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1
00:00:41,079 --> 00:00:46,998
Morning, Howard. Is it, Cleggy?
Is this it? A good morning?
2
00:00:46,999 --> 00:00:49,918
What are the BAD ones like, then?
3
00:00:49,919 --> 00:00:53,838
You've been reading
glossy male magazines.
4
00:00:53,839 --> 00:00:56,918
Exposing your soul to discontent.
5
00:00:56,919 --> 00:01:02,078
There has to be more than this.
Where's the glossiness in our lives?
6
00:01:02,079 --> 00:01:06,499
There's a lot to be said at our age
for a plain, matt finish.
7
00:01:07,819 --> 00:01:13,939
"You're too young", they told me,
when I wanted to elope with that showgirl.
8
00:01:15,259 --> 00:01:17,398
You were only 16!
9
00:01:17,399 --> 00:01:20,818
Well, I was on holiday.
10
00:01:20,819 --> 00:01:23,138
She was 30 if she was a day!
11
00:01:23,139 --> 00:01:26,338
At sixteen I LOVED thirty.
12
00:01:26,339 --> 00:01:29,278
I was keen, idealistic.
13
00:01:29,279 --> 00:01:34,238
Ready to devote me life
to thirty-year-old showgirls.
14
00:01:34,239 --> 00:01:36,318
She was horrible!
15
00:01:36,319 --> 00:01:40,138
Even horrible 30-year-old showgirls.
16
00:01:40,139 --> 00:01:45,038
She had big feet.
She had fishnet tights!
17
00:01:45,039 --> 00:01:48,478
Fishnet...?
She had stockings with holes!
18
00:01:48,479 --> 00:01:55,678
I could've mended them. I'm good
with a needle. Pearl will tell you I'm good with a needle.
19
00:01:55,679 --> 00:01:58,199
And Windowgleam.
20
00:01:59,199 --> 00:02:02,098
I was going to be a playboy.
21
00:02:02,099 --> 00:02:07,178
I was all set to waste me life
at a frantic pace in Monte Carlo.
22
00:02:07,179 --> 00:02:12,198
And look at me. On me way
to me Advanced Housekeeping Badge!
23
00:02:12,199 --> 00:02:17,258
How is Pearl? Determined to get me
through me Advanced Housekeeping.
24
00:02:17,259 --> 00:02:24,458
This is a 3-speed gear, ready
to change at the slightest incline.
25
00:02:24,459 --> 00:02:27,038
That's what marriage is all about.
26
00:02:27,039 --> 00:02:30,278
You'd never have been happy
with that showgirl.
27
00:02:30,279 --> 00:02:34,019
You weren't ready for a woman who
played the mouth organ like that.
28
00:02:47,039 --> 00:02:51,718
The trouble with Howard is that
his adolescence has gone on so long,
29
00:02:51,719 --> 00:02:55,878
it's spilled over
into his mid-life crisis.
30
00:02:55,879 --> 00:03:01,538
Pearl's a steadying influence.
That's true. Give her her due.
31
00:03:01,539 --> 00:03:05,078
You take one look at Pearl
and you think,
32
00:03:05,079 --> 00:03:08,799
"By heck,
that's a steadying influence!"
33
00:03:09,699 --> 00:03:14,278
He made the wrong choice.
I've seen it time and time again.
34
00:03:14,279 --> 00:03:18,858
Marriage is not compatible
with the adventurous life.
35
00:03:18,859 --> 00:03:24,338
Round here it's often not compatible
with the unadventurous life.
36
00:03:24,339 --> 00:03:31,158
I soon realised that my commitment
to a life of adventure would require me to remain single.
37
00:03:31,159 --> 00:03:34,378
One must make these sacrifices.
38
00:03:34,379 --> 00:03:37,779
A life of adventure!? Thee!?
39
00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:41,058
The Way of the Warrior.
40
00:03:41,059 --> 00:03:45,098
You started as office boy
in that ladies' stocking factory!
41
00:03:45,099 --> 00:03:48,018
But a very commando-type
office boy!
