359
Oh, I knew there was a solution!
213
00:16:15,679 --> 00:16:19,158
Well? How did you find him?
214
00:16:19,159 --> 00:16:22,978
Oh, we just walked into Ward 32...
215
00:16:22,979 --> 00:16:26,259
..and there he was!
216
00:16:27,339 --> 00:16:32,738
You always were a prat,
even at school. That's true!
217
00:16:32,739 --> 00:16:36,658
He seemed a trifle... Miserable.
218
00:16:36,659 --> 00:16:41,738
I was going to say depressed.
Miserable is closer.
219
00:16:41,739 --> 00:16:45,837
He's just missing his little dog.
- Not his wife, you notice.
220
00:16:45,861 --> 00:16:48,258
Oh, I'm sure that's not true.
221
00:16:48,259 --> 00:16:53,458
What do you think, Norman Clegg?
Does he miss me or doesn't he?
222
00:16:53,459 --> 00:16:58,718
It's no use asking me. I was
always a prat at school as well.
223
00:16:58,719 --> 00:17:02,477
I think I may have come
up with a solution.
224
00:17:02,501 --> 00:17:06,258
For curing prats?
There'll be a big demand for it.
225
00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:11,679
What I had in mind was a medicinal
glimpse of his little dog.
226
00:17:21,739 --> 00:17:26,712
His dog's in there.
Take her if you think it'll do any good.
227
00:17:26,736 --> 00:17:29,259
She'll enjoy the walk anyway.
228
00:17:43,039 --> 00:17:47,162
The great lily! I told thee
she's temperamental!
229
00:17:47,186 --> 00:17:50,078
You've got to handle her gently.
230
00:17:50,079 --> 00:17:54,098
Now, watch this.
This is the way to do it.
231
00:17:54,099 --> 00:17:59,138
Alright, don't worry.
It's only me. It's alright...
232
00:18:01,739 --> 00:18:06,408
You made an impression there, didn't you?
- She's all teeth!
233
00:18:06,432 --> 00:18:08,879
Even her tail looks dangerous.
234
00:18:15,059 --> 00:18:17,818
What are you looking at me for?
235
00:18:17,819 --> 00:18:21,139
I know what you're looking at me for.
Well, you can forget it!
236
00:18:21,139 --> 00:18:23,999
Oh, come on, man,
She might be fine with you.
237
00:18:23,999 --> 00:18:25,540
She doesn't sound fine.
238
00:18:25,564 --> 00:18:28,899
Sometimes they take to certain people.
- Oh, yes, by the ankle.
239
00:18:28,899 --> 00:18:33,048
Try it, man! All you've
got to do is show your face.
240
00:18:33,072 --> 00:18:36,078
- Face?!
That's where me throat is!
241
00:18:36,079 --> 00:18:40,971
Are you sure she hasn't a
triangular fin on her back?
242
00:18:40,995 --> 00:18:43,559
Come on, Norm.
You'll be allright!
243
00:18:43,559 --> 00:18:46,135
I'm not listening to you.
You were a prat, even at school.
244
00:18:46,159 --> 00:18:51,079
If she doesn't like you, just come out.
- Oh, I will, I will!
245
00:19:08,639 --> 00:19:13,518
We'll give it a sedative.
Vets do it all the time.
246
00:19:13,519 --> 00:19:17,871
It calms them down,
then they become quite amenable.
247
00:19:17,895 --> 00:19:20,878
Where are we
gonna get a sedative?
248
00:19:20,879 --> 00:19:24,641
My niece lives around the corner.
We can try there!
249
00:19:24,665 --> 00:19:26,199
For a veterinary sedative?
250
00:19:26,199 --> 00:19:30,499
It doesn't have to be veterinary.
A human sedative will do perfectley well.
251
00:19:30,499 --> 00:19:32,847
We just give a smaller dose.
252
00:19:32,848 --> 00:19:37,867
Well, what I want to know is,
how do you give it a sedative
253
00:19:37,868 --> 00:19:41,947
so that you can...
try and give it a sedative?
254
00:19:41,948 --> 00:19:46,928
You disguise it with a bit of meat.
- Like tha finger
255
00:19:58,159 --> 00:20:01,519
I'm sorry, Uncle Seymour,
I don't think we have a sedative.
256
00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:06,718
Since I've been married
I don't seem to need a sedative.
