Original subtitles

♪ And everything that passes ♪

♪ Seems a rosy hue somehow ♪

♪ Why do I feel so spry ♪

♪ Don't blink your eye ♪

♪ Needn't guess I'll confess ♪

♪ A certain someone just said yes ♪

♪ In a bungalow all covered with roses ♪

♪ I will settle down I vow ♪

♪ That's why I'm looking at the world ♪

♪ Through Rose-colored glasses and... ♪♪

♪ There are those I suppose ♪

♪ Think we're mad heaven knows ♪

♪ The world has gone to rack and to ruin ♪

♪ What we think is chic unique and quite adorable ♪

♪ They think is odd and sodom and "gemorrahable" ♪

♪ But the fact is everything today is thoroughly modern ♪

♪ Check your personality ♪

♪ Everything today makes yesterday slow better face reality ♪

♪ It's not insanity says vanity fair ♪

♪ In fact, it's stylish to raise your skirts and bob your hair ♪

♪ In a rumble seat the world is so cozy if the boy is kissable ♪

♪ And that tango dance they wouldn't allow now is quite permissible ♪

♪ Good-bye, good, goody girl I'm changing, and how ♪

♪ So beat the drums 'cause here comes ♪

♪ Thoroughly Modern Millie now ♪

♪ Everything today is thoroughly modern bands are gettin' jazzier ♪

♪ Everything today is startin' to go cars are gettin' snazzier ♪

♪ Men say it's criminal what women'll do ♪

♪ What they're forgetting is this is 1922 ♪

♪ Have you seen the way they kiss in the movies isn't it delectable ♪

♪ Painting lips and pencil-lining your brow now is quite respectable ♪

♪ Good-bye, good, goody girl I'm changing, and how ♪

♪ So beat the drums 'cause here comes ♪

♪ Thoroughly Modern Millie now ♪♪

- Thirty-five cents, please. - A pen, please.

A pen? To write a check.

Thirty-five cents, I said. Not $35.

Who writes a check for 35 cents? Oh, I do.

Come on, Miss. You can get it from your desk clerk.

But I don't live here... as yet.

Oh, look. A pen!

Lady, I've got seven kids and one in the oven. I can't take a check.

The date?

I'm telling you, I can't take no check!

No check?

But it's from the Gotham national bank.

I don't give a hoot if... Could I help?

You got 35 cents cash, American?

Yes, I think so. Thank you, Miss.

Yes, I do. Here. Ten, twenty,

thirty... five.

You did say 35? Yeah. Yeah.

Ain't every day you meet a Vanderbilt... and a Rockefeller.

Thank you.

Oh, but, uh... my bags!

Oh, it's all right. We can manage. I live here.

Oh, thank you.

Ooh. Allow me.

This is a middle-class hotel, isn't it? Yes.

Perfect. My name is Millie Dillmount.

Perfect. And I'm Miss Dorothy Brown from California.

I do hope there's room for me.

Yes?

Dear me!

Oh, this is Mrs. Meers, our housemother.

How do you do? How do you do?

I'm Miss Dorothy Brown from California.

How do you do? And who are you?

I beg your pardon. You're Millie. Yes, Mrs. Meers.

It's the new me. "Toss your cares and curls away."

What can we do for you, Dorothy?

Miss Dorothy. I'm looking for a room.

Yes. Well, I have a very nice sunny one on the twelfth floor.

- On the twelfth floor? - Yes, dear, directly across the hall from you.

- Ethel Pease checked out. - Ethel Pease? She only just checked in!

Ethel Pease just went back to Wyoming, Millie.

But, why? She has no one there, no family or anything.

Just a restless girl.

Now, if you'd register, Dorothy, please. I mean, Miss Dorothy.

The mail just came in. There's always some for you, Millie.

Laundry, lady?

There's one from brother in Chicago.

Two from mother. One from sister in Detroit.

Millie has such a big, warm family.

Do you have such a big, warm family, Miss Dorothy?

I'm an orphan.

Are you?

Sad to be all alone in the world.

Thank you.

Gung ho, dear.

Heavy on the starch.

Heavy on the...

Oh, thank you, Millie.

Miss Dorothy, po hee.

How long have you roomed here, Millie?

You look sort of lived in.

Oh, about three months.

Yes, I'm getting quite hard.

I'm looking for life, raw and real.

I'm going to be an actress on the stage.

An actress? How exciting! Yes.

But I've got to live a lot first.

You should do very well on the stage... pictures too.

You're very pretty. Oh.

Would you mind closing the doors please, and pressing number 12?

Not at all.

Thank you.

- It's broken. - No, it's just temperamental. Try it again.

Some show girls used to practice their routines in here.

I think it did something to the machinery.

Oh, I love it. In the Ritz elevator all you do is go up and down.

Would you mind taking over?

Is today your day off?

- I mean, all you girls here are working girls, aren't you? - Just a minute.

Yes. I just put myself through Belle Weatherrill's girl school for business.

I'm going to be a Stenog. Tomorrow I start interviewing bosses.

I thought it was the other way around, bosses interviewing you.

I can typewrite 40 words a minute. I'm in demand.

Besides, I'm going to marry an eligible bachelor.

You see, I'm going to marry my boss, whoever he may be.

You're a Modern! Thoroughly!

I must study you if I'm going to be an actress.

The theater today is full of ruthless women.

Art reflects life. That was in a speed test.

But it's true. Women today are free.

For the first time, we're man's equal.

We can go out into the world and make a life for ourselves!

And I fully intend to. So do I.

Would you mind opening the door, Miss Dorothy?

Something tells me you're not purse poor.

I bet you're well-bred on both sides.

Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies.

You've traveled a lot.

- Uh, Miss Dorothy? - There's very little else for an orphan to do.

Uh, here we are.

Ooh! Now remember, I'm just across the hall if you need anything.

By the way, there's a friendship dance in the dining hall tonight.

Wanna go?

Perfect. And would you introduce me to the gang?

- They're a pretty high-spirited bunch. - Poor people usually are.

Watch out for the Macy stock boys. They pinch.

♪ Your eyes of blue ♪

♪ Your kisses too ♪

♪ I never knew what they could do ♪ ooh!

♪ I can't believe that you're in love with me ♪

♪ You're telling everyone I know ♪

♪ I'm on your mind each place you go ♪ excuse me, please.

Don't worry, Miss Dorothy. The kids'll soon forget your dress is real lace,

and ask you to dance. Millie, don't be concerned about me.

I'm having a most interesting time.

Ten cents a piece, girls, to pay for decorations and refreshments.

- Oh, my. I'm afraid I left my checkbook upstairs. - It's all right. I've got it.

Thank you. Ten, twenty.

Dip in and get your money's worth!

Millie! Millie! This is him!

Terrif! ♪ and after all ♪

♪ Is said and done ♪ ooh, delish!

♪ To think that I'm the lucky one ♪

♪ I can't believe ♪

♪ That you're in love with me ♪♪

Good evening.

Can I help you? You sure couldn't hurt, by jingo!

- Are you looking for someone? - Not anymore.

- He's fresh as paint. - He's just full of applesauce.

May I introduce myself? It's a friendship dance.

