Original subtitles

You know what they call India, a diverse country.

It has so many different cultures, languages, traditions.

Do you know why is that?

Because of its population.

We will soon be the most populated country in the world.

Our population keeps increasing like a beautiful girl's Instagram followers.

We've been working towards controlling it since the past six years.

We've conducted almost 128 STDs and AIDS awareness programs and camps,

all across the country.

We've done more than 400 street plays with universities like DU, JNU, and BHU.

The result?

The result is zero.

We still haven't seen a rise in the sales of condoms.

Why do you think it is so?

Because no one wants it even for free, sir.

The last time we went door-to-door, distributed them for free at Laxmi Nagar.

They refused to take it.

I even got hit by an umbrella by a fogey.

"This is what your parents have taught you", he said.

"You've taken up such an ignominious job."

He literally threw me out of the house.

He is right, sir.

My mom fought with me when she found a condom in my bag.

She kept crying for two hours.

Like I was carrying a bomb in my bag.

Exactly.

This is the mentality we have to change.

There's good news.

We have got a go-ahead from the health ministry.

For another survey.

You're calling that good news, sir?

We have to go door-to-door and collect data.

We will have to openly talk to people about condoms.

We need all the related information from them.

Just like in a census.

Sir, sir...

So you want us to go door-to-door and ask,

"Do you use condoms?"

No, sir. Come on, sir.

Seriously, sir.

Sir, this... isn't practical.

Really?

Do I need to remind you of our policy, Mr. Bharat?

Do not question it unless you attempt it.

Right?

Yes, sir.

We will form teams and go to different cities.

We will start from Raj Nagar.

Junaid, Himanshu, Bharat.

You guys will be going to Raj Nagar.

Is everyone ready?

Excited?

Huh?

Chand Bhatti?

Go straight and take a left.

Do you use condoms, sir?

If you do, which brand do you prefer?

If you don't, can you tell us why?

Go inside.

Do you use condoms, sir?

How dare you!

Do you use condoms, sir?

No, not on the face.

Sorry, sorry.

Scram.

There they are!

Stop!

This is why I wanted to leave this job.

Look at my face.

These condom-haters have turned me black and blue.

I was supposed to go meet a prospective match tomorrow.

How can I go meet her with such a face?

Bloody boors, all of them!

I knew that this idea of going door-to-door to enquire about condoms is a bad one.

They always come up with strange experiments.

We are the ones who bear the consequences.

Who asked you to approach the people directly?

You should have first enquired at a pharmacy.

It'll take at least four days for the swelling to subside.

Got it?

These paper-pushers' revolution looks good only on paper.

We are the ones who suffer the consequences on the field.

We are the ones who get punished.

Don't expect any change in this country, sir.

Neither will it's population reduce nor the spread of STDs and AIDs.

This is how everyone is fated to die.

And no one can change this.

NO ONE!

"May I have your attention, please?"

"Cue music."

"Such delicate blossoms are a rarity."

"Charge them separately."

"Groove like there is no tomorrow."

"Make sure the lights don't lose their glow."

"Make sure you decorate the palanquin right."

"The bride is in the mood to party tonight."

"Make sure the palanquin is capacious alright."

"The bride is in the mood to party tonight."

"May I have your attention, please?"

"Hey babes."

"Awesome."

"I'm one of a kind."

"Flowers are blooming, they all sang in unison."

"Dreams soared when it was time for the union."

"Weather is in tune with the rhythm of heart today."

"Don't forget the music, okay?"

"Hey mister!"

"Make sure you decorate the palanquin right."

"The bride is in the mood to party tonight."

"Make sure the palanquin is capacious alright."

"The bride is in the mood to party tonight."

"May I have your attention, please?"

"Hey babes."

"Awesome."

"Awesome."

"May I have your attention, please?"

Sajid-Wajid?

Go have dinner.

Great song, right?

I own this band.

I've taught them everything they know.

Even Lucky?

Lucky is my boy.

You still haven't told me your name.

Because I am not interested.

That's our boss.

Bloody despo.

Get it done with already, Minus.

That's 17.

Why so less?

I am sure they threw at least 500 of these.

I have given everything that I had collected.

I swear on Sonu.

You liar. Do you want me dead?

What's that?

This. Under it.

Stop it.

What the hell is this, huh!

Saving this for your uncle's funeral or what?

We get this money only because I sing and dance, work my butt off.

Do you think this is a joke?

I'll whack you.

There were two 500s in the lot as well.

Who has them?

He must be hiding those too.

Check his pockets as well.

I am not a thief like you.

I work two shifts, you know.

I'll now go to Checkkart's office, pick up a truck and leave for Delhi.

I'll load it up then and return.

When you guys are logging Z's during off-season,

I am busy slogging and covering miles on my truck.

How about putting in a good word for me, huh?

I'll drive a few trucks for them.

Have you ever even cycled?

Do you have any idea what's in those trucks?

Expensive phones, laptops.

You have to be careful. You are all alone.

It's a big responsibility.

Of course, it is.

Don't you agree, Minus?

What?

I said, his efforts need to be praised, right?

Of course, he needs to be thrashed.

Huh?

I knew as soon as I saw him for the first time.

He's a despicable thief!

I suggest thrashing him and throwing him out.

Go ahead with it. I challenge you!

I'll be stuffing you in this saxophone and blocking its opening.

Blandishing won't help.

I don't entertain the kinds of you.

You should go sit on a stove.

Great decoration.

Thank you. Thank you.

I'll be right back, yeah?

Cool.

Lucky.

You sang so well.

You'll have to perform at my wedding too.

Sure.

Aunty?

There is a dent on the car you got as a wedding gift.

There's a dent on it!

How?

I don't know.

I told them to take special care of it.

I don't know. It was there.

How careless of them!

Oh my my, someone's been lying a lot these days.

Taking after your dad, huh?

No, your love has turned me into a liar.

You've become clever.

I've always been clever.

And why do you look so beautiful today?

The flower decorator showed up as the most beautiful flower at the wedding.

You've made all the guests go crazy about you.

Really?

And what about you?

Believe it or not, I'll always be crazy about you.

I started believing it four years back.

I am still waiting for you to take the next step.

Then let's do it.

Do you have it?

I do.

What?

What?

Condom?

No.

Don't you trust me?

Would I be here if there was no trust?

You know Neelam, she got pregnant.

She had to go to Delhi for an abortion.

Calm down, bullet train. You won't get pregnant.

I'm a Blackbird, mister.

No ticket, no entry.

Got it?

Go and get it.

Now? From here?

I don't know.

Hurry up Lucky, the groom's mother will return any minute.

What? Are you scared?

I? Scared?

Of the pharmacist Shambhu?

Hmm.

Wait here, I'll get us a family pack.

Time to be a ladies' man.

Shambhu.

Yes?

Give me a packet of condoms.

Big size.

Watch where you're going, mister!

Shambhu, give me a bottle of cough syrup.

I know why you keep buying these cough syrups.

You get high on them.

I won't give you any. Got it?

Shambhu.

Yes?

Er... I needed that.

Shampoo?

Yes, shampoo.

130.

I'll pay cash.

I also want this.

What do you want?

Condoms?

Condoms?

NO!

I don't want condoms.

Who buys condoms?

This... deodorant.

Deodorant.

Deodorant.

330.

And?

And if I could get this as well?

You've got constipation?

440.

Don't you think that's a tad too much?

Biscuits?

Mosquito spray?

Room freshener?

Digestives?

Where's the thing you went to the pharmacy for?

It was very crowded. I couldn't ask for it.

So you plan to apply digestives and do it, huh?

You know I used to think that you are quite daring, gutsy.

Now I know, you're nothing but a bloody coward!

You can only blabber on the mike.

You're scared to ask for a packet of condoms!

How do you plan to ask my dad for my hand in marriage?

You know what, Lucky?

I am going.

Get Extra Thin ones.

I am not going to buy condoms!

I am going HOME!

Oh, sorry.

Listen,

don't you dare ever call me again.

If you want to meet me,

come home and ask my dad for my hand in marriage.

