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1
00:00:19,945 --> 00:00:22,345
Everybody, let's go!
2
00:00:22,422 --> 00:00:25,392
Anybody not in the car
in two minutes going to be left!
3
00:00:25,401 --> 00:00:28,101
Looks like someone's looking
forward to this vacation.
4
00:00:28,178 --> 00:00:30,558
Baby, I need it--
I feel more relaxed right now.
5
00:00:30,639 --> 00:00:31,769
A minute, 40!
6
00:00:31,848 --> 00:00:35,278
A minute, 40...!
7
00:00:36,895 --> 00:00:39,315
Okay, okay, we heard you,
and you don't need to yell.
8
00:00:39,397 --> 00:00:41,447
Well, I do have to yell.
You ain't in the car yet.
9
00:00:41,525 --> 00:00:43,865
Let's go! Come on!
I'm bringing my Nitwit Doll.
10
00:00:43,944 --> 00:00:44,924
Well, she can go. She's walking.
11
00:00:44,995 --> 00:00:46,035
Long as she ain't got
to stop and pee,
12
00:00:46,047 --> 00:00:47,697
and the same goes for you.
13
00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:49,921
Jordan! I'm going to
leave instructions on the table now.
14
00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:52,210
Let's go!
15
00:00:52,285 --> 00:00:55,455
Dang, boy, did you
pack all your clothes?
16
00:00:55,539 --> 00:00:56,669
Yeah.
17
00:00:56,682 --> 00:00:58,132
It's his first vacation.
18
00:00:58,208 --> 00:00:59,328
Everybody's excited.
19
00:00:59,410 --> 00:01:00,680
Did everyone pack
their bathing suits?
20
00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:03,095
No.
21
00:01:03,171 --> 00:01:04,391
Well, it's too late.
Time's wasting.
22
00:01:04,464 --> 00:01:06,014
If you don't have
what you don't have,
23
00:01:06,091 --> 00:01:07,531
you ain't got what
you ain't got.
24
00:01:07,609 --> 00:01:09,179
Come on, let's go, let's
go! Come on, baby girl.
25
00:01:09,195 --> 00:01:11,315
Come on, come on,
baby, come on. We'll buy you one.
26
00:01:12,681 --> 00:01:13,571
Shoot. Now get on it.
27
00:01:13,649 --> 00:01:15,979
Come on, son,
push it up in there.
28
00:01:16,059 --> 00:01:19,779
America, family vacation
is a beautiful thing.
29
00:01:19,855 --> 00:01:21,235
You see this bookmark?
30
00:01:21,314 --> 00:01:23,704
It took me three months
to get this far,
31
00:01:23,709 --> 00:01:26,209
and that's not because
Bernie Mac's a slow reader.
32
00:01:26,286 --> 00:01:28,446
It's because I'm so damn busy.
33
00:01:28,530 --> 00:01:31,580
If I'm not on the road,
I got these kids to worry about,
34
00:01:31,658 --> 00:01:34,418
but I'm not going to worry about
them for the next three days.
35
00:01:34,494 --> 00:01:38,094
You know why? Because me
and my baby Wanda got a plan.
36
00:01:38,165 --> 00:01:40,585
See, we're going to take turns
watching the kids,
37
00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:43,261
and see, there are three days,
and Bernie Mac's day
38
00:01:43,336 --> 00:01:46,096
is in the middle,
smack in the center.
39
00:01:46,107 --> 00:01:47,387
Check it out.
40
00:01:47,465 --> 00:01:50,605
First day.
That's my day.
41
00:01:50,686 --> 00:01:53,356
This is the kid's day.
42
00:02:04,149 --> 00:02:06,199
Look at this:
you get a facial,
43
00:02:06,276 --> 00:02:08,446
manicure, pedicure,
seaweed wrap
44
00:02:08,528 --> 00:02:10,748
and an aromatherapy massage.
45
00:02:10,831 --> 00:02:11,881
I'm doing that.
46
00:02:11,957 --> 00:02:13,507
What you need
a massage for?
47
00:02:13,584 --> 00:02:15,924
Eating free food and
not paying for nothing make you tense?
48
00:02:15,994 --> 00:02:17,294
Aunt Wanda...
Look at this.
49
00:02:17,370 --> 00:02:19,260
I don't see five chairs
together anywhere.
50
00:02:20,207 --> 00:02:21,837
Excuse me.
51
00:02:21,917 --> 00:02:23,017
We're a family of five...
52
00:02:23,093 --> 00:02:24,223
Baby, don't...
53
00:02:24,294 --> 00:02:25,624
...and we need
chairs together.
54
00:02:25,696 --> 00:02:27,596
Yes, ma'am, a lot of
families have that problem,
55
00:02:27,681 --> 00:02:29,471
but it's first
come, first served.
56
00:02:29,549 --> 00:02:32,819
Baby, baby, don't worry about
getting no chair for me.
57
00:02:32,895 --> 00:02:35,305
I-I'll sit right there.
58
00:02:35,388 --> 00:02:38,478
Better yet,
I'll sit over there.
59
00:02:38,558 --> 00:02:40,868
Bye, children.
