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1
00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:52,720
Nice one, Cyril.
2
00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:24,280
It's a long time
since I've had custard.
3
00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:28,259
Of course,
one's heart bleeds for you.
4
00:01:28,260 --> 00:01:31,599
You'll never kick the habit
if you keep dreaming about it.
5
00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:34,159
Read the paper,
read me out my horoscope.
6
00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:36,939
I do not encourage
that kind of pagan rubbish.
7
00:01:36,940 --> 00:01:41,059
Come on, let's be knowing what
the stars have got in store for me.
8
00:01:41,060 --> 00:01:44,939
It's bound to be a lot, isn't it?
Look what they've done for you up to now.
9
00:01:44,940 --> 00:01:47,299
They've given me
a sunny disposition.
10
00:01:47,300 --> 00:01:50,100
Just as well, with all
those holes in your trousers.
11
00:01:51,700 --> 00:01:56,079
Me mam said, the minute
I were born, the sun came out from behind the cloud,
12
00:01:56,080 --> 00:01:59,759
and the starling on the next-door
coal-house roof started twittering.
13
00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:02,799
Oh, yes? Little cosmic messages, eh?
14
00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:04,980
Not a word from your father,
I notice.
15
00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:10,000
That might not be custard,
that could be paint.
16
00:02:11,580 --> 00:02:13,479
What are you doing under there?
17
00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:15,399
A rabbit's foot. I'm cleaning it.
18
00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:18,740
Don't stop there,
have a go at your ferrety face.
19
00:02:19,920 --> 00:02:22,119
It's all clogged up.
20
00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:24,839
Still, I don't suppose
we need to fear
21
00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:27,639
with the powers of
bringing me good luck.
22
00:02:27,640 --> 00:02:33,099
Do you think it might?
'Ey up, maybe that's why I've been losing on the gee-gees lately.
23
00:02:33,100 --> 00:02:36,279
Lately? You've always been
losing on the gee-gees.
24
00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:40,380
There you are, you see, that
proves it. I've knackered it.
25
00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:04,059
It's only a small word,
but he said it with real feeling.
26
00:03:04,060 --> 00:03:08,759
Looks as if he knows all about
real feeling. I know, poor old soul.
27
00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:12,559
But there's nothing much you can do
when it's such a localised wound.
28
00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:16,999
You'd have to be a nurse or very
keen chapel to be above suspicion.
29
00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:20,740
Makes you wonder how many steps he
could do if he had a bit of music.
30
00:03:23,640 --> 00:03:26,619
'Ey, it's a terrible pain. I know.
31
00:03:26,620 --> 00:03:31,860
Yet the way my old man's always
waving himself about, you'd think he hadn't a care in the world.
32
00:04:09,620 --> 00:04:11,120
Tha needs a rabbit's foot.
33
00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:16,140
That's not the part
that's going to need replacing.
34
00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:20,239
He's full of superstitious rubbish.
35
00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:22,739
Everybody's superstitious. Rubbish.
36
00:04:22,740 --> 00:04:26,099
What about thee? Tha'll never
take a third light from a match.
37
00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:27,799
Not when you're second, I won't.
38
00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:32,739
Because by the time you've lit
your soggy tab end, that match has been halfway up your nostril.
39
00:04:32,740 --> 00:04:38,120
All right then. Give us an old fag,
and if it'll make you feel better, I'll smoke it out me ear 'ole.
40
00:04:39,740 --> 00:04:45,679
I must point out that it's not due
to any primitive superstition that you find me with my legs crossed.
41
00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:48,739
What are you going to
do about that bike, then?
42
00:04:48,740 --> 00:04:52,280
I'm going to learn
to ride it on tiptoe.
43
00:04:53,820 --> 00:04:55,659
Me mam was superstitious. Oh, yes?
44
00:04:55,660 --> 00:04:58,319
Never ate a policeman on a Friday?
45
00:04:58,320 --> 00:05:01,739
Never see her crossing her
knife or fork on a plate.
46
00:05:01,740 --> 00:05:05,579
If we examine that phenomenon more
closely, we shall no doubt find out
47
00:05:05,580 --> 00:05:09,939
that it was largely due to the fact
that your lot never had any forks.
48
00:05:09,940 --> 00:05:12,039
Ya talk wet. I stand corrected.
