Original subtitles

"You're invited to attend the burial...

"of Jules Videau."

Jules Videau

The Videau family, please?

5th floor front, My condolences, sir.

Thank you.

But what have you got to cry about?

I can promise you it won't change anything.

You said we'd see less of each other.

Widowed and dumped... What a day!

Aunt Henriette!

There's someone with a book for Uncle Jules.

Poor Mr Videau!

I can still hear him...

"Gaston my boy, I want that book, no matter what it costs."

I managed to get it for him...

...at a very good price.

240 francs.

Not even the value of the binding.

Just take a look at the binding.

What's this about?

Something poor Jules had ordered.

A book of philosophy.

240 francs to pay.

Jules and oriental philosophy?

He was only interested in rugby and watching TV.

I'm afraid I may have embarrassed...

Let's just drop the matter, Sir.

I'm very fond of the Orient...

...that eternal source of balance, of wisdom.

What's the name of this book?

The Kamasutra.

Illustrated?

Let's say embellished... with some pastel sketches.

I love pastels!

Hello, police?

Send someone to 18 Junot Ave.

No, it's not an appropriate time to do business.

I'll come back when it's more appropriate.

Shyster!

Stop him!

Stop thief!

What style is your home?

None, at the moment.

We have a block of land.

We're going to build something quite original, to suit us.

We'll wait a bit longer.

How much is this scrap metal?

You call it scrap?

It's a Second Empire lamp... almost impossible to find.

It was worth 45,000.

What?

But anyway, it's sold.

You don't have any others?

He said they were impossible to find.

But then again, I have connections...

and I may be able to get you one from Vendee.

But there are 3 Brazilians after one.

- She's beautiful. - Yes.

At the same price?

Well...

The trend is rather upward.

But then again, for connoisseurs...

45,000 would be OK.

You live in Paris?

44 Boulevard de Port-Royal.

"44 Boulevard de Port-Royal"

Mr Hyacinthe Camus.

"Hyacinthe Camus"

- At this hour? - My apologies, ma'am.

Sorry to intrude on your morning, but...

it's a matter of urgency.

Would your husband be so good...

He just went out! You could've run into him.

What do YOU want?

Excuse my state of undress, Sir.

Exquisite! Such class, such taste!

It's about the lamp.

The lamp?

The Second-Empire-style lamp. You ordered one, didn't you?

Er... yes.

Here it is.

The boss had it delivered by air-taxi.

How kind of him!

My lamp was delivered by plane!

Progress takes giant strides every day.

That's right.

Well then... it's here.

Yes, it's here.

Fine...

So that comes to 60,000 francs all up.

What?

With the special flight.

It's just that... my husband isn't here.

Come back at lunchtime.

What are you doing?

I'm taking it.

It's absolutely forbidden to leave any goods without payment.

The boss would have apoplexy.

He's prone to it.

You realise, an item like this will sell in 2 hours.

You can't sell that lamp! It belongs to me!

Say something, Sir... Do something!

My dear lady...

So when will your husband be home?

For lunch.

Fine.

Then, in order to keep you happy...

...I'll wait.

I'll make an exception.

2 hours will go quickly.

You're right, this is quite untoward.

I'll fix this. Hyacinthe will pay me back.

I'm embarrassed!

Nonsense, it's trivial.

3, 4, 5... a.

There we are... 60,000 francs.

My briefcase.

Much obliged.

That's alright... goodbye old chap!

But not here!

Hyacinthe!

- Hyacinthe isn't here! - He is! Down there!

- Good morning, Inspector. - Ma'am.

You could say "Chief inspector" in similar circumstances.

Darling, we have a guest.

Chief Inspector! What are you doing here?

What a nice surprise!

I almost missed you, Camus.

Luckily Chief Inspector Barnave dropped in.

You left me without a cent.

You owe him 60,000 francs.

Really? What for?

For...

For what?

Well... it's our light.

This is our light?

It's a lamp off a cab, you idiot!

Camus!

What? Am I supposed to accept stupidity?

That you planned to hang this thing in our home is mad enough...

...but to let the my chief be swindled, is totally insane!

Not at all, my friend, it's you who's been swindled.

Because you think that fixes everything?

Can we establish who delivered this?

Who dared do it?

A little chap with a hangdog look.

You've probably crossed paths.

Good God! That little thug!

I thought I recognised him.

Oh, that crim! Wait, his name will come back to me.

It's there!

That's it!

- I've got it! - No! Not now...

Yes! I've got it.

- What've you got? - The name. Write it down.

There it is... no I lost it. No. Write, quickly!

Baudu... Arsene.

18 rue de la Folie-Regnault. Shit!

Paris... 11th.

Confidence trickery in '53 and '57...

9th and 2nd divisions

Forgery and passing of forgery in '63.

12th division.

All this at 3 in the morning.

Not bad.

I can't ask my brain to stop thinking.

Hyacinthe, you really are a case.

You've been kicked out of the police...

But allowed to make use of my pension rights, sir.

For abuse of power...

abusive searches...

various indiscretions.

These belong to your past...

...but your present is hardly more brilliant.

You have, dear Hyacinthe, attained a form of latent cretinism.

All your colleagues are aware of it.

It would be deplorable if those same colleagues learn that their boss...

their guide, their beacon...

was robbed of 60,000 francs by a cretin.

For me, the case is almost closed.

Not for me!

You have my money?

My phenomenal memory is in play.

All I have to do is nab that scamp and stick an old ID

under his nose!

Careful!

Impersonating a police officer... Art. 259 of the penal code.

- What do you want? - The dough.

It's like this...

The case is dealt with in 3 stages...

restitution, arrest, sentencing.

