All language subtitles for How To Stay Married s03e08.eng

I'm sorry?

Just because you're a
shit husband, Mr Butler,

doesn't mean you have
to be a shit parent.

What do you know about
interplanetary colonisation?

Not a lot, but tell me everything.

I mean, they only think you're
cool because of your stupid ad.

Why are you so jealous? I'm just
trying to hang out with my friends.

The Octopus people,

they pull the entire
world's political strings.

I think I'm going to take Luna down.

In a coup.

EM: I'm late.

BOTH: Shit.

Were you followed?

No.

I mean, there was a car
behind me at the lights,

but I'm pretty sure that was unrelated.

Good, we're all here, come on.

There is no question,

it's tighter than a camel's
sphincter in a dust storm.

But if Trish can strongarm Darren,

then we have the numbers.

Make no mistake, people,

there is no such thing
as a bloodless coup.

When is the next committee meeting?

Tomorrow, to discuss the school fate.

There was a near drowning in
the dunking machine last year.

Perfect.

Luna will never see it coming.

She better not. My wife
Cindy is Luna's biggest fan.

If she knew I was here, she
would go absolutely boonta.

Luckily she thinks I'm at the
pub punting with problem gamblers.

We have Darren. We have Darren.

- Yes!
- Yes.

The numbers have it.

Congrats, Gregory Butler,

Parents and Friends
Committee President-elect.

Well done, Greg!

(THUNDER CRASHES)

Why do I even have to
choose my subjects now?

Mum!

I was just saying, why do I
have to choose my subjects now?

I mean, I have still
got at least two years

before I even have to think about uni.

Soph, two years can go by in a blink.

Two years ago you were in nappies.

Well, I hope you kept
some of those nappies.

You may need them again.

Oh, don't.

I'm just saying, I mean,
it's been two weeks,

and you're the one who
said you're never late.

I know, your father used to joke

that my uterus was made by the Swiss,

because it always ran like clockwork.

So when are you going to tell him?

You do have to tell him, Mum.

I know that, Soph, and I will.

I just need to work out
how I feel about it first.

Feel about what?

(THUNDER CRACKS)

Oh, nothing.

It's very tight.

All it takes is for one
person to change their mind,

and I'm left holding
my dick in the wind.

We won't let that happen, mate.

And if it does, we'll be there to help.

Hold.

In the wind.

You know, I probably won't do that.

And we need a secret
gesture, a sign, if you will,

in the committee room, that says,

"I'm still board with the Butler
Presidential Coup Express."

That's it.

What if everyone who is voting
for you brings a box of party pies?

If we get five boxes of pies,

then we have ourselves a party.

Pies, good one.

Hey, Sophie, Mum said
you two had a good chat

about subject selection last night.

Well, yeah, we talked about a
lot of things, actually, Mum.

Soph, why don't you take a look
around? Something might inspire you.

So, Em, what would you do if
you had your time over again?

Still go into publishing,
write that bestseller?

I don't know.

I mean, work is pretty overrated
when you think about it.

It's stressful, and tiring.

Em, I know your ego took a hit
when Audrey scrapped Gilly's book,

and you exposing his
beliefs on the octopus people

had some serious repercussions,
not just for you but for Gilly,

and for cricket.

And for Australia.

But that doesn't mean
you're not talented.

Maybe.

I've just got a really strong
feeling that whatever's around

the corner next for you,
it's going to be amazing.

Yeah.

Oh, no, I recognise that look.

You do?

I've got some Imodium in the car.

Sophie, I beg, just
please give me five minutes

of your precious time, please.

No talking in the library.

But I thought that talking in
the library is one of your most

favourite things to do.

We all are change.
It's called evolution.

You can read about it down there.

Listen, I am sorry.

I truly had no idea that starring
in a trampoline commercial

would have that big of an impact on me.

I was a jerk.

Yeah, you were.

That's why I'm so desperate
for your forgiveness.

Please, Sophie, just
give me one more chance.

Look, I don't know, Ravi.

