Original subtitles

Everyone is intimidated by a shark. Become a Card Shark AMERICASCARDROOM.COM

GRADE 3

THE FRIENDS

Why don't we kiss?

What for?

What do you mean, what for? Because it's nice, idiot

Are you kidding me?

- No - No, no, no

Come on, it's nice

No, leave me alone

Come on, I don't bite

What's wrong with you?! Leave me alone

What a coward, you're so boring

Hey, I just can't be bothered.

Oh, the poor little fag can't be bothered Come on, man

- Are you being serious? - Of course

Okay.

Yes

- Okay? - Okay, okay, okay

Come on, you're not doing anything

Neither are you

Come on, close your eyes, like this

No, I like it with my eyes open

Alright, relax, like this

Come on, Matias, act like a man, will you?

Hey, it's not that easy!

But relax, don't stress so much

Okay, I'm trying to do something, okay? You're not doing much either

Hey, that's fresh, I proposed this

- Hey! - Okay...

You can't be such a coward, man Come on,

still want to, don't pretend you don't Hey, come on, you still want to anyway

Okay...

You want this, come here Look, put your hand here,

okay Put this one here...

But relax, relax

There, okay, go

And, was it good? Was it bad?

- Good - Did you like it?

Yeah, really good

Why are you looking at me with that face?

Tell me, was it nice, was it good, was it bad?

- So-so - Okay...

No! Man, no, it was really good... really good

No, man, it was disgusting, awful, no, no I didn't like it at all

How could you kiss me that roughly?

So slobbery, you even put your tongue up my nose

Disgusting

THE WEDLOCK

Good night.

- Gabriela - Mmm?

- Gabita - I love you

I, I, I think I'm not up for it tonight

- Are you asking me? - No, I'm telling you, honey

I'm fine here, thanks

THE EX Didn't I tell you that I bring you

THE EX to the door of your house?

THE EX I'm a gentleman

Yes, thank you very much

Well, it was nice seeing you

Yes, wasn't it?

Yes, I liked the idea of being able to get together, eat,

have a drink, and for it to be...

For it to be what?

Civilized

Do you know who's been missing you a lot lately?

The dog...

No...

You're lovely mother

No, not my mother either, no, no...

My family never wants to see you again, eh?

To my family, you're the bad guy

And to my mother, you're the slut

Oh

Who then?

Guess

You

A part of me

Your little forest

It was really nice

- Good night - Good night

- Well, thank you for everything - No, thank you. Bye

Bye

I didn't eat her, I didn't eat her, man...

Sorry buddy, forgive me

What are you doing?!

I'm like a turkey, sorry, it's that I have a small bladder,

you know me, besides,

I'm marking my territory

Do you want to come in?

No, I already peed it all, no need to come in

Do you want to come in and have a drink?

Really?

THE BIRTHDAY

I'm sorry, grandpa, excuse me. I think I have the wrong house

No, I don't think so

Oh, um, I'm Teresa

I'm looking for Armando

I am Armando

I'm serious. Does Armando live here?

You must be the lady I requested from Mrs. Telvina

Yes, I am. Oh, but grandpa, this is all bad

Why?

What you need is a nurse, or a priest,

or anything except me, I'm sorry

No, no, no. I have the money

Oh grandpa, with all due respect...

What is it?

It's just that I can't incriminate myself with you Understand?

One little wiggle and I'll kill you

Let's leave it for your next reincarnation, okay?

Reincarnation

I'll show you how I reincarnate it

- all into you, honey - Excuse me?

I want to enjoy life, even if it's for the last time

What a joy it is to see you

Why don't you come in?

Have the kindness. This way, come in

SHARED APARTMENT

Shit! What the fuck? It's all dirty...

Don't you like big dicks?

Give it all to me then It's going to hurt, eh?

You don't deserve this, kitten

No, it's okay...

What a mess, I can't believe this guy

Fuck me, Fuck me

mmm... But look at that, honey...

That garbage is out of line, for fuck's sake Come here, come

Harder! Harder! More!

Mmm, you're so hot. Hot

You're hot, honey

Hey dog, what's up with the garbage?

It's been there for four days, what's up?

Can't you smell it rotting?

If we're living together we have to share, man Huh?

Please, I asked you to do it, and no Over and over,

I tell you and you don't do a thing And this, huh? What's this, dog?

Shit, I get it... You just want to pull up a chair, easy,

and wait for the rats to multiply. So, you're an idiot.

- Hey... - Hey, that's not true...

Four thousand times, how long is this going to last?

Four thousand times is too much...

Mmm, too much, don't you think, honey? Cutie, hottie, mmm, you're the hottest

No, you're hot

You're so hot

No, you're hot

Yummy, kitty

Hey, what if we go to our room right now?

I'm going to get the whipped cream

Oh, what are we going to do, play with the cream?

What are you going to do to me?

Papayas and cream

Yum, hot.

And you, what are you doing here in your room, all by yourself, huh?

Nothing

- Aren't you going out? - No?

Oh, the froggy is laughing

Yeah, what are you doing here? You don't have class tomorrow

Go out man, go for a spin, a club, or anything

What is your mission on earth, dog?

Party! You're young, for fuck's sake

You know what I'm talking about, man

What are we here for? Scoring, right dog?

Go out for a spin, get some babes, huh?

Go get some pussy, a blowjob,

some ass What's up dog? Yeah...

Friday night, man Huh? Like me, man...

