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1
00:00:02,986 --> 00:00:04,586
(theme music playing)
2
00:00:16,550 --> 00:00:18,480
BERNIE:
New clothes for college?
3
00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:19,892
Girl, that's in a year.
4
00:00:19,961 --> 00:00:21,511
What you need
new clothes for now?
5
00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:22,892
For the interviews.
6
00:00:22,964 --> 00:00:25,524
I can't wear
my ratty old clothes.
7
00:00:25,592 --> 00:00:26,732
Sure, you can.
8
00:00:26,802 --> 00:00:28,312
That's how you get
student aid.
9
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:30,560
WANDA:
Oh, honey, just give her the credit card.
10
00:00:30,639 --> 00:00:32,899
Give her my credit card?
11
00:00:32,974 --> 00:00:34,194
WANDA:
Yeah.
12
00:00:34,267 --> 00:00:35,977
Give Nessa my credit card?
13
00:00:36,061 --> 00:00:38,031
With my name on it?
14
00:00:38,105 --> 00:00:39,905
Wanda, what
do you think I am?
15
00:00:39,990 --> 00:00:43,460
(droning beeping)
16
00:00:46,780 --> 00:00:48,620
$250 is the limit.
17
00:00:48,698 --> 00:00:51,498
You got that?
Now repeat after me: $250.
18
00:00:51,510 --> 00:00:53,220
$250 limit.
19
00:00:55,664 --> 00:00:58,104
Bernie, let it go.
20
00:00:59,626 --> 00:01:01,436
(horn honks outside)
21
00:01:01,512 --> 00:01:03,142
That's Donna.
22
00:01:03,213 --> 00:01:04,733
Thanks. Bye.
23
00:01:07,300 --> 00:01:09,820
Well, see now?
You got a kiss for that.
24
00:01:13,899 --> 00:01:15,269
Hi, Vanessa!
How was the mall!
25
00:01:15,350 --> 00:01:17,730
Well, come in here
and show us what you got.
26
00:01:17,811 --> 00:01:19,571
Ow! Ow!
27
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:21,250
JORDAN:
Ow! Ow!
28
00:01:24,067 --> 00:01:25,747
WANDA:
Well, let's see.
29
00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:29,711
Whoa...
30
00:01:29,790 --> 00:01:31,120
Is that Prada?
31
00:01:31,199 --> 00:01:32,749
One pair of shoes!
32
00:01:32,826 --> 00:01:37,216
$250, and she come home
with one pair of shoes?
33
00:01:37,297 --> 00:01:39,717
America, I don't
understand that girl.
34
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:41,890
Okay, she got champagne taste.
35
00:01:41,969 --> 00:01:45,599
See, that what happens
when people from the hood get a little something.
36
00:01:45,681 --> 00:01:48,901
They waste it on that
bling-bling lifestyle.
37
00:01:48,976 --> 00:01:50,676
They got no sense at all.
38
00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:52,350
Well, I tell you what.
39
00:01:52,429 --> 00:01:55,149
Those shoes are going
back tonight.
40
00:01:55,223 --> 00:01:57,163
We still got time.
41
00:01:58,268 --> 00:02:00,368
Hey, America, I lost a diamond.
42
00:02:02,022 --> 00:02:03,582
Hmm.
43
00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:06,750
You know, I don't know
what you're so mad about.
44
00:02:06,827 --> 00:02:08,867
I didn't go over
the limit.
45
00:02:08,945 --> 00:02:11,905
Hello.
How may I help you?
46
00:02:11,990 --> 00:02:13,470
Go ahead.
47
00:02:15,076 --> 00:02:17,036
I need
to return these.
48
00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:18,260
Oh, it didn't work out?
49
00:02:18,338 --> 00:02:19,668
Let me issue you
store credit.
50
00:02:19,748 --> 00:02:20,628
Whoa, whoa. Wait, wait.
51
00:02:20,707 --> 00:02:22,757
Store credit?
No, no, no, no.
52
00:02:22,834 --> 00:02:25,184
These shoes just been bought.
They never been worn.
53
00:02:25,253 --> 00:02:26,943
Just put my money
back on my credit card
54
00:02:27,014 --> 00:02:30,074
and let's pretend
like it never happened, which it shouldn't have.
55
00:02:30,142 --> 00:02:32,022
Store credit
is just as good as cash.
56
00:02:32,093 --> 00:02:32,943
No, it ain't.
57
00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:34,400
Well, it's our policy.
58
00:02:37,158 --> 00:02:39,198
(sighs) All right.
59
00:02:39,276 --> 00:02:41,156
You going to pay
my money back, Nessa.
60
00:02:41,236 --> 00:02:43,106
With what?
I don't have any money.
61
00:02:43,188 --> 00:02:44,648
Oh, okay,
Miss Got Rocks.
62
00:02:44,731 --> 00:02:46,701
Now you want to try
to play broke?
63
00:02:46,775 --> 00:02:50,075
You better find a way
'cause I want my money.
64
00:02:50,153 --> 00:02:51,803
Hey, Aunt Wanda,
do you want to buy these shoes?
65
00:02:51,872 --> 00:02:54,972
First of all,
I don't wear secondhand shoes,
66
00:02:55,042 --> 00:02:56,592
and second of all,
67
00:02:56,668 --> 00:02:58,918
don't play me
against your uncle.
68
00:02:58,995 --> 00:03:00,875
You were wrong.
