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1
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Eurgh, yuk.
2
00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:38,760
What's up with thee?
3
00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:43,440
Oh, look,
Foggy's found some bird droppings.
4
00:00:43,440 --> 00:00:46,400
It couldn't happen to a nicer fella!
5
00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:49,440
Shut up. Where is it?
6
00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:54,440
Well, right now it's oozing
between the second and third fingers of my right hand.
7
00:00:54,440 --> 00:00:56,420
I want you to promise me, Foggy,
8
00:00:56,420 --> 00:01:01,440
when we get to the caff
this morning, you'll let somebody else pass the buns.
9
00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:03,660
It looks like a woodpigeon's.
10
00:01:03,660 --> 00:01:07,200
It would damn well have to do
it right where I put my hand.
11
00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:08,960
Don't wipe it down my jacket.
12
00:01:08,960 --> 00:01:12,300
Maybe it just looked like he
was wiping it on your jacket.
13
00:01:12,300 --> 00:01:15,400
It's an impression you can
easily get when somebody's...
14
00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:16,760
There he goes again!
15
00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:19,100
..wiping his hand down your jacket.
16
00:01:19,100 --> 00:01:20,560
Uggh... groan.
17
00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:28,560
Aargh...
18
00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:31,000
how far is it to the ground?
19
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About 18 inches.
20
00:01:33,220 --> 00:01:36,220
Oh, God, I'll never make it.
21
00:01:36,220 --> 00:01:39,100
Aaaaaargh.
22
00:01:39,100 --> 00:01:44,700
Well, I've heard of no head for
heights, but you've got no legs, arms, or eyes for it.
23
00:01:46,300 --> 00:01:48,600
I like it on the ground.
24
00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:53,040
I really like
being here on the ground.
25
00:01:53,040 --> 00:01:56,320
Aw, look at me jacket.
26
00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:57,860
What are you griping about?
27
00:01:57,860 --> 00:01:59,440
Just look at me jacket!
28
00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:01,180
Precisely, just look at it.
29
00:02:01,180 --> 00:02:05,860
I've never seen anything that
nature intended more for wiping bird droppings on than that.
30
00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:11,040
What you pulling a face for?
31
00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:12,880
Bit of that won't hurt thee.
32
00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:16,300
No? I notice the pigeon
soon got rid of it.
33
00:02:18,640 --> 00:02:22,660
It's the only thing that
worries me about going to heaven...
34
00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:26,060
..would I ever get used
to the height?
35
00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:34,000
That looked like Sid from the caff.
36
00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:36,700
What, sneaking about with a bedroll?
37
00:02:36,700 --> 00:02:40,280
Well, anything's an improvement
on his SAUSAGE rolls.
38
00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:43,480
If that were Sid, he's up to no good.
39
00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:45,560
Phwoar, the lucky beggar!
40
00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:47,500
Let's not jump to conclusions,
41
00:02:47,500 --> 00:02:51,260
there's probably some
perfectly reasonable explanation.
42
00:02:51,260 --> 00:02:53,720
He's having it off with a bird.
43
00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:58,400
There you are then,
I told you there'd be some reasonable explanation.
44
00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:00,760
Let's not start spreading gossip.
45
00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:04,700
I mean I don't approve of
this sort of thing but his secret is safe with us.
46
00:03:04,700 --> 00:03:09,220
We're not women to be
tittle-tattling about this sort of scandalous thing.
47
00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:14,500
It'll be that big dozy
bus conductress he's always talking about.
48
00:03:14,500 --> 00:03:18,920
I must say, in circumstances
like these, my suspicions tend
49
00:03:18,920 --> 00:03:23,800
spontaneously towards her behind
the bacon counter at the Co-op.
50
00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:28,800
It's just like Sid, he's never happy
unless he's getting his divvy.
51
00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:32,000
I've seen the way he looks
at that bus conductress
52
00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:37,820
like a stamp collector with
a Penny Black, just dying to lick her and stick her in his album.
53
00:03:37,820 --> 00:03:41,900
He wants to watch her, she hit
me once with her ticket machine.
54
00:03:41,900 --> 00:03:44,360
Only because she hadn't
got anything heavier.
55
00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:53,160
He's not here.
56
00:04:00,420 --> 00:04:04,300
And she's looking for someone.
She's looking for Sid!
57
00:04:04,300 --> 00:04:09,520
Yes, look, if she starts asking you
questions, you've got to be very careful here not to drop him in it.
58
00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:11,580
Wouldn't it be rotten
to drop him in it?
59
00:04:11,580 --> 00:04:14,000
Nasty. Unthinkable.
60
00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:16,300
Hey, I wonder if he can take a joke.
61
00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:22,440
Three teas?
62
00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:25,420
A-and three of your
delicious buns, please.
63
00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:33,980
HE HUMS
64
00:04:35,980 --> 00:04:37,880
What are you looking at me for?
65
00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:41,280
THEY WHISTLE
66
00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:44,200
You're up to something, aren't you?