I'm going to eat her up

It's Tuesday, man

GRADE 1

Come on, cookie, don't get mad. Hey, hey

Mmm?

You're lasagna was amazing Is that your mother's recipe?

It's the same one I always make

It was really good, but a bomb

No, really cookie, I don't feel like it today

Well, when are you going to feel like it?

Well, I don't know. Do you want an exact date?

October 19h, 2009? Is that good for you?

Can't you wait for the weekend, honey?

Cristian, we haven't made love for 3 weeks

Hey, it hasn't been 3 weeks

No? And when was the last time? Cristian!

Well, I don't know

I don't keep a record of when we have sex, Cookie

And the answer should always be "last night"

Please, nobody does it every night

Do you think that the underwear has to come down as soon as the sun sets

and then we have to do the thing? Please...

Cookie

I know Gabriela, I know

- I love you - Me too

Give me a little kiss

Okay, okay, okay

Honey, I need orgasms Several orgasms

Well, order them on the phone, huh?

Ask for a special order of orgasms and if they're

not here in three minutes,

they're free Cookie... free

Mmm

Okay Chuni, let's do it

Seriously?

Let's to it. Let's do it. Cookie, I want to do it too, eh? Okay

Okay

I also feel like it, yes. Why would I lie if I also want to do it?

Okay, okay

What are you waiting for?

Well, I thought that you were going to start

Oh no, I always have to start, it's your turn

You never take the initiative,

you always lie back and wait for me to kiss your entire body

First of all, Gabriela,

I thought that we were going to stop saying "you never", huh?

It's like I have to have a lawyer to sleep with you

I'm going to have to call your brother Rafael

- and ask for an appointment - You can't be this straight-faced,

Cookie I swear, you always go and lie back

I have to kiss your entire body and you go:

"Oh, Cookie, that's nice, do that, do that"

And then you want to bone me right away

- That is not true - Yes, it's true

That is not true, do not raise false testimony

Cristian, it's true, it's true

I wish it wasn't true!

I wish we weren't talking about this whole thing

Come on, honey No! I swear

What's wrong with us?

Nothing's wrong, honey, nothing's wrong, huh?

You want to do it,

I want to do it You want me to take the initiative,

well... I'll take the initiative! Huh?

Is that what you want? Huh?

Do you want me to do the bad monster?

Do you want the monster? I'll do it, I'll do it

Brrrr, the headless monster that you like

Mmm ugly, he's bad

The immortal

Umm... excuse me

What is it?

Nothing, it's just a little dark down there

I can't see well, honey, I want to be sure...

...that I can get to business there, and,

umm, and make you happy. Okay

Okay, okay. Scary monster

What is it, man?

Easy man, easy

I came to ask you something

What is it?

I thought...

...that we could do something hot Hot, something hot, really hot

- What is it, man? - Did you see Inesita today?

Hot, eh? Gorgeous, man, a true babe.

A real one, man,

from Santiago, private school,

good shampoo, hot water, good language

What did we come to Santiago for, man?

From Arica, man, like brothers, together, huh?

So papa eats prime,

papa shares Santiago

I want to give you a chance, mmm?

Do you want to come into the bedroom with us?

- All three of us? - All three

Of course, man

Good, man, that's my dog

Let's see, wait

Okay, there, there

Yes?

Yes. No, no look, look, hey.

Cuec, cuec.

Like that, shhh, look, there, mm?

You can play here, look

Pumping, pumping

Here, like this

Hey...

Come, come

You know, I think maybe

you're not the woman

I think it could work,

but with another woman

I know you too much, Cristina, and I feel like talking,

- like watching TV with you - I'm the only one!

Do you think another girl

is going to want to go to bed with you knowing that you're a pansy?

No, man!

There are plenty of women who would like to be with a gay man,

and everyone knows that You know it

Well...

...you're standing in front of one

Are you into gay guys?

Cristina, you're into gays

You've never told me, you're into gays!

If you're into gays, you are gay, girl

No, man, no, I'm not into gays, I'm not

Too gay, too gay

No, listen to me

Now I understand everything

No... They give me a special morbid fascination

I think that, mmm, it could be nice. Couldn't it?

- You're gay, girl - No, man, I'm not gay,

I'm not interested in having anything else with you,

don't freak out

You're gay then

Look, the only thing I'm interested

in is watching you turn into a man that loves tits,

I don't know...

That loves pussy, clitoris, periods, chicks! Mmm?

Periods?

Sounds really nice, Cristina, really

Don't be gross

Gross?

Good,

wonderful...

It's as if the devil has taken hold of my body

Do you understand?

Yes

I can feel fire coming out of my schlong!

Schlong?

Grandpa, let's set something straight first

Don't ask me to do anything dirty, all right?

I don't do degenerate things. Agreed?

Agreed

Fantastic.

So, you told me it was your birthday

Yes, my birthday

And, how old are you now?

Well... I'm turning seven thousand years old

But it feel's like I'm thirty!

I feel like Johnny Weissmuller

And who is Johnny Weissmuller?

Who is Weissmuller?

He was the best Tarzan in the history of film

Ohh, Tarzan

He could call the elephants with a single shout

- Sure... - He'd go like this:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaa...

Is something wrong, Mr. Armando?

Umm, excuse me, Miss

- Do you feel all right? - No, no, I'm fine

- Do you want me to help? - No, no, I'll be right back

Aaaa...

The blue pill, that's all...

Look at yourself.

Incredible, incredible

This is incredible, look,

This is deluxe wine

Deluxe view,

house, haircut... You've outdone yourself,

so modern

Yes?