Otherwise, be prepared to "party" at my wedding.

Rupali.

[Prayers]

Are you crazy?

Good morning, sir.

Nice suit.

Thank you, sir.

Hmm.

How much did you rent it for?

Per-day charges?

I own it, sir.

Got it stitched especially for today.

He likes to dress up.

- Oh. - Yes.

Sir, I plan to start my own band.

This line of business is doing well.

I'll get a lot of work during the wedding season.

Lots of work means good money.

Once I have money, I'll get married.

Once I get married, I'll treat my wife like a queen.

Want some tea, son?

Thank you, sir.

Breakfast?

Thank you, sir.

- Bye. - Thank... you.

He wants to start his band.

Say something, please.

Look, someone has moved this painting.

Along with the tea...

I wasn't done, sir.

Go on.

Well, I and Rupali...

Rupali and I...

We love each other.

The 'cannot-live-without-each-other' kind of love.

Like Romeo and Juliet?

We want to get married with your blessings.

Shut that trap of yours! Don't forget your limits!

You two-bit singer! Do you know who you are talking to?

He owns half the land of this city!

Mr. Gupta.

- He's my employee. How dare he... - Stop.

So you want to marry Rupali?

Yes.

Rupali, too, wishes to marry me.

What's your education qualification?

I've cleared high school.

High school?

What's the education qualification of Mr. Narendra's son Vikram?

MBA.

From?

Harvard University.

MBA.

From Harvard...

It's a big university, overseas.

How much do you make?

3000 per day.

Mr. Gupta pays me 30,000-40,000 a month.

I used to.

Don't expect anything anymore.

How much does Mr. Vikram make, Rupali?

3000.

Dollars.

How much is it in rupees?

Around 200,000.

I'll make more when I'll start my own band.

Mr. Vikram's father used to be an MLA in Delhi.

What does your father do?

- Well... - He's a bloody orphan!

Uncle! You cannot use that tone with Lucky.

Rupali!

You'll be invited to Rupali's wedding.

Don't miss it.

I'll pay him 4000.

You will sing at Rupali's wedding.

Hmm?

You should leave now.

- Papa, please. - Go.

- Lucky! - GO!

"Our love story remains incomplete."

"You never belonged to me."

"I never belonged to you."

"Our love story remains incomplete."

"You never belonged to me."

"I never belonged to you."

"You never spent an entire day with me."

"Honestly speaking, you didn't even bother to stop me."

"Tell me, who has managed not to get ruined in love?"

"My beloved never could be all mine."

"Our love story remains incomplete."

"You never belonged to me."

Skip the pleasantries.

If someone by the name of Lucky approaches you, don't give him a loan.

"You never belonged to me."

"I never belonged to you."

"This distance has made us grow distant."

"It has made us so helpless."

"Until yesterday no one knew about our love story."

"Now it has become a part of the history."

"You never came back for me."

"Your city never accepted me."

"Our love story remains incomplete."

"You never belonged to me."

"I never belonged to you."

"Our love story remains incomplete."

"You never belonged to me."

"I never belonged to you."

Let's elope and get married.

I am ready.

What will we do after that?

I won't get a job.

Then I'll take up a job.

It's not a big deal.

You've already done a lot for me.

What have I done?

You have loved me.

I've never been loved.

I cannot afford to lose that.

I am ready to do anything for it.

Papa.

Hmm.

Go on, I'll come up with something.

Yes, Papa.

I am coming.

- I'm on my way. - She's going alone?

Weren't you two supposed to elope together?

Let's go, Minus.

What are you doing?

Ball! Ball! Ball!

Get the ball!

Don't make me whack you! Like he'll be the next great bowler.

The truck is here!

Hurry up, guys!

Yay!

Get in, get in!

Pass me one!

One more, one more!

Hey!

Minus?

Have you ever stolen anything?

There is no shortage of girls for you.

But you won't get another girl like Rupali.

Your ears are good for nothing.

Not girls, steal! Stolen something?

Oh, theft.

Right.

I have done it once.

Really?

I stole money from the donation box at a temple.

Along with Sultan.

You didn't feel scared?

I did.

But love is a very powerful thing, Lucky.

Have you ever stolen anything?

No.

You didn't feel scared?

We need to find another partner.

You only have until this evening, Sultan.

Return my money or I'll have you tied to the front of my car naked,

and parade you across the city.

With the wipers turned on. Got it?

No please, Bunty-bhai. Give me just two more days.

I swear, these chicks will fetch a good price when they'll grow up.

I'll pay you back your money and give you a few chickens as well.

You can stuff your chickens up your nates, with their beaks still intact.

- Want my help stuffing them up? - No, you shouldn't get your hands dirty.

I'll do it on my own.

Give me just one more week. Please, Bunty-Bhai.

He wants more time!

Bunty's car?

Forget that, look that's Bunty's car.

I've enough of your nonsense, Sultan.

Remember, you have until this evening.

How do you expect these chicks to grow up by this evening? Bunty-Bhai!

- Chhotu? - Buzz off.

He is here. Should we talk to him?

Bunty-bhai!

I needed a favour.

No, he doesn't owe us anything.

Bunty-bhai! He has stopped handing out loans.

Huh?

Can I help you with anything else?

Yes, I have a leaking tap at home.

Buzz off.

How are you doing?

Oh.

So, you are paying Bunty back in the evening?

I need to have money to pay him back.

These chicks refuse to grow up.

They are enjoying their childhood days.

And where are you egg-laying chickens?

- Don't talk about them. - Why?

They weren't giving me any eggs.

- Then what were they giving you? - Hope.

They promised to lay eggs if I fed them well.

But when the time came, all they gave me was shit.

Bloody traitors.

Your chickens have all the traits of being good politicians.

Stop joking.

That scoundrel Bunty will be selling my organs if I don't pay him back.

So you are in desperate need of money.

- What do you plan to do? - I don't know.

I guess I'll have to resort to stealing.

Hmm.

Look,

we need to make a lot of money in very little time.

And we cannot achieve that with social work or hard work.

Tell me something I don't know.

Then here you go.

You know Sonu, who works in our band and drives a truck at night?

Yes. What about him?

A lot of trucks move back and fro.

From Delhi to Punjab, Haryana, Himachal, and other places.

You know, the web-based company Checkkart?

Their trucks carry expensive goods.

TV, refrigerator, mobile phones, etc.

And the only person guarding these goods is the driver.

So?

So what?

Next week, when a truck will leave Delhi,

we will intercept it and take a few goods out,

with the driver being none the wiser.

Are you high on drugs, Lucky?

You are actually talking about stealing something?

We'll not just get slandered we'll also get thrashed, if we get caught.

- Hear me out, Sultan. - Bloody nonsense.

Where are you going? Hear me out.

Even if we get just 15-20 boxes, we will have goods worth millions.

- Keep me out of this. - It's not that difficult.

- Sultan, my love, listen to me. - Let me go.

Rupali will marry the MLA's son and fly off to America if I don't the money.

I am telling the truth.

I have tried borrowing money. I have tried looking for a job.

I cannot find another way out.

Oh, I see.

So we risk getting arrested just so you can get married?

Let me know if you have any better idea.

Otherwise, say goodbye to your organs.

Minus and I will pull this off without you.

Right, Minus?

- Minus! - Yes.

Yes to what? Did you hear a word of what he said?

We have to steal them, right?

My entire life's been rattled with the rattle that I keep playing.

Huh?

If you don't pay Bunty back, he'll strip you naked and beat you up.

Police will do the same if we get caught, Lucky.

And if we won't get caught, I am sure we will not,

we will each make a lot of money.

You can then feed your chickens all the dry fruits in the world.

They will become healthy.

Don't talk about dry fruits.

I never got to even seen time in this hand-to-mouth existence.

Who named you Sultan?

My mom.

She used to love me a lot.

It's time to make her proud.

Let's go steal something.

So, are you ready?

Or we go find someone else?

- Lucky? - Let's go, Minus.

- Lucky! - Lucky!

Do you think you can get a better partner than me?

That's what I have been saying, Sultan.

Hang on a second, guys.

