Original subtitles

I'm sorry?

Just because you're a shit husband, Mr Butler,

doesn't mean you have to be a shit parent.

What do you know about interplanetary colonisation?

Not a lot, but tell me everything.

I mean, they only think you're cool because of your stupid ad.

Why are you so jealous? I'm just trying to hang out with my friends.

The Octopus people,

they pull the entire world's political strings.

I think I'm going to take Luna down.

In a coup.

EM: I'm late.

BOTH: Shit.

Were you followed?

No.

I mean, there was a car behind me at the lights,

but I'm pretty sure that was unrelated.

Good, we're all here, come on.

There is no question,

it's tighter than a camel's sphincter in a dust storm.

But if Trish can strongarm Darren,

then we have the numbers.

Make no mistake, people,

there is no such thing as a bloodless coup.

When is the next committee meeting?

Tomorrow, to discuss the school fate.

There was a near drowning in the dunking machine last year.

Perfect.

Luna will never see it coming.

She better not. My wife Cindy is Luna's biggest fan.

If she knew I was here, she would go absolutely boonta.

Luckily she thinks I'm at the pub punting with problem gamblers.

We have Darren. We have Darren.

- Yes! - Yes.

The numbers have it.

Congrats, Gregory Butler,

Parents and Friends Committee President-elect.

Well done, Greg!

(THUNDER CRASHES)

Why do I even have to choose my subjects now?

Mum!

I was just saying, why do I have to choose my subjects now?

I mean, I have still got at least two years

before I even have to think about uni.

Soph, two years can go by in a blink.

Two years ago you were in nappies.

Well, I hope you kept some of those nappies.

You may need them again.

Oh, don't.

I'm just saying, I mean, it's been two weeks,

and you're the one who said you're never late.

I know, your father used to joke

that my uterus was made by the Swiss,

because it always ran like clockwork.

So when are you going to tell him?

You do have to tell him, Mum.

I know that, Soph, and I will.

I just need to work out how I feel about it first.

Feel about what?

(THUNDER CRACKS)

Oh, nothing.

It's very tight.

All it takes is for one person to change their mind,

and I'm left holding my dick in the wind.

We won't let that happen, mate.

And if it does, we'll be there to help.

Hold.

In the wind.

You know, I probably won't do that.

And we need a secret gesture, a sign, if you will,

in the committee room, that says,

"I'm still board with the Butler Presidential Coup Express."

That's it.

What if everyone who is voting for you brings a box of party pies?

If we get five boxes of pies,

then we have ourselves a party.

Pies, good one.

Hey, Sophie, Mum said you two had a good chat

about subject selection last night.

Well, yeah, we talked about a lot of things, actually, Mum.

Soph, why don't you take a look around? Something might inspire you.

So, Em, what would you do if you had your time over again?

Still go into publishing, write that bestseller?

I don't know.

I mean, work is pretty overrated when you think about it.

It's stressful, and tiring.

Em, I know your ego took a hit when Audrey scrapped Gilly's book,

and you exposing his beliefs on the octopus people

had some serious repercussions, not just for you but for Gilly,

and for cricket.

And for Australia.

But that doesn't mean you're not talented.

Maybe.

I've just got a really strong feeling that whatever's around

the corner next for you, it's going to be amazing.

Yeah.

Oh, no, I recognise that look.

You do?

I've got some Imodium in the car.

Sophie, I beg, just please give me five minutes

of your precious time, please.

No talking in the library.

But I thought that talking in the library is one of your most

favourite things to do.

We all are change. It's called evolution.

You can read about it down there.

Listen, I am sorry.

I truly had no idea that starring in a trampoline commercial

would have that big of an impact on me.

I was a jerk.

Yeah, you were.

That's why I'm so desperate for your forgiveness.

Please, Sophie, just give me one more chance.

Look, I don't know, Ravi.

I've got a lot going on at the moment.