60
00:02:43,539 --> 00:02:44,829
Marco.
61
00:02:44,907 --> 00:02:46,237
Get away from me, boy.
62
00:02:46,316 --> 00:02:47,946
Uncle Bernie,
you're supposed to say "Polo."
63
00:02:48,026 --> 00:02:49,156
Get away from me, boy.
64
00:02:49,236 --> 00:02:50,626
A Gecko monarchis!
65
00:02:51,988 --> 00:02:53,108
Watch your mouth, boy.
66
00:02:53,048 --> 00:02:55,298
No, a gecko,
native of Southeast Asia.
67
00:02:55,375 --> 00:02:56,995
Uncle Bernie, you've got
to help me catch it.
68
00:02:57,077 --> 00:03:01,807
All right. Start running.
I'll catch up with you later.
69
00:03:12,893 --> 00:03:14,563
Uncle Bernie,
70
00:03:14,636 --> 00:03:17,146
it doesn't float unless
it has air in it.
71
00:03:17,222 --> 00:03:19,402
Baby girl,
why don't you go sit
72
00:03:19,474 --> 00:03:22,404
on the other side of the pool
and watch me read?
73
00:03:26,273 --> 00:03:28,533
If I blow that up,
you promise to float over there
74
00:03:28,608 --> 00:03:30,698
and tell Aunt Wanda
it's her day to watch you all?
75
00:03:30,777 --> 00:03:31,867
All right.
76
00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:33,665
All right, come on,
take it off.
77
00:03:34,823 --> 00:03:36,883
Okay.
78
00:03:52,257 --> 00:03:54,567
Is there a hole in it?
79
00:04:03,018 --> 00:04:04,318
Um, my friends and I
80
00:04:04,394 --> 00:04:06,194
want to go rock climbing,
so can you take us?
81
00:04:06,271 --> 00:04:07,371
No.
82
00:04:07,448 --> 00:04:09,028
But you haven't
even heard me.
83
00:04:09,107 --> 00:04:10,367
Nessa, what you're
about to ask me--
84
00:04:10,450 --> 00:04:12,330
does it involve me
getting out of this chair?
85
00:04:12,402 --> 00:04:14,042
Yeah, but only because...
86
00:04:14,112 --> 00:04:16,912
No, no. This
is my off day, Nessa.
87
00:04:16,924 --> 00:04:19,384
This is my off day.
88
00:04:19,459 --> 00:04:21,749
Well, what about your aunt?
89
00:04:21,828 --> 00:04:24,888
No, I-I think she wants to stay
in the pool area.
90
00:04:24,965 --> 00:04:26,375
Chairs?
Yeah.
91
00:04:26,392 --> 00:04:28,802
Well, I'll see you later,
Vanessa.
92
00:04:28,877 --> 00:04:30,977
Great vacation.
93
00:04:32,881 --> 00:04:34,061
Nessa...
94
00:04:34,132 --> 00:04:35,102
you've got a pool
95
00:04:35,175 --> 00:04:36,695
and a room full of videos.
96
00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:39,056
There are a million things you
can do that don't involve me.
97
00:04:39,137 --> 00:04:40,597
Let me ask you
a question:
98
00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:44,360
Why in the heck would I go
rock climbing on my vacation?
99
00:04:44,434 --> 00:04:47,454
You know who does that?
Billy goats.
100
00:04:49,397 --> 00:04:50,777
Baa-aa-aah.
101
00:04:50,857 --> 00:04:52,917
Hey, hey...
Honey, we need to put the book
102
00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:54,083
on the chair to claim it.
103
00:04:54,152 --> 00:04:55,162
I'm reading it.
104
00:04:55,236 --> 00:04:57,786
Okay, fine,
give me your shirt.
105
00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:58,618
What?
106
00:04:58,698 --> 00:05:00,288
Fine. I will take this one
107
00:05:00,367 --> 00:05:01,287
over to the other one.
108
00:05:01,368 --> 00:05:02,788
Two more, and we got five.
109
00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:04,049
(phone rings)
110
00:05:04,129 --> 00:05:06,339
Yeah, Mac, baby, talk to me.
111
00:05:06,414 --> 00:05:07,674
Big fella!
112
00:05:07,749 --> 00:05:09,629
Man, I hear a lot of commotion.
113
00:05:09,709 --> 00:05:11,509
Yo, man,
we at the Bellagio, man.
114
00:05:11,586 --> 00:05:12,636
Hey, check it out, man.
115
00:05:12,712 --> 00:05:14,302
What crap table
is our lucky one, man?
116
00:05:14,381 --> 00:05:15,511
I said seven,
117
00:05:15,590 --> 00:05:16,820
Dewey talking about six, man,
118
00:05:16,892 --> 00:05:17,972
and Kelly's drunk, dawg.
119
00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:19,481
You all in Vegas?
120
00:05:19,552 --> 00:05:20,892
When did you all
decide to do that?
121
00:05:20,963 --> 00:05:25,363
About 96 minutes ago, man.
A record, dawg.
122
00:05:25,433 --> 00:05:27,193
Hey, hey, what happened,
what happened?
123
00:05:27,202 --> 00:05:30,532
Your boy Jerry
just won big money, man.