Just a moment.

You gotta admit I'm unlucky.

Statistically I had 1 chance in 100,000.

To what?

To bump into a pig.

What am I up for?

With your record, at least 2 years.

Because you know my record?

Yeah.

Finish eating, I have a visitor.

An importer for the ironwork business that I told you about.

You have children?

Didn't you know?

You don't know that thieves' kids eat like any others?

Even more.

Don't tell me your voracious eaters have gone through 60 grand's worth!

No.

So?

But I have paid the bills for school supplies...

the overdue rent and the butcher.

I didn't have enough for gas.

You really are a destructive pest!

The epitome of a termite!

And of course you've no way of getting me the 60,000 by tonight.

What difference would it make?

Everything.

I could make a favorable report.

I could put it down to weakness, a moment of confusion.

I could even forget to nick you.

You'd do that?

Yes.

Listen...

There is a chance, but we have to move fast.

They leave for the cemetery in 2 hours. Alfred Dupuis.

We can do it.

Do what?

Haven't you done enough that's dishonest?

I see... not quite.

It's there.

Seriously, you're not pulling some stunt on me are you?

I'll be only a minute.

I'm glad it's you.

Sir, can you tell me what time the convoy leaves?

I don't know and I don't care.

Stop thief!

Scoundrel! Goddamned crook!

Abuser of the dead!

It is just a dreadful mistake, Sir.

And what do you call this?

- We'll take him to the police! - I'm police.

What's happened?

This bastard comes to insult a family's pain...

and the memory of a saint!

To defraud 60,000 francs.

These gentlemen misunderstood, Inspector.

They're romanticising.

Are you calling us liars?

- What if we lynched him? - Then I'll run you all in!

So, are you complaining about being insulted or swindled?

Both. And offense against decency. This obscene book!

Include all of it.

Be at the police station at 6 AM

with your family record books.

And you're coming with me, you maniac.

Keep moving, you idiot.

When it's not meant to happen, it doesn't happen, eh?

I'm going through one hell of a time.

Tell that to the judge.

It's not him who'll return my 60 grand.

Don't give me a hard time... Haven't I done what I could?

It's a matter of luck.

I wouldn't mind a pick-me-up...

before I'm locked up... Any chance?

Want to know what I really think, Inspector?

You were a victim of poor career guidance.

Yes... With your brains, your authority...

your piercing glance...

you could have been a top-flight criminal.

Are you trying to win me over with flattery, Baudu?

No way!

Because...

This time we have to go...

Otherwise I'll miss the Black Maria.

You're in a rush to find yourself back inside?

No, but after the first night in a cell, you share quarters.

I know the place... it's not the Ritz.

Baudu!

What would you say to sleeping in your own bed tonight?

- Do that again! - Oh no...

Yes, it's so funny... just once more!

Police!

Works like magic!

You have to be honest.

Never mind you've scared the wits out of me!

I regretted that.

You're a brick!

I don't thank the good Lord.

60 grand and out of a job... nice result!

My life's been a long hard road, Baudu...

...paved with injustices.

Failed my primary school certificate 3 times

because of wee-wee problems.

Today, unemployed... Tomorrow. . .?

Unemployed? Not likely.

And if we were to have a last drink at home...

...I have a little scheme I'd like to discuss with you.

"Brains and legs." That's my formula.

I'm a true thoroughbred.

A sprinter.

Oh... up top, I'm a bit weak...

But, with a bit of encouragement there's no limit to what I can do.

For you and me, Hyacinthe...

...money is waiting to fall in our laps.

Baudu“.

You're scaring me.

We can clean up!

You make me touch on a very depressing truth...

"Crime doesn't pay".

- Or...? - I've been vegetating for 20 years.

But that's going to change.

I'm untying the moorings... I'm breaking the chains!

Honest people are ungrateful... so too bad for them.

They've liberated the genius of evil.

Intelligence in the service of crime.

They won't know what hit them!

You'll have to toss your pancake with a coin...

if you want good luck with money.

Arsene!

Arsene...

The sign that I've been waiting for.

The green light.

Hidden forces are with us.

It will hurt.

Dear lady, entrust me with the decider...

It's a thousand to one.

Waiter... waiter!

Waiter!

- "Barman. " - I'm sorry.

- What do I owe you, barman? - 1 franc.

I'm embarrassed.

- You can't pay? - Well...

I can and I can't.

I'll need to go to the bank to change it.

Maybe you'll accept it.

I don't know anything about it.

Mr Ginot...

Any idea?

That's 10 florins.

That's right!

I'd change it for you, but...

I'd need to know what it was worth.

You can never tell what it's worth.

It changes all the time.

The exchange rate.

Mr. Ginot...

You go to the stock exchange every day...

It's your business.

Maybe you could help him out.

Florins...

About 3,000.

You are very obliging.

Charley, pour us 2 cognacs.

Tell me...

Do you often get hold of Dutch coins?

I could have more...

if I went to see my dad's brother more often.

My old uncle.

He'd be very well off, your uncle?

Hardly... He just has a lot of coins.

- Good stuff. - Yeah.

You know those Ali Baba-style terracotta jars. . .?

Yeah, the...

Well...

instead of being full of olives...

they're full of coins.

He was a gardener for 20 years with a Dutchman.

He was a wiz at looking after the tulips.

And then, when the old man died, he got all religious.

Visions... the works.

He changed quite suddenly.

Now he's a sexton in Seine-et-Oise.

A scream, eh?

The whole place is classified. One star in the guide.

Uncle always says to notice the transition from Norman to Gothic.

We're not here as tourists. Where is your uncle?

If he's not in the nave, he's in the vestry.