257
00:20:06,719 --> 00:20:10,959
I don't think Barry's got a sedative.
- I don't think I've ever had a sedative.
258
00:20:10,959 --> 00:20:13,979
I don't think Barry will
ever need a seditive.
259
00:20:13,979 --> 00:20:17,162
If he calms down
any more, he'll mortify.
260
00:20:18,479 --> 00:20:20,976
I don't know if we
have anything similar.
261
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:24,439
I'll go and look in the bathroom cabinet.
- Thank you.
262
00:20:31,419 --> 00:20:34,278
I could make some tea.
263
00:20:34,279 --> 00:20:39,439
Great! - No-oo, thank you, Barry.
No-oo, thank you, Barry
264
00:20:46,939 --> 00:20:49,999
Why don't YOU say something?
Go across there and talk to him.
265
00:20:49,999 --> 00:20:51,440
Go on.
266
00:20:53,619 --> 00:20:55,658
Well, er...
267
00:20:55,779 --> 00:20:59,439
How's married life, Barry?
- What?!
268
00:20:59,439 --> 00:21:01,159
Oh, you needn't explain in detail.
269
00:21:01,159 --> 00:21:02,533
I was just making conversation.
270
00:21:02,557 --> 00:21:04,558
Tell him I wasnt prying.
- No, he wasn't prying.
271
00:21:04,559 --> 00:21:08,387
I-it's not that I mind
answering the question,
272
00:21:08,411 --> 00:21:12,238
it's just that I don't
know what the answer is.
273
00:21:12,239 --> 00:21:15,218
It's a big question,
is how is married life?!
274
00:21:16,539 --> 00:21:22,519
Well, most people say "horrible".
- Do you mind?! He's married to my niece!
275
00:21:22,519 --> 00:21:27,576
Oh, I wouldn't say it was horrible.
It's just... different.
276
00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:29,278
- From what, Barry?
277
00:21:29,279 --> 00:21:34,058
From when you were free...
I mean, care-free...
278
00:21:34,059 --> 00:21:38,938
I mean... single.
- Yes, it's a big responsibility.
279
00:21:38,939 --> 00:21:42,599
Look, I'm sorry I asked!
- I can hardly believe it happend.
280
00:21:42,599 --> 00:21:46,638
Really, I find meself stopping
in front of mirrors...
281
00:21:46,639 --> 00:21:49,856
I look at this bloke
in the mirror and I think,
282
00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:53,759
"That's you, you fool,
you're married!"
283
00:21:54,839 --> 00:21:57,658
And do you know
what's really weird?
284
00:21:57,682 --> 00:22:02,118
I haven't got the first idea
how it actually happened!
285
00:22:02,119 --> 00:22:07,138
It happened because I have to make
all the decisions for him.
286
00:22:07,139 --> 00:22:11,896
We've got these travel-sick pills.
They'll make you feel dozy.
287
00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:14,319
They'll be fine, dear.
Just the job!
288
00:22:14,319 --> 00:22:20,418
At least they made me feel dozy.
Barry went to sleep.
289
00:22:21,699 --> 00:22:28,038
What's so terrible about going to sleep?
We were on honeymoon!
290
00:22:28,039 --> 00:22:30,919
Well, goodnight, all.
291
00:22:35,599 --> 00:22:39,638
I told you we'd be back,
to cheer you up.
292
00:22:39,639 --> 00:22:41,119
Oh, yes, I thought maybe you meant
293
00:22:41,119 --> 00:22:44,127
next time I were in
hospital, or something.
294
00:22:44,128 --> 00:22:48,219
But, no. Surprise, surprise,
its visitors again already.
295
00:22:48,219 --> 00:22:51,699
Flatterer.
- This time we'll really cheer you up.
296
00:22:51,699 --> 00:22:55,399
We decided, what you want to do,
is take a walk to the window.
297
00:22:55,399 --> 00:22:58,578
Listen, I'm not that miserable.
298
00:22:58,579 --> 00:23:04,078
I don't mean to jump.
I mean just to look out.
299
00:23:04,079 --> 00:23:07,518
Your little dog.
We've brought your little dog.
300
00:23:07,519 --> 00:23:11,238
Bess?
You've brought my little Bess?
301
00:23:11,239 --> 00:23:14,605
Oh, he smiled! Look!
He almost smiled!
302
00:23:15,659 --> 00:23:20,589
Well, It doesn't suit him.
