Original subtitles

[Theme music]

Theme song: Love, exciting and new.

Come aboard, we're expecting you.

And love, life's sweetest reward, let it flow.

It floats back to you.

Love boat, soon will be making another run.

The love boat promises something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure, your mind on a new romance.

And love won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile on a friendly shore.

It's love.

Welcome aboard, it's love.

What a great day.

Terrific.

Good morning, captain.

Good morning, captain.

For you, maybe.

Will you get a haircut?

Yes, sir.

Is it my imagination, or is captain

stubing in a rotten mood?

He's in a rotten mood, but I think I know the reason.

Aubrey and Mrs. Skogstad?

Yeah, he's one of the directors of the ship's line.

They're sailing with us today.

Ewh, remind me to make an appointment with the barber.

Ah, make an appointment with the barber.

Thank you, I almost forgot to make

an appointment with the barber.

Here they come out of the starting gate.

Morning.

I can walk, you dumbo.

We are Mr. and Mrs. Aubrey skogstad.

Oh, Mr. Skogstad, we've been expecting you.

It's an honor.

And Mrs. Skogstad, how nice to meet you.

You're in cabin 348.

That's on the promenade deck, cabin 348.

It's right here on my list.

No problems here.

Well, Mr. Skogstad, sir, I'm yeoman purser Smith,

and if there's anything that I can

do to make your voyage a little bit more pleasurable, please

don't hesitate to contact me.

I'm here to serve.

Lord, I love an obsequious runt.

We will see you in our cabin in one hour.

You can leave the Shirley temple routine outside.

Aubrey?

This is going to be such a fun voyage.

Julie: Good morning, welcome aboard.

Hello, welcome aboard.

Ginny!

Ginny, how could you do this to me?

Ginny!

Ginny, come back here.

I love you.

Don't leave me, woman.

Come back here.

Excuse me, Ginny o'brien.

Oh, ok.

Oh, yes, o'brien, a114.

Welcome aboard, miss o'brien.

Don't let her stay on the boat.

She's got [inaudible].

Don't go.

Uh, sir--

Hi.

Oh, hi.

I'm Lorraine Hoffman.

Well, I guess we're uh, cabin mates.

Is anything wrong?

No, there was a man after me, i--

congratulations.

Does he have a friend?

Sir?

Excuse me, sir, are you a passenger on the ship?

No, but I'm looking for one.

Ginny o'brien.

Well, I'm sorry, sir, no more visitors.

We're just about to sail.

Yeah, but I got to see her just for a minute.

Hey, fella, I'd like to help you out, but rules are rules.

Hey, I'm sure a man of your stature

can do something, captain.

Do a little something to help me in this predicament.

Captain?

Aye, aye.

Ok, but just for a minute.

Just for a minute, right.

A114.

A114, thank you very much, skipper.

Aye, aye.

How is everything, captain?

Oh, fine sailor, shipshape.

Sir?

Uh, well, sir, what happened was um, this man--

well, it was just for a minute, sir, and i--

well, it's good public relations, wouldn't you say?

No, I wouldn't.

Well, you're the captain.

Yes, I am.

See, I knew one of us was.

I just always get us mixed up.

Well, I'll return to my post.

Yes.

Don't you-- do you just want to get away from it all?

Uh huh.

I don't think I'm gonna be a real fun cabin mate.

Oh, well that's ok, uh, just as long

as you're willing to take a little stroll

around the deck in case I happen to be entertaining a gentleman

friend?

Oh, sure.

No problem.

That's good.

I'll do the same for you.

Shazam.

Hey, uh, wait a second, we were just

getting the rules straight.

Ronald, I told you I didn't want to see you anymore.

I don't care.

I can't let you go.

You mean too much to me.

Not enough to get married.

Ronald: Hey, now what's this big thing about getting married?

You know, we've been happily living together

for the past two years.

Do you have to advertise it?

Oh, uh, that's ok.

Nobody's listening.

Who are you?

Lorraine Hoffman.

Lorraine is my cabin mate.

Oh, wow, now look at this--

you're willing to share your bedroom with her

and not be married.

Why not me?

Announcer: Last call, all visitors ashore, please.

