Original subtitles

CURTIS: Oh, man. I -- I went shopping.

I got -- got all of these cool shirts.

It's great to go to college and start --

Just take a -- Wait, Curtis. Take a deep breath.

I think you're going to fit it.

-I know. -I want to apologize.

Why? Why are you apologizing?

Well, I know it's a little tough to come

into high, uh, out of high school.

You were alma mater of high school, but I did,

you know, fiddle around with your high-school sweetheart.

No. Listen, fresh start.

Let's, uh, let bygones be bygones,

and let's get to doing what we do best.

Hey, guys.

[ Jazz music plays ]

Man, you're covered in rats.

-I'm Ratman. -These guys are your pets.

Wow.

I'm Ratman.

-Oh, yeah. -They're not pets, dumbass.

I -- I just assumed. I'm sorry.

I'm Ratman.

My major is real estate, and I'm a junior.

Well, I studied law.

Hey, Rat-- Hey, Ratman, what did you bring in your bags?

Blood. [ Jazz music plays ]

That really is blood.

Hey, dude, you got to get used to this college culture, Curtis.

Ratman. [ Jazz music plays ]

We're going rabid with Ratman.

This is already the best year ever. Ratman.

Do you sell the rats or -- I just -- I don't understand.

No. They're part of Ratman.

Oh. It's like a rat amalgamate, Curtis.

I just graduated high school three months ago.

You know, Trent, but you read "Walden Pond," right?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

-You know transcendental? -Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It's kind of like we're all part of one rat.

It's your first time here, kid, kid, kid?

It's a beautiful campus,

and I've met a lot of cool people so far,

but there's so many new things

that opened to me in the --

Here. Shh. Shh.

Oh, they taste like garbage.

There. That's what the blood is for.

Mm. It tastes like garbage.

You know, over here at college,

we have an old initiation trick for the froshies.

Let's give him a hello slap.

That's right, baby.

Mm. Ah. Just keep doing it.

-Uh. -Mm.

-Mm. -Uh.

-Gotcha. -Mm.

Mm.

Curtis, what's wrong?

It's weird not having Dad here and --

What, little crybaby Curtis can't do college?

I'm not crying -- Oh, dude.

Steve, that's not how you want to be treating people.

That shit is going to come back around to you tenfold.

What do you mean, Ratman?

It's the -- it's the karmic process

that happens in life.

[Echoing] You have to put the good energy out there.

I have my rats that'll take out individual bad-energy molecules.

They deliver them to the goat farm where the bad energy goes.

It's not visible on the, uh, visual spectrum,

but it is palpable.

I miss my dad.

Would you like a Ratman kiss? [Deep voice] Ratman kiss.

Is that what people do in college?

It's what the cool kids do in college.

Yeah, I mean, let me at least unbutton my shirt.

All right, baby.

How is this bonfire party treating you, Curtis,

your first real bonfire party?

Man, all the smoke is getting into my lungs,

making it hard to breathe.

I don't learn anybody's names.

That's how it's part of being a Ratman is done.

The Ratman is the best character.

-[ Laughs ] -Wait.

Hey, Ratman, do you know that woman over there?

I do, and you better keep your eyes off her.

That's Julietta.

No, Charlene.

-Beautiful eyes. -Watch out, dude.

I've seen that girl, Charlene, in math class.

She's in your math class?

She must be super smart.

She's always like, "X equals Y," and I'm like, "[Bleep] off."

No. That's -- Listen.

I think it's really cool that she knew the answer.

Hey, guys.

I, uh, I want to introduce you to Charlene and, uh...

Hi, Charlene. My name is Curtis.

-Nice going, Ratman. -I'm the best.

So, uh, you're friends with the Ratman.

He's actually my roommate.

He -- he has a lot of rats on him, huh?

Yeah. He's, uh, I --

I also know your other friend from our, um, geometry class.

She doesn't know we're brothers yet, Ratman,

so she called me his friend. -I love it.

That guy is my brother, Steve. He's my older brother.

I just, actually, just started college.

I'm sorry for the inconvenience.

I'm two years older than him.

-Yeah. -When I was 6, he was 4.

-I -- I, uh -- -It's too much.

That's a lot of math. -Um, I was wondering.

Maybe tomorrow, you'd want to go to Italian Bakery

with me and talk about things.

Uh, yeah. Sure.

Why not?

-All right. -Okay.

-Uh... -Is this for you or your brother?

No, this is because you and I are going to get, uh, bread.

I'm so sorry. Let me just clear my throat.

[ Coughs ]

Okay. All right.

Oh, God bless you, Charlene.

-I'm sorry. -God bless you.

You buff me?

No. [ Chuckles ] God bless you.

It's a way of saying that I hope you are feeling

all right after you sneeze.

I don't.

You seem to know a lot about, um,

interior design and houses and also feng shui.

Feng shui is kind of my "thang, thang"

if you know what I'm saying.

I don't.

