All language subtitles for Hes.All.That.2021.1080p.WEB.H264-TIMECUT-HI

["Carried Away" playing]

♪ It's like suddenly ♪

♪ All that's important is in front of me ♪

♪ I already know what we're gonna be ♪

♪ You look so good in this light ♪

♪ I love to love ♪

♪ I love all the ways
feel so much ♪

♪ I get carried away ♪

♪ I love to love ♪

♪ I love to love ♪

[phone alarm rings]

[whimsical music playing]

[yawns]

Good morning, guys.
It's me, Padgett Head to Toe here,

where we talk about makeovers,
self-improvement,

and how to become
the most spectacular you you can be.

Now, as I always say
when it comes to makeovers,

it's your insides that count.

But your outsides
are the first thing people see.

I didn't get my full eight last night
because I was up studying,

and as some of you saw,

baking some super delicious treats.

So, this morning's routine is
going to take a little bit extra effort.

Wow, okay. You guys have
already asked a lot of questions.

So let's dive right in.

CandyLaLa09, cute name by the way,

wants to know how my morning routine
is different after a late night.

Great question, Candy.

These Bunny Venom revival eye patches
are always my fav for eye puff.

I had coffee last night,
which is super dehydrating,

so I'll work in
some Alo Head-to-Toe Glow Oil

to get rid of the dryness
and add a whisper of cream blush.

Okay, ZoeWorld88 says she has a giant zit,

and they're taking her senior pictures
in two days. Poor thing.

Rule number one,
never try to pop it with your fingers.

Apply a warm compress.

Oh! DIY quick fix,
take some soft toilet paper,

a little toothpaste,

dab it on. Dries it right out.

- [whimsical music stops]
- [gardening equipment whirring outside]

- Hey, another late night?
- Ah, 7:00 to 7:00.

- Hmm, how was it?
- Well, let's see.

We had, hmm, two heart attack victims,

a toddler with a watch battery
stuck in her nose.

- Oh my gosh.
- [Mom] Yeah.

And a gentleman on meth
with a stab wound to the neck.

Yikes! What a nightmare.

Yeah, it was pretty awful.
They were just thrashing around,

cursing at everyone,
spitting on the orderlies.

- Man, meth really messes you up.
- Oh no, that was the toddler.

Yeah. The guy on meth
actually seemed really sweet.

Until he smiled.

His teeth, ugh... Pretty rough.

[gasps] Yes!
[singsong] I've been waiting for this!

Almost $3,000 for, um...

Tell me what you do again?

I'm just mostly kidding.

But I just hope that some of it
goes towards your college fund.

- Not more of...
- [Padgett] Mom.

Those shoes cost more than our dishwasher.

These are Bunny Venom comps. Totally free.

Which reminds me, do you have any idea
how my bill from the plumber got paid?

Oh! Yeah, I Venmo'd the repairman.

- Honey.
- What?

I saw the bill on the counter.

I figured, I mean, you work so hard
to keep us in the school district.

Yes, this amazing school district
full of snotty, entitled trust funders.

Hey, some of my best friends
are entitled trust funders.

Exactly. And then you feel
this tremendous pressure to keep up.

You want me to go to a college
full of entitled trust funders.

And I'm actually late to meet the ones
who drive me to school every day.

- Love you. [kiss]
- Mm.

Bye.

["Electric" playing]
♪ Oh, I can see it, see it ♪

♪ If you believe it then you can ♪

♪ There's no reason
That this life can't be ♪

♪ Electric ♪

[car honking]

[phone keyboard clacking]

[girl 1] Brake! Ugh.

- Hi.
- [girl 1] Hey.

Oh, please tell me those aren't
what I think they are.

What?

Croquembouche with white cream filling.
I saw your story.

From scratch.
And I made them with almond flour

because Jordan is gluten-free now.

- Seriously?
- He's shooting his big video today.

- I wanted to surprise him.
- Oh right. The big follow-up single.

- What's it called again?
- "Turf War in the 424."

- [scoffs]
- [girl 2 laughs]

He's being ironic, I think.

And it's a lot of pressure
dealing with all this sudden fame.

Please. The guy's completely gorgeous
with half a million followers.

- What does he have to be stressed about?
- I don't know.

- Why don't you ask him when you see him?
- Yes! I'm so down.

So where's the set? Hollywood?

- Beverly Hills?
- Canoga Park.

[both] Ew.

Isn't that the Valley?

That's like the valley of the Valley.

Buckle up, ladies.

[Jordan] ♪ Jordan V. D. ♪

♪ La-la-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ La-la-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ Just another golden day ♪

[girl singing]
♪ But I'm here and I'm 'boutta get paid ♪

♪ On the mean streets ♪

♪ Of Pali
Little freaks in they jeeps ♪

- [boy] Hey!
- ♪ Don't play ♪

- ♪ On the mean streets of Pali ♪
- Brin, I know you can hear me.

- ♪ Gonna surf, ride, yeah, we slay ♪
- [turns on car stereo loudly]

♪ Nine miles from UCLA ♪

Nope.

- Never touch my Bose.
- [turns off car stereo]

Why do you listen
to that crap all the time?

Jordan Van Draanen's music is not crap.
You haven't even heard his other songs.

Okay, what are his other songs?

He hasn't recorded them yet.

[laughs]

You act like you're so above it all,
but I think you're just jealous.

Of what?

Jordan's this super popular guy
in your grade, and you're just a...

A fountain of truth
in a world of bullshit?

- Yes, you're welcome.
- [Brin] Ugh.

- Why hate everything remotely popular?
- No, see, I hate things that suck.

Whether they're popular or not
is outside my control.

[interrupts] ♪ La-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ It's Jordan Van Draanen, damnit! ♪

[man on PA]
Attention Cali High Earthquakes,

this is Principal Bosch announcing
this year's prom theme, Under the Sea,

which really doesn't make sense
because technically you'd be in the sea,

not under it,

but it's the committee's decision,
and I support them.

Dude.

- You cleaned out all the Sun Chips.
- Uh-huh. Yeah. So?

[shutter clicks]

- Where'd you get that shirt?
- I found it.

- In your truck.
- Hmm.

What? It looks better on me, man.

Yeah, sure.
I'm gonna start stealing your stuff.

So, what's on the sched for the weekend?

Um, I have work Friday, and then we have

that Jimmy Wang double feature
at the New Beverly, right?

The same double feature
we saw last weekend?

No. That was Johnny Wang, all right?

Jimmy's Taiwanese, Johnny's Chinese.
Totally different.

Right. Sounds like more sweaty dudes
kicking each other in the nads.

How about we see my friend Jada's band?
She's opening for Bunker Mose at The Door.

Isn't she the one who tried
to hit me with her ukulele?

You called her music twee and derivative.

Well it is.

Look, I gave her a compliment
for keeping her songs under two minutes.

Oh my God. Seriously.

[speaking indistinctly]

She acts like she doesn't even know me.

That's just because
she's tremendously ashamed of you.

Huh.

Hi, little sis!

Did you get your Lunchables?

Oh, don't forget
to take your laxatives too!

- The doctor says you need to stay regular!
- [Brin] Shut up!

[laughing]

Oh my God.

You're so evil, you know that?

Um, did you talk to your parents
about our trip?

'Cause I was thinking,
what if we start in Portugal

instead of Spain,

and then we make our way up
north from there.

Well, wherever we do end up,

as long as we get back
by August for my orientation.

UC Riverside, really?

What? I think I'd do really well there
without having to work very hard.

Plus, it's near Legoland.

I effing love Legoland.

Isn't UCSD the one near Legoland?

I think I made a huge mistake.

This is so cool. I've never been
on the set of a music video before.

[woman] Try working on one.
We're an hour behind, wardrobe just quit,

and I am 90% sure I'm getting pink eye.

- Ew.
- Jordan's trailer's this big one here.

Make it fast.
We're calling him to set soon.

Okay, we'll do it live.

When I cue you,
press this and follow me inside.

Yep, I know how to work a phone.

- Thanks.
- And action.

Okay, guys. We're live here, and surprise!

We're on the set
of Jordan's brand-new video

in beautiful Hollywood, California.

- [coughs] Canoga Park.
- Same thing.

[giggles] I can't wait to see his face.

- [knocking]
- Hello?

- [music playing]
- Wow. He's really blasting that music.

Is he listening to himself?

Yeah. So?

Come on.

[trailer door opens]

- [Padgett] Jordan?
- [music playing loudly]

- Jordan!
- Padgett?

- [girl] Padgett!
- What are you doing?

What do you think they're doing?

- Okay, let's not freak out here. Okay?
- Oh my God. I'm so, so sorry.

I have no idea how this happened.

Padgett, I'm such a big fan.

I'm Aniston, by the way.

Your name is Aniston?

It's a family name.

Well, you've made them very proud.

- Thank you.
- [Padgett] Ugh!

- You scumbag!
- Padge.

I made you croquembouche!

[Jordan] Okay.

I even made them with almond flour

so you wouldn't fart
during your precious video!

- Check this out.
- [Padgett] I can't believe you!

Is this why you told me
not to visit the set?

So you could hook up
with the backup dancer?

- [Jordan] No!
- [grunting furiously]

Oh my God! [laughing]

I think I just saw
Jordan Van Draanen's thing.

- [Padgett] Aniston is not a first name!
- Not too shabby, JVD.

[Padgett grunts] I hate you!

- After everything we've been through?
- [Jordan] Padgett!

We're over, okay?

Know what? You don't deserve me, my love,
and you don't deserve my croquembouche.