I'll listen to the arguing from here, I guess.

I'll just say what I have to say.

Alright.

You again, you scamp! What do you want now?

Just passing, Uncle... Thought I'd drop in.

This gentleman is the friend I spoke to you about.

You know, the... numismatist.

Numismatist or not, I've no time for anyone.

If this continues, I'll leave for Chartreuse or Zanzibar.

So go away!

Those damn coins only get me into trouble.

I'll end up giving them to the Little Sisters of the Poor.

What an old jerk!

I did warn you.

He's a character.

- Might as well go home. - Just a moment!

When Ginot goes 50 km to do business...

he wraps it up.

- Do I try again? - Come on!

What is it?

Let me in, Uncle.

I just want to give you a hug before we leave.

Alright, but make it quick.

Try to get 100 at 3,000.

150 grand each.

What are you going to do with yours?

Invest them, like you.

That's nice! How do I pay my gas bill?

The speed with which you squandered 60,000 francs

indicates a perverse trend towards lavish spending.

I'll save you from yourself.

By stuffing the loot in your pocket?

It's no longer loot... now it's capital.

HOSIERY

Mr Victor Buffe, please.

We don't take delivery of stock until Friday.

My father is very busy.

We're not here about hosiery, Miss.

We're here on official business...

concerning Mr Buffe personally...

Solely.

Yes, solely.

What is this about?

Mr Buffe...

it is my pleasure to be here to inform you...

that by the decision of the Chancellery...

dated 8th of July...

you are named Knight of the French Order of Radiance.

I am happy and proud to be the first

to congratulate you.

Me, a knight? There must be some mistake.

It's impossible.

Not at all, Sir... the decision is based purely on merit...

and some friends, whose names must remain withheld.

The diploma, if you please.

The medallion!

Simone, go and get your mother.

How splendid!

- And very original. - Isn't it.

"RF" ?

Yes.

RF... "Radiance of France"

Your parchment.

Victor, my darling! What a day to remember!

I'm all choked up! It's wonderful!

Chancellery fees amount to 50,000 francs.

50,000 francs, for Chancellery fees.

Simone, go and get the money from my desk... right drawer.

Larsan-Bellac.

Ah, it's you! Bastard, scoundrel, trickster!

We're going to file a complaint!

What's going on, my dear chap?

What are you so worked up about?

"Worked up about"?!

Did you hear that creep?

And don't call me "dear chap" !

What is it, my friend?

My friends and I have found that your so-called road

passes exactly 9 km away!

9 km from what?

"9 km from what"?!

From the blocks of land that you sold us!

You'd have been exploited.

That was a deliberate error.

To buy back the land at a low price. Refuse.

Tell him that we'll file a complaint.

He'll take advantage of you.

You are free to play the enemy's game.

I can see quite clearly where the offensive is coming from.

Everything starts from Place Beauvau.

As for that local government... I've handled them before.

The road will go where I say it will go.

500 million on the table, or we go straight to the police!

We'll be there in 10 minutes!

Mr Larsan-Bellac... 2 gentlemen to see you.

Already?

Show them in.

What's it about?

Mr Larsan-Bellac...

it is my pleasure to be here to inform you...

that by the decision of the Chancellery dated 8th of July...

you are named Knight of the French Order of Radiance.

I am happy and proud to be first to congratulate you.

The decision is based purely on merit...

and some friends, whose names must remain withheld.

The diploma, if you please.

The medallion!

A beautiful thing.

The main thing, Mr Larsan-Bellac, is what it symbolises.

Your parchment.

Chancellery fees amount to 50,000 francs.

Reasonable.

Yes, yes, yes, Yes» Yes---

Do you give a receipt?

No...

Aren't you ashamed?

Why no names and addresses?

Have you been working very long at this sort of tomfoolery?

We started this morning.

And how many pigeons have you shaken down?

You would have been the second.

I'm sorry to interrupt such a promising run.

What a pity.

You're the right physical types.

You give off a feeling...

of soothing stupidity.

Comfortingly third rate.

And yes! Your presentation is better than what you're selling.

So what should we sell?

That's the thing...

5 minutes ago, I would've said... "Land. "

But... a man of experience should never stray into what's concrete.

It's easier to subdivide outer space...

than to sell a block of land in Barbizon.

The abstract, gentlemen, remains the soul of business.

That's all I sold for 20 years. A legendary track record...

unassailable references.

Apart from the Treaty of Versailles,

the full catalogue of sleazy deals comes out of here.

Plastic mines in Oubangui,

Parking lots in the Galapagos,

A subway in the Andes... the whole box and dice!

What?

By comparison, our trifles...

This lucky medal led you to me!

With me, gentlemen you will learn the trade.

No, he's not in!

Don't give us that! We know that crook is here.

I'll initiate you to the higher reaches of speculation...

gold-plated sorcery with the poetry of numbers.

The cases!

Open up, gangster... or it'll cost you dearly.

What are you waiting for, thief? For us to break down the door?

- Calm them down. - Say something nice!

No. I'd prefer to give you your first lesson.

When facing disaster... no servility, no compromise.

Just contempt.

ARCHIVE SHREDDING OLD PAPER BOUGHT

You little brat!

- What are you referring to? - Hearsay.

Like your business with roads would have ended badly.

Gossip.

This your partner?

MY apprentice.

You want to introduce him to mirages?

You're getting back into paper? Perfect!

I've rescued a land registry

and owner's titles of 3 places in Australia.

1895. The time of the big gold-rush.

It's the best... unless you prefer to launch your protege

straight into the big-time.

In which case, I have a baron's genealogy.

Guaranteed to the Crusades.

With that, you get yourself an American heiress.