I've got a lot going on at the moment.

There's subject selections,
and I really don't know

when to start with that, so...

That's easy, you just pick
the same subjects as me.

You know, so that way we
can spend more time together.

So, if we both do chemistry,

you know, we could
work on our chemistry.

That sounded a lot better in my head.

Look, just please promise
me you'll think about us.

I really hope Sophie goes to
uni. I always regretted not going.

Really? I always thought
you were proud you didn't go.

You know, walked straight into the
job at Births, Deaths and Marriages

without a dollar of student debt.

Yeah, ended up trapped
for a quarter of a century.

- Luna.
- Emily.

What are you doing here?

Just checking out courses for Clarence.

We need to start thinking ahead.

This arvo's meeting shouldn't
drag on for too long,

some minor matters to discuss around

last year's dunking machine fiasco.

- Oh, God, that was terrible.
- Yeah.

Unless there's any last-minute items
you'd like to put on the agenda?

Um...

No, just really, let's get on
top of the dunking machine issue.

- I think that's probably the...
- Excellent.

I'll see you this afternoon,
for a good, fast meeting.

4pm sharp.

Thanks, Luna.

She knows about the coup.

She probably tracked me
down here to suss me out.

Yes, Greg, and I'm wearing a wire.

- Are you?
- No.

SOPHIE: They're ready
for our meeting now.

So, let's go talk about how
I have no idea about anything.

Yeah, OK.

Follow your bliss.

(HUMS)

Is everything alright, Em?

Yeah, it's just been so long
since I made a fruitcake,

and Greg loves fruitcake
and so do the girls,

don't you, darling?

- I don't remember ever having one.
- Oh, bless.

OK, seriously Em, what the f...

Fruitcake! That's right,
Marlo. It's a fruitcake.

Oh, photo time, Marlo.

Oh, say memories.

- Memories.
- Memories.

Gorgeous.

Um, Greg, you might want to
check on Em before you go.

She's acting loopier
than a Venn diagram.

To soothe my handsome husband's
nerves before the big coup.

Ah, cocktails. You realise I
have to drive to the big meeting.

Oh, well, they are
alcohol-free mocktails, silly.

Alcohol free, even yours?

Even mine.

Wow. You're not pregnant, are you?

Are you?

Em?

I'm pregnant, I think.

You think?

I am, probably.

Probably.

Yeah. My period's two weeks late.

You're never late.

You're like clockwork!
Remember that joke I made.

My uterus being made
by the Swiss, I know.

It got a got a massive
laugh at the wedding.

I remember.

So how do you feel about it all?

I know that having another
baby wasn't part of our plan.

And at first I was... I was
quite confused about it myself.

Having a baby, it's a blissful blessing.

And if you have to go back to work,
I can be a stay-at-home mum again.

I can't go back to Births, Deaths
and Marriages, I just can't.

You don't have to go back there.

We'll work out that
part of the plan later.

I just need to know that
you're as excited as I am.

Yeah, of course.

I mean, there's nothing more
exciting than a brand-new baby.

You've just made me so happy.

It's a baby.

Greg.

(MOBILE PHONE RINGS)

Emily Butler.

AUDREY: Why aren't you in the office?

We had Sophie's subject
selection thing today at school.

Do you not remember me telling you?

Oh, I assumed it was a breeder
joke I didn't understand.

Um, I'm actually glad
that you called, Audrey,

because I have been mulling
over my future today,

and I think that it's
time for me to step back.

Oh, Emily.

If you're still sulking about
me tossing your Gilly manuscript

into the trash, join the queue.

You'll be standing right
between John Grisham and Mem Fox.

Well, no, it's not that. It
might be a little bit about that.

As it turns out, our office cleaner
Gareth fished your Gilly manuscript

out of the trash, and
not only did he read it,

he devoured it.

Really?

He thought it was utterly
brilliant science-fiction.

Mum! Come see what I did.

I'm just on the phone.

Which got me thinking, that
publicity nightmare you caused

with Gilly and the octopus
people, we can totally spin that,

claim it as a genius
piece of viral marketing.