-It's, uh... -I'm a geometry major

because I'm just very interested in shapes.

-Right. -Like, when I look at your face,

it's mainly, uh, it's mainly oval.

-Yeah. What else do you see? -Your nose is a triangle.

-Huh. -Your eyes are also oval,

but different ovals,

and your head is sideways oval.

Wow.

And, um, your mouth is, like, sideways oval,

but thin, long sideways oval.

Yeah. I -- I definitely --

Do you mind if I kiss you?

I don't mind.

**

[ Smooching ]

Ow. That hurts.

[ Giggles, smooching ]

[ Slurping ] All right. Hey.

Hey. Psst!

-Hey. -Hey.

What are you doing here?

The hospital is closed.

We have to talk.

Okay.

On the -- On the -- In the cabin on the train,

I discovered your brother,

who I was supposed to kill, already dead,

and his murder was carried out by birds.

You have to explain this incident.

Well, there's one problem with that.

They were supposed to kill you, too.

Why?!

Nobody ever makes it out of the bird train alive.

They asked me to get you out of the county.

You weren't supposed to be here.

I was in a different state.

Yeah.

I need more explanation.

Well, I don't have any.

Well, that's -- that's anticlimactic.

You're supposed to fight it out of me.

You were supposed to, like, choke me or something.

-Oh. -Or smack me.

I want this information,

and I will go to any length to get it!

You were supposed to die,

and I guess I'm going to have to finish the job myself.

Well, whoa. While you were -- While you weren't looking,

I grabbed one of those syringes off of the table

that they were labeled poison. -Oh, my God.

You -- You've poisoned the poison doctor.

I was taken aback by how smart she is, uh,

and she's really cool,

and, like, you guys were kind of --

You know, I don't think you quite know her like I do now.

Like, I felt, like, an instantaneous

kind of connection and...

-You mean sexually. -Well, nah.

You know, that may be someday down the road, but --

Little guy, if there is, uh, anything going on

that doesn't involve slapping or jet skis,

gelato, Ratman don't care.

You know what? I don't care either.

If there's anything that Curtis don't care about,

it's only beer, gelato, and jet skis.

Is that okay? I'm not sure if you're saying a double negative,

but I've just fallen in love.

You were always my favorite.

-That's awesome. -Curtis, wake up.

Do you want to --

-I was... -Curtis.

...very hesitant to be hypnotized and with good reason.

That was terrifying.

You need to get to the core of your feelings and --

and of that anger.

And once we do that, then you can start to forgive yourself.

What if I don't want to forgive myself?

I won't sign your prison therapy forms.

-I'm a bad man! -Curtis.

I'm a bad, bad, can't even hold a successful marriage.

-Oh, Curtis, this is so good. -I can't even successfully...

-Ugh. -...stab my brother. I didn't even kill him.

I tried to kill him in the moment,

and I didn't even do that.

There's a -- Chocolate coconut is my favorite.

It sounds good.

It's also cheaper than the other ones.

I don't know why.

Doctor, I'm having visions right now.

Is that normal?

-Yeah, definitely. -Charlene.

Why -- Why do you think she betrayed you?

Why do you think Charlene betrayed you?

Well, let me ask her.

Charlene, why did you betray me?

Because things change.

-Because things change. -People change.

-What changed? -People change.

-Times change. -Times change.

Do you think that you became...

Doctor wants to know if you think that...

...a disappointing version of yourself?

...I became a disappointing version to you.

[ Inhales deeply ]

-I don't know. -She doesn't know.

You know, when Charlene says, "I don't know,"

that means yes.

-Doctor says yes, Charlene. -That isn't --

-Doctor says, "Yes." -She's a quack.

Okay, I'm going to drown you a little bit,

and you're going to calm down now

and take a nap, take a bath nap.

Some purple toenail polish for my lunch break.

We'll just fix his stupid little eyes

and stupid little nose.

**

**

Uh [Mumbles] Where am I? Is this a -- Ratman, what?

I'm Ratman. [ Jazz music plays ]

This feels like wood.

Yeah. It's a wooden Dumpster.

It's exclusive to this goat farm,

and I brought you here without a purpose.

-That's wild. -I mean, that's great, right?

-It's pretty good. -Yeah.

Last thing I remember, I was in the hospital

getting pink gas put into me.

You can let that out now.

[ Air wheezes ]

My brother, Judge Bosco.

This is it.

We've done the kidnapping, stupid idiot.

The goat replaced...

you, Steve, with goats.

Hopefully, the goats won't realize

you've been replaced with --

by -- hu -- with you, Steve, the human.

Y-- No one is going to be able to tell the difference

because you're human. You're not a goat anymore.

Ha! Did it.

You're...stupid...goat.

MICHOLS: * Just beware of CIA, FBI, and DEA *

* Standing on the barricades

* Tell us what's the latest age *

* None of you has got a clue

* And most don't really care what's true *

* So calm down

* Calm down, calm down

* And come back down from off that cloud *

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