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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,172 --> 00:00:08,682 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:13,705 Arliss (narrating): For most of us, 3 00:00:13,780 --> 00:00:16,120 the dream of becoming a champion, 4 00:00:16,182 --> 00:00:18,692 remains a fantasy. 5 00:00:18,751 --> 00:00:20,521 But for a special few, 6 00:00:20,587 --> 00:00:22,957 it is very much a reality. 7 00:00:23,022 --> 00:00:24,292 We cheer them, 8 00:00:24,357 --> 00:00:25,887 we live through them. 9 00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:28,959 Athletes are our last warriors. 10 00:00:29,028 --> 00:00:32,528 My job is to make their dreams come true. 11 00:00:32,599 --> 00:00:34,129 (water splashes) 12 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:35,970 My name is Arliss Michaels, 13 00:00:36,035 --> 00:00:38,465 I represent athletes, 14 00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:39,838 these are my stories. 15 00:00:39,906 --> 00:00:43,206 ♪ Don't know what it is that makes me love you so ♪ 16 00:00:43,276 --> 00:00:46,806 ♪ I only know I never wanna let you go ♪ 17 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:50,420 ♪ 'Cause you started something oh, can't you see ♪ 18 00:00:50,483 --> 00:00:53,993 ♪ That ever since we met you had a hold on me ♪ 19 00:00:54,053 --> 00:00:57,523 ♪ It happens to be true ♪ 20 00:00:57,590 --> 00:01:01,390 ♪ I only wanna be with you ♪ 21 00:01:01,461 --> 00:01:04,761 ♪ I just wanna be beside you everywhere ♪ 22 00:01:04,831 --> 00:01:08,571 ♪ As long as we're together, honey, I don't care ♪ 23 00:01:08,635 --> 00:01:12,105 ♪ 'Cause you started something oh, can't you see ♪ 24 00:01:12,171 --> 00:01:15,711 ♪ That ever since we met you had a hold on me ♪ 25 00:01:15,775 --> 00:01:19,445 ♪ No matter what you do ♪ 26 00:01:19,512 --> 00:01:22,682 ♪ I only wanna be with you ♪ 27 00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:27,418 Arliss (narrating): When a client is far from his homeland, 28 00:01:27,487 --> 00:01:29,717 it is an agent's joy to act as his family 29 00:01:29,789 --> 00:01:32,589 and share deeply in every aspect of his life. 30 00:01:32,659 --> 00:01:35,329 Amadou, great news, the deal closed. 31 00:01:35,395 --> 00:01:38,055 Six years, $105 million dollars. 32 00:01:38,131 --> 00:01:40,171 I had to come and tell you face to face. 33 00:01:40,233 --> 00:01:41,633 You are now in possession 34 00:01:41,701 --> 00:01:44,401 of one of the biggest extensions in the NBA. 35 00:01:44,470 --> 00:01:46,240 This is good for my village. 36 00:01:46,306 --> 00:01:47,966 This will buy books for the library 37 00:01:48,041 --> 00:01:49,881 and bleachers for the gymnasium. 38 00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:51,543 Not to mention your endowment. 39 00:01:51,611 --> 00:01:55,251 I mean think of it, 105 million big ones. 40 00:01:55,315 --> 00:01:56,875 You know, I too have good news. 41 00:01:56,950 --> 00:02:01,050 There is someone special that I want you to meet. 42 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:02,960 "Special"? 43 00:02:03,022 --> 00:02:04,262 What do you mean "special"? 44 00:02:06,726 --> 00:02:10,326 Arliss, this is Lisa Levine. 45 00:02:10,396 --> 00:02:12,826 She comes from a long island. 46 00:02:12,899 --> 00:02:13,899 Hi. 47 00:02:13,933 --> 00:02:16,473 Hello. Amadou speaks very highly of you. 48 00:02:16,536 --> 00:02:19,466 So how did you two meet? 49 00:02:19,539 --> 00:02:21,539 I cleaned Amadou's teeth last week. 50 00:02:21,608 --> 00:02:24,178 I'm a dental hygienist. 51 00:02:24,243 --> 00:02:25,383 Really? 52 00:02:25,445 --> 00:02:27,975 So how are his gums? 53 00:02:28,047 --> 00:02:30,417 Oh, he has the most perfect upper arch 54 00:02:30,483 --> 00:02:31,853 I've ever seen. 55 00:02:31,918 --> 00:02:34,348 Isn't she "the bomb"? 56 00:02:35,688 --> 00:02:37,118 This a favorite restaurant of yours? 57 00:02:37,190 --> 00:02:39,430 Actually, 58 00:02:39,492 --> 00:02:41,062 we're here to meet my parents. 59 00:02:41,127 --> 00:02:42,957 - (gong rings) - "Parents"? 60 00:02:43,029 --> 00:02:44,699 Man: This way, please. 61 00:02:44,764 --> 00:02:46,404 Please, go, greet them. 62 00:02:46,466 --> 00:02:47,866 I must prepare. 63 00:02:47,934 --> 00:02:49,444 I want to look my best. 64 00:02:49,502 --> 00:02:51,002 - Oh, Amadou. - Come, Arliss. 65 00:02:51,070 --> 00:02:52,450 Would you just excuse me for one second? 66 00:02:52,472 --> 00:02:53,942 I really need to talk to my client. 67 00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,037 Just one second. 68 00:02:55,042 --> 00:02:56,082 There they are! 69 00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,111 Oh! 70 00:02:59,178 --> 00:03:01,078 Ma, Daddy, 71 00:03:01,147 --> 00:03:02,847 this is Arliss Michaels. 72 00:03:02,915 --> 00:03:04,315 Hello. 