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-[dramatic music]
-[projector whirring]
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[dramatic music]
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{\an8}♪ Beneath the moon ♪
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00:00:30,321 --> 00:00:34,534
{\an8}♪ And starry sky ♪
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{\an8}♪ Heaven writes
A lover's song ♪
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{\an8}♪ Writes a song ♪
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♪ A reverie ♪
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♪ Of happy dreams ♪
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{\an8}♪ Midnight comes
The nightingale sings along ♪
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{\an8}♪ Melody ♪
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{\an8}♪ With harmony ♪
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{\an8}♪ Makes a lover tune ♪
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♪ The night will play ♪
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♪ Its serenade to you ♪
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♪ Love writes a rhyme ♪
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♪ And gentle we find ♪
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♪ Magic and beauty begin
Or begun ♪
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♪ Dance until morning ♪
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♪ Drift along ♪
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-♪ Listen ♪
-♪ Listen ♪
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♪ And you'll hear a song ♪
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[narrator] Once upon a time
in a magical kingdom
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known as New York City,
24
00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:14,342
in a city that doesn't sleep,
but sleeps around a lot,
25
00:02:14,342 --> 00:02:17,679
a land of dollar pizza
and crowded subways,
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00:02:17,679 --> 00:02:19,472
there lived two millennials
27
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cursed with the paradox
of choice.
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00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:26,104
Like many stories, ours begins
on a phone screen
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00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:28,940
{\an8}on the latest dating app
called Meet Cute.
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00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:34,279
She was Wendy Brinkley, a name
derived from the character
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00:02:34,279 --> 00:02:36,740
{\an8}who dated the boy
who never grew up.
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00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:39,409
Wendy scoured her albums
for a photo
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00:02:39,409 --> 00:02:42,287
that didn't include necks...
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00:02:42,287 --> 00:02:46,499
and cautiously accepted
her new destiny.
35
00:02:48,460 --> 00:02:51,921
[alarm ringing]
36
00:02:51,921 --> 00:02:53,923
{\an8}[narrator]
Then there was Milo Marks
37
00:02:53,923 --> 00:02:57,218
{\an8}and his 77 unread
text messages.
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00:02:57,218 --> 00:02:59,679
To Milo, Meet Cute
was just another app
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00:02:59,679 --> 00:03:01,473
for his dedicated folder.
40
00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:05,352
Milo was a 5'8"...
41
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,729
10?
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00:03:07,729 --> 00:03:09,856
5'8", born-and-raised
New Yorker
43
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who had no shortage of selfies
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00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:14,652
that he justified as self-love.
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00:03:14,652 --> 00:03:16,571
The app asked you
a few questions,
46
00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:18,865
{\an8}then wrote your own
personal love story.
47
00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:21,701
{\an8}[dramatic music]
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{\an8}Romantically, Milo knew
what he wanted,
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00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:32,045
{\an8}as did Wendy, but she was
too afraid to admit it.
50
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:34,130
{\an8}They had nothing in common,
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00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:37,967
except an idealized version
of modern romance.
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00:03:37,967 --> 00:03:39,803
With their profiles set,
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00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:43,515
{\an8}they swiped left,
they swiped right.
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00:03:43,515 --> 00:03:47,936
{\an8}But one day,
thanks to some magic
and an algorithm,
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00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:50,313
they had their Meet Cute.
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00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:53,566
They met at a cute little spot
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00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:55,610
in the West Village
called Lylis.
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00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:58,279
Milo found it
on the Infatuation's list
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00:03:58,279 --> 00:04:01,074
of best bars where you won't
run into an ex.
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00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:03,284
-He never came back from London.
-He never came back?
61
00:04:03,284 --> 00:04:06,830
-Never came back.
-Does he still have your nudes,
by any chance?
62
00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:09,916
Um, what, are you afraid of him
leaking your nudes?
63
00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:11,793
-Sorry, that was
a weird question.
-If he ever did,
64
00:04:11,793 --> 00:04:14,170
I have nudes of him
that are not as favorable.
65
00:04:14,170 --> 00:04:16,006
Really?
He has peasant nudes.
66
00:04:16,006 --> 00:04:17,841
-What is your baggage?
-I just don't have any.
67
00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:19,884
-Wow.
-Yeah, I checked my baggage.
68
00:04:19,884 --> 00:04:22,053
-No baggage, no nudes?
-Just got my MacBook
in a tote bag.
69
00:04:22,053 --> 00:04:23,638
-Oh.
-Might get some work done
on this flight.
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00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:25,932
What does it feel like
to be so perfect?
71
00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:29,811
Basically, what I tell people
is like I'm just like you,
except perfect.
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00:04:29,811 --> 00:04:31,938
-Wow. Oh, my God.
-[laughs]
73
00:04:31,938 --> 00:04:33,940
Thank you so much
for getting a drink with me.
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00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:36,234
I don't even know how I made it
through my life
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00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:38,903
until this moment.
76
00:04:38,903 --> 00:04:42,657
But, no, honestly, I think
whenever I meet someone,
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00:04:42,657 --> 00:04:45,326
I create this fantasy version
of this person.
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00:04:45,326 --> 00:04:47,704
And then the more
that we get to know each other,
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00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:51,124
the more that fantasy
just sort of whittles away,
80
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:55,503
and then all that's left
is, like, this real person.
81
00:04:55,503 --> 00:05:00,342
And a lot of the time,
I don't like the real person
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00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:02,135
as much as I like
the fantasy person.
83
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:05,889
Sounds like you idealize
and then devalue.
84
00:05:08,224 --> 00:05:10,560
It's a very clinical language.
85
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:12,645
-Spot-on.
-Thank you.
86
00:05:12,645 --> 00:05:15,899
-Um, I'm gonna go
to the bathroom, okay?
-Wait, wait, wait.
87
00:05:15,899 --> 00:05:18,610
Do you actually have to go
or do you just wanna check
your phone?
88
00:05:18,610 --> 00:05:21,780
If you just wanna check
your phone, we could do
a mutual check right now.
89
00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:24,699
-I would love
to just check my phone.
-Okay, okay, me too.
90
00:05:24,699 --> 00:05:27,702
-I could use a hit.
-[keypads clicking]
91
00:05:28,703 --> 00:05:30,872
No notifications.
92
00:05:33,416 --> 00:05:36,169
-Uh, cheers to being single.
-[keypad clicking]
93
00:05:37,712 --> 00:05:40,048
What? Sorry, um...
94
00:05:40,048 --> 00:05:42,842
It's okay.
I like a woman who ignores me.
95
00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:45,679
[both laughing]
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00:05:46,888 --> 00:05:49,307
[gentle music]
97
00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:09,911
[chuckles]
98
00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:11,705
Only in New York
could you make out
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00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:14,374
in front of a bunch of garbage
and it's still romantic.
100
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,459
[gentle music continues]
101
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[narrator] They kissed
under the stars.
102
00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:55,457
And after a perfectly crafted
follow-up text from Milo
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00:06:55,457 --> 00:06:58,877
{\an8}and an equally witty response
from Wendy,
104
00:06:58,877 --> 00:07:02,756
{\an8}they would go weeks
before they ever spoke again.
105
00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:04,758
{\an8}[gentle music]
106
00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:10,597
Three weeks and no signs
of un-ghosting later,
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00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:14,601
Milo and his friend opted
to drink overpriced cocktails
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00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:18,063
to celebrate someone
from college's best friend
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00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:20,565
from high school's birthday.
110
00:07:20,565 --> 00:07:23,026
Did you hear about
this In-N-Out Burger
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00:07:23,026 --> 00:07:25,070
that they found at a bus stop
in Jamaica, Queens?
112
00:07:25,070 --> 00:07:27,947
How did a cheeseburger
fly 3,000 miles?
113
00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:30,075
Yeah, that's fake.
That's a viral stunt.
114
00:07:30,075 --> 00:07:32,577
-That's not real.
-You serious?
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[narrator] This is Hank Kadner,
Milo's best and most
put-together friend.
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00:07:35,663 --> 00:07:38,208
He is a financial analyst
at JP Morgan
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who is as savvy
with his spreadsheets as he is
with his dating advice.
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00:07:41,378 --> 00:07:44,297
-People will do
anything for clout.
-No, it's not fake.
119
00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:45,965
-Whoa.
-It was a pristine
In-N-Out Burger.
120
00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:47,258
Who's that?
121
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-No.
-Yeah.
122
00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:51,554
-Don't.
-That's it.
123
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I'm going to marry that woman.
124
00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:56,559
-You know, you always do this.
-Do what?
125
00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:58,895
You point at a girl
and you say, "I'm gonna
marry her."
126
00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:01,189
So, in the off chance you guys
do get married...
127
00:08:01,189 --> 00:08:03,108
at your wedding.
-...you can say you said that
-I don't sound like that.
128
00:08:03,108 --> 00:08:05,276
You look crazy.
Look, this is how you look.
129
00:08:05,276 --> 00:08:07,487
[mocking] "I'm gonna marry her."
130
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:09,489
-That's not what I sound like.
-That is exactly what
you sound like.
131
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:12,158
-That's not
what I sound like at all.
-Hi.
132
00:08:12,951 --> 00:08:14,202
Can I help you?
133
00:08:14,953 --> 00:08:16,871
-Um, no--
-That's you.
134
00:08:16,871 --> 00:08:19,290
Why did you point at me?
135
00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:21,876
I was making a point.
136
00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:26,339
My friend here, he likes to--
he does this thing where he--
137
00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:28,133
he points
at the prettiest girl at the bar
138
00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:29,884
and he says,
"I'm gonna marry her."
139
00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:31,636
And in the off chance
that he happens
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00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:33,638
to actually get married
to that girl,
141
00:08:33,638 --> 00:08:35,515
then he can say it
at the reception
142
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:37,350
and it can be
like a cute moment.
143
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,144
-He does it
in every bar we go to.
-[woman] Aw.
144
00:08:39,144 --> 00:08:40,353
-So it's kind of--
-Okay.
145
00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:42,731
So you think
I'm the cutest girl at this bar?
146
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:47,110
I think that--
that's pretty fair to say.
147
00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:49,446
[laughs] Ap spritzes on me.
148
00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:52,907
-Um, go talk to her.
-That'd be weird.
149
00:08:52,907 --> 00:08:55,326
-I'm not just gonna
go talk to her.
-Yeah, go.
150
00:08:55,326 --> 00:08:57,287
-What would I say?
-Oh, are you shy?
151
00:08:57,287 --> 00:09:00,957
[meekly] "Uh, I'm shy.
I'm shy."
152
00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:02,792
That's me being shy.
How annoying is that?
153
00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:05,337
We don't have time for that.
Go talk to that girl!
154
00:09:05,337 --> 00:09:07,255
You said you're gonna marry her.
Now you won't even talk to her?
155
00:09:07,255 --> 00:09:09,841
Here's what you do you.
You go over, say "hi."
156
00:09:09,841 --> 00:09:11,801
-Touch her shoulder
a little bit.
-Okay.
157
00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:14,054
And then lean in,
say something funny.
158
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:18,183
Maybe say it quietly
so she has to, like, lean in
towards you.
159
00:09:18,183 --> 00:09:20,852
-Okay.
-I had an ex who I thought
I was interesting for years.
160
00:09:20,852 --> 00:09:22,937
Turns out he just spoke
really quiet.
161
00:09:23,938 --> 00:09:25,315
[whispers] That's cool.
162
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:30,987
All right, I'll leave you to it.
163
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:33,907
-What's up? Hey.
-Hi.
164
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:36,451
-How you doing? I'm Milo.
-Hi.
165
00:09:36,451 --> 00:09:37,994
-Olivia.
-Olivia.
166
00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:39,704
-Nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you.
167
00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:40,789
Where are you from?
168
00:09:40,789 --> 00:09:42,582
-I'm from Texas.
-Oh.
169
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:44,125
[both] A Southern belle.
170
00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:46,211
-Yeah, there we go.
-You're in the big city.
171
00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:48,505
-[Southern accent]
Thank you, sir.
-Mm, you're welcome, ma'am.
172
00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:51,341
-Oh, my God,
we're doing accents.
-[both chuckle]
173
00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:53,551
Help! [laughs]
No, just kidding.
174
00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:57,055
No, I went to college
with, um, a friend of Lucy's
175
00:09:57,055 --> 00:09:59,265
who's also named Olivia.
176
00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:00,475
-Oh.
-Which is fun.
177
00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:02,435
-[laughing]
-And-- what?
178
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:04,354
[laughing continues]
179
00:10:04,354 --> 00:10:06,648
Do you dress up
or you're like, "I don't do
costumes."
180
00:10:06,648 --> 00:10:08,942
-[both laugh]
-Um, I don't really... yeah.
181
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:11,820
-Do costumes?
-I like to wear, like,
a fun hat.
182
00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:13,488
Just like a normal outfit,
fun hat.
183
00:10:13,488 --> 00:10:15,615
-I have a face for hats.
-Oh.
184
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:17,492
It's so round.
Look how round it is.
185
00:10:17,492 --> 00:10:19,619
Just thought I'd come,
be a little, you know, wingman.
186
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,287
-Oh, a wingman.
-Yeah.
187
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:23,415
That's fun, interesting.
I like what you did there.
188
00:10:23,415 --> 00:10:25,291
One little wing, yeah.
Other wing holding him up.
189
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:27,502
Yeah, he has really bad
social anxiety, so...
190
00:10:27,502 --> 00:10:28,878
-Oh, wow.
-...I try to help him out
with that.
191
00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:30,088
-Okay, that's intense.
-Yeah.
192
00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:31,756
-Touch it. Touch it.
-Can I?
193
00:10:31,756 --> 00:10:34,050
-I'm giving you permish.
-[both laugh]
194
00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:37,470
-It's soft, right?
You like that?
-Yeah, it's very soft.
195
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:38,847
-[sniffing] Okay.
-Oh, wow.
196
00:10:38,847 --> 00:10:40,473
-Get the aromatics.
-Breathe it in.
197
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:42,517
-Let the wine breathe.
-Wow, look at you go.
198
00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:46,312
-Stop-- look at our friends.
-Look at them over there.
199
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:49,441
-Mmm, you are dying
to kiss my little mouth.
-Maybe I am.
200
00:10:49,441 --> 00:10:51,693
I don't have a top lip,
but I'm-- I can make it work.
201
00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:55,280
-What do you mean?
-I don't have a really big
top lip.
202
00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:57,449
That might be the best wine
I've ever tasted.
203
00:10:57,449 --> 00:10:58,950
Where did you get this?
204
00:10:58,950 --> 00:11:01,369
Uh, it's my boyfriend's family,
actually--
205
00:11:01,369 --> 00:11:03,079
[echoing] My boyfriend's family.
206
00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:05,665
[distorted]
My boyfriend's...
207
00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:07,334
[normal voice] family
actually owns the vineyard
208
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:12,047
that this is from,
and it's a rosé white wine.
209
00:11:15,133 --> 00:11:17,635
-What happened?
-Did you get her number, brah?
210
00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:20,013
-No. She actually has
a boyfriend.
-[both] Oh.
211
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:22,098
-How'd you find that out?
-I think I knew that.
212
00:11:22,098 --> 00:11:24,184
Oh, my-- thanks for telling me.
213
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:26,728
Cheers for telling me
that she had a boyfriend.
214
00:11:26,728 --> 00:11:29,481
-Drama queen. [laughs]
-Whoa.
215
00:11:29,481 --> 00:11:32,150
-Or king. [laughs]
-Progressive.
216
00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:33,777
I don't wanna put you in a box.
217
00:11:33,777 --> 00:11:36,112
Yeah, drama king,
or drama prince over here.
218
00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:37,781
Okay, stop stealing my thunder.
219
00:11:37,781 --> 00:11:40,200
People should have to wear
these shirts
220
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,077
that say "I'm single."
221
00:11:42,077 --> 00:11:43,495
Uh-huh.
222
00:11:43,495 --> 00:11:44,954
Because then it would help us,
223
00:11:44,954 --> 00:11:47,165
know who's single,
who's not single.
224
00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:49,876
So, you found out
she had a boyfriend,
then you just walked away?
225
00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:51,378
Yeah.
226
00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:52,796
-Serious?
-The conversation was done.
227
00:11:52,796 --> 00:11:54,422
-Hi.
-Oh, my God!
228
00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:56,049
-How are you doin'?
-Liv, how are you, babe?
229
00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:57,842
-I'm good.
-Good to see you.
230
00:11:57,842 --> 00:12:00,178
So you'll never guess
what this guy just did to me.
231
00:12:00,178 --> 00:12:03,390
He walked away because I said
I had a boyfriend.
232
00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:06,518
Uh, yes.
Yes, I did.
233
00:12:06,518 --> 00:12:09,145
[Olivia] Why would you do that?
We were having a conversation.
234
00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:11,189
We can be friends.
235
00:12:11,189 --> 00:12:12,649
I don't know if you guys
have heard
236
00:12:12,649 --> 00:12:14,734
of this word before-- friends.
237
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,778
-Absolutely.
-I've heard of that too.
238
00:12:16,778 --> 00:12:18,405
I think that's
a very normal thing to do
239
00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:20,156
is to make friends.
240
00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:22,575
Theoretically, yes,
we can be friends,
241
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:25,286
but we're in our 20s--
I'm sure you have your friends,
242
00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:27,247
I have my friends, I don't
really need more friends.
243
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:30,750
I sort of need something
a little bit more serious.
244
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,293
You're looking for a girlfriend?
245
00:12:32,293 --> 00:12:34,087
Not like a girlfriend,
girlfriend, but--
246
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:36,715
Raise your hand if you're
looking for a girlfriend.
247
00:12:36,715 --> 00:12:38,800
[train rumbling]
248
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:41,386
-[indistinct PA announcement]
-[Milo groans]
249
00:12:42,846 --> 00:12:44,305
[sighs] We missed it.
250
00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:50,186
[groans]
251
00:12:51,813 --> 00:12:54,858
-That girl Jessie was cute.
-Yeah, she was really cute.
252
00:12:54,858 --> 00:12:57,485
-You guys seemed to hit it off.
-Yeah.
253
00:12:57,485 --> 00:12:59,696
-She gave me her number.
-Really?
254
00:12:59,696 --> 00:13:01,239
Are you gonna text her?
255
00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:05,035
-I think I'm gonna call her.
-What?
256
00:13:05,035 --> 00:13:07,328
-Yeah.
-You're joking.
257
00:13:07,328 --> 00:13:09,622
No. What are you doing?
258
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:11,249
-You're joking. Hang up.
-What?
259
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,835
-[whispers] What are you doing?
-It's her voicemail.
260
00:13:13,835 --> 00:13:15,754
That's worse.
That is so much worse.
261
00:13:15,754 --> 00:13:18,131
Hi, Jessie.
Yeah, this is-- this is Hank.
262
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:21,051
-Don't hang up, press one.
-We met tonight
at Jessie's party.
263
00:13:21,051 --> 00:13:23,053
-Press one, press one.
-Not Jessie's party.
264
00:13:23,053 --> 00:13:25,805
We met tonight at that party.
You told me to give you a call.
265
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:27,932
-Erase it.
Pretend it was a butt dial.
-So, here I am.
266
00:13:27,932 --> 00:13:29,851
So let me know
if you'd like to hang out...
267
00:13:29,851 --> 00:13:31,811
-Do not hang up.
-...and get a drink sometime.
268
00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,730
-Okay. Bye.
-Press one, then three.
269
00:13:34,898 --> 00:13:36,900
-[Milo laughs]
-What's wrong with you?
270
00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:40,111
-What's wrong with you?
-Let me make a phone call.
271
00:13:40,111 --> 00:13:43,948
You just met
and you just left a voicemail
on this person's phone.
272
00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:45,742
Yeah, I mean business.
273
00:13:45,742 --> 00:13:49,037
-Is that okay?
-No, that's psychotic!
274
00:13:49,037 --> 00:13:52,457
I would not do that, personally.
That's not my ministry.
275
00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:56,920
I wouldn't personally do that,
but go ahead.
276
00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:58,546
[Hank] It's not your ministry?
277
00:13:58,546 --> 00:14:00,423
Who are you, Joel Osteen?
278
00:14:00,423 --> 00:14:03,718
Leaving someone a voicemail--
that's not your ministry?
279
00:14:03,718 --> 00:14:06,805
-[continues indistinctly]
-[mysterious music]
280
00:14:23,655 --> 00:14:26,908
Do you ever feel like New York
is talking to you?
281
00:14:26,908 --> 00:14:29,369
[mysterious music]
282
00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:36,501
No.
