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1
00:00:11,302 --> 00:00:15,062
♪ Love ♪
2
00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:18,810
♪ exciting and new ♪
3
00:00:18,893 --> 00:00:22,983
♪ come aboard ♪
4
00:00:23,064 --> 00:00:26,654
♪ we're expecting you ♪
5
00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:31,105
♪ and love ♪
6
00:00:31,197 --> 00:00:35,327
♪ life's sweetest reward ♪
7
00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:39,120
♪ let it flow ♪
8
00:00:39,205 --> 00:00:42,995
♪ it floats back to you ♪
9
00:00:43,084 --> 00:00:46,964
♪ the love boat ♪
10
00:00:47,046 --> 00:00:51,836
♪ soon will be making
another run ♪
11
00:00:51,926 --> 00:00:55,136
♪ the love boat ♪
12
00:00:55,221 --> 00:00:59,391
♪ promises something
for everyone ♪
13
00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:01,846
♪ set a course for adventure ♪
14
00:01:01,936 --> 00:01:07,936
♪ your mind on a new romance ♪
15
00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:11,526
♪ and love ♪
16
00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:15,833
♪ won't hurt anymore ♪
17
00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:19,539
♪ it's an open smile ♪
18
00:01:19,621 --> 00:01:23,881
♪ on a friendly shore ♪
19
00:01:23,958 --> 00:01:28,338
♪ it's love ♪
20
00:01:28,421 --> 00:01:34,551
♪ welcome aboard,
it's l-o-o-o-ove ♪
21
00:01:38,598 --> 00:01:41,478
♪♪
22
00:02:04,624 --> 00:02:08,424
Oh, I do like the cargo
they have on this ship.
23
00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:11,883
Don't rush me, girls.
There's plenty to go around.
24
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:14,215
Hey, hey, hey, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
25
00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:16,220
We're not gonna see any action
on this boat,
26
00:02:16,302 --> 00:02:17,602
especially after these girls
find out
27
00:02:17,679 --> 00:02:19,559
what we do for a living.
-You're right.
28
00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:22,429
Instead of being an obscure
postal clerk,
29
00:02:22,517 --> 00:02:24,387
meet a rich psychiatrist.
30
00:02:24,477 --> 00:02:27,357
Hi, doc.
I'm the new lawyer on the block.
31
00:02:27,438 --> 00:02:29,518
Didn't I meet you gentlemen
on the plane?
32
00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:31,727
I was the pilot.
33
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:33,238
What about you, Paul?
34
00:02:33,319 --> 00:02:34,569
Me? Oh, no,
I'm not changing.
35
00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:36,114
Oh, come on.
36
00:02:36,197 --> 00:02:38,367
If anybody asks,
I'm still a waiter, all right?
37
00:02:38,449 --> 00:02:39,909
I may not be one
all my life,
38
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:42,583
but any girl who can't accept me
for what I am --
39
00:02:42,662 --> 00:02:43,712
she's not for me.
40
00:02:43,788 --> 00:02:44,788
Get him.
41
00:02:44,873 --> 00:02:47,383
The man's got character.
42
00:02:47,458 --> 00:02:51,048
He won't get much lovin', but
he's got a lot of character.
43
00:02:51,129 --> 00:02:53,049
What is wrong
with being yourself, huh?
44
00:02:53,131 --> 00:02:55,431
What,
a garage mechanic?
45
00:02:55,508 --> 00:02:57,928
Paul, Paul, Paul,
I'm here to work on girls,
46
00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,301
not work on cars.
47
00:03:03,349 --> 00:03:05,099
Look who's here.
48
00:03:20,825 --> 00:03:23,405
Love
these sentimental reunions.
49
00:03:23,494 --> 00:03:24,374
Who is she?
50
00:03:24,454 --> 00:03:29,044
She is miss Lila stanhope --
society girl.
51
00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:31,285
She comes into the restaurant
once in a while,
52
00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:34,047
but she's always too good
to notice the hired help.
53
00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:35,970
Hey, don't let her give you
a complex.
54
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:38,379
And, remember, this is
your psychiatrist speaking.
55
00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:41,639
Come on. Let's go.
56
00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:43,641
[ Laughs ]
57
00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:47,813
Captain, I really appreciate you
going through all the trouble
58
00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:51,524
finding last-minute cabin space
for Kendall park.
59
00:03:51,606 --> 00:03:53,146
Well, Jimmy,
if this Kendall park
60
00:03:53,232 --> 00:03:55,322
does a feature story on you
for his news service,
61
00:03:55,401 --> 00:03:57,111
it's good publicity
for the line, as well.
62
00:03:57,195 --> 00:04:01,315
It will be the first national
publicity I've ever had.
63
00:04:01,407 --> 00:04:03,327
I sure hope
he likes my act.
64
00:04:03,409 --> 00:04:05,829
Of course he'll like your act.
You're a funny comedian.
65
00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:08,332
And I know comedy,
having spent a lot of time
66
00:04:08,414 --> 00:04:10,334
observing my crew's
love affairs.
67
00:04:10,416 --> 00:04:11,956
[ Both laugh ]
68
00:04:12,043 --> 00:04:13,463
Hi.
69
00:04:12,043 --> 00:04:13,463
Hi.
70
00:04:13,544 --> 00:04:16,554
I'm Kendall park
from American news service.
71
00:04:18,424 --> 00:04:21,804
Well, uh, welcome aboard.
I'm captain stubing.
72
00:04:21,886 --> 00:04:23,176
My pleasure.
73
00:04:23,262 --> 00:04:26,222
Kendall park
I expected to be a man,
74
00:04:26,307 --> 00:04:29,637
and I've never been so happy
to be so wrong.
75
00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:36,531
Hi. Anything you want to know
about the ship, just ask me.
76
00:04:36,609 --> 00:04:39,029
We've got movies, bingo,
disco dancing,
77
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:41,702
shuffleboard, ping-pong,
card games, exercise classes,
78
00:04:41,781 --> 00:04:43,701
sightseeing, saunas, pizzas,
gift shops, gymnasiums,
79
00:04:43,783 --> 00:04:46,873
two swimming pools, lounge
chairs, and room service.
80
00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:48,873
Thanks, but I just came to see
my cousin off.
81
00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:54,040
Hello.
82
00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:54,040
Hi.
83
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,207
My mother hasn't arrived yet,
has she?
84
00:04:56,295 --> 00:04:58,255
I'm hung up
with these custom officials.
85
00:04:58,339 --> 00:05:00,589
Well, don't worry.
I'll get her straightened away.
86
00:05:00,675 --> 00:05:03,045
Well, I just want her to have
a good time.
87
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:05,716
You know, she hasn't really been
out and around much
88
00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:07,055
since my dad passed away.
89
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:09,390
Don't worry.
We'll take good care of her.
90
00:05:09,475 --> 00:05:11,385
Thanks.
I appreciate it.
91
00:05:11,477 --> 00:05:13,227
Bye-bye.
92
00:05:11,477 --> 00:05:13,227
Bye.
93
00:05:13,312 --> 00:05:15,522
Guys, as soon as gopher's mother
gets here,
94
00:05:15,606 --> 00:05:17,226
we have to keep her busy.
95
00:05:17,316 --> 00:05:19,896
We'll get her involved in every
fun activity onboard ship,
96
00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:21,356
and she'll be so busy...
97
00:05:21,446 --> 00:05:23,446
That she's got to have
a good time.
98
00:05:23,531 --> 00:05:24,531
-Right.
-Okay?
99
00:05:24,615 --> 00:05:25,905
-Right.
-Right.
100
00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:27,742
♪ We joined the Navy ♪
101
00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:29,407
♪ to see the world ♪
102
00:05:29,495 --> 00:05:31,285
♪ and what did we see? ♪
103
00:05:31,372 --> 00:05:33,582
♪ We saw the sea ♪
104
00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:35,536
♪ we saw the pacific
and the Atlantic ♪
105
00:05:35,626 --> 00:05:37,376
♪ but the Atlantic
isn't romantic ♪
106
00:05:37,462 --> 00:05:40,762
♪ and the pacific isn't
what it's cracked up to be ♪
107
00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:49,770
♪ We joined the Navy ♪
108
00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:51,599
♪ to see the world ♪
109
00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:53,274
♪ and what did we see? ♪
110
00:05:53,352 --> 00:05:57,692
♪ We saw the sea ♪
111
00:05:57,774 --> 00:06:00,574
Fantastic!
Fantastic!
112
00:06:00,651 --> 00:06:04,571
Oh, miss McCoy, Mr. Washington,
and Dr. Bricker,
113
00:06:04,655 --> 00:06:09,325
able seaman passenger roz Smith
reporting for fun and frolic!