- You croquem-douche!
- [girl 2] Padgett!

What?! [gasps]

You're still live.

[exhales heavily]

[bangs]

[fading low whir]

[phone ringing]

- [Padgett grunts]
- [knocking on door]

Padgett, you feeling okay?
Missing school today?

[Padgett groans] Mom, I'm fine.

I just wanna be alone.

I went through all the trouble
of putting cereal in a bowl with milk.

[Padgett] Lucky Charms? Mom...

I know it's not really
what you eat anymore,

but it cheered you up when you were eight.

Look, I'm just not hungry, okay?

Suit yourself. [spoon taps]

[crunching]

Hmm! Wow. The marshmallows.

- I forgot about the marshmallows.
- Mom.

Give me a break.
I've been eating Mueslix for ten years.

Look, honey,

I do know that breakups are hard,
especially your first.

It's not just the breakup.

I was humiliated.

I know that it feels
like the absolute end of the world now,

but I can promise you
with absolute certainty

that it will get better.

Well, when?

Three months.

Maybe a year. Five tops.

Even if it's just you and me
for the rest of our lives,

what do we do?

We get a couple of twin beds,
fierce matching jumpsuits,

a couple dozen more cats.

It would be great.

[phone ringing]

- Think about it.
- [Padgett sighs]

- Hey.
- There you are. I was so worried.

- We missed you at dance practice.
- Sorry, I saw you called.

- I've kinda just been...
- Avoiding life? Can't say I blame you.

Why did I have to go live?

And why did Alden keep recording?

Because you always go live,
and Alden must have been in shock.

Yeah, well, at least everyone got to see
what an asshole Jordan is.

Yeah, I guess.

You guess?

No! I mean, yes. You're totally right.

- Yes.
- Q, what's going on?

Nothing.

It's just,
I guess you haven't looked online today?

[phone pinging]

[breathing heavily]

[Quinn] Padgett? Hello?
Are you still there?

I think I'm gonna be sick.
How could this happen?

[Quinn] A few people are being
kind of mean.

A few?

[phone pinging]

Bubble Girl?

Who's Bubble Girl?

[clears throat] You are?

How am I Bubble...

Oh my God.

Padgett, listen to me, okay?
Everything's going to be just fine.

How could you say that? I'm a joke.

I'm a punchline with a disgusting
mucus-themed nickname. I'm...

[phone vibrates]

- Oh no.
- [Quinn] Who is it?

It's Jessica Miles Torres
from Bunny Venom.

Jessica, hi. What's up?

You're going viral in the wrong way.

Okay, so you saw the video,
and while it is unfortunate...

Unfortunate? My ex-husband's
hiking accident was unfortunate,

and he was mauled by bears.

Oh my God. Is... is he okay?

Better than you.

But, honey, I get it. I can sympathize.

You were betrayed, mistreated, humiliated.

So you do understand?

Of course. The difference is
you completely lost it in front of, like...

A lot of people. I know.

[Jessica]
According to my assistant, 217,463.

Look, we pay you
because you're the makeover girl.

People buy products that you recommend.

And I'm still that girl.

[Jessica] No. You're a meme.

You're Bubble Girl.

And mucus is just not on-brand for us.

But I'm sure
you can get another endorsement.

Maybe with an antihistamine company?

So wait, you're pulling my sponsorship?
That's really problematic for my college.

Listen, people want Padgett Head to Toe.

- Not Head to Nose.
- I know I've lost a lot of followers.

But I can get them back.
I just need a chance to redeem myself.

- That's all.
- Sweetie, I am your biggest supporter.

No one has more faith in you than I do.

But until you turn things around,
don't talk to me. Love ya.

[phone line disconnects]

[upbeat music playing]

Look, no one feels worse
for Padge than I do.

But you gotta admit,
she kind of brought it on herself.

You're saying she deserved it?

- Jordan humiliated her.
- Okay, I did not say "deserved."

But after years of this 4.0,
hot boyfriend,

Insta-perfect corporate sponsor streak,
something had to give.

- What had to give?
- Uh, Padge, hi.

Hi.

We thought you might
be taking a personal day.

No, I'm fine.

Hey, Bubble Girl.

- You need me to pop that thing for you?
- Back off, sleazeball!

- Wow. Unbelievable.
- [students laugh]

I'm the victim.

How is Jordan not a complete pariah now?

I checked his profile earlier,
and his numbers are actually going up.

Okay, that's ridiculous.

I mean, who the hell does he think he is?

When I first met him,
his real name was Jordan Dickman.

A hundred-twenty pounds
of bad skin and tragic hair.

- Oh my God, and those clothes.
- [laughs]

The popped collars
and that hideous rope necklace?

Remember how he started every conversation
with, "Yo, yo, what's the haps?"

- What's the haps?
- [laughing]

God. I know it sounds conceited,
but makeovers are my thing.

- Exactly.
- And I made that guy.

Oh, really?

So then why don't you
just make another Jordan?

[Bosch] Attention Earthquakes,
the big night's coming.

Don't forget to vote online
for your prom king and queen,

a tremendous honor
they'll always remember.

Unless they throw up in their date's shoe
in the limo and remember that instead.

Kidding. Just kidding.

That's it!

You're gonna create another
internationally renowned egomaniac?

No, but I will create the next prom king.

- Just to piss off Jordan?
- Hm, pissing off Jordan will be a bonus.

This will be me proving that once again,
I can take anything or anyone

and make them popular.
And once we win prom king and queen,

I'll get back all my followers
and my sponsorship.

- Wow, you make it sound easy.
- You don't think I can do it?

No. But I do think
it'll be fun watching you try.

A bet?

Not just a bet. The bet.

- You know, the one we always talked about?
- [Quinn] Um, guys?

That sounds a little extreme.

- Are you sure that's a good idea?
- Sure. It'll make it more fun when I win.

Okay.

- Okay, I'm in.
- Good. [giggles]

Now I just have to pick the guy.

You? No, no, no. See, that's the fun part.

Just so you don't make it
too easy on yourself,

we'll pick the loser.

- [scoffs]
- Come on.

[dance music plays]
♪ You better shut your mouth ♪

Oh. Perfect.

Lucas Fletcher? He's a criminal.

- He's conning those poor 9th graders.
- [Quinn] Yeah.

It's probably just kale chips.
Everybody knows not to trust Lucas.

Intriguing.
He does have a pretty badass car

and a lot of female followers.

I mean, the danger factor
can be attractive.

- [Alden] Yeah.
- [all laugh]

- Next.
- No.

[man] Ladies and gentlemen,
today we'll be discovering...

- How about him?
- [Quinn] Sebastian Woo?

Lose the lab coat,
put product in his hair, who knows?

It says here he just sold an app
to a big gaming company.

He's gonna be like
shoot-cars-in-space rich.

...using a mixture of both.

Oh, oh, oh!

♪ Stop talking now ♪

♪ You better shut your mouth ♪

[shutter clicking]

- [music ends]
- Kweller, what the hell are you doing?

Taking pictures of what the wastrels
at this school throw away.

- So, now you're photographing garbage?
- Okay, come on.

Look, I mean,
there's a perfectly untouched orange

next to a discarded math textbook.
I mean, it speaks volumes, right?

Does it?

[Quinn] Hey, what about him?

Oh, that's Cameron something.

Kweller, I think?

Let's see. Weird.
He's nowhere to be found.

Wait, he made one tweet in 2019,
and all it said was, "No."

It's like he doesn't exist.

[Padgett] He kinda just seems
like he hates everybody.

- Except for her.
- Nisha Mandyam.

- I always thought they were dating.
- Doubtful.

Pretty sure she's gay.

[speaking indistinctly]

[laughs]

- Oh! My bad, bro!
- [boy laughs]

Fascists!

He is a total disaster.

Weird, arrogant, antisocial.

- [both giggle]
- [sighs] Great.

[Quinn and Alden laugh]

Scumbags. That's it.
We should totally get those guys.

- No.
- So sick of them.

- They can't help their reptile brains.
- Are you serious?

Besides, I like to think
of myself more as a pacifist.

I'm sorry. You? A pacifist?

Well, I may have occasionally
been a little... provocative.

Ya think?

[cheering]

Put a shirt on, dude.

[boys laugh]

I don't want to stare
at your underwear while I eat, dirtbags.

[upbeat music playing]

You posers call this music?

- Please.
- Get off my stage.

♪ La-la-la-la-la-la ♪

- [Cameron grunts]
- ♪ La-la-la-la-la-la ♪

I don't know.
Maybe you could tone it down a bit?

Uh, no. They're assholes,
and I remind them that they are.

It's my place in the ecosystem.

[vibrant dance music playing]

Cam, that's Padgett Sawyer.

[Padgett] Hi.

Cameron, right?

- Yeah, can I help you with something?
- I'm Padgett.

Um, we were in Señora Parker's
Spanish class together?

- Remember?
- Uh, yeah.

- I guess so.
- [chuckles] Hola.

Hi.

Good times.

Wait, um, where you going?

- I thought you were finished.
- Uh, no. Sorry.

I was just wondering, uh...

you're a photographer, right?

Yeah.

So the Cali High car wash is next week...

- No.
- You didn't let me finish.

I'm sorry. Yes, please finish.

- We need someone to take pictures for...
- No.

- But it's a fundraiser.
- For what?

Is it cancer research or homelessness?

- Actually, the prom.
- Okay. [laughs]

[giggles nervously] Is that funny?

No, it's sad, actually,
but, um, good luck with that.

