Original subtitles

? I got a feeling that you brought me to you ?

ZOEY: They say the best romances

are the ones where you don't overthink.

- ? Yeah, you did, babe ? - You just act.

- Zoey, wait. - ? Look what your mind's... ?

And of course, by "act," I mean, smash...

A couple's ability to spontaneously

get lost in their emotions is exactly what leads

to those hot, passionate, "never forget" moments.

? So let me take away your pain ?

But often, that spontaneous couple's inability

to manage their impulses can lead to messy,

tense blowups, those "I wish I could forget" moments.

- AARON: You can't fix it. - ZOEY: You're not letting me.

Because you're too late, Zoey!

Maybe I was a little tired

because I had to cater to your every need.

Oh, got you. So it's my fault?

Luca's not your man, and he overstepped some boundaries.

This has nothing to do with him being my man

and everything to do with your bruised ego.

? Aye, baby, this right here your moment ?

? Life is but a dream ?

? Here we are inside of it ?

And over the years, I had learned

that those big, loud, passionate moments

could be combustible;

and the bigger the explosion, the messier the fallout.

So in an effort to mitigate the fallout

after my last spontaneous blowup with Aaron,

I knew I had to do some damage control.

? Baby, this right here your moment ?

?

So, it turns out, I really couldn't sleep without you.

? Aye ?

? Ooh, ooh ?

? Ooh ?

?

And of course, by "damage control,"

I mean, make-up smash.

? Yeah, yeah ?

? Watch out, world, I'm grown now ?

? I'm grown ?

? Learn something new every day ?

? I don't know, so I'mma feel my way ?

? Got the weight of the world on me ?

? But no regrets, this is what I say ?

? Watch out, world, I'm grown now ?

- ? I'm grown ? - ? You can tell me ?

? My heart beating so loud ?

? Mama, look, I'm grown now ?

? I'm grown ?

- AARON: Mm. - ZOEY: Good morning, sleepy head.

Morning.

Oh, my gosh. Why are you even awake?

Aren't you exhausted, too?

Mm-hmm.

Are you not exhausted, honey?

Boys.

Oh, yeah. I am... Ooh, I'm exhausted.

- I am satisfied. Okay. - Okay, yeah.

But I just need to look at the internship page

Because they post new ones first thing every morning.

Obviously no fashion ones.

Plus, anything that's just halfway decent is gone by 10:00 a.m.

I mean, at this point,

I think I'm gonna have to roll with the... what is it?...

the We Wash Doggy Mobile Grooming internship.

Ah. Nope.

Spoke too soon. That's gone, too.

I think it's so wild that Cal U is sweating you

over these stupid internship credits.

I mean, haven't you done like five of them already?

Uh, two.

And technically, I never finished them,

and without the credit, I can't graduate.

Which is crazy, because I've met my class requirements,

I have more than enough units to graduate,

and my grades are fi...

well, okay, my grades are decent.

But I was so excited for the big luau tonight

and celebrating finally seeing the finish line.

Instead, I'm just gonna be stressing

about this internship stuff.

What luau are you talking about?

Uh, Doug and Luca's luau.

They're calling in the "Lil' Litty Luau."

- Remember? - No. I don't.

And I would because I hate alliteration.

Uh, yeah, no, I'm not... I'm not gonna go to that.

And I don't know why you're going.

Isn't Luca the reason why you're up at the buttcrack of dawn

applying for a poodle-washing gig?

I don't know why you'd still want to go.

You should be mad at him.

Oh. I am.

But it's my Senior year, and I'm not gonna let Luca

stop me from going to my last handful of parties.

Plus, fun fact, I... I love fire.

And a luau has pigs roasting over fire.

They have fire walkers. They have fire eaters.

They have so much fire.

Yeah. You like fire. I get it.

Come on. Be the moth to my flame tonight.

Listen, even if I wanted to go to this thing,

which I absolutely do not want to go...

- Hmm? - ...I have to teach my midnight class.

- Really? - Yeah. I'm sorry.

We can link up afterwards.

And I can give you some litty lit lovin'.

- You saw what I did there? - You know what?

You're right. I do hate alliteration now.

You loved them.

- You literally loved them... - No.

Stop talking.

LUCA: Doug said he updated our budget.

I just need to know if we have enough money

to properly execute my vision for this luau.

KIELA: Okay. Well, let's check it out.

Dude, you've already got like

500 confirmed pre-sales for tonight.

Looks like you guys are sitting pretty great.

Yeah, our Lil' Litty Luau is gonna be lit...

literally.

I just wish Kervell would hit me back.

Kervell?

Yeah. My fire guy.

You do realize you don't need a "fire guy" to make fire.

Peasant.

I just hope Doug got enough security for tonight

'cause that shit is going to be cuh-raaazy fire.

Like Hanukkah.