114
00:06:09,410 --> 00:06:12,290
Together:
Welcome aboard!
115
00:06:12,371 --> 00:06:14,121
Hey, where's that
swabbie son of mine?
116
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:15,577
Oh, he's busy
with the custom guys,
117
00:06:15,666 --> 00:06:16,786
but he'll catch up to you
later.
118
00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:18,456
Oh, great.
119
00:06:18,544 --> 00:06:22,474
Oh, this deranged person is
young Lyle Wally.
120
00:06:22,548 --> 00:06:25,128
We met on the bus on the way
down to the ship.
121
00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:26,638
How do you do?
122
00:06:26,719 --> 00:06:28,639
Oh, by the way,
what did the bus driver say
123
00:06:28,721 --> 00:06:29,641
when you untied him?
124
00:06:29,722 --> 00:06:32,772
Me? [ Gasps ]
I thought you untied him.
125
00:06:32,850 --> 00:06:36,940
Well, at least we're sure of
a ride when the ship gets back.
126
00:06:37,021 --> 00:06:38,361
One more time.
127
00:06:38,439 --> 00:06:40,479
♪ We joined the Navy ♪
128
00:06:40,566 --> 00:06:42,316
♪ to see the world ♪
129
00:06:42,401 --> 00:06:44,201
♪ and what did we see? ♪
130
00:06:44,278 --> 00:06:45,488
♪ We saw the sea ♪
131
00:06:45,571 --> 00:06:47,161
♪ we saw the pacific... ♪
132
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:51,160
Wow! Talk about
your merry widows!
133
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:54,294
♪♪
134
00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:08,006
[ Mariachi music plays ]
135
00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:25,612
Jimmy, I usually cover
general news stories.
136
00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:28,105
This is my first
show-business interview.
137
00:07:28,197 --> 00:07:30,697
Am I asking all
the right questions?
138
00:07:30,783 --> 00:07:33,833
I don't know if you're asking
the right questions,
139
00:07:33,911 --> 00:07:37,081
but you're definitely doing
something right.
140
00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:39,915
You're not at all what I thought
a comedian would be like.
141
00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:42,171
I thought you'd always be
telling jokes,
142
00:07:42,253 --> 00:07:43,253
trying to be funny.
143
00:07:43,337 --> 00:07:46,877
Well, I've been telling you
jokes all through dinner,
144
00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:49,336
but, apparently, you didn't
think they were funny.
145
00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:56,229
Before, when you said you wanted
to talk about us,
146
00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:57,769
was that a joke?
147
00:07:57,852 --> 00:08:00,732
Well, we won't know how big
a joke that was
148
00:08:00,813 --> 00:08:02,863
until we are married.
149
00:08:02,940 --> 00:08:03,860
Married?
150
00:08:03,941 --> 00:08:08,401
[ Laughing ]
That was a joke...
151
00:08:08,487 --> 00:08:09,987
[ Normal voice ]
I think.
152
00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:15,537
♪♪
153
00:08:27,632 --> 00:08:29,052
[ Knock on door ]
154
00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:43,402
Oh, merrill, it's good to see
you again.
155
00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:45,231
It's good to see you.
156
00:08:45,316 --> 00:08:46,436
Please come in.
157
00:08:46,525 --> 00:08:49,105
Oh, thank you very much.
158
00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:52,155
I, uh -- I was sorry to hear
about Elliot.
159
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,620
He was a fine man.
160
00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:58,000
Yes, he was.
161
00:08:58,079 --> 00:09:00,829
Well, perhaps we can talk
at some other time.
162
00:09:00,915 --> 00:09:04,285
No, no. It's okay.
163
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:05,627
Please sit down.
164
00:09:05,711 --> 00:09:07,301
Thank you.
165
00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:13,006
You know, when you've lived
with someone
166
00:09:13,094 --> 00:09:18,314
and loved someone
for 30-some odd years...
167
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:24,441
It's easier to say that life
must go on
168
00:09:24,522 --> 00:09:28,482
[ voice breaking ] Than it is
to go on living that life.
169
00:09:28,567 --> 00:09:31,777
[ Sobs ] I'm sorry.
170
00:09:31,862 --> 00:09:34,122
Don't be.
171
00:09:34,198 --> 00:09:37,408
I once lost someone
I loved very much.
172
00:09:39,078 --> 00:09:40,618
I know what you feel.
173
00:09:47,461 --> 00:09:49,341
[ Normal voice ]
I worry about burl.
174
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,802
He's worried about you.
175
00:09:51,882 --> 00:09:56,302
That's why he asked you to come
on the cruise, isn't it?
176
00:09:56,387 --> 00:09:59,767
He -- he wants
to cheer me up.
177
00:10:01,225 --> 00:10:04,345
Well, as far as my son
is concerned,
178
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:07,187
I'm gonna have the time
of my life on this cruise.
179
00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:09,483
Okay? Okay?
180
00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:11,857
Okay.
181
00:10:11,944 --> 00:10:13,534
You're quite a lady.
182
00:10:13,612 --> 00:10:16,242
You better believe it, kid.
183
00:10:16,324 --> 00:10:17,664
And now, if you'll
get out of here,
184
00:10:17,742 --> 00:10:20,202
I have to change
into some glad rags.
185
00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:23,286
I'm having dinner
at the captain's table.
186
00:10:28,085 --> 00:10:31,955
[ Door opens, closes ]
187
00:10:36,385 --> 00:10:37,715
[ Laughter ]
188
00:10:37,803 --> 00:10:40,223
Mmm.
The scenery at this table
189
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:42,596
is about to improve
a whole lot.
190
00:10:42,683 --> 00:10:44,983
Gentlemen, may I introduce you
to your new tablemate,
191
00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:45,981
miss Lila stanhope?
192
00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:49,232
Don't get up.
I may steal one of your seats.
193
00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:52,685
Fellas, I do believe we've won
the tablemate sweepstakes.
194
00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:54,067
It's a pleasure,
miss stanhope.
195
00:10:54,153 --> 00:10:55,533
-Hi.
-I'm ed corry.
196
00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:57,203
This is
Jerry Crawford.
197
00:10:57,281 --> 00:10:57,951
Just call me "jer."
198
00:10:58,032 --> 00:10:59,242
Hi.
199
00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:00,575
And Louis acosta...
200
00:11:00,659 --> 00:11:03,369
Dr. Acosta.
201
00:11:03,454 --> 00:11:04,714
And this is
Paul stockwood.
202
00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:10,588
You look very familiar.
203
00:11:10,669 --> 00:11:12,919
Really? You look
familiar to me, too.
204
00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:15,085
We must have met someplace
before.
205
00:11:15,174 --> 00:11:16,224
Where do you live?
206
00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:17,800
New York -- Manhattan.
207
00:11:17,885 --> 00:11:19,425
Well,
I live in Philadelphia,
208
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:22,262
but I spend a lot of time
in New York.
209
00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:24,478
I know where it was.
210
00:11:26,018 --> 00:11:28,938
Vanessa maitland's
coming-out party.
211
00:11:29,021 --> 00:11:31,941
Uh...
212
00:11:32,024 --> 00:11:34,944
No. I don't know anybody
named maitland.
213
00:11:35,027 --> 00:11:38,317
Shilers?
Do you know the Wendell shilers?
214
00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:40,316
Not personally, no.
215
00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:44,328
Oh. We met someplace.
What do you do?
216
00:11:44,412 --> 00:11:45,962
Do?
217
00:11:47,873 --> 00:11:49,793
Oh,
you mean for a living?
218
00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:51,415
Yes.
219
00:11:51,502 --> 00:11:53,132
Um...I'm in banking.
220
00:11:53,212 --> 00:11:54,842
Oh.
221
00:11:54,922 --> 00:11:57,302
International finance,
you know -- that sort of thing.
222
00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:58,933
Yeah, a financial genius.
223
00:11:59,009 --> 00:12:02,049
Well, I've been lucky.
I hire good people.
224
00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:04,468
Well, maybe it was
the cannes film festival.
225
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:05,467
Maybe.
226
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:06,808
Possibly.
227
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:06,808
Could be.
228
00:12:06,892 --> 00:12:08,812
No, it wasn't.
229
00:12:08,894 --> 00:12:11,984
But it might have been skiing
at Saint-Moritz.
230
00:12:12,064 --> 00:12:15,574
Maybe it was the jungle ride
at Disneyland.
231
00:12:15,651 --> 00:12:17,071
[ Laughter ]
232
00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:23,276
I can't find my mother anywhere.
Are you sure she got onboard?