67
00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:45,700
THEY HUM AND WHISTLE
68
00:04:45,700 --> 00:04:47,580
Look at me when I'm talking to you!
69
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:54,160
Make up tha mind, tha were
just complaining cos we were looking at thee.
70
00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:56,000
What's going on?
71
00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:59,780
Well, I'm trying to rub some
feeling back where I was struck
72
00:04:59,780 --> 00:05:03,180
with a spoon, and he's busy
suppressing a scream of agony.
73
00:05:03,180 --> 00:05:06,140
My compliments, madam,
on your skill with the spoon.
74
00:05:06,140 --> 00:05:08,960
You are acting very shifty.
75
00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:10,680
Shifty?
76
00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:12,880
Us? Never.
77
00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:15,100
Who's gonna pay?
He is. He is. He is.
78
00:05:16,700 --> 00:05:18,480
Come on, whose turn is it? His.
79
00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:21,000
His. His. Hup! Yes, erm...
80
00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:25,560
three teas please, Ivy,
and three buns... is it?
81
00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:27,040
42p.
82
00:05:37,740 --> 00:05:42,340
I don't know how he dare go
messing about with other women.
83
00:05:42,340 --> 00:05:44,260
She'll kill him.
84
00:05:44,260 --> 00:05:47,360
A man has to do what a man has to do.
85
00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:51,900
"Lecherous husband
murdered with spoon."
86
00:05:51,900 --> 00:05:53,680
Hello, where's your bun?
87
00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:56,120
He's eaten it. Already?
88
00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:59,160
It went like a ball down a drain.
89
00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:01,100
They're dead easy, her buns...
90
00:06:01,100 --> 00:06:05,480
and somebody else must be dead easy
when she goes to meet a bloke
91
00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:08,520
in broad daylight
carrying a bedding roll.
92
00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:11,580
Keep your voice down,
with a dee-diddle, um-dum dee.
93
00:06:11,580 --> 00:06:15,600
I mean, there's confidence for you,
a bedding roll...
94
00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:18,700
and all I ever had all my life
was a very large handkerchief.
95
00:06:20,260 --> 00:06:22,000
Have a bun. Have a bun.
96
00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:25,600
Never mind "have a bun",
what's this about a bedding roll?
97
00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:28,460
Clang. Oh!
98
00:06:28,460 --> 00:06:33,040
Tha's looking very tasty, Ivy,
how do you keep that complexion?
99
00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:35,840
No, not the spoon, Ivy,
not the spoon!
100
00:06:35,840 --> 00:06:40,160
Who have you seen with a bedding
roll, and where was he, the swine?
101
00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:41,980
Who have we seen with a bedding...
102
00:06:41,980 --> 00:06:44,160
ooow!
103
00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:46,380
Maybe we caught a glimpse.
104
00:06:46,380 --> 00:06:50,000
Yes, just the faintest
movement in the trees. Trees?
105
00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:52,400
Whatever was he doing in the trees?
106
00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:54,920
When I say "trees",
I don't mean trees, I mean...
107
00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:57,180
what's she going to
do with that spoon?
108
00:06:57,180 --> 00:06:59,420
It could have been anybody. Anybody.
109
00:06:59,420 --> 00:07:02,000
Just this figure, flitting away.
110
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:04,580
Hello, we said, there goes anybody.
111
00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:07,820
It was him, wasn't it?
112
00:07:07,820 --> 00:07:12,080
Me own husband, heading for
the trees with a bedding roll,
113
00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:15,840
which he swore he'd only use for
approved recreational purposes.
114
00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:19,440
It was undoubtedly
just what he was doing.
115
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:21,680
I know what he was doing.
116
00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:25,400
He is your husband, Ivy,
you ought to trust him more.
117
00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:27,180
Oh-ho, give me one good reason.
118
00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:31,280
Can I have time to think about that?
I mean there must be something.
119
00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:34,600
It's just the call of
the wide-open spaces, Ivy.
120
00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:37,100
Men have this thing. I know.
121
00:07:37,100 --> 00:07:40,640
It's what they're always trying
to do with it that irritates me.
122
00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:44,080
Not Sid! No, not Sid. Never.
123
00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:45,480
You just sit there and lie.
124
00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:48,280
Naturally. He's our mate.
125
00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:50,300
You can't trust him.
126
00:07:50,300 --> 00:07:52,880
Well, you can, Ivy, if you
look on the bright side.
127
00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:55,020
Bright side? What bright side?
128
00:07:55,020 --> 00:07:58,960
Well, you've got one great natural
advantage, which should give you
129
00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:02,280
confidence in him, and that is that
Sid is basically, when you get
130
00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:06,020
right down to it, fundamentally
a genuine horrible-looking mess.
131
00:08:06,020 --> 00:08:09,120
That is quite true.
I mean, who's going to want him?
132
00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:12,740
His ears are too big.
And what about that haircut?
