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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,167 --> 00:00:05,797 - PLAYA DEL TORO, CALIFORNIA... 2 00:00:05,800 --> 00:00:09,530 A SUN-KISSED PLAYGROUND OF CRYSTAL-CLEAR WATERS, 3 00:00:09,533 --> 00:00:12,273 SANDY BEACHES, AND ROLLING SURF. 4 00:00:12,267 --> 00:00:13,367 A PARADISE ON-- 5 00:00:13,367 --> 00:00:14,527 - HURRY IT UP, MAN. 6 00:00:14,533 --> 00:00:17,473 OTHER DUDES GOTTA USE THE WALL, TOO. 7 00:00:19,733 --> 00:00:20,803 - [hiccup!] 8 00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:21,830 - [snoring] 9 00:00:21,833 --> 00:00:24,573 - * MONDO, WAKE UP * 10 00:00:24,567 --> 00:00:26,297 UGH, TALK ABOUT THE CRACK OF DAWN. 11 00:00:26,300 --> 00:00:27,500 - [groans] 12 00:00:27,500 --> 00:00:28,530 [yawns] 13 00:00:28,533 --> 00:00:29,703 ARE YOU JUST GETTING HOME? 14 00:00:29,700 --> 00:00:30,730 [sniffs] 15 00:00:30,733 --> 00:00:32,733 YOU SMELL LIKE OLD SPICE AND BALLS. 16 00:00:32,733 --> 00:00:35,203 - I WAS JUST GETTING A FEEL FOR OUR NEW TOWN. 17 00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:37,400 I MET A LOT OF POTENTIAL UNCLES FOR YA. 18 00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:38,400 - UGH. 19 00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:39,770 - WE'VE BEEN HERE THREE DAYS, 20 00:00:39,767 --> 00:00:41,327 AND YOU HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN TO THE BEACH YET. 21 00:00:41,333 --> 00:00:42,903 - MOM, I DON'T FIT IN HERE. 22 00:00:42,900 --> 00:00:44,430 EVEN THE BUMS ARE RIPPED. 23 00:00:44,433 --> 00:00:46,403 [wheels squeaking] 24 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:48,770 FACE IT, IN A WORLD FULL OF KARDASHIANS, 25 00:00:48,767 --> 00:00:49,797 I'M THE KHLOE. 26 00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:51,770 - HONEY, YOU'RE JUST UNIQUE. 27 00:00:51,767 --> 00:00:56,067 THIS TOWN HAS NEVER SEEN ANYBODY LIKE MONDO BRANDO. 28 00:00:56,067 --> 00:00:57,697 - MOM, I CAN'T BREATHE. [gasps] 29 00:00:57,700 --> 00:00:59,570 - HERE, TO GET YOU STARTED, 30 00:00:59,567 --> 00:01:03,067 I MADE YOU A CALIFORNIA PREPAREDNESS KIT. 31 00:01:03,067 --> 00:01:05,067 - BOOGIE BOARD, SPRAY TANNER, 32 00:01:05,067 --> 00:01:07,327 SEASON ONE OF LAGUNA BEACH... 33 00:01:07,333 --> 00:01:08,473 A RUBBER PICKLE? 34 00:01:08,467 --> 00:01:09,627 - OOPS. [giggles] 35 00:01:09,633 --> 00:01:10,733 THAT'S MINE. 36 00:01:10,733 --> 00:01:12,573 WHAT, MOMMY CAN'T HAVE A KIT, TOO? 37 00:01:12,567 --> 00:01:15,567 [upbeat alternative music] 38 00:01:15,567 --> 00:01:23,497 * * 39 00:01:37,100 --> 00:01:40,070 - MONDO, DO NOT WASTE YOUR LAST DAYS BEFORE SCHOOL 40 00:01:40,067 --> 00:01:41,297 PLAYING A VIDEO GAME. 41 00:01:41,300 --> 00:01:43,330 - BUT I'M GOOD AT THIS. - OH, LOOK. 42 00:01:43,333 --> 00:01:44,703 IT'S LITTLE MONDO. 43 00:01:44,700 --> 00:01:46,200 - I HAD TO USE A PREGNANT WOMAN'S BODY 44 00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:49,270 AND PUT IN THE SECRET CODE TO UNLOCK JUSTIN BIEBER'S HEAD. 45 00:01:49,267 --> 00:01:51,727 - LOOK, MUNCHKIN, I KNOW IT'S HARD. 46 00:01:51,733 --> 00:01:53,673 BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? OUR LIVES ARE HERE NOW. 47 00:01:53,667 --> 00:01:54,867 WE'RE NOT GOING BACK TO NEW JERSEY. 48 00:01:54,867 --> 00:01:56,067 [cell phone rings] CRAP. 49 00:01:56,067 --> 00:01:57,797 I DON'T WANNA BE LATE FOR MY FIRST DAY. 50 00:01:57,800 --> 00:01:59,170 - FAREWELL, BAYONNE. 51 00:01:59,167 --> 00:02:03,597 YOUR PEPPERONI MADE ME THE MAN I AM TODAY. 52 00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:05,670 - [humming] 53 00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:08,827 * * 54 00:02:08,833 --> 00:02:09,973 - WHAAAA! - AAAH! 55 00:02:09,967 --> 00:02:11,897 - MOM, ARE YOU OKAY? - UGH. 56 00:02:11,900 --> 00:02:13,630 - WHO ARE YOU? - I'M WOODIE. 57 00:02:13,633 --> 00:02:15,503 - WHY ARE YOU IN MY BATHROOM? 58 00:02:15,500 --> 00:02:19,100 - OH, I WAS GETTING MY FRISBEE. 59 00:02:19,100 --> 00:02:22,130 - SO, WOODIE, HOW OLD ARE YOU? ABOUT, UM, 15? 60 00:02:22,133 --> 00:02:23,333 - [erotically] YEAH. - ME, TOO! 61 00:02:23,333 --> 00:02:24,733 - MONDO, GET WOODIE SOME ICE. 62 00:02:24,733 --> 00:02:26,833 HIS FOREHEAD LOOKS A LITTLE SWOLLEN. 63 00:02:26,833 --> 00:02:28,303 - SWOLLEN. 64 00:02:28,300 --> 00:02:30,770 - OKAY, WOODIE, I KNOW WHAT YOU WERE DOING UP THERE. 65 00:02:30,767 --> 00:02:32,697 IT'S ALL RIGHT. I DON'T MIND. 66 00:02:32,700 --> 00:02:36,130 BUT I WAS WONDERING IF YOU WOULD DO ME A LITTLE FAVOR. 67 00:02:36,133 --> 00:02:37,933 - OH, ANYTHING FOR YOU, MONDO'S MOM. 68 00:02:37,933 --> 00:02:39,473 - CALL ME BABS. 69 00:02:39,467 --> 00:02:41,467 I WAS HOPING THAT YOU'D SHOW MONDO THE ROPES AROUND HERE. 70 00:02:41,467 --> 00:02:42,667 YOU KNOW, HELP HIM FIT IN. 71 00:02:42,667 --> 00:02:45,067 - FOR SURE...BABS. 72 00:02:45,067 --> 00:02:46,367 - THIS OUGHTA HELP WITH THE SWELLING. 73 00:02:46,367 --> 00:02:48,297 - THANKS. AHHHH. 74 00:02:48,300 --> 00:02:50,070 - YANKEES OR DODGERS? - SURFING. 75 00:02:50,067 --> 00:02:51,527 - PIZZA OR BURGERS? - BURRITOS. 76 00:02:51,533 --> 00:02:52,603 - MMM. 77 00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:54,370 OKAY, LAST ONE. THINK IT THROUGH. 78 00:02:54,367 --> 00:02:55,597 THE HILLS OR THE CITY? 79 00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:57,630 - NEITHER. I DON'T HAVE A VAGINA. 80 00:02:57,633 --> 00:02:58,833 - RIGHT ANSWER! 81 00:02:58,833 --> 00:03:00,233 - [sexy female voice] LET'S DO OUR BACK. 82 00:03:00,233 --> 00:03:02,733 - TO THE WINDOW, HURRY! 