Original subtitles

Love,

exciting and new.

Come aboard,

we're expecting you.

Love,

life's sweetest reward.

Let it flow,

it floats back to you.

Love boat

soon will be making another run.

The love boat

promises something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure,

your mind on a new romance.

Love,

won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile

on a friendly shore.

Yes, love.

Welcome aboard,

it's love.

Welcome aboard.

Hi, welcome aboard.

Kurt,wait,

this stuff is heavy.

Ha, ha, ha.

The weaker sex.

Well, how do you do?

I'm Julie McCoy, the weak little

cruise director.

Hi, sugar.

I'm Kurt stenzel, and this is

Dee Dee Donnelly, my chick.

Hi.

Your chick?

We're engaged.

Having ourselves a little

early honeymoon.

Right, sugar face, huh?

Ha, ha, ha...

Oh,

the finest animal I've

ever owned.

I'm gonna break every

bone in his body!

Easy.

You're on duty.

Welcome aboard.

Excuse me. Excuse me

are you associated with the

cruise?

No, somebody stole my ice

cream truck.

Ah.

Sorry.

No, I'm only kidding.

Oh.

That wasn't funny.

That was funny.

No, I'm Adam bricker, the

ship's doctor.

Nelson hoag.

Hi.

Are there gonna be a lot

of single girls on this cruise?

Well, we get our share.

Where do you keep them?

Is there any special place they

hang out?

Not really.

If you don't count my cabin.

Hey, there's one of your basic

single girls right there.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

Hello, my name is Nelson hoag.

Would you please marry me?

Don't be discouraged.

With a suave approach like that,

you can't miss.

Hi, welcome aboard.

Hello.

Oh, good heavens!

Who died?

Uh...these are for

ireni Jermaine.

Really?

Well, that's who all these

cablegrams are for.

Oh yeah?

You know, one of 'em's

from Burt Reynolds.

He says he'll just kill himself

if she doesn't come home soon.

Hmm...ireni Jermaine,

promenade deck, 341.

Up the stairs.

Who is ireni Jermaine?

Now, remember to say

goodbye to the kids, okay?

Look, Irene...

Ah-ah -- it's ireni!

Well, I'm your sister.

It's Irene.

Did you send the flowers?

Yes.

And the cablegrams.

Do you know how much all this is

costing you?

Not including the cruise and the

clothes.

I know.

But if I'm gonna have my fling,

i wanna be somebody for a change.

You are somebody.

You're a housewife from pacoima.

A widowed housewife from

pacoima.

Your Philip will be spinning in

his grave.

My Philip spin?

At best a twitch or two.

Look, he was a wonderful man,

and I loved him dearly.

But that was a long time ago.

And now, I...I want to meet

someone glamorous.

And in order to meet someone glamorous,

I've got to be someone

glamorous.

Oh, sis.

Look,

I gotta go.

You just call me five times a

day.

And make up important names.

Love you.

Hows about Catherine the great?

I'm o'Rourke.

Who are you?

Smith.

Call me gopher.

Uhm-hmm.

Can I trust you?

Well, not if we were out

in the moonlight,

but, here in the lobby.

I'm a reporter for

"defile magazine."

Oh...?

I'm traveling incognito on

this bucket of lust to write

a story that will blow

the lid off.

Well, there's nothing to

write about on this ship.

I didn't just fall off the

turnip truck, you know.

I know what's going on.

Musical cabins, wife-swapping,

organized hanky-panky.

You're wrong.

I swear.

Sure, sure, sure,

sure.

Look,

just...

Keep ypur eyes open for me, will you?

I'll be in touch.

It should be another

interesting cruise.

We've got a full boat.

Uh...it's a ship.

And, yes, it certainly should

be.

Who is that tawny creature?

Dr. Bricker

that tawny creature is off

limits to you.

You know her?

Not yet.

But I will.

Oh, you must be ireni Jermaine.

Quite.

Well, then all of these are

for you.

Oh.

Welcome to the Princess.

Captain merrill stubing

at your command.

How sweet.

Ireni Jermaine.

I hope you get into your cabin,

miss Jermaine...

There must be a ton of flowers

in there.

Ha, ha.

Marlon...jack and Warren, too.

Oh, they're always doing things

like that.