283
00:14:37,836 --> 00:14:40,714
[enchanting music]
284
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:46,219
{\an8}[narrator] Days later,
in a different part
of Manhattan,
285
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:49,681
Wendy and Jessie took
New York's most reliable
mode of transportation
286
00:14:49,681 --> 00:14:53,768
and floated the idea of never
having to be an ex again.
287
00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:56,021
-Look into my beautiful
green eyes.
-Okay.
288
00:14:56,021 --> 00:14:57,856
When someone says
they wanna date themself,
289
00:14:57,856 --> 00:15:00,400
there's always an ex, okay?
290
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:03,069
[narrator] Jessie Katz has been
Wendy's best friend
291
00:15:03,069 --> 00:15:06,031
since they met at Wesleyan
and both got dumped the day
before graduation.
292
00:15:06,031 --> 00:15:09,367
They were bound
by their singlehood and love
of New York.
293
00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:11,828
Sometimes it's us,
sometimes it's them,
294
00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:14,789
but behind
every disappearing person,
there's an ex.
295
00:15:14,789 --> 00:15:18,877
-Trust me.
-No, I hate that.
I don't like exes.
296
00:15:18,877 --> 00:15:22,005
I don't like being an ex,
I don't like talking about exes,
and it stresses me out.
297
00:15:22,005 --> 00:15:24,466
When someone brings up their ex,
they're just tryin' to show you
298
00:15:24,466 --> 00:15:26,259
that they were once
a hot commodity.
299
00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:28,136
-Exactly.
-So I should like them
even more,
300
00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:30,472
because they have
a series of exes.
301
00:15:30,472 --> 00:15:33,350
-Speaking of people you like,
what is going on with--
-[boat horn blares]
302
00:15:33,350 --> 00:15:36,895
[narrator] It was at this point
that the nosy app Meet Cute
303
00:15:36,895 --> 00:15:39,022
reminded Wendy
of her date with Milo
304
00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:42,942
and gave her an idea
of how to never be an ex again.
305
00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:50,408
Meanwhile, bored and alone
on the Upper West Side,
306
00:15:50,408 --> 00:15:52,869
Milo is catching up
on his stories.
307
00:15:52,869 --> 00:15:54,788
Instagram stories.
308
00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:58,124
-[both laughing, chattering]
-[Milo] Wait, is that Jessie?
309
00:15:58,124 --> 00:16:00,502
{\an8}-[text notification chimes]
-[light hearted music]
310
00:16:09,511 --> 00:16:11,304
[narrator]
Until all of a sudden...
311
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:13,515
[light hearted music]
312
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:28,196
[narrator] Unknowing
of what was to come,
313
00:16:28,196 --> 00:16:30,949
Milo met Wendy
at a neutral diner
314
00:16:30,949 --> 00:16:33,493
placed equidistant
along the F train.
315
00:16:35,954 --> 00:16:38,123
[Wendy]
So, what do you think?
316
00:16:38,123 --> 00:16:39,791
[Milo] Nope.
317
00:16:39,791 --> 00:16:41,459
No, I'm not.
318
00:16:41,459 --> 00:16:43,003
I don't think so.
319
00:16:43,003 --> 00:16:44,796
No, because I'm just gonna
fall in love,
320
00:16:44,796 --> 00:16:46,923
I'm gonna get my heart broken,
and then you see
321
00:16:46,923 --> 00:16:48,758
how that could be
very bad for me.
322
00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:52,178
-No.
-You use that word so loosely--
fall in love.
323
00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:53,805
You literally said
you were gonna fall in love
324
00:16:53,805 --> 00:16:55,682
with the girl we saw
with the New Yorker bag.
325
00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:57,017
Okay, but did you see her,
though?
326
00:16:57,017 --> 00:16:58,435
Anyway, where were we?
327
00:16:58,435 --> 00:17:00,145
-We were, uh--
-Oh, my God!
328
00:17:00,145 --> 00:17:01,896
We were acknowledging the fact
329
00:17:01,896 --> 00:17:04,524
that we are both mutually
heartbroken people
330
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,401
who want all the benefits
of a relationship
331
00:17:06,401 --> 00:17:08,778
without the miserable torture
of actually being in one.
332
00:17:08,778 --> 00:17:10,155
Wendy, a couple hours ago,
333
00:17:10,155 --> 00:17:11,865
I thought that you were
ghosting me.
334
00:17:11,865 --> 00:17:13,199
I was ready to cut you
out of my life,
335
00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:15,744
forget about you, move,
honestly.
336
00:17:15,744 --> 00:17:18,121
Then you text me
out of nowhere,
337
00:17:18,121 --> 00:17:20,707
"Hey, we need to talk.
It's very important."
338
00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:22,375
All lowercase.
339
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:23,877
You can understand
how I'm freaking out, right?
340
00:17:23,877 --> 00:17:26,129
I'm like, "She's pregnant.
She's pregnant."
341
00:17:26,129 --> 00:17:29,799
And if you are pregnant,
then I'm ready.
342
00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:32,260
Um, we used,
like, so many condoms,
I wouldn't be worried.
343
00:17:32,260 --> 00:17:35,055
-Thank God you're not pregnant.
-Oh, man, I know, I know.
344
00:17:35,055 --> 00:17:39,059
-Wouldn't that be terrible?
-Whoo! I was freaking out.
345
00:17:39,059 --> 00:17:41,394
-Like, I said I was ready;
I'm not ready.
-Rewinding.
346
00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:44,647
Do you not want consistent sex
without the emotional
attachment?
347
00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:47,400
Okay, no, I do want
consistent sex, I want that,
348
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,819
but I also want
the emotional attachment.
349
00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:51,363
Okay, how about this?
350
00:17:51,363 --> 00:17:53,573
We could be each other's
guides, Milo, right?
351
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:55,283
Like you guide me, I guide you.
352
00:17:55,283 --> 00:17:57,827
I could teach you
how to not be ghosted.
353
00:17:57,827 --> 00:18:01,039
[laughs]
I look like I get ghosted?
354
00:18:01,039 --> 00:18:02,123
-Yeah.
-Me?
355
00:18:02,123 --> 00:18:04,542
-Mm-hmm.
-No. I ghost.
356
00:18:04,542 --> 00:18:06,044
-I don't get ghosted.
-Oh.
357
00:18:06,044 --> 00:18:08,380
You maybe look like
you could use help
358
00:18:08,380 --> 00:18:10,548
not dating douche bags.
359
00:18:10,548 --> 00:18:12,884
I don't think that men
are as complicated
as you want us to be.
360
00:18:12,884 --> 00:18:15,387
You're playing chess,
we're playing Xbox.
361
00:18:15,387 --> 00:18:18,223
-What?
-You're playing chess,
we're playing Nintendo 64.
362
00:18:18,223 --> 00:18:20,809
-Who?
-[blows breath]
363
00:18:20,809 --> 00:18:22,102
Boom.
364
00:18:23,853 --> 00:18:26,815
You've never blown a cartridge?
[blows breath]
365
00:18:26,815 --> 00:18:28,650
I'm sitting here,
I'm listening to you,
366
00:18:28,650 --> 00:18:31,236
I'm thinking, and, you know,
you seem like a sweet guy.
367
00:18:31,236 --> 00:18:33,029
You seem like
a really, really nice guy,
368
00:18:33,029 --> 00:18:35,824
but I'm thinking that this is
just maybe a bad idea,
369
00:18:35,824 --> 00:18:38,118
'cause I'm just being selfish,
I'm just being selfish.
370
00:18:38,118 --> 00:18:41,204
I'm projecting my own fears,
and I don't wanna take
advantage of you.
371
00:18:41,204 --> 00:18:43,998
I mean, you're a nice dude
and, you know, it's stupid.
372
00:18:43,998 --> 00:18:46,835
So, we should probably just
sit here, enjoy this meal.
373
00:19:04,686 --> 00:19:07,230
Okay, all right, after some
non-awkward silence--
374
00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:09,524
Ah! You've come to your senses.
I am so glad!
375
00:19:09,524 --> 00:19:10,775
Okay, let's talk terms.
376
00:19:11,109 --> 00:19:15,739
Lucky for you, I come up
with this little gem.
377
00:19:15,739 --> 00:19:18,700
[narrator]
This was Wendy's solution
to any future heartbreaks,
378
00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:23,288
because you can't get dumped
if you were never in a real
relationship, right?
379
00:19:23,288 --> 00:19:26,207
{\an8}[light-hearted music]
380
00:19:26,207 --> 00:19:28,877
Here's the brass tacks--
basically, we don't get jealous
of each other.
381
00:19:28,877 --> 00:19:31,629
And for every night that I spend
at your place, you spend
two nights at mine.
382
00:19:31,629 --> 00:19:33,298
-How is that fair?
-You live with your parents.
383
00:19:33,298 --> 00:19:35,884
I don't.
I live with my mom and Larry.
384
00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:38,928
And they travel a lot,
so I'm being financially
responsible.
385
00:19:44,351 --> 00:19:46,102
I'm not even gonna consider
signing that
386
00:19:46,102 --> 00:19:48,646
until you add cuddling.
387
00:19:48,646 --> 00:19:50,523
-Add cuddling?
-Yup.
388
00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:52,609
And none
of that on opposite sides
of the bed stuff.
389
00:19:52,609 --> 00:19:57,655
I need, boom, 75% of the night
together, at least. At least.
390
00:19:57,655 --> 00:20:00,617
Separation, that makes me
think of divorce.
391
00:20:00,617 --> 00:20:03,203
-I don't like it.
-Most marriages
end in divorce anyway.
392
00:20:03,203 --> 00:20:04,287
No deal.
393
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:10,418
Fine!
Fine, you can have cuddling.
394
00:20:10,418 --> 00:20:12,671
♪ We're gonna cuddle
I'ma be big spoon ♪
395
00:20:12,671 --> 00:20:16,007
♪ Sometimes little spoon
'Cause I like feelin' safe ♪
396
00:20:16,007 --> 00:20:18,385
-♪ What? ♪
-You have a nice voice
and we can sing later.
397
00:20:18,385 --> 00:20:19,844
You have to ad lib.
398
00:20:19,844 --> 00:20:21,596
-♪ What? ♪
-I don't know.
399
00:20:21,596 --> 00:20:24,349
-Okay, go on, go on, go on. Go.
-Okay, one more thing.
400
00:20:24,349 --> 00:20:25,934
-This is very important.
-Mm-hmm.
401
00:20:25,934 --> 00:20:28,395
The words "I love you,"
in that order,
402
00:20:28,395 --> 00:20:31,356
cannot be shared with one party
to the other
403
00:20:31,356 --> 00:20:33,441
unless they are used
in a non-affectionate way.
404
00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:35,318
What does this mean?
Let me explain it to you.
405
00:20:35,318 --> 00:20:37,112
Any example of that exemption
would be
406
00:20:37,112 --> 00:20:38,905
if we were to impersonate
someone
407
00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:42,158
or if we use it in a sarcastic
and/or educational
408
00:20:42,158 --> 00:20:44,202
and/or non-truthful tone.
409
00:20:44,202 --> 00:20:46,579
Does that make sense?
410
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:48,832
-Okay.
-We shake.
411
00:20:48,832 --> 00:20:51,418
[narrator] And so,
once upon a time,
in New York City,
412
00:20:51,418 --> 00:20:55,422
Milo and Wendy's non-love story
finally began.
413
00:20:55,422 --> 00:20:58,466
-Everything was perfect.
-[car horns honking]
414
00:20:59,384 --> 00:21:02,053
This is going to end
with one of you guys
getting your heart broken.
415
00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:04,097
No, we're not, because
we're being really open
416
00:21:04,097 --> 00:21:05,557
and transparent
about the whole thing.
417
00:21:05,557 --> 00:21:07,100
We're not playing any games.
418
00:21:07,100 --> 00:21:09,477
Okay, but in the entire history
of romance,
419
00:21:09,477 --> 00:21:13,231
whenever two people start
sleeping together, like,
it gets complicated.
420
00:21:13,231 --> 00:21:16,651
That's why we did the contract,
so we know what we can
and cannot do.
421
00:21:16,651 --> 00:21:18,987
We set boundaries, so no one's
heart's getting broken.
422
00:21:18,987 --> 00:21:22,490
Yeah, the contract
that establishes you guys
as friends with benefits?
423
00:21:22,490 --> 00:21:24,409
Oh... [laughs]
424
00:21:24,409 --> 00:21:26,453
This is going to end poorly
for you, my friend.
425
00:21:26,453 --> 00:21:29,039
Look, it's not like
we were friends, you know,
426
00:21:29,039 --> 00:21:30,623
and then we started
sleeping together,
427
00:21:30,623 --> 00:21:32,334
and now we're reverting back
to friendship.
428
00:21:32,334 --> 00:21:34,919
It's like, you know,
we started with sex,
429
00:21:34,919 --> 00:21:37,255
and now we're turning that
into a very beautiful
430
00:21:37,255 --> 00:21:40,717
and respectful friendship
with sex.
431
00:21:40,717 --> 00:21:42,552
Here's where I think
it's gonna go, okay?
432
00:21:42,552 --> 00:21:45,388
Act one, inciting incident--
you sign the contract.
433
00:21:45,388 --> 00:21:47,974
You're laughing, laughing,
laughing, having amazing sex.
434
00:21:47,974 --> 00:21:50,310
Congratulations.
Having the time of your life.
435
00:21:50,310 --> 00:21:51,853
You start to get
some inside jokes.
436
00:21:51,853 --> 00:21:53,688
[laughs] "I'm hilarious."
437
00:21:53,688 --> 00:21:55,440
That's my impression of you
in this fun relationship.
438
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:57,192
Act two-- fun and games.
439
00:21:57,192 --> 00:21:59,235
You guys start to have
the perks of a relationship
440
00:21:59,235 --> 00:22:01,613
without actually having to deal
with being in a relationship,
441
00:22:01,613 --> 00:22:04,908
because being in a relationship
is famously hell on Earth.
442
00:22:04,908 --> 00:22:07,535
And then act three--
one of you randomly decides
443
00:22:07,535 --> 00:22:09,412
you do actually want to be
in a relationship...
444
00:22:09,412 --> 00:22:11,664
And then, yeah, boom,
movie's done.
445
00:22:11,664 --> 00:22:13,625
I don't believe in traditional
three-act structure.
446
00:22:13,625 --> 00:22:15,585
Not every movie
needs three acts.
447
00:22:15,585 --> 00:22:18,421
Some are just one honeymoon act.
448
00:22:18,421 --> 00:22:20,590
It's kind of risk-free
and there's ultimately--
449
00:22:20,590 --> 00:22:23,051
it's just like me wearing
the pants, which is kinda nice.
450
00:22:23,051 --> 00:22:24,469
But does he know that?
451
00:22:24,469 --> 00:22:26,471
Plus, I think
she's as in love with me
452
00:22:26,471 --> 00:22:30,475
as I am with her,
so it's gonna work out.
453
00:22:33,103 --> 00:22:35,355
And the friends
that I was talking about,
454
00:22:35,355 --> 00:22:41,236
they got back together
and, uh, were confused.
455
00:22:41,236 --> 00:22:43,655
They were confused as to why
they got back together.
456
00:22:43,655 --> 00:22:45,782
And they were like,
"Oh, we don't know
457
00:22:45,782 --> 00:22:48,118
how we got back together
after all this time."
458
00:22:48,118 --> 00:22:49,536
They were apart three years.
459
00:22:49,536 --> 00:22:51,246
They weren't together
for three years.
460
00:22:51,246 --> 00:22:53,998
They get back together, and then
they're asking me like,
461
00:22:53,998 --> 00:22:56,751
"What do you think it was?"
I'm like, "I know what it was.
462
00:22:56,751 --> 00:22:59,045
It was roll-over feelings.
463
00:23:00,672 --> 00:23:02,549
Which is when
you're in a relationship,
464
00:23:02,549 --> 00:23:05,635
you got feelings, you got
the relationship planned,
465
00:23:05,635 --> 00:23:08,471
hoping it's gonna be
a family plan, right?
466
00:23:09,264 --> 00:23:13,309
Then you break up, but then
you get back together
467
00:23:13,309 --> 00:23:16,730
with those same minutes
from that phone
468
00:23:16,730 --> 00:23:18,732
and it's like same phone.
469
00:23:18,732 --> 00:23:20,150
Who this?
470
00:23:20,150 --> 00:23:24,446
Whoo! Amazing!
471
00:23:24,446 --> 00:23:27,866
-I think I'm gonna marry her.
-[Hank] Because she laughed
at your jokes?
472
00:23:27,866 --> 00:23:29,743
[Milo] I don't think her mom
likes me, though.
473
00:23:29,743 --> 00:23:31,911
-[Hank] You met her mom?
-Yeah, accidentally.
474
00:23:31,911 --> 00:23:33,413
-[Hank] How?
-Bloomie's.
475
00:23:33,413 --> 00:23:35,331
What were you doing
at Bloomingdale's?
476
00:23:35,331 --> 00:23:37,834
-I was getting free cologne.
-You're stealing cologne now?
477
00:23:37,834 --> 00:23:39,669
No, you just walk in,
478
00:23:39,669 --> 00:23:42,213
and then you
get your free sample,
and then you go.
479
00:23:42,213 --> 00:23:45,258
-Anyway, I see Wendy's mom.
-Wait, Wendy wasn't there?
480
00:23:45,258 --> 00:23:47,469
No, but I recognize her mom
from her Instagram.
481
00:23:47,469 --> 00:23:49,512
-Cool.
-So, I go over to say hello.
482
00:23:49,512 --> 00:23:51,765
So I walk up to her
and I'm like, "Oh, hello."
483
00:23:51,765 --> 00:23:53,975
And then she's like,
"Uh, who are you?"
484
00:23:53,975 --> 00:23:56,186
I'm like, "Oh, sorry,
sorry, sorry, I'm Milo.
485
00:23:56,186 --> 00:23:59,147
I met Wendy on a dating app
and we're sort of friends now.
486
00:23:59,147 --> 00:24:00,648
You're Wendy's mom, right?"
487
00:24:00,648 --> 00:24:02,192
She's like,
"Yeah, yeah, indeed I am.
488
00:24:02,192 --> 00:24:04,694
I don't know who you are."
489
00:24:04,694 --> 00:24:06,571
She didn't know who I was.
490
00:24:06,571 --> 00:24:11,242
So that either means that A,
Wendy did tell her about me
491
00:24:11,242 --> 00:24:14,287
and she doesn't like me,
so she's trying to neg me
492
00:24:14,287 --> 00:24:16,122
by acting like
she doesn't know who I am
493
00:24:16,122 --> 00:24:21,836
or Wendy didn't tell her,
because she takes me as a joke.
494
00:24:21,836 --> 00:24:24,839
-Wait, do we care
what Wendy's mom thinks?
-Yes.
495
00:24:24,839 --> 00:24:28,593
I mean, I want Wendy to like me,
so I want her mom to like me.
496
00:24:28,593 --> 00:24:32,430
Okay, never underestimate
the will of a girl
497
00:24:32,430 --> 00:24:35,600
to disrespect
her parents' wishes, okay?
498
00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:37,394
Make sure you get my T-zone.
499
00:24:37,394 --> 00:24:39,145
I've been told it's very oily.
500
00:24:39,145 --> 00:24:41,898
Ooh, did I tell you
that I broke up with Katie 7F?
501
00:24:41,898 --> 00:24:44,609
What? I didn't even know
that you were dating her.
502
00:24:44,609 --> 00:24:46,528
You're already breaking up
with her?
503
00:24:46,528 --> 00:24:48,905
[narrator] Katie 7F
grew up on the seventh floor
504
00:24:48,905 --> 00:24:51,449
in apartment letter F
in Milo's building.
505
00:24:51,449 --> 00:24:54,786
They rediscovered
each other sexually
after a romantic elevator ride
506
00:24:54,786 --> 00:24:58,206
{\an8}wherein Milo AirDropped
his phone number to her phone,
507
00:24:58,206 --> 00:24:59,666
{\an8}by mistake, of course.
508
00:25:06,339 --> 00:25:10,093
-[camera clicks]
-[laughs] That's a good one,
yeah.
509
00:25:10,093 --> 00:25:12,095
Is that gonna make it
to your Instagram?
510
00:25:12,095 --> 00:25:13,722
What?
511
00:25:13,722 --> 00:25:16,683
Is it just gonna make it
to your grid?
512
00:25:16,683 --> 00:25:18,977
'Cause I'm usually
in your story, which is dope,
513
00:25:18,977 --> 00:25:21,563
love that, just hoping that,
you know,
514
00:25:21,563 --> 00:25:25,025
maybe we can make
the next step, go to the grid.
515
00:25:25,025 --> 00:25:26,401
What do you mean?
