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♪ ♪
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Arliss (narrating):
For most of us,
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the dream of
becoming a champion,
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00:00:16,182 --> 00:00:18,692
remains a fantasy.
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But for a special few,
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it is very much a reality.
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We cheer them,
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we live through them.
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Athletes are our last warriors.
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My job is to make
their dreams come true.
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(water splashes)
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My name is Arliss Michaels,
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I represent athletes,
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these are my stories.
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♪ Don't know what it is
that makes me love you so ♪
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♪ I only know I never
wanna let you go ♪
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♪ 'Cause you started
something oh, can't you see ♪
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♪ That ever since we met
you had a hold on me ♪
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♪ It happens to be true ♪
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♪ I only wanna be with you ♪
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♪ I just wanna be
beside you everywhere ♪
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♪ As long as we're
together, honey, I don't care ♪
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♪ 'Cause you started
something oh, can't you see ♪
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♪ That ever since we met
you had a hold on me ♪
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♪ No matter what you do ♪
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♪ I only wanna be with you ♪
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Arliss (narrating): When a
client is far from his homeland,
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it is an agent's joy
to act as his family
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and share deeply in
every aspect of his life.
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Amadou, great
news, the deal closed.
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Six years, $105 million dollars.
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I had to come and
tell you face to face.
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You are now in possession
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of one of the biggest
extensions in the NBA.
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This is good for my village.
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This will buy
books for the library
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and bleachers for the gymnasium.
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Not to mention your endowment.
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I mean think of it,
105 million big ones.
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You know, I too have good news.
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There is someone special
that I want you to meet.
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"Special"?
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What do you mean "special"?
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Arliss, this is Lisa Levine.
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She comes from a long island.
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Hi.
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Hello. Amadou speaks
very highly of you.
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So how did you two meet?
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I cleaned Amadou's
teeth last week.
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I'm a dental hygienist.
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Really?
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So how are his gums?
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Oh, he has the most
perfect upper arch
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I've ever seen.
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Isn't she "the bomb"?
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This a favorite
restaurant of yours?
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Actually,
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we're here to meet my parents.
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- (gong rings)
- "Parents"?
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Man: This way, please.
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Please, go, greet them.
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I must prepare.
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I want to look my best.
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- Oh, Amadou.
- Come, Arliss.
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Would you just excuse
me for one second?
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I really need to
talk to my client.
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Just one second.
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There they are!
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Oh!
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Ma, Daddy,
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this is Arliss Michaels.
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Hello.
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Oh.
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How do you do?
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"Michaels"...
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What kind of a name is that?
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Ma.
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Mort Levine, my wife Ceal.
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Pleasure.
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Yeah, you're a little
older than I expected.
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So Lisa tells me
you're in sports.
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Is that right, Mr. Michaels?
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Uh, that's right,
I'm a sports agent.
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Jerry Maguire! (laughing)
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Daddy, Arliss represents
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some of your favorite players.
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Brett Favre, Roger Clemens.
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- That's right.
- Really?
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Let me ask you a question.
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What kind of money does a
guy like you make every year?
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Daddy!
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Well, that all depends.
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Oh, Ceal, gib a kik.
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Oh, my God.
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(Ceal speaks Yiddish)
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Mort: Yeah.
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God. (mumbles)
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May I present my client,
Mr. Amadou M'bow.
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Mr. Levine,
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it is a great honor
to meet you, sir.
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Amadou, it's a
real thrill for me.
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I'm a big fan of yours.
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Thank you, and you Mrs. Levine.
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(Ceal chuckles nervously)
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So, Arliss, you own
your own business?
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Yes, I do.
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What kind of square
footage are we talking about?
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Daddy, Amadou
comes from Senegal.
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Oh, we love the
Discovery Channel.
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My people are the Mandine tribe.
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It is a beautiful country.
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Oh, but not as beautiful
as your daughter.
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Aw.
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Oh, am I famished!
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You ready to order?
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Aren't you sweet to say that.
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You are a fine young man.
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Thank you.
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He is, I can tell
by his handshake.
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Who's for ribs, duck sauce?
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Oh, Ma, Daddy, I'm so
glad to hear you say that,
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because in two weeks
I'm gonna be (squeaks)
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Mrs. Amadou M'bow!
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(gong rings)
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We're getting married!
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Arliss (narrating):
Over the years,
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I have been asked
by many, many, clients
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to be their best man.
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00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:53,357
As a firm believer in family,
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no celebration fills
me with more joy
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than a wedding.
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Fuck, I hate weddings.
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I wonder why.
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Weddings beget wives,
wives beget trouble.