Sorry, but I draw the line at using fake sentiment to work a scam.

It's simply unfair.

Like the nice Russian treasury bonds of 1907?

Yeah, the 1907 treasury bonds!

Ten years ago, I sold them to decorate bathrooms.

Would you need a lot?

I don't do small business.

I can give you 50 kg, at 2,000 per kilo.

I run the iron over them and deliver them brand new to you.

Well?

Do I have to open the door?

So good to see you, Mr Larsan-Bellac.

The manager is held up in Paris, but he sends you his compliments.

Please thank him for me.

We've arranged the amenities that you wanted.

Perfect.

My mail!

Is there a good vet here?

The best of the coast. Should I call him?

No. I just wanted to know if there was one.

Arabelle has allergies.

Book me a table for 3 in the restaurant tonight.

The best table.

Excuse me.

Marcel, will you attend to Mr Rimero.

Rimero. 10 billion.

Stupid, and totally up himself.

I didn't trouble you for nothing.

The Royal Suite.

I hope, my beautiful, that this kennel will suit you.

Who is that, the guy with the dog?

What does he sell?

Right now, I don't know.

The first time that I met him,

Mr Larsan-Bellac had sold the Tuamotu Islands...

in order to buy the Gulf of Mexico.

Well, some of it.

I guess he must have property interests.

Well, he's not the only one!

Oh! Lulu!

Gina, Fernand... You little grubs! Inside!

Is this your hacienda? Your boss is kidding us.

My partner.

That's worse.

Hey, Are you okay in there?

You should take an x-ray.

5 minutes from the airport, 5 minutes from the sea!

With a standard I'd call Brisbane with Yokohama.

Don't you realise it's a brilliant hideout!

If you'd like to look inside...

It's definitely worth it.

Deauville 88 39 41

This is Hondouville 9.

Doilies! An iron bed.

Maybe I'll have my nervous breakdown.

- Hello, are you there? - I'm listening, Sir.

Mr Larsan-Bellac's apartment, please.

Larsan-Bellac Corporation.

This is Mr Bidermann, from Zurich.

- Mr Bidermann? - From Zurich!

Ah, hello Mr Bidermann. Did you have a pleasant trip?

Could I speak to Mr Larsan-Bellac?

It's just that Sir is sunbathing.

That's what we're here for, isn't it?

Order of management.

Would you be able to call back Sir on the direct line?

"My respects to Madame."

"My respects to Madame." Not likely!

Si f?

Hello... Sir!

Mr Bidermann just called.

- From Washington? - No sir. From Zurich.

Ah! So he's home?

I didn't want to disturb you.

Mr Bidermann just wanted to say to you that everything went well.

Good. Let him stay in touch.

I hope that the position will suit you, Mrs Patterson.

I don't want to see anyone. Crowds scare me.

The crazy one... Who is she?

According to the hearsay...

a suburb of San Francisco, a shipping company...

oil, all over the place.

3 or 4 times married, completely crazy.

Stop paying attention to gossip.

She's fascinating.

Please, this noise is unbearable.

Mrs Patterson has a headache .

Apologies to Madame.

Mr Larsan-Bellac will have moved in within the hour.

Who is Mr Larsan-Bellac?

I would've preferred more discretion.

Hurry it up, please.

For 24 hours, I live like a castaway.

On the first device,

I connect to the London and Zurich stock exchanges.

On the second, to New York and Melbourne.

A device here for a direct line...

One in the bedroom, one in the bathroom.

And one on the terrace, of course.

Arsene, get some refreshments for these gentlemen.

As soon as we're plugged in, you'll get me Cairo.

Colonel Nasser or his 2nd in command?

Why would I want his 2nd in command?!

Wake up, Arsene!

- Are you discreet? - It's the basis of my profession.

The apartment next to the Royal Suite...

I need it, as soon as it's free.

I doubt if Mrs Patterson will be staying long.

I'm counting on you.

A sherry please.

And a bowl of Vittel Grande Source at cellar temperature.

With a piece of lemon peel.

You'll stop saying that I don't take care of you.

It's for the pretty doggie-woggie.

Certainly not.

Arabelle is not a pretty doggie-woggie.

She's a Lhasa terrier from Tibet.

Lhasa terriers are prone to allergies...

and syndromes.

Oh, goodness me!

As I'm pleased to inform you.

I apologize... I should have introduced myself...

Rimero.

Rimero.

Same again.

You know the name don't you!

Construction sites, trucks, scaffolding.

At least you must have read "Rimero" on the fences.

That's not my bedtime reading.

Big joke!

You don't need to introduce yourself, eh?

The tycoon, the big wheel, the wise-guy.

You say "Larsan-Bellac" like it was "General Motors" !

Or "General de Gaulle".

Mr Larsan-Bellac...

Could I ask you for a tip?

I'm afraid, Sir, that you confuse finance with the trifecta.

That's smart, when you think about it.

- Toast, Sir? - No. Lemon.

Your vitamins, Arabelle.

Eat slowly.

Chew properly.

I said to chew it!

Would you take these little eggs to my driver? He loves them.

My respects, Mrs Patterson.

Hello, Commander.

Calm sea, favorable wind, good weather.

Ready to sail. What are your orders?

- We'll have to wait.

Thank you, Mr Arsene.

It's good for the brain... Full of phosphorus.

Thank you, Arsene. OK if I call you "Arsene"?

Sure!

So... vodka?

Do I have to go get it?

No service anymore.

It's the age of the snack bar. The race to the bottom.

Socialism...

Who's account does it go on?

The Royal Suite.

Alright with you?

We don't exactly have it tough, do we?

The Esterel motorway... we participated in it.