He looks like their Edward.
303
00:23:20,819 --> 00:23:24,099
How did she travel?
She doesn't normally travel very well.
304
00:23:24,099 --> 00:23:29,599
We gave her a travel pill, made her sleepy.
But she's been as good as gold.
305
00:23:31,679 --> 00:23:35,698
That were a lousy thing to say.
- What?
306
00:23:35,699 --> 00:23:38,559
Nobody looks like our Edward.
307
00:23:53,139 --> 00:23:58,398
Me little dog!
What's happened to me little dog?
308
00:23:58,399 --> 00:24:02,339
Well, it's just a bit
dog tired, Clem.
309
00:24:08,579 --> 00:24:11,705
Now don't panic, Clem!
She's perfectley alright!
310
00:24:11,729 --> 00:24:13,519
Does she look alright?!
311
00:24:13,719 --> 00:24:15,879
We'll PROVE she's alright.
312
00:24:15,879 --> 00:24:20,607
We'll smuggle her inside,
then you can see for yourself.
313
00:24:23,747 --> 00:24:25,786
Bess...
314
00:24:25,787 --> 00:24:27,707
Bess!
315
00:24:50,727 --> 00:24:53,766
I hardly know anybody
called Howard.
316
00:24:53,767 --> 00:24:59,487
You've been seen "hardly"
knowing him in too many places.
317
00:25:09,927 --> 00:25:12,639
Why me? Why is it always me?
318
00:25:12,639 --> 00:25:17,906
Because your clothes are suitable
for stuffing unconciouss dogs into.
319
00:25:17,907 --> 00:25:18,519
That's true.
320
00:25:18,519 --> 00:25:22,119
I should try and remember
which end is where.
321
00:25:22,899 --> 00:25:27,479
Pull your jacket round a bit...
Nobody's going to notice a thing!
322
00:25:27,479 --> 00:25:30,559
I notice it. I can feel its claws!
323
00:25:30,559 --> 00:25:33,618
Shift it round a bit...
324
00:25:33,619 --> 00:25:37,307
Its a funny feeling, Norm.
Having a dog up your jumper.
325
00:25:38,379 --> 00:25:40,279
Nonsense! It's only a small dog!
326
00:25:40,279 --> 00:25:45,618
If it goes any lower, I'd advise
you to take very small steps.
327
00:25:45,619 --> 00:25:50,378
It's a dead weight!
How much did you give it?
328
00:25:50,379 --> 00:25:55,038
Just a small pill.
You saw it was only a small pill.
329
00:25:55,039 --> 00:25:57,519
Now are you ready?
I wanna take it up to him.
330
00:25:57,519 --> 00:25:59,604
He's up there panicking.
331
00:25:59,604 --> 00:26:03,612
We've got to show him
that the dog is merely asleep.
332
00:26:03,636 --> 00:26:04,963
It's warm!
333
00:26:04,964 --> 00:26:07,464
Thank God for that!
334
00:26:31,524 --> 00:26:33,524
Quick!
335
00:26:37,524 --> 00:26:41,644
Careful! Watch it! Steady!
336
00:26:45,864 --> 00:26:48,923
Can you feel a heartbeat?
337
00:26:48,924 --> 00:26:53,403
Of course there's a heartbeat!
Her nose is dry.
338
00:26:53,404 --> 00:26:59,063
It was wet when she came in.
Watch it, 'cos she bites.
339
00:26:59,064 --> 00:27:05,004
Look! She's coming round!
Who's a clever girl, then?
340
00:27:08,864 --> 00:27:13,423
If that's natural childbirth,
you can keep it!
341
00:27:13,424 --> 00:27:17,483
It makes you glad
you never got married.
342
00:27:17,484 --> 00:27:19,419
Mind you, I wouldn't
have missed how
343
00:27:19,419 --> 00:27:22,877
close I've been on
numerous occasions.
344
00:27:26,619 --> 00:27:29,579
Listen, we'll have to get her out of
here before a nurse comes.
345
00:27:29,579 --> 00:27:34,519
It's been great seeing her, though.
Listen, fella's, thanks.
346
00:27:44,499 --> 00:27:47,879
He yelped at me!
You heard that! He yelped at me.
347
00:27:48,419 --> 00:27:52,479
Marvellous.
I never even saw his lips move.
348
00:27:52,529 --> 00:27:57,079
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