Original subtitles

Love,

exciting and new.

Come aboard,

we're expecting you.

Love,

life's sweetest reward.

Let it flow,

it floats back to you.

Love boat soon will be making another run.

The love boat,

promises something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure.

Your mind on a new romance.

Love,

won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile

on a friendly shore.

Yes, love,

welcome aboard.

It's love.

Are...are you sure it's safe?

I've never been on a ship before.

Of course, it's safe.

Well, nothing will happen to us?

Denise, this is a pleasure cruise.

They're not gonna dump us on a

beach at anzio....

C'mon...relax.

Relax....

Oh, that's easy for you to say.

You haven't been president of

the pta for the past two years.

Parents screaming, teachers

screaming, all of them screaming

at me.

I know.

That's why I thought that....

And you're not a den mother.

You didn't take twenty-nine

brownies to Disneyland last Sunday.

Do you know how scary it is to

go to Disneyland with

twenty-nine little girls and

come home with thirty?

Denise, anyone can make a mistake.

Oh, the car pool!

I'm...I'm supposed to do the car

pool next week.

It's my turn.

Denise.....don't you remember?

You switched weeks with Betty.

Oh.

That's right.I forgot.

Oh...my nerves are tight as a

drum from all this.

Exactly.

And that's why you need a vacation.

You never arranged for a vacation since we've been married.

Why a cruise?

'Cause that's the kind of rest you need.

Roxy!

You can't run out like this.

Gus...i am tired.

If you do this to Bob hope, he'll be dead in t.V.

Roxy, ro...

Roxy would you listen to me.

Did I just die and go to heaven, or is that roxy blue?

Where?

You died and went to heaven.

There's nobody there.

But she just came on board.

I'm telling you, I know roxy blue when I see her.

He knows her when he hears her, too.

He's played her satin doll album so many times

she sounds like George c.Scott.

Well, she's not on my list.

Well, maybe she's travelling under another name.

Hey, Isaac, maybe we can fix you up with her, man.

C'mon, man.

Me and roxy blue?

Well, at least get her to sign your satin doll album.

Yeah, and if she won't do that,

maybe we can get George c. Scott to sign it.

Hi, Julie.

Hi.

We're Bret and Denise fredericks.

Well, welcome aboard.

Fredericks...fredericks.

Yes...there you are.

You're in cabin one-oh-four on the promenade deck.

Go up the stairs...Through those doors and forward.

Right.

Thanks a lot.

Hm-hm.

You acted as if you knew her.

I don't know her.

I didn't say you knew her.

I just said you acted as if you knew her.

I mean, you said, "hi, Julie."

Well, that's her name.

Well, my name's Denise, but she didn't say, "hi, Denise."

You're not wearing a name tag that says Denise.

She's wearing a name tag that says Julie.

I'll be back in a minute.

Have a good time.

Excuse me, Julie....

I just want to remind you,

I'm the one that called about

the surprise birthday party for my wife.

Oh, yeah, I know.

Why don't you call me later, and we'll make plans.

You're a doll.

I thought you didn't know her.

I don't know her.

Then how come you were whispering to a perfect stranger?

I told her of your concern for the safety of the ship,

and asked her to tell the ship's captain to please drive carefully.

Oh...thank you.

You're welcome.

Did she say she would?

Yes, sir, mr.Fourgis.

That's table twenty-nine, the late sitting, sir.

Thank you.

Ah, welcome aboard, sir.

Mr......

Tanner...

Capital t-a-n-n-e-r...

But I guess you know that.

Yes.

I mean, I guess that's the only way to spell it.

There's not another way to spell it, is there?

Not in English, that I know of.

Yeah, just t-a-n-n-e-r.

Right.

Capital t.

I forgot to say that.

Well, I got it....

Okay...mr.

Tanner....

That's table fourteen.

Capital one-four....

Thank you.

I do know for a fact, though, there's only way to spell my first name.

Robert.