42
00:03:48,019 --> 00:03:50,999
Was he hell! He was a right tulip.
43
00:03:52,519 --> 00:03:57,318
Yes, well, eh, it was a false step
career-wise. I admit it.
44
00:03:57,319 --> 00:04:01,478
But I hadn't then
found my vocation.
45
00:04:01,479 --> 00:04:06,478
I don't suppose Napoleon
got it right straightaway.
46
00:04:06,479 --> 00:04:11,358
Probably wasted his early years
in some dead-end job.
47
00:04:11,359 --> 00:04:15,978
Holding a ladder for somebody.
I like it!
48
00:04:15,979 --> 00:04:19,558
I had to kill time at the factory.
49
00:04:19,559 --> 00:04:23,238
There wasn't a decent war available
until 1939.
50
00:04:23,239 --> 00:04:27,338
You should have started one!
Napoleon did.
51
00:04:27,339 --> 00:04:32,138
Ah... not immediately.
He had to pass some exams first.
52
00:04:32,139 --> 00:04:39,078
Now you get terrorists cheerfully
killing people without a single O-level between them.
53
00:04:39,079 --> 00:04:42,819
It's wonderful how far we've spread
the benefits of education.
54
00:04:44,019 --> 00:04:46,498
Hey up, Norm. He's off again.
55
00:04:46,499 --> 00:04:49,138
I thought I saw something.
56
00:04:49,139 --> 00:04:50,838
I can't see owt.
57
00:04:50,839 --> 00:04:53,838
The difference being,
Little Tatty Person,
58
00:04:53,839 --> 00:04:56,878
that I have trained eyes.
59
00:04:56,879 --> 00:05:00,758
He's got trained eyes!
60
00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:03,558
Makes 'em do tricks!
Sit up and beg!
61
00:05:03,559 --> 00:05:06,338
Throw a stick.
See if they fetch it.
62
00:05:06,339 --> 00:05:11,118
You wouldn't scoff if your lives
had depended on sniper's vision.
63
00:05:11,119 --> 00:05:13,418
Sniper's vision!?
64
00:05:13,419 --> 00:05:16,438
You were a corporal signwriter!
65
00:05:16,439 --> 00:05:18,718
I applied for sniper.
66
00:05:18,719 --> 00:05:25,938
It wasn't my fault. After Dunkirk
there was a critical shortage of front-line signwriters.
67
00:05:25,939 --> 00:05:28,598
We were the unsung heroes.
68
00:05:28,599 --> 00:05:36,258
You should try writing words
like "ablutions" and "latrines" under heavy fire.
69
00:05:36,259 --> 00:05:41,559
I've seen men's curlicues and
serifs go completely to pieces.
70
00:06:00,179 --> 00:06:04,278
I hope you shut that gate.
Of course I shut that gate.
71
00:06:04,279 --> 00:06:07,178
I suppose you think that was funny.
72
00:06:07,179 --> 00:06:10,278
Funny? Whatever gave you that idea?
73
00:06:10,279 --> 00:06:14,218
It's a good job I have
the balance of a paratrooper.
74
00:06:14,219 --> 00:06:17,238
The balance of a paratrooper?
75
00:06:17,239 --> 00:06:19,799
Looked like falling off
a gate to me.
76
00:06:20,779 --> 00:06:25,799
I thought I saw something. It's not
for nothing I was called The Hawk.
77
00:06:26,519 --> 00:06:29,718
The HAWK! Oh, The Hawk.
78
00:06:35,179 --> 00:06:38,079
Hey! Mind my bike.
79
00:06:39,159 --> 00:06:40,838
Come here, you beggar!
80
00:06:40,839 --> 00:06:43,779
You see? It's Digby
chasing his donkey.
81
00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:48,998
If he gets angry with donkeys
I wonder why he keeps one.
82
00:06:48,999 --> 00:06:52,158
He's not chasing it
because he's angry.
83
00:06:52,159 --> 00:06:55,658
COME HERE!
Looks pretty angry to me.
84
00:06:55,659 --> 00:06:59,018
GET THE FINGER OUT, DIGBY!