83 00:03:02,733 --> 00:03:04,473 THEY'RE ABOUT TO TAN THEIR BACKS, 84 00:03:04,467 --> 00:03:07,067 BUT THEY DON'T WANT TAN LINES. 85 00:03:07,067 --> 00:03:08,827 WHICH MEANS THEY MUST UNHOOK THEIR STRAPS, 86 00:03:08,833 --> 00:03:10,773 AND FOR ONE BRIEF, BUT GLORIOUS MOMENT, 87 00:03:10,767 --> 00:03:11,797 YOU CAN SEE-- 88 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:13,900 - [whispering] NIPPLE. 89 00:03:13,900 --> 00:03:15,900 I SAW IT! OH, MY GOD! I SAW IT! 90 00:03:15,900 --> 00:03:17,430 YOU'RE A GENIUS! 91 00:03:17,433 --> 00:03:20,503 - I CALL THIS MOMENT THE AURORA AREOLAS. 92 00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:23,170 - TEACH ME MORE, WOODIE. TEACH ME MORE! 93 00:03:23,167 --> 00:03:24,567 - THIS IS THE STRAND, 94 00:03:24,567 --> 00:03:25,827 PRETTY MUCH ALL THE USUAL STUFF 95 00:03:25,833 --> 00:03:27,973 YOU'D FIND IN ANY TOWN ACROSS AMERICA. 96 00:03:27,967 --> 00:03:30,467 TATTOO SHOP, SURF SHOP, WEED SHOP, 97 00:03:30,467 --> 00:03:31,527 CELEBRITY REHAB... 98 00:03:31,533 --> 00:03:33,473 - LINDSAY. - PARIS. 99 00:03:33,467 --> 00:03:35,567 - HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO ANY OTHER TOWN IN AMERICA? 100 00:03:35,567 --> 00:03:36,767 - NO, WHY? 101 00:03:36,767 --> 00:03:38,667 - NO REASON. - THREE FOR TEN DOLLAR! 102 00:03:38,667 --> 00:03:40,067 OPEN FOR BEEZNESS! 103 00:03:40,067 --> 00:03:41,827 ARROW POINT DOWN TO ANUS IS FUNNY! 104 00:03:41,833 --> 00:03:44,203 PEOPLE KNOW IT'S JOKE. YOU NOT GET TUSHY LOVE. 105 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:45,800 BUT IF YOU DO... 106 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:48,330 - THE BOARDWALK'S LIKE A GREAT BIG MELTING POT. 107 00:03:48,333 --> 00:03:49,773 EMPHASIS ON THE POT. 108 00:03:49,767 --> 00:03:51,867 HIPPIE DRUMMERS, STREET PERFORMERS, 109 00:03:51,867 --> 00:03:53,667 RIGHTEOUS DUDES IN VANS. 110 00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:55,727 - * SLOW RIDE * 111 00:03:55,733 --> 00:03:57,773 * TAKE IT EASY * 112 00:03:57,767 --> 00:03:58,897 [chuckles] 113 00:03:58,900 --> 00:04:00,230 - AND HERE IT IS, 114 00:04:00,233 --> 00:04:01,503 THE CENTER OF IT ALL, 115 00:04:01,500 --> 00:04:04,130 THE NATURAL FORCE THAT SUSTAINS LIFE 116 00:04:04,133 --> 00:04:05,873 AND DRAWS US ALL TOGETHER, 117 00:04:05,867 --> 00:04:07,567 THE BEACH. 118 00:04:07,567 --> 00:04:09,597 [majestic chord] 119 00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:10,900 WHAT'S UP? 120 00:04:10,900 --> 00:04:12,500 - IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, 121 00:04:12,500 --> 00:04:14,600 MY STOMACH'S MORE OF A KEG THAN A SIX-PACK. 122 00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:16,630 I HAVEN'T SEEN MY PENIS SINCE I WAS SIX. 123 00:04:16,633 --> 00:04:18,073 - THE ONLY THING HOLDING YOU BACK 124 00:04:18,067 --> 00:04:19,927 IS A LACK OF SURFING IN YOUR DIET. 125 00:04:19,933 --> 00:04:22,503 AND MAYBE THAT SWEET SET OF CHESTICLES YOU GOT THERE. 126 00:04:22,500 --> 00:04:23,700 - YOU KIDDING ME, MAN? 127 00:04:23,700 --> 00:04:26,500 GIRLS TOTALLY RELATE TO A DUDE WITH BOOBS. 128 00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:27,670 IT'S FAMILIAR TO THEM. 129 00:04:27,667 --> 00:04:29,697 IT HAS A CALMING EFFECT. 130 00:04:29,700 --> 00:04:32,200 [upbeat techno music] 131 00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:33,730 WHO IS THAT? 132 00:04:33,733 --> 00:04:36,273 - THAT'S JEENA. 133 00:04:36,267 --> 00:04:37,867 - [dreamy] JEEEENAAAA. 134 00:04:37,867 --> 00:04:41,697 * * 135 00:04:41,700 --> 00:04:43,370 [monitor beeping] 136 00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:45,167 [monitor flatlining] 137 00:04:45,167 --> 00:04:48,097 [music resumes] 138 00:04:48,100 --> 00:04:49,430 - GO INTRODUCE YOURSELF. 139 00:04:49,433 --> 00:04:50,833 SHE'S VERY APPROACHABLE. 140 00:04:50,833 --> 00:04:52,833 - I'M GONNA DO IT. 141 00:04:52,833 --> 00:04:54,133 [grunting] OW! 142 00:04:54,133 --> 00:04:55,803 I'M GOOD. I'M OKAY. OOF! 143 00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:57,270 [women laughing] 144 00:04:57,267 --> 00:05:00,627 - THAT AIN'T NO SITUATION. THAT'S A DAMN TRAGEDY. 145 00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:01,803 [keys jingling] 146 00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:03,400 - WHAT HAPPENED? 147 00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:04,830 - I PUT 17 MONTHS INTO THIS PLACE, 148 00:05:04,833 --> 00:05:06,173 AND WHAT DO THEY GIVE ME? 149 00:05:06,167 --> 00:05:09,727 A LOUSY TEN MIL IN STOCK OPTIONS AND A GOLDEN PARACHUTE. 150 00:05:09,733 --> 00:05:11,733 - IN MY EXPERIENCE, ANYTIME ANYONE OFFERS YOU 151 00:05:11,733 --> 00:05:13,533 A GOLDEN ANYTHING, 152 00:05:13,533 --> 00:05:14,603 YOU SAY NO. 153 00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:15,730 I'M BABS BRANDO. 154 00:05:15,733 --> 00:05:17,603 I WAS SUPPOSED TO START WORK HERE TODAY. 155 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:18,830 - [chuckling] OUCH. 156 00:05:18,833 --> 00:05:20,133 - YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. 