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1
00:00:18,986 --> 00:00:20,336
Ooh, hey, honey. Look,
2
00:00:20,420 --> 00:00:23,010
I just got a card
from the Leibersteins.
3
00:00:23,090 --> 00:00:25,020
Mm.
Ooh, wow, look at Mendal.
4
00:00:25,092 --> 00:00:26,362
He's gotten so big.
5
00:00:26,435 --> 00:00:28,095
Wait a minute.
6
00:00:28,178 --> 00:00:29,438
Leiberstein, they Jewish.
7
00:00:29,513 --> 00:00:31,773
What the hell they
know about Christmas?
8
00:00:31,848 --> 00:00:34,108
Honey,
it's a holiday card.
9
00:00:34,184 --> 00:00:35,414
This is cute...
10
00:00:35,486 --> 00:00:37,606
Baby, you know,
that's not a bad idea.
11
00:00:37,687 --> 00:00:38,527
Why don't we do that?
12
00:00:38,605 --> 00:00:39,775
What?
13
00:00:39,856 --> 00:00:41,166
You know, get a photo.
14
00:00:41,241 --> 00:00:42,931
I remember when I
was a little boy,
15
00:00:43,010 --> 00:00:45,740
Big Mama used to take
us down to Fredrick's Department Store
16
00:00:45,821 --> 00:00:47,291
for our annual family photo.
17
00:00:47,364 --> 00:00:48,664
Let's do it.
Let's take the kids.
18
00:00:48,674 --> 00:00:49,844
Let's go, honey.
19
00:00:49,917 --> 00:00:53,537
Yeah, America,
this was a great tradition.
20
00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:55,354
1969 to '74.
21
00:00:55,422 --> 00:00:57,172
We captured every year on film.
22
00:00:57,249 --> 00:00:59,089
It was something
we did together,
23
00:00:59,167 --> 00:01:01,007
and that's what made it special.
24
00:01:01,086 --> 00:01:03,686
Check it out. Look.
25
00:01:03,764 --> 00:01:07,944
Right here, there's Big Mama,
all full of joyful pride.
26
00:01:08,018 --> 00:01:09,348
And there's my sister,
Bonita,
27
00:01:09,427 --> 00:01:11,227
wearing that little
Eartha Kitt turban.
28
00:01:11,304 --> 00:01:13,364
Hmm, look at my big brother,
Carl.
29
00:01:13,365 --> 00:01:15,685
You know,
he like that old Stets.
30
00:01:15,767 --> 00:01:17,477
And my sister, Stacey.
31
00:01:17,561 --> 00:01:19,151
America, she had
the most prettiest smile
32
00:01:19,229 --> 00:01:21,109
till crack got a hold of her.
33
00:01:21,189 --> 00:01:25,249
And there's me, sporting
a big ol' Globetrotter 'fro.
34
00:01:27,195 --> 00:01:30,455
You know, America,
I miss those days.
35
00:01:30,532 --> 00:01:32,922
That's what Christmas
was all about to me--
36
00:01:32,993 --> 00:01:34,173
family and tradition.
37
00:01:34,244 --> 00:01:36,714
And it's time
we got back to them.
38
00:01:36,788 --> 00:01:38,758
Oh, yeah.
39
00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:40,086
Look at Stacey.
40
00:01:40,101 --> 00:01:42,471
Junkie.
41
00:01:42,544 --> 00:01:44,734
("Carol Of The Bells"
playing in background)
42
00:01:55,015 --> 00:01:56,265
This is going
to take forever.
43
00:01:56,349 --> 00:01:57,479
I'll be back in a while.
44
00:01:57,559 --> 00:01:59,279
Hold on, Nessa.
Where you going?
45
00:01:59,352 --> 00:02:00,642
To Hirosaki Cingular.
Uh-uh.
46
00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:02,401
I need to write down
the model number
47
00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:05,490
to the cell phone
I'm asking Santa for this year.
48
00:02:05,501 --> 00:02:06,621
What?!
49
00:02:06,502 --> 00:02:08,172
Then I get to go
to Joy Stickers.
50
00:02:08,245 --> 00:02:09,195
I want to see if they have
51
00:02:09,279 --> 00:02:10,869
Seek and Destroy.
52
00:02:10,947 --> 00:02:12,407
And I want to sit
53
00:02:12,483 --> 00:02:15,263
on Santa Claus' lap and tell him
what I want for Christmas.
54
00:02:15,335 --> 00:02:16,915
Look, ain't nobody
going nowhere.
55
00:02:16,995 --> 00:02:18,255
We all going to stay right here.
56
00:02:18,338 --> 00:02:21,968
Okay, but remember,
that was Seek and Destroy.
57
00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:23,562
Listen, I told you kids,
58
00:02:23,635 --> 00:02:25,635
we're not here
to get y'all presents, okay?
59
00:02:25,712 --> 00:02:27,472
Gotcha.
60
00:02:27,547 --> 00:02:29,637
We're here to start
a Mac family tradition.
61
00:02:29,716 --> 00:02:30,926
That's all!
62
00:02:31,009 --> 00:02:32,429
But this is
our tradition.
63
00:02:32,510 --> 00:02:34,520
We come to the mall,
pick out stuff,
64
00:02:34,530 --> 00:02:36,440
you pretend like
it's too expensive
65
00:02:36,514 --> 00:02:38,824
and then it shows up
on Christmas morning.
66
00:02:38,901 --> 00:02:41,191
Whoo! Baby, where you been?
67
00:02:41,269 --> 00:02:42,149
Sorry, honey, I had
to get these gifts
68
00:02:42,229 --> 00:02:43,199
for people at work.