You can have the power stations and bridges.

Know what I mean?

Like the difference between a labourer and a skilled worker.

And what are you into back home?

Widowhood and cemeteries.

Bumping off?

Oh no! Madame owns cemeteries in California.

Inherited from Mr Patterson, her third husband.

The second, Lord Edward, left us the boat.

I'd love to go sailing.

Around the Azores, the Caribbean.

Madame only sees that boat as a memory.

She's never boarded it.

Lord Edward wanted that she must keep the crew.

That was a nice thing to do.

Rather burdensome, no doubt.

Pooh!

There are people who count in millions...

Those who count in billions...

And those who don't need to count.

If there were some trains, it'd at least be a distraction.

When I think that we'd be in a palace...

if Monsieur had played the drivers, not the bankers.

How can you compare the two situations?

- What? - New York!

- Just a moment, please.

Mr Badwell is calling you from New York.

- You're calling me now? Congratulations.

What's happening with Anaconda Cooper?

The move is coming from Republic Steel.

They flooded the market at opening.

That's all I wanted to know.

Listen carefully, Badwell...

Listen carefully!

I'll settle with London at the close of trading.

You move with 20,000 shares.

You support Royal Dutch and keep your eye on Republic Steel.

I suspect the coalition.

Well, I'll nip it in the bud.

If the Arabs lift a finger, I'll dump Texas on them

and shut down the Suez canal!

Miss, please connect me to London, urgently... Medway 26...

Then would you get me Zurich top priority - 7282...

We'll take the boss's car...

and I'll take you for a long walk...

No, pet...

No! Not in chronological order... Order of precedence.

A lord always comes before an oil man, no matter how important.

Sorry, Ma'am.

Sir...

Yes?

5 points increase on copper in Melbourne, Sir.

Sell 100 tonnes at the end of August through Blit Brothers on Melbourne

and buy 200 tonnes at the end of October with Abdul Asha on Bombay.

Who should I contact about the necessary funds?

For the southern hemisphere, still Siamako in Yokohama.

It's simple!

Put the orders through Bidermann, in Zurich.

Jeanne“. This hotel is a nest of spies!

To think that creep sent me flowers!

Throw them out immediately.

Zurich!

It's Zurich time!

If you only knew how fed up I am. Totally!

It really bugs me to hear you bitching

when I'm doing everything to get you a better life.

You'll always be a nonentity.

This is the Federal Bank of Zurich.

Mr Bidermann would like to speak with Mr Larsan-Bellac.

Bidermann, my friend, do you have an answer from Rome?

Monsignor Callot should receive an audience this evening.

Considering your links with the Archimandrite...

I would have preferred that you take care of it.

If it becomes necessary, I'll go to finalise it.

Be so good as to let me know the result tomorrow morning around 10.

Auf Wiedersehen.

Arabelle ?

Arabelle ?

Have you seen my pet?

You must have let her get out.

Arabelle!

My little dog has disappeared! Organise a search. Call the police 100,000 reward.

- 100 grand. - 100 grand?

-100 grand.

-100 grand?

There's 100 grand reward!

100 grand!

Mr Alexandre, it's only a dog.

Only a dog? 3 gold medals...

The kennels rented her to me for 2,000. They'll want 5,000 if she's lost.

I'll take it out of what I owe you.

Oh shit!

Excuse me, Sir...

Your dog went into Madame's and refuses to come out.

I meant what I said!

I'll just put something on and be right with you.

Tell the concierge to call off the search.

Very well.

Call off the troops... the mutt's been found.

Come on now, Arabelle... Come here this moment!

Arabelle, heel!

Arabelle, be a good girl...

Come on...

Arabelle !

I promise not to scold you.

No, but you're a cheeky girl!

You promised not to scold her.

She's so cute.

She'll have to miss a walk. Madame, my respects.

Again, thank you so much.

Mr Larsan-Bellac...

I'm very embarrassed.

I don't know how to tell you.

I fear your life may be in danger.

Really?!\

Someone is spying on you!

You played golf.

My daily 18-holes.

And you use, I don't know why, a sort of field telephone.

That's right.

My driver collects the Stock Exchange moves and passes them on to me.

It was Rocky...

Rockefeller Jr, who taught me the trick.

Well, "the trick" isn't secure.

All your conversations are monitored...

by a certain Rimero, self-styled entrepreneur...

and certainly a secret agent.

An obsessive who sends me roses every hour.

He has the effrontery? That peasant from Cantal?!

I'll slap him!

Please, I'm on holiday... Let's avoid any fuss.

I can kill him with my sabre without making a fuss.

I learned to duel at Heidelberg.

- My God! - Alright, I'll spare him...

...rather than spoil your holiday.

May I be bold, crazy... insane?

Goodness, that depends!

May I ask you to dinner? No! Don't stop to think about it!

Not a word!

Allow me to leave with that image.

Leonardo...

The Da Vinci smile!

My car will be in front of the hotel tonight at 8pm

I shall wait until the pink light of dawn...

very patiently, very respectfully.

No.

Didn't you say "respectfully"?

Excuse me. A solitary life awakens primitive instincts.

You'd be unaware of a world populated by numbers...

continually at war.

Those who go by appearances say:

"Larsan-Bellac is a powerful man."

What a mockery!

- Just a poor man. - "Poor" ?

Worse than that... Appallingly lonely.

The life of a widow is not a happy one.

I must appear very unsophisticated to you.

Self-deprecation.

You dance divinely.

I want to take you to the Leeward Islands...

to learn the hula hoop.

What a child you are!

There's so little dancing in my life.

So little.

My poor Edward lost a leg at El Alamein.