Heh heh, well, that's our cue.

The boat will be leaving in a minute.

It only takes a minute to say I do.

And it only takes a second to say I don't.

Goodbye, Ronald.

Aw, now, come on, Ginny.

People in love today don't get married.

It spoils the relationship.

See, the thing today is freedom.

Didn't you see "roots?"

Yes, but I want to start a family, not trace one.

It took us 300 years to get our freedom.

You want me to give mine up now?

Freedom?

You're just afraid to make a commitment, that's all.

Do you know what your problem is?

You're immature and irresponsible.

[Scoffs] Immature and irresponsible?

Me, who owns his own exterminating company?

And I am listed in the yellow pages.

Goodbye, Ronald.

But I don't understand.

Then let me put it in words you will understand.

Bug off.

You look very nice today.

I have to go up to Mrs. Skogstad's cabin.

Would you hold the fort for me?

I'd rather hold the fort than face the Indians.

Uh, excuse me, please.

Is there a news stand on board?

There's one in the gift shop, but it's closed.

Uh, well, what time does it open?

9:00 in the morning.

I-- I need a friend.

Can I help?

Would you mind?

My name is Sandy rytell.

Julie McCoy.

Hi.

Julie, you see that man over there?

That's my fiance, congressman brockway.

A long time ago, before I ever met him, i--

I posed for a picture in a magazine.

Uh huh.

No, i-- I mean, I posed for a picture in a magazine.

Oh.

Oh!

Just you and a bear skin rug?

No rug, just-- just the bare skin.

Uh, terrific.

All this time and it's never surfaced, until they found out

I was engaged to Brad, and--

and it's coming out now.

Yeah.

And when it hits the stand, he's--

he's just gonna go-- go through the roof.

I don't know what I'm gonna do.

I talked him into a cruise to get him away from newsstands

and "kitten magazine."

Uh, Sandy, the newsstand carries "kitten magazine."

That's what I was afraid of.

Well, I'll just be there at 9 o'clock in the morning,

and if I'm not, I guess miss Jones is going

to be busting out all over.

Sandy?

Sweetheart.

Excuse me.

Brad: Is that the people from your hotel?

Hello.

Crowd: Bye, bye.

[Cheering]

Come in.

Yes, sir.

Good morning again, sir, again.

What's good about it?

Well, it's nice to hear your growl again.

Don't be so saccharine, miss McCoy.

It makes me feel that I'm watching

a Shirley temple movie.

Now, what do you want?

Well, first I'd like to figure out what everybody's

got against Shirley temple.

Miss McCoy.

Well, sir, I don't know if you're aware,

but one of the directors of the line--

Aubrey skogstad, painfully aware.

Um, there's a slight problem.

Only slight?

That's a surprise.

Well, um, um--

miss McCoy, if you say um one more time,

I'll have you keelhauled.

Now, what is your problem?

Well, um-- uh--

I invited Mr. and Mrs. Skogstad to have dinner with you tonight

at your table, and--

don't tell me.

Mrs. Skogstad said that she would

be delighted to dine at the captain's table

if I eat someplace else.

Right.

I expected as much from that woman.

Well, then there's no problem.

On the good ship lollipop.

I guess stubing decided discretion

was the better part of valor.

If the director's wife says she doesn't want you at her table,

then you eat alone in your room.

You didn't see the look on his face.

He'll be here.

I told you he'd show.

Maybe he didn't like the company in his room.

Ladies, gentlemen, Stacy.

Merrill.

Mr. Skogstad, it's a pleasure to welcome you aboard.

I'm speaking for my entire crew.

I got your joke message.

I was serious.

[Laughs] I am the captain.

This is the captain's table.

The captain sits at the captain's table.

It's not a question of title, bozo,

it's a question of who has the muscle.

Aubrey has the muscle, and I'm with Aubrey.

I see.

I wish you wouldn't call me bozo.

Lord, I hate a sweaty forehead on a bald man.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's been a pleasure,

but I have duties on the bridge.

Good evening.

Good evening.

Good evening.

He didn't lose his temper.

He's handling it very well.

Yeah, well, it would take a lot more than this

to rattle our captain.

