Original subtitles

**

**

[ Romantic tune plays ]

**

-Hey. -Hey --

-Please. No, you're not in yet. -Oh.

-You come in later. -Oh, okay.

I'm really enjoying the touch of your hand right now, but,

why are you so shaky?

I'm very nervous.

You don't have to be so nervous.

I mean, like, I'm right here holding your hand, babe.

He's not gonna be here.

We can finally run off together to the farm.

I know. But, he has that big business presentation today

and it's not a traditional work hour.

He could come home at any moment.

Shh!

I just wanna taste your spit one more time.

**

Your lips are so moist.

Hey, babe! I'm home early!

-Ohhhhh! -Babe!

Charlene!

Oh, I had such a...

fortunate chance occurrence that my boss

let me go home early from work.

-Curtis -- -God. God, you look sexy.

Curtis. [ Suspenseful music plays ]

-Oh. -Steve?

-Oh, my goodness. -What are you doing here?

Charlene.

I -- Listen --

-Charlene! -Oh, yeah.

-Steve. -Curtis.

-Curtis. -My name is Curtis.

**

-Charlene. -Curtis, it's not wha-- how

it -- how it seems. -This is not how it seems.

Well, it looks -- Why...?

You guys don't have any clothes on.

Come on, this is just how I normally dress.

You know that. You know I'm a bodybuilder.

I know you do, but you've never

come over to my wife's and my house

and take your clothes off. -It's just that I had a new type

of oil I needed her help to apply

and you just weren't around. -No! 'Cause the oil's

just around your groin!

I can see, it's shiny!

Charlene?

I-I'm embracing his culture!

Charlene, look at me!

Steve.

Are you and Steve

in a relationship

behind my back? -Me, me Steve.

Curtis, please.

We have -- We have our differences,

but there's something you need to understand.

7 months ago,

things weren't as they were now.

A lot has changed.

**

I'm...taken aback by what is going on right now.

I'm gonna go out to my car and cry for a minute.

I'll be right back.

[ Pounding ]

Damn it!

[sobbing] No-o-o-o-o-o!

Some -- Goddamn it!

Why?! -Charlene: Steve! Please!

Why does this have to happen to me?!

I love her! -Steve!

And now I'm...alone...

-Steve! -...and my br-- You're, uh --

you're inside. You're not hearing this.

-Huh. Steve. -[sobbing] Some of a bitch!

-Steve. -Some of a bitch!

Steve!

Steve!

I'm sorry we can't cuck Curtis anymore!

Steve: Sorry. -Dude, you're inside.

-I love cucking him with you. -No, you're --

No, you're inside. -Steve: You're inside. Shh. Shh.

[ Melancholy tune plays ] My life is falling apart!

And I got nothing left to do, except...

kill my brother?

Do I really need to kill my brother?

-No. -He's -- No,

you're inside! Dude, shut up

just for a minute. -Shut up, you're inside.

This is my monologue, my soliloquy.

Do I really need to kill my brother?

[ Distorted music climbs ]

Ye-e-e-s-- I do!

And how I'm gonna do it is with a long knife.

And here it is.

You can hear it!

[ Tapping ] You hear that knife?

I'm gonna jam it right through his heart

and I'm gonna kill him. [Thwack!]

Now, when I get inside...

on the count of three,

I'm gonna stab my brother Steve in the heart!

[ Melancholy tune plays ]

Charlene! All right, now I'm back.

N-Now I'm seeing you again.

Charlene!

I love you more than I've ever

loved anyone before.

You're beautiful!

Steve, it's -- Oh.

Yes. -But -- But what you've done

to me -- you've betrayed me

and I'm gonna stab my brother in the heart.

Here we go!

-But, Curtis -- -Three, two, one!

Curtis, no!

Pbbt!

Curtis! -No-o-o-o-o!

-Yeah. And then I fall on -- -Curtis. Curtis, how could you?

-Shut up for a second. Just -- -Yeah.

I'm falling on the ground. -Yeah.

Wait. Uh... [Thud]

And then I'm like pushing the -- I'm --

I'm pushing this hear-- knife through your heart,

-Uhh! -even harder!

Uhh!

Uhh!

Curtis.

Steve.

[ Playback button depresses, melancholy tune plays ]

Charlene.

No, dude. You're just --

You ran out 'cause...

it's more about us, at this point.

**

Okay. I'll -- I'll --

I'm still in the scene, but I'm --

All right, I'm gonna mute you.

I'm bleeding onto this tile floor

that we installed as friends and family one day.

It was a home renovation project

that we were gonna pitch to HGTV.

[chuckle] Time seemed so different back then.

That was back in 2008.

When I first moved in to the house down the street

and you were building this house.

My college roommate was a production assistant

on an HGTV show and got me the name of a producer

and I had our friend videotape it on --

right before DSLR cameras became popular

and kinda -- -[Farts]

Ooh, wh-what was that?