Oh, can you actually hit up Doug to double-check?

I got to try Big Kerv again.

Mm. I don't know.

I mean, are you sure you're gonna be comfortable with me

calling Doug, you know, considering you had

- such a big problem with us texting? - No.

Pretty sure I have a problem with you entangling with my boy.

And I'm pretty sure I have a problem

with you telling me who I can and can't entangle with.

Listen, I don't want to infringe

on your advanced educational experience,

but you're my sister.

Doug's my guy.

The three of us equals a trifecta of greatness.

The two of you hooking up could put our greatness at risk.

And to be honest,

the most important third of this trifecta is you.

(Chuckles) Oh, my God.

- You're so full of it. - (Cellphone rings)

Kervy Kerve!

What up?

What... What do you mean you're out of the fire game?

Both hands?

- Oh, my God. - (tropical music begins)

ANA: To us!

I cannot think of a more satisfying way

to put months of studying behind us

than throwing on a lei and throwing back some tequila!

NOMI: Seriously. Those LSATs can suck it.

Those were the worst four hours of my life today.

JAZZ: You pushed a whole human out of your vagina,

- so I highly doubt that. - Thank you.

But I was on so many drugs, I didn't even know

Luna came out until they handed her to me.

So, yes, today was way worse.

Well, in that case, mazel, bitch!

- VIVEK: Yeah! - GROUP: Whoo!

ZOEY: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

Let me get in on this pregame.

Wait, wait, wait. What are you wearing?

Yeah, this is a Hawaiian-themed party.

Trust me. I know.

It's just that I couldn't put together a themed costume

because I spent all day trying to find a dumb-ass internship.

All good. Consider yourself lei'd, baby girl.

Yeah. Thank you.

- Cheers. - Cheers!

Whoo! Cheers!

- Whoo! - Mmm!

- Mmm! - Mm-hmm!

Another, another. Let's go.

All right. What's up?

Whoo! Nothing. Des just texted me.

Oh. Okay.

You, uh, making a plan to meet your new boo

under the starts tonight?

- Yeah. - Nomi, he's not my boo.

Please, it's so obvious there's something

- brewing between you two. - Okay.

Nothing's brewing. We're just friends.

And maybe at some point something was a-brew...

- And? - (sighs) And nothing.

You know, we had a few drinks. Had a few mozzarella sticks.

Des showed up in a dress.

And, uh, brewing ended.

I'm sorry, what?

(Sighs) Look, I knew Des was queer,

and I didn't think I'd have a problem with it,

but when he showed up wearing a dress,

it was game over for me...

Now, look, before any of you come for me... Nomi...

I just want to say that I know it's more of my issue

and not Des's issue, all right?

But I can't imagine myself having sex with someone

who also shops at the club dress section at FashionNova.

Okay, well, in Des's defense,

it seems like you can't see yourself having sex with anyone,

considering the last person you were with

was Doug a year ago.

Look, Jazz, zero judgment, okay?

I'm just... I'm wondering if this is less of a Des issue

and more of a Doug issue?

(Sighs)

The only issue is figuring out a way to break it to Des

that I'm not interested without ruining the friendship.

Which is exactly why you need to be honest and direct.

Just go down there and rip that queer band-aid right off.

Okay. Okay. You're right.

You're right. I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna rip it off. I'm gonna go do it.

- Yeah! Yeah, okay. - Rip, rip, baby!

I-I think my ripping game'll be a little bit better

with another shot in me.

So let's quit talking and get to pouring.

I'm gonna do it.

(knocks on door)

AARON: You got a minute?

I got a favor I need to ask you about Zoey.

CHARLIE: Saldana?

- Johnson. - Earvin Magic?

Zoey Johnson. My girlfriend.

Andre Johnson's daughter. You've met her a billion times.

Oh, yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Well, say that next time, brother.

- Come on in. - Okay. Thank you.

Look, I need a favor because the university is insisting

that Zoey get an internship to graduate.

Which is ridiculous, because she spent

six months out in the workforce.

She's done two internships already.

Did she finish those? No, but still...

I'm figuring, if she did half of two,

could that equal a whole one? What do you think?

Well, let's see.

?

What are you doing?

- The math. - Okay.

Well, I just figured if anyone has the power,

you know, to, um, sign off on these internship credits

or waive the requirements entirely, that'd be you.

?

Because you're the Dean of Students, Charlie.

- I agree to disagree. - Just trust me, all right?

You have the power. So what do you say?

You think you can hook it up or what?

Hmm.

? You see the baddest women in the room? ?

? I got it ?

? That money stackin' to the ceiling, fool? ?

? I got it ?

? And people watchin' you, watch how I move ?

- ? I got it ? - ? You got it? ?

- ? I got it ? - ? You got it? ?

? I got it ?

? You see the baddest women in the room? ?