[Screams]

Good evening.

[Knocking]

10 o'clock.

Oh, uh, who is it?

Brad?

Oh, Brad, I can explain everything.

There's-- there's this girl, she could be my double.

You just never--

I know, you overslept.

You're lucky you were a passenger

on captain stubing's crew.

When you oversleep, you're overboard.

Got them for you.

Oh, Julie, how can I ever thank you?

Forget it.

But Sandy, if you don't mind my asking, how could you--

pose for a centerfold?

Oh, it's a long story.

I was in law school.

The tuition was costing a fortune.

Thank you.

And I wanted to eat, so I got a dark wig, used a phony name,

and just prayed no one would ever find out.

Julie, I don't want to lose Brad over this.

I mean, he's the best thing that ever happened to me.

But he's gonna find out when you get back to Los Angeles.

I mean, you're going to have to deal with it sooner or later.

Better later than sooner.

Well, I'd better get back to work.

Well, thank you for getting all the copies for me.

Well, I got all the copies they had left.

How many did they sell?

Three.

How am I going to ever find them?

It's going to be like looking for a needle in a haystack.

Don't worry, I have a clue.

What?

All the buyers were men.

Stacy: I have never seen an operation

run more inefficiently.

Well, I wouldn't say inefficiently.

What would you say?

Boy, I'm not quite sure.

Um, uh, maybe I could get back to you next week.

The passenger list is an indecipherable mess.

Now, ma'am, uh, wait a minute.

I'm sorry about those two typographical errors, really.

Is my face red?

Boy, captain stubing is--

don't interrupt.

Your safe was unlocked. - It was empty.

Your desk was littered with papers.

That's paperwork.

And you need a haircut.

Huh.

Well, believe me, you can never have enough baskets,

and puerto vallarta has the best.

Not anymore.

You've got them all now.

What do you plan to do with them anyway?

Oh, the same thing I did with the ones

last year, put them in the attic.

Can you make it?

Uh, I think so.

Here, let me help you.

Uh, thanks.

Uh, uh, uh-- you don't think I bought too much jewelry,

do you?

No, besides, if you ever get tired of it,

you can melt it all down and make yourself a car.

Uh huh.

Guess who's coming to dinner.

Buenos dias mamma.

I don't believe it.

What should I do?

How should I act?

Play it cool, now.

Just play cool.

Ha ha.

Ronald, don't tell you flew all the way down here.

Nope, I was just coming to get my car washed.

You must really love me, Ronald,

to follow me this far, huh?

You bet I do.

But, I know somebody doesn't love you.

Who?

Lady who lives in la waiting for me to kill her termites.

Ronald, you know what you always say about termites.

Right, don't worry about your termites, lady,

because when your house falls, it'll kill them.

How romantic, just think of it--

one of these days, I'll be able to tell our children

that their daddy came all the way to Mexico

and swept me off my feet.

Children?

Daddy?

[Clears throat] Check, please.

Ronald, do you mean to tell me you didn't

come down here to propose?

Uh, I came down here to propose that we uh,

keep living together.

But I want to wear a white dress and walk down the aisle.

Well, you can wear a white dress next time

we walk down the aisle at the supermarket.

No, look, I'm tired of going to parties

and being introduced as Ronald baker and Ginny.

I'm tired of having both our names on the mailbox.

And I'm especially tired of us each having

a charge account at the grocer.

Hey, that's no problem.

We'll just use your charge account.

The absolute worst thing is even after two years,

when we go to your parents' house,

your mother still gives me dirty looks.

That's just your imagination.

She doesn't even know we're living together.

What?

You never even told them?

Uh, I guess it just kind of slipped my mind.

See?

Even you're ashamed of it.

How would you feel if your father and mother

were living together?

They are living together.

But they're married.

Ronald, you're hopeless.

Announcer: Last call, all visitors ashore, please.

Goodbye.

You've got to get off the boat.

Well, you just missed the boat yourself,

mamma, the USS black prince, [inaudible]

The ghettos and beyond.

We've got a good cuisine, too--

chitlins, spare ribs, pork chops.