I love to hear you talk about your past.

It makes me feel that you trust me.

May I make a confession, Alexandre?

Of course, Valerie.

Well... that crazy idea, the trip to the islands, is tempting.

I undertake a quite different type of journey.

An annual pilgrimage.

My second husband left me a small chateau in the Loire Valley.

I only go there once a year...

but I can't bring myself to sell it.

I understand.

Well?

Well, I must say your scam doesn't excite me very much.

You realise you could collect thousands... thousands of francs?

Nice.

What are you risking to come and chat...?

To make contact?

Rimero won't hurt you.

Really?

So what do you say about it?

I say that blue is not white.

Thank you.

Thank you, my love.

Thank you for this evening. Thank you for everything.

Thanks to you, I can once again start to believe in things I'd forgotten.

ALL SET To Go! Arsene

Just lay down the device...

next to the telephone.

I've never refused to help people.

But if it means I have to betray my boss, no way!

Arsene, this is between men of the world.

There's no betrayal between men of the world, just accidental leaks.

Here...

100,000. And another 100,000.

You'll receive 300 more when you leave.

Promises, promises...

Don't worry, you have my word!

Arsene, you're being crass.

It's quite alright...

But tell me now.

Who is this Bidermann?

You see? It's starting.

I'm to betray my boss and denounce his friends.

It's the slippery slope to hell.

Come come come...!

Mr Bidermann?

From Zurich?

The consultant?

All I can tell you is that he's a big wheel.

A very big wheel.

Why does he go to Rome so often?

- To talk. - With whom?

You know St Peter's Square?

Yes.

You know the big building at the back?

Very well.

That's where he has a bedroom.

He has a bedroom?!

But at the moment, his pad is more likely to be in...

- Moscow. - Moscow?

Why Moscow?

Because... No.

- Yes! - No! Nothing more.

You don't play fair!

You make me say stupid things.

That's not a nice thing to do!

This is...

...perfect.

All dandy with 'Mrs Cemetery'?

I presume you're referring to Mrs Patterson.

'YES, sir!

Firstly, enough with the low-class wisecracks.

Second, get from the florist tomorrow...

3 dozen orchids for Apartment 418.

- OK? - Yes.

What's the news with you?

Well, I'm leaving Duglandot right now.

You know what happened?

I'm not a fly on the wall.

On the whole it went very well.

He wants to hear it all, know everything.

Above all, it's Bidermann who's got him worked up.

How much did he give you?

Oh... 500.

- Arsene, you're a damn fool. - I am?

You deserve to have me double the penalty.

Don't be so hard on me, Mr Alexandre.

Everyone has to make a living.

At home, they're threatening to shut off the gas.

Tomorrow it'll be the water, and next day, the phone!

Do you think I compromise my health by playing golf...

to underwrite your lavish expenses?

Get off to bed, you little pleasure-seeker.

Don't forget the florist in the morning.

So that's it...! I get my gas cut off

but you can drop a grand on flowers!

Wouldn't you call that "lavish expenses"?

No.

It's the investment of your life.

I'm not in the habit of calling for penalties...

but if I don't get Zurich right now, I'll report you to the minister!

- The minister! - I don't have a circuit connection!

I don't give a damn!

Now he's abusing me. Ready now?

One moment.

Do you need a tie to telephone?

It's psychological...

I'm not doing an ad for skate boards.

It gets me in the right frame of mind.

You can spare me the technical jargon.

Hello, 612?

You have Zurich.

Finally got you, Mr Bidermann!

I'm sorry, I'm just getting off the jet from Moscow.

It's amazing.

"Amazing"!

Bidermann, I hope your stay there has been discreet.

Oh yes. I got Pravda's assurance of silence.

Pravda!

The agreements will be signed tomorrow.

The securities will be paid for at face value,

and in gold.

That's right, my friend, in gold.

Bidermann, you are a wizard... My Talleyrand!

That wraps it up.

We live in a moment of history.

The Soviets are keeping the Tsars' promises!

Aren't you getting weary, Valerie?

No. This ride has relaxed me.

You worried me on the phone.

You seemed distressed.

- Worries ? - A terrible shock.

My God!

This morning, I believed you had gone.

What ever could have made you think that?

I had asked the captain of the boat to go around Ireland.

What are you thinking about?

Of this suddenly-deserted bay.

Of the terrible cold which seized me.

But you're here, Valerie.

Here you are, and my life has returned anew.

Like a gallop?

And we see him... the poor Devil himself...

Menacing...

The epitome of evil...

What's happened?

The "Soviets". The "tsars".

"A moment of history." Then suddenly nothing.

Cut off... at the vital moment!

What happened?

Well, what?

I wouldn't know.

You're device must have broken down.

Out of luck.

It's brand new! I bought it on purpose. 160 grand's worth.

What's the story about the tsars ?

- Nothing. - What do you mean, "nothing"?

You... you know our agreement.

Excuse me.

To be of service, yes. Betray, no.

No, no.

Your scruples are expensive.

If that's the way you take it, Sir...

I can refuse to cooperate...

and tell you nothing.

Come come!

- Nothing! - Be reasonable, Arsene!

You and I are friends... I was just joking.

Come on, how about it?

I'm a real sap, aren't I?

That's right... to be used and abused.

Thank you.

I don't know what you did to me...

...It's like you cast a spell.

It's true... I can't refuse you anything.

And we see him... the poor Devil himself...

Scram!

[Italian]

Hey!

Hello, Larsan-Bellac?

My dear chap, what's the news?

I just left His Eminence.

Monsignor Callot

I have 500,000 securities in my briefcase...

at 4,000 apiece.

4,000? Bidermann, you're a wizard.