124
00:05:30,605 --> 00:05:33,865
Now I guess we got usa new lucky craps table, baby.
125
00:05:33,942 --> 00:05:35,212
Is Jerry there?
126
00:05:35,285 --> 00:05:36,455
Yeah, Big Papa, Big Papa?
127
00:05:36,536 --> 00:05:38,456
I love this place,
and I love your friends,
128
00:05:38,538 --> 00:05:40,328
and I love this woman
standing next to me.
129
00:05:40,341 --> 00:05:41,621
Her name is Simone;
she's Persian,
130
00:05:41,699 --> 00:05:43,039
but she doesn't like hummus.
131
00:05:43,118 --> 00:05:44,168
How do you like that?
132
00:05:44,244 --> 00:05:45,424
Oh, yeah, and Bernie,
and Bernie?
133
00:05:45,495 --> 00:05:46,595
Uh, I think she wants it.
134
00:05:46,671 --> 00:05:48,131
Oh, man, I've got to go, man.
135
00:05:48,206 --> 00:05:50,666
I'm on vacation with my family.
136
00:05:50,750 --> 00:05:54,940
Bothering me on my vacation,
ruining my peace.
137
00:06:02,938 --> 00:06:05,818
Bothering me on vacation.
138
00:06:07,183 --> 00:06:09,533
Cannonball!
139
00:06:16,359 --> 00:06:21,669
♪ ♪
140
00:06:27,787 --> 00:06:28,767
Hi, baby.
141
00:06:28,514 --> 00:06:31,424
Mm, honey, I'm tired.
142
00:06:31,499 --> 00:06:35,469
Oh, the kids, the
sun, the chairs.
143
00:06:35,545 --> 00:06:37,845
Give me one hour.
144
00:06:37,922 --> 00:06:40,142
Baby, an hour?
145
00:06:40,216 --> 00:06:43,266
Mm-hmm. Let me get an hour.
146
00:06:43,344 --> 00:06:45,904
(music stops)
147
00:06:52,604 --> 00:06:54,324
America, I'm trying
to do the right thing.
148
00:06:54,397 --> 00:06:56,567
I'm trying, but the devil's
in my ear.
149
00:06:56,649 --> 00:06:59,029
Man, get the punk
out your pants.
150
00:06:59,110 --> 00:07:00,780
You need to go ahead
to Vegas.
151
00:07:00,853 --> 00:07:02,953
Look at Wanda-- she's starting
to drool with that sleep breath.
152
00:07:03,031 --> 00:07:04,541
Hey, you be cool
with that, devil.
153
00:07:04,550 --> 00:07:06,500
Who you talking to?
154
00:07:06,576 --> 00:07:08,416
You say what they want,
but can't.
155
00:07:08,429 --> 00:07:10,339
I say what you think, but won't.
156
00:07:10,413 --> 00:07:11,893
You deserve Vegas.
157
00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:13,715
It's supposed to be
your doggone day,
158
00:07:13,791 --> 00:07:15,431
and look what she did
to you, chump.
159
00:07:15,502 --> 00:07:17,842
She draw you down here.
The kids bother you.
160
00:07:17,855 --> 00:07:19,795
You got all wet, and now
no love, and she told...
161
00:07:19,881 --> 00:07:22,521
Anyway, you'd be doing her
a favor by leaving her alone.
162
00:07:22,592 --> 00:07:24,232
She's the one
that should be grateful.
163
00:07:24,236 --> 00:07:25,436
I'm doing her a favor?
164
00:07:25,512 --> 00:07:26,712
You're damn right.
165
00:07:26,788 --> 00:07:28,488
How am I going
to get there?
166
00:07:29,432 --> 00:07:31,232
I'll hook you up.
167
00:07:31,309 --> 00:07:33,119
Oh, yeah.
168
00:07:34,229 --> 00:07:37,779
My man. He good people.
169
00:07:37,857 --> 00:07:40,957
♪♪
170
00:07:42,463 --> 00:07:45,753
(all talking)
171
00:07:45,757 --> 00:07:47,467
(cheering)
172
00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:51,140
Come on!
173
00:07:51,579 --> 00:07:53,219
(cheering)
174
00:07:54,549 --> 00:07:56,379
You want your fortune told?
175
00:07:56,459 --> 00:07:57,729
You want your fortune told?
176
00:07:57,802 --> 00:07:59,482
Who want your fortune told?
177
00:08:02,131 --> 00:08:04,071
(machine beeping)
178
00:08:08,388 --> 00:08:09,308
You know what?
179
00:08:09,389 --> 00:08:11,769
I should start giving lessons.
180
00:08:11,849 --> 00:08:14,779
♪♪
181
00:08:16,154 --> 00:08:20,004
♪ Your a million milesfrom reality ♪
182
00:08:20,075 --> 00:08:22,955
♪ You can be whatchayou wanna be ♪
183
00:08:27,031 --> 00:08:29,251
Morning, baby.
184
00:08:29,325 --> 00:08:31,535
Hey, morning, baby.
185
00:08:31,619 --> 00:08:33,549
I ordered
your breakfast for you.