You're gonna miss all that candied yams,

collard Greens, turnips, everything, yammy mammies, too.

These should help.

Just munch on a couple when you feel

that burning in your stomach.

It must be rewarding to see me reduced to a quivering hulk.

No, not at all, sir.

Oh, please, I know.

The crew was enjoying, this seeing

me rolling over and playing dead,

groveling, acting like a whipped cur.

Mrs. Skogstad's really getting to you.

You had to bring her up?

She'd like to see me buried at sea.

Oh, come now, captain, Mrs. Skogstad?

Why'd she want to do that?

She's a perfect stranger.

She's not perfect, and she is no stranger.

I was married to that woman for 17 years.

You and she?

Boggles the mind, doesn't it?

In the beginning-- in the beginning,

we were two young people incredibly in love.

She was beautiful, sweet, loving.

I was handsome, kind, adoring.

Then, like many other men, I took a mistress.

Ah.

Immense, mysterious, overpowering.

I've always liked the big ones, too.

I'm talking about the sea.

Oh.

Stacy wanted me to become a captain of industry.

Instead, I became a captain of ships,

and Stacy became a bitter woman.

There just wasn't enough room in my life

for both her and the sea.

I'm sorry it didn't work out.

No, it's all right.

You know, I think she would have put up with everything else

if she hadn't hated her name so much.

Stacy?

Stubing.

Stacy stubing?

Oh, oh, I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Oh, so sorry.

Hey, you took the best part.

We'll be docking soon.

You'll love cabo San Lucas.

Oh, I'm not going ashore.

I know my coffee is great, but it

ain't worth hanging around for.

Well, I don't know.

Hi.

Well, what do you think?

Nice, but what happened to your Mexican look?

Darling, cabo is not the place to go native.

It's crawling with billionaires and beautiful people.

Oh, you'll knock 'em dead, Lorraine.

Ah, we'll knock 'em dead.

We are going to paint this town roja.

You paint it alone.

I'm going to wait around here for a while.

What are you going to wait for?

Ah, you got a thing for one of the crew?

No.

I'm going to wait for Ronald.

By the time he drives all the way down here,

he'll be so exhausted, I'll be able to talk him into anything.

You really think he's going to keep chasing you

after you kicked him out on his cucaracha?

Sure, he doesn't give up that easily.

Ronald may not realize it yet, but

deep down inside, he wants to get

married just as much as I do.

Ah, but are you sure you do?

Of course I am.

Why?

Lots of reasons.

Well, let's hear them.

Companionship.

Get a dog.

Security.

Make it a German Shepherd.

I'd like kids.

I'll give you one of mine.

But you have to give it back.

I take it your marriage didn't work out.

Oh, it did.

I worked, he went out.

It's not going to be that way with Ronald.

Once I get that ring on his finger, it's forever.

He'll never take it off.

Play it safe, honey.

Have it made a couple of sizes too small.

Uh, excuse me, could I have a light?

Sure.

Thank you.

Sandy, I'm so glad I finally caught you.

It's just a small fire. It's self defense.

Huh?

[Screaming]

I've only got to find one more.

You can stop looking.

Doc's got it.

That's the ship's doctor?

Yeah, that's why they call him doc.

I think I've got a cold.

May I help you?

I've got a terrible cold.

Did you run out of kleenex?

[Laughs nervously]

Come in, please.

Want to hop up on the table?

[Coughing]

Boy, that's a nasty cough.

Well, let's have a look at you.

Mhm.

Mhm.

Funny, you don't seem to have a temperature,

but you're kind of flushed.

I don't think you have a cold at all,

but you are suffering from acute embarrassment, possibly

caused by overexposure.

You knew all along?

I never forget a face.

What's wrong, are you ashamed of that?

I'm mortified.

Look, I'm a doctor.

I see an awful lot of bodies.

Once, I had a guy so fat I needed two examination tables.

As far as i'm concerned, you really

have nothing to be ashamed of.

Well, thank you, but it's not what

you think that concerns me.

It's what my fiance is going to think.

You're trying to hide this from the man

who's going to be your husband?

Look, it's none of my business, but if you're

going to marry the guy, you'd better

start being honest with him.