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And wives beget ex-wives
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- who beget even more trouble.
- Bingo.
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Engagement present.
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00:05:06,606 --> 00:05:08,266
Candlesticks, fondue set,
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or autographed
portrait of yourself.
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00:05:09,742 --> 00:05:10,912
Candlesticks.
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Why can't they just live happily
in sin like everybody else?
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- Bloomingdales or Sak's?
- Bloomingdales.
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He's known her for ten days
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and they're getting
married in two weeks.
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What a bloody nightmare. Shit!
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So, who's gonna perform this
traditional African/Jewish ceremony?
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Interesting you should ask that.
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AMM has offered to track
down that very special person.
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How the hell am I gonna do that?
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Easy, get on the
internet and enter
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"www.that's what the fuck
I'm paying you for.com."
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Stanley. Form 10-100.
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Form 10-100, the
prenuptial agreement.
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So popular it has
its own drawer.
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There's a $120 million
dollars sitting on the table.
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I am not gonna
sleep until she signs it.
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Think she will?
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Oh, she better.
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Do you know how
Canseco's ex-wife
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became the 5th highest
paid player in baseball?
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Because she did
not sign Form 10-100.
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If I fail to protect my client,
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I have failed him as an agent.
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It is the greatest
wedding gift one can give.
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Our young dental hygienist
may clean out his mouth,
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but she shall not
clean out his wallet.
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Have you seen Kirby?
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Oh, he called earlier.
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He's giving someone a ride.
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A ride? What kind of ride?
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(moaning)
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(mumbling)
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Earth to Kirby.
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What language are you speaking?
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Oh, God, that was...
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You are...
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(chuckles)
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Oh, I think someone here
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needs a little resuscitation.
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Sit up, my sweet.
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(moans)
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Oh, I can't, my... My
spine had a spinal.
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This will get the
oxygen flowing again.
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Oh, no more oxygen,
please, not again.
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I'd heard about older women,
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but, whoo, I don't know
why more men don't try them.
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Kirby, you'd be amazed.
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There are many men in this world
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who actually enjoy going
to bed with older women.
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The same older woman, in fact,
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night after night,
their whole lives.
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Well, I don't know
about that, but,
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Penny, whoo.
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She can go and go
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and go and go and go
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and go...
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00:07:36,889 --> 00:07:38,929
Oh, exactly how old is
this older woman, 22?
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00:07:38,991 --> 00:07:42,431
Stanley, she is 40-something.
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00:07:44,864 --> 00:07:47,474
I'm impressed. A mature woman...
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00:07:48,534 --> 00:07:50,344
And you can actually have
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00:07:50,403 --> 00:07:53,643
interesting adult
conversation with her?
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00:07:57,543 --> 00:08:00,383
It's a good thing I
can keep up with her.
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Stamina.
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Thank God I've got it!
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00:08:03,749 --> 00:08:05,219
(deflates loudly)
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Hut!
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00:08:13,592 --> 00:08:15,432
Hey, hey, hey, Mia Hamm!
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00:08:15,494 --> 00:08:17,464
How's the super woman
of women's soccer?
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00:08:17,530 --> 00:08:20,470
- Hi, Arliss.
- Uh, Mia, let me ask you a question.
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00:08:20,533 --> 00:08:23,003
When you played World
Cup against Senegal,
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00:08:23,069 --> 00:08:25,139
did you notice if they had
any Jews on the team?
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00:08:25,204 --> 00:08:26,444
Come on, Arliss.
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00:08:26,505 --> 00:08:28,265
With a name like Hamm,
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00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:30,611
you don't meet many
Jewish people anywhere.
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00:08:30,676 --> 00:08:32,506
Why do you ask?
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00:08:32,578 --> 00:08:34,978
Because Amadou M'bow's
getting married to a Jewish girl
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00:08:35,047 --> 00:08:37,377
and I gotta find
me an African rabbi.
218
00:08:37,450 --> 00:08:40,350
Didn't you sign him to a
$105 million dollar contract?
219
00:08:42,088 --> 00:08:43,658
Better make sure
she signs a pre-nup.
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00:08:43,723 --> 00:08:45,023
Tell me about it.
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00:08:45,091 --> 00:08:47,491
Arliss (narrating): When it
comes to matters of the heart,
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00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:50,830
my advice is almost
always right on target.
223
00:08:52,898 --> 00:08:55,098
It's called a
pre-nuptial agreement.
224
00:08:55,167 --> 00:08:56,837
I don't understand.
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00:08:56,902 --> 00:09:00,312
Well, it's a document
designed to protect you,
226
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:03,513
and most importantly,
to protect Lisa.