186
00:08:33,621 --> 00:08:37,551
I got French toast,
scrambled eggs, Canadian bacon,
187
00:08:37,625 --> 00:08:39,015
just the way you like it.
188
00:08:39,094 --> 00:08:42,224
Oh, baby, thank you.
Any orange juice?
189
00:08:42,297 --> 00:08:44,647
Freshly squeezed.
190
00:08:44,724 --> 00:08:47,484
See that, America?
Bernie Mac is slick.
191
00:08:47,552 --> 00:08:49,732
I had my day, got my gamble on,
192
00:08:49,804 --> 00:08:51,814
and took in a show
and won some pocket change.
193
00:08:51,889 --> 00:08:53,029
Caught the first flight back,
194
00:08:53,108 --> 00:08:56,188
and now I got
some fresh squeezed juice.
195
00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:58,739
M...oney!
196
00:08:58,813 --> 00:09:01,413
Hey, baby, this is great.
197
00:09:01,491 --> 00:09:04,831
What the heck, baby,
you been to Vegas?
198
00:09:04,902 --> 00:09:06,412
That fell out of your pocket,
199
00:09:06,487 --> 00:09:08,747
and before you say
anything else,
200
00:09:08,823 --> 00:09:11,553
I got your boarding pass
right here.
201
00:09:14,787 --> 00:09:17,547
Damn, Wanda, you
had to turn Colombo.
202
00:09:17,624 --> 00:09:19,014
Baby, look, I was bored.
203
00:09:19,083 --> 00:09:20,393
I-I'm back now, so
what's the problem?
204
00:09:20,468 --> 00:09:21,718
You don't see
205
00:09:21,794 --> 00:09:23,054
what the problem is
in going to Vegas?
206
00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:26,717
All right, Wanda, look, look,
you was asleep.
207
00:09:26,799 --> 00:09:28,559
I couldn't read.
The light bothered you.
208
00:09:28,569 --> 00:09:29,729
If I turned the television on,
209
00:09:29,802 --> 00:09:31,772
the-the noise
would've woke you.
210
00:09:31,846 --> 00:09:35,186
See? I was being considerate.
211
00:09:35,266 --> 00:09:40,076
So... I'm supposed to be
grateful that you went to Vegas?
212
00:09:41,439 --> 00:09:43,209
In a perfect world, yeah.
213
00:09:44,835 --> 00:09:46,655
Come on, Wa-Wa-Wa...
What if one of the kids
214
00:09:46,736 --> 00:09:49,246
would have woke up in the middle
of the night sick?
215
00:09:49,331 --> 00:09:51,261
You was here.
216
00:09:56,913 --> 00:09:59,473
Woman, why you have to make
stuff up?
217
00:09:59,549 --> 00:10:01,419
No kid got sick last night.
218
00:10:01,501 --> 00:10:03,731
See, America, she's determined
to be upset.
219
00:10:03,803 --> 00:10:05,353
Now, I'm not going to give her
a reason.
220
00:10:05,421 --> 00:10:07,601
I'm not going to let her put me
in the trick bag,
221
00:10:07,674 --> 00:10:09,734
I tell you like it T-I-S
right now.
222
00:10:09,809 --> 00:10:11,739
I'm going to live up
to the end of my bargain,
223
00:10:11,811 --> 00:10:14,231
spend my day with the kids,
and then tomorrow,
224
00:10:14,305 --> 00:10:18,695
I get another day.
Show you, right? Right, right?
225
00:10:20,853 --> 00:10:24,623
That's some bull.
That ain't fresh.
226
00:10:30,780 --> 00:10:32,370
Come on, hurry up,
look under there.
227
00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:33,712
You see anything?
228
00:10:33,783 --> 00:10:35,433
No, but we're getting closer.
229
00:10:35,502 --> 00:10:37,502
Gecko poop,
and it's fresh!
230
00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:40,002
Oh, that's foul.
231
00:10:40,081 --> 00:10:42,931
Look, let's go check
in those rocks over there.
232
00:10:44,419 --> 00:10:46,089
Oh.
233
00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:48,434
Don't put your hand
in your mouth, Jordan!
234
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,270
(phone rings)
235
00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:52,600
Yo, this is Mac.
236
00:10:52,677 --> 00:10:54,437
What?
237
00:10:54,512 --> 00:10:55,652
Look, man, I told you.
238
00:10:55,722 --> 00:10:57,862
Don't come talking
to me about no Vegas.
239
00:10:58,933 --> 00:11:01,073
In the suite?
240
00:11:01,144 --> 00:11:03,244
Tonight?
241
00:11:03,312 --> 00:11:05,952
I told you, I can't.
242
00:11:06,023 --> 00:11:08,083
I'm chasing lizards.
243
00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:12,702
America, if you'd have told me
24 hours ago
244
00:11:12,780 --> 00:11:15,250
that I'd be chasing lizards
with that boy,
245
00:11:15,324 --> 00:11:18,134
I'd have called you
ten different kinds of fool.
246
00:11:18,136 --> 00:11:20,246
But if entertaining
the boy's odd obsessions
247
00:11:20,329 --> 00:11:22,919
is how he wants to spend his day
with his Uncle Bernie,
248
00:11:22,933 --> 00:11:24,763
then that's what we'll do.