It's sweet, but it's a bit of a

pain.

Oh, why don't you distribute

them among the indigent

passengers.

Well, excuse me...

What a fascinating woman,

isn't she, captain stubing?

Captain stubing?

Hmm?

Oh.

Hey, what's the matter?

Are you, you mad at me or

something?

'The finest animal I own'.

I could have died.

Well, I meant that as a

compliment.

You are you know, you are a fine

animal.

Do you think you own me like

one of your horses?

Hey, don't make any cracks

about my horses.

Hey, give the big guy a kiss.

No!!!

Come on, you don't care about me!

To you, I'm just some chick.

No, you're not some chick,

you're my chick.

How about I am a person?

Okay!

Okay!

You're a person.

Now, shut up before I belt you!

You know what you are?

A male chauvinist pig!

Hey, hey, hey!

You're damn right I am!

You know what the big guy is?

He is the rock island line.

You wanna ride it.

You ride it like you find it.

You don't like it.

Adios amigo!

Oh yeah?.

Well, adios amigo yourself!

Get out of the cabin and leave

me alone!!!

Ha, ha.

I paid for the cabin.

You want to be left alone,

there's the door, baby!

Ha, ha.

I'll could be alone.

Ha, ha.

I can do that real quick.

And, angel, when you cool down,

why don't you come back?

I need a back rub, huh?

Oh, and bring me some

cigarettes.

Hello.

Oh, I'm -- I'm Nelson hoag.

Would you marry me?

Doesn't anyone want to

play shuffleboard anymore?

Don't feel bad.

She didn't buy me line either.

It's not a line.

I have to get married!

Oh.

It's the truth.

If I tell you why, do you

promise not to tell anyone?

Not even the American

medical association?

My word of honor.

Look,next week I'll

be twenty-five years old.

And according to my

grandfather's will, if I'm not

married by then, I lose my

inheritance.

Oh, I gotcha.

Yeah.

But you just can't go up

to a girl and say.

"Will you marry me"?

You gotta strike up a conversation.

You gotta get acquainted.

You gotta be,

cool.

I'll try that.

Thank you.

Hello, I'm Nelson hoag.

Would you like to get acquainted?

Excuse me.

I'd like to talk to the

person in charge of cabins.

Well, that's me.

Oh.

Is there some problem?

I have moved out of my boyfriend's cabin,

and I would like a cabin of my own.

Please.

Oh, ma'am...The ship is

booked to the gunwales.

There isn't a cabin I can give

you.

Ooohhhh.

Oh, I can't go crawling back to

him.

That's exactly what he wants me

to do.

He even said to bring him

cigarettes.

Uh, gee, I'm sorry,ma'am.

I just wish there was

something I could do.

Some teeny-weeny little

space someplace?

I could sleep on a sofa.

Please?

Uh, let me see if I can

find you a sofa.

Listen,

I don't take up very much room.

I'm very quiet and.

Now, now -- I can't bear to

see a beautiful woman cry.

As it happens, I can help.

You can?

I'm Adam bricker, and I

have a very, very large cabin.

I rattle around in there all by

myself.

Consider it yours.

Oh, really?

Certainly.

After all, as the ship's doctor,

it's my job to make people feel

good.

Cabin c-117.

The door's open.

Oh, thank you, dr.Bricker.

Thank you very much.

C-117, right?

Uhm-hmm.

C-117.

C-117.

C-117.

If you think she's grateful now,

wait till later.

No hanky-panky on the ship, eh?

What were you doing in there,

o'Rourke?

A good reporter is always where

the action is.

And on this ship, I think I'll

need roller skates.

I know, o'Rourke,

wait a minute.

Doc was just offering that

passenger a place,

to sleep.

Oh, sure.

He's a regular holiday inn.

This article is gonna make Hugh

Hefner blush.

Here's to independence and

self-reliance.

Kurt just came in.

I'm afraid when he finds out

that I moved into your cabin.

Dee Dee, you're a person

with a free will.

You can make your own

decisions.

Where have you been all

afternoon?

Well, between one and three

i was...

No, I mean her.

Well?

I have moved into dr.Bricker's cabin.

What?

She said she...

Hey, slugger, I'd stay out

of this if I were you.

The lady happens to be with me.

Funny,

that's not the impression I got.

