Original subtitles

WOMAN: Subscribe to my channel at the end of the video.

Now, let's eat some food.

[chewing]

Boo!

[giggling]

- [stuttering] - What are you doing back here?

- Sorry. - I texted you like 15,000 times.

I got worried when you didn't respond,

I thought maybe you died.

No, no.

I-I-I-I can't use my phone at work.

And then a bunch of people, my coworkers,

they caught me watching Mukbang videos

and now they call me Pornra.

Yeah, I don't understand all that sexual eating.

- It's not sexual! - It's not, it's not sexual.

Whatever, anyway I'm here because

guess who the freak is in town this weekend?

Gavin DeGraw?!

Why would you say Gavin DeGraw?

Why wouldn't he be in town?

- Well it's Jennifar! - Uhh..

Jennifar Juuljensen from high school!

NORA: Oh, cool.

She just finished her residency in White Plains,

and she's coming back to the city!

Cool, have fun.

Tell her I said, "Hi."

What?! What do you mean?

We used to have so much fun, us three!

No, we didn't. No.

Remember when we used to dress up as Charlie's Angels?

Yeah, and she wouldn't let me be Lucy Liu.

Are you still mad about that?

NORA: [speaking nonsense]

- Are you? - Yes!

And, and, and not only that.

It's like her whole, like her whole, you know, like aura.

- Okay. - It's toxic! She's toxic.

Look, Doug and I broke up again

and my polycystic ovaries have mostly subsided

but you never know when they'll start yelling again.

[sighing]

Please Nora, I just really need to have some fun.

- Fine. - [gasps] Yey!

It's gonna be just like old times!

I get off at six and you need to go.

?

?

[knocking]

NORA: Yes?

Nora, Melanie and Jennifer are here!

It's Jenni-FAR!

Whatever.

Hi.

Oh my God Nora, it's so good to see you!

Oh my God, it's been forev!

- It has. - You look so different and good.

I know, I look amazing.

It feels good too.

Wow, you haven't changed at all!

I changed a little bit.

- JENNIFAR: No, you haven't. - Yeah.

Your room is exactly as it was

when we were in high school!

So is your head, except your skin looks different.

There's like more skin but your skull is the same size.

If that makes any sense. I love it.

Oh my God, Jennifar, I cannot believe

you're a real doctor.

I have so many questions.

Like, sometimes when I eat blueberries

I will see the blueberries in my dookie pie.

NORA: Oh, and just to riff off of that.

I have so much vaginal discharge.

Like, not even like when I'm making out.

Like it's unprompted and it feels like I'm swimming.

- Oh. - NORA: Yeah.

Oh, I sprained my back doing an unrealistic porn move,

do you think you can straighten my spine?

Yes, let me show you a little something

- I learned in chiro class. - Ooh, Egypt.

Turn around, arms crossed.

- Sounds so fancy. - JENNIFAR: Okay, ready?

One, two, three.

[popping]

- Oh, I felt it! - Right?

- Yeah, I did. - Wow, it's a miracle.

- JENNIFAR: Totally right? - No, no, no, no, no.

I wanna, I wanna try.

- Get in there girl. - It's free medicine.

- JENNIFAR: Okay. - Alright, ready?

Ready? One, two...

[grunting]

- Wow. - Uh-oh.

Oh? Okay.

NORA: Oh no.

- Yeah. - Ooh, no.

I'm orgasming.

Why didn't I get one of those?

NORA: [yelling]

- Gross. - Let's try a double.

- Okay, ready girls? - One, two...

[groaning]

I know she's faking it.

- Damn, I can never get you. - No, I know.

You know, because I know... I know that... I know you.

She knows me.

WALLY: Hey Ma, I'm off to go...

What are you gettin' so dolled up for?

Ugh, Rosalind's in town.

[chuckling]

Your favorite crazy-rich cousin from Virginia?

She just called to say she wanted to drop by

before flying back.

You know she's been in New York for two weeks

and I haven't heard from her until now?

She's such a bitch!

Whoa, Ma, come on, that's kind of harsh.

Well, that's what she is!

When we were kids in China, she used to call me squirrel!

And in return, I shaved her mustache at night

until it grew back very coarse.

Oh wow, I always wondered about that.

She deserved every hair.

Ma, you go easy on her, alright?

Remember you punched her throat at Warren's wedding

she couldn't even do her speech.

- You remember that, don't you? - No.

[sighs] Alright.