85
00:06:59,019 --> 00:07:01,558
YOU'RE LOSING IT!
86
00:07:01,559 --> 00:07:04,438
Do you mind not yawping in my ear!
87
00:07:04,439 --> 00:07:10,438
Spare us that bit
at the back of your throat that goes yaketty, yaketty.
88
00:07:10,439 --> 00:07:14,338
Norm, have I got a bit
at the back of my throat
89
00:07:14,339 --> 00:07:16,979
that goes yaketty, yaketty?
90
00:07:18,359 --> 00:07:20,898
I can't see it from this end.
91
00:07:20,899 --> 00:07:25,399
You're certainly not looking
from the other. Amen to that!
92
00:07:25,939 --> 00:07:28,359
He's missed it again.
93
00:07:28,639 --> 00:07:34,718
The man has no idea. He moves with
all the grace of a ruptured camel.
94
00:07:34,719 --> 00:07:40,238
A trained man could creep up to it
unobserved. That's all very well.
95
00:07:40,239 --> 00:07:44,619
But the end what doesn't observe
is the end what does the booting.
96
00:07:47,439 --> 00:07:50,358
One must out-think these creatures.
97
00:07:50,359 --> 00:07:54,738
Suppose you lose.
Imagine the humiliation.
98
00:07:54,739 --> 00:07:57,158
The man needs help.
99
00:07:57,159 --> 00:08:01,778
Where are you going, that man!?
I'm not chasing any donkeys!
100
00:08:01,779 --> 00:08:04,259
Nora Batty, yes. But donkeys...
101
00:08:15,507 --> 00:08:21,006
Well, here's to Digby.
To Digby. Yes, here's to Digby.
102
00:08:21,007 --> 00:08:23,146
He has my sympathy, does Digby,
103
00:08:23,147 --> 00:08:26,566
but he can catch his own
flaming donkey.
104
00:08:26,567 --> 00:08:32,326
But he can't, and not to help him
is not very good-neighbourly.
105
00:08:32,327 --> 00:08:35,986
I've often thought about
Love Thy Neighbour.
106
00:08:35,987 --> 00:08:41,567
How many people would have
to move house before they could do it with real enthusiasm?
107
00:08:42,687 --> 00:08:46,706
I hate to see a chap
fumbling with a donkey.
108
00:08:46,707 --> 00:08:48,386
We should have helped him.
109
00:08:48,387 --> 00:08:51,206
He doesn't help me catch my ferret!
110
00:08:51,207 --> 00:08:52,867
How far do they go?
111
00:08:53,907 --> 00:08:56,606
Listen, they get into places
112
00:08:56,607 --> 00:09:00,767
where a bloke has to be careful
before he starts asking for help!
113
00:09:04,667 --> 00:09:07,687
A donkey's not likely
to get there, is it?
114
00:09:09,767 --> 00:09:11,407
Heaven forbid.
115
00:09:16,787 --> 00:09:19,066
I'll fight anybody for a quid.
116
00:09:19,067 --> 00:09:23,647
A quid!? That's too rich for us.
Try the Home Counties.
117
00:09:25,767 --> 00:09:27,666
Take yer business somewhere flash.
118
00:09:27,667 --> 00:09:30,726
You must have a quid. Have YOU?
119
00:09:30,727 --> 00:09:35,327
Well, no.
But I'm not gonna lose, am I?
120
00:09:35,407 --> 00:09:38,946
You're not going to lose?
121
00:09:38,947 --> 00:09:43,486
Look at it! Six stone wringing wet
and it's got all this rabbit.
122
00:09:43,487 --> 00:09:46,926
Don't you believe
in the power of advertising?
123
00:09:46,927 --> 00:09:50,206
What's your name? I'm not telling.
124
00:09:50,207 --> 00:09:56,386
You'll be claiming you're me! Living
off MY reputation. I like him.
125
00:09:56,387 --> 00:10:00,887
He's got this genuine quality
that you find with real idiots.