227
00:09:04,643 --> 00:09:08,513
Arliss, a marriage is
not a business deal.
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00:09:08,581 --> 00:09:12,921
It is a blessed
ceremony of love.
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00:09:14,487 --> 00:09:17,657
Amadou, I have no
doubt that you and Lisa
230
00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:20,393
are gonna be happily
married for the rest of your life.
231
00:09:20,459 --> 00:09:22,999
But in the unlikely
event of a divorce,
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00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:25,362
Lisa would receive
one lump sum of money.
233
00:09:25,431 --> 00:09:27,471
The rest of your
income will be protected.
234
00:09:27,533 --> 00:09:29,343
We do not need this agreement.
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00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:32,202
In my tribe, we do
not believe in divorce.
236
00:09:32,271 --> 00:09:34,641
Well, believe me,
in her tribe they do.
237
00:09:34,707 --> 00:09:37,707
Did Romeo ask Juliet
238
00:09:37,777 --> 00:09:40,447
to sign a pre-nuptial?
239
00:09:40,513 --> 00:09:42,113
No, and look what
happened to them,
240
00:09:42,181 --> 00:09:44,281
double suicide at age 14.
241
00:09:44,350 --> 00:09:46,120
I do not approve.
242
00:09:46,185 --> 00:09:48,215
Amadou, think of the village.
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00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,422
I mean if she doesn't
sign a pre-nuptial,
244
00:09:51,490 --> 00:09:52,960
she can take half your village.
245
00:09:53,025 --> 00:09:54,385
Hmm. My village?
246
00:09:54,460 --> 00:09:56,040
By the way, these are
delicious, what are they?
247
00:09:56,062 --> 00:09:57,102
Oh, you like.
248
00:09:57,163 --> 00:10:00,333
These are fermented
sphincter muscles of wild boar.
249
00:10:00,399 --> 00:10:01,399
(coughs)
250
00:10:01,467 --> 00:10:04,137
They are allowed to rot
and dry in the carcass
251
00:10:04,203 --> 00:10:08,673
under a great mound
of steaming yak dung.
252
00:10:10,042 --> 00:10:12,312
They're prunes
from Trader Joe's.
253
00:10:12,378 --> 00:10:14,508
(both laugh)
254
00:10:17,016 --> 00:10:19,616
Amadou, if you are
uncomfortable with this,
255
00:10:19,685 --> 00:10:22,215
I will be happy to present
it to Lisa as your agent.
256
00:10:24,623 --> 00:10:26,693
She will not be insulted?
257
00:10:26,759 --> 00:10:27,859
Oh, no, no.
258
00:10:27,927 --> 00:10:29,427
I will present it to her
259
00:10:29,495 --> 00:10:30,995
in terms she'll understand.
260
00:10:31,063 --> 00:10:35,333
Arliss (narrating): What makes one
negotiation succeed and another fail?
261
00:10:35,401 --> 00:10:37,371
One word... timing.
262
00:10:37,436 --> 00:10:39,436
Beef is too expensive.
263
00:10:39,505 --> 00:10:40,705
Fish is too cheap.
264
00:10:40,773 --> 00:10:41,843
Then chicken.
265
00:10:41,907 --> 00:10:43,307
We'll serve chicken, alright?
266
00:10:43,375 --> 00:10:44,735
Arliss, you like chicken, right?
267
00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:46,050
Yeah, I like chicken.
268
00:10:46,112 --> 00:10:49,552
Everyone knows chicken
means you can't afford beef.
269
00:10:49,615 --> 00:10:52,015
You prefer beef, am I right?
270
00:10:52,084 --> 00:10:53,294
Why am I springing for this
271
00:10:53,352 --> 00:10:55,962
when my future son-in-law
just signed a contract
272
00:10:56,021 --> 00:10:57,421
for $105 million dollars?
273
00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:58,520
Speaking of which...
274
00:10:58,591 --> 00:11:00,491
When Amadou's
parents got married,
275
00:11:00,559 --> 00:11:03,329
they took a live white
chicken, cut its throat,
276
00:11:03,395 --> 00:11:05,125
and let the blood drop down
277
00:11:05,197 --> 00:11:07,497
into a beautiful
gourd of white rice.
278
00:11:07,566 --> 00:11:08,926
See? Chicken.
279
00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:11,041
Chicken makes everybody happy.
280
00:11:11,103 --> 00:11:13,813
My one and only daughter
is marrying a shagitz
281
00:11:13,873 --> 00:11:17,043
from deepest darkest Africa.
282
00:11:17,109 --> 00:11:18,939
Ma, drop it!
283
00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:21,551
Oh, angel, this
is not easy for us.