133
00:08:12,740 --> 00:08:14,300
What idiot cuts it like that?
134
00:08:14,300 --> 00:08:15,940
I do. Oh!
135
00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:19,920
It's beautifully styled, Ivy.
136
00:08:19,920 --> 00:08:23,280
He's got not personality,
you see, not an ounce of charm.
137
00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:26,820
There you are, you see, Ivy.
Count your blessings.
138
00:08:26,820 --> 00:08:32,680
It's true. The fool,
he'd be hopeless as a hippy.
139
00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:34,680
He's not cut out for it.
140
00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:38,280
He goes all to pieces if
he doesn't get good gravy.
141
00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:42,000
What's this about a hippy?
Who said he wants to be a hippy?
142
00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:43,540
Not Sid, never.
143
00:08:43,540 --> 00:08:46,020
I've seen the restlessness
coming over him.
144
00:08:46,020 --> 00:08:49,380
I've tried to talk him out of it.
I keep hitting him.
145
00:08:49,380 --> 00:08:51,760
Has he told you
he wants to be a hippy?
146
00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:53,860
Oh, no, no, he never
tells me anything.
147
00:08:53,860 --> 00:08:57,900
He just goes about sneakily,
he's at that dangerous age.
148
00:08:57,900 --> 00:09:01,380
Why dangerous?
Because I'm going to kill him.
149
00:09:02,260 --> 00:09:04,560
Naaa...
Sid would never want to be a hippy.
150
00:09:04,560 --> 00:09:06,660
Then why would he
take a bedding roll?
151
00:09:06,660 --> 00:09:09,400
Why does he keep sneaking
out into the countryside?
152
00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:12,920
There's some perfectly
ordinary explanation.
153
00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:15,020
Like what? He's chasing some bird.
154
00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:21,760
WAILING
155
00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:25,420
Very tactfully put. That's cheered
her up a treat, that has.
156
00:09:25,420 --> 00:09:29,560
Well, I thought it was
better than letting her know he was going to be a hippy.
157
00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:31,840
No, it isn't.
158
00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:37,820
If he were going out and collecting
wild flowers or picking mushrooms, that might be better than...
159
00:09:37,820 --> 00:09:39,500
being a hippy.
160
00:09:39,500 --> 00:09:41,740
Well, it's funny you
should say that, Ivy,
161
00:09:41,740 --> 00:09:45,060
cos we were only thinking this
morning in the trees, weren't we?
162
00:09:45,060 --> 00:09:48,580
We said, hello there goes Sid with
his bedding roll, off to collect
163
00:09:48,580 --> 00:09:51,900
some wild flowers or maybe pick...
pick... pick some mushrooms?
164
00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:58,300
Don't worry, Ivy, please don't cry.
165
00:09:58,300 --> 00:10:01,880
You've still got me. Come, my love.
166
00:10:01,880 --> 00:10:05,320
I will give you a little so-lace.
167
00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:07,040
Well, he has his uses, you see.
168
00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:09,380
It's the old training
beginning to pay off.
169
00:10:09,380 --> 00:10:11,140
He's developing a few manners.
170
00:10:11,140 --> 00:10:13,960
Do you know when I first took
him in hand he was no more
171
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:17,040
than an uncouth little scruff,
but with the right tuition
172
00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:19,360
he's becoming quite
a couth little scruff.
173
00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:21,520
SCREAMING
174
00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:24,860
Aaaargh! You little devil.
175
00:10:24,860 --> 00:10:29,500
I was just trying to cheer
her up by showing that she's still attractive to men.
176
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:32,360
What did she hit you with?
177
00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:33,820
I dunno, but it were worth it.
178
00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:37,260
Come on, let's get you out of here.
179
00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:40,640
Hey, Norm,
I think I'm in love with Ivy.
180
00:10:43,809 --> 00:10:48,809
I think Ivy is extremely handy
on the spoon. Aye.
181
00:10:48,809 --> 00:10:51,349
Old Sid must be bruised all over.
182
00:10:51,349 --> 00:10:56,149
When you keep colliding with Ivy
like that, it must be a bit like being knocked down by a tram.
183
00:10:56,149 --> 00:11:00,189
It is. Ahhh, but it's lovely!
184
00:11:00,189 --> 00:11:03,809
You know, I can't imagine anyone
volunteering to tangle with Ivy.
185
00:11:03,809 --> 00:11:08,129
Tha's got no soul.
186
00:11:08,129 --> 00:11:11,489
He hasn't got any romance
in his body at all.
187
00:11:11,489 --> 00:11:15,909
Ah, but he has got a knife with
attachments for opening cans.
188
00:11:15,909 --> 00:11:19,089
Romance? I think it's
disgusting, a chap your age.
189
00:11:19,089 --> 00:11:24,349
Ey up. Just because I happen to have
passed the first flush of youth...
190
00:11:24,349 --> 00:11:27,049
wahaaa... a man is
as old as he feels.
191
00:11:27,049 --> 00:11:28,949
How old do you feel?
