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1
00:00:06,876 --> 00:00:08,225
Steve: Mom.
2
00:00:08,269 --> 00:00:09,879
Mom. Psst!
3
00:00:09,922 --> 00:00:12,186
[ Groans ]
What is it, sweet pea?
4
00:00:12,229 --> 00:00:15,754
I know it's before 6:00
and I'm a'sposed to stay asleep,
5
00:00:15,798 --> 00:00:17,930
but could I play
with a couple toys in my room
6
00:00:17,974 --> 00:00:19,976
if I promise to be extra quiet?
7
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:22,196
[ Groans ]
8
00:00:22,239 --> 00:00:26,243
Steve, we haven't had that rule
since you were 3 years old.
9
00:00:26,287 --> 00:00:28,985
Yes, but I still follow it
independently.
10
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:31,553
Maybe just my
Woodland Creatures Nesting set?
11
00:00:31,596 --> 00:00:32,728
Sure, baby.
12
00:00:32,771 --> 00:00:34,817
It has a mouse named Seymour.
13
00:00:34,860 --> 00:00:36,210
Nuh, guh-way.
14
00:00:36,253 --> 00:00:38,386
And there's a rabbit and an owl.
15
00:00:38,429 --> 00:00:40,059
- And there's a bear.
- Please, still dreaming.
16
00:00:40,083 --> 00:00:41,669
- Can I play with him?
- Sex with hot lady.
17
00:00:41,693 --> 00:00:43,497
He sounds loud and mean,
but I promise he's not.
18
00:00:43,521 --> 00:00:44,740
Beach.
Now she's an owl.
19
00:00:44,783 --> 00:00:46,394
- Oh, good.
- Why is she an owl?
20
00:00:46,437 --> 00:00:47,719
He's actually
-un-bear-ably cute. -Come back, hot lady.
21
00:00:47,743 --> 00:00:49,136
Okay, that's that.
I'm awake!
22
00:00:49,179 --> 00:00:50,876
Steve, we're trying to sleep.
23
00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:53,923
I know, Dad, that's why
I was using my soft voice.
24
00:00:53,966 --> 00:00:55,403
I hate your soft voice.
25
00:00:55,446 --> 00:00:57,579
It reminds me
everything about you is soft.
26
00:00:57,622 --> 00:00:59,624
Stan, he's just a boy.
27
00:00:59,668 --> 00:01:01,148
He can't be as hard as you.
28
00:01:01,191 --> 00:01:03,324
Well, now I'm soft
because he put an owl
29
00:01:03,367 --> 00:01:07,763
into my dream about hot,
filthy, porno-style ssss...
30
00:01:07,806 --> 00:01:09,069
sandwiches!
31
00:01:09,112 --> 00:01:10,374
Heard dad singing.
32
00:01:10,418 --> 00:01:12,115
- That's my cue.
- What are you doing?
33
00:01:12,159 --> 00:01:14,422
Oh, I always sleep in here
when you leave.
34
00:01:14,465 --> 00:01:16,772
I feel like if I switch beds
once a day,
35
00:01:16,815 --> 00:01:18,948
I've really
accomplished something.
36
00:01:18,991 --> 00:01:21,690
It's a little productivity tip
I got from Garfield.
37
00:01:21,733 --> 00:01:23,779
Francine, are we sure
these kids are mine?
38
00:01:23,822 --> 00:01:25,650
100%.
39
00:01:25,694 --> 00:01:26,999
With Steve.
40
00:01:27,043 --> 00:01:30,960
And Hayley, y-y-yes.
41
00:01:34,181 --> 00:01:36,748
♪ Good morning, U.S.A.
42
00:01:36,792 --> 00:01:40,578
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
43
00:01:40,622 --> 00:01:43,712
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
44
00:01:43,755 --> 00:01:48,108
♪ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ♪
45
00:01:49,979 --> 00:01:53,374
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say
46
00:01:53,417 --> 00:01:55,854
♪ Good... ♪ Good morning, U.S.A.
47
00:01:55,898 --> 00:01:56,942
Aah!
48
00:01:58,248 --> 00:02:01,382
♪ Good morning, U.S.A.
49
00:02:03,949 --> 00:02:05,429
Greg: The standoff
between police
50
00:02:05,473 --> 00:02:07,475
and the backwoods militia
ended last night
51
00:02:07,518 --> 00:02:09,216
in tragic, murderous fashion,
52
00:02:09,259 --> 00:02:11,174
soaking our streets in blood,
53
00:02:11,218 --> 00:02:13,829
and many now wonder
who will clean those streets
54
00:02:13,872 --> 00:02:16,875
before Langley's
6th Annual Bed Race!
55
00:02:16,919 --> 00:02:19,835
Bed Race? Sounds like something
my kids would be into.
56
00:02:19,878 --> 00:02:21,793
Teams are already working
around the clock
57
00:02:21,837 --> 00:02:23,752
to prepare
for this grueling event,
58
00:02:23,795 --> 00:02:26,581
because those beds aren't
for sleeping and dreaming.
59
00:02:26,624 --> 00:02:28,409
They're for racing and winning.
60
00:02:28,452 --> 00:02:29,801
Racing and winning?
61
00:02:29,845 --> 00:02:31,586
That sounds like something
you'd be into.