69
00:02:43,271 --> 00:02:45,201
Not you, not you.
70
00:02:45,273 --> 00:02:48,163
Look, what's that,
a Palm Pilot telephone book? You know all them people?
71
00:02:48,235 --> 00:02:49,865
No, but they know me.
72
00:02:49,945 --> 00:02:51,615
I'm the new senior VP,
honey, and this will be great for morale.
73
00:02:51,696 --> 00:02:54,656
One stocking stuffer
and these people will follow me into hell.
74
00:02:54,741 --> 00:02:57,501
Wanda, please forget
about Shirley in Accounting.
75
00:02:57,577 --> 00:02:59,587
We here to start
a Christmas tradition.
76
00:02:59,597 --> 00:03:00,777
That's it!
77
00:03:00,856 --> 00:03:03,466
Oh, my goodness,
Shirley in Accounting.
78
00:03:03,541 --> 00:03:05,221
I forgot about her.
Thank you.
79
00:03:05,293 --> 00:03:06,383
Honey, I'll be right back.
80
00:03:06,461 --> 00:03:07,681
No, no, no, baby,
come on, come on now.
81
00:03:07,754 --> 00:03:09,224
Look here, you stay here
with the kids.
82
00:03:09,297 --> 00:03:10,807
Enjoy the festive atmosphere,
okay?
83
00:03:10,816 --> 00:03:12,926
I'm going to go up there
and see what type
84
00:03:13,009 --> 00:03:16,019
of family photo
these people shoot and I'll be right back.
85
00:03:16,096 --> 00:03:17,316
Y'all stay right here.
86
00:03:17,397 --> 00:03:19,607
Cabrini-Green ingrates,
that's what y'all are.
87
00:03:19,683 --> 00:03:21,553
(sighs)
88
00:03:25,355 --> 00:03:26,745
Just do it.
89
00:03:29,084 --> 00:03:30,704
Welcome to Santa's Workshop.
90
00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:31,711
I'm Elf Mary Ann.
91
00:03:31,787 --> 00:03:33,157
Would you like to choose
92
00:03:33,238 --> 00:03:35,248
from one of our festive
photo packages?
93
00:03:35,323 --> 00:03:37,213
I wouldn't want to put you out.
94
00:03:37,284 --> 00:03:40,644
Oh. The Kris Kringle
starts at 29.99.
95
00:03:40,712 --> 00:03:44,012
Includes a 5x7, 4x6
and ten wallet size.
96
00:03:44,082 --> 00:03:45,552
(sighs)
97
00:03:45,625 --> 00:03:47,835
But we recommend
the Spirit of the Season
98
00:03:47,919 --> 00:03:49,349
for 59.99.
99
00:03:49,429 --> 00:03:51,359
Baby, somebody
need to shake you.
100
00:03:51,431 --> 00:03:53,731
Let me see what you got.
101
00:04:01,016 --> 00:04:03,366
(sighs)
102
00:04:04,853 --> 00:04:06,323
This all you got?
103
00:04:06,396 --> 00:04:10,026
We also have
the Oh! Christmas Tree.
104
00:04:10,108 --> 00:04:11,068
ALL:
Cheese!
105
00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:12,421
Great.
106
00:04:16,364 --> 00:04:18,254
Times have changed, America.
107
00:04:18,259 --> 00:04:20,919
You can't even have
a simple Christmas memory.
108
00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:24,248
It got to be surfboards
and people touching Jesus.
109
00:04:24,331 --> 00:04:26,261
What happened to tradition?
110
00:04:26,267 --> 00:04:28,387
Oh, this ain't happening.
111
00:04:28,468 --> 00:04:30,438
Mm-mm. We out of here.
112
00:04:31,546 --> 00:04:33,136
Excuse me. Hey, baby.
113
00:04:33,214 --> 00:04:34,444
Hey, honey, how's it looking?
114
00:04:34,516 --> 00:04:35,796
Getting ready to leave.
Where's the kids?
115
00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:37,846
They said they went
looking for you. Looking for me?
116
00:04:37,927 --> 00:04:40,397
Doggone, I told them we weren't
buying no presents today.
117
00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:42,690
Look here, baby, stay here
in case they come back.
118
00:04:42,766 --> 00:04:43,656
"Looking for me."
119
00:04:43,734 --> 00:04:45,164
Oh, every time
I turn around...!
120
00:04:45,235 --> 00:04:48,275
Sorry, kid, but Seek and Destroy
is too hot this Christmas.
121
00:04:48,355 --> 00:04:51,355
You're going to have to leave,
like, a $15 deposit
122
00:04:51,441 --> 00:04:53,371
just to reserve one
from the next shipment.
123
00:04:53,443 --> 00:04:55,293
Fifteen bucks?
124
00:04:55,362 --> 00:04:57,552
Serious.
125
00:04:59,115 --> 00:05:02,295
♪♪
126
00:05:13,013 --> 00:05:14,603
(clears throat)
127
00:05:15,882 --> 00:05:17,142
I-I didn't do it.
128
00:05:17,217 --> 00:05:18,427
No...
129
00:05:18,510 --> 00:05:21,190
No, you got to read me
my Miranda rights.
130
00:05:21,262 --> 00:05:22,402
No, stop it. Ow.
131
00:05:22,472 --> 00:05:24,952
BRYANA:
I want a Gulf War Jessie,
132
00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:26,945
tank sold separately.
133
00:05:27,027 --> 00:05:28,987
A Chat-'Em-Up Chastity doll.
134
00:05:29,071 --> 00:05:32,361
♪ The chattiest, brattiest
doll in the house. ♪
135
00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:34,320
Help!