- I'm Jimmy Smith. - Millie Dillmount. And this is my friend, Miss Dorothy Brown.

Pleasure to meet you both.

I was just passing the hotel, going nowhere, killing time, when I heard your snappy music.

- You don't know anyone here? - Sure, you. Dance?

I studied ballroom and tap back home, but I'm not up on the latest dances.

- Good. I always make up my own, anyway. Excuse us, Dorothy. - Uh, Miss Dorothy.

Gimme a name. What for?

Our new dance! Gosh, I never named a dance before.

What did you have for dinner? Franks.

Franks? ♪ Franks, Franks Franks, Franks ♪

No. What else? Sauerkraut.

Sauerkraut? ♪ Sauerkraut ♪

No. What else? We had tapioca for pudding.

Tapioca?

- Join me in the "tapioca"? - And...

Okay.

Now what do I do? Well, then, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap.

Oh, that's too hard. Where're you going?

Everybody! ♪ tap, tap tap, tap ♪

♪ Tap, tap, tapioca ♪ everybody!

♪ Slap, slap slap, slap ♪

♪ Slap, slap, slapioca if you're dapper dap dap, dap, dap, dappier ♪

♪ Flappers flap, flap, flappier ♪

♪ Everyone is happier ♪

♪ When they do the tap, tapioca ♪

♪ When they do the flap, flapioca ♪

♪ Tap, tap, tap tapioca ♪

♪ Slap, slap, slap slapioca ♪

♪ Tap, tap, tap tap the tapioca ♪

Cup of punch, Miss Dorothy? Oh, yes, please.

Welcome to the Priscilla.

Thank you very much.

Excuse me. Yes.

Oh, they are clever, aren't they?

Yes, aren't they?

Millie's a wonderful girl. Mmm, sweet.

A good friend too. The first real friend I've ever had.

Sad to be all alone... In the world.

My own recipe. Fruit.

Mrs. Meers, I want you to meet a terrif dancer and a very nice person, Jimmy Smith.

- Jimmy, this is Mrs. Meers, our housemother. - Pleasure to meet you.

Allow me. Darn nice man, and what a personality!

- Would you care to dance, Mrs. Meers? - Thank you, no.

I believe this one is mine. Oh.

And this one is yours, Miss Dorothy.

- Would you care to dance, Miss Dorothy? - Oh, no, thank you.

- Go on, do, Miss Dorothy. - No, I shan't break up such a splendid dance team.

It's a darn nice party, Mrs. Meers.

Please go. Enjoy yourselves.

Do you know the tapioca?

I believe not. It's the latest.

Well, I'm here to learn.

Oh, ding! Foo!

♪ Let's pretend we've got a bowl we're gonna have some sport ♪

♪ A cup of licks and a ragtime beat let's say about a quart ♪

Yeah!

♪ You stir and stir it with your knee adding a bump or two ♪

♪ You heat it, mash it beat it, smash it if there's a lump or two ♪

♪ Don't let the temperature drop too many degrees ♪

♪ Or you'll wind up with what is called the frozen tapioca freeze ♪

Everybody! ♪ tap, tap, tap, tap ♪

♪ Tap, tap, tapioca ♪ everybody freeze!

♪ Slap, slap slap, slap ♪

♪ Slap, slap, slapioca ♪ everybody freeze!

Cinderella time? I'm afraid so.

I've got my employer's red roadster outside.

I'm keeping it for him while he's out of town. Care to go for a spin?

Sure!

I have to be back by 10:30. You betcha.

Look out!

I love driving on the wrong side of the road, don't you?

Terrif!

Take the wheel. I've never driven a car before.

You never named a dance before tonight.

That's the starter, that's the gas, and that's the brake.

That's the starter, that's the gas, that's the brake. Yeah.

Oh! What other firsts ahead? Love?

Love? Silly, you are old-fashioned.

Okay? Mm-hmm.

Not too old-fashioned? Mmm.

Gee, that's nice to hear, but I know I could do better.

Jimmy, I'm gonna marry my boss. Oh? When?

I don't know. I haven't got one yet.

I start looking for work tomorrow.

But I have plans, and I think it only fair that you know I have plans.

Terribly fair. Mm-hmm.

I'm your equal. I'm going to meet you men on your own terms.

Cater to your craving for efficiency. Learn to talk sports, tell jokes,

smoke, drink; And yes, if I have to, I'll even kiss you back.

You see, love has absolutely nothing to do with it. I see.

Haven't we just fought the war to end all wars, for heaven sake?

Now is the time for fun, especially for the new woman.

The old rules are out, and they haven't made up the new ones yet.

Gee, I never met a Modern before.

My beauty spot! Hmm?

How am I doing? You're doing fine.

What do you do for your employer? What?

I mean, what's your line of work?

I'm in steel... Steel equipment for offices.

Paper clips like?

Yeah, paper clips like. I must get back.

Can I see you again; That is, until you get engaged or married?

Oh, sure.

This twentieth century, I hope I'm up to it.

Mrs. Meers!

So late and still working?

Yes, yes, very late. Everybody should be in bed by now.

I just have to do something with this spot on this carpet.

A spot? Where? Right here.

Gee whiz, I can't see a thing!

What kind of a cleaner is that? Soy sauce.

Soy sauce!

What do you know? I must write mama.

Do that.

Good night!

Soy sauce.

Psst. Did you have a good time?

Oh, sure. I mean, he had his employer's red roadster.

Oh, Millie, machines, like gloves, should be either black or white.

Are you sweet on him?

Oh, no. Holy mackerel, Miss Dorothy!

I've no time for puppy love. I start boss hunting in the morning.

That's right. Good night. Good night.

Good luck. Thank you.

Oh... give them hell.

Soy sauce.

Flannery... Miss Flannery.

Director of female personnel.

I run a no-nonsense organization, Dillmount.

- Is that Rouge? - Yes, ma'am.

Why did you call ahead to make sure Mr. Graydon was a single gentleman?

Ma'am, I just don't have any more time to waste.

- You look fast to me, Dillmount. - Forty words a minute on my machine.

No nonsense, girl. Mr. Graydon's door is at the end of the hall.

Thank you.

Front and center!

He means, come in.

♪ Hallelujah ♪

Hi there, Miss Dillmount.

♪ Hallelujah hallelujah ♪

Right on the old button, Miss Dillmount.

That's swell. Just swell.

Punctuality, the pride of princes.

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

Beautiful. How's that?

Uh, your beautiful baseball trophy.

I love baseball.

- Golf. I won it for golf. - I love golf too.

Swell game. Play much?

Golf's my hobby. Insurance... my business.

You come highly recommended, Miss Dillmount.

Bolt the door, take off your things. Let's have a sample.

Hmm? Take a letter to, uh,

to Mr. Harold Hodgson.

You'll find his letter in the file for the address,

and an invoice in the outer desk.

Dear Mr. Hodgson:

The shipment of floor wax we received from you yesterday...

Was rancid.