49
00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:14,979
I'm overlooking the rather elegant
little half dozen
50
00:05:14,980 --> 00:05:20,219
that was marked with a crest
and a motto which read, "Stolen from Barnsley breweries".
51
00:05:20,220 --> 00:05:21,679
Oh, they never nicked them.
52
00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:25,379
She was just taking care of them
for our Douggie while he were away.
53
00:05:25,380 --> 00:05:28,919
We all know where he were away to,
don't we? Well, why not?
54
00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:30,280
All his mates were there.
55
00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:36,680
They say that these new blocks
of flats are destroying that sort of feeling of community.
56
00:05:41,540 --> 00:05:42,839
Ah!
57
00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:45,399
Ah! Ah-ha-ha.
58
00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:48,559
Ah-ha-ha.
59
00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:51,980
Oh. Oh, that's better, I must say.
60
00:05:52,900 --> 00:05:56,680
It was the kind of discomfort
best described as forked lightning.
61
00:05:58,660 --> 00:06:01,839
Well, what are you going
to do about that bike, then?
62
00:06:01,840 --> 00:06:07,119
I'm going to wheel it
up to Sid's Cafe and get some hot, sweet tea down me.
63
00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:09,580
'Ey, come on. All right, all right.
64
00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:14,459
The worst pains I ever had were when
I got my fingers in my mam's mangle.
65
00:06:14,460 --> 00:06:16,779
Well, it made a change
from her handbag.
66
00:06:16,780 --> 00:06:19,739
It were these two fingers,
funnily enough.
67
00:06:19,740 --> 00:06:21,579
Behave yourself in the street.
68
00:06:21,580 --> 00:06:24,259
Why can't you follow us
at a respectful distance?
69
00:06:24,260 --> 00:06:27,659
Tha needs me, Cyril.
I'll have less of the "Cyril".
70
00:06:27,660 --> 00:06:31,439
I need you like I need
third degree burns.
71
00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:33,779
Do you remember Third Degree Burns?
72
00:06:33,780 --> 00:06:36,419
Notorious Irish policeman.
73
00:06:36,420 --> 00:06:39,779
Used to let people off
on St Patrick's Day.
74
00:06:39,780 --> 00:06:43,240
By sticking them in a bottle
and lighting the blue paper.
75
00:06:46,780 --> 00:06:48,719
Well, hold it up, then, hold it up!
76
00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:50,759
I'm getting simply covered in oil!
77
00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:54,019
Well, give that end to him,
he's grimy already. It won't show.
78
00:06:54,020 --> 00:06:57,539
Oh, hark at it! Not only makes
horrible tea, but is cheeky with it!
79
00:06:57,540 --> 00:07:02,319
The way my marriage works, I've had
to learn to be cheeky without it! Now, keep it still!
80
00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:07,279
I hope you're not going to turn
out to be one of them big, efficient sort of idiots, Sidney.
81
00:07:07,280 --> 00:07:09,479
Not to worry, he's all gob.
82
00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:12,299
That's all right.
I don't mind him poking his nose in,
83
00:07:12,300 --> 00:07:15,599
as long as he makes a balls-up of
it, like any decent man would.
84
00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:19,919
Now, that's gratitude
for you, isn't it? He's got me clouted up with oil for a start.
85
00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:22,999
Well, if you will hold it
like a filleted prawn!
86
00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:26,219
Tha'll never get it off!
Oh, thank you very much!
87
00:07:26,220 --> 00:07:28,839
If you've nothing
more constructive to offer,
88
00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:32,439
kindly go outside and read the tail
board of some reversing lorry! Oh!
89
00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:35,459
Tha needs me, Cyril.
Hey, are you lifting?
90
00:07:35,460 --> 00:07:40,139
Are you lifting?! Tha needs me
because if it weren't for scruffs like me,
91
00:07:40,140 --> 00:07:43,459
poofs like you wouldn't
have anybody to be smarter than!
92
00:07:43,460 --> 00:07:46,420
Well, lift the chuffing thing,
will you?! I AM LIFTING IT!
93
00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:49,859
That's better. That's much better.
94
00:07:49,860 --> 00:07:53,159
Now, there's an air of
warm, human stupidity of the kind
95
00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:55,759
that you're entitled
to expect from your friends.