Santa needs help!
136
00:05:34,401 --> 00:05:35,491
Baby girl, baby girl.
137
00:05:35,568 --> 00:05:36,488
Come here, come here.
138
00:05:36,569 --> 00:05:38,239
Give St. Nick a break.
139
00:05:38,321 --> 00:05:39,361
I-I'm sorry, Nick.
140
00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:41,370
Here go some cabbage
for your kettle.
141
00:05:41,449 --> 00:05:42,869
Look here,
we're gonna find Aunt Wanda
142
00:05:42,951 --> 00:05:44,461
and I want you to stay put.
Come on.
143
00:05:44,470 --> 00:05:46,130
BRYANA:
Ow!
144
00:05:46,204 --> 00:05:47,964
You're just like
the rest of them.
145
00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:49,343
Nessa!
Why you walk away?
146
00:05:49,416 --> 00:05:50,626
I told you to stay put.
147
00:05:50,708 --> 00:05:52,048
Uncle Bernie,
this is it.
148
00:05:52,127 --> 00:05:53,427
This is the one I want.
149
00:05:53,503 --> 00:05:55,103
You got
a cell phone already.
150
00:05:55,171 --> 00:05:56,551
Not like this one.
151
00:05:56,631 --> 00:05:58,981
This one has a pager,
Internet access and a camera.
152
00:05:59,059 --> 00:06:01,599
Hey, guys, happy holidays
from Hirosaki Cellular.
153
00:06:01,678 --> 00:06:04,348
Hey, Santa's authorized me
to give you guys a coupon
154
00:06:04,431 --> 00:06:07,071
for a thousand free minutes
if you sign up today.
155
00:06:07,142 --> 00:06:08,442
I'm sorry,
wrong number.
156
00:06:08,518 --> 00:06:10,398
Come on.
Where Joy Stickers at?
157
00:06:10,478 --> 00:06:12,028
Excuse me.
Are you Bernie Mac?
158
00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:13,035
Yes, sir.
How you doing?
159
00:06:13,115 --> 00:06:15,235
Command,
this is Charlie-Bravo-One.
160
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:16,570
I have the perp's parent.
161
00:06:16,651 --> 00:06:17,991
"Perp's"?(over radio) Roger that.
162
00:06:18,003 --> 00:06:19,503
Jordan. What he do?
163
00:06:20,631 --> 00:06:22,541
Well, he stuck his
hand in the fountain...
164
00:06:22,615 --> 00:06:23,995
You kids just
don't get it.
165
00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:26,389
And this perp here gonna
be the death of me.
166
00:06:26,461 --> 00:06:28,711
But you keep it up, I'm
gonna be the death of you.
167
00:06:28,788 --> 00:06:30,208
You watch what I tell you.
168
00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:32,390
Baby girl,
would you come on now.
169
00:06:33,519 --> 00:06:37,179
I want pants like Jesus.
170
00:06:37,255 --> 00:06:39,255
Baby girl, come on.
171
00:06:39,274 --> 00:06:40,984
Every time I turn around,
it's something.
172
00:06:43,145 --> 00:06:44,305
Is nothing sacred?
173
00:06:44,387 --> 00:06:46,687
They didn't have no fleece
in Bethlehem.
174
00:06:46,764 --> 00:06:50,534
No wonder those kids don't care
nothing about family tradition.
175
00:06:50,610 --> 00:06:54,110
To them, Christmas
is just one big-ass commercial.
176
00:06:54,189 --> 00:06:55,779
It's awful!
177
00:06:55,857 --> 00:06:57,407
What?
178
00:06:57,484 --> 00:06:58,544
Oh, okay.
179
00:06:58,618 --> 00:07:00,488
Excuse me, America.
180
00:07:00,570 --> 00:07:02,650
We'll be right back.
181
00:07:06,242 --> 00:07:09,002
America, here's Christmas
of yesteryear.
182
00:07:09,078 --> 00:07:10,878
Look at it.
183
00:07:10,955 --> 00:07:13,045
Pure as the driven snow.
184
00:07:13,124 --> 00:07:15,644
Now here's Christmas this year.
185
00:07:15,719 --> 00:07:18,679
Not exactly the Christmas photo
I was looking for.
186
00:07:18,689 --> 00:07:20,849
But it's not their fault,
America.
187
00:07:20,858 --> 00:07:23,478
I did them kids a disservice.
188
00:07:23,551 --> 00:07:26,191
Turned them into little greedy
crumb-snatchers.
189
00:07:26,262 --> 00:07:28,612
I shower them with gifts
trying to make up
190
00:07:28,681 --> 00:07:32,281
for all the Christmases they
didn't have back in Chicago,
191
00:07:32,352 --> 00:07:34,612
but that was the wrong way
to go,
192
00:07:34,687 --> 00:07:38,027
'cause when I think about it,
I don't remember the gifts--
193
00:07:38,107 --> 00:07:39,447
I remember the times.
194
00:07:39,526 --> 00:07:42,326
See, that's what will stick
with you, America.
195
00:07:42,403 --> 00:07:44,703
That's what I got
to show them kids--
196
00:07:44,781 --> 00:07:46,331
real tradition.
197
00:07:46,407 --> 00:07:50,037
Real traditions are better
than getting gifts.
198
00:07:50,053 --> 00:07:52,883
Oh, yeah. Real tradition.
199
00:07:52,956 --> 00:07:54,526
What's this all about?
200
00:07:54,308 --> 00:07:57,718
Kids, this is about giving you
the best Christmas ever.
201
00:07:57,794 --> 00:07:58,934
Old-school Christmas.