126
00:10:04,067 --> 00:10:08,787
Hey, hey, come here, come here.
Now listen, what's your name?
127
00:10:09,867 --> 00:10:11,626
It's Ormeroyd.
128
00:10:11,627 --> 00:10:13,706
ORMEROYD!?
129
00:10:13,707 --> 00:10:16,607
My Uncle Perce suffered
with them for years.
130
00:10:20,467 --> 00:10:25,106
Hey up, Digby. Did you catch it?
131
00:10:25,107 --> 00:10:31,706
Catch it? Catch it!? I couldn't even
reach the chuff by letter!
132
00:10:31,707 --> 00:10:35,986
He looks thirsty! What does he do
to get in that condition?
133
00:10:35,987 --> 00:10:37,427
He catches donkeys.
134
00:10:38,787 --> 00:10:43,167
Is there much call for that
round here? He's slowing up now.
135
00:10:46,847 --> 00:10:49,167
I'll fight anybody for a quid.
136
00:10:51,347 --> 00:10:54,827
Right. Right, you're on.
137
00:11:00,127 --> 00:11:03,026
Sit down, Digby.
You're in no condition.
138
00:11:03,027 --> 00:11:05,226
Remember - you never were.
139
00:11:05,227 --> 00:11:08,166
You're not a fighter. What!?
140
00:11:08,167 --> 00:11:13,746
Listen, you want to try chasing
a stupid donkey all morning.
141
00:11:13,747 --> 00:11:16,806
It'll turn thee into a fighter.
142
00:11:16,807 --> 00:11:19,626
I'll kill him!
143
00:11:19,627 --> 00:11:24,606
I'll kill any human being,
animal, duck, pigeon...!
144
00:11:24,607 --> 00:11:26,567
OUT!
145
00:11:31,047 --> 00:11:34,086
He's a bit touchy, isn't he?
146
00:11:34,087 --> 00:11:39,046
I'm sure I don't know what I said
to cause such offence!
147
00:11:39,047 --> 00:11:42,266
Tha's a dozy prat.
148
00:11:42,267 --> 00:11:46,126
You seem to be hampered in life by
a condition known as a big mouth.
149
00:11:46,127 --> 00:11:48,466
I've been all right up to now.
150
00:11:48,467 --> 00:11:53,826
Decent people are usually ashamed
to be violent to anybody my size.
151
00:11:53,827 --> 00:11:57,646
Digby's decent.
But today he's beside himself.
152
00:11:57,647 --> 00:11:59,046
That's nice!
153
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:03,712
I'm shure a settlement
wil be reached.
154
00:12:03,712 --> 00:12:06,499
Oh, no. I've got me pride, you know.
155
00:12:06,500 --> 00:12:08,940
I mean, how's it going to look?
156
00:12:08,940 --> 00:12:11,719
Famous pub-fighter flees from a man
157
00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:14,839
who can't even catch
a flaming donkey!
158
00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:17,259
You're not a famous pub-fighter!
159
00:12:17,260 --> 00:12:19,819
And I'm never going to be...
160
00:12:19,820 --> 00:12:22,700
until I get stuck in.
161
00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:33,360
The veneer's peeling off
my dressing table.
162
00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:38,120
Are you sure it's the veneer
and not a layer of dust?
163
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:44,599
It's the veneer.
Well, you're in trouble there.
164
00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:47,459
There's always summat.
165
00:12:47,460 --> 00:12:52,039
What I do
when I have a technical problem
166
00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:55,840
is sit down
and have a nice boiled egg.
167
00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:00,799
It's only one man's solution,
168
00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:03,599
but I offer it up
for what it's worth.
169
00:13:06,980 --> 00:13:08,799
How about that? He bust me lip.
170
00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:12,919
What about me nose?
He made me nose bleed.
171
00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:19,139
I'm not claiming this lip bled,
but I bet any money it'll swell.
172
00:13:19,140 --> 00:13:23,039
Imagine! Me first bleeding nose!
173
00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:26,219
Wait till I tell my missus
I've been banged on the lip!