516
00:25:26,401 --> 00:25:29,821
I've posted you
on Instagram before.
517
00:25:29,821 --> 00:25:32,032
-No, you haven't.
-Yes, I have!
518
00:25:32,032 --> 00:25:35,910
That one time we were in Maine
at that ice cream store,
Scoop Du Jour.
519
00:25:35,910 --> 00:25:37,454
We had mousse vanilla.
520
00:25:37,454 --> 00:25:39,497
I remember you posted
the ice cream cone
521
00:25:39,497 --> 00:25:41,708
and then you tagged me
522
00:25:41,708 --> 00:25:43,084
in the photo
of the ice cream cone.
523
00:25:43,084 --> 00:25:45,587
No, your name was in the photo.
524
00:25:45,587 --> 00:25:48,048
Okay, that's not my face,
though,
525
00:25:48,048 --> 00:25:50,175
that's my Instagram handle.
526
00:25:51,384 --> 00:25:53,678
Well, what do you mean?
527
00:25:53,678 --> 00:25:56,306
People are gonna be like,
"Oh, he made that ice cream
for her."
528
00:25:56,306 --> 00:26:00,602
I didn't. I was there,
took the train up with you.
529
00:26:00,602 --> 00:26:02,687
-Do you not get that?
-Yes.
530
00:26:02,687 --> 00:26:04,439
-You do get that?
-I--
531
00:26:04,439 --> 00:26:05,690
So you know,
but you're just ashamed.
532
00:26:06,316 --> 00:26:07,984
No, it was on my Instagram.
I don't understand the problem.
533
00:26:08,735 --> 00:26:10,153
-We should break up.
-Serious?
534
00:26:10,153 --> 00:26:12,364
Yeah!
I think we should break up.
535
00:26:12,364 --> 00:26:14,866
-Actions speak
louder than captions!
-Please stop yelling at me!
536
00:26:14,866 --> 00:26:18,286
It's really nice,
because I realize
the role that I play
537
00:26:18,286 --> 00:26:21,873
is I'm sort of like this
between-relationship doula
for women.
538
00:26:21,873 --> 00:26:23,583
Am I not present with you
right now?
539
00:26:23,583 --> 00:26:25,126
You're screaming at me
in the middle of the park!
540
00:26:25,126 --> 00:26:26,711
-I'm not screaming at you!
-Yes, you are!
541
00:26:26,711 --> 00:26:28,254
No, I was tryin' to have
a conversation with you!
542
00:26:28,254 --> 00:26:29,881
This is so embarrassing!
543
00:26:29,881 --> 00:26:31,758
So they could go
from, like, one guy,
544
00:26:31,758 --> 00:26:33,718
improve themselves, and then
go on to the next guy.
545
00:26:33,718 --> 00:26:36,179
I'm sort of like a manic pixie
dream boy in that way.
546
00:26:36,179 --> 00:26:37,931
I think we need to just break up
with each other.
547
00:26:37,931 --> 00:26:39,599
-What?
-I think it's over.
548
00:26:39,599 --> 00:26:41,851
You're obsessed with Instagram,
with social media.
549
00:26:41,851 --> 00:26:43,770
I'm not obsessed.
550
00:26:43,770 --> 00:26:45,647
You have a sick obsession with
how people think about you.
551
00:26:45,647 --> 00:26:46,981
What are you talking about?
552
00:26:46,981 --> 00:26:48,400
It's like, "Damn,
you're awesome,
553
00:26:48,692 --> 00:26:51,403
but Wendy, she's uh--
she's the one, you know?"
554
00:26:51,403 --> 00:26:52,904
-Right...
-Or at least I think.
555
00:26:52,904 --> 00:26:54,197
-I don't know.
-Yeah.
556
00:26:54,197 --> 00:26:56,282
[Wendy] So, it's over,
557
00:26:56,282 --> 00:26:58,451
because she wouldn't post
a picture of you two?
558
00:26:58,451 --> 00:26:59,577
Yeah.
559
00:26:59,577 --> 00:27:01,162
I think that she was embarrassed
560
00:27:01,162 --> 00:27:03,039
to have people know
that we were dating.
561
00:27:03,039 --> 00:27:04,749
-Hmm.
-I know.
562
00:27:04,749 --> 00:27:07,544
So I had to break up with her.
Had to do it.
563
00:27:07,544 --> 00:27:09,963
Oh, don't be rude
to my friend Milo.
564
00:27:09,963 --> 00:27:12,674
Oh. Yeah... I don't know.
565
00:27:12,674 --> 00:27:15,552
Over before it started,
on to the next one,
566
00:27:15,552 --> 00:27:17,971
which is the name
of my dating podcast,
by the way.
567
00:27:17,971 --> 00:27:20,807
-The one
you haven't started yet?
-We're looking for guests.
568
00:27:20,807 --> 00:27:22,642
I don't know
if it's about dating yet.
569
00:27:22,642 --> 00:27:24,185
It might just be about life,
but if you wanna come on,
570
00:27:24,185 --> 00:27:25,437
talk about any guys
that you're dating,
571
00:27:25,437 --> 00:27:27,522
that you might really like.
572
00:27:27,522 --> 00:27:29,691
If it is,
can you talk about people
who break up with you,
573
00:27:29,691 --> 00:27:31,401
and then still follow you
on Instagram,
574
00:27:31,401 --> 00:27:33,361
and like all your photos
and your pictures?
575
00:27:33,361 --> 00:27:35,280
Orbiters.
They're orbiting you.
576
00:27:35,280 --> 00:27:38,033
-What do they do?
-They're orbiting, you know,
like...
577
00:27:38,033 --> 00:27:39,826
Oh, my God, you're gonna poke
my eye out!
578
00:27:39,826 --> 00:27:42,078
-Stop, stop.
I get it, I get it.
-Okay, whoa.
579
00:27:42,078 --> 00:27:44,789
All right, but there was
this New York Times article
that I sent you.
580
00:27:44,789 --> 00:27:47,042
I don't read any of the articles
that you send me.
581
00:27:47,042 --> 00:27:49,502
-You never read any of the
articles that I send you?
-Who has time?
582
00:27:49,502 --> 00:27:51,379
-You know what really does
annoy me, though?
-Hmm?
583
00:27:51,379 --> 00:27:53,840
I hate it when someone
posts something
584
00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:56,134
and you can really tell
that they're trying
585
00:27:56,134 --> 00:27:59,012
-to get under your skin,
you know?
-Mm-hmm.
586
00:27:59,012 --> 00:28:02,640
They'll post something
at a place that was special
to the both of you.
587
00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:05,352
And then it's like,
"Oh, who's this new person?
588
00:28:05,352 --> 00:28:07,145
They just invited
some new person."
589
00:28:07,145 --> 00:28:09,689
-Yep.
-And they're
at Shakespeare in the Park
590
00:28:09,689 --> 00:28:13,401
and they're
just having a great time
at Shakespeare in the Park
591
00:28:13,401 --> 00:28:15,528
with some guy probably named
Greg or something,
592
00:28:15,528 --> 00:28:17,447
who works in finance
and is a loser.
593
00:28:17,447 --> 00:28:21,785
That is honestly called
"targeted offensive orbiting,"
594
00:28:21,785 --> 00:28:23,536
and it is a serious problem.
595
00:28:23,536 --> 00:28:26,122
It's like a lighthouse
in the deep, dark sea of emotion
596
00:28:26,122 --> 00:28:27,832
that's tryin' to get the boat
back to the dock.
597
00:28:27,832 --> 00:28:30,210
It's literally someone going,
"Hey, look at me.
598
00:28:30,210 --> 00:28:32,253
I'm recreating this experience
that we had together
599
00:28:32,253 --> 00:28:34,547
with someone else,
and I am happier doing it.
600
00:28:34,547 --> 00:28:36,091
Ha ha ha ha ha."
601
00:28:36,091 --> 00:28:37,967
It's like a foghorn.
602
00:28:37,967 --> 00:28:40,595
-It's...
-[both] Foghorning! Yes!
603
00:28:40,595 --> 00:28:42,681
-Okay, that was good.
-Oh, my God, okay.
604
00:28:42,681 --> 00:28:45,684
-[chatter continues]
-[gentle music]
605
00:28:51,731 --> 00:28:53,775
[Wendy] I need some time.
606
00:28:53,775 --> 00:28:56,069
-I'm almost ready,
I'm almost ready.
-Silence is boring.
607
00:28:56,069 --> 00:28:59,030
Shh, hurry up.
Are you ready?
608
00:28:59,030 --> 00:29:00,740
I'm ready.
What are your thoughts?
609
00:29:00,740 --> 00:29:04,577
I thought that was funny,
but it could be shorter.
610
00:29:04,577 --> 00:29:06,121
I thought it was really long.
611
00:29:06,121 --> 00:29:08,373
But it was funny, though.
It was funny.
612
00:29:08,373 --> 00:29:10,083
Okay, okay.
613
00:29:10,083 --> 00:29:14,421
I am still trying to figure out
what the movie's about.
614
00:29:14,421 --> 00:29:16,464
Does it have to be
about something?
615
00:29:16,464 --> 00:29:18,842
It's about a dude
that turns into a dog.
616
00:29:18,842 --> 00:29:21,344
I'm trying to think
of what the movie's
trying to say,
617
00:29:21,344 --> 00:29:23,847
because that's
just such a basic plot point.
618
00:29:23,847 --> 00:29:25,348
A guy turning into a dog?
619
00:29:25,348 --> 00:29:26,975
It's saying that,
wow, isn't it crazy
620
00:29:26,975 --> 00:29:28,518
when someone turns into a dog?
621
00:29:28,518 --> 00:29:30,228
I feel like
that's what they're saying.
622
00:29:30,228 --> 00:29:31,855
No, art is art because
it lets us feel something.
623
00:29:31,855 --> 00:29:33,231
Here's my gist.
624
00:29:33,231 --> 00:29:34,816
I think it's about parenthood
625
00:29:34,816 --> 00:29:36,568
and how it's difficult
to raise a child,
626
00:29:36,568 --> 00:29:38,403
because we really take advantage
of the little moments
627
00:29:38,403 --> 00:29:41,573
and how we need to savor life
a little bit more.
628
00:29:41,573 --> 00:29:43,324
That's just off the top
of my head.
629
00:29:43,324 --> 00:29:44,909
-I need more time to think.
-That was smart.
630
00:29:44,909 --> 00:29:46,703
-Thank you.
-You're making me a cinephile.
631
00:29:46,703 --> 00:29:48,663
-I know.
-That was good.
632
00:29:48,663 --> 00:29:50,832
What if we were a movie?
What would our movie be?
633
00:29:50,832 --> 00:29:55,086
Oh, my God,
I think it would be like
a slasher horror film
634
00:29:55,086 --> 00:29:56,755
where Denzel Washington
plays you
635
00:29:56,755 --> 00:29:58,381
-and Margot Robbie plays me.
-Okay.
636
00:29:58,381 --> 00:30:00,425
And we both get gutted
and die together.
637
00:30:00,425 --> 00:30:02,052
And then we have to solve
our own murders.
638
00:30:02,052 --> 00:30:03,511
And then we come alive
in different universes
639
00:30:03,511 --> 00:30:05,138
and solve who murdered
each of us.
640
00:30:05,138 --> 00:30:07,265
I like the different universe
aspect of it.
641
00:30:07,265 --> 00:30:09,100
-That's nice.
-Yeah, and then we-- exactly.
642
00:30:09,100 --> 00:30:11,561
And then we, and then we,
and then we.
643
00:30:11,561 --> 00:30:13,104
-Stop, stop, stop!
-And then we--
644
00:30:13,104 --> 00:30:15,857
-Clever, but, no.
-No? No hand holding?
645
00:30:15,857 --> 00:30:18,109
Why? No!
Do you want my social too?
646
00:30:18,109 --> 00:30:20,111
-Yeah, that'd be nice.
-I'll give you all my
credit card numbers.
647
00:30:20,111 --> 00:30:23,198
Honestly, I would love that.
You pay for dinner anyway, so.
648
00:30:23,198 --> 00:30:24,324
-That's true.
-[laughs]
649
00:30:25,158 --> 00:30:28,370
So what about holding hands
makes you uncomfortable?
650
00:30:28,370 --> 00:30:30,372
[narrator]
That's Milo's doorman Cole.
651
00:30:30,372 --> 00:30:33,124
I hear he's a really handsome
and charming guy.
652
00:30:33,124 --> 00:30:35,794
-Well, he's not my boyfriend,
so why would he hold my hand?
-Right.
653
00:30:35,794 --> 00:30:38,505
-Can you guys go on dates
with other people?
-[both] Duh.
654
00:30:38,505 --> 00:30:39,964
-That's the whole point.
-Why not?
655
00:30:39,964 --> 00:30:41,174
Who pays for dinner?
656
00:30:41,174 --> 00:30:42,509
-She does.
-We split it.
657
00:30:42,509 --> 00:30:44,803
-Hmm, no.
-Excuse me?
658
00:30:44,803 --> 00:30:46,471
-[scoffs]
-You do.
659
00:30:46,471 --> 00:30:48,640
I literally have sent you,
like, 50 Venmo requests,
660
00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:51,893
and they're all sitting there,
and I am being a gentle woman
661
00:30:51,893 --> 00:30:53,895
by not reminding you
that they are there.
662
00:30:53,895 --> 00:30:58,983
Okay, I got one more
very, very important question.
663
00:30:58,983 --> 00:31:00,944
[suspenseful music]
664
00:31:00,944 --> 00:31:03,113
[bell rings]
665
00:31:03,113 --> 00:31:04,364
Hang on.
666
00:31:04,364 --> 00:31:05,365
Hi.
667
00:31:06,616 --> 00:31:08,702
Sorry about that.
Uh, who are you here to see?
668
00:31:08,702 --> 00:31:10,620
-7F? What's your name?
-Brian.
669
00:31:10,620 --> 00:31:13,665
-Brian, all right.
-Okay, he's also totally lying
670
00:31:13,665 --> 00:31:15,875
-about not telling
people's business.
-Oh, my God.
671
00:31:15,875 --> 00:31:19,379
He was the person
that told me my parents
were having an affair.
672
00:31:19,379 --> 00:31:21,047
-Stop!
-Yeah.
673
00:31:21,047 --> 00:31:23,299
-That's unreal.
-I know.
674
00:31:23,299 --> 00:31:25,844
-I'm sorry!
-It's totally unreal because
I'm just messing with you.
675
00:31:25,844 --> 00:31:27,387
-That didn't really happen.
-Are you kidding?
676
00:31:27,387 --> 00:31:30,181
Sorry about that. [sighs]
Where were we?
677
00:31:30,181 --> 00:31:31,599
Important question.
Ready?
678
00:31:35,061 --> 00:31:39,899
What happens when one of you
catches feelings?
679
00:31:39,899 --> 00:31:43,695
Uh, you mean if one of us
catches feelings?
680
00:31:49,743 --> 00:31:52,829
Yeah, yeah, if.
681
00:31:52,829 --> 00:31:56,249
No, no, I mean when.
682
00:31:56,249 --> 00:31:58,668
It's never if.
683
00:31:58,668 --> 00:31:59,836
It's never, ever if.
684
00:31:59,836 --> 00:32:02,589
It's-- it's always when.
685
00:32:06,259 --> 00:32:08,636
You guys are gonna have
a lot of fun...
686
00:32:10,513 --> 00:32:12,557
but it's never gonna work out.
687
00:32:14,559 --> 00:32:16,394
Take it from me.
688
00:32:16,394 --> 00:32:18,396
[gentle music]
689
00:32:18,396 --> 00:32:20,315
[sighs]
690
00:32:27,364 --> 00:32:28,782
Sweet and salty.
691
00:32:30,116 --> 00:32:31,242
How's that?
692
00:32:32,827 --> 00:32:34,120
Hmm.
693
00:32:36,456 --> 00:32:38,625
How about the Razzle Dazzle?
694
00:32:38,625 --> 00:32:40,293
Does it razzle?
695
00:32:40,293 --> 00:32:41,461
Does it...
696
00:32:42,420 --> 00:32:43,630
[both] Dazzle?
697
00:32:45,090 --> 00:32:46,800
All right, that's it.
698
00:32:48,259 --> 00:32:50,303
-No. It's not.
-No. Okay.
699
00:32:50,303 --> 00:32:52,138
Well, at least
you're predictable.
700
00:32:52,138 --> 00:32:53,473
[Wendy] Huh?
701
00:32:53,473 --> 00:32:54,641
Cookie dough.
702
00:32:54,641 --> 00:32:56,059
Why would you say that?
703
00:32:56,059 --> 00:32:57,519
Well, you just gotta
pick a flavor
704
00:32:57,519 --> 00:32:59,437
and then just go
with that flavor.
705
00:32:59,437 --> 00:33:01,690
And why would I pick a flavor
and just go with that flavor
706
00:33:01,690 --> 00:33:03,024
when I can try all the flavors?
707
00:33:03,024 --> 00:33:04,567
Because if you try
all the flavors,
708
00:33:04,567 --> 00:33:06,361
then you never really get
to experience
709
00:33:06,361 --> 00:33:12,200
just one good flavor at once.
710
00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:14,953
-[Wendy] Let me
think about that.
-Mm-hmm, yeah.
711
00:33:14,953 --> 00:33:17,372
Yeah, I think I'm just gonna
exercise my right
712
00:33:17,372 --> 00:33:20,542
-to try all the flavors
because I can.
-Okay.
713
00:33:20,542 --> 00:33:22,502
And I'm going to get
the vanilla cone.
714
00:33:22,502 --> 00:33:24,587
-[Wendy] Boring. Predictable.
-That's not boring.
715
00:33:24,587 --> 00:33:27,465
No, I like vanilla,
because I'm traveled, I'm wise,
716
00:33:27,465 --> 00:33:29,342
I'm cultured,
I've had the other flavors.
717
00:33:29,342 --> 00:33:31,761
Chocolate varies too much
brand to brand.
718
00:33:31,761 --> 00:33:34,264
-Cotton candy, that's one
of the fun flavors, right?
-Yeah.
719
00:33:34,264 --> 00:33:36,349
You take two bites of that,
too sweet.
720
00:33:36,349 --> 00:33:37,767
Thank you.
721
00:33:37,767 --> 00:33:39,894
-It's melting and everything.
-Cheers.
722
00:33:41,438 --> 00:33:45,066
Okay, well, I guess
you'll never experience the joy
723
00:33:45,066 --> 00:33:48,236
of having a Razzle Dazzle,
salted caramel,
724
00:33:48,236 --> 00:33:52,449
-and cookie dough,
in a cup, please.
-[mouths] Okay.
725
00:33:52,449 --> 00:33:55,660
I guess
you'll never experience the joy
of committing to something.
726
00:34:00,665 --> 00:34:04,169
What are you guys
really talking about?
727
00:34:04,169 --> 00:34:05,920
Just some metaphors.
728
00:34:05,920 --> 00:34:07,964
Yeah, metaphors are great ways
to talk about things
729
00:34:07,964 --> 00:34:10,759
-that you don't actually
wanna talk about.
-Mm-hmm.
730
00:34:14,179 --> 00:34:17,015
Do-- do you wanna check out?
731
00:34:17,015 --> 00:34:19,976
[Cole]
Three avoided "what are we"
conversations later,
732
00:34:19,976 --> 00:34:24,022
Milo wished he was the flavor
that could make Wendy happy.
733
00:34:24,022 --> 00:34:26,608
-I think you make me
a better person.
-[snickers]
734
00:34:26,608 --> 00:34:29,694
I'm literally the same person
you've dated your entire life,
735
00:34:29,694 --> 00:34:32,572
and if you're really
on the quest to look
for the one,
736
00:34:32,572 --> 00:34:35,116
then you really have to stop
looking in the same place.
737
00:34:35,116 --> 00:34:36,868
I think you need to give
yourself more credit.
738
00:34:36,868 --> 00:34:38,495
You don't make me
a better person.
739
00:34:38,495 --> 00:34:40,121
That's why this works so well.
740
00:34:40,121 --> 00:34:42,165
We're like the TV show
you watch every night,
741
00:34:42,165 --> 00:34:44,668
that episode of The Office
that you know line by line.
742
00:34:44,668 --> 00:34:46,586
You just know what to expect.
743
00:34:47,462 --> 00:34:48,588
What's wrong with that?
744
00:34:48,588 --> 00:34:50,256
Okay!
745
00:34:51,925 --> 00:34:53,968
Hook, Hook, Hook.
Wait, wait, wait.
746
00:34:53,968 --> 00:34:57,639
Um, no, I know--
stop, I know who is in Hook.