Everything is so different.

Since when do you drink wine?

Huh?

Didn't wine give you heartburn?

Don't be silly, good wine never gives heartburn

Okay

Yes!

Did you know that wine has made me travel a lot?

- Get out... - No, really,

I think that I've practically been around the world a couple of times

More than the pope

Besides, it makes me look good with company

Come, come and try it, come

Oh, guests

Yes, I can't complain, I have a lot of company

Lots of men, huh?

Plenty of lovers too, huh?

- Are you jealous? Jealous...

For your information,

both men and women come to this house.

Luckily, the world didn't end after you, Gaston

What are these things?

No, they're berries

Berries, what do you need berries for?

For the champagne

Champagne... When have you ever drunk champagne?

Mmm... excuse me.

Look at this. Mmm, this is a table

This one won't make it past ten years, no way

If this table could talk..

it even smells like man

- Oh, yes? - Oh, no?

Let's see, I don't know, help me check

Come here, closer,

lean over

Hey

Inhale,

hold it, eh? Feel the aroma, air it

and tell me what it evokes to you

It evokes ass to me

- You like fucking around, huh? - What about you?

- You're so - So what?

So straight-faced. Cheers

But no one

does what you like

So?

Okay. David, my friend...

I know I didn't go much into details in your room

But I won't be in the mix itself, mmm?

I'm not going to be in the action, where the fire burns,

I'm going to be here, in my corner

I'm going to be watching, mmm?

I didn't tell you but the dice is thrown, man let's do this,

let's do this until the end

And David, I want you to know

that I've always thought that you were really cute

And I've noticed that in this last time we've been fighting a lot

because you're a slob

That bothers me but we're not going to go into discussions now because,

we came here for something else, man, we came here to have fun, get it?

And since I know that we haven't been getting along lately,

I thought, what better than close the year with something big, mmm?

With something important,

something that's going to be in our memories for the rest of our lives.

Huh? God willing, we're going to have our family,

and we're not going to do what we always wanted to do

And this is our chance, dog.

Besides, we've known each other since we were kids,

our first pubes, our first farts

Who passed you the ball so you could make that goal in senior year?

You did

Who punched Big Willy?

I did, man

We were together, I was your brother

It's your imposing rock,

kissed by the sea,

Symbol of glory, homeland and loyalty

Arica, always Arica,

Arica until death

Watch out, cops!

Okay, are you done?

I wanted to tell you something else, David

I've always thought that you... always...

Yes, cute, cute,

she thinks you're cute

We got it, but what we need is for you to bring out that animal inside of you

Besides, she's so hot,

so hot, look at her

She's so cute, kitty, come here honey

- No, you're hot - No, you, honey

- No, you hot - Give me kisses, darling

Okay, lots.

- Like that? - Hot...

- Or like that? - Mmm...

Do you want it slow or fast? Lights on or off? Tongue or no tongue?

- Oh, my mouse... - Hey come on

Mmm?

The thing is, um, there might be a small problem

What? What is it? Don't you like Inesita, man?

- She's smoking hot - No, she's incredible

In�s, there could be something that might make you not want to do this

- Something like what? - What?

That thing grows and grown, man

Are you washing is with saltpeter, dog?

Javier...

- Because of that... - Yeah...

But no problem, honey, we already talked about it

What's the problem? You're not going to make me look like a liar, now?

Why did you think I was so motivated? That's my rock! My rock from Arica!

Here it is, honey A round of applause for the rock!

I can't believe it,

it's huge

Besides, the door is already open, baby, what's the problem?

If you ask me, I'm really horny Can I start touching myself now?

Are you two horny or not?

Yeeees, yes, yes

So?

Oh yeah, okay, so...

That's it, girl, do something good for your life...

Come on, good girl, very good, yes, there

leave it there, hot,

this is just what I wanted

The only thing I'm going to ask is that you do it from every side

You already stretched out, honey, so don't worry,

breathe deep and move your eyebrows.

I've got to take a picture of this, there, smile

Do you like herb tea?

- How nice, thank you, grandpa - There you go

And do you know something?

I also have a cake

But that's for later, for mischief,

for behaving badly

Oh, grandpa, you're so sweet.

Do you know what?

It's a pleasure to work with gentlemen like yourself

Thank you...

What I would like though...

What?

Could I touch one of your titties,

it it's alright

Go ahead, grandpa!

That's what we're here for!

Excuse me Mmm

Oh holy God, wonderful

How soft and warm

My God

Bim, bam, boom, bim, bam, boom

I don't know if I can

I really don't know if I want to either

Okay, Matias, hey...

We both know that if I don't get some action,

I'm going to end up falling for some asshole again

and go back right to where I started.

Come on...

Besides, you're the only man I can stand to look at

Who, by the way, is still clinging

to the two-timing fag who dumped him

Don't call him a two-timing fag

Oh, he dumped you seven months ago

He treated you like shit for six years, Matias

- Do you know what he told everybody? - No, I don't want to know

So many people have said so much...

...that'm really not interested

Well, if you're not interested

What did he say?

No, you're not interested - No, tell me

Oh, but you just said that you're not interested

No, but you said it, tell me, I am interested

- I tell you all the things your friends say about you

- Look, he said that you were a pain in bed

That you had premature ejaculation

That you were too gay,

that your dick was tiny

What hasn't he said?

I mean, he killed you socially

You've got terrible taste in men,

terrible taste

He also said that you were a bad dancer

Really?