Come on, Dee Dee, let's go.

Nope.

Whattya mean?

I mean...No.

Come on, will ya?

No, I won't.

And that is final.

For someone so young,

you've made a very mature

decision.

Okay, Nelson, I've gotta get back

and finish some work.

So I'm gonna leave you here.

Now, you just find a seat.

Try to look debonair.

And the girls'll come to you.

I like that one a lot.

Uh...no, that's Julie McCoy,

our cruise director.

She's not for you.

Is that clear?

Okay.

Good luck.

Hey, how're you doing,

pretty lady?

Fine until now.

Ah, I like that.

I like a filly with temperament.

How about giving the big guy a

dance, huh?

Oh, hey, sorry, big guy

but this filly hasn't been

halter-broke.

Besides, the gentleman has this

dance...

I do?

Sure.

Sweep me off my feet.

Hey -- I only know how

to polka.

Good evening, miss Jermaine.

Oh...good evening,

captain.

Uh, miss Jermaine,

telephone call.

Oh.

It's...rudolph nureyev.

Again?

Rude.

Oh, you persistent little peasant.

You.

Oh...yes...yes...

Oh, well, I miss you, too.

Oh, how could I forget the night

we tangoed together?

You spoiled me for anyone else.

Could you hold on for just a

minute, Rudy?

Yes, captain?

Nothing.

Have a nice evening.

So, how's the ballet?

Goodbye, Rudy.

Anyway, I feel a lot

better about everything.

You know -- you're a very sweet

guy to let me sleep in your

bed.

It's my pleasure.

Thank you.

I'm ready.

Gee, are you going out

in the corridor in that?

No,

I wasn't planning to.

Oh.

Where are you going to sleep?

Well, I was planning.

That is.

I thought we could both.

Both?

Sleep here?

What kind of a girl do you think

i am?

But you.

I didn't.

Didn't you?

No.

I thought.

What?

Excuse me.

Dee Dee, you get out of that

yo-yo's bed, and come back

where you belong.

No!

I'm staying!

You get up or so help me,

I'll...

You'll what?

I'll knock your block off,

four-eyes!

Oh my goodness!

Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean for you to get hit.

Oh, I don't want you to go away

all hurt.

Help me.

Oh.

Help me.

Oh, come to the bathroom.

To the bed.

Oh.

Oh, my goodness!

Oh.

Oohhhhhhh.

Oh, my goodness!

Oh.

Just stuff this up your nostril

while you're leaving.

I enjoy the dance tonight at the reception.

Me too, me too.

Yeah.

Well, here we are at my cabin.

I had fun dancing with you.

You're a nice person.

You're not so bad yourself.

You really think so?

I mean, I'm not so bad?

Uhm-uhm.

I'll even go further than that.

You're a very nice man,

Nelson.

You just need a little more

confidence.

If you want something,

get it.

You mean it?

Uhm-hmm.

Well, there is something.

I'd like if you wouldn't mind.

Sure.

Goodnight, Julie.

Isaac.

Hi.

Will you do an old pal a favor?

Sure, anything.

Just name it.

Can I bunk with you?

Name another...

Come on, doc,now what

happened to goldilocks?

Well, she ate my porridge,

broke my chair and now she's

asleep in my bed.

She give you that beat-up nose?

Huh?

Oh, no, that's,

that's just advancing age.

You see, after forty, the muscle

in your head turns to fat

and drops.

Doc, I'd like to help you but,

I've got this cutie

up in the starlight bar, and I

thought I'd kinda.

Say no more.

Thanks anyway.

Good, doc.

You're a sport.

Gopher -- you in there?

Gopher?

Aw, nuts!

Doc.

Uh...can I come in?

Sure.

What are you in for,

o'Rourke?

Just the man I want to see.

Who's in c-125?

Julie McCoy,

the cruise director.

Oh boy!

This is really disgusting stuff!

I love it.

Oh, Julie!

Well, it serves you right

for being so lecherous.

Look, Julie, no lectures,

please?

It's been a very difficult evening.

I just want to find a place to

sleep.

Well, you happen to be

sitting on the only place to

sleep.

As you may have noticed, it's a

single bed, doc.

A very small single bed.

Don't worry.I won't invade the

purity of your single bed.

I'll sleep in the bathtub.