Won't people realise it when we'll steal their organs?

Hello?

Why would I lie that I can't hear you?

No. I'll pay the instalment. I promise I will.

Yes, I'll pay you by this evening.

Hello? Yes, this is Checkkart.

Lucky?

Sir.

Sonu? I have been looking for you.

- I'm a little busy. See you later. - No, I'm not here to borrow money.

I had some important work with you.

Oh, I see.

How can I help you?

You are aware that I'm leaving Mr. Gupta's band?

I heard. That's quite sad.

What will the band do without you?

You are such a good singer. Who will be the lead singer now?

To hell with Gupta and his band.

Come down, I want to talk to you.

Come on.

Coming.

Minus!

Listen carefully.

You do as instructed. I'll whack you if you mess this up.

Lucky?

How are you?

- All good? - All good.

- I have good news for you. - What is it?

I am starting my band. Lucky Brass Band.

Amazing.

My band will be incomplete without you. Don't you think so?

I won't be able to find anyone as talented as you.

Right, Minus?

Of course.

Such despicable people are hard to find.

You are so exhausted after you are done driving a truck,

that you have no energy left to play the saxophone.

- What is he saying? - He is kidding.

He cannot even play his rattle right. This two-bit musician.

He plays hip-hop beats for slow songs.

You have no talent.

But what can we do? God's made everyone different.

- Learn to live with it. - You rascal.

Stop it before I kill you, yeah? Piss off!

Go kiss your wife!

- I'll kill you. - Hey Sonu, Sonu, Sonu...

- Minus, don't make me whack you! - What are you doing?

- Ignore him. - I always keep quiet because of you.

- Forget it. He is na***ve. - He always does that.

Drop it. Look at me. Look at me.

Tell me, how's work?

Work's good.

Company is doing well.

Have taken 20 such trucks.

20, huh?

Yes. Probably more.

Oh, I see.

I'd suggest dropping the idea of starting a band.

Buy two trucks instead.

It's good business.

It's good business.

We were wondering the same.

But can you explain how does this work in detail?

Where do the trucks come from? Where do they go?

Where do they stop?

It is important to know these things.

What's more important is the cost of the goods that they carry.

I mean where do you sell the stuff?

And packaging? What about packaging?

I mean the packaging is hard or soft?

Can one open it with a knife or does one need to bring an axe along?

- An axe? - NO!

- It's a joke. - He's joking.

Tell me, what route do these trucks usually take, at night?

Is there a police station on their route?

- Lucky? - Yes.

Make it quick.

We'll wait here.

Make what quick?

Peeing?

Hey! We didn't stop here to pee!

You see that road...

- That leads towards the river? - Yes.

It intersects the main highway.

According to Sonu, many truck drivers take this route at night.

- Oh. -It saves them 6 kilometres.

Oh, I see. So this is their route.

I think this shortcut could be our shortcut to becoming rich.

How many mobile phones did he say?

One box contains at least 15 of them.

We will be set if we manage to get 20 boxes.

One box has 15 of them, so each box has items worth 150,000 in it.

So 20 boxes are worth 3 million.

Even if we sell them for half the price, we will make 1.5 million.

Great calculation.

- What an idea! - 1.5 million in just half an hour!

What will steal from the river?

Water?

This day was bound to come.

Need to start using toilet paper.

We'll be doomed if we don't do something about his ears.

We won't fight.

You and I will keep the driver busy. Simple.

- How? - With worthless chatter.

Meanwhile Minus will shift the boxes into your poultry truck.

Hope you can do that without messing it up?

- Yes. - Good.

What huh?

I'm sure the hospital you were born in didn't have a balanced yin-yang.

How did you know that?

Because you are an idiot.

I told you to get an inspector's uniform.

What did you get instead, a commissioner's uniform!

That's a good thing.

We'll say this is special checking.

Special checking for what?

Did your father ever witness commissioner checking cars in the middle of the night?

My father's never seen anything. He was born blind.

Oh, sorry.

Lucky, the truck is here!

It's here! It's here! It's here!

He's going to foil the plan by honking like that!

Let's go for it!

- Hey! - Stop the truck!

We know your truck has a horn. Stop pressing it and get down.

We are doing a special checking. Get down.

Why this special checking, sir?

Commissioner sir will answer all your questions.

Sir!

- The Commissioner is here? - Yes.

Hello, sir.

Bless you.

We have information that a truck has left Delhi with explosives in it.

That's why we are doing performing this special check.

Explosives?

- Yes. - No, sir.

This truck belongs to a reputed company.

Look, its name is printed on it.

Checkkart.

It doesn't contain any explosives.

We cannot take your word for it.

Your clothes make us suspicious.

- Sir, can we settle it... - Let's go, let's go, let's go.

Come on, sir.

Fine.

Show me your licence and registration.

Yes, it is important to check the documents these days.

Come on.

- Let's go. - Let me lock it up first, sir.

Lock it up?

Do you think I am some thief dressed up as a commissioner?

Do you think someone will transfer these goods into a poultry truck?

- No sir, I was just... - I am just saying.

- Let's go. - Come on.

Here's the DL. Here's the Pollution Certificate.

And is the Insurance Certificate.

- Have a look. - Something's missing. Something's missing.

All the documents are in order, sir.

Continue with the checking. I'll go pee.

Okay, sir. Come here. Where are the rest of the documents?

What are you looking for, sir?

You think we are doing a stand-up there?

I'll turn your nates red.

- You didn't give me the signal. - Shut up.

Stay there. Wait.

- They are very light. - Huh?

They aren't heavy.

Because the mobile phones don't have any data in them.

It's an urgent delivery, sir. Can I leave?

Urgent? In the middle of the night?

So, what's in the truck?

Essentials, sir.

Touch screen?

I don't know, sir.

They are available in a numerous varieties these days.

Back in the day, there was just one option.

Times have changed, buddy.

We are living in the world of 4G. Got it?

Why's the commissioner taking so long?

- He's been peeing for so long... - Hey!

The higher the rank the more you pee.

Okay.

So, where are you from?

Fafamau, Allahabad.

- You are from Allahabad? - Yes.

From the superstar Amitabh Bachchan's village?

A city settled by the banks of river Ganges.

Yes.

I have a bungalow, a car, an army of servants and a hefty bank balance.

What do you have, huh?

I have no such thing.

This truck too is owned by the company.

I still have to repay the loan taken for it.

What about a mother? I am sure you have a mother.

In fact, I have two mothers.

My father married twice.

Do you have two mothers?

You are very fortunate.

- Are you happy, sir? - Yes.

- So I can leave? - No, you cannot.

Sir.

- All done, sir? - Done.

Excellent.

What are you waiting for? Go.

Can I lock it up now?

You don't need to take the trouble. I've locked it for you.

UP Police with you, always.

- Of course. - Carry on.

- Constable, remove the barricade. - Okay, sir.

Have a safe journey.

Don't stop anywhere.

Carry on.

Go, go.

Go, go, go!

Millionaires!

Strawberry?

Never heard of this brand.

How much is it worth?

Tell me, how much?

80.

Huh?

What's this?

How did this end up in it?

I don't know. Let's check the rest of the boxes.

Banana!

Do any of the boxes contain anything valuable?

All the boxes were quite light. They are filled with this fruit salad.

But this is the same truck.

They also have the company's label on it.

How did the mobile phones turn into this?

I don't know.

I wanted money to get married.

I don't want a lifetime supply of the thing required post marriage.

And I wanted chickens and not condoms!

Let's just burn them.

We cannot burn them.

They are made of rubber.

The whole city will know if we burn such a huge quantity of rubber.

Then what do we do?

We'll sell them.

Who will you sell it to? Who will buy THIS?

Shambhu's pharmacy.

Look, sitting here and doing nothing won't solve our problems.

What will we tell Shambhu?

- We can at least try. - But what will we tell him?

- What are we going to... - Lucky?

These are balloons.

When are we going to steal a truck full of mobile phones?

Shut up!

Are you sure you want to sell it to him?

Yes.

We will make some money even if we sell it for half the price.

But what will we tell him?