747
00:34:57,639 --> 00:34:59,766
-Rufio.
-Whoa!
748
00:34:59,766 --> 00:35:01,976
-Um, yes, that's his na--
-Has a name.
749
00:35:01,976 --> 00:35:03,603
Okay, calm down.
750
00:35:03,603 --> 00:35:05,438
Uh, his name is, uh...
751
00:35:05,438 --> 00:35:06,606
-[Hank] Three...
-Two...
752
00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:08,858
[Jessie] No, wait,
no, no, no, stop!
753
00:35:08,858 --> 00:35:10,777
-...one.
-Stop! [yells]
754
00:35:10,777 --> 00:35:14,239
[friends shouting, chanting]
Chug, chug, chug, chug!
755
00:35:14,239 --> 00:35:15,532
-Chug it, chug it.
-That's alcohol.
756
00:35:15,532 --> 00:35:17,242
-No more.
-[Milo laughing]
757
00:35:17,242 --> 00:35:20,495
-[Jessie] Oh, Dante Basco, duh.
-Should we split it?
758
00:35:20,495 --> 00:35:23,415
-No, I think we should
do individually.
-Why?
759
00:35:23,415 --> 00:35:26,459
-That's, like,
extremely difficult...
-Hank had two mains.
760
00:35:26,459 --> 00:35:28,003
[Wendy] He did, didn't he?
761
00:35:28,003 --> 00:35:30,005
Yeah, I'm bulking.
762
00:35:30,005 --> 00:35:31,715
You ate like two people.
763
00:35:31,715 --> 00:35:34,175
You got the sea bass
and you got a hanger steak.
764
00:35:34,175 --> 00:35:38,013
But that hanger steak
was not for the table,
that was for you.
765
00:35:38,013 --> 00:35:40,682
Okay, fine, I'll--
I will pay the tip.
766
00:35:40,682 --> 00:35:42,308
-Okay.
-Okay.
767
00:35:42,308 --> 00:35:44,561
-Aw! You guys!
-[Milo] Settled. That's fair.
768
00:35:44,561 --> 00:35:47,063
Say "Thank you, Daddy" on three.
One, two, three.
769
00:35:47,063 --> 00:35:49,107
-Thank you, Daddy.
-[Jessie] Very good.
770
00:35:49,107 --> 00:35:50,775
-Why didn't you say it?
-'Cause it's uncomfortable.
771
00:35:50,775 --> 00:35:52,944
-I always tell them that.
-He liked that too much.
772
00:35:52,944 --> 00:35:56,406
Now that that's settled,
Wendy has big news,
speaking of news.
773
00:35:56,406 --> 00:36:00,076
-Oh, does she?
-Wendy is moving to LA.
774
00:36:00,076 --> 00:36:01,870
She's movin' to LA.
She just told me.
775
00:36:01,870 --> 00:36:03,997
-That's exciting,
that's awesome.
-[Wendy] No...
776
00:36:03,997 --> 00:36:06,124
-I-- what?
-I'm-- I'm just...
777
00:36:07,292 --> 00:36:10,378
contemplating a life there...
778
00:36:10,378 --> 00:36:12,297
Like, on purpose?
779
00:36:12,297 --> 00:36:13,798
Hate that for you.
780
00:36:13,798 --> 00:36:16,634
-LA is a haunted house...
-Oh, my God.
781
00:36:16,634 --> 00:36:18,887
...full of cardboard
sunshine people.
782
00:36:18,887 --> 00:36:20,472
Why did you do that?
See, you've made her mad.
783
00:36:20,472 --> 00:36:22,891
-You're being a child.
-I'm not being a child.
784
00:36:22,891 --> 00:36:24,601
-You're being a child.
-Mm-mm.
785
00:36:24,601 --> 00:36:26,061
You look like a child right now.
786
00:36:26,061 --> 00:36:28,229
The way you're drinking
is childlike.
787
00:36:28,229 --> 00:36:31,733
If they're not a couple,
they're definitely fighting
like a couple.
788
00:36:31,733 --> 00:36:34,194
-Well, they are.
-I don't think--
that was bickering.
789
00:36:34,194 --> 00:36:36,237
-I don't think
that was fighting.
-It wasn't fighting.
790
00:36:36,237 --> 00:36:37,822
You were being kind of dramatic.
That wasn't fighting.
791
00:36:37,822 --> 00:36:39,783
That was a discussion.
We were discussing.
792
00:36:39,783 --> 00:36:42,327
It was-- it was a salon.
793
00:36:42,327 --> 00:36:45,622
Oh, uh, my ex just moved to LA.
794
00:36:45,622 --> 00:36:47,415
-[Wendy] Oh, really?
-I'll give you her number.
795
00:36:47,415 --> 00:36:48,750
-You guys would
totally get along.
-[Wendy] Yeah.
796
00:36:48,750 --> 00:36:51,127
Oh, amazing. [laughs]
797
00:36:51,127 --> 00:36:54,339
That sounds incredible.
What's up with your ex?
798
00:36:54,339 --> 00:36:56,341
Cool.
799
00:36:56,341 --> 00:36:59,052
[Hank] She just moved there
a few months ago.
800
00:36:59,052 --> 00:37:00,970
I didn't know
you still talked to her.
801
00:37:00,970 --> 00:37:03,598
-[laughs]
-I don't, really.
802
00:37:03,598 --> 00:37:06,017
She just told me that
she was leaving to New York.
803
00:37:06,017 --> 00:37:08,520
She told you?
Like, you guys text?
804
00:37:08,520 --> 00:37:12,440
Not often, but she texted me
because we have...
805
00:37:13,900 --> 00:37:17,320
a "text when a big life event
happens" type of relationship.
806
00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:19,197
She's moving to LA?
What is she, an actress?
807
00:37:19,197 --> 00:37:20,907
-She's moved to LA.
-She's an actress?
808
00:37:20,907 --> 00:37:22,450
-No, she works in PR.
-Is she blonde?
809
00:37:22,450 --> 00:37:24,619
Okay, how tall she?
Look at me in the eyes.
810
00:37:24,619 --> 00:37:26,746
How-- hey!
811
00:37:26,746 --> 00:37:28,498
How tall is she?
812
00:37:28,498 --> 00:37:30,375
You know, that's something--
that we don't do that.
813
00:37:30,375 --> 00:37:32,794
We don't have to do that.
We're immune to stuff like that.
814
00:37:32,794 --> 00:37:35,672
-We are immune.
-We don't have that element
to be worried about it.
815
00:37:35,672 --> 00:37:37,298
We can't even get to the point
where we fight.
816
00:37:37,298 --> 00:37:39,384
-[Jessie] I'm not mad.
-You're overreacting--
817
00:37:39,384 --> 00:37:42,137
-I'm overreacting?
It's called reacting, so.
-You're-- I--
818
00:37:42,137 --> 00:37:44,014
-You know that I hate--
-I've mentioned that--
819
00:37:44,014 --> 00:37:46,683
[Jessie] Overreacting?
Are you serious?
820
00:37:46,683 --> 00:37:49,102
I am going to go.
821
00:37:49,102 --> 00:37:51,604
This was so freaking
cool and fun.
822
00:37:51,604 --> 00:37:54,149
-[laughs] Bye.
-[Wendy] Bye.
823
00:37:54,149 --> 00:37:56,526
-[Jessie] Have an amazing
night, everyone.
-[Wendy] Love you.
824
00:37:56,526 --> 00:37:58,611
-[Jessie] Love you.
-[Wendy] Later.
825
00:38:01,740 --> 00:38:03,825
[Milo] You still have
her number?
826
00:38:03,825 --> 00:38:05,785
Yeah, what am I supp--
827
00:38:05,785 --> 00:38:08,288
Am I not allowed to have
an ex-girlfriend?
828
00:38:08,288 --> 00:38:09,789
[Wendy] You need
a whole new phone now.
829
00:38:09,789 --> 00:38:13,460
I'm gonna go,
um, deal with this.
830
00:38:13,460 --> 00:38:15,128
-[Wendy] Okay.
-[Hank] Okay?
831
00:38:15,128 --> 00:38:17,630
-Are you leaving
without paying?
-Leave a card.
832
00:38:17,630 --> 00:38:21,259
-Definitely leave a card.
-But you got a lobster,
that's not even-- [scoffs]
833
00:38:21,259 --> 00:38:22,510
Even the size,
what do you think?
834
00:38:22,510 --> 00:38:25,555
Is there-- no way.
835
00:38:25,555 --> 00:38:27,515
-No kiss? No kiss?
-No.
836
00:38:27,515 --> 00:38:29,517
PDA is a no-no for us.
837
00:38:29,517 --> 00:38:32,687
-Come on, just give me a kiss.
-It's gross, it's gross.
838
00:38:32,687 --> 00:38:34,397
-I don't wanna do it.
-Look at them.
839
00:38:34,397 --> 00:38:36,066
Are you kidding?
840
00:38:36,066 --> 00:38:37,650
I think
they're overcompensating
for something.
841
00:38:37,650 --> 00:38:39,903
I mean, they were literally
just fighting.
842
00:38:39,903 --> 00:38:42,405
And now they're not.
I don't know.
843
00:38:42,405 --> 00:38:44,407
I think they really love
each other.
844
00:38:44,407 --> 00:38:46,826
And I think that
they've been dating
for, like, two weeks.
845
00:38:46,826 --> 00:38:49,496
[both] Two months!
846
00:38:49,496 --> 00:38:52,332
They don't love each other.
That is the honeymoon stage.
847
00:38:52,332 --> 00:38:54,250
I don't know.
848
00:38:54,250 --> 00:38:55,669
So?
849
00:38:55,669 --> 00:38:58,004
What?
My place, your place?
850
00:38:58,004 --> 00:39:01,007
What are we doing, hmm?
What are we doin'?
851
00:39:01,007 --> 00:39:03,885
I think I owe you
two sleepovers, so.
852
00:39:03,885 --> 00:39:07,180
Um, actually...
853
00:39:08,139 --> 00:39:11,393
-I do.
-You got other plans?
854
00:39:11,393 --> 00:39:12,727
Okay, all right.
855
00:39:12,727 --> 00:39:14,646
So what?
That's a date?
856
00:39:14,646 --> 00:39:17,899
Yeah.
Yeah, I already got a date.
857
00:39:19,484 --> 00:39:20,527
All right.
858
00:39:22,987 --> 00:39:25,365
I have to dip my toes
back in the water.
859
00:39:25,365 --> 00:39:26,491
Come on.
860
00:39:26,491 --> 00:39:28,368
Actually, while I have you,
861
00:39:28,368 --> 00:39:30,787
is this a good text
to send someone
862
00:39:30,787 --> 00:39:33,540
or is it, like,
way too aggressive?
863
00:39:35,834 --> 00:39:37,627
-Really?
-What?
864
00:39:37,627 --> 00:39:39,379
Wendy, no matter
what I tell you,
865
00:39:39,587 --> 00:39:42,257
you're just gonna like the guy
that doesn't like you back.
866
00:39:42,257 --> 00:39:46,302
Hey, emotionally unavailable
people need love, too, so help.
867
00:39:47,595 --> 00:39:49,806
We're more afraid of you
than you are of us.
868
00:39:49,806 --> 00:39:51,307
That's not helpful.
869
00:39:51,307 --> 00:39:54,227
Give me something more.
Elaborate, please.
870
00:39:54,227 --> 00:39:58,732
Huh. You know,
be your charming self,
make small talk,
871
00:39:58,732 --> 00:40:03,361
have an emotional connection,
you know, bite your lip, right?
872
00:40:03,361 --> 00:40:05,947
But you can't text him.
Do not!
873
00:40:05,947 --> 00:40:07,949
Seriously, you have to act
like he died.
874
00:40:07,949 --> 00:40:10,618
Do not text him,
and then, boom, he's yours.
875
00:40:12,454 --> 00:40:14,914
He'll fall in love with you.
876
00:40:14,914 --> 00:40:16,624
Thank you.
877
00:40:16,624 --> 00:40:18,835
But I have to go,
and I'm gonna call you later.
878
00:40:25,091 --> 00:40:26,593
[Milo sighs]
879
00:40:28,053 --> 00:40:33,266
Uh, yeah, thank you
for the drinks.
880
00:40:33,266 --> 00:40:35,101
I mean, I kind of wish
you let me split it,
881
00:40:35,101 --> 00:40:37,395
but, whatever,
it was really nice of you.
882
00:40:37,395 --> 00:40:40,940
Um, so thank you... again.
883
00:40:40,940 --> 00:40:43,401
Yeah, of course, no worries.
884
00:40:43,401 --> 00:40:45,820
Uh, so drinks again next week.
885
00:40:45,820 --> 00:40:47,447
{\an8}[Cole] This was Mort,
886
00:40:47,447 --> 00:40:49,532
{\an8}a man Wendy matched with
on Meet Cute.
887
00:40:49,532 --> 00:40:53,453
He lived
only one train stop away
and was a clean 6'2".
888
00:40:53,453 --> 00:40:56,664
Rather than seeing a therapist,
Mort co-hosted a podcast
889
00:40:56,664 --> 00:40:59,709
where he interviewed
ex-girlfriends about
what went wrong,
890
00:40:59,709 --> 00:41:02,921
called Let's Catch Up,
available on iTunes
and Spotify.
891
00:41:02,921 --> 00:41:04,923
So, I'll see you again
for drinks next week.
892
00:41:04,923 --> 00:41:07,133
We'll do drinks next week.
893
00:41:07,133 --> 00:41:09,135
No, actually.
894
00:41:09,135 --> 00:41:10,595
What? Why? what?
895
00:41:10,595 --> 00:41:12,764
I mean, you lied.
896
00:41:12,764 --> 00:41:14,015
About?
897
00:41:14,015 --> 00:41:15,141
Come on.
898
00:41:15,850 --> 00:41:17,310
-What?
-Mort.
899
00:41:17,310 --> 00:41:19,521
-Yes?
-Mort, you said you were 6'2".
900
00:41:22,857 --> 00:41:27,153
I am essentially 6'2".
901
00:41:27,153 --> 00:41:28,822
What-- what are you
talking about?
902
00:41:28,822 --> 00:41:31,950
You're not 6'2".
903
00:41:31,950 --> 00:41:34,619
[exhales]
Okay, fine.
904
00:41:34,619 --> 00:41:37,288
I'm like 6-- I'm like 6--
I'm like a solid 6 foot.
905
00:41:37,288 --> 00:41:38,957
I'm like a clean 6-- 6'0".
906
00:41:40,458 --> 00:41:42,002
Sure, you know what?
You're right.
907
00:41:42,002 --> 00:41:45,171
If I take off my shoes,
yeah, I'm six foot.
908
00:41:45,171 --> 00:41:47,757
-But shoes back on,
I'm probably like 6'3".
-It's okay, honestly.
909
00:41:47,757 --> 00:41:51,052
6'2" is merely a number.
910
00:41:51,052 --> 00:41:52,721
You don't wanna give
this a chance
911
00:41:52,721 --> 00:41:55,015
'cause I'm slightly smaller
than I said I was?
912
00:41:55,015 --> 00:41:57,767
"Slight" is generous, Mort,
but I appreciate you
keeping yourself up.
913
00:41:57,767 --> 00:42:00,729
Here, come take a seat, let me
explain something to you.
914
00:42:02,022 --> 00:42:06,818
Your optimism is endearing,
honestly, but let's dig deeper.
915
00:42:07,777 --> 00:42:09,362
Why do you feel the need
916
00:42:09,362 --> 00:42:12,240
to exaggerate certain aspects
of your profile?
917
00:42:12,240 --> 00:42:15,660
-I mean, do you not love you?
-I do love me.
918
00:42:15,660 --> 00:42:18,580
Oh, good.
Let's start there.
919
00:42:18,580 --> 00:42:23,043
It's just that dating--
dating can be so hard.
920
00:42:23,043 --> 00:42:25,587
It is.
It can be.
921
00:42:25,587 --> 00:42:29,966
And I go on all these dates
and I finally meet people
that I like,
922
00:42:29,966 --> 00:42:32,719
and then the more I like them,
the less they like me.
923
00:42:33,595 --> 00:42:35,930
Hmm, I know the feeling.
Do you smoke?
924
00:42:35,930 --> 00:42:37,265
-No.
-I don't either.
925
00:42:37,265 --> 00:42:39,934
Listen, Mort, here's the thing.
926
00:42:39,934 --> 00:42:43,313
[sighs] Sometimes things in life
just don't pan out the way
we want them to,
927
00:42:43,313 --> 00:42:46,608
but you have to be able
to get over it and you have to
be okay with that.
928
00:42:46,608 --> 00:42:49,110
[Cole] On a different couch,
in a different part
of Manhattan,
929
00:42:49,110 --> 00:42:51,363
Milo was enjoying
temporary validation
930
00:42:51,363 --> 00:42:54,407
from all the likes
on his most recent selfie.
931
00:42:54,407 --> 00:42:56,368
He was surprised,
but not shocked,
932
00:42:56,368 --> 00:42:58,870
to see that Katie 7F
liked his photo
933
00:42:58,870 --> 00:43:01,706
despite their theatrical
Central Park breakup.
934
00:43:01,706 --> 00:43:03,541
He quickly scrolled her grid,
935
00:43:03,541 --> 00:43:05,710
and with no evidence
of a significant other,
936
00:43:05,710 --> 00:43:10,048
her percentage of singlehood
was likely high.
937
00:43:10,048 --> 00:43:12,050
[light-hearted music]
938
00:43:24,771 --> 00:43:26,940
[phone rings]
939
00:43:26,940 --> 00:43:29,859
Did you know that Sunday
is the busiest day for people
on dating apps?
940
00:43:29,859 --> 00:43:34,239
I wonder if it's because
of the impending horror
of the work week.
941
00:43:34,239 --> 00:43:37,617
-Actually, I'm sure
that's probably it, yeah.
-[Wendy laughs]
942
00:43:37,617 --> 00:43:41,079
Oh, and January sixth
is the busiest day of the year.
943
00:43:41,079 --> 00:43:42,288
Why is that?
944
00:43:42,288 --> 00:43:44,207
'Cause people want Valentines?
945
00:43:44,207 --> 00:43:45,875
No, I think it's because
people break up
946
00:43:45,875 --> 00:43:47,711
after they go meet
each other's families,
947
00:43:47,711 --> 00:43:49,713
'cause they realize, "I was
just in this relationship
948
00:43:49,713 --> 00:43:53,133
so I wouldn't be
the only single person
at Thanksgiving dinner."
949
00:43:53,133 --> 00:43:57,178
Ooh, and did you know
that you're 80% more likely
to be swiped right on
950
00:43:57,178 --> 00:43:59,347
if you use the word guacamole
in your profile?
951
00:43:59,347 --> 00:44:01,558
-Guacamole?
-Mm-hmm.
952
00:44:01,558 --> 00:44:03,226
Hmm.
953
00:44:03,226 --> 00:44:05,603
Do you know what men lie about?
954
00:44:05,603 --> 00:44:06,771
Their height?
955
00:44:07,772 --> 00:44:09,607
How did you know that?
956
00:44:09,607 --> 00:44:12,193
Because I'm 5'8", not 5'11".
957
00:44:12,986 --> 00:44:14,946
Mmm, right.
958
00:44:14,946 --> 00:44:16,948
Yes, I wish I knew that.
959
00:44:17,824 --> 00:44:19,617
[sputters]
960
00:44:19,617 --> 00:44:21,202
Do you wanna come over?
961
00:44:21,202 --> 00:44:23,955
-That's a rule breaker.
-What.
962
00:44:23,955 --> 00:44:26,458
I am sleepy,
and I'm already in bed,
963
00:44:26,458 --> 00:44:30,211
and I'm watching Harry Potter,
and... yeah.
964
00:44:30,211 --> 00:44:32,714
But I can talk to you
until I fall asleep.
965
00:44:32,714 --> 00:44:36,092
-Okay, I'll settle for that.
-Mm-hmm.
966
00:44:37,802 --> 00:44:40,930
[snickers]
Wait, where did you go?
967
00:44:40,930 --> 00:44:45,852
{\an8}I just, uh, checked Instagram.
968
00:44:46,936 --> 00:44:49,564
-Oh, my God.
-[phone dings]
969
00:44:49,564 --> 00:44:52,817
-Thank--
-But, uh, yeah, yeah,
I have to go.
970
00:44:52,817 --> 00:44:54,486
What?
Wait, what?
971
00:44:54,486 --> 00:44:56,529
Yeah, I gotta--
I gotta go for real.
972
00:44:56,529 --> 00:44:58,907
Whatever, you suck.