62
00:02:31,629 --> 00:02:33,588
It does, and if I'm into it,
63
00:02:33,631 --> 00:02:36,112
what's to stop me from
forcing my kids to do it?
64
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,158
Child Services?
Ha!
65
00:02:38,201 --> 00:02:41,291
If they didn't take 'em away
after the "alligator incident,"
66
00:02:41,335 --> 00:02:43,728
I think it's pretty clear
they ain't never comin'
67
00:02:43,772 --> 00:02:47,558
for big daddy Stan's
bouncin' bambinos.
68
00:02:47,602 --> 00:02:49,014
Personal Trainer:
Push through the burn!
69
00:02:49,038 --> 00:02:51,214
Screw you!
I hate your skank face.
70
00:02:51,258 --> 00:02:52,563
I love you, let's work!
71
00:02:52,607 --> 00:02:56,306
- Rogu can't.
- Stay with it.
72
00:02:56,350 --> 00:02:59,222
We can't let anything stop us
from getting in shape.
73
00:02:59,266 --> 00:03:01,181
[ Cellphone chimes ]
Ooh, phone!
74
00:03:01,224 --> 00:03:04,009
Aw, noyce,
it's a Memphis Stormfront VIP
75
00:03:04,053 --> 00:03:05,707
Advanced Weather Alert-gasm!
76
00:03:05,750 --> 00:03:07,143
Whoa, there's gonna be an early
77
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,754
isolated snowstorm
coming to Vermont.
78
00:03:09,798 --> 00:03:11,147
I got to tell...
Me!
79
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:12,583
Did you get the Alert-gasm?
80
00:03:12,627 --> 00:03:13,932
Yeah, dude.
81
00:03:13,976 --> 00:03:15,543
Someone's playin'
with God's balls,
82
00:03:15,586 --> 00:03:18,633
'cause he's spraying
white gold all over Vermont.
83
00:03:18,676 --> 00:03:22,114
Which means we get to do
the one thing we bond over.
84
00:03:22,158 --> 00:03:23,681
Both: Skiing!
85
00:03:23,725 --> 00:03:25,814
[ Tires screech, horn honks ]
86
00:03:25,857 --> 00:03:29,600
Buon dia, my fresh,
chunky plow gobblers!
87
00:03:29,644 --> 00:03:32,777
You three hang out?
88
00:03:32,821 --> 00:03:35,258
Hell yeah!
We do when it comes to...
89
00:03:35,302 --> 00:03:37,304
Together: Skiing!
90
00:03:37,347 --> 00:03:39,523
Whoa, how did you get up here?
91
00:03:39,567 --> 00:03:41,699
I was excited.
I jumped.
92
00:03:44,441 --> 00:03:46,226
I've entered us
in Langley Falls'
93
00:03:46,269 --> 00:03:47,836
Bed Racing Extravaganza
94
00:03:47,879 --> 00:03:50,708
to toughen you guys up,
teach you about hard work.
95
00:03:50,752 --> 00:03:51,840
Any questions?
96
00:03:51,883 --> 00:03:53,755
Um, is this my mattress?
97
00:03:53,798 --> 00:03:56,540
No, but it was almost Klaus'.
98
00:03:56,584 --> 00:03:58,368
I was planning to turn him
back into a human,
99
00:03:58,412 --> 00:03:59,587
but that'll have to wait.
100
00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:01,371
Oh, good,
'cause I just bought him
101
00:04:01,415 --> 00:04:03,286
a 50-pound bag of fish flakes,
102
00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:05,070
and it's the kind
he doesn't like.
103
00:04:05,114 --> 00:04:07,072
Okay, so let's talk design.
104
00:04:07,116 --> 00:04:10,337
I've secured some ultra-light
carbon fiber for the axle.
105
00:04:10,380 --> 00:04:12,034
And what if we decorated it
106
00:04:12,077 --> 00:04:14,079
with a princess bed canopy
107
00:04:14,123 --> 00:04:15,603
and a chiffon furbelow?
108
00:04:15,646 --> 00:04:17,561
- Ooh, that's nice.
- Ooh.
109
00:04:17,605 --> 00:04:18,693
Go back, go back.
110
00:04:18,736 --> 00:04:20,042
Stop it!
111
00:04:20,085 --> 00:04:21,365
We need to start
thinking of this
112
00:04:21,391 --> 00:04:23,132
as a racecar, not as a bed!
113
00:04:23,175 --> 00:04:24,481
Maybe someone should tell her.
114
00:04:24,525 --> 00:04:25,917
[ Snoring ]
115
00:04:25,961 --> 00:04:27,658
[ Groans ]
I can't be here right now.
116
00:04:27,702 --> 00:04:29,051
I'm going to work.
117
00:04:29,094 --> 00:04:30,420
Maybe clear my mind
in the torture...
118
00:04:30,444 --> 00:04:32,968
I mean, interrogation room.
119
00:04:33,011 --> 00:04:34,970
Has anyone seen my iPad?
120
00:04:35,013 --> 00:04:37,712
Is that it lying shattered
on the ground?
121
00:04:37,755 --> 00:04:40,541
And is that a 50-pound bag
of Beefaroni fish food
122
00:04:40,584 --> 00:04:42,673
that you know I don't like?