Two-timing fag,

two-timing fag, fagget!

Listen to me,

let's have sex

Come on, Cristina

This way, you'll stop dragging yourself after your two-timing fag ex

and I'll stop wasting my time

All girls know there's a shortage of men

In this country, they're like public bathrooms:

if they're not taken, they're all fucked up.

No, no, I don't want anymore to do with men,

at least for another year, I swear,

no more...

And you should do the same

Okay, I know Lift that

All right then? What do you want?

Just jack off all the time?

Hey, so what, masturbation is great...

- It's underappreciated - No way, no

Cristina, it's with you...

I don't want to ruin our friendship

Oh...

Yes, it's the truth

Take it easy,

nothing's going to happen

Take it easy, relax

Look, sex is really simple

Mmm

Sometimes it has meaning...

- Leave that there! - Come on, I like your tie

Sometimes it has meaning, sometimes

you can stroke someone's face,

hold hands like this, you know?

You're crazy

Whisper sweet nothings in someone's ear

And sometimes, sex is just sex Huh?

- So what - So what?

And in our case, it's what we're going to do

Because that's what friends are for, huh?

Okay

Now relax

and have this drink,

because after that,

your old friend Cristina

is going to take the microphone

What?

Do think about other things when we do it?

Huh?

I don't know, it's like sometimes I don't feel you here with me

It's like you're somewhere else,

or thinking about another woman maybe

Cookie, I'm where I like to be

Okay, but I don't know... Sometimes I feel like you're

excited about something else, not me

Okay, sorry, go ahead

Are you annoyed that I'm not waxed?

What?

Maybe you're not so into it because I haven't waxed

Gabriela, can I go on?

- Okay, sorry... - okay

See?

Now it's like you're somewhere else

Cookie, you never look at me when I'm down here

What, all four times a year?

I'm being serious

Are you thinking about someone else?

Do you think about someone else when we do it, Cookie?

Cookie? Tell me

Okay, you can say it, I do it too

- Really? - Sometimes, just sometimes

And you do it too, Cookie, admit it

- Well, sometimes, not always - Ha! See?

Who?

I can't tell you...

Oh, so mysterious...

Who is it? Come on, tell me, Cookie

Chino Rios

The number one tennis player

No, I know exactly who he is

- You're angry - No, I'm not angry

Oh, Cookie, what do you want me to do?

I don't know, it's Chino

And what do you like about Chino Rios? What, what? That he doesn't care? That?

No, I don't know...

...I just imagine him naked

Oh, Cookie, what do you want me to do? Sometimes we're in the middle of it

and he just appears in my head, with his racquet,

his Polynesian tattoo,

his ponytail,

the goatee he grows sometimes

- Okay, it's not your fault, honey - Really?

Let's go on, okay?

- You're not mad? - A little bit

Let me make it better, here, a kiss

Mmm, nice, here, here

Are you scared?

- I didn't tell anyone - No?

What for?

In the end, for all these assholes, I was the one that blew it

No, I blew it

But you, Gaston...

...you went crazy

- It was our house... - Okay

Our bed...

And I was watching a Chilean soccer match with my godson, what an idiot!

Stop it

The dress...

...the wine, everything

What's wrong with you?

What's wrong? Look at yourself. Your tits are waving at me...

Besides, you're not wearing panties

You just don't get it...

This is style, okay, panty lines, they're ugly

And I like to be perfect, always

Okay. In case you get laid, right?

Yes, in case I get laid.

You're absolutely right. Get it?

Yes, I get it.

I get that you wanted to loose your panties in order to excite me

Yes, I was dying to see how your hands would run off without having a chance?

- You wanted to make me horny - Super horny

Stop, stop, stop, okay

- What? - You can't do that

You can't look at me while you're sucking me

Why not?

Because it's strange, it fucks me up

But you said that you liked it...

Yes, but it was different

With Alejandro it was "look at the hot guy who's sucking me off, he's

down there, and he's my man"

But when I see you, it's like what's wrong with Cristina?

What is she doing with my dick in her mouth?" and I freak out

Come on,

are you saying you don't like it?

You love it.

You don't like it? Am I doing it wrong?

Not like Alejandro, surely

No, but it's different, it's different

When I see you I see both of us when we were sixteen,

slipping into gay bar,

I can see your mom, your dad, barbeques at your house,

your potato salad

No, there's nothing wrong with your potato salad, I love it

But this shit is too real

Stop complaining, please

I'm doing this to get you out of that sick and suffocating relationship

which is hurting you, man

You should be thanking me

Cristina, in the best way possible, really

You've peed with door open tons of times,

you don't care, I don't care either, we've slept together,

we go to weddings together...

I've met all your boyfriends, we go to the gym together,

it's like my sister's sucking my dick,

really

Fine...

Okay... Let's skip this part

No, no, we can't skip it, no

The thing is, just don't look at me, really

No, no man, stop, stop

Too much information, you ruined it for me

Besides, what about the potato salad?

Fuck that, you're crazy

What do you mean, you ruined it?

Don't be so exaggerated, Cristina

GRADE 2

Rip it, take it off

Take it off, rip it, if you can't unfasten it

rip it, man, what's up? Come on, rip it, man

take it off, what?

Okay, it's off, it's off, okay

Yes but that was now, I was telling him to rip it

and he should have ripped it, come on, man

She likes it when you touch her hair

When you touch her hair

touch her hair, man

Touch her hair, touch it good, man

If I tell you that she likes it when you touch her hair,

then you have to do it

What are you afraid of? There's no monster

With confidence,

bring out the shark that's in you, man, come on!