96
00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:56,879
Hey, watch it. Ooh!
97
00:07:56,880 --> 00:08:00,840
You can get that out right sharp,
we're not a bloody service station!
98
00:08:03,380 --> 00:08:06,499
I'm sorry about that, lads,
I'll mend it later.
99
00:08:06,500 --> 00:08:09,440
Oh, that'll be something
to look forward to, won't it?
100
00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:18,640
Norman.
101
00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:23,239
Tha'll have to take it in
for repair.
102
00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:25,760
Oh, steady on,
I wasn't that badly injured.
103
00:08:27,780 --> 00:08:31,059
You start spreading rumours
like that
104
00:08:31,060 --> 00:08:34,959
and the first thing you know,
I'm going to get reshuffled in the choir.
105
00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:37,679
The bike!
I wouldn't leave it to Sid!
106
00:08:37,680 --> 00:08:41,399
No, he's got no delicacy,
just a big hammer merchant.
107
00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:43,379
Has to be giving it some clog.
108
00:08:43,380 --> 00:08:44,939
He seemed very willing.
109
00:08:44,940 --> 00:08:47,579
He's willing all right.
It's just that he's soft.
110
00:08:47,580 --> 00:08:50,479
Nobody would be more sorry
than him when he's meant it.
111
00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:53,000
He'll take on anything.
I'll say that for him.
112
00:08:56,500 --> 00:08:57,800
Use an ashtray!
113
00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:03,480
I wouldn't mind,
I'm not even bloody smoking!
114
00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:11,379
She was watching you yesterday
and you were splashing ash all over the place. By God, she's fierce.
115
00:09:11,380 --> 00:09:14,379
No wonder a bit of power
goes straight to Sid's head!
116
00:09:14,380 --> 00:09:17,859
Listen, as long as this country
goes on producing people
117
00:09:17,860 --> 00:09:22,120
with enough reckless courage
to marry folk like Ivy, we shan't go far wrong.
118
00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:29,519
Well, why Huddersfield? Because I'm
taking it back where I got it from.
119
00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:31,659
And we can have
a drink in Huddersfield.
120
00:09:31,660 --> 00:09:37,679
Why is it that any time of the
day or night, you're instantly ready to embark upon an orgy?
121
00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:41,039
Because I believe
in keeping myself in shape.
122
00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:42,920
What shape is it, incidentally?
123
00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:46,479
Well, sort of little and dumpy.
124
00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:48,779
Well, that's close enough.
125
00:09:48,780 --> 00:09:51,639
I think it's me trousers,
they're cut a bit full.
126
00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:55,860
Oh, I thought it was something in
your pocket, like a sleeping bag.
127
00:10:09,860 --> 00:10:13,359
Hey, get that bike off the bus!
You can't get a bike on a bus!
128
00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:16,419
Now, go on, get off,
all of you, off! Off! Off!
129
00:10:16,420 --> 00:10:20,919
But it's not rideable, it's luggage.
We take suitcases and parcels only!
130
00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:23,280
And lodgers. I've seen you up
the back lane.
131
00:10:56,900 --> 00:11:00,139
Hey, you lot, what do you think
you're doing?! Come on! Get off!
132
00:11:00,140 --> 00:11:03,219
I'm not having that on this bus!
No vehicles on the vehicle!
133
00:11:03,220 --> 00:11:05,679
It's a parcel! It's a parcel!
134
00:11:05,680 --> 00:11:08,520
Go on then, clever,
you try posting it!
135
00:11:46,889 --> 00:11:51,808
♪ By the time I get to Phoenix
She'll be rising
136
00:11:51,809 --> 00:11:56,328
♪ She'll diddly-diddly-dee
A-diddly-doo! ♪
137
00:11:56,329 --> 00:12:00,068
'Ey up, Gordon! What?!
Where the hell's them gaskets?!
138
00:12:00,069 --> 00:12:03,368
What gaskets?
For this, you clug head!
139
00:12:03,369 --> 00:12:07,328
♪ Once I had a secret love!
140
00:12:07,329 --> 00:12:09,628
♪ Dee, dee, dee, dee,
di, dee, dee, dee! ♪
141
00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:13,448
They're not here! Well, they're not
here! Looks like you've lost them!