Registering the gold will cost 20,000.

A quick calculation means...

8 billion in profits.

8 billion

Good Lord, yes... 8 billion.

I'll be there tomorrow with the securities.

Arsene will meet you at the airport. Congratulations!

Arsene, my pair of Holland and Hollands. We're going to relax a bit.

You're a crack shot!

When a pigeon comes within range, it's rare that the boss misses it.

It's rare.

Go and clean up the guns... The oil is in the glove compartment.

You already spoiled my pair of Purleys...

with your abominable Lyon dripping.

You should come and shoot wood pigeons at the manor.

Poor Peter always invited the best shots in Europe.

With you, I wouldn't feel I was betraying him.

Alas, I'm awaiting a Swiss friend on a most important matter.

More important than... than us?

Of course it isn't the money that's holding me back...

but the obligation of friendship.

Why couldn't your friend come to the manor?

I have 26 empty bedrooms.

How could anyone say "no" to such eyes...?

Sweetheart.

D-day, H-hour. I'm off to the airport.

Mr Larsan -Be I lac, please .

I know that he's here.

I'll find out, Sir. Who shall I say?

Thibaut. From Basco Real Estate, in Bearn.

Mood?

Hard to say...

Good maybe, but anxious.

- He can ruin things. - So?

Send him up.

Strictly between ourselves, I'm about to double my capital.

- How long have you been here? - 8 days.

- Larsan-Bellac, you know him? - Oh! Alexandre !

I could tell you things that would surprise you.

- You astound me. - Oh!

The Vatican obeys his orders...

Moscow jumps to attention.

If the Arabs dare complain, the Suez Canal gets closed.

Yes, we close it!

Since you seem to be in with him, let me say this...

You've tasted a life of mink coats

champagne and pearls,

an avant-garde theatrical whirl...

They'll just be great memories.

Mr Larsan-Bellac is ready to see you, Mr Thibaut.

Lucky!

You always astound me!

I wired you just two hours ago.

- You wired me? - I was expecting you this evening.

I was counting on treating you to dinner.

Treating me? For what?

No pretense between us, Arthur.

Basco Real Estate has disappointed you.

I wouldn't say that.

Before I left Paris, I thought you were giving me the cold shoulder.

There must be some misunderstanding.

I'm buying back yours with a 10 per cent profit.

So the land is worth something?

Absolutely nothing.

The tundra, the steppe, the Gran Chaco.

Reception.

Your money's been frozen for 6 months, which deserves a fair recompence.

Larsan-Bellac.

Give me a suite for Mr Thibaut. The best one.

He's my guest.

There you are, my friend. Take a bath, relax.

We'll talk again tonight about Basco Real Estate.

8 o'clock in the grill-room?

Thanks again for coming so quickly.

I don't intend to let myself be dumped.

Swiss bankers are always married.

Are you ashamed of me?

Oh, Madame!

Any man would be flattered to have you as a wife.

Even me.

And I'm hard to please.

But...

I understand...

Mr Hyacinthe.

Tell her.

Yes, tell her!

Very well then...

Mr Hyacinthe...

doesn't want to put you at risk.

This morning you said "Everything's hunky-dory."

Oh well...

That's your dialectics!

That's to say, in principle it's in the bag.

But there can be a hiccup at the end.

That's what...

all the experts will tell you.

Stupidly, my driver had a collision and won't be here till tomorrow.

We'll unpack the suitcases.

Don't postpone our departure, Valerie. I couldn't bear it.

We'll take the Rolls.

Yes?

- Am I disturbing you? - Yes.

Sorry...!

An animal tamer is always a bit nervous.

You're a tamer?

I shall be, and the wild beasts don't know it.

The surprise will be terrific.

He's here.

Wait for me. It'll be over in 15 minutes.

A quarter of an hour that will change the face of the world.

You, you reincarnation of a caveman, can get the hell out of here.

Oo la la! Just a minute...!

No violence please, or there'll be a scandal.

Tell your friend to calm down, Mr Bidermann.

Do you know me?

The Federal Bank of Zurich.

Oh my word!

Rome. . .!

Moscow.

I know everything now.

Have there been some indiscretions?

No, just my sixth sense... That's it, my sixth sense..

When billions are floating around...

it's strange but I have the nose of a bloodhound.

- What? - A bloodhound. It's inexplicable

It's a gift.

Now let's get down to it. I want my slice of the cake!

I'm going crazy... Who is this man?

A despicable blackmailer.

Well, I'm happy to pay. How much?

A quarter of the securities... 125,000.

Say something! I'm speechless!

Me too. This bastard's fused my brain.

I could sense the shock.

But Rimero doesn't abuse. I'm a gentleman.

The 125,000 securities, I'll pay cash. 4,000.

But how does he know all this?

I told you... sixth sense.

Bloodhound nose.

I have 500 million in cash.

You see, gentlemen, that I have everything planned.

Good! Let's get to it.

I have a recording of your phone conversations.

I just need to contact the press and you are history.

The Pope, the archimandrite, the Kremlin...

you'll lose them all.

It's my fault.

I've taken every precaution...

but we're no match for the devil himself.

Forgive me, Bidermann.

To have worked so hard... hoped for so much.

I'm going to lie down...

...to try to sleep, to forget.

Take 125,000 securities from my share.

And... take the 500 million from this crook.

Hyacinthe, you were great.

We can look forward to some very high-profile escapades.

500 mill isn't bad already.

Meeting you was sure a winner.

Unfortunately I can't return the compliment.

Made my day!

Pity you're leaving us, Sir!

Too bad especially for those who stay.

It could become very cloudy after you have left.