73 00:03:04,384 --> 00:03:05,424 Oh. 74 00:03:05,485 --> 00:03:07,385 How do you do? 75 00:03:07,453 --> 00:03:08,923 "Michaels"... 76 00:03:08,988 --> 00:03:11,218 What kind of a name is that? 77 00:03:11,290 --> 00:03:12,290 Ma. 78 00:03:12,325 --> 00:03:14,385 Mort Levine, my wife Ceal. 79 00:03:14,460 --> 00:03:15,600 Pleasure. 80 00:03:15,662 --> 00:03:20,502 Yeah, you're a little older than I expected. 81 00:03:20,566 --> 00:03:22,536 So Lisa tells me you're in sports. 82 00:03:22,602 --> 00:03:23,972 Is that right, Mr. Michaels? 83 00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:26,067 Uh, that's right, I'm a sports agent. 84 00:03:26,139 --> 00:03:28,569 Jerry Maguire! (laughing) 85 00:03:28,641 --> 00:03:30,081 Daddy, Arliss represents 86 00:03:30,143 --> 00:03:31,913 some of your favorite players. 87 00:03:31,978 --> 00:03:33,948 Brett Favre, Roger Clemens. 88 00:03:34,013 --> 00:03:35,013 - That's right. - Really? 89 00:03:35,081 --> 00:03:36,481 Let me ask you a question. 90 00:03:36,549 --> 00:03:38,559 What kind of money does a guy like you make every year? 91 00:03:38,584 --> 00:03:39,824 Daddy! 92 00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:41,586 Well, that all depends. 93 00:03:41,654 --> 00:03:43,224 Oh, Ceal, gib a kik. 94 00:03:43,289 --> 00:03:44,319 Oh, my God. 95 00:03:44,325 --> 00:03:45,355 (Ceal speaks Yiddish) 96 00:03:45,425 --> 00:03:46,955 Mort: Yeah. 97 00:03:46,961 --> 00:03:48,491 God. (mumbles) 98 00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:51,501 May I present my client, Mr. Amadou M'bow. 99 00:03:51,564 --> 00:03:52,974 Mr. Levine, 100 00:03:53,032 --> 00:03:55,302 it is a great honor to meet you, sir. 101 00:03:55,368 --> 00:03:57,098 Amadou, it's a real thrill for me. 102 00:03:57,170 --> 00:03:58,500 I'm a big fan of yours. 103 00:03:58,571 --> 00:04:00,571 Thank you, and you Mrs. Levine. 104 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:02,610 (Ceal chuckles nervously) 105 00:04:02,675 --> 00:04:05,075 So, Arliss, you own your own business? 106 00:04:05,144 --> 00:04:06,314 Yes, I do. 107 00:04:06,379 --> 00:04:08,409 What kind of square footage are we talking about? 108 00:04:08,481 --> 00:04:11,421 Daddy, Amadou comes from Senegal. 109 00:04:11,484 --> 00:04:15,194 Oh, we love the Discovery Channel. 110 00:04:15,254 --> 00:04:17,524 My people are the Mandine tribe. 111 00:04:17,590 --> 00:04:19,360 It is a beautiful country. 112 00:04:19,425 --> 00:04:22,925 Oh, but not as beautiful as your daughter. 113 00:04:22,995 --> 00:04:24,595 Aw. 114 00:04:24,664 --> 00:04:25,974 Oh, am I famished! 115 00:04:26,032 --> 00:04:27,072 You ready to order? 116 00:04:27,133 --> 00:04:29,003 Aren't you sweet to say that. 117 00:04:29,068 --> 00:04:30,798 You are a fine young man. 118 00:04:30,870 --> 00:04:31,870 Thank you. 119 00:04:31,938 --> 00:04:33,338 He is, I can tell by his handshake. 120 00:04:33,406 --> 00:04:35,236 Who's for ribs, duck sauce? 121 00:04:35,308 --> 00:04:37,908 Oh, Ma, Daddy, I'm so glad to hear you say that, 122 00:04:37,977 --> 00:04:40,077 because in two weeks I'm gonna be (squeaks) 123 00:04:40,146 --> 00:04:42,006 Mrs. Amadou M'bow! 124 00:04:42,081 --> 00:04:43,431 (gong rings) 125 00:04:43,434 --> 00:04:44,784 We're getting married! 126 00:04:46,252 --> 00:04:47,602 Arliss (narrating): Over the years, 127 00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:49,490 I have been asked by many, many, clients 128 00:04:49,555 --> 00:04:51,385 to be their best man. 129 00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:53,357 As a firm believer in family, 130 00:04:53,426 --> 00:04:55,696 no celebration fills me with more joy 131 00:04:55,762 --> 00:04:57,462 than a wedding. 132 00:04:57,530 --> 00:04:58,800 Fuck, I hate weddings. 133 00:04:58,865 --> 00:04:59,865 I wonder why. 134 00:04:59,899 --> 00:05:01,929 Weddings beget wives, wives beget trouble. 135 00:05:02,001 --> 00:05:03,041 And wives beget ex-wives 136 00:05:03,102 --> 00:05:04,942 - who beget even more trouble. - Bingo. 137 00:05:05,004 --> 00:05:06,544 Engagement present. 138 00:05:06,606 --> 00:05:08,266 Candlesticks, fondue set, 139 00:05:08,341 --> 00:05:09,721 or autographed portrait of yourself. 140 00:05:09,742 --> 00:05:10,912 Candlesticks. 141 00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:13,087 Why can't they just live happily in sin like everybody else? 142 00:05:13,112 --> 00:05:14,852 - Bloomingdales or Sak's? - Bloomingdales. 143 00:05:14,914 --> 00:05:16,054 He's known her for ten days 144 00:05:16,115 --> 00:05:17,525 and they're getting married in two weeks. 145 00:05:17,550 --> 00:05:19,890 What a bloody nightmare. Shit! 146 00:05:19,952 --> 00:05:23,662 So, who's gonna perform this traditional African/Jewish ceremony? 147 00:05:23,723 --> 00:05:25,293 Interesting you should ask that. 148 00:05:25,358 --> 00:05:28,558 AMM has offered to track down that very special person. 