142
00:12:13,449 --> 00:12:16,628
♪ Oh, everybody's talking at me
143
00:12:16,629 --> 00:12:18,868
♪ I can't hear a word they're saying
144
00:12:18,869 --> 00:12:22,748
♪ Only the echoes of my mind! ♪
145
00:12:22,749 --> 00:12:26,288
They were there.
Well, they're not here now. Oh!
146
00:12:26,289 --> 00:12:30,248
♪ Baby love, oh, my baby love
147
00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:34,008
♪ Ooh, how I love you
My little baby love! ♪
148
00:12:34,009 --> 00:12:39,128
If you don't get them, I'll be
through there to stick that mucky book straight up your overall leg.
149
00:12:39,129 --> 00:12:42,568
♪ Ain't nothing but a hound dog!
150
00:12:42,569 --> 00:12:44,468
♪ Crying all the time!
151
00:12:44,469 --> 00:12:47,348
♪ Ain't nothing but a hound dog! ♪
152
00:12:47,349 --> 00:12:48,408
Gordon!
153
00:12:48,409 --> 00:12:55,428
According to this book, they seem
to have a lot more to do at night in an hot climate. Oooh!
154
00:12:55,429 --> 00:12:59,649
♪ She may be weary
Women do get weary
155
00:13:00,649 --> 00:13:03,089
♪ Wearing that same shabby dress
156
00:13:05,009 --> 00:13:06,469
♪ When she's weary
157
00:13:07,029 --> 00:13:10,048
♪ Try a little... ♪
158
00:13:10,049 --> 00:13:12,248
'Ey up. Hello, son,
what can we do for you?
159
00:13:12,249 --> 00:13:17,248
Does tha mend bikes?
AMERICAN ACCENT: What am I doing with this one, sweetheart, milking it(?)
160
00:13:17,249 --> 00:13:20,988
Oh, notorious for their ready wit,
they are, in Huddersfield.
161
00:13:20,989 --> 00:13:24,408
Oh, 'ey up, how many in your party?
Is this a coach trip or something?
162
00:13:24,409 --> 00:13:26,328
It's been a very undignified trip.
163
00:13:26,329 --> 00:13:31,249
Ah, stop moaning. No, there's only
three of us. Mind you, it's enough for ordinary purposes.
164
00:13:32,309 --> 00:13:35,768
I've, erm... I've brought this back.
165
00:13:35,769 --> 00:13:37,588
Brought it back?
166
00:13:37,589 --> 00:13:39,608
Well, it was purchased from here.
167
00:13:39,609 --> 00:13:40,829
When?
168
00:13:41,769 --> 00:13:44,728
Well, it was a while back now.
169
00:13:44,729 --> 00:13:46,908
It was raining, as I remember.
170
00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:50,469
So, I bought a cape as well -
a black one.
171
00:13:51,669 --> 00:13:54,748
You feel such a primrose in yellow.
172
00:13:54,749 --> 00:13:59,288
You're going back a bit,
aren't you, mate? Well, it was late spring, early summer...
173
00:13:59,289 --> 00:14:00,889
1946.
174
00:14:03,129 --> 00:14:06,448
1946! No wonder it was raining.
175
00:14:06,449 --> 00:14:08,408
It was a terrible summer!
176
00:14:08,409 --> 00:14:10,168
I spent a leave in Bridlington.
177
00:14:10,169 --> 00:14:12,008
Hey, I were courting.
178
00:14:12,009 --> 00:14:14,388
Spare us the sordid details, please.
179
00:14:14,389 --> 00:14:19,068
I wasn't even born.
Look, it's no good coming here, me old love, with your stone-age bike.
180
00:14:19,069 --> 00:14:23,488
We don't know nowt about them, mate.
HE SNIFFS
181
00:14:23,489 --> 00:14:27,889
You lads straight off the farm,
then, are you?
182
00:14:28,969 --> 00:14:31,029
Farm?! Pooh!
183
00:14:32,289 --> 00:14:35,368
Hey, do you think
he can smell my ferrets?
184
00:14:35,369 --> 00:14:39,489
Ferrets? They must be bloody big
ferrets. They've got horseshoes on!
185
00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:09,549
What's the matter?
What's the matter?!
186
00:15:25,609 --> 00:15:29,508
I cannot say that I appreciate
sitting on that bell.
187
00:15:29,509 --> 00:15:33,088
And I must ask you to promise
never to ring it.
