Original subtitles

All right, baby. So, what color do you want for your beach umbrella?

I picked indigo. Shit, I don't even know what indigo is.

Also, look. Do you want a girl or a guy for our couples massage?

Ooh. I don't actually think I want a couples massage with you.

Why not?

Well, baby, because you're always moaning and groaning and saying stuff like,

"Ooh, yeah. Right there. Right there. Ooh, yeah. Don't stop."

Yeah. I be into it, man.

When they touching the right spot, can't help but let 'em know how good it is.

The masseuse likes that.

And plus, I have so much tension, baby.

Maybe you wouldn't have so much tension if you weren't always on your phone.

Baby, I'm working on four projects at the same time.

We gotta use different builders all across the city.

You know...

- But you know what? You're right. - Hmm.

I'ma put this away, and no more phones for the rest of this vacation.

Oh, hold up.

Hi, Daddy. No, this is fine. We just landed.

Yeah. Marcus, there he is.

Yeah, Daddy. The flight was fine. Yeah, I'm here with Marcus.

Still. We have talked about this.

Daddy, I know. I do love him.

Front desk.

Can you connect me with Maurillio?

Speaking, Mr. Parker.

How'd you know it was me?

Uh, let's just say after eight or nine calls,

I become very much acquainted with the timbre of your voice.

I'm just calling you to confirm you set up everything we discussed.

Yes. Yes, yes. I have personally seen to it.

The Dom Pérignon, the rose petals in the bed,

the Bill Withers playlist "Greatest Hits: No Deep Cuts."

Sir, if she says no after all this, I will marry you.

All right, Maurillio. Not... Not you too...

Sir? You trailed off.

All good. Gracias.

Oh, baby, look at those two.

- What? These lunatics? - What? No.

They look like they're having fun. We should try that.

- That looks fun to you? - Yes.

That's the reason why you don't see a lot of Black paraplegics. You know why?

'Cause we don't do stupid shit like that.

Look at 'em. They riding around like they got no insurance.

Oh, my God. This is the hotel?

Maybe it's not too late for us to get a room at the Best Western by the airport.

Mr. Parker! And you must be Emily. I'm Maurillio, the manager.

Please help yourselves to a papaya paleta

powdered in our house-roasted guajillo-cacao rub.

Oh. I don't know what this is, but cheers!

You must be very eager to get to your suite

where there may or may not be a surprise waiting for you.

- A surprise? - Hmm.

I don't know. Let's find out.

- Hmm. - Okay.

Now, Emily, I want you to know something.

This man right here, he loves you very, very much.

Yes, he does.

But how do you know that?

Let's just say I have a feeling.

Ladies first.

So that you may be the first one to see what awaits, if anything.

There could be nothing.

- What the fuck is your problem? - What is it?

- What the fuck? You giving out clues. - It's fine.

- It's not fine! - It's fine.

- No, it's not! - Come on.

- Ah. We have finally arrived. - Thank you.

- Ahhh. - Okay.

Señora, may you always remember this moment.

For the rest of your life.

- Okay. - Ooh. We could take a picture of this.

Oh.

I cannot apologize enough.

It seems the guests in the Presidential Suite

above your room overfilled the Jacuzzi.

So, that means you're gonna put us in another room, right?

Oh, yes, yes, of course.

If there was room available, it would be yours.

Sadly, the hotel is fully booked.

Why would you say "of course" if you knew you didn't have another room?

You know how misleading that is?

Can you just check with any of the other hotels nearby?

Of course. We have relationships with all of the five-star hotels. No problem.

Just a second.

Hmm.

Well, let me go ahead and also check for four-star hotels.

Ah. You know, a lot of people have issues with three-star hotels,

but they are just as good as five-star hotels.

Yeah, after three, it's, like, too much, you know?

And there you have it.

One-star hotel with a great room at the Airport Best Western.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Well, according to this, sir, it is the best Western in the area.

Let me tell you something, okay? I had an itinerary planned.

We was gonna go whale watching, we was gonna go tequila tasting.

- I booked a dinner at sunset on the beach! - Maurillio!

- Where is that son of a bitch? - Yes!

Maurillio! My amigo.

Thank you so much for that Jet Ski hookup.

Man, we felt some killer waves on the second break.

- Oh, my gosh. Then we got high as shit. - We did.

So we literally had to jump off and go body surfing.

Yeah, but we turned around and the Jet Ski was gone.

But don't freak out because I actually took a photo of exactly where we left it.

You are gonna have no problem finding it.

