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1
00:00:02,200 --> 00:00:03,964
Hold still, Grandpa.
2
00:00:04,537 --> 00:00:08,838
The folks back in Transylvania
are really going to like this portrait.
3
00:00:08,796 --> 00:00:10,697
Lily, couldn't you
have thought...
4
00:00:10,684 --> 00:00:12,516
of a more imaginative pose?
5
00:00:12,509 --> 00:00:15,775
My family is accustomed
to seeing me in this position.
6
00:00:15,711 --> 00:00:17,475
Don't talk, Grandpa.
7
00:00:18,368 --> 00:00:19,597
When you talk...
8
00:00:19,617 --> 00:00:23,486
the blood flows to your head and
spoils the natural greenness of your face.
9
00:00:23,395 --> 00:00:25,796
I want this to
look true-to-life.
10
00:00:28,453 --> 00:00:30,081
You know something, Lily?
11
00:00:30,086 --> 00:00:32,885
You're setting a very artistic
mood with your painting, dear.
12
00:00:32,839 --> 00:00:34,637
And it's helping me compose.
13
00:00:35,625 --> 00:00:38,288
Hey, Herman, what
could you ever compose?
14
00:00:38,250 --> 00:00:41,345
You have a very difficult
time making your bed.
15
00:00:41,612 --> 00:00:43,308
Is that so? Yes!
16
00:00:43,948 --> 00:00:46,679
Well, it just so happens that
Mr. Gateman down at the parlor...
17
00:00:46,638 --> 00:00:50,040
has asked me to write some
poetry for the employee magazine.
18
00:00:49,967 --> 00:00:53,404
Herman, will you quiet down
and write your silly poetry?
19
00:00:53,330 --> 00:00:55,822
You're interrupting
my creative flow.
20
00:00:57,492 --> 00:01:01,486
If she calls my poetry silly, I'm
going to call her painting rotten.
21
00:01:02,454 --> 00:01:05,219
Mumble, mumble. What
are you saying, Herman?
22
00:01:06,136 --> 00:01:09,664
All right, I'll tell
you just what I said.
23
00:01:09,818 --> 00:01:12,686
I think it's darn mean of
you to call my poetry silly...
24
00:01:12,635 --> 00:01:15,127
so I called your
painting rotten.
25
00:01:15,420 --> 00:01:17,753
After looking at
your painting...
26
00:01:18,814 --> 00:01:21,010
I think I'll throw
in "crummy," too.
27
00:01:22,304 --> 00:01:24,739
Crummy, crummy, crummy...
28
00:01:27,746 --> 00:01:28,907
Help!
29
00:01:29,763 --> 00:01:31,493
Get me out of here!
30
00:01:31,492 --> 00:01:34,087
I'm in quicksand.
31
00:02:45,320 --> 00:02:46,845
Hi, Clyde.
32
00:02:47,145 --> 00:02:48,670
Hello, Herman.
33
00:02:49,451 --> 00:02:52,046
Herman, it's
beautiful, just beautiful.
34
00:02:52,108 --> 00:02:56,068
Thank you. I told the barber
to let the bangs grow out a little.
35
00:02:56,014 --> 00:02:57,073
No.
36
00:02:57,102 --> 00:03:01,039
I mean your poetry they
published in The Mortician Monthly.
37
00:03:00,944 --> 00:03:03,812
You weave magic with words.
38
00:03:03,762 --> 00:03:05,924
Well, I try.
39
00:03:05,939 --> 00:03:07,874
I'm no Carl Sandburg.
40
00:03:08,596 --> 00:03:11,430
"Going Out to Pasture
by Herman Munster.
41
00:03:12,086 --> 00:03:15,716
"When your grazing days are
over and you've gone to your reward
42
00:03:15,640 --> 00:03:19,372
"Let us plant you 'neath the
clover at a price you can afford."
43
00:03:19,705 --> 00:03:21,333
That's beautiful.
44
00:03:22,875 --> 00:03:24,400
Herman. Hmm?
45
00:03:24,764 --> 00:03:28,257
I might just as well come
out with it. I've got a problem.
46
00:03:28,445 --> 00:03:29,879
By all means.
47
00:03:30,687 --> 00:03:32,451
Lay it on me, Clyde.
48
00:03:33,056 --> 00:03:35,355
Well, I met a girl on a bus.
49
00:03:35,393 --> 00:03:37,259
A very beautiful girl.
50
00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:40,880
I fell head over heels in
love with her. You're in love?