Oh my...

I'm so sorry about him.
He's literally like that with everybody.

- How do you know him?
- He's my brother. Just by blood though.

If you don't mind,
I'd rather not publicize it.

Sorry, I don't think I know...

Oh, um, Brin Kweller, sophomore.

I just have to say,
I think you're amazing.

I mean, it sucks what happened
to you. Jordan is such a dick.

Unless you're getting back
together with him?

- No. It's fine.
- Because in that case...

He is a dick.

Is your brother one too?

[scoffs] Um, no, not a dick,

but he does tend to be a bit misanthropic?

I sensed that.

Uh, so if he doesn't like people,
what does he like?

Oh, huh, let's see.

Photography, allegedly.

Allegedly?

No one ever gets to see
any of his pictures, so...

What about music?

Only weird, old stuff,
no one else listens to,

like the Bad Brains, Bad Religion.

Really just anything
with "bad" in the name.

Wow. Uh, what about movies?

Same thing.

Everything's Kurosawa,
kung fu, or Kubrick.

Oh, my. That is a lot of K's.

So, um, [clicks lips] why are you suddenly
so interested in my brother?

Don't get me wrong, I love him
and all, but that's just 'cause I have to.

Uh, curiosity, I guess?

Horses.

- I'm sorry?
- He loves horses.

He works every day
before school at Will Rogers Park.

So like a cowboy, huh?

No, more like a horse girl.

He kind of cried
when he found out unicorns weren't real.

Cameron. What a weird coincidence.

Uh, well, I'm here every morning, so...

I'm pretty sure
the only weird part is you.

Fair enough.

I was hoping to take
a riding lesson this morning.

And I figured
since you and I are friends...

- Ah, friends?
- In the sense we go to school together.

Kind of a loose definition.
Don't you think?

Uh, look, I have a lot of work
to get done before school...

So let me help!
Then if there's time afterwards,

we can squeeze in a lesson.

- You don't even know what the job is.
- That's okay. I am at your service.

Ugh! There's just so much of it. [gags]

What do horses eat anyway?

[Cameron] Well, that one,
Jimbo over there, he likes Chipotle.

Gilly prefers sushi.

Just horse feed. Hay, grass mostly.

Well, this one must have eaten
an entire soccer field.

Well, you offered to help.

I'm starting to think
you've never shoveled crap before.

Only out of a litter box.

And this dump is bigger than my cat.

[chuckles]

So, you really come here
every day before school?

Yep, ever since I was 14.

[shutter clicking]

Wow, you really want to chronicle
your post-poop clean-up look?

I chronicle everything. That's my job.

So, how about that lesson now?

I guess a deal's a deal.

So, do you have
any previous riding experience?

Just one time at a birthday party
when I was five,

but I think it was a baby horse,

or maybe not baby,
but it was small. [chuckles nervously]

Does that count?

I believe the word
you're looking for is pony and no.

[inhales] Anyway, this is Gilly.
He can be a little temperamental, so I...

- What are you doing?
- I'm letting him smell my hand.

It's like a handshake for horses.
I did my research last night. [chuckles]

- [soft neighing]
- Whoa. Why is he doing that?

Actually means he likes you.

Oh, well, I guess he has good instincts.

Right.

Let's, um, try mounting up.
So come over here.

Put your left foot in the stirrup,
grab the reins with your left hand,

and use your other leg
to haul you up and over.

[Padgett grunts]

- I'm a natural, right?
- Not bad.

[shutter clicking]

[Cameron] Um, seriously?

- More?
- I'm just capturing the moment. [chuckles]

You can't enjoy this without sharing it
with 500 strangers?

Five hundred? Try 887,132.

And they're not strangers.
They're followers.

Followers? You mean like a cult?

No, not like a cult.

Just people devoted to me
and totally guided by my advice

as to how to live their lives.

I'm joking. I was just taking a picture.

- You take pictures. What's the difference?
- Too vast to even explain.

Now, come on off the horse.

- That's it? We're done?
- No.

I just want you
to practice getting on and off.

Oh, uh, okay.

Uh...

- Whoa!
- Whoa. Hold on. Hold on.

[Padgett grunts] Oh!

[grunts]

- [Cameron groans]
- Ugh...

- Disgusting!
- [laughs hysterically] Sorry!

Sorry for laughing.

It's just I've never seen
such an uncoordinated dismount.

I mean,
aren't you captain of the dance team...

[laughing out loud]

What? It's mostly grass, right?

[laughing out loud]

[Bosch] Attention Earthquakes,
a reminder to buy your prom tickets,

where the dance team will be performing
their annual dance presentation.

A tradition I still don't understand,
but it's the committee's decision,

and I support them.

...instead of starting in Portugal,
we start in Amsterdam.

Uh, Kweller, can we maybe do this later?
I have a French quiz.

These are the best fares
I've seen in months.

Just, um, give me your phone.

- What's wrong with yours?
- Really?

Your aversion to technology
is becoming a character flaw.

Hey, guys.

Uh... hey?

I wanted to say thank you
for this morning.

My butt is so sore. I could barely walk.

Things got messy.

Uh, context, please?

- I gave her a riding lesson.
- I bet you did.

Horse riding.

- Mm-hmm.
- Part of one, anyway.

And as a way of saying thanks,
there is a karaoke party this Saturday

at my friend Quinn's house,
and I was hoping you guys could come.

- Uh, yeah. Um, I don't... I don't...
- We'll be there.

Perfect. So Cameron,
should I like, SMS you the address?

Kweller's phone is
an antiquated piece of crap.

- Why don't you send it to me?
- Awesome. Okay.

- Okay, I'll see you guys tomorrow.
- [Nisha] Totally.

What the hell?

You've been talking about wanting
to go on all these exotic adventures.

Why don't you just think of this
as an adventure close to home.

[exhilarating music playing]

[speaking indistinctly]

[boy] That was fun. [laughs]

[Quinn and Alden singing]
♪ You need to give it up ♪

♪ Had about enough ♪

♪ It's not hard to see the boy... ♪

Oh, wow. It's a pool party.

- Why didn't you tell me?
- 'Cause nobody told me.

What are we even doing here?

- You know. Come on.
- Wh... wh... wh... Whoa!

Eating free Pizza Hut is what we're doing.

Besides, when do you get
to make fun of these guys

in their own natural habitat? [chuckles]

- That's true.
- I mean, exhibit A.

Now that is rough. [chuckles]

[singing out of tune]
♪ I know that you may be ♪

♪ Just a bit jealous of me ♪

Yeah, it sounds like they're constipated,

but for some reason,
they're happy about it.

- [Padgett] Great! You guys came.
- Yes, we did.

Yeah. This is cool. You do this often?

It's kind of a pre-prom thing,
so we can work on our tans.

But I'm going to college in New York,
so won't be doing this next year.

- Where you guys going?
- Uh, yeah.

I'm kind of opting out
of that whole thing.

Oh, like a gap year?

Yes, exactly like a gap year,
followed by another gap year,

and then a gap life.

- Kweller doesn't believe in college.
- Really?

Well, I believe it exists. I just think
it's a huge waste of time and money.

So, any idea what you're gonna sing?
Everybody's got their go-to karaoke song.

- Right?
- No.

[chuckles]

Lemme guess. You're gonna opt out
of the whole singing thing too?

[chuckles]

♪ The boy is mine ♪

[crowd claps hesitantly]

Wow! Thank you, ladies.

I can't tell you how much
I enjoyed that performance.

Nobody can.

- [scoffs]
- [DJ] All right, who's up next?

Padge Sawyer!

- Guess it's my turn. Wish me luck.
- [crowd cheers]

[DJ] All right,
nowhere to go but up from there.

- We gotta see this.
- ["Teenage Dream" playing]

- ♪ We can dance ♪
- [crowd claps, cheers]

♪ Until we die ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ We'll be young forever ♪

♪ You make me ♪

♪ Feel like I'm livin' a ♪

♪ Teenage dream ♪

♪ The way you turn me on... ♪

Wow. I don't even know why
she bothers with college.

She might as well just get
her residency in Vegas, am I right?

♪ Don't ever look back ♪

♪ My heart stops ♪

♪ When you look at me... ♪

Oh my God.

What?

You're enjoying this?

You're enjoying her.

What? No, I'm not.

No, I'm not. I'm...

- [girl] Oh my gosh, that's Jordan.
- Are you serious?

What? I invited him.
I didn't think he'd show up with her.

[Jordan] Hey!

♪ Got a motel
And built a fort out of sheets ♪

- ♪ I finally found you ♪
- [girl] Who's that girl?

[singing out of tune]
♪ Missing puzzle piece ♪

♪ I'm complete... ♪

[Cameron] What's going on?

Jordan's her ex. He totally humiliated her
in front of a zillion people.

♪ Just, uh... ♪

Oh my gosh. She's dying up there.

Wait. Kweller.

I really don't think you should go!
Kweller, this is a truly awful idea!

♪ You make me ♪

♪ Feel like I'm living a ♪

♪ Teenage dream ♪

All right, Kweller.

- [crowd cheers]
- ♪ I can't sleep ♪

♪ Let's runaway
And don't ever look back ♪

♪ Don't ever look... ♪

- That's the bet guy?
- Yeah.

Who is this dude?

♪ When you look at me ♪

♪ Just one touch ♪

♪ Now, baby
I believe this is real ♪

♪ So take a chance and don't... ♪

They're actually kinda good.