Doc,could I ask you a question?

Just, purely as a matter of interest.

How will I sleep in the bathtub?

I haven't figured that out yet.

No.

Well...here we are two passably

attractive human beings of the

opposite sex.

One of us a known lecher.

You, a lecher?

I never suspected.

I'm serious.

Why haven't you made?

An overture...

Julie!

That'd be like making a pass at

my own kid sister!

You know, you've done something

that I didn't think was possible.

You've shocked me.

Goodnight.

I'm sorry if the idea offends you!

I, I wasn't actually suggesting anything.

I...i just thought that,

oh, forget it.

After I close up, how 'bout you

and me taking a tour

of the ship?

Mmmm...i just love the way you

communicate.

Isaac, would you pour me a drink,

please?

Whatever's closest.

In a minute.

Another rejection.

You can have mine.

Thanks.

Oh, Nelson, I thought you were

all locked up for the evening.

I'm sorry about what happened.

I'd like to make it up to you.

You would?

Would you like to buy me a

bottle of Irish whiskey?

A whole bottle?

Sure.

We can finish it at your place.

My place is in Santa Monica.

Your cabin, Nelson.

Put this on my bill.

Thank you.

Oh, Nelson, peel me a grape.

I beg your pardon?

Would you fix me a drink, please?

Oh.

Oh, of course.

Can I ask you a simple question

first?

Sure.

Will you marry me?

Nelson, the question isn't simple.

You are...

I mean it.

If I don't get married by the

end of the week, I lose my

inheritance.

No one else'll have me.

I'm desperate.

Oh, well...Thanks.

That's just the kind of proposal

I've always dreamed of.

Hey, really?

No, not really.

Nelson, the only reason I'm here is,

well, doc's asleep in my cabin

snoring his brains out,

and...

And I'm exhausted.

I, I want to sleep.

Well, you can stay in my cabin

I wouldn't dream of trying

to get fresh with you.

Oh, thanks.

Gee, all these compliments are

gonna turn my head.

I've gotta find a wife.

Time is running out.

Well, good luck.

And remember, there's always the

want ads.

I haven't thought of that.

The want ads!

Who is it?

It's Kurt, baby.

Let me in.

Hi.

Hi.

Good morning.

Uh...yes, it is.

I noticed you didn't spend

the night in your bed.

Doc, you know...

Did you have an interesting night?

Well, since you asked.

It was...Fan-tastic...

Was that Julie sneaking

in carrying her shoes?

Yeah.

I don't know if I like that.

Our Julie messing with the

passengers.

Me neither.

We wouldn't do a thing like that.

Who?

Us?

No way!

Good morning.

Oh...good morning.

Are you the lady who serves coffee?

Absolutely not!

I'm the lady who drinks

champagne.

Ha, ha.

You...sleep here all night?

Yes.

Oh.

Well.

I guess that makes us roommates.

We...we slept together!

I mean you slept here, too,

huh?

Would you marry me?

I don't think so.

Besides, my religion forbids

marriage.

I'm an avowed swinger.

Well, if you married me,

ah, ah, ah, ah.

I came on this ship for fun, not

to find a husband.

Dustin, George, Scott, Truman,

they're cute, you know?

Sylvester, Marlon, al.

A million laughs.

But I'm looking for something a

little different.

But marriage?

Not that different.

You really look rotten.

Why don't you get some sleep?

I can't.

There's a woman in my cabin.

Well, what are you doing

out here?

She turned me down.

Oh.

Well, why did you have to leave

your cabin?

Why couldn't she go to hers?

There's somebody

sleeping in her bathtub.

Oh.

Too confusing for this early in

the morning.

Look, there's no one in my

cabin.

Why don't you get some sleep,

huh?

Okay?

You're very nice.

Thank you.

Oh, by the way, I'll go with you.

I've gotta get out of these glad

rags.

You're very pretty.

Thank you.

You're very pretty.

Oh.

Good morning, gopher.

Good morning.

Morning.

Morning.

Boy, she sure starts early.

Anyway, that's it.

Look, I'm ...I'm sorry,

I called you an animal.

Would you think of me as a person?

Dee Dee.

Mmm?

The big guy definitely thinks

of you as a person.

Do you love me?

Hey, is the pope catholic?

Okay!