She's the brains.

Okay, okay. Thank you, señora.

You're welcome.

Excuse me, lady with the phone in the goddamn sandwich bag.

Hi. How are you guys?

Were you guys having a conversation?

'Cause you assumed that Maurillio wasn't already talking to somebody.

You just walk your happy ass in here and cut me off.

Now, look. I don't mean to snap. It's a lot going on right now.

- I'm a little stressed out. - It's okay.

I just wanna holler at him real quick. Can I do that?

- Yeah. You enjoy your day. - Thank you.

Enjoy this gorgeous weather.

Maurillio. You do know how important this trip is to us, man.

Yes, of course. We want your proposal to be perfect.

- Proposal? - Oh, shit.

- Baby. - No, no. I will fix this.

Emily.

- I am sorry. I cannot fix it. - Fuck you, Maurillio!

That's fair.

Babe, come over here. Let me talk to you.

- Okay. Yes. Yes. Yes. - You guys have a good one.

- Did she text you back? - Nah, not yet.

I'm sorry this didn't go as I planned it.

Look, um…

Oh, my God.

I might as well do it up.

Okay, I'm just try...

- My flow is all thrown off. - It's okay. Just keep going.

Just please, just keep going.

Baby, um…

- Shut up! - -Look, you mean so much to me.

Baby, I love you so much.

And I know today has been all over the place…

…and I can be a bit of a control freak,

and when stuff ain't going my way, I get all uptight,

- and I overthink things… - Oh, baby.

…but the one thing I could never think twice about…

is how much I actually love you.

Baby, will you marry me?

Yes!

- Oh, yes! - Oh, my God.

- Yes! Yeah! Fucking A, Maurillio. Yes! - Yes!

- You had me! You were like… - That was beautiful!

"The only thing I didn't need to think about was you."

You guys! It was you.

It was... Baby, I love you! I love you so much.

Baby, I love you so much. I love you.

And you know what, I don't care that we lost the room.

I know. I know how hard you worked. I don't care.

We can camp out on the beach. I just wanna be your woman!

No! No! Nobody's camping on the beach.

- You get that out of your head right now. - I love you guys.

- Like, you have to stay with us. - With us.

Consider it, like, our engagement present to your beautiful souls.

Yes.

- Nah. Yeah. Yeah. We're okay. - Nah, we good. Yeah. We're fine.

You're gonna say no to the Presidential Suite?

It has a Jacuzzi and everything.

I know we gave that tub a rough ride, but what happened to craftsmanship, right?

Eh.

Okay. So I had them move your bags to the master suite.

Oh, girl. That is way too much.

What? No, no, no.

Get yourselves comfortable. You are our guests.

It is truly the least we can do

after our wonky 'cuzzi fucked up your totally beautiful proposal.

Well, look. Maybe…

Maybe for tonight, okay?

- Until we get another hotel. - Yes!

- Yes! Oh, boy! - Settled. Who's thirsty?

Sit, sit, sit. Get comfortable.

Oh, if you guys are worried about privacy and you wanna get really kinky tonight...

We're extremely loud.

I don't know what these walls are made of, but you seriously can't hear anything!

Okay. Listen.

You're not gonna believe this. I just screamed in there.

- Uh… - Yeah, we, um… we... we... we heard you.

Are you sure it was me?

Yeah. Pretty certain.

Yo! Oh, no, we're fine.

- Nah, it's just my gal screaming. - Yeah, you bet.

Hey, guys. I don't mean to pry or anything,

but are you guys, like, secret billionaires or something?

- Why do you ask? - 'Cause this place looks very expensive.

Oh, super expensive. We spent, like, every penny we had on this place.

Yeah.

Wait. Why would you do that?

My buddy Charlie came here way back when and raved about it.

If we're gonna go on vacation, might as well go all out, right?

And just go broke?

Oh, we'll make more money.

I work in a doctor's office. Ron here is a park ranger.

And not to brag, we're pretty good.

Kyla and I always say if we find ourselves with too much money,

we haven't been spending it fast enough.

That... That's one way to live.

You know, they say money buys you freedom,

but how can you really be free if you're thinking about making money all the time?

Well, I guess it's your welfare checks I've been paying.

Possibly. Possibly, Marcus.

- Anyway, to the happy couple. - To the happy, gorgeous couple!

- All right. - Yeah, you're engaged!

Oh, that is good.

Ron makes the best margaritas, and let me just tell you, girl.

- Babe. - It gets the job done.

Indeed.

So, Ron. What park do you work at?