233
00:12:23,367 --> 00:12:24,487
Well, it was either her
234
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:26,577
or the university of California
glee club.
235
00:12:26,662 --> 00:12:28,462
I get the two mixed up.
-What?
236
00:12:28,539 --> 00:12:30,169
Gopher,
I know you're concerned
237
00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:32,629
about your mother having
a good time on the cruise,
238
00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:35,170
but don't worry --
she's gonna be just fine.
239
00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:38,344
Sir, I don't know.
Lately she seems awful blue.
240
00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:40,344
That's why I sent her
the ticket.
241
00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:42,006
Was she okay when you saw her?
242
00:12:42,094 --> 00:12:44,684
She was so okay, her feet
didn't touch the ground.
243
00:12:44,763 --> 00:12:46,183
I've never seen her
happier.
244
00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:47,675
That doesn't make sense.
245
00:12:47,766 --> 00:12:50,056
You must have my mother confused
with somebody else.
246
00:12:50,144 --> 00:12:53,364
Gopher, I'd recognize
your mother anywhere.
247
00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:56,029
Even if she were wearing
a sombrero?
248
00:12:56,108 --> 00:12:58,318
[ "La cucaracha" plays ]
249
00:13:20,090 --> 00:13:22,050
Gopher!
You look wonderful!
250
00:13:22,134 --> 00:13:23,894
Hi, mom.
How are you?
251
00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:27,389
Oh, fit as a fiddle
and ready to fly!
252
00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:29,183
Good. Good.
253
00:13:29,266 --> 00:13:30,886
This is my pal
Lyle Wally.
254
00:13:30,976 --> 00:13:32,226
-How do you do?
-How are ya?
255
00:13:32,311 --> 00:13:33,941
Give me five, cap.
256
00:13:34,021 --> 00:13:36,401
If you haven't got five,
a couple of ones will do.
257
00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:38,402
I also take
major credit cards.
258
00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:40,244
Isn't he too much?
259
00:13:40,319 --> 00:13:42,699
You took the words
right out of my mouth.
260
00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:43,950
Please, sit down.
261
00:13:44,031 --> 00:13:46,701
Here you go, mom.
262
00:13:49,537 --> 00:13:53,417
Merrill, if anybody has any pull
on this ship, you do, right?
263
00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:54,749
That's obvious, isn't it?
264
00:13:54,833 --> 00:13:57,803
Then tell your crew
to get ready for overtime.
265
00:13:57,878 --> 00:14:00,548
We're gonna boogie all night.
266
00:14:00,631 --> 00:14:01,921
[ Laughs ]
267
00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:20,443
Don't you think we should be
getting on with the interview?
268
00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:21,776
All right.
269
00:14:21,860 --> 00:14:25,070
So, how long have you been
in show business?
270
00:14:25,155 --> 00:14:27,275
You're in show business.
I'm the interviewer.
271
00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:30,326
Right. So, how long have I been
in show business?
272
00:14:30,411 --> 00:14:33,541
♪♪
273
00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:48,351
[ Slow jazz music plays ]
274
00:15:13,078 --> 00:15:14,748
I've got it.
275
00:15:14,830 --> 00:15:16,790
Last summer
at lake Louise --
276
00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:19,174
French ambassador's
reception.
277
00:15:19,251 --> 00:15:22,841
No. I wasn't in Canada at all
last summer.
278
00:15:22,921 --> 00:15:25,671
Now, you're sure that you
weren't in rio for Mardi Gras?
279
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:27,968
Positive.
280
00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:31,972
Well, that about covers
this planet.
281
00:15:32,056 --> 00:15:35,016
But I do know this --
if I ever had met you,
282
00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:37,940
I would never forget it.
283
00:15:44,401 --> 00:15:47,281
Are you sure you'd
rather not be inside?
284
00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:48,613
The show's starting soon.
285
00:15:48,697 --> 00:15:50,657
Mom, I work here.
286
00:15:50,741 --> 00:15:52,831
I can see a show
any time I want.
287
00:15:52,910 --> 00:15:55,200
I can't always see you.
How are you?
288
00:15:55,287 --> 00:15:58,327
Me?
I never felt better.
289
00:15:58,415 --> 00:16:00,745
I want to thank you
for sending me the ticket.
290
00:16:00,834 --> 00:16:04,344
This cruise
is going to be a ball!
291
00:16:04,421 --> 00:16:07,341
Say,
isn't that Lyle a card?
292
00:16:07,424 --> 00:16:11,054
His idea for later tonight is
to have a limbo contest --
293
00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:13,716
you know, where you dance
under a pole
294
00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:17,226
and they keep lowering
the pole?
295
00:16:17,309 --> 00:16:19,229
Tomorrow the ship
will be in Mexico,
296
00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:21,231
and I'll be in traction.
297
00:16:23,357 --> 00:16:25,107
Mom, uh --
298
00:16:25,192 --> 00:16:28,242
hey, rozzy,
the judges are waiting.
299
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:29,700
Get a move on!
300
00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:31,620
Hold your horses.
301
00:16:31,699 --> 00:16:34,739
Goph, you wanna be
in our limbo contest?
302
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:37,287
Uh, no, thanks.
I'm kind of tired.
303
00:16:37,371 --> 00:16:40,421
Too tired to dance
under a pole?
304
00:16:40,499 --> 00:16:42,249
How about under a Swede?
305
00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:46,263
Isn't he wonderful?
306
00:16:46,338 --> 00:16:49,298
One in a million, mom.
Good night.
307
00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:50,553
Good night, son.
308
00:16:50,634 --> 00:16:53,054
Wish me luck.
I'll need it.
309
00:16:59,184 --> 00:17:00,944
My poor boy.
310
00:17:01,019 --> 00:17:04,769
Hey, there, Mrs. Smith.
311
00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:07,397
You're here to cheer him up,
remember?
312
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:11,780
Come on.
313
00:17:16,201 --> 00:17:18,251
[ Drumroll ]
314
00:17:18,328 --> 00:17:20,458
[ Cymbal crash ]
Ladies and gentlemen,
315
00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:22,579
we have a special treat for you
this evening --
316
00:17:22,666 --> 00:17:27,296
a very funny man who proves that
humor is a worldwide commodity.
317
00:17:27,379 --> 00:17:29,419
I'd like you to meet
Jimmy Kim!
318
00:17:36,764 --> 00:17:38,774
Hurro.
[Hello.]
319
00:17:38,849 --> 00:17:40,769
[ Laughter ]
320
00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:47,269
Good evening.
I'm a comedian from Korea.
321
00:17:47,357 --> 00:17:49,487
How many of you
are from Korea?
322
00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:52,278
It's not important.
323
00:17:52,362 --> 00:17:54,162
But most Koreans are poor,
324
00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:57,449
and I come
from a very poor family.
325
00:17:57,534 --> 00:18:00,704
One time a burglar
broke into our house --
326
00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:02,998
we robbed him.
327
00:18:03,081 --> 00:18:05,171
[ Laughter ]
328
00:18:05,250 --> 00:18:08,340
In Korea,
I was a very boring guy,
329
00:18:08,420 --> 00:18:10,380
but in america,
I play backgammon,
330
00:18:10,464 --> 00:18:12,764
I hang out at discothèques,
331
00:18:12,841 --> 00:18:15,681
and I know my sign.
332
00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:17,511
Now I'm boring
in two countries.
333
00:18:17,596 --> 00:18:19,006
[ Laughter ]
334
00:18:19,097 --> 00:18:22,847
Where I come from, we live
a very primitive life.
335
00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:25,345
We eat natural food.
336
00:18:25,437 --> 00:18:28,147
My family tried
to trace our roots.
337
00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:30,112
We found out our ancestors
ate 'em.
338
00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:36,662
In america, there are a lot
of things I don't understand.
339
00:18:36,740 --> 00:18:38,870
Police, I do not understand.
340
00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:40,371
I got caught speeding.
341
00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:41,832
When I was speeding,
342
00:18:41,912 --> 00:18:44,542
I noticed a state trooper
was also speeding.
343
00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:46,503
[ Laughter ]
344
00:18:46,583 --> 00:18:49,093
But I figured if I pretend
I don't speak English,
345
00:18:49,169 --> 00:18:50,919
he might forgive me.
346
00:18:51,004 --> 00:18:53,014
And I decide --
talk to him in Chinese.
347
00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:57,390
I said -- [ Speaking Chinese ]
348
00:18:57,469 --> 00:18:58,849
Moo goo gai pan.