249
00:11:24,834 --> 00:11:27,434
And tomorrow, I have a vacation,
250
00:11:27,503 --> 00:11:30,063
and hallelujah and yahoo.
251
00:11:30,140 --> 00:11:32,350
And all to the lizards,
here I come.
252
00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:33,925
Here I come.
253
00:11:34,010 --> 00:11:35,480
BRYANA:
Uncle Bernie! Uncle Bernie!
254
00:11:35,487 --> 00:11:38,347
Toss me in the pool!
255
00:11:38,431 --> 00:11:40,981
I'll toss you, all right.
256
00:11:40,992 --> 00:11:42,402
Excuse me, America.
257
00:11:42,477 --> 00:11:44,947
Come on!
258
00:11:48,357 --> 00:11:49,447
Uh, no you don't.
259
00:11:49,525 --> 00:11:50,655
That's my seat.
260
00:11:50,735 --> 00:11:52,695
Oh. I was moving it over
261
00:11:52,713 --> 00:11:54,453
because I'm
on a family vacation,
262
00:11:54,530 --> 00:11:55,620
and there's five of us.
263
00:11:55,698 --> 00:11:56,618
I only see one of you.
264
00:11:56,699 --> 00:11:57,969
My book, please.
265
00:11:59,544 --> 00:12:00,964
The woman from Memphis?
266
00:12:00,971 --> 00:12:02,971
She's really
the town doctor's daughter.
267
00:12:03,047 --> 00:12:05,257
She committed the murder,
and he helps her cover it up
268
00:12:05,267 --> 00:12:07,627
because he feels guilty
about his family
269
00:12:07,710 --> 00:12:09,600
in Bloomfield Hills.
270
00:12:09,679 --> 00:12:12,439
It's a very easy read.
271
00:12:13,549 --> 00:12:15,309
BERNIE:
54,
272
00:12:15,384 --> 00:12:16,744
55, 56,
273
00:12:16,811 --> 00:12:18,781
57...
274
00:12:18,855 --> 00:12:20,195
100.
That's not how
275
00:12:20,273 --> 00:12:21,613
you count to 100.
276
00:12:21,682 --> 00:12:22,772
You want to see me count to 100?
277
00:12:22,850 --> 00:12:24,230
Let me hold you underwater.
278
00:12:24,310 --> 00:12:25,230
What?
279
00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:27,065
Nothing.
280
00:12:27,146 --> 00:12:28,496
(sighs)
281
00:12:31,626 --> 00:12:33,156
What does she have
that attitude for?
282
00:12:33,236 --> 00:12:34,986
Like what I'm doing
don't mean nothing.
283
00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:37,255
I'll show her how I can run
those doggone kids ragged.
284
00:12:37,332 --> 00:12:38,832
Yes, sir.
285
00:12:38,908 --> 00:12:40,508
And then she'll stop looking
at me like that.
286
00:12:40,585 --> 00:12:41,955
(soft chuckle)
287
00:12:42,036 --> 00:12:43,916
Like... I don't know
what I'm doing.
288
00:12:43,996 --> 00:12:45,876
You know, she...
289
00:12:45,957 --> 00:12:48,337
That's how she looks at me.
290
00:12:48,417 --> 00:12:50,677
Bottom row.
291
00:12:50,753 --> 00:12:52,903
(chuckles):
Women.
292
00:12:54,423 --> 00:12:55,653
Aunt Wanda,
293
00:12:55,725 --> 00:12:57,515
can I take scuba
diving lessons?
294
00:12:57,593 --> 00:12:58,983
Scuba diving?
295
00:12:59,053 --> 00:13:01,023
Oh, honey,
that sounds dangerous.
296
00:13:01,031 --> 00:13:03,021
Ain't no dangerous
about it.
297
00:13:03,099 --> 00:13:05,529
If that what Nessa want
to do on her vacation,
298
00:13:05,601 --> 00:13:06,951
well, scuba diving we will go.
299
00:13:09,039 --> 00:13:11,029
You're going scuba diving?
300
00:13:11,107 --> 00:13:13,207
Like Jacques Cousteau, baby.
301
00:13:15,027 --> 00:13:17,417
And this is
how you put on your scuba vest.
302
00:13:20,449 --> 00:13:21,369
You try it.
303
00:13:21,450 --> 00:13:24,250
Okay.
304
00:13:24,262 --> 00:13:26,252
Oh.
305
00:13:26,330 --> 00:13:27,800
(loud grunt)
306
00:13:27,874 --> 00:13:30,604
(mumbling underwater)
307
00:13:31,752 --> 00:13:33,392
Oops.
308
00:13:33,462 --> 00:13:34,512
That was me.
309
00:13:34,589 --> 00:13:35,679
I caused that.
310
00:13:35,756 --> 00:13:36,846
Yes, sir.
311
00:13:36,924 --> 00:13:38,524
I'm a little devil, ain't I?
312
00:13:38,593 --> 00:13:40,353
(laughs)
313
00:13:40,428 --> 00:13:42,688
A black devil.