Ha ha! 2 billion in 10 minutes.

That's what you call a Rimero deal, eh?!

Got my name all over it!

2 billion?!

Yes, but I can't disclose the details of the operation.

No... I gave my word.

Maybe a bit later.

Let's talk about something else. Your bits and pieces, for example.

It was about blocks of land wasn't it?

Yes. On the borders of Basco-Bearn.

Good idea! Yours?

Larsan-Bellac's.

That clown plays the big man when he doesn't have me to contend with.

But I can't be everywhere.

He wants to buy back my blocks giving me a 10 percent profit.

Rm buying!

With a 25 per cent profit.

25 per cent?

I've decided to ruin him once and for all!

When Rimero's on the move, step aside!

I'll take all your blocks. Together, at the top price.

We'll organise the transfer of titles and we'll drink to that.

Mr Bidermann please.

I don't know if Mr Bidermann is in, or gone out.

I am Mrs Bidermann.

Mrs Bidermann, wife of the financial consultant?

That's right.

We were doing business together, but I don't know where he is.

Gallivanting around, as always.

"Gallivanting", that's a cute expression.

Hannibal Rimero. Public works.

Roads, bridges, dams.

Take up Madame's luggage!

You must be tired out.

Could I offer you a drink?

- I don't want to be a bother. - I was on my way to the bar,

with my friend Thibaut, who's sold me half the Basque coast.

Henri-Philippe, Marquis de Segur, Marshal of France,

by Vigee-Lebrun.

- Not interested in art? - I love it.

And it's worth more every day.

Serve the aperitifs in the boudoir.

The gentlemen will go to their rooms afterwards.

- Port or sherry? - Sherry.

Same for me.

Port for me, and tell the chef that I'd like to see him.

Now I'll show you something that may startle you.

Forgive me.

It's a van Bouden

from the time when the master was a terror about undressing his subjects.

Could you blame him?

Of course, that's not why I got you to come.

But for this.

A Vermeer.

One of the best in the world. It belonged to Admiral Chamitz.

Poor Peter managed to convince the admiral

to part with it in return for 5 or 6 Renoirs, I believe.

He gave it to me for our first anniversary.

A priceless gift.

Priceless.

May I ask a favour?

The use of your safe for some business papers.

But of course!

What a magical home!

Why don't you come here more often?

I get bored. And everything here reminds me of poor Peter.

- A pleasant trip, Madame? - Yes, Marcellin.

- You wanted me? - Yes, we have 2 guests.

I couldn't warn you.

What is there for dinner?

Crayfish in court-bouillon, salmon in jelly...

deer cutlets with sauce pourade...

With blueberry jam?

Of course, Sir.

The haunch of venison the day after tomorrow.

It's marinating in a Clos-Vougeot '53.

We have some thrushes a la Souvarov...

but not enough, I fear.

You can serve them as a tasting for my guests.

But maybe you don't like game, Alex?

I like everything.

You haven't been a bit heavy-handed?

8 hours sleep...

Wake up fresh as a daisy, guaranteed.

What are you thinking?

I'm wondering if he's going to blame me.

Hey... You're not gonna give us the "crooks with hearts of gold" routine?

With us, being nice leads to a factory job or doing time in jail.

I know.

At your command, Milady.

We weigh anchor.

You know you have a pretty little mouth, don't you?

Finish your burgundy instead of talking nonsense.

Here's to you... and to us...

Are we going on a tour again, Madam?

Call me Michou.

Think about your Mr Consultant!

Consultant? What consultant?

- Consultant to my... - Barman! Same again.

That's strange. You don't have any accent.

Me?

No accent? What do you want?

I do them all!

[Swiss accent] Mr Bidermann consultant to Mr Larsan-Bellac!

[Italian]

Alexandre!

Mr Larsan-Bellac!

Alexandre!

It wouldn't surprise me if there'd been a stuff-up.

Alexandre!

Bastards!

He's not having a go at us? He wouldn't dare.

You're right. Why get mad?

It was fate.

A man like me doesn't get involved with a couple of...

bums.

I tried to help you rise... and finished up in your cesspit.

Men are what they are.

No hard feelings.

Goodbye. I'll try to forget you.

So you leave us in the lurch!

Luckily, the likes of you are few and far between!

Abuse!

That was all that was left.

Thank you, gentlemen.

Not so fast, laddie!

Mi lady was supposedly mad about that mug of yours... crazy in love.

We thought you had her wrapped around your little finger!

I thought so too.

That, gentlemen, is fate.

The imponderable. The witch with green teeth.

In life, when injustice befalls a man...

What'll we do?

You do as you please. I'm going to think hard.

There's no point in switching off.

My 500 million will be refunded in full...

Every last penny.

Even if you have to slave for the rest of your lives.

Permanent forced labor, you hear? Lifelong.

Well?

- Baudu, 375. - Baudu, Arsene.

- Camus, 376. - Camus, Hyacinthe.

499 million, 375,000 francs.

You'll soon have it paid off... eh guys?

Would Mr Larsan-Bellac be bringing me his modest contribution?

- Do you know Marrakesh? - No.

Mosques, minarets...

Larsan-Bellac at the Hotel Mamounia.

A pigeon glances at him.

A beauty.

A blue-ribbon one. Follow my drift?

Yeah.

You turn up...

as Bedouins.

With a donkey.

A donkey loaded with 2 wine-skins.

Got the picture?

Yeah.

So what is contained in the wine-skins?

What did the 2 Bedouins discover out beyond the date palms?

A spring-

You'll never be more than a little man.

I repeat...

What did the 2 Bedouins discover out beyond the date palms?

Oil!

Subtitles by FatPlank for KG