69
00:03:00,956 --> 00:03:02,916
Thank you, Wanda.
70
00:03:02,999 --> 00:03:05,429
(Bernie chuckles)
71
00:03:05,436 --> 00:03:08,296
(clears throat)
Now back to you, Miss Thing.
72
00:03:08,314 --> 00:03:10,444
I'll tell you what
I'm going to do.
73
00:03:10,515 --> 00:03:13,225
I'm going to go
real easy on you.
74
00:03:13,301 --> 00:03:15,271
You going to pay me
ten dollars a week,
75
00:03:15,345 --> 00:03:18,095
promptly,
every Saturday.
76
00:03:18,181 --> 00:03:20,021
I'm not playing
with you, Nessa.
77
00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:21,570
I mean it.
I want my money.
78
00:03:21,643 --> 00:03:23,113
Fine.
Fine.
79
00:03:23,186 --> 00:03:24,396
Fine.
Fine.
80
00:03:24,479 --> 00:03:26,609
What?
I don't have it.
81
00:03:26,690 --> 00:03:29,160
Nessa, let me break something
down for you right quick.
82
00:03:29,234 --> 00:03:30,534
If you don't pay
your gas bill,
83
00:03:30,610 --> 00:03:31,950
they shut
your gas off.
84
00:03:32,028 --> 00:03:33,408
If you don't pay
your light bill,
85
00:03:33,488 --> 00:03:35,328
they cut off
your electricity.
86
00:03:35,407 --> 00:03:37,007
Now, doggone it,
you owe me.
87
00:03:37,084 --> 00:03:38,174
Now give me my money.
88
00:03:38,243 --> 00:03:40,093
Sheesh, I didn't know
89
00:03:40,161 --> 00:03:41,971
you needed ten dollars
that badly.
90
00:03:43,915 --> 00:03:47,295
America, what's with people
owing you money?
91
00:03:47,377 --> 00:03:48,467
They get an attitude
92
00:03:48,545 --> 00:03:50,795
with you for asking
for what's yours.
93
00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:54,060
Back in the day,
I had a friend who owed me $50.
94
00:03:54,134 --> 00:03:55,994
First he stopped hanging out.
95
00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:59,403
Then when I see him,
he acted like I stole something.
96
00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:02,357
You know what?
97
00:04:02,434 --> 00:04:05,664
Now that I think about it,
he still owe me $50.
98
00:04:05,737 --> 00:04:08,907
Hey, Fred, I want
my money, brother.
99
00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:11,242
You owe me! You been owing me!
100
00:04:11,318 --> 00:04:12,948
You still owe me!
101
00:04:13,028 --> 00:04:14,238
Ten dollars?
102
00:04:14,321 --> 00:04:15,911
Three weeks done
gone by, Nessa,
103
00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:18,379
and all you paid me is
ten lousy doggone dollars.
104
00:04:18,458 --> 00:04:20,248
Well, I have
a baby-sitting job in an hour
105
00:04:20,327 --> 00:04:21,497
so you can stop
bothering me.
106
00:04:21,578 --> 00:04:22,838
BERNIE:
Bothering you?
107
00:04:22,912 --> 00:04:24,252
Oh, I'm bothering you?
108
00:04:24,265 --> 00:04:25,885
Well, I'll tell you
what, missy,
109
00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:27,296
I got news for you.
110
00:04:27,375 --> 00:04:29,055
I'm going to keep
on bothering you
111
00:04:29,136 --> 00:04:31,646
until you give me
back my money.
112
00:04:34,424 --> 00:04:37,404
The kid's a trip.
113
00:04:37,477 --> 00:04:39,897
I'm so tired of this
I don't know what to do.
114
00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:41,520
I can get
your money.
115
00:04:41,598 --> 00:04:44,648
Boy, stop sitting
in the dark.
116
00:04:44,726 --> 00:04:47,236
Uncle Bernie, let me put
the screws to her.
117
00:04:47,312 --> 00:04:48,992
Let me shake
her down for you.
118
00:04:49,064 --> 00:04:50,664
I pester her anyway.
119
00:04:50,732 --> 00:04:52,622
I might as well
get some money for it.
120
00:04:55,111 --> 00:04:56,371
You know what?
121
00:04:56,446 --> 00:04:58,366
You got a good point there.
122
00:04:58,448 --> 00:05:00,458
I'll take that action.
123
00:05:00,533 --> 00:05:02,963
75 cents to every dollar
I collect.
124
00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:04,916
Fifty.
Sixty-five.
125
00:05:04,996 --> 00:05:06,296
Deal.
126
00:05:06,373 --> 00:05:07,933
You watch me.
127
00:05:11,711 --> 00:05:13,761
JORDAN:
Vanessa? (door opens)
128
00:05:13,838 --> 00:05:17,098
Ow! Ow, stop!
Please! Ow! Let me go!
129
00:05:17,175 --> 00:05:19,015
Ow! You're breaking it!
130
00:05:19,094 --> 00:05:20,314
Ow!
131
00:05:20,387 --> 00:05:21,637
(door slams)
132
00:05:21,721 --> 00:05:22,811
What?
133
00:05:22,889 --> 00:05:24,319
(whimpers)
134
00:05:25,392 --> 00:05:27,702
Hey, Nessa, how was
baby-sitting?
135
00:05:27,778 --> 00:05:29,118
Fine.