157 00:05:20,133 --> 00:05:22,833 I SPENT EVERY LAST PENNY TO GET HERE. 158 00:05:22,833 --> 00:05:24,073 I FINALLY THOUGHT I HAD A JOB 159 00:05:24,067 --> 00:05:26,067 WHERE I DIDN'T HAVE TO WORK THE POLE. 160 00:05:26,067 --> 00:05:29,067 [Warrant's Cherry Pie] - * SHE'S MY CHERRY PIE * 161 00:05:29,067 --> 00:05:30,067 * COOL DRINK OF WATER * 162 00:05:30,067 --> 00:05:31,667 * SUCH A SWEET SURPRISE * 163 00:05:31,667 --> 00:05:33,897 * TASTES SO GOOD MAKE A GROWN MAN CRY * 164 00:05:33,900 --> 00:05:34,900 * SWEET CHERRY PIE * 165 00:05:34,900 --> 00:05:36,200 - OH, LOOK. 166 00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:38,500 I GOT A FRIEND AT AN ACCOUNTING FIRM IN TOWN. 167 00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:39,570 - THANKS. 168 00:05:39,567 --> 00:05:40,927 YOU KNOW, A SLEAZIER GUY WOULD HAVE TRIED 169 00:05:40,933 --> 00:05:42,203 TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME. 170 00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:44,130 - OH! I COULD'VE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF YOU? 171 00:05:44,133 --> 00:05:45,673 BOY, DID I MISREAD THAT ONE! 172 00:05:45,667 --> 00:05:47,067 NO WONDER THIS BANK WENT UNDER. 173 00:05:47,067 --> 00:05:48,927 - ALL RIGHT, LET'S WET UP. 174 00:05:48,933 --> 00:05:49,933 [engines rumbling] 175 00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:51,603 - LOCALS ONLY, PUSSY. 176 00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:53,400 [laughter] 177 00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:55,630 - WHO ARE THOSE DIRTBALLS? - SHH. 178 00:05:55,633 --> 00:05:56,633 KEEP IT DOWN, BRO. 179 00:05:56,633 --> 00:05:58,273 THAT'S TURK AND HIS CREW. 180 00:05:58,267 --> 00:06:00,767 TRUST ME, YOU WANT TO STAY UNDER THEIR RADAR. 181 00:06:00,767 --> 00:06:02,067 - THERE SHE IS AGAIN. 182 00:06:02,067 --> 00:06:04,697 GIRLS AROUND HERE DIG SURFERS, RIGHT? 183 00:06:04,700 --> 00:06:07,270 WELL, I'M GONNA SHOW HER WHAT A BADASS I AM. 184 00:06:07,267 --> 00:06:08,797 WATCH THIS AWESOMENESS. 185 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:10,770 HEE-YAAAA--OOF! 186 00:06:10,767 --> 00:06:12,697 [laughter] 187 00:06:12,700 --> 00:06:13,830 [bird squawks] 188 00:06:13,833 --> 00:06:14,973 [farting sound] - UGH! 189 00:06:14,967 --> 00:06:16,267 [bang!] 190 00:06:16,267 --> 00:06:17,267 - [screams] 191 00:06:17,267 --> 00:06:18,797 [screams louder] - OH. 192 00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:21,170 YOU KOOKS ARE DEAD. 193 00:06:21,167 --> 00:06:22,527 [Mondo and Woodie scream] 194 00:06:22,533 --> 00:06:24,273 - I COULDN'T HAVE POSSIBLY MADE A WORSE IMPRESSION. 195 00:06:24,267 --> 00:06:25,627 [siren wailing] 196 00:06:25,633 --> 00:06:27,573 - LOOK, MA'AM, IT'S ILLEGAL TO GO TOPLESS 197 00:06:27,567 --> 00:06:28,567 AT THE BEACH. 198 00:06:28,567 --> 00:06:29,897 - OH, OFFICER, I'M AFRAID YOU-- 199 00:06:29,900 --> 00:06:32,130 - MA'AM, TELL YOUR HIPPIE BOYFRIEND TO ZIP IT, 200 00:06:32,133 --> 00:06:33,833 OR YOU'RE BOTH GOING DOWNTOWN. 201 00:06:33,833 --> 00:06:36,903 [laughter] 202 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:40,800 - [ringtone] * HE'S CLIMBING * 203 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:42,270 * IN YOUR WINDOW EACH NIGHT * 204 00:06:42,267 --> 00:06:44,197 - HELLO? - OH, MAN, ARE YOU READY? 205 00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:45,400 YOU'VE NEVER BEEN TO THIS SCHOOL. 206 00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:48,200 SO EVERY GIRL IS LIKE TWO NEW BOOBS TO YOU. 207 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,700 - NEW BOOBS? OH, MY GOD! I'M ON MY WAY! 208 00:06:52,267 --> 00:06:55,627 [grunting] 209 00:06:55,633 --> 00:06:57,103 GOOD MORNING, LADIES. 210 00:06:57,100 --> 00:06:58,330 [feminine voice] "WHO IS THAT NEW STUD 211 00:06:58,333 --> 00:06:59,473 AT SCHOOL, JEENA?" 212 00:06:59,467 --> 00:07:00,667 "I DON'T KNOW, BRIANNA, 213 00:07:00,667 --> 00:07:03,067 BUT I'M GONNA GET ME SOME OF THAT." 214 00:07:03,067 --> 00:07:06,827 [macho voice] LADIES, I CAN HEAR YOU. 215 00:07:06,833 --> 00:07:08,333 I'M FAT. 216 00:07:08,333 --> 00:07:09,373 - * HEY GIRL * 217 00:07:09,367 --> 00:07:10,367 * DO YOU KNOW MY NAME * 218 00:07:10,367 --> 00:07:11,367 - LIKE ANY SCHOOL, 219 00:07:11,367 --> 00:07:12,627 PLAYA HAS YOUR BASIC CLIQUES. 220 00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:13,733 (surfers) - 'SUP, WOODIE. 221 00:07:13,733 --> 00:07:14,803 (cheerleaders) - HEY, WOODIE. 222 00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:17,730 (twi-hards) - GREETINGS, WOODFORD. 223 00:07:17,733 --> 00:07:19,073 - OH, NO! GLEEKS! 224 00:07:19,067 --> 00:07:22,297 - * JUST A YELLOW-HAIRED BOY * 225 00:07:22,300 --> 00:07:23,300 [chorus harmonizing] 226 00:07:23,300 --> 00:07:25,200 - * WHO GOT A CHUBBY FRIEND * 227 00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:28,070 - * FROM OLD BAYONNE * 228 00:07:28,067 --> 00:07:29,327 [Kesha's Sleazy] 229 00:07:29,333 --> 00:07:30,933 [Gleeks scream] 230 00:07:30,933 --> 00:07:32,773 - * LOOKIN' LIKE DIAMONDS * 231 00:07:32,767 --> 00:07:33,797 - CHECK IT OUT. 232 00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:35,330 MY FIRST CELEBRITY SIGHTING. 233 00:07:35,333 --> 00:07:39,073 THAT'S MILAN STONE, THE STAR OF MTV'S 16 AND BITCHY. 234 00:07:39,067 --> 00:07:40,927 - YOU CALL THESE DOUBLE Ds? 235 00:07:40,933 --> 00:07:42,073 UGH. - AGH! 236 00:07:42,067 --> 00:07:43,397 - OH, MY GOD, THIS IS THE FIRST TIME 237 00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:45,330 I'VE EVER MET A CELEBRITY THAT I SPANKED IT TO. 238 00:07:45,333 --> 00:07:47,133 WHAT DO I DO? WHAT DO I SAY? 239 00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:48,403 - HEY, SIS. 240 00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:50,600 - SIS? - 'SUP, "KOONTZ" TWINS. 241 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:51,800 - [together] IT'S "KUNTZ". 