Oh. Oregon National Cave Monument. It's in Oregon.

Whoa. You work in caves?

I'm like Batman. If Batman's job was to keep kids from jacking off stalagmites.

Totally.

What about you guys?

Uh, we're from Chicago, actually.

I work in finance and Marcus owns his own construction company.

Quick question. Um, why does the salt not taste salty?

- Oh, because it's cocaine. - What?

- You drugged us? - Yeah.

I thought I made it really clear when I said to her... I was like, you know,

- "It'll get the job done." - "It gets the job done."

Get the job done? That's not clear. That's very vague, okay?

What is wrong with you? Why would you put cocaine in margaritas?

Because we're on vacation.

I don't do drugs.

- Even on vacation? - No.

- He almost had me! - Oh, my God.

- He almost... - It's so good!

- You! Oh, man! This is... This guy! - Oh, my God. I just...

It would have been nice if you would've told us

that you was gonna put cocaine in our drink.

Where'd you get the coke from, anyway?

We actually brought it from home. Very, very easy if you ever wanna try it.

It's just a Ziploc in a full shampoo bottle.

The scanners can't see it, dogs can't smell it,

and it's so much more comfortable than when I had it in my ass.

You guys want nibbles?

Mmm.

Oh.

Wait a minute.

What now, baby?

Whale watching. I forgot I booked a whale watching tour at 4:30.

What? You guys just got here.

Marcus likes to plan.

You know what? Good for you.

'Cause without a plan, the world falls apart.

I mean, garbage doesn't get collected.

Water slides don't get built. Planes fall from the sky.

Planning makes the world work.

Yeah, it's just, uh… just whale watching.

Wait. I have an idea. We were actually gonna go to the water.

We can walk you guys down, all chat and get to know each other a little bit more.

- What do you say? - All right. Let's go get changed.

Yay!

I love your whole everything, by the way.

They said this was exclusive.

"An exclusive, luxury experience." That's what the website said.

This is really gonna bum out the whales.

Baby, this is so gross.

I won't be able to sleep at night if I know they've gone on this boat.

You guys, you should just come with us in our boat.

- That's a great idea. - Wait a minute. That boat is yours?

As long as we're staying here it is. We rented it. What do you say? Our treat.

I mean, I'm down if you're down.

- Yay! - Oh.

Could you give us a second?

- Gonna talk to my lady really quick. - No problem. Not a problem.

- Be right back. - See you in a bit.

- Baby. - Yeah, babe?

How is someone already throwing up?

Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is not weird to you?

- I mean... - Don't look. They're not weird?

They're the only people I've ever heard of to smuggle drugs into Mexico.

- I don't know, baby. Screw it. - What?

Can we for once, just in our lives,

just say "screw it" to all the plans and just get on a damn boat?

Look at it. It's kind of amazing.

Look. The only reason I'm gonna do this is 'cause I love you.

Mm-hmm.

And it's because you my fiancée now.

- Fiancée? - Yeah.

- Well, I like the sound of that. - Yeah.

Mmm.

- We do too. - Jesus!

Fiancée.

Look, thanks for the offer, okay? We're... We're in.

- Fuck yeah! Yeah! - Yay! Guys...

Goddamn, sailing makes my dick hard. I'm almost at half-mast.

Okay, man. Where did you learn to sail a boat like this?

I did cleanup work off Malaysia one summer.

Learn all kinds of stuff when you're at sea.

Look at that bird. You know I can tell from here that bird's about to shit.

Watch.

Ugh.

What type of skill set do you gotta have just to predict when a bird gonna shit?

It's weird, but it's impressive.

I'll take it.

So, you said you were a nurse, right?

No.

I am more of, like, an assistant to Dr. Adolphus.

- Interesting name. - I know, right?

He's had to change it, like, a million times

because the Feds are always after him.

But what can I say? The benefits are really worth it.

Like what? Good insurance?

Free pills.

Hey, Marcus. Want to take her for a spin?

No, I don't... I don't... I don't drive boats. I don't sail.

Then who's gonna drive the boat? 'Cause I'm not driving.

- There's no one driving the boat. - Man, are you out your fucking mind?

- Hey, man! What's wrong with you? - Look at you.

- Look at me do what? - You're driving the boat.

- Who's driving the boat? - You are.

- I'm driving the boat? - Scoot over. Scoot over.

Here.

Hands off.

Whoa.

That's a lot smoother than I thought it was gonna be.

Yeah, man, relax.

Feel the wind in your hair.

We have different hair.