There's subject selections, and I really don't know

when to start with that, so...

That's easy, you just pick the same subjects as me.

You know, so that way we can spend more time together.

So, if we both do chemistry,

you know, we could work on our chemistry.

That sounded a lot better in my head.

Look, just please promise me you'll think about us.

I really hope Sophie goes to uni. I always regretted not going.

Really? I always thought you were proud you didn't go.

You know, walked straight into the job at Births, Deaths and Marriages

without a dollar of student debt.

Yeah, ended up trapped for a quarter of a century.

- Luna. - Emily.

What are you doing here?

Just checking out courses for Clarence.

We need to start thinking ahead.

This arvo's meeting shouldn't drag on for too long,

some minor matters to discuss around

last year's dunking machine fiasco.

- Oh, God, that was terrible. - Yeah.

Unless there's any last-minute items you'd like to put on the agenda?

Um...

No, just really, let's get on top of the dunking machine issue.

- I think that's probably the... - Excellent.

I'll see you this afternoon, for a good, fast meeting.

4pm sharp.

Thanks, Luna.

She knows about the coup.

She probably tracked me down here to suss me out.

Yes, Greg, and I'm wearing a wire.

- Are you? - No.

SOPHIE: They're ready for our meeting now.

So, let's go talk about how I have no idea about anything.

Yeah, OK.

Follow your bliss.

(HUMS)

Is everything alright, Em?

Yeah, it's just been so long since I made a fruitcake,

and Greg loves fruitcake and so do the girls,

don't you, darling?

- I don't remember ever having one. - Oh, bless.

OK, seriously Em, what the f...

Fruitcake! That's right, Marlo. It's a fruitcake.

Oh, photo time, Marlo.

Oh, say memories.

- Memories. - Memories.

Gorgeous.

Um, Greg, you might want to check on Em before you go.

She's acting loopier than a Venn diagram.

To soothe my handsome husband's nerves before the big coup.

Ah, cocktails. You realise I have to drive to the big meeting.

Oh, well, they are alcohol-free mocktails, silly.

Alcohol free, even yours?

Even mine.

Wow. You're not pregnant, are you?

Are you?

Em?

I'm pregnant, I think.

You think?

I am, probably.

Probably.

Yeah. My period's two weeks late.

You're never late.

You're like clockwork! Remember that joke I made.

My uterus being made by the Swiss, I know.

It got a got a massive laugh at the wedding.

I remember.

So how do you feel about it all?

I know that having another baby wasn't part of our plan.

And at first I was... I was quite confused about it myself.

Having a baby, it's a blissful blessing.

And if you have to go back to work, I can be a stay-at-home mum again.

I can't go back to Births, Deaths and Marriages, I just can't.

You don't have to go back there.

We'll work out that part of the plan later.

I just need to know that you're as excited as I am.

Yeah, of course.

I mean, there's nothing more exciting than a brand-new baby.

You've just made me so happy.

It's a baby.

Greg.

(MOBILE PHONE RINGS)

Emily Butler.

AUDREY: Why aren't you in the office?

We had Sophie's subject selection thing today at school.

Do you not remember me telling you?

Oh, I assumed it was a breeder joke I didn't understand.

Um, I'm actually glad that you called, Audrey,

because I have been mulling over my future today,

and I think that it's time for me to step back.

Oh, Emily.

If you're still sulking about me tossing your Gilly manuscript

into the trash, join the queue.

You'll be standing right between John Grisham and Mem Fox.

Well, no, it's not that. It might be a little bit about that.

As it turns out, our office cleaner Gareth fished your Gilly manuscript

out of the trash, and not only did he read it,

he devoured it.

Really?

He thought it was utterly brilliant science-fiction.

Mum! Come see what I did.

I'm just on the phone.

Which got me thinking, that publicity nightmare you caused

with Gilly and the octopus people, we can totally spin that,

claim it as a genius piece of viral marketing.

