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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,670 --> 00:00:05,040 [ Hip-hop playing ] 2 00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:25,764 [ Mid-tempo music playing ] 3 00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:31,699 * I want to live 4 00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:35,342 * I want to live on a mountain 5 00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:37,609 * I want to live 6 00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:41,838 * Want to live on a mountain 7 00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:44,175 * Oh, up on top, like a cop 8 00:00:44,212 --> 00:00:46,412 * Feeling wind and sun on the rocks * 9 00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:50,047 * When the eagle says, "Hey, hey, hey!" * 10 00:00:50,084 --> 00:00:53,424 * I want to live on a mountain 11 00:00:53,454 --> 00:00:56,594 * I want to live 12 00:00:56,624 --> 00:01:00,264 * Want to live on a mountain 13 00:01:00,294 --> 00:01:02,804 * Oh, like a wizard or a monk 14 00:01:02,830 --> 00:01:04,600 * I would lose my funk 15 00:01:04,632 --> 00:01:08,772 * I would holler like an eagle shouting, "Hey, hey, hey!" * 16 00:01:08,802 --> 00:01:12,412 * I want to live on a mountain 17 00:01:14,975 --> 00:01:16,575 Here's my meter, okay? 18 00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:18,050 You got a nice ass. 19 00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:19,978 But you say you hate reading. 20 00:01:20,013 --> 00:01:22,383 But your mom was on "Oprah"... 21 00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:23,946 for something bad. 22 00:01:23,984 --> 00:01:26,224 You got an Etsy page? 23 00:01:26,254 --> 00:01:27,764 You make jewelry? 24 00:01:27,788 --> 00:01:29,488 For men? 25 00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:31,993 So it's a pass. 26 00:01:35,663 --> 00:01:36,803 -[ Screams ] -Aah! 27 00:01:36,830 --> 00:01:37,970 Sorry about that. 28 00:01:37,998 --> 00:01:39,628 My friends threw this football. 29 00:01:39,667 --> 00:01:42,567 Now they're way -- way out over... 30 00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:44,813 in the chop, out in the water. 31 00:01:44,838 --> 00:01:48,178 So, you know what would make this day even better? 32 00:01:48,209 --> 00:01:50,309 A bunch of illegal glass bottles. 33 00:01:50,344 --> 00:01:51,614 You guys got any? 34 00:01:51,645 --> 00:01:53,345 No. 35 00:01:53,381 --> 00:01:55,681 We -- we brought cans. 36 00:01:55,716 --> 00:01:57,146 [ Seagull squawks ] 37 00:01:57,185 --> 00:01:59,645 All right. 38 00:01:59,687 --> 00:02:01,457 Cool. 39 00:02:01,489 --> 00:02:03,589 Passed the test. 40 00:02:03,624 --> 00:02:05,964 [ Surf rock plays ] 41 00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:16,297 Are you drinking tasty beer out of a glass bottle? 42 00:02:16,337 --> 00:02:18,667 Yeah. You -- you want some? 43 00:02:18,706 --> 00:02:22,006 [ Gunshot, screaming ] 44 00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:24,782 It's okay. I'm a narc. 45 00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:25,882 [ Gunshot, thud ] 46 00:02:25,913 --> 00:02:28,253 Never ends. 47 00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:33,516 Hey, watch this. 48 00:02:33,554 --> 00:02:35,524 Pbht! 49 00:02:35,556 --> 00:02:36,816 [ Laughing ] 50 00:02:36,857 --> 00:02:38,687 I love that. Here, look at this. 51 00:02:38,726 --> 00:02:40,186 [ Farts ] 52 00:02:40,228 --> 00:02:42,328 [ Laughs ] 53 00:02:42,363 --> 00:02:43,903 [ Farts ] 54 00:02:44,732 --> 00:02:46,332 [ Hip hop playing ] 55 00:02:51,038 --> 00:02:53,038 * You suck at sex 56 00:02:53,073 --> 00:02:54,743 * You suck at sex 57 00:02:54,775 --> 00:02:57,905 * You suck at sex 58 00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:03,546 WOMAN: Hey, let me tell you my favorite types of Gump. 59 00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:05,194 Forrest. 60 00:03:05,219 --> 00:03:06,219 River. 61 00:03:06,254 --> 00:03:07,864 City. [ Horn honks ] 62 00:03:07,888 --> 00:03:09,588 Swamp. 63 00:03:09,623 --> 00:03:10,893 Cave. 64 00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:12,594 Snow. 65 00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:14,226 Sand. 66 00:03:14,262 --> 00:03:16,232 Garbage. 67 00:03:16,264 --> 00:03:18,834 Bubba Gump Gump. 68 00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:20,526 Troll. 69 00:03:20,568 --> 00:03:22,598 And Times Square. 70 00:03:22,636 --> 00:03:25,066 Jenny! 71 00:03:25,105 --> 00:03:28,075 All right, here's my meter, okay? 72 00:03:28,108 --> 00:03:30,508 Oh, you own a restaurant? 