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**
2
00:00:25,393 --> 00:00:27,663
Announcer: This summer...
3
00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:32,425
Bruce Willis in "Bruce Willis,"
4
00:00:32,466 --> 00:00:35,996
starring Bruce Willis
5
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:39,436
and Bruce Willis
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00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:43,213
and Bruce Willis
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00:00:43,244 --> 00:00:45,584
and Bruce Willis
8
00:00:45,613 --> 00:00:48,053
and Bruce Willis
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00:00:48,082 --> 00:00:49,422
and Bruce Willis
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00:00:49,450 --> 00:00:50,620
and Bruce Willis...
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00:00:50,651 --> 00:00:52,591
[ Gunshot ]
...Bruce Willis,
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00:00:52,620 --> 00:00:57,090
Willis, Bruce Willis...
13
00:00:57,125 --> 00:00:59,025
This summer...
14
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:01,899
Bruce Willis.
15
00:01:05,633 --> 00:01:08,103
[ Cheers and applause ]
16
00:01:08,136 --> 00:01:10,566
I think
it's time we talked.
17
00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:12,935
[ Woman shrieks ]
18
00:01:12,973 --> 00:01:16,643
* Back to the sex cave
19
00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:17,947
[ Woman shrieks ]
20
00:01:17,978 --> 00:01:21,278
* Back to the sex cave
21
00:01:22,983 --> 00:01:24,653
* Today I had errands
22
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* I had to buy a new chain
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New chain.
[ Woman shrieks ]
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00:01:28,489 --> 00:01:30,959
* I had to get my samples back,
you know *
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00:01:30,991 --> 00:01:32,431
-Oh, yeah.
-You know.
26
00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:33,730
* Oh, yeah
27
00:01:33,761 --> 00:01:35,731
* Then I paid
with Fabergé eggs *
28
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* If you don't take 'em
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...you.
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* If you don't take 'em
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[ Woman shrieks ]
-...you.
32
00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:42,772
* If you don't take 'em
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00:01:42,803 --> 00:01:46,313
* Then it's back
to the sex cave *
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00:01:46,340 --> 00:01:48,310
Shh.
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00:01:48,342 --> 00:01:51,812
* Back to the sex cave
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00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:57,287
* Hey, Katie, I finally
finished my script *
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Yeah.
38
00:01:58,552 --> 00:02:00,322
* For the Little Richard
biopic *
39
00:02:00,354 --> 00:02:01,424
* Now I can die
40
00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:02,755
Wait.
41
00:02:02,790 --> 00:02:06,430
* But first it's back
to the sex cave *
42
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,760
* And on and on and on and on
43
00:02:08,796 --> 00:02:11,526
* Back to the sex cave
44
00:02:11,565 --> 00:02:12,995
[ Crowd cheering ]
45
00:02:13,033 --> 00:02:15,473
Okay, guys, it's time
to take Little Milton
46
00:02:15,503 --> 00:02:16,943
back to the hospital.
47
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:18,840
No!
48
00:02:18,872 --> 00:02:20,872
Okay. [ Chuckles ]
49
00:02:20,908 --> 00:02:22,578
Whatever.
50
00:02:24,378 --> 00:02:27,148
I'm Crimplestiltskin!
51
00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:30,881
Why would I not crimp
your hair?
52
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Frizz and frizz and frizz.
53
00:02:34,522 --> 00:02:35,492
[ Laughs ]
54
00:02:35,523 --> 00:02:36,563
[ Boing! Boing! ]
55
00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:39,690
[ Laughing ]
56
00:02:39,727 --> 00:02:41,527
[ Screams ]
57
00:02:41,562 --> 00:02:43,002
[ Gasps ]
58
00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:44,600
[ Sighs ]
59
00:03:01,615 --> 00:03:04,415
Announcer:
Big Brown Audio presents
60
00:03:04,452 --> 00:03:06,922
"An Inspirational Look at Jobs
in the Future"
61
00:03:06,954 --> 00:03:10,094
by Bernard Blopblop.