123
00:04:42,717 --> 00:04:44,109
You guys don't respect me!
124
00:04:44,153 --> 00:04:45,981
I should charge you like a bull!
125
00:04:46,024 --> 00:04:47,809
- Do it.
- Yeah, charge us.
126
00:04:47,852 --> 00:04:49,680
Haaaa!
127
00:04:49,724 --> 00:04:52,814
[ Steve yelping ]
Oh, damn.
128
00:04:57,340 --> 00:04:58,341
What is all this?
129
00:04:58,385 --> 00:04:59,951
We're doing CRISPR.
130
00:04:59,995 --> 00:05:01,344
The children's cereal?
131
00:05:01,388 --> 00:05:02,476
That's Crispix.
132
00:05:02,519 --> 00:05:03,825
And it's not just for children.
133
00:05:03,868 --> 00:05:05,783
Successful scientists
like it, too.
134
00:05:05,827 --> 00:05:09,744
CRISPR is Clustered
Regularly Interspaced Short
135
00:05:09,787 --> 00:05:11,136
Palindromic Repeats.
136
00:05:11,180 --> 00:05:13,182
That's nerd talk for improvising
137
00:05:13,225 --> 00:05:17,317
a sax solo over a 2-5-1 change
on your double helix.
138
00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:20,581
And that was jazz talk
for we're editing DNA.
139
00:05:20,624 --> 00:05:21,973
Can I show him the video?!
140
00:05:22,017 --> 00:05:24,976
Of course you can, little buddy.
141
00:05:28,632 --> 00:05:32,114
I'm Dr. Dubs,
and this is my ride.
142
00:05:33,376 --> 00:05:36,074
Many diseases, like those
carried by mosquitoes,
143
00:05:36,118 --> 00:05:37,467
could be eradicated by changing
144
00:05:37,511 --> 00:05:41,776
a single letter
of incorrect DNA.
145
00:05:41,819 --> 00:05:43,865
Think of genetic code
as a text document
146
00:05:43,908 --> 00:05:45,954
that describes a living thing.
147
00:05:45,997 --> 00:05:49,653
CRISPR can target the part
of the DNA causing a problem...
148
00:05:49,697 --> 00:05:51,307
[ Buzzer]
149
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:54,658
...then take a mug shot
of the defective gene...
150
00:05:54,702 --> 00:05:57,400
And delivers it to
a surgical protein.
151
00:05:57,444 --> 00:05:59,489
What the hell?!
This is my video!
152
00:05:59,533 --> 00:06:01,012
Not anymore.
153
00:06:01,056 --> 00:06:04,842
I'm friends with the editor,
and he hates you.
154
00:06:04,886 --> 00:06:09,499
It's like putting an APB out
on a defective gene.
155
00:06:09,543 --> 00:06:10,935
And voilà!
156
00:06:10,979 --> 00:06:13,024
You've changed a living organism
157
00:06:13,068 --> 00:06:17,725
and created
a malaria-free mosquito.
158
00:06:17,768 --> 00:06:20,423
Is this real?
Does it work on people?
159
00:06:20,467 --> 00:06:22,207
Sure does.
Wait.
160
00:06:22,251 --> 00:06:24,340
- Jackson?
- In the flesh.
161
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,081
I always wanted to be
a wooly mammoth,
162
00:06:26,124 --> 00:06:27,778
and CRISPR made it happen.
163
00:06:27,822 --> 00:06:30,738
And these two swear this
is exactly how big they were.
164
00:06:30,781 --> 00:06:33,349
So it works on people, you say?
165
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,873
And my children are people,
you say?
166
00:06:35,917 --> 00:06:38,485
And I can borrow this
for the weekend, you say?
167
00:06:38,528 --> 00:06:40,878
He's going to take it,
that's pretty clear.
168
00:06:40,922 --> 00:06:42,924
Let's just stand here
169
00:06:42,967 --> 00:06:46,710
and enjoy the smell
of giant corn and each other.
170
00:06:46,754 --> 00:06:48,625
[ All breathe deeply ]
171
00:06:52,107 --> 00:06:54,457
You know what my favorite
kind of skis are?
172
00:06:54,501 --> 00:06:55,850
Brew-skis!
173
00:06:55,893 --> 00:06:57,460
Open wide, Lewis.
174
00:06:57,504 --> 00:07:01,508
Wait, no!
I'm six months sober!
175
00:07:01,551 --> 00:07:03,771
You're a good friend.
176
00:07:03,814 --> 00:07:06,600
Hey, Roger, you put those
snow chains on the tires
177
00:07:06,643 --> 00:07:08,515
when we pulled over
back there, right?
178
00:07:08,558 --> 00:07:10,081
On the tires?
179
00:07:10,125 --> 00:07:12,083
But if I had done that,
then I couldn't do...
180
00:07:12,127 --> 00:07:14,303
this!
I'm a ghooost!
181
00:07:14,346 --> 00:07:16,000
Ooh![ Laughter ]
182
00:07:19,264 --> 00:07:21,266
Jeff, get back in your lane!
183
00:07:21,702 --> 00:07:23,181
Aah!
184
00:07:25,923 --> 00:07:27,664
[ All scream ]
185
00:07:31,581 --> 00:07:32,887
We could've died.
