Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,236 --> 00:00:05,706
**
2
00:00:25,393 --> 00:00:27,663
Announcer: This summer...
3
00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:32,425
Bruce Willis in "Bruce Willis,"
4
00:00:32,466 --> 00:00:35,996
starring Bruce Willis
5
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:39,436
and Bruce Willis
6
00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:43,213
and Bruce Willis
7
00:00:43,244 --> 00:00:45,584
and Bruce Willis
8
00:00:45,613 --> 00:00:48,053
and Bruce Willis
9
00:00:48,082 --> 00:00:49,422
and Bruce Willis
10
00:00:49,450 --> 00:00:50,620
and Bruce Willis...
11
00:00:50,651 --> 00:00:52,591
[ Gunshot ]
...Bruce Willis,
12
00:00:52,620 --> 00:00:57,090
Willis, Bruce Willis...
13
00:00:57,125 --> 00:00:59,025
This summer...
14
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:01,899
Bruce Willis.
15
00:01:05,633 --> 00:01:08,103
[ Cheers and applause ]
16
00:01:08,136 --> 00:01:10,566
I think
it's time we talked.
17
00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:12,935
[ Woman shrieks ]
18
00:01:12,973 --> 00:01:16,643
* Back to the sex cave
19
00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:17,947
[ Woman shrieks ]
20
00:01:17,978 --> 00:01:21,278
* Back to the sex cave
21
00:01:22,983 --> 00:01:24,653
* Today I had errands
22
00:01:24,685 --> 00:01:26,615
* I had to buy a new chain
23
00:01:26,654 --> 00:01:28,464
New chain.
[ Woman shrieks ]
24
00:01:28,489 --> 00:01:30,959
* I had to get my samples back,
you know *
25
00:01:30,991 --> 00:01:32,431
-Oh, yeah.
-You know.
26
00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:33,730
* Oh, yeah
27
00:01:33,761 --> 00:01:35,731
* Then I paid
with Fabergé eggs *
28
00:01:35,763 --> 00:01:38,233
* If you don't take 'em
29
00:01:38,266 --> 00:01:39,226
...you.
30
00:01:39,267 --> 00:01:40,297
* If you don't take 'em
31
00:01:40,334 --> 00:01:41,574
[ Woman shrieks ]
-...you.
32
00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:42,772
* If you don't take 'em
33
00:01:42,803 --> 00:01:46,313
* Then it's back
to the sex cave *
34
00:01:46,340 --> 00:01:48,310
Shh.
35
00:01:48,342 --> 00:01:51,812
* Back to the sex cave
36
00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:57,287
* Hey, Katie, I finally
finished my script *
37
00:01:57,318 --> 00:01:58,518
Yeah.
38
00:01:58,552 --> 00:02:00,322
* For the Little Richard
biopic *
39
00:02:00,354 --> 00:02:01,424
* Now I can die
40
00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:02,755
Wait.
41
00:02:02,790 --> 00:02:06,430
* But first it's back
to the sex cave *
42
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,760
* And on and on and on and on
43
00:02:08,796 --> 00:02:11,526
* Back to the sex cave
44
00:02:11,565 --> 00:02:12,995
[ Crowd cheering ]
45
00:02:13,033 --> 00:02:15,473
Okay, guys, it's time
to take Little Milton
46
00:02:15,503 --> 00:02:16,943
back to the hospital.
47
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:18,840
No!
48
00:02:18,872 --> 00:02:20,872
Okay. [ Chuckles ]
49
00:02:20,908 --> 00:02:22,578
Whatever.
50
00:02:24,378 --> 00:02:27,148
I'm Crimplestiltskin!
51
00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:30,881
Why would I not crimp
your hair?
52
00:02:30,918 --> 00:02:34,488
Frizz and frizz and frizz.