If he spells it out, I'm gonna scream.

R-o-b-e-r-t....

Of course, back home on the farm,

they used to call me Bob or Bobby

or little Bob or little Bobby.

That's on account my daddy's name was Robert, too.

And we'd get all mixed up if they called us both Bob or Bobby.

Well, those are the breaks on the farm, man.

Of course, I guess they could have called him big Bob or big Bobby,

but he was so short, nobody never did.

C'est la vie.

There could be one problem though here on the boat.

Yeah, I think I know what that could be,

you know.

What if there's another Robert Tanner?

There couldn't be.

Next, please...

Please.

Dullard!

Ah, mr.And Mrs. Dullard.

Welcome aboard.

Voice: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

This is captain stubing.

Midnight buffet is now being served in the coral dining room.

Ah, Kahlua on the rocks, please.

Yes, ma'am....

Yessss, ma'am, miss blue.

Sweetheart, would you please do me a favor.

Just put your eyeballs back in your head

and serve me my Kahlua very quietly.

I'd really appreciate it.

Right...right.

Fine.

Solid.

Fine.

You got it.

What was it that you wanted?

Kahlua.

Right....

You got me kinda flustered.

I mean, I can't believe i'm standing here talkin' to roxy....

Shhh....

Roxy blue.

Thank you.

I own every record you ever made.

Is that so?

Sister, I played satin doll so many times it is worn out.

Well...a real fan.

And now you're here and i'm actually talking to you.

And you're even more beautiful in person than....

You know...

I kinda got my nerve up to say somethin' and....

I think I better say it before I lose it...

Listen....well, you're on this ship and...

So am I and...Well,

I was wonderin' if I could....

See you.

That's all.

Well....you're lookin' at me right now, sweetheart.

Oh, no, no, no.

That's not what I mean.

See I...

I kinda want to...Well...

What I'd like to do is...

Oh, forget it.

I mean, I'm just a bartender and you're a star.

What time do you get off work?

In about an hour.

Why don't we have one drink.

One drink, mind you, in my suite.

But please, do me a favor just keep it to yourself.

I really don't want anybody to know I'm on this ship.

My lips are sealed, miss blue.

Roxy.

Hi, captain.

I'm mr.Tanner.

Cabin a-two-eleven.

Aloha deck.

Well, how do you do.

I'm captain stubing.

You know, it's an interesting thing about that word aloha.

You know, in Hawaii it means goodbye, but it also means hello.

True.

Now in English, we've got two different words for hello and goodbye.

Hello and goodbye...

But in Hawaii they've only got the one...Aloha.

Aloha.

Adios.

Can't think how they keep from gettin' confused,

you know, like bein' in an airport

and everybody sayin' aloha.

Some of 'em meanin' hello, and some of 'em meanin' goodbye.

You know, dependin' on whether they're comin' or goin'.

Yes.

Well...i have to be going.

Aloha.

Sometimes it's just in the way you say it.

Aloha!

Hi.

Hi.

You look nice.

I bet you say that to all the girls,

you smooth-talkin' devil you....

Listen, why don't you come on inside.

I'll play you some of my favorite ray Charles tapes,

we'll put our feet up,

talk a little bit, and you tell me about that suit,

and the herd of cows that you got it from.

And the herd of cows that you got it from.

But I'm really not that much of a photographer.

All I need is some candid shots of my wife.

Then I can have them blown up and hang 'em on the wall.

Well, I can get the blow-ups made.

I mean, that's no problem.

Neither are the candid shots.

What do you say?

Okay.

Just don't let my wife see you.

I want this whole thing to be a surprise.

Don't worry.

Before this, I used to be a hotel detective.

And since that night on the cruise when miss america came aboard,

i had to lock the door to my cabin every night.

'Morning, ma'am.

'Morning.

Well, back to work.

Gotta help the captain find puerto vallarta.

We're lost?

That's just a joke, Denise.

You know, he...Seems very strange to me.

He's a very sneaky man.