149 00:05:28,628 --> 00:05:30,358 How the hell am I gonna do that? 150 00:05:30,429 --> 00:05:32,029 Easy, get on the internet and enter 151 00:05:32,098 --> 00:05:35,268 "www.that's what the fuck I'm paying you for.com." 152 00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:40,741 Stanley. Form 10-100. 153 00:05:40,807 --> 00:05:43,507 Form 10-100, the prenuptial agreement. 154 00:05:43,576 --> 00:05:45,706 So popular it has its own drawer. 155 00:05:47,713 --> 00:05:49,953 There's a $120 million dollars sitting on the table. 156 00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:51,616 I am not gonna sleep until she signs it. 157 00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:52,924 Think she will? 158 00:05:52,985 --> 00:05:54,315 Oh, she better. 159 00:05:54,387 --> 00:05:56,087 Do you know how Canseco's ex-wife 160 00:05:56,155 --> 00:05:58,185 became the 5th highest paid player in baseball? 161 00:05:58,257 --> 00:06:02,657 Because she did not sign Form 10-100. 162 00:06:02,728 --> 00:06:03,968 If I fail to protect my client, 163 00:06:03,996 --> 00:06:05,006 I have failed him as an agent. 164 00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:07,931 It is the greatest wedding gift one can give. 165 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:09,980 Our young dental hygienist may clean out his mouth, 166 00:06:10,002 --> 00:06:12,102 but she shall not clean out his wallet. 167 00:06:13,673 --> 00:06:14,943 Have you seen Kirby? 168 00:06:15,007 --> 00:06:16,007 Oh, he called earlier. 169 00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:17,512 He's giving someone a ride. 170 00:06:17,577 --> 00:06:20,177 A ride? What kind of ride? 171 00:06:20,246 --> 00:06:21,546 (moaning) 172 00:06:35,795 --> 00:06:36,895 (mumbling) 173 00:06:38,931 --> 00:06:40,631 Earth to Kirby. 174 00:06:40,700 --> 00:06:42,970 What language are you speaking? 175 00:06:43,035 --> 00:06:44,735 Oh, God, that was... 176 00:06:44,804 --> 00:06:45,874 You are... 177 00:06:45,873 --> 00:06:46,943 (chuckles) 178 00:06:47,006 --> 00:06:48,566 Oh, I think someone here 179 00:06:48,641 --> 00:06:51,611 needs a little resuscitation. 180 00:06:53,145 --> 00:06:54,195 Sit up, my sweet. 181 00:06:54,198 --> 00:06:55,248 (moans) 182 00:06:56,515 --> 00:06:59,515 Oh, I can't, my... My spine had a spinal. 183 00:07:00,586 --> 00:07:02,816 This will get the oxygen flowing again. 184 00:07:02,889 --> 00:07:07,529 Oh, no more oxygen, please, not again. 185 00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:09,833 I'd heard about older women, 186 00:07:09,896 --> 00:07:13,926 but, whoo, I don't know why more men don't try them. 187 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:15,430 Kirby, you'd be amazed. 188 00:07:15,501 --> 00:07:17,341 There are many men in this world 189 00:07:17,403 --> 00:07:20,573 who actually enjoy going to bed with older women. 190 00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:22,340 The same older woman, in fact, 191 00:07:22,408 --> 00:07:24,278 night after night, their whole lives. 192 00:07:24,343 --> 00:07:27,953 Well, I don't know about that, but, 193 00:07:28,014 --> 00:07:29,424 Penny, whoo. 194 00:07:29,482 --> 00:07:32,222 She can go and go 195 00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:35,285 and go and go and go 196 00:07:35,354 --> 00:07:36,824 and go... 197 00:07:36,889 --> 00:07:38,929 Oh, exactly how old is this older woman, 22? 198 00:07:38,991 --> 00:07:42,431 Stanley, she is 40-something. 199 00:07:44,864 --> 00:07:47,474 I'm impressed. A mature woman... 200 00:07:48,534 --> 00:07:50,344 And you can actually have 201 00:07:50,403 --> 00:07:53,643 interesting adult conversation with her? 202 00:07:57,543 --> 00:08:00,383 It's a good thing I can keep up with her. 203 00:08:00,446 --> 00:08:01,676 Stamina. 204 00:08:01,747 --> 00:08:03,677 Thank God I've got it! 205 00:08:03,749 --> 00:08:05,219 (deflates loudly) 206 00:08:08,854 --> 00:08:10,294 Hut! 207 00:08:13,592 --> 00:08:15,432 Hey, hey, hey, Mia Hamm! 208 00:08:15,494 --> 00:08:17,464 How's the super woman of women's soccer? 209 00:08:17,530 --> 00:08:20,470 - Hi, Arliss. - Uh, Mia, let me ask you a question. 210 00:08:20,533 --> 00:08:23,003 When you played World Cup against Senegal, 211 00:08:23,069 --> 00:08:25,139 did you notice if they had any Jews on the team? 212 00:08:25,204 --> 00:08:26,444 Come on, Arliss. 213 00:08:26,505 --> 00:08:28,265 With a name like Hamm, 214 00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:30,611 you don't meet many Jewish people anywhere. 215 00:08:30,676 --> 00:08:32,506 Why do you ask? 216 00:08:32,578 --> 00:08:34,978 Because Amadou M'bow's getting married to a Jewish girl 217 00:08:35,047 --> 00:08:37,377 and I gotta find me an African rabbi. 218 00:08:37,450 --> 00:08:40,350 Didn't you sign him to a $105 million dollar contract? 