136
00:05:29,196 --> 00:05:31,116
Now you can
pay me my money.
137
00:05:31,198 --> 00:05:33,078
Oh, yeah.
Here you go.
138
00:05:35,026 --> 00:05:37,336
Nessa, what you doing, man?
That's my money.
139
00:05:37,412 --> 00:05:40,262
No, that's your money.
This is my money.
140
00:05:40,332 --> 00:05:42,422
Sister, you owe
me $250.
141
00:05:42,492 --> 00:05:44,292
Actually,
it's $220 now.
142
00:05:44,369 --> 00:05:45,669
Oh, you going
to be slick now.
143
00:05:45,745 --> 00:05:47,205
The only reason
I made that deal
144
00:05:47,288 --> 00:05:48,758
because you told me
you was broke.
145
00:05:48,766 --> 00:05:50,836
(scoffs rudely)
And I appreciate that.
146
00:05:50,917 --> 00:05:53,007
And right now,
I'm all caught up.
147
00:05:53,086 --> 00:05:54,476
Same time next week?
148
00:05:54,554 --> 00:05:56,644
Oh, that's how
you going to be now, huh, Nessa?
149
00:05:56,714 --> 00:05:58,864
Hey, you made
the deal.
150
00:06:00,969 --> 00:06:02,029
Huh.
151
00:06:03,313 --> 00:06:06,153
Don't worry, America,
I will get mine.
152
00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:07,938
You can guar-an-tee it.
153
00:06:08,017 --> 00:06:11,487
Nobody stands betwixt
Bernie Mac and his money.
154
00:06:11,563 --> 00:06:14,073
Nobody... except my agent...
155
00:06:14,149 --> 00:06:17,039
manager, IRS... huh.
156
00:06:20,613 --> 00:06:22,873
BERNIE:
Welcome to Mac Man Enterprise.
157
00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:24,673
I don't want
to work here.
158
00:06:24,742 --> 00:06:27,252
Well, get used to it.
159
00:06:27,328 --> 00:06:30,418
Oh...
Come on, now.
160
00:06:30,498 --> 00:06:33,168
What you going to do?
You don't walk past the Mac Man. You rub it.
161
00:06:33,251 --> 00:06:34,471
You don't disrespect it.
162
00:06:34,544 --> 00:06:38,684
But his eyes kind of follow you.
163
00:06:38,756 --> 00:06:39,816
It's creepy.
164
00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:41,819
That's good.
So remember one thing:
165
00:06:41,893 --> 00:06:46,533
when I'm not here,
he's looking dead at you, okay? Denise!
166
00:06:48,534 --> 00:06:49,734
Denise!
167
00:06:49,809 --> 00:06:52,329
Oh... Mr. Mac.
168
00:06:52,404 --> 00:06:54,864
I was just
getting ready to call you.
169
00:06:54,939 --> 00:06:56,319
BERNIE:
For what?
170
00:06:56,333 --> 00:06:58,033
About the photo shoot
this weekend?
171
00:06:58,043 --> 00:07:00,833
Okay.
(giggles)
172
00:07:00,904 --> 00:07:02,584
And who is this?
173
00:07:02,655 --> 00:07:03,955
(clears throat)
174
00:07:04,032 --> 00:07:05,792
This is your new
assistant, Denise.
175
00:07:05,867 --> 00:07:07,667
This is Vanessa, my niece.
176
00:07:07,678 --> 00:07:08,998
Oh, how nice.
177
00:07:09,078 --> 00:07:11,348
We'll find you something
very nice to do.
178
00:07:11,423 --> 00:07:12,973
Come on, Nessa.
Come with me.
179
00:07:18,296 --> 00:07:19,716
VANESSA:
This is busy work.
180
00:07:19,731 --> 00:07:21,141
Well, get busy.
181
00:07:21,150 --> 00:07:22,600
I like my fans
personally answered
182
00:07:22,675 --> 00:07:24,355
along with a signed
autographed picture.
183
00:07:24,436 --> 00:07:27,306
I got a signature stamp
somewhere around here.
184
00:07:27,388 --> 00:07:29,818
I don't need it,
I already know how to do your signature.
185
00:07:29,900 --> 00:07:32,150
-What?
-I mean, I can learn
186
00:07:32,227 --> 00:07:33,357
how to do your signature.
187
00:07:33,436 --> 00:07:34,906
All right, chop-chop.
188
00:07:37,657 --> 00:07:39,907
So have you been
working here long?
189
00:07:39,984 --> 00:07:41,374
About five years.
190
00:07:41,444 --> 00:07:44,754
But this is temporary.
I'm doing big things.
191
00:07:44,822 --> 00:07:48,372
I'm getting my
respiratory therapist license online.
192
00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:49,965
Hey, go ahead
and breathe for me.
193
00:07:50,045 --> 00:07:52,205
(phone rings)
194
00:07:52,288 --> 00:07:54,048
Hello. Bernie Mac's office.
195
00:07:54,123 --> 00:07:55,973
BERNIE (over phone):
"Hello. Bernie Mac's office"?
196
00:07:56,042 --> 00:07:57,482
No, baby, no.
197
00:07:57,552 --> 00:08:00,092
It's, "Hello.
Mac Man Enterprises.
198
00:08:00,171 --> 00:08:02,681
This is Vanessa.
How may I help you?"
199
00:08:02,757 --> 00:08:04,597
Are you going
to bother me all day?