62
00:03:13,093 --> 00:03:14,733
Tambor:
Who am I talking to?
63
00:03:14,762 --> 00:03:17,672
Oh, yeah, yeah, you guys.
Okay, you guys.
64
00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:22,538
You guys -- You guys are going
to enjoy eating yourselves
65
00:03:22,570 --> 00:03:23,940
when the food runs out.
66
00:03:23,971 --> 00:03:26,571
The future is [bleep]
67
00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:27,877
It's over.
It's all ending.
68
00:03:27,908 --> 00:03:29,078
Let's be serious, all right?
69
00:03:29,109 --> 00:03:30,909
All jobs -- Can you hear me?
70
00:03:30,944 --> 00:03:35,084
All jobs in the future
will be corpse-related.
71
00:03:35,115 --> 00:03:37,785
I have an idea for a movie.
It's me trying to eat you.
72
00:03:37,818 --> 00:03:39,548
You knock on my door
asking for help.
73
00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:43,357
Then I bring you down to my
basement, and I eat your back.
74
00:03:43,391 --> 00:03:45,731
You are [bleep]
75
00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:47,429
You guys have made a mistake.
76
00:03:47,461 --> 00:03:49,131
You gave us your money
77
00:03:49,162 --> 00:03:50,932
instead of buying a bunch
of guns
78
00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:52,874
and moving to the top
of a mountain.
79
00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:54,600
Get up there
and eat, uh, eagles.
80
00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:55,935
[ Eagle screeches ]
81
00:03:55,969 --> 00:03:57,909
And -- And wait
the next few decades out.
82
00:03:57,938 --> 00:03:59,268
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
83
00:03:59,307 --> 00:04:01,807
You're gonna be eating
each other's backs.
84
00:04:01,842 --> 00:04:03,612
And it's the backs
you want to eat, see.
85
00:04:03,644 --> 00:04:07,324
Keep that face turned away from
you so you don't feel guilty.
86
00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:10,218
[ Laughs ]
87
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:13,120
Yeah, sorry.
Here's my one piece of advice.
88
00:04:13,153 --> 00:04:15,993
Watch all the "Mad Max" movies,
okay?
89
00:04:16,023 --> 00:04:18,293
Yeah, all right [bleep] those.
90
00:04:18,326 --> 00:04:19,856
Thank you.
91
00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:24,334
And go to hell, you [bleep]
92
00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:53,130
Announcer:
Thanks, audience.
93
00:04:55,663 --> 00:04:57,163
[ Inhales ]
94
00:04:57,197 --> 00:05:00,497
* I know that scent
95
00:05:00,534 --> 00:05:02,674
* Let me see your throat
96
00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:04,003
[ Inhales ]
97
00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:07,007
* Tonsils raised
and malodorous brocade *
98
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:09,510
* Wow, I'm starting to choke
99
00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:11,043
[ Inhales ]
100
00:05:11,078 --> 00:05:13,348
* I feel like seven
little dwarves in a mine *
101
00:05:13,381 --> 00:05:17,181
* It's time to pick,
oh, please, don't you mind *
102
00:05:17,217 --> 00:05:20,687
* As I romance your stones
103
00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:24,061
* As I romance your stones
104
00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:30,731
Man: It's like I always see
Tyra Banks, you know,
105
00:05:30,764 --> 00:05:33,034
up in a shark tower,
you know,
106
00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:35,796
with, like, a net
that she has made
107
00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:37,906
out of, like, dental floss.
108
00:05:37,938 --> 00:05:40,968
And she's waiting up there
for that one kid --
109
00:05:41,008 --> 00:05:43,538
that one kid
to pass underneath her.