Now, that's what Julie said.

I've got so much to lose.

You're going to have a lot more to lose if you

don't level with him now.

You're right.

Thank you, doctor.

Uh, I'm sorry I ruined your magazine.

Oh, I never look at the centerfolds.

I just buy them for the articles.

Announcer: The pacific Princess will be leaving

cabo San Lucas in 30 minutes.

Hi, I'm back.

Well, how was cabo San Lucas?

Oh, what a day.

Are you ready for this?

I had four Tom Collins, three Jack

Daniels, and a paco Martinez.

What's a paco Martinez?

He was the beach boy at the hotel.

So, how was your day?

- He didn't show up. - Aw.

I guess I didn't know him as well as I thought I did,

Lorraine.

We never do.

Well, someone's in a big hurry.

Look at that boat.

Well, paco said he'd follow me anywhere,

but I just thought he was putting me on.

Ronald: Now, hear this, Ginny o'brien.

It is me.

Ronald.

It's Ronald.

Ronald.

Get off the boat, woman.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Ronald: I miss you.

I miss you, too.

Then get off the boat, woman.

Will you marry me?

I cannot hear you.

Goodbye, Ronald.

Ronald: Hey, now wait a minute, Ginny.

You'll never find another man like me.

I wouldn't look for another man like you.

Look here, Ginny.

No man could ever love you, take care of you the way

that I will.

What more could you possibly want?

I want your name.

Ok, then.

I'll call you Ronald.

Adios, muchacho.

This is sure the biggest creek I've ever been up.

I pledge to wage an unflinching

battle against the poor--

against poverty, an unflinching battle against poverty.

And I also feel that--

[knocking]

Hi, sweetheart.

Hi, don't-- don't say anything.

I've got something to tell you-- no, something to show you.

This is me.

Nice wig.

Now, I posted this long before we were engaged,

long before I ever knew you.

If you don't want to see me again, I don't blame you.

Oh, honey, I want to see you again and again.

I'm going to be married to a woman

other men can only dream about.

And I don't care if your picture's plastered on the side

of the empire state building.

I love you.

But what about your campaign?

Is this going to cost you votes?

Sandy, I look at it this way.

A guy named Carter confessed his lust in playboy,

and he got to be president.

I figure with this, they could vote me king.

All right, come here.

All right.

Yeah.

Hello.

Oh, I don't think I can go through with this, Lorraine.

Oh, just have a drink.

It'll calm you down.

I'm not much of a drinker.

Oh, just a little sip of something.

It'll take the edge off.

We'll have two straight double bourbons.

Ah, listen, no sense your walking back and forth.

Bring the bottle.

Well, we might want a second one.

Look, I'm not even sure I want the first one.

Trust me, ok?

Now, enough small talk.

Let's meet some men.

Oh, I don't think I remember how.

The first step is dangling the bait so he'll

throw his line your way.

Oh, I know I don't know how to dangle.

Lorraine: It comes with the package.

You've got your eyes.

You've got your mouth.

You've got a mind for [inaudible]..

Just follow me.

I'm ready.

[Laughing]

Stacy: I want to see your recreation supply lists,

your master entertainment schedule,

your musician's payments, and your convention procedures.

Gladly, Mrs. Skogstad.

Captain stubing is very particular

about administrative details.

You like captain stubing?

Oh, yes.

He's a marvelous person.

You've been drinking on duty.

That Mr. Skogstad is something else.

He never says a word.

With her for a wife, he never gets the chance.

I wonder where she is now.

The engine room, checking the gaskets and shims.

She just got through in the laundry.

Lord, I hate ring around the collar.

How come the captain is letting this happen?

We've got to do something.

How about we hire a hit man?

We can't do anything.

Why not?

Because.

Great answer.

You must be a college grad.

I really shouldn't be telling this, but Mrs. Skogstad

is captain stubing's ex-wife.

Oh no.

Are you serious?

Julie: Well, that explains everything.

I can't imagine the two of them together.

Beauty and the beast.

Beast and the beast is more like it.

Yeah, but captain stubing is our beast.

There's only one thing to do.

Right, the hit man.

Doc: No, I'll have to stand up to him.