I'm fine like this, man

Okay

Okay, um, sorry...

You noticed that I'm right here, mmm?

So I would like it if when I say something,

you do it, okay?

Because after all, this is all thanks to me. I'm directing, get it?

I'm not a mirror...

It's not like fucking in front of a dog, okay?

Okay, thanks

Anyway, it was never my intention to bother

You know, dog, I don't want to make trouble

I'm just saying,

I want all three of us to be happy Right?

Let's enjoy, let's communicate,

and we'll be fine I want it to be hot,

to be soft, to be easy, cool

I want us to enjoy this moment, mmm? This beautiful moment,

I'm going to be here I'm not going to do anything,

I'll be here Here I am, go ahead

Happy birthday to you,

happy birthday to you

Happy birthday Armando

Happy birthday to you

Bravo!

Blow them out

- No, no, now I have three wishes - Yes, the wishes

One has already been come true

Now I'm going to wish for the other two

Come on, come on

- I want to get it... - Shhh, softly, they're secret

I want to get it up,

I want to get it up

Let's go

Yaaaay.

Bite it, bite it, bite it

Who is that?

Why do you look at her so much?

She's my late wife,

who died from a heart attack,

5 years ago

Oh, poor thing

The doctor said that I killed her,

liar!

We loved each other very much,

but she gave me little sex,

not the sex that I wanted.

So when turned paraplegic,

it was like going back to our honeymoon

We made love day and night, all the time.

Maybe it was too much...

Maybe I gripped her too hard...

The things you make up, Mr. Armando

Right, are you going to eat cake or not?

Right, now, let's go

Aaah, no! That tickles

How nice, this is wonderful

I don't want to feel like an ass again

Everyone feels any way they can...

Do you really like me?

I really like you,

but this is just sex.

A fuck, then goodbye

Who gets it, gets it.

Look at them, look at how they've grown,

Remember daddy?

Please stop talking to my tits

It was provocation, to make them say hello to daddy, hello, hello...

For protocol... What? Okay...

Get off, get off

What is it?

No, what happened, you set me up

- What? - Did you plan all of this?

What, what. You waxed it all.

What the fuck is that? Huh?

I thought that you were going to like it

- It was my surprise - Right...

And my little forest?

I cut it down

Cookie...

We both know that I'm boring in bed

Oh, honey

I know that I can't turn you on that much...

So then I think,

what is this all for?

Look, I've never been the king in bed, Cookie...

I'm not like "Here I am", no, no,

no, I'm more boring

I know a couple of tricks and that's it

You don't have to say in either

But Cookie, honey,

honey, let's see... If you're not that good,

then why am I with you?

Because you're scared of being alone

What?

You're scared of being alone

You think that the only reason that I'm with you

is because I'm scared of being alone?

Well, a little bit scared

Oh, I can't believe it,

I swear, this is too much...

You really think

that we're together because

I'm scared of being alone

A little bit, honey

I can't believe...

No, then this is all a show, a farce,

I don't know why we're together then...

We should get a divorce

But honey, how can you say that?

Cookie, I love you

I thought that all of this was because...

I don't know, you didn't like me anymore

because I've been your only girlfriend

But I do like you, that's why you've been my only girlfriend,

because I love you, I've always loved you

Impossible, honey. Who did you go to your prom with?

With my Cookie

Right, and then when we went to college,

who did you go to the first party with?

With my super Cookie

And then, who did you organize the winter community service project with?

With you, Gabriela

But I like being with you, I like being with you

- No, it's impossible - How could it be impossible,

I like you What did we tell Father Domingo when we got married?

That we were going to love and respect each other all our lives

And that's what we're doing, that's what I want Honey,

I love you, I love you the way you are

Honey, I know that you've liked other women

of course, I mean, everyone likes other women

But you're good...

I know that you've never cheated on me

I know, but in the bottom,

you've wanted to because it's

boring to be with the same woman forever

But how did we get to this, honey,

you're beautiful, I like you,

I like you, honey, I've always liked you

Which part do you like best about me?

Oh, you know, your eyes

It used to be my tits...

But I also like your tits, but, oh...

Not anymore,

Cristian, I want this to work

But I also want it to work, Gabriela

we have to do something different...

I agree,

we have to do something different... Something like...

- Something like what? - Something exciting

Slutty Cookie...

What are you thinking?

I know that look

Something like what, like...

Like doing it in the car?

No, no, more

In the building pool, both of us naked, swimming with water all around us

No, no Cookie, ever more exciting

At your mother's house,

that's transgressive, that's rebellious,

and we can spill those perfume bottles of hers

No, no Cookie, I have the perfect idea

There, soft...

oh there,

hot, hot, hot... Soft, soft, there, squeeze it...

Bite, bite, leave marks on her, man

Leave marks, there

Excuse me

- What happened? - You taste, like...

Like what? Tastes like what?

No, I mean it's nice, but...

Oh, damn, okay, sorry, sorry...

The thing is I didn't have any perfume,

so I grabbed a deodorant in the bathroom and I sprayed myself

Easy, kitty, easy honey,

I'll taste it later and give you the final say, okay?

You just go on

What are you looking at me for?

Come on, easy, we don't want foreplay

Let's go right now, man, we don't stroke each other either,

I'm telling you

It's "hi, how are you", then it's in and we're off

Grab her, man, treat her bad, huh?