? I got it ?

? That money stackin' to the ceiling, fool? ?

? I got it ?

? And people watchin' you, watch how I move ?

- ? I got it ? - LUCA: Fire, right?

? I got it, you got it? ?

? I got it ?

Look, I know you're still mad at me,

but the only reason I called out ol' girl

for stealing your design

is that I respect you as a designer.

As an artist.

But mostly as my friend.

I just couldn't stand the thought

of somebody taking advantage of you.

ZOEY: Mm.

Okay, well, if you're not gonna talk to me, fine.

I just wanted to let you know I'm sorry.

What I did wasn't fire...

It was water.

Possibly wind. Definitely not earth.

Oh, my God. Shut up!

What?

Dude, shut up.

You know you had me at fire, kid.

? Talkin' about my commission ?

Look, don't get me wrong.

What you did was reckless and irresponsible.

And did I mention it was so dumb?

But I know you, and I know

it was your impulsive, knee-jerk way of protecting me.

And I appreciate it, but I didn't need it.

And now I'm so screwed because I can't even find

an internship wiping a dog's ass.

Well, um, then I might have a really nice, um,

proposition for you.

? I'm loose off the juice, what it do ?

? Told 'em we gon' get it poppin', it's the truth ?

? Yeah, we got it too turnt, got 'em jumping out the building ?

VIVEK: Looking out at this party of fine specimens

and thotty-hotties, it's hard to believe

that Jazz hasn't had sex in a year.

I mean, you know, admittedly, I'm no sexual jackrabbit,

but a year with this kind of talent pool seems crazy.

NOMI: I mean, I haven't had sex

since I screwed everything up with Phil.

ANA: Yeah. And I haven't had it

since I made that vow of celibacy with Javi.

Hold up.

So you mean to say that I am currently

the most sexually active single person in our household?

- Um... - We're... We're fine.

Yeah. I'm fine.

- I'm fine. - Are you fine?

- I'm totally fine. - Yeah. We're fine. We're good.

You're so not fine...

which means one thing... tonight,

I'm going to get you guys laid...

to completion.

Okay, let's go for a lap.

Oh, there we go.

Brown wavy hair, 11:00, nice teeth, amazing tan,

and the gait of a division-three athlete.

I'm secure enough in my heterosexuality to say,

- I'd hit that. - All right.

Vivek, what makes you even think

- that we need you to get us laid? - Yeah.

Because neither of you have a built-in "lay-dar."

A "lay-dar"? What the hell is that?

See, after years and years of unsuccessfully

trying to get laid, I've developed a radar.

I can tell exactly who is down to get laid

and who is going to be a complete

and total waste of your time.

And honestly, what do you have to lose?

Like, besides our dignity?

(Chuckles) You haven't had sex in a year.

I'd say you've already lost that.

Now, let's go check this guy out.

? Don't you give it up to anyone? ?

? Oh ?

? I just need your love ?

? I just need your... ?

?

ZOEY: Wait. I'm so sorry.

Aaron!

Oh, my God, you're here!

I didn't realize you were coming.

AARON: No, I, uh, ended my class early

so that I could surprise you and get some chill time in,

but it looks like

you've already been getting some chill time in.

That's not typically the way I handle my beefs, Zoey.

So, what exactly are you doing?

Yeah. No.

I-I know, but surprisingly, Luca and I are good.

I mean, he apologized,

and he extended the ultimate olive branch.

He came to me with this great idea

about how I can get the college credits I need.

Okay, how's that?

By interning with his company.

You're gonna be Luca's intern?

Technically, on paper, I'll be an intern,

but creatively, I mean, he's given me carte blanche

to build his company from the ground up.

And Anti-Muse is in terrible shape.

And I'll have to get the right domain name.

- Hi. - Thank you so much.

And for some reason, he has it set up as a nonprofit.

But hey, it is so much better than not graduating, right?

- Hmm? - No, thanks.

I'm good.

Aaron, I don't know what to tell you. I get it.

Luca is not your favorite person in the world...

...but it's kind of all I've got.

I mean, if you're really that uncomfortable with it,

I can always go back to him and tell him no.

Oh, so you... you already said yes, then?

Yeah.

Awesome. You know what?

This is... This is great, you know? Seriously. Enjoy.

Sounds like a great opportunity. I'm gonna go grab a drink.

Dude, we can still talk about it.

No no, I'm good. Enjoy yourself.

? Hey, hey, hey ?

JAZZ: So... you know, when we hung out the other night...

- That was, uh... - DES: Fire, right?

Yeah. And it was also, um...

a little bit confusing.

- At least for me. - Yeah, no.

It was definitely confusing for me, too.

I mean, the whole time, I was thinking to myself,

why haven't we done this sooner?

(Chuckles) Yeah.

You know, I've gotta go to the bathroom.