284
00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:23,154
Mr. Michaels,
285
00:11:23,215 --> 00:11:25,475
tell them how much
Amadou loves me.
286
00:11:25,551 --> 00:11:26,821
Indeed he does.
287
00:11:26,886 --> 00:11:30,156
And you can be sure he
will always protect you.
288
00:11:30,222 --> 00:11:32,532
Spiritually, emotionally,
289
00:11:32,591 --> 00:11:34,061
and legally.
290
00:11:34,126 --> 00:11:35,756
"Legally"?
291
00:11:35,828 --> 00:11:37,528
This pre-nuptial
agreement was designed
292
00:11:37,596 --> 00:11:39,296
to protect your
daughter, Mrs. Levine,
293
00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:41,525
as well as your
future son-in-law.
294
00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:42,970
Mr. Levine.
295
00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:44,035
Here's your copy.
296
00:11:46,071 --> 00:11:47,341
Pre-nuptial?
297
00:11:47,406 --> 00:11:49,806
Now don't be put off by
the legal tone of this thing.
298
00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:51,435
Think of it more
as preventive care,
299
00:11:51,510 --> 00:11:53,380
not unlike flossing or brushing.
300
00:11:53,445 --> 00:11:55,875
So what do we got here? I
mean what's the numbers?
301
00:11:55,948 --> 00:11:58,548
One million dollars a year
for each year of marriage
302
00:11:58,617 --> 00:11:59,687
will be set aside to you.
303
00:11:59,752 --> 00:12:01,792
In addition I have built in
some incentive clauses.
304
00:12:01,854 --> 00:12:04,024
For example, any year
that you have a baby,
305
00:12:04,089 --> 00:12:05,489
maybe a little amadini,
306
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:07,688
you will receive an
additional half a million dollars.
307
00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:09,760
Do we get a bump for a boy?
308
00:12:09,828 --> 00:12:10,928
That's negotiable.
309
00:12:10,996 --> 00:12:13,596
Now in the very unlikely event
310
00:12:13,666 --> 00:12:16,036
that you discover your husband
in a compromising position,
311
00:12:16,101 --> 00:12:17,901
you will receive a two
million dollar bonus.
312
00:12:17,970 --> 00:12:19,710
Strip clubs, however,
are excluded.
313
00:12:19,772 --> 00:12:21,212
- Any questions?
- (stutters)
314
00:12:21,273 --> 00:12:23,513
Good, now as soon as you
are comfortable with this,
315
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:25,686
we will arrange a meeting
with your lawyer for the signing.
316
00:12:25,711 --> 00:12:29,251
The sooner the better, and let me
say you just look gorgeous in that dress.
317
00:12:29,315 --> 00:12:31,715
Ma?!
318
00:12:29,315 --> 00:12:30,545
Calm down.
319
00:12:31,784 --> 00:12:33,604
- Is this not a good time? I can come back.
- (screaming)
320
00:12:33,619 --> 00:12:34,649
Ma!
321
00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:35,750
Calm down, honey.
322
00:12:35,821 --> 00:12:37,961
Princess, this is
not such a bad deal.
323
00:12:38,023 --> 00:12:39,383
Listen to your father.
324
00:12:39,376 --> 00:12:40,726
This is how he trusts me?!
325
00:12:40,793 --> 00:12:42,703
No, no, no, you
tell him to forget it.
326
00:12:42,761 --> 00:12:45,361
You tell him I never
want to see him again!
327
00:12:48,467 --> 00:12:50,397
Does this mean I don't
get the Laker tickets?
328
00:12:50,469 --> 00:12:54,609
Arliss (narrating): My clients
know there is no stronger advocate
329
00:12:54,673 --> 00:12:56,443
of marriage than me.
330
00:12:56,508 --> 00:12:58,008
Wedding's off!
331
00:12:58,077 --> 00:13:00,347
But these wedding presents
just arrived from Senegal.
332
00:13:00,412 --> 00:13:02,622
What can I tell you?
333
00:13:02,681 --> 00:13:03,781
She wouldn't sign.
334
00:13:03,849 --> 00:13:05,049
L'amore est caput.
335
00:13:05,117 --> 00:13:07,547
No, no, no I found
this perfect guy.
336
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:11,560
A rabbi from Ethiopia who
was air lifted into Israel in 1984
337
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:12,734
as a part of "Operation: Moses".
338
00:13:12,758 --> 00:13:14,458
Well, go down
"Operation: Moses".
339
00:13:14,526 --> 00:13:17,226
We are in "Operation: No
Wedding, No Jeopardy".