51
00:03:41,124 --> 00:03:42,353
Good.
52
00:03:42,629 --> 00:03:44,598
Well, that's no problem.
53
00:03:44,678 --> 00:03:47,739
As the hipsters say,
"Man, that's a groove."
54
00:03:49,032 --> 00:03:50,796
No, it isn't, Herman.
55
00:03:50,888 --> 00:03:53,722
I'm so shy around girls.
56
00:03:54,122 --> 00:03:57,320
I tried to talk to her on the
bus and I got all tongue-tied.
57
00:03:57,260 --> 00:04:00,321
I couldn't even work up enough
courage to ask her for a date.
58
00:04:00,270 --> 00:04:02,398
Gee, I wish I could
help you. You can.
59
00:04:02,382 --> 00:04:05,216
How? You can write
love letters to this girl.
60
00:04:05,168 --> 00:04:07,899
I can write love
letters to the girl...
61
00:04:09,554 --> 00:04:10,749
Clyde.
62
00:04:11,283 --> 00:04:12,979
I'm a married man!
63
00:04:13,396 --> 00:04:14,887
And besides...
64
00:04:14,900 --> 00:04:17,563
how do I know she and
I would be compatible?
65
00:04:17,525 --> 00:04:19,551
No, Herman, don't you see?
66
00:04:19,543 --> 00:04:22,411
You're a poet. You're
an established writer.
67
00:04:22,905 --> 00:04:27,036
You could compose the love poems
for me and I could sign my name.
68
00:04:27,451 --> 00:04:29,943
Well, that's very flattering...
69
00:04:30,876 --> 00:04:33,846
but I've never written
mush to girls before.
70
00:04:33,854 --> 00:04:37,985
I usually write my mush to
flowers and sunsets and waterfalls...
71
00:04:37,888 --> 00:04:39,254
and junk like that.
72
00:04:39,264 --> 00:04:40,789
But, Herman, I
know you can do it.
73
00:04:40,801 --> 00:04:44,329
Just write me a letter that will
tell my girl how much I love her.
74
00:04:44,259 --> 00:04:46,251
How much you love her?
75
00:04:46,789 --> 00:04:47,882
Love.
76
00:04:48,133 --> 00:04:50,432
Love, dove, above...
77
00:04:51,046 --> 00:04:53,606
Well, I'll try. I'll go home
tonight and I'll write you one.
78
00:04:53,575 --> 00:04:55,601
I'll deliver it to you first
thing in the morning.
79
00:04:55,592 --> 00:04:57,584
You got yourself a deal.
80
00:04:59,019 --> 00:05:00,282
Love, dove...
81
00:05:04,782 --> 00:05:07,251
There, that does it.
82
00:05:07,215 --> 00:05:09,844
One romantic love
letter, all finished.
83
00:05:11,568 --> 00:05:15,505
Herman, if you're going to write love
letters, why do you have to use my dungeon?
84
00:05:16,243 --> 00:05:18,474
Because I'm hiding from Lily.
85
00:05:18,644 --> 00:05:22,206
She thinks my poetry is
silly, and that deflates my ego.
86
00:05:22,966 --> 00:05:25,435
And why do you
have to use my tub?
87
00:05:25,752 --> 00:05:26,811
Why?
88
00:05:27,512 --> 00:05:30,812
Because I once read that Thoreau
did some of his best writing...
89
00:05:30,746 --> 00:05:32,544
while sitting in a tree.
90
00:05:32,539 --> 00:05:35,475
Kipling once wrote a
whole poem on horseback.
91
00:05:35,900 --> 00:05:39,996
And I prefer to court
the Muse in a hot tub.
92
00:05:46,946 --> 00:05:48,881
Oh, boy!
93
00:05:49,155 --> 00:05:50,953
Here, listen to this:
94
00:05:52,197 --> 00:05:56,362
"I am enchanted beyond belief,
Having you to fill my dreams
95
00:05:56,647 --> 00:05:58,445
"My life was nothing
96
00:05:58,472 --> 00:06:01,772
"Until your sweet presence
breathed the breath of love
97
00:06:01,706 --> 00:06:03,231
"Into my soul."
98
00:06:04,458 --> 00:06:05,892
How does that grab you?
99
00:06:05,900 --> 00:06:08,870
Well, I'll tell you, right
after I get violently ill.
100
00:06:09,837 --> 00:06:12,568
Now, there's no
need to be sarcastic.