200
00:08:04,676 --> 00:08:06,266
Look, baby,
I'm telling you right now,
201
00:08:06,344 --> 00:08:07,784
work is serious, Nessa.
202
00:08:07,854 --> 00:08:09,354
You're in the real world.
203
00:08:09,430 --> 00:08:10,770
Now chop-chop! Come on now!
204
00:08:10,848 --> 00:08:13,228
I got to go.
There's somebody at the door.
205
00:08:13,309 --> 00:08:15,109
Oh, I got that.
(laughs)
206
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,490
Hi, Roderick!
207
00:08:16,563 --> 00:08:18,913
Hey, Denise.
You know the drill.
208
00:08:18,916 --> 00:08:20,316
Yes.
Sign right here.
209
00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,620
RODERICK:
You look great. DENISE: Ah, thanks.
210
00:08:22,694 --> 00:08:25,254
(laughs)
You have a great day.
211
00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:27,615
You, too.
Take care.
212
00:08:27,699 --> 00:08:28,749
What's this?
213
00:08:28,825 --> 00:08:30,745
Freebies.
214
00:08:30,827 --> 00:08:32,837
I don't get it.
People just send stuff? Why?
215
00:08:32,921 --> 00:08:36,141
Hey, everybody wants to be
in business with Bernie Mac.
216
00:08:36,216 --> 00:08:37,506
You just mention
the name,
217
00:08:37,584 --> 00:08:39,134
and then bam,
it all arrives.
218
00:08:39,210 --> 00:08:40,980
The rich get richer.
219
00:08:42,380 --> 00:08:45,060
And that's
not really fair, is it?
220
00:08:45,133 --> 00:08:45,983
Ah, yeah.
221
00:08:47,969 --> 00:08:48,989
I mean, no.
222
00:08:50,680 --> 00:08:53,980
Oh, Vanessa, these are cute.
223
00:08:54,058 --> 00:08:56,028
(dial tone)
224
00:08:56,102 --> 00:08:57,492
WOMAN (on phone):
Public Relations. May I help you?
225
00:08:57,562 --> 00:08:59,532
Hello, this Vanessa Tompkins
226
00:08:59,606 --> 00:09:02,026
-from Mac Man Enterprises.
-WOMAN (on phone): Mac Man?
227
00:09:02,108 --> 00:09:04,158
VANESSA:
Bernie Mac's company, the entertainer?
228
00:09:04,169 --> 00:09:05,869
Of course!
How nice of you to call.
229
00:09:05,945 --> 00:09:08,405
Yes, Mr. Mac
would like to wear your sneakers
230
00:09:08,489 --> 00:09:09,999
at his next premiere.
231
00:09:10,074 --> 00:09:12,714
-A movie premiere?
-Exactly, the red carpet.
232
00:09:12,785 --> 00:09:15,495
-What's his shoe size?
-What size?
233
00:09:15,580 --> 00:09:18,380
Um, in men, size four.
234
00:09:18,458 --> 00:09:19,918
Size four?
235
00:09:20,001 --> 00:09:23,601
Yeah, for a big guy,
he has really tiny feet.
236
00:09:23,671 --> 00:09:25,471
Me, too.
Size six.
237
00:09:25,548 --> 00:09:28,598
Also another pair in size six.
238
00:09:28,676 --> 00:09:30,436
What about the size four?
239
00:09:30,511 --> 00:09:35,151
Well, sometimes
his feet swell up.
240
00:09:35,158 --> 00:09:36,728
Okay, we'll send it right out.
241
00:09:36,809 --> 00:09:38,449
Thank you.
242
00:09:45,151 --> 00:09:47,331
Hey, no one
knocks anymore?
243
00:09:47,403 --> 00:09:49,873
What's all this?
None of your business.
244
00:09:49,947 --> 00:09:51,667
I'm telling.
All right, all right.
245
00:09:51,750 --> 00:09:53,630
Where'd you get
all this stuff?
246
00:09:53,701 --> 00:09:55,381
Just pick one and get out.
247
00:09:55,453 --> 00:09:56,423
Just one?
248
00:09:56,496 --> 00:09:57,636
Good grief.
249
00:09:57,714 --> 00:09:59,714
I'll take this.
250
00:09:59,725 --> 00:10:01,465
(knocking)
251
00:10:04,003 --> 00:10:05,073
Come in.
252
00:10:07,807 --> 00:10:10,067
Hey, Baby Girl.
Hey, Uncle Bernie.
253
00:10:11,386 --> 00:10:12,236
Hey, Uncle Bernie.
254
00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:13,742
Hey.
255
00:10:13,813 --> 00:10:16,563
I got a surprise
for you. Ta-da!
256
00:10:16,641 --> 00:10:17,721
Look, what I got.
257
00:10:17,801 --> 00:10:19,481
Your first official
paycheck
258
00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:21,070
from Mac Man
Enterprises.
259
00:10:21,145 --> 00:10:23,235
So soon?
260
00:10:23,248 --> 00:10:24,578
Well, I withheld
most of it to repay me
261
00:10:24,658 --> 00:10:26,408
for the debt
that you owe me, so...
262
00:10:26,484 --> 00:10:29,344
That's fine.
What?
263
00:10:29,412 --> 00:10:30,952
When did that become
fine with you, Nessa?
264
00:10:31,022 --> 00:10:34,082
Hey, a deal's a deal.