No, it's all good. I can still feel the wind…

on my face.

For the captain.

Thanks, man.

This is living.

Goddamn, I need a tequila.

You want one? I'm pouring.

- Chilled or straight up? - Yeah, I'll take a tequila.

Nice. Just, uh, keep an eye out for the rocks.

Yeah, I'll take it on the rocks too. Thank you.

Oh, yeah. I'm gonna have it chilled and on the rocks.

It's gonna be extra cold.

Hey, baby.

You feel that?

That's all me, your fiancé.

Captain Marcus.

- Marcus! Marcus! - Oh, my God!

Oh, my God, baby. Baby, I'm so glad you're okay.

Look... Look, y'all. I'm so... I'm... I'm so sorry, okay?

I don't... I don't know what happened. I'm usually the careful guy.

- I don't... I don't even know what to say. - I do.

That was fucking awesome!

- Oh! - Whoa.

Y'all not mad at me for crashing your boat?

Mad? Are you kidding me? Come on. Nobody's dead, right?

Plus, you guys, how lame would our story be

if it was just, like, "a regular old day of sailing"?

You flipped a catamaran!

Look, look. I know that boat cost you a ton of money.

- No, man. - No.

The rental guy made us sign, like, a billion papers.

Dude, insurance. He probably made money.

There's nothing wrong with giving back.

No, no, no! Please, there's gotta be something I can do.

Yeah, there is. You're buying the first round.

- Whoo! - Yes!

Hook me up. Hook me up.

There we go. Yeah!

- Come on! Bring it in. - Whoo!

Drink!

Wahoo!

¡Viva la revolución!

Line 'em up! Let's do it!

Wow. One more?

Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, seis.

¡Veinticuatro, veinticinco!

¡Cincuenta y cinco! Come on, baby! Cien! Cien! Yeah!

Whoo!

Yo, you're not gonna step in and help?

Her or him?

Fuck you, you baby-faced little bitch!

- To any motherfuckers here! - Check.

I don't care if I kill you!

Fuck you!

- Come on! - Come on, Marcus! Yeah! Come on!

Whoo!

Whoo!

- Are you kidding me? Come on. - Hey!

Anybody could do this.

Hey, padre. How much is it to get somebody in the ring?

Ooh!

No, no, no. No. No, no, no, no. No, no, no.

Yeah!

Yes!

It is going to be real hard to go back to the real world tomorrow.

I know.

I mean, I'm looking forward to planning my wedding,

- but it is gonna be a shit show. - Mmm.

You know, that's exactly why Ron and I never got hitched.

Oh. I guess... I guess I just assumed you guys already were.

No. Spiritually, we've probably been married six or seven times,

but like "governmentally," you know, with the license,

we just never really saw the point.

Not even for kids?

Kids aren't in the cards for us.

I mean, we'd obviously be incredible parents, but it's not gonna happen.

Would you look at those two?

I mean, 'cause I have never seen Marcus this relaxed. It's amazing.

- Emily. - What?

I'm Ron's prisoner.

What are you talking about?

I've been trying to find the time to get you alone, but I haven't been able to.

Emily, he abducted me from a shopping mall when I was 12.

Okay? He's completely crazy. He has a gun.

- A gun? - Yeah. Shh.

He's... He's made me live in a basement. He's made me eat cat food.

And he makes me go to the bathroom in a little lawn chair with a hole in it.

- What the hell? Why? - I need to find a way to get his gun.

- We can't... - We're not safe!

What the hell?

- I got you. - You were really jok... You're such...

- You're the worst. - I just got you.

- That was not funny. - It was really funny.

- I can't believe you… - Nah, man, I'm sorry. I keep forgetting.

No, you know what? Fuck it. Come on. Give it to me.

We're having a good time.

Yeah.

You know, when we first saw y'all on this trip, we thought y'all was crazy.

I mean, I was right. I mean, y'all are, like, fucking nuts.

But... But in a good way, man.

I'm glad I met you, Ron.

Like for real.

Put that thing away.

Put what away? What are we doing?

Salaam.

A kiss on the forehead is the ultimate sign of respect.

I learned that from a sheikh in Kuwait.

A forehead kiss is really intimate. You know that, right?

Like, I almost proposed to you.

- Nice. - Mmm.

- Where should I get rid of this then? - I'll show you.

Hey, ladies. Come here. Check this out.

- Oh, shit, man. What the fuck? - Oh, my God. He really does have a gun.

Yeah, babe. I wouldn't lie about that.