♪ Don't ever look
I'mma get your heart racing ♪

♪ In my skin-tight jeans ♪

♪ Be your teenage dream tonight ♪

[crowd claps, cheers loudly]

They got all that on camera.

- That was actually amazing.
- Yeah. I know, right?

Thanks for having my ass.
I mean, saving my back.

Having my back.

♪ La-la-la-la-la-la-la... ♪

And I'm pretty sure
that is my cue to call for a car.

No, um, uh, don't do that.
We'll give you a ride.

- We will?
- Yeah. It's no problem at all.

- Can I get some KFC to go?
- Yeah, sure.

Awesome.

- Bye.
- ♪...of Pali ♪

♪ Little freaks in they jeeps don't play ♪

You know, you should really rethink
that whole no-singing policy.

You have a really great voice.

Cameron was in the Glee Club. What?

- I didn't know it was a secret.
- Glee Club? At Cali?

- No, no.
- I didn't think Cali had...

It was at my old school back in Wyoming.

It was either play football
or cow tipping.

- Or Glee Club. Yeah.
- Or Glee Club? [chuckles]

I get it. Oh, this is me.

[soft music playing]

[Nisha] This is you? My cousin lives here.

- Her name's Kaia Mehan. She's a junior...
- We're new here.

So we haven't really met anyone yet,
but, um, thanks for the ride.

And thanks for coming today.

I hope it wasn't too, you know, weird.

That's okay. Weird's totally our thing.

- [chuckles] Okay, then. See you later.
- See ya.

- Hey, Padge.
- Yeah?

I gotta say,
even though you're incredibly hot,

you're not the complete monster
that I thought you'd be.

Uh, thanks?

But Cameron is like a brother to me.

So, I have to say,
if you do anything to hurt him,

I'll put a croquembouche
in your croquem-face. You feel me?

Uh, okay.

Don't forget.

I really like her.

[Brin] Oh, look who's up.

How was your Saturday?

Uh, it was okay. Why?

Do anything interesting?

Not really.

Well, more than 2.6 million
TikTok viewers beg to differ!

- [coughs] Ugh!
- Are you kidding me?

Why didn't you tell me
you had a date with Padgett Sawyer?

Trust me. It wasn't a date.
The whole thing was a freakish aberration.

Okay, a person who is way out
of your league is spending time with you.

- Take the win and claim it as a date.
- [phone vibrates]

And speak of the devil herself. [gasps]

- Padgett, hey.
- [Padgett] Brin.

Hi. Uh, sorry to bother you,
but I think I left something

in your brother's truck yesterday,
and I don't have his number.

Oh, yeah, no problem.

Yo, we were just talking about you.

He's standing right in front of me.
Do you wanna talk to him?

[Padgett] I was hoping
I could swing by now.

Uh, yeah, sure. When do you wanna come?

[doorbell rings]

Oh, like now, now.

Okay. Yeah, hold on.

You might wanna change.

- [phone rings]
- [gasps softly]

- Jessica. Hi.
- [Jessica] Hey, Padgett.

Saw the duet. 2.6 million views!

Who's the new guy?
A little scruffy but cute.

Well, just wait until I'm done
with his makeover.

Ooh, go on.

I'm gonna make him more popular
than Jordan Van Draanen.

[Jessica] Really? Well, if you do that,
then we're back in business.

I'll believe it when I see it. Love ya.

- [line disconnects]
- Love ya!

Thanks again. These things
are always slipping out of my bag.

Yeah, it's no problem.

Since I'm already here,
I was wondering if...

- What's all this stuff?
- Uh, it's from Dad. Just got here.

Uh, great.

- Gifts? What's the occasion?
- Nothing. It's stupid.

Our dad lives in Sweden, and once a year,
he sends us these all-in-one presents.

Kind of like Christmas and Hanukkah
and our birthdays all smushed together.

[Cameron] Seriously?

A doorstop?

Hmm, coloring books, Legos,
and Swedish Helga Barbie.

Quite a haul if you're eight.

- At least he's trying.
- I disagree.

Well, it's the thought that counts, right?

- Not that it's my business.
- Um, did you need something else?

Actually, yeah. I was hoping
you could give me another riding lesson.

- When?
- Now?

Now?

Um, yeah. You're in luck.
I was on my way to the...

Hey, I thought you were gonna watch
the Blue Bloods marathon with me.

- Sorry, Grandma. Um, I...
- That's okay. I'll get started without ya.

- [indistinct chatter on TV]
- Tommy Selleck waits for no one.

[Grandma growls]

We better go. [chuckles]

Bye, guys.

- [horse snorts]
- I'm getting the hang of this, huh?

[both chuckle]

[Cameron] Just takes
time and practice, that's all.

Everyone's always in a hurry.

- Oh, and you aren't?
- What's that supposed to mean?

I don't know. It seems like you can't wait
to be done with high school.

Yeah, that's true. [chuckles]

I used to be like that too,
but now that I lost my sponsorship,

I, um, don't even know
if I'll be able to pay for college.

Man, that sucks.

I'm sorry, but it won't take much money
for me to bum around.

See as much of the world as I can.
Take as many pictures as I can.

That actually sounds amazing.

I would love to travel someday.

I always wanted to see Paris.

You mean, you wanna
take pictures of yourself in Paris

so your followers know you went there?

Should I just do what you do
and take rolls and rolls of pictures

and never show anyone?

- Wait.
- [horse snorting]

- How do you know...
- Brin told me.

You know, no one would have
ever heard of Diane Arbus or Ansel Adams

if they hid in their dark room all day.

- Huh.
- [horse snorts]

[giggles] What?

I can't believe
you actually know those names.

So, how about it?

- How about what?
- Your pictures.

- When do I get to see them?
- Uh, I'm thinking never.

Oh, come on. You show me yours,
and I'll show you mine.

Oh, everyone has seen yours.

[chuckles]

Sorry, that came out way dirtier
than I intended it to.

[laughing]

Uh, I'm just really private, that's all.

But, um...
if you really wanna see what I do...

Yes.

Okay.

So you've really never been
to Union Station?

Honestly, I didn't even know
this was here.

Is that terrible?

Uh, yeah, kind of. [laughs]

It's like a classic,
old-timey train station.

Well, it's actually
a working train station

where people take trains.

- [chuckles softly]
- [laughs]

[shutter clicks]

Then again, you don't strike me
as the public-transportation type.

I carpool to school.

In your friend's Lexus.

Hey, Mr. Cahill.

- Hey, Cam.
- This place is amazing.

I guess I never come downtown
because it's always so crowded.

With street photography, crowds are
the point. Makes it easier to blend in.

People don't mind you
just taking their picture?

Uh, well, it depends.

Sometimes I ask permission,
sometimes I don't.

But after a while, you kind of develop
a sense of when it's okay to shoot.

[shutter clicking]

[speaking Japanese]

- And when to run.
- [chuckles]

- Thanks, Gene. Here you go.
- Mm.

Gene's Nutella lattes are insane.

- Mm-hmm. [chuckles]
- [Padgett] Mm.

Wait, are you actually smiling?

What?

I don't know.
I've just never seen you like this.

What do you mean?

Well, at school,
you're this really reserved person,

but at the stables
or here with your camera...

Oh, maybe it's because

no one in those places
ever keyed the word "loser"

into my truck door
or put a fetal pig in my backpack.

Ouch.

Yeah.

It doesn't matter.

High school's a bunch of scared people
pretending to be something they're not.

[chuckles] But this place?

This place is real.

Just like horses.

Best bullshit detectors
in the entire animal kingdom.

So what about Gilly?

- Does he think I'm full of crap?
- You think I'd be here with you if he did?

Sorry things are so bad for you at school.

Guess I'd be in a hurry to graduate too.

Yeah, I'm only doing it
so my grandmother doesn't freak out.

Yeah, why do you and Brin live with her?

Sorry, if that's...

No, no, no. No, it's okay.

Well, you know our father lives in Sweden.

- His choice.
- [Padgett] Mm-hmm.

And after our mom died and...

Oh, I am so sorry.

[Cameron] Yeah, it's four years ago.
Plane crash.

She was dating this guy named Marcus,
who flew a turboprop.

And one Saturday morning,
they were on their way back from Laramie,

and, um...

You must miss her a lot.

Yeah, Mom was awesome.

In fact, she is the one
who gave me this camera.

So that's why you love it so much.

Yeah. So what about your family?

Well, my parents are divorced.

- [chuckles]
- Okay.

Um, my dad lives in Florida
with his new family.

And I'm here with my mom.

- Okay, what does she do?
- She's a nurse.

Hmm.

[Padgett]
I've never told anyone that before.

She works her ass off
to give me every opportunity in the world.

And sometimes I'm scared
I won't be able to make it up to her.

- [shutter clicks]
- Hey, did I say you could do that?

No. That's the whole idea
of a candid shot.

If you know I'm going to take a photo,
then you gotta fix your hair,

and you do that whole duck-face thing.

- Yes. That's exactly it.
- [phone pings]

- [phone keyboard clacking]
- [phone pings]

[Cameron] Is... that an emergency?

Uh... sorry.

Uh, depends.

- Are you free next weekend?
- Why?

It's my friend Alden's birthday,
and she's having a theme party.

Okay, what's the theme?

It's Drop it like F. Scott.
It's a Great Gatsby thing.

Yeah, she does realize
those parties in the book

represent the shallowness
of the ruling class, right?

Sadly, that is the appeal.

- Okay.
- [Padgett] So what do you think?

- You down to get bougie together?
- [Cameron] Yeah.

Can I bring some people?