Hey, I'm off to a wonderful magical first weekend

with Brenda.

It's a whole big surprise.

Never mind.

I'll see you later.

And behave, lady.

Whatever.

- Don't forget to wear a rubber. - WALLY: Ma!

JENNIFAR: Yeah, yeah.

And then, and then, for the grande finale,

we're gonna hit up the Au Bon Frackin' Pain

at South Street Seaport!

- Why? - It's "nostalgia night," bitch!

We gotta revisit all our old high school haunts.

Can you believe it's been like a whole decade?

I know, it is crazy how much all of us have changed.

For the most part.

But tonight is not about that,

tonight is about bringing it back to high school.

So okay, we got a surprise.

Ooh.

You're gonna love this.

It's our Charlie's Angels outfits!!

JENNIFAR: Yes, bitch, just like back in the day!

So I'll be Lucy Liu...

I was wondering, Jennifar, if maybe this time

that we play Charlie's Angels because after all these years,

I've never played Lucy Liu.

And I was wondering if this time maybe,

if it's okay with you, that I could play her,

just because we share

a common Asian-American heritage.

So you think Jennifar isn't talented enough to play Asian?

No, no, I never said that she was...

That had nothing to do with talent.

- Okay, so that settles it. - So I'll be Lucy Liu.

With my girl Drew,

Cam'ron D, and Destiny.

MELANIE AND JENNIFAR: Charlie's Angels, c'mon.

[humming]

? Tell me what you know about me ?

JENNIFAR: Louder, Nora!

[Destiny's Child singing "Independent Women Pt 1"]

? All the women, who are independent ?

? Throw your hands up at me

? All the honeys, who making money ?

? Throw your hands up at me

? All the mommas, who profit dollars ?

? Throw your hands up at me

? All the ladies, who truly feel me ?

? Throw your hands up at me

? All the women, who are independent ?

? Throw your hands up at me

? All the honeys, who making money ?

? Throw your hands up at me

? All the mommas, who profit dollars ?

? Throw your hands up at me

? All the ladies, who truly feel me ?

? Throw your hands up at me

? Girl I didn't know you could get down like that ?

? Charlie, how your Angels get down like that ?

? Girl I didn't know you could get down like that ?

? Charlie, how your Angels get down like that ?

We are hot!

I look more like Owen Wilson than I do Cameron Diaz.

Selfie.

Who's gonna take it?

Okay, we literally don't have time for this.

We have 23 stops tonight. Let's go!

- How many stops?! - JENNIFAR: 23!

?

Wait, didn't this used to be a sushi bar?

NORA: It's a Chinese restaurant now.

Yeah.

But at least it's like within the Asian family,

so it's alright.

They don't have sake anymore.

What?! One second.

- [stuttering] - Don't... don't yell at them!

Don't yell.

I do love the decor though.

Look, that gold cat is saying, "hi" to me.

Okay, hi.

Okay, bitches, so I got the scoop.

So, same owner, same staff, but now it's Chinese.

Why not?

They are out of chicken and spoons

but I got this bottle of ros� and I got this thing,

which looks amazing.

- NORA: Why is it so viscous? - That looks like hand sanitizer?

Who cares? Let's drink!

JENNIFAR: Come on, Nora, we have to do sake bombs.

It's tradition, girlie.

- MELANIE: It is. - Okay.

Okay, so.

- It's been so long. - I know.

So, chopsticks.

Shot glass.

Eye contact.

Or bad sex for seven years.

- Ready?! - Yeah.

GIRLS: Sake, sake, sake bomb!

[giggling]

Mmmm.

It really... it's like a smoothie.

Yeah, it's so good. I love it.

MELANIE: It tastes just like the Alize and Hypnotiq

drinks we used to make!

Oh my God, Mel, stop, you are so funny!

You've always been the funny one!

Yeah. I've been funny at certain times.

No, when I think about Mel though

I'm like always laughing, laughing, laughing.

- But you're funny too, for sure. - Yeah.

JENNIFAR: Like in a quirky way.

Well...

This place honestly isn't as crazy as it used to be.

No, it's at pretty much the same level of tame.

I don't know, it kind of bums me out.

It's buzzkill vibes. You know what, let's go.

Let's go! We got the sake bombs.

- Let's go... - NORA: Okay.

And get the best hot dog in New York City.

ALL: Gray's Papaya!

NORA: I'm down for Gray's Papaya.

I am down for Gray's Papaya.

- JENNIFAR: Alright, cheers. - Let's drink.