349
00:18:58,929 --> 00:19:00,509
[ Laughter ]
350
00:19:00,597 --> 00:19:02,887
The state trooper took one look
at me and said,
351
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:06,555
[ speaking Chinese ]
352
00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:09,225
[ Laughter ]
353
00:19:09,314 --> 00:19:11,904
He gave me two tickets.
354
00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:13,904
But I gave them back,
and I told him,
355
00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:15,896
"keep your tickets because
your shirts won't be ready
356
00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:17,238
until next Wednesday."
357
00:19:21,326 --> 00:19:24,196
♪♪
358
00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:30,626
Oh, it's beautiful,
isn't it?
359
00:19:30,711 --> 00:19:34,921
Yeah. There's always something
about moonlight --
360
00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:39,717
I mean, whether it's on the
mediterranean or the adriatic
361
00:19:39,803 --> 00:19:41,313
or the riviera.
362
00:19:41,388 --> 00:19:46,438
Don't you ever get
tired of it, Paul --
363
00:19:46,518 --> 00:19:50,308
the running around,
the parties, the pace?
364
00:19:50,397 --> 00:19:52,767
Sometimes I wonder if
I'm looking for something
365
00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:55,938
or simply trying to get away
from something.
366
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:58,238
Honest?
367
00:19:58,322 --> 00:20:00,992
I wouldn't have expected that
from you, Lila.
368
00:20:01,074 --> 00:20:03,954
What do you mean by that?
369
00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:05,946
Well, sometimes it's easy
370
00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:08,248
to get the wrong impression
of somebody.
371
00:20:08,332 --> 00:20:11,962
After one dinner
and a dance?
372
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:13,464
[ Laughs ]
373
00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:15,795
Well, I don't know
why I said that.
374
00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:17,631
Let's talk
about something else.
375
00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:19,426
All right. Let's.
376
00:20:19,509 --> 00:20:21,429
[ Sighs ]
377
00:20:29,478 --> 00:20:32,648
So, uh, what are you gonna
be doing in acapulco?
378
00:20:32,731 --> 00:20:34,901
Paul...
379
00:20:34,983 --> 00:20:38,493
There's only so much moonlight
to go around.
380
00:20:38,570 --> 00:20:40,860
It seems such a shame
to waste it.
381
00:21:02,344 --> 00:21:05,104
Hurro.
382
00:21:05,180 --> 00:21:06,430
What was that for?
383
00:21:06,515 --> 00:21:09,015
Your act --
it's not only tasteless,
384
00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:11,021
it's an insult
to the korean people.
385
00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:12,653
-But, honey --
-stay away from me,
386
00:21:12,729 --> 00:21:15,229
and don't call me
your honey!
387
00:21:21,613 --> 00:21:23,573
Hey, Louie...
388
00:21:23,657 --> 00:21:25,367
You really turned
that blond girl on.
389
00:21:25,450 --> 00:21:26,870
I bet you're glad
you didn't tell her
390
00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:28,202
you're a postal clerk.
391
00:21:28,286 --> 00:21:30,206
Yeah, analyzing people
is a lot better
392
00:21:30,288 --> 00:21:32,538
than telling them
not to forget their zip code.
393
00:21:32,624 --> 00:21:34,334
I was really moving
on that Louise.
394
00:21:34,418 --> 00:21:35,208
Who, that big girl?
395
00:21:35,293 --> 00:21:38,343
Yeah. I told her
I was an airline pilot.
396
00:21:38,422 --> 00:21:40,842
I'm used to handling
wide bodies.
397
00:21:47,305 --> 00:21:49,675
Well?
398
00:21:47,305 --> 00:21:49,675
Well?
399
00:21:47,305 --> 00:21:49,675
Well?
400
00:21:49,766 --> 00:21:51,266
Well...
401
00:21:51,351 --> 00:21:53,021
Well, financial genius,
how'd you do?
402
00:21:53,103 --> 00:21:54,863
I am crazy about her.
403
00:21:54,938 --> 00:21:56,768
And I think she feels
the same way about me.
404
00:21:56,857 --> 00:21:59,107
Hey, she sure warmed up
for a girl who had ice water in her veins.
405
00:21:59,192 --> 00:22:00,692
No, no, no,
I had her all wrong.
406
00:22:00,777 --> 00:22:02,447
That girl is not
stuck-up at all.
407
00:22:02,529 --> 00:22:04,159
Not stuck-up
with a banker.
408
00:22:04,239 --> 00:22:06,739
How's she gonna feel when she
finds out you're a waiter?
409
00:22:06,825 --> 00:22:08,575
Hey, wait a minute.
I got a foolproof idea.
410
00:22:08,660 --> 00:22:10,080
She'll never know
you're a waiter.
411
00:22:10,162 --> 00:22:11,542
-How?
-Quit your job.
412
00:22:11,621 --> 00:22:12,871
Good night.
413
00:22:16,501 --> 00:22:18,591
Set the alarm for 3:00.
414
00:22:41,818 --> 00:22:43,738
Well,
it was kind of unusual
415
00:22:43,820 --> 00:22:46,280
when your mother
bribed the bandleader
416
00:22:46,365 --> 00:22:48,945
to bring his group
onto the fantail at 3:00 A.M.
417
00:22:49,034 --> 00:22:51,834
And then she insisted
that everyone in the band
418
00:22:51,912 --> 00:22:54,082
wear blindfolds
as they played gypsy music.
419
00:22:54,164 --> 00:22:55,754
Then what happened?
420
00:22:55,832 --> 00:22:58,792
Well, the last thing I saw
was roz and Lyle dancing
421
00:22:58,877 --> 00:23:00,457
with roses
between their teeth.
422
00:23:00,545 --> 00:23:02,045
The last thing you saw?
423
00:23:02,130 --> 00:23:04,630
Yeah.
They blindfolded me, too.
424
00:23:07,219 --> 00:23:08,259
That's not right.
425
00:23:08,345 --> 00:23:09,675
You're telling me.
426
00:23:09,763 --> 00:23:13,643
Have you ever tried to make
a ramos fizz blindfolded?
427
00:23:13,725 --> 00:23:15,345
I did all right
with the fizz,
428
00:23:15,435 --> 00:23:17,645
but I got ramos all over me.
429
00:23:17,729 --> 00:23:19,109
Mom.
430
00:23:19,189 --> 00:23:21,269
Oh, good morning, son.
431
00:23:21,358 --> 00:23:23,148
Good morning, Isaac.
-Good morning.
432
00:23:23,235 --> 00:23:24,775
-Guess what.
-What?
433
00:23:24,861 --> 00:23:26,361
I won the limbo contest.
434
00:23:26,446 --> 00:23:28,156
I'd hate to see
the losers.
435
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:29,700
I'll get you
some coffee.
436
00:23:29,783 --> 00:23:31,493
I don't need coffee.
I need surgery.
437
00:23:31,576 --> 00:23:33,496
Mom, sit down.
We gotta talk.
438
00:23:33,578 --> 00:23:35,658
You're going overboard.
439
00:23:35,747 --> 00:23:37,287
You know,
I was contemplating that.
440
00:23:37,374 --> 00:23:40,044
Mom,
all this carrying on --
441
00:23:40,127 --> 00:23:42,837
look, I know you like
your friend Lyle.
442
00:23:42,921 --> 00:23:45,511
But, mom, there are so many
more people on the ship
443
00:23:45,590 --> 00:23:47,340
you haven't even met.
444
00:23:47,425 --> 00:23:51,715
Hey, do you know that we have
a course in gingham hatmaking?
445
00:23:51,805 --> 00:23:55,845
And we even have
a tatting class.
446
00:23:55,934 --> 00:23:57,524
I'm not sure
I know what tatting is,
447
00:23:57,602 --> 00:23:59,232
but I bet you
it's right up your alley.
448
00:23:59,312 --> 00:24:01,522
Hey, one of the croupiers
said
449
00:24:01,606 --> 00:24:04,186
that he'd teach me the odds
for craps.
450
00:24:04,276 --> 00:24:06,396
Mom,
that's not what I meant.
451
00:24:06,486 --> 00:24:08,526
I know the dealers
are nice guys.
452
00:24:08,613 --> 00:24:11,033
But don't you think that you'd
have more in common
453
00:24:11,116 --> 00:24:15,366
with people that you'd have more
in common with?
454
00:24:15,453 --> 00:24:16,413
Vicki...
455
00:24:18,582 --> 00:24:21,382
Mom, come on.
Vicki...
456
00:24:21,459 --> 00:24:23,549
There we go.
457
00:24:23,628 --> 00:24:25,168
I'd like you
to meet my mom.
458
00:24:25,255 --> 00:24:28,215
Oh, how nice to meet you,
Ms. Smith.