♪ Baby face ♪

♪ You've got the cutest little ♪

♪ Baby face ♪

♪ There is no other one could take your place ♪

♪ Baby face ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ You sure have started something ♪

♪ Baby face ♪

♪ I'm up in heaven when I'm in your fond embrace ♪

♪ I didn't need a shove 'cause I just fell in love ♪

♪ With your pretty baby ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ You've got the cutest little ♪ ♪ hallelujah ♪

♪ There's not another one could take your place ♪ ♪ hallelujah, hallelujah ♪

♪ Baby face ♪ ♪ hallelujah, hallelujah ♪

♪ You've got the cutest little ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ I'm up in heaven when I'm hallelujah ♪

♪ In your fond embrace ♪ ♪ yeah ♪

♪ Didn't need a shove 'cause I fell in love ♪

♪ With your pretty ♪

♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah hallelujah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Baby face ♪

Swell. Just swell!

Congratulations, Miss Dillmount. You've made the team.

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ Boop-boop-be-doop ♪♪

Miss Dorothy?

No luck today either, dear?

No, Mrs. Meers.

The only thing producers want to do with me is... take liberties.

Sinful!

But cheer up, little lady. I've got something for you.

A California apple... for you.

Why, thank you, Mrs. Meers.

Oh, it smells so fresh.

I'll bet it's... juicy.

We had apple orchards.

Oh, don't look back. Bite it!

Don't, Miss Dorothy. You'll spoil your appetite.

And functions like we're going to set a doozy of a table.

Hello, Mrs. Meers. Did you forget about the wedding tonight? I'm singing.

Oh, pook!

- Mazel tov! - Mazel tov!

It's Jewish.

♪ Dance, everyone dance ♪

♪ For ruta and for tana ♪

♪ Be happy mention Anna ♪

♪ Dance ♪

Ooh! Oh! Oh, I'm sorry.

♪ Cheerie bim bim, biddy bim bum biddy bum, biddy bum I diddle um ♪

♪ Ay, ay, ay, ay cheerie bum bum ahh diddle, diddle, diddle ♪

♪ Cheerie bim bim, biddy bim bum biddy bum, biddy bum I diddle um ♪

♪ Ay, ay, ay, ay cheerie bum bum ahhh ump bum bum ♪

Mazel tov!

Good morning. Mr. Graydon's office. Who's calling please?

Jimmy! Hold on. Dillmount!

The telephone is business equipment in this office,

not a back fence to gossip over.

Yes, ma'am.

- Hello. - Can you talk, or are you sitting on his lap?

Silly, I've only been here a week.

Where have you been? Out of town on business.

- I wondered. Jimmy, I spoke to my boss about your paper clips. - Oh, thanks.

How are your plans coming? Did you kiss him back yet? No!

Has he held your hand? No!

Does he have a pet name for you? Yes. John.

John? That's not very romantic.

But it's Modern. Mr. Graydon is very businesslike.

But he's not cold. You know, he's manly, but not gruff.

He calls me John because I'm so efficient.

Johnny-on-the-spot, and that kind of thing.

Anyway, I'm wearing a new dress today, and...

Fine. What time do you get off?

Half day Saturday. Good. Like to go for an outing?

Ooh, gosh! That sounds grand. Lunch and dinner.

- The sky's the limit. Ask Miss Dorothy to join us. - Miss Dorothy?

- Yes. She's still around, isn't she? - Yes, sure, I'll ask her.

- Pick you up at a quarter to 1:00? - Oh, fine.

Jimmy, I'm still gonna marry my boss.

Over my dead body!

Hmph, I guess his nickel was up.

John, write a memo to supply.

That last batch of carbon paper they sent certainly was not up to snuff.

Yes, sir. A sorry lot.

Not pleased, not at all pleased. Pin their ears back, you know.

Yes, sir. Eat 'em out. Gotcha.

You oughta try a pipe, John. Separates the men from the boys.

Oh, Mr. Graydon, you're just a tease.

Swell dress.

Ooh! Ah! Oh, Jimmy!

I said, the sky's the limit.

What a thrill! My employer just got it.

But he's out of town again on business, so I can use it whenever I want to.

I'll teach you to fly. You're razzing me!

Just another first. We're facing a lot of them together, aren't we?

Jimmy, look there! Ooh!

Razzberries!

Holy mackerel! Who was that?

Mrs. Van Hossmere, our hostess.

The outing's gonna be at her house. Oh!

We're flying over it now. Where?

That's a house? I mean, somebody lives down there?

It's a mansion, really, but she calls it a cottage.

My father used to be Mrs. Van Hossmere's gardener.

She's always been very good to me.

Miss Dorothy? That house down there,

that's where that lady... I can't...

The party is down...

Oh, thank you.

That house down there, that's where we... oh, look! Terrif!

A golf course! Mr. Trevor Graydon's very favorite!

That's where we're going.

You know, Baron, those loop-the-loops are beginning to affect my inner ear.

They really are!

Why, Baron Richter, you're perfectly marvelous!

And to think we were against you in the late war.

There you go. Thank you.

Down you go, little Miss Dorothy.

Welcome! Welcome, everybody!

Hello, Jimmy. The grass needs cutting.

She thinks I'm the only one who can trim the lawns like my father used to.

Do the bunch of you promise to succumb wholeheartedly to the merriment?

My, Mrs. Van Hossmere is glamorous and gay!

You must call me Muzzy, Millie.

You too, Miss Dorothy. My flying instructor, everybody does.

We're all very friendly at the cottage.

You know, Jimmy, I am proud of you.

Two such delightful young ladies!

I had no idea you had such a good eye. I really hadn't!

I do hope you all have the most marvelous time!

Anything you want you don't see, just ring, won't you?

Well, now, what have we here?

Corking! The ace of hearts!

Love is very, very near.

You mustn't believe all you see and hear. Muzzy's full of tricks.

Ja wohl!

You know, Baron Richter, I'm gonna need popping again. I really am.

Yeah, yeah.

Sensational, Muzzy!

My dance instructor.

Gregory Huntley. Yeah, yeah.

Where'd you get that dress?

I rang for it. Gee whiz!

Great wealth is so classy!

Everything is so perfect. It's just like in the movies.

Except for me. The very gates of real society in a plaid dress.

What's wrong with it? I feel unworthy.

You look very worthy. But look at Miss Dorothy.

And I think she looks very worthy too.

You would, Jimmy. You're a pip. You like everybody, and everybody likes you.

- Well, if you can take all this in stride, so can I. - Who's better than we are?

Only in America could a gardener's son receive such spiffy treatment...

From such a fashionable crowd.

Jimmy! Hello, Miss Tremayne. May I present...

I've already had the pleasure of meeting your actress friend.

Miss Millie Dillmount, Miss Judith Tremayne.

How do you do?

I couldn't help overhearing your remark, Miss Dillmount,

about the gardener's son.

We all remember Jimmy's father. He had such a green thumb.

We hoped that Jimmy would take after him,

but so far there's been little evidence.

And good gardeners as so hard to come by.

Perhaps he prefers paper clips.

Ah, perhaps.

That gross diamond ring of Muzzy's! Jimmy, it took my breath away.

Not completely, Miss Tremayne.

No. Not completely.

Bitch! Ooh! Miss Dorothy!

Miss Dorothy, I love you.

Mesdames et messieurs, attention s'il vous plait.

Attention. Merci.

I have persuaded my star pupil that she's ripe,

after only five nights of study,

to make her singing debut ici ce soir.