202
00:07:59,003 --> 00:08:00,683
You know,
203
00:08:00,755 --> 00:08:03,255
when I was your age,
we didn't have malls.
204
00:08:03,341 --> 00:08:05,811
You know, we didn't have
no walking cell phone.
205
00:08:05,885 --> 00:08:08,975
Jesus didn't have six pockets
in those swaddling clothes.
206
00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:10,689
What's old-school Christmas?
207
00:08:10,765 --> 00:08:14,185
Baby girl, old-school Christmas
is about tradition.
208
00:08:14,269 --> 00:08:15,689
It's about all of us
209
00:08:15,770 --> 00:08:18,950
going to pick out our own tree
and making our own ornaments.
210
00:08:19,023 --> 00:08:20,533
Then, on Christmas Eve,
211
00:08:20,608 --> 00:08:24,118
going to see the lights
on Candy Cane Lane.
212
00:08:24,195 --> 00:08:25,945
Then come home
to a family dinner.
213
00:08:26,030 --> 00:08:28,500
Oh, it's gonna be great.
214
00:08:28,575 --> 00:08:30,115
Can we have Royal Burger
that night?
215
00:08:30,201 --> 00:08:32,841
Ain't nothing traditional
about no fast food, law-breaker.
216
00:08:32,912 --> 00:08:36,142
Now, we're going to deal
with my favorite--
217
00:08:36,216 --> 00:08:37,926
building a gingerbread house.
218
00:08:39,294 --> 00:08:40,264
Look it.
219
00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:42,350
Oh, this is stupid.
220
00:08:42,422 --> 00:08:43,852
Sit down, Nessa, and shut up.
221
00:08:43,923 --> 00:08:44,943
Kids, trust me.
222
00:08:45,016 --> 00:08:46,716
You're gonna have fun.
223
00:08:46,801 --> 00:08:48,231
Just wait and see.
224
00:08:48,303 --> 00:08:50,023
Smell how sweet, sweet.
225
00:08:50,096 --> 00:08:51,476
Oh, this is sweet.
226
00:08:51,556 --> 00:08:53,106
Hey, kids, look what I found.
227
00:08:53,182 --> 00:08:54,982
I found some old candy
from Halloween.
228
00:08:55,059 --> 00:08:56,359
They'll go good in the driveway.
229
00:08:56,436 --> 00:08:58,106
We already finished
the driveway.
230
00:08:58,187 --> 00:09:00,107
Yeah, but yours
ain't got no color.
231
00:09:00,189 --> 00:09:01,349
Hey, sweetheart, be careful.
232
00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:02,951
That's not
a load-bearing wall, baby girl.
233
00:09:03,026 --> 00:09:04,826
Easy.
234
00:09:04,911 --> 00:09:06,261
Hold on. Yeah.
235
00:09:06,171 --> 00:09:08,081
What-what the hell
is that, Jordan?
236
00:09:08,156 --> 00:09:09,296
They're gargoyles.
237
00:09:09,374 --> 00:09:10,874
To scare away the invaders.
238
00:09:10,950 --> 00:09:12,090
And this is a rack
239
00:09:12,168 --> 00:09:15,038
to tear off the limbs
of bad gingerbread men.
240
00:09:15,121 --> 00:09:16,341
Gargoyles and torture chambers.
241
00:09:16,414 --> 00:09:17,344
That's not part
of our tradition.
242
00:09:17,415 --> 00:09:18,875
Sweetheart,
243
00:09:18,958 --> 00:09:21,628
that peppermint chimney
is for looking, not licking.
244
00:09:21,711 --> 00:09:22,761
Hey, baby.
245
00:09:22,837 --> 00:09:24,507
Hey, honey.
Ooh, it looks nice.
246
00:09:24,523 --> 00:09:26,513
You going to help us?
Uh, in a minute, honey.
247
00:09:26,525 --> 00:09:27,645
I just got through
wrapping these gifts
248
00:09:27,726 --> 00:09:29,676
and I need to put
the name tags on them.
249
00:09:29,695 --> 00:09:31,695
Well, hurry up, baby.
We having fun.
250
00:09:31,771 --> 00:09:33,291
All right, honey.
251
00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:35,858
Jordan, son, if you don't
respect the gingerbread house,
252
00:09:35,933 --> 00:09:36,993
it won't respect you.
253
00:09:37,068 --> 00:09:38,438
Oh, here, let me show you.
254
00:09:38,453 --> 00:09:39,823
No, you're not going to show me.
255
00:09:39,896 --> 00:09:41,396
You don't know
any more than I do.
256
00:09:41,481 --> 00:09:44,701
I know the difference between
a doorknob and a shingle.
257
00:09:44,710 --> 00:09:46,660
BERNIE:
See, both y'all stop it.
258
00:09:46,736 --> 00:09:49,996
Come on now, come on.
Stop this bull now! Stop...!
259
00:09:50,073 --> 00:09:51,463
(container clatters on floor)
260
00:09:51,541 --> 00:09:52,971
Look what you did.
261
00:09:53,043 --> 00:09:54,333
Way to go.
262
00:09:54,410 --> 00:09:55,590
You older.
You supposed to be acting...
263
00:09:55,470 --> 00:09:56,740
Stop licking that!
Well, he should've...
264
00:09:56,822 --> 00:09:58,172
BRYANA: No!
When he didn't give it to you
265
00:09:58,247 --> 00:09:59,297
you don't pulling up
on the thing.
266
00:09:59,374 --> 00:10:00,804
You older than him.
Act like...
267
00:10:00,875 --> 00:10:01,945
Put that down, boy.