Where did we get them from?

He will ask too many questions.

He'll tell everyone that we are dealing in this.

Lucky?

Yes?

What?

These aren't balloons.

They are condoms.

How will we face the world?

Do we really have to include him in this?

He is right.

We cannot show our faces to anyone.

We have to hide our faces.

He's taking it to the shop. Shut up.

Hello.

What do you want?

This.

What? Condoms?

- Yes. - You want condoms?

No, I don't want them. I am here to sell them.

You are here to sell them? Are you a salesman?

Yes, I kind of am. A salesman.

There's a new company.

This is their special product worth 130.

I'll give it to you for 60.

Only for you.

Which company is selling its product for half the price?

What's its name?

And why are you wearing a helmet?

You see, our company's name is Helmet.

We have to wear a Helmet while selling these.

It is our company's rule. We cannot remove it.

- Not ever! Never! - Is it?

If your company's name is Helmet,

why does the packet say KamaSutra?

They are manufactured by Kamasutra. We just sell them.

We buy them in wholesale thus we sell them at a 50% discount.

Okay.

So tell me, how many do you want?

It's of the best quality.

Amazing.

Excellent!

I don't want them.

I already have them in stock. No one buys them.

- Really? - I had stocked up six months ago.

I have sold only 12 packets so far. I still have 12 packets left to sell.

They are nearing their expiry date.

Do these things have an expiry date?

You see everything in this world has an expiry date.

Everything from pills to partners.

Oh, I see.

Okay.

What happened? How many did you manage to sell?

- None. - Huh?

He says no one buys them. He already has them.

Why should he buy more?

I think I'm fated to stuff a chicken's beak.

Sorry, man.

What are you doing?

- Why did you throw it away? - Then what do I do?

You cannot just throw it on the streets.

We cannot burn them, throw them...

Oh shit.

Come meet me. At the riverside?

At the old fort?

Bloody dog!

Gupta, you pervert!

Let's throw another one?

My dad! Let me go meet him.

Have you lost it?

Let him pass.

Dad?

Your dad's 60 years old.

Dad took it!

- We'll have to throw another one. - NO!

Do you know what this means?

Yes.

Minus's dad is a pleasure seeker.

NO!

It means everyone wants it!

What?

What does everyone want?

Oh shit!

What does everyone want?

- Clean air. - Love.

- Everyone wants love. - Yes.

Where have you been, hmm?

Nowhere. We have always been here.

What's in that bag?

- It's nothing. - Show it to me.

What is this?

Potatoes and stuff?

Do these look like potatoes to you, huh?

You could not get even one when we needed it.

And now you have a bag full of them.

There's this new company called... Helmet.

- Helmet. - Yes.

Okay. What's this company about?

It's a very big company. They sell these.

They are selling them to us. And we are selling them to others

and making money. Right, Lucky?

Why do you do something respectable, Lucky?

Huh?

Is this how you plan to make money?

Rupali...

After trying my hand at everything I have concluded...

Sultan will tell you what I have concluded.

Look Rupali, I can explain.

But I think Minus will do a better job of it.

Start talking.

We stopped a Checkkart's truck at the highway...

- Let's go have ice cream. Let's go. - Truck?

Look Rupali, I'll have to sell it.

This is the only way to make money.

Good or bad, it is what it is.

How will selling such a small quality of it help?

We will make some money at least.

How much money are you talking about?

We need millions, Lucky. Millions.

- Jai Hind, sir. - Minister will be there soon.

Condoms? Worth millions?

Were they made of gold?

- No, sir. - They were made from rubber.

Okay.

So the people who stopped you...

- Yes? - Who were they?

One of them was a constable, sir.

And the police commissioner was also there.

Huh?

Commissioner sir?

The commissioner?

Yes. They were checking for explosives.

What explosives?

Are you still living in the 70s?

- Was he drunk? - No, sir.

He doesn't drink. You don't, right?

- Never. - No, sir. No chance.

How did they look like?

Looked like...

The police commissioner was short.

But the constable was tall.

And yes sir, they were rich.

What do you mean they were rich?

They had everything, a bungalow, a car, hefty bank balance, property, and the works.

Where do you think they are posted?

Delhi, sir.

I, too, had applied.

But my bad luck.

Anyway.

That guy you see over there, he's a sketch artist.

He will sketch them with the help of your description.

- Hello. - Give him correct details.

Okay?

Okay.

And tell him not to add scars unless explicitly told.

Okay, sir.

He is known to do that.

He used to sketch dacoits 30 years back.

So he is wont to add scars to all the faces he sketches.

Now tell me, how many boxes did they steal?

So many of them?

We needed to make a quick buck.

Company was selling them for half the price.

So we took all the stock they had.

How many packets have you managed to sell so far?

That's the problem.

No one buys them.

Everyone feels shy. Bloody idiots.

It is not easy.

The reluctancy of buying condoms from a pharmacy is a national problem.

Hmm.

No one understands the seriousness of it.

But I am trying.

There is a proper way to do everything!

Why are you throwing it?

So, I have concluded, no matter what the reason,

everybody wants it but are hesitant to ask for it.

Exactly.

Minus' father wants it.

That too at this age.

What'll your father do with a gamp at the Dry Valleys?

Really?

Really.

God help me!

- You scoundrel! - Lucky!

Look at them! You expect them to sell condoms?

Keep dreaming about making money and getting married.

- You asked me to slap you! - Sultan!

I said gamp! GAMP!

- Let him go! - Sultan!

If Rupali wasn't here I'd have taught you a lesson.

- Stop it, guys. - You'll teach me a lesson, huh?

Have you lost your mind?

- Why are you two fighting like kids? - He's a pig!

When you cannot grow up how do you expect your chicks to grow up?

Why are you lecturing me? He's the one who slapped me.

His father's a pervert!

Stop it!

He wants condoms at this age!

Exactly.

His father wants condoms even at that age!

Think about it. Everyone wants condoms.

But they are hesitant and scared.

Because the person who sells them knows him.

Even if he doesn't, he'll know what it'll be used for.

I don't understand what will my dad do with it?

Minus!

The same thing that contributes to the population of the country.

Try to understand.

But we can help reduce the population growth to some extent.

I think we can sell them.

But not at a pharmacy.

Directly to the people.

Why would they buy it from us?

Because we will sell it at half the price, whilst wearing a Helmet.

They won't know who is selling it to them, so they won't feel scared.

It's a good idea, Lucky.

But who do we start with?

We'll surely come across one in the crowd.

You work for 12 hours, but you don't even get 12 customers!

You behave like a big shot at home!

I work all day, take care of the kids.

I have to look after five Mistakes of yours.

Why do you keep calling our kids a Mistake?

What should I call them then, a Blessing?

This man has messed up my entire life.

All my friends that there is a "generator" gap between us.

- Just leave! - I am going!

Let's go, kids.

Go home.

You'll know the problems I face when you'll have to look after five kids.

- What do I do, it's my bad luck. - Let's go people, the show's over!

- Tea's gone cold. - This is what they do every day.

I am fed up with this daily drama of hers.

I sometimes feel like taking a razor and,

slit my throat open.

Who are you, mister?

What can I do for you? Show me your face.

We aren't allowed to show our faces.

It is against our company's policy.

Hmm?

I know what's going on in your life.

How do you know that?

Slitting your throat open won't help.

Kill the problem, not yourself.

You see, you and your wife don't love each other like you used to.

She is right. There is a "generator" gap.

Who are you?

An Angel.

Huh?

What?

Your saviour.

I am here to help you.

You haven't done it with your wife lately, right?

That's why there is a build-up of frustration.

And you need to get it out.

What do you mean?

I mean I have a solution for this problem.

- What is this? - This is a miracle!

It will bring happiness back into your life.

You use it.

You don't have to worry about making her pregnant or contracting any disease.

It is worth 130. I'm selling it for 60.

It's long lasting. Do you understand long?

As in laung-elichi [clove-cardamom]?

No! Long means more.

You will be able to perform for more time.

"Opportunity! Opportunity! Opportunity!"

- "Don't lose the opportunity." - Keep it.

