Original subtitles

♪ Love ♪

♪ exciting and new ♪

♪ come aboard ♪

♪ we're expecting you ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ let it flow ♪

♪ it floats back to you ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ soon will be making another run ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ promises something for everyone ♪

♪ set a course for adventure ♪

♪ your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ it's an open smile ♪

♪ on a friendly shore ♪

♪ it's love ♪

♪ welcome aboard, it's l-o-o-o-ove ♪

Hey, Vicki, has anybody reported us

for being late back to work?

Not yet. What kept you?

When we left Sunday,

we told you we were going to this wild party in downey.

But...today is Tuesday.

The party lasted for three days?

And we were the first ones to leave!

I gotta see the captain about a raise.

I got so many bills to pay, just the postage could wipe me out.

Can you tell me my cabin, please? I'm Humphrey Clark.

Ah...yes, Mr. Clark. You're in --

excuse me. Did you say that you're Humphrey Clark?

Your cabin is --

the man who discovered Sweetwater Wilson?

That's right.

Mr. Clark, your cabin --

the man who --

it's 341, promenade deck.

Thanks, kid.

Do you know who that is?

Yeah, it's the man who discovered Sweetwater Wilson.

It's a very famous story.

He was walking down the street.

He heard singing coming out of a sewer.

He climbed down a manhole and found Sweetwater.

In the first year, they sold over a million records.

Ah, the sweet smell of success, huh?

That's it.

That's how I can make the money that I need -- with this!

You're gonna sell your tie?

With a golden throat.

I can sing twice as good as old Sweetwater.

On this cruise, Humphrey is gonna discover me.

♪ For once in a lifetime ♪

♪ a man knows a moment ♪

♪ one wonderful moment ♪

It's through those doors and to your left.

Have a nice cruise.

Wow, it's the incredible hunk!

Hmm?

Brian!

Hey, Julie.

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughs ]

Now, that's the way to start a cruise.

Oh, hey, hey, timeout.

No harm, no foul.

Been so long since I've seen a friendly face,

I got carried away.

Ask him if he's got a younger brother just like him.

Two losers in one family wouldn't be fair.

Uh, Brian, I'd like you to meet Vicki stubing.

Vicki, this is Brian Kiley.

Pleased to meet you.

Pleased to meet you.

Listen, we got a mess of things to talk about.

Any chance we can huddle later?

Sure, why don't we meet on the lido deck

in the morning?

Mmm, that sounds great.

Hey, Vicki...

Brian was the quarterback on our college football team.

We're good friends.

I may only be 13, but he acts like more than a friend.

No... There's nothing going on.

That's all we are.

Just...friends.

Are y-- are you the captain?

No...

Uh, sorry, I'm the ship's doctor.

I don't need a doctor.

I'm glad to hear that.

Oh, here comes the man

you're looking for.

May I help you? I'm captain stubing.

Oh, hello, I'm Vanessa Norris,

and this is my fiancé, Glen dobson.

Well, I'm very pleased to meet you.

How many lifeboats are there?

Ahem.

More than enough to debark every person aboard.

How far out in the ocean does this ship go?

Well...

Uh, that really isn't important.

Thank you, captain.

Doctor.

Glen: It's important to me.

Questions about the boats, wearing a life jacket...

Do you suppose he knows something we don't know?

[ Air horn blows ]

Hey... It's great up on deck.

Come and see.

It'll be a big laugh for everybody --

a grown man afraid of the water.

Honey, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

A lot of people are afraid of the water.

A lot of 'em get over it, too.

[ Groaning ] Ohh.

I've never seen so much water.

And there's a big pool up on deck, too, isn't there?

Yeah.

We never should have come. It was a big mistake.

No, it wasn't!

Now, this is the perfect place for you to gain confidence.

It could be the big breakthrough, remember?

The psychiatrist said so.

I'll never get out of this...

Elephant bra.

Put something on over it.

What, a maternity dress?

I'll be the only guy that ever came back from a cruise

with nothing sunburnt except his wrists.

I'll just bet that by the time this cruise is over,

you'll be jumping into that pool...

And without this, too.

Come on, honey, let's get up there.