73 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:32,014 But it's a Wendy's. 74 00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,375 Oh, you Wendy. 75 00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:35,384 Oh, I'm gonna get with you, Wendy. 76 00:03:35,416 --> 00:03:36,976 I rate you high. 77 00:03:38,652 --> 00:03:41,292 [ Mid-tempo music plays ] 78 00:03:43,591 --> 00:03:45,731 * Don't make me laugh 79 00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:48,259 * I'm trying to climax 80 00:03:48,296 --> 00:03:50,526 * Stop scratching yourself 81 00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:53,134 * I'm trying to climax 82 00:03:53,166 --> 00:03:55,096 * Don't want to hear the specials * 83 00:03:55,135 --> 00:03:57,965 * I'm trying to climax 84 00:03:58,005 --> 00:03:59,935 * Just clench your grip 85 00:03:59,973 --> 00:04:02,783 * So I can climax 86 00:04:02,810 --> 00:04:04,780 * Get down from there 87 00:04:04,812 --> 00:04:07,282 * I'm trying to climax 88 00:04:07,315 --> 00:04:09,615 * Let's leave the hospital 89 00:04:09,650 --> 00:04:11,950 * So I can climax 90 00:04:11,985 --> 00:04:14,245 * Wash out yourself 91 00:04:14,288 --> 00:04:16,788 * So I can climax 92 00:04:16,824 --> 00:04:18,294 * Just scream "John Candy" 93 00:04:18,326 --> 00:04:19,256 John Candy! 94 00:04:19,293 --> 00:04:21,433 * And we will climax 95 00:04:21,462 --> 00:04:23,062 John Candy! 96 00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,626 John Candy! 97 00:04:25,666 --> 00:04:27,936 John Candy! 98 00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:29,938 John Candy! 99 00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:33,010 Oh, John Candy! 100 00:04:37,010 --> 00:04:38,480 I just keep seeing them. 101 00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:40,912 Their skin is like a chalky lizard's. 102 00:04:40,948 --> 00:04:44,178 Their voice is usually full of ghastly sounding mucus, 103 00:04:44,217 --> 00:04:46,187 and they're really, really slow. 104 00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:49,489 And you can see their skeleton under their skin. 105 00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:53,833 Is your life being ruined by horrible monsters? 106 00:04:53,861 --> 00:04:55,531 Well, I'm here to help. 107 00:04:55,563 --> 00:04:57,503 With Monster Traps! 108 00:04:57,531 --> 00:05:00,131 I don't know what happened to my parents. 109 00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:01,497 I want to their house, 110 00:05:01,535 --> 00:05:04,195 and there were to grody monsters there instead. 111 00:05:04,237 --> 00:05:07,137 My parents aren't even friends with any monsters. 112 00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:10,844 We can't find or bring back your loved ones, 113 00:05:10,878 --> 00:05:12,708 but we can trap monsters. 114 00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:15,116 Set the trap near where you've seen the monster. 115 00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:18,118 Set bait, then once you've caught it, 116 00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:20,821 you deliver that terrible creature 117 00:05:20,854 --> 00:05:22,464 to a monster repository. 118 00:05:22,490 --> 00:05:25,360 And start living a monster-free life. 119 00:05:27,728 --> 00:05:31,468 So, it's a-one and a-two and a-three and a-four. 120 00:05:31,499 --> 00:05:32,499 Got it? 121 00:05:32,533 --> 00:05:34,033 Yeah, I got it. 122 00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:36,567 It's a stab and a kill and a rape and a laugh. 123 00:05:36,604 --> 00:05:39,514 Right, huh? What? 124 00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:41,710 I'm Satan, come on. 125 00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:43,882 MAN: You know what? 126 00:05:43,911 --> 00:05:46,051 I always see Donald Trump in a trench coat 127 00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:49,149 with, like, two living goats for shoes 128 00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:52,892 and, like, nine rings made out of cheese. 129 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:55,020 And, you know, he's got no eyes, 130 00:05:55,055 --> 00:06:00,225 and he's got them hand teeth and them, like, ankle testicles. 131 00:06:00,260 --> 00:06:02,700 And, he's, like, living in Antarctica 132 00:06:02,730 --> 00:06:07,440 with, like, half a cyborg procedure done. 133 00:06:07,468 --> 00:06:11,038 But he's there with, like, the cast of "Goonies." 134 00:06:11,071 --> 00:06:13,871 And they're, like, working as his butlers. 