Original subtitles

Did you know that they might be saying many different things?

Hissing roaches have three different hisses.

Really?

They call it flirting, fighting, and [bleep]ing hisses

and they’re all exactly the same to our ears.

So I don’t know what they’re saying at me

when they get upset.

No, but they do have different messages.

Because they don’t always run away.

Sometimes they get closer.

I think they love me.

Nice.

They are very capable of learning.

And roaches can absolutely learn

that they get fed when they get on your hand.

And they will learn to come onto your hand.

That’s not the first thing that’s learned

to [bleep] on my hand.

Haha. Nasty.

Your green banana roaches are looking good.

I love your porcelain roaches.

They’re really breeding up a storm.

Nice. Oh, your zebra roaches?

Yeah, like better horses. Looking good.

Naomi, the Suriname Roach, she doesn’t move around.

I’ve tried installing raisins in the shape of Stonehenge.

And she doesn’t give a [bleep].

She’s parthenogenic, so she can clone herself.

She has everything she needs to make babies.

So you’re not giving her something.

Sure we can make all these roaches happy in there.

Like in the bubble gum forest and the spaghetti bridge.

Pop‐‐ Popsicle stick, uh, sex swing.

But even here, in this romantic, Alaskan cabin tank ‐‐

Oh, wow.

Naomi doesn’t got what she need to clone herself.

That frustrating little bitch.

Steve, are you in your bug room?

You know this is my passion project I take care of at home.

You have a new passion project every other week.

Uh, yeah.

Uh, I love when Michelle yells at you.

At least I’m not a weird boomer with a train set.

You’ll probably be that next week.

No, I won’t. What’s wrong with train sets?

Whatever. They’re so playful and fun...

This is why we’re not adopting four kids.

Well, we adopted, like, a hundred roaches.

They’re cooler, man!

Michelle, they are pretty cool if you actually come up

and check ’em out, they love to eat these corn chips.

No, Curtis! Yeah.

You can’t feed corn chips to the roaches.

I just put them in there like this.

Whoa! They can’t digest those oils.

They say they’re not that unhealthy on the back.

Who’s they? The advertisers on the bag.

Unacceptable. [ Hisses ]

Alright, s‐‐ I can ‐‐

[ Hisses ] Hey, hey, hey.

I hear hissing. Are you guys fighting?

Now I’m hissing at you, Michelle.

[ Hissing ] Guys! No, no, no!

Hi, hey, hey! Whoa!

We’re crossing some lines.

I think we’ve all said some things that we’re gonna regret.

Daniel, you’re right.

First we have to powder all of the lids.

Curtis, I gotta to powder the lids right now.

So can you go downstairs?

Yeah, sure. Maybe calm Michelle down.

Yeah, I’ll get outta your hair.

Soy‐boy cucks like you always seem to calm people down.

Well, at least I’m not a Suriname cockroach.

Don’t talk about Naomi like that ‐‐ [ Belches ]

God, what did I eat this morning?

She’s just too cold to plop out babies.

Well, Daniel, I hate to say this,

but maybe I need you to come with me to the bug store

and get her some scarves or a ‐‐ You know you’re my best friend.

I know it. Just for you, I will do this.

I will put aside my feud with the insect store.

Oh, man.

What a commotion up there with those guys together. Ugh!

You want a chip, Michelle?

Uh, sure, I’ll have a chip.

♪

Mmm.

Steve and Daniel up there are being real weird about the bugs.

It’s kind of frustrating. Yeah.

Like, he’s always jumping onto a new thing.

Every time he does, he just forgets all about me.

You know, when I feel like I’m being neglected,

I take up to my room and start working on my live stream.

Oh yeah. How’s that been going?

It’s badass.

Yeah, I caught a few episodes.

[ Yawns ] I’m really proud of you.

Playing guitar a lot lately.

Oh, yeah?

Painting, and that’s very rewarding.

And it’s actually ‐‐ it’s a very,

you know, intimate process.

Uh, why doesn’t Steve paint you, like, nude, or whatever?

I mean, he’s into bugs right now.

He never listens to me.

Probably the best way to listen to someone is to stare at them.

Would you wanna do that?

Paint me wearing only these?

Oh, Michelle.

What, what, what? You scared?

[ Laughs ] I’m not‐ Fa, wha, wha, wha‐ I’m not scared.