219 00:08:42,088 --> 00:08:43,658 Better make sure she signs a pre-nup. 220 00:08:43,723 --> 00:08:45,023 Tell me about it. 221 00:08:45,091 --> 00:08:47,491 Arliss (narrating): When it comes to matters of the heart, 222 00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:50,830 my advice is almost always right on target. 223 00:08:52,898 --> 00:08:55,098 It's called a pre-nuptial agreement. 224 00:08:55,167 --> 00:08:56,837 I don't understand. 225 00:08:56,902 --> 00:09:00,312 Well, it's a document designed to protect you, 226 00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:03,513 and most importantly, to protect Lisa. 227 00:09:04,643 --> 00:09:08,513 Arliss, a marriage is not a business deal. 228 00:09:08,581 --> 00:09:12,921 It is a blessed ceremony of love. 229 00:09:14,487 --> 00:09:17,657 Amadou, I have no doubt that you and Lisa 230 00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:20,393 are gonna be happily married for the rest of your life. 231 00:09:20,459 --> 00:09:22,999 But in the unlikely event of a divorce, 232 00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:25,362 Lisa would receive one lump sum of money. 233 00:09:25,431 --> 00:09:27,471 The rest of your income will be protected. 234 00:09:27,533 --> 00:09:29,343 We do not need this agreement. 235 00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:32,202 In my tribe, we do not believe in divorce. 236 00:09:32,271 --> 00:09:34,641 Well, believe me, in her tribe they do. 237 00:09:34,707 --> 00:09:37,707 Did Romeo ask Juliet 238 00:09:37,777 --> 00:09:40,447 to sign a pre-nuptial? 239 00:09:40,513 --> 00:09:42,113 No, and look what happened to them, 240 00:09:42,181 --> 00:09:44,281 double suicide at age 14. 241 00:09:44,350 --> 00:09:46,120 I do not approve. 242 00:09:46,185 --> 00:09:48,215 Amadou, think of the village. 243 00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,422 I mean if she doesn't sign a pre-nuptial, 244 00:09:51,490 --> 00:09:52,960 she can take half your village. 245 00:09:53,025 --> 00:09:54,385 Hmm. My village? 246 00:09:54,460 --> 00:09:56,040 By the way, these are delicious, what are they? 247 00:09:56,062 --> 00:09:57,102 Oh, you like. 248 00:09:57,163 --> 00:10:00,333 These are fermented sphincter muscles of wild boar. 249 00:10:00,399 --> 00:10:01,399 (coughs) 250 00:10:01,467 --> 00:10:04,137 They are allowed to rot and dry in the carcass 251 00:10:04,203 --> 00:10:08,673 under a great mound of steaming yak dung. 252 00:10:10,042 --> 00:10:12,312 They're prunes from Trader Joe's. 253 00:10:12,378 --> 00:10:14,508 (both laugh) 254 00:10:17,016 --> 00:10:19,616 Amadou, if you are uncomfortable with this, 255 00:10:19,685 --> 00:10:22,215 I will be happy to present it to Lisa as your agent. 256 00:10:24,623 --> 00:10:26,693 She will not be insulted? 257 00:10:26,759 --> 00:10:27,859 Oh, no, no. 258 00:10:27,927 --> 00:10:29,427 I will present it to her 259 00:10:29,495 --> 00:10:30,995 in terms she'll understand. 260 00:10:31,063 --> 00:10:35,333 Arliss (narrating): What makes one negotiation succeed and another fail? 261 00:10:35,401 --> 00:10:37,371 One word... timing. 262 00:10:37,436 --> 00:10:39,436 Beef is too expensive. 263 00:10:39,505 --> 00:10:40,705 Fish is too cheap. 264 00:10:40,773 --> 00:10:41,843 Then chicken. 265 00:10:41,907 --> 00:10:43,307 We'll serve chicken, alright? 266 00:10:43,375 --> 00:10:44,735 Arliss, you like chicken, right? 267 00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:46,050 Yeah, I like chicken. 268 00:10:46,112 --> 00:10:49,552 Everyone knows chicken means you can't afford beef. 269 00:10:49,615 --> 00:10:52,015 You prefer beef, am I right? 270 00:10:52,084 --> 00:10:53,294 Why am I springing for this 271 00:10:53,352 --> 00:10:55,962 when my future son-in-law just signed a contract 272 00:10:56,021 --> 00:10:57,421 for $105 million dollars? 273 00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:58,520 Speaking of which... 274 00:10:58,591 --> 00:11:00,491 When Amadou's parents got married, 275 00:11:00,559 --> 00:11:03,329 they took a live white chicken, cut its throat, 276 00:11:03,395 --> 00:11:05,125 and let the blood drop down 277 00:11:05,197 --> 00:11:07,497 into a beautiful gourd of white rice. 278 00:11:07,566 --> 00:11:08,926 See? Chicken. 279 00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:11,041 Chicken makes everybody happy. 280 00:11:11,103 --> 00:11:13,813 My one and only daughter is marrying a shagitz 281 00:11:13,873 --> 00:11:17,043 from deepest darkest Africa. 282 00:11:17,109 --> 00:11:18,939 Ma, drop it! 283 00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:21,551 Oh, angel, this is not easy for us. 284 00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:23,154 Mr. Michaels, 285 00:11:23,215 --> 00:11:25,475 tell them how much Amadou loves me. 286 00:11:25,551 --> 00:11:26,821 Indeed he does. 287 00:11:26,886 --> 00:11:30,156 And you can be sure he will always protect you. 288 00:11:30,222 --> 00:11:32,532 Spiritually, emotionally, 289 00:11:32,591 --> 00:11:34,061 and legally. 