I'm not quite sure that
I'm really following

what you're saying, Audrey.

I'm saying that Australian
national treasure

Adam Gilchrist is no longer
writing his autobiography,

he's writing science-fiction.

- Mum!
- One minute.

Can you stop wasting time on my
calves and get to my glutes already?

I told you, the stress is in my GLUTES!

So now I'm expected to
ghost write science-fiction?

Not ghost write, cowrite.

Gilly insisted.

Oh, so my name will be on the cover.

Mum, come see what I did.

Yes, Emily, you'll be
credited as a writer.

Look.

If being a writer is
still what you want.

Yes, yes.

LUNA: Seems like everybody had
the munchies for party pies today.

I must be out of the loop.

Let's get started.

Should we wait for Braden?

He's 22 minutes late.

We can't wait forever.

So, after chatting with our
insurance liaison, Sonia Box,

Toby's mum, the dunking
machine can continue

if the adult getting dunked
has a water safety certificate.

Sorry I'm late!

Let me guess.

You brought party pies.

No.

Great.

I brought a party pack.

There's party pies, party
sausage rolls, mini quiches.

But for all intents and
purposes, Greg, party pies.

Would somebody mind telling
me what the hell is going on?

Yes, Luna.

There's something going on.

Luna! Come back!

There needs to be a
smooth transition of power.

Why!? Why, why?

Well, it's not personal,
just some committees

need a refresher.

No, why do you hate me so much?

Me hate you?

From the second we met,
you've just been at me.

You were cooking up the school
drop-off point handing out T-shirts

and hats with "shit husband"
emblazoned across them.

Yeah, but there are ways to go about it.

You know how hard I work.

At my job, at this
school, as a single mum.

Yeah, it must be really
tough being a single mum.

You have no idea.

All I ever wanted was a big family.

Dale wanted that too.

But God had other plans.

I don't know if you know
anyone who's been through IVF,

but it's like buying a lottery ticket

except when you don't win the
jackpot you get a kick in the guts.

Do you know how many kicks
in the guts that adds up to?

I can't imagine.

So imagine my joy
when Clarence was born.

Until Dale decides he doesn't
want a family after all.

Big or small.

Off he went.

Nine weeks in.

Luna, I am, I am so sorry.

I had no idea about any of this.

Well, now you do.

The presidency's yours, Greg.

Good luck with the school fete.

The public liability's a bigger
bitch than I've been letting on.

Luna!

Mate, there's an absolute truckload
of party pies that are going rotten

in there, um, if you want to join me.

So you told Dad?

Uh-huh.

And was he excited, or... ?

Yeah.

Are you excited?

Of course.

I think that it would be
really nice to have a baby now.

I mean, now that I know
myself and who I am better.

What, so you didn't know
who you were when you had me?

Were you concussed or something?

Well, no, no. Not quite.

But I do wish I did take the
time to really get to know myself

before I became a mum.

And even before I met your dad.

GREG: Home!

Good luck.

Well, congratulations, Mr President.

Everyone's downstairs.

Thank you.

How does it feel?

Yeah. It all happened
the way we planned.

Obviously not the
biggest news of the day.

Well, Audrey has an uncanny knack

of knocking me sideways
with opportunity.

Audrey?

Sorry, what? How?

You're talking about
The Calamari Kid, yeah?

The science-fiction octopus book
that I am cowriting with Gilly?

It's really exciting.

It could be huge.

It might even make a series.

Is the, is the, um...

Is the baby still a thing?

Yeah, of course.

Yeah.

I think that it's all really
exciting and a lot more work

than I thought.

But I can juggle a baby and a
book and you can juggle a baby

and a school presidency

and whatever job you're
going to have to find next.

Yeah, I mean, it's...

It's exciting.

I mean, we don't need to rush into...

Come on, Greg. Your populace awaits you.

Um...

Yeah, OK.

Ladies and gentlemen,
your attention, please!

Let me introduce your new Mr President.