Cheers, cheers, guys.

?

[knocking]

GRANDMA: Oh, Rosalind!

Songshu, so good to see you!

Still calling me Squirrel after all these years?

Look at this place, so lovely and cute.

Has it always been this small?

[chuckling]

It's quaint.

You know us, we live simply,

not extravagantly like you!

Aiyah.

[speaking in Mandarin]

Well, you are lucky you have a lip sweater to keep you warm.

Would you like some house slippers?

If you don't mind, I brought my own.

I don't do public slippers.

?

Ugh, this isn't Gray's Papaya anymore.

It's gone too.

- Wow, it's crazy. - Everything's so different.

Oh, what in the actual fuck is this shit?!

- MELANIE: Oh, no. Oh no. - JENNIFAR: Babe.

Oh. Oh, no. Oh!

What the shit is this?!

What kind of pineapple is that?!

Oh my God.

Woah, woah, woah, woah!

Where's the grill?!

We boil everything in apple cider vinegar.

Oh, you boil everything in apple cider vinegar?

Oh really? Do the hot dogs have a yeast infection?

It's actually healthier than grilling.

- It's actually disgusting! - Look at this.

Girthy mutant flesh dogs

that... [sniffs]... smells like a fart cloud!

Wait a second.

Are you grating a jicama?!

You guys have sodomized my childhood,

you skin shitters!

Why don't you build a Williams Sonoma

in the place where I was born?!

Nora, Nora, don't freak out.

I mean, it's still a hot dog place.

Actually, we're a sausage dispensary...

- Shut up! - A what?!

Alright Nora, I have something that's gonna cheer you up, girl.

I have an answer to the problem.

I have something that is gonna take us right back

to high school. You ready?

Come with me, girlies. Let's go, bitches.

- I know where you... - Where you live.

- JENNIFAR: Nora, pivot. - Come on girls.

- NORA: Where are we going?! - An NYU party?

JENNIFAR: Yes!

The hot sophomore I've been DM-ing with

said it's going to be "yeet".

Which is a word I just learned.

- I'm out. - Yeet!

- No, Nora. - Be yeet, be yeet with us.

- Be yeet. - Nora.

Do you remember how much dick and blow

we used to get at these things?

I never got dick and blow at these parties.

- You didn't? - MAN: Sup?

What are you ladies dressed up as?

Charlie's Angels, duh.

Which one of you is Kristen Stewart?

Oh no, we're the original angels!

- Like the blockbuster hit. - JENNIFER: Right.

The film from the past.

MELANIE: I'm Drew Barrymore.

Three women fighting.

- It grossed a lot of money. - Saving the world.

Well, well, well.

The CCK, cool kids corner, huh?

Well... [stuttering]... what do we got going on over here?

- Meth or? - [chuckling] It's a dab.

What's a dab?

It's fucking strong is what it is.

Strong?

Oh dudes, I can outsmoke anyone of you motherfuckers,

especially you. Little Timoth�e Chalamet vibe.

Well, let's go. Load that, load it, load her...

- That one's ready if you want. - Okay. [Stuttering]

Little rig here.

Wow, look at that, my body type.

Oh, little mouthpiece there.

And what's, what is that? Oh, ow.

Okay, yeah, right, that's where the torch went. Right.

And then we're gonna... just gonna inhale?

MAN: Yeah, yeah, I got you.

[bubbling]

[coughing]

I need water. Wait a second.

?

Mmm, this is divine.

Is it Alishan high mountain oolong tea from Taiwan?

It's Lipton.

Lovely!

So where is Nora?

Oh, she's out with her high school friends tonight.

You let her run around wild in this city, hm?

So, what does she do for work again?

Oh, she works in sales.

Oh good.

I always thought she'd end up working in a drug store,

or maybe have an unplanned baby.

Good to know she's figured it out.

Did I tell you about my grandson, Eugene?

He just turned 21, already made partner at McKinsey!

Can you believe little Jocelyn

is now Managing Director at Barclay's?

I see she still enjoys her Danish cookies!

Does Nora still enjoy her illegal marijuana?

About as much as Jocelyn enjoys her one eyebrow.

I see what this is!

You brought me here to upset me.

This is exactly why I dreaded even calling you.

You are jealous, jealous of my life.

That's what you think, Rosalind!

Just because I married a taxi driver

and raised my children in the city

and don't have tattoo lip liner,

doesn't mean I'm jealous of your life.

