Original subtitles

My name is Sami Malik.

I like to think I'm a fairly simple fellow.

All I've really wanted in life are two things.

To achieve absolute greatness.

And two win over the world's greatest girl.

It's not too much to ask for.

As for the greatness bit, well, that's because of my father.

That's him, in the Banyan tree.

The world's most glorious tiger hunter.

This is how I always see him in my dreams.

Papa?

Have you seen the tiger yet?

Now, maybe I didn't see everything.

But Papa, I want to see the tiger!

Later, son, later. Okay?

But there has never been any question in my mind...

that my father...

my father was a great man.

The greatest man in the village.

And everyone loved him.

If you step over there, you might be more dry, Ruby?

Your father is amazing

Everyone loved him.

I loved him.

And that's how I remember my father.

His polished rifle on his shoulder,

hero to everyone.

All I have left now, is this legacy really.

He died when I was eight.

Not long before he passed,

my father took out his polished rifle,

his hunting jacket,

and nearly everything else that made him who he was,

and sold them.

All so I could go to the best British school in India.

How can I ever live up to a man like that?

Listen to me, Sami.

To be a great tiger hunter,

you must become the tiger.

You must know how he feels, how he thinks.

Only then can you anticipate his every move.

But Papa, if I become the tiger, won't I be hunted myself?

Every man hunts himself, son.

For starters,

I received my Masters in engineering.

Okay, I'll solder this to this

and have it ready for you by five.

But I can't afford to pay for this.

No charge.

Unless you have any of those superior homemade samosas?

I see your father in you, Sami.

Thank you, Sami.

Mr. Hashmi, I can't possibly do this for free again,

- I'll get fired. - Oh, no, not free, not free.

Papa, will we still get to hear the cricket match?

But Papa, I have only one week to live.

Oh, come on!

Papa said, "You are just like your father."

Come, come.

The villagers who loved him

have always been good to me,

but it will take more than goodness

to live up to my father.

America.

It's 1979,

and tiger hunting has been taken over

by shameless poachers.

Nowadays, America is where you find greatness.

The great American cowboys,

the big American lifestyle,

the latest high-tech innovations,

the famous American road to success.

I've written to America

to offer my engineering services.

All I need now, is for America to write me back.

Well, there is one more thing.

Ruby.

* Clouds dissolve...

I'm so sorry Sami,

my scooter's somehow broken down again.

Can you give me a ride home?

I've only wanted to marry her my whole life.

No big deal.

* Everything's So clear to me... *

I can see Gemini, Taurus...

And Aquarius.

* ...My heart has Taught me how to sing *

* A little bird Has taken flight *

Hey Sami? My cycle is also broken.

* I'm looking Into the face of love *

* Love's looking back...

The trouble is Ruby's father.

Climb that wall, soldier! Hup to it!

Double time! Hup, hup, hup, hup!

General Iqbal.

He will only allow Ruby to marry a successful man.

But four days ago opportunity arrived.

Graydian Technologies of Chicago was hiring new engineers.

And they wanted me!

The entire village helped pay for my ticket.

Your necklace. But you had that since Vino Auntie passed away.

We sold our radio's.

We'd rather hear about your great adventures

in America,

than cricket matches which are actually fixed.

A neighboring village sent one of their boys

to America to become doctor,

now we will rub you into their faces.

Your yellow moped.

It was always breaking down.

But, you looked so good on it.

My father wants me to marry a man in America.

So you better take this and go.

And when you see Aquarius up in the night sky...

you'll know what to think of.

Why must you go, beta?

When everything you need is here?

Mommy, Papa sacrificed everything

so I can go out and make something of myself.

Engineers here don't become great,

they just look upset and angry all the time.

That's how all Indians look, beta.

Mommy.

- But then you must take this. - What's this?

Documents which you'll need later.

Take a look at them when you're more settled in.

- Come closer. - What are you doing?

Putting your father's ring into your jacket.

If you get into trouble,

promise me you will sell it.

I can't possibly do this.

Take it.

Don't get into trouble and start drinking.

Then you'll go in the hell fire and it'll all be my fault.

* America

* Way to liberty

* America

* Hard working people

* America

* Everybody's got a dream

Welcome to the United States of America.

You have 30 days to fill out this work visa

as a record of permanent employment

or America will kindly ask you to leave, son.

Thirty days? I only need one.

Next!

* Everybody come together

* Every woman child and man

* Everybody come together

* Enjoy the band

* Yeah Sha la la la la-la la *

* Sha la la la la-la la

* Sha la la la la-la la

I'm sorry, Mr. Milk... Mack.