I --

come on, it doesn't do any good to get depressed.

You're right, because even if I do get depressed,

I can't even throw myself overboard.

[ Mexican music plays ]

Piña colada, please.

Ah, yes, sir, Mr. Clark.

Piña colada --

a speciality of Isaac, your singing bartender,

ha ha.

Listen, uh...Are you here on a...Business trip,

or is this just a vacation?

Strictly vacation.

Oh. Course, you never know, do you?

I mean, like that time you went down that sewer

after Sweetwater Wilson --

I bet you were there on vacation, too.

Yes, sir, you know, you can find a star

anytime or anywhere, right?

Thanks, Ivan.

Isaac.

I never understood how you did it --

being quarterback, studying,

and waiting tables in the freshman dorm.

You girls ate like truck drivers.

I know -- two and three helpings just to get your attention,

and then hours of exercise trying to keep the weight off.

All of the girls were in love with you,

present company included.

Do you remember when we used to

go out to the football stadium at night?

A great place for a date, huh?

One guy, one girl, and 90,000 empty seats.

It was romantic in a crazy kind of way.

And always conveniently cold.

We had to snuggle for survival.

Ooh, and you were the best snuggler of them all.

Well, that is until I lost my title to Laura post.

How is Laura?

I'm playing it solo again, Julie.

Laura and I split up.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Yeah.

It all started with me cracking up a car.

Broke my arm, Julie --

couldn't throw hard enough to reach the line of scrimmage.

I never heard.

I was lucky I wasn't killed.

Maybe I wasn't so lucky.

Oh, don't say that.

Anyhow, what the pros don't need

is a quarterback who can't throw.

Well, you still had your job with Laura's father, didn't you?

You know, a funny thing happened --

when I stopped making headlines, all of daddy's buddies --

all the guys who'd buy anything I had to sell --

all of a sudden had trouble remembering my name.

Well, how did Laura take all that?

Once the razzle-dazzle ended, so did the honeymoon.

Brian...

So, what we have here is ex-wonderboy

with halftime coming, no timeouts left,

and no game plan for the last half.

Got any ideas?

Yeah. How about if we start

with me taking you out to dinner tonight

and we'll talk about the good old days?

How does that sound?

Like I made a big mistake seven years ago.

Come on.

Come on, honey. Come on.

Oh, no, come on.

Come on.

Come on!

Come on!

Thataboy. Come on!

Ooh!

Oh!

Oh, you're --

you're doing just fine, honey.

Now, do what the therapist told you.

Take off the jacket,

then walk a little bit away from it,

and then do that again, and then every time you do it,

try to get a little bit farther away.

Okay, I guess we can both --

oh, no!

No, this is something you have to do on your own.

Oh, uh...Oh, captain?

Yes?

Um, I think I should explain to you about my fiancé.

You see, he has severe hydrophobia.

Oh, I see.

Hydrophobia?

He bit a mad dog?

It's a pathological fear of water.

Oh... I hope it's contagious --

that could be great for the booze business.

Ooh. Are you gonna go in the pool?

No!

Then can Billy use your jacket? He's just learning how to swim.

I can't let him have it.

But you said you weren't gonna use it.

What do you think --

he's not going to return it to you?

I-I just can't --

then you take his till you get yours back.

No, I can't do that!

Of all the mean and selfish things!

I can't believe it!

I can't believe --

ooh!

Come on.

Come on. Thataboy.

Come on! A little more, come on!

Hey! No!

[ Shrieking ]

He's not in there!

We just finished cleaning it. It's empty.

But you're just the man we wanna see.

We're having a party tonight, and you're invited.

It's Jenny's birthday.

Oh, how old are you getting to be?

I'm not getting older, honey, just better!

I don't get off work until late,

and I gotta see this passenger.

It's for an audition.

I don't know how long it's gonna take.

Oh, we'll wait.

We wouldn't think of starting without you, Isaac.

Gee, that's awfully nice, but you don't have to wait for me.

Sure we do!

Absolutely, honey.

You're bringing the wine.

Mmm.

Mmm.

See you at dinner.

Mmm.

That's Brian Kiley.