973
00:44:58,907 --> 00:45:00,825
-[sighs]
-[knocking on door]
974
00:45:10,085 --> 00:45:11,378
-[Katie] Hi.
-Hey, what's up?
975
00:45:11,378 --> 00:45:12,879
{\an8}-Hey.
-[phone buzzes]
976
00:45:12,879 --> 00:45:14,464
{\an8}-Thanks for coming.
-Yeah, for sure.
977
00:45:14,464 --> 00:45:16,883
{\an8}-Do I...?
-Good, yeah, yeah, yeah.
978
00:45:16,883 --> 00:45:19,969
{\an8}Um, so, yeah.
979
00:45:19,969 --> 00:45:21,930
{\an8}Easy time getting here?
980
00:45:21,930 --> 00:45:24,599
[Katie chuckles] Yeah, I mean,
all of six minutes it took me.
981
00:45:24,599 --> 00:45:26,851
-I took the stairs.
-[chuckles] Oh, okay.
982
00:45:26,851 --> 00:45:29,229
{\an8}-A little cardio,
a little workout, that's good.
-Got my steps in.
983
00:45:29,229 --> 00:45:32,899
-Right, right, that's good.
Do you want some wine?
-I would love some wine.
984
00:45:32,899 --> 00:45:34,609
{\an8}-Yeah, okay.
-Yes, one of those days.
985
00:45:34,609 --> 00:45:37,070
{\an8}-I've got a nice Flemish red.
-Yep.
986
00:45:37,070 --> 00:45:39,030
[laughs] Okay.
987
00:45:41,199 --> 00:45:42,784
-You like wine?
-Yeah.
988
00:45:42,784 --> 00:45:44,160
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
989
00:45:44,160 --> 00:45:45,954
You know, I indulge,
I would say.
990
00:45:45,954 --> 00:45:47,789
-Um...
-[Katie laughs]
991
00:45:47,789 --> 00:45:50,333
{\an8}-[phone buzzes]
-[Katie] It's hard not
to miss it, eh?
992
00:45:50,333 --> 00:45:53,586
{\an8}-[Milo] Right. Cheers.
-[Katie] Cheers.
993
00:45:53,586 --> 00:45:56,715
[Cole]
Despite the contract stating
they could sleep with others,
994
00:45:56,715 --> 00:45:58,800
Milo had a rush
of morning guilt
995
00:45:58,800 --> 00:46:01,011
and Wendy couldn't help
but feel a little bitter.
996
00:46:01,011 --> 00:46:03,388
I guess there's something
you can learn from that.
997
00:46:03,388 --> 00:46:07,225
Like don't be stupid,
don't just immediately have sex
with someone, I guess.
998
00:46:07,225 --> 00:46:09,769
[Cole] But like
any healthy adult relationship,
999
00:46:09,769 --> 00:46:13,106
the two addressed
their emotions head-on.
1000
00:46:13,106 --> 00:46:15,108
-[sighs]
-Why are you being moody?
1001
00:46:15,108 --> 00:46:17,777
-I'm not. [laughs]
-You're being really moody.
1002
00:46:17,777 --> 00:46:20,905
-No, I'm not being moody.
-Oh, my God, let's not
play this game.
1003
00:46:20,905 --> 00:46:22,365
Just tell me if you're mad.
1004
00:46:22,365 --> 00:46:23,908
If you're mad,
we can talk about it.
1005
00:46:23,908 --> 00:46:26,828
I'm not mad, I'm not.
I was just saying.
1006
00:46:26,828 --> 00:46:29,831
[Cole] While one relationship
tiptoed around their feelings,
1007
00:46:29,831 --> 00:46:33,460
another was about to take
a huge step forward.
1008
00:46:33,460 --> 00:46:36,463
Okay, this neighborhood
is very hot, very hot.
1009
00:46:36,463 --> 00:46:38,340
Did you notice the Whole Foods
they were building?
1010
00:46:38,340 --> 00:46:40,800
-They were opening one
down the street.
-Oh, on 24th?
1011
00:46:40,800 --> 00:46:43,470
-No, the one on 23rd.
-Uh, how's the landlord?
1012
00:46:43,470 --> 00:46:45,221
Oh, completely insane.
1013
00:46:45,221 --> 00:46:47,974
You'd be lucky if you
get your security deposit back,
1014
00:46:47,974 --> 00:46:51,186
but you have to ignore
all these red flags for...
1015
00:46:52,479 --> 00:46:53,897
natural light.
1016
00:46:53,897 --> 00:46:55,815
It's a little small,
right, Hanky?
1017
00:46:57,275 --> 00:46:58,860
[both] It's New York!
1018
00:46:58,860 --> 00:47:00,487
{\an8}[Hank] Yeah, uh,
can I think about it?
1019
00:47:00,487 --> 00:47:01,988
{\an8}[realtor] Well, not too long,
1020
00:47:01,988 --> 00:47:04,741
{\an8}because this place
is gonna be snapped up.
1021
00:47:04,741 --> 00:47:08,119
A place like this
in this hot neighborhood,
very desirable.
1022
00:47:08,119 --> 00:47:10,080
Take five seconds.
1023
00:47:10,080 --> 00:47:11,956
Five, four, three, two--
1024
00:47:11,956 --> 00:47:13,833
-I'll take it!
-[Jessie laughs]
1025
00:47:13,833 --> 00:47:16,044
-Good choice.
-Are you serious?
1026
00:47:16,044 --> 00:47:17,921
-She's good.
-Okay, let's go.
1027
00:47:17,921 --> 00:47:19,798
You're very good at your job.
All right, let's see.
1028
00:47:19,798 --> 00:47:22,050
You're gonna definitely have to
move some of this furniture.
1029
00:47:22,050 --> 00:47:25,387
It's very sad.
Very, very sad couch over there.
1030
00:47:25,387 --> 00:47:27,263
And you're gonna wanna
move that up.
1031
00:47:27,263 --> 00:47:30,141
You're gonna have to get rid
of literally everything in here.
1032
00:47:30,141 --> 00:47:32,227
This is the saddest couch
in the universe.
1033
00:47:32,227 --> 00:47:34,354
That's scientific fact.
1034
00:47:34,354 --> 00:47:37,232
The sad Eiffel Tower,
"I'm a girl who studied abroad"
painting,
1035
00:47:37,232 --> 00:47:38,566
you'll have to move that.
1036
00:47:38,566 --> 00:47:41,778
-Come on. [laughs]
-You mean, um...
1037
00:47:41,778 --> 00:47:45,031
You mean,
we're gonna have to move that.
1038
00:47:45,031 --> 00:47:46,741
What are you talking about?
1039
00:47:48,034 --> 00:47:50,829
-I know that your lease is up.
-Okay.
1040
00:47:50,829 --> 00:47:53,665
It's coming up,
and you don't like
living with roommates...
1041
00:47:53,665 --> 00:47:58,461
-I don't.
-But what if you live with me
and I was your roommate?
1042
00:47:58,461 --> 00:48:00,422
[Jessie laughs]
1043
00:48:00,422 --> 00:48:01,923
-Are you askng me
to move in with you?
-Mm.
1044
00:48:01,923 --> 00:48:04,384
-In front of our new friend?
-Yeah.
1045
00:48:04,384 --> 00:48:06,136
-Are you nervous right now?
-A little bit.
1046
00:48:06,136 --> 00:48:08,346
I know, I could tell.
What do you want me to say?
1047
00:48:08,346 --> 00:48:10,598
-You think I'm gonna say no?
-I want you to say yes.
1048
00:48:10,598 --> 00:48:12,767
-Of course I'll say yes!
-'Cause I like you so much.
1049
00:48:12,767 --> 00:48:14,644
I like you!
I like you so much.
1050
00:48:14,644 --> 00:48:16,563
-What do you mean? Wait.
-[Jessie] What?
1051
00:48:16,563 --> 00:48:18,398
-You-- you like him?
-Yeah.
1052
00:48:18,398 --> 00:48:19,899
-You like her?
-Yeah.
1053
00:48:19,899 --> 00:48:21,234
-[Jessie] Big-time.
-Do you love her?
1054
00:48:21,234 --> 00:48:22,944
-[gasps]
-Do you love him?
1055
00:48:22,944 --> 00:48:24,487
The first time I'm gonna say it
in front of--
1056
00:48:24,487 --> 00:48:26,823
-He's obsessed with me.
-Yeah, I love you.
1057
00:48:26,823 --> 00:48:30,160
-I love you too.
-Oh, so beautiful! [laughs]
1058
00:48:30,160 --> 00:48:31,745
We're gonna live
in this little shit-hole
together.
1059
00:48:31,745 --> 00:48:33,913
Okay, but first,
you're gonna have to--
1060
00:48:33,913 --> 00:48:37,167
first and last month's rent
and my commission.
1061
00:48:37,167 --> 00:48:38,543
You know what?
Anything for you.
1062
00:48:38,543 --> 00:48:40,503
You're a queen.
Come here.
1063
00:48:40,503 --> 00:48:42,547
-You're our girl.
[smooching, laughs]
-[realtor] Oh!
1064
00:48:42,547 --> 00:48:44,299
-Oh, that-- that's nice.
-Thank you.
1065
00:48:44,299 --> 00:48:46,217
-[vocalizing]
-[laughing]
1066
00:48:46,217 --> 00:48:47,552
We live here now!
1067
00:48:47,552 --> 00:48:49,721
That's my shitty couch!
[laughing]
1068
00:48:53,350 --> 00:48:56,770
...to grab your attention with
its nice, broad green leaves
1069
00:48:56,770 --> 00:48:58,438
and its air filtering prowess.
1070
00:48:58,438 --> 00:48:59,981
Now give it a little touch.
1071
00:48:59,981 --> 00:49:02,692
-Don't-- no, no, not too much.
-Sorry.
1072
00:49:02,692 --> 00:49:04,652
Now it might require
a little bit more maintenance
1073
00:49:04,652 --> 00:49:06,404
-than the other plants...
-Mm-hmm.
1074
00:49:06,404 --> 00:49:08,698
...but as we all know,
nothing good comes easy, right?
1075
00:49:08,698 --> 00:49:11,951
Ah, ha! Do you have anything
from the Jurassic era?
1076
00:49:11,951 --> 00:49:13,661
-You know what, let me check.
-I'll look too.
1077
00:49:13,661 --> 00:49:15,497
-Let me see.
-I'll give it a quick gander.
1078
00:49:15,497 --> 00:49:17,207
You guys just do your thing.
1079
00:49:17,207 --> 00:49:19,167
I want something that looks like
it came out of a movie.
1080
00:49:19,167 --> 00:49:20,752
So you want a fossil?
1081
00:49:20,752 --> 00:49:22,921
I would also want
a fossil, but...
1082
00:49:26,758 --> 00:49:28,718
Is there a price tag?
1083
00:49:28,718 --> 00:49:31,388
-[gasps]
-[dramatic chord]
1084
00:49:31,388 --> 00:49:32,847
What's wrong?
1085
00:49:32,847 --> 00:49:34,724
-[Wendy] We have to go now.
-Why?
1086
00:49:34,724 --> 00:49:37,477
-I wanted to get the plant.
-[Wendy] We have to go now.
1087
00:49:37,477 --> 00:49:39,813
Don't forget, don't forget,
don't forget, don't forget.
1088
00:49:39,813 --> 00:49:42,357
-Hey, Bradley! [groaning]
-Who is--
1089
00:49:42,357 --> 00:49:44,776
Damn, damn... Wendy, Wendy.
Okay, basically, listen, here.
1090
00:49:44,776 --> 00:49:46,152
SparkNotes version.
1091
00:49:46,152 --> 00:49:47,904
I dated
that guy Bradley over there
1092
00:49:47,904 --> 00:49:49,989
and he basically ghosted me
for an unknown reason.
1093
00:49:49,989 --> 00:49:51,741
Maybe it could have been
because I texted him
a bunch of times.
1094
00:49:51,741 --> 00:49:53,284
I'm not sure, but he's here,
so we're gonna say hi.
1095
00:49:53,284 --> 00:49:54,577
-All right.
-We're gonna be fierce.
1096
00:49:54,577 --> 00:49:57,539
Be the better version of you.
1097
00:49:57,539 --> 00:49:59,666
-Hey!
-Hello!
1098
00:49:59,666 --> 00:50:01,334
Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh.
1099
00:50:01,334 --> 00:50:03,044
I was blind, but now I see.
[imitates gunfire]
1100
00:50:03,044 --> 00:50:04,921
-I see you.
-Duh, missed it, missed it.
1101
00:50:04,921 --> 00:50:07,924
[imitates machine-gun fire]
Sorry, that was aggressive.
1102
00:50:07,924 --> 00:50:09,926
-Hi, what's up?
-[Milo] Kind of insensitive,
given the climate.
1103
00:50:09,926 --> 00:50:11,761
-Okay.
-How are you?
1104
00:50:11,761 --> 00:50:14,347
Good. I mean, I don't know,
how is the sun, you know?
1105
00:50:14,347 --> 00:50:17,642
How is the sky?
It's grateful and expansive.
1106
00:50:17,642 --> 00:50:20,103
-Thank you, Father, up there.
-[Wendy] Thank you.
1107
00:50:20,103 --> 00:50:21,855
Thank you for asking me.
How are you?
1108
00:50:21,855 --> 00:50:24,607
-I'm amazing. Look, I'm--
-Come here, come here.
1109
00:50:24,607 --> 00:50:27,444
-Oh, okay.
-Mm. [sniffs]
1110
00:50:27,444 --> 00:50:30,363
Mm, yeah, it is you, it is you.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
1111
00:50:30,363 --> 00:50:32,240
Brad, baby, I found one.
1112
00:50:32,240 --> 00:50:33,575
Oh, Erica.
1113
00:50:33,575 --> 00:50:35,452
Hey, uh, this is Wendy,
actually.
1114
00:50:35,452 --> 00:50:37,370
-Oh, hi.
-Hi.
1115
00:50:37,370 --> 00:50:39,497
-[awkward laugh] Hi...
-[Erica] Hey.
1116
00:50:39,497 --> 00:50:42,000
She looks just like you.
1117
00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:44,753
-Oh, stop, that's so--
-You're so sweet.
1118
00:50:44,753 --> 00:50:46,504
This is Milo.
Sorry, this is Milo.
1119
00:50:46,504 --> 00:50:48,548
-He's, um... He's my friend.
-Yeah, hey. What's up?
1120
00:50:48,548 --> 00:50:50,675
He's my, um, sex friend.
1121
00:50:50,675 --> 00:50:53,261
-Yeah, by contract.
-By contract, by contract.
1122
00:50:53,261 --> 00:50:55,513
Well, Erica's my fiancée.
[laughs]
1123
00:50:55,513 --> 00:50:56,973
So, we're waiting.
1124
00:50:56,973 --> 00:50:58,641
[laughs] Just kidding!
We're freaks!
1125
00:50:58,641 --> 00:51:00,894
Wow!
Did you hear that, Milo?
1126
00:51:00,894 --> 00:51:02,854
He has a fiancée now.
1127
00:51:02,854 --> 00:51:04,981
That's crazy!
It's wild!
1128
00:51:04,981 --> 00:51:07,984
I just-- I remember
you kind of saying something
along the lines
1129
00:51:07,984 --> 00:51:10,820
of, "Hey, you know, Wendy,
I don't wanna date you anymore.
1130
00:51:10,820 --> 00:51:12,447
I wanna date myself
and be single."
1131
00:51:12,447 --> 00:51:14,824
And I was like, "Oh, cool,
you go do that."
1132
00:51:14,824 --> 00:51:17,660
Well, last time you saw me,
I was like... [snorts] "Whoo!"
1133
00:51:17,660 --> 00:51:19,621
-You know?
That was me!
-[Wendy] Yes, yes.
1134
00:51:19,621 --> 00:51:22,123
But not anymore, not anymore,
'cause I was looking.
1135
00:51:22,123 --> 00:51:23,750
I was searching,
I was searching.
1136
00:51:23,750 --> 00:51:25,585
But, you know,
the universe provides, right?
1137
00:51:25,585 --> 00:51:27,545
"I was trying to date myself,"
you know,
1138
00:51:27,545 --> 00:51:29,255
what an egotistical thing
to say.
1139
00:51:29,255 --> 00:51:31,299
-No, babe, that was your past.
-That was my past.
1140
00:51:31,299 --> 00:51:33,843
Then they put us together
at the singles' table
1141
00:51:33,843 --> 00:51:36,137
at a mutual friend's wedding
and, um...
1142
00:51:36,137 --> 00:51:38,056
I don't know
how to describe it,
we just fell in love.
1143
00:51:38,056 --> 00:51:39,974
We just fell in love.
1144
00:51:39,974 --> 00:51:41,893
I'm so happy to say that
out loud.
1145
00:51:41,893 --> 00:51:44,562
-[Erica] It still gets me.
Oh, my God.
-Yeah, baby.
1146
00:51:44,562 --> 00:51:46,106
Isn't that great?
1147
00:51:46,106 --> 00:51:47,482
-Wow.
-We found the energy.
1148
00:51:47,482 --> 00:51:48,983
-Isn't that great?
-That's great.
1149
00:51:49,192 --> 00:51:53,697
You know what that is?
That's rollover feelings.
1150
00:51:56,658 --> 00:51:59,327
It's like rollover minutes,
but with feelings.
1151
00:52:00,161 --> 00:52:01,371
Huh.
1152
00:52:02,122 --> 00:52:05,709
It's like rollover minutes,
but it's with feelings
1153
00:52:05,709 --> 00:52:07,961
and you got the family plan
of feelings.
1154
00:52:07,961 --> 00:52:10,046
-Like the phone plan!
-Oh, my God, oh, my God!
1155
00:52:10,046 --> 00:52:12,590
-I'm gonna roll over
with laughter from that.
-Yeah, oh, my God!
1156
00:52:12,590 --> 00:52:15,552
You jokester.
So charming.
He's funny.
1157
00:52:15,552 --> 00:52:17,470
You're very funny.
What does he do?
1158
00:52:17,470 --> 00:52:19,681
-It's a new bit I'm working on.
-He's a comedian.
1159
00:52:19,681 --> 00:52:21,349
-Oh, I love Canadians.
-Me too.
1160
00:52:21,349 --> 00:52:23,268
[Bradley] That's so cool.
They are very funny.
1161
00:52:23,268 --> 00:52:25,478
I have some rollover feelings
about a coffee table there.
1162
00:52:25,478 --> 00:52:28,106
-Yeah. Oh, my God!
-I'm sorry, I stole your joke.
1163
00:52:28,106 --> 00:52:29,566
-Mee-lo?
-Milo.
1164
00:52:29,566 --> 00:52:31,109
-Milo, great. Okay.
-Milo.
1165
00:52:31,109 --> 00:52:32,819
-[Bradley] Bless you.
-Yeah.
1166
00:52:32,819 --> 00:52:34,821
Uh, good luck with the sex.
It sounds fantastic.
1167
00:52:34,821 --> 00:52:36,239
-Bye.
-[laughs] Goodbye.
1168
00:52:36,239 --> 00:52:38,366
Blessings to you.
1169
00:52:38,366 --> 00:52:40,243
[Cole] After running
into Bradley,
1170
00:52:40,243 --> 00:52:43,455
Wendy was visited
by Ghost of Boyfriends Past.
1171
00:52:43,455 --> 00:52:46,583
Always the heartbroken
and never the heartbreaker,
1172
00:52:46,583 --> 00:52:48,543
it finally clicked.
1173
00:52:48,543 --> 00:52:53,173
To never feel heartbreak again,
she need only do one thing.
1174
00:53:00,430 --> 00:53:03,850
On a different phone screen,
with no new matches,
1175
00:53:03,850 --> 00:53:06,644
{\an8}Milo made
a life-changing decision.
1176
00:53:06,644 --> 00:53:08,730
{\an8}[light-hearted music]
1177
00:53:19,866 --> 00:53:21,701
[Cole] As both were down
on dating,
1178
00:53:21,701 --> 00:53:24,537
Milo and Wendy visited
Tompkins Square Park,
1179
00:53:24,537 --> 00:53:27,874
New York's breakup hot spot,
to relieve some despair
1180
00:53:27,874 --> 00:53:31,711
via people who were full
of even more resentment
than they were.
1181
00:53:31,711 --> 00:53:33,922
[Milo] "You don't take
my food blogging seriously."
1182
00:53:33,922 --> 00:53:36,091
[Wendy] "I would love to take
your food blogging seriously,
1183
00:53:36,091 --> 00:53:39,594
but you
literally only blog things
I'm allergic to, I can't eat."
1184
00:53:39,594 --> 00:53:41,721
[crying] "Uh, yeah, I blog
things that you're allergic to
1185
00:53:41,721 --> 00:53:44,307
because I wanna raise awareness
around your allergy."