101
00:06:12,879 --> 00:06:17,442
After Clyde's girl reads these delicate
and poetic tender words of love...
102
00:06:17,329 --> 00:06:19,764
they're gonna knock
her right in the kisser.
103
00:06:19,730 --> 00:06:22,825
Herman, you better
knock off this letter-writing.
104
00:06:23,060 --> 00:06:25,586
If Lily finds one of
these mushy missiles...
105
00:06:25,557 --> 00:06:27,788
she's liable to get
the wrong idea.
106
00:06:27,766 --> 00:06:29,894
Pish-tosh. Hand me the soap.
107
00:06:33,369 --> 00:06:34,428
Thank you.
108
00:06:34,458 --> 00:06:37,986
Herman, why are you taking
a bath with your clothes on?
109
00:06:39,996 --> 00:06:43,933
Because I consider you the kind of
rude person who wouldn't turn his back.
110
00:06:54,339 --> 00:06:56,103
There you are, Eddie.
111
00:06:56,100 --> 00:06:59,002
Hi, Mom. I'm practicing
for when I grow up.
112
00:06:59,078 --> 00:07:00,341
Good boy.
113
00:07:00,806 --> 00:07:02,138
Have you seen your father?
114
00:07:02,151 --> 00:07:06,111
I'm cleaning all the bedrooms and I
want him to help me turn Grandpa's slab.
115
00:07:06,025 --> 00:07:07,653
Pop went out a while ago.
116
00:07:07,658 --> 00:07:11,095
He said he was going downtown
to see some guy named Clyde.
117
00:07:11,531 --> 00:07:13,022
Where is Grandpa?
118
00:07:13,037 --> 00:07:15,472
He's out in the
yard taking a nap.
119
00:07:15,629 --> 00:07:17,325
Isn't that just like
your grandfather?
120
00:07:17,327 --> 00:07:21,128
Whenever there's work to be
done, he'll always crawl into his hole.
121
00:07:22,065 --> 00:07:23,556
Can I help you, Mom?
122
00:07:23,761 --> 00:07:25,252
No, thank you, Eddie.
123
00:07:25,746 --> 00:07:27,908
I think I'll go and
tidy up the dungeon.
124
00:07:27,892 --> 00:07:31,556
There's no telling what I'll
find lying around down there.
125
00:07:35,287 --> 00:07:38,223
"Your sweet presence
breathes the breath of love
126
00:07:38,168 --> 00:07:40,034
"Into my soul."
127
00:07:40,026 --> 00:07:41,756
That's beautiful, Herman.
128
00:07:41,754 --> 00:07:42,983
Thank you.
129
00:07:43,003 --> 00:07:45,973
Now, all I have to do is copy
this letter in my handwriting...
130
00:07:45,916 --> 00:07:48,442
sign my name and
mail it to my girl.
131
00:07:48,606 --> 00:07:52,873
You know, Clyde, it makes me feel very
good to have been of some help to you.
132
00:07:53,024 --> 00:07:56,085
I mean, there have been
hundreds of ghosts in our family...
133
00:07:56,034 --> 00:07:58,128
but never a ghostwriter.
134
00:08:01,252 --> 00:08:02,379
Yeah.
135
00:08:02,405 --> 00:08:05,102
Well, Herman, I can't
thank you enough.
136
00:08:05,798 --> 00:08:08,859
You must have a very understanding
wife, who'll let you spend your time...
137
00:08:08,808 --> 00:08:10,936
writing love letters
to strange girls.
138
00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:12,149
My wife?
139
00:08:12,170 --> 00:08:14,002
No, she's no problem.
140
00:08:15,659 --> 00:08:19,027
Believe me, Clyde, my wife
doesn't know a thing about it.
141
00:08:22,191 --> 00:08:23,819
Listen to this, Marilyn:
142
00:08:23,823 --> 00:08:26,019
"I am enchanted beyond belief
143
00:08:26,033 --> 00:08:28,025
"Having you to fill my dreams
144
00:08:28,017 --> 00:08:32,011
"My life was nothing until your sweet
presence breathed the breath of love...
145
00:08:31,923 --> 00:08:33,482
"Into my soul."
146
00:08:34,132 --> 00:08:36,567
Are you sure that that's
Uncle Herman's handwriting?
147
00:08:36,534 --> 00:08:39,060
Yes, it is. I found
this in the lab.
148
00:08:39,030 --> 00:08:40,760
Well, I think it's sweet.
149
00:08:40,759 --> 00:08:44,025
He's writing a love poem
to you after all these years?