459
00:24:28,300 --> 00:24:31,720
My pleasure, Vicki.
460
00:24:31,803 --> 00:24:34,433
Um...well, I'll just
leave you two alone.
461
00:24:34,514 --> 00:24:37,894
Vicki can play
every game there is.
462
00:24:37,976 --> 00:24:40,396
How about playing hopscotch
on the shuffleboard court?
463
00:24:40,478 --> 00:24:43,858
Hopscotch?
That old game?
464
00:24:43,940 --> 00:24:46,610
Hey, what about
sleeping beauty?
465
00:24:46,693 --> 00:24:47,993
I never heard of it.
466
00:24:48,069 --> 00:24:51,069
Oh, it's great fun.
467
00:24:51,156 --> 00:24:55,576
The one who can sit the longest
without moving wins.
468
00:25:14,930 --> 00:25:16,430
Guess who.
469
00:25:16,514 --> 00:25:21,234
Mm, that's a tough one.
Give me another chance.
470
00:25:24,856 --> 00:25:27,436
Truman capote.
471
00:25:27,525 --> 00:25:29,985
[ Laughs ]
472
00:25:30,070 --> 00:25:32,280
You know, if I had to build
473
00:25:32,364 --> 00:25:33,954
the most beautiful girl
in the world,
474
00:25:34,032 --> 00:25:35,952
she would look
exactly like you.
475
00:25:36,034 --> 00:25:39,204
Thank you. I wouldn't change
a thing about you either.
476
00:25:41,915 --> 00:25:45,285
You are everything
I have ever wanted, Lila.
477
00:25:47,629 --> 00:25:50,299
You too.
478
00:25:50,382 --> 00:25:51,592
Except...
479
00:25:51,675 --> 00:25:53,755
Except for what?
480
00:25:53,843 --> 00:25:56,433
Breakfast. I'm starved.
481
00:25:56,513 --> 00:26:00,023
Don't move.
Breakfast is coming right up.
482
00:26:00,100 --> 00:26:01,640
Good morning, Isaac.
483
00:26:01,726 --> 00:26:03,846
Good morning, Mr. Stockwood.
Would you like breakfast?
484
00:26:03,937 --> 00:26:05,647
No, I think I'll just have
coffee -- twice, please.
485
00:26:05,730 --> 00:26:08,070
I'll get the rest myself.
486
00:26:27,043 --> 00:26:31,303
Breakfast for two,
madame.
487
00:26:31,381 --> 00:26:34,011
Lila,
what's the matter?
488
00:26:34,092 --> 00:26:36,642
I just remembered
where we met.
489
00:26:37,971 --> 00:26:40,471
Now, look, I was
just about to tell you.
490
00:26:40,557 --> 00:26:42,267
Lila, I --
491
00:26:58,950 --> 00:27:02,910
Would you mind telling me why
you slapped me last night?
492
00:27:02,996 --> 00:27:04,076
Please, don't hit me.
493
00:27:04,164 --> 00:27:06,714
I hated your act.
494
00:27:06,791 --> 00:27:09,291
I can understand that.
495
00:27:09,377 --> 00:27:12,507
I understand honest people
hating something
496
00:27:12,589 --> 00:27:15,879
and being honest enough
to say they hate it.
497
00:27:15,967 --> 00:27:17,217
You know what I hate?
498
00:27:17,302 --> 00:27:19,052
No. What do you hate?
499
00:27:19,137 --> 00:27:20,847
I hate honest people
500
00:27:20,930 --> 00:27:24,100
who are honest enough to say
they hate my act.
501
00:27:26,770 --> 00:27:29,360
Why are you so angry?
502
00:27:29,439 --> 00:27:31,399
Because
you made fun of Korea.
503
00:27:31,483 --> 00:27:33,403
I especially
hated the joke
504
00:27:33,485 --> 00:27:37,235
about all Koreans being so poor
that they had to Rob burglars.
505
00:27:37,322 --> 00:27:39,372
It was a joke.
506
00:27:39,449 --> 00:27:41,279
I only try to amuse people.
507
00:27:41,368 --> 00:27:43,868
I don't find it amusing.
508
00:27:43,953 --> 00:27:46,873
Kendall, you have your way
of thinking. I have mine.
509
00:27:46,956 --> 00:27:51,086
Mine is to make people laugh --
all kinds of people.
510
00:27:51,169 --> 00:27:55,259
Before I saw you perform,
you seemed so nice.
511
00:27:55,340 --> 00:27:57,180
I am nice.
512
00:27:58,802 --> 00:28:01,932
May I?
513
00:28:02,013 --> 00:28:04,603
You are going to have
a great smile
514
00:28:04,682 --> 00:28:07,232
if you ever
get around to it.
515
00:28:07,310 --> 00:28:10,310
Oh, I don't know
what to believe about you.
516
00:28:10,397 --> 00:28:12,607
That's show business.
517
00:28:12,690 --> 00:28:14,610
I think you are all
show business.
518
00:28:14,692 --> 00:28:17,572
You don't really care
about Korea at all.
519
00:28:17,654 --> 00:28:19,164
But I do!
520
00:28:19,239 --> 00:28:21,659
I'm just not
a political animal.
521
00:28:21,741 --> 00:28:26,451
Oh? What kind of animal
are you, Mr. Kim?
522
00:28:34,045 --> 00:28:36,835
♪♪
523
00:28:49,894 --> 00:28:52,524
Passengers taking
the puerto vallarta tour,
524
00:28:52,605 --> 00:28:54,975
please report to the desk in
the purser's lobby
525
00:28:55,066 --> 00:28:56,026
at 11:00 A.M.
526
00:28:56,109 --> 00:28:57,279
That's 11:00 A.M.,
527
00:28:57,360 --> 00:28:59,490
and this is
burl "the Pearl" Smith
528
00:28:59,571 --> 00:29:02,121
saying,
"thanks for listening."
529
00:29:02,198 --> 00:29:05,118
Gopher, you're just the man
I'm looking for.
530
00:29:05,201 --> 00:29:07,331
I need some advice
about your mother.
531
00:29:07,412 --> 00:29:10,372
Oh, well, I have some advice
for you about my mother.
532
00:29:10,457 --> 00:29:13,327
Um, I don't think you realize
what the situation is.
533
00:29:13,418 --> 00:29:15,298
Roz was married
for 35 years.
534
00:29:15,378 --> 00:29:17,008
Six months ago,
her husband died.
535
00:29:17,088 --> 00:29:18,838
Since then,
she's been on her own.
536
00:29:18,923 --> 00:29:21,843
Is that the situation
you're talking about?
537
00:29:21,926 --> 00:29:22,886
Yes.
538
00:29:22,969 --> 00:29:25,719
Oh. Well, then,
I have it right.
539
00:29:25,805 --> 00:29:27,715
Okay, now, here's
what I want to know --
540
00:29:27,807 --> 00:29:30,347
you've been to puerto vallarta
a million times.
541
00:29:30,435 --> 00:29:33,015
What would be more fun
for roz and me --
542
00:29:33,104 --> 00:29:36,364
to sail a catamaran down
the coast for a picnic,
543
00:29:36,441 --> 00:29:38,191
take
scuba-diving lessons,
544
00:29:38,276 --> 00:29:39,986
or go for
a parachute ride?
545
00:29:40,069 --> 00:29:43,699
Sailing, scuba diving,
parachuting.
546
00:29:43,781 --> 00:29:46,531
All three -- okay.
You know her better than I do.
547
00:29:46,618 --> 00:29:47,868
Thank you very much.
548
00:29:47,952 --> 00:29:50,622
Uh, sir? Lyle?
Mister? Lyle?!
549
00:29:52,123 --> 00:29:53,713
I was right about her
in the first place.
550
00:29:53,791 --> 00:29:55,421
She is a complete snob --
551
00:29:55,502 --> 00:29:58,552
never even gave me a chance
to defend myself.
552
00:29:58,630 --> 00:30:01,380
"I just remembered
where we met,"
553
00:30:01,466 --> 00:30:02,926
and then she splits --
554
00:30:03,009 --> 00:30:06,509
humiliated that she's having
an affair with a lowly waiter.
555
00:30:06,596 --> 00:30:08,516
Just imagine,
she even kissed him!
556
00:30:08,598 --> 00:30:10,178
Thank you.
557
00:30:10,266 --> 00:30:12,556
She's probably in her cabin
right now, fumigating her lips.
558
00:30:12,644 --> 00:30:14,194
Don't worry about her.
559
00:30:14,270 --> 00:30:16,020
Why don't you come into
puerto vallarta with us?