186
00:07:32,930 --> 00:07:35,106
Yeah.
And then we'd all be...
187
00:07:35,150 --> 00:07:37,631
ghooosts![ Laughter ]
188
00:07:37,674 --> 00:07:41,852
[ Jeff screams ]
Ebenezer Scroooooge!
189
00:07:41,896 --> 00:07:50,165
♪
190
00:07:50,208 --> 00:07:53,429
Your DNA is ready for injection.
191
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:55,039
You may now play God.
192
00:07:55,083 --> 00:07:57,259
Someone has to.
193
00:07:57,302 --> 00:08:04,266
♪
194
00:08:04,309 --> 00:08:06,790
Excuse me.
Mind if I move in?
195
00:08:06,834 --> 00:08:14,189
♪
196
00:08:14,232 --> 00:08:16,104
Owww.
197
00:08:16,147 --> 00:08:18,628
Pleased to meet you,
one-fanged Dracula.
198
00:08:18,672 --> 00:08:21,631
My name's
Unicorntail Softbottom.
199
00:08:21,675 --> 00:08:23,241
[ Groans ]
200
00:08:27,550 --> 00:08:29,900
Steve, honey,
what are you doing?
201
00:08:29,944 --> 00:08:32,816
You may come to regret
asking me that, Francine. Huh?
202
00:08:32,860 --> 00:08:36,298
I started cleaning out my closet
and spotted a few choice mags.
203
00:08:36,341 --> 00:08:38,256
Decided to drop trou
and fire off
204
00:08:38,300 --> 00:08:41,216
a few mortar rounds of Dreamy
Stevie's Thick and Creamy...
205
00:08:41,259 --> 00:08:42,347
Steven Anita!
206
00:08:42,391 --> 00:08:43,784
What is wrong with you?!
207
00:08:43,827 --> 00:08:47,788
Wrong?
I feel better than ever.
208
00:08:47,831 --> 00:08:52,314
Uh, I forgot to go
to the zoo today.
209
00:08:52,357 --> 00:08:55,665
Hayley: Avoid Lisa's
Dry-Cleaner's at all costs.
210
00:08:55,709 --> 00:08:58,146
While I've never had anything
dry-cleaned here,
211
00:08:58,189 --> 00:09:00,975
the owner's attitude
toward potential customers
212
00:09:01,018 --> 00:09:03,455
needing to take a dump
in the employee bathroom
213
00:09:03,499 --> 00:09:06,981
shows me they more than deserve
a one-star rating.
214
00:09:07,024 --> 00:09:09,331
Oh, Francine, I need you
to get the paperwork going
215
00:09:09,374 --> 00:09:10,854
on a divorce with Jeff.
216
00:09:10,898 --> 00:09:13,074
Time for me to do
some big game hunting,
217
00:09:13,117 --> 00:09:14,554
if you catch my drift.
218
00:09:14,597 --> 00:09:16,425
What the...
219
00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:20,429
[ Gasps ]
220
00:09:20,472 --> 00:09:22,474
Eh, nothin' to watch
on the tube.
221
00:09:22,518 --> 00:09:25,347
We could always make whoopie,
Al.
222
00:09:25,390 --> 00:09:28,045
Peggy, I'd rather bang
a bowl of beans.
223
00:09:28,089 --> 00:09:29,873
[ Laughs ]
224
00:09:29,917 --> 00:09:32,876
Stan, have you noticed
that the kids are acting...
225
00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:34,225
strange?
226
00:09:34,269 --> 00:09:35,551
Probably 'cause
I altered their DNA
227
00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:36,619
so they're more like me.
228
00:09:36,663 --> 00:09:38,360
What? Why?!
229
00:09:38,403 --> 00:09:40,841
Look, I've tried to teach them
to hack it in this world,
230
00:09:40,884 --> 00:09:42,364
but I'm not getting
through to 'em.
231
00:09:42,407 --> 00:09:44,168
It's time I stopped
blaming myself and start...
232
00:09:44,192 --> 00:09:46,281
I don't remember you
blaming yourself.
233
00:09:46,324 --> 00:09:48,326
Exactly, 'cause that would've
been a mistake
234
00:09:48,370 --> 00:09:49,850
and I don't make mistakes.
235
00:09:49,893 --> 00:09:51,329
It's not in my DNA,
236
00:09:51,373 --> 00:09:53,027
and now it's not in theirs,
either.
237
00:09:53,070 --> 00:09:56,334
And to be honest, this town
could use a few more Stans.
238
00:09:56,378 --> 00:09:59,729
This town could use more
Buffalo Wild Wings locations,
239
00:09:59,773 --> 00:10:01,557
not this.
240
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,646
Francine, have you ever
looked at someone
241
00:10:03,690 --> 00:10:06,170
and just known they needed
to get CRISPR'd?
242
00:10:06,214 --> 00:10:09,043
Does CRISPR have anything to do
243
00:10:09,086 --> 00:10:10,740
with that syringe
you're holding?
244
00:10:10,784 --> 00:10:12,655
No, this is liquid kisses.
245
00:10:12,699 --> 00:10:16,398
Liquid kisses?!
For me?
246
00:10:16,441 --> 00:10:18,748
Peggy: Screw you, Al Bundy!