242 00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:54,370 - WOODIE! YOU HAVE A FRIEND? INCREDIBLE. 243 00:07:54,367 --> 00:07:56,627 THIS BRINGS THE TOTAL TO, WHAT, ONE? 244 00:07:56,633 --> 00:07:57,873 [giggles] 245 00:07:57,867 --> 00:08:02,267 WELL, HE'S FAT ENOUGH TO MAKE IT 1 1/2. 246 00:08:02,267 --> 00:08:03,427 - HILARIOUS. 247 00:08:03,433 --> 00:08:04,633 MS. STONE, I'M YOUR BIGGEST-- 248 00:08:04,633 --> 00:08:06,073 - SHUT UP, WHITE PRECIOUS. 249 00:08:06,067 --> 00:08:08,067 - W...WHITE PRECIOUS? 250 00:08:08,067 --> 00:08:09,967 - IF EITHER OF YOU, LIKE, GET WITHIN 15 FEET OF ME, 251 00:08:09,967 --> 00:08:13,167 I WILL TASE YOUR ASS. 252 00:08:13,167 --> 00:08:15,697 - AH, SHE'S EVEN NICER IN PERSON. 253 00:08:15,700 --> 00:08:17,300 [splat!] - ACK! 254 00:08:17,300 --> 00:08:18,800 [upbeat techno music] 255 00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:19,800 - OH, THERE SHE IS. 256 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:20,830 I WASN'T GONNA TELL YOU, 257 00:08:20,833 --> 00:08:22,303 BUT LAST NIGHT I HAD A DREAM 258 00:08:22,300 --> 00:08:24,270 THAT INVOLVED A BOTTLE OF LAVENDER BODY BUTTER, 259 00:08:24,267 --> 00:08:25,967 THE BACKSEAT OF A PURPLE PT CRUISER, 260 00:08:25,967 --> 00:08:27,897 AND JEENA'S DOWNSTAIRS AREA. 261 00:08:27,900 --> 00:08:29,370 - VERY COOL. 262 00:08:29,367 --> 00:08:30,467 VERY SEXUAL. 263 00:08:30,467 --> 00:08:31,797 - I KNOW, RIGHT? SHE'S PERFECT FOR ME. 264 00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:32,870 CHECK IT OUT. 265 00:08:32,867 --> 00:08:34,327 SHE'S WEARING SNEAKERS. 266 00:08:34,333 --> 00:08:35,603 I'M WEARING SNEAKERS. 267 00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:37,070 SHE'S LISTENING TO MUSIC. 268 00:08:37,067 --> 00:08:38,497 I LOVE MUSIC! 269 00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:40,100 AND HER T-SHIRT SAYS "FREE TIBET". 270 00:08:40,100 --> 00:08:41,330 WHAT WAS I TELLING YOU THIS MORNING? 271 00:08:41,333 --> 00:08:42,803 - THAT MORE STUFF SHOULD BE FREE. 272 00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:44,070 - IT'S MEANT TO BE! 273 00:08:44,067 --> 00:08:45,367 - GO TALK TO HER, MAN. 274 00:08:45,367 --> 00:08:46,427 - AHEM. 275 00:08:46,433 --> 00:08:47,903 HI, I'M MONDO. 276 00:08:47,900 --> 00:08:50,200 I'M NEW TO TOWN, AS YOU CAN PROBABLY TELL. 277 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:52,500 I'M ONE OF THOSE OFFBEAT, GOOD-LOOKING MEN. 278 00:08:52,500 --> 00:08:53,530 - HI. 279 00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:55,433 - HI, I BEAT OFF GOOD-LOOKING MEN. 280 00:08:55,433 --> 00:08:58,203 - IT LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON. 281 00:08:58,200 --> 00:08:59,470 - [laughing shrilly] 282 00:08:59,467 --> 00:09:01,827 - WHOA, KOOK, YOU JUST CROSSED INTO TURKISTAN, 283 00:09:01,833 --> 00:09:04,233 WHERE TRESPASSING IS A PUNISHABLE OFFENSE. 284 00:09:04,233 --> 00:09:06,433 I'M ABOUT TO LAUNCH A DORK-SEEKING FIST MISSILE. 285 00:09:06,433 --> 00:09:07,533 - OH, TURK. 286 00:09:07,533 --> 00:09:09,233 WHAT DID I TELL YOU? 287 00:09:09,233 --> 00:09:10,503 - BOOKS DON'T CAUSE CANCER. 288 00:09:10,500 --> 00:09:11,800 TARGET ACQUIRED! 289 00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:13,570 - NO, THE OTHER THING. 290 00:09:13,567 --> 00:09:15,597 - OH, IF I DON'T STOP PUMMELING DWEEBS, 291 00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:17,500 I'LL NEVER GET WITH YOU. 292 00:09:17,500 --> 00:09:18,800 - OH, DON'T BE SO BUMMED. 293 00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:20,670 THIS IS THE LONGEST A NEW KID'S EVER GONE 294 00:09:20,667 --> 00:09:22,227 WITHOUT A WEDGIE AT THIS SCHOOL. 295 00:09:22,233 --> 00:09:24,303 - AGH! - 11 MINUTES! 296 00:09:24,300 --> 00:09:26,100 - WHAT IS THAT? 297 00:09:26,100 --> 00:09:27,400 [ominous chord] 298 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,070 - WIPE THOSE HORNY SMILES OFF YOUR PIMPLY FACES. 299 00:09:30,067 --> 00:09:31,867 THIS IS HUMAN SEXUALITY. 300 00:09:31,867 --> 00:09:33,927 BEFORE YOU THINK THAT THIS IS ALL FUN AND GAMES 301 00:09:33,933 --> 00:09:35,333 AND HOT CARLS-- 302 00:09:35,333 --> 00:09:36,773 - [giggles] YES, PLEASE. 303 00:09:36,767 --> 00:09:39,727 - WADSKA, SETTLE DOWN, OR I'LL SEND YOU TO DETENTION. 304 00:09:39,733 --> 00:09:41,103 - MS. TEETS, I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW 305 00:09:41,100 --> 00:09:42,200 THAT ALTHOUGH THIS IS AN INSTITUTION 306 00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:44,070 PAID FOR BY U.S. TAX DOLLARS, 307 00:09:44,067 --> 00:09:46,297 I AM UNFIT FOR CAPTIVITY WITHIN ITS WALLS. 308 00:09:46,300 --> 00:09:48,500 I AM NOT PROGRAMMED FOR PUBLIC EDUCATION. 309 00:09:48,500 --> 00:09:49,930 - WELL, IT SEEMS LIKE YOU ARE PROGRAMMED 310 00:09:49,933 --> 00:09:51,703 FOR VANDALIZING THE MARQUIS 311 00:09:51,700 --> 00:09:53,570 WITH FILTHY SHENANIGANS. 312 00:09:53,567 --> 00:09:55,197 - MM, FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION! 313 00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:56,770 MY CULTURE OF POETRY IS BEING SHOT DOWN 314 00:09:56,767 --> 00:09:57,867 BY CHARACTER ASSASSINS. 315 00:09:57,867 --> 00:09:59,097 AN UPRISING IS IN ORDER! 316 00:09:59,100 --> 00:10:00,370 - SORRY, MS. TEETS. 317 00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:01,927 OUR PARENTS HAVE HIM ON NEW MEDS. 318 00:10:01,933 --> 00:10:03,203 - SORRY, SORRY, SORRY. 319 00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:04,600 - THAT'S JEENA'S BROTHER? 