268
00:10:02,026 --> 00:10:04,836
America,
these kids aren't getting it.
269
00:10:04,921 --> 00:10:07,891
Instilling Christmas spirit
in them ain't gonna be easy,
270
00:10:07,965 --> 00:10:10,725
I'm telling you, but I got
to do it for their sake.
271
00:10:10,802 --> 00:10:13,692
They should be roasting
chestnuts and high on fruitcake.
272
00:10:13,763 --> 00:10:16,863
America,
I got to step my game up.
273
00:10:16,933 --> 00:10:19,533
When I'm done,
there's gonna be sugarplums
274
00:10:19,602 --> 00:10:22,702
dancing all in their head,
I swear.
275
00:10:22,772 --> 00:10:25,702
♪ Deck the hallswith boughs of holly ♪
276
00:10:25,775 --> 00:10:28,325
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la,la-la-la-la... ♪
277
00:10:28,403 --> 00:10:30,173
♪ I can't hear you! ♪
278
00:10:30,246 --> 00:10:32,756
♪ 'Tis the seasonto be jolly... ♪
279
00:10:32,832 --> 00:10:34,252
Sellout.
280
00:10:34,259 --> 00:10:36,379
Hey, anything for presents.
281
00:10:36,461 --> 00:10:38,671
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la,la-la-la-la... ♪
282
00:10:38,746 --> 00:10:40,096
That's the spirit, boy.
283
00:10:43,093 --> 00:10:45,473
♪ Don we now our gay apparel ♪
284
00:10:45,545 --> 00:10:47,385
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la,la-la-la-la... ♪
285
00:10:47,463 --> 00:10:50,393
♪ Choir singing carols ♪
286
00:10:50,466 --> 00:10:52,886
♪ Right outside my door ♪
287
00:10:52,969 --> 00:10:58,059
♪ All these things and more ♪
288
00:10:58,141 --> 00:11:02,281
♪ That's what Christmasmeans to me my love ♪
289
00:11:02,353 --> 00:11:06,323
♪ Oh, yeah, yeah ♪
290
00:11:06,399 --> 00:11:09,579
♪ And you knowwhat I mean ♪
291
00:11:09,652 --> 00:11:12,752
♪ I see your smiling face ♪
292
00:11:12,822 --> 00:11:15,922
♪ Like I've neverseen before ♪
293
00:11:15,992 --> 00:11:18,802
♪ Even though Ilove you madly ♪
294
00:11:18,878 --> 00:11:21,548
♪ It seems Ilove you more ♪
295
00:11:21,622 --> 00:11:24,052
♪ The little thoughyou give me ♪
296
00:11:24,125 --> 00:11:27,085
♪ Touched myheart for sure ♪
297
00:11:27,170 --> 00:11:32,060
♪ All these thingsand more, darling ♪
298
00:11:32,133 --> 00:11:35,483
♪ That's what Christmasmeans to me my love ♪
299
00:11:35,553 --> 00:11:36,893
♪ That's what Christmasmeans to me ♪
300
00:11:36,971 --> 00:11:39,111
♪ Oh yeah ♪
301
00:11:39,182 --> 00:11:41,772
♪ Candles burning low ♪
302
00:11:41,851 --> 00:11:43,651
♪ Lots of mistletoe ♪
303
00:11:43,728 --> 00:11:44,838
♪ Alright ♪
304
00:11:44,921 --> 00:11:46,791
♪ Christmas bellsare ringing ♪
305
00:11:47,499 --> 00:11:50,119
This will be the first Christmas
306
00:11:50,193 --> 00:11:53,163
where we did something together
as a family.
307
00:11:53,237 --> 00:11:55,087
And that's a beautiful thing.
308
00:11:57,283 --> 00:11:58,543
Uh-oh.
309
00:11:58,618 --> 00:12:00,218
Here we go.
310
00:12:04,832 --> 00:12:07,732
(whistling "We Wish You
a Merry Christmas")
311
00:12:07,802 --> 00:12:11,522
Okay, y'all, here we go.
312
00:12:11,598 --> 00:12:12,938
Here, baby.
313
00:12:14,675 --> 00:12:16,675
Uh, what's this?
314
00:12:16,761 --> 00:12:18,141
A little
Christmas treat.
315
00:12:18,221 --> 00:12:19,491
Some of Big Mama
eggnog
316
00:12:19,564 --> 00:12:20,614
with some nutmeg,
317
00:12:20,690 --> 00:12:23,360
cinnamon,
a little tad of horseradish
318
00:12:23,434 --> 00:12:26,124
to kick it off,
but don't say nothing.
319
00:12:30,274 --> 00:12:32,124
Ew, mine tastes
like medicine.
320
00:12:32,127 --> 00:12:33,907
What?
It's really good.
321
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,750
Um, so,
322
00:12:35,822 --> 00:12:37,962
can we talk about
what we're getting for Christmas?
323
00:12:38,032 --> 00:12:39,132
Mm-mm. Not yet.
324
00:12:39,209 --> 00:12:40,629
I got another treat.
325
00:12:40,701 --> 00:12:42,671
The angel
lands on the tree.
326
00:12:42,745 --> 00:12:45,165
Baby girl,
will you do the honors?
327
00:12:45,248 --> 00:12:48,048
Come on.
328
00:12:48,125 --> 00:12:50,335
(grunting):
Oh!
329
00:12:50,353 --> 00:12:51,963
Um, Uncle Bernie?
Hmm?
330
00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:54,508
Now that we've done all
the stuff you wanted to do,
331
00:12:54,590 --> 00:12:56,350
can we talk about
the stuff we want?