247
00:10:18,792 --> 00:10:21,185
[ Laughter ]
248
00:10:21,229 --> 00:10:22,404
[ Laughs ]
249
00:10:22,447 --> 00:10:23,666
Me too, guys.
250
00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:24,928
Together: Quiet, fish!
251
00:10:24,972 --> 00:10:27,452
Whoa, we're really
on the same page.
252
00:10:27,496 --> 00:10:30,238
Burt Bacharach seems like
he should be dead by now.
253
00:10:30,281 --> 00:10:32,806
Whoa!
254
00:10:32,849 --> 00:10:34,111
Who...
255
00:10:34,155 --> 00:10:37,027
Stan: Great parking spot,
right, guys?
256
00:10:37,071 --> 00:10:38,942
Hell yeah, and check
this out, pops.
257
00:10:38,986 --> 00:10:40,596
♪ A-ding-a-ding-a-ding
258
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,424
Together: ♪ Bring back
those good old days ♪
259
00:10:42,467 --> 00:10:44,121
♪ Those, those days
260
00:10:44,165 --> 00:10:47,385
♪ We mean those days when
the boys sang the melody ♪
261
00:10:47,429 --> 00:10:49,213
[ Laughter ]
262
00:10:49,257 --> 00:10:53,435
Could I have engineered
a more perfect family?
263
00:10:53,478 --> 00:10:54,479
My chin dropped.
264
00:10:54,523 --> 00:10:55,829
Oh, mama.
265
00:10:55,872 --> 00:10:58,701
Get over here.
266
00:10:58,745 --> 00:11:01,443
Whoo, that is hot,
-that is hot! -Yeah, yeah, yeah,
267
00:11:01,486 --> 00:11:05,186
Yes, uh, can you guys
keep it down and maybe leave?
268
00:11:05,229 --> 00:11:06,753
We don't open
until 5:00.
269
00:11:06,796 --> 00:11:09,799
Then how did we get
this pitcher of beer, Sally Mae?
270
00:11:09,843 --> 00:11:14,238
I think it was the steak knife
you held to Daniel's throat.
271
00:11:14,282 --> 00:11:16,371
Did Daniel open
his little bitch mouth?
272
00:11:16,414 --> 00:11:19,113
I got this.
273
00:11:19,156 --> 00:11:20,723
Whoa, come back here, hon.
274
00:11:20,767 --> 00:11:23,987
I like the initiative, but
let's all tone it down a notch.
275
00:11:24,031 --> 00:11:25,815
Tone down my dick, Daddy.
276
00:11:25,859 --> 00:11:28,775
Wow, walked right into that one.
277
00:11:32,256 --> 00:11:34,302
We're... alive.
278
00:11:34,345 --> 00:11:35,303
Oh, look.
279
00:11:35,346 --> 00:11:37,305
The ski resort.
280
00:11:37,348 --> 00:11:41,744
Oh, baby, Lewis needs soup
in a bread bowl!
281
00:11:41,788 --> 00:11:43,311
[ Rumbling ]
282
00:11:43,354 --> 00:11:45,879
Shh!
You'll cause an avalanche.
283
00:11:45,922 --> 00:11:47,358
What are we gonna do?
284
00:11:47,402 --> 00:11:48,664
I brought some cherry syrup,
285
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,710
so I'm sellin' snow cones.
286
00:11:55,366 --> 00:11:56,628
Ooh, I'll take one of those.
287
00:11:56,672 --> 00:11:57,673
Sure.
288
00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:59,588
$1,000.
289
00:11:59,631 --> 00:12:01,590
You rat.
290
00:12:03,897 --> 00:12:06,377
[ Tools grinding, clanking ]
291
00:12:09,250 --> 00:12:11,600
When did you guys do all this?
292
00:12:11,643 --> 00:12:12,993
We've been working all night.
293
00:12:13,036 --> 00:12:14,559
The race is this afternoon.
294
00:12:14,603 --> 00:12:17,998
You guys have become real
self-starters, just like me.
295
00:12:18,041 --> 00:12:19,129
Like you?
296
00:12:19,173 --> 00:12:21,610
You slept until what?
6:15?
297
00:12:21,653 --> 00:12:23,525
You lazy sack of eggs.
298
00:12:23,568 --> 00:12:24,874
[ Laughter ]
Ouch.
299
00:12:24,918 --> 00:12:26,199
I've never been on
the business end
300
00:12:26,223 --> 00:12:27,964
of the sack of eggs treatment.
301
00:12:28,008 --> 00:12:31,576
Steve, were you gonna secure
the valves on the flamethrower
302
00:12:31,620 --> 00:12:34,014
or did you want it
to leak out and kill us all?
303
00:12:34,057 --> 00:12:37,147
Maybe I'll get on that after
I secure my fist in your mouth.
304
00:12:37,191 --> 00:12:39,802
Whoa! Son, that's no way
to talk to your mother.
305
00:12:39,846 --> 00:12:41,804
It's just a little trash talk,
Dad.
306
00:12:41,848 --> 00:12:43,763
You better grow a pair
before the race.
307
00:12:43,806 --> 00:12:45,590
Cup check!
308
00:12:45,634 --> 00:12:47,201
It's 6:20
in the morning.
309
00:12:47,244 --> 00:12:48,506
Cup check!