Allons, Muzzy.

She is miraculeuse.

♪ My daddy was a ragtime trombone player ♪

♪ My mommy was a ragtime cabareter ♪

♪ They met one day at a tango tea ♪

♪ There was a syncopated wedding and then came me ♪

♪ Folks think the way I walk is a fad ♪

♪ But it's a birthday present ♪

♪ From my mommy and dad... dy ♪

♪ I'm a jazz baby ♪

♪ Little jazz baby that's me ♪

♪ There's something in the tone of a saxophone ♪

♪ That makes me do a little wiggle all my own ♪

- ♪ 'Cause I'm a jazz baby ♪ - yeah, yeah.

♪ Full of jazbo Harmony ♪

♪ That "walk the dog" and "ball the Jack" that caused all the talk ♪

♪ Is just a copy of the way I naturally walk ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm a jazz baby ♪

♪ Little jazz baby that's me ♪

♪ Rocked to sleep while the cradle went to and fro ♪

♪ To and fro to the tune of the "tickle toe" ♪

♪ Ever since I started in to grow ♪

♪ Love to hear the music playin' see my dear old mammy swayin' ♪

♪ Razzmatazz that's all I ever knew ♪

♪ All day long I never would get through ♪

♪ Jazzmatazz that's all I wanna do ♪

♪ So play me a little jazz ♪

♪ Jazz-zz-zz ♪

♪ Baby ♪

♪ Full of jazbo Harmony ♪

♪ The wailin' of the saxes when those fellas go mad ♪

♪ Cannot compare with what I got from mommy and dad ♪

♪ So hear this jazz baby ♪

Miraculeuse!

♪ Little jazz ♪

♪ Baby that's me ♪♪

Oh, swell! Just swell!

Everything's swell, Muzzy, and you're just... swell!

Heck, let's be kissy right off.

You like our place, do you? Oh, it's... swell!

- I can't wait to meet Mr. Van Hossmere. - He went to his reward years ago.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know. You said "our place."

When I married Mr. Van H., he was a widower of many years.

I came to all this as the second Mrs. Van Hossmere, practically a child.

I can tell you, I felt like a crow's quill in Queen Mary's bonnet.

But, Mr. Van H., he just swatted me on the butt and he said to me:

"Baby Van Hossmere, this is our cottage.

"Not my cottage, not your cottage, but ours.

"And don't you ever forget it." And I never have.

Unfortunately, I enjoyed his friendship for a brief, but very ecstatic period.

Sad. Yes. And Mr. Van H. Hated sad stories.

He wanted our place to be filled only with good fun and good friends.

Well, despite the noble experiment,

we seem to have a sufficiency of gin.

So drink up, everyone. You're all invited to spend the night.

We've plenty of extra P.J.'s. Myself, I sleep in the altogether.

Ja wohl.

Muzzy, you're to be congratulated.

You've gathered together the most enchanting grab bag of people.

It's so amusing to rub shoulders with all kinds.

And, darling, your ring! It's perfectly stunning.

How big is it? About two quarts.

Razzberries! I've been waiting all evening for someone to ask.

I thought it was real!

Oh, it is, tweetums. I had it drilled. Yeah, yeah.

My mascara's run onto my dress, and it's brand-new from Paris!

Look at that nasty spot! Where?

Don't worry. I know something that cleans so you can't see a thing.

Come with me. Come on.

Soy sauce!

Soy sauce!

She's covered my Paris gown with soy sauce!

Please, Miss Tremayne. I'm so... you! You!

Inviting a stupid shop girl to a party!

Miss Tremayne, please. If I could just... you idiot!

Don't you know anything? No, no, of course you don't!

I'll tell you something. I will tell you what's going on around here, you boob!

Miss Tremayne.

I will take care of dress.

I'm going home.

Tea will show you out.

Ooh, I'm sorry.

I thought it would clean it. Honest I did.

Mrs. Meers swears by it. I, I wouldn't...

Holy mackerel, a dress from Paris, France!

Jimmy, please, let's go home.

We're gonna have to spend the night. It's ceiling zero over New York.

Oh, dear! Don't worry.

You said it was just like the films. Well, it is.

- Complete with a villainess, Judith Tremayne. - You're laughing at me.

I don't blame you.

Unlike the films, there's gonna be a smash-bang happy ending.

I'll become the paper clip king, and I'll hire you for my Stenog.

Then I'd be your boss, and you'd be after me to marry you.

And I'd say, "sure, okay, grand."

How can you become the paper clip king when you don't care a whit about work?

You haven't once asked me about Mr. Graydon's interest in your paper clips.

You can't be happy-go-lucky all the time.

You've got to buckle down and make something of yourself.

You're not getting any younger.

Maybe you should try gardening. Oh, no. Gardeners don't have Stenogs.

Be serious, Jimmy. What's to become of you?

Do you really care? Of course I care.

I like you. And I like you, by jingo.

You've got to show some get-up-and-go.

I promise I'll bring our latest paper clips around to show your boss next week.

Please don't. What's the matter?

I don't know. I feel... so do I, Millie.

You've unlocked a room in my heart. Oh! Please, no.

Millie.

Éstas...

Son las bolas, señora.

Interesante.

While I think of it, Juarez, supper in half an hour?

Sí, señora.

Hello, Millie. Gracias, Juarez.

La cena estará lista...

En media hora.

Sometimes I get the feeling Juarez is gonna take a bite out of me.

He's a dear, really, and the most wonderful Butler.

He's teaching me Spanish and rope tricks. Oh.

Moderns don't cry. No. No, of course not.

Little Millie, I must apologize for my guest.

Judith is a rude and very spoiled young lady. You must not let her upset you.

Muzzy, I'm so mixed up, so confused.

It's not only Miss Tremayne, though she did read me right.

I am a working girl and a boob.

There's certainly nothing wrong with being a working girl.

I was a working girl myself in the chorus, but I wasn't a boob.

No, you married well. And that's exactly my plan, and I've got to stick to it.

Jimmy told me your plans to marry your boss.

- Love has nothing to do with it? - Yes, ma'am. I'm a Modern.

You're a boob. B-But you...

You're not going to believe me, Millie, but when I first met Mr. Van H.,

I had no idea he was a real multimillionaire, I really hadn't.

He was just another one of those darling daddies hanging around the stage door.

True. Cross my heart.

I mean... he didn't look like a real multimillionaire to a girl.

And he drank beer. Facts be known, I truly prefer beer.

Oh, he was a great and wonderful man. Affection.

That's what he had, affection. Well, we became engaged,

and Mr. Van H., he gave me this great big green glass broach.

I lent it to my girlfriend so she could impress a new Beau.

Well, as fate would have it,

the new Beau turned out to be a jeweler.

And the green glass turned out to be emeralds! Ooh!

In this case, I truly do prefer emeralds, but I was heartsick.

I thought that Mr. Van H. had stolen it.

So I begged him to take it back and go straight.

Well, he just laughed and laughed and laughed.

Then he told me that he really was a real multimillionaire,

even if he didn't look like one to a girl.

And we became married right away. But, tweetums, like I say,

while I truly do prefer emeralds, we could've made it on green glass.