320 00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:06,230 - WOODFORD. NEW CHILD. 321 00:10:06,233 --> 00:10:08,233 QUIT YOUR JIBBER JABBERS, NOW! 322 00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:10,273 HMM, YOU'RE A PORTLY ONE, AREN'T YOU? 323 00:10:10,267 --> 00:10:11,397 DON'T WORRY. 324 00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:12,900 YOU'LL GROW INTO YOUR FRAME. 325 00:10:12,900 --> 00:10:14,170 I DID. 326 00:10:14,167 --> 00:10:15,567 [wheezes] 327 00:10:15,567 --> 00:10:17,967 NOW, TODAY'S LESSON IS ABOUT SOMETHING 328 00:10:17,967 --> 00:10:19,397 THAT THREATENS US ALL: 329 00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:21,930 SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES. 330 00:10:21,933 --> 00:10:24,233 SO PLEASE PUT ON YOUR 3-D GLASSES. 331 00:10:24,233 --> 00:10:25,673 [old-timey organ music] 332 00:10:25,667 --> 00:10:27,127 - [on video] STD IN 3-D. 333 00:10:27,133 --> 00:10:28,203 [crab screeches] 334 00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:29,230 [students scream] 335 00:10:29,233 --> 00:10:33,733 - OLD FOE, WE MEET AGAIN. 336 00:10:33,733 --> 00:10:35,503 - SO HOW DO I KNOW WHAT KIND OF BOARD I NEED? 337 00:10:35,500 --> 00:10:38,130 - PICKING A BOARD ISN'T LIKE PICKING A GIRLFRIEND. 338 00:10:38,133 --> 00:10:39,973 YOU HAVE TO BE CHOOSY. 339 00:10:39,967 --> 00:10:41,097 YOU HAVE TO LET IT COME TO YOU. 340 00:10:41,100 --> 00:10:42,470 - LIKE HARRY POTTER CHOOSING HIS WAND? 341 00:10:42,467 --> 00:10:44,967 OR THE NA'VI CHOOSING THEIR IKRAN IN AVATAR? 342 00:10:44,967 --> 00:10:46,197 - YEAH, JUST LIKE THAT. 343 00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:47,300 EXCEPT COOL. 344 00:10:47,300 --> 00:10:49,230 - HMM, HOW 'BOUT THIS ONE? 345 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:53,500 OW! 346 00:10:53,500 --> 00:10:55,700 [ethereal chorus] 347 00:10:55,700 --> 00:10:57,330 [singing operatically] 348 00:10:57,333 --> 00:10:59,373 THIS IS MY BOARD. 349 00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:02,367 - ARE YOU SURE? - THIS IS MY BOARD! 350 00:11:02,367 --> 00:11:04,097 MAYBE IT'S NOT MY BOARD. 351 00:11:04,100 --> 00:11:05,770 - HERE, $100. 352 00:11:05,767 --> 00:11:07,067 - I DON'T KNOW. 353 00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:09,067 MY MOM TOLD ME TO ONLY USE THE CREDIT CARD 354 00:11:09,067 --> 00:11:10,497 FOR EMERGENCIES. 355 00:11:10,500 --> 00:11:11,570 - WE'RE IN CALIFORNIA. 356 00:11:11,567 --> 00:11:15,067 NOT HAVING A SURFBOARD IS AN EMERGENCY. 357 00:11:15,067 --> 00:11:16,697 ALL RIGHT, YOU GOT YOUR BOARD, AND YOU'RE READY TO HIT-- 358 00:11:16,700 --> 00:11:18,170 - HEY, GIMME THAT. 359 00:11:18,167 --> 00:11:20,297 [clack-clack] 360 00:11:20,300 --> 00:11:23,230 MUCH BETTER. 361 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:26,830 - IT SAYS YOU'VE BEEN A COCKTAIL WAITRESS, 362 00:11:26,833 --> 00:11:29,433 A HOOTERS WAITRESS, A COYOTE UGLY WAITRESS-- 363 00:11:29,433 --> 00:11:30,503 - WELL, IN MY DEFENSE, 364 00:11:30,500 --> 00:11:31,730 WAITRESSING WAS A HELL OF A LOT BETTER 365 00:11:31,733 --> 00:11:33,533 THAN MAKING A LIVING ON MY KNEES. 366 00:11:33,533 --> 00:11:36,203 - * SHE'S MY CHERRY PIE * 367 00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:37,230 * PUT A SMILE ON YOUR FACE * 368 00:11:37,233 --> 00:11:38,733 * TEN MILES WIDE * 369 00:11:38,733 --> 00:11:40,603 [music stops] 370 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:41,900 - [sighs] 371 00:11:41,900 --> 00:11:44,070 - I DON'T KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD IDEA. 372 00:11:44,067 --> 00:11:45,327 I'M HOLDING A DICK BOARD. 373 00:11:45,333 --> 00:11:49,273 A DICK BOARD, WOODIE. 374 00:11:49,267 --> 00:11:50,367 - TRUST ME. 375 00:11:50,367 --> 00:11:51,827 JUST ONE WAVE, AND ALL YOUR TROUBLES 376 00:11:51,833 --> 00:11:53,303 WILL DISAPPEAR. 377 00:11:53,300 --> 00:11:55,300 - EAT IT, LOSERS! 378 00:11:55,300 --> 00:11:57,570 HA, HA! YO, JEENA. 379 00:11:57,567 --> 00:11:59,097 WHAT'S UP, BABY? 380 00:11:59,100 --> 00:12:01,170 - HEY, TURK. - OKAY. 381 00:12:01,167 --> 00:12:02,567 IT'S SURF TIME. 382 00:12:02,567 --> 00:12:05,067 TIME FOR THE SURFING TO COMMENCE. 383 00:12:05,067 --> 00:12:06,167 UM, WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO SAY 384 00:12:06,167 --> 00:12:07,167 WHEN WE WANNA SURF? 385 00:12:07,167 --> 00:12:09,367 - BOOSTAMUUCHA! 386 00:12:09,367 --> 00:12:10,427 [fast punk music] 387 00:12:10,433 --> 00:12:13,873 - * SURF CITY U.S.A. * 388 00:12:13,867 --> 00:12:15,067 [laughter] 389 00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:16,967 - WOO-HOO! 390 00:12:16,967 --> 00:12:19,527 - [meows] - [barks] 391 00:12:19,533 --> 00:12:20,673 - HEADS UP, NEWBIE. 392 00:12:20,667 --> 00:12:22,827 - * SURF CITY U.S.A. * 393 00:12:22,833 --> 00:12:24,573 - YEAH! - * SURF CITY * 394 00:12:24,567 --> 00:12:25,567 - UGH! 395 00:12:25,567 --> 00:12:27,267 - THAT IS IT, BLUE CRUSH. 396 00:12:27,267 --> 00:12:28,327 YOU'RE DEAD. 397 00:12:28,333 --> 00:12:29,333 - AHEM. - HUH? 398 00:12:29,333 --> 00:12:30,833 OH. 399 00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:32,633 YOU'RE LUCKY I'M MORE HORNY THAN ANGRY. 400 00:12:32,633 --> 00:12:33,933 I'M GONNA LET YOU LIVE. 401 00:12:33,933 --> 00:12:35,633 BUT YOU'RE BANNED FROM SURFING THIS BEACH 402 00:12:35,633 --> 00:12:37,073 EVER AGAIN. 403 00:12:37,067 --> 00:12:39,067 - HEY, TURK, COME ON, MAN. HE'S LOCAL. 404 00:12:39,067 --> 00:12:41,327 - YOU'RE BANNED, TOO. - NOOOO! 