- Malik. - Mullick.

We've had some restructuring since we sent this letter.

But I've travelled 8,000 miles to get here.

I'm carrying not only my suitcase,

but also some very great expectations--

I understand your disappointment.

Lucky for you we have a temporary draftsman job

down in the basement.

Draftsman? No, no, no, no. I'm a highly skilled engineer.

Also, I must have permanent employment

or America will kindly ask me to leave.

What can I say?

We've had to do some belt tightening around here.

Then you'll have to unbuckle your belt.

That would be inappropriate.

This is America?

The pavements must be littered with engineering jobs

I'll just have to go out there and pound it. The pavement.

* Would you like a kebab?

- * Yes I would like... - Excuse me?

- Hey! - Yes?

I-- I want... I-- your wallet.

I need your wallet!

- Give it to me! - Is this a mugging?

Yeah.

But, I've done everything right. It-- I'm wearing bright colors,

it's day time,

I'm walking with a purpose, I have a commanding presence.

I know I'm not travelling in a group,

but I haven't made any friends yet.

* I don't know What I'm gonna do *

* We played a game Of switch-a-roo *

* Walked a mile In Another man's boots *

* Should've worn More comfortable shoes *

What kind of country is this? They just throw money away.

Uh-uh-uh-uh-ah! Don't do it, bhai!

If you take even one coin, little children start screaming

and mommy say big pianos will fall on their head

because you are stealing their hopes and dreams.

I am Babu Rahman.

I came here from Pakistan one year ago.

Sami Malik.

Six hours ago, I'm Indian.

Ah! Better samosas, worse cricket.

It's crazy how same we are.

Where are you staying, bhai?

Uh, well, I'm in a bit of a transition right now.

I knew it! We are both in luck.

I am needing another room mate to pay rent

and you are home... free.

- Homeless? - Yes!

Okay. Let us go.

I have no money for rent.

Ah! Why talk about money?

When you get employment, you pay.

Why are you helping me?

Because when I came here no one helped me. Groovy, yeah?

Groovy, yeah.

Hey, bro? Before we go...

you wanna grab a doobie?

- Sorry? - Just a precaution.

Our apartment is strictly drug free.

Hugs not drugs, right?

Hey Pete.

This is Pete.

Land of the free, home of the brave,

and doors waiting, Babu's tikka masala.

Ready?

Come Sami, meet your new comrades. Brothers this is Sami.

This is Siddesh, an electrical engineer by trade

but right now, first class taxi driver.

I'm also watching cartoons for rest and recuperation.

This is Rehan, also an electrical engineer

- but right now, uh-- - Professional washer of dishes

and buffer of supermarket floors.

This is Abdullah, a telecommunications engineer,

but right now working at Larry's Gas and Snacks.

It' not so bad.

Uh, this is Kareem, a mechanical engineer,

but right now professional walker of dogs.

I also love American kittens, they're not bald or diseased.

Although he looks like he's from Bangalore,

he's actually just black.

This is Parag, he's a hooker.

- A gigolo - Yes, gigolo.

and I am a wallet.

- You mean valet? - Why, yes wallet.

It's nice to meet you... all.

Oh! And this is Mary Tyler Moore, my fiancée.

She told me I'm going to make it after all.

So, right away I fell in love. No touching, okay?

* On a little bed of straw

* Lay with Lady Marjorie Daw... *

So many of these men have technical degrees

and... yet they are working

as taxi drivers and dish washers.

I know, this is a great country.

There's no shame in any kind of job you do.

Rehan? I take one Rehan egg now,

I'll give you one Babu egg later, okay?

Okay, no problem.

How many people actually live here?

Uh, 11. Maybe 13.

Thirteen?

And every man here have cousins.

And cousins' cousins.

Where does everyone sleep?

Otto!

Okay.

Thank you for your consideration.

Have no fear, the North African is here.

- You are late. - Sorry--

Now all the jobs will be stolen.

Sorry. Sorry, sorry. Okay.

- Take off those pants. - Yes, I know.

Never heard that before, right?

- This a curry stain? - No.

Hmm-mmm.

I was hungry.

Uh, can someone tell me what's happening here?

- Oh! - Job fair.

- Job fair? - Uh!

Quick! Jump into these pants.

- Do it! - Oh, yes!

Ah! How do I look?

* He's so more than a shaker

* Straight to the top

* Nobody gonna hold him down

* Never gonna stop...

So Sami, what brings you here?

Ambition, honor, even love.