While I've been in the bleachers looking at life,

you've been a player on the big field.

Honestly, Millie, if it's marriage you've got in mind,

love has everything to do with it.

Follow your heart. No razzberries!

♪ Jimmy oh, Jimmy ♪

♪ Silly boy ♪

♪ Gee, what a real swell guy ♪

♪ Jimmy oh, Jimmy ♪

♪ Oh, what joy ♪

♪ He makes your troubles fly ♪

♪ His glance has fireworks in it ♪

♪ We kiss, my heart does a whiz-bang flip-flop ♪

♪ Heaven for a minute ♪

♪ Jimmy oh, Jimmy ♪

♪ Don't you know ♪

♪ What I can't quite confess ♪

♪ So coax me implore me ♪

♪ I promise you won't bore me ♪

♪ Jimmy, I might say yes ♪

♪ So coax me ♪

♪ Implore me ♪

♪ I promise you won't bore me ♪

♪ Jimmy, I might ♪

Jimmy!

Buenas noches, señorita.

Bonsoir.

Gute nacht.

Yeah! Yeah!

Get in here, you little Miss Dorothy.

Good morning!

Hello, everybody. Good morning!

I wanted to say good-bye, darling.

- We missed you at breakfast. - I was in the gym with Cruncher.

Mixing it up.

Always searching.

Cruncher, please meet Millie, Miss Dorothy, Jimmy.

Hi! Cruncher saves his breath for the last round.

Now, you're not to be strangers.

The country club is giving a poor-mouth party. Perfect.

We all get to wear rags. Oh, it should really be worlds of fun.

Promise you'll come. Thank you, Muzzy.

But I expect my weekends to be taken up with Mr. Trevor Graydon, my boss.

Perhaps we could motor down of a Sunday, Trevor and I, for an inning of golf.

He's very athletic. Also a most mature gentleman,

in contrast to the flighty, butterfly boys one meets these days.

And the best looking thing ever.

Yes, well, of course.

Okay, okay! Okay, okay. Bye, bye, little Millie.

Promise you'll find your way back to the sea of booze and jazz.

Oh, Muzzy, you're so worthwhile.

She's been so... Standoffish this morning.

Could be she has a hangover, Miss Dorothy.

The ring of the bathtub was still on that gin.

Good-bye, Mr. Smith. Thank you. It was an experience.

I'll call you. Hey, Millie? Millie!

Millie?

Millie, are you feeling quite well? Quite.

I thought, perhaps, your tummy was upset.

No, my tummy isn't upset.

Good.

Is there something you'd like to tell me, Millie, something bothering you?

Nope. There's nothing on my conscience.

Perhaps there's something you'd like to tell me. Something bothering you?

Well, Millie, I... no, not now. Yes, go on.

Well, I am terribly upset about... my career.

Your career? Yes.

The world of the stage just doesn't seem to want me.

Because they don't know the real you.

Cut your hair! Let them see how truly abandoned you are.

Cut my hair?

But... but I don't understand. Millie, I don't think I...

People can't find the real you under those curls. Good night.

But I...

Good night.

What? What is it? In my room! In my room!

Mrs. Meers!

Asleep in my room on my bed!

Well, she works a very long day, poor dear.

Yes, well, good night.

Millie?

What am I going to do?

Oh, dear.

Millie, could I spend the night with you?

It would give us a chance to talk.

I think if we're going to save our relationship, we do need to talk.

Have I done something terrible to you, Millie?

If I have, please tell me,

because a girlfriend is something very new and precious to me,

and I don't want to lose you.

No, Miss Dorothy, you haven't done anything terrible to me.

After all, I have my plans and...

Oh, I'm sorry!

Gee whiz, your friendship is precious to me too!

Of course you can spend the night. Thank you.

But there'll be no more talk. After all, I'm not my brother's keeper, am I?

You can have the bed. I'll sleep on the floor.

No, it will be the other way around. No, I insist.

To make up for my lack of gypsy spirit.

You can take the girl out of the small town, but you can't take the small town out of the girl.

It's most irregular.

I don't care how middle class a place it is.

I really must callous up.

Starting tomorrow, I am going to be unspeakably fatal.

Miss Dorothy. Po hee.

Mr. Graydon's office.

Jimmy, you are always interrupting my life! Now stop it, just stop it.

What did I do? What did I do?

I have work to do. I presume you have work to do, now do it and leave me alone.

A day's work for a day's wage.

I didn't ask him to call. I don't want him to call.

I never want to see Jimmy Smith again.

Good. Forget the boys.

Get yourself a canary, Dillmount.

"Forget the boys. Get yourself a man, Dillmount."

- Do you have a moment? - A what?

A moment.

I would just love to get a man's opinion of Rudolph Valentino.

I mean, in the sheik, he takes Agnes Ayres by brute force.

And she enjoys it... She enjoys it a lot. Hmm.

What is your opinion of... brute force, Mr. Graydon?

Well, I'm not for it. No, I'm not for it at all!

No, that is not what women really want today. Hmm.

The late war has upset them.

Now they are disillusioned. They yearn for truth.

Give them a young man they can trust.

Tom Sawyer at 20.

I never read Tom Sawyer.

Was he... sexy?

He was only 12.

So, if you got it... you got it.

Why, John! Yes, sir.

- Oh. - Take you to lunch?

Mr. Smith, you are not going to take me again ever... anyplace, anywhere!

What did I do? Tell me, please, what's wrong?

Millie, at least explain yourself. Whoa!

Not on company time, Mr. Smith.

What...

Oh, what lovely elbows you've got, Miss Flannery.

From my mother's side of the family.

Really?

The Bogg girls were noted for their elbows. Ha.

Out! Out!

Seems I'm leaving!

Good-bye, Millie. Good-bye. Ow! Ooh!

John, be a swell ol' scout. Ring up my club, reserve a handball court for 6:15.

Yes. 6:15.

Got to work up a good sweat. Edgy in the gut, you know?

Edgy in the... gut.

You want a pen?

Yes, of course, to write a check.

But, lady, it ain't that much!

How much?

Twenty-five! Thank you, Millie.

♪ Oh, sweet mystery of life ♪

♪ At last I've found thee ♪

♪ Oh, I know at last the secret of it all ♪

Twenty-two, twenty-three,

twenty-four, twenty-five.

♪ All the longing, seeking, striving, waiting, yearning ♪

♪ The burning hopes the joy and idle tears that fall ♪

Mr. Graydon, did I forget something?

♪ Oh, 'tis love and love alone the world is seeking ♪

Mr. Graydon, this is my friend Miss Dorothy Brown from the Priscilla hotel.

We were just on our way over to the madcap beauty spot.

Miss Dorothy's gonna have her hair smartly bobbed.

Bobbed? With your beauty?

Mr. Graydon, behave.

I'll bet you could make the moon and the stars behave.

Miss Dorothy's an actress, Mr. Graydon. And the way the theater is today, so rotten...

You wouldn't Rob some lucky stiff of...

- Playing with all those adorable curls, would you? - I just thought...

Chuck it, John, just Chuck it. Mr. Graydon calls me John...

John, you and I are going to take Miss Dorothy to dinner,

and try to talk her out of doing mankind such a disservice.