135 00:06:13,907 --> 00:06:17,407 And the first tree ever planted has been uprooted 136 00:06:17,445 --> 00:06:21,045 and transplanted into his bedroom to keep him company, 137 00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:25,521 when, uh, you know, he, like, wakes up in his nightmares, 138 00:06:25,553 --> 00:06:28,093 when he's, like, missing his mommy 139 00:06:28,121 --> 00:06:29,621 and when he's wondering 140 00:06:29,657 --> 00:06:32,627 where all his stuffed animals are now. 141 00:06:32,660 --> 00:06:34,560 [ Door slams ] 142 00:06:36,464 --> 00:06:38,104 * Yeah 143 00:06:38,131 --> 00:06:39,771 * Oh 144 00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:44,242 * One time when I saw the TV 145 00:06:44,271 --> 00:06:46,711 * A woman get a breast implant right on the TV * 146 00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:49,410 * Another time I saw a little person get married * 147 00:06:49,443 --> 00:06:51,783 * And then I saw a ghost avenger dude, it was scary * 148 00:06:51,812 --> 00:06:52,952 * But yeah 149 00:06:52,980 --> 00:06:54,280 * One time I saw on the TV 150 00:06:54,314 --> 00:06:55,584 * A bunch of ninja warriors 151 00:06:55,616 --> 00:06:57,276 * And, man, they be swinging 152 00:06:57,317 --> 00:06:59,647 * And then I saw a baby get sent out into space * 153 00:06:59,687 --> 00:07:02,117 * And let me tell you that that baby had a look on his face * 154 00:07:02,155 --> 00:07:04,785 * Though, but, yeah 155 00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:07,325 I'm sick of having to have an opinion. 156 00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:09,800 Totally! I'm sick of having a body. 157 00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:11,630 I know. Exactly. 158 00:07:11,665 --> 00:07:15,395 I'm so ready for Johnny Depp to make us all into fiber optics. 159 00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:17,295 God, that sounds perfect. 160 00:07:17,337 --> 00:07:19,267 I don't want to choose another thing. 161 00:07:19,306 --> 00:07:21,306 I want to just be. 162 00:07:21,341 --> 00:07:23,481 Ugh, I want to just be catatonic. 163 00:07:23,511 --> 00:07:26,081 If Catatonia were a place, I'd buy a house. 164 00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:28,523 If I knew that death was just laying there 165 00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:31,649 and I was aware and I could just not do anything, 166 00:07:31,685 --> 00:07:32,785 I would die right now. 167 00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:34,990 If I was certain death was sleeping, 168 00:07:35,022 --> 00:07:37,262 I'd die right now, because I love dreams. 169 00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:39,460 I hate weather. 170 00:07:39,493 --> 00:07:40,493 Hate summer. 171 00:07:40,528 --> 00:07:41,658 Hate winter. 172 00:07:41,695 --> 00:07:42,755 Hate having skin. 173 00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,526 I just want to be eyes. 174 00:07:44,565 --> 00:07:45,795 And ears. 175 00:07:45,833 --> 00:07:47,903 I like gossip. 176 00:07:48,502 --> 00:07:50,642 [ Mid-tempo music plays ] 177 00:07:55,509 --> 00:07:58,479 * Have you seen the girl that's working at Ross? * 178 00:07:58,512 --> 00:08:01,952 * Oh, my God, she's working my thoughts * 179 00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:04,852 * Watch this girl give her hair a good toss * 180 00:08:04,885 --> 00:08:08,215 * Holy shit, man, this girl up in Ross * 181 00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:14,532 * Ooh, yeah 182 00:08:14,562 --> 00:08:17,702 * Oh, man, I am her boss 183 00:08:17,731 --> 00:08:21,001 * Gotta teach this girl the working at Ross * 184 00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:24,304 * Watch this girl give her hair a good toss * 185 00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:27,507 * Holy shit, man, this girl at the Ross * 186 00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:33,975 Kid pigs! 187 00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:35,884 Agh, we're kid pigs! 188 00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:37,176 -Kid pigs. -Kid pigs, yeah. 189 00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:38,547 I'm having my trotters! 190 00:08:38,586 --> 00:08:40,386 I want to eat the farmer lady's hair 191 00:08:40,420 --> 00:08:41,520 and suck her milk! 192 00:08:41,555 --> 00:08:42,385 Yeah. 193 00:08:42,422 --> 00:08:43,722 I'm a little [bleep] [ Farts ] 194 00:08:43,757 --> 00:08:44,857 I heard a weird story 195 00:08:44,892 --> 00:08:46,592 about a hairy white king human 196 00:08:46,627 --> 00:08:50,497 who lives in the clouds and loves to watch pain. 197 00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:51,230 Kid pigs! 198 00:08:51,264 --> 00:08:52,874 Find the milk! 199 00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:55,440 I'm gonna invest a lot of time in my education 200 00:08:55,468 --> 00:08:57,568 before I'm slaughtered. 