I'm not quite sure that I'm really following

what you're saying, Audrey.

I'm saying that Australian national treasure

Adam Gilchrist is no longer writing his autobiography,

he's writing science-fiction.

- Mum! - One minute.

Can you stop wasting time on my calves and get to my glutes already?

I told you, the stress is in my GLUTES!

So now I'm expected to ghost write science-fiction?

Not ghost write, cowrite.

Gilly insisted.

Oh, so my name will be on the cover.

Mum, come see what I did.

Yes, Emily, you'll be credited as a writer.

Look.

If being a writer is still what you want.

Yes, yes.

LUNA: Seems like everybody had the munchies for party pies today.

I must be out of the loop.

Let's get started.

Should we wait for Braden?

He's 22 minutes late.

We can't wait forever.

So, after chatting with our insurance liaison, Sonia Box,

Toby's mum, the dunking machine can continue

if the adult getting dunked has a water safety certificate.

Sorry I'm late!

Let me guess.

You brought party pies.

No.

Great.

I brought a party pack.

There's party pies, party sausage rolls, mini quiches.

But for all intents and purposes, Greg, party pies.

Would somebody mind telling me what the hell is going on?

Yes, Luna.

There's something going on.

Luna! Come back!

There needs to be a smooth transition of power.

Why!? Why, why?

Well, it's not personal, just some committees

need a refresher.

No, why do you hate me so much?

Me hate you?

From the second we met, you've just been at me.

You were cooking up the school drop-off point handing out T-shirts

and hats with "shit husband" emblazoned across them.

Yeah, but there are ways to go about it.

You know how hard I work.

At my job, at this school, as a single mum.

Yeah, it must be really tough being a single mum.

You have no idea.

All I ever wanted was a big family.

Dale wanted that too.

But God had other plans.

I don't know if you know anyone who's been through IVF,

but it's like buying a lottery ticket

except when you don't win the jackpot you get a kick in the guts.

Do you know how many kicks in the guts that adds up to?

I can't imagine.

So imagine my joy when Clarence was born.

Until Dale decides he doesn't want a family after all.

Big or small.

Off he went.

Nine weeks in.

Luna, I am, I am so sorry.

I had no idea about any of this.

Well, now you do.

The presidency's yours, Greg.

Good luck with the school fete.

The public liability's a bigger bitch than I've been letting on.

Luna!

Mate, there's an absolute truckload of party pies that are going rotten

in there, um, if you want to join me.

So you told Dad?

Uh-huh.

And was he excited, or... ?

Yeah.

Are you excited?

Of course.

I think that it would be really nice to have a baby now.

I mean, now that I know myself and who I am better.

What, so you didn't know who you were when you had me?

Were you concussed or something?

Well, no, no. Not quite.

But I do wish I did take the time to really get to know myself

before I became a mum.

And even before I met your dad.

GREG: Home!

Good luck.

Well, congratulations, Mr President.

Everyone's downstairs.

Thank you.

How does it feel?

Yeah. It all happened the way we planned.

Obviously not the biggest news of the day.

Well, Audrey has an uncanny knack

of knocking me sideways with opportunity.

Audrey?

Sorry, what? How?

You're talking about The Calamari Kid, yeah?

The science-fiction octopus book that I am cowriting with Gilly?

It's really exciting.

It could be huge.

It might even make a series.

Is the, is the, um...

Is the baby still a thing?

Yeah, of course.

Yeah.

I think that it's all really exciting and a lot more work

than I thought.

But I can juggle a baby and a book and you can juggle a baby

and a school presidency

and whatever job you're going to have to find next.

Yeah, I mean, it's...

It's exciting.

I mean, we don't need to rush into...

Come on, Greg. Your populace awaits you.

Um...

Yeah, OK.

Ladies and gentlemen, your attention, please!

Let me introduce your new Mr President.