332
00:12:56,425 --> 00:12:58,305
All the stuff I wanted to do?
333
00:12:58,386 --> 00:12:59,886
I thought we having fun.
334
00:12:59,905 --> 00:13:01,395
No, you were the one having fun,
335
00:13:01,472 --> 00:13:02,742
and we've been working
our butts off
336
00:13:02,816 --> 00:13:04,016
just to make you happy.
337
00:13:04,100 --> 00:13:05,360
Yeah, when
am I going
338
00:13:05,434 --> 00:13:08,364
to get Chat-'Em-Up
Chastity?
339
00:13:08,371 --> 00:13:10,211
Tradition.
340
00:13:12,191 --> 00:13:14,871
Mmm, horseradishy
flavor.
341
00:13:14,944 --> 00:13:16,244
You see that?
342
00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:17,700
America, these damn kids
343
00:13:17,780 --> 00:13:20,160
don't care nothing
about no Christmas.
344
00:13:20,241 --> 00:13:23,671
I'm here trying to get them
something, something real.
345
00:13:23,744 --> 00:13:25,964
I'm talking memories
for a lifetime.
346
00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:28,762
But all they care about
is material things.
347
00:13:28,833 --> 00:13:30,723
Well, if that's what they want,
348
00:13:30,793 --> 00:13:33,193
then fine--
that's what they'll get.
349
00:13:35,089 --> 00:13:37,179
Here.
What's this?
350
00:13:37,258 --> 00:13:39,888
Something you won't remember.
351
00:13:39,969 --> 00:13:42,809
Ow.
352
00:13:42,889 --> 00:13:44,439
Ow.
353
00:13:44,515 --> 00:13:45,725
Chat-'Em-Up Chastity!
354
00:13:45,808 --> 00:13:47,358
Seek and Destroy!
Cool!
355
00:13:47,435 --> 00:13:49,695
Yeah, enjoy,
'cause as of right now,
356
00:13:49,779 --> 00:13:51,359
Christmas is canceled!
357
00:13:51,439 --> 00:13:54,669
Ooh, look at this. Look.
358
00:13:58,588 --> 00:14:00,408
(making engine revving noises)
359
00:14:00,489 --> 00:14:01,539
One lump or two lumps,
360
00:14:01,616 --> 00:14:03,126
Mrs. Limpson?
361
00:14:03,209 --> 00:14:06,249
Why, two lumps,
Penelope, thank you.
362
00:14:06,329 --> 00:14:09,679
JORDAN:
Merry Christmas, Penelope.
363
00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:13,982
Hey!
364
00:14:19,425 --> 00:14:20,595
Are you dialing?
365
00:14:20,676 --> 00:14:22,936
(perky music playing)
366
00:14:23,012 --> 00:14:24,472
I know, isn't that cool?
367
00:14:24,547 --> 00:14:27,617
Okay, call me back, and
I'll put it on hip-hop.
368
00:14:30,227 --> 00:14:31,737
Look at them, America.
369
00:14:31,812 --> 00:14:35,072
Laughing and playing like they
haven't crucified Christmas.
370
00:14:35,149 --> 00:14:36,279
It's a disgrace.
371
00:14:36,359 --> 00:14:38,419
They don't deserve you.
372
00:14:38,494 --> 00:14:40,204
Not at all.
373
00:14:40,279 --> 00:14:42,459
(mumbling)
Don't deserve...
374
00:14:42,531 --> 00:14:48,381
Don't appreciate
what somebody...
375
00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:51,264
They don't deserve you,
any of you.
376
00:14:51,341 --> 00:14:54,511
Come on, in the box,
Joseph and Mary.
377
00:14:54,585 --> 00:14:55,715
Hop to it.
378
00:14:55,795 --> 00:14:59,255
See you later, Three Wise Men.
379
00:14:59,274 --> 00:15:01,474
(groans)
380
00:15:01,550 --> 00:15:05,140
Move your ass, donkey.
381
00:15:05,155 --> 00:15:08,815
Little shepherd-- baa.
382
00:15:10,559 --> 00:15:11,979
(grunting)
383
00:15:12,061 --> 00:15:13,491
Hey, babe, you all right?
384
00:15:14,939 --> 00:15:16,159
Who's that for?
385
00:15:16,166 --> 00:15:17,416
I don't know.
386
00:15:17,492 --> 00:15:19,042
I don't know
who it's for.
387
00:15:19,118 --> 00:15:20,338
I checked all
388
00:15:20,411 --> 00:15:22,371
my databases,
my Palm Pilot,
389
00:15:22,446 --> 00:15:25,786
my computer, my
notes in my purse.
390
00:15:25,866 --> 00:15:27,376
Ah, it's going to be okay.
391
00:15:27,451 --> 00:15:28,961
No, it's not going
to be okay,
392
00:15:29,036 --> 00:15:30,996
because somebody is not
going to get their gift.
393
00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:33,460
Everybody else is going to get
their gift, but somebody won't,
394
00:15:33,475 --> 00:15:35,025
and I don't know who.
395
00:15:35,109 --> 00:15:38,509
No, because it only
takes one person to poison morale,
396
00:15:38,587 --> 00:15:40,157
and make everybody believe
that I'm a bad boss,
397
00:15:40,239 --> 00:15:42,139
even though I bought them
all stocking stuffers.
398
00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:43,350
Come on, Wanda, chillax.
399
00:15:43,426 --> 00:15:44,426
Relax, it ain't that serious.
400
00:15:44,510 --> 00:15:45,520
I'll tell you what.
401
00:15:45,594 --> 00:15:46,724
When you go to work Monday,
402
00:15:46,796 --> 00:15:48,346
the first person
to look at you sideways,
403
00:15:48,431 --> 00:15:49,401
give it to them.