Oh, you're right.

It's his job.

You see, he's the assistant sneak.

Mmm...funny.

Ah, c'mon, Denise.

Lighten up.

Will ya?

Hey there, sleepyhead.

Can I get some service, please?

Got a person here that really needs some coffee.

Yes, indeed.

Service is my middle name.

Ah, good morning.

It certainly is.

Hi.

Hi...

Want some coffee?

No, just a coffee break.

Ooh, it's not even noon

and my feet feel like it's three in the morning.

Well, I'm gonna have to ask your feet to leave.

This bar closes at two.

By the way, have you seen roxy blue today?

Roxy blue....Now that name does sound familiar.

Yeah, remember you said you saw her get on board?

Oh...that roxy blue.

Well, the captain got wind of it.

And he's a big fan of hers

and he wants her to be his guest at the farewell party.

That is if I can find her.

If that was even her.

Well, you know, I might have been mistaken.

That might not have been her.

Besides, she sings like George c. Scott anyway.

Yeah.

Will you keep your eye out for her?

Morning, Julie.

Where's the shuffleboard tournament?

Huh?

I was just on my way.

Oh...hi...hi.

Take care of those bunions.

I sing like George c.

Scott, huh?

Only the high notes.

You dog.

Just you wait.

I'm gonna get you for this.

Promises...promises.

So, the jeweler was supposed to have the bracelet ready

before I left, but he goofed.

And now I don't have a birthday present for Denise.

I tell you what.

Later I'll go down to the gift shop with you

and help you pick something out.

Oh, that'll be hard.

Every time I turn around, Denise is there.

Well then, why don't you come down with me now?

I can't.

If I stay away too long, Denise'll get suspicious.

Then there's only one thing we can do.

We'll just have to get rid of her.

That's not a bad idea.

I'll see you later.

Right...

Oh, hi.

Can I join you, or...Is your friend coming back?

My friend?

The girl you don't know.

You mean Julie?

Oh, come on, she's just doing her job.

Trying to keep the passengers happy.

Strange.

I'm a passenger, and she hasn't sat down with me once.

Denise...please.

What were you two talking about?

Oh, nothing.

Nothing, just small talk.

I bet you'd rather be on this cruise alone, wouldn't you?

Of course not.

Just you and the little pretty blonde.

That is ridiculous.

Without old married me in the way.

You're being ridiculous.

Just....

Well, I'm not giving you a divorce, and that's final!!

You should've known, Denise.

Ooh, you should've known he had something up his sleeve when...

When he decided on this cruise at the spur of the moment....

Then why...Why didn't I realize it?

Why didn't I know?

Why didn't you know?

Because, we wives are always the last to find out.

Listen to me, Denise, this is only a fling.

He'll get over it.

I want you to get up.

Go have dinner and act like you're having fun.

Act like I'm having fun.

Oh...have to answer that.

I'll be right back....

Hello?

Mr. Fredericks.

I haven't been able to get a clean shot at your wife all day long.

See, I told you I wasn't very good at this.

I think maybe you'd better do it yourself.

But I can still arrange to have her blown up.

Who...wh...who is this?....

Oh, it's that mr.Tanner.

C'mon, Harvey, let's go.

Will you sit down?

I came on this cruise for a rest.

Not to be playing hide-and-go-seek.

Ah!

Ah, it's too late.

If he asks one more time what we had for dinner, I'll slap his face.

Hi.

You mind if I join you?

Ahhh...no...no sit down.

What'd you have for dinner?

Liver and onions.

No foolin'.

You know, I was gonna have liver and onions.

As a matter of fact, I went so far as to order the liver and onions,

and then I changed my order.

Really?

Yup.

'Cause a funny thing about me and liver and onions.

I ordered a lot, but then most of the time

i always end up changin' my order.

But of the time I end up changing my order.Not all the time, but just most of the time.

That'd make a wonderful movie.

You know, I was just sittin' over there with some people

who must not have had a very good dinner.