150
00:08:43,961 --> 00:08:46,487
How do I know he didn't write
this for some other woman?
151
00:08:46,458 --> 00:08:47,687
Uncle Herman?
152
00:08:47,707 --> 00:08:51,200
He's so proper and loyal,
and... What's that word?
153
00:08:51,805 --> 00:08:55,236
Square. Exactly... but
in a very sweet way.
154
00:08:56,447 --> 00:09:00,475
I guess it would be terrible of
me to accuse him, if I was wrong.
155
00:09:00,385 --> 00:09:03,549
But if he did write these
beautiful love words for me...
156
00:09:03,491 --> 00:09:06,120
he'll be sure to mention it
soon. Of course he will, Aunt Lily.
157
00:09:06,084 --> 00:09:07,416
I think it's so romantic.
158
00:09:07,429 --> 00:09:10,456
And if the sweet dear
doesn't mention it to me...
159
00:09:10,406 --> 00:09:14,366
I intend to remain calm and
adult about this whole thing.
160
00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:15,714
Now, do you really mean that?
161
00:09:15,721 --> 00:09:20,091
Of course not. I'll
kill him! I'll kill him...
162
00:09:23,916 --> 00:09:26,385
"The breath of
love into my soul"
163
00:09:29,039 --> 00:09:31,907
Ann, this is the most romantic
thing that's ever happened to me.
164
00:09:31,856 --> 00:09:34,223
Do you mean that Clyde
actually sent you that love letter?
165
00:09:34,194 --> 00:09:37,062
That skinny little shrimp
you said you met on the bus?
166
00:09:37,011 --> 00:09:39,344
It's his signature right there.
167
00:09:39,477 --> 00:09:41,070
You know something?
168
00:09:41,077 --> 00:09:42,409
I think I'm in love.
169
00:09:42,421 --> 00:09:44,549
But, Clara, you said this
Clyde was kind of creepy.
170
00:09:44,535 --> 00:09:46,663
You said he even
reminded you of the man...
171
00:09:46,648 --> 00:09:49,277
the Board of Health sent
around when our monkey died.
172
00:09:50,170 --> 00:09:52,969
You know, I wouldn't care
if he looked like a monster.
173
00:09:52,923 --> 00:09:55,449
Any man who can write
a love letter like that...
174
00:09:55,420 --> 00:09:57,286
that's the man for me.
175
00:09:59,774 --> 00:10:02,243
He must have a
truly beautiful soul.
176
00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:05,440
Well, Herman, did
you enjoy the fish?
177
00:10:05,825 --> 00:10:08,351
The sole? I certainly did, dear.
178
00:10:08,323 --> 00:10:11,953
There's nothing I like better
than a truly beautiful sole.
179
00:10:13,765 --> 00:10:16,758
Well, I've got to hurry. I'm
dropping by to see Clyde.
180
00:10:18,215 --> 00:10:19,649
Clyde again?
181
00:10:20,169 --> 00:10:21,228
Why?
182
00:10:21,929 --> 00:10:23,795
We sit around and talk shop.
183
00:10:23,786 --> 00:10:26,153
He's been at the parlor
a long time, you know?
184
00:10:26,123 --> 00:10:28,888
He really knows
where the body's buried.
185
00:10:39,378 --> 00:10:42,041
He didn't even mention the...
186
00:10:42,900 --> 00:10:45,563
L-E-T-T-E-R.
187
00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:49,707
You're absolutely R-I-G-H-T.
188
00:10:49,655 --> 00:10:52,284
I better not find out
he's becoming a...
189
00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:55,308
P-H-I-L-A-N...
190
00:10:56,122 --> 00:10:57,181
A-N...
191
00:10:57,211 --> 00:10:59,305
I don't know what you
guys are talking about...
192
00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:03,388
but "philanderer" is spelled
P-H-I-L-A-N-D-E-R-E-R.
193
00:11:06,495 --> 00:11:09,055
Yeah, no, Clyde, Herman
left some time ago.
194
00:11:09,024 --> 00:11:11,755
But I got a date to take
my girl to Lovers' Lane...
195
00:11:11,714 --> 00:11:14,809
and he was coming over here
with some more love poems.
196
00:11:14,755 --> 00:11:16,223
I gotta leave now.
197
00:11:16,228 --> 00:11:18,390
Sorry, Clyde. I guess
you'll just have to get by...
198
00:11:18,373 --> 00:11:20,342
on your own personality.