I know how to handle this type of woman.

I was married four times for nothing.

I mean, you cannot allow a woman of this

kind to push you around.

What is going on in here?

Mrs. Skogstad, welcome.

How nice to see you again.

My, what a lovely outfit you have on.

Stuff a sock in it, buster.

Show me your supply requisitions.

Yes, Mrs. Skogstad.

Right away, Mrs. Skogstad.

Uh, is this a medical facility or a convention center?

We

were just on our way out.

[Interposing voices]

Lord, I love nervous perspiration--

yours, too.

Lorraine: Ginny?

Mhm.

Ginny?

We're leaving Ensenada and you didn't even see it.

Do these eyes look like they wanted to see Ensenada?

Bleh, they don't even look like they want to be in your head.

Lorraine, what was I doing with a life preserver in my bed

this morning?

Well, so after you made the band play "nearer, my god,

to thee," you started mumbling something about an iceberg,

and women and children first.

I didn't do that.

Oh, yes, you did.

Well, I do remember one thing--

at some point last night, I decided I was having fun.

Well, good for you.

Well, we're going to leave Ensenada

and Ronald didn't show.

I guess he finally gave up, huh?

Hey, give me a break, brother.

You're not going to help me with the driving, man.

Don't be like that.

Now, for dessert, ladies and gentlemen,

I think you might be amused by our flaming cherries jubilee.

Oh, [non-English].

Burning cherries is a bundle of laughs.

She just keeps pushing him and pushing him, like the guys

at the bulls fights.

The ones that stick the Spears in the bull

before they kill it, what do they call those guys?

I think the technical term is bull stickers.

I'm not going to watch anymore.

I don't to be around for the kill.

Me neither.

I couldn't stand to her awarded his ears and his tail.

I'm going to keep the pressure on, merrill.

You do know that?

Really?

I hadn't noticed any pressure.

How come you're not defending yourself?

Or do you always leave that up to your crew?

My crew?

For some bizarre reason, they seem to admire you,

although I can't imagine why.

Ladies and gentlemen, please excuse, me but I

have to pass up dessert.

The responsibilities, my position

require my immediate attention.

Purser: If everything is so perfect,

why are we so miserable?

We're all suffering from acute skogstad.

Hi.

Hi.

You too?

Mrs. Skogstad caught me when I accidentally

put a cherry into a Martini.

I suggested that she try my new drink,

and she suggested that I try a new job.

Now, we think we've got problems.

Let's just be thankful we're not in captain stubing's shoes.

Doc: This is the longest cruise I've ever been on.

Gopher: And we're not gonna get any time off for good behavior.

Time off?

I'm working double shifts to keep that lady happy.

Hey, I'm spending so much time trying

to please her that I'm letting the other passengers down.

Doc: She has the uncanny ability to make you feel you

don't know what you're doing.

I am a good doctor, aren't I?

I've come to you for aspirin.

Great doc.

I just got the answer.

What?

We make Mrs. skogstad the captain.

Then she can hire the crew she wants.

Well, as I see it, we've got a couple of choices.

We can get a drink and go sit out on the deck,

or we can get two drinks.

Right, good plan.

Forget something, merrill?

Yes, something I've been meaning to do for a week.

You come, too.

Stacy: What do you think you're doing?

Merrill: Be quiet.

Stacy: Who do you think you are?

The captain.

I haven't been acting like it, but I

am the captain of this ship, and I

am going to give you an order.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ah, what?

An order-- go to your room.

You're going down the chute for that, merrill.

Fine, fine.

Now look, I allowed you to make my life miserable.

But I will not allow you to disrupt this cruise

for the passengers, who, I should point out,

paid to be on this ship.

Who do you think you're talking--

I am not finished.

And last, but by no means least, you

will not treat my crew like a bunch of incompetent boobs.

I have the best crew afloat.

You cannot talk to me like this.

Stacy, shut up and go to your room.

[Scoffs] Aubrey?

Mr. Skogstad, no matter what you say, I will not apologize.

So whatever you have to say to me, sir, say it now.

[Clears throat] Go to your room.

You're a great captain.

[Sneezing]

Don't you people have anything to do?