Hey guys, what are you doing?

No, no, uh ‐‐

Daniel and I are going to the bug store.

Oh. Curtis, you’re coming with me.

It’s bro time. Yeah.

Okay.

What? For brothers.

Michelle, I’m sorry I was yelling earlier.

I’m sorry, too. Yeah.

Well I’m giving you a light, impersonal hug.

Hmm hmm hmm.

Daniel’s got the keys for the golf cart.

We’re going. Wow.

I’ve never driven in a golf cart.

Well you’re not driving, you’re riding.

Oh.

Uh, tarantulas are supposed to be awesome.

That’s one I’m looking forward to trying.

Because the cephalothorax is supposed to be

shrimpy in texture, Huh.

and kind of sweet, but the abdomen is creamy.

What about all the hairs?

Well, you have to remember to singe off the hairs.

Those little urticating hairs would be terrible in your mouth.

Do you get why I like bugs now?

This part is pretty cool, actually. I ‐‐

Maybe we just got to give her this big, warming diaper.

But then if she has babies, they’ll be stuck in the diaper.

Or a robe? With a hole for each limb?

I think she’ll appreciate it.

I think it’ll make her feel better about herself.

Feel sexy. Yeah.

Does this hat work? Uh, it seems like,

"Oh I’m the best bug on the planet."

How about these, uh ‐‐ this corduroy vest?

The little ridges would be nice for keeping her fungus gnats.

Fungus. I was just going to say

it would be nice for the fungus gnats.

I was just gonna say that. Oh.

This yellow cardigan is so lovely.

Dang.

Imagine that soft merino wool on Michelle.

We’re looking for clothes for Naomi.

Michelle’s wearing this yellow cardigan, it’s just ‐

just like, matte, like on a picnic.

I mean, she looks great in cardigans.

That’s fun to think about. That’s fun to ‐‐

Yeah. Well, Curtis I get it. Michelle and I...

sometimes we have problems, but she’s hot.

Mm. Yeah. Yeah.

I give you permission to enjoy the fact she’s hot,

but right now we’re focusing on clothes for my bug.

Heh. Okay, alright.

So you give me, th‐‐ I have permission then.

Yeah. She’s hot.

Right on ‐‐ Right on, man.

Oh, I’ve got a feeling at the end of this

I’m gonna end up with a lot of clothes

I didn’t expect to get. That’s awesome.

That always happens when you go in the bug store.

You just have to know. Yeah.

Guys, I’m gonna be in the lighting department.

Oh, hey ‐‐

Oh, boy, here we go. Hey, Curtis.

I just want to let you know, Charlene,

but I’m probably going to be painting Michelle nude.

And you’re, uh, the f‐‐ the first person that I’m telling.

I want ‐ I want you to ‐‐ I want you to know.

So, uh ‐‐ uh ‐‐ I don‐‐ I don’t understand.

Are you an artist? Yeah.

Or a pervert? No, I’m an artist.

Curtis, I don’t need to know

what nude people you’re painting, okay?

I don’t call you up and tell you about all the basketball courts

I’ve been trolling to pick up sweet calves.

Curtis, we’re gonna pay for the robe.

Where is that guy?

Seven dollars and thirty‐three cents.

Hey there, Elliot.

How’s the insect society going since I was kicked out?

Much better. So you’re Daniel’s enemy.

The one who drew actor Greg Kinnear’s face

on all those ants and tried to get the world

to think that it was a new species of ant.

That doesn’t mean ‐‐ it’s still a new kind of ant!

What’s your deal with Greg Kinnear, huh?

You freak. Why you so obsessed, you freak?

My mom always thought he was a great actor.

Well, where is she now?

She died of cancer three years ago.

Told you.

Maybe if you, like, move your fingers a little bit.

Uh... Uh‐huh.

Where should I move them?

Um. Uh... Like...

[ Chuckles ]

Never noticed how lovely your hair was.

Thank you.

Your hair is quite lovely, too.

Ah, you know, it’s alright.

I use uh...

I use a lot of shampoo on it.

I think that’s my secret.

Ohh. Just lots of shampoo.

Should I spread my legs more?

No. What’s wrong?

Nothi‐‐ I just ‐‐

Lemme get some of that hair that fell in your eyes.

I’m just gonna... Oh.

Ah! What’s wrong?

Okay. What are you doing?