314
00:13:42,763 --> 00:13:44,953
There's a difference.
315
00:13:59,414 --> 00:14:01,004
Here it is.
316
00:14:01,073 --> 00:14:02,423
This is it.
317
00:14:02,491 --> 00:14:04,581
What is it?
318
00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:06,974
Mister Hairy's about to go.
319
00:14:07,046 --> 00:14:08,956
We're about to get
our fifth chair.
320
00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:11,550
The chair's all the way
over there, baby.
321
00:14:11,626 --> 00:14:13,756
Let me break it down.
322
00:14:13,836 --> 00:14:15,846
Joe College over there--
323
00:14:15,930 --> 00:14:17,430
he's checking
out every girl at the pool.
324
00:14:17,506 --> 00:14:18,926
BERNIE:
Oh.
325
00:14:19,008 --> 00:14:20,768
WANDA:
Those two are three seats apart,
326
00:14:20,843 --> 00:14:23,443
but they're
really a couple.
327
00:14:23,512 --> 00:14:24,282
So watch.
328
00:14:38,128 --> 00:14:39,618
That's it. That's
our fifth seat.
329
00:14:39,629 --> 00:14:41,749
We finally get to sit
together as a family.
330
00:14:41,822 --> 00:14:42,912
All right.
331
00:14:42,990 --> 00:14:44,420
I'm sorry,
but the pool is closing.
332
00:14:44,492 --> 00:14:46,252
I'm going
to need the chair cushions.
333
00:14:46,327 --> 00:14:48,457
No! No!
334
00:14:48,537 --> 00:14:50,047
Baby, let it go.
335
00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:53,770
Oh, look.
336
00:14:53,843 --> 00:14:55,763
Oh! You done
tore the lizard's tail off of him.
337
00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:57,510
No, it's a defense mechanism.
338
00:14:57,588 --> 00:14:58,638
It'll grow back.
339
00:14:58,714 --> 00:15:00,064
And if we put this one on ice,
340
00:15:00,132 --> 00:15:02,432
it'll still be twitching
when we get home.
341
00:15:02,510 --> 00:15:03,640
Here.
342
00:15:03,719 --> 00:15:05,649
Ow!
343
00:15:06,731 --> 00:15:07,941
Ow!
344
00:15:08,015 --> 00:15:09,905
So far today,
I had a scuba tank,
345
00:15:09,984 --> 00:15:13,294
a bag of ice,
and a lizard tail on my head.
346
00:15:13,363 --> 00:15:16,123
Bernie Mac is a good husband.
347
00:15:19,944 --> 00:15:21,834
America?
348
00:15:21,904 --> 00:15:23,424
Come get this thing.
349
00:15:23,498 --> 00:15:26,048
(foot stepping)
350
00:15:32,039 --> 00:15:32,929
All right.
The kids all out cold.
351
00:15:33,007 --> 00:15:34,757
And do you know why, ma'am, huh?
352
00:15:34,834 --> 00:15:36,224
You know why?
353
00:15:36,293 --> 00:15:38,053
'Cause they spent the whole day
with Uncle Bernie,
354
00:15:38,129 --> 00:15:39,259
just the way you wanted it.
355
00:15:39,338 --> 00:15:40,558
Just the way
I wanted it?
356
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:41,890
That's right.
357
00:15:41,966 --> 00:15:43,806
And I still got enough energy
left for you, baby.
358
00:15:43,884 --> 00:15:44,934
Okay, let me get
this straight.
359
00:15:45,011 --> 00:15:46,021
Get it straight.
360
00:15:46,095 --> 00:15:47,725
You want credit
for playing
361
00:15:47,805 --> 00:15:49,065
with your nieces
and nephew
362
00:15:49,148 --> 00:15:50,398
on a family vacation?
363
00:15:50,474 --> 00:15:52,154
Yeah.
364
00:15:52,226 --> 00:15:54,856
Matter of fact, I want extra.
365
00:15:54,871 --> 00:15:56,861
Let me tell you something, baby.
366
00:15:56,939 --> 00:15:59,029
I could be in Vegas tonight.
367
00:15:59,108 --> 00:16:01,278
If I wanted
to hit the airport right now,
368
00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:04,090
I'd be there in time
to start my free day.
369
00:16:04,163 --> 00:16:06,713
But instead, I passed,
just to be with you.
370
00:16:06,791 --> 00:16:08,081
Oh.
( laughs)
371
00:16:08,093 --> 00:16:09,963
You passed up drinking
and smoking
372
00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:11,840
to spend time with your wife?
373
00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:12,966
Uh-huh.
374
00:16:13,047 --> 00:16:14,217
Well,
375
00:16:14,298 --> 00:16:15,668
I'm not impressed.
376
00:16:15,750 --> 00:16:17,430
If you want to impress me,
377
00:16:17,501 --> 00:16:20,481
you come to Wild Animal Park
with us tomorrow.
378
00:16:20,555 --> 00:16:21,715
What?
379
00:16:21,797 --> 00:16:22,607
On my off day?
380
00:16:22,682 --> 00:16:24,102
Woman, you crazy.