1186
00:53:44,307 --> 00:53:47,060
-"Oh, babe,
I need you to stop crying."
-"I'm not crying."
1187
00:53:47,060 --> 00:53:49,062
-"You're always crying."
-"I don't always cry."
1188
00:53:49,062 --> 00:53:51,064
"Can we just have
an adult conversation
for once?"
1189
00:53:51,064 --> 00:53:52,732
"We're are having
an adult conversation."
1190
00:53:52,732 --> 00:53:55,151
-"Oh, my God."
-"Stop. Stop it."
1191
00:53:55,151 --> 00:53:57,195
"I literally can't.
I need to go have a beer."
1192
00:53:57,195 --> 00:53:59,280
-"You're just not emotionally
vulnerable like I am."
-"I am!"
1193
00:53:59,280 --> 00:54:00,907
"And that's something
that you need to work on."
1194
00:54:00,907 --> 00:54:02,909
"I bought the journal
like you told me to."
1195
00:54:02,909 --> 00:54:05,161
-"I bought it!"
-"You never use it,
'cause I've read it."
1196
00:54:05,161 --> 00:54:08,331
You ever think
about how now it's so easy
to break up with someone?
1197
00:54:08,331 --> 00:54:10,166
Back in the day, what?
1198
00:54:10,166 --> 00:54:14,921
You had to, like, show up
to their house, do it in person.
1199
00:54:14,921 --> 00:54:18,091
Now you can just...
"It's not workin' out,
slanty face."
1200
00:54:18,091 --> 00:54:22,721
I, for such an occasion,
have a pre-written breakup text.
1201
00:54:22,721 --> 00:54:24,806
-Like a template?
-Yeah.
1202
00:54:24,806 --> 00:54:26,182
-Seriously?
-Yeah.
1203
00:54:26,182 --> 00:54:27,809
-Show me.
-No.
1204
00:54:27,809 --> 00:54:29,310
Why?
1205
00:54:29,310 --> 00:54:30,687
Fine.
1206
00:54:30,687 --> 00:54:32,313
-You ready?
-Lay it on me, yes.
1207
00:54:32,313 --> 00:54:34,607
-Break up with me,
break my heart.
-Okay.
1208
00:54:34,607 --> 00:54:35,859
[clears throat]
1209
00:54:36,735 --> 00:54:39,779
"Hey, insert name there,
1210
00:54:39,779 --> 00:54:42,032
thank you so much
for the last couple of dates.
1211
00:54:42,032 --> 00:54:44,409
They were really fun.
1212
00:54:44,409 --> 00:54:47,787
Unfortunately, I feel
more of a friend vibe going,
1213
00:54:47,787 --> 00:54:50,373
but you're such a great person,
and I really hope
1214
00:54:50,373 --> 00:54:53,293
that you have a great future
and a successful year."
1215
00:54:53,293 --> 00:54:54,711
-That's it?
-That's it.
1216
00:54:54,711 --> 00:54:57,213
You feel more
of a friend vibe going?
1217
00:54:57,213 --> 00:54:58,715
If I got that after a date,
I'd be like,
1218
00:54:58,715 --> 00:55:00,175
"Oh, great,
they wanna see me again."
1219
00:55:00,175 --> 00:55:03,178
-What?
-Yeah, that doesn't seem bad.
1220
00:55:03,178 --> 00:55:06,139
I think you're the only person
that would read that text
that way.
1221
00:55:06,139 --> 00:55:07,849
Honestly, just ghost me.
1222
00:55:07,849 --> 00:55:10,977
I'm not even... [laughs]
I don't wanna even get the text.
1223
00:55:10,977 --> 00:55:14,564
Just let me spiral,
let me make up my own story.
1224
00:55:14,564 --> 00:55:17,525
-Let me write that
in my Noteshelf.
-Okay, I keep it in mine.
1225
00:55:17,525 --> 00:55:19,652
"Ghost Milo."
1226
00:55:19,652 --> 00:55:21,863
It's just every time
I've liked someone,
they've ghosted me.
1227
00:55:21,863 --> 00:55:25,617
And at this point, fine,
I'll just be single forever.
1228
00:55:25,617 --> 00:55:28,995
-Are you kidding?
-It's like, what am I--
what am I doing?
1229
00:55:30,205 --> 00:55:35,960
You are smart, and funny,
and kind, and inspiring,
1230
00:55:35,960 --> 00:55:39,673
and hard-working,
and determined, and passionate.
1231
00:55:41,758 --> 00:55:43,468
You're gonna be just fine.
1232
00:55:47,597 --> 00:55:48,598
Okay.
1233
00:55:50,308 --> 00:55:51,893
-That was a good pep talk.
-Thank you.
1234
00:55:51,893 --> 00:55:53,436
I think I know what I want now.
1235
00:55:54,813 --> 00:55:56,022
What is that?
1236
00:55:57,482 --> 00:55:59,609
"I think I'm gonna be
a food blogger and..."
1237
00:55:59,609 --> 00:56:00,610
"You're gonna be
a food blogger?"
1238
00:56:01,945 --> 00:56:03,780
"I'm gonna start by blogging
about this brunch
we're going to."
1239
00:56:03,780 --> 00:56:05,949
-"I'm all about brunch."
-"It's gonna be so good."
1240
00:56:05,949 --> 00:56:09,202
"It's gonna be so good, right?
It's gonna be so good."
1241
00:56:09,202 --> 00:56:10,870
-"You want a ride?"
-"Okay, go."
1242
00:56:12,122 --> 00:56:14,165
To blogging!
1243
00:56:15,166 --> 00:56:18,003
-[Milo] Oh, my God.
-[Wendy] Your curls are
literally perfect today.
1244
00:56:18,003 --> 00:56:20,964
-Can I touch one?
-Yes, every curl has a story.
1245
00:56:20,964 --> 00:56:23,174
Does it?
Tell me this one's story.
1246
00:56:23,174 --> 00:56:24,926
What happened to this one?
1247
00:56:24,926 --> 00:56:27,762
-He is a first-generation
college student.
-Mm-hmm.
1248
00:56:27,762 --> 00:56:30,181
And he is going to be
taking care of his family.
1249
00:56:30,181 --> 00:56:33,977
-Oh, sad.
-Which is so--
But he really takes pride in it.
1250
00:56:33,977 --> 00:56:35,895
He really takes pride
and enjoys it.
1251
00:56:35,895 --> 00:56:39,274
-Get another one.
-All right, I want this one.
1252
00:56:39,274 --> 00:56:42,318
-[Milo] That one
is a billionaire, actually.
-Okay.
1253
00:56:42,318 --> 00:56:45,572
-[Milo]
All the other curls hate him.
-[Wendy] That makes sense.
1254
00:56:45,572 --> 00:56:47,032
-That's makes sense.
-Yeah.
1255
00:56:47,032 --> 00:56:48,575
[Wendy]
Like the Daddy Warbucks.
1256
00:56:48,575 --> 00:56:50,535
I don't know why I'm referencing
musicals today.
1257
00:56:50,535 --> 00:56:52,454
What's going on here?
1258
00:56:53,663 --> 00:56:55,415
-What?
-What?
1259
00:56:55,415 --> 00:56:57,959
You decided to sit
on the same side of the booth.
1260
00:56:57,959 --> 00:57:00,670
It's kind of a pretty big booth.
1261
00:57:00,670 --> 00:57:03,882
Uh, would-- yeah, well,
if we sat right there,
1262
00:57:03,882 --> 00:57:06,259
we'd be closing ourselves off
from the world.
1263
00:57:06,259 --> 00:57:08,845
Exactly, I like to look.
Like, "Oh, hey, what's up?"
1264
00:57:08,845 --> 00:57:10,764
Oh, look, that guy--
that's a great coat.
1265
00:57:10,764 --> 00:57:12,265
-Maybe I wanna get that coat.
-Wow.
1266
00:57:12,265 --> 00:57:14,601
-Oh, a taxi!
-Oh, look, there's a taxi.
1267
00:57:14,601 --> 00:57:16,561
We're taking in New York.
1268
00:57:16,561 --> 00:57:19,064
Also, the seat creases there.
I don't wanna sit in the sink.
1269
00:57:19,064 --> 00:57:20,648
If you don't like the streets,
don't live in New York.
1270
00:57:20,648 --> 00:57:22,400
Also, I like to look at you
in the eye.
1271
00:57:22,400 --> 00:57:24,361
I like to have a conversation
with you eye to eye.
1272
00:57:24,361 --> 00:57:26,738
Are you gonna pull up a chair
right there and then--
1273
00:57:26,738 --> 00:57:28,114
[Wendy] Exactly!
Exactly, that's so rude.
1274
00:57:28,448 --> 00:57:31,159
-[Milo] It only makes sense.
-Something's different.
1275
00:57:33,912 --> 00:57:36,289
You guys
are more into each other
than you were before.
1276
00:57:39,959 --> 00:57:42,921
-That-- I mean, yeah.
-[laughs] No.
1277
00:57:42,921 --> 00:57:44,714
[Wendy] It's, uh...
1278
00:57:44,714 --> 00:57:47,050
You've noticed
that we have a...
1279
00:57:47,050 --> 00:57:48,677
-Have a freelance.
-We upgraded.
1280
00:57:48,677 --> 00:57:51,221
We're freelancing
an upgraded relationship.
1281
00:57:51,221 --> 00:57:52,722
[Milo] Yeah,
a freelance relationship.
1282
00:57:52,722 --> 00:57:56,059
Oh, a free--
a freelance relationship?
1283
00:57:56,059 --> 00:57:57,727
Funny you should ask because...
1284
00:57:57,727 --> 00:58:01,314
Because a freelance
relationship is, uh...
1285
00:58:01,314 --> 00:58:04,901
a relationship where you are...
1286
00:58:04,901 --> 00:58:07,737
[Wendy] Given your status,
you have a fair amount
of benefits.
1287
00:58:07,737 --> 00:58:10,073
You have a certain amount
of relationship benefits.
1288
00:58:10,073 --> 00:58:14,661
Benefits that you can take,
and you leave the awful ones.
1289
00:58:14,661 --> 00:58:16,746
So it's friends
without benefits.
1290
00:58:16,746 --> 00:58:19,958
Depending on your employer
and your insurance package.
1291
00:58:19,958 --> 00:58:21,626
-Boom.
-It's a bit I'm working on.
1292
00:58:21,626 --> 00:58:23,670
-You got yours wallet-size?
-I did, actually.
1293
00:58:23,670 --> 00:58:26,006
-It's really nice.
Here, I made you one too.
-Oh, thank you.
1294
00:58:27,132 --> 00:58:28,967
Let me see this.
1295
00:58:28,967 --> 00:58:30,301
And look, laminated.
1296
00:58:30,301 --> 00:58:32,387
You went to Staples,
1297
00:58:32,387 --> 00:58:34,014
and took a little piece
of paper,
1298
00:58:34,014 --> 00:58:35,849
and made them laminate it?
1299
00:58:35,849 --> 00:58:38,226
-Why are you so invested?
-What is this? Do you litigate?
1300
00:58:38,226 --> 00:58:40,437
Okay, can you guys stop talking?
1301
00:58:41,354 --> 00:58:44,441
I called you here today
because, um...
1302
00:58:45,900 --> 00:58:48,319
[dramatic music]
1303
00:58:48,319 --> 00:58:49,779
[Wendy gasps]
1304
00:58:53,616 --> 00:58:54,701
Yes!
1305
00:58:55,952 --> 00:58:57,328
Yes!
1306
00:58:57,328 --> 00:58:59,873
[gasps] Yes, put it on,
put it on!
1307
00:58:59,873 --> 00:59:02,917
-Okay, seriously,
though, that is--
-That is--
1308
00:59:02,917 --> 00:59:04,294
[both] Amazing!
1309
00:59:04,294 --> 00:59:06,838
Yeah, I'm gonna ask her
on Thanksgiving.
1310
00:59:06,838 --> 00:59:09,049
-Wow.
-You wanna touch the box?
1311
00:59:09,049 --> 00:59:11,176
-Yeah, it's velvet.
-This whole relationship
1312
00:59:11,176 --> 00:59:13,970
is moving
at seventh grade speeds.
1313
00:59:13,970 --> 00:59:15,930
-Yeah, we're doing...
-It is, kind of.
1314
00:59:19,392 --> 00:59:20,977
[TV playing in background]
1315
00:59:20,977 --> 00:59:23,646
[Milo] Is it messed up if...
1316
00:59:24,647 --> 00:59:26,191
Huh, okay.
1317
00:59:26,191 --> 00:59:30,445
Do I owe this girl--
woman a breakup text
1318
00:59:30,445 --> 00:59:33,073
if we only went on one date?
1319
00:59:33,073 --> 00:59:34,741
[Wendy] No.
1320
00:59:34,741 --> 00:59:37,369
Maybe, honestly,
if you had sex with her.
1321
00:59:37,369 --> 00:59:39,371
-Did you have sex with her?
-No.
1322
00:59:39,371 --> 00:59:41,664
Well, then you don't
really need to explain anything.
1323
00:59:41,664 --> 00:59:44,042
It's not really ghosting
if there's no sex involved
1324
00:59:44,042 --> 00:59:46,127
or if you went
on more than one date.
1325
00:59:47,712 --> 00:59:50,006
Okay, I lied.
We had sex, we had sex.
1326
00:59:50,006 --> 00:59:51,549
Then you should probably
send a text.
1327
00:59:51,549 --> 00:59:54,010
You should send,
like, a simple breakup text.
1328
00:59:54,010 --> 00:59:56,721
But I feel like if I do that,
then she's gonna think
1329
00:59:56,721 --> 00:59:59,474
that it's because we had sex,
but it's not.
1330
00:59:59,474 --> 01:00:02,769
It's because...
I just didn't like her.
1331
01:00:02,769 --> 01:00:03,770
Oh.
1332
01:00:03,770 --> 01:00:05,313
She just...
1333
01:00:05,313 --> 01:00:07,273
I feel like that sounds harsh,
but she...
1334
01:00:07,273 --> 01:00:10,110
It does. [laughs]
1335
01:00:10,110 --> 01:00:14,072
She just wasn't it.
She just, she just wasn't it.
1336
01:00:14,072 --> 01:00:17,701
She kept asking
what time I was born,
and that was the only question
1337
01:00:17,701 --> 01:00:20,120
she asked about
my personal life at all.
1338
01:00:20,120 --> 01:00:21,996
The whole date.
And then at the end
of the night,
1339
01:00:21,996 --> 01:00:24,791
she was like,
"Have a wonderful night,"
1340
01:00:24,791 --> 01:00:27,961
just like in this weird tone,
like Mary Poppins tone.
[chuckles]
1341
01:00:27,961 --> 01:00:30,880
-Mm-hmm.
-And she lives
in Murray Hill, so.
1342
01:00:30,880 --> 01:00:33,091
-Oh, very dramatic.
-That is a no.
1343
01:00:33,091 --> 01:00:34,259
Well, why don't you just
be like,
1344
01:00:34,259 --> 01:00:38,138
"Hey, you know, date was fine,
1345
01:00:38,138 --> 01:00:41,182
we're better as friends"?
[chuckles]
1346
01:00:41,182 --> 01:00:43,935
I don't wanna see her again.
[chuckles] I don't wanna
see her again.
1347
01:00:43,935 --> 01:00:47,939
Okay, then just be like,
"Hey, I'm not looking for
anything serious."
1348
01:00:47,939 --> 01:00:50,025
Well, that'd be lying.
1349
01:00:50,025 --> 01:00:53,153
Okay, then just don't say
anything at all.
1350
01:00:53,153 --> 01:00:55,363
Okay, settled.
I won't say anything.
1351
01:00:55,363 --> 01:00:56,823
-Boom. Nailed it.
-Easy.
1352
01:00:59,451 --> 01:01:00,452
Boom.
1353
01:01:01,453 --> 01:01:03,246
Could you pass me
a fortune cookie?
1354
01:01:03,246 --> 01:01:05,749
No, it is bad luck to eat
a fortune cookie
1355
01:01:05,749 --> 01:01:07,542
before you have finished
your meal.
1356
01:01:07,542 --> 01:01:10,503
-Okay. That makes sense.
-You're welcome.
1357
01:01:10,503 --> 01:01:14,591
Just gonna... [clicks tongue]
get some dinner running.
1358
01:01:16,384 --> 01:01:19,763
-[scoffs] God. So smooth.
-[chuckles]
1359
01:01:27,687 --> 01:01:30,940
-What if we became boyfriend
and girlfriend?
-[chuckles]
1360
01:01:30,940 --> 01:01:32,942
Yeah, what if we were boyfriend
and girlfriend?
1361
01:01:32,942 --> 01:01:36,112
-No, I'm serious.
-It's a great idea.
1362
01:01:36,112 --> 01:01:38,031
What if we were exclusive?
1363
01:01:39,366 --> 01:01:41,117
But you don't want that.
1364
01:01:41,117 --> 01:01:42,202
Yeah, I do.
1365
01:01:43,870 --> 01:01:47,123
Wait, why are-- why are you
doing this?
1366
01:01:48,583 --> 01:01:53,171
Because I think that we would
be good together?
1367
01:01:53,171 --> 01:01:54,172
Mm-hmm.
1368
01:01:54,923 --> 01:01:57,258
And I like what we're doing.
1369
01:01:58,093 --> 01:02:00,804
You know, we're-- we're--
we have this great thing where
1370
01:02:00,804 --> 01:02:03,390
we're allowed to be single
but not be lonely.
1371
01:02:03,390 --> 01:02:06,893
-Like, that's the dream.
-Oh, I don't know.
1372
01:02:06,893 --> 01:02:08,353
I feel like we have two
different versions
1373
01:02:08,353 --> 01:02:09,938
of what a dream is.
1374
01:02:12,899 --> 01:02:17,821
Okay, well,
then maybe we should stop.
1375
01:02:19,155 --> 01:02:20,865
Stop what?
1376
01:02:20,865 --> 01:02:23,785
Stop hanging out, stop talking
every day,
1377
01:02:23,785 --> 01:02:27,122
stop watching TV shows together.
1378
01:02:27,122 --> 01:02:28,123
Okay.
1379
01:02:30,834 --> 01:02:34,087
That's cool, but the thing is...
1380
01:02:38,091 --> 01:02:39,384
I love you.
1381
01:02:42,178 --> 01:02:43,179
-[laughs]
-I love you.
1382
01:02:44,431 --> 01:02:46,266
[chuckles] I'm sorry.
1383
01:02:46,266 --> 01:02:48,101
You don't love me.
1384
01:02:48,101 --> 01:02:49,644
There's no way,
you don't love me!
1385
01:02:49,644 --> 01:02:51,479
How could you love me?
1386
01:02:55,483 --> 01:02:57,819
What do you mean
how could I love you?
1387
01:02:57,819 --> 01:03:00,238
What-- we spend so much time
together.
1388
01:03:00,238 --> 01:03:04,117
-Milo, Milo, Milo, Milo, Milo,
you love everyone.
-We're always--
1389
01:03:04,117 --> 01:03:06,661
You love everyone
and everything.
1390
01:03:08,705 --> 01:03:09,789
You're afraid.
1391
01:03:10,915 --> 01:03:12,709
-You're afraid.
-Excuse me?
1392
01:03:12,709 --> 01:03:14,919
-You're afraid.
-What are you even
talking about?
1393
01:03:14,919 --> 01:03:18,048
-You're afraid to be loved.
-That's not fair.
I'm not afraid.
1394
01:03:18,048 --> 01:03:19,132
You...
1395
01:03:20,925 --> 01:03:25,221
So if it's
going good, you like it,
you're having a good time,
1396
01:03:25,221 --> 01:03:28,725
which is what you said,
we're havin' a good time,
what's stopping you?
1397
01:03:28,725 --> 01:03:31,936
Okay, okay,
you wanna know what happens?
What happens when we date?
1398
01:03:31,936 --> 01:03:33,688
Let's just say we start dating,
all right?
1399
01:03:33,688 --> 01:03:36,483
And then suddenly, there are
all these expectations
1400
01:03:36,483 --> 01:03:37,859
and they just keep piling,
and piling,
1401
01:03:37,859 --> 01:03:39,569
and piling, and piling,
and piling,
1402
01:03:39,569 --> 01:03:42,030
and then suddenly, you know,
I'm getting mad at you,
1403
01:03:42,030 --> 01:03:44,908
because, you know, you're not,
you're not expressing your
feelings well enough
1404
01:03:44,908 --> 01:03:47,535
or you don't even wanna come
near me,
1405
01:03:47,535 --> 01:03:49,788
because I'm suffocating you
all the time.