I got to learn somehow.
265
00:10:34,158 --> 00:10:36,628
That's good, girl.
266
00:10:36,703 --> 00:10:39,923
You know, I like
your attitude, Nessa.
267
00:10:39,997 --> 00:10:41,257
You keep it up.
268
00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:45,181
(both chuckle)
269
00:10:45,253 --> 00:10:46,563
You see that, America?
270
00:10:46,638 --> 00:10:48,218
I'm getting through to her.
271
00:10:48,297 --> 00:10:50,427
See, kids like structure
and discipline.
272
00:10:50,508 --> 00:10:52,518
That's the problem
out there, America.
273
00:10:52,593 --> 00:10:54,573
You keep giving
your kids too much.
274
00:10:54,646 --> 00:10:56,606
Make 'em earn it!
275
00:10:59,684 --> 00:11:02,084
Hey, who gave
you that?
276
00:11:02,153 --> 00:11:03,783
How do you know
I didn't buy it?
277
00:11:03,789 --> 00:11:06,069
Ah...
278
00:11:06,149 --> 00:11:08,199
you see this
Make-A-Bear?
279
00:11:08,276 --> 00:11:10,446
It's about to be
unmade.
280
00:11:10,462 --> 00:11:11,872
Okay, okay.
281
00:11:11,946 --> 00:11:13,956
We need to talk.
282
00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:16,675
Ugh, doesn't anyone
knock anymore?
283
00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:20,879
Good afternoon, Mr. Mac.
284
00:11:20,955 --> 00:11:23,555
I have a delivery for you
from BMX bikes.
285
00:11:25,001 --> 00:11:26,181
Delivery for me?
286
00:11:26,252 --> 00:11:28,472
It ain't my birthday.
287
00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:30,010
Let me see.
288
00:11:30,089 --> 00:11:31,599
"On behalf of BMX bikes,
289
00:11:31,674 --> 00:11:33,314
"we would personally
like to congratulate you
290
00:11:33,384 --> 00:11:35,644
"on being named new XXX.
291
00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:37,650
"I hope you enjoy using
your BMX bike
292
00:11:37,656 --> 00:11:40,816
on the set
of Operation Dang..."
293
00:11:40,892 --> 00:11:42,482
Sir, there's got to be
some mistake.
294
00:11:42,494 --> 00:11:44,114
Take the bike back.
295
00:11:44,187 --> 00:11:45,617
No, wait!
That's my bike!
296
00:11:46,898 --> 00:11:48,568
Jordan,
what's going on here, man?
297
00:11:48,649 --> 00:11:50,829
I can't tell you
or you'll take it back.
298
00:11:50,902 --> 00:11:52,632
I don't care anything
about this bike,
299
00:11:52,704 --> 00:11:54,504
I just want to know
the truth around here.
300
00:11:54,506 --> 00:11:56,326
Now what's going on,
Jordan?
301
00:11:56,341 --> 00:11:57,711
(sighs) Vanessa.
302
00:11:57,784 --> 00:11:59,924
She said she gets
free stuff all the time.
303
00:11:59,994 --> 00:12:02,134
All she has to do
is mention your name.
304
00:12:02,205 --> 00:12:03,665
She said it would be so easy.
305
00:12:03,748 --> 00:12:05,058
She said no one
would get hurt.
306
00:12:05,133 --> 00:12:06,553
BERNIE: Now, see?
307
00:12:06,626 --> 00:12:07,966
You told the truth.
Now don't you feel better?
308
00:12:08,044 --> 00:12:09,354
I guess so.
309
00:12:09,429 --> 00:12:11,969
Yeah, there you go.
310
00:12:12,048 --> 00:12:13,058
Take the bike back.
311
00:12:13,132 --> 00:12:14,182
No!
312
00:12:14,258 --> 00:12:15,848
No! Please don't!
313
00:12:15,861 --> 00:12:18,531
(sobbing)
Please don't!
314
00:12:19,597 --> 00:12:22,157
JORDAN:
No! I need it!
315
00:12:23,234 --> 00:12:25,074
Can you believe this, America?
316
00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:27,698
This was supposed to be
a punishment for Nessa.
317
00:12:27,772 --> 00:12:29,952
Now she turned it
into a game show.
318
00:12:29,958 --> 00:12:32,068
(imitates buzzer)
Wrong answer!
319
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,865
Well, I got news for her.
320
00:12:33,879 --> 00:12:36,869
The game show
is Truth or Consequences.
321
00:12:36,948 --> 00:12:39,458
And she's going to learn
the consequences.
322
00:12:39,534 --> 00:12:42,134
Oh, yeah!
323
00:12:42,203 --> 00:12:43,713
Fine, I'll send it all back.
324
00:12:43,722 --> 00:12:45,432
But I still don't see
what the big deal is.
325
00:12:45,507 --> 00:12:47,517
The big deal, Nessa,
is that you stole.
326
00:12:47,592 --> 00:12:48,932
You traded on my good name,
327
00:12:49,001 --> 00:12:51,101
a good name that I built
with hard work.
328
00:12:51,179 --> 00:12:54,009
But see, baby,
that's your problem. You don't know nothing
329
00:12:54,024 --> 00:12:55,904
about hard work.
But you're going to learn,
330
00:12:55,975 --> 00:12:57,725
and you're going to learn
here tonight.