'Cause suddenly all three of 'em started gettin' queasy.

Really?

What'd they have?

I don't know.

I never did get a chance to ask 'em.

Well, that's what I had.

Harvey, listen, I'm getting a little queasy, too.

Goodnight, mr.Tanner.

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

Gosh, I better watch what I eat.

Well, what finally happens is that you...You lose control.

I mean, I'm not just roxy blue working girl.

I'm roxy blue enterprises,

roxy publishing, roxy records,

roxy limited, London.

I'm a damn conglomerate.

But I'm also bones and nerve endings.

And you know all that jazz.

I suppose I just really needed,

to rest.

Yeah, but you walked out on Bob hope.

I mean, that's like walking out on....Bob hope.

So, they'll get Donny and Marie.

Oh, nobody'll know the difference.

Yeah, you know, I always get you three mixed up.

All right, so I'll pass up one TV guest shot.

To cruise on the pacific Princess with a very sexy bartender.

Who thinks I sing like

George c. Scott.

Now don't get sexy with me, please.

I told you.

You are messing with a very vengeful corporation here.

You know I was only having fun.

You don't sing a bit like George c. Scott.

More like Lee Marvin.

Why don't you just shut up and kiss me?

Can't turn down a vengeful corporation.

So, that's all there is to it, huh?

You just let go of the skeet

and I try to pop it off in mid-air.

Hey, Denise!

Denise!

Denise!

Doctor.

Oh...

I have to talk to somebody.

Whoa....slow down.....

My husband's trying to kill me.

Mrs.fredericks.

He's in love with another woman and they want me out of the way.

Easy,easy Mrs. Fredericks.

It's conspiracy.

No, no, no.

He's in cahoots with half the people on the ship.

I'm sure you're mistaken, Mrs.

Fredericks.

Come on into my office.

I'll give you something to help you relax...A mild sedative.

You'll feel much better when you get some sleep.

You're in on it, too.

Well, everybody seems to be having a good time, miss McCoy.

Yes, sir.

Well, sun and fun and rum is an unbeatable combination.

I wonder what's the matter with mr.Tanner up there.

Is he talked out?

Is vesuvius....Out of lava?

Well, sir, he's a nice guy.

He's just kind of boring.

Well, we all have faults, miss McCoy.

But I want all the passengers to have a good time.

Consider that a challenge.

Swimming the English channel is a challenge.

This is impossible.

Los Angeles newspapers, anyone?

Here you go, ma'am...Los Angeles papers...Los Angeles papers...

You got a problem?

Yeah.

I'm running out of passengers to assign to mr.Tanner's table.

Nobody seems to make it through dessert.

What about that little old deaf lady?

I tried her, but she reads lips and she says that mr.Tanner

has boring lips.

Let me try....

Hey, folks....How would you like to share your table tonight

with mr.Tanner?

Does that mean maybe?

What about you?

What about you?

I thought I'd eat in my room.

You know...Enjoy my own conversation.

My goodness,

Harvey?

Hm?

Who does that look like?

Mmm, it's hard to see.

Hat covers a lot of his face.

That's mr.Tanner.

I'm sure of it.

Well, could be....

It's the exact same kind of hat.

But what's his picture doin' in the paper?

What'd he do, win the pillsbury bore-off?

Listen to this....

"Los Angeles police report that despite an intensive dragnet,

Roscoe toler, international

Jewel thief has once again eluded capture."

Roscoe toler...Jewel thief?

R.t.

Those are the same initials as Robert Tanner.

That's him!!

You know, I think you're right.

I knew that hick accent was phony.

Should we tell the captain?

Why?

So he can arrest him.

Harvey, let the captain arrest him later.

Hah?

First, let's get to know him.

I mean, how many people do you know that can say

that their best friend was an international Jewel thief?

Two, maybe three, tops.

You and roxy blue?

Hey, man, this is Isaac Washington.

Yeah, I know I'm just a bartender.