1406
01:03:49,788 --> 01:03:52,415
And then we finally
get to the point
where we break up,
1407
01:03:52,415 --> 01:03:54,417
and we never see each other
again,
1408
01:03:54,417 --> 01:03:57,754
and we have no friends,
and we're just alone.
1409
01:03:59,005 --> 01:04:01,132
That wouldn't happen. [chuckles]
1410
01:04:01,132 --> 01:04:03,259
That wouldn't happen.
1411
01:04:03,259 --> 01:04:04,260
Not to us.
1412
01:04:06,429 --> 01:04:07,847
You're afraid of being alone.
1413
01:04:07,847 --> 01:04:09,099
I'm not afraid of being alone.
1414
01:04:09,099 --> 01:04:10,684
I love bein' alone.
1415
01:04:10,684 --> 01:04:12,977
I've been alone so much.
1416
01:04:12,977 --> 01:04:14,354
I just wanna be alone with you.
1417
01:04:14,354 --> 01:04:16,398
And I wanna be alone alone.
1418
01:04:16,398 --> 01:04:18,692
[dramatic music]
1419
01:05:10,493 --> 01:05:13,038
[inaudible dialogue]
1420
01:05:13,038 --> 01:05:15,498
-[birds chirping]
-[indistinct chatter]
1421
01:05:20,670 --> 01:05:25,258
-[notification dings]
-I haven't even thought about
her in what? Uh, three weeks.
1422
01:05:25,258 --> 01:05:30,388
-I can't even-- it-- it's so far
out of mind at this point.
-That's great!
1423
01:05:30,388 --> 01:05:33,433
-[notification dings]
-[sighs] I can't get Milo
out of my head.
1424
01:05:33,433 --> 01:05:36,561
Mm, I'm sorry, it'll pass.
Remember, half the time
you were together
1425
01:05:36,561 --> 01:05:38,355
equals the time it takes
to get over them.
1426
01:05:38,355 --> 01:05:40,774
It's math.
I'm basically a scientist.
1427
01:05:40,774 --> 01:05:43,318
We were supposed to be
the unsinkable relationship,
you know?
1428
01:05:43,318 --> 01:05:46,613
-Like the Titanic.
-The Titanic sunk, dude.
1429
01:05:46,613 --> 01:05:48,031
But the love lasts forever.
1430
01:05:48,031 --> 01:05:49,407
I'm worried I made a mistake.
1431
01:05:49,407 --> 01:05:51,910
No, it didn't work out,
that's okay.
1432
01:05:51,910 --> 01:05:54,829
Just 'cause it ends doesn't mean
it wasn't a successful thing
when it was happening.
1433
01:05:54,829 --> 01:05:57,248
-You know what I mean?
-Yeah, but what if I didn't
give it a real shot?
1434
01:05:57,248 --> 01:05:59,751
-I always do this to myself.
-Is this self-sabotage?
1435
01:05:59,751 --> 01:06:01,836
I mean, I really just hope
that she found somebody
that she likes.
1436
01:06:01,836 --> 01:06:03,963
Like, I'm good, I just hope
she's good.
1437
01:06:03,963 --> 01:06:07,008
What? Why are you wishing--
look, look,
1438
01:06:07,008 --> 01:06:09,969
you are being way too hard
on yourself, okay?
1439
01:06:09,969 --> 01:06:12,889
You guys weren't supposed to be
"not together" together anyways.
1440
01:06:12,889 --> 01:06:15,183
I mean, how can you even
break up when--
1441
01:06:15,183 --> 01:06:17,352
-You weren't even dating.
-[sighs] It's for the best.
1442
01:06:17,352 --> 01:06:19,354
I'm sure he'll just fall
in love with the next girl
1443
01:06:19,354 --> 01:06:21,106
he locks eyes with
on the L train.
1444
01:06:21,106 --> 01:06:23,858
-Have you spoken to each other?
-Have you spoken to her?
1445
01:06:23,858 --> 01:06:25,485
-No.
-I accidentally viewed
her LinkedIn.
1446
01:06:25,485 --> 01:06:27,904
Well, he viewed my LinkedIn.
1447
01:06:27,904 --> 01:06:29,781
-How is he?
-How is she?
1448
01:06:29,781 --> 01:06:32,117
-You'll see her at the wedding.
-You'll see him at the wedding.
1449
01:06:32,117 --> 01:06:33,785
-Are you alone?
-Wait, who are you talking to?
1450
01:06:33,785 --> 01:06:35,745
-Oh, I'm with Hank.
-I'm with Jess.
1451
01:06:35,745 --> 01:06:37,414
-Pi-pa-po.
-That's so cute.
1452
01:06:37,414 --> 01:06:38,581
Cute.
1453
01:06:38,581 --> 01:06:40,125
[both] Are you seeing anyone?
1454
01:06:40,125 --> 01:06:41,835
I'm just sort of, like,
dating myself right now.
1455
01:06:41,835 --> 01:06:44,921
Yeah, just-- yeah, and I'm
really happy about it.
1456
01:06:44,921 --> 01:06:46,548
Yeah, actually, this guy.
1457
01:06:46,548 --> 01:06:48,425
He's in finance,
he works constantly,
1458
01:06:48,425 --> 01:06:49,968
and he's completely emotionally
unavailable,
1459
01:06:49,968 --> 01:06:52,470
which is perfect,
and I'm really happy.
1460
01:06:52,470 --> 01:06:54,097
[both] That's great.
1461
01:06:54,097 --> 01:06:55,682
[both] Dating sucks.
1462
01:06:55,682 --> 01:06:57,934
-[indistinct phone chatter]
-[man] Uh-huh.
1463
01:06:58,810 --> 01:06:59,811
Absolutely.
1464
01:07:00,729 --> 01:07:05,108
Well, we can definitely
be there Monday if we have to.
1465
01:07:05,108 --> 01:07:07,527
I would never say we won't.
1466
01:07:07,527 --> 01:07:09,154
Okay.
1467
01:07:09,154 --> 01:07:11,156
Absolutamente.
1468
01:07:11,156 --> 01:07:13,158
No, we're delighted.
1469
01:07:13,158 --> 01:07:14,951
You kidding me?
This is great!
1470
01:07:14,951 --> 01:07:17,495
-So, hey.
-[Cole] This was
Trent Wilkinson,
1471
01:07:17,495 --> 01:07:21,082
an incredibly emotionally
unavailable 34-year-old
1472
01:07:21,082 --> 01:07:24,627
who lied about his age
to make the Feingold
30 Under 30 list
1473
01:07:24,627 --> 01:07:28,882
for selling his sock company,
GotSoxx, spelt with two Xs.
1474
01:07:28,882 --> 01:07:31,885
He DM'd Wendy on Instagram
after finding her geo tag
1475
01:07:31,885 --> 01:07:33,803
at Surf Lodge in Montauk.
1476
01:07:33,803 --> 01:07:36,264
Wendy had spent
the last three weekends
1477
01:07:36,264 --> 01:07:37,932
at Trent's apartment in Tribeca
1478
01:07:37,932 --> 01:07:40,477
and even had
her own toothbrush.
1479
01:07:40,477 --> 01:07:44,481
Attention, uh, Kmart shoppers,
I'm gonna be presenting
1480
01:07:44,481 --> 01:07:47,233
to, like, a whole bunch
of restaurant groups
1481
01:07:47,233 --> 01:07:49,277
because they said that my app
is brilliant.
1482
01:07:49,277 --> 01:07:52,614
-Wow! That's amazing!
That's so amazing!
-Yeah! I know.
1483
01:07:52,614 --> 01:07:55,116
Oh, my God!
I mean, it is brilliant
and you're brilliant.
1484
01:07:55,116 --> 01:07:57,243
-Yeah. Makes sense right?
-Yeah. It does.
1485
01:07:57,243 --> 01:08:00,246
-But, yeah.
-It makes perfect sense.
When are you, um, leaving, then?
1486
01:08:00,246 --> 01:08:04,459
Uh, it's, like, Sunday.
1487
01:08:05,418 --> 01:08:07,295
Sunday night.
1488
01:08:07,295 --> 01:08:09,881
Sunday, like tomorrow?
1489
01:08:09,881 --> 01:08:13,176
Uh, yeah.
1490
01:08:13,176 --> 01:08:16,054
-Tomorrow, uh-- tomorrow night.
-Awesome.
1491
01:08:16,054 --> 01:08:18,431
Awesome, and how long are you
gonna be gone?
1492
01:08:18,431 --> 01:08:21,101
They said, uh, it was gonna be
like meetings,
1493
01:08:21,101 --> 01:08:22,977
and greetings,
and stuff like that
1494
01:08:22,977 --> 01:08:25,146
for, like, a couple of weeks.
1495
01:08:25,146 --> 01:08:26,439
-Wow!
-Yeah.
1496
01:08:26,439 --> 01:08:28,733
-That's amazing!
-Yeah.
1497
01:08:28,733 --> 01:08:32,570
No, I know, it just, uh,
maybe we could, like, uh,
1498
01:08:33,530 --> 01:08:37,450
just kinda slow her down
a little bit.
1499
01:08:37,784 --> 01:08:40,370
Yeah, I-- I know.
I-- yeah, I mean.
1500
01:08:40,370 --> 01:08:45,083
Just, like, pull the car over
for a bit.
1501
01:08:45,291 --> 01:08:47,085
-Oh.
-Bad metaphor.
1502
01:08:47,085 --> 01:08:48,461
Uh, just slow down.
1503
01:08:49,129 --> 01:08:52,674
[kissing]
1504
01:08:52,674 --> 01:08:55,218
[Cole] While Wendy sold
all her stock in Trent,
1505
01:08:55,218 --> 01:08:57,262
Milo was three stops
into the one
1506
01:08:57,262 --> 01:09:00,557
on his way to a John Mayer
concert.
1507
01:09:00,557 --> 01:09:04,060
Did I tell you about the time
that I got a fortune cookie?
1508
01:09:04,060 --> 01:09:06,938
-No fortune
in the fortune cookie.
-No.
1509
01:09:06,938 --> 01:09:11,901
Her name was Jenna Brookes,
and she was a recent graduate
of NYU's Gallatin program
1510
01:09:11,901 --> 01:09:15,196
where she wrote her thesis on
the life, death, and rebirth
1511
01:09:15,196 --> 01:09:18,283
of chivalry in millennial
dating culture.
1512
01:09:18,283 --> 01:09:20,535
Yeah, there was no fortune
in the fortune cookie.
1513
01:09:20,535 --> 01:09:23,288
-That's crazy, yeah.
-That's crazy.
1514
01:09:23,288 --> 01:09:25,165
-[chuckles]
-What's wrong?
1515
01:09:25,165 --> 01:09:26,583
-Nothing. No.
-Something's wrong,
what's wrong?
1516
01:09:26,583 --> 01:09:28,752
-No, I'm excited.
-No, you're not.
1517
01:09:28,752 --> 01:09:30,462
-Yes, I am.
-You're not excited,
something's up.
1518
01:09:30,462 --> 01:09:32,213
-No.
-We're going to see John Mayer.
1519
01:09:32,213 --> 01:09:35,050
-Yay!
-You don't seem stoked.
1520
01:09:35,050 --> 01:09:37,218
-No, I'm excited.
-Something's wrong.
1521
01:09:37,218 --> 01:09:39,554
♪ Something is wrong ♪
1522
01:09:39,554 --> 01:09:40,847
I'm not going to stop
bothering you
1523
01:09:40,847 --> 01:09:42,474
until you tell me what's wrong.
1524
01:09:42,474 --> 01:09:45,226
I think-- I think we want
different things.
1525
01:09:45,226 --> 01:09:46,394
What?
1526
01:09:46,394 --> 01:09:47,687
What, what do you mean?
1527
01:09:47,687 --> 01:09:49,481
What are you talking about?
1528
01:09:49,481 --> 01:09:52,317
I don't-- I don't think I see
a future with us.
1529
01:09:55,320 --> 01:09:56,321
No.
1530
01:09:57,364 --> 01:09:58,907
You FaceTimed my mom.
1531
01:09:58,907 --> 01:10:00,533
-Yes, that was--
-I let you FaceTime my mom.
1532
01:10:00,533 --> 01:10:02,202
Well, she's wonderful.
I loved her!
1533
01:10:02,202 --> 01:10:04,204
Oh, I wish that we-- I love her.
1534
01:10:04,204 --> 01:10:05,747
[automated voice] The next stop
is Heartbreak Boulevard.
1535
01:10:05,747 --> 01:10:09,042
I think you, uh, I like you.
1536
01:10:09,042 --> 01:10:11,544
You deserve someone great, so...
1537
01:10:16,091 --> 01:10:19,052
No, I'm sorry, I don't wanna
kiss you.
1538
01:10:19,052 --> 01:10:20,387
Okay, don't cry.
1539
01:10:20,387 --> 01:10:22,097
I have to-- I have to go.
1540
01:10:22,097 --> 01:10:23,848
-[Milo] Dang it!
-[Cole chuckles]
1541
01:10:23,848 --> 01:10:25,433
Things turn around, they change.
1542
01:10:25,433 --> 01:10:27,977
That sounds like it should be
encouraging,
1543
01:10:27,977 --> 01:10:30,271
but it's actually really
depressing.
1544
01:10:30,271 --> 01:10:32,232
Okay, new topic.
1545
01:10:32,232 --> 01:10:35,276
Uh, the podcast thing.
The podcast thing.
1546
01:10:35,276 --> 01:10:37,946
Did you-- did you start it?
You should start it.
1547
01:10:37,946 --> 01:10:41,074
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm probably gonna
do some, some episodes.
1548
01:10:41,074 --> 01:10:43,201
I just gotta get a microphone,
1549
01:10:43,201 --> 01:10:44,786
and then come up with some ideas
1550
01:10:44,786 --> 01:10:46,830
for episodes and the podcast.
1551
01:10:46,830 --> 01:10:48,998
Well, here's an idea.
You should have me on
as a guest.
1552
01:10:48,998 --> 01:10:50,959
Maybe not like your first guest
out of the gate,
1553
01:10:50,959 --> 01:10:53,378
but let me-- I quit this place,
1554
01:10:53,378 --> 01:10:55,797
I'm gonna spill all the tea
on everybody.
1555
01:10:55,797 --> 01:10:57,507
I mean, there's some stuff
that's going on in here
1556
01:10:57,507 --> 01:10:59,050
that I think the listeners
1557
01:10:59,050 --> 01:11:00,677
would wanna know.
1558
01:11:00,677 --> 01:11:02,345
-Oh.
-Yeah.
1559
01:11:02,345 --> 01:11:04,806
Come on, man,
I miss you smilin'.
1560
01:11:04,806 --> 01:11:05,890
You're, like,
one of the few reasons
1561
01:11:05,890 --> 01:11:07,183
why I stay in this place.
1562
01:11:07,183 --> 01:11:08,435
The phone never stops here--
1563
01:11:08,435 --> 01:11:11,312
-[phone rings]
-Front desk.
1564
01:11:11,312 --> 01:11:12,564
[Cole]
At a bar in Hell's Kitchen,
1565
01:11:12,564 --> 01:11:14,232
where she would never return,
1566
01:11:14,232 --> 01:11:16,234
Wendy listened to a man she met
at Whole Foods
1567
01:11:16,234 --> 01:11:18,361
talk about his screenplay
that would never get made.
1568
01:11:18,361 --> 01:11:20,071
[man] Yeah, so the script's
back at my place
1569
01:11:20,071 --> 01:11:22,866
-if you wanna come read it.
-So this is really fun.
1570
01:11:22,866 --> 01:11:26,286
Um, I might-- I'm gonna go to
the bathroom first before that.
1571
01:11:26,286 --> 01:11:29,289
-Lovely invite, thank you.
-We can go right now.
1572
01:11:29,289 --> 01:11:31,583
-I'm actually
right around the corner.
-Um... yeah.
1573
01:11:31,583 --> 01:11:33,126
You know, uh,
I could play the lead or,
1574
01:11:33,126 --> 01:11:34,961
-or you could play the lead.
-Yep.
1575
01:11:34,961 --> 01:11:38,173
-It's sort of a strong
female heroine.
-Yep.
1576
01:11:38,173 --> 01:11:40,508
And, you know, we're thinking...
1577
01:11:40,508 --> 01:11:43,261
-[dramatic music]
-[gasps]
1578
01:11:44,429 --> 01:11:46,139
Hello, hello, hello.
1579
01:11:46,139 --> 01:11:49,309
I only got about five,
so let's keep 'em comin'.
1580
01:11:49,309 --> 01:11:51,102
{\an8}[woman 1] Hey, hey, yeah, um,
okay, um,
1581
01:11:51,102 --> 01:11:52,437
{\an8}so who paid for dinner?
1582
01:11:52,437 --> 01:11:54,147
{\an8}He did, but I did offer
to split,
1583
01:11:54,147 --> 01:11:55,940
{\an8}and then he insisted
on doing it,
1584
01:11:55,940 --> 01:11:57,692
{\an8}so I was like, "Whatever,
this is terrible anyway."
1585
01:11:57,692 --> 01:11:59,527
[man] Will you ever see him
again?
1586
01:11:59,527 --> 01:12:01,321
You know, I like to go into
these things open-minded.
1587
01:12:01,321 --> 01:12:03,698
You know, if it goes well,
it goes well, but--
1588
01:12:03,698 --> 01:12:05,241
[woman 2] Look, we all know
dating sucks,
1589
01:12:05,241 --> 01:12:06,451
but wouldn't you just rather
be with Milo
1590
01:12:06,451 --> 01:12:07,952
than keep this up?
1591
01:12:07,952 --> 01:12:11,081
[camera shutters clicking]
1592
01:12:11,081 --> 01:12:14,751
Is this an interview or is it
a therapy session?
1593
01:12:14,751 --> 01:12:16,961
-Thank you so much, goodnight.
-[reporters clamoring]
1594
01:12:18,088 --> 01:12:20,840
[dramatic music]
1595
01:12:32,268 --> 01:12:33,311
[message dings]
1596
01:12:52,372 --> 01:12:53,456
[message dings]
1597
01:12:54,582 --> 01:12:55,917
[message dings]
1598
01:13:04,342 --> 01:13:05,802
{\an8}[keys clicking]
1599
01:13:35,665 --> 01:13:38,418
[dramatic music]
1600
01:14:27,258 --> 01:14:29,010
{\an8}[keys clicking]
1601
01:14:40,980 --> 01:14:43,817
So, Milo, you just got
your heart broken.
1602
01:14:43,817 --> 01:14:46,986
How are you feeling?
What's going through your mind
right now?
1603
01:14:46,986 --> 01:14:49,698
Uh, thanks for having me,
I'm really excited to be here.
1604
01:14:49,698 --> 01:14:52,325
I am completely dead inside.
1605
01:14:52,325 --> 01:14:54,744
I feel nothing.
1606
01:14:54,744 --> 01:14:57,997
I feel like a no one, a nobody.
1607
01:14:57,997 --> 01:15:01,584
I haven't showered
in a long time. [chuckles]
1608
01:15:01,584 --> 01:15:03,878
Wow, that's amazing!
1609
01:15:03,878 --> 01:15:07,007
Everybody, give it up
for this guy, he's so good.
1610
01:15:07,007 --> 01:15:10,301
So are you wondering why maybe
the breakup happened?
1611
01:15:10,301 --> 01:15:11,803
Do you think it's something
that you said
1612
01:15:11,803 --> 01:15:13,513
or maybe something
that you didn't say
1613
01:15:13,513 --> 01:15:16,516
or are you just totally broken
as a human being?
1614
01:15:16,516 --> 01:15:19,686
I'm sort of like a cracked
iPhone screen right now.
1615
01:15:19,686 --> 01:15:24,149
Yeah, you could fix me,
but it's probably best to just
upgrade to the next
1616
01:15:24,149 --> 01:15:26,693
and better thing. [laughs]
1617
01:15:26,693 --> 01:15:29,654
All right, everybody,
that's all the time
that we have.
1618
01:15:29,654 --> 01:15:31,406
Give it up again for Milo.
1619
01:15:31,406 --> 01:15:34,826
He's so good, he's so funny,
isn't he great?
1620
01:15:34,826 --> 01:15:35,952
Isn't he amazing?
1621
01:15:35,952 --> 01:15:38,163
Isn't he great?
1622
01:15:38,163 --> 01:15:39,456
Isn't he so good?
1623
01:15:39,456 --> 01:15:42,250
Milo's so great, he's so good!
1624
01:15:42,250 --> 01:15:43,251
Isn't he great?
1625
01:15:43,251 --> 01:15:44,711
Isn't he amazing?