Friend of yours?

Just fine.

Fine?

Julie?

Hmm?

If our mandolee are freezing,

will you clear to fill my Gill?

Course.

What's that?

Oh, it's nothing.

Well, if you'll both excuse me, I...

I...

If that's what love does to you,

I'd rather have the measles.

You know, this is one of your flakier ideas --

spending 40 bucks on that special champagne.

Hey, it's classy.

Besides, I'll make that back 100 times with my first concert.

Right.

You know, it's not like I'm inexperienced at this.

I've already made one record of my singing.

Oh, I remember that booth -- penny arcade in Tijuana.

Hey, that was a good demo.

Mm-hmm.

A professional job -- full-sized, vinyl,

unbreakable.

I know. I tried.

This is gonna work out fine.

Just think,

I'm walking in there Isaac Washington,

but I'm coming out Sammy Davis, Jr.

Good luck to both of you, man.

Hey, goph, thanks a lot, man.

I'm not gonna forget you even when I'm famous.

I'm gonna remember all the little people.

I'm gonna fix it

so you can get all my records wholesale.

Come in.

Hi, Mr. Clark.

What's this all about?

Champagne -- compliments of the star of tomorrow.

Well, I was just on my way to dinner, but thanks.

♪ Thanks for the memories of moonlight in Vermont -- ♪

Excuse me, I'm running a little late, Irving.

Isaac. It's Isaac.

I really don't have the time, huh?

If you get a minute, I'll be in my cabin. Call me.

Yeah.

[ Door closes ]

[ Soft piano music plays ]

Good evening.

Evening.

Julie, you remember the Oregon state game?

We won, 23 to 20.

I pulled it out with a bomb to Phillips, remember?

No, but I do remember our date afterward.

It was the first time you ever kissed me good night.

I didn't know whether I should play hard to get

or tell you how much I liked it.

We were quite an item there for a while, weren't we?

For a while.

Starry-eyed freshman and hotshot football star.

Every time I looked up in the stands,

you were always there cheering your lungs out.

Stanford...

Oregon state...

Washington...

Rose bowl.

Those were some of the best days of my life.

They were some of the worst of mine.

You dumped me to marry my roommate, remember?

I'm sorry.

Oh, I'm over it now.

Are you?

Completely?

Well, I'm over the hurt, Brian...

But you were the first...

And I don't think any girl really gets over the first.

I picked the wrong roommate.

I look stupid enough in this during the day,

but at night...

I hope we don't run in to that woman.

If we do, I'll explain it to her.

She'll understand.

What are you gonna say?

"Excuse my fiancé for wrestling with you...

But he simply had to have your rubber duck"?

Oh, Glen, will you stop that?

Nobody's gonna ridicule you!

So, you've got a water phobia.

Everybody has problems.

Not like mine.

Remember that night in the movies?

I had to walk out on "jaws"...

Because I got hives.

Come on, now.

You'll feel better after you have a good dinner.

Pbht!

Quack quack!

Oh, that kid. Let me --

oh, no, no, no, no.

You stop that. He's just a little boy.

Come on.

No, you go ahead, Vanessa.

I'll have something sent to the cabin.

See you later.

Oh...ksh!

Having trouble with the patient?

How did you know?

The captain told me.

Oh...

Glen's embarrassed about going to the dining room

in his life jacket.

Yeah.

I guess I better go stay with him.

A suggestion -- don't.

If he wants to be alone for a while, let him.

Come on, I'll wangle us a place at the captain's table.

You gotta keep your spirits up, too.

Well, okay.

Doctor, what could cause a phobia like that?

Oh, lots of things --

childhood traumas, sexual repression.

But it would take an expert to really --

sexual repression?

Yeah, they're blaming that for everything, including flat feet.

Thank you, doctor.

You've just given me an idea.

Oh?

If it's what I think it is, I guess you'd wanna eat and run?

[ Laughs ]

Hello, operator?

No, nothing. I was just checking to see if the line was working.

Yeah, I'm expecting a very important phone call.

Here we are -- the portable party!

If you don't come to us, we come to you!

Look, he got the wine, and it's bubbly-bubbly!

All right!