340
00:13:17,296 --> 00:13:18,756
Cancel the plane
for Amadou's family
341
00:13:18,831 --> 00:13:21,371
and tell John Randle I'll meet
him for racquetball at 5:00.
342
00:13:21,433 --> 00:13:23,503
Well, it's obvious
how you feel about it.
343
00:13:23,569 --> 00:13:24,899
How does Amadou feel?
344
00:13:24,970 --> 00:13:27,070
Well, he was a
little upset at first,
345
00:13:27,139 --> 00:13:29,009
but he's a smart
guy, he'll understand.
346
00:13:30,442 --> 00:13:31,642
Great presents, huh?
347
00:13:31,710 --> 00:13:33,880
Too bad they all gotta go back.
348
00:13:33,946 --> 00:13:36,076
That means that I won't be
able to wear my new outfit,
349
00:13:36,148 --> 00:13:38,218
which I think AMM
should pay for,
350
00:13:38,284 --> 00:13:40,154
seeing it was a
business expense,
351
00:13:40,219 --> 00:13:42,189
and I did find an African rabbi.
352
00:13:43,455 --> 00:13:44,615
You're right.
353
00:13:44,690 --> 00:13:46,360
AMM will pay for every
phone call you made
354
00:13:46,425 --> 00:13:48,385
to track down that rabbi.
355
00:13:48,460 --> 00:13:50,210
Arliss, you constantly
cease to amaze me.
356
00:13:50,213 --> 00:13:51,963
(phone rings)
357
00:13:52,031 --> 00:13:53,731
Arliss Michaels Managements.
358
00:13:53,799 --> 00:13:55,429
♪ Arliss, boom bah yea ♪
359
00:13:55,501 --> 00:13:57,201
♪ Mama say mama
sah mama coo sah ♪
360
00:13:57,269 --> 00:13:58,639
Jerry Colangelo.
361
00:13:59,938 --> 00:14:01,368
I'll take that in my office.
362
00:14:11,617 --> 00:14:14,117
Kirby, don't touch anything,
they're all going back.
363
00:14:14,186 --> 00:14:15,426
What do you mean he's quitting?!
364
00:14:15,454 --> 00:14:17,994
He says he going back to
Africa and his heart's broken.
365
00:14:18,057 --> 00:14:19,777
No, no, no. There's a
misunderstanding here.
366
00:14:19,825 --> 00:14:21,655
The misunderstanding
is Amadou just signed
367
00:14:21,727 --> 00:14:24,457
a $105 million contract
with the Phoenix Suns,
368
00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:26,170
and he's about ready
to leave the continent.
369
00:14:26,198 --> 00:14:28,198
Jerry, Jerry, Amadou's
not going anywhere,
370
00:14:28,267 --> 00:14:29,337
I promise you.
371
00:14:29,401 --> 00:14:30,801
And I promise you if he does,
372
00:14:30,869 --> 00:14:32,709
you're looking at
breach of contract.
373
00:14:36,442 --> 00:14:38,722
- I had it made!
- I want it taken back, and I want to see the receipt!
374
00:14:38,744 --> 00:14:41,124
- Arliss said it was a legitimate business expense.
- There is no wedding!
375
00:14:41,146 --> 00:14:42,686
- Is that my fault?!
- It's not even attractive!
376
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:45,355
- Oh, who are you to speak?
- I want it returned, and I want to see the receipt.
377
00:14:45,384 --> 00:14:46,384
Arliss said...
378
00:14:46,418 --> 00:14:48,348
Oh, my God!
379
00:14:48,420 --> 00:14:50,190
These are crushed rhino balls.
380
00:14:51,523 --> 00:14:53,833
What, you recognize them?
381
00:14:53,892 --> 00:14:55,402
Well, there's a picture,
an illustration, see.
382
00:14:55,427 --> 00:14:56,497
It's an aphrodisiac.
383
00:14:57,563 --> 00:14:58,963
Not for the rhino it isn't.
384
00:14:59,031 --> 00:15:00,301
No, no, put these away.
385
00:15:00,366 --> 00:15:02,596
These gifts have to
be sent back to Africa.
386
00:15:02,668 --> 00:15:04,208
That's not the only
thing going back to Africa.
387
00:15:04,236 --> 00:15:06,266
Amadou's quitting
basketball, he's headed home.
388
00:15:06,338 --> 00:15:08,408
He's walking away
from $105 million dollars.
389
00:15:08,474 --> 00:15:10,454
I gotta get this wedding back
on. Pre-nup or no pre-nup.
390
00:15:10,476 --> 00:15:12,816
I mean, after all, five percent
of 52 and a half million is still...