1626
01:15:44,711 --> 01:15:46,171
Isn't he great?
1627
01:15:46,171 --> 01:15:48,048
Isn't he amazing,
isn't he so good?
1628
01:15:48,048 --> 01:15:49,174
Such a good catch.
1629
01:15:49,174 --> 01:15:51,509
So funny, so good, so funny.
1630
01:15:51,509 --> 01:15:55,096
You're strong, you care,
you're a catch, you're humble.
1631
01:15:55,096 --> 01:15:56,639
You're-- you're
underappreciated.
1632
01:15:56,639 --> 01:16:01,269
You, um... [sighs]
You're trying.
1633
01:16:01,269 --> 01:16:05,732
You're trying, you're trying,
you're, um... [sighs]
1634
01:16:07,025 --> 01:16:08,943
Ugh, I love New York.
1635
01:16:08,943 --> 01:16:10,487
The only place where you can get
toilet paper,
1636
01:16:10,487 --> 01:16:11,738
a toothbrush, and a turkey
bacon sandwich
1637
01:16:11,738 --> 01:16:13,656
all in one place.
1638
01:16:13,656 --> 01:16:17,160
[Milo] This is a decent one,
but I really like a "bougdega"
1639
01:16:17,160 --> 01:16:19,204
-instead of just a plain bodega.
-[Hank] Oh, no.
1640
01:16:19,204 --> 01:16:21,247
-You know what I'm sayin'?
-This is, this is New York.
1641
01:16:21,247 --> 01:16:22,916
-This has everything.
-Yes, I know the rent
is gonna go up,
1642
01:16:22,916 --> 01:16:25,126
but the gluten-free pasta
is kind of worth it.
1643
01:16:25,126 --> 01:16:26,544
[Hank] Yeah, but I wanna see
a cat.
1644
01:16:26,544 --> 01:16:28,672
Oh, planning a wedding
is so stressful!
1645
01:16:28,672 --> 01:16:31,299
Come on, man, I don't know
why you're so stressed
about this.
1646
01:16:31,299 --> 01:16:33,343
You're getting married
to the love of your life.
1647
01:16:33,343 --> 01:16:35,220
Didn't you get
like a wedding planner
or something like that?
1648
01:16:35,220 --> 01:16:36,721
No, do you know how much
they cost?
1649
01:16:36,721 --> 01:16:39,057
I watch a lot of wedding
videos on YouTube,
1650
01:16:39,057 --> 01:16:42,143
I could do it for like 800.
But I do like a minimal fare
sort of thing.
1651
01:16:42,143 --> 01:16:44,854
-Yeah, thank you, thank you.
-Small invite list.
1652
01:16:44,854 --> 01:16:47,732
an article
Which is good, because I read
We're doing it together!
1653
01:16:47,732 --> 01:16:49,901
that said that couples
that plan together
stay together.
1654
01:16:49,901 --> 01:16:51,027
What was that, a late daily?
1655
01:16:51,027 --> 01:16:53,988
No, it was a meme on Instagram.
1656
01:16:53,988 --> 01:16:55,657
How do you know that she's
the one?
1657
01:16:55,657 --> 01:16:56,658
Jessie.
1658
01:16:57,867 --> 01:16:59,452
Oh, I don't know.
1659
01:17:00,578 --> 01:17:03,039
I guess I don't think about it.
1660
01:17:03,039 --> 01:17:06,501
I guess we both just don't
overthink it.
1661
01:17:06,501 --> 01:17:07,585
Well, what if you're
in a relationship
1662
01:17:07,585 --> 01:17:09,629
and you're both like prone
1663
01:17:09,629 --> 01:17:11,965
to overthinking things, then?
1664
01:17:11,965 --> 01:17:13,466
If you need to get over
this girl,
1665
01:17:13,466 --> 01:17:15,010
you need to delete
all the apps, okay?
1666
01:17:15,010 --> 01:17:17,220
No Venmo, no Instagram.
No Twitter, none of it.
1667
01:17:17,220 --> 01:17:18,888
Because if you don't, you'll be
getting into this space,
1668
01:17:18,888 --> 01:17:20,682
which is like this weird
spiral depression
1669
01:17:20,682 --> 01:17:22,809
Where you become very annoying
and a hypochondriac.
1670
01:17:22,809 --> 01:17:25,895
-Did I tell you
that I found a lump?
-Where'd you find a lump?
1671
01:17:25,895 --> 01:17:27,689
-Right there.
-That's your Adam's apple.
1672
01:17:27,689 --> 01:17:29,065
That's not what
the internet said.
1673
01:17:29,065 --> 01:17:30,817
-So you're gonna reach out?
-No.
1674
01:17:30,817 --> 01:17:32,485
That would just make her mad,
so I'm not gonna do it.
1675
01:17:32,485 --> 01:17:34,154
I'm just gonna fall back,
give her her space.
1676
01:17:34,154 --> 01:17:35,321
-That's it.
-Really?
1677
01:17:35,321 --> 01:17:36,990
No grand romantic gesture?
1678
01:17:36,990 --> 01:17:39,284
That stuff is the
take-me-back-culture thing.
1679
01:17:39,284 --> 01:17:41,327
No, that's toxic,
it's a disease,
1680
01:17:41,327 --> 01:17:43,246
and I'm gonna be the cure,
1681
01:17:43,246 --> 01:17:45,040
even if that means I never get
to tell her that I love her.
1682
01:17:45,040 --> 01:17:46,499
Right, you've told her
that you love her.
1683
01:17:46,499 --> 01:17:47,542
Yeah, but I mean tell her
I love her
1684
01:17:47,542 --> 01:17:49,336
and mean it, you know?
1685
01:17:49,336 --> 01:17:50,795
Like, I love you.
1686
01:17:50,795 --> 01:17:53,173
Like, [grunts]
like-- what's that?
1687
01:17:53,173 --> 01:17:55,633
-Incense, Jessie loves it.
-[register dings]
1688
01:17:55,633 --> 01:17:57,510
She likes bodega incense?
1689
01:17:58,845 --> 01:18:00,680
[Cole]
Wendy cherished New York
1690
01:18:00,680 --> 01:18:02,932
for its endless encounters
with the people you love
1691
01:18:02,932 --> 01:18:05,143
and the places you learn
to love them.
1692
01:18:05,143 --> 01:18:07,395
[dramatic music]
1693
01:18:07,395 --> 01:18:09,397
[indistinct chatter]
1694
01:18:33,004 --> 01:18:34,005
[Cole] Sir.
1695
01:18:37,509 --> 01:18:39,719
By now, you've probably
figured out
1696
01:18:39,719 --> 01:18:43,139
that I am that soothing,
old voice you've been hearing
1697
01:18:43,139 --> 01:18:45,809
holding your hand through
this tale of commitment.
1698
01:18:45,809 --> 01:18:48,895
Did I mention that I also
moonlight as a voice-over
artist?
1699
01:18:48,895 --> 01:18:51,481
-[woman whispering]
-Hang on.
1700
01:18:51,481 --> 01:18:53,692
-Wendy!
-Hey!
1701
01:18:53,692 --> 01:18:56,444
-Hi!
-Cole, what are you doing here?
1702
01:18:56,444 --> 01:18:58,363
-My job.
-Oh, wow.
1703
01:18:59,239 --> 01:19:00,240
What's up?
1704
01:19:01,991 --> 01:19:03,660
-You okay?
-Yeah, I'm great.
1705
01:19:03,660 --> 01:19:05,495
I'm great, I'm not here
to see Milo. What?
1706
01:19:05,495 --> 01:19:07,539
-What?
-Who said that? [chuckles]
1707
01:19:07,539 --> 01:19:12,085
No, no, I'm here to--
to go to a meeting.
1708
01:19:12,085 --> 01:19:14,421
-I'm here to go to a meeting,
a meeting.
-Oh, here.
1709
01:19:14,421 --> 01:19:17,298
No, no, no, no, no,
just in the area.
1710
01:19:17,799 --> 01:19:20,635
It's this way.
Um... [sighs] It's this way.
1711
01:19:20,635 --> 01:19:22,470
-Okay.
-So bye.
1712
01:19:22,470 --> 01:19:23,930
-Bye.
-Bye.
1713
01:19:27,017 --> 01:19:30,562
I love a good New York
love story.
1714
01:19:30,562 --> 01:19:32,605
The city, you know,
it's one of the only places
1715
01:19:32,605 --> 01:19:34,024
where you could--
1716
01:19:35,108 --> 01:19:36,526
-Hi.
-Hi.
1717
01:19:36,526 --> 01:19:37,944
-Um...
-What's up?
1718
01:19:37,944 --> 01:19:40,655
Just a quick question.
It's nice.
1719
01:19:40,655 --> 01:19:44,576
Um, is Milo, uh, upstairs?
1720
01:19:45,618 --> 01:19:47,328
Yeah, nope.
1721
01:19:47,328 --> 01:19:49,164
[stammers] I don't think so.
1722
01:19:49,164 --> 01:19:50,999
Oh, cool. Cool. Uh...
1723
01:19:50,999 --> 01:19:52,959
[stammers] Did he maybe say
when he was gonna be back?
1724
01:19:52,959 --> 01:19:54,711
If he's maybe gonna be gone
all night
1725
01:19:54,711 --> 01:19:56,963
or just like five more minutes?
1726
01:19:56,963 --> 01:19:58,798
-Wendy. [sighs]
-Right.
1727
01:19:58,798 --> 01:20:00,759
-I hate to be the one
to tell you this.
-Okay.
1728
01:20:00,759 --> 01:20:03,261
I think he's seeing someone.
1729
01:20:07,557 --> 01:20:08,558
Okay.
1730
01:20:09,934 --> 01:20:10,935
Okay.
1731
01:20:12,354 --> 01:20:13,438
I'll see you.
1732
01:20:14,773 --> 01:20:16,608
I'll see you, Wendy.
1733
01:20:18,318 --> 01:20:21,696
Little did she know that Milo
wasn't seeing anybody
1734
01:20:21,696 --> 01:20:24,991
and was, in fact,
painfully single.
1735
01:20:24,991 --> 01:20:27,702
And where better to doubt
your own singlehood
1736
01:20:27,702 --> 01:20:29,788
than under holy matrimony
1737
01:20:29,788 --> 01:20:31,915
at the very bar
in which they met,
1738
01:20:31,915 --> 01:20:34,167
where love filled the air--
1739
01:20:34,167 --> 01:20:37,337
{\an8}the wedding of Hank and Jessie.
1740
01:20:37,337 --> 01:20:39,631
I'm not sweaty,
it's just really hot.
1741
01:20:39,631 --> 01:20:41,049
Okay, I'm nervous, I'm nervous,
I'm nervous.
1742
01:20:41,049 --> 01:20:43,218
[Hank] Uh, you're gonna
do great, man.
1743
01:20:43,218 --> 01:20:44,928
How are you so calm?
1744
01:20:44,928 --> 01:20:47,180
Of course I'm calm.
1745
01:20:47,180 --> 01:20:49,432
I'm marrying
the love of my life.
1746
01:20:49,432 --> 01:20:50,934
-I'm proud of you, man.
-Thanks.
1747
01:20:50,934 --> 01:20:52,602
I'm so proud of you.
I really am.
1748
01:20:52,602 --> 01:20:53,937
So what are you gonna say
to her?
1749
01:20:53,937 --> 01:20:55,605
-Who?
-Don't "who" me.
1750
01:20:55,605 --> 01:20:57,107
I don't know
who you're talking about.
1751
01:20:57,107 --> 01:20:58,108
I love you.
1752
01:20:59,192 --> 01:21:01,861
-Bring it in.
-Mm. Thanks.
1753
01:21:01,861 --> 01:21:04,072
And you are not an ugly
Jon Hamm, I take it back.
1754
01:21:04,072 --> 01:21:05,615
You are a hot Jon Hamm.
1755
01:21:05,615 --> 01:21:10,620
-[dramatic music]
-[people chattering]
1756
01:21:28,221 --> 01:21:31,266
-[gasps]
-[gentle music]
1757
01:21:46,406 --> 01:21:49,284
[dramatic music]
1758
01:22:14,184 --> 01:22:16,019
Everyone, please take
your seats.
1759
01:22:18,480 --> 01:22:20,023
The bride and groom would like
to share their vows
1760
01:22:20,023 --> 01:22:22,901
with us tonight
and with each other.
1761
01:22:22,901 --> 01:22:24,986
-Jessie.
-Yeah.
1762
01:22:24,986 --> 01:22:27,822
The first day that I saw you,
I pointed at you
1763
01:22:27,822 --> 01:22:30,200
and said, "I am going to marry
that girl."
1764
01:22:30,200 --> 01:22:32,160
-I know.
-[both chuckle]
1765
01:22:32,160 --> 01:22:34,037
-Jess, it's my vows.
-Okay, sorry.
1766
01:22:34,037 --> 01:22:35,663
-Okay.
-You go.
1767
01:22:35,663 --> 01:22:37,791
Mm, no, stop Not yet!
Stop, don't do it yet.
1768
01:22:37,791 --> 01:22:39,834
Sorry. [chuckles]
1769
01:22:39,834 --> 01:22:41,294
-Start over.
-Okay.
1770
01:22:41,294 --> 01:22:43,129
-Mm-hmm.
-First day that happened.
1771
01:22:43,129 --> 01:22:45,215
-Yes.
-I was doing it as a joke.
1772
01:22:45,215 --> 01:22:47,884
-Uh-huh.
-But you have kept me laughing
ever since.
1773
01:22:47,884 --> 01:22:50,595
-Mm-hmm.
-I promise to be
your best friend
1774
01:22:50,595 --> 01:22:52,931
and to love you always.
I love you.
1775
01:22:52,931 --> 01:22:54,599
I love you.
1776
01:22:54,599 --> 01:22:57,435
Hank, a lot of people
say that cheesy thing
1777
01:22:57,435 --> 01:22:59,688
where they're like,
"I don't always like you,
but I love you,"
1778
01:22:59,688 --> 01:23:01,773
but I like you and I love you.
1779
01:23:01,773 --> 01:23:05,151
And I don't even care
that you always fall asleep
1780
01:23:05,151 --> 01:23:07,070
the second we pick a movie,
1781
01:23:07,070 --> 01:23:08,780
and I don't care that sometimes
1782
01:23:08,780 --> 01:23:10,573
you only respond "ha-ha"
to my texts
1783
01:23:10,573 --> 01:23:13,201
and don't add additional info.
1784
01:23:13,201 --> 01:23:15,286
And I really love that we both
like that meme
1785
01:23:15,286 --> 01:23:18,707
about birds that look
like old ladies wearing hats.
1786
01:23:18,707 --> 01:23:20,333
And I just love you so much
1787
01:23:20,333 --> 01:23:22,836
and I'm the luckiest girl
in the world
1788
01:23:22,836 --> 01:23:24,713
that you love me, too.
1789
01:23:24,713 --> 01:23:26,297
Is that good?
1790
01:23:26,297 --> 01:23:27,507
You like that shit?
1791
01:23:27,507 --> 01:23:30,343
[Jessie laughing]
1792
01:23:30,885 --> 01:23:32,095
Ooh!
1793
01:23:34,055 --> 01:23:35,682
Fashion moment.
1794
01:23:35,682 --> 01:23:37,350
-Same time.
-At same time?
1795
01:23:37,350 --> 01:23:40,979
-Okay. [laughs]
-One, two, three.
1796
01:23:40,979 --> 01:23:42,939
You may now kiss the bride.
1797
01:23:42,939 --> 01:23:47,652
-[dramatic music]
-[audience cheering]
1798
01:23:47,652 --> 01:23:50,030
All right, let's get drunk.
[chuckles]
1799
01:23:58,538 --> 01:24:02,167
♪ Relive that moon ♪
1800
01:24:02,167 --> 01:24:06,171
♪ And starry sky ♪
1801
01:24:06,171 --> 01:24:11,176
♪ Heaven writes
A lover's song ♪
1802
01:24:12,886 --> 01:24:19,851
♪ The reverie of happy dreams ♪
1803
01:24:19,851 --> 01:24:27,192
♪ Midnight comes
A nightingale sings along ♪
1804
01:24:27,192 --> 01:24:34,115
♪ Melody with harmony ♪
1805
01:24:34,115 --> 01:24:41,164
♪ Makes a better tune ♪
1806
01:24:41,164 --> 01:24:44,626
♪ The night will play ♪
1807
01:24:44,626 --> 01:24:50,548
♪ Its serenade to you ♪
1808
01:24:51,925 --> 01:24:55,261
♪ Love writes a rhyme ♪
1809
01:24:55,261 --> 01:24:58,848
♪ And chance that we find ♪
1810
01:24:58,848 --> 01:25:01,976
♪ Magic and beauty ♪
1811
01:25:01,976 --> 01:25:05,939
♪ Begin, ah, begun ♪
1812
01:25:05,939 --> 01:25:12,821
♪ Dance until morning
Drifts along ♪
1813
01:25:14,739 --> 01:25:18,410
♪ Listen ♪
1814
01:25:18,410 --> 01:25:24,666
♪ And you hear the song ♪
1815
01:25:24,666 --> 01:25:26,334
[dramatic music]
1816
01:25:45,770 --> 01:25:47,480
[Wendy] Do you not want
consistent sex
1817
01:25:47,480 --> 01:25:48,982
without the emotional
attachment?
1818
01:25:48,982 --> 01:25:50,525
[Milo] I want that,
but I also want
1819
01:25:50,525 --> 01:25:51,776
the emotional attachment.
1820
01:25:51,776 --> 01:25:53,069
[Wendy] The words "I love you,"
1821
01:25:53,069 --> 01:25:54,154
in that order,
1822
01:25:54,154 --> 01:25:55,363
cannot be shared
1823
01:25:55,363 --> 01:25:56,906
with one party to the other.
1824
01:25:56,906 --> 01:25:58,408
[Milo]
You just gotta pick a flavor
1825
01:25:58,408 --> 01:25:59,993
and then just go
with that flavor.
1826
01:25:59,993 --> 01:26:02,328
[Wendy] I care about you
so much, Milo.
1827
01:26:02,328 --> 01:26:03,830
Will I see you again?
1828
01:26:07,500 --> 01:26:10,837
-Yeah.
-[dramatic music]
1829
01:26:14,716 --> 01:26:16,718
-Hello. Hey, hey, what's up?
-Hi, hi.
1830
01:26:16,718 --> 01:26:17,969
-How's it going?
-[both chuckle]
1831
01:26:21,264 --> 01:26:22,932
I really miss you.
1832
01:26:24,601 --> 01:26:26,269
I really miss you.
1833
01:26:27,312 --> 01:26:32,734
And I would really like it
if you were back in my life.
1834
01:26:35,111 --> 01:26:37,989
I'd like to be back
in your life, too.
1835
01:26:37,989 --> 01:26:43,078
And I promise I'm done trying
other flavors.
1836
01:26:44,287 --> 01:26:45,622
I just want one.
1837
01:26:49,250 --> 01:26:51,002
I love you so much.
1838
01:26:53,338 --> 01:26:54,464
I love you, too.
1839
01:26:54,464 --> 01:26:57,300
[dramatic music]
1840
01:27:09,604 --> 01:27:12,273
[Cole] Once upon a time,
1841
01:27:12,273 --> 01:27:15,568
in a magical kingdom
known as New York City,
1842
01:27:15,568 --> 01:27:19,322
there lived a happily married
couple.
1843
01:27:19,322 --> 01:27:23,785
Then there was Milo and Wendy
or Wendy and Milo.
1844
01:27:23,785 --> 01:27:27,414
Maybe it was vows,
the ubiquitous feeling
of romance,
1845
01:27:27,414 --> 01:27:29,332
or the magic of Manhattan,
1846
01:27:29,332 --> 01:27:33,086
but they finally had
true love's kiss,
1847
01:27:33,086 --> 01:27:35,839
and the heartbroken
learned to love again.
1848
01:27:37,882 --> 01:27:39,759
Their thread began again
1849
01:27:39,759 --> 01:27:43,263
and they finally dated
happily ever after.
1850
01:27:43,263 --> 01:27:46,016
[dramatic music]
1851
01:27:47,225 --> 01:27:49,811
For a few more months.
1852
01:27:49,811 --> 01:27:52,522
[dramatic music]
1853
01:28:06,286 --> 01:28:07,579
[notification dings]
1854
01:28:12,709 --> 01:28:16,296
{\an8}-♪ Two, three, four ♪
-[dramatic music]
1855
01:28:52,374 --> 01:28:55,210
[dramatic music]
1856
01:30:27,552 --> 01:30:30,305
[dramatic music]
146735
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