310
00:12:48,550 --> 00:12:50,770
We already knew
I didn't have one.
311
00:12:53,294 --> 00:12:54,599
I don't get it.
312
00:12:54,643 --> 00:12:56,819
My family has my DNA.
313
00:12:56,863 --> 00:12:58,516
They should be acting like me,
314
00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:02,085
but they're louder, cruder,
and more judgmental.
315
00:13:02,129 --> 00:13:03,802
Hey, your cup selection's
pretty picked over.
316
00:13:03,826 --> 00:13:05,175
You got anything in the back?
317
00:13:05,219 --> 00:13:07,917
Oh, yeah, we keep all
our inventory in the back
318
00:13:07,961 --> 00:13:09,440
so customers can't see it,
319
00:13:09,484 --> 00:13:12,313
and I get to field jack-off
questions like yours!
320
00:13:12,356 --> 00:13:14,576
- When did you get that chin?
- Oh, this morning.
321
00:13:14,619 --> 00:13:16,119
Kid came in here,
stuck a needle in my neck,
322
00:13:16,143 --> 00:13:18,188
and got everyone in his path
on the way out.
323
00:13:18,232 --> 00:13:20,060
Manager: Derek, are you
helping this customer?
324
00:13:20,103 --> 00:13:23,715
Oh, no!
They've been CRISPRing people.
325
00:13:24,934 --> 00:13:27,850
Man: What did you say to me?
326
00:13:27,894 --> 00:13:30,853
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say
327
00:13:30,897 --> 00:13:32,072
Could be a coincidence.
328
00:13:32,115 --> 00:13:35,336
♪ Good morning, USA!
329
00:13:35,379 --> 00:13:37,294
They've CRISPR'd the whole town!
330
00:13:37,338 --> 00:13:39,209
I only hope I have time
to warn Chimdale.
331
00:13:45,041 --> 00:13:47,000
You guys CRISPR'd
the whole town!
332
00:13:47,043 --> 00:13:48,828
Now we got a bunch of me's
running around.
333
00:13:48,871 --> 00:13:50,177
You're welcome.
334
00:13:50,220 --> 00:13:51,831
No, something's gone wrong.
335
00:13:51,874 --> 00:13:54,442
Everybody out there with my DNA
is acting horribly.
336
00:13:54,485 --> 00:13:55,617
That's not who I am.
337
00:13:55,660 --> 00:13:59,534
Oh, then who are you, buttercup?
338
00:13:59,577 --> 00:14:01,666
Yeah, who are you, buttercup?
339
00:14:01,710 --> 00:14:02,667
[ Laughter ]
340
00:14:02,711 --> 00:14:03,886
Yeah.
341
00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:05,018
Knock, knock.
342
00:14:05,061 --> 00:14:06,106
Who are you?
343
00:14:06,149 --> 00:14:08,064
[ Laughter ]
344
00:14:08,108 --> 00:14:09,587
What are you all
even laughing at?
345
00:14:09,631 --> 00:14:10,850
Screw this!
346
00:14:10,893 --> 00:14:12,982
I need to be on an ATV
right now.
347
00:14:13,026 --> 00:14:15,463
We're going to the CIA
to reverse this.
348
00:14:15,506 --> 00:14:18,335
- But we're happy.
- And we have a Bed Race to win.
349
00:14:18,379 --> 00:14:20,207
Well, I'm thinking about
putting the Bed Race
350
00:14:20,250 --> 00:14:21,599
on the back burner
for the moment.
351
00:14:21,643 --> 00:14:23,471
That's loser talk, Dad,
352
00:14:23,514 --> 00:14:25,386
and you know
what we do to losers.
353
00:14:25,429 --> 00:14:27,779
Take them to lunch
and consider their ideas?
354
00:14:27,823 --> 00:14:30,173
Close.
Hold him down and fart on him.
355
00:14:30,217 --> 00:14:32,088
Yeah, that sounds closer
to what I'd do.
356
00:14:36,266 --> 00:14:37,702
Oh, Stan, you're awake.
357
00:14:37,746 --> 00:14:39,617
The family went crazy.
358
00:14:39,661 --> 00:14:41,924
They were farting on you
relentlessly.
359
00:14:41,968 --> 00:14:43,534
Klaus, untie me.
360
00:14:43,578 --> 00:14:45,928
Sorry, Stan,
they'll kill me if I do.
361
00:14:45,972 --> 00:14:47,321
I'll kill you if you don't.
362
00:14:47,364 --> 00:14:49,540
Ooh, but the ropes, though.
363
00:14:49,584 --> 00:14:51,020
But don't worry.
364
00:14:51,064 --> 00:14:53,849
I'll give you "Plato's Republic"
to keep you company,
365
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,764
read by Gilbert Gottfried.
366
00:14:55,807 --> 00:14:58,332
Gottfried: A man does not
give what is owed
367
00:14:58,375 --> 00:15:00,638
in giving back gold
368
00:15:00,682 --> 00:15:05,339
to someone who has deposited it!
369
00:15:05,382 --> 00:15:08,342
[ All shivering ]
370
00:15:08,385 --> 00:15:10,126
A-Ah-choo!
371
00:15:10,170 --> 00:15:12,215
[ Rumbling ]
372
00:15:12,259 --> 00:15:15,392
God bless you, you stupid idiot.