560
00:30:16,105 --> 00:30:18,065
No, no, no.
I am gonna tell her off.
561
00:30:18,149 --> 00:30:19,689
She is not gonna get away
with this.
562
00:30:19,776 --> 00:30:21,026
That's good, Paul.
You should.
563
00:30:21,110 --> 00:30:22,400
And you can go back to being
a waiter,
564
00:30:22,487 --> 00:30:24,067
and she can go back
to her millions.
565
00:30:24,155 --> 00:30:26,865
Millions?
Maybe she'd like a doctor.
566
00:30:26,950 --> 00:30:28,740
How about a pilot?
567
00:30:26,950 --> 00:30:28,740
How about a lawyer?
568
00:30:28,826 --> 00:30:29,906
You're too shy
for a lawyer.
569
00:30:29,994 --> 00:30:32,414
I'm a shyster lawyer.
570
00:30:32,497 --> 00:30:34,747
Millions?
571
00:30:32,497 --> 00:30:34,747
Millions?
572
00:30:32,497 --> 00:30:34,747
Millions?
573
00:30:42,549 --> 00:30:44,259
-Hello, Jimmy.
-Oh, Jimmy, hi.
574
00:30:44,342 --> 00:30:48,392
Oh, captain stubing, Julie, may
I speak to you for a second?
575
00:30:48,471 --> 00:30:49,761
Sure.
What's on your mind?
576
00:30:49,847 --> 00:30:51,717
I can't do my show tonight.
577
00:30:51,808 --> 00:30:53,268
You can't do your show?
578
00:30:53,351 --> 00:30:54,941
Are you feeling all right?
579
00:30:55,019 --> 00:30:56,899
Oh, sure,
I feel fine...
580
00:30:56,980 --> 00:30:58,770
For someone
who feels terrible.
581
00:30:58,856 --> 00:31:01,276
What's the problem?
Can we help?
582
00:31:01,359 --> 00:31:04,279
Someone told me she thinks
my act is offensive
583
00:31:04,362 --> 00:31:05,952
to the korean people.
584
00:31:06,030 --> 00:31:07,660
Oh, I don't agree
with that at all.
585
00:31:07,740 --> 00:31:09,620
-No.
-You're not korean.
586
00:31:09,701 --> 00:31:10,951
You may be right,
587
00:31:11,035 --> 00:31:12,785
and then again,
she may be right.
588
00:31:12,870 --> 00:31:16,290
I guess the "she" who thinks
your act is offensive to Koreans
589
00:31:16,374 --> 00:31:18,384
is Kendall park.
590
00:31:18,459 --> 00:31:22,009
Well, I'm sorry I won't be
seeing you perform tonight,
591
00:31:22,088 --> 00:31:23,968
but I wouldn't want you to do
anything
592
00:31:24,048 --> 00:31:24,798
that goes against
your conscience.
593
00:31:24,882 --> 00:31:27,472
I don't know which
is hurting more --
594
00:31:27,552 --> 00:31:30,562
my conscience or my heart.
595
00:31:34,892 --> 00:31:37,272
Tsk.
596
00:31:38,896 --> 00:31:40,186
I can't get over
your mama.
597
00:31:40,273 --> 00:31:42,323
I've never seen anyone
having so much fun.
598
00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:45,280
Well, it's okay to have fun
up to a point,
599
00:31:45,361 --> 00:31:48,411
but it's a matter of propriety,
you know?
600
00:31:48,489 --> 00:31:51,029
I mean, she was just going
too far.
601
00:31:51,117 --> 00:31:52,867
Anyway, I think she's settled
down now.
602
00:31:52,952 --> 00:31:54,122
She's something else.
603
00:31:54,203 --> 00:31:56,163
I'd invite her to any party
I was having.
604
00:31:56,247 --> 00:31:57,667
Of course, we would
probably be raided.
605
00:31:57,749 --> 00:31:59,289
That was just a phase.
606
00:31:59,375 --> 00:32:02,375
Hey, burl, I'm glad
you could join us.
607
00:32:02,462 --> 00:32:05,592
I went out for more munchies.
Come on.
608
00:32:07,133 --> 00:32:10,013
[ Upbeat jazz music plays ]
609
00:32:10,094 --> 00:32:12,144
[ Laughs ]
610
00:32:12,221 --> 00:32:14,721
The hostess with the mostest
lives.
611
00:32:41,459 --> 00:32:42,589
Oh, don't worry.
612
00:32:42,669 --> 00:32:44,839
It won't take long for me to
tell you what I think of you.
613
00:32:44,921 --> 00:32:46,711
You are
a class-conscious snob --
614
00:32:46,798 --> 00:32:48,168
the most unbelievable --
615
00:32:48,257 --> 00:32:50,427
look who's calling somebody
class-conscious.
616
00:32:50,510 --> 00:32:53,100
Being a waiter wasn't good
enough for you, was it?
617
00:32:53,179 --> 00:32:55,009
If there's one thing
I can't stand,
618
00:32:55,098 --> 00:32:56,848
it's a person who's ashamed
of what he does.
619
00:32:56,933 --> 00:32:59,853
Excuse me.
620
00:32:59,936 --> 00:33:01,726
If I had told you
I was a waiter,
621
00:33:01,813 --> 00:33:04,403
i wouldn't have had
a chance with you, right?
622
00:33:01,813 --> 00:33:04,403
Wrong.
623
00:33:04,482 --> 00:33:05,862
When I was working
in the restaurant,
624
00:33:05,942 --> 00:33:07,072
you never even knew
I existed.
625
00:33:07,151 --> 00:33:09,071
You couldn't see me through
that upper crust
626
00:33:09,153 --> 00:33:10,863
you were coming from,
miss stanhope.
627
00:33:10,947 --> 00:33:13,067
Some upper crust.
628
00:33:13,157 --> 00:33:17,037
My father started in the steel
business stoking furnaces.
629
00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:19,250
I don't care
what a man does.
630
00:33:19,330 --> 00:33:21,580
It's what he is.
Excuse me.
631
00:33:21,666 --> 00:33:23,246
Oh, really?
632
00:33:23,334 --> 00:33:24,754
Well, then, tell me, please,
633
00:33:24,836 --> 00:33:26,416
why did you care for me
as a banker
634
00:33:26,504 --> 00:33:29,634
and walk out on me
as a waiter?
635
00:33:29,716 --> 00:33:32,046
Because I believed in you
636
00:33:32,135 --> 00:33:34,135
and because you lied to me.
637
00:33:38,683 --> 00:33:40,523
Excuse me.
638
00:33:56,075 --> 00:33:59,365
[ Soft jazz music playing ]
639
00:34:03,708 --> 00:34:05,748
[ French accent ] So,
has mademoiselle decided yet
640
00:34:05,835 --> 00:34:07,455
on dessert?
641
00:34:07,545 --> 00:34:09,625
No,
I can't make up my mind.
642
00:34:09,714 --> 00:34:11,134
Well,
if you will allow me,
643
00:34:11,215 --> 00:34:14,295
may I suggest
that you try the waiter?
644
00:34:14,385 --> 00:34:15,425
But, please, not flambé.
645
00:34:15,511 --> 00:34:16,971
What?
646
00:34:17,054 --> 00:34:19,814
[ Normal voice ] This waiter
needs a chance to apologize.
647
00:34:24,729 --> 00:34:29,689
Now, look...I know I shouldn't
have lied to you,
648
00:34:29,776 --> 00:34:31,526
and I'm sorry I did.
649
00:34:31,611 --> 00:34:34,031
It's just that I thought
it was the only chance
650
00:34:34,113 --> 00:34:35,323
I would have
to get to know you.
651
00:34:37,033 --> 00:34:40,203
You see...
652
00:34:40,286 --> 00:34:41,996
I think I fell in love
with you
653
00:34:42,079 --> 00:34:43,789
the first time
I ever saw you.
654
00:34:43,873 --> 00:34:48,383
And I know you can't forgive me
for what I did, but --
655
00:34:48,461 --> 00:34:49,841
don't say any more.
656
00:34:49,921 --> 00:34:51,171
No, no, Lila, I --
657
00:34:51,255 --> 00:34:55,005
shh. The customer
is always right.
658
00:35:02,767 --> 00:35:06,397
What's this?
A waiter kissing a passenger?
659
00:35:06,479 --> 00:35:07,519
He's not a waiter.
660
00:35:07,605 --> 00:35:10,225
He's just a passenger who
borrowed one of the outfits.
661
00:35:11,776 --> 00:35:13,736
Well, he sure found
a big tipper.
662
00:35:18,074 --> 00:35:20,374
Bravo!