Miss Dorothy, may I take the Liberty of asking you to dine?

You may.

What about your sweat, Mr. Graydon? Cancel it.

Swell! Just swell!

We'll have dinner, and afterwards a bit of vaudeville at the hippodrome.

That is... If the comics aren't on.

Their humor can get all too ribald for a lady's ear.

I hate for you to cancel your plans with your gut so edgy and all.

On the other hand, dinner and a show certainly would be fun, wouldn't it?

Perfect.

Although I would feel more comfortable in a suitable frock.

'Twill be gilding the Lily, Miss Dorothy,

but of course, we'll stop by your hotel.

Taxi!

Oh, terrif! My first date with Trevor Graydon. Come on!

Oh, hi there.

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪♪

♪ Everything today is thoroughly modern check your personality ♪

♪ Everything today makes yesterday slow better face reality ♪

♪ It's not insanity says vanity fair ♪

♪ In fact it's stylish to raise your skirts and bob your hair ♪

♪ In a rumble seat the world is so cozy if the boy is kissable ♪

♪ And that tango dance they wouldn't allow now is quite permissible ♪

♪ Good-bye, good, goody, girl I'm changing, and how ♪

♪ So beat the drums 'cause here comes ♪

♪ Thoroughly Modern Millie now ♪♪

♪ Jimmy oh, Jimmy ♪

♪ Silly boy ♪

♪ Gee, what a real swell guy ♪

♪ Jimmy oh, Jimmy ♪

♪ Oh, what joy ♪

♪ He makes your troubles fly ♪

♪ His glance has fireworks in it ♪

♪ We kiss, my heart does a whiz-bang flip-flop ♪

♪ Heaven for a minute ♪

♪ Jimmy oh, Jimmy ♪

♪ Don't you know ♪

♪ What I can't quite confess ♪

♪ So coax me implore me ♪

♪ I promise you won't bore me ♪

♪ Jimmy, I might say ♪♪

♪ Cheerie bim bim, biddy bim bum biddy bum, biddy bum I diddle um ♪

♪ Ay, ay, ay, ay cheerie bum bum ahhh diddle, diddle, diddle ♪

♪ Cheerie bim bim, biddy bim bum biddy bum, biddy bum I diddle um ♪

♪ Ay, ay, ay, ay cheerie bum bum ahhh ump bum bum ♪♪

♪ Baby face ♪

♪ You've got the cutest little ♪

♪ Baby face ♪

♪ There is no other one could take your place ♪

♪ Baby face ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ You sure have started something ♪

♪ Baby face ♪

♪ I'm up in heaven when I'm in your fond embrace ♪

♪ I didn't need a shove 'cause I just fell in love ♪

♪ With your pretty baby ♪♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪♪

♪ Oh, sweet mystery of life ♪

♪ At last I've found thee ♪

♪ Oh, I know at last the secret of it all ♪

Oh, gosh! Bravo!

Bravo!

Ecco!

Hup. Ally oop.

Hup!

Hup!

Ecco! Ecco!

Razzberries!

My god, it's Muzzy!

What a full life she leads!

♪ Oh... do it again ♪

♪ I may say no, no, no, no, no ♪

♪ But do it again ♪

♪ My lips just ache to have you take ♪

♪ The kiss that's waiting for you ♪

♪ You know if you do ♪

♪ You won't regret it ♪

♪ Come and get it ♪

♪ No one is near ♪

♪ I may cry oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ But no one will hear ♪

♪ My mom may scold me 'cause she told me ♪

♪ It was naughty but then ♪

♪ Oh, do it again ♪

♪ Please do it again ♪♪

Ecco! Ecco!

Alto! Hup!

Andiamo!

Ecco! Ecco! Look at me!

Ecco!

Ecco!

Ecco! Ecco!

Bravo! Bravo!

Searching! Searching! Searching!

Oh, Muzzy, we just loved you and the human yo-yos.

Aren't they the dearest, sweetest people?

Before I met them at a charity circus,

I was sure Baron Richter's loop-the-loops had done permanent damage to my ear.

The bernini brothers have worked miracles.

You were swell... Just swell. Perfect.

Oh, I'm learning.

Hadn't we best be on our way?

I'm sure Muzzy has her practicing to do.

I'm through for tonight. You can take just so much yo-yos, don't you know?

We really must be going. Tomorrow's a working day.

Good night, Muzzy.

Swell, just swell. Yes.

Oh, Millie baby, would you mind assisting me for a second with these nasty hooks?

Oh, surely! I'll be right with you, kids!

He is divine! Thank you!

I'm falling in love with him like you said was so important.

I had no idea Miss Dorothy and Mr. Graydon were such good friends.

Oh, they're not. They only just met.

Such a baby. It was his turn to undo me.

That Miss Dorothy!

Great Scott, that Miss Dorothy!

Pretty as a peach and skin to beat the band.

Perfect little pippin.

Perfect.

What a dandy little bundle for a fellow to cuddle!

Dandy.

Say... imagine all that sweet softness in your arms, huh?

Yes, well, I'll type up this survey report right away, Mr. Graydon.

Original and five?

Don't forget the dinner reservation at the Plaza.

The candle nook room. Quiet corner table for two.

I think Miss Dorothy's for the Plaza, don't you?

And, John... flowers.

There's a florist just around the corner from the hotel. I'll order from them.

That's using the old bean, John!

Roses. Pink...

Plump...

Long-stemmed.

Two dozen...

In a vase.

♪ Poor butterfly ♪

♪ Neath the blossoms waiting ♪

♪ Poor butterfly ♪

♪ For she loved him so ♪

Plaza hotel, please, candle nook room.

♪ The moments pass into hours ♪

♪ The hours pass into years ♪

Candle nook room?

Mr. Trevor Graydon would like to order a quiet corner table for two.

Tonight. 7:30.

Thank you.

♪ And as she smiles through her tears ♪

♪ She murmurs low ♪

♪ The moon and I ♪

♪ Know that he'll be faithful ♪

♪ I know he'll come ♪

♪ To me by and by ♪

Flower box, please.

♪ But if he don't come back ♪

♪ Then I never sigh or cry ♪

Flower box? Mr. Trevor Graydon would like to order some roses.

Two dozen. Long-stemmed.

Pink. On the fat side.

♪ I just must die ♪

♪ Poor butterfly ♪♪

I run a no-nonsense organization, boy!

Try to sneak by me, and I'll set the law on you. This is not a hayloft.

Besides, she never wants to see you again.

Youth today... Going to hell in a wheelbarrow!

Never wants to see me again.

Banana oil!

Oh, honestly!

Sorry to bother you, but...

What is it you want?

I'm looking for Millie Dillmount.

She's on the twentieth floor.

Oh, thank you.

Twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen,

seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty.

Why, Judith Tremayne, fancy meeting you here.

Jimmy! What in the world? You crazy kid, get in here!

Oh, wait, wait!

It's stuck. It's stuck. Push.

Push! One, two, three.

Millie? Millie?

Millie!

Millie, what in the world? You crazy kid!

- I fell out! - Hang on!

Stop! Stop! Stop!

Stop! Agh!

Oh, there you are, Millie. Good.

Oh. Just another first. There you go.

Come on, Millie.