373
00:15:15,436 --> 00:15:17,394
We're gonna freeze
to death here.
374
00:15:17,438 --> 00:15:19,222
I know we're afraid of
starting an avalanche,
375
00:15:19,266 --> 00:15:20,920
but we have to try something.
376
00:15:20,963 --> 00:15:22,138
I have an idea.
377
00:15:22,182 --> 00:15:24,314
If we can get out super quietly
378
00:15:24,358 --> 00:15:26,926
and attach our skis
to the wheels of the car,
379
00:15:26,969 --> 00:15:29,841
I think we could ski this whole
car down to the resort.
380
00:15:29,885 --> 00:15:32,279
T-That might work.
381
00:15:32,322 --> 00:15:33,976
We came here to ski.
382
00:15:34,020 --> 00:15:35,586
Let's ski.
383
00:15:35,630 --> 00:15:39,373
♪
384
00:15:39,416 --> 00:15:40,852
[ Laughter ]
385
00:15:40,896 --> 00:15:42,115
[ Rumbling ]
386
00:15:42,158 --> 00:15:46,119
♪
387
00:15:46,162 --> 00:15:47,250
Great work.
388
00:15:47,294 --> 00:15:48,556
What do you say, boys?
389
00:15:48,599 --> 00:15:51,298
Should we head down
to the lodge?
390
00:15:51,341 --> 00:15:53,430
Okay, here we go.
391
00:15:53,474 --> 00:15:55,084
Picking up speed.
392
00:15:55,128 --> 00:15:56,956
Got to dodge that tree.
393
00:15:56,999 --> 00:15:59,610
Yeah!
Alright!
394
00:15:59,654 --> 00:16:02,265
100 yards.
Better slow down.
395
00:16:02,309 --> 00:16:04,093
Perfect stop.
396
00:16:04,137 --> 00:16:06,791
What?
I thought we were in the car.
397
00:16:06,835 --> 00:16:09,098
Damn it.
What do we do now?
398
00:16:09,142 --> 00:16:10,273
Plan B.
399
00:16:10,317 --> 00:16:11,535
Avalanche!
400
00:16:11,579 --> 00:16:12,797
Roger, no!
401
00:16:20,849 --> 00:16:22,242
Cold in here.
402
00:16:24,809 --> 00:16:27,029
Stan, I found
a half deck of cards.
403
00:16:27,073 --> 00:16:28,378
We can't play any games,
404
00:16:28,422 --> 00:16:30,250
but there are lots
of face cards.
405
00:16:30,293 --> 00:16:32,295
We could use them
to put on a play.
406
00:16:32,339 --> 00:16:33,470
Stan?
407
00:16:34,863 --> 00:16:36,256
He's gone!
408
00:16:36,299 --> 00:16:38,736
And he used my pocket knife
to cut the ropes.
409
00:16:38,780 --> 00:16:43,654
I knew he wasn't borrowing it
for "oh, no reason."
410
00:16:48,529 --> 00:16:49,834
They did what?!
411
00:16:49,878 --> 00:16:51,445
They turned the whole town.
412
00:16:51,488 --> 00:16:53,838
Is that why my Uber driver
punched me in the dick?
413
00:16:53,882 --> 00:16:55,405
- When was this?
- Like a month ago.
414
00:16:55,449 --> 00:16:57,059
Yeah, I think
that's a separate issue.
415
00:16:57,103 --> 00:16:59,061
But my family didn't turn
just like me.
416
00:16:59,105 --> 00:17:01,194
They turned into
terrible versions of me.
417
00:17:01,237 --> 00:17:02,543
That's because your personality
418
00:17:02,586 --> 00:17:04,849
isn't determined
purely by genetics.
419
00:17:04,893 --> 00:17:07,113
There's nature and nurture.
420
00:17:07,156 --> 00:17:08,940
I mean, you'd probably be
terrible, too,
421
00:17:08,984 --> 00:17:11,769
if you didn't have your kids and
your wife to balance you out.
422
00:17:11,813 --> 00:17:14,381
You mean my soft son
and my lazy daughter
423
00:17:14,424 --> 00:17:15,860
make me a better person?
424
00:17:15,904 --> 00:17:19,821
No, your considerate son
and your hot daughter.
425
00:17:19,864 --> 00:17:21,301
What can we do?
426
00:17:21,344 --> 00:17:23,303
Well, I think you should
let them be themselves.
427
00:17:23,346 --> 00:17:24,869
No, about this disaster!
428
00:17:24,913 --> 00:17:26,697
I guess theoretically
if we found someone
429
00:17:26,741 --> 00:17:29,048
with the exact opposite
DNA as you,
430
00:17:29,091 --> 00:17:31,137
we could neutralize your cells.
431
00:17:31,180 --> 00:17:33,835
Can you think of anyone
that's your exact opposite?
432
00:17:35,358 --> 00:17:37,882
Stan!
You're right in time.
433
00:17:37,926 --> 00:17:39,275
I made a bundt cake.
434
00:17:40,972 --> 00:17:42,626
It's a beautiful day for
435
00:17:42,670 --> 00:17:45,107
the 6th Annual Langley Falls
Bed Race.
436
00:17:45,151 --> 00:17:47,718
I'm here with last year's
runner-up, Herman Lundy.