You can pay me later.

- "Don't lose the opportunity." - Happy ending!

"Don't lose... the opportunity."

- What are you doing? - What?

Don't touch me. Let me go.

Let me do it.

All we have been doing is fighting.

Do you want another kid?

No.

Don't worry.

Look what I bought.

Tada!

Oh God!

Did you buy it from Shambhu's pharmacy?

Why?

Don't you remember how he spoke to me,

the day after you'd bought it from him the last time?

How?

Sister-in-law, you look over happy today.

There's a nice glow on your face.

No. I didn't buy it from Shambhu.

An angel gave it to me.

Do you know what he said?

He said it is important to get the frustration out of the system.

Look, it's long lasting.

Do you know what long means?

Yes, more.

You are very smart.

We have nothing to worry about when we have this!

You've cast a spell on me, sweetheart,

my heart spells only your name.

You've cast a spell on me, sweetheart,

my heart spells only your name.

How you've charmed me in your arms,

O sweetheart.

You've cast a spell on me, sweetheart,

my heart spells only your name.

Praise the Lord!

Hey, customer number one!

- Hi. - Mr. Angel!

- You've changed my life. - Thank you.

I want to kiss you.

Don't kiss me! Just tell me how many more do you want?

Give me two.

Take 100 instead.

Who has that kind of stamina, bro?

I am not asking you to use them all, I am asking you to sell them.

I'll give you each for 60.

You can sell it for 80 or 90 and earn a profit.

Business?

Come on then.

Yeah!

Oh, you came prepared!

- Yes. - Very good.

"Opportunity! Opportunity! Opportunity!"

Sultan! I managed to sell my lot.

It's your turn now.

"Opportunity! Opportunity! Opportunity!"

"Don't lose... the opportunity."

"Opportunity! Opportunity! Opportunity!"

We're playing the movie Ghayal.

That was Sunny.

That was Sunny, but not Sunny Deol.

- Who are you, miser? - Who am I?

Ram Lakhan.

Remember me?

And who are you?

Insaniyat Ke Dushman [Enemy of Humanity].

Yes, you look like one.

What do you want?

I know what poster you have put up outside,

and what movie are you playing inside. I know everything.

Yes, we show such movies.

Do you have a problem with it?

Why would I have any problem?

This too is a kind of social work.

But I heard the business is slow these days.

People download movies at home, all thanks to the internet.

People share videos on whatsapp.

I've heard people also go Live these days.

I made a mistake. Please forgive me, Inspector.

- My father wasn't keeping well so... - I am not a cop.

Then who are you?

- "Opportunity! Opportunity! Opportunity!" - An Angel.

And here's what you need.

This is obscene, mister.

And you are showing them Pok**mon in there, right?

Listen carefully.

I get it for 80.

I'll sell it to you for 40.

You can sell it for 60 and make of profit for 20 per pack.

It's easy money, bro.

But how do I go about it?

Why will buy this from here?

What better place than here, huh?

You should strike the Iron when it is Hot.

"Opportunity! Opportunity! Opportunity!"

"Don't lose the opportunity."

Please watch the counter. I'll be right back.

"Opportunity! Opportunity! Opportunity!"

This is awesome. I swear.

Everyone's having a good time.

Uncle is a miser.

Who will buy it?

What's wrong with him?

He's already had his happy ending.

It's a nice movie, isn't it?

It's not nice, it's very nice, Shahid.

But where does one find such girls?

Be patient, there are plenty of fish in the pond.

But you need to be ready for them.

I am always ready.

Try me.

Someone's desperate. I meant this.

It costs 80, I'm selling it for 70.

It's a very nice brand. Have a look.

- Is it? - Yes. It's strawberry flavoured.

Like the strawberries you get in Mahableshwar.

Don't think too much.

- Like the strawberries from Mahableshwar? - Yes. Buy it.

There is a problem.

I just spent 10 on a cigarette. I only have 60.

You can take it for 60.

You are an old customer.

Enjoy.

"Opportunity! Opportunity! Opportunity!"

Orange? Do you want vanilla?

Enjoy.

I also have strawberry. I have all the flavours.

Which flavour do you want?

Do you have Jaljira flavoured ones?

Can I have a Jaljira flavoured one, too?

- I want Kala Khatta. - I want Raspberry.

I want another 100 packets. By when can I get it?

I can get you 200 packets for the matinee show.

I'll be right back.

Congratulations, bro.

I, too, managed to sell my lot.

It's game on, bro.

I can already visualise the posters of Lucky Brass Band.

Mr. Mishra?

So they are the two people who stole a truck full of condoms?

Yes.

Jai Hind, sir.

First mugs get stolen from a public toilet.

Then there was bestiality involving a buffalo.

And now condoms are being stolen?

Yes, sir.

What's wrong with our country?

Our country is sick, sir.

Put up these posters everywhere.

I'll make sure when I'm done beating them up, they'll swell like balloons.

Okay, sir.

What are you guys doing?

I said these flowers need to be placed at the entrance.

And the one you have placed at the entrance is supposed to be on the stage.

Don't you guys get it?

Go! Hurry up, please!

Lucky, the great reporting, ma'am.

You don't get it either, do you?

What? That these flowers need to be placed at the entrance.

And the ones placed at the entrance are supposed to be on the stage?

That I want to marry you.

But you think it's all cool, there is nothing to worry about.

We can take our own sweet time and get married, right?

You look so beautiful when you are angry that it makes me want to kiss you.

You'll like anything I do when I am angry?

Of course.

Did you like that?

Who hits anyone like this, in front of everyone?

I am sure you liked it.

Did you like it?

Yes.

More than your kiss.

- You want one more? - No, I didn't like it that much.

Anyway, tell me, what was so urgent?

Vikram and his parents are coming over tomorrow, to meet me.

Give him a couple of punches as well. He will leave.

Lucky, if he likes me, I'll have no excuse not to marry him.

Try to understand.

I cannot refuse to marry him until you start your band.

We will start our band.

When?

We have started making some money.

You just need to handle that foreigner.

They want you two married in 5-6 months, right?

You just need to get them to postpone it for another couple of months.

I'll handle the rest.

I promise.

You have hurt me. Come on, now kiss it better.

Who has been troubling you, huh? The flower guy?

Hey you, flower guy!

- Thank you so much. - Yes.

- Guests? - Hey.

- What are you doing? - Who invited you?

Congratulations.

- Congratulations. - Who is he?

Do you want to get married?

Yes, of course. That's why I am doing all this.

What's your name?

We'll discuss that later.

First, tell me, how many marriages do you perform in a day?

- Approximately. - Around 15-20.

So around 300 marriages a month in one office!

That's why our population cannot be controlled.

People are getting married on fast track.

Who are you, sir?

An Angel. Here you go.

KamaSutra!

Even if you just sell 5 packets to a couple,

you can sell 1500 packets in a month.

Have you lost your mind?

Why should I sell them?

Because I'm giving them to you for half the price.

Dott-Max and Orgas-Max.

Profit-Max.

So, won't people prefer these instead?

- Hats off. - To?

To your great offer.

My phone, my phone... Excuse me. I'm getting a call.

Yes?

- Hello? - Hello, Lucky?

- Yes? - Listen, there is a problem.

I am getting married in four months.

What are you saying!

They wanted it to take place after six months.

I asked you to delay it for a couple of months.

- You pushed it forward instead! - I tried!

But this half-wit doesn't get fazed by anything.

I have a boyfriend.

I am really sorry, but...

No.

I too have girlfriends in New York.

I am not a virgin.

I have done it a number of times with my boyfriend.

I like experienced girls.

I am pregnant.

My visa is valid only for another four months.

We need to push the wedding forward.

If the kid is born in New York, we will get American citizenship.

That's perfect!

Rupali!

How can we get married in four months? How do we get the money?

Lucky! Lucky! We both will work towards it, together.

I, too, will sell them.

How will you sell them?

You two didn't eat anything, ma'am.

Tell me!

We are not talking about makeup here.

How do you plan to sell them?

I'll manage.

I'll call you back.

"Don't lose the opportunity."