192
00:11:28,949 --> 00:11:30,629
As old as they'll let me.
193
00:11:32,929 --> 00:11:35,449
Oh, that Ivy, she's a powerful lass.
194
00:11:35,449 --> 00:11:41,329
Urgh. Still, after a couple more
pints I'll be fighting fit.
195
00:11:41,329 --> 00:11:46,329
Do you think you could settle
for just one more pint and being sort of moderately fit?
196
00:11:46,329 --> 00:11:49,729
Oh, very well, Norm, if you insist.
197
00:11:53,249 --> 00:11:56,409
Hast tha ever been in love, Foggy?
198
00:11:56,409 --> 00:11:57,989
Mind your own business.
199
00:11:59,589 --> 00:12:02,689
Ey tha's nowt to be ashamed of.
I'm not ashamed.
200
00:12:02,689 --> 00:12:06,169
I just don't wish to discuss my
personal affairs in this...
201
00:12:06,169 --> 00:12:09,629
cheap drinking establishment. Cheap?
202
00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:13,629
Argh, you wait till you
go up to buy your round.
203
00:12:15,269 --> 00:12:17,589
I wonder if Cleggy's
ever been in love?
204
00:12:17,589 --> 00:12:19,329
Well, he was married, wasn't he?
205
00:12:19,329 --> 00:12:24,329
Oh, aye, but that's always a
major snag to your love life.
206
00:12:24,329 --> 00:12:26,429
What sort of birds
to you like, Foggy?
207
00:12:26,429 --> 00:12:30,289
Are you absolutely sure you'll
want another round after this?
208
00:12:30,289 --> 00:12:32,809
Oh, pfft, he really is a cheapskate.
209
00:12:32,809 --> 00:12:35,069
Mmmm. Well, you don't
really mean it, you know.
210
00:12:35,069 --> 00:12:38,129
You've enough excitement
for one morning. Excitement?
211
00:12:38,129 --> 00:12:40,169
What are you talking about?
212
00:12:40,169 --> 00:12:42,709
My nerves are as steady as a rock!
213
00:12:43,709 --> 00:12:45,729
God, you're shaking like a leaf.
214
00:12:45,729 --> 00:12:49,629
Ah, yes, but then he is leading
a life of sin and dissipation.
215
00:12:49,629 --> 00:12:51,109
Only since I left school.
216
00:12:52,169 --> 00:12:54,729
Norm, when your missus were alive,
217
00:12:54,729 --> 00:12:57,829
did you ever go off pussyfooting
it with another woman?
218
00:13:00,029 --> 00:13:03,689
Don't ask questions of that...
indelicate nature.
219
00:13:03,689 --> 00:13:07,669
Well, the Army doctors used to.
220
00:13:07,669 --> 00:13:11,789
They were always enquiring about
my love life when I went sick.
221
00:13:11,789 --> 00:13:15,369
Yes, well, medical men have
their reasons for asking.
222
00:13:15,369 --> 00:13:18,069
Not when you go sick with flat feet.
223
00:13:19,329 --> 00:13:22,209
No, no, they was fishing.
224
00:13:22,209 --> 00:13:24,989
They wanted to know
about me and Brunhilde.
225
00:13:24,989 --> 00:13:27,189
Brunhilde?
226
00:13:27,189 --> 00:13:30,069
What? Where? Where?
227
00:13:30,069 --> 00:13:33,149
No, I mean, who was Brunhilde?
228
00:13:33,149 --> 00:13:36,369
Oh 'eck, I thought for a minute
he meant she was here.
229
00:13:36,369 --> 00:13:39,489
Why have you gone white?
Well, nearly white.
230
00:13:39,489 --> 00:13:43,109
Come on, tell us about it,
who was this fabulous Brunhilde?
231
00:13:43,109 --> 00:13:45,629
He does pick some weird
names to go out with.
232
00:13:45,629 --> 00:13:48,669
I've been out with
weirder names than that.
233
00:13:48,669 --> 00:13:52,149
Yeah, what was the strangest
name you've ever been out with?
234
00:13:52,149 --> 00:13:53,469
Cyril.
235
00:13:56,069 --> 00:13:59,229
Why were the Army doctors
interested in you and Brunhilde?
236
00:13:59,229 --> 00:14:03,269
It wasn't only the Army
doctors, it was the whole camp.
237
00:14:03,269 --> 00:14:07,669
You see, Brunhilde was this great
big ATS bird, and nobody else would
238
00:14:07,669 --> 00:14:11,689
go out with her because she had
this reputation for brutality.
239
00:14:11,689 --> 00:14:12,989
Here we go.
240
00:14:12,989 --> 00:14:14,709
No, no, it's the truth.
241
00:14:14,709 --> 00:14:17,969
It's the truth, I'm telling thee.
But I knew how to handle her.
242
00:14:17,969 --> 00:14:20,189
With this whip and chair.