188
00:15:33,089 --> 00:15:34,748
I'd trade places with thee.
189
00:15:34,749 --> 00:15:38,968
There's a spring on that carrier
that has got teeth like my ferrets!
190
00:15:38,969 --> 00:15:41,788
I wish you'd both sit
still the next time.
191
00:15:41,789 --> 00:15:45,749
I'd like you to meditate on the
consequences of a high speed wobble.
192
00:15:47,329 --> 00:15:49,428
I'm hungry. You're always hungry.
193
00:15:49,429 --> 00:15:51,968
Well, I'm only human. Since when?
194
00:15:51,969 --> 00:15:55,968
If you're a human, how are they
going to classify the rest of us?
195
00:15:55,969 --> 00:15:59,509
They know you by the shape
of that bell on your backside!
196
00:16:01,129 --> 00:16:03,029
I wonder where
I put that black cape?
197
00:16:06,929 --> 00:16:12,528
Have you thought,
if legs weren't joined in the middle, we couldn't ride a bicycle?
198
00:16:12,529 --> 00:16:16,769
Nature's wonderful. When you think
about it, there's a reason for everything.
199
00:16:31,489 --> 00:16:33,029
Get your hands down!
200
00:16:37,589 --> 00:16:40,228
Here, slow down! Slow down!
201
00:16:40,229 --> 00:16:43,048
I can't! You've got
your hand in the brake!
202
00:16:43,049 --> 00:16:44,688
Let go! Let go!
203
00:16:44,689 --> 00:16:48,208
You must be joking! I daren't let go!
204
00:16:48,209 --> 00:16:50,168
Tha've got tha fingers in the brake!
205
00:16:50,169 --> 00:16:52,048
You think I don't know!
206
00:16:52,049 --> 00:16:53,929
I can feel him pumping them.
207
00:17:24,149 --> 00:17:26,408
Oh, me bell broke.
208
00:17:26,409 --> 00:17:28,408
I've been sitting on it, that's why.
209
00:17:28,409 --> 00:17:29,509
Here, have a fag.
210
00:17:45,309 --> 00:17:48,568
You know, you're going
to need a new wheel.
211
00:17:48,569 --> 00:17:50,328
Hmm.
212
00:17:50,329 --> 00:17:51,888
And another round.
213
00:17:51,889 --> 00:17:53,008
Well, get one, then.
214
00:17:53,009 --> 00:17:57,168
Ah, come on, you know
I've not been doing too well on the gee-gees lately.
215
00:17:57,169 --> 00:18:02,208
It's me rabbit's foot.
I always knew your feet would go funny in them wellies.
216
00:18:02,209 --> 00:18:04,868
How do you account for his head,
then?
217
00:18:04,869 --> 00:18:08,309
It's me lucky charm.
What bloody charm have you ever had?
218
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:13,148
Just watch it, shag basket.
219
00:18:13,149 --> 00:18:19,028
It may interest you to know that
there are certain types of women that can't keep their hands off me.
220
00:18:19,029 --> 00:18:23,508
You mean apart from self-defence?
It's got nothing to do with the self-defence.
221
00:18:23,509 --> 00:18:25,428
I believe him. I believe him!
222
00:18:25,429 --> 00:18:30,768
There was that woman at school,
always running her fingers through his hair. And a small tooth comb.
223
00:18:30,769 --> 00:18:32,648
Nurse Garrett.
224
00:18:32,649 --> 00:18:36,708
Could be marmalade. We never had a
Nurse Marmalade. Me rabbit's foot!
225
00:18:36,709 --> 00:18:40,128
Well, don't wave the
damn thing over me beer, barbarian!
226
00:18:40,129 --> 00:18:43,488
Fancy walking about with bits
of animal on your person.
227
00:18:43,489 --> 00:18:47,028
Not on me person! It's in me pocket!
Well, that's on your person!
228
00:18:47,029 --> 00:18:49,508
Don't talk wet!
229
00:18:49,509 --> 00:18:53,468
I know what it means when you
talk about somebody's person.
230
00:18:53,469 --> 00:18:57,488
They mean your... Bits of...
Your person!
231
00:18:57,489 --> 00:18:59,348
Well, that is what I said!
232
00:18:59,349 --> 00:19:02,088
No, you didn't! You...