- But I'll be back. - Okay.

I'll be back. I'll see you.

See you, too.

?

Thank you.

?

?

KIELA: Doesn't this seem ridiculous to you?

Sneaking around, hiding behind curtains

- and corners just to mess around? - DOUG: Oh, yeah, you're right.

Yo, there's a walk-in freezer right there.

- We should... - No!

No. I-I mean...

Look, I-I don't want to sneak around anymore.

Look, Luca's not my dad.

And honestly, I'm not even sure he's my full brother.

My mom did, like, a lot of stepping out

when my dad was gaining weight, so...

Okay, Ki-Ki, baby, we've been over this already.

I know you're grown and do your own thing

and Luca's not your dad, but he's my boy, okay?

And I just don't want to mess up things

- between the whole trifecta. - Trifecta.

- Right. - Yeah.

I... I get it.

? 'Cause they heard the kid makin' moves ?

- "I get it." You don't. - ? 'Cause they heard I ain't gonna lose ?

? All this money is what I choose ?

? Get it all, never issue ?

VIVEK: See.

Just needed a little bit of time

to warm up those matchmaking skills,

and now I'm gonna do the same for you.

Uh... Ooh!

- Butch redhead, 4:00... - NOMI: Vivek, stop.

Every person you've tried to hook me up with tonight is absurd.

You literally brought me a homeless man off the street.

- He was hot. - Come on.

- Just have sex with him. - Okay, fine.

- Seriously? - No, dumbass!

Not seriously. This is crazy.

This whole matchmaking situation is crazy.

I'm going home to tuck my kid in.

Just hold on one second, okay?

LUCA: Hey, have either of you guys seen Kiela?

Uh, nope.

But I have seen you alone all night long.

And just so you know,

your boy's batting 500 right now

in matchmaking, so if you need any help...

Sorry, man. You wanna have sex with me tonight?

Yeah. Of course.

I think I'm good.

? Break the bank, get it down ?

Nice.

- BARTENDER: Here you go. - AARON: Thank you.

?

'Sup, playboy? Nice sweater.

?

PARTY GOER: Oh, my God!

Whoa!

That felt good, chief?

Yeah. Yeah. It did.

?

Aaron, stop! What the hell was that?

Just go back and enjoy your little luau, Zoey, seriously.

Are you s...

?

Uh, Nomi.

Where is she?

Sorry. Nomi, can we please leave?

I'm trying to catch up with Aaron

- to see what that was about. - NOMI: Sure. Come on, let's go.

Dude, what the...

PHIL: Nomi?

Hi.

?

Hey, who was that weirdo?

That weirdo is Luna's father.

He's what?!

KIELA: Dude, I swear,

everything you've ever told me about this girl

always results in some sort of drama.

LUCA: Yeah, but this time, it wasn't Zoey's fault.

I offered her an internship,

and her crazy-ass boyfriend spazzed on me.

Okay, well, maybe he wouldn't spaz on you

if you would just stay away.

I don't know. It just feels like everything you do

is an attempt to keep this girl in your orbit.

- Whatever. - Okay.

Where the hell have you been all night?

I've been looking for you everywhere.

Oh, yeah, I was just...

Y'know, hanging out at your awesome party,

not getting punched in the face.

Come here. Hold still.

? Can't believe the way you treated me ?

DES: Yo, there you are.

JAZZ: Yeah. Sorry.

The line at the bathroom was really long.

And I tried to get a drink, and the line was really long and it...

It's... It's all good.

I was just hoping

we could finish our conversation from earlier.

You were trying to tell me something?

Actually, I was trying to tell you this...

? Tell me how I trust again ?

? See the shadows rushin' in ?

? You took all the lust within ?

ZOEY: Aaron? Babe?

Dude, are you here?

?

ZOEY: While they say the best romances

are the ones where you act more and think less,

what they don't tell you is

that those split-second impulsive moments

can also ruin everything, and maybe if you'd just paused,

instead of allowing yourself

to get carried away in the moment...

?

...you'd save yourself and your relationship

a lot of heartache and frustration...

?

Well, that is, if there was a relationship to still be saved.

VIVEK: Whoa, that was quick.

I figured you'd still be smashing.

Did you even leave satisfied?

ANA: I didn't have sex with him, Vivek.

What? Why not?

It seemed like you two were hitting it off great.

Which is why I didn't want to mess things up

by having sex with him the first night.

- Come on. I worked hard for that penis. - (Chuckles)

Look, the whole point was to just, you know, get in there,

rip the celibacy band-aid off,

and just have some uncommitted, unemotional,

sloppy, spontaneous sex with someone that I'd never,

ever consider being in a relationship with...

Yeah.

We will never speak of this moment again.

Ever. You understand?

Mm-hmm.

Oh!

?

Oh, God!

- (Door slams) - (Vivek exhales)