Sure. Yeah.
Bring whoever you want. [chuckles]

[Brin] Oh my God! Oh my God!

I can't believe I'm saying this,
but I have the best brother ever.

He has his moments.

Okay. It's a roaring '20s theme,

so there's a million ways
we can go with this.

Yeah, but we're
only gonna try like, three, right?

[Nisha] Don't listen to him.

He's been wearing
the same three plaids since 2017?

At least I alternate.

I get it.

You found a look that works,
but like I tell my followers,

sometimes bold can be your bestie.

You actually say that?
Out loud? To people?

Come on.

Ugh.

["For a Minute" playing]

♪ All your friends already gone
You just looking for someone ♪

♪ And nobody looking back
Baby, I could be your one ♪

♪ I could be your one
Just for a night ♪

♪ Maybe a week
But I don't wanna stay too long ♪

♪ 'Cause then you'll see
All my weaknesses ♪

♪ I keep distance
To everyone I see ♪

♪ Is it me or you
But something making me feel brand new ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh
Feeling brand new ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh
Feeling brand new ♪

♪ You want my love
I want your heart ♪

♪ Just for a minute
Come by and let me finish on ♪

♪ You want my love
I want your heart ♪

♪ Just for a minute
Come by and let me finish on you ♪

[Padgett] Okay, now don't tell me
that wasn't fun.

It wasn't.

Okay, fine, it wasn't terrible.

But it's somewhere between
getting my wisdom teeth out

and that Harry Styles show last year.

- Wait, you saw Harry Styles?
- He took me for my birthday.

Aw, that's so sweet.

[Cameron] Okay. The point is,

we got our clothes,
and we're done now, right?

Um...

Oh God, what now?

You're absolutely sure this is necessary?

Well, we want to complete the look, right?

- [snickers] Oh, definitely.
- Out. Now.

- Fine.
- [Padgett] Okay.

The most important thing
for you to do now is trust me.

You've done this before?

Literally thousands of times.

Really? You shaved a guy's face?

- [buzzing]
- Sorry, can't hear you.

["The Flower Duet" playing]

I can't believe you got him to do this.
He must really like you.

Uh, no, no. I'm just really persuasive.

- How's it going in there?
- [Cameron] It's kind of hard to say.

Oh, come on. Just come out.

[Cameron] Okay.

["Carried Away" playing]

♪ I love to love ♪

♪ I love to love, I love all the ways ♪

♪ I feel so much, I get carried away ♪

♪ I love to love, I just wanna stay ♪

♪ And get carried away ♪

Wow, you are good.

How do you feel?

Like I just lost Dancing with the Stars.

Well, if I didn't know any better,

and you weren't my brother,

I'd say you look pretty hot.

Right, Padgett?

Uh... yeah.

Sure. [exhales]

["The Charleston" playing]

[Nisha] Very subtle.

Wow.

Your camera? Really?

This is the only time
I'm gonna be doing something like this.

- Might as well document it.
- Hey, everybody. Padgett Head to Toe here.

Outside of Alden Pierce's
18th birthday party.

If you can't already tell,
the theme is Drop It Like F. Scott.

I'm here with my amazing new friends.

Cameron.

- Brin.
- Hi, guys.

And Nisha.

This is insane.

You're hot now. Get used to it.

Uh, no, I was talking about the party.

[speaking indistinctly]

This one's teeny compared to her sweet 16.

We went to the beach.

In Turks and Caicos.

Can you believe this?

- [Alden] Padge!
- Hey! Mwah, mwah.

Hi. I'm Alden.

Birthday girl.

Yeah, we've met.

Oh.

Oh!

I'm sorry, I gotta ask.
What are you drinking?

Oh, it's my signature bday mocktail.

It's got cranberry juice,
fresh raspberries, cherry Pop Rocks.

Hi, I just wanted to say happy birthday
and thank you so much for inviting me.

[scoffs] I'm sorry. Who are you?

Uh, Brin Kweller.

- I thought I was in...
- Hey, uh...

We're gonna go get some drinks,
and we'll see you guys in a bit.

Bye.

Padge, I don't know what you did
to that Cameron guy, but damn!

What you did?

Oh, she means his costume.

And Cameron did that himself.

Wow, you might
just win this bet after all.

Yeah, if you don't blow it for me first.

- Guess we'll see who's gonna be a loser.
- We'll see.

So, Aniston just bailed on you, bro?

Yeah, bro.

I was on my way to pick her up,
and she texted me and said it's over.

Said she's going to Brent Rivera's
birthday party with that other dude.

That sucks, bro.

That Aniston chick was hot.
If I were you, I'd be crying too.

That's okay. [sighs]
My fans love my vulnerability.

- Wait, you guys aren't recording?
- Oh!

- Shoot, my bad.
- Oh my God.

Guys! All right, come on.
I need another take.

[exhales] Okay. You got this.

[sighs] Damn, I lost it.
Always be recording.

- My bad. That was my fault.
- All right?

I still can't believe she'd ditch me
for some rando loser

who's only got 318,000 followers.

Well, he does play for the Clippers.

Yeah, that's pretty dope.

[laughing]

[upbeat music playing]

[shutter clicking]

[shutter clicking]

[Padgett] Don't tell me
you're actually having fun.

Why would you say that?

This party is ridiculous.

[singing] You're having fun.
You're having fun.

[Cameron] Maybe a little.

[Nisha] Hey.

Nice costume.

[scoffs] Didn't think I'd see
another Jordan Baker.

Daisy is so overrated. [laughs]

Totally.

Wow. I look like
the before picture for you.

Stop. You look great.

You were at my karaoke party.

Right. I was the one
who didn't bring their swimsuit.

- Yeah. I'm sorry it turned weird.
- It's okay. Weird's totally my thing.

[chuckling]

Oh my God. [gags]

- They put them in the ice too?
- [laughs]

Come on. I know where Alden keeps
her non-Pop-Rock-aholic drinks.

- Thank you.
- Let's go.

Hey, you.

Whoa, whoa.
You're not even gonna say, "Hey"?

Blow me.

You're Aniston's problem now.

You're still mad about that?
That was like, two weeks ago.

- Hey.
- Dude! What the hell?

I'm sorry.
I had something else to tell you.

- What?
- [Jordan] I don't know.

That... I'm sorry.

And that she was right.

- Who?
- [Jordan] Aniston.

She said that I wasn't over you,

and... that's the truth.

We belong together, Padge.

Now, come on. These nominations
are on Monday, all right?

If we win prom king and queen,
our followers would go crazy.

I don't care!

Oh, and by the way,
there are no mean streets of Pali.

You live on the same block
as Gwyneth Paltrow.

Oh man! You spilled my watermelon.
It was the last one.

Now, all they have is mango.

I hate mango. It's a terrible flavor.

Hey.

Is everything okay?

Yeah. Yeah, I just, uh, spilled my drink.

But I was thinking about going
to get another one, though.

Any chance you want to come with me?

[giggles] Sure.

Let's go.

[speaking indistinctly]

[shutter clicks]

Okay, enough pictures for you.
No one's going to see them anyways.

I have a better idea. Come on.

Oh, photo booth? Seriously?

- Come on. I want to see your duck face.
- Ugh.

[sighs]

Now show me what you got.

[shutter clicking]

[shutter clicking]

You're not supposed to look at me.

- You're supposed to pose.
- Sorry.

I guess I'm just mesmerized
by watching you disfigure yourself.

So you're repulsed?

Totally, but it must be so hard
to make yourself look terrible

when you're naturally so, you know...

What?

Beautiful.

[party DJ] All right, everyone,
let's gather by the big cake

to sing Alden "Happy Birthday."

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

Stop it.

- ♪ Happy birthday ♪
- [Jordan] Ow!

- ♪ To you ♪
- [Brin] Get away from me, asshole!

- ♪ Happy birthday... ♪
- Hey, Brin, what's going on?

Why are you making a big deal out of this?

- It was nothing.
- You call that nothing?

- What happened? What did he do?
- She's so overreacting.

- You, shut up.
- He asked me if I wanted a drink.

So I said, "Okay."

And then we went into this big room
with a pool table.

- And we were just kissing.
- See? No big deal.

But then he started going for more,
so I bonked him with a pool ball.

- Which hurt, by the way.
- Freaking piece of shit.

- Don't tell me she's your girlfriend?
- No, she's my little sister, you idiot.

And if you ever touch her again...

What, you wanna go? You wanna go, man?

- Let's go. Let's get it.
- Why'd you just take off your shirt?

I don't know. That's for me to know
and for you to find out.

- What?
- No, Cameron, come on.

[Padgett] He is not worth it.

No, not this time.

- [Padgett] Cameron, please.
- [boy 1] Move back. Make some room.

[boy 2] You got it! You got it!

If you ever go near my sister again...

- What?
- [all] Ooh!

[Jordan's friend] Haha. Okay, okay.

- [grunts]
- [crowd gasps]

- [grunts]
- [crowd] Oh!

- [grunts]
- [crowd] Oh!

- [grunts]
- [thuds]

- Yes!
- Oh!

Classic Johnny Wang move.

What the hell was that?

I'm sure that was me kicking your ass.

[crowd laughing, cheering]

[speaking indistinctly]

[grunts]

[crowd gasps]

[Jordan grunts]

[oohing, cheering]

Cameron, enough!

- Back in there, bro.
- Well, check out Captain Badass.

I dare you to try that again.

- [grunts]
- [crowd gasps]

[groans]

Ah!

[crowd cheers]

Yes! [cheers]

I wasn't ready for that!