405 00:12:41,333 --> 00:12:42,733 - THIS IS A PUBLIC BEACH. 406 00:12:42,733 --> 00:12:44,603 YOU CAN'T BAN PEOPLE FROM SURFING. 407 00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:45,730 - MONDO, SHUT UP. 408 00:12:45,733 --> 00:12:46,733 - I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. 409 00:12:46,733 --> 00:12:48,373 YOU SURVIVE BABY BEACH, 410 00:12:48,367 --> 00:12:50,127 AND I'LL LET YOU TWO SURF HERE. 411 00:12:50,133 --> 00:12:52,203 - BABY BEACH? THAT SOUNDS EASY ENOUGH. 412 00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:53,600 WHERE IS IT? 413 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:55,200 [ominous chord] 414 00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:56,630 - USED TO BE CALLED JAGGED DEATH ROCKS. 415 00:12:56,633 --> 00:12:58,973 CHAMBER OF COMMERCE THOUGHT IT WAS BAD FOR TOURISM. 416 00:12:58,967 --> 00:13:00,267 WE SHOULD PROBABLY CHANGE IT BACK. 417 00:13:00,267 --> 00:13:01,627 COULD'VE SAVED A LOT OF LIVES. 418 00:13:01,633 --> 00:13:03,733 - YOU GOT 'TIL 4:00 TOMORROW. 419 00:13:03,733 --> 00:13:05,173 HIGH TIDE. 420 00:13:05,167 --> 00:13:06,297 [grunts] 421 00:13:06,300 --> 00:13:07,930 - MY DICK BOARD! 422 00:13:10,667 --> 00:13:12,597 - I-IF I BACK OUT, YOU THINK I MIGHT STILL HAVE 423 00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:13,600 A CHANCE WITH JEENA? 424 00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:14,870 - OH, SURE. 425 00:13:14,867 --> 00:13:16,597 WOMEN ALWAYS PREFER THE SENSIBLE, STABLE COWARD 426 00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:18,530 TO THE FEARLESS, SEXY RISK-TAKER. 427 00:13:18,533 --> 00:13:21,333 - GENTLEMEN, FORGIVE MY TARDINESS. 428 00:13:21,333 --> 00:13:22,473 NOW, I'VE TAKEN THE LIBERTY OF PREPARING 429 00:13:22,467 --> 00:13:24,467 A COMPUTER SIMULATION OF BABY BEACH. 430 00:13:24,467 --> 00:13:25,897 - HEY, IT'S LITTLE MONDO. 431 00:13:25,900 --> 00:13:27,300 - BUT I JUST USED THE BODY OF A PREGNANT WOMAN 432 00:13:27,300 --> 00:13:28,670 AND ADDED JUSTIN BIEBER'S HEAD. 433 00:13:28,667 --> 00:13:30,127 OKAY, YOU DROP IN AT THE END OF THE PIER. 434 00:13:30,133 --> 00:13:32,073 FROM HERE IT'S UP TO YOU TO MAKE IT OUT ALIVE. 435 00:13:32,067 --> 00:13:33,197 YOUR BEST BET IS TO GO LEFT, 436 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:34,600 SURF BETWEEN THE FIRST THREE ROWS OF ROCKS, 437 00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:36,400 AND YOUR EXIT WILL HAVE TO BE THROUGH MILEY'S HOLE, 438 00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:37,970 SO NAMED BECAUSE IT'S NEVER BEEN PENETRATED 439 00:13:37,967 --> 00:13:39,497 BY MAN NOR JONAS. 440 00:13:39,500 --> 00:13:40,700 - [breathing heavily] 441 00:13:40,700 --> 00:13:42,330 - ARE YOU HYPERVENTILATING? - A LITTLE BIT. 442 00:13:42,333 --> 00:13:43,873 I THINK THIS BAG HAD A HAMBURGER IN IT, 443 00:13:43,867 --> 00:13:44,897 AND I LIKE THE SMELL. 444 00:13:44,900 --> 00:13:46,100 - ARE YOU REALLY GONNA SURF IT? 445 00:13:46,100 --> 00:13:47,130 - I DON'T KNOW. 446 00:13:47,133 --> 00:13:48,133 ONE MINUTE I THINK I SHOULD. 447 00:13:48,133 --> 00:13:49,633 THE NEXT MINUTE I THINK ABOUT BOOBS. 448 00:13:49,633 --> 00:13:51,073 THEN THE NEXT MINUTE, I THINK I SHOULDN'T. 449 00:13:51,067 --> 00:13:53,467 - OKAY, YOUR PROBLEM IS THAT YOUR HEAD 450 00:13:53,467 --> 00:13:54,627 IS ALL OVER THE PLACE. 451 00:13:54,633 --> 00:13:56,833 YOU NEED TO RELAX AND GET YOUR MIND RIGHT 452 00:13:56,833 --> 00:13:58,903 SO YOU CAN FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. 453 00:13:58,900 --> 00:14:01,100 - HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT? 454 00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:02,270 (Woodie and Wadska) - LONNIE'S VAN. 455 00:14:02,267 --> 00:14:05,727 [esoteric music] 456 00:14:05,733 --> 00:14:07,733 - [sighs] I NEED A DRINK. 457 00:14:07,733 --> 00:14:10,733 [island-themed music] 458 00:14:10,733 --> 00:14:14,833 * * 459 00:14:14,833 --> 00:14:16,073 - SEAT YOURSELF, DARLING. 460 00:14:16,067 --> 00:14:17,367 I'VE GOT MY HANDS FULL. 461 00:14:17,367 --> 00:14:19,397 - THANKS. - OOF! 462 00:14:21,767 --> 00:14:25,097 TABLE FIVE! GO, GO! 463 00:14:25,100 --> 00:14:26,700 [water gurgling] 464 00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:27,930 - HEY, LONNIE. 465 00:14:27,933 --> 00:14:29,903 YOU EVER FOUND YOURSELF FACED WITH A TOUGH, 466 00:14:29,900 --> 00:14:32,130 POTENTIALLY LIFE-ENDING DECISION? 467 00:14:32,133 --> 00:14:33,673 - YEAH, MAN. 468 00:14:33,667 --> 00:14:37,367 IT WAS THE THIRD AND FINAL MONTH OF DESERT STORM. 469 00:14:37,367 --> 00:14:39,197 OIL FIRES RAGED. 470 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:42,530 THE SKIES WERE BLACK AT NOON. 471 00:14:42,533 --> 00:14:44,833 THREE CLICKS NORTH OF KUWAIT CITY, 472 00:14:44,833 --> 00:14:47,533 I GOT SEPARATED FROM MY PLATOON. 473 00:14:47,533 --> 00:14:48,803 - WHAT DID YOU DO? 474 00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:50,570 - I FREAKED THE EFF OUT! 475 00:14:50,567 --> 00:14:53,067 I WAS IN A MENTAL HOSPITAL FOR THREE YEARS. 476 00:14:53,067 --> 00:14:55,897 HOW THE HELL DO YOU THINK I ENDED UP LIVING IN A VAN? 477 00:14:55,900 --> 00:14:58,370 AH-HA! I CAN STILL SMELL THE HUMMUS! 478 00:14:58,367 --> 00:14:59,467 AH-HA! 479 00:14:59,467 --> 00:15:01,627 - YOU GUYS WANT SOME PITA? 480 00:15:01,633 --> 00:15:04,603 - ARE YOU STILL WORRIED ABOUT SURFING BABY BEACH? 481 00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:06,170 - WHAT BEACH? I'M TOTALLY CHILL. 