290 00:11:34,126 --> 00:11:35,756 "Legally"? 291 00:11:35,828 --> 00:11:37,528 This pre-nuptial agreement was designed 292 00:11:37,596 --> 00:11:39,296 to protect your daughter, Mrs. Levine, 293 00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:41,525 as well as your future son-in-law. 294 00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:42,970 Mr. Levine. 295 00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:44,035 Here's your copy. 296 00:11:46,071 --> 00:11:47,341 Pre-nuptial? 297 00:11:47,406 --> 00:11:49,806 Now don't be put off by the legal tone of this thing. 298 00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:51,435 Think of it more as preventive care, 299 00:11:51,510 --> 00:11:53,380 not unlike flossing or brushing. 300 00:11:53,445 --> 00:11:55,875 So what do we got here? I mean what's the numbers? 301 00:11:55,948 --> 00:11:58,548 One million dollars a year for each year of marriage 302 00:11:58,617 --> 00:11:59,687 will be set aside to you. 303 00:11:59,752 --> 00:12:01,792 In addition I have built in some incentive clauses. 304 00:12:01,854 --> 00:12:04,024 For example, any year that you have a baby, 305 00:12:04,089 --> 00:12:05,489 maybe a little amadini, 306 00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:07,688 you will receive an additional half a million dollars. 307 00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:09,760 Do we get a bump for a boy? 308 00:12:09,828 --> 00:12:10,928 That's negotiable. 309 00:12:10,996 --> 00:12:13,596 Now in the very unlikely event 310 00:12:13,666 --> 00:12:16,036 that you discover your husband in a compromising position, 311 00:12:16,101 --> 00:12:17,901 you will receive a two million dollar bonus. 312 00:12:17,970 --> 00:12:19,710 Strip clubs, however, are excluded. 313 00:12:19,772 --> 00:12:21,212 - Any questions? - (stutters) 314 00:12:21,273 --> 00:12:23,513 Good, now as soon as you are comfortable with this, 315 00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:25,686 we will arrange a meeting with your lawyer for the signing. 316 00:12:25,711 --> 00:12:29,251 The sooner the better, and let me say you just look gorgeous in that dress. 317 00:12:29,315 --> 00:12:31,715 Ma?! 318 00:12:29,315 --> 00:12:30,545 Calm down. 319 00:12:31,784 --> 00:12:33,604 - Is this not a good time? I can come back. - (screaming) 320 00:12:33,619 --> 00:12:34,649 Ma! 321 00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:35,750 Calm down, honey. 322 00:12:35,821 --> 00:12:37,961 Princess, this is not such a bad deal. 323 00:12:38,023 --> 00:12:39,383 Listen to your father. 324 00:12:39,376 --> 00:12:40,726 This is how he trusts me?! 325 00:12:40,793 --> 00:12:42,703 No, no, no, you tell him to forget it. 326 00:12:42,761 --> 00:12:45,361 You tell him I never want to see him again! 327 00:12:48,467 --> 00:12:50,397 Does this mean I don't get the Laker tickets? 328 00:12:50,469 --> 00:12:54,609 Arliss (narrating): My clients know there is no stronger advocate 329 00:12:54,673 --> 00:12:56,443 of marriage than me. 330 00:12:56,508 --> 00:12:58,008 Wedding's off! 331 00:12:58,077 --> 00:13:00,347 But these wedding presents just arrived from Senegal. 332 00:13:00,412 --> 00:13:02,622 What can I tell you? 333 00:13:02,681 --> 00:13:03,781 She wouldn't sign. 334 00:13:03,849 --> 00:13:05,049 L'amore est caput. 335 00:13:05,117 --> 00:13:07,547 No, no, no I found this perfect guy. 336 00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:11,560 A rabbi from Ethiopia who was air lifted into Israel in 1984 337 00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:12,734 as a part of "Operation: Moses". 338 00:13:12,758 --> 00:13:14,458 Well, go down "Operation: Moses". 339 00:13:14,526 --> 00:13:17,226 We are in "Operation: No Wedding, No Jeopardy". 340 00:13:17,296 --> 00:13:18,756 Cancel the plane for Amadou's family 341 00:13:18,831 --> 00:13:21,371 and tell John Randle I'll meet him for racquetball at 5:00. 342 00:13:21,433 --> 00:13:23,503 Well, it's obvious how you feel about it. 343 00:13:23,569 --> 00:13:24,899 How does Amadou feel? 344 00:13:24,970 --> 00:13:27,070 Well, he was a little upset at first, 345 00:13:27,139 --> 00:13:29,009 but he's a smart guy, he'll understand. 346 00:13:30,442 --> 00:13:31,642 Great presents, huh? 347 00:13:31,710 --> 00:13:33,880 Too bad they all gotta go back. 348 00:13:33,946 --> 00:13:36,076 That means that I won't be able to wear my new outfit, 349 00:13:36,148 --> 00:13:38,218 which I think AMM should pay for, 350 00:13:38,284 --> 00:13:40,154 seeing it was a business expense, 351 00:13:40,219 --> 00:13:42,189 and I did find an African rabbi. 352 00:13:43,455 --> 00:13:44,615 You're right. 