- I need another take. Stop cheering!
- Are you okay?

Cameron, that was amazing.

- Let's go get the truck.
- [Brin] Okay.

- Okay?
- Wait, you're not leaving, are you?

Yeah, I think you should,
but don't forget your camera.

No, no, no, no!

[crowd] Oh!

- Happy...
- Not now, Mom and Dad!

[Padgett] Cameron, are you okay?
Let me help.

Cameron.

Cameron.

- Cameron, wait.
- What do you want?

To make sure you're okay.
You were leaving.

An asshole hit on my sister
and ruined my mother's camera.

What do you want me to do?

The way you stood up to Jordan back there,
people were impressed.

Who? The... the... the valedictorian?
The head cheerleader?

- The captain of the lacrosse team?
- Cali doesn't have a lacrosse...

What am I doing here, Padgett?

I mean, why after four years
did you suddenly start talking to me?

I... I don't know.

Maybe I just sensed there was more to you
than what you let everyone see.

What if I like it that way?

Well, then that really breaks my heart.

Cameron, please.

[Alden] Broken heart, huh?

Looks like someone
moved on from Jordan pretty quick.

I moved on from Jordan
the second we walked into that trailer.

And now you're falling
for our little project?

It's not like that.

I'm worried about him, okay?
That's all. You saw what happened.

You mean, your plus-three freak parade
who ruined my birthday?

Yeah, it was hard to miss.

Look, if you wanna welch
on our bet now, I understand.

I mean, the guy's a bigger train wreck
than we expected.

No.

We're still on.

[beeping]

[alarm system dings]

[robotic voice] Arm code.

[can clinking]

[snoring]

[footsteps approaching]

[Jordan chuckles]

Great party.

Thanks,
but it's kind of been over for a while.

No party's over until I say it's over.

Come on, Cali High. Let's rock!

Oh.

- It is over.
- Yeah.

Where's my shirt?

Who needs shirts?

[chuckles]

Okay.

[inhales]

[soft music playing]

[sighs]

[sighs]

Hey, guys.

So the rest of tonight didn't go so great.

[Exhales] Well, it started out fun.

You know, I talk a lot here
about self-improvement.

[Exhales] Your looks,

your attitude,

But I'm starting to think

that who you choose to surround yourself
with is so much more import...

[text pings]

[dinging]

[whimsical music playing]

[dinging continues]

[sighs]

[girl] So awesome!

[boy] All right, bro!

[cheering]

- Hey!
- [girl] Cameron!

- [all] Cameron! Cameron! Cameron!
- [boy] Awesome, man!

That was so awesome.

Hey. I'm Celeste.

I wanted to say
that while I reject the whole idea

of the prom court as an antiquated,
heteronormative construct,

if I didn't, you'd have my vote.

Your vote for what?

[Nisha] Hey, Kweller. Dude.

Some Saturday night, huh? [chuckles]

Mr. Prom King nominee.

- What?
- Did you not see?

- Cameroon Kewller for prom king.
- [chuckles]

- That's ridiculous.
- [laughs]

[Bosch] Attention Earthquakes,
here are the prom court nominations.

For king, we have Jordan Van Draanen
and Cameroon Kewller?

Tanya, is this a joke?

Okay. I am told that Cameroon
is an actual student,

so congratulations to him

and to our third nominee, Sebastian Woo.

- Yes! Whoo! Yes! Whoo!
- Oh my God, dude!

I'm the king of the school!

Sebastian Woo!

It is so fitting
that they would butcher your name.

Could you imagine
if you actually ran for prom king?

[laughing]

[hip-hop music playing on car stereo]

[muffled echo] Jordan Van D, baby!

Let's go!

Yeah, maybe I can.

[phone keyboard clacking]

[Alden] Sawyer.

Alden.

And Jordan?

What the hell is going on?

JVD out.

You know how you're running for
prom queen unopposed? Not anymore.

♪ Clap your hands, say it loud ♪

♪ Alden Pierce will make you proud ♪

♪ Clap your hands, say it loud
Alden Pierce will make you proud ♪

[cheering]

- You're running against me?
- Oh, please.

Don't look so surprised.
I know all the same people you do.

The only difference is,
I didn't just hemorrhage 94,000 followers.

Oh my God.

- You've been planning this all along.
- What are you talking about?

That day in Jordan's trailer. The video.

- What about it?
- You were holding the camera.

My entire life was falling apart,
and you didn't press stop.

You let it happen
because you knew you were gonna run.

[sighs]

Okay, yeah, maybe I did. So what?

Don't act like
you wouldn't have done the same thing.

- But I thought we were friends?
- [Alden] Yeah, well.

Things aren't always the way they seem,
and you would know, right?

Yeah. That's right.

You can drop the act. We know you're poor.

- [Quinn] Stop.
- [Alden] Please.

Did you think you were fooling us?

I mean, your mom's a nurse.
You can't afford a car.

You live in that dumpy shack on Clinton.

- Alden.
- [Alden] Yeah, that's right.

We know you don't live
at the Palisades Lofts.

How long have you known?

Mmm. I don't know, like a year, maybe?
We didn't say anything.

We didn't wanna hurt your feelings.
Don't worry. Your secret's safe with me.

[inhales] If I want it to be. [scoffs]

Guess it's game on, Bubble Girl.

♪ Clap your hands, say it loud
Alden Pierce will make you proud ♪

♪ Clap your hands, say it loud
Alden Pierce will make you proud ♪

- I'm so sorry.
- I'm so sorry.

I only lied
because I thought if I told the truth,

you guys wouldn't like me anymore.

- I was embarrassed.
- I don't care... at all. Okay?

I swear I had no idea
she was planning this.

I don't get it. It's like she's suddenly
this whole different person.

Is she though? Maybe we're
just now seeing who she really is.

- What do you mean?
- She quit the dance team.

Now she's starting
her own squad with Jordan.

- Unbelievable.
- [phone dings]

[Padgett] Wow. Look at you.

- Who is it?
- [Quinn] Nothing.

- It's stupid.
- [Padgett] Really?

- Then why are you blushing?
- I'm not blushing. It's just a funny text.

- Mm. A stupid, funny text from...
- Nisha.

- Q! That's amazing.
- [Quinn chuckles]

I thought I saw
you guys talking at the party.

Yeah, she's pretty great.

I was thinking about asking her to prom.

No way. Oh my God, that's so great.
You guys would be so cute together.

- So how are you gonna ask her?
- Hey, um...

You got a sec?

Go. I'll talk to you later.

I didn't think
you were talking to me anymore.

Yeah, I'm sorry about that.

I got really pissed off,
but you didn't do anything.

There's something
I wanted to talk to you about.

Hey! You, my man, are a rock star.

Inspiration. Do you want to hear a poem?

Sure.

Um, Cameron Kweller

Interstellar

Stood up to the dick

Made it stick

Cameron, one

Jordan, zero

King Cameron, you're my hero

Fight the power, man.

That was great.

- [crunches]
- [painfully] Ah, worth it.

- Okay. [chuckles]
- [chuckles]

Can you believe all this prom BS?

I know. Pretty cool, right?
I mean, what do you think?

Well, that's actually
what I wanted to talk to you about.

[bell rings]

Uh, but now I'm late for Art History.

Um, is there any chance
you could come over after school?

- There's something I wanted to show you.
- Um, sure.

- I'll be there.
- Cool.

Bye.

- [door closes]
- So this whole prom king thing,

I can't believe you're actually into it.

Well, I'm not really,
but I do hate Van Draanen.

Guys like him crap all over everyone
and somehow still end up on top.

Not this time.
Not if I have anything to do with it.

- That sounded confident.
- 'Cause I am.

And after Alden's party,
you have some serious traction.

But you're gonna have to let
people see the real Cam Kweller.

Well, speaking of the real me,
right this way.

Wow. I cannot believe
you have your own darkroom.

Yeah.

It was my 14th birthday present.

So you've been taking pictures
your whole life then?

[Cameron] Kind of.
Used to be more of a hobby,

but now I don't know.

Sometimes I feel like
I could spend my entire life in this room.

Cameron, these are amazing.

So why are you letting me see them now?

Well, you wouldn't stop asking,

so I figured this was
the only way to get you to stop.

Well, you are very talented.

I mean, look at this one. Oh!

Oh my God, I am so sorry.

It's, uh...

It's okay.

Really.

You know, you could
totally make money at this, right?

You know I don't care about money.

Or not,
but keeping your talent locked away.

What are you hiding from?

You know,
I could ask you the same question.

What are you talking about?

Well, I'm talking about this.

And, uh... this.

And these.

Not the eyelashes,
they're glued on pretty tight.

♪ I love to love ♪

♪ I love all the ways ♪

♪ I feel so much ♪

♪ I get carried away ♪

♪ I love to love ♪

♪ I just wanna stay ♪

Listen, Cameron,
there's something I need to tell you.

- And I need to tell you something too.
- Okay?

Well, you asked me why I invited you here,

and I don't even let
my own grandmother in here.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Which is why she probably thinks
I'm running a meth lab.

[both laughing]

So then why am I here?

Because I trust you.

[Padgett] Oh, okay.

- Well, I...
- [Cameron] Are you okay?

Totally, I just... I need to go.

- Besides, I've wasted enough of your time.
- I wouldn't put it that way.

No, that's not what I meant.
I just... I have somewhere to be.

- Um... Call you later?
- [Cameron] Yeah.

Sure.

Hey, you got a sec?

Uh, yeah. Why?