174
00:13:26,220 --> 00:13:27,999
And by a famous pub-fighter.
175
00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:30,859
And made his nose bleed! Right!
176
00:13:30,860 --> 00:13:33,399
Here, have a drink.
177
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:36,260
I'll have a drink.
Right, come on.
178
00:13:42,020 --> 00:13:45,100
What will I do
about my dressing table?
179
00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:51,659
You could rub it down
with one of his boiled eggs.
180
00:13:51,660 --> 00:13:55,539
It's turning into a really good day
for idiots.
181
00:13:55,540 --> 00:13:58,820
Sometimes you can go for weeks
and never find one.
182
00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:04,159
Hark at them. Sounds as though
they were at each other's throats
183
00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:07,219
like a pair of raving butterflies!
184
00:14:07,220 --> 00:14:10,859
They won't need
my first-aid skills.
185
00:14:10,860 --> 00:14:14,360
No, but they may have to borrow
your make-up.
186
00:14:16,180 --> 00:14:22,079
Digby, there still remains
the problem of your donkey.
187
00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:23,620
Stuff the flaming donkey!
188
00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:26,720
You've got to catch it first.
189
00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:30,479
Forget it. Let it stay out there.
190
00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:34,959
All I wanted to do was take it
down to me barn. Make it comfy.
191
00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:37,439
Let the kids see a bit more of it.
192
00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:40,239
It's uncatchable, the flaming thing.
193
00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:45,299
Rubbish! Not for an organised team.
Not for a well-drilled threesome
194
00:14:45,300 --> 00:14:47,799
under the command
of a shrewd military brain.
195
00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:50,039
Sit down!
196
00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:51,240
I'll buy you a drink.
197
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:06,359
Once we get this
over its head, it's ours.
198
00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:09,479
Oh, goody!
Just what we always wanted -
199
00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:11,880
a donkey on a string!
200
00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:15,959
Yes, well, eh, right now, the plan.
201
00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:20,919
Oh, the plan! There's a plan!
Of course! There's always a plan.
202
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,859
Right. Well, stage one.
203
00:15:23,860 --> 00:15:28,939
Instead of going at it bald-headed
and scaring the terrified beast...
204
00:15:28,940 --> 00:15:33,899
Terrified!?
It doesn't even look nervous to me!
205
00:15:33,900 --> 00:15:37,039
We shall employ
the softly-softly technique.
206
00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:40,499
"The softly-softly technique!"
Mm...
207
00:15:40,500 --> 00:15:45,759
At this stage, your leader
will go into the field... alone.
208
00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:48,260
I like it already.
209
00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:54,079
I shall approach the beast slowly,
210
00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:59,079
making friendly noises designed to
win the confidence of the animal.
211
00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:07,020
You two remain here and
try not to make any sudden moves.
212
00:16:08,100 --> 00:16:10,360
Don't tell us, tell him.
213
00:16:11,660 --> 00:16:16,199
I suggest you two show yourselves
as little as possible.
214
00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:18,239
Get behind the wall.
215
00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:19,660
Whoah!
216
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:25,479
He'd have been unbearable
as Napoleon.
217
00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:27,659
A real pain in the prat.
218
00:16:27,660 --> 00:16:34,280
Getting behind walls is well within
the parameters of my outdoor accomplishments.
219
00:16:35,640 --> 00:16:37,600
Now remember -
220
00:16:37,700 --> 00:16:40,300
no sudden movements.
221
00:16:53,100 --> 00:16:56,439
What happened
to "no sudden movements"?
222
00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:01,840
Shut the gate! Shut the gate!
223
00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:05,319
He looked like Daley Thompson!
224
00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:07,799
More like the Daily Mail!
225
00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:10,339
Quietly! Quietly!
226
00:17:10,340 --> 00:17:14,239
Great plan, Foggy! Love stage one.
227
00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:16,719
Now just remain motionless
228
00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:21,440
while I try again to gain
the confidence of the beast.
229
00:17:25,540 --> 00:17:29,160
Here, boy. There's a good donkey.
230
00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:33,679
He's not a flaming budgie!