353 00:13:44,690 --> 00:13:46,360 AMM will pay for every phone call you made 354 00:13:46,425 --> 00:13:48,385 to track down that rabbi. 355 00:13:48,460 --> 00:13:50,210 Arliss, you constantly cease to amaze me. 356 00:13:50,213 --> 00:13:51,963 (phone rings) 357 00:13:52,031 --> 00:13:53,731 Arliss Michaels Managements. 358 00:13:53,799 --> 00:13:55,429 ♪ Arliss, boom bah yea ♪ 359 00:13:55,501 --> 00:13:57,201 ♪ Mama say mama sah mama coo sah ♪ 360 00:13:57,269 --> 00:13:58,639 Jerry Colangelo. 361 00:13:59,938 --> 00:14:01,368 I'll take that in my office. 362 00:14:11,617 --> 00:14:14,117 Kirby, don't touch anything, they're all going back. 363 00:14:14,186 --> 00:14:15,426 What do you mean he's quitting?! 364 00:14:15,454 --> 00:14:17,994 He says he going back to Africa and his heart's broken. 365 00:14:18,057 --> 00:14:19,777 No, no, no. There's a misunderstanding here. 366 00:14:19,825 --> 00:14:21,655 The misunderstanding is Amadou just signed 367 00:14:21,727 --> 00:14:24,457 a $105 million contract with the Phoenix Suns, 368 00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:26,170 and he's about ready to leave the continent. 369 00:14:26,198 --> 00:14:28,198 Jerry, Jerry, Amadou's not going anywhere, 370 00:14:28,267 --> 00:14:29,337 I promise you. 371 00:14:29,401 --> 00:14:30,801 And I promise you if he does, 372 00:14:30,869 --> 00:14:32,709 you're looking at breach of contract. 373 00:14:36,442 --> 00:14:38,722 - I had it made! - I want it taken back, and I want to see the receipt! 374 00:14:38,744 --> 00:14:41,124 - Arliss said it was a legitimate business expense. - There is no wedding! 375 00:14:41,146 --> 00:14:42,686 - Is that my fault?! - It's not even attractive! 376 00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:45,355 - Oh, who are you to speak? - I want it returned, and I want to see the receipt. 377 00:14:45,384 --> 00:14:46,384 Arliss said... 378 00:14:46,418 --> 00:14:48,348 Oh, my God! 379 00:14:48,420 --> 00:14:50,190 These are crushed rhino balls. 380 00:14:51,523 --> 00:14:53,833 What, you recognize them? 381 00:14:53,892 --> 00:14:55,402 Well, there's a picture, an illustration, see. 382 00:14:55,427 --> 00:14:56,497 It's an aphrodisiac. 383 00:14:57,563 --> 00:14:58,963 Not for the rhino it isn't. 384 00:14:59,031 --> 00:15:00,301 No, no, put these away. 385 00:15:00,366 --> 00:15:02,596 These gifts have to be sent back to Africa. 386 00:15:02,668 --> 00:15:04,208 That's not the only thing going back to Africa. 387 00:15:04,236 --> 00:15:06,266 Amadou's quitting basketball, he's headed home. 388 00:15:06,338 --> 00:15:08,408 He's walking away from $105 million dollars. 389 00:15:08,474 --> 00:15:10,454 I gotta get this wedding back on. Pre-nup or no pre-nup. 390 00:15:10,476 --> 00:15:12,816 I mean, after all, five percent of 52 and a half million is still... 391 00:15:12,845 --> 00:15:14,075 Better than 100% of nothing. 392 00:15:14,146 --> 00:15:15,676 Arliss: I gotta go see him now. 393 00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:18,618 Kirby, you gotta play racquetball with John Randle at 5:00 PM. 394 00:15:18,684 --> 00:15:20,554 I can't, I'm seeing Penny. 395 00:15:20,619 --> 00:15:23,859 5:00 PM. And let him win, let him win! 396 00:15:23,922 --> 00:15:26,242 Arliss (narrating): My actions never protect my commissions. 397 00:15:26,291 --> 00:15:29,231 They protect my clients' well being. 398 00:15:39,638 --> 00:15:43,008 (doorbell rings rapidly) 399 00:15:47,913 --> 00:15:49,453 Got a moment? 400 00:15:52,818 --> 00:15:54,518 Penny, baby, yeah. 401 00:15:54,586 --> 00:15:56,386 I'm gonna be a little late tonight, 402 00:15:56,455 --> 00:15:57,585 but, uh, it'll be worth it. 403 00:15:57,656 --> 00:15:59,216 Uh-huh, yeah. 404 00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:03,096 Don't plan on getting any sleep, okay? 405 00:16:03,162 --> 00:16:04,662 Goodbye. 406 00:16:06,365 --> 00:16:09,325 Hey, John Randle! How's it hanging? 407 00:16:09,401 --> 00:16:10,651 - How you doing, Kirb? - Pretty good. 408 00:16:10,669 --> 00:16:11,779 Ready to get your butt kicked? 409 00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:13,314 Sure, let's kick my butt. 410 00:16:23,682 --> 00:16:25,052 (chuckles weakly) 411 00:16:26,618 --> 00:16:27,858 Oh, I think I pulled a hamstring. 412 00:16:27,886 --> 00:16:28,886 I can explain. 413 00:16:28,921 --> 00:16:30,521 It's not what you think it is. 414 00:16:30,589 --> 00:16:31,989 Oh, I don't think it's anything. 415 00:16:32,057 --> 00:16:33,187 I'll just see ya. 416 00:16:33,258 --> 00:16:34,358 No! John, John! 417 00:16:34,426 --> 00:16:36,526 Listen! This isn't even me! 418 00:16:36,595 --> 00:16:39,025 It's some horny horned rhino I never even met! 419 00:16:40,098 --> 00:16:41,098 I am ashamed! 