391
00:15:12,845 --> 00:15:14,075
Better than 100% of nothing.
392
00:15:14,146 --> 00:15:15,676
Arliss: I gotta go see him now.
393
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:18,618
Kirby, you gotta play racquetball
with John Randle at 5:00 PM.
394
00:15:18,684 --> 00:15:20,554
I can't, I'm seeing Penny.
395
00:15:20,619 --> 00:15:23,859
5:00 PM. And let
him win, let him win!
396
00:15:23,922 --> 00:15:26,242
Arliss (narrating): My actions
never protect my commissions.
397
00:15:26,291 --> 00:15:29,231
They protect my
clients' well being.
398
00:15:39,638 --> 00:15:43,008
(doorbell rings rapidly)
399
00:15:47,913 --> 00:15:49,453
Got a moment?
400
00:15:52,818 --> 00:15:54,518
Penny, baby, yeah.
401
00:15:54,586 --> 00:15:56,386
I'm gonna be a
little late tonight,
402
00:15:56,455 --> 00:15:57,585
but, uh, it'll be worth it.
403
00:15:57,656 --> 00:15:59,216
Uh-huh, yeah.
404
00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:03,096
Don't plan on getting
any sleep, okay?
405
00:16:03,162 --> 00:16:04,662
Goodbye.
406
00:16:06,365 --> 00:16:09,325
Hey, John Randle!
How's it hanging?
407
00:16:09,401 --> 00:16:10,651
- How you doing, Kirb?
- Pretty good.
408
00:16:10,669 --> 00:16:11,779
Ready to get your butt kicked?
409
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:13,314
Sure, let's kick my butt.
410
00:16:23,682 --> 00:16:25,052
(chuckles weakly)
411
00:16:26,618 --> 00:16:27,858
Oh, I think I
pulled a hamstring.
412
00:16:27,886 --> 00:16:28,886
I can explain.
413
00:16:28,921 --> 00:16:30,521
It's not what you think it is.
414
00:16:30,589 --> 00:16:31,989
Oh, I don't think it's anything.
415
00:16:32,057 --> 00:16:33,187
I'll just see ya.
416
00:16:33,258 --> 00:16:34,358
No! John, John!
417
00:16:34,426 --> 00:16:36,526
Listen! This isn't even me!
418
00:16:36,595 --> 00:16:39,025
It's some horny horned
rhino I never even met!
419
00:16:40,098 --> 00:16:41,098
I am ashamed!
420
00:16:41,133 --> 00:16:43,073
I should have never
let you talk me into
421
00:16:43,135 --> 00:16:45,065
such a crass and vulgar idea!
422
00:16:45,137 --> 00:16:47,937
Amadou, I've been
doing some calculations
423
00:16:48,006 --> 00:16:50,106
and it's clear that emotionally,
424
00:16:50,175 --> 00:16:52,775
it is far more important for
you to stay and marry Lisa
425
00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:55,475
without a pre-nuptial, than
to go home with nothing.
426
00:16:55,547 --> 00:16:58,077
She will not speak
to me, thanks to you!
427
00:16:58,150 --> 00:16:59,220
Well, she'll speak to me.
428
00:16:59,284 --> 00:17:00,454
She will not speak to you!
429
00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:02,519
She says you are pond scum!
430
00:17:03,889 --> 00:17:06,889
It is an expression
for "shithead".
431
00:17:06,959 --> 00:17:09,229
Look, I understand how you feel,
432
00:17:09,294 --> 00:17:10,744
but you shouldn't
give up your career.
433
00:17:10,762 --> 00:17:12,532
I don't want to play!
434
00:17:12,598 --> 00:17:16,028
I can't jump off of the
ground, with a heart so heavy.
435
00:17:18,136 --> 00:17:20,366
I feel responsible for this.
436
00:17:20,439 --> 00:17:21,439
I let you down.
437
00:17:21,507 --> 00:17:22,707
Let me try to make it right.
438
00:17:24,076 --> 00:17:25,106
- How?!
- (screams)
439
00:17:25,177 --> 00:17:27,447
With more contracts?!
440
00:17:27,513 --> 00:17:30,653
If this happened in your
village, what would you do?
441
00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:32,986
I would send for
the village wise man
442
00:17:33,051 --> 00:17:34,451
and have him speak with her.
443
00:17:35,587 --> 00:17:37,857
Then I too will send for a
wise man to go speak with her.
444
00:17:39,358 --> 00:17:40,528
I will.
445
00:17:40,592 --> 00:17:42,662
Lisa: How often do you floss?
446
00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:44,828
(mumbling) Uh, I think,
three times a week.