Oh, Isaac, you didn't have to spend this much on me.

Well, you know me, always thinking...First-class.

Let's stop the thinking, and let's start drinking.

All right!

All right! I heard that!

♪ Happy birthday to me ♪

All: ♪ happy birthday to you ♪

♪ happy birthday, dear Jenny ♪

♪ happy birthday to you ♪

[ Cheering and applause ]

Listen, listen -- wait a minute.

Could you do that again for me, please?

But just the three of you?

Well, he did spring for the champagne, so...

Guess so.

Okay, but first, uh,

let me just move you right over here,

and bring you right there like this,

and bring you right over here like this.

And you right there -- yeah.

Except this would really be much better for you.

And -- and this time when you sing it,

sing it with...Feeling.

Please?

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ shoo be doo em doo doo ♪

♪ happy birthday to you ♪

♪ shoo doop De dum doom De da ♪

♪ happy birthday, dear Jenny ♪

♪ sha dap sha dap sha da da doom da da ♪

♪ happy birthday to you ♪

♪ shoo be doo doop da wa da ♪

[ Laughing ]

Hey, that's great. Listen, you ladies --

you ladies are gonna be a great help to me.

Keep tomorrow night open.

[ Indistinct yelling ]

Tomorrow night open? What are you talking about?

Party!

[ Water running ]

Glen!

Oh, honey...

You ready for bed already?

Well...

Not a bad idea.

I really...Missed you a lot at dinner.

I don't know, there's...

Something about a night at sea that's so...Romantic.

Honey.

Oh...

Oh...

Ooh, honey.

Oh!

Can't you take that thing off, just for a little while?

I can't get the knot loose.

I'll get the scissors.

No!

Then I couldn't wear it again.

I'd be afraid to take it off anyway.

Oh, honey.

You deserve to be with a normal guy

that can show you a good time...

Not stuck with a gooney bird like me.

I like gooney birds.

We're gonna be in acapulco in the morning,

and I'm going ashore alone.

Alone?

I just want to get away from all this water.

And I -- I need the time to think.

Will you come back?

I don't know.

I just don't know.

Julie, is it, uh... Is it too late for us?

Well, I'm not sure.

We're not the same people we used to be.

Nothing's changed that much.

There's gotta be something left.

Look, when I first saw you this morning,

I knew I needed you.

Now, don't you feel anything?

Yes.

I knew it!

Mmm...

Mmm.

Hmm.

Second time around and the same question --

should I play hard to get

or tell him how much I like it?

Hey, hey... Not so fast.

Don't throw a flag on this play, huh?

I made a mistake. I paid for it.

Let me make up for that mistake.

I'll be honest with you, Brian.

I think I'd like this to lead someplace.

But this time I've got to be sure,

and so should you.

If this is gonna mean anything at all...

Well, a little waiting wouldn't do any harm.

All right, coach -- you call it...

Just as long as I'm in the game.

[ Laughs ]

Gopher: Good morning, and welcome to acapulco.

Land tours will be leaving from the coral deck gangway.

We hope you enjoy your day.

The bus for the tour of acapulco

will be leaving in about 5 minutes.

Julie. Julie, listen, how would you like

a surefire performer for the show tonight?

I'd love it. Who?

I'm talking about somebody

that will bring that audience to their feet

and have them going out of their heads!

My kind of act! Who?

I'm talking about a singer that knows how to caress a song --

Isaac, I'm sold. Who is it?

Me!

No way.

Wait a minute, Julie, this is important!

Isaac, the captain will kill me

if I let you fool around up there.

Fool around? Julie, I am good.

No way, Isaac!

Julie, do you remember in puerto vallarta

when you were five hours late getting back to the boat?

Isaac, why don't you just come with me for a sec?

And do you remember some wonderful person

who covered for you?

Did all of your work, saved your job?!

Well, now --

even though he was weak and feverish and exhausted...

Isaac.

...body all aching and wracked with pain.

And do you remember what you said to me?

You said, "if there is ever anything that you need,

anything at all, just ask."

And so I ask, and what do I hear?

"No way, Isaac."

Would I ever say, "no way, Julie"?