420 00:16:41,133 --> 00:16:43,073 I should have never let you talk me into 421 00:16:43,135 --> 00:16:45,065 such a crass and vulgar idea! 422 00:16:45,137 --> 00:16:47,937 Amadou, I've been doing some calculations 423 00:16:48,006 --> 00:16:50,106 and it's clear that emotionally, 424 00:16:50,175 --> 00:16:52,775 it is far more important for you to stay and marry Lisa 425 00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:55,475 without a pre-nuptial, than to go home with nothing. 426 00:16:55,547 --> 00:16:58,077 She will not speak to me, thanks to you! 427 00:16:58,150 --> 00:16:59,220 Well, she'll speak to me. 428 00:16:59,284 --> 00:17:00,454 She will not speak to you! 429 00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:02,519 She says you are pond scum! 430 00:17:03,889 --> 00:17:06,889 It is an expression for "shithead". 431 00:17:06,959 --> 00:17:09,229 Look, I understand how you feel, 432 00:17:09,294 --> 00:17:10,744 but you shouldn't give up your career. 433 00:17:10,762 --> 00:17:12,532 I don't want to play! 434 00:17:12,598 --> 00:17:16,028 I can't jump off of the ground, with a heart so heavy. 435 00:17:18,136 --> 00:17:20,366 I feel responsible for this. 436 00:17:20,439 --> 00:17:21,439 I let you down. 437 00:17:21,507 --> 00:17:22,707 Let me try to make it right. 438 00:17:24,076 --> 00:17:25,106 - How?! - (screams) 439 00:17:25,177 --> 00:17:27,447 With more contracts?! 440 00:17:27,513 --> 00:17:30,653 If this happened in your village, what would you do? 441 00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:32,986 I would send for the village wise man 442 00:17:33,051 --> 00:17:34,451 and have him speak with her. 443 00:17:35,587 --> 00:17:37,857 Then I too will send for a wise man to go speak with her. 444 00:17:39,358 --> 00:17:40,528 I will. 445 00:17:40,592 --> 00:17:42,662 Lisa: How often do you floss? 446 00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:44,828 (mumbling) Uh, I think, three times a week. 447 00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:46,327 Three times a week is not enough, 448 00:17:46,398 --> 00:17:48,168 and I'm afraid you're not flossing correctly. 449 00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:50,143 Open wider, please. 450 00:17:50,202 --> 00:17:52,542 (mumbling) 451 00:17:52,604 --> 00:17:53,874 That's good, but a waterpick 452 00:17:53,939 --> 00:17:55,639 cannot replace flossing and brushing, 453 00:17:55,707 --> 00:17:57,777 and should only be used as an adjunct. 454 00:17:57,843 --> 00:17:59,213 Rinse, please. 455 00:18:04,783 --> 00:18:06,993 That is a gorgeous diamond. 456 00:18:09,054 --> 00:18:13,164 You know, gum disease afflicts 75% percent of adults 457 00:18:13,225 --> 00:18:15,125 over age 35 in this country. 458 00:18:15,193 --> 00:18:16,533 Really? 459 00:18:16,595 --> 00:18:18,195 Is that an engagement ring? 460 00:18:19,364 --> 00:18:21,234 Open your mouth, please. 461 00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:24,869 (groans) 462 00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:26,437 (crying) 463 00:18:26,505 --> 00:18:28,105 Is everything alright? 464 00:18:28,173 --> 00:18:31,043 (crying) No, everything is not alright. 465 00:18:31,109 --> 00:18:34,349 Uh, uh, can... Can I rinse please? 466 00:18:38,850 --> 00:18:43,990 So, break off about an 18 inch piece of floss, 467 00:18:44,056 --> 00:18:46,626 wind most around one of your middle fingers, 468 00:18:46,692 --> 00:18:49,292 wind the rest around the same finger of the other hand. 469 00:18:49,361 --> 00:18:51,961 Now this finger will take up the floss as it becomes soiled, 470 00:18:52,030 --> 00:18:54,630 (sobbing) with bacteria. 471 00:18:54,700 --> 00:18:56,540 Oh, Lisa. 472 00:18:56,602 --> 00:18:58,702 Oh, Lisa, girlfriend, listen... 473 00:19:00,205 --> 00:19:01,405 He loves you. 474 00:19:01,473 --> 00:19:03,643 Amadou really, really loves you. 475 00:19:03,709 --> 00:19:04,909 What? 476 00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:07,707 Arliss Michaels was the one insisting on a pre-nup, 477 00:19:07,779 --> 00:19:09,409 - not Amadou. - But how do you... 478 00:19:09,481 --> 00:19:11,851 He wants to marry you, Lisa, with no pre-nup. 479 00:19:11,917 --> 00:19:14,787 Amadou wants to marry you with no pre-nuptial contract. 480 00:19:14,853 --> 00:19:16,593 - Really?! - Mm-hmm. 481 00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:17,825 Put that diamond ring back on. 482 00:19:17,856 --> 00:19:19,456 Put that ring back on! 483 00:19:19,524 --> 00:19:20,734 Five carats! 484 00:19:20,792 --> 00:19:23,632 VVS One clarity! 485 00:19:23,695 --> 00:19:26,725 Arliss (narrating): There is nothing more joyful than a wedding, 486 00:19:26,798 --> 00:19:29,398 the union of two young lovers committed to spending 487 00:19:29,468 --> 00:19:31,938 the rest of their lives together. 