It's a gift from my buddy Charlie. I take it everywhere.

Man, you scared the shit out of me with that.

What does this mean?

De oppresso liber.

It's a phrase that has special meaning to people such as myself, Marcus.

A reminder that a powerful weapon like this

should only be used when absolutely necessary.

Now, put that bottle on your head. I'm gonna shoot it off.

- Yes! - Whoo!

No. Hold on one second. Hold on a second. Guys, no. Seriously, stop playing.

It's fine. We play this game at home all the time.

Babe, he's not serious. We been drinking and we been smoking.

I don't... No, no, no.

Count it!

What the fuck?

You hit the bottle this time!

Oh, my God.

Yes!

Oh, my God!

- Do me! - Whoa, wait, what?

Yeah. Your turn, go.

Hey, man, you sure you okay?

The bullet just grazed me. I'm not gonna let a little scratch ruin my night.

I mean, look at the four of us. This is magical, isn't it?

Mmm.

You know what's crazy, you guys?

Ron and I are the only two people on the planet that know that y'all are engaged.

Ah, I wish it could stay that way.

I mean, to be honest,

there's a lot of people that really wouldn't be happy for us.

What?

- Who? - Look, her dad hates me, y'all. For real.

- Okay, not hates. - What?

He just don't think I'm good enough to marry his perfect-ass daughter.

- Perfect da... Who? Me? - Yes, you.

Okay, listen, no. My dad's a little tough, yes.

I mean, he is the dean of Emory Business School,

so he's a little traditional.

I literally don't understand what you're saying right now.

This is Marcus we're talking about!

I know. It's insane! How could anyone not, like, absolutely love you?

You're the best.

Her father holds all these things against me.

Like, number one, you know,

he looks down on me because I had a failed marriage before, right?

Things don't work out. It is what it is.

Number two, he treats me like I'm some regular construction worker.

I own my own construction company. I'm my own boss.

This doesn't seem justified.

Yeah, but strike three, I'ma be honest.

I did punch her brother in the face at her mama's birthday party.

- Got it. - There's that.

Well, my dad never got to meet Ron.

Oh, no!

Sorry, did he die?

No. San Quentin's just so far.

I got it. Wait, I got it. I got it. I freaking got it.

- What? - Do it tonight.

Wait. Do what tonight?

- Get married tonight! Here! - Get married! Tonight!

Yes! Right! Tonight, you guys!

Wait, why would we do that?

You said your family wouldn't approve.

You'll be surrounded by friends that love and support you.

- Yeah. - Friends!

It's a wedding just for you guys.

Come on. I know the perfect guy.

Baby. Baby, do you think this is legally binding?

Somehow I don't think so. But just go with it.

You did good, babe.

We did good.

He's asking if you brought your suku'un.

Wh-What's that?

In Mayan ritual, suku'un is like your brother.

- Like a spiritual best man. - Mm-hmm.

Well, I guess you my s... su-suk... Suku'un? Is that how you say it?

Marcus. You don't say that if you don't mean it.

I-I-I do mean it.

And, uh, you don't have to be so intense about it. Just chill out.

Wow!

I have goose bumps.

Well, looks like you fuckers are married!

Yes! Congratulations!

- We did it! You love me! - We love you guys!

- I love you. - We love you guys!

Hey. Yo, yo.

Picture, picture, picture.

- Yes! Yes! Congratulations! - Whoo!

We did it!

Congrats, you guys!

Ah! Oh, my God. Whoo!

Oh, it's so pretty.

Listen up, world.

Allow me to introduce to you, for the first time in sacred matrimony,

Marcus and Emily Parker!

- Yeah! - Whoo!

May this be the worst day of the rest of your fucking life!

What?

Think about it.

Whoa. Wha... What are you doin'?

Covering my balls.

This guy.

You know what, Marcus? You're right. It's time to live.

What?

Whoo!

He's alive.

What?

That was incredible! But, Marcus, do cover your balls!

- I'll do it if you do it. - Oh, girl, hell no!

Fuck it.

Pfft.

I'm not doing that shit.

You know something?

I am gonna do that shit.

Whoa!

Fuck me!

- That was awesome! - Oh, my God. Oh, God!

You guys, let's live here forever!

- Whoo! - What are you...

He's using a corkscrew on a regular bottle.

That's not a wine bottle, man. That's not even a cork!

Whoa!

My big, sweet dum-dum.

- Yeah, true! - Yep.

Yeah! Yeah!

- My dick needs some face time! - Good.

The room is spinning.

Whoo!