482 00:15:06,167 --> 00:15:07,397 I'M TOTALLY FREAKED! 483 00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:08,500 I'M TOTALLY HUNGRY. 484 00:15:08,500 --> 00:15:10,330 YOUR NOSE LOOKS LIKE A PENIS. 485 00:15:10,333 --> 00:15:13,073 THIS VAN'S AWESOME. 486 00:15:14,500 --> 00:15:17,900 - HMM, YOU LIKE MY TROPHIES, DAHLING? 487 00:15:17,900 --> 00:15:21,230 YOU ONE SPECIAL WAHINI, BABS BRANDO. 488 00:15:21,233 --> 00:15:23,533 YOU HAVE BEEN BORN WITH A SPECIAL GIFT 489 00:15:23,533 --> 00:15:24,933 FOR WAITING TABLES, 490 00:15:24,933 --> 00:15:27,403 AND YOU MUST SHARE DAT GIFT WITH THE WORLD. 491 00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:28,500 - THANKS, TANG. 492 00:15:28,500 --> 00:15:30,800 BUT I CAME OUT HERE FOR A CAREER. 493 00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:33,570 ONE WHERE I DIDN'T HAVE TO WORK ON MY BACK FOR ONCE. 494 00:15:33,567 --> 00:15:36,127 - * SHE'S MY CHERRY PIE * 495 00:15:36,133 --> 00:15:37,533 * SMILE ON YOUR FACE * 496 00:15:37,533 --> 00:15:38,873 * TEN MILES WIDE * 497 00:15:38,867 --> 00:15:41,197 - SOMETIMES WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU ROTTEN PAPAYA-- 498 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:42,500 - YOU MAKE PAPAYA-ADE? 499 00:15:42,500 --> 00:15:45,330 - NO, YOU MIX IT WITH CHEAP RUM, ADD A COCKTAIL UMBRELLA, 500 00:15:45,333 --> 00:15:47,973 AND YOU SELL IT TO SUNBURNED RUBES FOR $9. 501 00:15:47,967 --> 00:15:49,567 WHAT THE HELL IS PAPAYA-ADE? 502 00:15:49,567 --> 00:15:51,597 LOOK, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO LEARN DESE TINGS 503 00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:52,730 IF YOU'RE GONNA WORK HERE. 504 00:15:52,733 --> 00:15:54,133 - [sighs] I DON'T KNOW. 505 00:15:54,133 --> 00:15:56,103 [kids laughing hysterically] 506 00:15:56,100 --> 00:15:57,400 - OW! - OOH! 507 00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:59,370 [all laughing] 508 00:15:59,367 --> 00:16:01,327 - I'LL TAKE IT. 509 00:16:01,333 --> 00:16:03,433 - HERE'S YOUR UNIFORM. 510 00:16:03,433 --> 00:16:05,933 - HERE, I FOUND A DEAD SEA LION. 511 00:16:05,933 --> 00:16:07,273 LET'S DUMP HIM IN THE WATER AND SEE WHERE HE GOES. 512 00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:08,567 - WHY? 513 00:16:08,567 --> 00:16:09,867 - HE'LL TAKE THE PATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE, 514 00:16:09,867 --> 00:16:11,327 THAT'S THE ONE YOU WANT TO TAKE. 515 00:16:11,333 --> 00:16:12,803 - WHERE DID YOU GET A DEAD SEA LION? 516 00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:15,170 - * YOU ASK TOO MANY QUESTIOOONS * 517 00:16:17,700 --> 00:16:18,930 [giggles] OKAY. 518 00:16:18,933 --> 00:16:20,333 WE'VE LEARNED SOMETHING HERE. 519 00:16:20,333 --> 00:16:22,073 THOSE SHARKS ARE HUNGRY. 520 00:16:22,067 --> 00:16:23,267 [soft whistle blows] 521 00:16:23,267 --> 00:16:24,397 - OH, CRAP, IT'S HIGH TIDE. I GOT-- 522 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:25,430 I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE. 523 00:16:25,433 --> 00:16:27,373 - WUSSING OUT? WUSS. 524 00:16:27,367 --> 00:16:29,397 - NO, I'D LOVE TO SURF THIS. 525 00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:33,070 BUT I DON'T HAVE A SURFBOARD, THANKS TO SOMEBODY. 526 00:16:33,067 --> 00:16:34,467 SO, YOU KNOW, MAYBE ANOTHER DAY. 527 00:16:34,467 --> 00:16:35,627 - MONDO! 528 00:16:35,633 --> 00:16:36,673 HERE. 529 00:16:36,667 --> 00:16:38,297 YOU'VE BEEN A REAL BRO TO ME. 530 00:16:38,300 --> 00:16:40,430 AND I'VE NEVER HAD A BRO BEFORE. 531 00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:42,633 I'VE ALWAYS BEEN KIND OF A LONER. 532 00:16:42,633 --> 00:16:45,873 BUT IT'S BEEN FUN BEING LONERS TOGETHER. 533 00:16:45,867 --> 00:16:47,167 - WOW, THANKS, MAN. 534 00:16:47,167 --> 00:16:49,567 WOODIE, THIS MEANS A LOT TO ME. 535 00:16:49,567 --> 00:16:50,567 - IT'S NOTHING. 536 00:16:50,567 --> 00:16:52,427 - BUT YOUR TIMING SUCKS. 537 00:16:52,433 --> 00:16:55,073 (all but Jeena) - BABY BEACH, BABY BEACH. 538 00:16:55,067 --> 00:16:58,897 BABY BEACH, BABY BEACH. 539 00:16:58,900 --> 00:17:00,470 - GIMME THAT BOARD. 540 00:17:00,467 --> 00:17:02,167 I GOT US INTO THIS MESS. 541 00:17:02,167 --> 00:17:03,497 I'M GONNA GET US OUT. 542 00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:05,900 I CAME TO THIS TOWN TO MAKE A NAME FOR MYSELF, 543 00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:07,970 AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M GONNA DO. 544 00:17:07,967 --> 00:17:09,797 EVEN IF I DIE, 545 00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:13,730 AT LEAST THE LOVE OF MY LIFE WILL REMEMBER MY NAME FOREVER. 546 00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:15,733 - BE CAREFUL, MONGO. 547 00:17:15,733 --> 00:17:18,233 - CLOSE ENOUGH. 548 00:17:18,233 --> 00:17:19,833 - WAIT. 549 00:17:19,833 --> 00:17:21,103 GOOD LUCK. 550 00:17:21,100 --> 00:17:24,100 [dramatic music] 551 00:17:24,100 --> 00:17:25,370 * * 552 00:17:25,367 --> 00:17:26,627 - WRONG WAY! 553 00:17:26,633 --> 00:17:30,673 * * 554 00:17:33,233 --> 00:17:35,973 [Weezer's Brave New World] 555 00:17:35,967 --> 00:17:37,067 - OHHH! 556 00:17:37,067 --> 00:17:39,567 - * THIS IS THE DAWNING * 557 00:17:39,567 --> 00:17:42,627 * OF A BRAVE NEW WORLD * 558 00:17:42,633 --> 00:17:44,533 - WOO-HOO! - YEAH! 559 00:17:44,533 --> 00:17:45,873 - * I DON'T KNOW WHERE I'M GOING * 560 00:17:45,867 --> 00:17:48,527 * BUT I KNOW I'LL FIGURE IT OUT * 561 00:17:48,533 --> 00:17:49,933 - [coughing] 562 00:17:49,933 --> 00:17:51,233 WHOA. 563 00:17:51,233 --> 00:17:53,673 THIS IS HOW LEGENDS ARE BORN. 564 00:17:53,667 --> 00:17:54,667 MM. 565 00:17:54,667 --> 00:17:57,197 [coughing] THIS IS--HM. 566 00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:59,230 - * THIS IS THE DAWNING * 567 00:17:59,233 --> 00:18:02,503 * OF A BRAVE NEW WORLD * 568 00:18:02,500 --> 00:18:04,970 - MILEY'S HOLE! 569 00:18:04,967 --> 00:18:06,827 - HUH? 570 00:18:06,833 --> 00:18:08,403 BALLS! 