488 00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:33,474 Why are we starting now? 489 00:19:33,538 --> 00:19:35,208 Amadou's family isn't even here. 490 00:19:35,273 --> 00:19:37,113 They're worried about losing the Milt Kay Band 491 00:19:37,175 --> 00:19:39,505 to a bar mitzvah at 7:00. 492 00:19:39,578 --> 00:19:42,108 I'm worried about what's growing on your head. 493 00:19:42,180 --> 00:19:44,580 At least something is growing on my head. 494 00:19:46,685 --> 00:19:48,015 How'd it go the other night? 495 00:19:48,086 --> 00:19:51,856 Well, the good news is I rode Penny all night long. 496 00:19:51,923 --> 00:19:52,923 Bad news is, 497 00:19:52,991 --> 00:19:54,761 we lost John Randle as a client. 498 00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:03,240 Hey, Arliss. 499 00:20:03,301 --> 00:20:04,801 Hey, Kenny Anderson. 500 00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:07,040 - How's the baron of the back court? - It's going well. 501 00:20:07,105 --> 00:20:08,415 Arliss: Yeah? That makes one of us. 502 00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:11,210 Hey, you think you got an extra handkerchief? 503 00:20:11,276 --> 00:20:13,306 This wedding's gonna make me cry. 504 00:20:13,378 --> 00:20:14,648 Me, too. 505 00:20:16,014 --> 00:20:17,884 Thank you. 506 00:20:17,949 --> 00:20:21,489 Arliss (narrating): How I look forward to a client taking a bride. 507 00:20:21,553 --> 00:20:25,093 For a good woman not only becomes an integral part of his life, 508 00:20:25,157 --> 00:20:27,987 she becomes a part of his assets. 509 00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:29,760 Rabbi: My good people, 510 00:20:29,828 --> 00:20:34,098 these good young people need our support. 511 00:20:34,166 --> 00:20:36,536 I say unto you, 512 00:20:36,601 --> 00:20:40,841 love is color-blind, 513 00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:45,536 but now let us be frank, we are not. 514 00:20:45,610 --> 00:20:48,310 A prince from Senegal, 515 00:20:48,380 --> 00:20:51,550 a princess from Long Island. 516 00:20:51,616 --> 00:20:52,876 Let us... 517 00:20:54,886 --> 00:20:57,256 Ah, my family has arrived! 518 00:20:57,322 --> 00:21:02,032 (women ululating) 519 00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:04,804 Rabbi: Welcome! I say welcome! 520 00:21:04,863 --> 00:21:07,373 Shalom, shalom! 521 00:21:07,432 --> 00:21:09,372 (Rabbi speaks Hebrew) 522 00:21:09,434 --> 00:21:11,644 I say welcome, 523 00:21:11,703 --> 00:21:13,713 welcome I say. 524 00:21:13,772 --> 00:21:15,442 Welcome. 525 00:21:15,507 --> 00:21:19,477 (women continue singing, ululating) 526 00:21:19,544 --> 00:21:21,114 (music, singing ends) 527 00:21:21,179 --> 00:21:23,479 Arliss, let's get this show on the road. 528 00:21:23,548 --> 00:21:25,278 The rabbi's going into overtime. 529 00:21:25,350 --> 00:21:27,420 This is my family, 530 00:21:27,486 --> 00:21:29,886 And now it is yours. 531 00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:33,085 My, you got so many sisters. 532 00:21:33,158 --> 00:21:34,758 These are not my sisters, 533 00:21:34,826 --> 00:21:37,726 these are my wives. 534 00:21:39,331 --> 00:21:41,001 - Your wives?! - Your wives? 535 00:21:41,066 --> 00:21:42,126 His wives? 536 00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:43,200 His wives! 537 00:21:43,268 --> 00:21:48,408 Ma! 538 00:21:43,268 --> 00:21:45,098 Calm down. 539 00:21:46,605 --> 00:21:48,405 Don't worry. 540 00:21:48,473 --> 00:21:49,743 They will embrace you. 541 00:21:49,808 --> 00:21:51,338 (cries hysterically) 542 00:21:53,311 --> 00:21:55,111 Ceal: Angel, who knew?! 543 00:21:55,180 --> 00:21:56,880 Who knew?! 544 00:21:56,948 --> 00:21:58,648 Amadou, Amadou. 545 00:21:58,717 --> 00:21:59,717 Are you alright? 546 00:22:00,786 --> 00:22:03,086 Arliss, this is terrible. 547 00:22:03,155 --> 00:22:05,385 I cannot marry a woman 548 00:22:05,457 --> 00:22:08,657 that does not respect my culture and my family. 549 00:22:08,727 --> 00:22:10,627 I couldn't agree more. 550 00:22:10,695 --> 00:22:13,495 My family has come so far. 551 00:22:13,565 --> 00:22:15,025 What do we do? 552 00:22:16,034 --> 00:22:17,904 Well, the wedding's off. 553 00:22:17,969 --> 00:22:20,039 Let's party! 554 00:22:20,105 --> 00:22:24,175 ♪ ♪ 555 00:22:24,242 --> 00:22:26,912 Arliss (narrating): Over the centuries, poets and playwrights 556 00:22:26,978 --> 00:22:28,648 have toiled to illuminate 557 00:22:28,713 --> 00:22:30,953 the inexplicable mysteries of love. 558 00:22:31,016 --> 00:22:33,186 Alas, in love, as in life, 559 00:22:33,251 --> 00:22:36,761 timing isn't everything, it's the only thing. 560 00:22:37,989 --> 00:22:39,829 My name is Arliss Michaels, 561 00:22:39,891 --> 00:22:42,161 I represent athletes, 562 00:22:42,227 --> 00:22:44,427 These are my stories. 563 00:22:45,897 --> 00:22:48,327 ♪ ♪ 564 00:22:48,377 --> 00:22:52,927 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 39879

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