Wait, no. Uh, the bus.

* My religion

* Money's my middle name...

Sorry I'm late.

No, what-- What are you doing?

I'm scheduled for the one o'clock spot!

Well, Air India,

It's a decent airline.

The food is uh...

it can be an adventure in your stomach but...

Did you put on deodorant?

Uh, no. I'm sorry, sorry...

It was a hectic day.

Second leg. Right.

- Okay. - Up, up, up.

- Are you okay? - He don't fit.

I beg you, please don't make me. It hurts.

Just stay still.

It will fit if you relax!

Yeah, there we go.

You meant here-here.

My feet.

I like to walk.

Give me the jacket! Give it to--

I'm versed in, uh, control engineering

and the modeling of dynamic systems...

...integrated circuitry, augmentation engineering...

C'mon, give it to me!

- ...megatronics, biotronics... - Oh, no!

...capacitors, conductors, diodes...

Don't touch--

...but, of course, quantum mechanics, hello?

Your sleeve is falling off.

So, about that job...

Papa.

Funny. I can feel the tiger.

It's fury and warm, sticky. It's kind of wet.

That feels nice, aunty.

Just a little lower.

Okay. Oh!

This is disturbing.

Hello?

Sami? India calling.

Ask them to send money.

- Hello? - Hello, Sami!

It's me, ammi.

Ammi.

I can hear you, no need to yell across the ocean.

I miss you, beta.

And... And I have a surprise for you.

Hey, Sami! Congratulations, top class engineer!

Hey! Say something. Look, say something.

Where are you living?

Have they given you a new house?

Not exactly.

The engineering job at Graydian, it's....

Sami, hush, hush.

There's someone who wants to talk to you.

Hello? Sami?

Ruby?

Hi!

How's everything?

I don't know if I'll survive on this.

I haven't eaten, I haven't slept.

I've counted and named every animal in your courtyard.

I didn't want to miss a call from my special friend.

I feel certain you will survive.

It's not the same without you here, Sami.

How are you?

Yeah, yeah. I'm great. I mean, I've just been so busy.

I had some really big important projects and...

You should see the company, it's this open atmosphere

there's lots of collaboration, the CEO is such a character.

I think he really respects me, and, your father would love it.

I didn't know that, Sami. How wonderful.

Congratulations!

Well, my father is planning a trip to America,

to meet with some potential suitors.

Sami? Did you hear me?

You're coming to America?

Well, right now, it's California, Florida, Texas,

but I'm sure he'll be up for coming to Chicago if...

a certain someone were to invite us?

Shall I pass the phone onto my father?

Maybe you could say hello to him--

Your father? Ah... Oh, no, no, no, no. I...

I'm sorry, I just... I'm so busy with work

I should probably get going.

Oh.

Okay, I know you're very busy.

- Bye, Sami. - Bye.

Who is Ruby?

- Ruby. - Ruby?

It's only when a man becomes a sheep,

does the tiger reveal it's stripes.

They always come back.

Well, I am willing to begin at the beginning

to get to the end.

Great. Follow me.

So, remember. This is a temporary position,

but things can always open up upstairs,

if you don't underperform.

Oh, I intend to over-perform, at all times,

until the temporary becomes permanentarary.

- Is that a word? - No, I just made it up.

- Don't do that. - Okay.

This is the commercial

and industrial microwave division.

You name it...

- Uh... - We nuke it!

And if you can't, maybe we still nuke it.

Learn out motto. Attention, denizens,

this is Same-eye May-leak.

Draftsman.

Hey.

Great, and I look forward to speaking with you

about future opportunities.

Hello.

Same-eye.

Care to join me on our lovely rooftop?

I believe it's about time for my scheduled bomb break.

No, thank you. I should get to work. Nice to meet you.

Got ya!

What?

Oh, sorry. It's, uh, just a little hobby.

I like to take photo's of the profoundly depressed.

Alex.

Sami.

Are you also a draftsman?

Me? No, no.

I'm just killing time here until I'm, uh, struck by death.

Or genius. Whichever comes first.

Oh, and, uh... As if by magic, there you are. Here.

Seems a bit off. My head is right at the bottom.

Exactly. That's my style!

Oppression, suppression, repression.

Look. See how the surrounding space weighs down the subject?

Yes, I feel it.

Alex, can I assume you've been here for a while?

Yeah.

Feels like I've been here... since I was born.

So, can you give me any advice

on how to succeed at Graydian Technologies,

I need to become an engineer fast!

Nobody in the history of this company

has ever asked me how to succeed at Graydian.