Mr. Smith?

Yes, sir.

Gopher, get a haircut.

[Laughing]

Oh, wow, I hate to say this, but I guess it's goodbye, huh?

Oh, not goodbye, it's just, uh--

hasta la vista.

We'll see each other again.

I hope so.

You know, without you, this cruise

would have been a disaster.

Oh, at first I thought you wouldn't approve of me-- well,

you know the way I carry on.

But I save live and taste life, and don't let

anybody tell you what to do.

You're one of a kind.

Ain't I just?

Mommy, mommy.

Oh, my babies.

Oh, I'm so glad to see you.

How are you?

Oh.

Here, you take these for mommy, ok?

Ah, we did it.

Yes, we got through this cruise.

Boy, talk about survivors of the Titanic.

We actually lived through hurricane Stacy.

Julie, Julie, thank you for everything.

We had a wonderful time.

Well, you certainly captured the floating vote, congressman.

I see my prescription worked.

Yes, next picture you see me in is

going to be a wedding picture.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

Bye.

Bye bye.

Thank you.

Excuse me, miss, you need some help with your bags?

Oh, no, thank you, i--

Ronald, oh, what are you doing?

Whee, I almost thought I forgot how to do that.

Take my word, you didn't forget.

One more time.

For you, my lovely young lady.

Oh, Ronald, they're beautiful.

Thank you.

Yeah, if you put them in some water,

maybe you can use them as part of your bridal bouquet.

What?

That's right.

Maybe I've been out here in the sun too long,

but Ginny o'brien, I am ready to give marriage a try.

Oh, Ronald--

now, you just name the place and time you want

to become Mrs. Ronald baker.

Well, I have to--

now, I cannot guarantee you the moon,

but I can guarantee you a lifetime warranty against bugs.

Oh, listen, Ronald, I've been doing a lot of thinking too,

and I think your way is best.

Why don't we just keep living together, ok?

You mean that?

Absolutely.

Oh, wow.

Wow, thank you, big fella.

Thank-- what-- what made you change your mind?

Well, I guess it was the last two nights on the cruise.

The last two nights on the cruise?

What happened the last two nights on the cruise?

Oh, nothing, really.

A girl changes her whole line of thinking

and she says, oh, nothing really?

Oh, look it was just--

I found out you were right, I mean, about freedom.

I found out I like having my freedom.

And uh, what kind of freedom are you talking about?

The same kind of freedom you talking about.

That kind of freedom?

No way.

Oh look, maybe it's just the freedom

to not feel guilty about enjoying a little freedom,

you know?

But I want to get married.

Oh, Ronald, well look, let's go home and discuss it.

Oh, nothing really.

I don't believe this.

We were [inaudible].

I've been chasing you on boats, planes-- here I am in my truck.

You know, I've killed for less than this.

And now, you going crazy, telling me

you want your freedom.

Even the bugs that I kill don't have their freedom.

Get in the truck there, Ronald.

I'll set you right up there, my man--

May I have a word with your wife?

What do you want?

Please.

Well, what do you want?

I want to apologize for being so harsh to you.

Oh?

Yes, for what happened on the deck two nights ago,

and what happened to our life 10 years ago.

Come again?

You're a wonderful woman, Stacy.

You deserved a much better husband than I was.

I tried, but I wanted to command ships

more than I wanted to make you happy, and that's it.

Well, life with me couldn't have been much of a picnic.

No, no it was my fault. All you got was a husband at sea,

and a name that you hated.

I'm sorry.

Captain, I couldn't find one important thing

wrong with your ship.

You are a hell of a commander.

Why, thank you.

I hope that you're happy with, um--

Aubrey.

Aubrey.

He's a nice man.

He doesn't have your panache, but he does stay home.

There is one awful thing.

What's that?

You know how I hated the name Stacy stubing?

Whoo, hoo, hoo, hoo.

I can't even pronounce Stacy skogskag--

Stacy skogskag--

Stacy skogstad.

Lord, I love a silver tongued man.

Goodbye, merrill.

Goodbye, Stacy.

Announcer: Captain stubing?

Captain stubing, please come to the bridge.

[Theme music]

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