447
00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:46,327
Three times a
week is not enough,
448
00:17:46,398 --> 00:17:48,168
and I'm afraid you're
not flossing correctly.
449
00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:50,143
Open wider, please.
450
00:17:50,202 --> 00:17:52,542
(mumbling)
451
00:17:52,604 --> 00:17:53,874
That's good, but a waterpick
452
00:17:53,939 --> 00:17:55,639
cannot replace
flossing and brushing,
453
00:17:55,707 --> 00:17:57,777
and should only be
used as an adjunct.
454
00:17:57,843 --> 00:17:59,213
Rinse, please.
455
00:18:04,783 --> 00:18:06,993
That is a gorgeous diamond.
456
00:18:09,054 --> 00:18:13,164
You know, gum disease
afflicts 75% percent of adults
457
00:18:13,225 --> 00:18:15,125
over age 35 in this country.
458
00:18:15,193 --> 00:18:16,533
Really?
459
00:18:16,595 --> 00:18:18,195
Is that an engagement ring?
460
00:18:19,364 --> 00:18:21,234
Open your mouth, please.
461
00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:24,869
(groans)
462
00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:26,437
(crying)
463
00:18:26,505 --> 00:18:28,105
Is everything alright?
464
00:18:28,173 --> 00:18:31,043
(crying) No,
everything is not alright.
465
00:18:31,109 --> 00:18:34,349
Uh, uh, can...
Can I rinse please?
466
00:18:38,850 --> 00:18:43,990
So, break off about an
18 inch piece of floss,
467
00:18:44,056 --> 00:18:46,626
wind most around one
of your middle fingers,
468
00:18:46,692 --> 00:18:49,292
wind the rest around the
same finger of the other hand.
469
00:18:49,361 --> 00:18:51,961
Now this finger will take up
the floss as it becomes soiled,
470
00:18:52,030 --> 00:18:54,630
(sobbing) with bacteria.
471
00:18:54,700 --> 00:18:56,540
Oh, Lisa.
472
00:18:56,602 --> 00:18:58,702
Oh, Lisa, girlfriend, listen...
473
00:19:00,205 --> 00:19:01,405
He loves you.
474
00:19:01,473 --> 00:19:03,643
Amadou really, really loves you.
475
00:19:03,709 --> 00:19:04,909
What?
476
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:07,707
Arliss Michaels was the
one insisting on a pre-nup,
477
00:19:07,779 --> 00:19:09,409
- not Amadou.
- But how do you...
478
00:19:09,481 --> 00:19:11,851
He wants to marry you,
Lisa, with no pre-nup.
479
00:19:11,917 --> 00:19:14,787
Amadou wants to marry you
with no pre-nuptial contract.
480
00:19:14,853 --> 00:19:16,593
- Really?!
- Mm-hmm.
481
00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:17,825
Put that diamond ring back on.
482
00:19:17,856 --> 00:19:19,456
Put that ring back on!
483
00:19:19,524 --> 00:19:20,734
Five carats!
484
00:19:20,792 --> 00:19:23,632
VVS One clarity!
485
00:19:23,695 --> 00:19:26,725
Arliss (narrating): There is
nothing more joyful than a wedding,
486
00:19:26,798 --> 00:19:29,398
the union of two young
lovers committed to spending
487
00:19:29,468 --> 00:19:31,938
the rest of their
lives together.
488
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:33,474
Why are we starting now?
489
00:19:33,538 --> 00:19:35,208
Amadou's family isn't even here.
490
00:19:35,273 --> 00:19:37,113
They're worried about
losing the Milt Kay Band
491
00:19:37,175 --> 00:19:39,505
to a bar mitzvah at 7:00.
492
00:19:39,578 --> 00:19:42,108
I'm worried about what's
growing on your head.
493
00:19:42,180 --> 00:19:44,580
At least something is
growing on my head.
494
00:19:46,685 --> 00:19:48,015
How'd it go the other night?
495
00:19:48,086 --> 00:19:51,856
Well, the good news is I
rode Penny all night long.
496
00:19:51,923 --> 00:19:52,923
Bad news is,
497
00:19:52,991 --> 00:19:54,761
we lost John Randle as a client.
498
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:03,240
Hey, Arliss.
499
00:20:03,301 --> 00:20:04,801
Hey, Kenny Anderson.
500
00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:07,040
- How's the baron of the back court?
- It's going well.
501
00:20:07,105 --> 00:20:08,415
Arliss: Yeah? That
makes one of us.
502
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:11,210
Hey, you think you got
an extra handkerchief?
503
00:20:11,276 --> 00:20:13,306
This wedding's
gonna make me cry.