53
00:02:34,522 --> 00:02:35,492
[ Laughs ]
54
00:02:35,523 --> 00:02:36,563
[ Boing! Boing! ]
55
00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:39,690
[ Laughing ]
56
00:02:39,727 --> 00:02:41,527
[ Screams ]
57
00:02:41,562 --> 00:02:43,002
[ Gasps ]
58
00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:44,600
[ Sighs ]
59
00:03:01,615 --> 00:03:04,415
Announcer:
Big Brown Audio presents
60
00:03:04,452 --> 00:03:06,922
"An Inspirational Look at Jobs
in the Future"
61
00:03:06,954 --> 00:03:10,094
by Bernard Blopblop.
62
00:03:13,093 --> 00:03:14,733
Tambor:
Who am I talking to?
63
00:03:14,762 --> 00:03:17,672
Oh, yeah, yeah, you guys.
Okay, you guys.
64
00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:22,538
You guys -- You guys are going
to enjoy eating yourselves
65
00:03:22,570 --> 00:03:23,940
when the food runs out.
66
00:03:23,971 --> 00:03:26,571
The future is [bleep]
67
00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:27,877
It's over.
It's all ending.
68
00:03:27,908 --> 00:03:29,078
Let's be serious, all right?
69
00:03:29,109 --> 00:03:30,909
All jobs -- Can you hear me?
70
00:03:30,944 --> 00:03:35,084
All jobs in the future
will be corpse-related.
71
00:03:35,115 --> 00:03:37,785
I have an idea for a movie.
It's me trying to eat you.
72
00:03:37,818 --> 00:03:39,548
You knock on my door
asking for help.
73
00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:43,357
Then I bring you down to my
basement, and I eat your back.
74
00:03:43,391 --> 00:03:45,731
You are [bleep]
75
00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:47,429
You guys have made a mistake.
76
00:03:47,461 --> 00:03:49,131
You gave us your money
77
00:03:49,162 --> 00:03:50,932
instead of buying a bunch
of guns
78
00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:52,874
and moving to the top
of a mountain.
79
00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:54,600
Get up there
and eat, uh, eagles.
80
00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:55,935
[ Eagle screeches ]
81
00:03:55,969 --> 00:03:57,909
And -- And wait
the next few decades out.
82
00:03:57,938 --> 00:03:59,268
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
83
00:03:59,307 --> 00:04:01,807
You're gonna be eating
each other's backs.
84
00:04:01,842 --> 00:04:03,612
And it's the backs
you want to eat, see.
85
00:04:03,644 --> 00:04:07,324
Keep that face turned away from
you so you don't feel guilty.
86
00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:10,218
[ Laughs ]
87
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:13,120
Yeah, sorry.
Here's my one piece of advice.
88
00:04:13,153 --> 00:04:15,993
Watch all the "Mad Max" movies,
okay?
89
00:04:16,023 --> 00:04:18,293
Yeah, all right [bleep] those.
90
00:04:18,326 --> 00:04:19,856
Thank you.
91
00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:24,334
And go to hell, you [bleep]
92
00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:53,130
Announcer:
Thanks, audience.
93
00:04:55,663 --> 00:04:57,163
[ Inhales ]
94
00:04:57,197 --> 00:05:00,497
* I know that scent
95
00:05:00,534 --> 00:05:02,674
* Let me see your throat
96
00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:04,003
[ Inhales ]
97
00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:07,007
* Tonsils raised
and malodorous brocade *
98
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:09,510
* Wow, I'm starting to choke
99
00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:11,043
[ Inhales ]
100
00:05:11,078 --> 00:05:13,348
* I feel like seven
little dwarves in a mine *
101
00:05:13,381 --> 00:05:17,181
* It's time to pick,
oh, please, don't you mind *
102
00:05:17,217 --> 00:05:20,687
* As I romance your stones
103
00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:24,061
* As I romance your stones
104
00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:30,731
Man: It's like I always see
Tyra Banks, you know,
105
00:05:30,764 --> 00:05:33,034
up in a shark tower,
you know,
106
00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:35,796
with, like, a net
that she has made
107
00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:37,906
out of, like, dental floss.
108
00:05:37,938 --> 00:05:40,968
And she's waiting up there
for that one kid --
109
00:05:41,008 --> 00:05:43,538
that one kid
to pass underneath her.