Treat her like a piece of meat, man, look

Go man, let's go, there, grab her strongly, there you go

I like this, that's good,

there, go man

Excuse me, give me a second, give me a second

Easy, easy, I just can't see well, you have to pull that there

Grab it, hopefully always here, excuse me, there

And if you want, you can go... What happened there?

It's fine, you're so ungrateful

How can you say that's bad? It's hot, man

You should be thanking me

Hickies are allowed, my man

That's it

Damn, I have to say everything

I want to show you this

What is this?

This was made by Levisteplisky

the tailor, the wanton suit

Okay...

Look at the silver,

it's wonderful,

look at all this

Look at this, stallion's hide, there you have it

And why do you have all this, grandpa?

Memories, they're good for me

I want you to wear this,

because I want to make whoopy to you with the suit on

And with what do you want us to do that, grandpa?

With what? With what?

Hello, hello, anybody there?

I can't see anything, there's no one there, grandpa

Sleepy time, grandpa, we're going to sleep

no whoopy, sleepy, come here, come to bed

Don't get all riled up, sleepy time, Don Armando

Here, put it on,

we're going to the most beautiful things in the world,

here, precious...

Hey, not like that...

Facing each other, huh? Look..

Like this

Come here

I need you to say something dirty to me

Something dirty, like what?

I don't know... Dirty and horny?

Dirty and horny?

Yes, but say it now, say it, say it

We're going to have sexual relations

I'm going to make love to you,

and I'm going to rub my dick all over your body, okay?

And I'm going to hit you with my dick, I'm going to slap my dick on your face,

so you end up with dick-shaped bruises, Cristina.

I'm going to shove it in you so deep,

so deep that I'm going to see the tip of my dick

coming out of your nose, Cristina,

I'm going to give it to you so hard

that you're pussy's going to turn inside out

and you'll end up with two assholes

You're sick, man

You're a slut,

a dirty slut who likes to be fucked

Do you like dick?

Want some dick? I'll give you my dick,

ask me for it, Cristina

and I'll give it to you, I'll give it to you again

Say it, give me your dick,

and I'll give it to you

Shut up, man,

how can you say that to me?

You've liked fucking around since you were a kid Cristina

This is so nice

Suffer!

Suffer, Armando, suffer

There, there

Hire me?

You're too cheap for me

Lend me some money,

I'm being serious

I'm flat broke

Do it well this time

I'll do whatever you want, but pay me

We have to be patient,

because suddenly the shark's going to appear,

and he's going to be angry, darn it

Leave your fishy alone, grandpa, don't be stubborn

Let's drink, cheers

A riddle:

- a long and dry hag whose butter... - A candle

- You knew it? - Me and all Chile, grandpa

Darn, even that's too...

Look at this whole pharmacy you've got here!

No, these are the pills that I take

What are they?

Sure

Rue rub?

Rue, I have arterial hypertension,

low blood pressure,

I have stiff veins,

I have bunions, my legs hurt,

my varicose veins hurt,

my lungs hurt because...

Cookie, what are you doing, are you dressing up?

You know what, I like this

Come out soon, then I'm going to count to three, ones...

Okay, okay, okay

...two...

Okay, okay, I'm here

Surprise!

Easy, I know what you're thinking...

No, I don't know what you're thinking What are you thinking?

Well, for starters... here did you get that, Gabriela?

I won it at Cata's bachelorette party

Look, it moves

Well, then you...

- I put it on - Yes, it's already on

And then...

I put it in you, Cookie

Oh, damn

GRADE 3

Oh, nice, oh, oh.

Do whatever you want

Are you telling me?

Yes, whatever, what you want, what you want

Um, excuse me, I think that means she wants it up the ass, dog

What?

What, did you forget I was here?

No

Okay, don't stop, don't stop, don't stop

But I didn't mean I wanted it up the ass

Yes, yes, it's fine, don't stop, you were so close,

I saw that you vere finishing, I'm almost there, dog

- Go right ahead - Okay, take it off

But it's fine

Okay, but take your hand off, your hand it on...

Okay, but I wanted to feel the rhythm, dog

Take your hand off of my ass, please

- Easy, okay - But man, move away

Take it easy, easy. Honey, are you going to let him or not?

No, I didn't mean up the ass

But it's fine, you've already done practically everything

So I ask myself, if you say "do whatever you want"

What do you mean by that?

Yeah

Oh, I'm not going to do that

Honey, but you and I, us, they, them...

I didn't mean to say ass

But why not, honey?

It's different between us...

I mean, you're different...

he's different because he's...

I understand, honey

Dog, what can I say?

It's the same problem as always,

you're thing is too big, dog, you're hurting her

Oh, that

Was that it, sweetie?

Could we take a break, please?

The embarrassment you've put me through!

I loved you so much,

I bragged about you,

and showed you to the whole world

and told them about you.

But now you've failed me, ingrate wretch,

I don't want to see you anymore.

And you just lied there, you withdrew,

you lost your confidence...

That's an embarrassment!

These don't work.. these don't work!

And now as a punishment,

I'm going to give you the Mapuche potion,

it's right there,

and it must be ready

Let's see,

here it is,

that's it...

Now we'll see.

We know that sometimes you like me to put my finger up your behind

But Cookie...

What about the other day when we came back from Cata's wedding?

And you were a little drunk,

We got here, and you grabbed my finger, and...

Yes, but this is a lot bigger than a finger, Cookie!

We'll use some lubricant

Stop it, Gabriela, please

Really? You don't even want try it?