I just kind of wanted
your advice on something.

If it isn't the fountain of truth

coming to get help
figuring out the world of bullshit.

Yeah, funny.

Here's the deal. Uh...

Things with Padgett may have gotten
a little more complicated than I thought.

Okay. Complicated good or complicated bad?

'Cause the other night at that party,
I was definitely sensing chemistry.

Oh, wait.

Did you guys hook up?

Oh my God, you did!

No, no, no. We didn't hook up, we...

we kissed.

[shrieks] I knew it! Oh my God.
This is huge. So did you ask her to prom?

It makes sense if you go together.
And if you're king and queen?

How amazing would that be?

It would be like
Cali's own royal love story.

- [chuckles] And you're the princess.
- Whoa, whoa.

Yes. I thought about asking her,

but after we kissed,
things just kind of got weird.

Of course they did. It's fine.

First kisses can be awkward.

First time having sex,
that can be even weirder.

So is the last time

'cause you never know
if it's gonna be your last.

Oh...

Wait, you've never had sex.

Yeah, but I know things, though.
Like this.

If you're worried about
whether you should ask Padgett or not,

just ask yourself one question.

Okay, what's that?

Who kissed who first?

Actually, she kissed me first.

So I should ask her to prom, then.

Um, yeah, but you can't just ask, okay?

It's lame. You have to prompose.

What the hell is that?

[upbeat music playing]

[laughing]

[girl screams]

[speaking indistinctly]

- [Quinn] Hey.
- Hey.

[Quinn] No word from Cameron?

No, he must think I'm such a freak.
I practically sprinted out of there.

He had the nomination.
Why'd screw it up by kissing him?

- [Quinn] I do have one theory.
- Yeah?

You really like him, Padge,
and when you like someone

the other stuff
just doesn't matter as much.

I do.

I do like him.

Yeah.

Something tells me you might not
have screwed up as much as you think.

- What do you mean?
- [boy] Hey, look, look!

Oh my God, Cameron.

I know this isn't
usually my style, obviously,

but, uh... what do you think?

- I think yes.
- [Alden] Sorry.

I hate to interrupt this adorable moment,
but don't you think there's something

you should tell Cameron first?

- What are you doing?
- [Quinn] Leave her alone, Alden.

- [Alden] Shut up, Quinn.
- What's going on?

Padgett, do you want
to tell him, or should I?

- What's she talking about?
- What I was trying to tell you yesterday.

It's... It's actually funny.

After Jordan and I broke up,

I lost my sponsorships, my college money,

so I panicked.

- Yeah, she's not lying. Total meltdown.
- Yeah, thanks to you, Alden.

So I made a bet with Alden

that I could take some person
and... and... and make them over.

Some person. What kind of person?

- Can we talk about this in private?
- No, what kind of person, Padgett?

The biggest loser
so she could turn him into prom king.

- But that was before...
- Wait. So I was a bet?

- [Padgett] No...
- No, I was a fucking bet.

You can all go to hell.

Let's go.

[Padgett sighs]

Yikes, that was hard to watch.

Hey, it's Cameron.
Leave a message, or don't.

Cameron, it's me again.

I know I covered this
in the 800 texts you haven't returned,

but I'm so sorry,

and I just want to make sure you're okay.

He's still not answering?

[Padgett] No, but can you blame him?

No, but right now,
I'm a little bit more worried about you.

You and your god-awful ironing.

Please let me do that. Please.

You know,
I convinced myself that I did my posts

because I cared about my followers,
but maybe I was just doing it for myself

to get money and get popular.

Maybe I'm just a fraud.

Honey, I happen to know
for a fact that you're not a fake.

You're a truly kind and caring person.

But I hurt someone, Mom.
I mean, I really hurt him.

All right, yeah.

You screwed up, but it's only a mistake
if you don't learn from it.

I just don't even know what to do anymore.

If I win tomorrow night, I'll have to go
in front of all these people...

And be yourself.

But... what if I don't even like
who that is anymore?

Listen, I know
it feels like that right now.

I do. But the Padgett Sawyer that I know,

the kind, sweet, generous,

sure, stubborn girl
that I've known for 18 years,

well, she gets lost now and again.

We all do,
but she always finds her way back.

[sighs]

[crickets chirping]

Oh, Gilly.

I thought you were
a good judge of character. [sniffs]

[snorts]

[Mom sighs]

All right.

- How do I look?
- Gorge.

You're gonna be the queen
of the chaperones.

[car honks]

Thank you. It looks like my car is here.
All right, put your dress on.

I'll see you there.

Okay.

[phone rings]

[sighs]

[sniffs]

- You're really gonna go through with this?
- I mean...

I know I'm not gonna get what I want,

so at least this way, I have a chance
to make things right with Cameron.

- Ha! Wanna bet?
- Too soon.

Nisha, I know you don't trust me.

I mean, he's your best friend,

but I think I've really fallen for him,
so I have to try.

You have one big problem.
There's no way that dude is going to prom.

Yeah.

So I guess that means
there's only one person left to ask.

[phone rings]

Screw off, Bubble Girl.

Okay, a little harsh,

but I have to ask.

Is he okay?

I don't know. He's at work.

Why do you keep calling me?
Aren't you supposed to be at prom?

Yeah, like half an hour ago.

But I have
a really important favor to ask.

Tell me why in the hell I should help you.

I can't, and I know you two
have lost so much more than me,

but I've lost a lot recently.

I lost my self-respect.

I lost my college fund.

I lost my friends,

but the only thing
I truly care about losing...

is your brother.

[Bosch] Tonight's the big night.

Turns out this year's dance presentation
is now gonna be a dance competition.

I don't know what that means,
but it's the committee's decision,

and I support them.

[car door closes]

Hey.

What's in the bag?

Formal wear, or the closest thing
I could find to it in your closet.

Dude, it's a disaster in there.

Why are there
so many Skittles on the floor?

Because I spilled some Skittles.
Look, if that's for prom, I...

Look, I know what you're gonna say,
okay, and... I get it.

Padgett screwed up.

What she did was mean
and selfish and wrong.

Yes, exactly. So why are you here?

Because, Cam...

I've... I've missed you.

Brin, I'm right here.

No, no. I mean, like...

I miss the way you used to be,
you know? Before...

Before Mom.

[sniffs] Ever since
you've been with Padgett, okay,

you've been back, and you've been
smiling again, and you've been happy.

And I just feel like... [sniffs]
...for the first time since we moved here

that I have my brother back.

And don't lose her, Cam.

We lost mom, and there's nothing
we could have done about that,

but now you have a choice,
so just... just don't lose her, okay?

[dance music playing]

[shutter clicking]

There you are, thank God.
We need you to start the dance.

- Big night, huh?
- What do you want, Alden?

Nothing, I just noticed
you didn't bring Cameron.

- So...
- He's not coming. Okay?

You win the bet.

And when are you gonna become
a permanent loser?

I'll get it done as soon as I can. Happy?

I'll be happy when I get my crown.

And, oh, hope you like the new
choreography me and Jordan came up with.

[Bosch] Cali High Earthquakes,

it's time to report to the stage
for your annual dance...

- Come on. This is it. Let's go.
- [Alden] Jordan, it's time.

Come on, guys.
If you put your TikToks down,

you'll see some people dancing
in real life.

It's gonna be great.

[sighs, speaking to self] We have
some weird-ass traditions at this school.

♪ Get on the floor, do it ♪

♪ Come on and get on the floor, go ♪

♪ I grab my ankle and pull it up ♪

♪ And do that thing where I move my butt ♪

♪ I got the juice
Don't use it up ♪

♪ I say woo, there it is
Then loosen my tux ♪

♪ Then I shimmy, shimmy,
Shimmy, shimmy, to the left ♪

♪ Shimmy, shimmy, shimmy to the right ♪

♪ Gimme, gimme, gimme everything you got
Dance off ♪

♪ Do the damn thing right ♪

♪ She got loose elbows
And a big ol' neck ♪

♪ I like a big-boned girl
Who could work up a sweat ♪

♪ I rock shelltoes and a turtleneck
She just wanna talk ♪

♪ I said, I ain't TED ♪

♪ Dance off
The hater with the macarena ♪

♪ I can Roger Rabbit in my office space ♪

♪ If you watch my pace, looks like
I'm concentrated or I'm constipated ♪

♪ When I walk this way ♪

♪ I challenge you to a dance off ♪

♪ Hands off, no trash talk, no back walk ♪

♪ On the blacktop
Just me, you, that's all ♪

♪ No cat calls, no tag teams, no mascots ♪

- ♪ Right now, dance off ♪
- ♪ Dance off ♪

♪ Get on the floor ♪

♪ Get on the, get on the floor, go ♪

♪ Get on the floor, do it ♪

♪ Come on and get on the floor ♪

♪ Rewind ♪

♪ Go, go, go, go, go, go ♪

♪ Go, go, go, go
Dance off ♪

♪ Go, go, go, go, go, go ♪

♪ I sneak up behind you like a panther ♪

♪ Who ordered the private dancer? ♪

♪ On the tablecloth, fake a fall ♪

♪ Pretend to break my arm
I'm breaking you off ♪

♪ Please don't tell my baby's mama ♪

♪ I wanna dance all night
'Til the break of dawn ♪

♪ I wanna sweat, sweat, sweat
'Til your makeup's gone ♪

♪ Baby, you looking like a champion ♪

♪ Hey you, you there
Get up out of your chair ♪

♪ Paid twenty bucks
To get up in this club ♪

♪ Put your cellphone down, you square ♪

♪ I be going in. I can't help it ♪

♪ I got bruises on my pelvis ♪

♪ Ladies, fellas ♪

♪ I challenge you to a dance off ♪

♪ Hands off ♪

♪ No trash talk, no back walk ♪

♪ On the blacktop
Just me, you, that's all ♪

♪ No cat calls, no tag teams, no mascots ♪

- ♪ Right now, dance off ♪
- ♪ Dance off ♪

♪ Get on the floor
Get on the, get on the floor, go ♪

♪ Get on the floor, do it ♪

♪ Come on and get on the floor, rewind ♪

[cheering]

♪ Dance off
Get on the floor, do it ♪

♪ Come on and get on the floor, go ♪

♪ Rewind ♪

[audience cheering loudly]

Hey, excuse me. Sorry. Hi.