331
00:12:57,802 --> 00:12:59,642
But I have plans tonight.
332
00:12:59,654 --> 00:13:01,404
No, Tweety,
you got chores tonight.
333
00:13:01,472 --> 00:13:04,612
And you're going to start
by putting that file in order,
334
00:13:04,618 --> 00:13:07,068
cleaning those windows,
dusting those blinds,
335
00:13:07,144 --> 00:13:08,324
doing the baseboard.
336
00:13:08,396 --> 00:13:09,646
You understand me?
337
00:13:09,730 --> 00:13:11,210
Anything else?
338
00:13:11,282 --> 00:13:13,072
Let me see what else.
Niecy--
339
00:13:13,150 --> 00:13:15,080
that's okay,
don't worry about it.
340
00:13:15,152 --> 00:13:17,912
The Mac Man.
I want it shined and polished.
341
00:13:17,989 --> 00:13:20,829
And when you get done,
I want you to bring it home. You got me?
342
00:13:20,908 --> 00:13:23,668
Why?
Because I have a photo shoot tomorrow.
343
00:13:23,744 --> 00:13:25,554
And I want you
to get everything together.
344
00:13:25,621 --> 00:13:27,761
Chop, chop.
Jump to it.
345
00:13:33,438 --> 00:13:35,148
These are fresh.
346
00:13:36,107 --> 00:13:37,767
(clears throat)
347
00:13:37,842 --> 00:13:40,562
You ain't got to worry,
I'll send these back myself.
348
00:13:40,636 --> 00:13:43,946
(funky music playing on radio)
349
00:13:48,227 --> 00:13:49,647
Hey.
Hey.
350
00:13:49,729 --> 00:13:51,609
Girl, you look beat up.
351
00:13:51,689 --> 00:13:52,989
And what is that thing?
352
00:13:53,065 --> 00:13:54,405
Ugh. Don't ask.
353
00:13:54,483 --> 00:13:56,453
Look, I need
to stop by my house
354
00:13:56,461 --> 00:13:57,541
so I can drop
this thing off.
355
00:13:57,620 --> 00:13:59,000
Your house?
356
00:13:59,071 --> 00:14:00,411
In Encino?
357
00:14:00,489 --> 00:14:01,749
Nuh-uh.
Look, we'll stop by your house
358
00:14:01,758 --> 00:14:03,118
after the movie,
'kay?
359
00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:04,630
Sounds good.
360
00:14:04,636 --> 00:14:06,286
Look, can you turn
that thing around?
361
00:14:06,370 --> 00:14:09,380
It's eyes
are following me. It's creepy.
362
00:14:09,457 --> 00:14:12,797
SINGER (on radio):
♪ You'll only get it if I let you go ♪
363
00:14:12,877 --> 00:14:16,847
♪ Hot damn, hot damn,
you gotta let go of me... ♪
364
00:14:16,923 --> 00:14:19,313
You have your
new boots on. You know it.
365
00:14:19,383 --> 00:14:21,983
Hey, where's my Stila lip gloss
that you promised?
366
00:14:21,987 --> 00:14:24,557
Bigfoot made me
give it all back.
367
00:14:24,639 --> 00:14:26,309
Oh, God, what is wrong
with that man?
368
00:14:26,390 --> 00:14:28,480
I mean, the companies have
extras just lying around.
369
00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:29,653
I know.
(phone beeps)
370
00:14:29,727 --> 00:14:31,317
But guess what?
371
00:14:31,395 --> 00:14:34,445
He didn't get this.
Oh, sweet! Does that have AOL?
372
00:14:34,523 --> 00:14:37,503
You know it.
Well, go to Moviefone, girl, get our tickets.
373
00:14:37,577 --> 00:14:40,077
Hold on, I'm IMing.
374
00:14:40,154 --> 00:14:41,504
Who? Let me see.
375
00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:43,621
Stop sign.
Who's Stop Sign?
376
00:14:43,699 --> 00:14:45,669
No, stop sign!
Stop sign!
377
00:14:45,743 --> 00:14:47,433
(tires screech,
girls scream)
378
00:14:49,872 --> 00:14:52,022
VANESSA (distorted): No!
379
00:14:56,387 --> 00:14:58,307
(groans)
380
00:15:01,851 --> 00:15:04,191
Oh...
My car!
381
00:15:04,261 --> 00:15:06,031
The Mac Man.
382
00:15:16,649 --> 00:15:17,989
I can get it done
in about an hour.
383
00:15:18,067 --> 00:15:21,697
But, uh, labor, supplies...
384
00:15:21,713 --> 00:15:25,713
it's going to run you
at least 200 bucks. 200?
385
00:15:25,717 --> 00:15:27,627
Look, just put it on
my parents' credit card, 'kay?
386
00:15:27,702 --> 00:15:30,002
They probably won't
even notice, but, uh...
387
00:15:30,079 --> 00:15:31,919
you owe me $200.
388
00:15:31,998 --> 00:15:34,178
What? I don't have
that kind of money.
389
00:15:35,802 --> 00:15:38,432
Well, uh... what size shoe
did you say you wore again?
390
00:15:38,504 --> 00:15:40,304
It was a six, right?
391
00:15:40,381 --> 00:15:42,351
These shoes were $250.
392
00:15:42,425 --> 00:15:44,145
New.
393
00:15:59,275 --> 00:16:00,365
Long night?