I mean, it's that...

Honey, you have a G spot there

that we haven't explored,

don't you want to look for it a little?

I have a what spot?

G

Where to you get all this from, Gabriela?

I read it on the Internet

No, actually Bea told me

Oh

Fine, it's okay, look, I'll just take it off and...

No, no, no. Let's see...

Why would you want to do this if you're not going to feel anything?

It's that...

It has a little vibrator,

here, for me

Okay, okay Cookie.

So,

- it's going to be nice for you too? - Absolutely

Angry?

Horny?

Hard,

but easy?

Hey boss, are you going to pay extra?

Yes...

Here you go, for you to entertain yourself, boss

Mr. Armando

Grandpa, I have to go, I have things to do

I don't think so!

What did you put on?!

This is the authentic, the one and only...

The chief's sable,

do you understand?

And it has it's own backbone.

How wonderful, no?

It's beautiful Look, it has a tummy, the devil

I'll have to buy it belt

so it looks thinner

Well, the moment of truth has arrived

Have you noticed that dicks are like cops?

Why?

When you need one, they're never there,

and when you don't want to see one there they are,

bothering you

You know, I think it's better if we leave it here

Yes, because this is getting kind of pathetic

and it's not working, but...

You know what, forget it. Don't worry, it's my fault.

I mean, I came up with the whole idea, but it's not happening.

- I'm leaving - Stop it.

How can you leave now?

Didn't you say that this was for getting over Ale?

But it's not working, Matias

Maybe the saying is true

What saying?

There's no such thing as a repented fag

Maybe it's because of an image I have of you?

What image?

A little bit of a lesbian

Lesbian?

You think I'm a bit of a lesbian?

Oh Cristina, all women are bit lesbian

They go to the bathroom together, they sleep together,

they hold hands, they kiss until they're grownups,

and no one says anything

And you've done all those things, girl

Look, man...

I like dicks more that bread and butter

If you can't get it up, it doesn't mean that I'm into pussy

Well, don't be that demanding either...

It's my first time, Cristina, what do you want?

No...

You're not going anywhere, okay

Sex is just sex

Did you say that?

Did or didn't you say that?

Yes

We're going to do this,

then you'll go back to being my best friend.

Now you're just a pair of tits

and I'm a piece of dick for you

We're going to do this together

We can have a great time

Yes

That took a while

Okay, I'm going to go like this, okay?

Okay, then I'm, no, no...

On your side, honey, here, like this

- Let's see, mm, what? - No, no, that would be...

Let's kiss, a little No, no, let's see

Let's go straight to the point

Okay, okay, I'll get ready

Okay

- There? - Yes...

Hold my hand, Cookie, hold my hand, there

Careful, careful.

And if I say stop? You stop

It's just going to be the tip

That's what they all say

Okay honey

Okay, okay

Happy birthday

Why me?

Yes, well, Inesita and I

want to move somewhere else. We're going to look for our own apartment

Sure, soon, yes

And I wanted to close this relationship in the best way possible, man

You understand?

Besides I knew that you were well equipped,

and I needed someone who could really, you know, do it

Yeah?

Of course, man. And you and I have been

living together for a long time now

- True - Yes or no?

- Yes - Of course we have.

Have we had problems? Of course we have

Do we hate each other sometimes? Of course we do.

But I love you, man. Do you love me?

Of course you do, see, there's love in between

I watched that anaconda grow up, dog

I watched it with my own eyes, huh?

We know each other since we were kids, dog

Yeah, beside, Javier has always thought that you were really attractive

What?

Attractive, like, just like that, attractive, cute

Like you, dog,

look, triceps, biceps, guiceps,

pectorals, abdominals,

Just look at that huge thing

Damn

I mean, excuse me, but this... I think it's too much,

it's a gift, man

Look, check this out, dog

Honey,

this guy can hail a cab without hands

You're telling me

But clearly, it's a gift, right honey?

Not everyone has this gift

He has a gift, yes, I could feel his gift

He's hot, tight, abs,

tan, soft, nice, cute

But I was thinking about you the whole time

- What? Really? - Yes...

What? Were you really thinking about him?

- I love you Javier - I love you, honey

But I want you

But I want you even more, to the infinite

And I want you to do everything to me

- Everything? - Anything

- Anything - Right now

I can do anything you want,

I can hurt you

Watch out, bad girl, I can hurt you

Hurt me

I'm going to rip your hair out and leave you bald, honey

I'm going to make love to you,

what you dreamed about when you were a little girl,

Yes, destroy me

Excuse me, I'm leaving

No, no, wait, where are you going? Easy

But I thought that you didn't need me anymore...

No, no, you don't have to think about anything

Dog, take it easy

Man, we're just petting each other a little

It's literature,

it's poetry, dog.

Let's see, let's make it simple:

who takes the trash on Thursdays, you or me?

You

Daddy monkey.

Who cleans the toilet every month, you or me?

- You - Say it louder

- You - See, that sounds nice.

And now I'm asking you for a favor,

and you don't want to do it

Yeah, that's not nice

Not nice, man, not nice.

This is a home, and you have to make your contribution

Your imposing rock!

See, we're on the same page, easy!

Oh, this thing vibrates, so nice

Oh, careful, careful. Is it all in?

No... just half.

Do you want some more?

All the way, you say?

No, just until your G spot

- To where? - Your G spot.

Oh, oh, did it hurt?

- Sort of - Do you want me to pull out?

No, no, stay there...