- OTHERS: Speech! Speech!
- (PHONE BEEPS)

Sorry, Dad. I've just got to take this.

Sure, we can do speeches later.

Everyone just have fun, have fun.

What's going on, bro?

You've wanted to beat
Luna in, like, forever.

And now you finally have,
shouldn't you be more happy?

Yeah.

I will be soon.

I promise.

OK.

RAVI: Are you sure?

I mean, you don't have to
pick the same subjects as me,

it was just an idea.

No, it's not that, Ravi.

You know, I think I need some time
to think about me for a little while.

And maybe work out what I
want to do with my future.

You know, while I work it out,
I could definitely use a friend.

I'll always be your
friend, Sophie Butler.

Thanks, Ravi.

Thanks.

Permission to win you back one
day with a romantic gesture?

Goodbye, Ravi.

You know, I quite enjoyed
being one of the faceless men

behind the political
machinations of a coup.

Yeah.

Might be the best way to
get bin night back Tuesdays.

One thing's for sure. Party
pies never tasted so good.

What the hell?

Hide.

Hi, Clarence.

OK, if I could just have
everybody's attention,

I just want to say a few words.

Where's Ian?

OK. So...

I really thought I was the
best person to be the president

of the school committee, but
the truth is, I'm not so sure.

So I rang Luna earlier and
invited her to be with us today.

Luna, I'm sorry I didn't
get to know you better.

To understand your story.

And maybe if I did do that, maybe
I would have worked alongside you,

I would have supported you, and
maybe instead of making an enemy

I would have made a friend.

Luna Keys, you are easily the
best person to become president

of the Parents and Friends Committee.

And my only hope is that
you're gracious enough

to resume your role
effective immediately.

- No! No!
- Good on you, Greg.

Greg, it would be my honour.

Thank gosh.

I guess not all heroes wear capes.

What do you mean?

Your president, Luna Keys, everybody.

That, my friend, is called integrity.

Luna, I just wanted you to know,

it's just an absolute line
ball decision on my end.

Piss off, Braden.

Great, yeah. OK, yeah.

Thank you.

Em?

Where are ya?

EM: Marlo?

Hon, what is it?

What's going on?

Can you get Greg?

Marlo said...

Is everything OK?

I got my period.

How do you feel about that?

Relieved.

Because I did some sums on how old
you would be at the baby's 21st.

No, thank you.

Not when my career
is finally taking off.

Well, if you're relieved,
then I'm relieved too.

- (THUD!)
- (PEOPLE EXCLAIM)

No, no, this way.

We are so damn lucky.

- Come on, Soph!
- I'm coming.

And did I hear you resigned
from the presidency?

Uh, yes.

But then Luna offered me
the vice presidency, so...

What did you say?

Maybe. That I would think about it.

Come on, Greg!

Time to get our Gilly on!

I can tell you all about that later.

Right now, let's go play some cricket.

I love cricket.

(UPLIFTING MUSIC)

This is my position.

LUNA: Be careful, darling.

Really inspired by your cricket clinic.

I probably should have
thanked you at the time. But...

Greg, thank you.

Thank you, Luna.

Come on! Go.

Nice, Clarence.

(UPLIFTING MUSIC)

? It's falling through the glass ?

? It goes way too fast ?

? Make memories while you can ?

? No matter where you land ?

? 'Cause it's great to be alive ?

? Sit back, enjoy the ride ?

? Love somebody when
you get the chance ?

? Sing to your old song ?

? Take time to get along ?

? 'Cause it ain't hard to see
we're all dreaming underneath ?

? The same lucky stars ?

? The fortunate ?

? Just spinning around the sun. ?

(VCR PLAYS)

But seriously, she still
hasn't seen bloody Star Wars.

One day, one day.

Hey, Brad. He gets it.

In all seriousness, though,
I know this woman so much.

In fact, I often said to Brad

that her uterus must have been made

in Switzerland, because, um,

it runs like bloody clockwork.

(SILENCE)

EM: Moving on, Greg.

Now.

Moving on.

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