I feel invincible!

Whoo! Yeah!

Yeah.

You're my husband now.

Marcus, look.

That bird's about to shit.

You're so bad.

Hey... What...

Shh.

Housekeeping!

Oh, man.

Emily! Ow.

We gonna miss our flight. We gotta get to the airport! Emily?

What? God.

Make it stop.

Okay, baby. B8, it's right over there.

You good?

I don't know.

Okay. We're so close.

Hey! Stop that couple!

I think they have a bomb!

What... No. No, no, no.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

What is wrong with y'all? Are you crazy? We in an airport!

No, I will not mule your illegal drugs in my anus!

What?

Look around. Nobody cares.

And you guys were so cute and peaceful this morning. We didn't wanna wake you up.

Hair of the dog?

Oh, I can't even look at another drink.

Sit. Come on. We got shrimp nachos coming. Leave the heads on down here.

- Oh, God. - Come on. Sit, please.

Okay, you know something?

- We gonna just head to the gate. - We gonna go. Yeah.

- No! Whoa, whoa. - No, no, no. Whoa, whoa.

Guys. We gotta do this again. The four of us are too good together not to!

Yes! Oh, my God. You guys should come out for the Oregon State Fair next month!

Yeah! It's in Oregon. We go every year. Last year, we took a double dose of DMT.

Yeah, don't worry. It's all natural.

It's just the chemical your brain releases when you die.

- Oh, yeah. - Okay.

Sounds fun.

Great. Give us your number.

Oh, wait... Baby, you go... You got my phone?

'Cause I didn't...

Your phone broke.

- Her phone broke and then my... - Oh, my God.

I had a phone, but we'll take your information. How about that?

- Oh, my God. Yes! Yes. - Yeah! Of course.

- Baby. Give them your card. - I got one.

He has very fancy business cards.

- Yeah. There you go! - Wow.

So, when you call that, that's gonna ring in the ranger's station.

Then somebody comes to get me outta the cave.

Oh, before I forget, let me give your sunglasses back.

No, man. Keep 'em.

Why you want me to keep 'em? They're yours.

No, they're ours.

You guys are in our lives now. Nothing's ever gonna change that.

Yeah. You know...

It would be nice if, you know, you keep what...

What happened here… here.

Marcus,

if you're worried about the catamaran, don't worry about it. I got you, dude.

Care about the boat? I'm talking about everything... I'm talkin' about all of it.

Are you kidding? I'm gonna remember this week forever.

What? Oh.

It's been so special. I love, love, love, love, love, love you.

- Bring it in. - Oh. Mmm.

Get in here.

- Okay. - Oh.

Marcus. Thank you so much for being so cool about everything.

About what?

Last night.

Marcus, it was life-changing.

Okay. Baby, we should go. Farewell. Take care.

- Oh, no. - Let's go.

See you guys later.

- We love you guys. - Hey, somebody stop those two!

I think I see some human trafficking!

Hey. Why did you say see you later? That leaves the door open.

I don't know. I was trying to be vague.

And who says "farewell"? What are you? Othello?

Farewell sounds final, okay?

I don't wanna see those freaks again. Do you?

I don't know. They were kinda fun.

Yes, on vacation. Not in the real world.

But they did loosen us up a little bit.

Yes, they may have loosened us up a little bit,

but speaking of gettin' loose.

Do you remember anything that happened last night?

Mm-mmm. After the ceremony, it was all a blur.

But... But was it that type of blur that, um...

That some moments are, like... Like, insanely clear?

Hmm.

You know, now that you mention it.

No, all a blur.

Oh. Well, it was a... It's all a blur for me too.

There's nothing clearly I remember at all.

'Cause I'm asking you.

Maybe it's for the best. You got your ticket out? We're boarding.

Now, look. Whenever we off-load materials on the site,

what we do is, we log on here and put it on this spreadsheet.

This is the way we keep tabs with the inventory.

Yeah, but why can't we just write it in the book like we used to?

The problem is, I can't log on to a book when I'm in Atlanta, right?

I need to be on the cloud so I can see what you clowns are doing.

It's almost like you don't trust us.

It's almost like I don't trust y'all anymore?

Guess what? I do trust y'all, to screw shit up.

That's why I'm only gone for a week.

Oh, I can fuck a lot of shit up in a week.

I 100% believe that. You s...

Yo, Marcus. Fred and Enzo are fighting again.

What? Damn it.

- Let's go. Hands up. Let's go. - You think I'm scared of you, bro?