Oh, hey, I felt something...

Careful, careful, slowly, there, I felt something

I don't know

if it's my G spot but there it is...

Look at me

Lift her leg up, dog,

lift her leg up, bend it back, even more, even more...

just bend it, there

I'm there...

I'm coming now, oh, oh, oh

I'm in the right field, oh man, ah...

this is what it feels like in paradise,

give me more, give me more, give me more,

Ah, mama

How did you do that, man?

Wonderful, man...

Oh nice,

it was incredible, thank you honey,

I'm done now,

so nice, I'm a new man.

I'm done guys, stop whenever you feel like it

Guys, hey,

I'm here.

Are you done yet?

Now nice...

How nice that it's you

Yes

Your friend,

who else?

I've regained the soul I had when I was a girl

And I'm only getting started

Oh, it hurts...

Ouch, it hurts!

Help me out, man

Whatever you want

Hey, wait, now,

make me a cushion,

Come on, hurry up, man, hurry up

Is that good?

Hurry up, don't hurt her

If he does anything bad, tell me

Okay, it's just that it was hurting

Right, it's okay now

Careful, dog...

Slowly please...

It's not that necessary... Guys,

don't get into it again, what for?

Yeah, nice

Come on, do you want anything else? Juice...

Oh, oh stop,

Stop, Cookie, please

Careful, careful, careful

Don't move, careful

Stop, Gabriela, stop

I love you, Cristina

You're perfect, you're perfect...

The best, the best

Poor thing,

this is hard

No, wait, wait, oh..

Here it comes, it's coming, it's coming, oh...

You left this much juice, man,

what's wrong to you?

You think you're smarter than me, you fucking big dick ape?

Who are you calling big dick ape?

Come here, man. Let go, let go

No, no, what's wrong with you?

Stop hitting him, noooo

This is my fault...

these things happen to me for being dirty...

You're touching me, man

Yes, hello, good night, I need a radio taxi

Pe�alol�n do you have anything close by?

15 minutes, fantastic, yes, that's good

Hold on a second...

Where are you going?

Juan Moya

You're living with your mother?

Juan Moya and Irarr�zaval, yes, thank you

No, you're too much...

What did you say? What, what?

Nothing! We have 15 minutes left to celebrate

One question,

- do you have any money? - Yes, I do

I mean, not here, but I'll stop by an ATM

- Right - What, right?

Nothing, the job was so-so but I'll pay for it anyway

I'm your boss now

No, no, get out

- Hey, don't act so proud, please - What, proud?

Cheers

You're so hot

You looked really pretty

You're hot too

When I said...

and then you said...

Were you being serious?

Oh, shut up, okay?

No, no, you shut up, I need to know

I need to clear up what happened here

No, it's embarrassing, I don't want to

No, no, Cristina, I want to talk,

I think it's important

No, no Mat�as, it's embarrassing,

besides, we can't talk about it if we're both dressed

Then what's the problem? Again

Oh, really? Let's go

But if you're too embarrassed to talk, then, what can we do?

do you really like my potato salad?

I do, a lot

But you have to make it more often

Of course, sure

I said softly

I said red light, Cookie,

I asked please

Oh Cookie, it felt so good, I swear, I couldn't stop

Besides, it looked like you were also enjoying it

Honey, that's not the point

Oh no.

What's the point?

The point is that when a woman says stop, you stop

Cookie...

Okay, but we were doing this to connect with each other,

to do something different,

and you were thinking about

God knows what probably a tennis player or something

Cookie, look at me

Did you enjoy it?

I'm not talking about that

Honey, you came like an explosion

How could you know, you were like in another world

No, I could feel you

Really?

Really... when I was in you,

I could feel everything, even when you came

Well,

it wasn't that bad, I mean...

And you were crazy Cookie, I'd never seen you like that before,

I loved it

Mmm, how embarrassing...

And you were making some pretty strange noises too

See?

See I'm not that boring

Muffin, we had a great time, honey

Yes, muffin, honey...

- Can we? - Yes, yes, help me

Armando? What are you doing for your saint's day?

I don't have any plans

Whoopy for saint's day then, when is it?

- January 23rd - January 23rd

Hey, we mustn't miss each other for the national holiday,

you know, I could get a costume that you're going to love.

How's that?

Whoopy for September then!

September 18th

Hey, and for Christmas, you'll be alone, right?

Generally, a nephew comes to visit me on Christmas

He leaves around 10 o'clock

Then I'll be here at 11 sharp, Armando,

No, I like to go to Fausto after that

The things you like to say...

Did he do anything to you? Did he move something inside?

Did he pierce your lung?

Are you all right?

Can I ask you something?

Do you think you can be happy with me

- after having that huge...? - Oh, honey, you're perfect for me

Perfect

Okay,

perfect, I believe you

Yes. Fantasy accomplished, honey

- Very accomplished - Congratulations

I think that now, then,

it's my turn

What do you mean, it's your turn?

A little friend, honey.

Brunette, to make a difference, all I ask is for her to be from Santiago,

lot's of smog, bus pass, that kind of thing, you know?

Okay, and I'll be outside, and direct you...

No, no, all three of us, honey, in one go

Oh, all three of us together! Then I'll bring a toy...

No, no, no toys, dammit, you get used to this one, just this one, hear me?

No, no, I'll give it to both of you

What's the problem, don't you trust me?

I can see you

What? I didn't do anything

I can see you, watch out

Ripped and Corrected by PANGI www.clan-sudamerica.net

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