233
00:19:02,089 --> 00:19:06,208
Look! Anyway, us what are normal
have got a person.
234
00:19:06,209 --> 00:19:09,168
As well as a rabbit's foot?
Oh, this is ridiculous.
235
00:19:09,169 --> 00:19:10,928
Proper thick he is!
236
00:19:10,929 --> 00:19:17,068
Look, when we were called up, you
remember, one of the first things in the army we had to sign was a form!
237
00:19:17,069 --> 00:19:19,048
Yes, I thought it was funny too.
238
00:19:19,049 --> 00:19:21,308
But we won, didn't we?
239
00:19:21,309 --> 00:19:28,128
And there was a space which said,
"Any distinguishing marks on your... person?"
240
00:19:28,129 --> 00:19:33,489
Now that cruddy sergeant wouldn't
let me go outside and have a look, so I put down no.
241
00:19:35,069 --> 00:19:38,928
Yeah. But I put ingrowing
toenail, so what about that, then?
242
00:19:38,929 --> 00:19:40,129
You're as daft as he is.
243
00:19:41,089 --> 00:19:45,208
Have you told him, then?
Potty Herbert. Person indeed!
244
00:19:45,209 --> 00:19:48,028
I'm right! I'm right!
245
00:19:48,029 --> 00:19:52,468
Just listen
and zip tha cake hole for a minute!
246
00:19:52,469 --> 00:19:58,608
Why was it Nurse Garrett
always lowered her voice when she mentioned it? Mentioned what?
247
00:19:58,609 --> 00:20:00,848
Persons!
248
00:20:00,849 --> 00:20:05,068
She'd stand up in front of that
class and she'd tell us to get bathed every Friday.
249
00:20:05,069 --> 00:20:08,248
That fell on stony ground in
certain quarters, didn't it?
250
00:20:08,249 --> 00:20:10,269
And then she would lower her voice
251
00:20:11,049 --> 00:20:17,048
and look straight at us lads and
say, "And be sure and wash your...
252
00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:20,789
"whole person thoroughly."
253
00:20:25,949 --> 00:20:30,129
You know, the terrifying thing is
that come an election, he's entitled to vote!
254
00:20:33,669 --> 00:20:36,728
Sometimes I didn't bother.
No, of course not.
255
00:20:36,729 --> 00:20:41,208
I mean, you don't think he's
going to rush out and cast one for the first candidate
256
00:20:41,209 --> 00:20:43,069
with a colourful rosette on his...
257
00:20:46,089 --> 00:20:47,549
..person.
258
00:20:51,649 --> 00:20:54,968
Where are we going? I'm going to
let Sid have another look at it.
259
00:20:54,969 --> 00:20:58,148
Old big hammer? Any port in a storm.
260
00:20:58,149 --> 00:21:01,208
He's going to be in his
high glee, belting this.
261
00:21:01,209 --> 00:21:07,168
You realise his solution is going
to be clouting hell out of the rear wheel to resemble the front!
262
00:21:07,169 --> 00:21:10,008
I'm hungry.
Well, eat your tatty rabbit's foot!
263
00:21:10,009 --> 00:21:11,828
We can't waste all that custard.
264
00:21:11,829 --> 00:21:14,228
Me guts is complaining.
265
00:21:14,229 --> 00:21:18,789
I should think they are.
It can't be anybody's idea of a joke, being inside you.
266
00:21:25,989 --> 00:21:29,468
I thought you were taking that
to get it mended? We've been.
267
00:21:29,469 --> 00:21:32,088
Well, that's a fine job
they've made of it.
268
00:21:32,089 --> 00:21:37,328
It may look like a buckled wheel
to you, but really it's an anti-theft device.
269
00:21:37,329 --> 00:21:39,989
Anti-theft device?
Well, would you pinch it?
270
00:21:46,249 --> 00:21:48,228
Hey, you've forgotten this bit.
271
00:21:48,229 --> 00:21:52,328
That's off the old wheel. Are you
sure? Just leave it to me, will you?
272
00:21:52,329 --> 00:21:56,989
You don't think it's the first damn
wheel I've changed, do you? You give that impression.
273
00:21:57,809 --> 00:22:00,248
Isn't it marvellous?