No way, Julie.

All right, you win.

I'll probably lose my job, but you can do the show.

Oh, Julie, thank you. You won't regret it.

I think I already do.

Hmm...

Good report.

See you at the meeting at 4:00.

Oh, hi, Glen.

Well, you didn't spend much time ashore.

Captain, I need your help.

I bought this at the waterfront store...

An inflatable life jacket?

But it doesn't have the gas cartridges that go with it.

Are there any aboard?

Ask gopher -- I'm sure he can locate some for you.

I don't want to embarrass Vanessa

in front of everybody any longer.

I can wear this under my shirt,

and she won't even know I have it on.

But you will.

Look, she's a wonderful girl.

I don't think you have to resort to anything like this for her.

Just promise me you won't tell her.

Okay.

[ Sighs ]

So, what are you gonna do? What are your plans?

Well, I've been working on my arm,

and this may surprise you,

but it is damn near as good as it was before I broke it.

Wait a minute, you --

ah, you guessed it --

I'm taking another shot at pro football.

But, Brian, you haven't played in seven years.

The little edge I lost physically,

I've gained up here.

I can make it again. I know I can.

Hey, Brian Kiley! Hey, gopher Smith.

This is is doc bricker.

Hey, Brian.

Guys, how you doing?

Brian, if you have a minute,

there's a question we'd like you to settle

about that Rose bowl game you played in.

Well, yeah, sure. Sure, guys.

Julie, you don't mind, do you?

Yeah, we were kinda curious about the...Oh, hey, hey,

Rose bowl ring, doc.

Ohh.

Okay.

I suppose you can guess the question,

but about that famous last play

when you ran 80 yards --

now, I say it was a broken play.

Gopher thinks the coach sent it in.

Who dreamed it up?

Well, I, uh... I kinda ad-libbed that one.

You're kidding!

No.

Brian, I thought we were gonna take a walk around the deck.

Oh, come on, Julie.

In a minute.

As you guys probably remember, it was 10 seconds left to go,

27 to 21.

Yeah.

Everybody in the country knew it had to be a pass,

right?

All right, there's the line of scrimmage.

You guys be the backfield.

Okay.

Okay.

Hanford and Morris.

Morris, okay, I'm Morris.

I'm the quarterback, all right?

Brian, I'll be going to work now, okay?

Okay, honey, I'll see you later.

All right, on the snap --

I fake to hanford -- go!

I fake to Morris -- go!

And then very casually, I let my arm drop down to my side.

Take a few steps back, like I'm out of the play.

My backs and my ends are covered.

As the gun goes off, I head around to the left,

no one touches me, I fool everybody completely,

and that was the ballgame.

All right!

Boy, that crowd went crazy.

You know, there's only one thing I can't understand --

how come you're not still playing pro ball?

Well, don't take any bets that I won't be.

Hey, hey!

All right, huh?

Kate! Georgia! Jenny!

Oh, great!

Listen, I want you guys to get fixed up real fine

because we have a date tonight in the acapulco lounge.

But that's for the passengers.

I know, but I fixed it up.

Super! Who's playing?

You are.

What are we doing for an act -- vacuuming the piano?

No, you're gonna sing...

With me!

That explains why all our cleaning rags have disappeared.

He's been smoking 'em.

No, no, no, no! I mean it!

We're gonna be appearing as a group.

And you ladies have nothing to worry about

because you'll be way in the back,

and the spotlight will be on me.

Oh, please, ladies, this is my big chance!

Well, he did spring for the champagne.

What do we got to lose?

Besides everything...

...i can't think of anything.

Oh, great. Listen, I promise you I won't forget you for this.

And when I'm a big star, I'll see that you get my records...

Wholesale.

Sweet man...

But I think he's had a brain drain.

Attention all passengers...

Our ship will set sail in 15 minutes.

Looking for gooney birds?

Oh, Glen, I'm so glad you deci--

it's my new "skinny" look.

A big old breakthrough, like you said.

Oh, Glen, I don't believe it!

Oh! Oh!

Oh, that's wonderful!

Oh, I'm so proud of you, baby.

We're gonna have to celebrate.

Champagne or... Hey...