And if you put my granddaughter down again,

I'll shave your mustache in your sleep again

just like old times!

You wench!

[grunting]

You know what?

I will not stoop to your pathetic level.

Eugene is coming to pick me up

and bring me to the airport.

Well, go ahead, you wench!

I said wench first!

- I love the government. - I think it's so good.

NORA: Hey, guys.

What is dingalinging, folks?

JENNIFAR: How you doing?

I'm good, man.

I feel like I'm on bath salts, dude.

- Right? - JENNIFAR: Yeah, totally.

We are having the best time talking politics with Kale.

Oh, like the salad?

- No, no, no. - It's Kyle, for the third time.

- Kyle. - Kyle.

- Thank you. Anyways. - JENNIFAR: Loving that.

New York's at its peak right now,

ya know what I'm sayin'?

Like could you imagine even being here ten years ago?

It was a shithole.

I'm sorry, say that again?

I bet you're like a native New Yorker, right?

I mean it's like, yeah, everyone hates gentrification

but no one... no one wants to talk about the dips in crime,

the reversal of broken window policies.

JENNIFAR: Yes.

You know how much money we pump

- into your city for your water? - Oh hell no.

- Go off, woman. - Hell no!

No, no.

You think you can talk shit about this city?

You didn't grow up here!

You don't know how rent-gouging

is killing neighborhoods, forcing communities out.

So you can keep your fake ass boiled hot dogs

but you don't you ever talk shit about my city again

because you'll never know it like we do.

Honestly, I kinda agree with Kale.

New York was a shithole.

It's much better now.

Are you fucking serious, Jennifar?

I'm just saying.

I have a unique perspective on the situation

because I've been gone a few years

because I went to med school 'cause I'm a doctor legally.

You guys have just been here the whole time.

- You're like townies, kind of. - Uh!

Oh, in the throat!

Jennifar is not a real fucking name.

NORA: Call Cellino & Barnes, we gotta go.

Kale, Kale, Kale.

?

Rosalind, why are you still here?

I'm just trying to figure out my ride.

Eugene's not coming?

Eugene said it's earnings season, they're too busy.

Too busy to see their Nai Nai who they haven't seen

for four years?

Come on, I'll drive you to the airport.

No.

You don't trust Squirrel to drive?

- Come on. - Fine.

- Okay, wench. - Songshu.

GRANDMA: I drive very good

if I can see above the dashboard.

Remember that time you punched Jennifar in the throat?

[giggling]

I made that bitch sound like Donald Duck.

Little bit. Yeah.

Do you think maybe she's right? I mean

the city's changed but we haven't.

Melanie, look around you.

New York never really changes.

You know?

Let's make one more stop.

- You're not gonna regret it. - [unintelligible]

Better.

Remember when that bodega cat followed us here?

NORA: Yes, we were feeding it pretzels

and then we fed it that chocolate dipped one

and it died right there.

Why are so many people saying New York is dead?

I have a ton of friends who are leaving the city.

They're going to like, LA, Austin, West Virginia.

- West Virginia? - It's the mountains.

Yeah, yeah, like that song.

- Right? - Yeah.

I just don't wanna be a townie, Nora.

We're not townies.

We're New Yorkers, you know.

[stuttering]

We like, live here and die here, you know.

And we can't let all the Kales come up in here

and build a Talbot's.

You're right.

You remember earlier when I had a full-blown orgasm?

As a result, my toes are spread like starfish

and I feel like they're stuck that way.

MELANIE: Okay, you made it weird.

NORA: No, I didn't.

It's been very uncomfortable, especially when I'm forced

to wear heels.

Okay.

[door squeaking]

Hey, you're back!

What are you doing up, it's like 4 a.m.?

Oh, I just got back from taking Rosalind to the airport.

- Uh-huh. - And...

Oh, what's that for?

Oh, just for being you.

And for being there always.

You too.

So, did you have a good night with your friends?

Umm, yeah, it was alright.

So did Jennifar at least let you be Lucy Liu this time?

No, I was Cameron Diaz.

But that's okay. I don't mind that.

I like that scene where she got the semen

all over her hair.

- That's not Charlie's Angels. - That happened in...

But yeah, no, that was good.

- What you got on your pants? - It's not, it's just leather.

- They're pleather. - Pleather?

Yeah, but what's making 'em stiff?

Is that semen? Did you get semen

- all over your pants? - NORA: No, I don't.

?

Who the [bleep] is Awkwafina?

?

? MTV

Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0