You pick up a spanner,
274
00:22:00,249 --> 00:22:04,708
and straightaway
some bloody Henry Ford comes up and starts carping in your ear hole!
275
00:22:04,709 --> 00:22:09,108
Show me a flustered craftsmen
and I'll show you incompetence.
276
00:22:09,109 --> 00:22:13,088
And I'll show you the comical
wound a large spanner can make
277
00:22:13,089 --> 00:22:16,309
when inserted lengthwise
into some ever-open gob!
278
00:22:17,789 --> 00:22:21,188
Not only useless,
but quite unreasonable!
279
00:22:21,189 --> 00:22:23,248
Ah, nobody's perfect!
280
00:22:23,249 --> 00:22:25,668
Carry on, Sid,
you're doing a good job, son!
281
00:22:25,669 --> 00:22:31,808
It's simple, now the obstruction has
been removed. I know I married our Ivy but nobody's wrong all the time.
282
00:22:31,809 --> 00:22:36,368
Seeing that you introduced the sour
note, Sidney, went is she due back?
283
00:22:36,369 --> 00:22:38,548
I'll have it mended
before she gets back.
284
00:22:38,549 --> 00:22:42,268
Well, I wouldn't leap on it in a
carefree manner, I promise you that!
285
00:22:42,269 --> 00:22:44,569
I should hope not.
She'd never stand for it.
286
00:22:46,609 --> 00:22:49,749
Have you ever leapt
on it in a carefree manner, Sidney?
287
00:22:51,029 --> 00:22:57,828
The bike! I wouldn't go
trusting it after he's fixed it! You've got to have faith!
288
00:22:57,829 --> 00:23:04,568
Or a rabbit's foot. Listen,
you forget about your old rabbit's foot, this is the Space Age.
289
00:23:04,569 --> 00:23:08,308
What you want, m'lad,
is a lucky bicycle wheel,
290
00:23:08,309 --> 00:23:12,628
and it just so happens I know
somewhere you can lay your hands on one very reasonable.
291
00:23:12,629 --> 00:23:16,209
Hey, I bet I'd be lucky with that
hanging on the end of me watch chain!
292
00:23:17,769 --> 00:23:19,448
When have you ever had a watch?
293
00:23:19,449 --> 00:23:23,228
I've got a watch.
I have always had a watch. Where?! In the hock shop.
294
00:23:23,229 --> 00:23:26,308
I keep all me valuables there.
It's safer.
295
00:23:26,309 --> 00:23:28,848
What a splendid example
of a triumph of thrift.
296
00:23:28,849 --> 00:23:32,768
Oh, without a bit of forethought, I
wouldn't have got where I am today.
297
00:23:32,769 --> 00:23:34,389
Where are you? Out of fags.
298
00:23:36,009 --> 00:23:39,249
Yes, well, I let myself in for
that one, didn't I? There you are.
299
00:23:40,829 --> 00:23:41,849
Smoke it quietly.
300
00:23:43,889 --> 00:23:49,689
They say that on a clear day, you
can hear the wind rustling through the undergrowth in your lungs.
301
00:23:53,089 --> 00:23:56,768
Shall I tell you something?
There's a lot goes off in there.
302
00:23:56,769 --> 00:23:58,389
I know. We've heard it.
303
00:24:00,189 --> 00:24:02,568
Fields of waving vegetable matter.
304
00:24:02,569 --> 00:24:05,948
Hey, Sid? What do you want? Ooh!
305
00:24:05,949 --> 00:24:08,129
He says your guts
is like an allotment.
306
00:24:09,969 --> 00:24:12,148
My belly is not unsightly.
307
00:24:12,149 --> 00:24:13,968
It's in proportion with me chest.
308
00:24:13,969 --> 00:24:16,128
I'm a big fellow. Powerful.
309
00:24:16,129 --> 00:24:17,688
Sort of a friendly giant.
310
00:24:17,689 --> 00:24:23,988
You're big and soft,
you great wet article. God, no wonder they call it creeping ivy.
311
00:24:23,989 --> 00:24:29,468
Can't leave you for a minute! Either
tinkering with somebody's woman or somebody's damn bike! Get it out.
312
00:24:29,469 --> 00:24:34,788
Well, I've mended it now anyway, I
was taking it out, move to one side. Aye, that's right, run me over. Ivy!