Maybe even some bottled water, huh?

Ha ha ha ha.

How's 9:00...

Oh, here comes doc!

Come on, let's tell him.

Doc, look, look.

Glen -- no life jacket!

Well, congratulations.

You got over it, just like that?

And you told me not to expect a miracle,

but...i got one.

Well, I-I may have to go back to the jacket

every once in a while.

Oh.

Ohh.

Ahh!

I thought you left the ship in acapulco, you...

Oh, no! No, no!

[ Air hisses ]

Glen, wait!

Glen, wait!

Oh, Glen, wait! Wait.

Just leave me alone. Don't say anything!

Go find yourself a normal guy that people won't laugh at.

There you are!

I've been looking for you all over everywhere.

I was about to yell, "pretty woman overboard!"

A very beautiful woman.

Uh, Brian, this isn't the old stadium, huh?

What's with the side step?

What, am I suddenly on the bench,

or am I off the squad completely?

Brian, can't you speak plain English?

What's not English?

"Off the squad," "on the bench," "side step --"

Brian, the whole world is not a football field.

All right, let's have it all.

A little while ago we were perfect.

Well, I guess you're entitled.

Up until now, I've been looking at you

through the eyes of an 18-year-old freshman.

Well, now I see you through the eyes of an adult.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means that I've grown up, and you're still the same

23-year-old rock 'em, sock 'em, king of the campus

who's living his days of glory over and over again.

Now, wait a minute.

So, I talk a little bit about the good old days.

It's not just talk, Brian. You won't let go.

It's fun to bring back memories occasionally,

but you live in the past.

Julie, why are you doing this?

I need you.

Yeah, I need somebody, too...

But somebody who lives in the present.

A man can't grow if all he has is the past.

Thanks.

Thanks for nothing.

[ Soft piano music plays ]

Good evening, Mr. Clark. Uh, enjoy your dinner?

Very much, thank you.

I suppose you'll be going to the big show

in the acapulco lounge tonight.

I suppose.

I'll make sure you get the best table there.

Very nice of you, Isaiah.

Isaac.

Right.

Be ready to discover a new singing sensation.

When you step into that lounge tonight,

it'll be just like going back down into that sewer again.

[ Clears throat ]

So, Glen won't come out of his cabin?

No, he's humiliated.

He thinks everybody on this ship knows about his problem.

Well, by this time, they probably do.

Must be tough.

Yeah.

But that just might be the solution!

Julie... I gotta talk to you.

Uh, maybe later.

It -- it's almost showtime, and I've gotta be there.

Brian, I'm really sorry for the things I said to you.

Now, just hold it, will you?

You'll blow all the good you did.

You'd have to do it all over again.

No, that was really thoughtless of me.

I was rude and arrogant.

And right.

Julie, that's all true -- everything you said.

And you're not mad at me?

At you? No, never you, Julie.

But I am mad at me because of all the time we've wasted --

seven years.

No, not wasted.

I think both of us needed that time to grow up.

Brian, your ring!

I used to think this was my magic charm.

Now I know what magic really is.

It's you.

Ooh, Brian.

[ Cheering and applause ]

It was a good act, Julie. Now, if you'll excuse us...

We've got a show of our own to get ready.

Good night.

Good night.

Incredible! Standing ovation -- I knew they'd love me.

Oh, I thought it was kinda fun.

Oh, god, I'm sorry it's over.

You suppose maybe we could put a band together,

get some more songs,

and really go out on the road, like a real act, you know?

Well, it's like this -- let me explain something to you.

Isaac! Mr. Clark is here to see you.

Mr. Clark, how'd you like it?

That was sensational.

If we had better acoustics, we --

where'd you find the girls?

Oh, it's a little backup group I put together.

I think I've just discovered 3 of tomorrow's biggest stars.

Yeah, well, I thought that -- three?

First record's guaranteed to be gold!

Uh, you sure you don't mean "one..."

Or maybe "four"?

No, better than gold --

platinum!

Let's go someplace to talk contract, huh?

Wait a minute -- you mean us!

Well, this was all for Isaac.

He's the one you want!

Oh...no, ladies.