404
00:15:49,473 --> 00:15:51,363
But I work so hard.
405
00:15:51,434 --> 00:15:52,994
I know you do,
406
00:15:53,069 --> 00:15:54,989
and you deserve a break.
407
00:15:55,062 --> 00:15:58,912
Hey... chimney?
408
00:15:58,917 --> 00:16:00,157
Come on.
409
00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:02,198
Come on, baby.
410
00:16:02,278 --> 00:16:04,198
That's my girl.
411
00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:05,684
Tell you what we do.
412
00:16:05,590 --> 00:16:08,370
Tomorrow, me and you go
and do what we always do--
413
00:16:08,451 --> 00:16:10,791
go watch the lights
on Candy Cane Lane,
414
00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:13,050
and have our own
little merry Christmas.
415
00:16:13,122 --> 00:16:14,302
What do you say?
416
00:16:14,373 --> 00:16:15,353
Come on.
417
00:16:15,425 --> 00:16:17,295
Okay.
That's my girl.
418
00:16:17,376 --> 00:16:19,306
JORDAN:
Help! We've been robbed!
419
00:16:26,510 --> 00:16:27,990
Somebody stole our Christmas!
420
00:16:28,062 --> 00:16:29,782
BERNIE:
Ain't nobody stole nothing.
421
00:16:29,856 --> 00:16:31,936
Christmas is over
as of yesterday.
422
00:16:32,016 --> 00:16:33,896
Remember, you
got your gifts?
423
00:16:33,976 --> 00:16:35,736
Yeah.
424
00:16:35,811 --> 00:16:37,611
Now, Nessa, I want
you to watch your brother and sister
425
00:16:37,622 --> 00:16:38,902
while your aunt
and I go out
426
00:16:38,981 --> 00:16:40,531
and do our traditional
thing that we do.
427
00:16:40,608 --> 00:16:42,708
Come on, baby.
428
00:16:47,698 --> 00:16:50,368
BOY:Merry Christmas, Mother.
429
00:16:50,451 --> 00:16:52,841
Merry Christmas, Father.
430
00:16:55,664 --> 00:16:58,474
WOMAN:But if you're the fake Santa,
431
00:16:58,551 --> 00:17:00,011
who was...?
432
00:17:00,086 --> 00:17:01,306
(gasping)
433
00:17:03,672 --> 00:17:05,862
MAN:But it never snows in Hawaii.
434
00:17:08,352 --> 00:17:10,312
MAN 2:Oh, my God!
435
00:17:10,387 --> 00:17:12,737
It really is joy to the world.
436
00:17:22,441 --> 00:17:24,671
(doorbell ringing)
437
00:17:26,946 --> 00:17:28,396
Oh. Oh, you are home.
438
00:17:28,481 --> 00:17:30,581
It's so dark I was about
to leave this on the porch.
439
00:17:30,658 --> 00:17:32,578
Are Bernie
and Wanda here?
440
00:17:32,660 --> 00:17:35,460
No, they're out looking
at Christmas lights.
441
00:17:35,472 --> 00:17:36,592
Oh, I see.
442
00:17:36,598 --> 00:17:37,598
Uh, to buy?
443
00:17:37,673 --> 00:17:39,803
Mother...
Mmm, well,
444
00:17:39,875 --> 00:17:42,435
we're just here
to drop off our holiday turtle bars.
445
00:17:42,512 --> 00:17:44,012
Walnuts this year.
446
00:17:44,088 --> 00:17:45,258
(laughing)
447
00:17:45,273 --> 00:17:46,933
Well, Merry Christmas, Vanessa.
448
00:17:47,007 --> 00:17:49,307
Oh, boy,
somebody's wearing a bra.
449
00:17:49,385 --> 00:17:50,425
Let's go, Mother.
450
00:17:50,511 --> 00:17:51,351
Happy holidays, honey.
451
00:17:51,428 --> 00:17:53,738
Uh, bye.
452
00:17:57,059 --> 00:17:59,109
I don't like
being home alone
453
00:17:59,186 --> 00:18:00,536
on Christmas Eve.
454
00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:03,071
It makes me feel
like we're back in Chicago.
455
00:18:03,149 --> 00:18:06,279
Yeah, but here we
don't have to keep the oven open
456
00:18:06,360 --> 00:18:07,630
to heat the house.
457
00:18:07,703 --> 00:18:09,623
Uncle Bernie
hasn't sold the TV.
458
00:18:09,631 --> 00:18:12,881
Mmm. There's the tree.
459
00:18:16,879 --> 00:18:21,129
Honey, don't you think
giving them their gifts early
460
00:18:21,208 --> 00:18:24,468
was a little harsh?
461
00:18:24,545 --> 00:18:26,635
Sweetheart, that's
all they wanted.
462
00:18:26,714 --> 00:18:29,314
They don't care nothing
about no tradition.
463
00:18:29,383 --> 00:18:30,893
Wanda, I love Christmas.
464
00:18:30,968 --> 00:18:33,018
I know, honey, I know.
465
00:18:33,095 --> 00:18:36,025
Ooh, honey,
look at this house.
466
00:18:38,225 --> 00:18:40,025
Wow, yeah.
467
00:18:40,102 --> 00:18:43,902
Oh, Lord, that's brighter
than Caesar's Palace.
468
00:18:43,915 --> 00:18:45,205
Wow.
469
00:18:48,694 --> 00:18:50,124
It sure is, baby.
470
00:18:50,196 --> 00:18:52,496
It's really something
this year, ain't it?