I'm dying.

And that was you shittin' your pants?

That happens when people are dying.

I feel...so...cold right now.

You know what? I'll turn the heat on

and I'm gonna leave

and I'll let you die in comfort, at least.

'Cause actually, these floors are heated,

'cause that was part of our reno project.

Can I hold...

your finger?

Uhh...

yeah.

I know why you have done this, Curtis.

I know why -- I know why -It's --

you had to, and I -- if I was in your position,

I might have [slurring] had to do the same thing.

But here I am, and I feel so...cold.

Well, I'll tell you one time, Steve.

I don't take kindly to betrayal.

-I know. -And, unfortunately,

you betrayed me.

Oh God, are you raising your arm again,

with the s-sword? -And now, I'm gonna stab you

in each of your eyeballs, be-- for each of the times

that you saw my wife's pistachio pie, naked.

[ Chuckling, wheezing ]

Here's one stab.

[ Clack! ]

And here's the other!

[ Clack! ] Ah!

You will never again see her pistachio pie.

**

I'll never again see my brother, either, which...

They say all family is the only thing you've got

and that sometimes you've got to give --

you lose when you reach out to another...

I was going to try.

I'm gonna let you go.

Charlene!

-Yes. -Ste-- -Can I...? Wait. Hold up.

I have a uteral transplant I did

and Charlene is a...

trap queen.

**

I have a confession.

[echoing] Well, I'll be damned.

Damned. Damned. Damned. Damned.

Damned. Damned. Damned.

I -- and I'm gonna say this one --

Wait, I'm gonna say this one more time.

Okay.

[echoing] Well, I'll be damned.

Damned. Damned. Damned. Damned.

Curtis!

Charlene, call -- call 911!

**

Okay, I'm dialing now.

Boop boop. I'll patch it. -I don't know CPR or anything.

Or do we have Band-Aids in the house?

Umm...yes! I have --

I have Band-Aids of three different sizes:

-All right, take them -small, medium, and large.

into the bathroom. Take them in the bathroom

-Okay. -and talk to Steve.

While you're doing that,

I'll hang on the phone with the 911 people.

[ Scraping ]

[ Door opens ]

[ Intermittent scraping ]

[ Legs thud ] Okay.

Steve, which size Band-Aid would best heal them?

I think...

I just need gauze.

**

Okay, there's --

Luckily, with the new -- -No -- There's --

Wait. Wai-ai-ai-t!

Luckily, with the new storage area we built

in this new Redondo-style living area,

we have a whole cabinet hidden in --

in a very aesthetically pleasant location,

full of gauze and first-aid materials.

Charlene, can you gauze me up?

Yes!

Is there a key?

You don't even need a key. There's a little --

It's such a modern thing.

You push in a hidden part of the wood,

which you should be able to feel with your fingers,

and it electronically opens with a magnet.

Oh, my goodness! It's like right out of one

of those sci-fi pictures you love so much!

That's the great thing about modern interior design:

a lot of that stuff is already here.

Curtis! Darlene! I have bad news!

His -- her name's Charlene!

Curtis and Charlene, I have terrible news.

Someone-- -Charlene: Yes.

Someone cut our lines.

Steve: Oh. my. God. -Like 911 cannot be reached.

[ Suspenseful music plays ] So what we have to do is

-Oh, my goodness. -we have to get into my car.

This 2014 Fiat 500 was made in Italy.

-Can I carry -- -What about the wall?

What about the wall?

Oh! I -- You weren't here.

You were in the other room.

Steve mentioned that he installed

a special wall where -- -Well, yes, of course!

Grab the Band-Aids! Goddamn it!

[ Thud! ]

He doesn't want Band-Aids!

He wants gauze! -Charlene, don't you talk

to me like that. And then I strike you.

[ Slap! ]

-Oww! -Oh, my God.

What will happen -Oh my God! Why did I do that

-to her? -to Charlene?

Why did you hit your wife?!

I...am in a lot of stress right now.

I could only hear it,

but I assumed it was her face.

Charlene, I am so sorry. Please forgive me.

I'm just under a lot of stress right now.

No! You've been --

you've been physically attacking everybody in your life,

as well as verbally attacking them!

No, I haven't!

And I strike you again. [ Slap! ]

Charlene! Do not make me

-Yes? Ow! -hit you a third time.

Now, please get the Band-Aids

out of the board-war. [boudoir]

[ Sinister "Psycho"-like music climbs ]

**

**

Stay tuned!

Next time, on "Tender Touches"...

[ Jaunty tune plays ]

Chris Michols: * And the rumors are

* She came home last night

* Not alone

**

* If the word is true

* She's onto you

* It's revenge

* And the wisdom

* He's to learn

**

** [ Drumroll ]

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0