"Don't lose the opportunity."

Mom, I was thinking about my wedding.

What happens after the wedding?

What do we do? How do we do it?

- I don't know anything about it. - What don't you know, huh?

You know how to fall in love with that two-bit singer,

but you don't know what happens after a couple get married?

Unbelievable!

Mom, what happens on the bed isn't called falling in love, right?

That's something else.

And I haven't done that.

You'll manage, ma'am.

Take me for example.

I got married when I was just 17.

I was playing hide and seek.

My mother caught me from behind and said,

"Let's go, we are getting you married."

You should have chosen a better place to hide, stupid.

That's not what I mean.

I mean I, too, was quite young.

I didn't know anything.

I learnt everything after I got married.

Now I have two kids and I fear that I might get pregnant again.

Why do you need to fear?

There are options that help you to avoid getting pregnant.

Use them.

You keep having kids without any means to sustain them.

Look at me.

I have such a big house.

I have all the luxuries with the grace of God.

Yet, I just had one child, a daughter. That's it.

No more children after that.

But Mom, these options need to be easily available to them.

And they need to be inexpensive as well.

Then no one will have an excuse not to use them.

- Hey. - Right, Nammo?

Exactly.

But things have never been easy for the poor.

Except for having kids, right?

They are always ready to lecture.

Look, the peas you brought are infested with worms.

Clean them off.

Hmm.

Listen?

The options that help you not get pregnant?

I have them.

What do you mean?

Give me your hand.

Ma'am didn't you just say that you don't know anything?

What if your mother learns about it?

She has already used it.

You should too.

Listen.

Each packet retails for 80. I'll sell it to you for 40.

You can sell it for 60.

Think about it.

You will make 20 bucks on each packet.

Sell ten and you can make 200 in a day.

Or more.

I have a Whatsapp group.

It consists of 30-35 women who work as maids.

- Can I put this on that? - Yes, of course!

- Are you sure? - "Opportunity! Opportunity! Opportunity!"

"Don't lose the opportunity."

"Don't lose the opportunity."

"Don't lose the opportunity."

"Opportunity! Opportunity! Opportunity!"

Hello, Lucky?

Yes? Don't tell me you are getting married tomorrow!

Listen, I need 300 packets, urgently.

What are you saying! 300! Someone's hit a jackpot.

Meet me at the usual haunt tomorrow. Okay?

- Who me? - Okay, bye.

Not you. I'm on a call. Pay 1200.

Do you think she can sell 300 packets?

Huh?

Yes, she certainly can.

Okay.

How are you?

- Hi. - Let's go.

Hi, Rupali.

She wants 300 packets.

Who opened this door?

Boxes. Where are the boxes?

They were right here.

- Where did they go? - What do you mean?

You didn't move them? Then where can they go?

How would I know? I had kept them here.

Oh God, what's going on? Where did the boxes go?

That's what everyone's asking. Where are the boxes?

This is your poultry farm. You always have its keys.

Where are the boxes, Sultan?

I had given you a spare key for your personal use.

- Don't you forget that. - What are you trying to say, huh?

- That I moved those boxes? - So you think I moved them?

- No, all I saying is that... - You think I moved them?

Are you done?

Are you guys done?

Let's go to the police station.

Police...

- Rupali! Rupali! Rupali! - Stop her!

Rupali! We cannot go to the police station.

- We cannot. - Yes, we can't.

Why?

Why not?

The boxes have been stolen, right?

Who will we approach if not the police, huh? What will tell them?

I mean we'll have to tell them that we sell them.

It's so embarrassing, don't you think?

How will we know where the boxes are if we don't approach the police?

You think someone will call and say,

"I have your boxes. Come and take them."

- Your phone's ringing. - Yes.

Who can it be?

- We'll find another solution. - Hello?

All the boxes disappeared, huh?

I'd visited your poultry farm.

I thought I'll take your chickens.

But when I saw the boxes, I decided to take them instead.

If you want those boxes back, you just need to pay back my money with interest.

Got it?

Yes.

Yes, Bunty-bhai.

Who is this Bunty?

He's the one I had borrowed some money from for the poultry farm.

What did he say?

He said he'll sell all the boxes if I don't pay him back by this evening.

- Sorry. - You wait here with Minus.

Let's go, Sultan.

Lucky!

Hmm?

You sold all the boxes and didn't even tell me?

We are millionaires!

We all can get married now! Lucky, I...

The king of chickens!

I should have stuffed a chicken up your nates.

Beak included.

You liar!

Bunty-Bhai, we were selling these so that we could repay you.

What's this anyway?

It's nothing, Bunty-bhai.

A company had given us something to sell.

We got them for half the price.

We were selling them for a small profit.

Why a small profit, huh?

You should make huge profits,

but only after you repay me my money with interest.

But Bunty-Bhai, what will we sell if you don't give these boxes back?

How will we get the money?

You won't be getting back anything with interest.

Then let's do this. You take four boxes.

Sell them.

Give me whatever you make.

Then take another four boxes.

Sell them and give me whatever you make.

You keep doing that until you repay me with interest.

- As you wish, Bunty-Bhai. As you say. - Yes Bunty-Bhai, as you say.

- That was easy. - Take the boxes, quickly.

- Let's go. - Stop.

Keep the box down.

You don't need to take the trouble.

- We can carry them. - Keep the box down.

You didn't tell us...

- What? - What do these boxes contain?

What are you two staring at each other's faces?

Tell us what's in those boxes?

- Biscuits. - Chips.

Damn it, are selling marijuana in my area?

- Check the boxes, Chhotu. - No, no, no, no.

No, Chhotu. Please, Chhotu.

We are requesting you. Please don't open them.

- Please Chhotu. - Go to hell!

- Chhotu-bhai! - Chhotu-bhai!

Bunty-Bhai, there is a new company called Helmet.

They were selling them cheap.

We needed the money.

We didn't care what they were selling.

Sorry.

I swear.

What all places have you managed to sell them so far?

Hardly a couple of places.

Take the boxes and come with me.

- Please forgive us. - Please forgive us, Bunty-bhai.

- Sorry, Bunty-bhai. - Please, Bunty-bhai.

Wassup, Aunt?

How are you doing, Bunty?

What's this place?

How would I know?

You know him better. He's the one who brought us here.

Hello, Sister.

- What's up, babe? - Don't dare address me as sister!

Buzz off!

Ignore them, Lajjo. They are na***ve.

What do I call her?

Cops on a wanted poster?

- Chhotu? - Yes?

- Don't they look familiar? - Yes, they do.

Why are you two wearing Helmets?

- We are feeling cold, Bunty-Bhai. - Feeling cold, huh?

Then explain the sweat?

It's the sweat of joy.

I've only heard about tears of joy.

- We are doomed. - Let's go.

- What if we get caught? - Don't say that!

We are in the wrong house, Bunty-Bhai.

There are kids in here.

Is this your first visit?

- Yes. - We have never done it.

What do you survive on then?

On food?

Why are we here?

They are learning English.

- We are so screwed. - Rani!

Can't you see, Bunty?

Get it over with quickly and come on out.

Are you allowed to disturb?

Is she your wife?

What is it, Bunty?

You cannot just barge in like that.

- Hello, Sister. - No, sorry. Won't address you as a sister.

Hmm.

- You don't have to yell at me. - Sorry.

I am here for some work.

Chhotu.

It retails for 130.

I'm offering it for 60.

It's of the best quality.

You should take them.

What made you change, huh?

- Girls! - Yes?

- When we used to ask you to use these... - What happened?

...what is it that you used to say?

"It doesn't give the same pleasure!"

And now you come here to sell these?

What?

I am facing the consequences of it.

I have a disease that cannot be cured.

Rani, I've become so cautious now that I even protect my head.

You learnt your lesson after you contracted a disease.

What about the others?

No one wants to use them!

We are the ones who have to bear the consequences.

We always are at the risk of getting pregnant or contracting STDs.

We are the ones who suffer!

That's why we are here, Rani-Ji.

With a hope...

This needs to end.

Think about it.

What future will your children have, otherwise?

Hmm?