199
00:11:20,806 --> 00:11:21,865
Bye.
200
00:11:22,856 --> 00:11:25,291
Now, why did he
have to say that?
201
00:11:25,256 --> 00:11:27,384
I'm nervous enough as it is.
202
00:11:28,169 --> 00:11:31,003
I got it. I'll leave
a note for Herman.
203
00:11:33,901 --> 00:11:35,802
Aunt Lily, is the garbage
disposal working?
204
00:11:35,790 --> 00:11:38,089
Yes, dear. He's out there.
205
00:11:45,970 --> 00:11:47,529
Good boy, Spot.
206
00:11:50,869 --> 00:11:53,998
Marilyn, the
more I think of it...
207
00:11:53,943 --> 00:11:55,673
the angrier I get.
208
00:11:55,671 --> 00:11:57,663
Herman not
mentioning that letter...
209
00:11:57,656 --> 00:11:59,989
and then going over
to Clyde's again tonight.
210
00:11:59,962 --> 00:12:02,727
I'm really beginning
to get suspicious now.
211
00:12:02,683 --> 00:12:05,847
But Uncle Herman interested
in another girl, at his age?
212
00:12:05,788 --> 00:12:08,849
I mean, he's over 150 years old.
213
00:12:08,798 --> 00:12:10,994
Age has nothing to do with it.
214
00:12:11,071 --> 00:12:15,270
There's an ancient Transylvanian
proverb we used to have in the old country:
215
00:12:15,169 --> 00:12:18,469
"Always put the shortest
chain on the oldest wolf."
216
00:12:21,092 --> 00:12:23,561
"Have taken my
girl to Lovers' Lane.
217
00:12:23,525 --> 00:12:26,825
"Meet me there. I am
desperate. Your friend, Clyde.
218
00:12:27,719 --> 00:12:30,814
"P.S. If I lose Clara,
I will kill myself."
219
00:12:32,458 --> 00:12:34,256
Well, if he does that...
220
00:12:34,250 --> 00:12:37,482
I'm sure Mr. Gateman will
give him the employee discount.
221
00:12:37,932 --> 00:12:39,594
Lovers' Lane.
222
00:12:39,853 --> 00:12:40,853
Hmm.
223
00:12:43,086 --> 00:12:44,577
Good evening.
224
00:12:57,878 --> 00:13:01,007
Come on, Clyde, look
at this romantic setting.
225
00:13:01,272 --> 00:13:03,434
This should provide
the perfect inspiration...
226
00:13:03,416 --> 00:13:05,612
for you to recite some
of that beautiful poetry.
227
00:13:05,594 --> 00:13:08,393
But, Clara, I'm not
really in the mood.
228
00:13:10,333 --> 00:13:12,495
Clyde, what on earth
is the matter with you?
229
00:13:12,477 --> 00:13:15,670
Well, you see, I...
230
00:13:18,208 --> 00:13:19,972
I'll be right back.
231
00:13:20,481 --> 00:13:23,383
I always get my inspiration
when I walk around.
232
00:13:30,022 --> 00:13:31,684
Herman, am I glad you're here.
233
00:13:31,687 --> 00:13:34,657
Quick, shoot me some of that love
poetry, while she's still in the mood.
234
00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:35,600
Here you go:
235
00:13:35,624 --> 00:13:38,788
"Your lips are ruby red
Your skin is pearly white
236
00:13:38,858 --> 00:13:41,020
"My flames of love you've fed
237
00:13:41,003 --> 00:13:42,801
"I love you day and night."
238
00:13:42,796 --> 00:13:45,766
Lips ruby red, skin pearly
white, flames fed, day and night.
239
00:13:45,710 --> 00:13:47,736
I've got it. Don't go away!
240
00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:53,466
"Your lips are ruby red
241
00:13:53,457 --> 00:13:55,323
"Your skin is pearly white
242
00:13:55,827 --> 00:13:57,955
"My flames of love you've fed
243
00:13:57,940 --> 00:14:00,375
"I... I..." Yes?
244
00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:02,350
Yes?
245
00:14:03,607 --> 00:14:04,973
Excuse me.
246
00:14:07,736 --> 00:14:09,568
What's the last line?
247
00:14:10,618 --> 00:14:12,644
"I love you day and night"
248
00:14:15,804 --> 00:14:17,898
"I love you day and night"
249
00:14:18,141 --> 00:14:19,370
Now can we smooch?
250
00:14:19,390 --> 00:14:21,655
Not yet. Recite me another one.