What the hell!

This is Graydian's microwave division.

Also known as the "Oh, man, we might get screwed" division.

How so?

They've been commissioned by Baldwin & Company

to design a microwave that can properly heat frozen food.

That is without...

blowing up loud, of course.

Projects due in three weeks.

Who's that?

That's... Kenneth.

He's a senior engineer and...

Pretty much the golden boy of the office.

That, is just crazy, Big Mac,

cause my skin is clearly more bronze.

Good to see you both, and I mean it.

A lot of work to do, Baldwin Project, yada, yada, yada.

All right, here's the part you're missing.

Talent, it's only ten percent of the job.

Thirty percent is hard work,

and the last 70 is really just being accepted.

That's 110 percent.

See, when you say nerdy things like that,

it's hard to be accepted, all right?

You're a draftsman,

if you wanna fit in the right circle,

you've gotta talk the talk.

You are blind, muchacho.

Pirates are gonna sink the red ship.

Hey, come on! Did you see the sack Bumpy tried yesterday?

- ...huge mistake. - Hey, man, amigo,

Foster's gotta be swinging for the fences.

- Pirates? - Yeah. The Pittsburg Pirates.

You wanna play Graydian major leagues,

you're gonna have to speak major league baseball

and these office guys here, they even have their own team.

And they really get into it.

I never really liked baseball. Glove, really? I mean it's so--

Baseball. Pirates. Got it.

Look, you are a nice dude.

These guys, they're professional Americans,

the born CEOs.

We're talking about a lifetime of schmoozing about things like

golf, ethnic foods,

days of the week, the Winter Olympics.

I want to be a professional American.

...specializes in south Indian curry.

Piranha has wee-tish skin, I am possessing wee-tish skin, also.

No, you're more the color of old oatmeal.

You're too kind.

What's going on?

Oh. Sorry, bhai, but I found this envelope in your jacket.

Envelope?

My envelope? In my jacket?

Yeah, and there was this letter also.

"Dear Sami,

Now that you are settled and have a good job, it is time.

Here are the photos of choices for your future wife...

whose parents have shown interest."

Give this to me! Give them to me!

No! Not that one.

She's not there.

Stay away from my stuff.

Lay it on Babu, bhai.

I really should not lay it on Babu.

- I am 1-800-B-A-B-U. - I'm fine!

I don't have a chance, Babu.

That's why Ruby's photo isn't here.

Not only will I lose my visa if I don't get promoted soon,

but, there is this girl...

who can draw a perfect anatomical human heart.

She always knows the difference

between the Big and the Little Dipper.

She's beautiful.

* Clouds dissolve into the sun

* There's nothing But blue above *

* Everything's so clear to me

* Since my heart has Taught me how to sing... *

I will never be successful enough to marry that girl.

I have something that will make you feel so all-so-feely-good.

This is the General Lee.

From the TV show Dukes of Hazzard.

- Ah-ha? - In my village,

they would say, "In America,

even the man who sweeps the streets has a car."

I'm saving up now to make that dream mine.

So for you, be patient.

There are men up there

who haven't even had a girl sneeze on them.

Babu, that was a private conversation!

Now I will go call mommy.

- Come. - What? No, no--

Babu!

Hello?

Is this the lovely Huma?

Who is this please?

This is Babu. I am a great friend of your son.

- He's feeling a little sad. - I'll protect him!

Is he drinking alcohol?

- Is he with... prostitutes? - He's okay.

He's not with prostitutes--

- Ammi? - Sami?

Are you all right?

Yes, yes, it's fine, ammi.

I just need to know why Ruby is not among my 100 future wives?

The villagers are saying

her father's looking for a man with a castle in Houston.

Are you serious? Is it serious?

I mean, he's a doctor,

- so, I mean to say... - It's very serious.

Talk to her, Sami.

Just married, Marianne and Bob are so excited

with all their wedding gifts

that they've decided to eat their first meal in.

Marianne is cooking an old family recipe in a new way.

She uses the same ingredients

but now she'll be cooking with her new microwave oven.

Ah, the microwave oven.

Clearly the delightful American secret to good food,

marital bliss and the utmost happiness for everyone.

What a lie!

What they don't tell you is that nobody has yet made

a microwave that properly heats frozen food.

And while Graydian struggled with high radiation levels,

Ruby was being courted by doctors across America.

I had to become an engineer, and fast!

Ah, I know what this is.

It's a television.

- No. - It's a fish tank?

Time machine?

No. This is a microwave oven.