And she's a star.

But you gotta know her,

i mean, she's not like a star....

She's....like a woman.

I mean, you know, she is like,

well, she's like the kind of woman you want to marry.

C'mon...be serious.

I am serious.

I think you are.

I'm happy for you, man.

Really.

Thanks, gopher.

But now you're sure that she's the right one for you.

Gopher, when you meet the right woman,

you know it.

Don't worry, sir.

Anything you want, I'll make.

You name it.

Just a small chocolate cake, and on top, happy birthday, Denise.

Fine...

"A beautiful wife...And a dedicated mother."

Yes, sir.

"With all my love,

forever and ever,

till the end of time."

That's it?

Yeah.

Oh, and I'd like it all spelled out in strawberries.

Strawberries?

How 'bout pineapples?

I'm sorry I'm late, but I just ordered the cake.

I've never seen a man go through so much trouble

to give his wife a surprise party.

Ah, she's worth it.

I found the perfect gift for her.

Yeah?

It's a gold choker.

It's beautiful.

A gold choker.

You know, that's a terrific idea.

Good.

By the way, what size neck does she have?

I don't know.

Why?

Well, it should fit snugly to looks its best.

Oh, what am I gonna do?

I can't ask her her size, because that'll give it away.

And I can't just walk up to her and measure it.

Ooh, that's right.

Have you got any ideas?

Yes.

Tonight, wait until she's asleep

and then take the sash from your bathrobe

and slip it around her neck.

Pull yourself together, Denise.

That's better.

Now remember,

when he knocks on the door, don't let him in.

Don't let him in all night.

What'd you say?

Ah!!

Oh, Denise, you look beautiful.

What are you...Doing here?

Don't you remember?

We share a room....

Honey, is something the matter?

No...no....

No, nothing.

I...I'm just really not feeling very well.

I have a cold...A slight cold.

Oh, poor baby.

Let me take a look at your throat.

No!...

It's nothing.

I...you know,

i think it's probably better if I stayed in though.

Yes.

Why...why don't you go dancing.

Alone?

The way they dance today, it doesn't matter.

I...i can't have a good time without you,

so...why don't I stay in, too, hm?

We'll relax and...I'll catch up on some reading.

I had the veal curry...Three helpings.

I had steak tartar...

Please....tanner is our friend.

Some people are so pushy.

Would you like to know what I had for dinner?

I sure would.

That'd be real nice.

Well, I had rack of lamb.

Why didn't I think of that.

Are you sure it wasn't the leg of lamb?

Didn't I have rack of lamb?

Harvey, tell him I had the rack of lamb.

Yes, she did.

She had the rack of lamb.

What vegetables did you have?

Broccoli.

Golly.....

Oh, I had carrots.

Brussel sprouts.

I had zucchini.

Well, more important than what we had,

mr.tanner, what did you have for dinner?

Well, you know how I always ordered liver

and onions and at the last minute I change my order.

Well, this time I didn't change my order.

I had the liver and onions.

That's a beautiful necklace, mrs.Grove.

Oh, thank you.

Isn't it, mr.Tanner?

Oh, it sure is.

But to be honest with you,

i don't really know that much about jewelry.

Ohhhh.....

Well, you know now, tomorrow night's our last night out.

And I have really given a lot of thought to this.

And I'm gonna have the roast beef...

Rare.

You must seat at our table.

Denise....denise, why don't you go to bed?

It's midnight.

I'm hungry.

I...i want another sandwich.

Denise, you've ordered up from room service seven times.

C'mon.

It's late.

You'll be dead in the morning....

C'mon.

Okay....i just want to finish reading this book first.

I'm at the most exciting part.

What page are you on?

Three.

You know, all we've got is what's left of tonight,

then tomorrow night and then it's all over.

Yeah.

That's about it.

Roxy....

Nothing better than this has ever

happened to me in my whole life.

Don't go getting sentimental on me.

Please.

I mean it.