381
00:16:24,175 --> 00:16:26,385
You know, the time
we spent together--
382
00:16:26,469 --> 00:16:28,729
you may as well just have stayed
in Vegas.
383
00:16:28,804 --> 00:16:30,734
Why don't you...
384
00:16:30,806 --> 00:16:32,816
go?
385
00:16:37,146 --> 00:16:39,116
Don't play with me, baby.
386
00:16:39,198 --> 00:16:40,778
'Cause you know I will, I'll go.
387
00:16:40,858 --> 00:16:42,528
Go.
388
00:16:42,610 --> 00:16:44,130
Fine.
389
00:16:44,203 --> 00:16:45,663
I wish I was like
I Dream of Jeannie,
390
00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:46,878
blink and be there.
391
00:16:46,956 --> 00:16:48,286
And I wish I
was Bewitched,
392
00:16:48,299 --> 00:16:50,549
and wiggle my nose
and send you there.
393
00:16:52,962 --> 00:16:54,172
You see that, America?
394
00:16:54,246 --> 00:16:56,256
She was about
to change things up on me
395
00:16:56,266 --> 00:16:58,336
after I did everything
I was supposed to do.
396
00:16:58,417 --> 00:17:00,177
And then she's going
to dare me to go?
397
00:17:00,252 --> 00:17:02,642
Well, I got another
free day coming.
398
00:17:02,647 --> 00:17:04,637
And she's not going
to mess with it.
399
00:17:04,715 --> 00:17:06,635
'Cause Bernie Mac's
not having it.
400
00:17:06,717 --> 00:17:07,647
Not at all.
401
00:17:07,727 --> 00:17:08,647
Yeah.
402
00:17:08,728 --> 00:17:09,648
Back to you.
403
00:17:09,729 --> 00:17:12,819
♪ ♪
404
00:17:15,109 --> 00:17:16,109
Hey, come
on now.
405
00:17:16,185 --> 00:17:17,315
Come on now.
406
00:17:17,394 --> 00:17:19,034
Put 'em in,
put 'em in.
407
00:17:19,105 --> 00:17:20,105
Hmm.
408
00:17:20,189 --> 00:17:21,379
(chuckles softly)
409
00:17:21,291 --> 00:17:22,621
What's that supposed
to be, Sugar?
410
00:17:22,625 --> 00:17:24,865
Your manager wanted me
to bet that.
411
00:17:24,944 --> 00:17:26,204
What?
(laughter)
412
00:17:26,278 --> 00:17:27,868
Cupid got Jerry Best, brother.
413
00:17:27,947 --> 00:17:29,047
Check it out.
414
00:17:29,123 --> 00:17:30,503
What is it?
415
00:17:30,574 --> 00:17:32,174
Hey, man, that was this morning.
416
00:17:32,177 --> 00:17:33,667
(laughter)
417
00:17:33,744 --> 00:17:34,674
What?!
418
00:17:34,745 --> 00:17:36,245
(laughter)
Where's Jerry at now?
419
00:17:36,330 --> 00:17:38,760
On his way to Mexico
to get it annulled.
420
00:17:38,833 --> 00:17:40,933
(laughter)
421
00:17:41,001 --> 00:17:43,551
It's best he going to end it
early, 'cause I'm telling you,
422
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,223
dealing with a woman
is hard work.
423
00:17:45,297 --> 00:17:47,217
Wanda almost messed up
my whole vacation, man.
424
00:17:47,299 --> 00:17:48,189
Why didn't you take her
to the spa?
425
00:17:48,267 --> 00:17:49,297
Where you
staying at?
426
00:17:49,377 --> 00:17:50,887
Mandalay Bay,
Circus Circus?
427
00:17:50,970 --> 00:17:54,020
Um, I'm staying in San Diego.
428
00:17:54,098 --> 00:17:56,228
(laughter)
429
00:17:56,308 --> 00:17:57,478
San Diego?
430
00:17:57,560 --> 00:17:59,490
Wasn't... Wasn't you here
last night?
431
00:17:59,562 --> 00:18:00,652
I was.
432
00:18:00,729 --> 00:18:03,279
It was her day
to watch the kids, you know.
433
00:18:03,357 --> 00:18:04,367
I guess
once your kids get grown,
434
00:18:04,441 --> 00:18:05,451
they don't need two parents.
435
00:18:05,526 --> 00:18:06,906
KELLY:
No, no, no, Sugar.
436
00:18:06,986 --> 00:18:08,156
His kids
ain't grown.
437
00:18:08,237 --> 00:18:09,417
Vanessa's 14.
Right, 14.
438
00:18:09,497 --> 00:18:11,117
The boy's about 11,
and how old is Baby Girl?
439
00:18:11,198 --> 00:18:13,078
Uh, six, seven.
440
00:18:13,159 --> 00:18:14,209
She's seven.
441
00:18:14,285 --> 00:18:15,425
And the boy's got asthma.
442
00:18:15,503 --> 00:18:17,343
It ain't important
what the boy got, Chuy.
443
00:18:17,347 --> 00:18:19,207
Man, I wish I could tell my wife
I'm going
444
00:18:19,224 --> 00:18:20,514
to leave the state
to go gamble,
445
00:18:20,583 --> 00:18:21,973
while she watched the kids.