251
00:14:21,919 --> 00:14:23,751
You want another one?
252
00:14:25,217 --> 00:14:27,982
Well, inspiration time again.
253
00:14:31,940 --> 00:14:35,843
Quick, Herman, shoot me another
poem. She's really in the mood.
254
00:14:38,472 --> 00:14:42,341
"Our love is as the rose is
You are the petal, I'm the thorn
255
00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:44,445
I really poured my
heart into this one.
256
00:14:44,426 --> 00:14:45,951
Go, Clyde, go.
257
00:14:50,414 --> 00:14:52,747
Clyde, where do you keep
going when you keep...
258
00:14:52,718 --> 00:14:54,812
"Our love is as the rose is
259
00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:57,531
"You're the petal, I'm the thorn
260
00:14:57,489 --> 00:14:59,924
"So let's start rubbing noses
261
00:14:59,890 --> 00:15:02,553
"'Cause I can't tell
right from wrong."
262
00:15:03,092 --> 00:15:05,288
Clyde, kiss me, you fool.
263
00:15:05,269 --> 00:15:07,135
I'll be right back.
264
00:15:12,088 --> 00:15:13,852
"The sky is blue above me" No!
265
00:15:13,849 --> 00:15:15,977
"The mountains,
too, are blue" No!
266
00:15:15,994 --> 00:15:18,156
"When I'm with you..." I
don't need any more, Herman.
267
00:15:18,139 --> 00:15:21,632
That did it. Thanks a
lot. You can go now.
268
00:15:22,013 --> 00:15:24,244
You sure? Absolutely.
269
00:15:24,766 --> 00:15:26,132
Well, okay.
270
00:15:26,495 --> 00:15:27,656
You're on your own.
271
00:15:39,846 --> 00:15:42,509
One more poem, Clyde.
You broke the spell.
272
00:15:42,727 --> 00:15:44,218
One more?
273
00:15:44,904 --> 00:15:47,271
But I... Come on. Please?
274
00:15:50,443 --> 00:15:52,309
"Roses are red
275
00:15:53,645 --> 00:15:57,241
"Violets are pink
276
00:15:57,518 --> 00:15:59,316
"I'm in love with you
277
00:15:59,503 --> 00:16:00,766
"I think?"
278
00:16:00,784 --> 00:16:03,777
That's nothing like the
ones you've been reciting.
279
00:16:03,729 --> 00:16:06,130
Well, that was
a different style.
280
00:16:06,995 --> 00:16:09,965
Clyde, have you been hiding a
book of poetry out in those bushes?
281
00:16:09,908 --> 00:16:13,003
Oh, no. Then where did
you get all those words?
282
00:16:12,950 --> 00:16:16,847
Well... I may as well tell you.
283
00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:20,356
It was a friend of mine
out there, Herman Munster.
284
00:16:20,506 --> 00:16:24,102
He's the one who wrote
the letter and the poems.
285
00:16:24,028 --> 00:16:25,724
Herman Munster.
286
00:16:26,013 --> 00:16:28,482
What a poetic
ring. Get him for me.
287
00:16:30,047 --> 00:16:31,640
I sent him away.
288
00:16:33,056 --> 00:16:34,581
Clyde, I have a
terrible headache.
289
00:16:34,593 --> 00:16:36,585
Would you mind taking me home?
290
00:16:43,973 --> 00:16:46,738
You broke up with Clyde, and
now you want me to drive you over...
291
00:16:46,694 --> 00:16:48,334
to some man's house
you've never even met?
292
00:16:48,327 --> 00:16:50,296
That's right. His name
is Herman Munster.
293
00:16:50,281 --> 00:16:53,012
And I looked up his address,
and I've fallen in love with him...
294
00:16:52,969 --> 00:16:55,632
through those wonderful letters
and poems that he wrote for Clyde.
295
00:16:55,595 --> 00:16:57,723
You've really flipped over
this Herman, haven't you?
296
00:16:57,708 --> 00:16:59,233
It's my destiny.
297
00:17:00,493 --> 00:17:04,294
I think I've finally found my Prince
Charming and I'm gonna meet him tonight.
298
00:17:05,744 --> 00:17:07,872
Are you really going
over to Clyde's?
299
00:17:07,857 --> 00:17:09,416
I certainly am.
300
00:17:10,482 --> 00:17:14,783
I think that Herman is meeting his
female pen pal at Clyde's apartment.
301
00:17:14,837 --> 00:17:17,671
What will you do if
you find out it's true?