Hand over hand. Say, you're a whiz at it.

Gently now, Millie.

I have you. You're home.

Oh! Oh! Thank you, thank you. Oh, thank you, thank you.

You're welcome. Oh, thank you, thank you.

Oh, Miss Flannery.

Yes? Excuse me.

"Old elbows" said you never wanted to see me again.

Well, I did say that, Jimmy.

But I am glad to see you. I was feeling awfully blue.

You're a strange little bird, Millie.

You look different.

Yeah. I lost my glasses.

You have nice eyes.

You should catch them by candlelight. Have dinner with me?

All right. But Dutch treat at the automat.

Jimmy, I'm leaving my job.

Mr. Graydon isn't available anymore.

Oh, corking!

Jimmy, he's lost his heart to a friend of ours.

Miss Dorothy? How did you guess?

Who else do we both know? Unless it's Muzzy.

Oh, don't be bitter, Jimmy. Don't blame Miss Dorothy.

I don't. I really don't. Mr. Graydon, either.

Love swamped them. We're too young to live a life of hate.

You're the one who should be on the stage, Millie. You're good!

You don't seem to care.

Well, I don't.

You fickle Freddie!

Thank you, thank you! You're welcome.

Oh, thank you, thank you! You're welcome.

John!

Your ex-lover. Coming, Mr. Graydon.

I'll pick you up at 7:00. And we are not dining Dutch treat at the automat.

I'm going to take you over to park Avenue,

and you're gonna have the best-fed picnic you ever put to your bee-stung lips.

Nothing but the best for my date, by jingo.

7:00 then.

7:00. Bye.

Bye.

Bye. Bye.

Bye.

Butterfly boy.

I may never go back to elevators again.

The lights have gone out of you.

You pulled the switch, by jingo.

Don't you think having to wash dishes at the most expensive restaurant in New York a lark?

You know what I think? I think we should have gone to the automat!

I think it's stealing when a person knows what he has in his pocket...

And doesn't spend accordingly.

I think in his dealings with his girlfriends, a person should be honest.

I think you should work for a living. You're an irresponsible dabbler.

Playing footloose and fancy-free with everyone.

Living moment to moment. Never getting involved.

Throwing yourself away. Burning yourself up.

- And you could be something... thundering! - All right, all right.

Call Miss Dorothy at the candle nook room. Ask her to come bail us out.

- I'll do no such thing! - She's got the money. She's very rich, isn't she?

A fortune hunter to boot! I'll pay her back.

How? In paper clips? Well, I'm gonna call her.

You're not having a lark, so I'm gonna call her. Hmm.

Got a nickel? No!

Honey, the coffee klatch in back's runnin' out of cups.

I want you to take 'em that tray over there.

Now! Snappy! Hop, hop, hop.

♪ Rose ♪

♪ Of Washington square ♪

Good evening, sir. Are the klatch in need of cups?

♪ Should blossom where the sun shines ♪

Over there, honey.

♪ Rose for nature did not mean ♪

♪ That you should blush unseen ♪

♪ But be the Queen of some fair garden ♪

♪ Rose ♪

♪ I'll never depart ♪

♪ But dwell in your heart ♪

♪ Your love to care ♪

♪ I'll bring the sunbeams from the heavens to you ♪

Mr. Graydon!

I thought you were at the candle nook room!

She stood me up.

I went to the Priscilla hotel to call for her.

The lady at the desk said she checked out. That's it.

No note. No forwarding address.

Nothing.

John, where is she?

I don't know!

How very strange!

Let me get you more coffee, Mr. Graydon.

Strong spirits! Not strong enough.

Now, you just stop this. You'll upset that lovely system of yours.

Come meet Jimmy. Perhaps he can figure it out. Come on.

Dear Miss Dorothy. Why would she slip away like that?

Come on.

She wouldn't. Dorothy just wouldn't leave without telling anyone her plans.

And I spoke to her late this afternoon. So did I.

Damn! I'm sorry, Millie, but something's up.

- Do you suspect foul play, Jim? - I don't know.

Could you come up with the Jack to spring us from this kitchen? Good as done, boy.

I want to search her room. Mrs. Meers is not telling the whole story.

Come on.

You made it! Easy. I'm really a second-story man.

I think, madam, I had best call the police in on this.

A well-bred lady like Miss Brown would have left a thank you note for the flowers I sent her.

True. I wasn't on the desk at the time she left, sir.

Let me check once again for you.

Excuse me.

Oh, no, I'm sure you searched thoroughly.

I did want to talk to you about... no, no, no.

The young clerk is so careless. A letter could be anywhere.

No one takes pride in their work anymore.

Her checkbook! She can't be far. All her clothes, shoes, suitcases!

And she checked out without saying a word? A girl just doesn't do that.

Ethel Pease did. And Fanny did.

And another girl when I first moved in.

Jimmy! Jimmy! All of them were here one day and gone the next...

Without a word to anyone... Except Mrs. Meers.

Mrs. Meers! Oh, drat! Graydon was supposed to keep her occupied.

Quick, under the bed.

Oh! Another first.

Millie, something fearful is happening.

Those roses are doped!

The laundrymen have been following Miss Dorothy. I realize that now.

Remember, Mr. Graydon, yesterday when you met us in front of the office?

The laundry truck parked just up the street.

I'm afraid I only saw Miss Dorothy.

♪♪ The Chinese are working for Mrs. Meers.

She's into something big!

What do all the missing girls have in common? Money?

Oh no. Ethel Pease didn't have anything. No family, no friends, nothing.

Neither did Fanny. I've forgotten about what's-her-name.

No. She was all alone in the world too, poor thing.

Jimmy, Mrs. Meers is always saying that!

She said it to Miss Dorothy when she found out she was an orphan. What?

"Sad to be all alone in the world."

Sad for the victim,

but very convenient for a vampire like Mrs. Meers.

Do you think that... I do.

You don't mean... I'm afraid.

But by now then she could... yes.

Yes, Millie, cruel but true.

If a girl is all alone in the world and she checks out, who's to question her fate?

But Miss Dorothy's not all alone in the world. She has us.

That'll be twenty, Miss. Twenty?

Cents! Money! Oh, twenty!

Another Miss Rockefeller! What is it with you dames at this place?

I seem to have forgotten my purse, but, well, I'm sure that...

Forget it! Invest it for me.

All right, John, snap to.

Let's get organized. Yes, sir.

Any mail for me, Mrs. Meers?

Too early for the mail. You know that, Millie. Oh.

Hello. I'm Millie Dillmount.

Hello. I'm Mary James. I'm new here.

Yes. I hope we'll be friends. So do I.

I don't know a soul in New York. I don't know a soul anywhere except at the orphanage.

Oh... sad to be all alone in the world.

Twelfth floor, dear. I'll show you the way.

Pity.

Well, thank you, Miss. I'll see you. All right, then.

Millie?

Oh! Isn't Miss Dorothy here?

No, I'm sorry. She's moved.

Gee, that's too bad. I wanted to show her how they turned out.

Apparently just splendid.

Not bad. Not bad. Not bad at all.

Not stylish, I know.

But, Dickie, my new flame, he likes jazz babies with fronts.