Deep in my heart, I mean it.

Deep in your....

What's with this deep in your heart business?

I'm on vacation.

What're you getting mad about?

Because you're getting serious on me.

Knock it off!

I won't knock it off.

Can't you see where I'm comin' from?

I love you.

Don't say that anymore.

What?

I love you?

I do.

I love you more than I've loved anybody before in my life.

Well, you just blew that.

You're acting like I said something dirty.

You're supposed to like it when someone says they love you.

You're supposed to say I love you, too.

And everybody's so happy that they can't see straight.

You really don't understand, do you?

I understand how I feel.

You know, a lot of people have been bugging me to get out of this cabin.

I think I'll take up that standing invitation from your captain.

Isn't there gonna be a farewell party tomorrow night?

What's that got to do with anything?

Well, aren't you going to be there?

Of course, I am.

I'm working.

Fine.

I think we should get some sleep.

It's getting late.

I don't want to.

Now, roxy, I know you love me.

Now why can't you just come out and admit it?

Isaac...

Close your eyes.

We have tonight...Tomorrow night...

And then it's over.

Roxy, I just love you so much.

I know that...

Oh, please, hush....

There's gonna be a big party tomorrow night....

Roxy blue's gonna be there.

So just hush and let's go to sleep.

Denise?

Are you asleep, honey?

Help!!!

Murder!

Help!!!

He's trying to kill me!!!

Denise!!!

He's a murderer.

Stop! Silence!

Quiet!

Would it be too much for one person to explain

what is happening in a simple,

quiet, logical, calm manner?

Yes, sir....

I said one person!...

You.

Well, captain, it all started because

i wanted to give my wife a surprise birthday party.

Why didn't you tell me that?

If I had told you, it wouldn't have been a surprise.

Well then..

Who was that man on the telephone

who said he was trying to shoot me?

I confess.

But this is what I wanted to shoot you with.

I wanted some candid shots to put up at the party.

Julie coordinated everything,

even the present

a gold choker.

I just woke the lady in the gift shop to get it.

I was only trying to measure your neck, silly.

It's beautiful.

Captain, it's after three in the morning.

He's on his way.

All: (All sing happy birthday)

All: (All sing happy birthday)

Oh...

Oh, honey, that's fantastic.

"Happy birthday, Denise...

A beautiful wife and dedicated moth."

Moth?

I ran out of strawberries.

Gee, where do you suppose he is?

Say, you don't think he found us too boring, do you?

Oh, Myra.

Hey, everybody.

Hi.

Hi.

Set yourself down.

I'm sorry I'm late.

Say, did you all hear the news?

No.

What?

Well, there was supposed to be

an international Jewel thief on board.

But the police found him on another ship.

Where'd you hear that?

One of the ship's officers told me.

I don't remember his name.

He's kind of a short fella,

you know with long sideburns and breezy hair.

Why you little fake, ya!

C'mon, Harvey.

I told you he was a nobody.

Well, wait a minute.

What's the matter?

....what?

Don't...don't you want to know what I'm gonna have for dinner?

There she is...

Ladies and gentlemen.

Ladies and gentlemen...

Miss roxy blue!...

Miss blue, it's a tremendous honor having you with us.

We were afraid you were going to deny us the pleasure of your company for the entire voyage.

Oh, well, I thought so, too, for a while,

but then...I got the feeling like a party.

Could I have your autograph?

It's for my niece....

She'll be thrilled.

Are you sure this isn't for you?

That's all right.

Just tell the truth, sugar.

Okay, thank you, thank you.

You're funny.

And Dean's another one, you know.

He's been making outrageous suggestions for years.

But I tell 'em all...

And I'll tell you, too, sugar...

I'm not a girl who falls for uniforms.

I'm only faithful to that one man.

And that one.

And that one.

And that one over there.

Hi, honey.

Isaac...a refill for miss blue, please.

Yeah, just don't stand there, sweetheart.

Roxy is thirsty....