302
00:17:17,622 --> 00:17:19,147
What will I do?
303
00:17:19,447 --> 00:17:21,040
I will take Herman apart...
304
00:17:21,048 --> 00:17:25,179
so that even Dr. Frankenstein
couldn't put him back together again.
305
00:17:26,746 --> 00:17:28,374
But, Aunt Lily...
306
00:17:30,940 --> 00:17:33,637
All right, explain
it to me, Grandpa.
307
00:17:34,559 --> 00:17:38,690
Lily's not here, but she's circled
Clyde's address in the phone book.
308
00:17:39,201 --> 00:17:40,965
Now, why would she do that?
309
00:17:40,961 --> 00:17:42,589
Don't you get it?
310
00:17:43,234 --> 00:17:46,033
Clyde told me he
met a girl on a bus.
311
00:17:46,116 --> 00:17:47,607
Right? Right.
312
00:17:47,685 --> 00:17:50,951
But Clyde never told me the
name of the girl he met on a bus.
313
00:17:50,887 --> 00:17:52,412
Right? Right.
314
00:17:52,487 --> 00:17:55,321
Every day, Lily takes
the bus to go shopping.
315
00:17:55,273 --> 00:17:56,764
Right? Right.
316
00:17:57,002 --> 00:18:00,905
And Lily acts very funny every
time I mention the name of Clyde!
317
00:18:01,996 --> 00:18:03,521
Hmm.
318
00:18:03,532 --> 00:18:04,830
So...
319
00:18:05,325 --> 00:18:07,692
viz., to wit, and ergo...
320
00:18:07,823 --> 00:18:09,951
the girl on the bus is Lily.
321
00:18:10,448 --> 00:18:14,909
And I've been helping sly old
Clyde romance her with my letters!
322
00:18:16,082 --> 00:18:18,210
Herman, you really think so?
323
00:18:18,195 --> 00:18:20,960
I know so. I know
how these things work.
324
00:18:21,653 --> 00:18:24,088
I read Dear Abby every morning.
325
00:18:24,214 --> 00:18:26,376
Now, assuming that
any of this is true...
326
00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:29,091
Herman, what do
you plan to do about it?
327
00:18:29,210 --> 00:18:31,441
I plan to confront Clyde.
328
00:18:33,627 --> 00:18:35,459
And so, farewell.
329
00:18:35,452 --> 00:18:39,321
I am going to sally forth into
the night and punish the guilty.
330
00:18:39,358 --> 00:18:42,556
And restore the treasured
sanctity of my marriage.
331
00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:46,046
A man like this deserves
to be horsewhipped.
332
00:18:46,017 --> 00:18:47,986
Thoroughly horsewhipped!
333
00:18:57,607 --> 00:18:59,633
What's the matter, Sir Lancelot?
334
00:19:00,616 --> 00:19:02,812
I forgot my crummy horsewhip.
335
00:19:05,291 --> 00:19:07,988
Herman Munster, I
know you're in there!
336
00:19:10,157 --> 00:19:12,251
He's not here!
337
00:19:13,646 --> 00:19:15,137
Where is he, Clyde?
338
00:19:15,152 --> 00:19:17,485
Where is my two-timing husband?
339
00:19:17,553 --> 00:19:20,489
But I keep telling you, Mrs.
Munster, Herman isn't here.
340
00:19:20,434 --> 00:19:21,834
Don't you cover up for him!
341
00:19:21,843 --> 00:19:24,108
Where's that girl he's
been writing love letters to?
342
00:19:24,084 --> 00:19:27,782
Herman wasn't writing letters for
himself, he was writing them for me.
343
00:19:28,759 --> 00:19:31,319
I think I'm getting a nosebleed.
You'll get something worse...
344
00:19:31,287 --> 00:19:35,247
than a nosebleed if you don't give
me the lowdown on playboy Munster.
345
00:19:37,306 --> 00:19:41,266
Tonight my girlfriend claimed she
had a headache and she ditched me.
346
00:19:41,181 --> 00:19:43,673
You don't suppose
she and Herman...
347
00:19:43,646 --> 00:19:46,775
I don't know, but you'd
better come with me.
348
00:19:46,719 --> 00:19:49,883
That big goofball may
owe us both an explanation.
349
00:19:50,497 --> 00:19:53,990
Wait a minute, Mrs. Munster!
Can't you let go of my ear, now?
350
00:20:03,111 --> 00:20:04,670
Is this Herman Munster's house?