313
00:24:34,789 --> 00:24:37,668
Don't talk like that!
It's not the ideas I'm short of,
314
00:24:37,669 --> 00:24:40,049
it's the matter of having
the right vehicle.
315
00:24:41,629 --> 00:24:45,049
And take your bits and pieces
with you, O Great White Mechanic!
316
00:24:48,969 --> 00:24:50,428
Well. Oh, yes, Ivy.
317
00:24:50,429 --> 00:24:56,248
Yes. I wonder if we could have your
recipe for chips, Ivy.
318
00:24:56,249 --> 00:25:00,988
We were just saying to Sidney,
only just now, in fact he'd back us up if he was here,
319
00:25:00,989 --> 00:25:04,968
"We don't know how she does it,
there's nothing like them for miles." Get out!
320
00:25:04,969 --> 00:25:06,709
You're not soft-soaping me!
321
00:25:07,989 --> 00:25:10,129
Hey, come on! What? Oh.
322
00:25:14,869 --> 00:25:19,529
Hey. Oh, Ivy, tha's got
a chest like a proud pigeon!
323
00:25:21,149 --> 00:25:24,309
If it wasn't for Nora Batty,
I could fancy thee!
324
00:25:37,529 --> 00:25:39,528
Are you sure it's all right?
325
00:25:39,529 --> 00:25:41,448
Well, there's confidence for you!
326
00:25:41,449 --> 00:25:48,288
I wouldn't risk it. You're fearless,
you lot, aren't you(?) I should keep it as a souvenir, Norm.
327
00:25:48,289 --> 00:25:51,568
Wheel it about a bit sometimes.
Give over, it's as good as new.
328
00:25:51,569 --> 00:25:53,348
It looks all right.
329
00:25:53,349 --> 00:25:55,528
That's what they
said about Singapore.
330
00:25:55,529 --> 00:25:59,408
Impregnable they said. Beyond the
capabilities of the yellow races.
331
00:25:59,409 --> 00:26:02,708
He's only got to ride it, he's
not going through shot and shell.
332
00:26:02,709 --> 00:26:03,928
Oh, give it us here.
333
00:26:03,929 --> 00:26:09,689
Hang on, I've nearly ruined my
domestic harmony fixing this for you lot, and now you won't even try it.
334
00:26:19,969 --> 00:26:24,848
♪ Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
335
00:26:24,849 --> 00:26:30,308
♪ Just like the man whose feet
are too big for his bed
336
00:26:30,309 --> 00:26:32,389
♪ Nothin' seems to fit
337
00:26:33,609 --> 00:26:37,609
♪ Oh, raindrops keep fallin' on
Ba dee, ba, ba...! ♪
338
00:27:04,909 --> 00:27:07,489
Cup of hot, sweet tea, please, Ivy.
339
00:27:13,149 --> 00:27:19,129
What do you want now? Three straws?
Will somebody tell me what's going on?
340
00:27:21,809 --> 00:27:23,649
Haven't you got homes to go to?
341
00:27:25,929 --> 00:27:31,649
If I'd known you wanted it that
sweet, I could have poured it straight into the sugar bag.
342
00:27:51,749 --> 00:27:53,909
He's like that.
Hard to fit in a bucket.
343
00:27:54,009 --> 00:27:57,168
Be fair. He did fix me front wheel.
344
00:27:57,169 --> 00:28:01,408
Nearly ruined his domestic
harmony doing it.
345
00:28:01,409 --> 00:28:04,208
He's really more gentle than giant.
346
00:28:04,209 --> 00:28:09,488
I must say, the older I get,
the more I like a bloke who knows how to make a balls-up of things.
347
00:28:09,489 --> 00:28:14,328
Oh, that sounds like my uncle. The
fool set fire to me mother's shed.
348
00:28:14,329 --> 00:28:18,768
Only once! He was teaching
me how to send smoke signals.
349
00:28:18,769 --> 00:28:23,408
Silly twaddle.
And brought your mother running.
350
00:28:23,409 --> 00:28:27,448
Kind heart and clumsiness. It's a
combination that takes some beating.
351
00:28:27,449 --> 00:28:29,628
The world would end in chaos.
352
00:28:29,629 --> 00:28:33,429
Aye, but not as quick as
it's got there being clever.
353
00:28:34,705 --> 00:29:34,738
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354
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