I ain't scared of you. Think I'm playing with you? I ain't playing with you.

Cut it out!

Stop it! Okay, what is this all about?

He's trying to steal my shit.

Fuck you. I had this crane booked.

You should have logged it in the spreadsheet.

You just learned about spreadsheets, okay? Chill.

Why y'all arguing about a damn crane? One of y'all could use the sidelifter.

This one's special.

What you mean this one is...

You gotta be kiddin' me. Come on, now.

It's a Hugo Boss.

We were thinking Vera Wang, but decided this one's better for your build.

Hey, man.

Wow, look at this.

Yo, this is dope, man.

Like, honestly, thank y'all. I really appreciate this.

And look, y'all... Y'all do understand why you can't come to the wedding, right?

Yeah. You're embarrassed by us.

- No. Have you met her parents? - No, because you won't let us.

Okay, look, if it was up to me,

I would invite every last one of y'all to the wedding, but I can't.

Her parents said they just want family there.

They want it to be really intimate.

Baby, what is this?

What happened to intimate? Who's all these people?

As far as I'm concerned, we got married in a Mexican cave.

So if you wanna bail, I'm down.

Really? We can... We can do that?

Mm-mmm. No, we can't.

Oh, there they are.

Marcus, I am so glad that you're finally here.

Hey. Good seeing you too.

And look at my girl. Oh.

Please tell me that you brought the dress I sent you.

You only texted me about it a million times. Yes, Mom, I did.

- Oh, good. - Yes.

Well, I want you all to remember that this weekend is all about you.

So I want you to have fun.

Enjoy yourselves.

Just remember to work the room while everyone's here

starting with Grandma Phyllis.

Baby, is she sleeping with her eyes open?

Grandma.

Grandma.

Grandma.

Oh, Emily. Is that you?

Yeah, Grandma.

Marcus, say hi.

Hi.

Okay. Hey, Grandma, why don't I go get you some tea?

I'm... I'm her fiancé, Marcus.

She's not deaf, Marcus.

She didn't wake up. You said her name five times. I don't...

- Hey, girl. - Oh, my princess.

- Oh. - Hey.

- How are you? - I'm good.

Okay, okay.

Marcus.

Meet my colleagues.

This is Albert Kim. He's chair of our Public Policy program.

And this is Dr. Gloria Alvarez. She's head of Business Law.

And this is, uh, Marcus. He's a construction worker.

It's nice to meet you.

Well, Marcus, uh… welcome to your wedding.

Thanks for putting everything together. I really appreciate this.

I just sign the checks.

Well, I suppose I put this off long enough.

Now, these rings were passed on to me by my grandparents,

so forgive me for being just a little uneasy handing them over to…

…well, you.

Wow, this, um...

This actually means a lot.

And you can trust me. I promise you, I'll take care of these.

I hope so. Those represent a commitment to my daughter.

And I hope you take this far more seriously than you did your last marriage.

What makes you think I didn't take my last marriage seriously?

Damn, son. This some fancy shit.

You done come a long way from drinkin' 40s on the stoop with little Jay and Reggie.

- Oh, stop. - Hey.

Ooh, I'm so glad to be out that car. Your father farting the whole way.

You know I got the diverticulitis.

Anyway, good to see you, Harry. We brought you a little something.

Oh, thank you.

Yeah, that's not the regular Hennessy. That's VSOP, $71.

Yeah, that was a set.

It came with two glasses,

but we kept those 'cause we thought you had glasses.

I think I see the councilman. I should go say hello.

- Oh. Yeah. - I like that jacket.

Yeah.

And tell the councilman I say hi too.

Hey! Look, look. Can y'all class it up a little bit?

- I told you... - What's your problem?

We're just two men having a conversation about cognac.

No, I told you to put the two glasses in there.

- No. - Hey.

Look here. It's not about the glasses.

You talked about farting. Nobody care about Dad's gas like that.

And, Dad, you can't tell nobody how much you spent on the gift.

What's the point in spending so much money then?

- How about this. Go... Go get some food. - Mmm.

It is so much food over there. Y'all should go eat.

- Well, let me just say this. - Uh-oh.

We will not talk to anyone else this entire weekend if that's what you want.

If that's what you want. I'm not gonna embarrass you.

- Ma, no. - See what you gone done?

Believe me. We're not hungry. We not gonna eat any of your food.

- Ma. I know y'all hungry. - You done messed up, boy.

- Dad... Could you talk to her for me? - No, sir.

Ma... Ma.

…not us.