- OTHERS: Speech! Speech! - (PHONE BEEPS)

Sorry, Dad. I've just got to take this.

Sure, we can do speeches later.

Everyone just have fun, have fun.

What's going on, bro?

You've wanted to beat Luna in, like, forever.

And now you finally have, shouldn't you be more happy?

Yeah.

I will be soon.

I promise.

OK.

RAVI: Are you sure?

I mean, you don't have to pick the same subjects as me,

it was just an idea.

No, it's not that, Ravi.

You know, I think I need some time to think about me for a little while.

And maybe work out what I want to do with my future.

You know, while I work it out, I could definitely use a friend.

I'll always be your friend, Sophie Butler.

Thanks, Ravi.

Thanks.

Permission to win you back one day with a romantic gesture?

Goodbye, Ravi.

You know, I quite enjoyed being one of the faceless men

behind the political machinations of a coup.

Yeah.

Might be the best way to get bin night back Tuesdays.

One thing's for sure. Party pies never tasted so good.

What the hell?

Hide.

Hi, Clarence.

OK, if I could just have everybody's attention,

I just want to say a few words.

Where's Ian?

OK. So...

I really thought I was the best person to be the president

of the school committee, but the truth is, I'm not so sure.

So I rang Luna earlier and invited her to be with us today.

Luna, I'm sorry I didn't get to know you better.

To understand your story.

And maybe if I did do that, maybe I would have worked alongside you,

I would have supported you, and maybe instead of making an enemy

I would have made a friend.

Luna Keys, you are easily the best person to become president

of the Parents and Friends Committee.

And my only hope is that you're gracious enough

to resume your role effective immediately.

- No! No! - Good on you, Greg.

Greg, it would be my honour.

Thank gosh.

I guess not all heroes wear capes.

What do you mean?

Your president, Luna Keys, everybody.

That, my friend, is called integrity.

Luna, I just wanted you to know,

it's just an absolute line ball decision on my end.

Piss off, Braden.

Great, yeah. OK, yeah.

Thank you.

Em?

Where are ya?

EM: Marlo?

Hon, what is it?

What's going on?

Can you get Greg?

Marlo said...

Is everything OK?

I got my period.

How do you feel about that?

Relieved.

Because I did some sums on how old you would be at the baby's 21st.

No, thank you.

Not when my career is finally taking off.

Well, if you're relieved, then I'm relieved too.

- (THUD!) - (PEOPLE EXCLAIM)

No, no, this way.

We are so damn lucky.

- Come on, Soph! - I'm coming.

And did I hear you resigned from the presidency?

Uh, yes.

But then Luna offered me the vice presidency, so...

What did you say?

Maybe. That I would think about it.

Come on, Greg!

Time to get our Gilly on!

I can tell you all about that later.

Right now, let's go play some cricket.

I love cricket.

(UPLIFTING MUSIC)

This is my position.

LUNA: Be careful, darling.

Really inspired by your cricket clinic.

I probably should have thanked you at the time. But...

Greg, thank you.

Thank you, Luna.

Come on! Go.

Nice, Clarence.

(UPLIFTING MUSIC)

? It's falling through the glass ?

? It goes way too fast ?

? Make memories while you can ?

? No matter where you land ?

? 'Cause it's great to be alive ?

? Sit back, enjoy the ride ?

? Love somebody when you get the chance ?

? Sing to your old song ?

? Take time to get along ?

? 'Cause it ain't hard to see we're all dreaming underneath ?

? The same lucky stars ?

? The fortunate ?

? Just spinning around the sun. ?

(VCR PLAYS)

But seriously, she still hasn't seen bloody Star Wars.

One day, one day.

Hey, Brad. He gets it.

In all seriousness, though, I know this woman so much.

In fact, I often said to Brad

that her uterus must have been made

in Switzerland, because, um,

it runs like bloody clockwork.

(SILENCE)

EM: Moving on, Greg.

Now.

Moving on.

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