Original subtitles

Previously on "Gemusetto Death Beat[s]"...

our friend group runs into the Perfect Human,

and they do everything they can to impress him,

including cartwheels and voice tributes.

Don't steal my voice.

It's a voice tribute, Josie.

But instead of helping them find the Center of all Death,

he inundates the world in shadow

with his Storkestra Orchestra?

The Perfect Human: You!

Tuonen Tytti!

Yacht Cock, my Yacht Rock Rooster,

what have we gotten ourselves into?

The Finish Psychopomp who ferries souls.

What brings you here?My boat!

Sure, you want to save the world and get a new boat...

but who are you really?

Yacht Cock is burning!

No!

Oh, here she is.

The Psychopomp ship captain who thinks she's so much better

than those "puny mortals."

Except talking about boats all the time

doesn't make you different from all the other girls.

Just a wiggling, wide-eyed,

aloof little stupid weasel woman.

-Boats-boats-boats-boats-boats. -I love boats. I love boats-

Besides, no one takes you seriously

with that boobsy skinbag on your forehead.

Why are there so many titty-breasts?

Men only see you as a foxy lady,

not a mythological boat captain.

And women like Dr. Legs

will only ever see you as competition.

Don't nobody wanna see yo' flappy forehead!

You need a double-D cup for that!

Double disappointment is what I call it.

Why are you even here?

Makasu probably just needs a mommy to hump

and siphon sweet, sweet emotional energy milk from.

I'm more than a tit... aren't I?

[ Echoing ] Aren't I?

[ Trumpeting ]

[ Indistinct singing ]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪ Gemusetto, Gemusetto, Gemusetto! ♪

Ugh! This is too tight on me.

I feel like I'm gonna pass gas through my eyes!

Ow! Stop. Da-- ow. Cool it!

I mean it's pretty, like Mozart, but, ow!

Oh, does that hurt, Josie?

I didn't think being hurt bothered you, coward.

I'd knock your nipples off if you had 'em,

you Mister Perfect Whatever!

I'm not -- I'll build you nipples

just so I can knock 'em off!

Ugh!

I don't need to tell you how straight-up [bleep] it is

that you 're hanging with your murderer

and his stupid pals.

[ Raspy voice ] This is all your fault.

What would your precious mother say if she could see you now?

What happened to your big, strong arms, Josie?

Oh, they were sucked up by that Makasu,

when he -- he stopped my bullying, you know.

You remember the story, Ma?

He's why you're not with me anymore?

No, he is, I mean, he's -- Ma!

These people aren't your friends.

They just want to make fun of the way you talk.

[ As Josie] It's just a voice tribute, Josie.

Tribute to how stupid it is.

Why do you even sound like that?

What -- is your nose full of bees?

Oh my word. My nose is full of bees!

The Perfect Human: That's all you are --

a weak-armed little noodle punk

buzzing around and annoying these guys

who don't even have the guts to tell you how it is,

how much they hate you.

Ah, no![ Buzzing ]

No! Makasu!

I killed you, dumb-dumb!

I sucked the juice out of your arms and now,

even as a dead person,

I suck every bit I can out of you!

You gotta stop!

Please don't suck my prostate out of my bulging eyes!

Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm.

Quit sucking!

Okay guys, I think it's b-time.

Bail time. Time to bail.

Man, this Vin Diesel-looking mother [bleep]

thinks he's made out of polygon.

He's giving off weird vibes!

Tell me Doctor Legs...Aah!

...where exactly did you obtain this degree you hold?

Ah!Some kind of slimy night school?

Bruh, it's just a cool name!

Put some respect on it, man!

My fingers are bigger than yours.

Come on. Wha-- wha--

What's wrong wi-- wha-- what's wrong with the Mind Womb?

Wh-- wh-- why can't I reach it?

The Bath Womb -- I can't reach --

I can't reach -- why c-- why can't I reach the Bath Womb?

Do you need to pussy tinkle, doctor?

Born of the chaos of the universe falling apart,

that's what you keep saying.

Some dumb chemical impulse in your disgusting finger body

tells you to help Makasu save the universe

as repentance for his mortal crimes.

Has he really gotten any better?

Any more reliable? Any more human?

Isn't it his fault you had to expedite the convergence

and destroy suicide town just to have a little hope

at finding the Center of All Death?

He's selfish! Dangerous!

[ Gravelly electronic voice ] Existence is churning

and burning!

Have you made anything any better, Dr. Legs?

What, that's supposed to make me feel bad?

Or somethin'?They're suffering, Makasu!

Ah-wadadadadadada!Uh...

Wadadadadada!

Yeah. You've all but undone existence,

and these people who have grown to like you,

for some reason, are hurting.

-Laaaaame. -Lame?!

You can't just say "Lame."

I can say whatever the heck I --Aren't you --

What's your problem? I can say lame.

Don't you feel bad?

Let them hate themselves, Perfect Human.

Whatever makes them happy.

That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

The universe hangs in the balance on your fragile ego,

and you were doing cartwheels to impress me.

Uh, oh no. Uh, guys, I'm spinning.

Well, you seemed cool, and I just want everyone

to like me these days, I guess I'm saying.