504
00:20:13,378 --> 00:20:14,648
Me, too.
505
00:20:16,014 --> 00:20:17,884
Thank you.
506
00:20:17,949 --> 00:20:21,489
Arliss (narrating): How I look
forward to a client taking a bride.
507
00:20:21,553 --> 00:20:25,093
For a good woman not only
becomes an integral part of his life,
508
00:20:25,157 --> 00:20:27,987
she becomes a
part of his assets.
509
00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:29,760
Rabbi: My good people,
510
00:20:29,828 --> 00:20:34,098
these good young
people need our support.
511
00:20:34,166 --> 00:20:36,536
I say unto you,
512
00:20:36,601 --> 00:20:40,841
love is color-blind,
513
00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:45,536
but now let us be
frank, we are not.
514
00:20:45,610 --> 00:20:48,310
A prince from Senegal,
515
00:20:48,380 --> 00:20:51,550
a princess from Long Island.
516
00:20:51,616 --> 00:20:52,876
Let us...
517
00:20:54,886 --> 00:20:57,256
Ah, my family has arrived!
518
00:20:57,322 --> 00:21:02,032
(women ululating)
519
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:04,804
Rabbi: Welcome! I say welcome!
520
00:21:04,863 --> 00:21:07,373
Shalom, shalom!
521
00:21:07,432 --> 00:21:09,372
(Rabbi speaks Hebrew)
522
00:21:09,434 --> 00:21:11,644
I say welcome,
523
00:21:11,703 --> 00:21:13,713
welcome I say.
524
00:21:13,772 --> 00:21:15,442
Welcome.
525
00:21:15,507 --> 00:21:19,477
(women continue
singing, ululating)
526
00:21:19,544 --> 00:21:21,114
(music, singing ends)
527
00:21:21,179 --> 00:21:23,479
Arliss, let's get this
show on the road.
528
00:21:23,548 --> 00:21:25,278
The rabbi's going into overtime.
529
00:21:25,350 --> 00:21:27,420
This is my family,
530
00:21:27,486 --> 00:21:29,886
And now it is yours.
531
00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:33,085
My, you got so many sisters.
532
00:21:33,158 --> 00:21:34,758
These are not my sisters,
533
00:21:34,826 --> 00:21:37,726
these are my wives.
534
00:21:39,331 --> 00:21:41,001
- Your wives?!
- Your wives?
535
00:21:41,066 --> 00:21:42,126
His wives?
536
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:43,200
His wives!
537
00:21:43,268 --> 00:21:48,408
Ma!
538
00:21:43,268 --> 00:21:45,098
Calm down.
539
00:21:46,605 --> 00:21:48,405
Don't worry.
540
00:21:48,473 --> 00:21:49,743
They will embrace you.
541
00:21:49,808 --> 00:21:51,338
(cries hysterically)
542
00:21:53,311 --> 00:21:55,111
Ceal: Angel, who knew?!
543
00:21:55,180 --> 00:21:56,880
Who knew?!
544
00:21:56,948 --> 00:21:58,648
Amadou, Amadou.
545
00:21:58,717 --> 00:21:59,717
Are you alright?
546
00:22:00,786 --> 00:22:03,086
Arliss, this is terrible.
547
00:22:03,155 --> 00:22:05,385
I cannot marry a woman
548
00:22:05,457 --> 00:22:08,657
that does not respect
my culture and my family.
549
00:22:08,727 --> 00:22:10,627
I couldn't agree more.
550
00:22:10,695 --> 00:22:13,495
My family has come so far.
551
00:22:13,565 --> 00:22:15,025
What do we do?
552
00:22:16,034 --> 00:22:17,904
Well, the wedding's off.
553
00:22:17,969 --> 00:22:20,039
Let's party!
554
00:22:20,105 --> 00:22:24,175
♪ ♪
555
00:22:24,242 --> 00:22:26,912
Arliss (narrating): Over the
centuries, poets and playwrights
556
00:22:26,978 --> 00:22:28,648
have toiled to illuminate
557
00:22:28,713 --> 00:22:30,953
the inexplicable
mysteries of love.
558
00:22:31,016 --> 00:22:33,186
Alas, in love, as in life,
559
00:22:33,251 --> 00:22:36,761
timing isn't everything,
it's the only thing.
560
00:22:37,989 --> 00:22:39,829
My name is Arliss Michaels,
561
00:22:39,891 --> 00:22:42,161
I represent athletes,
562
00:22:42,227 --> 00:22:44,427
These are my stories.
563
00:22:45,897 --> 00:22:48,327
♪ ♪
564
00:22:48,377 --> 00:22:52,927
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