110
00:05:43,577 --> 00:05:45,377
You know, that one kid
111
00:05:45,413 --> 00:05:49,523
who may or may not have stolen
her beach read,
112
00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:53,050
which is, like, a
super-hard-to-find edition
113
00:05:53,086 --> 00:05:57,056
of "The Kama Sutra"
because herself, Tyra Banks,
114
00:05:57,090 --> 00:05:59,890
has been drawn
in all the illustrations
115
00:05:59,927 --> 00:06:01,427
of the positions.
116
00:06:01,462 --> 00:06:03,732
It's really rare.
117
00:06:03,764 --> 00:06:06,904
[ Snoring ]
118
00:06:10,804 --> 00:06:13,044
So, how do you like it?
119
00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:24,590
Wow, this monster is so bad
he's got to be a gay liberal.
120
00:06:24,618 --> 00:06:26,118
He's causing
more destruction
121
00:06:26,153 --> 00:06:28,223
than the so-called Holocaust,
which never happened.
122
00:06:28,255 --> 00:06:29,885
First,
we'll kill the monster,
123
00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:33,133
then we'll clean the rest of the
monster races out of the city.
124
00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:34,900
All:
Yeah! Let's go!
125
00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:41,098
Oh, man, the lazy Mexicans
must have let him out.
126
00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:42,804
I bet he jumped
the border.
127
00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:44,866
What have the Jews
been feeding him?
128
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:46,035
He's huge.
129
00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:47,943
Come to your senses, Nort.
130
00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:50,575
The Jews don't feed anyone
but themselves.
131
00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:52,811
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
we did not call you guys.
132
00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:54,106
Never need to, sheriff.
133
00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:56,617
No, no, I mean
we do not want your help.
134
00:06:56,650 --> 00:06:58,790
[ Roaring ]
135
00:06:58,819 --> 00:07:00,049
Looks like
you need it to me.
136
00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:01,617
That monster's
tearing down your city.
137
00:07:01,655 --> 00:07:05,155
Good job, Carl, telling that
liberal sheriff what's what.
138
00:07:05,192 --> 00:07:07,062
Jenny, go tie up
the monster.
139
00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:09,464
Jack, go segregate
the schools.
140
00:07:09,497 --> 00:07:11,467
[ Roaring ]
141
00:07:11,499 --> 00:07:14,969
I'm afraid this is
gonna take all of us.
142
00:07:15,002 --> 00:07:16,442
All:
Morphing time!
143
00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:18,170
Mel Gibson mode!
144
00:07:20,808 --> 00:07:22,508
Now that we're in
Mel Gibson mode,
145
00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:25,283
let's go ahead
and wipe out Chinatown.
146
00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:28,052
And after that,
Little Armenia.
147
00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:31,016
Hell, no.
Come on, everyone.
148
00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:32,321
We got to stop it.
149
00:07:32,352 --> 00:07:34,122
[ Roaring ]
150
00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:40,793
[ Crowd cheering ]
151
00:07:40,828 --> 00:07:43,058
Yeah! Hell, yeah!
152
00:07:48,235 --> 00:07:51,065
Man, we done told you
this is our turf, money!
153
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:57,138
[ Whistling ]
154
00:07:59,379 --> 00:08:04,279
Hi, I'm Henry Sneaker
in the lusty city of Barcelona.
155
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,017
We have plenty to explore,
156
00:08:06,053 --> 00:08:09,363
but first, I want to
check in to that hotel.
157
00:08:09,389 --> 00:08:12,329
Hit the hand sanitizer
and peek out the window
158
00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:15,699
at that city
and all its dangerous locals.
159
00:08:15,729 --> 00:08:18,529
If you're feeling adventurous,
try room service.
160
00:08:18,566 --> 00:08:19,996
Don't forget to hide
in the closet
161
00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:21,373
when they deliver the food
162
00:08:21,401 --> 00:08:24,241
and keep a firm grasp
on that money belt.
163
00:08:24,271 --> 00:08:27,071
When they come in,
get a glimpse of that bellhop.