663
00:35:20,451 --> 00:35:21,541
More! More!
664
00:35:21,619 --> 00:35:22,869
Author! Author!
665
00:35:22,954 --> 00:35:24,544
They're calling
for an encore.
666
00:35:24,622 --> 00:35:26,962
Well, then, let's not
disappoint them.
667
00:35:38,636 --> 00:35:41,426
[ Slow jazz music plays ]
668
00:35:48,354 --> 00:35:51,614
Well, good evening, miss park.
Hi, roz.
669
00:35:51,691 --> 00:35:55,241
Hi. I got here early so I could
get a good table
670
00:35:55,319 --> 00:35:57,239
to hear your friend
perform again.
671
00:35:57,321 --> 00:35:58,871
-He's really great.
-He is?
672
00:35:58,948 --> 00:36:02,028
Yes. You know, the thing
I especially like about him
673
00:36:02,118 --> 00:36:04,288
is that, without any fuss,
674
00:36:04,370 --> 00:36:07,710
he gets the point across
that Koreans and us --
675
00:36:07,790 --> 00:36:09,250
we're all the same.
676
00:36:09,333 --> 00:36:11,923
And we all do the same, silly,
ridiculous human things
677
00:36:12,003 --> 00:36:13,713
that he pokes fun at.
678
00:36:13,796 --> 00:36:17,256
Yeah. And, you know, the joke
that really knocked me out
679
00:36:17,341 --> 00:36:19,971
was when he said that his family
was so poor
680
00:36:20,052 --> 00:36:22,392
and a burglar
broke into their house
681
00:36:22,471 --> 00:36:24,431
and his family
robbed the burglar.
682
00:36:24,515 --> 00:36:25,885
[ Laughs ]
683
00:36:25,975 --> 00:36:27,265
You really liked that joke?
684
00:36:27,351 --> 00:36:29,191
Liked it?
I loved it.
685
00:36:29,270 --> 00:36:32,940
It reminded me of some of the
jokes my father used to tell.
686
00:36:33,024 --> 00:36:34,784
You know, some of the passengers
told me
687
00:36:34,859 --> 00:36:36,609
they loved
Jimmy's political jokes --
688
00:36:36,694 --> 00:36:39,114
in the tradition
of our will Rogers.
689
00:36:39,196 --> 00:36:41,446
I guess Americans have always
loved political jokes.
690
00:36:41,532 --> 00:36:44,582
Yeah, and they love some
political jokes so much
691
00:36:44,660 --> 00:36:46,620
that they elected them
president.
692
00:36:46,704 --> 00:36:48,164
[ Laughs ]
693
00:36:53,002 --> 00:36:54,842
Um, excuse me.
694
00:37:04,555 --> 00:37:07,975
That's the smile I owe you from
watching your act last night.
695
00:37:08,059 --> 00:37:09,519
But you hated my act.
696
00:37:09,602 --> 00:37:11,192
I was wrong.
697
00:37:11,270 --> 00:37:13,440
What made you decide
you were wrong?
698
00:37:13,522 --> 00:37:15,862
Don't ask
too many questions.
699
00:37:15,942 --> 00:37:18,782
Hey, do you want to keep this
smile or don't you?
700
00:37:18,861 --> 00:37:20,491
Of course I do.
701
00:37:20,571 --> 00:37:23,571
Then go do your act --
for me.
702
00:37:33,376 --> 00:37:35,416
[ Fanfare plays ]
703
00:37:42,635 --> 00:37:44,005
Hurro.
704
00:37:44,095 --> 00:37:47,385
[ Laughter ]
705
00:37:47,473 --> 00:37:51,693
You know, Americans and Koreans
are very much alike,
706
00:37:51,769 --> 00:37:54,689
but there's one difference.
707
00:37:54,772 --> 00:37:57,022
In america, if a politician
takes a bribe,
708
00:37:57,108 --> 00:37:58,858
he goes to jail.
709
00:37:58,943 --> 00:38:01,403
In Korea, if a politician
takes a bribe,
710
00:38:01,487 --> 00:38:03,317
he goes to america.
711
00:38:03,406 --> 00:38:06,326
[ Laughter ]
712
00:38:06,409 --> 00:38:09,449
♪♪
713
00:38:23,009 --> 00:38:25,719
Burl, you weren't
at dinner.
714
00:38:25,803 --> 00:38:29,683
I couldn't take any more
of the high jinks.
715
00:38:29,765 --> 00:38:32,885
But are you coming to
the passenger talent show?
716
00:38:32,977 --> 00:38:36,557
It sounds like a hoot.
I might even sing a song.
717
00:38:36,647 --> 00:38:38,567
I hope the rest
of the passengers
718
00:38:38,649 --> 00:38:40,939
packed their earplugs.
[ Laughs ]
719
00:38:41,027 --> 00:38:44,317
I think I'll skip it.
720
00:38:46,782 --> 00:38:49,792
Did you love dad?
721
00:38:49,869 --> 00:38:52,249
He was my husband.
722
00:38:52,329 --> 00:38:54,499
Yeah,
but did you love him?
723
00:38:56,625 --> 00:38:59,415
I don't understand.
724
00:38:59,503 --> 00:39:01,713
Mom, he's been dead
less than a year,
725
00:39:01,797 --> 00:39:04,757
and you're carrying on
like you don't give a damn.
726
00:39:04,842 --> 00:39:09,932
Parties and booze
and god knows what else --
727
00:39:10,014 --> 00:39:12,224
it's like you're thrilled --
728
00:39:12,308 --> 00:39:15,268
you're happy he's gone.
729
00:39:15,352 --> 00:39:18,772
[ Crying ]
Oh, burl, no.
730
00:39:18,856 --> 00:39:20,816
You couldn't mean that.
731
00:39:48,385 --> 00:39:50,255
I wish I could say
something clever
732
00:39:50,346 --> 00:39:53,096
like, "I didn't see
what just happened."
733
00:39:54,433 --> 00:39:58,233
But I'm your friend,
and I saw.
734
00:40:01,232 --> 00:40:03,692
I don't know what to do.
735
00:40:03,776 --> 00:40:05,526
Don't do anything, okay?
736
00:40:05,611 --> 00:40:07,951
You forgot the part
where I'm your friend.
737
00:40:12,743 --> 00:40:15,833
When I got the phone call
738
00:40:15,913 --> 00:40:18,543
and the doctor told me
that my father had died,
739
00:40:18,624 --> 00:40:21,964
I just kind of sat there,
blank.
740
00:40:22,044 --> 00:40:25,674
I didn't know how I felt.
741
00:40:25,756 --> 00:40:28,876
And then I cried...
742
00:40:28,968 --> 00:40:31,178
But I don't know
if I cried for him
743
00:40:31,262 --> 00:40:33,892
or if I cried for me.
744
00:40:33,973 --> 00:40:37,853
Or maybe I just thought
I was supposed to cry.
745
00:40:37,935 --> 00:40:44,725
All I know is that someone
that I loved [sniffles]
746
00:40:44,817 --> 00:40:47,437
Wasn't there anymore.
747
00:40:49,738 --> 00:40:51,868
It doesn't matter now.
748
00:40:51,949 --> 00:40:54,699
Hey, man, it matters.
749
00:40:54,785 --> 00:40:56,615
Yeah.
Tell that to my mother.
750
00:41:00,958 --> 00:41:04,168
You brought her on a cruise
to cheer her up.
751
00:41:04,253 --> 00:41:05,673
She's not dumb.
752
00:41:05,754 --> 00:41:07,384
She understands that.
753
00:41:07,464 --> 00:41:09,224
And she understands
754
00:41:09,300 --> 00:41:12,640
that you're probably hurting
as much as she is.
755
00:41:12,720 --> 00:41:15,680
And the two of you sitting
around grieving
756
00:41:15,764 --> 00:41:19,064
is not gonna help
the situation.
757
00:41:19,143 --> 00:41:24,063
It's not gonna bring your father
back...Or her husband.
758
00:41:24,148 --> 00:41:27,608
Gopher...
759
00:41:27,693 --> 00:41:30,073
She's acting like this
760
00:41:30,154 --> 00:41:33,744
because she doesn't want you
to see her pain
761
00:41:33,824 --> 00:41:37,044
any more than you want her
to see yours.
762
00:41:46,003 --> 00:41:48,553
[ Sniffles ]
763
00:41:54,845 --> 00:41:56,635
[ Sighs ]
764
00:42:02,895 --> 00:42:06,975
Swami, tell me,
what do you see?
765
00:42:07,066 --> 00:42:09,936
I see a woman --
766
00:42:10,027 --> 00:42:12,607
a beautiful, blond woman
in her cabin.
767
00:42:12,696 --> 00:42:15,566
But I --
she -- she's voluptuous,
768
00:42:15,658 --> 00:42:17,328
and there's a man
knocking on her door.
769
00:42:17,409 --> 00:42:20,449
Wait. There's another man
knocking on her door
770
00:42:20,538 --> 00:42:22,578
and another man
knocking on her door.
771
00:42:22,665 --> 00:42:24,075
Hey,
where are you going?
772
00:42:24,166 --> 00:42:25,996
To get in line.
773
00:42:27,753 --> 00:42:29,343
Take a number!
774
00:42:29,421 --> 00:42:32,761
[ Fanfare plays ]
775
00:42:37,221 --> 00:42:39,471
3 mediums, rare!
776
00:42:39,556 --> 00:42:43,476
And now, continuing with
our passenger talent show,
777
00:42:43,560 --> 00:42:45,600
representing
the promenade deck,
778
00:42:45,688 --> 00:42:50,648
the singing talent
of the incomparable roz Smith.
779
00:42:50,734 --> 00:42:55,164
[ Drumroll ]
780
00:42:55,239 --> 00:42:58,279
[ Fanfare plays ]
781
00:43:03,747 --> 00:43:05,997
[ Musical introduction plays ]
782
00:43:11,297 --> 00:43:12,797
[ Music stops ]
783
00:43:17,428 --> 00:43:20,638
[ Music resumes ]
784
00:43:25,769 --> 00:43:28,399
[ Music stops ]
785
00:43:34,320 --> 00:43:35,400
Hey.
786
00:43:41,243 --> 00:43:43,703
There was something I didn't say
to you outside.
787
00:43:43,787 --> 00:43:46,537
[ Music resumes ]
788
00:43:46,623 --> 00:43:49,713
You're the top.
789
00:43:49,793 --> 00:43:54,553
You're the colosseum.
790
00:43:54,631 --> 00:43:57,181
[ "You're the top" plays ]
791
00:43:57,259 --> 00:44:01,389
You're the top.
792
00:44:01,472 --> 00:44:04,522
Louvre museum.
793
00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:06,560
♪ You're a melody ♪
794
00:44:06,643 --> 00:44:09,563
♪ from a symphony by Strauss ♪
795
00:44:09,646 --> 00:44:12,226
♪ you're a Bendel bonnet ♪
796
00:44:12,316 --> 00:44:14,396
♪ a Shakespeare sonnet ♪
797
00:44:14,485 --> 00:44:16,735
♪ you're Mickey mouse ♪
798
00:44:16,820 --> 00:44:18,410
[ Instrumental solo ]
799
00:44:18,489 --> 00:44:21,739
♪ You're the nile ♪
800
00:44:21,825 --> 00:44:24,365
♪ you're the tower of pisa ♪
801
00:44:24,453 --> 00:44:27,583
♪ you're the smile ♪
802
00:44:27,664 --> 00:44:30,254
♪ on the Mona Lisa ♪
803
00:44:30,334 --> 00:44:31,884
♪ I'm a worthless check ♪
804
00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:34,130
♪ a total wreck, a flop ♪
805
00:44:34,213 --> 00:44:37,053
♪ but if, baby,
I'm the bottom ♪
806
00:44:37,132 --> 00:44:39,762
♪ but if, baby,
I'm the bottom ♪
807
00:44:39,843 --> 00:44:42,303
♪ but if, baby,
I'm the bottom ♪
808
00:44:42,388 --> 00:44:49,438
♪ you're the to-o-o-o-o-o-p ♪
809
00:45:24,596 --> 00:45:27,806
Goodbye, captain, doc.
Thanks for everything.
810
00:45:27,891 --> 00:45:29,811
-You're welcome.
-It was great having you.
811
00:45:29,893 --> 00:45:32,603
Did you get your feature story
on Jimmy?
812
00:45:32,688 --> 00:45:35,148
Yes. I got the pictures
and the facts,
813
00:45:35,232 --> 00:45:38,152
but someone else will have to
write the story.
814
00:45:38,235 --> 00:45:41,445
Because a wife can't testify
against her husband.
815
00:45:41,530 --> 00:45:43,780
Congratulations.
816
00:45:43,866 --> 00:45:46,486
Ah, he's a talented man.
817
00:45:46,577 --> 00:45:50,207
You know, I always had the
secret desire to be a comedian.
818
00:45:50,289 --> 00:45:51,669
You're kidding.
819
00:45:51,748 --> 00:45:53,628
No, I'm serious.
820
00:45:53,709 --> 00:45:55,839
"No, I'm serious"?
That's funny!
821
00:45:55,919 --> 00:45:58,299
[ Laughs ]
That's very funny!
822
00:45:58,380 --> 00:46:00,010
That's hilarious!
823
00:46:11,602 --> 00:46:13,312
What could have happened
to Lila?
824
00:46:13,395 --> 00:46:15,605
Maybe she decided you're not
right for her after all.
825
00:46:15,689 --> 00:46:17,689
Oh, that is cute, Louie --
extremely cute.
826
00:46:17,774 --> 00:46:20,534
Paul!
827
00:46:20,611 --> 00:46:23,361
I just got off the phone
to my dad.
828
00:46:23,447 --> 00:46:25,817
I told him all about you --
about us.
829
00:46:25,908 --> 00:46:27,868
He really wants to meet you.
830
00:46:27,951 --> 00:46:30,541
He said he'd like to help us
start up our restaurant
831
00:46:30,621 --> 00:46:32,251
in Philadelphia.
832
00:46:32,331 --> 00:46:33,751
Really?
833
00:46:32,331 --> 00:46:33,751
Yeah.
834
00:46:33,832 --> 00:46:36,712
That is just fantastic.
835
00:46:36,793 --> 00:46:39,843
I -- oh, now,
wait just a minute.
836
00:46:39,922 --> 00:46:41,672
I could never accept
anything like that.
837
00:46:41,757 --> 00:46:45,217
Uh, as your pilot, I will
fly you there personally.
838
00:46:45,302 --> 00:46:47,892
As your lawyer, for a small fee,
I'll draw up the contracts.
839
00:46:47,971 --> 00:46:49,681
No, fellas.
840
00:46:49,765 --> 00:46:52,225
And, as your psychiatrist,
if you refuse this proposal,
841
00:46:52,309 --> 00:46:54,899
you are nuttier
than a fruitcake.
842
00:46:54,978 --> 00:46:56,728
Well, what can I do?
843
00:46:56,813 --> 00:46:58,443
My three new chefs
say I should take it.
844
00:46:58,524 --> 00:46:59,904
Oh, great!
845
00:47:05,656 --> 00:47:06,906
Hey, wait.
846
00:47:06,990 --> 00:47:09,740
You fellas run
a fun ship here.
847
00:47:09,826 --> 00:47:11,576
Well,
one can but try.
848
00:47:11,662 --> 00:47:13,122
You're gonna have to take
a vacation
849
00:47:13,205 --> 00:47:14,405
to get over
your vacation.
850
00:47:14,498 --> 00:47:15,578
Oh, you're right!
851
00:47:19,294 --> 00:47:20,594
What can I say?
852
00:47:20,671 --> 00:47:22,801
You're the best.
853
00:47:22,881 --> 00:47:25,381
And every time I see you,
I love you more.
854
00:47:25,467 --> 00:47:28,717
And every time we part,
I miss you more.
855
00:47:28,804 --> 00:47:31,434
But, now, mom, when you come on
another cruise,
856
00:47:31,515 --> 00:47:32,925
you gotta do me a favor.
857
00:47:33,016 --> 00:47:34,596
Name it.
858
00:47:34,685 --> 00:47:39,105
When you're out by the pool,
do not blindfold the musicians.
859
00:47:39,189 --> 00:47:40,899
The violins
are still drying out.
860
00:47:40,983 --> 00:47:43,443
The piano's out of whack.
861
00:47:43,527 --> 00:47:45,777
I love you.
862
00:47:45,862 --> 00:47:47,162
I love you, too.
863
00:47:49,992 --> 00:47:51,792
Bye, mom.
864
00:47:51,868 --> 00:47:53,118
Lyle, come on.
865
00:47:53,203 --> 00:47:55,503
Ciao, big fella.
866
00:47:58,083 --> 00:48:01,753
"Ciao, big fella"?
"Ciao, big fella"?
867
00:48:01,837 --> 00:48:02,797
Hey, wait a minute!
868
00:48:02,879 --> 00:48:06,129
Mom, what ever happened to
old-fashioned mothers?
869
00:48:06,179 --> 00:48:10,729
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