- You ready? Here we go. - Ladies and gentlemen,

may I please present to you the bride and groom-to-be, Emily and Marcus!

- Oh, good. Aw. - You…

How you doing? Could I get a double scotch, please?

- Of course. - Hope you didn't order the punch.

Get it? 'Cause you punched me.

Brother-in-law. Hey, Gabe.

Hey. You see this?

Just know that this thing right here could kill you in 32 different ways,

and there's not a goddamn thing you could do about it.

Okay, man. What you... What? You been working out or somethin'?

Nope.

Yes. A little...

Whatever. Listen.

Just know that if you come at me with another sucker punch,

I'ma be ready for it this time.

Gabe… …I didn't sucker punch you.

You was acting like a crazy person over a flag football game.

Yeah. Right.

You came in my face, and you kept saying, "Punch me."

- Yeah, because I didn't think you'd do it. - Well, I did it, okay?

And I'm sorry. I've apologized to you a thousand times. Can't we just move on?

- Put the past in the past, right? - Yes.

- Forget it. - Forget about it.

Yeah. Just... Oh, but just in case you get any ideas, I brought a friend.

He owns a dojo where I train. His name's Bennett.

Bennett! Come here. Meet this guy.

Oh, shit. There he is.

- Marcus. - Nice to meet you.

- Yeah. - Why's he here?

Some people like to have friends at life-changing events.

- That's it. - That's it.

You would know if you had any friends.

If you did, my mom and dad wouldn't have forced me to be your best man.

First of all, I don't like you.

And I don't want you to be my best man anyway, all right?

I have great friends... I have amazing friends, all right?

You can't even handle any of my friends. Okay?

What the hell is that?

Oh, uh…

Don't be alarmed...

- Hey. - Hi, yeah! Just a thing.

You son of a bitch! You said we were best friends.

Yeah, the hell? You assholes. How could you not invite us to your wedding?

That's, like, fucked up!

- Oh, my God! You look amazing. - Good to see you, man.

-You look so gorgeous. Are you so excited? -You been working out? Look at you.

- I mean... And you. You look… - Oh, my sweetheart!

You guys smell the same. You smell the same. Oh! I wanna kiss you!

What's... What's... What's goin' on here?

Oh, uh…

- We lost the brakes around Marietta. - Yeah.

E-brake did the yeoman's work till right about now.

Yo, chief! Just in case you need to move it.

Thank you.

So, I think what Marcus is trying to ask is what... What are you two doing here?

Oh! Well, you guys, we were so confused why you didn't call after México.

I mean, come on.

We were literally sitting by the phone for a week being like, "What?"

But it was my bad. 'Cause the card I gave you. Old card.

- You had no way to call. - We did a little Internet stalking.

Then we found out you guys were registered at Williams-Sonoma in beautiful Atlanta.

From there, it was easy.

Hit every wedding in Atlanta, starting with downtown,

working our way out in concentric circles.

Classic circle sweep maneuver. Same thing I use to find lost kids in the cave.

This time you weren't too late, sweetie.

Hey, man. Get me up to speed. What do you need from your best man?

Yay!

Best... Best man?

Yeah. I mean, remember the shaman?

I'm your suku'un.

Ah!

I do remember that, and, you know,

and I couldn't...

Because we couldn't reach you.

We couldn't reach you. I couldn't call you.

- We were trying, but I was like… - We were try... We tried.

… "If you'd like to make a call…" Like, I'm trying to!

- Wow, okay. - So I had to get another best man.

- Yeah. - Sorry.

- What? - What?

- Who? - My brother.

- Yeah. - Her... her brother.

They are practically best friends. Like, he loves him.

And, you know, we decided to do family-style.

- Family. Keep it in the fam. - Mm-hmm. So…

- Two suku'uns. - I'll consult the sacred text.

Okay, look. Look, I get it, right?

You guys came all the way here, and, you know, it took a long trip,

and you... you drove through a gate, which is crazy, right?

'Cause who gonna pay for that? Who? 'Cause that's not in the insurance.

But that's besides the point. The wedding is all full, man.

It ain't... it ain't no more room.

- Nope. No. Like... - And ain't nowhere to stay.

Oh, who cares? We'll shack up with you guys, Mexico-style!

Come on, you guys. Have you met us?

We're so quiet. Honestly, if we were sharing the same room

and you guys were doing your little freaky, sexual…

…fuckfest post-nups...

- Excuse me. - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Is that your truck?

I'm sorry. This is a private event.

It's cool. We know the bride and groom. And you are?