243
00:14:20,189 --> 00:14:23,069
Hah, but they wanted to know
about Brunhilde, you see,
244
00:14:23,069 --> 00:14:26,269
because she had this big pin-up
of a fella hanging over her bed.
245
00:14:27,369 --> 00:14:31,349
Well, I imagine a lot of ATS girls
had pin-up pictures over their beds.
246
00:14:31,349 --> 00:14:34,129
Of Hitler?
247
00:14:34,129 --> 00:14:36,569
God, he is a liar.
248
00:14:36,569 --> 00:14:39,549
Ey up, there's Brunhilde!
Hello, my love.
249
00:14:41,629 --> 00:14:44,889
What are you talking about,
you stupid lunatic!
250
00:14:45,789 --> 00:14:48,369
Isn't it nice,
she still remembers him.
251
00:14:48,369 --> 00:14:51,709
This is Brunhilde Mark 2.
252
00:14:53,949 --> 00:14:56,409
Come and sit down, love,
and have a drink.
253
00:14:56,409 --> 00:14:59,189
Well, sit down somewhere.
254
00:14:59,189 --> 00:15:02,169
All right, I'll have just one.
255
00:15:02,169 --> 00:15:03,649
Just one.
256
00:15:07,729 --> 00:15:13,129
But if you're planning on getting
me tipsy so I don't know what I'm doing, you can forget it.
257
00:15:13,129 --> 00:15:14,409
Forget it.
258
00:15:14,409 --> 00:15:16,169
I have forgotten it.
259
00:15:16,169 --> 00:15:18,469
I'll have a brandy and ginger ale.
260
00:15:23,269 --> 00:15:25,169
Well, go on, you invited her.
261
00:15:25,169 --> 00:15:28,689
I tell you what, we'll go 50/50.
I'll buy the ginger ale.
262
00:15:32,409 --> 00:15:37,289
We'll be with thee in a minute, Nora,
once he's got the combination.
263
00:15:42,949 --> 00:15:45,849
Goes it? Oh, great.
264
00:15:48,689 --> 00:15:50,309
Smacky.
265
00:15:50,309 --> 00:15:53,029
Oh, yeah. Oh, wow, yeah.
266
00:15:55,369 --> 00:16:01,149
Yeah. I wonder how he's getting on
with the brandy and ginger ale, I think I'll go and see.
267
00:16:01,149 --> 00:16:02,609
Norm?
268
00:16:10,869 --> 00:16:13,449
I think I'll come up with thee, Norm.
269
00:16:17,509 --> 00:16:19,569
What did you invite her for?
270
00:16:19,569 --> 00:16:21,489
How did I know she
were going to stay?
271
00:16:21,489 --> 00:16:23,889
She usually gallops
off when she sees me.
272
00:16:23,889 --> 00:16:26,229
Maybe she's starting
to appreciate you.
273
00:16:26,229 --> 00:16:28,969
Norman, you could have a point.
274
00:16:28,969 --> 00:16:32,869
Well, look, as soon as she's
got that down her throat, get rid of her. How?
275
00:16:32,869 --> 00:16:37,049
Well, you'll would think of
something if you have to stand a brandy and ginger ale.
276
00:16:37,049 --> 00:16:39,569
Oh, aye, I'd think of
something, I can tell you.
277
00:16:39,569 --> 00:16:42,969
There you are, my little
chickadee, there's your brandy.
278
00:16:49,409 --> 00:16:54,729
Who does she think can afford
to get her tipsy till she doesn't know what she's doing?
279
00:16:54,729 --> 00:16:56,829
Do something. Do something!
280
00:16:56,829 --> 00:17:01,589
What? Oh, well, erm,
nice to see thee, Nora.
281
00:17:01,589 --> 00:17:04,729
I've got to be
on my way now, I'm afraid.
282
00:17:04,729 --> 00:17:06,889
You see, I'm breaking
in this new bookie.
283
00:17:06,889 --> 00:17:10,869
Have you seen my Wally?
284
00:17:10,869 --> 00:17:12,389
What does she mean?
285
00:17:12,389 --> 00:17:13,869
I mean me husband!
286
00:17:13,869 --> 00:17:16,349
Have you lost him? That's a lie.
287
00:17:16,349 --> 00:17:18,129
Why should I have lost him?
288
00:17:18,129 --> 00:17:20,509
He'll have gone off
somewhere, that's all.
289
00:17:20,509 --> 00:17:22,889
He'll come back, won't he? Argh!
290
00:17:22,889 --> 00:17:24,469
They always come back.
291
00:17:24,469 --> 00:17:26,749
Ha-ha. Not today, Nora, not today.
292
00:17:26,749 --> 00:17:28,789
She's squeezing my hand.
293
00:17:28,789 --> 00:17:30,389
Pull her off. Pull her off.
294
00:17:30,389 --> 00:17:33,909
Well, she's not hurting you.
She's just upset, that's all.
295
00:17:33,909 --> 00:17:36,809
That's a lie. Who's upset?