437
00:17:47,762 --> 00:17:49,285
You're looking festive.
438
00:17:49,329 --> 00:17:51,461
I'm gonna bathe in the blood
of my enemies
439
00:17:51,505 --> 00:17:54,247
and bring this trophy back
to the rest of my co-workers
440
00:17:54,290 --> 00:17:59,556
on the janitorial staff
at Samuel Gompers Middle School!
441
00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:02,429
As you can see, the vibe is
a little different this year.
442
00:18:02,472 --> 00:18:16,399
♪
443
00:18:16,443 --> 00:18:18,097
[ Cheering ]
444
00:18:18,140 --> 00:18:20,273
♪
445
00:18:20,316 --> 00:18:22,013
[ Growls ]
446
00:18:22,057 --> 00:18:30,239
♪
447
00:18:30,283 --> 00:18:31,458
To the inside of the turn!
448
00:18:31,501 --> 00:18:32,850
Go, go, go!
449
00:18:32,894 --> 00:18:34,156
♪
450
00:18:41,468 --> 00:18:42,686
This is awesome!
451
00:18:42,730 --> 00:18:44,558
I'm so glad we made it!
452
00:18:44,601 --> 00:18:46,037
Life is sweet!
453
00:18:46,081 --> 00:18:47,430
Last jump of the day.
454
00:18:47,474 --> 00:18:49,258
Get your sickest trick ready.
455
00:18:50,259 --> 00:18:52,914
All: Ski trip!
456
00:18:52,957 --> 00:18:55,395
360.
457
00:18:55,438 --> 00:18:58,441
Extreme.
458
00:18:59,877 --> 00:19:02,750
The avalanche must've buried
them somewhere around here.
459
00:19:02,793 --> 00:19:04,273
Wait, the dog found something.
460
00:19:04,317 --> 00:19:07,146
Oh, but yeah, it's lunch.
461
00:19:07,189 --> 00:19:08,930
Okay, try to remember this spot.
462
00:19:08,973 --> 00:19:10,584
They're not going anywhere.
463
00:19:13,195 --> 00:19:15,371
♪
464
00:19:15,415 --> 00:19:17,156
On your left!
465
00:19:17,199 --> 00:19:21,116
♪
466
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:24,598
[ All shout in slow motion ]
467
00:19:29,255 --> 00:19:32,171
[ Cheering ]
468
00:19:32,214 --> 00:19:36,044
♪
469
00:19:36,087 --> 00:19:37,567
We're gonna win!
470
00:19:37,611 --> 00:19:40,570
And then we're gonna burn
this town to the ground!
471
00:19:43,921 --> 00:19:45,401
What's with all the mosquitoes?
472
00:19:46,837 --> 00:19:48,143
It's working.
473
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:49,710
The mosquitoes are
biting everybody.
474
00:19:49,753 --> 00:19:52,365
What the hell's going on?
475
00:19:52,408 --> 00:19:58,849
♪
476
00:19:58,893 --> 00:19:59,937
Hi, Stan!
477
00:19:59,981 --> 00:20:01,591
Comin' in for a hug.
478
00:20:01,635 --> 00:20:02,679
Get away from me!
479
00:20:02,723 --> 00:20:04,333
Oh, man.
480
00:20:06,683 --> 00:20:08,119
Can I sit here?
No!
481
00:20:08,163 --> 00:20:10,296
- Oh, hello, Stan.
- What are you doing here?
482
00:20:10,339 --> 00:20:12,689
- I made a bundt cake!
- Leave me alone!
483
00:20:12,733 --> 00:20:15,649
- May I have this dance?
- Stop it!
484
00:20:15,692 --> 00:20:21,089
♪
485
00:20:21,132 --> 00:20:23,265
Slow down!
This isn't safe!
486
00:20:23,309 --> 00:20:24,919
Steve's a wimp again!
487
00:20:24,962 --> 00:20:26,225
The hell?
488
00:20:26,268 --> 00:20:27,835
[ All screaming ]
489
00:20:27,878 --> 00:20:29,793
All: Huh?
490
00:20:29,837 --> 00:20:31,795
Huh?
491
00:20:31,839 --> 00:20:33,362
There's my family!
492
00:20:33,406 --> 00:20:35,843
Each bringing your specific
kind of magic
493
00:20:35,886 --> 00:20:38,106
to this weird
and wonderful world.
494
00:20:38,149 --> 00:20:40,456
I'm sorry I changed you
to be like me.
495
00:20:40,500 --> 00:20:42,980
I'm not perfect,
but with your help,
496
00:20:43,024 --> 00:20:44,678
I am better than you,
497
00:20:44,721 --> 00:20:46,941
and that's something
we can all be proud of.
498
00:20:46,984 --> 00:20:48,812
Hayley: Hey, man,
can you keep it down?
499
00:20:48,856 --> 00:20:50,771
I'm trying to nap.
500
00:20:50,814 --> 00:20:52,163
Oh, of course.
501
00:20:52,207 --> 00:20:53,904
You're my little napper.
502
00:20:53,948 --> 00:20:56,255
I hope you never wake up.
503
00:20:56,298 --> 00:20:58,213
Bye-bye! See you soon!
504
00:20:58,263 --> 00:21:02,813
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