110
00:05:43,577 --> 00:05:45,377
You know, that one kid
111
00:05:45,413 --> 00:05:49,523
who may or may not have stolen
her beach read,
112
00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:53,050
which is, like, a
super-hard-to-find edition
113
00:05:53,086 --> 00:05:57,056
of "The Kama Sutra"
because herself, Tyra Banks,
114
00:05:57,090 --> 00:05:59,890
has been drawn
in all the illustrations
115
00:05:59,927 --> 00:06:01,427
of the positions.
116
00:06:01,462 --> 00:06:03,732
It's really rare.
117
00:06:03,764 --> 00:06:06,904
[ Snoring ]
118
00:06:10,804 --> 00:06:13,044
So, how do you like it?
119
00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:24,590
Wow, this monster is so bad
he's got to be a gay liberal.
120
00:06:24,618 --> 00:06:26,118
He's causing
more destruction
121
00:06:26,153 --> 00:06:28,223
than the so-called Holocaust,
which never happened.
122
00:06:28,255 --> 00:06:29,885
First,
we'll kill the monster,
123
00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:33,133
then we'll clean the rest of the
monster races out of the city.
124
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All:
Yeah! Let's go!
125
00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:41,098
Oh, man, the lazy Mexicans
must have let him out.
126
00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:42,804
I bet he jumped
the border.
127
00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:44,866
What have the Jews
been feeding him?
128
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:46,035
He's huge.
129
00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:47,943
Come to your senses, Nort.
130
00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:50,575
The Jews don't feed anyone
but themselves.
131
00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:52,811
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
we did not call you guys.
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00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:54,106
Never need to, sheriff.
133
00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:56,617
No, no, I mean
we do not want your help.
134
00:06:56,650 --> 00:06:58,790
[ Roaring ]
135
00:06:58,819 --> 00:07:00,049
Looks like
you need it to me.
136
00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:01,617
That monster's
tearing down your city.
137
00:07:01,655 --> 00:07:05,155
Good job, Carl, telling that
liberal sheriff what's what.
138
00:07:05,192 --> 00:07:07,062
Jenny, go tie up
the monster.
139
00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:09,464
Jack, go segregate
the schools.
140
00:07:09,497 --> 00:07:11,467
[ Roaring ]
141
00:07:11,499 --> 00:07:14,969
I'm afraid this is
gonna take all of us.
142
00:07:15,002 --> 00:07:16,442
All:
Morphing time!
143
00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:18,170
Mel Gibson mode!
144
00:07:20,808 --> 00:07:22,508
Now that we're in
Mel Gibson mode,
145
00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:25,283
let's go ahead
and wipe out Chinatown.
146
00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:28,052
And after that,
Little Armenia.
147
00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:31,016
Hell, no.
Come on, everyone.
148
00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:32,321
We got to stop it.
149
00:07:32,352 --> 00:07:34,122
[ Roaring ]
150
00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:40,793
[ Crowd cheering ]
151
00:07:40,828 --> 00:07:43,058
Yeah! Hell, yeah!
152
00:07:48,235 --> 00:07:51,065
Man, we done told you
this is our turf, money!
153
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:57,138
[ Whistling ]
154
00:07:59,379 --> 00:08:04,279
Hi, I'm Henry Sneaker
in the lusty city of Barcelona.
155
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,017
We have plenty to explore,
156
00:08:06,053 --> 00:08:09,363
but first, I want to
check in to that hotel.
157
00:08:09,389 --> 00:08:12,329
Hit the hand sanitizer
and peek out the window
158
00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:15,699
at that city
and all its dangerous locals.
159
00:08:15,729 --> 00:08:18,529
If you're feeling adventurous,
try room service.
160
00:08:18,566 --> 00:08:19,996
Don't forget to hide
in the closet
161
00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:21,373
when they deliver the food
162
00:08:21,401 --> 00:08:24,241
and keep a firm grasp
on that money belt.
163
00:08:24,271 --> 00:08:27,071
When they come in,
get a glimpse of that bellhop.
164
00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:28,877
What a local.
165
00:08:28,909 --> 00:08:30,339
Later this afternoon,
166
00:08:30,377 --> 00:08:33,177
we'll explore the paintings
in the hotel room,
167
00:08:33,213 --> 00:08:34,513
or we'll browse a brochure
168
00:08:34,548 --> 00:08:37,048
depicting the frightening sights
and wonders
169
00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:39,324
that Barcelona has to offer.
170
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:42,022
Here's a great
world-traveling tip --
171
00:08:42,055 --> 00:08:43,815
Go ahead and get to the airport
172
00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:45,927
three days prior
to your departure.
173
00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:47,659
But on your way to the airport,
174
00:08:47,695 --> 00:08:51,395
be sure to hide yourself under
a blanket in the back of a cab.
175
00:08:51,431 --> 00:08:54,101
What I like to do
when leaving for the airport
176
00:08:54,134 --> 00:08:55,774
in a city as lusty as Barcelona
177
00:08:55,803 --> 00:08:59,743
is to actually order a second
cab and put a mannequin in it.
178
00:08:59,773 --> 00:09:03,683
I dress that mannequin like me,
and I include a decoy money belt
179
00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:06,111
to lure those thieves
and locals.
180
00:09:06,146 --> 00:09:08,176
Remember a tip
from season one --
181
00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:11,945
Always carry a concealed
snake hook when traveling.
182
00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:14,085
When exchanging money
for the taxi,
183
00:09:14,121 --> 00:09:16,621
I'd say it's time
to whip out that snake hook.
184
00:09:16,657 --> 00:09:20,087
Once you're home
after the exhausting travel,
185
00:09:20,127 --> 00:09:22,227
you can finally go number two.
186
00:09:22,262 --> 00:09:26,672
And that's how Henry Sneaker
does lusty Barcelona.
187
00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:33,768
* Ooh, what's up?
[ Laughs ]
188
00:09:33,807 --> 00:09:35,207
* What's up?
189
00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:37,952
* What's up, time?
190
00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:40,908
* What's up?
What's up? *
191
00:09:40,948 --> 00:09:44,318
* What's up, time?
192
00:09:49,990 --> 00:09:52,130
* Nothing stinks to me
193
00:09:52,159 --> 00:09:55,129
* Nope, nothing stinks
to me *
194
00:09:55,162 --> 00:09:56,962
* Used to have a problem
with the world *
195
00:09:56,997 --> 00:09:59,697
* But now nothing stinks
to me *
196
00:10:00,701 --> 00:10:03,371
[ Cheers and applause ]
197
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:06,435
Bass!
198
00:10:06,473 --> 00:10:09,013
Welcome back
to the Country Music Awards.
199
00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:11,142
I'm Chuck D.
And I'm Cheddar Lynn.
200
00:10:11,178 --> 00:10:12,508
[ Applause ]
201
00:10:12,545 --> 00:10:13,505
Ohh, y'all!
202
00:10:13,546 --> 00:10:16,446
Oh, thank you so much
for that.
203
00:10:16,483 --> 00:10:21,093
Okay, y'all, here's the winner
for video of the year.
204
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:25,131
Jennifer Misty's
"Christmas Prayer to Y'all."
205
00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:28,498
[ Cheers and applause ]
206
00:10:28,528 --> 00:10:32,168
* All's I want for Christmas
is y'all *
207
00:10:32,199 --> 00:10:34,669
* Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba
208
00:10:34,702 --> 00:10:39,972
* All's I want for Christmas
is y'all *
209
00:10:40,007 --> 00:10:41,167
* Ba, ba, ba, ba
210
00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:43,978
* Y'all are all so special
211
00:10:44,011 --> 00:10:46,981
* Y'all are all so grand
212
00:10:47,014 --> 00:10:49,224
* Y'all are all the things
and all I wanted *
213
00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:52,319
* on the Fatherland
214
00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:57,092
* Fatherland, yeah
215
00:10:57,142 --> 00:11:01,692
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