Why should I be upset?
296
00:17:36,809 --> 00:17:38,909
It's going numb. Nora!
297
00:17:38,909 --> 00:17:42,549
Hold my hand, Cleggy goes to
pieces if he's grabbed by a woman.
298
00:17:42,549 --> 00:17:44,329
A man can get a nasty bite.
299
00:17:44,329 --> 00:17:46,329
No, let's approach this logically.
300
00:17:46,329 --> 00:17:48,609
Now when did you
last see your Wally?
301
00:17:48,609 --> 00:17:51,549
It wasn't the last.
I shall see him again.
302
00:17:51,549 --> 00:17:55,069
I know I shall see him again.
It's not the end of the world
303
00:17:55,069 --> 00:17:57,689
because your husband goes
off with a bedding roll.
304
00:18:00,349 --> 00:18:04,469
Is it? Ah! Ah! She's done it again.
She's done it again.
305
00:18:04,469 --> 00:18:07,909
Nora! Nora, dear.
Don't distress yourself.
306
00:18:07,909 --> 00:18:12,029
No, no, no. No, no, no. Wally
would never abandon his pigeons.
307
00:18:12,029 --> 00:18:15,669
If there's anything we can do.
308
00:18:15,669 --> 00:18:19,029
Well... I'll have another
brandy and ginger ale.
309
00:18:27,849 --> 00:18:32,109
I think we owe it to those two
abandoned wives to find out what's going on round here.
310
00:18:32,109 --> 00:18:33,629
You're quite right, Foggy.
311
00:18:33,629 --> 00:18:35,769
I'm feeling dead nosey, too.
312
00:18:38,429 --> 00:18:40,469
Where is he? Oooh!
313
00:18:40,469 --> 00:18:42,249
HE LAUGHS
314
00:18:45,749 --> 00:18:48,009
You know, I think I am
in love with Nora Batty.
315
00:18:56,709 --> 00:18:58,909
We saw him about here,
316
00:18:58,909 --> 00:19:00,629
and he went in that direction.
317
00:19:11,269 --> 00:19:12,989
Just watch me.
318
00:19:12,989 --> 00:19:14,609
You just watch me.
319
00:19:14,609 --> 00:19:17,689
I'm willing to take advantage
of every bit of natural cover.
320
00:19:26,389 --> 00:19:30,009
Look. Foggy's already
found something.
321
00:19:30,009 --> 00:19:33,049
That's a damn silly place
to let cattle wander.
322
00:19:34,469 --> 00:19:37,649
So that's what they mean when
they say, get your knees brown.
323
00:19:43,689 --> 00:19:45,889
Wood smoke.
324
00:19:45,889 --> 00:19:48,469
Oh, I though it were aftershave.
325
00:19:52,189 --> 00:19:54,389
Old habits die hard.
326
00:19:54,389 --> 00:19:56,449
He's probably doing
a bit of cooking.
327
00:19:58,089 --> 00:20:00,189
For the little people of the forest.
328
00:20:00,189 --> 00:20:01,849
Ah, fairy chips.
329
00:20:08,269 --> 00:20:10,369
There's no-one here.
330
00:20:11,989 --> 00:20:13,989
There's no-one here. What? What?
331
00:20:13,989 --> 00:20:16,149
What do we do now?
332
00:20:16,149 --> 00:20:18,249
What do we do now?
333
00:20:18,249 --> 00:20:20,309
We wait, right here.
334
00:20:20,309 --> 00:20:22,589
Well, we've got them
trapped, haven't we?
335
00:20:22,589 --> 00:20:25,929
You see, wherever they are they've
got to come back to the fire,
336
00:20:25,929 --> 00:20:28,249
and we'll be waiting. Right here.
337
00:20:34,529 --> 00:20:37,009
What would happen
if the sun went out?
338
00:20:37,009 --> 00:20:40,009
There'd be a big rush
on gas heaters.
339
00:20:40,009 --> 00:20:42,309
It's not going to go out.
340
00:20:42,309 --> 00:20:45,089
You can't be sure, it might.
341
00:20:45,089 --> 00:20:46,469
Like the power stations.
342
00:20:46,469 --> 00:20:51,709
So that's why he's been a scruff
all his life, no point in caring if the sun's gonna go out.
343
00:20:51,709 --> 00:20:53,649
Well, it might!
344
00:20:53,649 --> 00:20:56,169
How the dickens can the sun go out?
345
00:20:56,169 --> 00:21:00,609
Suppose God went...pfft!
346
00:21:00,609 --> 00:21:03,509
Happy birthday to us.
347
00:21:05,149 --> 00:21:07,209
I thought you didn't believe in God.
348
00:21:07,209 --> 00:21:10,849
Listen, with the kind of luck
I've been having on the gee-gees lately,
349
00:21:10,849 --> 00:21:14,429
I believe in somebody who might
just think it's funny to go...pfft!
350
00:21:14,429 --> 00:21:18,429
Get off home. Don't be hanging
around my campfire, get off home!