Right now, we are trying to properly heat frozen food,

but if we increase the power, there's too much radiation.

And what's great is that

Graydian's model keeps exploding.

- That's a great thing? - Yea, for me it is.

See, if I can figure it out,

they'll have no choice but to promote me as an engineer.

Okay.

Time machine?

* Whip me with seconds

* Till I'm blind with pain

* I'm breaking free From you, baby *

* From all these chains

* I'm so tired

* All I wanna do

* Is lay down

* In your arms

If you change the radius of the magnetron

will it have any effect on the load required?

Then you'd also have to adjust the magnetic strength

- to achieve the correct-- - No, no, no, no.

Maybe the problem is the wave length itself.

But perhaps for different types of food

you should use different types of energy.

Hey. Hey, hey, what are you doing?

We were just checking it out.

Okay, well, no more checking it out. This is my project.

Okay.

Let's go.

We have feelings.

Kenneth, hi. I have some ideas I wanted to show you.

I really think if we adjusted the magnetron we could...

Winston? How long have you been here?

Hmmm, 23 months.

- Twenty-three months? - No.

Thirty-three months.

Thirty-three months?

My God, Winston is the future white me.

I can't possibly do that.

I have to become a professional American.

It makes no difference if you're wearing

a hunting jacket or a monkey costume,

as long as you get yourself into the tigers' den.

* Touch down

* I have the faculties...

Hey, Alex,

thank you for showing me the ropes round here, I owe you.

Lunch tomorrow? You, me, burgers?

He makes burgers?

So... anyone here notice how much torque

is involved in figure skating?

An I'm really excited about the Winter Olympics.

* ...tigers' den

* it's gone

Why are so many baseball terms related to food?

High cheese, a pickle, a meatball, a rhubarb.

See, no explosion.

Hmm. The outside's a little warm,

the inside's a little... frozen...

but, you know, I like crunch.

To keep it from exploding I had to reduce the power.

It's a work in progress.

Oh, my god, what is my roommate doing to you?

- Alex, Babu. Babu, Alex. - Hi.

Axel, do you want to try some of Babu's famous chicken tikka?

I have no idea what that is but...

Yes please.

Oh, us too, okay?

I'll take mine Indian hot.

And I'll have mine veg.

Hmm.

This is the best Indian food I've ever had,

I mean, it's the only Indian food I've ever had.

My father had a roadside restaurant outside of Lahore.

People would come for miles to taste his tikka.

I think I'll be chasing this tikka for a long time.

My father also left me some very big shoes to fill.

You know what they say,

"If you put your mind to it you can do anything."

Sami bhai, you will fill those shoes.

- What about you Alex? - How big are your father's feet?

Oh, they're pretty big.

He's the owner and CEO

of Graydian Technologies.

I'm sorry. I, uh... normally get that reaction.

You are Mr. Womack's son?

What are you doing in the basement drafting?

You should be on the top floor smoking cigars

and getting complimentary foot massages.

I'm just not the "climb the ladder at work" kinda guy.

I-- I just wanna be happy with how my day went, you know?

What makes your day go good?

Well? No? Good?

I'm really into social documentary photography but, uh,

I don't know, my dad thinks that's a lost cause so...

You're still living with your parents?

That's very Indian of you, huh?

Alex?

In your social documentary photography,

do you only make sad heart-wrenching art

or do you also do documenting of happy people?

- I guess I do both. - Then come, I am needing

to be documented in front of something

that'll make me oh so happy.

Come! Come, let's go! Come on.

Come on!

This is him. The General.

The car that carried Bo and Luke out of danger

when the jewel thieves came to town and tried to frame them,

when the pool hustlers came to town and tried to frame them,

and when the vending machine bandits came to town

- and tried to frame them-- - I think we got it.

All right!

- One, two, three. - Cheese!

Come, Sami, get in the car

we'll take a picture inside The General.

Yeah, I really don't think we should--

The owner's a friend of mine, he won't mind.

Yeah.

You need some help?

Looking good! Good, good view right here.

Thank you, Alex. I've been meaning to document this

to send it home to my family.

Hey!

Get out of the car, man, told you before!

I'm still happy, Alex,

take the picture. Take the picture, guys.

- This is your friend? - You are dead meat!

- Wait till I get there! - Take the picture, guys.

You wait till I get there, you guys are dead meat!

We gotta get him out of the car. Get out of the car!

- Let's go! - Take the picture!

- Okay, go, go, go. - Did you get it?

- You got it? - We got it, we got it!

Move! We gotta go now! Go! Go!

Go! Go!

Okay, okay.