571 00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:10,530 OOF! 572 00:18:10,533 --> 00:18:11,533 [ethereal rock music] 573 00:18:11,533 --> 00:18:19,473 * * 574 00:18:24,567 --> 00:18:25,597 - MM. 575 00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:27,870 - WHA? 576 00:18:27,867 --> 00:18:30,197 - MMMM. 577 00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:32,700 [guys cheering] - MONDO, MONDO. 578 00:18:32,700 --> 00:18:34,100 - [coughing] 579 00:18:34,100 --> 00:18:35,370 - YOU'RE ALIVE. 580 00:18:35,367 --> 00:18:37,067 - [coughing] WHA--WHAT HAPPENED? 581 00:18:37,067 --> 00:18:39,197 - YOU ATE IT ON THAT MONSTER WAVE. 582 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:40,870 THEN YOU FRENCH KISSED LONNIE FOR, LIKE, FOUR MINUTES. 583 00:18:40,867 --> 00:18:43,067 - OH, GOD! 584 00:18:43,067 --> 00:18:44,627 [gagging] 585 00:18:44,633 --> 00:18:46,633 - AH, BUT THE BADASS NEWS, YO, 586 00:18:46,633 --> 00:18:49,203 IS AT LEAST YOUR REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS REMAIN FUNCTIONAL. 587 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:51,070 - [laughing] MONDO HAS A BONER. 588 00:18:51,067 --> 00:18:52,267 - THAT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE. 589 00:18:52,267 --> 00:18:53,297 WELL, IT IS. 590 00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:54,670 BUT IT'S NOT BECAUSE LONNIE 591 00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:57,097 STUCK HIS TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT. 592 00:18:57,100 --> 00:18:59,470 - DUDE, I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW HARD YOU ATE IT. 593 00:18:59,467 --> 00:19:00,967 - TURK. - OH. 594 00:19:00,967 --> 00:19:03,667 AND YOU'RE OFFICIALLY UN-BANNED FROM MY BEACH. 595 00:19:03,667 --> 00:19:05,727 - YOU WERE INCREDIBLE OUT THERE. 596 00:19:05,733 --> 00:19:06,833 AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS, 597 00:19:06,833 --> 00:19:08,373 BUT SOMETHING ABOUT YOU 598 00:19:08,367 --> 00:19:10,427 HAS A CALMING EFFECT ON ME. 599 00:19:10,433 --> 00:19:13,833 - AW, DUDE, SHE'S SUCKED IN BY THE CHESTICLES. 600 00:19:13,833 --> 00:19:17,303 - SO, JEENA, CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING? 601 00:19:17,300 --> 00:19:20,500 DO YOU MAYBE, YOU KNOW, ONE TIME WANNA-- 602 00:19:20,500 --> 00:19:22,500 UM, WHAT DO YOU THINK 603 00:19:22,500 --> 00:19:24,270 OF LAVENDER BODY BUTTER? 604 00:19:24,267 --> 00:19:26,427 - OH, I USE IT TO MOISTURIZE MY THIGHS. 605 00:19:26,433 --> 00:19:27,603 SEE YOU IN CLASS, MONDO. 606 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,570 - SUCKER! 607 00:19:29,567 --> 00:19:30,827 - [coughing] 608 00:19:30,833 --> 00:19:32,133 - SHE KNOWS YOUR NAME. 609 00:19:32,133 --> 00:19:34,073 STEP ONE, DUDE. 610 00:19:34,067 --> 00:19:37,297 COME ON, LET'S GO SURFING. 611 00:19:37,300 --> 00:19:39,530 - BOOSTAMUUCHA! 612 00:19:41,533 --> 00:19:43,673 EVERYONE WAS GATHERED AROUND ME, 613 00:19:43,667 --> 00:19:45,067 AND EVEN TURK GAVE ME RESPECT. 614 00:19:45,067 --> 00:19:46,127 KIND OF. 615 00:19:46,133 --> 00:19:47,073 - THAT'S GREAT, HONEY. 616 00:19:47,067 --> 00:19:49,467 I'M GLAD YOU'RE LIKING IT HERE. 617 00:19:51,067 --> 00:19:52,067 - WAHHH! 618 00:19:52,067 --> 00:19:53,167 [glass shattering] OOF. 619 00:19:53,167 --> 00:19:54,467 I WAS LOOKING FOR MY FRISBEE. 620 00:19:54,467 --> 00:19:56,867 - THAT ONE? 621 00:19:56,867 --> 00:19:57,827 - UM, YEAH. 622 00:19:57,833 --> 00:19:59,103 - I'LL FIX ANOTHER PLATE. 623 00:19:59,100 --> 00:20:00,670 - SO, MS. BRANDO, 624 00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:02,127 MONDO SAYS YOU'RE WORKING AT TIKI TACO. 625 00:20:02,133 --> 00:20:03,133 HOW DO YOU LIKE IT? 626 00:20:03,133 --> 00:20:04,403 - IT'S ALL RIGHT. 627 00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:05,870 - I'M JUST GRATEFUL THAT I DON'T HAVE TO BE 628 00:20:05,867 --> 00:20:06,867 A HOOKER ANYMORE. 629 00:20:06,867 --> 00:20:07,867 - [choking] 630 00:20:07,867 --> 00:20:10,597 - * SHE'S MY CHERRY PIE * 631 00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:13,070 * SWEET CHERRY PIE * 632 00:20:13,067 --> 00:20:16,567 - SO IS CALIFORNIA EVERYTHING YOU THOUGHT IT'D BE? 633 00:20:16,567 --> 00:20:17,667 - NO. 634 00:20:17,667 --> 00:20:18,667 IT'S BETTER. 635 00:20:18,667 --> 00:20:19,967 - MONDO, LOOK! 636 00:20:19,967 --> 00:20:22,927 THE BOOB SOLAR CYCLE IS NEARLY COMPLETE. 637 00:20:22,933 --> 00:20:25,373 AS THEY PREPARE TO RE-HOOK THEIR BIKINI TOPS-- 638 00:20:25,367 --> 00:20:26,467 - SCREW THIS. 639 00:20:26,467 --> 00:20:28,827 LET'S DO IT JERSEY STYLE. 640 00:20:28,833 --> 00:20:30,403 HUH! IT'S A RAT! 641 00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:32,470 [girls screaming] 642 00:20:32,467 --> 00:20:35,127 - AND THE STUDENT HAS BECOME THE MASTER. 643 00:20:35,133 --> 00:20:38,073 Captioned by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com 644 00:20:38,123 --> 00:20:42,673 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 42953

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