394
00:16:00,443 --> 00:16:02,493
Stop sitting in the dark.
395
00:16:02,570 --> 00:16:03,870
What happened to you?
396
00:16:03,946 --> 00:16:05,706
Did you get beat up
for your shoes again?
397
00:16:05,781 --> 00:16:07,251
Is Uncle Bernie around?
398
00:16:07,324 --> 00:16:09,044
He's in the den.
Good.
399
00:16:09,052 --> 00:16:12,212
Jordan, I am in
so much trouble.
400
00:16:12,288 --> 00:16:14,048
Look.
401
00:16:14,123 --> 00:16:15,343
Is that all?
402
00:16:15,416 --> 00:16:16,796
What do you mean
"Is that all?"
403
00:16:16,876 --> 00:16:18,596
I ruined the Mac Man.
404
00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:20,718
He is going to kill me,
do you understand?
405
00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:24,470
Ah, so old
and yet so naive.
406
00:16:24,550 --> 00:16:25,980
Come with me.
407
00:16:27,737 --> 00:16:29,397
Notice
anything broken?
408
00:16:29,472 --> 00:16:31,692
No.
Of course you don't,
409
00:16:31,766 --> 00:16:34,526
because I'm meticulous
in every detail.
410
00:16:34,610 --> 00:16:35,990
What are you talking about?
411
00:16:36,062 --> 00:16:38,612
Look at that lamp.
Look. I am.
412
00:16:38,689 --> 00:16:40,749
No, no, look closer.
413
00:16:44,487 --> 00:16:46,247
Oh, my gosh...
414
00:16:46,322 --> 00:16:48,582
there are tiny cracks
all over it.
415
00:16:48,657 --> 00:16:50,617
Yes, it was one
of my earlier works.
416
00:16:50,635 --> 00:16:52,755
I was only eight
when I fixed it.
417
00:16:52,837 --> 00:16:56,417
But since then, I've perfected
my craft considerably.
418
00:16:56,499 --> 00:16:57,669
Look at that vase.
419
00:16:57,750 --> 00:16:59,180
Took a baseball last spring.
420
00:16:59,251 --> 00:17:01,591
But now it holds
a gallon of water.
421
00:17:01,670 --> 00:17:03,930
And see that
trumpet player?
422
00:17:04,006 --> 00:17:05,926
Well, that's
50% Dizzy Gillespie
423
00:17:06,008 --> 00:17:08,098
and 50% G.I. Joe.
424
00:17:08,177 --> 00:17:11,267
Need I go on?
Okay, okay.
425
00:17:11,347 --> 00:17:13,557
Uncle Bernie needs it
first thing in the morning.
426
00:17:13,641 --> 00:17:15,021
Pressure, I love it.
427
00:17:15,101 --> 00:17:17,531
But now we talk
about my fee.
428
00:17:17,603 --> 00:17:19,993
I'm tapped out,
I got nothing.
429
00:17:20,064 --> 00:17:21,784
I have no need for cash.
430
00:17:21,857 --> 00:17:23,567
What then?
(phone beeps)
431
00:17:23,651 --> 00:17:25,381
Mm, does that have AOL?
432
00:17:30,116 --> 00:17:31,616
Great.
433
00:17:31,700 --> 00:17:34,800
(funky music playing)
434
00:18:06,610 --> 00:18:08,330
Well, is it ready?
435
00:18:08,338 --> 00:18:10,118
Judge for yourself.
436
00:18:10,197 --> 00:18:12,917
(laughs)
It's perfect.
437
00:18:12,992 --> 00:18:14,672
Except for the eyes.
438
00:18:14,743 --> 00:18:16,423
They follow you.
439
00:18:16,495 --> 00:18:17,795
It's kind of creepy.
440
00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:20,170
Anyway, let it dry
for eight hours.
441
00:18:20,249 --> 00:18:22,679
Eight hours?
The shoot is in an hour.
442
00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:24,310
No refunds.
443
00:18:35,439 --> 00:18:38,199
(indistinct chatter)
444
00:18:40,436 --> 00:18:42,116
MAN: Morning.
445
00:18:42,196 --> 00:18:43,616
Good morning, Uncle Bernie.
446
00:18:43,698 --> 00:18:45,028
Nessa.
447
00:18:45,041 --> 00:18:47,241
Oh, uh, I set up bagels,
fruit and coffee
448
00:18:47,318 --> 00:18:49,488
for anyone who's hungry,
so help yourself.
449
00:18:49,570 --> 00:18:51,660
She had a car waiting
for me this morning,
450
00:18:51,673 --> 00:18:53,173
even had my clippers
sharpened.
451
00:18:53,249 --> 00:18:56,329
Your niece is
a real pro, Bernie.
452
00:18:56,344 --> 00:18:59,714
Yeah, she all right.
453
00:18:59,788 --> 00:19:03,718
You know what, Nessa,
you really earned your Pradas, you really did.
454
00:19:03,792 --> 00:19:05,222
Why aren't you
wearing them?
455
00:19:05,294 --> 00:19:07,894
Uh, they're more
for special occasions.
456
00:19:07,963 --> 00:19:09,773
Mm, okay.
457
00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:11,069
All right then,
hey, everybody,
458
00:19:11,142 --> 00:19:12,892
let's get
this party started.
459
00:19:12,968 --> 00:19:14,098
Where my Mac Man?