351
00:21:18,429 --> 00:21:19,849
Is that you, Sid?
352
00:21:19,849 --> 00:21:22,049
Get off home.
353
00:21:22,049 --> 00:21:25,809
Well, that's a nice attitude to
take to three regular customers.
354
00:21:25,809 --> 00:21:29,029
You can take hint, can't
you, when you're not wanted?
355
00:21:29,029 --> 00:21:34,709
Sid, we've been eating your food
for years, we couldn't have had a bigger hint than that.
356
00:21:34,709 --> 00:21:36,489
A quid.
357
00:21:36,489 --> 00:21:38,529
Don't be ridiculous.
358
00:21:38,529 --> 00:21:40,109
Thirty bob.
359
00:21:40,109 --> 00:21:41,949
Durs't tha mean thirty bob each?
360
00:21:41,949 --> 00:21:45,889
Oh, shut up. We're not being a
party to any attempt at bribery.
361
00:21:45,889 --> 00:21:50,889
I tell thee what, Sid, for two quid
we'll go, and for three we'll drag Foggy with us.
362
00:21:52,209 --> 00:21:57,129
I'm staying here. Eurgh,
he's got no flair for commerce.
363
00:21:57,129 --> 00:22:00,509
Oh, yes, but then he's had
his trouser knee in cow dung.
364
00:22:00,509 --> 00:22:03,009
Now that's bound
to unsettle your judgment.
365
00:22:03,009 --> 00:22:05,409
Listen, we're all mates, aren't we?
366
00:22:05,409 --> 00:22:07,289
Laa dee daaah. Laa dee daaah.
367
00:22:07,289 --> 00:22:10,789
Let us come and get our clothes on.
368
00:22:10,789 --> 00:22:13,929
Clothes? Clothes?
369
00:22:13,929 --> 00:22:16,189
Ah, look!
370
00:22:16,189 --> 00:22:17,909
Wha-hey!
371
00:22:17,909 --> 00:22:20,029
My god, they have gone hippy.
372
00:22:20,029 --> 00:22:23,569
Hey! No wonder he offered us money.
373
00:22:23,569 --> 00:22:27,889
I bet them stinging nettles have
got him right up to his false teeth.
374
00:22:27,889 --> 00:22:32,889
How's he going to get home in that
condition if the sun goes out?
375
00:22:32,889 --> 00:22:36,969
Just throw our clothes over
here, there's a good mate.
376
00:22:36,969 --> 00:22:41,749
I tell you what we'll do,
we'll turn our backs and you can come and get your clothes.
377
00:22:43,169 --> 00:22:45,649
We won't look. Are you sure?
378
00:22:45,649 --> 00:22:48,009
Of course we're sure.
You're not to look.
379
00:22:48,009 --> 00:22:49,809
No. Get on with it then, man.
380
00:22:53,509 --> 00:22:56,149
All right. I-I-I'm coming first.
381
00:22:56,149 --> 00:22:59,029
There won't be anything to see.
You've not got to laugh.
382
00:22:59,029 --> 00:23:02,729
As if we'd laugh.
I mean who's gonna laugh?
383
00:23:02,729 --> 00:23:05,089
The very idea. I'm coming.
384
00:23:05,089 --> 00:23:07,649
TOGETHER: Get on with it!
385
00:23:09,209 --> 00:23:13,109
Ey up! He's got bells on it.
386
00:23:15,869 --> 00:23:20,989
Really! Let's give him the benefit
of the doubt, they could be earrings.
387
00:23:20,989 --> 00:23:22,629
We said we wouldn't look.
388
00:23:22,629 --> 00:23:24,789
Agreed. Agreed.
389
00:23:34,329 --> 00:23:37,329
It's the kid!
390
00:23:37,329 --> 00:23:41,269
Is tha other suit at
the cleaners then, Sid?
391
00:23:41,269 --> 00:23:44,609
Pay no attention to them, Sid.
You really look quite...
392
00:23:44,609 --> 00:23:49,629
would you look at that hat?
393
00:23:49,629 --> 00:23:53,929
You said you wouldn't laugh.
394
00:23:58,109 --> 00:24:01,429
He's got legs
that jingle-jangle jingle.
395
00:24:01,429 --> 00:24:03,549
I knew folk would
think it was hilarious.
396
00:24:03,549 --> 00:24:05,769
They could be right.
397
00:24:07,369 --> 00:24:10,689
A man's gotta do
what man's gotta do.
398
00:24:10,689 --> 00:24:15,769
Is there much doing in stagecoach
and rodeo circles in this neck of the wood, Sid?
399
00:24:15,769 --> 00:24:17,469
We're doing it for charity.
400
00:24:17,469 --> 00:24:21,149
Little Miss Charity,
the rancher's daughter,
401
00:24:21,149 --> 00:24:25,369
I bet she's been kidnapped
by these desperados. Mmm.