So I did cartwheels.

It's not that crazy.

Then why are you -- why aren't you insecure?!

[ Grunting ]

That's my secret, Perfect Human.

I'm always insecure.

-Always?! -Like the Hulk.

But instead of gamma radiation, my dad left.

I've dealt with illusions trying to mess with my head before.

The Incan death god Supay tried to fill me with guilt

about people I killed in high school.

The Welsh god Gwydion once tried to make me insecure

about my tennis skills when we were supposed to

be playing basketball for [bleep] sake.

And when I was three one of my foster dads

dripped ketamine on my cold cut snack pack

as a punishment for throwing the TV remote in the fireplace,

and I started gnawing at the hot tub outside

he used to pick up chicks

because I thought it was a flambéed watermelon,

and, boy, did I look like an idiot during this situation.

Yeah. You would look like an idiot.

But I -- I understand.

[ Screeching ]

Uh, mm, mm, mm.

Oh, wow. I'm like a baby

sucking his hand in his mouth.

[ Chuckles ] That's what you made me.

Oh, so this was the tweest.

Your Storkestra illusions happened,

and you tried to pump us full of your magic green soup sedative.

It's not green soup.

You know, I grew up drinking green soup all the time.

I know.

They had green soup in the little boxes.

-Ugh. -Little green soup boxes.

-I know! -Why are you yelling?

Are you annoyed at me?[ Grumbles ]

I get it.

Sometimes you just gotta lie down on the ground

like a discarded dental dam when all your plans don't work.

I've been there.

I compose you -- Keith!

[ Speaking gibberish ]

-I like you Keith. -Cool.

I'm admitting this.

Play music on the piano.

[ Clears throat ]

♪ When the whole dang world seems shrouded in lies ♪

♪ You're gonna get the green soupies soup ♪

♪ Out of all your best friends' eyes ♪

Oh, my God.

♪ That's the first time I've called you ♪

♪ My best friends

Hold up. Keith?Bwah bwoh?

I just had a breakthrough. Cool.

I've considered these people adult friends,

but now I consider them best friends.

I've never had best friends.

Singing is great![ Sobs ]

Tytti, you're alone right now.

I know I'm alone.

♪ You're gonna get the green soupies soup ♪

Makasu!♪ Out of all your best friends' eyes ♪

Makasu? You're not sucking up my juices.

♪ Savin' my best friends with the friendship song ♪Oh, oh!

Okay. Keep singing your friendship song, Makasu.

Yes, I hear you!

♪ But it's the song about friendship ♪

♪ That I'm singing right now

Ah, screw it, whatever. Music's dumb.

Music's the most overrated medium.

I am awake.

♪ About friendship Keep singing!

♪ 'Cause it's the best song Ugh.

Why did you stop?

Ew! Am I being groped by a bunch of tiny old wet men?

What you saying, Tytti? Who's wet?

Tiny old wet men! Fool.

Ugh.

It's like they went to Cracker Barrel in the rain.

-Yeah. -For chicken livers.

-Yeah. -We got shit to do, Sherlock.

Thank you again for falling down from the sky

and using green soup to maybe make us learn about ourselves.

But we need to find a gateway to the Center of All Death.

Sorry you wasted our time. Bye.

Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop!

Damn, we look [bleep] sick, dude.

-Good morning! -We look like we could...

Pop!...spit in anybody's mouth we want.

We look like we [bleep]

You do [bleep]

You do [bleep]

Y--

You do [bleep]

Perfect Human thinks we [bleep]?

You need a gateway to the Center of All Death?

There are many, scattered, hard to find,

and you've brought many close to you.

But the closest is right here.

That's some sharp frickin' broccoli!

That is sharp broccoli.

That's a keen-ass observation, Josie.

Most broccoli doesn't cut things.

Josie is smart for someone of Italian descent.

The Perfect Human: The truth is, Makasu,

I was here to test you.

I was the last survivor of an abandoned British experiment.

I made love to the woman who raised me,

Mathilda Brakelight.No, no, calm down.

She gave birth in 1868.Keep going. Don't do that.

That's no good.

Okay, keep going. That's alright.

The Americans bought our child for a high price

and subjected it to more analysis.

We used that money to live peacefully

for the rest of our lives,

as ski instructors in Switzerland.

We also had wife-swap parties

catered by a local hag.

We wore winter hats.

This was before birth control.

Wife swapping is when you [bleep] another wife.

But the years passed.

The Americans worked on my spawn,

my bloodline, our bloodline.

You are the son of the clone of the clone of my son.

The Super Sportsman Project.

So I'm perfect, like you?

God no.

But I had to make sure you were all ready to reset

the Center of All Death by testing you with my Storkestra.

I will now return to my death palace

with my mother-wife and have a ghost wife-swap party.

I'm gonna miss whatever just happened

when I think about things.

♪ When the whole dang world

♪ Seems shrouded in lies

♪ You wanna get the green soupie soup ♪

♪ Out of your best friends' eyes ♪

Next time on "Gemusetto Death Beat[s]"...

we know the afterlives are screwed up

to the sticking place,

but what about the mortal world?

Can being a nyan nyan kitty maid

really save your marriage?

♪♪

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