471
00:18:52,573 --> 00:18:54,083
Mm-hmm.
472
00:18:54,158 --> 00:18:55,998
With all the houses
on this block being so bright,
473
00:18:56,076 --> 00:18:57,416
you could see
them from space.
474
00:18:57,494 --> 00:18:59,124
It's pretty.
475
00:18:59,196 --> 00:19:02,386
Wow. The kids are
really missing something this year.
476
00:19:05,061 --> 00:19:08,981
Are you... thinking
what I'm thinking?
477
00:19:11,217 --> 00:19:12,227
Yeah.
478
00:19:15,429 --> 00:19:16,399
Kids, we're home!
479
00:19:16,472 --> 00:19:18,562
KIDS:
We're in here!
480
00:19:18,641 --> 00:19:20,321
Merry Christmas!
481
00:19:20,392 --> 00:19:21,732
Merry Christmas.
482
00:19:21,810 --> 00:19:24,120
Oh, it is now, kids.
Thank you.
483
00:19:26,315 --> 00:19:28,405
Here, Uncle Bernie,
we fixed your gingerbread house.
484
00:19:28,418 --> 00:19:30,658
I hope you like it.
485
00:19:30,736 --> 00:19:32,376
Royal Burger!
486
00:19:35,925 --> 00:19:37,745
♪ This Christmas ♪
487
00:19:37,826 --> 00:19:38,996
♪ The fireside isblazing ♪
488
00:19:39,078 --> 00:19:41,168
I'm surprised you all
wrapped your own gifts.
489
00:19:41,247 --> 00:19:43,377
Yeah, because
you already know what they are.
490
00:19:43,457 --> 00:19:44,687
It doesn't matter.
491
00:19:44,434 --> 00:19:46,514
It's more fun
to rip the paper off
492
00:19:46,585 --> 00:19:47,545
on Christmas morning.
493
00:19:47,628 --> 00:19:48,968
Uncle Bernie,
494
00:19:49,046 --> 00:19:51,096
can we have Royal Burger
every Christmas Eve?
495
00:19:51,173 --> 00:19:52,403
Sure can.
496
00:19:52,475 --> 00:19:53,895
It'll be
our new Mac tradition.
497
00:19:53,976 --> 00:19:56,726
Who wants eggnog?
498
00:19:56,804 --> 00:19:58,274
I made it myself.
499
00:19:58,347 --> 00:19:59,517
Oh, let me have it.
500
00:19:59,598 --> 00:20:01,518
Come on, baby, get one.
501
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:03,440
Everybody dig in, come on.
502
00:20:03,519 --> 00:20:05,739
Thank you.
503
00:20:05,813 --> 00:20:07,613
All right, a toast.
504
00:20:07,690 --> 00:20:09,780
To the new
Christmas spirit,
505
00:20:09,858 --> 00:20:11,498
which is
alive and well
506
00:20:11,577 --> 00:20:13,287
in the Mac
household tonight.
507
00:20:13,362 --> 00:20:14,882
Merry Christmas.
508
00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:19,669
♪ This Christmas ♪
509
00:20:19,743 --> 00:20:21,713
See that right there, America,
510
00:20:21,787 --> 00:20:23,747
that's our family photo
this year.
511
00:20:23,831 --> 00:20:25,471
Pretty as a picture.
512
00:20:25,549 --> 00:20:26,969
Even though baby girl eggnog
513
00:20:27,042 --> 00:20:28,932
tasted worse
than Milk of Magnesia.
514
00:20:29,003 --> 00:20:30,093
But I'm just glad the kids
515
00:20:30,170 --> 00:20:31,850
are finally feeling
the Christmas spirit
516
00:20:31,922 --> 00:20:33,722
because I'm feeling it, too.
517
00:20:33,799 --> 00:20:38,189
And America, I hope you have
yourself a wonderful Christmas.
518
00:20:38,262 --> 00:20:40,652
And while I'm at it-- Canada,
519
00:20:40,723 --> 00:20:42,653
you have a nice Christmas, too.
520
00:20:42,725 --> 00:20:45,145
And a shout-out to Mexico.
521
00:20:45,227 --> 00:20:46,337
Feliz Navidad.
522
00:20:46,412 --> 00:20:49,412
And hey, Joyeux Noel, France.
523
00:20:49,481 --> 00:20:51,451
O, Tannenbaum, Germany.
524
00:20:51,525 --> 00:20:55,285
And Merry Christmas
to the entire world.
525
00:20:55,362 --> 00:20:58,462
Oh, and from the Mac man
personally,
526
00:20:58,541 --> 00:21:01,331
to the soldiers--
527
00:21:01,410 --> 00:21:04,350
Merry Christmas.
528
00:21:07,583 --> 00:21:09,513
(clears throat loudly)
529
00:21:09,585 --> 00:21:12,555
(all laughing)
530
00:21:15,692 --> 00:21:17,522
I'm sorry.
531
00:21:17,593 --> 00:21:21,193
Joe, can you call the doctor?
532
00:21:21,263 --> 00:21:24,153
I got to get Paul in.
You're going to get it.
533
00:21:24,158 --> 00:21:28,738
I forgot my Flonase.
Sorry. Sorry.
534
00:21:28,812 --> 00:21:30,112
Here, Uncle Bernie,
535
00:21:30,189 --> 00:21:32,739
we made your gingerbread
house... again.
536
00:21:32,816 --> 00:21:35,666
That's not the line.
(laughter)
537
00:21:35,745 --> 00:21:38,245
Captioned by VISUAL DATA
538
00:21:38,295 --> 00:21:42,845
Repair and Synchronization by
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