You know, I have to go. You have to finish.

I just remembered...

♪

I’m sorry, I was just standing at the doorway to see

if I was really going, and I am.

Now, I have had to reinsert a couple prolapses in frogs.

It’s easier than you might think.

Oh, yeah. Just fingers, or ‐‐

Steve! Oh, what are you doing here?

I can’t do it, man. I can’t. I ‐‐

What, are you d‐‐ trying to take a dump and you got scared?

No, no, no. No. Um ‐‐ Um...

’Cause sometimes you get scared.

No, we had a very honest conversation.

It was not a big deal and I just told her no we can’t.

What are you talking about?

Are you just coming in here not talking about bugs?

Michelle and I didn’t make love. Wait.

I can’t do it. It’s not ‐‐ It’s not gonna happen.

What? Of course you can’t do it!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Could ‐‐ You said you gave me permission.

Like, you mean like what I said in the bug store earlier?

You ‐‐ Steve, you always said,

"I sleep with yours, you sleep with mine."

No! I never said this!

Well, then why did I think you said that?

Because you’re a delusional little man!

Hey! Hey! Who’s scared and sad right now.

I’m 5’5". Ohh.

That’s not little.

Okay, short king. Thank you.

Did she even want to sleep with you?

Ye‐Yeah.

She let me paint her breast and her [bleep].

I painted her nude.

Curtis, she went to college for nude modeling.

That was her minor.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. You guys.

What? There are bigger things at play.

I think Naomi is gravid.

Uh... What?

I think babies are gonna come out.

It’s happening. Pink noise.

Oh. Why is the terrarium breaking?

Oh, no. What ‐‐ Aah!

Why are the terrariums breaking? You guys?

Curtis, you come in here, scream and stomping around.

Pink noise! What is happening?

Oh, my God, everything’s breaking. I just ‐‐

Guys, save this fight for later.

Let’s just wait till this is done.

I’m gonna crumple all these up and throw ’em away, Daniel.

I have 70 people watching this right now!

You put away that omnidirectional mic.

It’s not omnidirectional, it’s ambisonic.

Oh, my God. The roaches are crawling out the window.

There’s hemolymph everywhere!

Eeee‐owww!

Daniel. Daniel.

You’re made of glass.

I always was.

That’s [bleep] up, Curtis.

Thanks everyone for watching, we got something weird

going on in here, though, I have to take care of.

Curtis, I’m hugging you.

Uh, my brother, he’s ‐‐

Look a‐‐ Look at me.

I’m ‐‐

Don’t you ever try and make diddlefun

with Michelle again, okay?

It just didn’t feel right.

I thought of you. That’s really weird.

I think you completely misunderstood something

I said earlier. Mm‐hmm.

So I misunderstood? You did.

Well that’s embarrassing. You know what, Curtis?

Instead of like, trying to wedge yourself in between me

Mm‐hmm. and my complicated love life,

Mm‐hmm.

You could find a way to maybe bring us all together.

Okay. As a unit?

All three of us.

Oh, so all three of us. Okay.

Damn right, we’re like a unit.

Okay. Hey.

I’m gonna kiss you on the forehead, Curtis.

[ Chuckles ] Okay.

It kind of looks like a piñata.

Eh.

Aren’t really

You’re usually full of treats, aren’t you?

Heh, yeah.

Walking my fingers on your chest.

Heh, it’s like a little soldier marching to war.

Sometimes I need to feel like

I’m chasing something new, Michelle.

Which is why I got so lost in things like my roaches.

[ Hisses ]

Yeah, I know.

And it’s ‐‐ you’re still ‐‐ you’re cool.

Steve, I can’t just wait around for you

to be as excited about me as you are about the roaches

or whatever weird thing you’re gonna come up with next.

Yeah.

[ Squeals ]

Okay, yeah. Maybe at some point I’ll shout you out,

Upside Down Guy.

Uh, but it’s, you know, I might forget

’cause I’m gonna be in the moment.

Uh, cause when I lo‐‐ I lose my mind when I have sex.

Ah! Hey guys, I have an erection!

Steve: What?

♪ The image of her broken lips

♪ The pictures of her hips to hips ♪

♪ The ample love that wasn’t his ♪

[ Laughs ] Michelle, he thought we were having a threesome!

Ew! [ Laughs ]

I just decided I don’t wanna have a threesome anymore.

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