Original subtitles

David.

We have to go.

-Got everything? -Yes.

Are we just going to leave?

Yes. Why?

No, nothing.

Fuck. My phone.

Damn it.

Hey. Morning. We're leaving.

-What fucking time is it? -I don't know.

Fuck, man. I didn't sleep at all.

-Are the others still asleep? -I think so.

Shall we grab something to eat?

We have to go home. I've got somewhere to be.

-What are you doing now? -Dunno. Just taking it easy.

I'll come with you. We can grab some food, play some FIFA.

-I dunno. -Great.

-Are you kidding me?! -Sorry.

Want some gum?

This is cozy.

Alright. Thai. Coke for the kids. Did you order the chicken?

-No, that's mine. Which one's yours? -It's mine.

Can I have some chicken?

Shit, man. I'm done. Seriously. Look.

Fuck me! She's the woman of my dreams. I'm serious.

This is next level shit.

I have to write to her. What shall I say?

Thanks for last night?

No, that's boring. What shall I say to Camille?

I dunno. Write whatever you want.

But you girls are so much better at it.

How cool would it be if I wrote to her in French? Je suis Charlie.

You're an idiot if you do that.

Did she say anything about me yesterday?

No.

-What? Nothing at all? -No.

-Not even, "How do you know Mario?" -No.

That's mad. OK, listen to this.

You're so damn cute, it's killing me. Will you marry me?

Tu as l'air si grosse que je meurs...

And then it produces text. Perfect. Copy, paste.

I'm going to take a shower.

-Where are you going? -I'm going to study with Miriam.

Tell her she's missed the boat. I've met someone else now.

-I'm not sure she'll survive. -That's just how it goes.

-Siri. -Huh?

-Are you OK? -Yeah.

Why?

-And you? -Yes, I'm OK as long as you're OK.

-Are you sure? -Yes.

Shit. I'm so late. Have you seen my tobacco?

-Bye. -Ciao.

-See you later. -Yeah.

It's all good.

-What are your notes on... -One sec.

-Yeah. -...democratic legal systems

and the effect of NGOs

on the implementation of environmental legislation?

-Democratic legal systems... -and the effect of NGOs

on the implementation of environmental legislation.

Twelfth of September.

I don't remember taking notes on that.

-When was that? -Twelfth of September.

It's when I got my tonsils out, remember?

-You told me you'd take those notes. -Oh, shit.

You definitely have it, cos I even texted you

and you were like, "Don't worry, I've got them."

-Do you wanna grab a coffee? -Yeah.

We were just speaking about Harris' lecture. It's a joke.

-It's honestly just ridiculous. -I'm gonna report it.

It's not on. Think about how much money we pay for this shit.

Seriously unacceptable.

Let's just have a coffee, chill out for a bit.

Tell me about it.

Yeah, she came back from Australia in September

and she'd met this really hot Chinese-American guy out there

and he's like rewired her or something.

So, now she exclusively wants to bang Asian guys

but she wants them to speak Mandarin and Korean to her in bed.

-Isn't that racist? -Why?

I dunno, it's like reverse sexual racism.

It feels like a red flag. I can't pinpoint why.

Like, preferring a specific race, sexually.

I'm Jewish and that's what we're brought up to do.

The continuation of the Jewish people depends on it.

True. I've never fucked an Asian guy. Have you?

Nope. Maybe that's going to be my new mission.

Yes. I mean, according to Sophia, it's the best sex ever.

Asians are filthy rich, too. They basically rule the world.

But they've got that deficiency that makes them allergic to alcohol.

They go fucking bonkers when they drink.

Cute babies; Jewish-Chinese. Jeweesh.

Bet my dad would love that.

Is there not, like, an exclusive Jewish dating site?

Yeah, loads of them. But I'm looking for someone to shag not marry.

-My dirty-talker was Jewish. -What was his name?

-Aaron. -Aaron what?

I don't fucking know.

Basically, this guy I fucked spoke to me

in the filthiest way you can ever imagine.

Like, the nasty shit that came out of his mouth,

it was fucking insane. Fucking loved it.

Nice.

Yeah. I'm going to get another coffee.

Do you guys want one?

-Thank you. -No worries.

God, the time and effort we put into this shit

with minimal outcome. It's fucking ridiculous.

Must be so easy for you having it all sorted and off your shoulders.

How the fuck do you and David do it?

How do we do what?

Maintain a relationship. Be this perfect unbreakable unit.

I thought you were just looking for somebody to shag.

Cos the relationship thing just seems like an impossibility.

It's not like I don't want it, I just can't seem to make it work.

At some point you've just got to surrender

and make the best of it.

I can't be both unloved and unfucked.

Doesn't David have any hot friends?

Mario.

Except Mario. I am not going down that road twice.

Bless his little arse.

Even fucking Happ'n has given up on me.

See what I mean? Would you fuck him?

-What's wrong with him? -Uh, seriously.

What about this guy?

-He's fat. -He's not fat.

Anyone who only puts pictures of themselves from the neck up

is fat.

-He's cute. -I don't want cute.

What do you want?

Someone hot who will fuck me like I'm a piece of meat

and praise my intellect at the same time.

-Was it difficult getting Ritalin? -You just book an appointment.

Just go there like, I think I have ADHD?

Pretty much. They give you this self-screening test,

you fake the answers,

and you sit down with a shrink and say your life is shit

and that you really need the meds.

-I'm gonna do that. -It's great for boosting your focus.

Yeah, that's what I need.

I'd fuck him.

Oh, my God. Look at that body.

Oh, fuck.

Yeah, he's...

Oh, fuck, he's a dancer. That's really fucking hot.

Present mind, a creative soul, looking for another.

Crossed my path on Southampton Row one hour ago.

Oh, my God, I fucking love Happ'n.

Please tell me there's a link to Instagram.

Fuck me.

He's like the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Yeah, I'd plier on his dick any day.

-Fuck. -Is he real?

He must just be... Am I having vagina hallucinations, do you think?

ARE YOU ON YOUR WAY HOME?

-Making up the perfect man. -I spy a ballet trip coming on.

-Oh, my God. -Oh, my God. Ballet, girls.

What if we fuck at the ballet? That would just be perfect.

What, when he's on stage? That's like some creepy fantasy.

Like voyeuristic.

I've never done that. Maybe that's in the stars for me.

-You alright? -Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks.

Excuse me.

-Hi. -Hi.

There she is!

How was the study session?

Yeah, dog. Yeah, man, sick! Fuck.

I got him, David.

Shall we go to bed?

Hey...

What's going on?

What do you mean?

I mean, should we talk about it? Huh?

I don't know.

No. I don't know either.

But are we OK?

You haven't told Mario, have you?

No. You mean about...?

No.

I don't want you to tell anyone.

No.

-Promise me. -I promise.

Good night.

Do you love me?

Yes.

Do you think I'm hot?

Yes, I think you're hot.

-Say it. -You're so fucking hot.

Am I hotter than her?

Yes.

Say it again. Say I'm hotter than her.

You're so much hotter.

-Tell me you love my pussy. -I love your pussy.

I love you. I love fucking you.

I love fucking you too.

I want you to come inside me.

Tell me you love me.

I love you.

-I'm going to come. -Come inside me.

Come inside me.

Subittles: Sophie Atkins www.plint.com