Hey, you know -- you know

when you -- when you kicked out

the doc, he really must have

been sore, huh?

Well, no, actually,

he's very much a gentleman.

Oh, sure.

I'll bet.

How about going back to our

cabin and really getting this

honeymoon underway, huh?

Oh, well, you know, this,

hmm?

This is not really a honeymoon.

Yeah, well, why wait for the

last minute?

You know, somebody may

come in the door.

So what?

So what?!

Yeah.

What's the matter with you?

What do you mean, so what?!

You're some kind of a...

I'm a what??

Just get out of here;

would you just get out of here

and leave me alone?!

Go on!

You want get out,

you got get out!

You porker!!!

Boy!

Sickos!

Get some sleep, handsome.

And when that girl gets out of

your cabin, you can go back to

your place.

Are you sure you won't marry me?

Positive.

You're only being polite because

I slept with you last night.

Ah, miss Jermaine,

would you like a cup of coffee?

No, thank you, Isaac.

How about a glass of champagne?

Oh no, I never drink on the job.

Oh, you.

Coming right up.

Hello?

Yes.

Miss Jermaine.

Okay, just a minute, please.

Thank you.

Uh, miss Jermaine?

There's a telephone call for you.

Ah.

I'll plug you in.

Thank you, Isaac.

Hello.

Hello?

Oh, how are you Liz darling?

Oh, I'm wonderful.

Good grief.

Elizabeth Taylor!

How are Charlie and Phil?

Oh, that's nice.

Does Annie like her new horse?

Charlie?

Phil?

Annie?

Queen Elizabeth?

Oh, well, it's just

lovely of you to call.

I...I'd like to come to supper

on Friday, but I'm at sea.

It would be a little

inconvenient.

And there's a delicious captain

standing here devouring me with

his eyes.

So...I'd better ring off now

before he runs away again.

See you later, Liz.

Why don't you come sit here and

talk to me, you gorgeous captain

you!

Well.

'Captain,' anyway.

No.

Gorgeous captain.

When are you gonna give me a

captain's tour of this

magnificent liner?

Well, anytime,

at your convenience.

No time like the present.

Shall we?

My honor.

Thank you.

Miss Jermaine,

your champagne.

Oh, thank you.

Mmm.

Thank you.

Everybody's getting in the act.

Captain: "Good day, for those of you who wish to go offshore,

launches will be leaving for cabo San Lucas."

So long, honey,

Julie, I think you and I need

to have a little talk.

Oh?

What about?

Can't you guess?

You spent last night heaven

knows where.

It pains me to see your moral

standards decline.

Well, that sounds to me, doc,

like the pot calling the

kettle black.

I never claimed to have any

moral standards.

But you.

And the president stood up,

looked into my eyes and said,

"again"?

Of course, that wasn't near as

exciting as when Neil Armstrong

let me fly one of his test planes.

I got it to mach three and

he told me the plane

had never been flown that fast.

Of course,

we couldn't tell lockheed,

I'd done it.

Ha, ha, ha.

Really!

Yes.

You know, ireni,

I like your style.

And I like yours,

merrill.

Would you consider continuing

this stimulating conversation

in a quieter spot?

Well, my cabin has a lovely

view of the ocean.

Mmm.

Sounds stunning.

Yoo-hoo, Smith.

Hi, o'Rourke.

Well, you were right, Smith.

This ship is a hotbed of hot beds.

What do you mean?

I never said that.

So far, I've got a jet-set lady,

a marriage-mad heir,

a red-headed kook,

a guy with muscles on his muscles, and

assorted members of your crew.

Now, wait a minute.

I'm gonna nail 'em to the wall.

O'Rourke,

now, wait a minute.

You've got this all wrong.

If anything was going on on this ship,

I'd know about it.

Smith, I appreciate what you've

done for me, and I'm going

to mention your name in my

article.

See you later.

O'Rourke!

Wait a...

O'Rourke!

Oh no.

Yes.

How long have you been in this

business, anyway?

Uh not too long to be tired of it.

Here we are.

I forgot,

don't frown, merrill.

Who is he?

Oh, he?

Oh, a passenger, I think.

Well, I just found him on deck

this morning, fast asleep.

He had been there all night.

A stowaway?

Oh.