231
00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:38,799
Keep your voice down
and don't interfere!
232
00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:44,019
"Gain its confidence" ! The only
person I've confidence in is Digby,
233
00:17:44,020 --> 00:17:47,959
who had the good sense
to stay boozing at the pub
234
00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:50,799
with that other twit, Ormeroyd.
235
00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:55,640
I like Ormeroyd. I'm just
surprised he's lived this long.
236
00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:59,999
Steady, there.
237
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:01,640
Stand easy.
238
00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:06,979
Sneaky old Napoleon!
239
00:19:53,165 --> 00:19:57,725
Put the bags there.
Sit down. I'll get us a coffee.
240
00:19:58,805 --> 00:20:01,625
I want TEA.
241
00:20:03,085 --> 00:20:05,304
One coffee, one tea.
242
00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:07,564
They don't like shopping.
243
00:20:07,565 --> 00:20:09,804
Mine's the same.
244
00:20:09,805 --> 00:20:11,504
Where is yours, Pearl?
245
00:20:11,505 --> 00:20:14,044
I wish I knew!
That's what I'm trying to find out.
246
00:20:14,045 --> 00:20:17,164
I left him cleaning windows.
I turned me back and he's gone!
247
00:20:17,165 --> 00:20:21,024
At least you can
trust him with your windows.
248
00:20:21,025 --> 00:20:23,824
I wouldn't trust him with mine.
249
00:20:23,825 --> 00:20:28,945
He never gets in the corners.
I can't understand it.
250
00:20:29,105 --> 00:20:35,744
You look at the size of him and think
he'd be ideal for getting in corners!
251
00:20:35,745 --> 00:20:40,045
Was that one coffee and one tea?
252
00:20:41,665 --> 00:20:44,564
I told you! ONE COFFEE, ONE TEA!
253
00:20:44,565 --> 00:20:46,984
I was just checking.
254
00:20:46,985 --> 00:20:50,524
I can trust mine with windows.
255
00:20:50,525 --> 00:20:54,164
It's other women
I've got to watch out for.
256
00:20:54,165 --> 00:20:59,725
Oh, no,
I've never had that problem.
257
00:21:02,665 --> 00:21:05,345
I'm not surprised.
258
00:21:07,025 --> 00:21:09,564
Has your Howard got a woman!?
259
00:21:09,565 --> 00:21:12,384
I don't know if it's got
beyond the planning stage.
260
00:21:12,385 --> 00:21:14,804
If I knew where he was,
I'd have a better idea.
261
00:21:14,805 --> 00:21:17,744
He was talking to Norman Clegg.
262
00:21:17,745 --> 00:21:20,685
I wondered if he might
be somewhere with them three.
263
00:21:20,765 --> 00:21:25,364
Oh, he's not that wild,
your Howard, surely!
264
00:21:25,365 --> 00:21:30,585
I mean, another woman's one thing,
but that daft lot...!
265
00:21:53,185 --> 00:21:57,504
Well, we're making some progress.
266
00:21:57,505 --> 00:21:58,824
It's getting to know us.
267
00:21:58,825 --> 00:22:03,284
Aye. The three chuffs
it's having a right game with.
268
00:22:03,285 --> 00:22:09,084
Nonsense! I'm getting the feel
of the situation now. Me, too.
269
00:22:09,085 --> 00:22:11,164
I can feel it here and here.
270
00:22:11,165 --> 00:22:14,184
You're not losing heart already!?
271
00:22:14,185 --> 00:22:19,824
I've been probing the situation.
Assessing the enemy's strength.
272
00:22:19,825 --> 00:22:24,664
I tell you - it's brighter than
all three of us. Let's go home.
273
00:22:24,665 --> 00:22:26,485
Sit down, that man!
274
00:22:26,585 --> 00:22:27,925
Sit!
275
00:22:30,525 --> 00:22:32,884
Now, pay attention and marvel.
276
00:22:32,885 --> 00:22:37,805
"Who is this tactical wizard?", you'll soon be saying.
-No.