Heed my advice.

Take a stand.

Don't let the customer proceed unless he uses these.

Trust me.

He might refuse and leave...

But take it in writing, he will come back.

I am a man. I can say this as a fact.

Because he comes here to fulfil his Needs.

And this is something you need.

Society might call you names.

But it kind of stays protected only because of what you do.

You need to understand the power you possess.

Learn to refuse.

Goodbye.

Let's go.

Hmm?

Would you sell it for 50?

I'll take five packets.

50? 50?

- Yes. - Yes.

Hand them over then.

- Give me four. - Give me ten, but I'll pay you later.

Not an issue.

- Chhotu? - Yes.

Give them as many as they want.

You can collect the money later.

Now it is your responsibility to sell the Helmet here.

- Okay, Bunty-Bhai. - What's Helmet?

Helmet's a company.

We purchase our stock from them.

They are our supplier. We wear a Helmet while selling these.

So it's a big company?

- Yes, very big. - Yes, it... will be big.

Then see if you can help my brother? He, too, is looking for a job.

He's smart.

He's a college graduate. Please help him out.

This city is filled with unemployed people.

Not everyone can sell Helmet.

Waiter!

Why didn't come when I called for you?

Get me a glass of buttermilk with extra cream.

Make sure there are no flies in it.

They are hard to swallow.

What the hell!

They don't sell buttermilk here.

And I am not a waiter. Got it?

No one is willing to take up a waiter's job, Mr. Waiter.

Poverty can make you do anything.

I, too, used to be quite poor.

But now I have some money.

Ask me how.

How?

Because of KamaSutra.

Do you know KamaSutra?

You are so vulgar!

You need to see a doctor immediately.

Right.

Poverty is a disease.

- How much? - 416.

I have been waiting here since forever.

I called you five times. Why didn't you say something?

I did five times.

You didn't hear me. Stop blaming me.

We are late because of him.

Don't blame me.

I stayed back because Julie asked me to.

Why does he look so happy?

Because Sultan used a condom for the very first time.

Congratulations.

But it is true.

I am no virgin.

I am experienced.

Thank you to Julie.

What were you doing?

Sultan?

Quit shying like a girl and tell me should we include unemployed boys

in selling the Helmet?

That's not the question.

The question is, would they agree to do this work?

Why wouldn't they?

We will be paying them.

You are right.

These guys don't even realise they are unemployed, all thanks to the free internet.

Yes.

Lucky...

We will make them realise that they are unemployed.

Right.

Instead of trolling people on the internet, work and make some money.

Exactly.

I saw a poster outside the public toilet.

It had sketches of two thieves.

They look so ugly.

They had stolen from a truck on the highway.

Let's hand them over to the police and earn a reward, what say?

Do you know what this means?

Hmm.

Their sketch artist doesn't know how to sketch.

This means everyone reads posters posted on the walls.

Oh.

'You have reached your destination.'

You are here for the interview?

- Welcome. - Who are you guys?

Did you face any trouble finding the place?

No sir, not much.

I don't care even if you did.

This? What's this, sir?

Our product.

Never used it?

I guess he's a virgin.

It retails for 130. We are offering it for 60.

You can sell it for 80 or 90 bucks.

You get to keep the profit.

Why are you selling them like this?

I mean don't you have an office or something?

Meeting up at such a place...

Those who have offices aren't much successful in selling them.

That's why our company is trying a new approach to sell them.

By wearing a Helmet.

I'd suggest that you join us.

The fact is everyone needs food, clothing, shelter, and Helmet.

The best part is you don't need clothes or shelter to use this.

- Right? - Sultan?

- Do you think he can do it? - Your name is Sultan?

No, no, no.

Sultan. Bajrangi Bhaijaan. Dabangg.

The not so infamous - Munni.

We are all fans of Salman Khan. Look at this.

"If you don't wish to procreate."

"If you want to play it safe."

"Don't take a chance."

"If you don't wish to procreate."

"If you want to play it safe."

"Don't take a chance."

"Use a Helmet."

"Because remove caution and accident ensues."?

"Don't lose the opportunity!"

"Opportunity! Opportunity! Opportunity!"

"Don't lose the opportunity!"

"Don't lose... the opportunity!"

"Opportunity! Opportunity! Opportunity!"

"Why tempt fate?"

"Life is precious, mate."

"Why tempt fate?"

"Life is precious, mate."

"To keep the dengue mosquitoes away,"

"Use a mosquito net in the right way."

"You only live once."

"Why the reluctance."

"Don't take a chance."

"Use a Helmet."

"Because remove caution and accident ensues."

"Opportunity! Opportunity! Opportunity!"

Can I have a Helmet, please?

What?

Give me a Helmet.

This helmet?

This is my helmet.

I'm asking for a condom, dude.

Have you lost it?

Do I look like someone who sells condoms?

Then why are you wearing a helmet? Don't you know how this system works?

He doesn't know the system.

"Opportunity! Opportunity! Opportunity!"

"Opportunity! Opportunity! Opportunity!"

"Opportunity! Opportunity! Opportunity!"

"Opportunity! Opportunity! Opportunity!"

Listen, deliver two drums and two trumpets at Lucky's place.

Okay.

Mr. Mehta?

When will you get the stock of Shehnai?

I'll get it by this evening.

I'll check it and have it delivered to you tomorrow morning.

Okay.

- Mr. Mehta? - Hmm?

Oh.

- Praise the Lord. - Thank you.

Praise the Lord.

Please be there for the opening ceremony.

We will need your blessings.

I won't miss it, Lucky.

I'll be there.

- Hmm? - I love you.

Will you marry me?

Where?

You tell me.

Destination wedding by the banks of the river Ganges?

Any water you touch becomes holy for me.

Oh, I see.

How about a bathroom then?

Sir.

May God always keep you together.

May you always be this happy.

I've something that'll make you happy.

Here you go.

There's a company called Helmet.

It's imported.

Best quality products.

Do you want it?

Hmm.

Thank you, sir.

"My friend's getting married today."

Friend's getting married.

"My friend's getting married."

"My buddy's getting married."

- What's he singing? - Stop.

Stop it!

I said STOP!

Cut down on chewing tobacco, dimwit!

No one's friend will be able to get married if this continues.

You should call Lucky back.

We will have shut shop otherwise.

Mehta's calling. You handle him.

Yes, Mehta?

Congratulations, Mr. Gupta.

Congratulations for what?

Lucky is starting his band.

He had given me an advance.

I am so happy.

That...

If Lucky forms his band then it will be a cause for trouble.

It won't affect us, brother-in-law.

Moreover, it's not so easy to start a band.

What is the max he can do?

He will gather a few of his lackeys and...

I don't care.

What I know for certain is that if Lucky forms his band,

I won't be able to stop Rupali.

Now get this straight.

Okay.

The authority I hold over her,

lasts only till Lucky doesn't form his band.

If Lucky forms a band, Jogi is...

- Screwed. - Hmm?

Screwed.

No, brother-in-law.

I won't let that happen.

Don't worry.

I'll take care of it.

I won't let him start a band.

I'll chop my tongue off he manages to start one.

Lucky Brass Band! Lucky Brass Band! Lucky Brass Band!

Starting soon in your city!

The opening ceremony takes place tomorrow evening.

Unlimited food and entertainment guaranteed.

Please come there with your whole family.

Weddings, tonsuring ceremony or any other festivities,

Lucky Brass band should be the first choice for all these activities.

Mr. Gupta?

Okay.

Will you chop off your tongue?

Or should I do the honours?

What?

Brother-in-law?

My hair's gone very dry.

Apply some oil and give me a head massage.

Oh, I see.

Look at yourself.

What have you done to yourself?

I suggest you also get a facial done.

Do you get it?

Your face will start glowing.

- Really? - Yes.

I'll do everything for just 100 bucks.

Should I get it done?

You should.

Go ahead then.

Excellent.

Listen.

- Hmm? - Massage my shoulders as well.

- My back hurts as well. - Hmm.

Honestly speaking my body feels so tired.

My wife doesn't even look at me when I go home.