A girl was in his cabin and

wouldn't get out, so I just,

let him use mine.

Oh.

Ha, ha, ha...

You know, you're a most gracious

woman.

Perhaps, perhaps,

I can return the favor.

Huh?

I thought maybe I could persuade

you to use my cabin.

Oh.

It wouldn't take any persuasion

at all.

I wonder if Harold Robbins

started like this.

Voice: Captain stubing to the

bridge, please.

Captain stubing to the bridge.

Well, duty calls.

May I see you tonight?

Of course.

But you'll have to charm me all

over again.

You won't have to charm me.

I'll stay charmed all day long.

So, you see,

I'm gonna be rich.

Now, would you please marry me?

Oh, Nelson,

you're hysterical!

What am I gonna do?

Well, what seems to be the

problem?

Well, if I'm not married within a week,

I lose my inheritance.

Throw yourself on the mercy

of the court.

Maybe one of the jurors will

marry you..

And you call yourself a doctor.

Would you, care to dance?

I would love to.

What am I doing wrong?

Oh, merrill, you're such a bad boy

telling me a story like that.

But I loved it.

Are you...

Charmed again?

Maybe after one more champagne.

Well, perhaps we can have it

in my cabin.

Then why stop at one?

You have to...

You know,

get your trip together.

I have my space, and.

For sure.

You know, I have mine.

Oh, separate bedrooms.

I never thought of that.

No, that's not what I mean.

I, you know,

I mean your,

space.

For sure.

You know, your space.

Hey, baby.

Can we kinda talk this over?

Buzz off, Kurt!

You're standing in my space!

Feel it in the air, Smith?

What?

The calm before the storm.

These sex fiends are gonna go

berserk tonight.

I know it.

Want a drink, o'Rourke?

Sure.

Beer, neat.

But be cool.

Hate to be seen boozing it up

with a source.

That's me.

Cool as all outdoors.

Smith -- I like you.

You're one heckuva guy,

o'Rourke.

Nuts?

From the first time I saw you

on this ship, I felt that you

were a woman who comes into

a man's life but once.

Mmm.

How eloquently stated.

Would you mind terribly if

I kissed you?

After such a glowing tribune,

I'd be shattered if you

didn't.

Ireni,

Excuse me, lovely lady.

I'd like to slip into something

more comfortable.

Hello.

Hello.

Could you please page ireni

Jermaine right away, please?

It's an emergency!

No, no, I can't wait!

You have to page ireni Jermaine

right now!

Please.

I...

I don't understand.

I can't go through with it,

that's all there is to

understand.

You can't go through with what?

This whole silly fraud!

I'm not ireni Jermaine.

I'm Irene.

Irene funston.

A widowed housewife from

pacoima.

Oh.

I don't know what to say.

You're still a lovely lady.

Filled with wit and grace.

Please.

I don't want to start anything,

I can't finish.

This cruise was going to be the

fantasy to last me for the rest

of my life.

A memory I could look back on,

in the years to come,

and...you...

You were gonna be a major part of

my scrapbook.

But,

what I realize now, is,

what I need isn't

a shipboard fling,

but a man at home I can cook for,

and clean for,

and iron shirts for.

I need what I used to have.

I'm sorry.

I can't be that man.

Whoever you are,

you're a magnificent woman,

Irene.

Are you all right?

I will be.

Why are you crying?

Whattaya talking about?

Big guys don't cry.

My late husband, he,

he was a big hulk like you.

He used to cry at tire

commercials.

You're just saying that to

make me feel better.

Uhm-uhm.

A real man shouldn't be afraid

to show his emotions.

And right now,

you're acting like a man.

I am?

Uh-huh.

Girl trouble, huh?

Yeah...i...

I think I've been jilted.

Who would want to jilt you?

I mean,

you're good looking,

obviously sensitive.

Yeah, it's true.

See, you may not believe this,

but,

well, I have an ego problem.

Oh.

Sometimes people have to tell

the world that they're the

greatest because nobody's

telling them they're the

greatest.

Yeah?

Yeah.

You are the greatest.

So I never really learned

to play basketball.

Can I buy you a drink?

I beg your pardon?

We've not been properly

introduced.

My name is Nelson hoag.

I'll have a scotch and water.

Could I have a scotch and water

for the lady, please?