277
00:22:37,885 --> 00:22:41,225
What we'll be saying is... Enough!
278
00:22:43,785 --> 00:22:46,644
It seems to me we're going
to a lot of trouble
279
00:22:46,645 --> 00:22:51,884
for repeated views of a donkey's
rear disappearing in the distance.
280
00:22:51,885 --> 00:22:55,944
That was stage two.
Stage three is all finesse.
281
00:22:55,945 --> 00:22:59,484
There's no physical effort.
We can do it all lying down.
282
00:22:59,485 --> 00:23:02,145
We're going to work for the council!
283
00:23:03,245 --> 00:23:06,784
We're going to move
the beast towards the bushes,
284
00:23:06,785 --> 00:23:10,005
where I will devise a cunning plan.
285
00:23:12,025 --> 00:23:14,665
Well. Now then...
286
00:23:17,725 --> 00:23:20,025
Where's the rope?
287
00:23:20,765 --> 00:23:23,104
The rope?
-The rope?
288
00:23:23,105 --> 00:23:25,664
You've not left it on your bike!?
289
00:23:25,665 --> 00:23:28,284
You never said "bring the rope".
290
00:23:28,285 --> 00:23:30,824
Do I have to think of everything?
291
00:23:30,825 --> 00:23:34,784
Are the pains of leadership never-ending?
292
00:23:34,785 --> 00:23:37,704
Sit down, you big Josephine!
293
00:23:37,705 --> 00:23:41,984
What a relief it must be
to relinquish high command.
294
00:23:41,985 --> 00:23:44,824
To blend in with the other ranks.
295
00:23:44,825 --> 00:23:47,924
To lose oneself amongst the rabble.
296
00:23:47,925 --> 00:23:51,285
He is gonna work for the council.
297
00:23:54,485 --> 00:23:59,444
I've not seen your Howard.
I've not seen them dozy three today.
298
00:23:59,445 --> 00:24:05,044
Your Howard will keep his sanity
much longer with another woman
299
00:24:05,045 --> 00:24:06,704
than he will with them three.
300
00:24:06,705 --> 00:24:10,804
I don't want him sane,
I want him monogamous.
301
00:24:10,805 --> 00:24:16,224
I feel just the same.
You've got to get your priorities right.
302
00:24:18,225 --> 00:24:21,965
Have you any proof
that he's got another wom...
303
00:24:26,685 --> 00:24:28,705
Go on!
304
00:24:31,985 --> 00:24:35,484
Have you any proof
that he's got another woman?
305
00:24:35,485 --> 00:24:37,244
Not exactly proof.
306
00:24:37,245 --> 00:24:39,924
Not legal proof, wife proof.
307
00:24:39,925 --> 00:24:42,264
Oh, I've plenty of that.
308
00:24:42,265 --> 00:24:47,245
He won't wear the same shirt
for more than two days!
309
00:24:49,745 --> 00:24:53,784
He spends hours in the bathroom!
310
00:24:53,785 --> 00:24:56,125
Oh, dear! Ohh!
311
00:24:56,345 --> 00:24:58,865
Singing!
312
00:25:00,905 --> 00:25:04,425
Is he using your talcum powder?
313
00:25:05,505 --> 00:25:07,584
I think so.
314
00:25:07,585 --> 00:25:10,004
Oh, the swine!
315
00:25:10,005 --> 00:25:14,524
They always want
the biggest share of everything.
316
00:25:14,525 --> 00:25:17,565
Especially of Original Sin.
317
00:25:19,085 --> 00:25:23,764
I suppose God made 'em
to go and people the planet.
318
00:25:23,765 --> 00:25:26,325
I just wish He'd give 'em a hint
when to stop.
319
00:25:35,065 --> 00:25:37,984
Keep it quiet. Stop moaning.
320
00:25:37,985 --> 00:25:42,045
The trained man ought to be able
to go for miles like this.
321
00:26:05,885 --> 00:26:08,524
What a pair of fairies!
322
00:26:08,525 --> 00:26:12,824
I think it's terrible. You come
for a stroll in the country...