351
00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:07,206
This is it. 1313
Mockingbird Lane.
352
00:20:08,138 --> 00:20:09,629
This is just the
kind of place...
353
00:20:09,643 --> 00:20:12,545
I would expect my mysterious
romantic writer to live in.
354
00:20:12,492 --> 00:20:14,757
I guess the place looks
a lot better in the daytime.
355
00:20:14,733 --> 00:20:16,224
Ann, I'm so excited.
356
00:20:16,237 --> 00:20:18,900
Hey, thanks for driving me.
Are you really gonna go through...
357
00:20:18,863 --> 00:20:21,332
with this nutty plan? Just like
I saw in a Doris Day movie...
358
00:20:21,296 --> 00:20:23,697
I'm gonna walk up to the
door, I'm gonna knock on it...
359
00:20:23,665 --> 00:20:26,726
I'm gonna close my eyes and
I'm gonna embrace my dream man.
360
00:20:26,675 --> 00:20:31,010
Good luck. Hey, if he's really good-looking
maybe he'll have someone for me, too.
361
00:20:33,046 --> 00:20:34,947
Where's the horsewhip?
362
00:20:42,618 --> 00:20:44,610
No, I couldn't use that.
363
00:20:50,110 --> 00:20:52,306
No, that's not the horsewhip.
364
00:20:59,139 --> 00:21:01,040
No, it would kill him.
365
00:21:02,404 --> 00:21:04,236
One crummy horsewhip.
366
00:21:04,902 --> 00:21:07,303
Well, I'll just have to go
over to Clyde's place...
367
00:21:07,271 --> 00:21:10,241
and bust up this eternal
triangle with my bare hands.
368
00:21:17,068 --> 00:21:19,902
Don't say a word. Just
take me in your arms.
369
00:21:46,938 --> 00:21:49,100
You big gigolo, you!
370
00:21:49,084 --> 00:21:52,350
But... Don't you dare
speak to me ever again!
371
00:21:52,285 --> 00:21:55,915
But, what, me? Lily, what are
you doing with my best friend?
372
00:21:55,839 --> 00:21:59,276
And what were you doing
with your arms around my girl?
373
00:22:08,004 --> 00:22:12,339
This kind of thing could be very
disturbing to a man of my sensitive nature.
374
00:22:17,449 --> 00:22:20,351
So, you see, dear,
it's just like Clyde said.
375
00:22:20,491 --> 00:22:24,087
I wrote all those love letters
for him to give to his girl.
376
00:22:24,013 --> 00:22:27,711
But I never thought she'd find out
who it was and come all unglued.
377
00:22:27,918 --> 00:22:30,911
Well, I guess
that explains it all.
378
00:22:32,529 --> 00:22:36,523
I suppose it was silly of me,
getting so upset in the first place.
379
00:22:36,531 --> 00:22:39,000
I agree, Aunt Lily. So do I.
380
00:22:39,220 --> 00:22:42,850
After all, no girl would ever go
for that stale poetry Herman wrote.
381
00:22:42,774 --> 00:22:45,835
It's rancid, absolutely rancid.
382
00:22:46,135 --> 00:22:48,161
I don't know about that.
383
00:22:48,761 --> 00:22:52,061
I thought I had one line
there that was pretty good:
384
00:22:53,723 --> 00:22:55,521
"My life was nothing
385
00:22:56,861 --> 00:22:59,194
"Until your sweet presence..."
386
00:23:02,399 --> 00:23:05,233
"My life was nothing
until your sweet..."
387
00:23:09,347 --> 00:23:10,679
Maybe Grandpa is right.
388
00:23:10,691 --> 00:23:13,661
My poetry is so rancid, I
can't even remember it.
389
00:23:14,053 --> 00:23:17,353
"My life was nothing until
your sweet presence..."
390
00:23:19,368 --> 00:23:23,362
"Until your sweet presence
breathed the breath of love
391
00:23:23,594 --> 00:23:25,620
"Into my soul."
392
00:23:25,963 --> 00:23:28,660
Lily. You remembered it.
393
00:23:28,973 --> 00:23:30,669
Of course, Herman.
394
00:23:30,734 --> 00:23:33,863
And I don't think your
poetry is rancid at all.
395
00:23:36,112 --> 00:23:39,514
Dear, that's the sweetest
thing you've ever said to me.
396
00:23:40,466 --> 00:23:42,435
Thank you, sugar fangs.
397
00:23:42,485 --> 00:23:47,035
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