She is always upset with me.

There's frustration.

There's a lot of frustration.

Oh, I see.

I have a solution for that as well.

It will make your wife happy,

and your body will feel absolutely refreshed as well.

What's this new miracle herb you have discovered?

Let me show you.

Come on, call the Helmet Angel of yours.

It's time for the Angel to go to hell. Call him right away!

Hello?

Hello?

Mr. Angel?

How are you?

I am good.

The thing is, I want more goods.

You want more?

I just gave you some a few days back. What did you do with those?

Well, they got utilised.

Those many?

What did you do? Started growing a Mineral Pitch in your courtyard?

No, Brother. Nothing like that.

Well, I was in the mood so I used them.

I used them, so I ran out of stock.

How many more do you want?

How many do you have?

10-12 boxes full.

Get all of them.

Really?

Yes, send them over.

Fine, I'll send them over to your shop in an hour or so.

Not the shop.

I am not in my shop, I am here.

And where's this here?

Send them over to the 24 Hour Tea Stall.

Okay, I'll send them to the 24 Hour Tea Stall.

What time should I send them?

At nine.

I'll send them by nine.

See you.

We just sold all the boxes, bro.

Congratulations.

To you as well.

Who was it? Bhagwan?

Yes, it was Bhagwan.

Are we shaving?

No, we are going to shave.

"Some distant aunt of yours told grandma's aunt:"

"The boy's a loafer."

"Loiters at the junction,"

"Enjoys ice candies whenever he gets a chance."

"Then they sent us your picture."

"What a picture it was!"

"Your beauty bowled me over."

"Oh, I was done for."

"I suddenly felt like a star."

"Oh, I was done for."

"I was so ready to take the vows."

"I suddenly felt like a star."

"Oh, I was done for."

"Oh, I was done for."

How are you, Brother?

Good. How about you?

Did you get the boxes?

Did you get the money?

"I suddenly felt like a star."

Police! Run!

Run, run!

Get out of the way!

"I have had this same dream every night."

"My bride walks towards me holding a glass of milk, alright."

Get out of my way!

Move!

"I have had this same dream every night."

"My bride walks towards me holding a glass of milk, alright."

Run, run, run!

Stop!

"I dreamed on!"

"Oh, I was done for."

"I suddenly felt like a star."

"Oh, I was done for."

"I was so ready to take the vows."

"I suddenly felt like a star."

"Oh, I was done for."

"Oh, I was done for."

- "Oh, I was done for." - Get him!

"I suddenly felt like a star."

"I suddenly felt like a star."

Get him!

"Oh, I was done for."

"I suddenly felt like a star."

"Oh, I was done for."

"I was so ready to take the vows."

"I suddenly felt like a star."

"Oh, I was done for."

Lucky Brass Band.

I, too, was wondering how you got the money to do this.

You were all set to open such a big band.

I am sure all of you must be wondering the same.

Let me tell you how he got the money.

He stole a truck.

Lucky and two of his friends.

The poultry farmer and the deaf guy.

What did the truck contain?

Gold? Silver? Clothes? Utensils?

No!

The truck contained condoms.

Condoms?

Contraceptive.

They stole such a disgusting thing and sold them.

Do you know what did they call them?

Helmet!

They were selling a Helmet!

What else can you expect from such people?

What more can you expect from these uneducated perversive loafers.

They are bound to resort to stealing.

They will only bring shame to the city.

Come and take him, Inspector.

Let's go.

The opening ceremony ended up being its closing ceremony.

- Go. - Let's go.

Why didn't you tell me, Lucky?

What would he have told you?

We weren't able to get money from anywhere.

We thought we'd steal mobile phones from the truck and sell them.

'You all know I was only two months when my parents left me outside an orphanage.'

'There were a lot of kids over there.'

'We used to eat, drink, play and study together.'

'We all used to eagerly wait for Sundays.'

'We used to have a bath, dust our faces with talc, oil our hair,'

'dress up in clothes donated by others,'

'and line up in the office of the orphanage.'

'Because couples used to come there on Sundays to adopt kids.'

'Many kids found new homes, but not me.'

'Neither my parents nor anyone else wanted me.'

When we found condoms instead of mobile phones,

I was once again reminded of those Sundays.

I remembered the kids whose eyes used to be full of hope.

If people could buy condoms,

then perhaps there wouldn't be so many orphans in our country.

I thought we should sell them,

do something good and make some money.

The only issue was that its foundation was based on a crime.

Stealing something is a crime.

We were bound to get punished.

Do you know what I regret more than being in prison?

The fact that I lied to you.

I am sorry.

We have Breaking News coming from Raj Nagar's Motihar lane.

Large quantities of condoms were stolen from here.

You heard it right.

Condoms were stolen.

Let's talk to our correspondent Kishore and find out more about this incident.

Hi, Kishore.

Hello.

I'm standing outside Helmet Gang's leader Lucky's house in Motihar Ghat, Raj Nagar.

Lucky is the same guy who stole a truck full of condoms along with his friends.

All three of them are behind the bars now.

Kishore, can you tell us how many condoms did they steal and sell?

- Do you have any numbers? - Yes, ma'am.

According to information we have managed to gather,

they have sold around 20,000 packets of condoms in the past few months.

Around 200,000 condoms.

Okay.

- So 200,000 condoms were stolen... - 200,000!

...and sold by them.

This is impossible, sir.

Sir, as I had told you,

there were a few people who were wearing helmets and selling condoms on the streets.

Sir, the media likes to exaggerate everything.

- Himanshu? - Yes?

The pharmacist?

- Shambhu? - 'Don't go anywhere.'

- Shambhu! - 'We'll be back after a short break.'

Call him up and find out what this is all about.

'Stay tuned for more updates.'

What if this is true, sir?

You remember the Quit India movement that was started by Gandhiji in 1942?

Yes, sir.

If it is true then this is as revolutionary as that was.

The only difference is that this started with a theft.

Come on, sir.

It is true, sir.

Mr. Bharat?

Yes, sir?

You need to go back to Raj Nagar for another survey.

Don't worry.

No one will beat you up this time.

Good evening.

Welcome to ABC News.

There is a new twist in the Condoms Stealing case in Raj Nagar.

NAAP institute conducted a new survey there and its results are quite shocking.

Let's talk to our correspondent Pankaj and get a detailed report.

Tell me something, Lucky.

What?

We complete our term in prison today.

Yes.

Why do they want us to clean the toilets before we leave?

This is a warning, bro.

"This is what we will make you do every day if you come back."

Hmm.

Hey!

Let's go.

Time for your guys to leave.

- Come on. - Let's go.

Hey, you.

- I am not done yet, sir. - Stop it.

Keep it down. Let's go.

- Let's go. - You can keep him here.

Keep it down.

Why are you taking that mug along?

Don't forget to collect your clothes.

I'll leave you here.

There they are.

- Thank you, sir. - Please sign these documents.

Okay, sir.

I've served time in prison.

Do you still love me?

I love you even more.

This larceny will go down in history.

Not for bad reasons.

Our city's name will be written in golden letters.

I am so proud of you all.

Mr. Lucky?

- Brother-in-law, if you'd please... - You two as well.

Coming.

Hi.

We represent the National AIDS Awareness Programme NGO.

After your arrest, we conducted a survey in this district.

We learnt that STDs and abortion rates have gone down by 80%.

And this has been possible only because of the three of you.

Our government spends millions every year,

on condom awareness and distribution programmes.

To help people feel less hesitant while buying a condom.

To help them feel less scared and to make them more aware.

But these programmes haven't yielded good results.

You took the initiative and the results were miraculous.

They are here for us?

All of you should take off your helmets now.

I want you all to say something without feeling shy or scared.

Unhesitatingly say...

Condom!

- Condom! - Condom!

Condom! Condom! Condom!

- Condom! Condom! Condom! - Condom!

- Condom! Condom! Condom! - Condom!

Condom! Condom! Condom!

Condom! Condom! Condom!

Condom! Condom! Condom!

Condom! Condom!

Population explosion is a matter of concern.

Population explosion will cause many problems for us and our future generations.