201 00:08:57,605 --> 00:08:58,605 [ Laughing ] 202 00:08:58,639 --> 00:09:00,509 I wish I could have a hairdo. 203 00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,910 I wonder if the stars are just other kid pigs 204 00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:05,913 waiting to turn into energy to go into our humans 205 00:09:05,946 --> 00:09:07,716 so they could eat more kid pigs. 206 00:09:07,748 --> 00:09:08,918 Kid pigs! 207 00:09:08,949 --> 00:09:10,219 [ Oinking ] 208 00:09:13,253 --> 00:09:15,423 Um, so once I was up in a club, 209 00:09:15,455 --> 00:09:17,455 and I thought that I was the baddest bitch. 210 00:09:17,490 --> 00:09:19,690 But this bitch I guess thought she was better. 211 00:09:19,727 --> 00:09:21,357 'Cause she wanted to come into my section, 212 00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:23,264 which was V.I.P., by the way. 213 00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:26,196 That's very important, by the way. 214 00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:27,573 And she came up in my section 215 00:09:27,601 --> 00:09:29,371 trying to drink my cranberry and my vodka. 216 00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:31,072 So you know what I told that bitch. 217 00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:33,714 I say, "You can have a glass, but I'm gonna get in that ass." 218 00:09:33,741 --> 00:09:35,781 So after they finished my favorite song, 219 00:09:35,809 --> 00:09:38,149 which is "Get On the Floor" by Squiggly Wiggly, 220 00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:41,618 we went outside, and I bust that bitch in the face. 221 00:09:41,649 --> 00:09:44,119 And you know what? She's cuter now. 222 00:09:44,151 --> 00:09:45,391 MAN: * One, two, three, four 223 00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:46,948 * My roommate is God 224 00:09:46,987 --> 00:09:48,557 * My roommate is God 225 00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,888 * My roommate is God [ Laughs ] 226 00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:51,934 * He's always around 227 00:09:51,959 --> 00:09:53,629 * I want him to go 228 00:09:53,661 --> 00:09:55,931 * My roommate is God 229 00:09:55,963 --> 00:09:57,133 * He knows what I do 230 00:09:57,164 --> 00:09:58,934 * He looks in my face 231 00:09:58,966 --> 00:10:00,966 * My roommate is God 232 00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:02,271 * He's waiting for me 233 00:10:02,302 --> 00:10:03,472 * My roommate is God 234 00:10:03,503 --> 00:10:04,973 * He ate all my shit 235 00:10:05,005 --> 00:10:06,805 * My roommate is God 236 00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:11,311 MAN: Here we are at the slam dunk contest. 237 00:10:11,344 --> 00:10:12,984 And, hey, big man at the rim! 238 00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:14,353 Got some hops, this guy. 239 00:10:14,381 --> 00:10:16,181 Up in the air, big man at the rim! 240 00:10:16,216 --> 00:10:18,316 Wow! Did you see that? 241 00:10:18,351 --> 00:10:19,791 Big man at the time! 242 00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:22,190 Legs up in the air. Yeah. 243 00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:23,662 Look at that guy. 244 00:10:23,691 --> 00:10:25,861 Big man at the rim, right there. 245 00:10:25,893 --> 00:10:28,033 Big man at the rim! 246 00:10:28,061 --> 00:10:29,631 Wow! 247 00:10:29,663 --> 00:10:33,003 Between the legs dribble -- oh, big man at the rim! 248 00:10:33,033 --> 00:10:34,333 Yeah. 249 00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:35,597 Oh, my goodness. 250 00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:39,365 Shake the backboard. Big man. 251 00:10:39,406 --> 00:10:41,676 Take that! 252 00:10:41,709 --> 00:10:42,779 Take that! 253 00:10:42,810 --> 00:10:43,880 [ Cat yowls ] 254 00:10:43,911 --> 00:10:46,481 Take that! -Ohh. 255 00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:48,683 Take that! [ Whirs ] 256 00:10:48,716 --> 00:10:50,616 Take that! 257 00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:52,490 Yes! 258 00:10:52,519 --> 00:10:54,319 [ Hip-hop playing ] 259 00:11:08,235 --> 00:11:09,695 Bye-bye. 260 00:11:09,737 --> 00:11:11,337 Chirp. 261 00:11:11,387 --> 00:11:15,937 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 17306

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