164
00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:28,877
What a local.
165
00:08:28,909 --> 00:08:30,339
Later this afternoon,
166
00:08:30,377 --> 00:08:33,177
we'll explore the paintings
in the hotel room,
167
00:08:33,213 --> 00:08:34,513
or we'll browse a brochure
168
00:08:34,548 --> 00:08:37,048
depicting the frightening sights
and wonders
169
00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:39,324
that Barcelona has to offer.
170
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:42,022
Here's a great
world-traveling tip --
171
00:08:42,055 --> 00:08:43,815
Go ahead and get to the airport
172
00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:45,927
three days prior
to your departure.
173
00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:47,659
But on your way to the airport,
174
00:08:47,695 --> 00:08:51,395
be sure to hide yourself under
a blanket in the back of a cab.
175
00:08:51,431 --> 00:08:54,101
What I like to do
when leaving for the airport
176
00:08:54,134 --> 00:08:55,774
in a city as lusty as Barcelona
177
00:08:55,803 --> 00:08:59,743
is to actually order a second
cab and put a mannequin in it.
178
00:08:59,773 --> 00:09:03,683
I dress that mannequin like me,
and I include a decoy money belt
179
00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:06,111
to lure those thieves
and locals.
180
00:09:06,146 --> 00:09:08,176
Remember a tip
from season one --
181
00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:11,945
Always carry a concealed
snake hook when traveling.
182
00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:14,085
When exchanging money
for the taxi,
183
00:09:14,121 --> 00:09:16,621
I'd say it's time
to whip out that snake hook.
184
00:09:16,657 --> 00:09:20,087
Once you're home
after the exhausting travel,
185
00:09:20,127 --> 00:09:22,227
you can finally go number two.
186
00:09:22,262 --> 00:09:26,672
And that's how Henry Sneaker
does lusty Barcelona.
187
00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:33,768
* Ooh, what's up?
[ Laughs ]
188
00:09:33,807 --> 00:09:35,207
* What's up?
189
00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:37,952
* What's up, time?
190
00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:40,908
* What's up?
What's up? *
191
00:09:40,948 --> 00:09:44,318
* What's up, time?
192
00:09:49,990 --> 00:09:52,130
* Nothing stinks to me
193
00:09:52,159 --> 00:09:55,129
* Nope, nothing stinks
to me *
194
00:09:55,162 --> 00:09:56,962
* Used to have a problem
with the world *
195
00:09:56,997 --> 00:09:59,697
* But now nothing stinks
to me *
196
00:10:00,701 --> 00:10:03,371
[ Cheers and applause ]
197
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:06,435
Bass!
198
00:10:06,473 --> 00:10:09,013
Welcome back
to the Country Music Awards.
199
00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:11,142
I'm Chuck D.
And I'm Cheddar Lynn.
200
00:10:11,178 --> 00:10:12,508
[ Applause ]
201
00:10:12,545 --> 00:10:13,505
Ohh, y'all!
202
00:10:13,546 --> 00:10:16,446
Oh, thank you so much
for that.
203
00:10:16,483 --> 00:10:21,093
Okay, y'all, here's the winner
for video of the year.
204
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:25,131
Jennifer Misty's
"Christmas Prayer to Y'all."
205
00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:28,498
[ Cheers and applause ]
206
00:10:28,528 --> 00:10:32,168
* All's I want for Christmas
is y'all *
207
00:10:32,199 --> 00:10:34,669
* Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba
208
00:10:34,702 --> 00:10:39,972
* All's I want for Christmas
is y'all *
209
00:10:40,007 --> 00:10:41,167
* Ba, ba, ba, ba
210
00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:43,978
* Y'all are all so special
211
00:10:44,011 --> 00:10:46,981
* Y'all are all so grand
212
00:10:47,014 --> 00:10:49,224
* Y'all are all the things
and all I wanted *
213
00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:52,319
* on the Fatherland
214
00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:57,092
* Fatherland, yeah
215
00:10:57,142 --> 00:11:01,692
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
14888
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof