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1
00:00:04,121 --> 00:00:06,131
(theme music playing)
2
00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:19,341
Okay. Ready for
the next one. Okay.
3
00:00:19,419 --> 00:00:22,759
Who did President
John F. Kennedy appoint as Secretary of Defense?
4
00:00:22,839 --> 00:00:25,099
Um, one of
his brothers?
5
00:00:25,175 --> 00:00:27,595
No, that was
Attorney General. I'll give you a hint.
6
00:00:27,677 --> 00:00:29,947
The beginning of his last name
sounds like your uncle's.
7
00:00:30,022 --> 00:00:32,902
Mac...
MacNamara.
8
00:00:32,974 --> 00:00:34,324
Robert MacNamara.
9
00:00:35,435 --> 00:00:37,575
You see that girl, America?
10
00:00:37,654 --> 00:00:39,954
Hard working, studious.
11
00:00:39,957 --> 00:00:42,447
Terry's daddy
sure is a lucky man.
12
00:00:42,526 --> 00:00:44,526
All the qualities you want
in a daughter,
13
00:00:44,611 --> 00:00:46,791
so that's why I like Nessa
being her friend.
14
00:00:46,863 --> 00:00:49,083
I'm hoping some of that goodness
will rub off on her,
15
00:00:49,157 --> 00:00:52,417
help Nessa stay
on the straight and narrow.
16
00:00:52,494 --> 00:00:53,664
She good people.
17
00:00:53,737 --> 00:00:55,297
That Terry--
she going to be something.
18
00:00:55,372 --> 00:00:57,922
TERRY: After this,
want to go smoke? I've got some cloves.
19
00:00:57,999 --> 00:00:59,969
VANESSA:
No, thanks-- last time I tried,
20
00:01:00,043 --> 00:01:02,803
I got sick for
six hours straight.
21
00:01:02,879 --> 00:01:04,299
I remember that!
22
00:01:04,315 --> 00:01:07,095
Said she had food poisoning!
23
00:01:07,175 --> 00:01:10,065
Even blamed my fish sticks!
24
00:01:10,145 --> 00:01:12,735
Can't believe
that doggone Terry.
25
00:01:13,324 --> 00:01:15,864
Smoking!
26
00:01:15,934 --> 00:01:18,904
If a kid like that
up to no good,
27
00:01:18,979 --> 00:01:20,539
I'm in deep...
28
00:01:22,983 --> 00:01:24,123
You know.
29
00:01:24,192 --> 00:01:26,212
Vanessa's a good kid.
30
00:01:26,286 --> 00:01:28,036
Yeah, we thought
Terry was, too.
31
00:01:28,113 --> 00:01:30,753
Vanessa's not Terry.
32
00:01:30,758 --> 00:01:32,998
Wanda, what we know
about Nessa, seriously?
33
00:01:33,076 --> 00:01:36,216
She's so secretive, always
hanging out in her room and everything.
34
00:01:36,296 --> 00:01:37,916
As far as we know,
she could be getting
35
00:01:37,998 --> 00:01:41,378
some piercing
or having relations.
36
00:01:41,459 --> 00:01:43,679
Vanessa's not getting
anything pierced.
37
00:01:43,753 --> 00:01:47,353
I didn't ask you that.
What'd you ask me?
38
00:01:47,424 --> 00:01:48,894
I said maybe she could be
doing that.
39
00:01:48,967 --> 00:01:50,097
Do you think
she's having relations?
40
00:01:50,177 --> 00:01:52,267
No, I don't.
Okay, look at you.
41
00:01:52,345 --> 00:01:54,145
Instead of getting
yourself all worked up,
42
00:01:54,222 --> 00:01:55,362
why don't you spend
some time with her,
43
00:01:55,432 --> 00:01:58,032
see what's going
on in her life?
44
00:01:58,110 --> 00:02:00,940
Yeah. You know, I know
how to find things out.
45
00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:04,071
You know, I've got a way
of making people talk. No, not like that.
46
00:02:04,149 --> 00:02:06,029
See, you can't go
charging at her, okay?
47
00:02:06,109 --> 00:02:07,949
All she's going to
do is just clam up.
48
00:02:08,028 --> 00:02:10,798
Come on, honey,
be gentle.
49
00:02:14,075 --> 00:02:17,915
(laughter)
And then Jacob threw up and got a time out.
50
00:02:17,996 --> 00:02:19,556
That's a brilliant story,
baby girl.
51
00:02:19,631 --> 00:02:21,761
Nessa, what's going on with you?
Anything you want to talk about?
52
00:02:21,833 --> 00:02:24,563
Today in school, we got letters
from our Russian pen pals.
53
00:02:24,636 --> 00:02:25,556
Your name Nessa?
54
00:02:27,114 --> 00:02:29,574
Like I was saying, Nessa,
anything going on, anything?
55
00:02:29,641 --> 00:02:32,141
No.
Come on, you mean to tell me you're in school all day,
56
00:02:32,219 --> 00:02:33,809
and there ain't nothing
going on?
57
00:02:33,887 --> 00:02:35,687
When I was your age, girl,
when I was in school, man,
58
00:02:35,764 --> 00:02:37,484
all the drama. Am I right, baby?
Mm-hm.
59
00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:39,441
Aunt Wanda, can you give me
a picture of you?
60
00:02:39,517 --> 00:02:41,147
Boris sent a picture of his mom.
61
00:02:41,228 --> 00:02:43,818
Sure, sweetie.
How's Terry, Nessa?
62
00:02:43,897 --> 00:02:45,947
Oh, she's fine.
BERNIE: Is she?
63
00:02:46,024 --> 00:02:47,994
Uh...
64
00:02:48,068 --> 00:02:49,988
Why is she in her underwear?
65
00:02:50,070 --> 00:02:51,240
Because she's Russian, stupid.
66
00:02:51,255 --> 00:02:53,905
I'll take that. Ooh.
67
00:02:53,990 --> 00:02:55,710
Um, may I be excused?
68
00:02:55,784 --> 00:02:57,334
W-Why so soon, Nessa?
69
00:02:57,410 --> 00:02:59,250
Come on, I thought maybe
we'd talk and have sundaes.
70
00:02:59,263 --> 00:03:02,223
I have a test tomorrow.
71
00:03:03,133 --> 00:03:04,513
JORDAN: So Aunt Wanda,
do you know
72
00:03:04,584 --> 00:03:06,184
any good men--
Boris writes that his mom
73
00:03:06,253 --> 00:03:07,803
is single
and willing to relocate.
74
00:03:07,879 --> 00:03:09,899
I'll ask around.
75
00:03:11,091 --> 00:03:12,931
Can I see that letter?
76
00:03:13,009 --> 00:03:14,679
(circkets chirping)
77
00:03:14,761 --> 00:03:16,231
Honey, I thought
you might... Shh, shh!
78
00:03:16,304 --> 00:03:17,564
What you doing?
79
00:03:17,639 --> 00:03:19,319
Listening to Nessa's
conversation.
80
00:03:19,399 --> 00:03:21,689
Baby, they are cruel.
81
00:03:21,768 --> 00:03:24,188
Mr. Conner can't help
he got a bad toupee.
82
00:03:24,271 --> 00:03:25,071
NESSA:
I'm on the phone!
83
00:03:25,146 --> 00:03:27,026
Oh, I'm sorry!
84
00:03:27,107 --> 00:03:29,957
Dang, girl,
you almost got me caught.
85
00:03:32,737 --> 00:03:33,697
What?
86
00:03:33,780 --> 00:03:35,210
You told me to try
to get to know her.
87
00:03:35,282 --> 00:03:36,792
I didn't tell you
to spy on her.
88
00:03:36,866 --> 00:03:39,036
Well, I tried the normal way,
and she stonewalled me.
89
00:03:39,119 --> 00:03:40,289
She gave me
absolutely nothing.
90
00:03:40,362 --> 00:03:42,422
What do you expect?
She's 15.
91
00:03:42,497 --> 00:03:43,547
Well, she can articulate
better than that.
92
00:03:43,623 --> 00:03:45,133
Come on,
quit cosigning for her.
93
00:03:45,208 --> 00:03:47,178
Honey, don't do
it like this.
94
00:03:47,252 --> 00:03:49,972
Okay? Just be gentle.
95
00:03:50,046 --> 00:03:52,426
Sip your wine.
Yeah.
96
00:03:52,507 --> 00:03:56,097
I just want to know she ain't
up to no good, America.
97
00:03:56,177 --> 00:03:58,357
She ain't say anything to you,
did she?
98
00:03:58,805 --> 00:03:59,725
Huh?
99
00:03:59,806 --> 00:04:02,106
(class bell ringing)
100
00:04:02,183 --> 00:04:03,733
Any of you guys
want to hit up City Walk?
101
00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:05,744
My cousin works the counter
at Johnny Rockets.
102
00:04:05,812 --> 00:04:09,332
Vanessa?
Uh, I would, but I don't have a ride home.
103
00:04:09,408 --> 00:04:10,868
I'll take you home.
104
00:04:10,942 --> 00:04:13,292
How? You only have
your learner's permit.
105
00:04:13,361 --> 00:04:15,251
What, you don't think
I'll get you home safely?
106
00:04:15,322 --> 00:04:17,412
BERNIE: I bet you I can
get her home safely.
107
00:04:17,490 --> 00:04:19,710
I bet you that, boy.
108
00:04:19,784 --> 00:04:21,504
Why are you here?
109
00:04:21,578 --> 00:04:25,508
Baby, I thought me and you could
do something together... alone.
110
00:04:26,916 --> 00:04:28,846
Hey, Bernie Mac,
what's up?
111
00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:31,730
Come on, Nessa, let's go.
112
00:04:34,883 --> 00:04:37,733
Oh, you going to look
real pretty later on
113
00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:40,401
when you start smoking
through your throat with that big ol' hole.
114
00:04:40,472 --> 00:04:43,062
When you try to talk,
you got that microphone up in there.
115
00:04:43,141 --> 00:04:44,571
You'll see.
116
00:04:44,642 --> 00:04:46,612
What's happening
with our kids, America?
117
00:04:46,686 --> 00:04:49,146
Look at that ratty-looking boy
with the matted hair.
118
00:04:49,230 --> 00:04:50,860
And look at that girl
wearing those jeans,
119
00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:52,204
showing off all her assets.
120
00:04:52,209 --> 00:04:54,529
And who's that thug
pawing on Nessa?
121
00:04:54,611 --> 00:04:57,371
These are the kids she hang out
with, I'm telling you.
122
00:04:57,447 --> 00:04:59,827
I'm not liking
what I'm finding out, America.
123
00:04:59,908 --> 00:05:01,798
I'm not liking it at all.
124
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,125
(drops bag)
125
00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:09,016
(down-tempo music playing)
126
00:05:11,378 --> 00:05:13,058
No way!
127
00:05:17,467 --> 00:05:18,857
Hey, what you doing in my desk?
128
00:05:18,935 --> 00:05:20,605
What were you doing
under my mattress?
129
00:05:20,687 --> 00:05:22,517
You watch your tone
with me, Nessa.
130
00:05:22,597 --> 00:05:23,857
I can't believe you.
131
00:05:23,932 --> 00:05:25,612
Hey, hey, hey, what's
all the fussing about?
132
00:05:25,683 --> 00:05:29,243
He read my diary.
You did that?
133
00:05:29,312 --> 00:05:33,282
Well, if she won't talk to me,
I'll find out what she's talking about to herself.
134
00:05:33,358 --> 00:05:35,158
Besides, I'm the one
that should be upset.
135
00:05:35,235 --> 00:05:37,235
Look at what you're
making me do in order to be a good parent.
136
00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:39,580
But you're invading my privacy
like it's nothing.
137
00:05:39,656 --> 00:05:42,376
You're 15 years old.
You ain't got no privacy.
138
00:05:42,459 --> 00:05:44,169
This is so unfair.
139
00:05:44,244 --> 00:05:45,884
Write it down
in your diary
140
00:05:45,954 --> 00:05:47,974
with all your other
thoughts so I can read about it later.
141
00:05:48,048 --> 00:05:50,218
Sorry, Nessa.
Ain't no sorry.
142
00:05:50,291 --> 00:05:53,811
I don't care.
If you ain't with me, baby, you against me.
143
00:05:55,588 --> 00:05:56,898
Ooh.
144
00:06:00,635 --> 00:06:03,055
(door slams)
Slam the door again, see what happen to you!
145
00:06:03,138 --> 00:06:05,608
Just go on and slam it!
146
00:06:06,975 --> 00:06:08,115
She be lucky I care.
147
00:06:08,193 --> 00:06:09,943
Hey, I don't know, man.
148
00:06:10,019 --> 00:06:11,819
Come on,
you-you read her diary.
149
00:06:11,896 --> 00:06:14,196
She's 15, man-- how you...
how you expect her to act?
150
00:06:14,274 --> 00:06:16,884
Mute and obedient,
that's what I expect.
151
00:06:16,952 --> 00:06:18,242
Besides, I'm a parent.
152
00:06:18,319 --> 00:06:19,659
I got the right to
know what's going on
153
00:06:19,737 --> 00:06:22,577
with my kids in my house.
That's my right.
154
00:06:22,657 --> 00:06:24,507
If most parents spent the time
and the interest
155
00:06:24,584 --> 00:06:26,764
in their kids,
world'd be a better place.
156
00:06:26,837 --> 00:06:28,207
Yeah, Bernie Mac don't lie.
157
00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:30,048
Look, if Vanessa wasn't doing
nothing wrong,
158
00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:31,893
then that diary
wouldn't need no lock.
159
00:06:31,967 --> 00:06:35,087
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, no,
hold up, you broke the lock? Yeah, you right.
160
00:06:35,170 --> 00:06:36,680
(laughing)
What?!
161
00:06:36,688 --> 00:06:40,178
No, no, I didn't.
It popped right off. Come on.
162
00:06:40,258 --> 00:06:42,428
It popped...
it popped right off. Come on, man, now,
163
00:06:42,510 --> 00:06:45,520
you should do what we did, man.
Get yourself a nanny cam.
164
00:06:45,531 --> 00:06:48,271
You got a nanny cam?
Yeah, man. Well, you know, the kids
165
00:06:48,349 --> 00:06:49,939
were always complaining
about the baby-sitter,
166
00:06:50,018 --> 00:06:51,608
and the baby- sitter was always
complaining about the kids,
167
00:06:51,686 --> 00:06:53,896
and Rosie worried, so,
you know, we thought we'd see.
168
00:06:53,980 --> 00:06:55,950
What did you find out?
Yeah?
169
00:06:56,024 --> 00:06:58,994
That my kids are animals, man.
170
00:06:59,068 --> 00:07:00,538
Oh, man, I could've
told you that.
171
00:07:00,620 --> 00:07:02,290
Yeah, you don't need
no nanny cam for that.
172
00:07:02,363 --> 00:07:04,073
They wild, right?
They wild.
173
00:07:04,049 --> 00:07:05,959
Come on, get wild
on this right here. Yeah, they're my kids.
174
00:07:06,034 --> 00:07:07,964
(giggling)
175
00:07:08,036 --> 00:07:11,626
Oh, he just walked in.
I'll call you back.
176
00:07:11,706 --> 00:07:13,006
Who was that?
No one.
177
00:07:13,082 --> 00:07:16,232
No one got a name?
It was Terry, all right?
178
00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:23,176
(phone keys beeping)
179
00:07:23,259 --> 00:07:24,819
(line ringing)
180
00:07:26,721 --> 00:07:27,811
BOY (on phone):What's up, Boo,? He gone?
181
00:07:27,823 --> 00:07:28,943
No, he's on the phone.
182
00:07:29,015 --> 00:07:30,315
What's your name, Boo?
183
00:07:30,391 --> 00:07:32,661
(phone clicks, dial tone)
184
00:07:34,538 --> 00:07:37,318
That girl lied to me
right to my face!
185
00:07:37,398 --> 00:07:40,198
Of course, unless Terry's
up to a carton a day,
186
00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:41,620
that wasn't her.
187
00:07:41,694 --> 00:07:43,914
If she's lying to me
about this, America,
188
00:07:43,988 --> 00:07:45,958
what else she lying to me about?
189
00:07:46,032 --> 00:07:49,002
Trying to play me, the Mac man.
190
00:07:49,077 --> 00:07:52,047
Well, I guess I got
no choice, America.
191
00:07:52,121 --> 00:07:55,181
It's time for me
to get my sneak on.
192
00:07:56,251 --> 00:07:57,721
(music playing)
193
00:07:57,794 --> 00:07:59,904
Wow, look at this here.
194
00:08:01,231 --> 00:08:03,851
Man, this place is a trip.
195
00:08:03,859 --> 00:08:07,099
Shoot, I didn't know half
this stuff here existed, man.
196
00:08:07,178 --> 00:08:08,988
I know. If you did,
I'd be out of business.
197
00:08:09,064 --> 00:08:13,024
Wow. Well, you
know, right here, this some bull here.
198
00:08:13,101 --> 00:08:15,191
$30 for a pop?
199
00:08:15,270 --> 00:08:18,110
(scoffs)
Looks can be deceiving.
200
00:08:18,123 --> 00:08:19,663
Actually, you put
your jewelry in there.
201
00:08:19,732 --> 00:08:22,492
Man, that's nice.
That's real nice.
202
00:08:22,569 --> 00:08:24,119
Next level.
203
00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:26,499
And this here?
What's this?
204
00:08:26,573 --> 00:08:28,003
Oh, that's
a recording device.
205
00:08:28,074 --> 00:08:29,674
You're kidding.
Mm-hm.
206
00:08:30,285 --> 00:08:31,705
And this?
207
00:08:31,786 --> 00:08:32,586
That's a mug.
208
00:08:33,913 --> 00:08:35,053
What you bumping, man?
209
00:08:35,123 --> 00:08:37,423
Gin and juice.
You know it.
210
00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:40,134
Wow, man, this is...
what kind of customers
211
00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:42,045
you be dealing with, man,
Inspector Gadget?
212
00:08:42,130 --> 00:08:44,220
Wha-What's this here?
No, actually I got customers like yourself,
213
00:08:44,299 --> 00:08:45,599
you know, thinking
that their partners
214
00:08:45,675 --> 00:08:47,225
be skimming a
little off the top,
215
00:08:47,302 --> 00:08:49,002
or perhaps they wives
be cheating on 'em,
216
00:08:48,946 --> 00:08:51,766
or maybe the feds be
bugging their pad, you know what I mean?
217
00:08:51,848 --> 00:08:54,268
Look here, I don't want
to sound like no L-7, or nothing like that,
218
00:08:54,350 --> 00:08:56,430
but you carry a nanny cam?
219
00:08:56,511 --> 00:08:58,611
Look, ain't nothing wrong
with protecting our youth, you know what I'm saying?
220
00:08:58,688 --> 00:09:00,158
There's a lot of
crazies out there.
221
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:02,780
But actually, man,
the crazies I want to spy on
222
00:09:02,859 --> 00:09:04,699
are my kids.
223
00:09:04,777 --> 00:09:06,237
Oh, I can dig that.
224
00:09:06,321 --> 00:09:07,701
I've got some
crazies of my own.
225
00:09:07,780 --> 00:09:09,410
Check this out
over here. What's that, man?
226
00:09:09,424 --> 00:09:11,254
I got this little
teddy bear.
227
00:09:11,326 --> 00:09:15,416
We call it Tattle
Tale Teddy Bear, you know what I'm saying?
228
00:09:15,496 --> 00:09:18,916
He even come with a squealing
seal, and he's rigged for sound.
229
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:20,050
What?
230
00:09:20,126 --> 00:09:22,006
Peekaboo.
(chuckling)
231
00:09:22,086 --> 00:09:24,766
(music playing)
232
00:09:25,140 --> 00:09:27,770
Okay. Phew.
233
00:09:27,842 --> 00:09:29,272
Okay.
234
00:09:29,344 --> 00:09:31,604
All right, let's
see what you got,
235
00:09:31,679 --> 00:09:33,809
'cause Bernie Mac is bringing
his A-game, baby.
236
00:09:33,890 --> 00:09:36,410
Shoot, you don't know
who you're messing with.
237
00:09:43,191 --> 00:09:44,201
What the...?
238
00:09:44,275 --> 00:09:46,375
Something wrong with that boy.
239
00:09:47,195 --> 00:09:50,705
(music playing)
240
00:09:56,704 --> 00:09:58,054
WANDA: Bernie?
241
00:09:59,874 --> 00:10:01,884
I ain't doing nothing.
Watching TV.
242
00:10:01,959 --> 00:10:04,969
I fell asleep
a little bit, though. (clears throat)
243
00:10:05,046 --> 00:10:06,386
You-you here
kind of early, baby.
244
00:10:06,464 --> 00:10:08,144
I've been here for
a while, actually.
245
00:10:08,216 --> 00:10:09,806
I was talking to Vanessa.
246
00:10:09,884 --> 00:10:12,104
Really? What's wrong?
247
00:10:12,178 --> 00:10:15,738
You know, she is really upset
that you read her diary.
248
00:10:15,815 --> 00:10:17,645
Baby, I don't care nothing
about that.
249
00:10:17,725 --> 00:10:20,815
Nessa's a child, and as long
as she's living under our roof,
250
00:10:20,895 --> 00:10:22,645
we got the right
to know what's going on.
251
00:10:22,730 --> 00:10:24,610
Then you need to find
another way to reach her.
252
00:10:24,625 --> 00:10:26,525
Well, you know what?
You're absolutely right.
253
00:10:26,609 --> 00:10:29,789
And I'm working on that
as we speak.
254
00:10:29,862 --> 00:10:31,252
Really?
255
00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:32,496
Really.
256
00:10:32,573 --> 00:10:34,963
Hmm. Well, that was easy.
257
00:10:35,034 --> 00:10:37,214
I had a whole speech
planned and everything.
258
00:10:37,286 --> 00:10:39,836
Well, no speech
necessary, baby.
259
00:10:39,914 --> 00:10:41,854
Fine. Well, carry on.
260
00:10:48,214 --> 00:10:49,514
Oh, no.
261
00:10:49,590 --> 00:10:51,100
It's bear season!
262
00:10:51,175 --> 00:10:53,345
Don't you do it!
Don't do it, boy!
263
00:10:53,428 --> 00:10:54,688
Don't you--!
264
00:10:56,222 --> 00:10:57,952
Teddy.
265
00:11:07,275 --> 00:11:08,655
Hey, baby, where's Nessa?
266
00:11:08,735 --> 00:11:10,365
Oh, her friends came
by to go to the mall.
267
00:11:10,445 --> 00:11:11,865
Her friends were over here?
268
00:11:11,946 --> 00:11:13,196
Yeah.
In my house?
269
00:11:13,281 --> 00:11:14,461
Mm-hm.
270
00:11:14,532 --> 00:11:16,212
(up-tempo music playing)
271
00:11:16,284 --> 00:11:18,544
Let me ask you something,
America.
272
00:11:18,619 --> 00:11:20,959
How in the hell am I supposed
to keep tabs on that girl
273
00:11:21,038 --> 00:11:23,298
and she won't stand still
for the camera?
274
00:11:23,374 --> 00:11:26,974
I mean, sneaking off to the mall
while I'm looking the other way?
275
00:11:27,044 --> 00:11:31,224
See, kids today are devious,
crafty, insidious.
276
00:11:31,299 --> 00:11:33,179
Well, guess what, America?
277
00:11:33,259 --> 00:11:34,609
So is Bernie Mac.
278
00:11:34,686 --> 00:11:38,776
This ain't over.
This is far from over, baby.
279
00:11:38,857 --> 00:11:42,147
You want to play rough?
Well, I'll show you how rough I am.
280
00:11:42,226 --> 00:11:43,486
Yeah.
281
00:11:47,774 --> 00:11:50,294
Did anybody see you?
282
00:11:50,368 --> 00:11:51,698
Look, man, just throw it
in the water.
283
00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:53,462
I got another customer.
284
00:11:53,538 --> 00:11:55,458
Look, I need another
nanny cam, quick.
285
00:11:55,465 --> 00:11:57,285
Man, whatever happened
to Tattle Tale Teddy?
286
00:11:57,366 --> 00:11:59,066
He got shot.
What?!
287
00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:02,000
Man, listen, I need something
a little bit more inconspicuous.
288
00:12:02,079 --> 00:12:03,549
Hmm.
289
00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:06,093
Oh, okay, try this on.
290
00:12:06,167 --> 00:12:07,727
A smoke detector?
291
00:12:07,802 --> 00:12:10,192
Nah, that's the eye
in the sky, baby.
292
00:12:12,223 --> 00:12:15,183
Oh, man, that's nice.
293
00:12:15,259 --> 00:12:17,859
But what if they go
in another room, though?
294
00:12:21,316 --> 00:12:22,856
(laughs)
295
00:12:22,868 --> 00:12:24,078
Give me seven.
296
00:12:24,619 --> 00:12:27,159
(upbeat music playing)
297
00:12:29,982 --> 00:12:31,472
Look-look at her.
298
00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:33,381
That's why she's
getting so doggone fat.
299
00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:35,213
Look at her eating.
300
00:12:41,118 --> 00:12:43,418
Yeah, right.
301
00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:45,836
Wanda, trying to play
she's busy.
302
00:12:45,849 --> 00:12:47,719
(sighs)
303
00:12:50,711 --> 00:12:52,971
Must be some kind of syndrome
or something.
304
00:12:53,047 --> 00:12:55,177
Tourette's maybe.
305
00:12:55,258 --> 00:12:57,018
(Jordan grunts)
306
00:12:57,093 --> 00:12:59,773
I'm thinking I'm letting my
worries get the best of me.
307
00:12:59,846 --> 00:13:01,846
I'm putting cameras
in all the doggone rooms
308
00:13:01,865 --> 00:13:03,645
and spying on my own kids.
309
00:13:03,724 --> 00:13:05,824
I feel like Nixon.
310
00:13:05,893 --> 00:13:08,073
I saw my boy change
this morning.
311
00:13:08,145 --> 00:13:10,235
I got to feed him.
312
00:13:10,314 --> 00:13:12,674
He look like one
of them Ethiopian babies.
313
00:13:13,776 --> 00:13:16,906
Oh, hell, no!
314
00:13:16,988 --> 00:13:18,918
Now hold up.
I know you ain't wearing that.
315
00:13:18,998 --> 00:13:20,418
Who the hell you think you are?
316
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,080
You ain't no Lil' Kim.
317
00:13:22,159 --> 00:13:24,249
Oh, okay.
318
00:13:24,328 --> 00:13:26,168
It's like that.
319
00:13:26,247 --> 00:13:28,087
Okay, yeah, diabolical.
320
00:13:28,165 --> 00:13:31,085
Yeah, and I'm sitting up here
almost feeling bad for nothing.
321
00:13:31,168 --> 00:13:33,728
Okay. Okay. Yeah.
322
00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:37,562
Hey, hey, hey,
where you all going?
323
00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:39,427
I'm gonna drop Vanessa
off at the mall.
324
00:13:39,510 --> 00:13:40,940
Would you like me
to get you something while I'm out?
325
00:13:40,946 --> 00:13:42,516
No, I don't...
I don't need anything.
326
00:13:42,597 --> 00:13:43,897
Hey, hey, hold on.
327
00:13:43,907 --> 00:13:45,607
Girl, you going
to burn up in that.
328
00:13:45,683 --> 00:13:47,613
You need to take that off.
Oh, I get cold.
329
00:13:47,619 --> 00:13:49,689
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Why don't you take that off?
330
00:13:49,770 --> 00:13:50,950
Why don't you
take it off? Why?
331
00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:53,776
Because I said take it off.
Bernie.
332
00:13:53,858 --> 00:13:55,618
I told her to take it off, baby.
333
00:13:55,693 --> 00:13:57,133
Now I want it off.
Take it off.
334
00:13:59,697 --> 00:14:01,917
Ooh. What the...?
335
00:14:04,469 --> 00:14:07,459
Were you going to have me
drop you off at the mall dressed like that?
336
00:14:07,472 --> 00:14:10,222
Yeah.
I don't think so. Room.
337
00:14:11,083 --> 00:14:12,853
(music playing)
338
00:14:15,504 --> 00:14:16,644
(music playing)
339
00:14:16,714 --> 00:14:19,144
It's a brave new world, America.
340
00:14:19,216 --> 00:14:21,766
A brave new world.
341
00:14:21,844 --> 00:14:23,524
I highly recommend it.
342
00:14:23,596 --> 00:14:26,356
(The Dramatics:
"Whatcha See Is Whatcha Get")
343
00:14:28,351 --> 00:14:31,571
♪ You know some people ♪
344
00:14:31,646 --> 00:14:33,866
♪ Are made of lies ♪
345
00:14:35,524 --> 00:14:37,834
♪ To bring you down ♪
346
00:14:37,902 --> 00:14:39,962
♪ And shame your name ♪
347
00:14:41,822 --> 00:14:43,712
♪ But baby ♪
348
00:14:43,783 --> 00:14:46,683
♪ I have good intentions ♪
349
00:14:48,463 --> 00:14:50,423
♪ 'Cause breaking hearts ♪
350
00:14:50,498 --> 00:14:52,128
♪ Just ain't my game ♪
351
00:14:52,208 --> 00:14:54,928
♪ Breakin' heartsain't my game ♪
352
00:14:55,002 --> 00:14:59,062
♪ All I want to dois love you ♪
353
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:04,690
♪ And sugar I won't pinyou with regret... ♪
354
00:15:04,762 --> 00:15:06,062
Thank you, baby.
355
00:15:06,138 --> 00:15:07,898
That was an
excellent dinner.
356
00:15:07,974 --> 00:15:09,154
Don't you want
to tell Aunt Wanda
357
00:15:09,225 --> 00:15:10,905
how excellent
that dinner was?
358
00:15:11,536 --> 00:15:13,486
But guess what?
359
00:15:13,562 --> 00:15:17,112
We're going to cap it off
with some delicious chocolate fudge cake.
360
00:15:17,191 --> 00:15:18,871
I want some chocolate
fudge cake.
361
00:15:18,943 --> 00:15:21,123
You do?
You're not getting any.
362
00:15:21,195 --> 00:15:22,615
Why not?
363
00:15:22,464 --> 00:15:24,214
'Cause you're going
to spend the rest of your time
364
00:15:24,281 --> 00:15:25,871
in your room thinking about
how much you miss these.
365
00:15:25,950 --> 00:15:28,250
My nunchucks!
Look at them and say it again.
366
00:15:28,327 --> 00:15:31,747
Oh, my nunchucks.
Yeah. How many times
367
00:15:31,831 --> 00:15:33,551
I told you about ordering
from that ninja catalog?
368
00:15:33,558 --> 00:15:35,548
But you confiscated
half my arsenal.
369
00:15:35,626 --> 00:15:38,176
And guess what else?
I found your little hiding space.
370
00:15:38,254 --> 00:15:42,064
Yeah. Yeah, and I confiscated
all the rest of your fireworks.
371
00:15:42,133 --> 00:15:44,233
I even gave a call
to Christopher's daddy
372
00:15:44,301 --> 00:15:46,731
and let him know
where he's getting his fair share.
373
00:15:46,804 --> 00:15:48,234
Yeah.
Oh, I'm a dead man.
374
00:15:48,305 --> 00:15:51,065
Yeah. (chuckling)
No, no, hold on, baby.
375
00:15:51,142 --> 00:15:53,232
Here, why don't you take
a piece of these?
376
00:15:53,310 --> 00:15:54,830
Yum-yum.
377
00:15:54,904 --> 00:15:56,754
Who else want cake?
378
00:15:58,733 --> 00:16:00,043
Yeah.
379
00:16:00,118 --> 00:16:02,578
Can I have a cookie
with my cake?
380
00:16:02,653 --> 00:16:03,953
No, you ain't having no cookies.
381
00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:06,120
How many times do I have
to tell you, Baby Girl?
382
00:16:06,198 --> 00:16:07,288
You ain't getting
no more cookies.
383
00:16:07,366 --> 00:16:08,166
You got a habit.
384
00:16:10,369 --> 00:16:12,249
Yeah.
385
00:16:12,329 --> 00:16:13,719
How do you
know this?
386
00:16:13,798 --> 00:16:15,378
'Cause I keep a close eye
on all of them.
387
00:16:15,392 --> 00:16:18,762
That's right.
Peekaboo.
388
00:16:18,770 --> 00:16:20,440
Yeah.
(door slams)
389
00:16:22,882 --> 00:16:25,022
(laughs) Yeah.
390
00:16:25,092 --> 00:16:28,852
Yes, sir. Bernie Mac's putting
the brother in Big Brother.
391
00:16:28,929 --> 00:16:31,939
I should have done this
from the moment the kids stepped into our house.
392
00:16:32,016 --> 00:16:35,116
That's what
I should have did, ya'll.
393
00:16:35,194 --> 00:16:38,324
(muttering)
Look at them. Look.
394
00:16:38,397 --> 00:16:39,617
Look at her.
395
00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:41,659
If you cut her,
she'll bleed batter.
396
00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:42,988
He took everything.
397
00:16:43,069 --> 00:16:45,119
All he left
was this stupid rope.
398
00:16:45,130 --> 00:16:46,950
You know, I-I can't stand it.
399
00:16:47,031 --> 00:16:49,121
He's always dipping
into my business,
400
00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:52,040
and he won't even let me go out
with my friends on Saturday.
401
00:16:52,119 --> 00:16:54,049
He's going to take us bowling.
402
00:16:54,121 --> 00:16:55,961
VANESSA: Oh, great,so we can watch him bowl
403
00:16:56,040 --> 00:17:00,090
in those stupid alligator shoesand that stupid silk shirt
404
00:17:00,103 --> 00:17:03,473
and the tricked-out ballthat says "Bernie Mac" on it?
405
00:17:03,481 --> 00:17:06,601
You know, last timehe only bowled an 82.
406
00:17:06,675 --> 00:17:09,025
(all laughing)
407
00:17:11,180 --> 00:17:13,860
America, I'm just a beginner.
408
00:17:13,933 --> 00:17:16,983
A beginner!
What's wrong with my gators?
409
00:17:17,061 --> 00:17:19,871
You believe them?
Disrespecting me in my own house?
410
00:17:19,947 --> 00:17:22,067
They're lucky
I can't say anything,
411
00:17:22,149 --> 00:17:24,239
but the next time
they do something wrong,
412
00:17:24,318 --> 00:17:26,698
this gets factored in,
I'm telling you.
413
00:17:26,779 --> 00:17:27,899
Look at... listen to them,
look at that.
414
00:17:27,972 --> 00:17:30,412
(kids laughing)
Hee-hee.
415
00:17:30,491 --> 00:17:32,721
Yeah. Yeah, okay.
416
00:17:32,794 --> 00:17:35,134
Hey, I broke 100 today.
417
00:17:35,204 --> 00:17:37,184
Oh, is that good?
Yeah, for me.
418
00:17:37,256 --> 00:17:40,296
Oh, hey, Cheryl.
Hi, Bernie.
419
00:17:40,376 --> 00:17:41,756
So, you went
bowling?
420
00:17:41,836 --> 00:17:43,136
No, I've been bungee-jumping.
421
00:17:43,212 --> 00:17:44,852
So, how are the kids?
Where everybody at?
422
00:17:44,922 --> 00:17:46,692
Uh, I don't know.
I've been in here with Cheryl.
423
00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:49,476
Hmm. (exhales)
424
00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:50,730
Okay, honey.
425
00:17:50,803 --> 00:17:52,563
Okay, honey.
Okay.
426
00:17:52,638 --> 00:17:56,028
(music playing)
427
00:17:58,402 --> 00:17:59,542
Okay.
428
00:18:04,784 --> 00:18:05,884
There he is.
429
00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:11,866
Where did that boy go?
430
00:18:11,949 --> 00:18:13,379
Where...?
431
00:18:16,453 --> 00:18:17,973
Where did he go?
432
00:18:18,622 --> 00:18:19,722
Okay.
433
00:18:19,799 --> 00:18:21,969
(laughter)
Got you.
434
00:18:22,042 --> 00:18:23,932
Aunt Wanda,is Drano flammable?
435
00:18:24,003 --> 00:18:26,513
Uh, I don't know, but, hey,you're not gonna find out.
436
00:18:26,589 --> 00:18:27,899
Let him find out.
437
00:18:29,133 --> 00:18:31,233
Oh, that braceletis gorgeous.
438
00:18:31,302 --> 00:18:32,772
Oh, isn't it?
439
00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:34,225
Bernie's so thoughtful.
440
00:18:34,239 --> 00:18:35,899
CHERYL: And he hasterrific taste.
441
00:18:35,973 --> 00:18:38,203
Actually, I've
got terrific taste.
442
00:18:38,276 --> 00:18:41,146
You won't believe
what he really bought me.
443
00:18:41,228 --> 00:18:42,898
(laughter)
444
00:18:42,980 --> 00:18:45,200
I thought itwould grow on me,
445
00:18:45,274 --> 00:18:48,384
but a day later,
it didn't, so voila!
446
00:18:48,452 --> 00:18:49,542
He's not gonna know?
447
00:18:49,612 --> 00:18:50,912
No, he never knows.
448
00:18:50,922 --> 00:18:53,382
I just wanted to spy on my kids
449
00:18:53,457 --> 00:18:55,467
without getting
my feelings hurt.
450
00:18:57,661 --> 00:18:59,711
Is that too much to ask?
451
00:18:59,788 --> 00:19:00,878
Good morning.
452
00:19:00,956 --> 00:19:02,266
Good morning...
453
00:19:02,341 --> 00:19:04,681
Mmm, honey, those
eggs smell delicious.
454
00:19:04,752 --> 00:19:06,762
Oh, you're just saying that.
455
00:19:06,771 --> 00:19:07,971
Uncle Bernie, are
you still going
456
00:19:08,047 --> 00:19:09,507
to take us bowling
on Saturday?
457
00:19:09,590 --> 00:19:11,520
Don't sass me, Jordan.
Honey, he didn't sass you.
458
00:19:11,601 --> 00:19:13,281
He just asked
if you would take him bowling.
459
00:19:13,352 --> 00:19:16,402
Yeah, and maybe I could use
your really cool ball.
460
00:19:16,472 --> 00:19:18,812
And maybe when he gets
as good as you,
461
00:19:18,891 --> 00:19:20,441
he can get a ball
with his name on it.
462
00:19:20,517 --> 00:19:22,107
Oh, that's
so cute.
463
00:19:22,186 --> 00:19:24,326
They want to be
just like their Uncle Bernie.
464
00:19:25,773 --> 00:19:27,793
Oh, hell, no!
I'll be damned
465
00:19:27,867 --> 00:19:29,777
if I'm gonna
let them mock me in my own house.
466
00:19:29,860 --> 00:19:32,300
My own table!
My own face!
467
00:19:33,489 --> 00:19:36,419
(music playing)
468
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:42,670
You did what?
469
00:19:42,748 --> 00:19:44,968
In every doggone room.
470
00:19:44,976 --> 00:19:46,506
You little ingrates
don't try to play
471
00:19:46,585 --> 00:19:48,305
like you're so innocent
because I know everything.
472
00:19:49,713 --> 00:19:51,563
You've been
watching me undress?
473
00:19:51,641 --> 00:19:53,091
Of course not.
474
00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:56,387
Watching old tiny dancer
over there, though.
475
00:19:56,470 --> 00:19:59,190
Bernie, that's awful.
Yeah, just like the bracelet, right, baby?
476
00:19:59,265 --> 00:20:01,605
You spied on me, too?
Not intentionally, but if you think
477
00:20:01,618 --> 00:20:04,738
I'm going to buy
you any more jewelry, you must be cwazy.
478
00:20:11,235 --> 00:20:13,485
Nobody's talking to me, America,
479
00:20:13,570 --> 00:20:16,830
but they're sure talking
about me.
480
00:20:16,907 --> 00:20:18,577
I love my family.
481
00:20:18,659 --> 00:20:21,249
I'm just trying to protect them
from themselves.
482
00:20:21,328 --> 00:20:22,998
But I don't want
to know everything
483
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:25,010
that goes on
in our house no more.
484
00:20:25,091 --> 00:20:28,091
'Cause words hurt Bernie Mac
just like they do you, America.
485
00:20:28,168 --> 00:20:29,718
Just like they do you.
486
00:20:29,795 --> 00:20:33,765
(music playing)
487
00:20:36,844 --> 00:20:38,734
Can't be no big brother no more.
488
00:20:38,804 --> 00:20:41,524
(quiet chatter on monitor)
489
00:20:41,598 --> 00:20:43,158
I don't want to, either.
490
00:20:44,768 --> 00:20:47,238
♪ What you see see ♪♪ What you see see ♪
491
00:20:47,313 --> 00:20:50,703
♪ Is What you get ♪♪ Is what you get ♪
492
00:20:50,774 --> 00:20:53,494
♪ What you see see ♪♪ What you see see ♪
493
00:20:53,569 --> 00:20:56,199
♪ Is what you get ♪♪ Is what you get ♪
494
00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:59,870
♪ I said what you see ♪♪ What you see ♪
495
00:20:59,884 --> 00:21:01,684
♪ Is what you get, now baby ♪
496
00:21:01,752 --> 00:21:03,502
♪ Is what you get... ♪
497
00:21:03,579 --> 00:21:05,499
(laughs)
498
00:21:05,581 --> 00:21:08,131
I didn't say I wasn't going
to be a parent.
499
00:21:08,208 --> 00:21:09,588
The fact is,
500
00:21:09,668 --> 00:21:12,048
I trust them a whole lot more
with me in there.
501
00:21:12,129 --> 00:21:15,229
(music playing)
502
00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:17,650
Yeah.
503
00:21:22,431 --> 00:21:24,861
This is it.
Let it be yours.
504
00:21:24,933 --> 00:21:26,233
Thanks, man.
505
00:21:26,310 --> 00:21:27,530
You're cool.
I like you, man.
506
00:21:27,603 --> 00:21:29,453
You look like Snoop.
You think so?
507
00:21:29,521 --> 00:21:31,741
You look better-looking, though.
I get that all the time.
508
00:21:31,815 --> 00:21:33,165
That's yours, on the house.
Go on and have that.
509
00:21:33,242 --> 00:21:34,872
Come on.
Yes, sir.
510
00:21:34,943 --> 00:21:36,743
Then bum me up.
Oh, you want a hit some of that?
511
00:21:36,820 --> 00:21:38,540
Yeah, squeeze play.
Mmm.
512
00:21:38,614 --> 00:21:40,464
Man, you cheap with it,
though.
513
00:21:44,503 --> 00:21:47,763
Nice... real nice.
Yes, sir.
514
00:21:49,083 --> 00:21:50,813
(crew laughing)
515
00:21:55,839 --> 00:21:56,769
Captioned by Visual Data
516
00:21:56,819 --> 00:22:01,369
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