Soon as that cluck proposes, out comes the cotton.

Well, see you in the shower.

Millie?

Is everything all right here? Yes, thank you, Mrs. Meers.

This is for you.

I made them up myself for all the new girls.

Oh, I can't wait to get acquainted,

not having folks or friends like I told you. Of course.

Now then, everything seems to be in order.

Let me see. Envelopes. Stationery.

And there's a lovely pen in the drawer too.

Now, if there's anything else you need, you just let me know.

I'll leave you now, dear,

so you can relax.

Hey, Graydon!

Dickie's no rah-rah boy. He's a healthy young animal.

But he's got some instincts of a gentleman.

I said, "Dickie, you're on your honor with a lady."

"Gonna take a kiss anyway." I says, "take a kiss, and you'll lose a lip."

So we went out, and he got fresh and he lost a lip.

I pecked him pertly on the cheek, said, "see you in church."

And turned on the lights. See you later.

Yes, fine.

Hey, Zelda, I put hot lips in the icebox last night.

Hey, bubbles, take a look at Miss America. How do you like 'em?

Jimmy? Jimmy?

Jimmy! Jimmy!

And I love you, you funny mutt.

Jimmy?

Jimmy!

Jimmy? Jimmy, you're not pretending! Jimmy!

Mr. Graydon?

Mr. Graydon!

Oh, Jimmy, come on! Come on!

Oh, she's not much, but in a dark corner on the late, late shift...

Mr. Graydon, they've got Jimmy in the laundry basket!

Mr. Graydon, the laundrymen!

Mr. Graydon? Oh!

I must speak to the Buddha. Mrs. Meers.

Act natural, Mr. Graydon. Don't look now. You see that laundry truck?

Follow it. Don't let it get away.

Mr. Graydon, you're letting it get away. Mr. Graydon?

Mr. Graydon! Oh, Jimmy!

Buddha, Meers here.

In front of the hotel, a dark man in a red roadster.

Remove him carefully.

Po hee.

Oh, no!

Now... that's the starter.

That's the gas.

That's the brake.

I hope.

Stop!

Stop! Millie!

Oh, taxi! Stop!

Taxi!

Just another first.

Hello.

Um, have you seen... I beg your pardon.

I'm looking for a young man wearing a black and white dress and a big red bloom.

Po hee.

Jimmy!

Jimmy?

Oh, Jimmy, darling!

Jimmy?

Wake up, dear. Jimmy, wake up!

Jim...

But I don't have a nickel! I don't even have my checkbook!

Borrow? Operator, you have obviously never been in a Chinese opium den.

Oh, dear.

Dorothy!

Miss Dorothy!

Help!

Somebody, please. Help!

Miss Dorothy? Miss, Miss...

Help! Miss Dorothy?

Miss Dorothy? Miss Dorothy?

Jimmy? Jimmy?

Untie the others. Hide until the police come.

I'm Millie Dillmount. Have you seen two Chinese and a girl, uh...

A boy? A very tall girl?

Or Miss Dorothy. She's very lovely with Brown hair and curls.

Yes. That way. Thank you. Help untie the others.

Oh, Millie! Miss Dorothy!

Miss Dorothy, did they have their way with you?

Well, really, Millie!

Oh... my beauty spot! Don't tell me you weren't busy.

Where is he?

Come on!

Faster, faster, faster!

Oh, I do hope he won't be an addict.

I mean, with all that dope.

It didn't hurt sleeping beauty or snow white.

Po hee!

That way!

Put him in the rumble seat.

Trevor!

Front seat's taken!

Hey, moneybags?

Oh, pook!

That's the gas.

No, forward, dear, forward! I know, I know!

Oh, look who we've run into. It's Mrs. Meers. Maybe she'd like a lift?

Get in. Get in!

Hurry! After them!

Oh! All right now, snap to! Let's get organized.

Heading for Long Island and their rich society friend.

The four hundred's going to be missing a few!

Oh, god, you two are dreary.

Your adventure sends a chill over my heart.

To think of such ungentlemanly behavior in my darling New York.

Millie, I lift my glass in humble tribute.

A miracle, the way you rebuffed those fatheads.

Every one of them must die.

How do you thank a hero?

I saved you selfishly... For myself. Oh.

♪ For she's a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ For she's a jolly good fellow ♪

First that interfering Dillmount girl.

♪ Which nobody can deny which nobody can deny ♪

Shall we join the others? Please.

"Shall we join the others? Please."

Good evening.

Razzberries!

Hup, hup, hup. Okay, okay.

...kay!

Okay!

Ecco! Ecco! Good! Wonderful!

Hai...

Hup!

Oh... perfect.

Ally oop!

Me?

Please don't think us frivolous.

Oh! This is so exciting!

Wunderbar.

Ecco! Ecco!

Andiamo, andiamo.

Ally oop!

Yeow! Yes, yes, yes!

Hai! Hai! Hai! Yee-ah!

Yee-ah! Hai! Hai! Hai!

- Yeow! - Pook!

Éstas son las bolas, señora!

Perfect! Muzzy!

Muzzy, honestly you were...

Ah, my law instructors are arriving.

My rock.

Sad to be all alone in the world.

Oh, Jimmy, darling.

Get in here, you Muzzy you!

Muzzy too?

Sure! You want to join me...

And my sister, and my stepmother? Sister?

Stepmother?

Yes, even though she's not old enough to be.

I've been blind.

No, no, diddums. Jimmy is just like his father.

He doesn't look very much like a real multimillionaire to a girl, either.

You're not in paper clips?

That's not far from the truth, Millie.

The fortune was founded in steel.

Oh! I don't understand.

Well, that Judith Tremayne was chasing Jimmy quite a lot,

and every fortune-hunter in this hemisphere was after Dorothy.

So, I sent the children out into the real world with high hopes...

That they would come back with truly, truly sweet partners like you and Trevor Graydon.

And they did! Oh, your father would be so proud of you.

Jimmy, off with the mask.

I'm James Van Hossmere, first vice president of Van Hossmere worldwide enterprises.

You do have nice eyes.

Be my Stenog?

Oh, no, I don't want to be your equal anymore.

I want to be a woman. A dandy little bundle for a fellow to cuddle.

You think Miss Dorothy has curls... you wait.

What's the final word, Tea?

I have been watching her most close. I approve.

A good old-fashioned girl.

Tea practically raised me, so that does it.

Almost.

What do you want for a wedding present, Mrs. Van Hossmere?

A checkbook, by jingo!

Rich people can nickel and dime you to death.

Swell! Just swell!

Oh, this is my... What is it you teach?

Like a squirrel... Storing the nuts of life.

♪ Hallelujah ♪♪

♪ Everything today is thoroughly modern bands are gettin' jazzier ♪

♪ Everything today is startin' to go cars are gettin' snazzier ♪

♪ Men say it's criminal what women'll do ♪

♪ What they're forgettin' is this is 1922 ♪

♪ Have you seen the way they kiss in the movies isn't it delectable ♪

♪ Painting lips and pencil-lining your brow now is quite respectable ♪

♪ Good-bye, good, goody girl I'm changing, and how ♪

♪ So beat the drums 'cause here comes ♪

♪ Thoroughly Modern Millie now ♪♪