Okay, but last round.

Who's fighting?

I think we'll forget about

the drinks.

Lady -- this guy won't

forget any drinks he's had

tonight.

What's your name?

Dee Dee.

Dee Dee.

That's d period, d period

or just Dee Dee?

Just Dee Dee.

You're d period, d period.

Dead drunk

Nelson, do you own any horses?

No, I,

I'm afraid of large animals.

I have a rabbit.

His name is Benjamin.

Would you like to see his

picture?

Sure.

Benjamin.

He's adorable.

I have a full scrapbook

of pictures of Benjamin,

in my cabin.

Would you like to see it?

Yes, I would.

Oh, Benjamin!

Nelson.

This is Benjamin.

I'm Nelson.

Say, what about the bill?

Oh, no, thank you.

Dee Dee,

it's morning.

I brought you some breakfast.

Oh, Nelson,

how thoughtful.

You don't mind serving a woman?

No, of course not.

Why should I?

You'd do the same for me,

wouldn't you?

People should share.

I...i hope I didn't get fresh

with you last night.

You passed out showing me

your rabbit album.

Real cute.

Yeah, he is, isn't he?

I mean you.

Sugar.

Yes, dear?

No, I need the sugar.

Oh...right...

It's not as sweet as you are.

Nelson,

will you marry me?

Huh?!

I mean, you're the most

wonderful man I've ever met.

You're kind and considerate.

Please say you'll marry me.

You'll marry me.

I -- I mean, of course I'll

marry you.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!!

Oh, honey!

They didn't have any honey.

No, I mean you.

Oh.

Nelson,

could we have a June wedding?

Well, if I get married

before Friday, I'll inherit

three million dollars.

Could we have the reception

in June?

It happened!

It happened!

What happened?

I'm looking for Dee Dee.

She's got the key to my cabin.

Doc!

Doc!

Come in.

Something wonderful is going to

happen!

Come on -- come on!

It happened!

It happened!

Julie, come in here!

It's terrific!

What?!

Holy Toledo!

A menage a four!

Oh, you two!

Come on in!

We want you to join us!

Come on!

Go on in.

The more the merrier!

Hey!

All right!

If the old Dodgers drew this

many people, they'd

still be in Brooklyn.

A party at this hour?

Go in.

They're all your sicko

friends.

Captain stubing!

You're just in time!

You're the only thing this

party's missing!

Uh, Smith.

As long as you're out,

get some champagne!

Yes, sir!

Hey, o'Rourke,

you want some champagne?

Sure.

I've got a lot to celebrate, you

you know.

I'm gonna make millions off

this!

You know what,

o'Rourke.

Hmm?

I hate crowds.

What do you say we go to my

cabin and start our own party?

I like the way you think,

Smith.

Well, Smith, how about those rans..

All: Bye, so long.

You will come to the wedding,

won't you?

Yes.

As long as you promise not to

throw the bridal bouquet in my

direction.

Julie, I must thank you.

If you hadn't turned me down, I

don't think I ever would have

found Dee Dee.

Well, I'm glad that everything

worked out well for you,

Nelson.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Well...

Goodbye, merrill.

It's not goodbye,

ireni,

it's "hasta luego."

Until we meet again.

Oh, it's not ireni.

It's Irene.

Irene.

You mean Julie and Nelson,

didn't?

No.

And Julie and doc

didn't either?

No.

Well, if they didn't,

and ireni and Nelson didn't, and

doc and Dee Dee didn't,

then the only ones who did...Were...

Oh, don't tell my editor!

Hey, not this guy.

I don't kiss and tell.

Smith, you are terrific.

O'Rourke,

you're still one heckuva guy.

Goodbye.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

So long.

Bye -- everybody.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye o'Rourke.

Good bye.

Well...i had an interesting

voyage.

Mine was...Unusual.

Mine was certainly out of

the ordinary.

Mine was dull.

I didn't meet a single lady.

She was married.

It's strange.

You know, I have a vaguely

unsatisfied feeling, rather like

having eaten a Chinese dinner an

hour ago.

I have a distinctly

unsatisfied feeling, rather like

having been denied a Chinese

dinner an hour ago.

And I have a totally

frustrating feeling, rather like

not even knowing what a Chinese

dinner is...

I feel terrific.

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