460
00:19:14,178 --> 00:19:16,198
Oh! There my baby is...
461
00:19:17,806 --> 00:19:18,856
Look at that, y'all.
462
00:19:18,933 --> 00:19:20,443
The Mac Man cometh.
463
00:19:20,517 --> 00:19:21,527
Look at that.
464
00:19:21,611 --> 00:19:23,071
Look at that shine.
465
00:19:23,145 --> 00:19:24,735
Wow. Give me my baby.
466
00:19:24,813 --> 00:19:26,663
Give me my baby.
(kisses loudly)
467
00:19:26,732 --> 00:19:28,572
Mac Man!
Look at that.
468
00:19:28,651 --> 00:19:31,791
Yeah.
Hey, man, this was given to me, man,
469
00:19:31,871 --> 00:19:33,961
by George French,
out of Chicago,
470
00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:35,580
when I won Comic of the Year.
471
00:19:35,658 --> 00:19:38,798
In all Chicago area, man,
he gave this to me.
472
00:19:38,878 --> 00:19:40,248
That's wonderful, Bernie.
473
00:19:40,329 --> 00:19:41,799
Why don't I get some
pictures of you with it?
474
00:19:41,881 --> 00:19:43,091
Why don't you then?
475
00:19:43,165 --> 00:19:44,645
Tell him,
"Why don't you?
476
00:19:44,392 --> 00:19:46,812
Why don't you?"
(laughs) Come on, get some.
477
00:19:46,886 --> 00:19:48,586
Higher. Great.
478
00:19:48,671 --> 00:19:50,191
Good. Good.
Yep.
479
00:19:50,264 --> 00:19:52,264
Use it like
a weapon.
480
00:19:52,341 --> 00:19:53,811
(imitating gunfire)
Beautiful.
481
00:19:53,818 --> 00:19:55,558
Beautiful.
Tighter.
482
00:19:55,570 --> 00:19:57,600
There we go.
483
00:19:57,614 --> 00:19:59,944
Look out now.
This is my baby.
484
00:20:00,015 --> 00:20:02,355
Man, it's getting hot
under these lights, though.
485
00:20:02,434 --> 00:20:05,284
That's it. I think we got
everything we need.
486
00:20:05,354 --> 00:20:07,824
Great shoot, Bernie.
Everything went very smoothly.
487
00:20:07,898 --> 00:20:09,238
BERNIE:
Thanks, Serge.
488
00:20:09,316 --> 00:20:11,656
Oh, Serge,
can you do me a favor?
489
00:20:11,735 --> 00:20:13,825
Why don't you take a picture
of me and my niece, man?
490
00:20:13,904 --> 00:20:16,464
She was very instrumental
in putting this photo shoot together.
491
00:20:16,540 --> 00:20:18,620
Come over here, Nessa,
take a picture with me, come on.
492
00:20:18,635 --> 00:20:19,955
I don't...
Yeah, definitely.
493
00:20:20,035 --> 00:20:21,455
Definitely.
Right over there.
494
00:20:21,537 --> 00:20:23,097
Come on. Get
over here, Nessa. Perfect. Okay.
495
00:20:23,172 --> 00:20:24,712
Come on,
get in here, baby.
496
00:20:24,790 --> 00:20:26,260
All right. Right here.
497
00:20:26,333 --> 00:20:27,763
Come on.
Get between here.
498
00:20:27,835 --> 00:20:29,965
Okay. Everybody, smile.
499
00:20:30,045 --> 00:20:32,135
(camera clicking)
BERNIE: Come on, Mac!
500
00:20:32,214 --> 00:20:33,894
Man, you know what,
I just can't get over
501
00:20:33,966 --> 00:20:37,386
this shine right...
Oh! Ah!
502
00:20:37,469 --> 00:20:40,399
God! Nessa! Nessa!
503
00:20:40,472 --> 00:20:42,612
I'll pay you back.
504
00:20:42,617 --> 00:20:44,077
Nessa!
505
00:20:45,945 --> 00:20:47,485
(whimpers)
506
00:20:47,497 --> 00:20:49,567
(statue thuds)
Oh!
507
00:20:49,648 --> 00:20:51,528
(squeaky whimpering)
508
00:20:51,542 --> 00:20:53,412
(crying)
509
00:20:53,419 --> 00:20:55,329
(Aretha Franklin:
"Today I Sing The Blues")
510
00:20:55,404 --> 00:20:57,674
♪ Without a word of warning ♪
511
00:21:00,126 --> 00:21:04,136
♪ Blues walked in
this morning ♪
512
00:21:05,914 --> 00:21:11,444
♪ And circled round
my lonely room ♪
513
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:16,570
The Mac Man...
514
00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:21,240
Who you with?
515
00:21:23,349 --> 00:21:24,319
Oh, Lord.
516
00:21:24,391 --> 00:21:25,821
(bawling loudly)
517
00:21:25,893 --> 00:21:27,823
Oh, Mac Man!
518
00:21:27,895 --> 00:21:30,355
(blubbering)
Oh, my ba... Oh, my ba...
519
00:21:30,439 --> 00:21:32,489
Oh, my baby... my baby...
520
00:21:32,566 --> 00:21:35,456
(sobbing)
521
00:21:41,718 --> 00:21:43,508
Oh my baby.
522
00:21:48,582 --> 00:21:49,522
Captioned by Visual Data
523
00:21:49,572 --> 00:21:54,122
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