Go ahead, sign away.

That was -- that was the way I had it planned anyway.

Right. Let's go.

Oh!

You really are one sharp talent scout, Isaac.

Well, at least he finally got my name right.

Gin.

This is all wrong, and I meant what I said.

You shouldn't be stuck with me.

You should have been at that party tonight --

having a good time, finding another guy.

I like it here.

For one thing, I'm winning.

As of now, just a little bit over $900,000.

Besides, I have to get used to you.

Don't forget, I'm gonna marry you.

I want a real wedding

in that cute little church around the corner.

That'll be some wedding.

You in your white veil, and me in my black inner tube.

How would you like to take your bride-to-be

for a nice walk up on the deck?

No way!

I don't want anyone to see me.

There won't be anyone there at this hour.

Naturally, you expect me to leave the jacket here

while we go walking.

Not at all. Leave it on.

No problem. Come on.

You're acting kind of funny.

What's going on?

Look, it's just your regular

last-night-of-the-cruise walk in the moonlight --

comes with the meals.

That's all it's gonna be?

Just a late-night walk on deck...

And nobody there?

What else could it be?

Silly.

[ Laughing ] Come on.

Well, I guess the night has to end sometime.

Remember what you said to me this afternoon?

Oh, I said so many wonderful things,

it's hard to remember.

You said you needed somebody who could live in the present.

I did.

Mm-hmm.

And this is the present.

Mm-hmm.

Well, then I guess we better get started.

Mmm...

Good, there's nobody here.

Honey, I can see

how you'd never be able to make any progress

feeling that everybody's laughing at you.

Well, that's why I want you to find somebody else.

I love you too much

to subject you to all that ridicule.

Lovely night, isn't it?

It certainly is.

Is this your idea of a joke?

Then go ahead, have your big laugh.

Excuse me, may we join you? This is my daughter, Vicki.

Hi.

This is miss Norris and Mr. Dobson.

Any room left in this group?

For me?

What's going on?

Oh, just a meeting

of the hot tub and friendly phobiac society.

You see, honey, you seem to think

that you didn't have any friends onboard --

that everybody was ridiculing you.

So, we just sort of...

Passed the word along in case anybody wanted to come forward

and prove you wrong.

Ta-da!

Ha ha!

In all my years at sea, I've never seen such concern.

Our passengers are wearing their badges of honor

to show that they're pulling for you.

Even the crew's wearing them.

If this ship hadn't been called "the love boat" before,

it would have earned its name tonight.

Glen, we all wear security jackets

of one kind or another.

We all have fears.

We all need each other.

We offer you our understanding.

[ Cheering and applause ]

If you only knew how silly you all look

wearing those dumb life jackets.

[ Laughter ]

[ Cheering and applause ]

Whoo-hoo!

[ Cheering intensifies ]

[ Indistinct talking ]

Hey.

Hi.

Hey.

Isaac, gopher, thanks for a very successful vacation.

Well, I guess it was.

Most guys would be satisfied

to bring home the lady they brought.

You're bringing back three new ones!

We want to thank you for everything you did for us.

Oh, it was nothing.

No, we're really grateful.

And to prove it, when we're big stars,

we're gonna let you have all our albums wholesale.

[ Laughter ]

Look, I'm coming back,

as soon as I'm sure I got my head straightened out for good.

Well, you know where to find me.

Are you sure you don't want your ring back?

No way.

I think I'm all through with crutches.

The only thing I need from now on...

Is you.

Bye.

Bye.

Hey, aren't you Brian Kiley, the famous quarterback?

I used to be.

Oh, honey, there's the captain.

Let's go say goodbye.

Captain...

Yes?

We can't thank you enough for all you've done.

That's not necessary. Best of luck to you both.

What are you gonna do with that?

I was going to keep it as a souvenir,

but I think I'd rather never see it again.

[ Water splashes ]

[ Cheering and applause ]

Thank you, thank you.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye-bye.

This cruise has certainly been a humdinger.

It sure has.

It sure has.

Hey, dad!

Yes?

That life jacket he threw in the water --

the one he was wearing all the time

to give him confidence.

What about it?

It sank!

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