We hired a DJ for this thing.
They said he was over here somewhere.

- Oh actually, that's... that's me.
- You're the DJ?

Great. Um, where's your stuff?

- My stuff?
- Yeah, your equipment.

Your... your turntables,

your jog wheel, crossfader?
Your... your Traktor scratch?

Dude, I have no idea
what any of that stuff is.

Are you telling me
we paid you $4,500 for your phone?

Yeah. Kinda. [scoffs]

You know that's more
than I make in a month?

Well... I know that now.

Hey, so no sign of Cameron?

No, and if he doesn't get here soon,
it's gonna be too late.

It already is. Principal Bosch's
about to announce the court.

- You sure you still wanna do this?
- Yes.

If I win, I need you to live stream
on your phone, and then go on this app

on my phone and press the red button.

- I mean, how can I do both?
- Just give me the phone.

[Bosch tapping mic] Hello, hi, hey.
One, two, three, eyes to me.

Come on, bring it in. It's the big moment.

I know this is live streaming,
but if you put your phones down,

it's actually happening
right here in front of you.

- [sparse laughter]
- [Bosch] Um...

Look, I know this means a lot
to some of you, so let's get through it

so we can be done.

All right,
your 2021 Cali High Prom King is

Jordan Van Draanen.

[cheering, booing]

[Bosch] Congratulations to Jordan.

So humble, isn't he?

Just wanna slap his face. [chuckles]

I'm kidding. I would never slap a student,
not until after they graduate.

But he's not going to graduate,
so it's fine.

Okay.

- Here you go, big guy. So proud.
- [chuckles]

Enjoy your moment of glory.

[boy] Not my favorite.

It's Jordan Van Draanen, baby.

[cheering, booing]

[Jordan laughs]

Is that it?

Yeah, bro.

Of course, it is.

No, I just want the microphone.

- Oh, okay.
- Yeah. Okay, all right, yes!

Well, that was fun.

Moving right along. Your 2021 Prom Queen,

the woman voted to a forcible dance
with the guy behind me.

No, no, no, no, no.
Keep it on. Keep it all on.

We have all seen plenty of your nipples.

[audience laughs]

All right, your 2021 Prom Queen,

in the closest vote
we've had in a very long time,

Padgett Sawyer.

[cheering, clapping]

[girl] Yeah, Padgett!

Congratulations.

- Thank you!
- Really beautiful.

[boy] That's right, Padge!

[Padgett] This is me.

And this is also me.

And this is me too.

- Hey.
- [audience laughs]

But I'm gonna let you guys in
on a little secret. It's all fake.

Because the truth is, this is the real me.

[audience laughs]

[Padgett] And so is this.

[laughing, oohing]

Let's not forget about this one.

[audience oohs]

Bubble Girl!

Yep, that is snot coming out of my nose.

But here's the thing.

For the last four years,

I've been so busy
selling myself on social media,

putting out this image
of who I wanted people to think I am,

this perfect person

with perfect makeup,

perfect clothes,

perfect grades,

the perfect boyfriend.

[audience oohs]

And trust me.

Nothing could've been
further from the truth.

I even lied about where I live.

We all do it...

in our own way

like someone special once told me.

[soft music playing]

He said high school is
just a bunch of scared people

pretending to be something they're not,

and that can be true.

Especially when we're at our worst.

But it doesn't have to be that way.

That's the lesson he taught me.

I only wish
I didn't have to lose him to learn it.

[audience oohs]

Are you sure?

Second place,
coming through, make some room.

Second place, I'll take it. I mean,
if she doesn't want it, I'll take it.

Excuse me, Ms. Pierce,
you... you actually came in fourth.

[laughing, oohing]

No, I demand a recount.

No need. You actually lost by a lot.

Please leave the stage.

[boy 1] Ow!
[boy 2] Down!

- [boy 3] Burn!
- Thank you. All right!

So the runner-up and your 2021 Prom Queen

is a write-in candidate.

Her name is Celeste Straczynski.

Is there a Celeste Straczynski here?

[cup clattering]

[girl] Does she go here?

[students speaking indistinctly]

[softly] Your hat.

- [clears throat]
- All right, let's do this.

- Ow!
- Suck it!

[cheering]

DJ, hit it!

[dance music playing]

- [Quinn] Padgett.
- All right.

I'm gonna take off.

Wait, your phone.

- Where are you going?
- [Padgett] Home.

Come on, stay with us.

- I officially forgive you.
- [Padgett chuckles]

No, I'm done here,

but you guys have fun, though.

["Kiss Me" playing]

Well,

I'm still here,
and why do I know this song?

♪ Kiss me ♪

♪ Out of the bearded barley ♪

♪ Nightly ♪

- [text pings]
- ♪ Beside the green, green grass ♪

♪ Swing, swing ♪

♪ Swing the spinning step ♪

- ♪ You wear those shoes ♪
- [horse neighs]

♪ And I will wear that dress ♪

♪ Oh, kiss me ♪

♪ Beneath the milky twilight ♪

♪ Lead me ♪

Whoa.

Hey.

Cameron. I... How...

I may have had a little help.

I would've rode him all the way,
but I would've gotten arrested on the 405.

[laughs]

I meant what I said.

I'm gonna start being honest
about who I am from now on,

I swear.

Okay, well, if we're being honest,
there is one thing in your speech

you got wrong.

What was it?

You never really lost me.

[phone rings]

Seriously?

[chuckles, sniffs]

- I'm done with her.
- Thank you.

Now where were we?

["Kiss Me" continues playing]

[Brin] Yes! Whoo-hoo! Finally!

[cheering]

♪ So kiss me ♪

♪ Kiss me ♪

♪ Out of the bearded barley ♪

♪ Nightly ♪

♪ Beside the green, green grass ♪

♪ Swing, swing ♪

♪ Swing the spinning step ♪

♪ You wear those shoes
And I will wear that dress ♪

♪ Kiss me ♪

♪ Beneath the milky twilight ♪

♪ Lead me ♪

[boy] Check it out!

Oooh!

[cheering]

♪ Strike up the band
And make the fireflies dance ♪

♪ Silver moon's sparkling ♪

♪ So kiss me ♪

♪ So kiss me ♪

[cheering]

♪ Kiss me ♪

♪ Down by the broken tree house ♪

♪ Swing me ♪

♪ Upon its hanging tire ♪

♪ Bring bring ♪

♪ Bring your flowered hat ♪

♪ We'll take the trail marked
On your father's map ♪

♪ Kiss me ♪

♪ Beneath the milky twilight ♪

♪ Lead me ♪

♪ Out on the moonlit floor ♪

♪ Lift your open hand ♪

♪ Strike up the band
And make the fireflies dance ♪

♪ Silver moon's sparkling ♪

♪ So kiss me ♪

[Padgett] Good morning, guys.

Guess where we are?

Portugal! [chuckles]

Hard to believe
we're already six days into our trip.

Say hi, Cameron.

I just wanna say thank you
to all my followers who came back to me,

who are so supportive
of my new direction here.

I hope you guys keep following us
this summer because Cameron has promised

to help me post photos
every day along the way.

So stay safe, be yourself,

and I'll see you guys soon.

♪ Lift your open hand ♪

♪ Strike up the band
And make the fireflies dance ♪

♪ Silver moon's sparkling ♪

- All right, Alden.
- [buzzing]

Never say I'm someone
who welches on a bet.

♪ So kiss me ♪

[shutter clicking]

[shutter clicking]

♪ So kiss me ♪

♪ Jordan V D ♪

♪ La-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ La-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ La-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪

[Padgett laughs] Sorry.

[laughing]

- ...sister again.
- Hm.

Goddamnit, I flinched.

[laughing]

Get it!

[crew laughs]

Working. It's working great.

[beatboxing]

Well, I'm still here,
and I'm gonna say that again.

[laughing]

I mean, aren't you captain of the...

[crew laughing]

[laughs]

♪ Take you out to the Garden Cafe ♪

♪ On the mean streets of Pali ♪

♪ Avocado toast tastes so great ♪

♪ We livin' fabulous night and day ♪

♪ We the best in west, they say ♪

♪ Jorden V. D., you know my name ♪

♪ Reppin' Pali ♪

♪ It's poppin! ♪

♪ I'm a young Kanye
Kid prophet. I'll profit ♪

♪ My SoundCloud plays the most
You can't come close ♪

♪ So kid, just stop it
Tip top it, can't cop it ♪

♪ Hands off my Yeezy, suckers ♪

♪ I'm the realest you encounter
Party like there's no mañana ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ It's Jordan Van Draanen, damn it ♪

♪ It's Jordan Van Draanen ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ La-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ La-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ La-la-la-la ♪

[upbeat music playing]