402
00:24:25,369 --> 00:24:30,609
And all the townsfolk got together
and elected Sid to form a posse.
403
00:24:30,609 --> 00:24:33,449
I mean, just look at the size
of him round the gun belt.
404
00:24:33,449 --> 00:24:35,589
That's a flaming posse.
405
00:24:35,589 --> 00:24:36,909
Watch it, short house.
406
00:24:38,069 --> 00:24:41,709
I suppose it'll be him who's been
rustling all those damned cattle
407
00:24:41,709 --> 00:24:45,009
and treading them where people
are bound to put their knees.
408
00:24:45,009 --> 00:24:48,569
Put your flamin' hands down.
You can't do anything round here
409
00:24:48,569 --> 00:24:51,889
without your mates die laughing.
That's why we're not doing it
410
00:24:51,889 --> 00:24:56,729
for our vicar, but for him at Little
Middlethong. What's tha doin' over at Little Middlethong,
411
00:24:56,729 --> 00:25:00,629
robbing the Yorkshire Penny Bank?
We ought to warn the sheriff.
412
00:25:00,629 --> 00:25:03,389
Yeah, who is the sheriff
at Little Middlethong?
413
00:25:03,389 --> 00:25:07,549
Yeah, who is the head
honcho down there, hombre?
414
00:25:07,549 --> 00:25:10,869
That'd be her that runs the
Red Lion, she's tough enough.
415
00:25:10,869 --> 00:25:13,889
And look at the room she's
got for pinning a star on.
416
00:25:13,889 --> 00:25:20,049
Sid, will you kindly tell us what
a pie and mushy peas merchant is doing in this hot tamale's outfit?
417
00:25:20,049 --> 00:25:22,889
If you must know,
we're part of a pageant.
418
00:25:22,889 --> 00:25:26,229
Heh, which part? We're giving
a fast-draw exhibition.
419
00:25:26,229 --> 00:25:28,789
I've been doing that
to Nora Batty for years.
420
00:25:28,789 --> 00:25:32,929
Fast-draw, gun twirling exhibition.
Ah well, of course, naturally, yes,
421
00:25:32,929 --> 00:25:37,309
it goes without saying, I mean,
what else would a bunch of Yorkshire lads be doing?
422
00:25:37,309 --> 00:25:42,069
That. And we're also staging other
associated scenes of the prairie.
423
00:25:42,069 --> 00:25:45,729
You might as well come
out, the rest of you.
424
00:25:45,729 --> 00:25:48,489
Have they gone?
No, they haven't gone.
425
00:25:55,369 --> 00:25:57,529
Ey up, it's Wally Batty!
426
00:25:57,529 --> 00:26:02,269
Not Wild Wally Batty?
Howdy, old-timer.
427
00:26:02,269 --> 00:26:03,969
Press off!
428
00:26:06,409 --> 00:26:09,429
I knew it'd be a disaster.
Rubbish. They're only jealous.
429
00:26:09,429 --> 00:26:13,489
Every red-blooded male's got
a secret desire to get dressed up like this.
430
00:26:13,489 --> 00:26:16,049
Well, them three in the trees
have had enough.
431
00:26:16,049 --> 00:26:20,609
You've got a strike on
your hands there, Tex.
432
00:26:25,449 --> 00:26:28,489
Come back, you three.
Where do you think you're goin'?
433
00:26:28,489 --> 00:26:31,409
You can't pack it in now,
we've got an audience waiting.
434
00:26:31,409 --> 00:26:35,009
Now look what you've done,
you've made me lose half my pageant.
435
00:26:35,009 --> 00:26:38,649
What's the vicar gonna say?
Reach for the sky? You what?
436
00:26:38,649 --> 00:26:40,889
Well, it's what he's
all about, isn't it?
437
00:26:47,929 --> 00:26:53,109
Hello. How nice of you to have come.
Are there any more of you? Oh, ho-ho.
438
00:27:04,029 --> 00:27:06,829
Good afternoon.
Good afternoon, Vicar.
439
00:27:08,229 --> 00:27:14,229
Me Big Chief Corporal Sign Writer.
Oh, yes. Very good.
440
00:27:14,229 --> 00:27:17,089
Ah, good afternoon!
441
00:27:22,529 --> 00:27:26,389
Me Mrs Chief Corporal Sign Writer.
442
00:27:29,149 --> 00:27:31,909
Ah! Ha-ha-ha.
443
00:27:31,909 --> 00:27:33,749
Good afternoon.
444
00:27:38,269 --> 00:27:40,889
Me Little Gaping Fly.
445
00:27:40,889 --> 00:27:44,629
He speak with forked tongue,
him Big Gaping Fly.
446
00:27:46,209 --> 00:27:49,629
Tomahawks.
447
00:27:49,629 --> 00:27:51,909
Moccasins to you, too.
448
00:28:29,189 --> 00:28:32,249
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
449
00:28:32,249 --> 00:28:35,229
E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk
450
00:28:35,279 --> 00:28:39,829
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