446
00:18:22,042 --> 00:18:23,222
Man, there'll be a new champ.
447
00:18:23,228 --> 00:18:24,798
Look, Sugar,
you got it all wrong.
448
00:18:24,879 --> 00:18:26,509
See, my wife
and I made an arrangement.
449
00:18:26,589 --> 00:18:28,969
And I did my part taking care
of the kids for a day.
450
00:18:29,049 --> 00:18:30,429
You know?
So why would I bring
451
00:18:30,509 --> 00:18:32,229
the kids on my vacation
just to ruin it?
452
00:18:32,237 --> 00:18:33,517
They tried to take me
453
00:18:33,596 --> 00:18:35,226
to some old
Wild Animal Park, man.
454
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:36,240
I-I ain't having that.
455
00:18:36,315 --> 00:18:37,645
Chuy, you're
married. You know.
456
00:18:37,725 --> 00:18:38,615
Tell-Tell them.
457
00:18:38,493 --> 00:18:39,813
You know about
arrangements.
458
00:18:39,886 --> 00:18:41,486
Yeah, but those arrangements
never work out.
459
00:18:41,562 --> 00:18:43,452
I mean, if one
of those kids gets sick,
460
00:18:43,522 --> 00:18:44,822
it don't matter whose day it is.
461
00:18:44,899 --> 00:18:45,969
Mm-hmm.
462
00:18:46,050 --> 00:18:47,450
Yeah, you got
to do it together, man.
463
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:50,340
Oh, come on, man,
let's play some cards.
464
00:18:51,923 --> 00:18:53,503
You ever get the feeling
465
00:18:53,574 --> 00:18:57,004
you went to Vegas too many times
in a weekend?
466
00:18:57,077 --> 00:18:58,457
Look at this.
467
00:18:58,537 --> 00:19:01,007
You don't need to see it.
468
00:19:01,081 --> 00:19:03,851
(phone rings)
469
00:19:12,927 --> 00:19:14,857
Hello?
470
00:19:16,347 --> 00:19:19,657
Bernie, where are you?
471
00:19:19,734 --> 00:19:21,664
What?
472
00:19:27,358 --> 00:19:29,708
♪♪
473
00:19:31,037 --> 00:19:32,297
Okay.
474
00:19:32,371 --> 00:19:33,951
I'll be down.
475
00:19:33,965 --> 00:19:36,415
♪♪
476
00:19:42,081 --> 00:19:44,011
Oh, thanks, baby.
477
00:19:44,083 --> 00:19:45,673
How was Vegas?
478
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:46,905
I left early
479
00:19:46,986 --> 00:19:49,886
'cause I wanted
to get these chairs for you.
480
00:19:49,964 --> 00:19:51,684
You want
some company?
481
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:55,181
You bet.
482
00:19:55,261 --> 00:19:56,521
Did you win big?
483
00:19:56,595 --> 00:19:58,015
Not like I'm
winning now.
484
00:19:58,097 --> 00:19:59,187
Yeah...
485
00:19:59,199 --> 00:20:00,859
I'm sorry,
but the pool doesn't open
486
00:20:00,933 --> 00:20:01,823
for another 20 minutes.
487
00:20:01,901 --> 00:20:03,111
Is that right?
488
00:20:03,185 --> 00:20:04,605
Well, listen,
489
00:20:04,621 --> 00:20:06,901
why don't you
pretend like
490
00:20:06,981 --> 00:20:09,031
you're not here?
491
00:20:09,108 --> 00:20:10,028
Better yet,
492
00:20:10,109 --> 00:20:13,379
get us some
cushions.
493
00:20:14,488 --> 00:20:16,208
Ooh, you must
have won big.
494
00:20:16,216 --> 00:20:18,126
And it's getting bigger.
495
00:20:18,209 --> 00:20:19,509
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
496
00:20:24,248 --> 00:20:25,548
You got to do
it together.
497
00:20:25,624 --> 00:20:26,604
See?
That's all I'm saying.
498
00:20:26,676 --> 00:20:28,086
Yo, yo, man.
Yo, man, play the cards.
499
00:20:28,168 --> 00:20:29,718
Yeah, play
the cards, man. Bam, nothing.
500
00:20:29,795 --> 00:20:32,175
I got it, I got
it right there.
501
00:20:32,256 --> 00:20:33,466
Oh, oh!
502
00:20:33,549 --> 00:20:35,679
Oh, Lord!
Wow.
503
00:20:35,759 --> 00:20:38,019
It's a first!
The Mac!
504
00:20:38,095 --> 00:20:39,805
You ain't winning
this time.
505
00:20:39,822 --> 00:20:43,482
Oh, you beat me like
De La Hoya beat you.
506
00:20:43,559 --> 00:20:44,979
(all laughing)
507
00:20:44,994 --> 00:20:46,784
I mean, I mean...
Cut the camera off.
508
00:20:46,854 --> 00:20:48,004
(all laughing)
509
00:20:51,608 --> 00:20:54,038
Captioned by VISUAL DATA
510
00:20:54,088 --> 00:20:58,638
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