Thank you.

Miss blue, I wonder...Now I know this may be an imposition,

but could you, as a favor to me.

What did you have in mind, honey?

Could you possibly sing a song?

Well, I'll try.

But you know, I'm really not prepared.

I haven't rehearsed anything and

we didn't bring any arrangements or anything like that.

Of course, it's very sweet of you to ask.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Miss roxy blue will now honor us with a song.

I'm gonna love you

like nobody ever loved you,

come rain or come shine.

As high as a mountain.

Deep as a river,

come rain,

come shine,

I guess when you met me

It was just one of those things,

but don't ever beg me

'cause I'm gonna be true.

If you let me,

I know you're gonna love me,

just like nobody's love me,

come rain, come rain,

come shine,

happy together, unhappy together,

won't that be...

Bye bye now.

Thank you.

Bye.

Hello, mr.Tanner.

Sir....

Huh?

Just...i just wanted to make sure

you weren't stealing any liver and onions.

Oh, listen, thanks for everything.

Thank you, thank you.

I'm gonna tell all my friends to take this cruise.

Bye bye.

You didn't come to see me last night.

I was too tuckered out from serving all that champagne.

Us help get that way some time.

You gonna invite me in?

Why not?

I hope you don't mind the servants quarters.

Isaac, I tried to tell you how things are.

It was pretty rough, huh?...

Well, we...We had a little world all our own,

but...it didn't have anything to do with reality.

I just had to show you who roxy blue really is.

She's just a...A showpiece.

She's a...An object.

She's...she's a star.

She's also a woman and that's the part

i thought I was getting through to.

Oh, you did.

You got through,

you got through to a part of me that I even forgot.

Why can't that part belong to me?

Maybe another time...Another place, but this isn't another time.

This is now.

Now stinks.

Look, Isaac...You're too much of a man

to ever be a Mr. Roxy blue.

I was married to three other guys

who went through an awful lot of pain

because they couldn't handle it.

And they had a lot more going for them out,

there in this world than you do.

I'm sorry.

I know it's cruel.

But you've got to understand.

Even if you don't understand,

please forgive me.

Forgive you?

For what?

We had a few laughs.

Oh, we had more than that...

We had a lot more than that.

Julie,

Julie,

thank you again for everything.

Uh-huh.

Oh, especially my present.

You have wonderful taste.

Well, it was fun being part of your birthday.

Just count me out next year.

Okay?

Bye bye.

Bye.

We still have a couple of days of vacation left,

so...what do you say we fly to Las Vegas?

Fly?

In a plane?

Over the mountains?

Across the desert?

Relax, Denise....Helen loved the flight.

Hel...helen?

Who's Helen?

Your mother, Denise.

My jewelry!

My jewelry's been stolen!

I've been robbed!

Calm...calm down...Calm down.

Now are you sure?

Maybe you misplaced it.

No!

No!

It was there this morning when I was packing.

Wasn't it, Harvey?

Yes, it certainly was.

Yes.

Captain...captain...captain.

My jewelry case!

A man down on the dock asked me to return this.

Well, you see?

Someone found it.

Honesty is still the best policy.

Wait.

It's empty!!

What's this?.....

Tanner (v.O.): "Please forgive my dishonesty.

I'm sorry I lied to you at dinner last night.

I told you I was gonna have roast beef,

but at the last minute I changed my mind

and I ordered the crab meat au gratin.

R.t...

That's capital r...Period...Capital t period."

"P.s...i figure your jewels I took are worth ninety thousand dollars...

Don't let the insurance company Rob you....R.T....Roscoe toler."

Nice lady.

I got to talk to her a little bit last night.

She's okay.

So, you gonna see her again?

Nah.

I doubt it.

She was getting too serious, right?

Talking about marriage and everything.

Yeah, well, you know, that sort of thing is for chumps.

Yeah.

Besides, I'm saving myself for somebody really terrific.

So you dumped her, right?

Yeah, you could say that.

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