323
00:26:12,825 --> 00:26:15,264
On your elbows.
324
00:26:15,265 --> 00:26:19,725
Next thing you know,
you're falling over couples doing uninhibited tangos.
325
00:26:26,625 --> 00:26:29,844
She looks a bit rough.
326
00:26:29,845 --> 00:26:30,985
He looks familiar!
327
00:26:36,205 --> 00:26:39,384
It's Howard! And Marina!
328
00:26:39,385 --> 00:26:41,364
Marina!
329
00:26:41,365 --> 00:26:43,084
He's got back with Marina!
330
00:26:43,085 --> 00:26:46,004
Not the one he once
got us mixed up with?
331
00:26:46,005 --> 00:26:48,404
Yes, that Marina. That Marina!
332
00:26:48,405 --> 00:26:53,525
Let's find the donkey. It suddenly
seems much more attractive. Stay.
333
00:26:54,365 --> 00:26:56,045
DOWN!
334
00:27:00,865 --> 00:27:02,864
I know you're in there!
335
00:27:02,865 --> 00:27:06,164
Spying on folk engaged
in innocent pastimes
336
00:27:06,165 --> 00:27:08,664
which they can't do on their own!
337
00:27:08,665 --> 00:27:10,644
What is it, luvvie?
338
00:27:10,645 --> 00:27:14,285
If she calls me "luvvie",
it's just a figure of speech.
339
00:27:15,985 --> 00:27:20,364
Where's the harm
in an extra-marital tango?
340
00:27:20,365 --> 00:27:23,184
If Pearl sent you,
341
00:27:23,185 --> 00:27:26,664
you can tell her
I have nothing to be ashamed of.
342
00:27:26,665 --> 00:27:30,644
Except perhaps me Reverse turn with Chassis and Lift,
343
00:27:30,645 --> 00:27:32,884
but I'm working on that.
344
00:27:32,885 --> 00:27:35,545
A fine carry on,
345
00:27:35,665 --> 00:27:38,124
when a lady becomes
the object of suspicion
346
00:27:38,125 --> 00:27:42,684
simply on account of her passion
for moving rhythmically to music
347
00:27:42,685 --> 00:27:45,224
with a partner of her choice.
348
00:27:45,225 --> 00:27:49,085
If they're spying I'll wrap
some knuckle round their lugs!
349
00:27:55,625 --> 00:28:00,884
Norman Clegg that was!
Who once dallied with my affections!
350
00:28:00,885 --> 00:28:02,844
I never dallied!
351
00:28:02,845 --> 00:28:05,724
I never even dillied!
352
00:28:05,725 --> 00:28:07,384
Tell her I never dillied.
353
00:28:07,385 --> 00:28:09,304
Where's he going?
354
00:28:09,305 --> 00:28:10,964
To catch a donkey.
355
00:28:10,965 --> 00:28:14,285
Damn! Are the buses
on strike again?
356
00:28:18,465 --> 00:28:24,124
Not a word to Pearl about this.
I love Pearl. I respect Pearl.
357
00:28:24,125 --> 00:28:27,124
But she can never keep her tempo.
358
00:28:27,125 --> 00:28:31,944
You must be crackers
taking up with her again!
359
00:28:31,945 --> 00:28:35,965
It's simply a shared dedication
to the ballroom dance.
360
00:28:38,485 --> 00:28:43,605
If anybody asks,
I've been with you lot all day.
361
00:28:58,045 --> 00:29:01,844
Look at him. Consumed with guilt.
362
00:29:01,845 --> 00:29:06,625
A terrible price to pay
for a bit of fancy footwork.
363
00:29:09,565 --> 00:29:12,525
Right. Right. Yahooo.
364
00:29:13,625 --> 00:29:15,565
Forward!
365
00:29:59,085 --> 00:30:05,064
It's not easy. I bet even Napoleon
had trouble catching donkeys!
366
00:30:05,065 --> 00:30:09,165
That's it, Foggy!
Show him who's boss.
367
00:30:09,215 --> 00:30:13,765
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